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What are the principal themes of conflict between several reasons. First, conflicts in later-life families are
aging parents and their adult children? Over the past often perceived as relatively unimportant, particularly
decade many studies have advanced our knowledge when compared to levels of conflict reported earlier
concerning cross-generational cohesion, solidarity, and in the family life course (between teenaged children
exchanges of support in aging families; however, little and parents, for example). Related to this is the fact
research has focused to date on conflicts in these re- that parents' reports of their relationships with their
lationships. We know that conflict, as well as solidar- children tend to be more positive than their children's
ity, is part of any intergenerational relationship over reports at all stages of the life course, as reflected in
time (Bengtson, Rosenthal, & Burton, 1995), and that the "intergenerational stake" hypothesis (Bengtson &
conflict may become a dominant theme of some ag- Kuypers, 1971; Giarrusso, Stallings, & Bengtson, 1995;
ing families (Kuypers & Bengtson, 1990; Preston, Gardner, Hagestad, 1987). Almost 30 years ago, Winch (1971)
Royal, & Bengtson, 1997). The purpose of this study hypothesized a life course trajectory of family rela-
is to explore the dimensions of conflict in older par- tionships in which conflict in families is highest during
ent-adult child relationships and to develop a typol- the adolescent years followed by more "sentimentally
ogy of conflict issues from reports of both generations. colored" relationships in the later years. Even in clini-
Our work, based on a community-based, nonclinical cal settings, where the therapeutic relationship encour-
sample, addresses two issues: (1) What are the central ages candid disclosure, there seems to be consider-
types of conflict reported between aging parents and able reluctance from older parents to report areas of
midlife children? (2) Are there differences between conflict with their children (Mancini & Blieszner, 1989).
older and younger generations in the types of con- A second reason that research on conflict in aging
flicts reported? families remains underdeveloped concerns concept-
ual and operational difficulties: What is conflict, and
how can it be measured or evaluated? For example,
Background of the Problem
Straus (1979) notes that conflict has been used to
Research on later-life family relationships has not describe three different phenomena in analyses of
adequately addressed questions about conflicts for family interaction and violence: (1) the collision of in-
dividuals' agendas and interests; (2) individuals' tac-
tics or responses to conflicts of interest; and (3) hostil-
This research has been funded by the National Institute on Aging (grant
#RO1AG07977). We want to thank Drs. Jared Jobe and Ronald Abeles ity toward others. Without clear specification of the
of NIA for their support of the Longitudinal Study of Generations project construct, investigations into conflict in older parent-
over many years. Dr. Roseann Giarrusso is Project Director of the LSOG;
she has been instrumental in providing support and encouragement for
adult child relationships may obscure rather than illu-
this study over time. We want also to thank Linda Hall and Deborah minate relational issues.
Weisberg for technical contributions to this article. Third, most research on conflict in parent-child re-
California State University, Los Angeles.
2
University of Southern California, Los Angeles. lationships takes a quantitative approach—document-
3
Address correspondence to Vern L. Bengtson, PhD, AARP/University ing frequency, intensity, or duration of conflict—which
Professor of Gerontology, Professor of Sociology, University of Southern
California, Andrus Gerontology Center, 3715 McClintock Avenue, Los Angeles,
may mask the phenomenological, qualitative aspects
CA 90089-0191. E-mail: bengtson@rcf.usc.edu of relationship conflict. For example, the Conflict
Communication and Interaction Conflict over the way family members engage in their relationships across generations.
Style Examples: Communication styles ("he is always yelling"; "she has become quite critical"),
situational responses ("she jumps to conclusions"), interpersonal relationships ("mother
dominates my father—I don't like that"; "the way my father treats my mother").
Habits and Lifestyles Conflict over lifestyle issues: sexual activity/orientation/experiences, living arrangements, quality
of life, the allocation of resources and or education.
Examples: Style of dress, hair style, types of recreation, educational/occupational choices, use
of alcohol or drugs, not attending to physical needs.
Politics, Religion, and Ideology Disagreement about religious, moral, ethical, and political attitudes or ideas.
Examples: Lack of religious belief or overinvolvement in religion, questions concerning the
integrity of the United States, feelings about involvement in Vietnam and the Gulf War,
values or the lack of them as perceived by the respondent.
Work Orientation Differences concerning priority and investment given work (or school) performance,
advancement, or status.
Examples: Child working too much or too little, degree of dedication to work.
Household Maintenance Conflict over participation in maintenance or improvement of family living environment.
Examples: Yardwork, housework, painting, and general maintenance.
25%
Communication
and Interaction
B
4% Work
Orientation
1% Household
15% Politics and Maintenance
Religion
34%
Communication
and Interaction
16% Child-Rearing
Practices
Third, disagreement also occurs over what are per- As she is still young [51] for a grandmother she has
difficulty in not "mothering" my children. She still takes
ceived to be responsible health choices. Differences control, corrects, disciplines and is much too tough
regarding smoking recreational drug use, alcohol, for my idea of a grandmother. (Daughter, 36)
and obesity are frequently mentioned. A daughter (37)
notes that her father "drinks too much [and] tries to Divorce produces a different set of problems. Both
manipulate [me] through guilt" and complains that her parents and their adult children complain that divorce
mother "continues to wallow in self-pity and indulge in the other generation has produced unnecessary
in her cycle of weight gain, depression and eating/ strain on the grandchildren. For example, a daughter
alcoholism." Occasionally conflict is expressed over (36) says she has disagreements with her mother (58)
choices that have impacts on the third generation. A because of:
father (60) states that his daughter (37) and her hus-
band "continue to smoke, even around the baby." My divorce. How she tries to control my children be-
cause they do not have a father around . . . for some
Conflict Type 3: Child-rearing reason she wants to be a parent, not a grandparent.
Practices and Values
Conflict Type 4: Religion,
Child-rearing attitudes and practices are frequently
Politics, and Ideology
reported as a cause of tension between parents who
are in their early 60s and their baby boomer-cohort This category represents conflict over values and
children who were influenced by the more egalitar- morality in general, and religious, ideological and po-
ian and permissive attitudes of their generation. Re- litical orientations in particular. Both older parents and
ports fell into two general categories: (1) children's adult children in our sample complained about seri-
complaints about their parents' child-rearing prac- ous differences between themselves and the other
tices in the past; and (2) complaints by children or generation. Respondents often provided a laundry list
Religious beliefs were often mentioned as areas of Nonetheless, it was not uncommon for the career
conflict. For one son (40), the bone of contention be- attainments of adult children in our sample to outstrip
tween him and his mother (62) was the way "[the those of their parents. Over the two decades spanned
son]' should treat/deal with [his] brother's lack of reli- by the study, the sample, on the whole, has become
gious observance," because the son claimed, "it af- increasingly better educated and better off financially
fects me and my family." Religious differences between (Biblarz, Bengtson, & Bucur, 1996). Differences in ever-
the parent and child were also mentioned. One son increasing occupational achievement can lead to diffi-
(42) placed "abortion [and] women becoming priests" cult misunderstandings. One son's (42) complaint about
at the center of their differences. A daughter (40) was his father illustrates this problem:
frustrated that her father "wants [her] to go to two
major religious services yearly." A mother cited her [His] lack of understanding of my work. [His] lack of
daughter "not going to church" as an area of conflict. understanding of what companies expect and his
In some families the difference of religious commit- general blue collar type work attitude.
ment becomes an area of conflict, as expressed quite This "lack of understanding" may be a function of a
differently by two adult children: parent's own work experience in a different era of
Disappointed that she [58] doesn't understand my re-
American life, yet often we found these conflicts illus-
lationship to Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. (Daugh- trated a parent's more resolute work ethic. For in-
ter, 36) stance, a father (73) writes that "his [son's, age 44]
work habits seem somewhat tentative. He is well-to-
[Conflict is] that we must be born again into Christ do but doesn't work as hard as he might." Here a
Jesus. That we must raise our children for God, not mother reports conflict with her son, followed by the
the devil or world. That we should not teach kids about son's parallel comment about his parents:
Santa, Easter Bunny, Halloween, Tooth Fairy, and other
lies. (Son, 37)
He still seems to have such a childish daydream atti-
tude toward life . . . in job situation becomes bored
Conflicts over ideological differences are also ap- quick and resents authority—has trouble adapting to
parent over political issues. Adult children registered change—feels rules were "not made for him"—walked
complaints both over their parents' liberalism and con- out on previous job in 1989 with an attitude of "if
servatism. One son (43) speaks of conflict regarding you won't play my way, I'll go home," was then fired
"politics. I'm conservative, mom's [63] liberal," while and could not understand it. He is NOT in an au-
a daughter (43) states: thority position. (Mother, 61)