What do the girl and boy talk about, when they meet each other for an arranged marriage?

In India, most of the people go for arranged marriage. To me, one of the most interesting part of this is: When the
girl and boy meet for the first time. This meeting is arranged by their parents. They are left alone to talk for 15-20
minutes. And there they decide whether they like each other or...

Prashanti Gm, I am Jon Snow when it comes to dating

Updated Sep 6
A little background story :My family and I stay in Hyderabad , so when a cousin of mine reached " marriagable
age" , they started groom searching and a lot of prospective grooms were from Hyderabad . So the cousin and her
family decided to stay with us and meet with all the grooms and their families at my house . So what you will hear
is an account of a 16 year old at the time who was extremely curious about the whole situation.

 Boy 1: So my cousin got all ready and we were expecting the groom and family . As soon as the bell
rang my cousin was pushed inside a room ..can't see her before "show time ". The guy entered and he
was really , really attractive like a supermodel I was pretty sure at that very moment that the match
was fixed. (thoughts of a superficial and naive 16 year old ). I should add here that my cousin is pretty
and more specifically fair which is very important in an arranged marriage set up . The guy was pretty
shy and I don't think I heard him say anything more than a hi . When the family left the cousin was
asked what she thought about the match and she instantly said NO . He was very dumb in her opinion
and he just sat there like a log. You should have seen the shock ON my face then , thankfully I wasn't
crazy enough to say anything. Meanwhile the bridegrooms father calls up saying they love the girl and
the guy specifically feels that he wants to ONLY get married to her . The father of the bride politely
declines saying they are still seeing other matches. Poor guy.
 Boy 2 : This groom was decent looking however not as good looking as the previous guy . However, he
had a very chatty personality and made everyone extremely comfortable. He asked if he could speak
to my cousin seperately and they were seated together . I was lucky enough to be close so I could
eavesdrop ( was extremely curious ) . They spoke about hobbies and interests but later into more
serious topics . He asked her if she would want to work after marriage for which she said she wasnt
sure and family was more important to her. As soon as they left , I saw my cousin all smiling and
blushing, the answer was a vehement yes . My family calls the bridegroom's father and they reply with
they want a working woman as one salary for family isn't really enough nowadays. Eventhough she was
hurt , she got over it .
 Pretty soon we heard from the cousin saying that she was to be married to a local boy in their own city
.They are now happily married and my cousin is now a mother to two beautiful kids. These incidents
taught me how inconsequential looks were and even though we might not get what we want
immediately, there might be something better out there :).

Anonymous
Updated May 26, 2015
My experiences as a 27 year old male in one of the major metropolitan cities in India.

With a couple of bad first 'dates' with two girls shortlisted by my parents and me, I figured I needed a strategy to
sort this mess out. Given my education, career and predilection towards imparting a structure to the problems I
face, find below a 'due diligence' plan I came up with, to evaluate potential brides.

Most of these questions/pointers are there on the basis of my choices, likes/dislikes and were the key topics I tried
to speak about when I met girls. Ultimately, for me getting married to the right girl would have been the outcome
of solving this mathematical equation right. Of course, I now realise the stupidity of the same and have left this
approach (and ended up not choosing anyone through this plan thankfully). However, the template below is
similar to how many of my friends, especially from the IIT/IIM circuit think and choose brides.
FYI - I am one of the more eligible bachelors around (probably top 5%), not bad to look at, make enough money,
good job/schools, have had pretty girlfriends in the past and am from a nice family. However, the whole arranged
marriage environment took me by surprise due to which I decided to come up with the due diligence plan.

(Pardon any grammatical, spelling errors - I am copy pasting my note here without any changes.)

Note on Arranged Marriage Due Diligence

Personality - questions to ask

 what qualities are you looking for in a partner
 are you an optimist or a pessimist
 why are you thinking to marry
 are you an introvert/extrovert
 have you lived independently; do you want to? before and after marriage
 what are you passionate about?
 are you ambitious
 have you ever faced a major crisis and how did you face it?
 Are you creative? – arts, dance, music etc.?

Likes and dislikes

 your likes and dislikes and hobbies; how do you pass your time
 how do you spend your day
 favorite type of movies, books, tv shows etc.
 do you like traveling; have you traveled before
 do you like reading
 your future plans
 what kind of job do you do
 do you have pets
 are you ok with moving to _____ ?
 can you host a party where there are drinks etc.?

Qualities to be tested -
 can she have an intelligent conversation on heavy duty topics?
 Is she fun loving? And humorous?
 is she strong minded in a good way; can she take care of you & give you emotional guidance?
 is she an optimist; can she push you; don't tell her that you're a pessimist
 Attitude of the parents – over protective, narrow minded, anything else that stands out?

Mental prep to be done -

 learn some jokes

 practice answers to the questions above which you want to ask her
 Learn to articulate well. Think for 5 secs before you answer anything. Speak in elegant language
 Do not be overly negative/cynical about things.
 Clear your mind out – think slow and think what you want to say before you say it

When you talk, generally or tell stories. They need to be about the following positive traits

1. Positive outlook
2. Confidence
 3. Aggression
4. Unpredictability
5. Independent
6. Adventurous
7. Appreciative
8. Honest
9. Humorous
10. Cool under fire
11. Cocky and funny

<End>

Bring on the brickbats! ;)

Added later: I remembered another example of this kind of 'template' based arranged marriage. A friend from the
Indian School of Business (http://www.isb.edu/isb/index.shtml) actually created an MS-Excel model and assigned
scores to the different girls he met, basis different parameters and weightages! He claims that the girl he got
married to ultimately got a 0 on everything but who knows.

Thanks Gavin for the edit suggestions.

Update (26 May, 2015): I was just re-reading this answer, which I wrote approx 4 years back and I have to say this
seems to be the most random thing I have ever done in my life! Btw, am still not married but thankfully, not
because I kept on following the framework above :)

In the last few years, I have definitely become (I daresay) wiser. Due to my past experiences and from what I have
seen around with friends, my new 'framework' is just to be sure that the person I marry has the following qualities
(not in any order): she is a person with a good heart, is intelligent, looks good and is loyal. Aside from looks, these
are the permanent qualities I hope for in my life partner. Otherwise as a wise person once said - change is the only
constant.

AJay Sharma, Lost and Found

Written Nov 21, 2013
I was arrange married 12 years ago. I met like 7 girls, for like on an average 30 min or so. I did prepare before the
meeting, what will I say and what question I will ask, similar to some of the respondents. While I did not maintain
excel sheet, I did capture notes later on. Most of the girls’ parents responded to my matrimonial ad. Being from
top engineering school with good job in India helped, but only so far.

Did it work for me, well No. Marriage soured few years later and still on rocks. In hindsight, it wasn't a right
approach to the most important decision of the life. My ultimate decision was based on recommendation from
elders in my family, her education, job prospects and availability of time for family and children in future (she was
in teaching). One of the elder liked the match due to physical appearance compatibility e.g. how we will look in a
photo together (bad idea).

There is no way you can predict your future compatibility in 1 or 2 meetings nor commitment to marriage. I thinks
stats are that arrange marriages works better than love marriages, may be so. But main factor to consider is 1. if
you will be respected for who you are 2. when life gets tough, is he/she the one you want to be around with 3.
how much you are willing to invest in the marriage.

In the end be as thorough as possibly you can, but at the same time pls realize, there is a big leap of faith here and
your absolute commitment is your best bet.
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Neha Gupta, Not very experienced though
Written Jun 27, 2016
I am writing this answer from point of view of a girl.I have seen many successful arrange marriages in family
including my parents and before starting my matrimonial journey I received few advices from elders which I am
sharing here

Start with the most safest and basic question:

1. What are your hobbies?( this can lead to some interesting conversations which will give you a fair idea
about his lifestyle, nature )
2. Followed by this you can ask: is there any one hobby which you wanted to pursue but you couldn't?
3. What you usually do after coming back to home after office?
4. What are your future aspirations?
5. Tell me about your friends?(you can get idea about his circle,what kind of people does he hang around
with)
6. In your family, whom you are closest?
7. What are your expectations from your partner?
8. I guess only after first meeting you should ask him more personal questions regarding his past
relationship, finances, savings,
9. But the most important point which I feel is beyond this questionnaire is always TRUST YOUR
VIBES cause energy never lies. All the best for your search :)

Puru Govind, Born and Brought up in India

Updated Oct 6, 2012
It is about impressing each other in first 30 mins. Otherwise the chat is just as usual. I will make up a conversation
for you.

Let us say they meet in a coffee shop

Boy: Hello (with artificial smile)

Girl: Hi
Boy: How are you ?
Girl: fine, and you ?
Boy: Good. Lets sit somewhere maybe. That table ?
Girl: looks good.

They settle down.

Boy: Actually, I dont know what to ask. This is the first time I am meeting anybody like this.
Girl: (Jhootha sala! Liar! ) Yeah, same here.
Boy: Ok, so, what are your hobbies?
Girl: (eh? nonsense). I am lot into reading.
Boy: What do you read ?
Girl: Chetan Bhagat is my fav and ...

Boy interrupts the girl now.

Boy: Btw what would you like to have ?

Girl: Coffee with donut. And no cream please.
Boy: Ok, I will go and order. I will be right back. In the meantime, you can checkout me (Hahaha, I am so funny)
Girl: <Humph> Ha Ha, sure.
Boy is back now.

Boy: so where were we ?

Girl: I was telling you that I read Chetan Bhagat books.
Boy: (duh) . Nice Nice. I read his five point someone. nice book.
Girl: Yeah, And how about you ?
Boy: I read Quora
Girl: What is Quora ?
Boy: (Fuck!) It is a social networking website.
Girl: Ok, I am just happy with Facebook.
Boy: No, Quora isnt for uploading photos or poking each other. It is very similar to Yahoo! Answers. but really
credible and interesting answers.
Girl: Ok, nice. I will maybe open an account there also. So you must be working in a software company? What do
you do ?
Boy: I work in this software company and is responsible for *few jargons here*
Girl: Nice
Pause.
Boy: (Damn! I could not really impress her) Btw I am also a part of our CSR chapter. I go and teach underprivileged
kids.
Girl: (HaHAHAHHAHA, another lie) Ok, nice.

Long pause now. In the meantime, the coffee arrives. The guy looks at the donut and wants to straightaway attack
it. But he cant be ill-mannered today and so he decides to silently sip his coffee in a genetlemen style.

Boy: So what do you do ?

Girl: I work in a fashion house and is doing business development for them.
Boy (Excitedely) : So, you also get to meet models ? (oh damn! i should not have said that)
Girl: Ha Ha, no. This is more of a back office job.
Boy: Ok.

A pretty girl passes by the table and the boy had to really control his eyeballs.

After the job discussion, the conversation goes to a list of other standard topics: Cooking, Ex-girl friends, Definition
of TRUST and LOVE(the girls start this). Generally, the meet ends here. At the end, if they manage to add
themselves on Whatsapp, they might meet soon again. Otherwise Goodbye.

Elazar Leibovich
Written Sep 4, 2012
Ultraorthodox society in israel have slightly similar process for getting married. They do not have to decide after
the first meeting, and, depending on the exact utlra-orthodox section, the number of meetings prior to decision
varies between 5-20, but there are some similarities.

Here is a forum where ultra-orthodox jewish speak about their first meeting (cavaet, UO jewish don't typically surf
the net, so they're atypical, except, on the internet you might be a dog, so there's no guarantee anything is real),
Hebrew of course, sorry, try google translate:

http://www.bhol.co.il/forums/top...

Another link containing guidelines of a Rabbi, answering to a young girl asking "what should I speak about in my
first arranged-marriage date?". His advice is, "In the first meeting, just smalltalk, ask about his family and learning
place, in the next meeting you can have deeper conversation where you'll find out how religious he actually is".
The website is of an organization preaching judaism for nonreligious jewish, I'm not sure how typical this answer
for a "real" ultra-orthodox Jewish:

Updated Apr 2, 2013

I am a guy, so I will write the points from a guy's angle. However, these points are also valid for girls.

The answer is split into two parts:

1. What to talk about?
2. How to decide after the talk?

Note: The views are very much in the context of Indian culture and values.

PART 1: What to talk about?

There are a lot of things that the pair can/should discuss. Most of these are focused around, how do you get to
know each-other better, to be able to make a good decision for yourself and for her as well. They all are not MUST
discuss. These are general topics that you might want to talk about. You should choose, which point/topic to
discuss when. All depends on the comfort level between you two.

Of course, during the discussion, you have to be observant. And see which answers seem genuine and which seem
made up (made-up because of the family pressure. Not everyone like lying at this point, but circumstances may ask
one to)

First 2-3 points can be good conversation starters. Breaking the silence!! if you know what I mean. :)

1. About her hobbies: Try to know how she likes to spend her free time. If one of you is an outgoing
person and the other is lazy, you may feel bored later. So like this, If the hobbies are really conflicting,
you may often find yourself in argument post-marriage, about what to do during upcoming weekend.
2. About her education: As in, what she studied and why she chose a particular subject. What did she like
and what didn't. As you two talk about this, more topics will come up and you'll slowly get comfortable
with each other. You'll also start understanding her better.
3. About her dreams: Her career goals will help you evaluate the compatibility of both of you. If one
wants to be a surgeon and the other wants to be a research-scientist, you can figure out if you will be
able to co-exist in same city, with equal opportunities for your future.
4. Family Values: Every girl has some dreams about her spouse and his family, as in, what kind of family
(nuclear/joint/ultra-nuclear=>where guy lives alone) does she want to be a part of. So knowing this will
help you make a better decision as to whether you guys are fit for each other or not. You will get to
know whether you guys give equal importance to family and if you are okay with it.
5. Anyone she likes: No need to dig into her past. Just see, if at present, she likes someone or has feeling
for someone(may be leftover from a breakup). May be this marriage proposal is being forced onto her.
If that is the case, support her and help her by refusing from your side.
6. Her dream guy: What kind of a partner is she looking for? Try to see, if you can be the right guy for her.
while we always focus on asking questions as par our expectations, it is also important to see, if the girl
is going to be happy with her partner or not.
7. Having Kids (Will you? and When?): As you might have also seen in your circle, some people really
love kids; while other don't. I happen to know some; who don't believe in having kids, at all. In such
cases, it is good to know each-others views. Generally many wouldn't even have thought about it, but
those who have and have very strict plans; should discuss it. Also, feel free to mention, if you don't
plan to have kids until 5 years (say) or more.
(Note: This is not a common point of discussion and may sound odd. But I've mentioned this for a
 reason. Use it wisely; only if you feel that the other person can comfortably handle it. Obviously, it has
to come very late in the conversation, when the two of you have been comfortably talking to each
other for a while. Don't make it your opening question :)

8. If there is a disagreement or heated argument?: As in, if there is an argument and things become
severe, how will you handle the situation? You don't need to shoot the same question, you can discuss
a real situation/example from your experience. The purpose here is to see, how mature the other
person is. Fights in any relationship are inevitable. All that is needed is, patience and maturity. So while
it is important for him/her to keep calm and handle the situation maturely, it is also important that you
to realize your mistakes and correct them.
9. Similar to the above one: if any elder of our family (father/mother) gets into an argument with you,
how do you handle it? The aim is to see, how he/she values and respects elders. Again, while it is
important for him/her to respect in-laws-parents just like their own, you also have the responsibility of
being the bridge between him/her and your parents.
10. How do we manage the earnings?: If the girl is also earning, what she plans to do with her money? The
purpose is to seek agreement. If the girl wants to support her parents/siblings or if the guy wants the
girl to help him; whatever it is, there needs to be an agreement.
11. Check on life-style: It may be the case that the two of you have lived in different
cities/environments/societies/cultures, and hence the differences are going to be there. Having a
discussion about this will avoid post-marriage-surprises. One example: If one of you likes to drinks
every night, or regularly attend parties due to social obligations, or often has guests at home from
work-place, lives in society of highly educated ones, or spends money on various luxuries (may be none
or may be in Lacs), etc, basically all the things define life-style. Will the other one be comfortable in
that life-style? Or will they be able to adjust in the others society/budget?
12. Religious Beliefs: No harm in discussing your religious beliefs. See If you guys have opposite beliefs, as
in, one is atheist while the other truly believes in God. Having conflicting beliefs is okay, as long as you
both are comfortable with it.
13. Supporting Parents and Family: It is quite possible that the couple lives alone and both of their parents
live separately. In such cases, if the maternal family of any of the two needs help (could be financial or
they need to stay with the couple), how comfortable and supportive would the couple be, living with
the spouse's parents or helping them in any way. Apart from parents, help may be needed for a close
relative in family.

General Advice:
 Keep in mind that you are not 'buying' a spouse of your 'needs/desires'. So don't be judgmental. You
are just looking for a compatible partner for yourself. If his/her views conflicts with yours, you have all
the right to refuse; but Respectfully.
 Even if you like the person and he/she is perfect for you, you may not be perfect for her/him. So give
their desires equal value and consideration. After all, both of you need to live happily, not just one of
you.

PART 2: How to decide after the talk?

Of course there is no right or wrong answer of any of the above questions. The deciding factor is, how you feel
after the discussion.
Basically, if you felt good or you enjoyed talking to the other person, then it's a good enough indication of saying
Yes.
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Aditi Barve, Designer
Written Oct 8, 2012
Having been through the arranged marriage process personally (and these are based on my own experiences), I
can say this: Most of the guys I met were well-educated and well-travelled, yet most were awkward when it came
to social interaction.

And though it sounds incredibly heartless to make a list of questions to talk about, it sort of helps when you are
meeting a stranger for the first time. Especially if you want to make a good impression on the person.

Now, personally I have no problems chatting up anyone, but I guess thats not the case for everyone.
Two of the main things I talked about:
1) myself. :) thats my favourite topic. I started off by talking about myself, because I feel that the person feels more
comfortable when he realises that the person in front of him is not interrogating him.

2) If the person in front of me was awkward and shy, I would probe a little bit. Get him to open up about his work,
maybe his family, ask if he was an only child. Ask about his friends. If he lived in a different city, I would ask how
the place is like.

In my opinion, its important to actually want to know a person. Yes, you have nothing in common, but if you
express an interest, most people are happy to talk.

(one thing I did not ask was "what are your hobbies". I have realised that it is an incredibly difficult question to
answer :)

Also, I realised sitting across a coffee table is more awkward due to the constant eye contact, so taking a walk
around the block (how Jane Austen:P) helped.

I can say this, by the end of the meeting, I generally got a good sense of what the person was like and whether or
not it was going to work out.

Stuff about plans for the future and why are you getting married can be saved for the next few dates!

Balaji Viswanathan, Indian by Birth. Indian by Thought.

Updated Oct 19, 2013
I'm really surprised by the top answer here which has 3 dozen odd questions and with a deep data analysis part.
This reminds me of Sheldon Cooper's survey in "Big Bang Theory". My intuition is it is going to fail. It cuts out
the love from arranged marriage. Arranged marriage is a sweet, lovable thing when done correct with plenty of
surprises.

In my family, almost all of us went through the arranged marriage route and having seen 25+ happy arranged
marriages, here is my view on the experience of others, and drawing on my own experience.

1. In my family it is a convention to fix the first girl whom you formally meet in an arranged marriage setting. This is
because the process is emotionally draining and you don't want to go into the process and say no. It is somewhat
analogous to a PhD defense - you don't go into the final meeting process, unless you are quite sure of the success.

2. Do your due diligence on the prospects. Use Facebook profile research, Google search, friend networks, family
networks and every other tool you could think of, to know about the prospect, in depth. Try to draw you own
personal map of the person and see if you can move with such a person. Try to be as unemotional as possible, in
this step.

3. In the 15-20 minutes you spend with the person, try to see if this is the person you can live with. Try to use your
intuition and ask what the heart tells you. Cut out the brain, as you have done your diligence in the Step 2. Find out
if you strike a bond with the other person. Find out if there is an emotional link. You can ask anything you like - a
movie, a food or anything you assume the person might also like.

Just let the conversation flow like a river flows from the hills. If you can be comfortable with the other person and
can enjoying talking to him/her you have got a winner. Fundamentally it is about love, whether you find this
person accidentally (also called love marriage in India) or in a setting arranged by your family. If you cut off the
love from the marriage, life is a misery.

Krishna Chaitanya, works at Apple

Written Mar 3, 2014
I would like to add an answer with my limited experience in talking to girls through arranged marriage channel. I
am from a family which is on the borderline of conservative and liberal.

1. You have do some homework before you start looking for girls. Ask yourselves what qualities you are looking for
in your life partner. Discuss with your parents and both of you should come to a mutual agreement on what your
requirements are. This step is very important because ultimately it is your parents who will be out looking for
matches and it will be a disaster if you and your parents don't have a common set of requirements. Decide on two
or three big questions which are really important to you.

2. After some initial filtering from your parents, you get some bio-data and a photo. You should feel attracted to
the other person at least to some extent. They say physical beauty doesn't matter and its the inner beauty that
counts. But, we are biologically programmed to seek beauty. So, I don't say you should look for a beauty contest
winner, but atleast someone whom you find moderately attractive.

3. You should start looking for that person on social networks, linkedin, etc. A simple google search of that person's
name may show you a wealth of data. Try to get a basic understanding of what kind of person he/she is and what
their interests are. This step is also useful for conversation starters when you guys meet. Make sure you don't
sound like a stalker when you say these things to the other person. Also make sure if your family or their family
believe in horoscope matching. If yes, you should get it done and found satisfactory. You don't want to end up
heartbroken after meeting the other person and liking them.

4. Time is precious. Don't waste your time asking small details like what kind of movies you watch or what music
do you listen to. These small details do not influence your decision to accept or reject that person. Once the big
questions are answered, these things don't really matter.

5. You can start your conversation by asking about their hobbies and interests, what he/she would like to do in
their free time, what is his/her idea of having fun, etc. You should talk a bit about our hobbies, interests, etc. Once
you are comfortable, you can get to the bigger questions.

6. Now, you should tell what your expectations are from your life partner. Don't tell it like a list of yes/no
questions, but look for the level of those qualities. For me, it is three things: Intelligence, adaptability and patience.
She should be able to hold a meaningful conversation on some thing which is important to you, be it technology,
current affairs, etc or atleast willing to know about them. Marriage is based on mutual understanding, so she
should be able to adapt to those changes and be patient at times.

7. Ask what her expectations are. Your most of the conversation should be around each others' eapectations.
Throw in some funny incidents and stories so that the conversation is not boring.

8. Show that you are genuinely interested in knowing more about him/her.

9. You should talk about each others' goals and how the marriage between you affects them.
9. If the above conversation strikes a chord, you can also talk about your quirks (Though not advisable in the first
meeting, unless it is a major thing and the other person has to know it.)

10. Go with your intuition and see if you guys are compatible upto 60-70%. Talk to your parents and ask how they
felt talking to your prospective in-laws.

The above points are my views. So, you may agree or disagree to some of the above things. I am welcome for
comments. I am still in the process, so your suggestions are helpful.

Anonymous
Written Jun 12, 2014
I am a 25 year old Indian girl based in the US and I recently met up with a guy shortlisted by my parents through
online matrimonial websites. I had talked to the guy on phone before meeting him in person. I am a bit of an
introvert and so I was a bit nervous about how the date would turn out to be, I even read up this thread to get an
idea of what questions to ask in case we ran out of topics. We spent nearly 3 hours together and our conversation
mainly revolved around the following topics-

1) Family background
2) Hobbies and interests.
3) Books, movies and music we like
4) Being in the same profession so we talked about our work life and technical details.
5) Places we have visited in the US
6) School, college and grad school days.
7) Room mates and day to day life
8) Food/cuisine we like and/or cook
9) Drinking/smoking- preferences
10) Are you an introvert/extrovert? our social circle and type of people we like hang out with.

By this time, we got more comfortable and ended up discussing few things in more details which brought up more
topics. I thought of a few deep questions, which I referred to as my "favorite philosophical questions"
9) How did you decide to come to the US?
10) Happiest and saddest days of our lives.
11) How sensitive are you?
12) What makes you angry? Any specific incident when you have been very angry.
13) What do you value the most in your life?
14) How do you define happiness?
15) Past relationships, I was a bit uncomfortable to ask about this directly, but we ended up at this topic while
discussing another question. Since both of us had always been single, we ended up telling each other stories about
crushes and rejections :-)

Overall, it was a good experience and more like catching up with a friend rather than an awkward first date.
Some questions saved for future dates-
1) Partner expectations
2) Will he be willing to share household chores?
3) His ideas about marriage and family life.
4) His long term ambitions and dreams.

Shilpa Maheshwari, Happily married

Written May 7, 2016
Meeting a person in an arranged marriage setup, one has to take the most important decision of their life, at that
time. It is important to utilise that one hour so efficiently that we can get to know the other person well enough to
decide if they are the one with whom we would spend the rest of our lives.

The two most important things to consider:

1. How they are as a person,
2. Their future and long term plans.

Before the meeting you can get a good idea through the bio data, common friends and relatives and social media
platforms like Facebook. Upon browsing through the same you can know about the suitors' likes, dislikes, friends,
hobbies and passions. And plan the questions to be asked accordingly.

You should also ponder over questions like:

 Whether you want to marry a homemaker or a career oriented woman.
 About how you plan to expand your family ie if you like children,
 Whether yours is a joint family or a nuclear family - what qualities they would prefer in your future
wife and if the girl in question can adjust.
 I think it doesn't make much sense to discuss past relationships and virginity.
 Discuss their philosophy of life.
 You should ask the qualities that they look for in their future partner.

I remember my husband asking me, 'what would you do if a child comes begging to you?' on our first meeting.

I gave a diplomatically correct answer without even meaning it, I said, 'I will not give the child any alms. Instead I
would take the child and get him enrolled into a good school.'

Here I am today, proud teacher of these students

Sulagna Dasgupta, Love @ loveinindia.co.in/

Written Apr 30, 2013
The first step to getting into the right marriage at the right time is to comprehend that your life is going to change
inside out after marriage.

From giving up the freedom to sleep through the weekend to making your peace with differences in food habits -
marriage is a life-altering experience, even if you have been in a relationship for a long time, leave alone in case of
an arranged marriage to a largely unfamiliar person.

Why Marriages and Relationships are like Apples and Oranges (Part 1)
Why Marriages and Relationships are like Apples and Oranges (Part 2)

So please make sure you've asked yourself these vital questions before you even make the decision that it's time
for you to start looking for an arranged marriage.

“When Should I Get Married?” 10 Questions I Wish I Had Asked Myself Before Getting Married – Part 1
“When Should I Get Married?” 10 Questions I Wish I Had Asked Myself Before Getting Married – Part 2

Once you've done that, coming to the points you can discuss with a potential bride - you can start with basic
questions regarding what are her career plans (if she wants to have a career), whether and when she wants to
have children, whether she's OK living with in-laws, what are the things that are important to her in life - like
money, peace, family etc.
However the irony is that what someone is, and what they think they are are often vastly different. For example
the answer to a question like, "How would you deal with my mother?" (extremely important in the Indian context)
can never be gauged through the verbal answer she gives to this question. I'm not even saying she'll deliberately
lie. But the way she imagines herself to be handling a hypothetical future situation, and the way
she'll actually handle it when it happens, are unlikely to be the same, given the mind-numbing no. of factors
involved.
The same is true for almost any of the questions you can ask in the limited no. of initial meetings an arranged
marriage context typically allows for. What's more, a girl's understanding of life and marriage will change
dramatically between today and when she's actually in it. Her answers will also change accordingly. For example a
girl might tell you today that she wants to have a full-fledged career, but get bogged down in the overwhelming
responsibilities and stress that marriage brings and decide to become a full-time homemaker 'cause she just can't
handle it all.
Therefore, in my opinion, there's no easy replacement for a real courtship of at least one year - not after fixing the
marriage date, like they do in case of modern Indian arranged marriages - but before you decide to get married to
each other.
"But what happens if after investing one whole year we decide not to get married?", you might ask.
When I said date each other, I didn't mean date each other exclusively. You're not in a relationship or anything,
you've met through matchmaking. So you don't have any commitment responsibilities. Feel free to date more than
one people at the same time, but disclose it to all the people involved.
Combine that with the rational, clear-headed approach to marriage that I emphasized at the beginning of this post,
and you have a really great strategy for a lifetime of happiness. :)

P.S.: I sensed you're a guy, so answered from a guy's point of view. Hope I'm right. ;)

Anonymous
Written May 28, 2013
First off, let me tell you, all arranged marriage situation are not like what you are thinking. There are cases were
the boy and girl get to spend more than one hour together in their first meeting. Also, they need not decide in the
first meeting. They are allowed to meet again or talk over the phone or chat online for however long they want
before they give an answer.

Having said that, yes there are people who just meet up somewhere for a while and give their answer the very
same day.

I have a colleague who was going through the arranged marriage routine of meeting boys in cafes in the city and
talking. She tells me most of the meetings ended up being like a job interview. Or the fact that they were too
mechanical and not emotional enough. The discussion were on materialistic living (job, salary, house,
food/drinking/smoking habits) instead of actually getting to know each other well.

My dear friend from college started looking out for a life partner through one of those popular online matrimonial
sites. She did find a guy and it's been more than a month since she first met him. Neither of them have said a yes
or a no. They feel they need more time. They meet up mostly over the weekends, talk about their lives, visit
places the other hasn't seen and talk generally. Of course, their parents are wondering why they are taking so long
to decide, but that is not my point. My point is they are socializing and taking their time before making a very big
life altering decision.

Coming to my experience - I met one guy at home for the first time. We talked for around one hour. We did not
ask each other any 'questions' per se. Instead we were getting to know each other. We talked about our jobs,
what our interests were, how we have come up in life, what keeps us going, and we even laughed at some funny
incidents we ended up narrating for no specific reason. We even talked about our families to get a fair idea about
our social circle and lifestyle.

I was of the opinion that I cannot say 'YES' in one meeting. I asked him when we could meet again. We decided to
meet after three days, his reasoning being we will get time to think about what we want to talk about or ask each
other.
So we met up again. This time in a park in the city (helps that we live close by). This time, we were together for 4
and a half hours :)

The first two hours, we spoke generally, like two friends meeting up after a long time. We talked about our
childhood. School days, college days. Funny stories, anecdotes. About our jobs, our views on working couple, our
views on life in general. About our families, how we grew up. What we have experienced in life and what we
learnt from it.

The next two hours were spent talking about the reason for which we were actually meeting. So we told each
other about what we liked about each other. We talked about some serious stuff that would matter as a
couple. About our jobs, our family values, our views on life in general. I told him stuff about the kind of person I
am to know if he has a problem with any of my personality quirks or traits. He did the same.

Towards the end we realized we are both quite practical and understanding (his words more than mine) and that
whatever decision we take will be thought through completely and discussed and the best will be chosen.

I am marrying him in 4 months time :)

In conclusion, I would like to say - Don't try to impress the person in the first meeting. Be yourself. Know what
matters to you and what doesn't. Don't think about silly things like do we like same books, movies
etc. Compatibility between the two of you is what you should be judging. Not just among the two of you, but
among your families also. Indian marriages apart from being union of two souls is also union of two families. Your
spouse has to be someone you can talk to, about anything and everything. Whatever he/she says should not make
you cringe from within. Your spouse has to be your good friend, if not your best.

So the first meeting should be all about whether you can get along or not. Everything else will fall into place. :)

Samarth Sidhpuria, Product of one such marriage ;)

Written May 7, 2016
My father was very obedient son. So, after his M.Tech, my grandma asked him to meet a girl for arranged marriage
who was a relative of some known. That's how it worked in 90's. Mind you, my father was very handsome in his
time and many girls did propose him but he turned them down due to his poor financial stature (he was not from a
well to do family) and grandma's wish.

So, he goes to girl's home and he was awestruck seeing their villa, and they had a car too! He was nervous.

After exchanging few pleasantries, he meets the girl. He smiles, she blushes.

They both are left to talk alone.

My father: -Your house is pretty big and posh. Will you be able to adjust in a much smaller home and bigger
family?

Girl (shyly):- Yes, as long as I am with my family.

Meeting over.
No more questions or queries or chatting. My father accepted her and so did she who is now my mother.

Gwen Sawchuk, I've loved and lost a few times, but have been found when it counted
Written Nov 29, 2012
l don't think it makes that much difference if it is an arranged 'meeting' or a date.
The purpose is the same. You want to illuminate the other person's character
and integrity, and reveal your true nature as well. Honesty is paramount, and
should be a top priority.

So asking questions that will go to this goal would be the way to start.
What TV shows do you find to be funny?
What books do you read?

These sorts of questions are good for a start, basics to see if you like
the same sorts of things. Then move on to deeper subjects, to understand
your date

Do you think your parents prepared you well for life? How would you like
your children to be different or the same?
How important do you see religion in your life?
Do you think parents should live with adult children?
Who do you think should make the most financial decisions?

And once you get farther in.

lf you were on life support with no chance of recovery, would you want
the life support removed?
What happens with your soul?
Do you think each of us should have a separate bank account that we
can have some of our own money, or should it all be pooled?

So basically, as you go along, and you find you have more and more in
common, you ask harder and harder questions. Just remember, it shouldn\t
be a job interview. There are lots of fun questions to ask that also will
illuminate a person's character.Have fun, and enjoy it! Now is your chance
to shine, and be yourself. The more honest each of you is at this time, the
better the chances you will have for happiness in the long term.

Anonymous
Written Apr 16, 2015
I met a guy last week through this 'arranged marriage date' and it was one disastrous meeting! You should do a lot
of homework on what questions to ask.

He is from my home town but holds a US Green card (possibly the top priority for Indian parents, apart from the
community). With that comes a lot of fake accent, show-off attitude and superiority complex. Born and brought up
in a tier II city, it was a big contrast for me.

He started with talking about how great his job is, how populous India is, the cars he drives there, his girlfriends,
and what not. Show-off level: Expert. At first I thought of walking out of that place but I decided to have some fun.
I think I got inspired by that arranged date fart video. Here it is for those who haven't seen it

I started talking about my drinking and partying habits, my boyfriends, the clothes I like to wear, the books and
movies I like. And guess what, he was an Indian man again (not generalizing, just saying!).

Now, he suddenly realised that India has a culture. Girls should remain within those boundaries. This was so
cliched that I burst out laughing. I had laughed at that #ChangeTheMindset campaign
from Marryinaweek.com thinking who asks such questions in this day and age (Here is that
campaign https://www.facebook.com/media/s...). For the asker of this question, definitely don't ask the questions
shown in this campaign :p.

This experience actually made me realise how narrow our mindset still is as a society. I am sure lot of this is
changing but I never knew I would be a witness myself.

You should definitely go prepared for such meetings. Never start on a wrong foot. These are awkward anyways,
don't make it worse by asking silly questions. For those who are curious about what to talk about on such a date,
here's a blog I found while going through this website Questions to ask on your first arranged marriage date. I am
not sure if it works though. Will definitely keep it handy next time.

Kasturi Venkatesh, Lawyer, Bookworm, Music fanatic, Artist, Traveller ...Wise, Witty, Wicked.
Written Dec 13, 2015
The conversation depends on how open the other person is. If they are uncomfortable, try asking them about their
day. Listen to the conversation, pick up on something they like. For instance, if he/she went to a restaurant the
previous week, you could start talking about cuisines you like and get the other person talking to. If they mention a
fitness routine, mention yours. If its television, try to find a connect there. All in all, make the person comfortable.

Now comes the part where you discuss about the serious aspects. Do you have a set routine you follow? Or certain
characteristics you feel the other person might have to adjust with. What about him/her. Sometimes the question
answer routine works while in other cases, the normal flow of conversation would lead to these questions being
answered. Topics can range from family, lifestyles, food habits, how you spend free time, hobbies, interests, your
respective careers/education. How important are certain things in their life?

You could have a checklist if you want, but most times it depends on what you start talking about. One topic
usually leads to another. Look at how practical the person is, or how he/she presents themselves. Make an effort
to get to know the person and appreciate their interests and observe whether they do too.

If you are comfortable speaking to the person, that’s your first plus point. If you feel intuitively that the person is
nice, that’s your second plus point. Then comes the big question, would this person be the one you wouldn’t mind
spending the rest of your life with or come home to at the end of a long day? Also remember two important
things. One, people change with time. This is a mere assessment and intuition plays a very important role. Two, at
least according to me, can you envision this person being your best friend? That’s the most important thing in a
marriage.

I think it’s important that the whole process be taken with an open mind, and not taken personally at all. I’ve had a
boy tell me that it wasn’t going to work out because he didn’t feel a spark, families which suddenly didn’t want to
go further because horoscopes were asked for, refusals since I don’t have a software/engineering background (Or
was it the lawyer background that scared them off? Hehe). Goes without saying, that I have had my reasons for not
continuing a conversation/getting to know a few of them as well. All in all, they have their reasons, as you have
yours, for accepting or declining a person. Take your time. It’s a life time relationship you are looking at here.

ED The Youth Blog (Economy Decoded), A generalist youth blog where our quirky bloggers do smart stories that
matter
Written Oct 27
Our blogger ED The Youth Blog (Economy Decoded) perhaps some answers.

Most Ridiculous, Are-You-Kidding-Me Questions Rich Families Ask During Arranged Marriage Meetings
DISCLAIMER: All situations and statements hereby listed are factual. These questions are coming from well
educated and well off families of Delhi who uphold a social reputation in the community. All the men are above
the age of 30 years.

Welcome to India… a place where parents teach kids to not talk to strangers for the first 25 years, and then ask the
kids to sleep with one.

And the nightmare is when the stranger is an A-class A-hole. Sometimes, you can never tell until the first
anniversary, who your spouse truly is but other times they don’t even bother to be discreet during their first
impressions.

As a single girl of marriageable age (by Indian Shaadi Rulebook), I have had my fair share of the stranger and the
strangest. It is acceptable to deal with guys who are cocky, but it is another thing when they being outright cocks.
Read on to see the torture I’ve been through.

The boys…

1. Aap dope karte ho? Ji main toh karta hu. I go to Ibiza every year for 15 days just to smoke up!
This was our first conversation. I am not against those who smoke up, but those who show off about it are just
juvenile. I wanted to say, ‘Haanji, sehat ke liye acha hota hai. Kabhi Varanasi se Ganga kinaare wala try karna!’

2. I scream at women, even my mom. So you will have to give me my space. Perhaps even on our Honeymoon.
So the guy who screams at his mom needs space on the Honeymoon… Hmm… Tempting! How can I ever resist?

3. Please address me as “Ji”

This is not my story (phew!): the bride called off the wedding three days before the big day because the groom
took offense when her father did not address him as damaad ‘JI’.

4. I am not monogamous, and I have a weakness for women. So expect that some 10 years down, I will keep
mistresses. Will give full respect to wife and legitimate kids in society, and my lover will stay separately.
“Weakness for women”?! I was struggling to hold my laughter back. That is literally what a dick would say!

5. Waiter, get me a hot coffee, with an ice cube in it.

Get this: the candidate is from UAE and we are sitting in the Taj Hotel. Yes, the waiter was as dumfounded as I, and
asked to repeat. The explanation: he liked his coffee hot, but didn’t want to burn his tongue on it.

6. First meeting: We encourage you to work, if you would like to. We appreciate it.
Second meeting: You know, you COULD work. But then, we are all very used to our mom staying at home all day
and watching her TV. You COULD do that too.
Me: Umm… Subtle much?

The mothers-in-law-to-be…
1. Beta, if you don’t watch serials, what do you do all day?!
Me: Maybe have a life?

2. One of the meets, the Aunty was sitting right next to me. So close that we were joined at the hip, literally. As I
picked up my phone to check it, she started peaking. First into my screen, then inside my top!

The fathers-in-law-to-be…

1. Betaji aapka weight kitna hai?

Let me make this clear: people call me lean. Yet this uncleji was eyeing me as if I was a fat chicken. This particular
one disgusted me, as he works for the CBI and is supposed to be of a “good” family.

2. Beta, my son has seen over 300 girls. Westerns pehen ke aana.
First, numbers? What are you? ScoopWhoop? Second, “westerns”? Who roams around in a petticoat and blouse,
anyway?!

3. Bhai sahib (to my dad), budget kitna rakhenge? 10% aap upar-neeche de dena, but wedding to destination hogi!
Budget thik se fix karenge. Budget.. blah blah blah… Budget. Budget.. Budget…
I swear, if he had said ‘budget’ once again, I would have thrown him out of the house.

Needless to say, all these questions were asked during the first meeting, because a second one is absolutely
unthinkable. Such specimen ought to be kept in custody and researched upon, for surely they cannot belong to the
normal human race that you and I do. Or if they do, then I’m going to marry an Orangutan!

God bless hypocrites in arranged marriages!

This blog was originally published on Economy Decoded.

Swapnil Katiyar, Son of a happily married couple who were arranged to love
Written May 5, 2016
A young girl, still in college is told by her dad that he has found a suitable match for her. His father said- " He is tall,
dark and handsome with a well earning job", she didn't care, "and is Bachelor of arts like you", her eyes start to
show some interest.

A young man, came to know suitable match has been found for him- "Young, beautiful and learned like you
wanted, and she is from a good family too". Young man gets curious and wants to meet his bride-to-be. Plans for a
local fest, with help from some common friends to meet her.

Friends teased them throughout the way to fest but went silent when they actually met.

man-"Hi! What's your name?"

girl-"Maya."

man-"We are soon getting married, you know that?"

girl- "yes."

man-"Is there anything you want to ask me?"

girl- "How much have you studied?"

Man- "(laughing), I am BA first class. Anything else you wanted to say?"

girl-"yes, i wanted to finish my studies after wedding"

Man-puzzled, thought for a while and said "okay, you will have my support."

The girl was just intermediate(10+2) passed at that time but had a spark for learning. Now she currently hold a
masters in Sanskrit, Pracharya title from Banaras hindu university in sanskrit and is a Head in primary school,
imparting her knowledge to others. She is my mother and this is how she asked my father for her right to study
further.

This is a simplified version of the conversation my parents had before getting married.

If we try to categorize topics of discussion before an arranged marriage-

 Get to know each other- interests, ambition and more

 Talk about any qualities they seek in their - would be
 talk about what they liked in each other
Recently one of my friends(a boy) agreed for arranged marriage and what he actually talked doesn't matter to him
but he was much convinced by the behavior of the girl that she was meant to be part of his family- "a fun, jolly,
down to earth and understanding girl" - in his own words ;)

P.S. First thing in a typical arranged marriage is to get to know each other and hence couples mostly talk about
themselves and their family.

Bhooshan Kanani, Engagement is Arranged but Marriage is Loved ;)

Written Jul 15, 2016
Hi, Arrange Marriage is lovely bonding where Engagement is Arranged and Marriage happens to be Loved one :)

I have been married recently and would like to share my thoughts. There is actually no question and answer
session when you meet.

Just go casually like you go to meet some friend. Make sure that girl is comfortable and she enjoys your company.
Be a gentleman and let her talk and calm her as she is more nervous than you are my friend.

Girls have more fear in mind as their life is altogether change. They have to leave their life and parent's home and
come settle with you and altogether completely new family. So make sure she is quite calm and nervous free when
you meet and chat.

The basic questions girls have in their mind are

1. Whether she will able to continue her life style after marriage too?
2. Will she be able to be in touch with her parents after marriage too?
3. Girls like surprises so will the husband be kind enough to even get small chocolates or roses when she
is never expecting it?
4. She is looking for a person who will take care of her and stable her mood swings?
If you are able to be this kind of husband who will take care of above questions and fulfill her small desires than
during chat you can indirectly ask following questions :)

1. What is her opinion about joint family or nuclear family? - So you will know whether she wanna stay
with your parents or not
2. What kind of financial support she expects after marriage to her parents? - its tricky to ask but you
should support her parents after marriage too if she is the only kid to parents
 3. Whether she likes kids? - May be you can get answer about how soon she wants kids with you and how
many of them
4. What kinds of sports she like? - You will come to know the sports which you both like or dislike.
5. What are her hobbies? - This will help you learn what kind of gifts and surprises she would love. Ex- If
she loves reading than a book, travelling then a small trip etc
6. What is her favourite timepass over a weekend? - This will help you to know her day to day life
7. Her career goals? - This will help you answer if she wants to continue working after marriage or not
I think with these question you will know quite a lot about her and similarly she knowing you. These questions will
lead to other questions and you will have a good chat :)

All the best!

PS- My wife was the 1st girl I met for arrange proposal and I like her on the 1st instance :) We had decided to meet
for 1 odd hour at coffee shop and we ended up chatting 7 hours at Starbucks Coffee shop :)

Just chat with girl and make sure to make her friend first and then wife :)

Ankita Pathak, A FEELING WORTH MILLIONS

Written May 20, 2016
NEVER BEEN THERE, NEVER DONE THAT

But my sister is approaching her so called “MARRIAGE AGE” so these days my parents are searching for a prince
charming, for their little princess. They are trying their hands on anything and everything where they can find
a “PERFECT MATCH”.

My parents got to know about this family through jeevansaathi.com and on further inquires they turned out to be
close relatives to one of our neighbors in nainital, and somehow knew my family, which made them even more
interested in fixing their son up with my sister.

So one Sunday they decided on coming to my place to meet my family and off course my sister. So they were all
sitting in the drawing room, discussing politics, weather, kids and and what not (typical middle class Indian Families
),when suddenly my mom realized “OPPS THAT ISN”T WHY WE ARE HERE” . So she asked the guy (lets name him X)
if he wants to talk to my sister in private, to which he completely refused (I mean seriously you don’t even want to
ask anything to the girl you plan on spending your life with, what an idiot). After his parents pushed him in talking
in private, he finally agreed (Mama’s boy) .

So they (my sister and X) are sitting in our room, talking about hobbies and all silly stuff when he says “ DO YOU
KNOW COOKING?” to which she replied “ YA , A BIT, BUT IF THIS WORKS, WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER”. His second
question was hilarious “ AT WHAT AGE DO YOU PLAN ON HAVING KIDS” and my sister was like

My sister chose not to answer , and asked him about his work and what he does during the weekends. When
suddenly came another WTF question “ HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT, AND DO YOU PLAN ON LEAVING JOB
AFTER KIDS TO TAKE CARE OF THEM?? WHAT ARE YOUR VIEWS ON EXTRA -MARITAL AFFAIRS?” This time my sister
got furious about the level of questions he was asking , which clearly indicated how cheap and sordid his thinking
was , because that clearly is not the type of questions you ask a girl when you meet her for the first time. She got
up and told him “ BY MY OBSERVATION I FEEL YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A WIFE, BUT A MAID, A WHORE , SO
BRO THIS ISN’T YOUR PLACE, I AM LOOKING FOR A LIFE PARTNER, SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS ME AND MY PRIVACY
NOT A CIRCUS TRAINER, SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO MAKE ME A TAMED ANIMAL OR A KID MANUFACTURING
MACHINE ”. She left the room and he too came out after her.
Later that evening the Guy’s mom called to say “ The guy has refused, as he says the girl doesn’t even know how to
cook, now after marriage do you think i am going to cut vegetables and do all the household work”

My mom smiled and replied “THANK YOU BHABHIJI” and put the phone down.

So this world is full of morons, when and where you come across them, is a total surprise.

FYI: The guy is 32 and unmarried, another classic example of :

Divya Jain, love life...it will love you back.!!

Written May 15, 2016
Well, they usually start with simple introductory details - like hobbies, job etc. Then if anyone finds anything else to
talk about they do that.

If they get more comfortable, they may even go on further talking about their families or their habits etc.

I feel it's a very personal choice of discussion when once a person is comfortable with another.

No fixed protocol. ;)

Thanks for A2A.

Sristi Shukla, Relationship matters.

Written May 6, 2016
Edit- There's no incident in my answer, it's just an answer about "what should the girl and boy talk about during
arrange marriage first meeting".

First of all you should be serious about this meeting, you've to observe a lot, yes it's a arrange marriage talk, you
need to give extra heed.

 Try to make comfortable each-other.

 If the guy/girl is showing lots of attitude and in any..any way she/he's trying to show you inferior, just
silent and never meet them again.
 Talk about job timing and about job. It's an important point specially for boys, clear your view towards
job. If you don't want her to job because of any reason, clear it.
 Try to talk about his/her bonding towards their family, you'll get to catch some glimpse of your future
with him/her.
 Just notice, "during serious or important talk if he/she is talking to you with proper eye contact, if there
is no eye contact, he/she is lying".
 Most important thing is "attitude ", with which attitude he/she is talking to you.
 Ask anything which is necessary to ask, don't put a long list of questions.
During meet the guy or girl, see their expressions, is he/she is taking interest ? There are a new problem now a
days, "marriage because of family pressure" or "marriage according to family but the person love someone else",
so you need to talk clearly and observe more.

If you're feeling good to talk, you don't want to end this conversation to finish soon because your parents are
also in same place waiting for your coming and curious to asking 'how was the girl/guy', you're feeling
comfortable and happy, go with the flow, he/she is for you. :)

Shrikanth Shetty, Desktop Deviant

Updated Nov 11, 2012
To get started, here's an interesting documentary which comes close to the experiences that I have heard. Don't
miss the end.

Mani Shankar, As a counselor, experienced in counselling parents/couples on emotional issues.

Written Dec 14
Let it be a love marriage or arranged marriage, both boy and girl must definitely discuss on these points:

1. Make a promise that they will never abuse each other either verbal or physical under any
circumstances.
2. Never criticize each other in the presence of anybody but will talk it out in privacy. Never shout at
each other and apologize as soon as possible if this happens.
3. Never cheat after marriage. Never talk ill about their parents nor encourage any relatives in this
exercise.
4. Will adjust and compromise on issues except on self respect/self esteem.
5. Maintain financial independence and never impose one’s views rigidly.
6. Encourage each other to pursue their passion/interests honestly.
In addition, they can talk on any matter that has been highlighted by many members in their various answers to
this question.

Anonymous
Written Mar 24, 2014
It was my second meeting with any girl. I was not sure what i would ask her during that slot. So when they left us i
started talking in a very decent way...after talking general about our lifestyles for 15 mins....to my surprise, when i
asked her do u want to ask any questions? She asked me cutely "what is ur name?" :P anyways ....she is now my
fiancee and we are getting married. I used to tease her about it.

Sneha Kunte, Senior Embedded Developer

Written Nov 26
Since I was 22 I have been forced to go under this tradition.

Most popular questions asked by boys are,

Do you know cooking?

Do you know how to cook Non Veg?

Are you willing to work after marriage?

Do you know how to drive car?

What are your hobbies?

Do you like dogs?

Who is your favourite Hero (film actor)?

What will be your priority family or work?

If you have to leave your job for family needs, are you OK with it?
Most weird question I have got, I was fasting that day.

Do you really like to fast or you are fasting just to impress us?

Only one person asked me the question,

Do you like me?

This is the person I got married to.

Lasya Sharma, Computer Science @ IIT-B , Ex Googler, IIM-A

Written Aug 16
I recently met up with a guy shortlisted by my parents through online matrimonial websites. I had talked to the guy
on phone before meeting him in person. I am a bit of an introvert and so I was a bit nervous about how the date
would turn out to be, I even read up this thread to get an idea of what questions to ask in case we ran out of
topics. We spent nearly 3 hours together and our conversation mainly revolved around the following topics-

1) Family background
2) Hobbies and interests.
3) Books, movies and music we like
4) Being in the same profession so we talked about our work life and technical details.
5) Places we have visited in the US
6) School, college and grad school days.
7) Room mates and day to day life
8) Food/cuisine we like and/or cook
9) Drinking/smoking- preferences
10) Are you an introvert/extrovert? our social circle and type of people we like hang out with.

By this time, we got more comfortable and ended up discussing few things in more details which brought up more
topics. I thought of a few deep questions, which I referred to as my "favorite philosophical questions"
9) What do you think about family?
10) Happiest and saddest days of our lives.
11) How sensitive are you?
12) What makes you angry? Any specific incident when you have been very angry.
13) What do you value the most in your life?
14) How do you define happiness?
15) Past relationships, I was a bit uncomfortable to ask about this directly, but we ended up at this topic while
discussing another question. Since both of us had always been single, we ended up telling each other stories about
crushes and rejections :-)

Overall, it was a good experience and more like catching up with a friend rather than an awkward first date.
Some questions saved for future dates-
1) Partner expectations
2) Will he be willing to share household chores?
3) His ideas about marriage and family life.
4) His long term ambitions and dreams.

Rachna Seth, Perfectly imperfect

Written Sep 13
“Marriage” is an overwhelming prospect. Add “arranged” to it and it almost becomes a dreaded word :D! There's
this whole paraphernalia associated with arranged marriage which makes the start itself seems daunting. But
relax. It's not like you are going to meet an alien :p A few regular questions or chats are the way to go..more of an
ice breaker. Helps to gauge a person.

Mine is an arranged marriage. But the strangest part is that I decided he's the one before actually meeting him in
person. The first time we spoke on the phone. He said all the right things I guess :) He spoke about his family,
friends. His growing up years. Asked me about mine. We spoke about our pranks as kids. We laughed. Did not
discuss our professions at all! Something just clicked. And that's it. I became his missus :) But generally the initial
meeting goes a bit differently.

Most of the first meetings happen in the family setting. So the initial moments are a little awkward, a little self
conscious. You'll feel that you are being judged by several people at once. Chill. Doesn't matter. They are just
curious about you :)

Once you are allowed the precious alone time with your could be-would be, you can get to know him/ her in a less
formal way.

Start by talking a bit about yourself. Am saying this for the guys. This will make the girl a little relaxed. She will be
able to hear you, know you and so will be able to open up about herself without getting nervous (atleast that
worked in my case :p) Speak about your profession, your goals, where you see yourself. Ask the same about her.
Her aspirations. Whether she wants to work after marriage. Whether there may be transfers or relocations
involved . This will make both of you visualise where your future is headed.

Common interests come next. Discuss your individual likes and dislikes. Helps to understand a person better. Don't
worry if you have different interests. Marriage doesn’t mean that you have to have identical preferences. The
beauty of marriage lies in finding common ground.

You can talk about your prospective’s friends. Tell him/her about yours. This is indicative of the genuine interest
that you have in the general life of the other person and is extremely appealing :) Family background would be
known. But a few minutes can be spent on talking about siblings too. All this will help you to get past the initial
hesitations and make you become real to each other. You won't remain biodatas anymore.

While several may opine that salary discussions are imperative, it's not a must IMO. If both know where they are
headed and are willing to work together with mutual understanding, pay packet doesn't matter. Vit M is not
guaranteed anyway!

The first meeting is just the start. Things may or may not materialise the way you want. But do take this
opportunity to understand the overall persona of the individual. How civil or courteous they are? Whether you can
envisage your future with them? Whether you can be what they are looking for? Rest can follow later.

All the best :)

Pratik Phalke, Family= Everything!!!

Written Nov 7
This is something fictional I wrote some time ago on my vision of a girl and a boy meeting first time for an
“Arranged Date”. Here it goes…

“I am a Computer Engineer pass out of 2008 batch, worked for a Mumbai based company called Iken Solutions for
first 6 months and then pursued MBA from Welingkar’s, since then I am in ABB for last 3 years ”, she started and
concluded all in one go.

Arnav, the guy whom she had come to meet for the first time looked quite amazed.
“Relax Mahek, I haven’t asked for your entire biodata”, said Arnav.

“Oh I am sorry !! Actually I don’t deal with such situations often so had no idea what to say and how to say”, she
explained trying to move those curvy hairs behind her left ear nervously.

“So, do you think I always deal with a new girl for marriage every other day?” he asked, with a little humor in his
voice.

“I didn’t mean that I am sorry”

“Please be relaxed. Its ok. And stop being sorry.”

His words calmed her and she sipped in half a glass of water and calmed herself.

He noticed her shiny eyeliner. She looked at him checking her. He quickly managed to look away.

The coffee house had a pleasant environment and the soft music in the background helped her to calm further.

Arnav called for a waiter and said, "One Cappuccino and", he paused waiting for Mahek to speak.

“One Mocha”, she said softly.

“I am a Physician. And I practice in AIMS hospital”, he said as soon as the waiter left the table.

“Yes, dad told me that.”

“So, don’t you find it strange for two people to meet up and discover if they are made for each other in just one
meeting.”

“Yes, but that’s what our parents expect us to do.”

Arnav and Mahek were two strangers meeting for the first time only to obey what their parents asked for. To meet
up, to talk on marriage, to discuss on spending their whole lives with each other, to decide if they were the soul
mates, all in one meeting !!

The waiter placed both the orders on their table and left. Sipping his cappuccino he said,

“I had been in a relationship before. We both loved each other and were quite serious about marriage too. But,
things started getting a bit messy after a while. Some mistakes I did, some she did and we realized that we had lost
that charm of relationship which we shared. It was the most difficult decision of my life, but we mutually decided
to part our ways”, appearing quite lost in his past memories while speaking yet managed to make a curve on his
face while ending it.

“I understand Arnav, but I didnt ask you for your past relationships and it doesn’t quite make much a difference as
you have moved out of it now.”

“Yes indeed but I believe we should know what our past looked like if we are supposed to start a new life”

“Does it matter?”, she asked sipping her Mocha.

“Why not? You tell me, whatever we are today or wherever we have reached today is due to our past. The kind of
person we are today, good or bad is only because of our past experiences. For ex, whenever we are supposed to
take a decision to go ahead in some situations, we might not know which way to go but we definitely know which
way to not go as we had failed and suffered while going through that way earlier”, said a thoughtful Arnav.

Mahek nodded in agreement. Their eyes met for a longer while this time.

“If we agree to be honest to our past and be as transparent as we can, then it wont affect our present as well as
our future”, he continued looking straight into her eyes.

“Our future? When was that decided Mister”. She giggled raising her eyebrows giving a sweet smile indicating now
she was herself.

“I mean our respective future whatever it may be”, he defended his words.

Both smiled for the first time looking into each other’s eyes again for few seconds and then looked apart.

Mahek was suitably impressed with the way he first made her comfortable and then opened himself up with
utmost honesty. But, it was too early to judge a guy she ...
(more)

Manvi Sharma, fish market where fish is sold on how young it is and how pretty it is
Written May 25, 2015
I met a guy . in our one hour date he asked.
1. Do u drink ?
2. Do u party?
3. Which your best partying place?
4. My friend lie drunk on my place . I love that.

Me acting as a typical Indian girl answered no to most of it..

So he rejected me

Nikhil Pariath, Been there, done that !!

Written Aug 24
For some its love at first sight, for some its friends who turn lovers and for some its arranged marriage!!

I too tried love at first sight but soon realized that it is usually a one way road. However, without being
disappointed, I went for friends turning lovers route but again I realised that I was interested in a sprint than a
marathon.

Happened to read alchemist and then thought let fate decide and boy, did it decide !!

My parents decided it was about time they got someone to take care of their Kid and hence started the journey on
the route of Arranged Marriage.

Since you want to know hat you speak I will talk about 3 such interactions only with the last one being successful.

First Interaction :

(After skipping the parents introducing me and her parents introducing themselves and her)

We walked to the next room which was more like a second living room. I spoke about myself , my job and asked
her about hers. I knew all the things she said but it was my first time and was feeling pretty embarrassed. Maybe
the girl too was feeling the same so there was not much talk but me asking how she finds the particular subject in
engineering and she about my job and the vehicles my company makes. Needless to say that was the end of it.

Second Interaction :

(Again skipping the boring part)

This time it was her fathers office in their house. I spoke about myself but before I could complete she said she
already knew about all that. She asked me about my routine as tow hat time i wake up and what i do when i came
back. I was very honest and said i wake up at 6 (hehehe), exercise till 7:30 (hahahaha) and pray for half hour before
getting ready for office (Lol). Evenings I spend time for learning and reading new things (I am running out of words
to show how sarcastic I was being). She doubted my routine given the fact that my belly was already pushing the
shirt button out but she went on to describe her routine. She used to do go for a run to park and the jog there for a
hour. Evening she used to study for distant course she was doing and planned to do some more courses in future.
Again needless to say but that was the end of it

Third Interaction :

(Not going to skip to the intro part)

We entered this beautiful home in the middle of what seemed to be plantation. There she was already waiting
along with her parents with simple and yet beautiful smile. We sat down and then both our dads discussed about
the road from our house to theirs. Then her Dad asked about me and my job. After which my Dad returned the
favour by asking her. Lets call her Juby. Then they asked us to talk to each other alone. The 15 Minutes start now.

Me : Hi so how are you doing

Juby : yea i am fine. what about you ?

Me : Yes I too am doing great. Look actually let me tell you about myself….and then there was description of
schooling and why i liked my school……. then there was talk about my engineering college and reason why I didn’t
enjoy it much……about My MBA and why i liked it……then about my job and why i will be there for sometime

Juby : (That smile which i can’t decode yet) Yea that is very exciting…….then she went on with almost similar
format…. and then finally she broke the the format.

Juby : Look i like my profession a lot and I am quite passionate about it but I need to do my post graduation which
is very important for me.

Me : No issues. In fact I appreciate people who like to study (I really do !!) you can pursue your studies. I just want
you to understand that my parents are important to me and so you too have to be respectful of them.

Juby : Yeah i agree with that and understand that. I too have the same request.

Me : (I was feeling warm inside as I had spoken about 15 Minutes with her and not felt a moment of discomfort) I
also hope that me being fat is not an issue for you

Juby : (This smile I know now) No issues

Me : So shall we go and sit with our parents !!

And then I prayed like I had never ever before. She was smart, intelligent, beautiful and above all very humble. The
fact she was wearing black sari also helped in getting me crazy for her ( I am a guy, remember !!)
Nevertheless , it was successful talk and the 15 minutes which changed my life forever,

It might not have been funny, it might not have been extra ordinary tale but those 15 Minutes of candid chat
turned two lives into one :)

P.S. Sorry for the long Answer :)

Share

Joe Geronimo Martinez, Why do birds sing so gay?

Written Sep 4, 2012
This is another answer from outside Indian cultures. Arranged marriages used to be the norm less than 50 years
ago.
The process is not like speed dating: there is no clock involved.
The meeting is just like any other two strangers meeting and trying to create a merger: people try and find
common bonds.
Mostly likely thing you are going to talk about is what you have in common. Joke about your parents and their
tales of immigration. How they came to England and had no change of clothes, worked for 2 cents a week and
earnt enough to buy house etc
Most Indians have college experiences and University tales
My least successful meeting might as well not gone on longer than 20 seconds. When someone tells you their
hobby is speleology (caving) and they like being underground and alone I figured it wasn't for me.
In the end most meetings aren't about what is said but the vague idea of being comfortable with each other.
Most communication is non-verbal.
People are less likely to talk about sexual stuff: it's not taboo, but the marriage is seen more as a practical mutual
support unit. So questions about who is going to live where and career prospects are important. It isn't a job
interview though. Expect children to be discussed.
I would avoid formal lists and interrogation: keep the questions fun and try and get on.
Most importantly don't feel pressured.

Avnish Dwivedi, Relationships? Hmm, only awkward encounters

Written Nov 26
This arranged marriage business can be pretty gruesome and I've had a share of mine too.

After reaching a suitable age(late as per relatives), my parents decided to take matter in their own hands, as I was
not at all enthusiastic about getting married and without a doubt had any girlfriend. They decided to create my
profile in one of those matrimonial sites and launched me in the marriage industry.

After doing countless deliberations with other party they started shortlisting suitable matches based on their
criterias, one girl was chosen who was located in the city where I am. Remember, everything happened over
phone.

A date was decided by both set of parents, and I was given the girls number and my father specifically asked me
call the girl as she's a girl and won't be calling me(a very Indian thing to do). They forgot(or don't even know) that I
am even shier when it comes to talking to girls(no girlfriends boo hoo). I gathered immense courage and gave her a
call, turns out she's is not even aware(could be pretending) that we'll have to meet and discussions were in such
advanced stage. She said she'll have to ask her parents(cliché). Well, after getting NOC(no objection certificate)
from her parents a place was set as per her convenience(I decided to go all macho so the damsel doesn't suffer any
distress).

I reached the place little early(matter of habbit) at the set location thinking she'll reach on time or some time later.
Later became latest and no one showed up. It was pretty embarrassing to get stood up for an arranged marriage
meeting :( anyhow, I was little furious and called her. The beauty was sleeping(voice gave her out) and told me that
she was awaiting another confirmation(from her parents/God/Mother nature, who knows) to go ahead. After this
embarrassing situation(and I had already paid for parking, rats!) another place was set. I somehow reached the
spot like a lost puppy. Damsel was holding a spot for me in a small coffee shop(aww cute). I ordered whatever she
did, as any gentleman would do and thinking she's a regular here.

I was nervous as I'd never met someone like this and as a boy I was supposed to break the ice and start a
conversation(even more difficult). My first sentence out of nowhere came out as:

“Well, this is akward”(no wonder, I never had any girlfriend).

The ice was broken, she smiled. I was still nervous and started talking pretty fast(not at my usual pace) in
English(another cliché to make an impression).

There on the conversation went like this:

Are you mentally prepared to get married?

What kind of qualities you’re looking in your would be partner?

Likes dislikes?

Hobbies?

Work-life balance?

Property! flat is a must(even if she can't afford to buy a flat on her own, but I should be able to with almost same
salary as her), she said she'll chip-in if the need be(that was nice).

Family background, siblings, few question were thrown in just to look like I was there.

And few more questions which parents would normally ask? After finding not much in common, I decided to divert
my questions towards work. And there she went berserk. Right from the team size, clients, boss's name, boss's
boss name, the hard-working guy in the team(she), the hardly working guys in the team(others), awards and
accreditations, office politics, which tech she currently works to which she wants to work and when is she planning
to switch and preparations for interviews, where she sees herself in 5 years etc etc. The girl was passionate about
work, I'll give her that(passion check)

All these questions got echoed and I had to answer them with same vigour.

In all this, we forgot to keep check on time and got lost in conversation which went around for 2 hours or
so(wouldn't be possible when parents are around).

At the end, it was concluded that we'll marry someone who is approved by our parents(like we had any other
option).

I offered to give her a ride back home, but she declined(sanskars, check). I went back home, happy-happy thinking
that if I just can't be myself, I could talk to girls :P

Such meetings can take unpredictable turns, right from downright no-no(on looks and personality) to love at first
sight(again on looks and personality) or to let our parents decide(sanskars to the rescue).

Still, single :D
Krishna Chaitanya, Project Manager @ VIFL
Written Nov 5
I faced the situation last month.
After general eye-contact with all the relatives, I was allowed to talk to her for just five minutes only.

I am an introvert and felt very nervous initially. Pin-drop silence for about couple of minutes with both heads down
counting the fingers our own feet. Finally I broke the ice and started like, have you seen my photo and the answer
was yes. (*Based on initial discussions happened between my grand dad and their family and her, I decided to
marry her without seeing her picture.) And I told the same to her that I haven’t seen your picture and I love the
way you talked to my grand parents.

Later we exchanged some other information about ourselves and we were allowed to continue for about 10
minutes.

My aunt asked her if she likes me or not two times before and after the conversation.

Before the conversation she said my parents wish is my wish and after the conversation she said Yes I like him.
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Anonymous
Written Sep 4, 2012
I'm a Muslim, parents pakistani and indian. I grew up in the US, so did my wife. We (us and our parents) decided to
go the arranged marriage route.

The Decision

We followed the advice of the prophet muhammad (pbuh) when deciding to marry. He said people marry for four
reasons, and to make the first one the highest priority otherwise you're screwed (not his exact wording :-) ):

1. Religion and character

2. looks
3. money, and worldly positions. We were both US Citizens, but for many the "green card" falls under this
category.
4. family background

Now the hard part is how do you judge a person's "religion and character." Here's how I broke it down, I went
based off of Surah Luqman ( http://quran.com/31 ) in the Quran:

1. Look for how important God, and God alone is in her life. What drives her? When she makes a big
decision in her life, is it for the sake of God, or other than that. You can go through some big life
events, and ask for why they decided one way or the other.
2. "Filial Piety." It's an archaic word in English now, which is sad, but the idea of being dutiful to your
parents. How is her relationship with her parents? does she listen, does she try to make them happy?
Are they thankful to AND for their parents? etc.
3. Trust in God. Is her approach to "tawakkul" correct (in accordance to what the prophet muhammad
pbuh taught)? The correct approach is to try your best to accomplish (or protect yourself from) a
certain thing, then once you've exhausted all the things you can do, then to trust in God. Say "if God
wills." This is the meaning of, and correct usage of "in sha Allah" (today muslims misuse "in sha Allah"
as a disclaimer, or a backout strategy, which is horrible).
4. How are her prayers? does she pray 5 times? does she know what she is reciting in the prayers? etc
 5. (there was a fifth "advice", can't remember).

This will be an assessment of the "deen" (religion), and can be applied to both the guy and the girl. The "character"
is more subjective. If the parents talk to the guy/girl getting married, and like their character, this is great. The guy
and girl can of course also talk to each other. In Islam, all communication needs to be chaperoned... we weren't
strict on this, I wish we were.

The other stuff: looks, money / worldly success, and family background can be decided in a more ad hoc manner
by the ones getting married and their parents.

The very beginning of our relationship

After going through the decision process, all the important stuff has already been vetted. Now it's the time to
further explore each others' lives, have fun with one another, it's the honey moon time. You have a new best
friend, and your families are there for you to make sure you have a successful marriage. When problems happen,
you pray to God to heal the relationship, and your partner does too. If it escalates to parents (and you should try
you best to not let it escalate, especially for stupid small things), they will also pray for your relationship. We feel
the help of Allah coming in our day to day lives, we witness it. For an atheist reading this, I really can't say much to
you, but if you believe in God, even a little bit, this whole dynamic strengthens your belief in him.

So what do we talk about?

Anything! what was grade school like for you? what about high school? college? what's going on w/ ur friends?
when'd you make your best childhood friends? What's up with them now? Let's go stalk them on facebook, blah
blah.... whatever! We'd have so many nights where we just talked for hours. Once you've put in some good due
diligence in the decision making process, and followed the advice of the prophet muhammad pbuh, all the rest of
the stuff just lines up. If you like sports, and your spouse hates it, it just doesn't matter at the end of the day. You
both know what's important, and what's not. You decided to marry your spouse based on what was important.

For those of you who are ready to get into an arranged marriage, I suggest to try not to have kids for like 2-4 years
if you can. Muslims: Condoms are permissible in Islam! Use them! See SunniPath or other islam Q/A websites for
permissibility. Don't let your wives take the anti-prego meds.... that stuff can mess her repro stuff up, from what
I've seen.

Anyway yeah, it's a whole different approach to marriage, and I'm very happy with how it has turned out.

Manoj Reddy, Another victim of arranged marriage

Written Feb 22, 2016
This is my experience.

I was 23 when i when to see the girl. I was not interested, but had to meet the girl(Parental Pressure). I was hell
bent on getting this proposal cancelled.

The first thing that went through my mind was - "What the hell is happening to my life?"

After the initial greetings between the two families, the time had reached where i had to speak to the girl alone.
We went to a nearby room and sat facing each other. After an awkward period of silence,

[ Girl ] - Do you smoke or drink?

[ Me ] - *Seriously!, This is the first question that came to your mind? You couldn't ask a better first question?*
[ Me ] - Currently No. But, maybe in the future. Depends.

[ Girl ] - *Shocked*

[ Girl ] - So, you want to drink or smoke?

[ Me ] - Nothing like that. I am just saying, i can't predict the future and i'm giving you the worst possible scenario.

[ Girl ] - *With Pre-Marriage Angry Face*

[ Girl ] - I don't want you to smoke or drink.

[ Me ] - *We are not even married, and you are ordering me already?*

[ Me ] - Will try.

Then the usual stuff like what do you like, hobbies etc went on and we were back to our seats next to our families.
Everything next went well and we started back to Bangalore. (The girl was in Hyderabad)

I had decided that if they ask me what is my opinion, i would say NO. I had no reasons though. What can you tell
after meeting a girl for 15 mins?

On the way back, my parents and relatives were praising the girl so much as "She is cute, she is from our same
community, the family reputation is good, the girl has studied, the girl has a job etc". This went on till we reached
Bangalore and the courage that i has mustered to say NO was lost. I knew if i said NO, they would ask me why and i
had no reasons.

Finally, after 3 days, my cousin sister who was there with me during the "Meeting with the Bride" called me and
asked what my opinion was?

After a brief period of silence and thinking, i said the girl looks a little plum. My sister's immediate reply was "Ok!
What if she is slim now and gets Plum after marriage?" This was one of those questions where men don't have any
answer. She then continued on brainwashing me on why the girl is good etc.

This went on for days and one day even my grandfather called and started brainwashing me.

Finally, it was my dad's turn.

[ Intro to my Dad ] - I respect my dad very much. Just a polished way of saying i fear him but at the same time
respect him.

He asked me what my opinion was and i said this is too early for me. I am not even financially stable to start a
family. Every reason i had, he gave me a viable solution to me and gave me some more time to think.

The next day, my cousin sister called and she asked me my opinion. I said "If my parents are happy about this
match, then it is fine by me". This is one way of pushing it on their head.

My engagement was fixed immediately and after multiple requests for keeping the marriage a little late, it was set
for 1 year after my engagement.

We got to know each other during this period and it was not a perfect match at all. But, it is not the differences
that define a marriage but, how you cherish your similarities.
Needless to say, we got married and it's close to 2 years now and we are strong. There are instances where you
might think "Why did i marry this girl?" But these are just passing clouds. She is the Sunshine that comes after.

In my opinion, arranged marriage is a lottery. Rather than feeling sad for not getting what you want, be happy with
what you have.

Lastly, treat your wife as if she was the crush that you wanted to win over and see the magic unfold.

Love after marriage is a reality. Stop cribbing and start loving.

This is dedicated to my wife - I love her for most of the reasons. For the rest, i still would love her :D

Anonymous
Written Jul 27, 2014
My marriage was arranged by family. I am an American/Italian Catholic. Mine went like this. The boy and I actually
grew up together meeting at every holiday like Thanksgiving and Easter. We knew each other as friends. He and I
looked a lot alike almost like brother and sister. But, I was told that he was not my cousin.

At my cousin's wedding he caught the garter and I caught the flowers. He proposed to me in front of about 300
people. I had no idea that he loved me or that our marriage was arranged.

Anupama Agarwal, works at Yashodham High School and Junior College

Written Oct 9, 2015
There are many prospectives considered in an arranged mariage. People are very judgemental. However their son
must be but the girl should be perfect. First of all there is nothing perfect in this world. You make things work out
and that's how things become perfect for you. Anyway, So when a guy and girl meet for the first time the basic rule
should be dress to impress. Whether you want to get married or not is a different story. Second always observe
the way that person greets u. The smile should atleast be decent or sweet. If its not even that then its the first sign
of he not being interested in you. Third should be his etiquette. He should have atleast basic manners. Fourth and
the most important is the conversation. Now you prepare a list of questions to ask him that's fine. But when you
meet the individual personally that is a different thing altogether. So what I would like to say is whatever questions
u ask him its very important to know that did u feel happy after meeting him or not. During the conversation too u
will realise that its going good or not. I think then it becomes very easy to make a decision. Also I feel your
instincts are always right so listen to them!! These are qualities which I feel is essential. Others may have different
opinion. So there's no right or wrong. Also what I strongly feel is whoever u meet God has already decided who is
going to be your better half. As it is rightly said, " If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!"

Smita, Creative, Ambitious, Exploring life

Written Dec 14, 2014
I've been through it. I consider it a normal meeting with any new person. Of course, you have this thought on your
mind that he could be the person you might marry, but the more you think of it, more you'll screw up!

I have met couple of people so far and there's sooo much to talk about.

- Educational background
- Jobs, current profile
- Food
- Cities you have lived
- Books/movies/tv shows
- Restaurants/hangout places
- Family
- Travel
What made me comfortable is finding common points - it could be some interest area (running) or tv show or a
city/restaurant or nohting gets better if you find a "mutual friend". :) This makes you feel less awkward & less of a
stranger.

Sameer Agarwal, A bit curious about everything

Written Sep 30, 2012
... umm well in most cases, the parents do the "talking"

Rohit Kwatra, Atheist, Inquisitive, Audacious

Updated Jul 2, 2014
And I feel, You are thinking too much dude, Relax, dont assume THAT if you opt for an arrange marriage, it will be a
disaster and that you dont deserve to get married if you couldnt find or convince anyone. You probably have no
clue that you are 'one' among Plenty out there. Infact, who knows whats there for you if you don't give it a go. You
may be overwhelmed when you meet someone in an arrange marriage set-up. Besides, all that you dream of is
easier said than done. So, come out of your fear and instead try being excited about the fact that you will meet a
total stranger who might totally stump you and your beliefs. Good luck :)

Anonymous
Written Nov 15
Firstly, 15 minutes is very less. Don't ask her any questions then because there's a lot of pressure on both of you.
Politely decline and instead offer her family that you're gonna take her out to dinner when both your calendars
permit. You cannot decide the next 50 years of your life based on 15 minutes.

Ask these questions, first and foremost. I'm assuming you two are going to meet not for the first time, but perhaps
you guys are gonna talk for the first time.
-please, tell me what would you like to have? I'm actually having a sore throat so I cant order cold for myself.
Please feel free to order anything (1)

- I don't really know how its supposed to be done, but why don't we act like we're in Koffee with Karan? I'll be
Karan first, you could maybe take up that role later? The thing about strangers is that we could be completely
honest to each other, because if it works well- then we're in luck but if it doesn't - it wouldn't matter because we'll
probably remain strangers for the rest of our lives (2)

-how many relationships have you been in with and how was it like with the best one? What was the thing you
realised about yourself being in that relationship? Like I realised that I love my space and I never quite realised that
before being in one.(3)

-in your family, who is that person you look upto? For strength, inspiration, and comfort? You don't have to name
him/her or disclose how you're related to him/her. (4)

- how have your ambitions changed from childhood to present day? If we get married, what is the first thing I
should know about your goals? (5)

-how was your childhood? Are you still friends with your school buddies? Are you more closer to your friends or
relatives?

- how would your favourite vacation be like, and what would you do during that time. I like travelling without
deciding any destination beforehand and I'm more like an improviser and not a planner. How about you?
Now. If she orders something cold that means she knows what she wants and doesn't mind getting it herself. If she
has something warm so that you can enjoy it too, then she's adaptive and has a pretty decent EQ. make no
judgements now. Either trait is desirable depending on your preference.

Remember that you're gonna meet each other for just one day possibly but the idea is to extend it to three dates if
possible. If it doesn't go well, then make plans for second. It is in second date that you should decide if you like
each other and want to proceed.

Try knowing her ambitions and dreams. See if she talks about it with a sparkle in her eyes or she is hiding things or
making things up. Ask her how she see's money? How many zeroes are there in her dream salary? Would she
prefer 1 billion dollars or will she prefer influencing/being a role model for 1 billion people?

While eating, don't bother on how she eats (spoon or hands) but look at her plate every now and then. If there's a
lot of food in her plate and she practically ate nothing- then she's not really sure what she wants and that's not a
bad thing necessarily. She could be feeling uncomfortable as well. But if she voluntarily takes a lot on her plate but
has nothing - she's not sure about most things pretty much.

Avoid talking about parents or relatives immediately. Bring them up every now and often but never make them the
centre of your conversation.
This was what I talked about. I was not nervous at all. I used to ask these things on dates anyway. These questions
need proper delivery as they are quite heavy and serious in taste. Try to be as comforting as possible. Don't act like
an interviewer.

I found that many women don't really know what they want in life. Most don't know what feminism really means.
But one- she was perfect and satisfied all my questions. She was a 6 for most men, but a 10 for me. I loved the way
she carries herself.

You see, beauty is overrated. When its going to be 6 in the morning, chances are that no matter how beautiful she
is, she's going to look ugly as a witch and have a bad breath. And no matter how beautiful she is, after you both
make love, she's gonna look ugly as well (if she doesn't, you haven't done your job well). But if you find that
woman who can make you laugh and stand by you no matter what, you'll be happy even if you both are stripped of
every single penny.

And so, I clicked- add to cart :P

Btw, I didn't take any cash on delivery. And I certainly didn't have any complaints as well. It was my best ever
online "transaction"

SM

Arpita Pancharia, Learning to write, Love to read.

Written Aug 16
Not so interesting stuff ahead , Read at your own risk. I am not responsible for next seconds of your life wasted.

So, my elder sister was arranged to meet a guy,who is a doctor in profession, for the first time

They did talk earlier on two calls for hardly 5-5 minutes.

This time they were given 5 minutes to talk, in person.

Him : Hey!

Her : Hi!
Him: How's you?

Her : "Ek saath itni saari awkward situations" (So many awkward situation in one go, is unbearable)

Him : Exactly! How's Arpita?

(No, I was not present anywhere inthe scenario, and I have talked to him more than my sister . I have
responsibilities, you know)

Her : She's good.

Him : How's Bhopal?

Her: Bahot acha hai, mausam bhi sahi hai. (Very Good it is, the weather is awesome too)

(It was drizzling that day)

Him : wo toh hai!! Let's Go, otherwise they(relatives) will think more awkward things, for us.

Her: Sure!

PS : My sister never took this less time in her extemporary speeches, even. :P

And they are getting married next month.

Okay, kidding.

Verdict is not decided , yet.

Anonymous
Written Apr 30, 2014
I met only girl when my parents forced me to. I am 6ft 2in and she is 5ft 11.5. So when she got there, this is how
conversation unfolded.

me - I dont think this is going to work out.

she - Er, hello. And why not?
me - Well if you marry and our kids are like 6.6 and all, they will spend entire life cursing us that they cant find
good shoes, clothes etc etc. I dont want to live knowing that. Do you?
she - Ah well . may be they will become great basketball players and love us.

so on.

We have been dating for last 2 years now.

Ackansha Deoli, :-)

Updated May 16, 2016
If ever I were to be huddled in such a situation, I don't think, I would be willing to talk anything. I will stand and
listen and look bored. Because who the hell will stand up and tell me they are chronic liars! None! So what is the
point discussing! When the entire process of sorting out and discussing thing like "I don't like men who party a
lot!" or "Girls should dress up this way" is so unreal and fake, why waste time talking. If you have chosen this way
of committing suicide, then be brave and take up the gauntlet by its horns.
Swati Sanwariya, Every relationship has it's own charm..what's common??..all are connected to <3
Written Nov 27
Don't know much about it as I am an immature to talk about this topic…

How many times I have encounter such a situation??…umm…. ‘0’ …yeah..never in my amortized life. (yeah, I just
used the word amortized…that C.A. thing always pop up:p)

But I can assume things very well and can anticipate how it will be just in case, it will be forced upon me (just in
case:-x)

So, it will go something like this…uhh..uhhmm..

let’s call him Mr. X( you got why I chose to use 'cross' ??… ‘warning sign’ girls.. ‘warning sign’)

Hmm…so here it is..(my devil is popping up..whahahah 3:)

He: hi!!

(why I am stucked here…man!!..my cricket:*(... and that forced smile…tadaa :)…ye to rakhni hi padegi..mummy ne
kaha tha jyada kuch nahi..muje to bas 2–4 questions puchne hai…hehehe)

Me: hi!!

(I just have to reply..mummy ne to yahi kaha tha…hehehe :D…kuch nahi karna!!..and that forced smile back..will
not be able to grab my new phone otherwise…so here it goes…tadaa :)…smile back.. hehehe..anyway)

He: my name is ‘X’.

(my friends call me bond.. James bond…hehe…naam to Suna hi hoga…)

Uhhm..uhhm…auther here please..(in case it is the most widely used name in North India…the copy right of all
parents…i would go with Rahul(my bro.) in this case and not Raj)

again that crooked smile..hehe:)

What's your name??

Me: ohh, my name is ‘S’.

(hehe…and that crooked smile back…yes i can do that..just keep taking singles…don’t leave the pitch…so here it
goes… ‘tadaa :)’ ..hehehe…let's see who leaves the pitch first)

He: So, what are your hobbies ?? ..

(shit man..now what will I reply if she asked the same question..ye to prepare hi nahi Kiya tha..don’t worry dude
mummy ne kaha tha question nahi puchegi..so chill..she will not cheat bro :p)

Me: (ohh :/.. questions are getting tougher..he is throwing spins…well prepared lagta hai..hnhh..mera to first time
haina…now what will i do??…think ‘S’ think…yay… i came up with the answers..yeyeyeyeye..here i go..Mr. X..here i
go..(MY HOBBIES AREsinging, dancing, listening to music (the universal ones) and (kuch different add karti hu
impression padega) and yeah(my tubelight turned on)..reading as well (something like dal makhni vo bhi tadka
marke!!)..hehe :D
(My turn…hehehe..my devil popped up again)..and here comes the toughest question ever in the history of arrange
marriages…

WHAT IS YOUR “PASSION”?

(yippee…8-|..bouncer faink diya mene to..yes!! i have heard this word ‘passion’…many great intellectuals use this
word often :D…hehehe!!…i have heard this..i am not lying :/..sachi…god’s swear..hnhh…don’t believe)

He: (shocked :-O …man!!…mummy ne to kaha tha sare question me hi puchuga..ye to cheating kar rahi
hai..huhh…cheater cock kahi ki…anyway…it’s okay…i can handle this …i am the cricket champion of my
mohallah..girls die to see me batting...i know how to play it…so here i go…umm…)

(Hehe..:D..that fake smile i have to keep :-X)

So..my passion right??…my passion is my work..yeah…my work is my passion…what ever i do… i do it with
passion!!

(hehehe..and i can lie very well..no one can ever beat me with this..ohh..man!!..just found my
passion..lying..yeah!!…this is something i do with passion..dedication…whuhahahaha)

(Ye..you nailed it Mr. X…you nailed it bro…yeyeyeyeye…yeyeyeyeye…hulla luria….)

But ‘that fake smile :)’

Me: (hnhh…jhoota….whatever i do i do it with passion :/…btw…nice lines…will use it as my watsapp status for next
2 days…umm 2 days..no one day…jo facebook par dekha tha vo bhi to rakhna hai…)

o.O ..Anyway…just give that fake smile…give it..give…you can ‘S’..you can…here it goes again…tadaa :)

And that call we were waiting for… “come bacho…come outside”

He: so (if we both can’t tolerate this situation further)…shall we leave?

She: (hehe…hehe…) yes of course!!

( hurray!!…wait!!..what??…okay..okay…i know…so you are thinking i am a girl…right??…pretending things is in my

blood??…but dude..how much??..come on dude..go get life!!)

And ‘that fake smile’…..!!

He : (my cricket match…still one hour left…hurray…girl seems intelligent…will text her tmmrw..but my
cricket…ohh…ohh..my cricket match)

Come mumma…come papa…let's go!

She : (ohh…the boy looks cute..let’s see who text first..uhmm…uhmm).

Relieved…huff!!!

P.S. ‘that fake smile’…..it goes and goes and goes on and on…wait…no titanic here..:D

Sankalp Avirjaan, Founder and CEO of DilSpeaks.com

Written Sep 5
My friend met a boy as her parents arranged the meeting, she was from IIM Bangalore as we both graduated this
year only. Both the families were good in all the terms but as my friend she is beautiful and fair and the boy was
dark so she was worried and when they met she told me it was all normal. some of the things they asked each
other,

Boy-so you are from IIM-B great,

girl- yeah,

Boy- what you did in graduation

girl- economics major

boy-kk

boy-from where…

girl-Christ

boy- great.

girl-so you work in IBM

boy- yeah, just switched, before that I was in Reliance.

Girl-what kind of a person you want..i mean

boy- i know, i like my wife to be supportive, take care of my mom, and must be fan of the kapil sharma show

girl- laughed..

girl-seriously there is no problem with working and all, you know

boy- Ohh no not at all, marriage is to understand each other and support each other

if i have work so do she so everything can be manged, but one thing is clear I will never cook.

girl-kk, you can do dishes… they laugh and finally its three years they are together and she had a baby boy last
month.

Anonymous
Written Sep 14, 2014
Well i personally believe that if one tries to make the other person comfortable then , then things can go smooth

Of course for that basic interaction has to happen. The kind of discussion & talks depends on the nature of
individual. What one may like to share , can be little boring or blunt for other person.

So with basic start ups like interests, job profile, dreams, family expectations, friends/ his/her personal
expectations from the partner to be, how he / she feels about the ongoing process , also little funny incidences ,
jokes in between can be helpful :P .
The conversation has to be kept going.
In some time one gets to know if the other person is really interested or not.
Anonymous
Updated Jan 22
I started looking for a match pretty late as I always thought meeting someone and falling in love is better than
going through this awkward process. Well I did not meet ‘The One’ yet.

Result: Parents won- my profile updated on all matrimonial sites possible.

This process is quite a journey and full of drama and emotions at times. Well but when I come across someone
with a humour like mine, it’s pretty much fun. I met a couple of guys, have spoken to a few, will list down some
incidents only as bullets to save your reading time.

1. Guy No 1- One of the best dates I have ever had and with the most genuine and chivalrous guy. I asked
him to make a paper boat of the tissue lying on the table. He tried for 15 mins, blushed alot and failed.
We are now very good friends and he finally this month has found his right match (its not me).
2. Guy No 2 : HR professional - WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? Was grilled for 2 hours, he never smiled, I had
free coffee. We never connected after, the moment we walked out of that cafe… lol.
3. Guy No 3: Sales professional- Was very pompous, would not stop talking at all. I did not speak more
that 3 sentences (mind you I talk alot, trust me). Need I say more?
4. Guys No 4: Cry Baby- this guy was truly gifted I say. He complained about everything and I am not
exaggerating, everything. The traffic, how could I be late for the meeting, the stale smell in the
elevator, India, stupid parking lots, Mumbai, work stress, poor people, not so poor people, fat people,
thin people, good people, bad people, ehhuuuuu i’m exhausted. Oh yes he did love his car. So I left and
let him enjoy his time in his lovely car. P.S. the music system in his car was worth 1 Lac, lets not get to
the other installations in the Car.
5. Guy No 5: Mr. Bond- This guy was obsessed with being mysterious. Though initially he seemed like a
pretty sorted guy, with more and more interaction he came across as someone with a lot of layers. We
did have interesting conversations, he asked toooooooo many questions. So for our first date I asked
him to go grocery shopping with me (well, he made it sound like he was really, really serious about
getting married and would test me in every conversation, so it was my time to test him). RESULT:
Google is still trying to trace this Mr. Bond. Mr. Bond does not believe in leaving any digital prints/
trails.
6. Guy No 6: Musicians are a passionate lot but this one left me speechless. This guy is a composer and
made some good compositions. So in the 2nd day of our conversation I told him that Im a bit heavy
(remember im that honest chick!). He asked me how much I weigh (Never ever ever do that). Wait
there's more, he sent me his half naked pics immediately after that to motivate me. 2nd day….
SERIOUSLY!!!!!!
Well cut to reality, pretty me is still looking for a guy who likes simple, honest people and respects that about
them. Everything else can be figured I believe.

To all those sailing in the same boat, my heart goes out to you but its not for keeps ;).

All the best.

Anonymous
Written Oct 29, 2014
When I first met my husband, these were the things I asked him, in order:

1. Why do you want to get married?

2. What does a marriage mean to you?
3. What do you expect from marriage?
After he answered these questions, I answered those questions too. Yes I had time to rehearse them, unlike him
but I never was a fan of arranged marriages (at least until it happened to me).

Sagarika Pahwa, a family is a gift that lasts forever!

Written Aug 16
The first meeting of the girl and the boy who have opted for an arrange marriage is very fancy and sophisticated .
Well dressed " khaas" family members , a nice restaurant , sweets and the well groomed " the about to be spouse
".

While the family members are engrossed in the happy wedding talks, the girl and the boy are usually silent and
stuck in awkwardness!

When the family members have exchanged their giggles the boy and the girl get to talk. They are made to sit in
privacy with " the rishtedaar" saying " ab Zara baccho ko bhi baatein Karne do"!!

The awkward atmosphere, the silence, the anxiety usually leads to a formal talk and some questions like--

 What are your hobbies?

 Your qualifications?
 Work related talks, aspirations, etc.
 Talks Regarding the family members .
 Would you like to eat or drink something?
 Sharing stuff that they like doing.
 Will they be able to pull up a coordination with each other's working and living conditions? And with
the conditions prevailing in the family!!
 Some also talk about their previous relationships , this usually depends on the mind state of the
opposite person. But this usually does not happen in the first meeting!
It usually is a very formal and an elegantly wrapped conversation!

I have written this based upon the stuff my elder siblings have told me!

Edit- check out this video, here's the link

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fO...

Varun Verma, At 23, Delhite, MBA

Written Jun 27, 2016
First question- Are you ready for this ? Or you have some work pending like any dream or studying?

Second one- have any love or currently are you in any sweet relationship ?

Third - do not say yes in any presssure, i can handle the situation and I’ll definitely help you.

The last one- it is jst a beautiful line..

Hey you.. You’re looking good in this attire, you are cute..

It doesn’t mean you are flirting. It means you’re complementing a deserving girl.. And remember it doesn’t matter
that she is good or bad.. Just give her a compliment..

This is kinda advice .. And put more questions if you are confident in conversation.. Dont be serious, Be Sincere..
\U0001f64c\U0001f3fb\U0001f60a
Jenosha Agnes, relationship enthusiast
Written Jun 26, 2016
Being honest if this happens then I will recite one of my poems and ask the guy to complete it. I will ask about his
taste in music and food, his hobbies and above all, his voice. Call me stupid but a guy with good voice melts my
heart (for some unknown reason).

For me creativity and tuning is everything. If he can’t appreciate my taste in music and my art forms then we won’t
be able to survive as a couple.

Rajesh Kumar Agarwal, common man

Written Sep 6, 2012
In many of the arranged marriage meetings in my family which were arranged after preliminary investigations
privately found satisfactory and also the bio-data,photo of the girl,horoscope found acceptable. this marriage
meeting is considered to be a decisive meeting where most influential members of both sides are present. after a
short tea and snacks and introductions the members of groom side make up their mind about the girl and their
family members. then the elders of boy 's side have private discussions , if there is an general agreement then at
that stage the boy and the girl are asked to meet separately and know each other . mostly the girl keeps quite only
answering the boy in short reply knowing well that the parents after their exhaustive search found the best
possible match for me. so the meeting is just a formality.
if nothing unwarranted creeps in then final discussions take place or postponed for a later date.

Rajneesh Ahlawat, Luv is MAGICAL! Requires NO Reason othr thn prfct meeting of Heart, Mind & Soul!
Written May 5, 2016
Just simple, casual stuff ! :)

Mostly, the conversation is light-hearted (to make the gal feel comfortable and less nervous/anxious ... otherwise
it has ripple effects on the guy) ! :p)

10-15 minutes are (usually) enough to discuss just about anything ! If there's great "chemistry" the fun session lasts
a li'l longer and both pair of parents feel reassured that finally they have reached the right destination ! :)

I remember remarking to My (future) wife "Arvind to thoda ladko jaisa naam hai" and she had a sparkling shy smile
on her face ! :)

Before she had arrived in the room her Bhabhi had come to sit just before her (to make her feel comfortable !) and
ALL MY HOPES came down CRASHING (she was a li'l ... actually more than a li'l ... heavy and looked not quite so
young !)

I mistook a married (for 5-6 years) lady for the gal I'd come to see ... but after a few minutes I saw a v.beautiful
(with v.sharp features) girl coming from the adjoining lobby and I did not take a split second to decide that THIS is
the girl who is going to be the Mom of my (future) children (funny but THAT was the thought that crossed My mind
then ! :p)

The Rest was pure fun ! Just a formality ! :)

Anonymous
Written May 9, 2016
This happened a year ago.
He was the first guy whom I met for this reason. It was his first time as well. So, we were given time(5 minutes) to
talk to each other, and find out the compatibility factor.

I was preparing for Civil Services back then.

He: So how's your preparation going?

I: Going good

He: Which is your favourite subject?

I: Indian Polity

He: Oh really? Not many say that.

I: ....

He: Which is your optional subject?

I: Sociology

He: Why? Why not Polity?

I: Polity is an older science, about 400 years old. Sociology is comparatively less old and so, not very vast an area.

He: Good insight!

I: What is your hobby?

He: I read newspaper, I've inshorts app in my mobile and that's my favourite time-pass.

I: *understanding nod*

He: Any other question?

I: No

This was it! At the end of those 5 minutes, we still didn't know anything about each other. I had a few questions in
mind, but when he started like that, I was in a confusion and kept quiet.

He went back home and I thought he would reject me. I didn't have enough say in my marriage, not even
tantamount to my maternal uncle's or grandfather's decision.

He accepted the proposal, to my surprise. When we started WhatsApp chatting, I asked him- how did you decide
this, just like that? He said he believed in first instinct.

Anyway, it didn't work out well, we parted our ways. I'm married now and he is engaged to a friend of mine. :)
Share
Pratik Butani, Love My Life
Written May 5, 2016
I don't know actually because don't have an experience. As I know they are met to each other because to feel that
how they will know each other in future.

I think some Question asked to him/her as we like to ask in Interviews:

 What you like to do most in free time?

 What you have achieved as success in college life?
 Have you any past?
 Will you give permission to do job after Marriage?
 What are your hobbies?
 Religion Question if they want to ask.
P.S. My personal belief, How can we trust on them who just met first time for a few minutes, and How can we
know that He/She is best partner of my life.

Anonymous
Written Dec 1
Just had beverage (here it means the local rice beer prepared at home) and snacks (non- veg stuffs) in the evening
visit with two relatives on my side, one old lady and a cousin sister of my age, at her place. She just came from
office and freshen up ( which she told me later) before introducing herself in the drawing room. It was in January
2015. I introduced with her parents and left their home. Oh! I took her number after my cousin technically
reminded me to share it. Because I did not have the guts to take a girl’s number, that too in a first meeting!
Just had a plain and formal chit-chat in the night to say “good night” (lasted for less than 3 minutes. Seriously, I
would not have called her if my friend would not had encouraged me to call. I thought that what will the girl think
of me if i call her the very night after introduction!!)
Slowly, things moved and we felt comfortable talking to each other. After a month or so, I was called home by my
parents and relatives. This time for engagement! I took her for a date in river side ( Being based in northeast India,
so it’s romantically cool to date in natural setting rather than in man-made parks ) and we kissed each other for the
first time a day ahead of our engagement. ( We did not have the time to meet each other even though we were in
love and free because we live in 500kms distant towns apart and were busy in our own professional duties)
Months followed. We had physical relation, later in my birthday too and many other occasions :)
We got married in May 2016. Each passing day is a lovely day and we feel more closer and connected to each other
in post-marriage life!

Siddhant Sant, works at Winjit Technologies

Written May 18, 2016
I think whenever you meet you should try speaking on the topics which will make the opposite person feel
comfortable. Usually you have gone through the profile of the girl so, try asking about her profile in deep if you
know something related to her hobby. Also, after that you can ask her about her future plans. Ask whether she is
ready to relocate out of state or country if your profile has possibilities of that.

You can also ask if she is interested in doing job or not.

You can also ask about rituals of god being followed at her home.

You can ask about food she likes. Also about travelling and places you can ask.

You can also ask her about friends, about her weekend activities, favorite pass time.

You can also give her idea about your your family situation if any and ask her if she is ready to adjust with such
situations.
I will share one example how you can judge whether you are comfortable with that girl or not about a friend, when
he went to meet a girl, she asked him while sitting on table whether he owns a flat in Pune or not. When he
answered no but he is planning to, then she immediately replied that “All guys always say like that only” , after
that discussion proceeded when he asked her about the rituals, she said “I am not much interested to follow god.”
As the guy was belonging to a religious background, it made him feel bad. Still he went ahead, and told that he has
a sister, and the girl’s expression was “Ohh! that means you have responsibility of her marriage too :(“ It made him
nervous. When he explained about his nature to maintain relation for years, but he expects at least the girl should
care about his parents, at that time she gave a bad look and he got too much angry. And in that meeting itself he
decided not to go with the match.

So, whether it may be girl or boy it depends on what your own expectations are. The most important thing is how
to judge a girl or a guy whether with him you can marry or not, you should meet at least 4–5 girls or boys (I am
telling in context of arrange marriage :) ) then you yourself realize where do you stand in expectation of a girl or a
boy, also you get a trick how to decide that whether the girl/boy is suitable for you or not.

Shrishti Dushti, sometimes unusual approach helps

Written May 6, 2016
Hmm I think there's not really much to talk about when you have decided to get married to a person by just seeing
the photo and if evrything else turns out normal about the person. If a person looks like the pics they sent and
have normal personality and way of talking theres nothing much to ask. Usually guys/girls ask stuff like

Do you have a job, what position, salary (aprrox.)Would you be able to relocate or not

Do you really want to get married or if someone's forcing you? Examine if the person is talking in a respectful
manner or is rude Or acting oversmart As far as I understand it,the most successful of arranged marriages didn't
have people trying to question each other much to understand what they are like. They build on the understanding
and adjustment part along the way ,,after the marriage.The more you want to try to know a person with job
accessment sort of questionnaire the more messed up first meeting it would turn out to be.

One of the funny incidents I remember was when some one of the extended family members of the boy wanted
me to sing some song for them .I have a very bad voice plus I don't seem to remember any songs especially Hindi
well lol.I told them I can show them how to play badminton or basketball lol. They family was kool though.

The there was this guy who told me he wants his wife to bring him tea and snacks without even asking when he
comes back from office. He was pretty insistant on the fact that girl should do it without even him asking for it and
girl should also have some job thats not too demanding (when he was explaining me that I was like his wife should
be a robot I guess).Lol I think he was a kool guy but may be his peers and elders would have suggested him that he
should have complete authority over his wife or something.IDk

I told this incident to one my friends later on and she was like you should have just smiled to that ,after marriage if
he wants you to do that just don't do that lol tell him to get a maid.

Sheetal Gurusiddaiah, Foodie by Nature

Written Jul 15, 2014
What do a girl and guy talk at their first meet?!!! Utter Rubbish is what i say:P
There is hardly any genuine talks that happen and none projects their true self. That is justified also, at that point
they are strangers !!!
And the funniest part is the talks that happen :-D
What are your hobbies is one common question :P What actually needs to be discussed never happens at the first
meet :P

Trust me , even the most talkative of people like me run out of topics at this weird situation :P
And towards the end none will bother to draw a proper conclusion about their opinion they had about each other
!!! Ego ego... :P

A funny incident was... After an hour of conversation among the elders of both families in the living area, making it
as awkward as possible for the so called "Couple" sitting there, we were allowed to talk in our own space!!! :P

here comes the best part :P... the guy comes and takes a deep breath and says... Huh!!! Thanks a lot for bringing
me here :P i was all suffocating down there :D Now was that a good sign .... ? !!!:)

P.S. No matter how stupid or how nerve-cracking the experience is, enjoy it when it comes your way!!! Cause
nothing can match the fun you ll have during those light moments :D

Dhivya Bharathy V, studied at Psg College of Arts and Science

Written Nov 26
In my case, we were discussing about the floods in Chennai and how we managed to escape as we both were
working in Chennai. And about office politics! Nothing more than that and still could find out that we both had
similar intentions and thought processes.

Prudhvith Ankam, works at Cognizant

Written Mar 20, 2016
List of some questions that could be asked to any bride or groom on their first official meeting.

1. Are you ready for marriage?

2. How do you describe yourself?
3. Do you smoke or drink?
4. Are you planning to have kids soon after marriage?
5. What are your future career plans or job plans?
6. Are you looking for a house wife or working girl?
7. Are you a shopaholic?
8. What time do you wake up in the morning?
Read more here

Anonymous
Updated Nov 17
I am going Anonymous for obvious reason so that no can spoil my party. :P :P

My parents told about one marriage proposal for me. As Parents have liked Girl’s Bio-data and Pics so they want to
meeting of me and girl.

So one Mall was decided as our meeting venue. Her brother and Sister-in-law came along with her. They sit slightly
away from us so that we can talk each other freely. Conversation in Hindi and English.

Me: Please ask any question as i have no question in my mind. ( This was purely fake question because i was
meeting with 8th girl for marriage perspective and i have already prepared question in my mind. But i want to gave
some conform so that she can talk easily)

She: I do not have any idea. Please ask if you have any. (Spark in my eyes)

Me: What you did on your last weekend?

She: Wash cloths, went Market with friends.

Me: Do you like sleep on Weekend after so hectic weekdays?

She: No, just normal sleep for weekend too.

Me: Do you watch movies?

She: Yes, sometime i went to movie halls to watch movies with friends. You?

Me: I am one step ahead in this case.( I had some smile on my face). I liked to write movies reviews and posted on
my fb page. My reviews have been published in TimesofIndia.

Me: (She was feeling conformable). Which type of food u like or cook?

She: I can cook every type of food except Samosa and Pizza.

Me: Wonderful. Vaise main Aata mad leta hoon ( BTW I know to make Flour ready for bread) . After hearing this
funny thing, i have seen big smile on her face.

There was some more questions and answers. After that i told my feedback to my parents. So decision is pending
with Third umpire.

Edit 1: Thanks for 10 K views

Debashish Biswas, I am happily marrried.

Written May 5, 2016
I asked my wife about her expectations from life and from me.

I boldly asked her about her tentative monthly mobile recharge, beauty parlour charges, any loans that she might
be repaying, what kind of food she enjoyed, in short I wanted to find out whether we were financially, mentally ,
physically compatible.

We decided on a pre-nuptial to be signed before actual marriage takes place so that no one can go back on his/her
words after marriage.

We spent talking for about 3-4 hours on the first meeting itself and I really did not want to go home alone. I
wanted to take her along with me. We dated for a few months and eventually got married in next 5 months.

Anonymous
Written May 6, 2016
Well, I haven't really met any guy for arranged marriage purpose yet, but have talked to one guy on phone and
over watsapp.

So, the guy is an investment banker with a leading bank. He is from Bombay (Mumbai doesn't excite me, for me it
stays Bombay, irrespective of what the government keeps on deciding), and I am from Delhi. I have my relatives
staying in Bombay and have been there quite a few times. And somehow, I have never really liked the place, not
half as much as Delhi, to say the least. And, like any true blue Delhiite, I love Delhi to the core.

He, a typical Bombayite, loves Bombay and despises Delhi, like most people who are not from Delhi do.

So, in our first conversation, for which I had thought of some important questions to ask the guy like his plans of
settling down, his hobbies, likes, dislikes to see if our tastes match, we rather ended up conversing almost half an
hour, mainly about Delhi NCR-Mumbai. Some excerpts from the convo :
He : So, have you been to Bombay?
I : Yup. Didn't like it much.
He: What did you not like? The infrastructure?
I : Not really. Just didn't like the feel of it.
He: (A long) Ohhhhhhh!

And during a watsapp conversation :

He : I dare not argue with you. You are a Delhi girl.
I : So?
He: A friend once told me, in Delhi, everyone owns a gun. The poor ones have only one. So, if you ever get into an
argument with a Delhiite, just say sorry and leave, even if you are right.
I : What! That's not even funny :P

So, that is how it can go! Not conventional, but interesting nevertheless!

Answers that need improvement

Rahul Makam Chalapathy, works at EY
Written Nov 15
Well I can see many answering their preference and choices and trying to fill in a life where the other person can
adjust. So my answer to the question is be open minded talk shit the same way you speak to your friend if things
matches then you would hit a jackpot. As you would be getting a best friend for your life after that. All the very
best for people who take my suggestion.
Share
Dha, Student
Written Nov 26
We were given ten minutes to talk.. I was very nervous and shy to go to that room.. he just dragged the chair
towards me and sat, I was happy inside and nervous too..he noticed my nervousness and asked to relax first,keep
my handkerchief aside,s stretch my hands first... I was so shy.. I was silent..he asked.. they have sent us to
talk…you too don't talk.. I too don't talk..kashta aagatte ri,which means it's difficult.. it's all in Kannada..he said
speak up,speak something. I was like what to speak..he asked things what I like,,food which I like,when I said I
don't eat onion and garlic and all the root stuff..he was mused.. I asked him what he likes,,he said
potato,tomato,paneer that's it..and it went on.. I hadn't lifted up my face till..my brother intervened,,he said give
us five more minutes..i just saw those long fingers indicating five minutes..he said time is running so fast,, speak.. I
was quiet..he said himself I don't smoke..but the other thing little very little at times,, I just said I'm not used to
these things since no one in my family takes alcohol..yet I liked his honesty.. I couldn't stop myself from falling for
him..he replied yes I shall leave it totally..he said he loves watching movies and I would develop the same hobby
too in the course of time,, I was happy wondering,,so happy to feel he wants to be with me..my god.. some dish I
mentioned,,he said he doesn't know it,,and replied don't worry.. you ll cook for me I shall know it then.. I was
feeling so……happy.. and the power wasn't there,,it was dim..2 of my brothers came this time..we had to stop
then.. even he returned I too was returning.. but realize I hadn't seen him till.. I told my brother I haven't seen
him..my brother called him back saying my sister hasn't seen you it seems..he signalled my brothers to go away as
if we are married already..he came near me,saying what’s that.. I said I haven't seen you.he went in bright light
asked me can you see me now,, twice he repeated that.. I just felt shy to look at him.. I made the courage to look
at him and blushed.. I was so…….. happy.we came back where everyone were sitting.. I was inside then.. trying to
peep out and see him.. his mother was sitting beside him.. they came in later,,he saw me.. while going he waved
bye…that was so……cute..our marriage got fixed and we got married in 3 months… I love him so much..he loves me
more than I do..
Share

Jani Vivek, I have Dated many more girls. And also have memorable relationships.
Written Nov 26
They ask amount hobby, passion…etc. What you like, what you Love …..blah blah. Sometimes they also ask about
current and past relationships. That's all it's not that serious as it looks, they just ask normal questions.
3 Views
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Vidyapati Mishra, Marketing Professional
Written Jun 26, 2016
I think I deserve to answer this as I moving ahead for an arrange marriage.

Both starts with what they do, their pasts, interests, future plans, past relationships and then move forward for
marriage.

Good luck
Share

Answers collapsed by downvotes

Anonymous
Written Sep 30, 2012
The top answer here is a sure reject candidate from a girl like me! To put it in the same way this anon guy says - " I
am not a 'loser' by any means. good to look at, make good money, good job/schools, and am from a nice family. "
and mine was an arranged marriage. I chose my husband after meeting about 10 other guys.

The first and foremost criterion for me was that the guy should not be an MCP (male chauvinistic pig). Period.
When I was speaking to guys I never had an excel sheet or a "TO-ASK" list. I made sure it would be a natural flow of
several topics.

And no, I did not talk for just 15 mins. My parents were supportive enough to understand this and any guy's
parents who had a problem of me talking for as long as is required was a reject outright.

Again, I was not ok with just one meeting. I wanted to eliminate all the possibilities of "faking" like many of the
guys here have openly blurted out. A person can fake once or twice but not more than that unless he is a great
actor.

The main qualities I would look for -

 he should respect the women in general (not just me)
 he should be someone who would respect my freedom and individuality and not impose his views on
me
 Has he fallen just for the looks or is he really interested
 is he interested in various activities or does he know nothing else apart from his work. All work and no
play made Jack a dull boy after all
 can he make the right decisions at the right time
 Is he after money all the time or does he actually enjoy the subtleties of life

Its been 2 years into my marriage now and I don't think I could have ever found a better person than my husband.
After all my patience paid off.
Share

Vidya Mahale
Written Apr 3, 2015
Originally Answered: What do the girl and guy talk about when they meet for an arranged marriage?
Well, they talk about their interests, likes, dislikes, future
How they want their life after marriage, expectations from the partner etc etc
Share

Sandeep Londhe, Single Forever

Written Apr 10, 2015
Originally Answered: What do the girl and guy talk about when they meet for an arranged marriage?
People who are going for a arrange marriages are so confused creatures.
They can't decide with whom they want to marry,
They can't decide with whom they want to spend their rest of their lives,
How they can easily decide what to ask?

Share
Akhilesh Mourya, Confused, talented, depressed, dumb
Written Jul 15, 2015
If u are guy who is going to meet a girl whose pic u have seen I will recommend to please see through the below
points
1) Don't start judging the girl as soon as u see her on just how does she looks. I am quite sure its not the beauty
that matters. U will love her nature, the way she treats u and ur family later.

2) assuming u won't get much time to spend together ( 15 to 20 minutes that to with someone present) so try to
open up and not question her as if u r interviewing her. Try to talk normally and on topics that can give an idea
about her thoughtprocess.
3) most importantly not rush into things to make ur decision.
Take ur time listen to ur heart and then to the whole research u would have done on her through fb and other
sources.
I hope that will help u to make ur decision.
She will also be in the same dilemma so don't panic while u meet her and dont do something out of proportion and
stupid to make a wrong impression
4) whole idea is to know her as a person once u approve her physically ( I mean lookwise, height factor, and other
social norms which we have to abide )
Please pardon my vocabulary. This is my first answer on quora.

Share
Dilip Damle, Married for 30+ years
Written Apr 5, 2015
Originally Answered: What do the girl and guy talk about when they meet for an arranged marriage?
My guess about first meeting
they talk about topic A and think about topic B most of the time.

It takes them a few meetings to talk and think about the same thing.

Share
Varun Singh, studied at Schools
Written May 5, 2016
Most common question :
"Are you a Virgin?"
Share
Krishan Agarwal, student,indian culture follower
Written Jun 26, 2016
kya yaar ab quora p yahi poochna baki reh gaya tha

#seriously_WTF
Aanchal Mittal, A Desigirl Traveler !
Written Mar 1, 2013
Precisely what typical arranged marriage meetings are like.
Varun Kumar, Relationships are only successful when both partners have same goal & soul
Written May 9, 2016
I am not married but in 15 mins just try creating rapport by asking questions related with childhood memories. For
guys ask questions and observe her interest level and for girls simply test him.
Jude Costa, works at ABC
Written May 5, 2016
The first thing asked is an unknown relationship is basic conversation starters like hobbies and current
employment.Some people even ask the basic question if they like the person they are looking at.
Kunal Dutta, works at Rashtriya Ispat Nigam Limited
Written Nov 16, 2015
Nothing. Just look at each other in the eyes and come home after having sweets. Make sure its the last resort and
you have searched the universe to find a girl of your choice and failed. And the girl too has done the same.
'Thats (arranged) marriage' Rosamind Pike's voice.
Pravin BH, I am married person
Written Mar 7, 2016
In India, most of the people go for arranged marriage. How to start conversion at first meeting of arranged
marriage and what question ask to her/his, both question are very big for every Indian girl or boy. But as per my
advice, when you meet her/his at first meeting of arranged marriage that time just ask her simply hobby, like
dislike and interest. Don't ask any superman like question like what is ambition, etc. After first meeting, if you like
her/his then go for second meeting and then ask to her superman like question.

Read this wonderful blog for better information Arrange Marriage First Meeting Questions
Melody Bower, Unicorn Hunter
Written Dec 18, 2012
They discuss how much they hate the idea of arranged marriage and if the other has ever had sex before.
Monil Kothari, Founder @Antandre
Written Mar 18, 2013
So....when do we like...do it?
Sagar Sonar
Written Jun 19, 2014
Her expectation. Her compatibility with us
Anonymous
Written Jan 5, 2013
I still have some time to get to that phase. Whether my first date or meeting a girl for first time for an arranged
marriage I decided to ask one question and a follow-up question depending on the answer. I haven't decided about
other questions yet, but the one question I'll ask is:

The question:
Have you read Twilight book or seen the movie Twilight?
if yes
Followup question:
What is your opinion about it?
P.S. I hate girls who identify themselves with Bella Swan.

Samir Madhavan
Written Jul 6, 2014
This is not exactly an answer to this question. Me and one of my friend analyzed the data groom and bride. This
post will explain what are their expectations The Great Indian Wedding

Aman Chauhan, works at Non-Governmental Organizations

Written Mar 2, 2016
This is about lifetime relationship. So it's better to ask about likes and dislikes. Share your past but be truthful to
future partner. Honestly ask whatever comes to your mind, because this one meeting will take you closer to your
life partner.

Several people think that arranged marriages don’t work, but this tradition has been in India since years and will
always remain in our culture. There are so many success stories of people, who have met through Punjabi marriage
bureau or through a common relative and are happily married for years. There are certain things you need to do if
you are going for arranged marriage. Here are some ways through which you can make arrange marriage work: –

Learn to adjust, Know each other, Love matters, Respect each other these are things which can make a arrange
marriage even more stronger.

Find a perfect match here at royal matrimonial

Zakhmi Dil
Written Feb 13, 2014
MY THOUGHTS :
Compatibility is crucial btw two potential partners, it is utmost important to me. I'd say: Marry only to one who is
mentally, emotionally and socially compatible with you. Take time reasonably, to feel the connection, and listen to
your intuition too. Hobbies and value system should match as well.

Both should have spent similar amount of time in the same environment, culture and similar class, since these two
different environment seep through us unconsciously and force us to act in a certain way. If a person doesn't have
similar tastes and values, he/she won't be compatible. He will go into other direction and she will in another. Both
will pull each other in different directions. Energies will work against each other, resulting in total loss and
frustration.

About 20% to 30% difference in personality/compatibility is OK and healthy. More it rises, more difficult it would
be down the road.

For man, outer (physical beauty) is number one consideration while choosing a woman. Seems pretty natural. But
the wise men prefer inner beauty, then gives second priority to outer beauty. What good is this if you cannot stand
each other no matter how beautiful you are? Some people are simply different and act in different directions
according to their upbringing.

I believe that man and women have different roles, but are only equal in the sense of their right to have natural
needs met, respect and access to all other equal opportunities. Women are flowers, not rulers. Man do not go
through the monthly 7-day routine causing them to lose their rational mind. But women must be given choice and
independence in their personal matters. One should not blindly follow the feminist movement and strip women of
their natural role in the name of so-called freedom. You can't have both ways.
Bhawna Daga, Personal experience taught me a lot about Arrange marriage
Written May 5, 2016
Recently faced this situation....21st February, 2016

Yes I had the same question as to how can I judge a life partner in just 15-20 minutes.

Thankfully we broke the family tradition of talking for just 15mins, we talked for about an hour and half...i feel this
is minimum time one should get, pls do not settle for less than this

Do not settle for good looks, money or any other X,Y,Z factors, the most most important factor to choose any
partner is by judging and knowing the person, and this can happen only through communication...those 15/20/30
minutes, pls do not hesitate (spl girls) go ahead and ask everything and anything your heart says because This
Partner will be the most important person in your life.

Coming to the questions that one should discuss, the following were the topics of discussion we had in our typical
arrange marriage meeting

1. A little more about oneself, beyond what is written on your bio data...your nature, attitude, likes,
dislikes etc.
2. Expectations from the partner (Future husband/wife)
3. Your Aims/ goals in life (Imp point to judge about the potential partner)
4. Past relationships, if any (Be honest in the first meeting itself, dont have to hide anything about your
past, because this person may be your Future so clarify everything about past and then start a new
relationship )
5. Your future life...you want to be housewife or working+housewife (very imp for girls to discuss)
6. Your Priorities in life (Work/family/friends)
7. Your lifestyle...the way you were living and leading your life till now
8. Addictions, if any (drinking/smoking/hookah)
9. Last but not the least pls don not show off, be real, be you, let the other person know the REAL you.
Pls don't not lie or give a wrong opinion for any of the above questions

I was not ready for marriage business (yes untill 21.02.2016, it was a business for me)...I just knew his name and
career details...looks/bank bal/job didnt even tried to checkout, because I know I had to choose a partner for
life..So i just wanted to take a look inside his personality and his nature. Same thing he did, I came to knew later
that at first instance he didnt like my looks and he was unsure immediately but he admitted that after that
conversation he didnt want to say No at all....It was a Yes for him :)

Advice for guys: Please make girls comfortable or else she wont be able to ask a single question out of hesitation,
pls pls do make her feel like shez talking to a friend, not as a future Husband, it is very imp to talk like friend
because that the base of a successful relationship.

Trust me those 1.5 hours was the best communication i ever had and we met at CCD, so the saying is absolutely
true

"A lot can happen over coffee"

Posting a picture of my First Meeting :)

Eashan Wali, works at Candid Marketing

Written Mar 10, 2015
The questions Indian men throw at women before getting married are so absurd that you can actually measure
the level of illogicality in kilograms.
And the one’s their parents ask maybe even moreso.

http://www.collegeokplease.com/l...

Manni Singh, works at Fashion and Style

Written Sep 27, 2012
Arranege marriage is best. and if are you start your plan for wedding in budget so check out this site. it will be help
to plan your wedding for your requirement.

Answers that have an unverified author

Quora User, :) dreamer, coffee addict
Updated Dec 9
I had my first arranged meeting a few days ago :). I hadn’t prepared a list of questions to drill the guy with. I went
in with a blank mind. The conversation just flowed naturally (and awkwardly). He asked me a lot more questions
than I did (mentally measuring me I guess) and I answered pretty honestly. When I went in for the meeting I felt
awkward, shy, expectant and a bit happy (not sure why). The guy asked me if I knew how to cook (not much) and
told me how he could make chicken curry, rice and stuff. I was like ‘Well done!, you know a lot more than me!!’

When they were leaving, his mum asked me if i knew how to make fish curry, I wasn’t expecting it, and blabbered
out that my mum and dad could make it very well. I think I got rejected on the spot :P.

I’d say, be truthful and show them who you truly are. It’s OK if they reject you. It’s NOT a rejection of who you are
as a person. It does not make them or you bad people. DO NOT TAKE it personally. It’s just that you guys may not
be right for each other. Imagine being married to someone who does not like you.

I did not try to mentally analyze him, just went by instinct. I payed attention to HOW I FELT IN HIS PRESENCE. I felt
rather happy. Not sure if this is the right approach though. Also the people who say that “Appearance doesn’t
matter” are just bullshitting. The person DOES NOT have to look like hrithik roshan/ aiwarya rai. But you have to
feel a basic level of attraction towards the man/woman.

P.S: I had no clue what to do, honestly, I think I came of as a bit of an idiot :P. I’m an introvert , not that awesome a
communicator. The guy I spoke to was totally extroverted and very confident. Be kind to the introverts, folks :(. We
take a bit of time to reveal our awesomeness!