Thomas Loftus

ALA 421-007

2/16/19

From an early age, I was faced with socialization of how being a straight boy is the

‘regular’ thing to be. Because my parents were the first source of this socialization, I figured they

were right and worth listening to, even though I know now they weren’t exactly creating a free

space for me to explore these identities on my own and determine their own value. I never really

had the mental capacity at the time to resist this socialization or what being a straight boy fully

meant at the time in terms societal expectations of how I would have to act growing up.

Overtime, I was peppered with the usual rhetoric designed to make little kids feel like

they should grow to be more manly. “Don’t be a sissy,” “Quit being such a baby,” and “Grow up

and just rub some dirt in it” were the messages that permeated my childhood. I would see that

the people whom I was told to admire were those with the biggest muscles, the most power, or

the most achievement either athletic or otherwise. Because of societal systems in place for

many many years, these people were almost always straight men. Thus, the connections made

in my young mind pointed toward the need to be as masculine as possible in order to succeed

in life.

With this idea of putting a premium on masculinity, came with the shunning of anything

besides heterosexuality. The idea of a spectrum was far from prevalent and the idea of being

gay was used exclusively as an insult. We were taught to fear being gay or even being thought

of as gay, because of some fictional reason it was sold to us that it was the wrong way to be.

This was troubling as I had a strong but non-romantic love for my friends growing up, and I was

scared to express that for fear of being made fun of. At one point in middle school, I can recall

being told someone thought I was gay because of how I acted and how I dressed, which made

me recoil in fear. My response to someone saying that to me now would be a calm correction to

them that I am not gay while accepting that there is nothing wrong with being gay. However, in
Thomas Loftus

ALA 421-007

2/16/19

middle school when I had yet to form my own opinions about identities and before I had a better

understanding of how people are treated and how they want to be treated, this was the worst

thing in the world to me. A fair amount of time had to pass first before I could develop my own

opinions, unaffected by society’s systems of oppression that skew everyone’s mindsets to think

a certain way to empower those ‘normal’ identities.

Later in high school, the topic became troubling as many of my aforementioned figures

of male inspiration or admiration were outed as bigots on the basis of racism, sexism, or

homophobia due to the social justice movement picking up speed. I was conflicted because I

had not only admired these people before, but I shared some of their main identities with them.

Being a straight male I watched as these other straight males became some of the most vile

creatures in society.

I began thinking about the type of person I saw myself as. Since straight males around

the nation were becoming the worst people in the world, did that make me bad as well? Or at

the very least, was I going to grow older and become that same type of awful person?

Obviously, individual cases were awful in their own right, like Harvey Weinstein or Louis C.K.

But the consistency of straight males in power across many groups showed the systemic

imbalance that needed to be counteracted. I decided that these people in power had made the

general image of straight men a negative one, but that didn’t have to be the end of it. I felt I

needed to live my life in such a way to improve this perception of straight males by being one of

the good examples.

Even today, I am more than willing to state that a large number of straight males in the

past, in varying degrees, have benefitted from the oppression of others whether they promote

that oppression or not. From this, it was difficult to select where my identities would fit into the
Thomas Loftus

ALA 421-007

2/16/19

broader conversations being had in certain social circles. The problem was, my socialization

was so ingrained in me that I felt the need to assume some leadership role in solving this

problem. I was shocked at myself when I took a step back and realized that this was no way to

be progressive and it truly needed to be a group conversation about how things can be solved.

My perspective as a straight male needed to be just another one like many others, serving

solely as a contribution and isn’t one that dominates the conversation.