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My Weird Schoo1 #3: Mrs, Roopy ls Loopy!
“Trythe dungeon on the third noorj' l said･
“You must be thirsty from all that running," Michad said/‘Have
some juicど
“No time R)r that,リillsaidyTve got to find lack." And then she ran
out ofthe dassroom.
ARer lunch we were at recess out in the Playground when we noticed
somebody sitting at 仕1eedge of the grass under a tree. We a11ran over to
investigate. lt was Mrs･ RooPyバ)F course， dressed uP in another sillycos-

ｔｕｒｎｅ．
“ATe you Liu:leBO PeeP again?" Emily asked.
“Heavens, no!" said Mrs･ RooPyｼﾞ‘My name is LittleMiss Mufkt･ lt'sa

lovely day，so l thought Fd just sit on this tu面t and eat some curds and
whey."
“What's a tuflet?" l asked, trying to Peek under Miss Mun浪．
“What'sa curd?" asked Ryan.

“Yuckj'Michad saidバCurds sound disgusting!"
“Fm going to throw uP," Ryan saidバThat'seven'worsethan what they

seTve in the ca裕teTia!"
“Wouldn'tyou rather have a Peanut butter and jeny sandwich?" I
asked.
Andrea and Emily canle overwhile we were talking with LittleMiss
MulRt. Andrea started to tellus what curds and whey and tum?ts were，
but she nevergot to finish. This obviousTly nlke sPideでrcanle down from
the tree over Miss MufFet's head. She took one look at it and ran back to
school. Michael didn't even have the chance to get her fLngeTPrints.
That lady is weird.
2 pages left:in cha Pter 2 mins

・む
一 ■
1
を
lt went on like that R)r the rest of the week. AIl these nuでrsery rhyme
characteTs kePt Tpopping uP with no waming all over the school.
“Whoareyou now?" we would ask.
“I'm an old woman in a shoe. l have so nlany children l don't know
whatto do."
“Maybe you should Put some of them in the dungeon on the third
noor,"l said.
ln the next fi!w days we were visited by Wee Wmie Winkie， Georgie
Porgie， Tommy Tucker， SimPle Simon， Peter Peter PumTPkin Eaterj and
some guy named lack who keTPt jumping over a candlestick for no reason
at aII.l guess it was the samoack that giruill was looking R〕r.
ltwas nonstop all week! l can't say fi)rsure，but Fm Pretty sure at least
some ofthosenuTsery-rhyme charaders were actually Mrs･ Roopy･
1 pages left:in chapter 1 mins

M rs. RooPy゛s Problem
Something was wrong with And7rea. She wasn't raising her hand in dass
everysecond. She wasn't bragging to everybody how much she knew
about everything. She wasn't Pestering me like she usually didJt was like
she was sicTk:orsomething｡
“What'sthe matter, Andrea?" Emily asked her during recess.

り曾
、●4 1●
･、
“I'm worried about Mrs･ RooPドAndTea said.“Fm afraid she might

have a seTious Personal problem.”
“You’rethe one with the serious Personal problem,” l said.“Mrs.
RooPy is like the coolest lady in the history ofthe world. Would you Tather
have some boring librarian who didn't dress up in costumes oTanything
and allshe did was read boring books to us?”
“No,but my motheT is a Psychologist,”Andrea saidバ She told me that
some sick People have more than one personality. Like one minute they
think they are onepeでrson，and a minute latel they actually think they are
somebody comPletdy di辰rent. The whole time they actuany think they
areall these peoPle･ I'm aFraid that Mrs. Roopy might have this problem･
Shecan't ten the di良rencebetween the real world and filntasy
“Wow," Michael saidバThat sounds Pretty seでrious."
“We'vegot to helP her!" Emily said.
“Yeah,"l saidバA librarian who doesn't know the difliren(:ebetween
nction and nonfi(:tionis in big trouble.'j
“Butwhat can we do?" Ryan asked.
We aII Put on our thinking caPs. Well， not really.There's no such
thing as a thinking caP. But you know what l mean.

My Weird Schoo1 #3: Mrs. Roopy ls Loopy!
AIFtera goodlmg think, l came uP with a great plan･
1 pages left:in chapter O mins

１
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The Evidence
There were five minutes leftin recess. Ryan,Michael, Andrea， Emily, and
l sneaked in from the Tplayground through the door to the library･
“Shhhhh!” l said as we tiptoed into the libraTyバFOIlow me.”
Lucky for usバhe library was emTpty. MTs. Roopy was Probably eating
lunch in the teachers' room.
0nourhands and knees, we made our Nvay Past the nonfidion books
to Mrs. RooPy's o伍ce. The doorxvas unlocked. l oTpeでned

it.
“We're going to get caught," Emily saidバWe're going to be kicked out
of sdool and thrown in jan for the rest of ouT lives."
“ln heでrej'l said，ignoring Emilyン‘This is wheTe we'n fLnd the evi-
dence."
We were inside Mrs. RooPy's o伍ce. l wanted to tum the light on, but

Michael told me that when his lther is doing a secTet investigation，he
never tums the lights on. We tried to see the best we could with the light
that came in through the window.
“Doyou seeany evidence?" Mi(:hael said.
“Notyet."
ltwas just a bunch of boring stufE PictuJes of Mrs. RooPy's daughter･
PaPers. videosjunk. No evidence at a11.
“Let's get out of here," Emi抄saidﾊﾞTm scared."
“Not yetｸﾞl said.
Therevvas adoset by the comer. I Pulled the handleJt wasn't locked.
And there，inside the doset, was allthe e･vidence we would ever need.
George Washington's uniform. Little BO PeeP's dress･ J'ohnny APPle-
seed's overalls. NeiI Armstrong's spacesuit. Every single costume Mrs･
Roopy had been wearing was hanging Tight there in the doset.
“Thisis the proof!" Michael said. 7AIl those TPeoPle weでrejust Mrs.
RooPy dressed uP in costumes."
“l
told you soj' said AndTea.
“Youdid not!" l said.
“Didtoo!j'she said.
“Oh，you think you kno11¥everything!" l said.“WeII， you're not so
smart!"
Thatjs when the light nicked on･ lt was Mrs. RooPy, standing in the
dooTway looking at us.
4 pages left:in cha pter 2 mins

･11!
ｊ
／゛−
︱・
．｀
“Whatﾌﾞsthe meaning oF thisy' she asked. She had heThands on her
hiPs，so we knew she was mad. For some reason･ grown'uPs a1｀゛ays
Put
theirhands on theiThiPs when they are mad

“l had nothing to do with it!”Andrea said.“lt was aII A,I.jsidea!j’
Everybody was looking at me. l had to think fast. l didn’t want to

sPend the rest ofmy lifein jail.
lgrabbed George Washingtonjs un面rm out of the doset.
“What's the meaning o￡･.匝is?"

l said，holding uP the costumeパYou
told us you vverehome sicTkin bed and George Washington was here in-
stead of you. How do you exTplain the fact that George Washington's uni-
form is in yourdoset? Huh?"
We alltumed to look at Mrs. RooPy･
She just stood there for a moment and then…she broke down crying･
Shevvassobbing and big teaでrs

were running down her face.lt was so sad
that we allgathered around her and gave her a hug･ Emily was crying too.
“Thisis ho ｢ble!'jMrs. Roopy said, wiPing heTeyes with a tissue.
“You'Il
be okay, Mrs. Roopy," AndTea said.“We'Il get you soTneheITp."
“No，
it'shorrible!j'Mrs. RooPy criedバGeo7rge Washington must have
len his uniform in my doset when he was heTe. Do you know what this
rneans?”
“XX/hat?'j
“lt
means GeoでrgeWashington is runでningaround somewhere with no
dothes on!"

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Ｕ My Weird Schoo1 #3: Mrs. Roopy ls Loopy!
just Admit lt!
lt was no use. Even aner ゛e pro゛ed to Mrs. RooTpy that she was dressing
up as allthese characters，she stin wouldn't admit it.
“Mrs.RooPy is in denial," Andrea said when we got back to the dass-
roomバI'ITrbet you don't know what that means， A･1,"
“SuTrel know what‘deniaP meanぐl saidバlt'sthat river in Africa."
“Not the Nile，dumbhead! Denial! lt means she can't admit to herself
that she has a Problemグ
“SowhataTe we suPPosed to do nowy' Michad asked.
ｔ
“There'sonTLyone thing we cando,"Andrea saidバ゛We've got o teII Mr.
Klutzグ
Mr. Klutz is the prindpal ，which means he is like the king of the
school.0ne time l got into trouble and was sent to Mr. Klutz's o拓ce.
When l got there，he didn't Tpunish me. He pve nle a candy bar. ME
Klutz is nuts!
We told Miss Daisy that we had to speak with Mr. Klutz and that it
was a matter oFli＆and.death.She called the ofFice and in a few minutes
Mr.Klutz arrived.
Mr. Klutz has no haiTat a11.We told him all about the crazy things
Mrs. Roopy had been doing and how Aでndrea'smother is a psychologist
and she thinks Mrs. Roopy might have a big problem.
“We'rereally worried about herj' Emily said.
“Hmmm，thissounds pretty seTiousj' Mr， Klutz said.“Maybe we'd
betteTgo have a littlechat with Mrs. Roopy."

︲︲’
︱
ＦＩｒｊ
Ｉ・Ｉ・｀
Mr. Klutz led us down the hall to the library. When we got there, Mrs｡
RooPy was lyjng on the noor undeTthe tree house. She was holding her
head like it had been hit. Not only that，but Mrs･ RooPy was reaHy 仙t.lt
looked like she had gained about a million hundred Pounds!

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︱Ｉ
My Wei rd Schoo1#3 Ｍｒｓ．Ｒｏｏ
pyls Loopy
ＩＩ
“What haPPened， Mrs Roopy?'j Michael askedバAle you okay?”
“Mrs Roopy? Who's that?" Mrs RooPy said.“ My name is HumPty

１
DumP昨･･ＷａＳ sitting Ｏｎ that wa11 uP there，and l had a great fa11.”

ｔ
“Ｄｏｎ’ｔ e11 nle,” Andrea saidバA11 the king shoTses and all the king's
ｎｌｅｎ couldn't Putyou back together ａｇａｌｎ． Right?”
４ｊ︲・
ｊ
How did
四
ｙｏｕ ”Mrs. RooPy asked.

“You're not HumPty DumPty! ”AndTrea said.“You’re Mrs. RooPy，ＯＵｒ
Ｊ
ｎ
吋
ド’
Ｕ
librarian! admit
あ
ｅ
咀
浪
Ｓ
︲４・・｀
matter ｗｈｏ 1S ,”Mr，Klutz saidバThere has been ａｎ ln･

１
ｔ
Ｏ
径︰一
ｎｅｅｄａｎｄ
lury･ wrlte a rePort glve to the Board of Education.”
1
11
Ｊｙ
Ｉ
“You Can glve ｍｅ

told Mr. KlutzyTm bored of education
E゛erybodylaughed even
though l didn't say anythingfunny･ Mr，
ｔ
ａ︶
ｏ
幻ｕｔｚ said he had to go call a doctor
ｌ
fi)rHumPty DumPty･ Mrs. RooPy
ｕＰｏ江
the nooTand dusted hersdF ｏ圧
“Wait a minute,”l said “l have a question.”

へ︸︲
“Yes ，A.J ”asked Mrs Roopy･

“Your ｎａｎｌｅ
is HumTpty DumPty， r￣ight?”
“Rightｸﾞ
Ｉ
“What l want to know is, why did ｎａｎｌｅｙｏｕＨｕｍＰ回

your PaTents
if their last ｃｏｕｌｄｈａｖｅｎａｍｅｄ
ｎｌｅａｎ，ｎａｒｎｅＷａ
s alreadyDumPtyjhey you
Ｉ
lohn ｏ「 Jim Ｏ「ＯｅＯ「
something normal.But they had to go ａｎｄｎａｎｌｅ
ｙﾀ
ｙｏｕ
HumPty
“We11， actuany， Humpty is just my nickname,” Mrs. RooPy said “My
rea1 ｎａｎｌｅ ishlmpy.”
LumPy DumPty? 『:sa祉.

“Yes,”said Mrs RooPy/‘So you ＣａｎＳｅｅ why Fd ratheドbe called
HumPty.”
ｔ
Ｏ
Andrea ＩＷａＳ
gettmg a11
angry noxv. Mrs RooPy M/as
simPly not gomg
Ｊ
ｔ
Ｗ
Ｅ
11
admitshe HumPty Dumpty，

“Nursery Rhyme Weekis Over， Mrs. Roopy!” Andrea said.“You Ｃａｎ be
yoursdE You Ｃａｎ

stoP Pretending to be otheT TpeoPle.”
“Ｄｏｎ’ｔ
you 1ike ｎｕｒｓｅｒｙ
rhymes? ”asked Mrs Roopy･
“Ｓｕ］７ｅｌｄｏ,”Ａｎｄｒｅａ said “But enough is enough!”

Ｉ
“l hate ｎｕＴｓｅＴｙ rhymes!'j l said. “NuTsery rhymes ａｒｅ

dumb. 'm sick
一−
2 pages left: ｎＣ hapter ２ｍｌｎＳ

ofnursery rhymes. Nursery rhynles aでreboring･"
HumPty, l mean, Mrs. RooPyjooked hurt.
“Everything is boring to you， A･J･j' she said sadlyバI've tried so haTd
not to boTe you. Please. Tell me. What is not boring to you?"
I Put on my thinking cap (wel1，not really)and tried Teal hard to think
of something that wasn't boring･
“Trickbikeぐl saidバTrick bikes aren't 1)oring."

!Z
The Proof
lt was the middle of our 岨emoonsnack time.l traded my Pretzd sticks

with Ryan for his cuP OF cho(:olatePudding.Suddenly l heald somebody
yelling down the hallway･
‘“b゛｀”’“｀“｀“““”“j’
“Watch out! Coming through! Out of the way!”
“lwonder what that could be,”said Miss Daisy･
The yemng got louder. Everybody in the dass tumed aTound just in
time to see somebody ride into our dassroom on a trick bike，
lt was Mrs. RooPy! She was wearing sunglasses， knee Pads， elbow
Padsj and a noPTpy black T･shiでrtthat said “BikeTs 4 Books.” She had
combed he7r hair to make it sti（:k

uTp all spiky･
“Hey, dudes!” she said as she skidded to a stoTp right in front of my
desk.“l just landed an alweso17nely tweaked tarlwhiP with a Supeでrman seat
grab t｛｝a
toothPicTk:lgrind.You should have seen it!lt was really sick!”
-
-
皿皿一
ｊ．一一
¶
_･＿。｜
…………… ･゛こI゛'!

Eve2rybody Put down their snacks and gathered around my desk to
look at Mrs. RooTpy's cool bike.
“ldidn't know you knew so much about trick biking， Mrs. RooPy,j' I
said，
“I'm not Mrs. Roopy," Mrs. Roopy said/Tm a PTofi?ssional trick

biker!"
“Youare not!" we allhollered.“You're Mrs. RoopyにhelrbrarianP'
“Am not!"
“ATetoo!"
“lt
certainlylooks like a trickbiker to me," said Miss Daisy･
That's when l came uP with the most genius idea in the history of the
woTld･ Mrs. RooP粕ltattoo! I remembered that she had a picture of a heart
on heTbelly button!
“You'reMrs. RooPyj" l said, grabbing the bottom ofher T･shirt,

“and l
can prove itP'
“Oh,stoP that!j'Mでrs.RooPy giggled.“I'm ticklish!"
When l yanked at her shirt,three books fellout, 0ne of tThem hit my
snad on my desk･ The cuP of chocolate Pudding went Hying. lt sPlashed
alloverMrs. RooPy's tummy lt almost covered uP the tattoo oF a heart，
but we could stm see it.

“lt’s
MTs. RooTpy!”Michael shouted. “The Tproofis in the Pudding!”
“Hey!” Ryan shoutedバCheck out these books!” Ryan Picked up the
books that had droPPed on the Hoor.They were books about trick biking!
One or the books showed how to do tricks，and the other two were about
famous trick bikers. Coo1!
“ldidn't know they made books about trick ￣biTking

,"Ryan said.
“Sothat'show you know so much about trick biking，Mrs. RooPy!" I
said.
“ldon't know what you're talking about," Mrs. RooPy saidバTm a Pro-
f6sional trickbiker."
“Canl check these books out of the libTary?'Jasked Michad.
“No,l get them fLrstj'Ryan said.
“Hey∠[was the one who R]und them," l said.

“lt’s
MTs. RooTpy!”Michael shouted. “The Tproofis in the Pudding!”
“Hey!” Ryan shoutedバCheck out these books!” Ryan Picked up the
books that had droPPed on the Hoor.They were books about trick biking!
One or the books showed how to do tricks，and the other two were about
famous trick bikers. Coo1!
“ldidn't know they made books about trick ￣biTking

,"Ryan said.
“Sothat'show you know so much about trick biking，Mrs. RooPy!" I
said.
“ldon't know what you're talking about," Mrs. RooPy saidバTm a Pro-
f6sional trickbiker."
“Canl check these books out of the libTary?'Jasked Michad.
“No,l get them fLrstj'Ryan said.
“Hey∠[was the one who R]und them," l said.

Miss Daisy grabbed all the booTks.
“Gee，l don't know; A･1･," she said.“You said that reading was boring，
so you Probably wouldnjt want to read these books･"
“Yesl would!" l shoutedバ‘Pleeeeease?"
“We11,0kay," Miss Daisy said as she handed each of us oneofthe trick
bike books. “But if you don't bring these back on time， Mrs. RooPy is
going to lock you in the dungeon on the third noor."
We alllooked at Mrs. RooTpy･
“Laterjdudes!" she said. And with that, Mrs. Roopy went Pedaling out
into the hallway，
l fiel soTTyR)r Mrs. Roopy. She is the looPiest liTbrarian Fve ever rnetl
think she's got a big Pでroblem. We're going to do all we can to heIP her･
But it woでn'tbe easy･
｜ ¶，
ゝI
cl-
１−
ｔ
−−・
「
｜
ｔ･･
ゝ．．．ｊ

About the Author and the lllustrator
DAN GUTMAN has written many weild booTksforkids. Dan livesin New
Jersey(a very weird Place)with his weiTdw面and two weird children.
You can visithim on his weird website atwww.dangutman.com
IIM PAILLOT is a talented but weird illustratorwho nves in Arizona. He
also has a weird wife and two weird children. lsn't that weird? You can
visithim on his weird website at www･jimPamot.com
visitwwwAuthoTTrackeT.com柘r exdusive informationonyouTfllvoTite

HarPeでrCollins
author.

ｔ
Ｓ
Credi
Cover artO 2oo4 by Jim Pjllot.
CoverO 2oo4 by HarPeTComns PuTblishers

lnc.

ＤａｎＧｕｔｍ,ａｎ･ゝ
ｊ.︲
客ｇ
Pletur･s by Jim Paillot

That Army Guy
My name is A･1. and l hate school｡
IF you ask me/they shouldn't tea(:h kids how to read and write in
school. They shouldn't teach math. They should teach kids how to do
tricks on their biTk:es，

That's what l want to leam! But my teacherj Miss
Daisy, thinks reading and writing and math are reallyimPortant for some
ｒｅａＳＯｎ．
Miss Daisy told us to write a story for homewoTk and draw a picture to
go with it.We read the stories out loud the next day in dass･
り｀．．｀．︲ｙ
Andrea Young， who thinks she knoxvs everythingj made uP a story
about a fam蒔ofnowers who NveTre sadbecause it was doudy outside.
Then t]hesun came out and the nolweTrsgot haPPy again｡
ltwas a really dumb stoTyjf you ask me･ Flowers aren't haPPy or sad.
They just sit there and do nothing. They don't e゛en have fammes! But
Miss Daisy kePt tdling Andrea how gTeat the storyNvas.

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My story was about these giant man-eating monsters fighting on tTick

bikes in outel space until they were all dead. l drew cool pictuTes to go
with it. Emilyにhis gi11｀゛ithred hair, said my story xvas scary. But Emily
thinks everything is scaTy･
Miss Daisy said l had a good im昭ination， but she asked me ifnext
time l could try to write a story that didn't have so nluch violence in it.
“What's violent about giant man-eating monsteTs fighting on trick
bikes in outer sPace?" l asked. Everybody laughed eventhough l didn't
say anything filnny･
Andrea said maybe l could ha゛e the man-eating monsters make uP at
the end ofthe story and telleach other theyvvere soTry･
“Monsters don't aPologize!" l said. EveTybody knows that. Andrea

doesn't know any￣thingabout monsters.

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Wex¥ere arguing about it when all of a sudden soTne 伍nny-looking
guy marched into ouT dassToom. He was an dressed uP in a 仙ｎ(:yarmy
uniform. He had a white wig on his head and a sword in his hand.
“Tobe preTPared for war is the best way to keeP the Peace!" the army
guy said･ Then he marched out ofthe dassroom.
“Who was that?" asked my friend Michael， who neveTties his shoes
no matter how many times he triPs over lhe laces･
“Beatsmej' l said.
“Was that Prindpa1 Klutz?" asked my other friend Ryan, who sitsnext
to me in the third row.
“ldon't know who it was," Miss Daisy saidバbut he is heading for the

1ibrary. WeU better go check it out! Okay, second graders. Single File!”
1 pages left:in cha pter O mins

The Librarian
Michael was the line leadeT. Andrea was the door holder. We went to the
library, which is brand-new and didn't even exist last year when we were
in first grade. They built it over the summer to replace the junky old li-
brary we used to have.
A library is the Tpartin the school where they have hundreds of books
that you can bring home with you. You don't even have to Pay for them.
And it'snot even illegal! The only Tproblem is you have to bring the books
back aRer you're done reading them.
My丘iend Billy arouでnd the comer, who was in second grade last year，
told me that ifyou don't bring back your library books on time, the nbrar-
ian locks you in a dungeon under the school. I'm not sure l believe him.
“Our new librarian is Mrs･ Roopyj' Miss Daisy told us as vve lined up
in the hallway outside the library.“Everybody be on your best behavior so
you'11 make a good imPression on her･"
“I'malways on my best behavior," said AndTea Young. She made a big
dopey smile at Miss Daisy. Andrea is so annoying. lf somebody told her
to be on her woTst behavioでr,she wouldn't know what to do.
When we went into the new library，we's¥ere shocked. Right in the
middle of the roonl was a giant tree! lt had a big tree houseat the top near
the ceiling and a ladder going up to it.
“What's with the tree?" l asked.
“Beats me," said Ryan. “How do you think they got it into the libTaryy'
“Maybe it just gTew in here over the summeTj' guessed Michael.
“Tlees don't grow in libraries," said Andrea， as if she knows anything
about trees.

“They must have buih it,勺aid Emily･
“You don't build trees，dumbheadj' l told Emi枇and she looked a11
hurt like she was going to cry･
The tree was really coo1. Some oF us started to dimb it,but Miss Daisy
said we had to get o圧because it was time R)rlibrary Period to staTt.

●＊
１１
liF
−−
−−
四
−
１−−・・ｊｌ・１
１ａｌ︱
'1‘kF
￨￨
￨￨
･･￨
“Whe ｢s the new m}rarian?" Ryan asked. We lwereaU looking aでround，
but we didn't see Mrs. RooTpy anywhere･
Then， suddenlyj that aTmy guy with the wig poked his head out of the
tree house. He came down the ladder，l think it was a he，anyway. He
looked a littlelike a lady dressed like an arnly guy･
When he got to the bottom， the army guy with the wig stood aII
straight and proud at attention･ He gave usasalute.
“ATeyou Mrs. RooPy?" l asked.
“Certainlynot," the army guy said.“My name is George Washington･
l am the firstPresident ofthe united States and father ofour country.'j

George Washington゛s Teeth
I'm no dumbhead. My mom told me that George Washington had wood-
en teeth. So this army guy with the wig couldn't be GeoTge Washington
unless he had wooden teeth.
“lf
youjre reany George Washington， 1et'sseeyouでr teeth,"l said，The
army guy with the wig reached into his Pocket and pulled out a set of
teeth. Then he wound a littlething on it and the teeth started chattering
up and down in his hand.
Emily took one look at the teeth and ran out of the roornc削ng, That
girl cries at anything
“Wow!" l said.“Maybe he is George Washington. Those teeth are cool!
l wish l had wooden teeth."
“You can't fool me," Andrea Young saidパYou're not George Wash'
ington. You're Mrs･ RooPy， the new m)rarian， dressed uP to look like
George Washington/You're suPPosed to read stories to us and heIP us
use the computers."
“Computers?" George Washington said，his forehead an wlrinkly/‘I
don't know what you're talking about, young lady. This is the year lﾌ9o･
ComPuters haven't been invented yet."

１
ｉゝ｀
t..゛
-「
ｙ“富1ダ
No matter what we said，the army guy with the wiLinsisted that he
was really George Washington. He read us a story about when he xvas a
boy and he choPPed downacheでrry tree. Then he showed us a bunch oF
books about the united States. A11 through hbrary Period，the army guy
with t]hewig said that he was George Washington. Aner a while，we staTt-
ed camng him GeoTge Washington｡
“Generj Washingtonj' l asked/‘may l go to the bathroom?" Every-
body laughed even though l didn't say anytThing funny. Kids think any-
thing to do with bathTooms is funny. lf you want to make your hiends
laugh， all you have to do is stick your face in their face and say either
“bathroo ｢'or “underwear." lt works every time｡
“Fm sorry," George Washington saidバThis is the year lﾌ9o. BatTh-
rooms have not been invented yetｸﾞ
ltwasn't an emergency or any￣thing，

so l waited. We lweTe allowed to
check out any book we wanted from the library，

l took out a book about
一ｊ
．ａ
卵hter Planes because it had (:oo1 Pictures in it.
For a President，this George Washington guy seemed to know a lot
about Rnding books in the libraryand checking them out.

ltwas time to go to lunch･ We an had to salute GeoTge Washington as
we len:the library･
“Hey,how come you choPped down that cherry tree，anyhow?j’ l asked
him as we leR the library.
“lcannot ten a lie,”he saidパl needed some wood foでrmy wooden
teeth.”Then he showed us his chattering teeth again. ljm stillnot sure if
that aTmy guy with the wig was George Washington oでr
not. But he was
weird.

Dumbheads
l took a seat in the lunchroom next to Ryan and Michael. Ryan stuck two
of my carrot sticksin his nose， and l told him IU がve him a nickd iF he
ate them. He did，too.MeJwon'teven eat carrot sticks bφ?？you stick
them in your nose。
“Doyou think that guy was rea1秒GeoTge Washington?" Ryan asked.
“ldon't knowj' Michael said.“What do you think, A.J.?"
Thatjs when Andrea Young leaned over from the next table and
oTpened heでrbig mouth.
“Thatwasn't George Washington， you dumb heads! j'she saidバThat
was Mrs. RooPy wearing a Powdered wig and an army unifoTm."

She may have been Tight, but l didn't want to adこmitit,because l hate
her. Ryan took out a dollar bill丘om his backpaどk and looked at the Pi(:-
ture of George Washington.
“He sure looked like GeoでrgeWashington," Ryan said.
“George Washington has been dead for like a hundred years!" Andrea
said，
“Evenif George Washington was stm ahve," Em尚said/TmsuTehe
wouTLd have moでreimPortant things to do than conle to our school and
read us storieで
That's when it hit me. IF that army guy was really Mrs. RooPy dressed
uP as George Washington, maybe Mrs. RooPy im't a librarian at a11!
“Maybe she's just Pretending to be a nbTarian," l said/‘justlike she
was Pretending to ￣beGeorge Washington."
“Yeah!"Michael said-バMaybe she's a kidnaPPer and shどs got our rea1
1ibrarian locked uP in an emPty warehouseat the edge of town. l saw that
in a movie once.”
“Wej゛egot to save her!” EmUy said with tears dribbling down her
cheeks. Then she went running out ofthe roorn.
There｀was only one way to solve the problem. We deaned o仔our trays
and went back to our dassroom to ask Miss Daisy if George Washington
was really Mrs， Roopy in disguise.

“Don'tbe silly,"Miss Daisy saidバAs it tums out，Mrs･ RooPy is ab-
sent today･ She's home sick in bed･ lt must have been the rea1 GeoTge
Washington."
But what does Miss Daisy know? Everybody knows Miss Daisy is
crazy･

ｒ｀、．″
Ｍｒｓ．ＲｏｏＰｙ゛ｓＨｅｒｏ
Everybody in our dass lwasexcited before the next library Period. We a11
wanted to see if George Washington would be there again.
When we got to the library,there 'was just this lady who looked a tle
bitlike George Washington excePt she didn't ha゛e on an aTnly unif()rm or
a wig. She looked like a norrnal lady･
“Goodmoming， second gradersy 一死sdd. “My name is Mrs. RooPy･

I'm sorryl couldn't be here the other day fbr your library period.'j
“Butyouvverehere!" Ryan shouted.
“Youmust be mistaken,j' Mrs. Roopy said.“l was home sick in bed.'j
“Canw'e seeyour'wooden teeth again?" Michael asked.
“Yeah,can vve?"
“Wooden teeth? Did you know that George Washington didnjt have
wooden teeth at aII?His mouth was filledwith cow's teeth."
了pages left:in chapter 5 mins

“Ewww!" we allshouted.
lasked Mrs. RooPyﾄﾞ‘Did the cow have GeoTge Washington's teeth in
陥rmouth?"
“Butthat was you， wasn't it，adng like George Washingtony' said
Michad.
Mrs. RooTPﾀﾞsR)rehead got allwrinkly just like George Washington's
did when we told him about comPutersバl don't know what you'Te talking
about."
We a111ooked at one anothen l wasn't sure iF she was temng the truth
ｏｒｎｏｔ．
“lfl weTe GeoTge WasThington, would l have this?”Mrs. RooPy

“‘¨｀-‘｀゛｀‘｀゛｀’‘b｀’¨｀““b゛“り”゛゛゛゛゛゛゛｀7｀’““｀“ ｀「゛゛゛I゛｀゛｀゛r/“−−’
asked.
Then she Picked uP her shirt and showed us her belly. She had a little tat-
too oFa heart right o゛erher be聊button. lt was coo1.


＝
￨｀
｜
ニ｜
C ●
︲︲ｂ摯
心一JI
一
l had to admit that George Washington ゛ould neverhave a heart-
shaPed tattoo oveThis be1抄button. So maybe that army guy with the wig
wasn't Mrs. RooPy aReTa11｡
“Letme show you around the libTary," Mrs. RooPy saidy‘Did you
know出at books can take you to Places you have neverbeen before? They
he1P us exPlore our lvorld.We have books here on just about every sub-
ject you can think oE This is the Fiction section. Does anyone know the
di拓ごrencebetween fiction and nonnction books?”
“Nonfictionbooks are books that are not fiction,”Ryan saidバBecause

non' means nol, like nonfat milk has no nlt in it."
“And nonsense has no sense in 江"Michael added，
“That's true," Mrs. RooPy said/‘but there's a little more to it."
“Fiction
is what you get when you rub two things together,"l said.
E゛erybody laughed eventhough l didn't say anything funny･
“That'sfridion, A.l｡" Andrea Young saidバFiction is a made-uP storyj
and non-flction is based on fkts."
“Thatjscorrect,"said Mrs. Roopy, and she smiled at Andrea. l wished
Andrea would shut uTp･
“Oh，who cares what the di任iごrencebetween fiction and nonfiction
is?" l saidバA11 books areboring."
Everybody went “Ooooooh!" IEk:el had said something really te ｢Tble.
“Buteverybody needs to know how to read, A.にMrs. RooPy said.
“Notme," l saidバWhen l grow uPげm going to be a trick bike rider
because you don't have to know how to read to do tricks onabikど
“Yeah，me tooｸﾞsaid Michad and Ryan. We told Mrs. RooPy that，
every day after schoo1，me and Michad and Ryan ride ourbikes togethel.
1 1eamed how to ride a two-wheeler in kindergarten. Now l can do a
bunny hoP ofF a bumPバmd l know the nanlesofallt]he hmous trick bike
riders･l have Posters of them al over the walls oF my room･
“Gee，
l don't know much about bicyde tricks，A･1.j'Mrs. RooPy said.
“But Fve got Posters oFmy hero on my walls at home too."
“Who is your heroj Mrs. Roopy?" Andrea asked.
“Melvil Dewey."
“Melvil Whoey?" l asked.
“Melvil Deweylwas a verya7nous librarian," Mrs. RooPy said, and her
eyes got allbright and sParkly and exdted.

｀･;
“Librariansaren't fllmous,"l said.
“MelvilDewey was," said Mrs. RooTpy,“He invented the number sys-
tem we use to find books in the library.lf it weren't R)r Melvi1 Dewey, we
wouldneverbe able to find anything,"
“Wow!" Andrea Young said, as if she was reallyinterested in that bor-
ing stufE
“Soif you want to find books about inseds, you'd go to number 59ジ
Mrs. RooTpy saidバAnd if you want to Find books about dinosaurs， you'd
go to number 56ﾌ.L山raTies allover the world use the system that Melyil
Dewey invented. Today we calht the Dewey dedmal system."
“Didallthe kids at his school make fun of him because his name was
Melvil?" l asked. l know that if theTe was a kid named MeMl in our
school, we would make fun of him constantly，
“ldonjt know," Mrs. Roopy saidパBut would you like to hear a song l
made uP about Melvi1 Dewey?"
“Yeah!" we al]shouted. Listening to songs had to be better than

reading books.
Mrs. RooPy went into her omce and came back with a guitar and one
of those harmonica thingys you xvear around your neck. She strummed a
few chords to warm uP･
“You may have he訂d a folktale about John Henry， the stee1-drivin'
manj' Mrs. RooPy saidパWd1, this is the story of Melvi1 Dewey, the book-
sortin' man."
Q･‘1'
a
l7'・｀'id
一
１−ｉ−。−−
And then she started to sing･…
ＷｋｎＭｄ回￡)ａぽywas肩附ld留y旨辱
Tkj ･wo ｢sksa這ｉ附祠f
W￡Γε“JWgooolμ1秘sE秘o尨痩油り7oor
And戸1□浸附onl沿辿4/:…”
Mrs. RooPy sang the whole song and Played he]r guitar and har-
moni(:a，too. lt was a Pretty cool song. This M山U Dewey guy had aTace
with a comPuter to see who could sort books the fastest.Melvn won the
race, but Tight a仕er he sorted the last book, he droPPed dead Tight on the
noor of the library.lt was cool.
At the end of the song， Andrea Young got up and gave Mrs. Roopy a
standing ovation, so we allhad to get uP too･
“Thatjsthe saddest story l eveTheard in my liR,”Emily said，wiping
tears from her eyes.
At the end ofthe Period, Mrs. RooPy asked us ifwe had any questions
about how to use the library.

−−。い。‘
一皿
−’一一
」
.S
“ls
it tme that iFwe don't retum our libTary books on time you lock us
in a dungeon undeT the school?" l asked. Everybody laughed even though
l didn't say anything funny･
“Don'tbe smy," Mrs. RooPy said.“The dungeon is on the third noor."
l think she was tellinga joke, but l'm not sure.

６一 My Weird Schoo1 #3: Mrs, Roopy ls Loopy!
johnny APPlesauce
When we came into the library the next time，a guy with a long beard
came down the ladder from the tree house, wearing blue-jean overalls. He
was carrying a sho゛eland a big sacTk.He had no shoes on his feet･but he
was wearing a Pot on his head. He looTked funny, and he looked a lot like
Mrs. Roopy to me.
“Mrs.Roopy, why aTe you weaTing a Pot on your head?” l asked.
“Roopy?" the guy said in a funny voiceバYou young 'uns must be con-
fUsin' me with some other filleT.My name is Johnny 匈Pleseed. lt's the
year l8oo･ l travel 丘om town to town Tplantin'apPle trees most every･
wheTe l wanderj'
“You are not Johnny APpleseed!j' Andrea called out “You're Mrs.

RooPy!"
“Ain't
neveTheard oF no RooPy,≒he guy said，making his forehead a11
wrinkly.‘柏Pleseed's the nanle. Plant ｢aPPle trees is my game. This
heTe's a dam big countryバmd l reckon R)lksaでregonna need a heaP of aP-
Pleが
No matter what we said，we couldn't convince the bearded guy with
the Pot on his head that he wasn'□ohnny APPleseed. He read us a story
about Johnny APPleseed and told us lots oF stu江about aPPles･
“Didyou know that 硲1ks have been eatin' aPPles for thousands of
yearsl ?'johnny ApPleseed told us.
“They should dew fasterj'l said, and everybody laughed.
Then Johnny APPleseed took us outside and he1Ped us Plant a real
aPTPle tree neaTthe Playground. Bdore we went back into schoo1，we had
aPPles for snack.
lcan understand why he Planted all those aPPle trees.l can undeT-
stand why he was dressed funny. But what l don't undeTstand is why he
woTe゛゛“rv1.vλ￡よ￡よりλよゝごsw･ゑλゑs-. ?vよ￡λ￡λλｙＴｒ｀゛“゛｀″｀゛ｂ｀刀 ¨゛−’｀’“｀¨
a Pot on his head. Thaoohnny APPlesauce guy was weird
When we got back to dassj told Miss Daisy all about what haPPened
duTing libTary Period.
“Do you stillthink books are boでring, A･ J｡?”she asked me.
“Yes,”l said，

ｌｓ’
ぷ･Qls･

0ne Small SteP for Man
By this time， we weren't sure if Johnny APPleseed and George Wash-
ington had been to our school, or if it was just Mrs. Roopy dressed up in
Rλnny costumes･ But we were sure of one thing･
Mrs. Roopy is looPy!
“We ha゛e to have PToof7' Michael said.“My flltheris a Policeman, and
he said that if you want to be sureof something, you have to have Proo￡
He always says the proofis in the pudding."
“What does Tpudding have to do with it?" l asked.
“Beats me,"said Michael.
“Your dad is weird,"l said.
“How aTe we going to Prove that Mrs. Roopy is dでressinguP in fumly
costumes?" Ryan asked.
“Wejllget heT fingerPrints! 'jMichael said，all exdted. “That's what my
dad does. Everybody in the whole world has diffirent fingerPrints. lf we
geoohnny Appleseedjs fingerprints and then we get Mrs. RooPy's finger-
printsj l can have my dad test them. lf they are the same fingerprints，
then that will be Proof that Mrs. RooPy was just Pretending to be lohnny
Appleseed!"
Me and Ryan agreed that Michael was a genius. The next time we had
library, we 1)rought a juice box with us，so we could get Mrs. RooTpy's fin-
gerprints.
But when we came into the library，all the lights were out and the
shades'were down. lt was really dark. At Rrst we thought 函刈ibrary was
dosed. Then we heard a noise. lt came from the toTp ofthe tree house.We
a1Ilooked uP･
Somebody was coming down the ladden Whoever it was had on a
spacesuit and was moving in slow motion.
Some music began playing over the loudsPeaker/‘The

Ja咄ε…has
landed," the astronaut said. Finally the astronaut reached the bottom rung
ofthe ladder･ lt was hard to see a ace through the sPace helmet.
“ltjs
got to be Mrs･ Roopy!" Andrea said.

／
&
o
j.ごTごI･1
'-.
“I'm not Mrs. Roopy," the astronaut saidy‘My name is NeiI Arm-
strong.ltis l969Jam about to become the firsthuman being to set foot
on the moon.”
Slowly NeiI Armstrong ?put one foot on the nooTof the liTbrary･
“That'sone snlallstep 丘)rman, one giant leaP for manklnd," he said.
We tried to convince NeiI Armstrong that he was really MTs. RooPy
dressed in a sPacesuit/but he kePt saying he had neverheard of anyone
named Roopy. NeilArmstrong spent the rest of the period showing us
books about the Trnoon and the sun and the stars and outer sPace. lt was
almost not boring/but not quite.
“Would you like some juice，MT.Armstrong?" Michael asked, holding
out the juice box.
“No thank you," Neil Armstrong saidバI've got to be getting back to
Earth nowl And l belie゛eyou have to go back to Miss Daisy's dass."
Then he dimbed uP the ladder and into the tree house.Michael was
disapPointed that he didn't get NeiI Armstrong's FlngerPrints.
When we got back to dassj told Miss Daisy allabout Neil Armstrong
stePTping on the surface oF the moon for the firsttime.
“Wow， that sounds exdting!" Miss Daisy said.“Do you stillthink
books are boring, A.l.?"

“Yes,”l said
1 pages leftin chapter O mins

Nursery Rhyme Week
The only way to Pro゛e that Mrs. RooPy was dTessing up in siny costumes
and pretending to be otheT Tpeople would be to get her fingerprints，Me
and Ryan and Michael were deteTmined to get them the next time we had
library･
“When do we have library this week?” we asked Miss Daisy，
“Oh,there is no libraTy this weekj' she said.“The whole schoohs cde-
brating Nursery Rhyme Week in our dassTooms."
“Oh man!リsaidバWe wanted to go to the libTary."
“Yeahj'agreed Michad and Ryan.
Miss Daisy looked allsuTPrised. She Put her hand on my forehead the
way my mom does when she thinks l have a fever.
“ATeyou sick，A･J.yMiss Daisy said/‘TheTe must be something
wrong with you 汀you wanoo卯to the n￣♭raryDidゴt you say allbooks
are boTingy'
“They are,"l saidバl just want Proof that Mrs. RooPy was PTetending
to be George Washingtonjohnny APPleseed， and Nd Armstrong. We
have to get hedLngeTPrintsグ
“Oh，don't be smyj' Miss Daisy saidバMrs. RooPy is a Perらこtlynor-
mallady."
Miss Daisy took out a big fat Mother Goosebook. She oPened it and
was about to start Teading when this weird-looking girl skiPPed into the
dassroom. She was all dressed uP in a Pu汗y dress and she was holding a
bigcane.
１マ
Ｊ
ヅ
心
Ｏ
”we allshouted
“I'mnot MTs. Roopy,'j the girl saidバ‘My name is Little BO Peep. I
seem to have lost my sheeP･ Do you know wheTe l can flnd them?"
“NOPej'everybody said･
“Maybe theﾀﾞre in the dungeon on the third 且oor,”

l said

Ｎぼ
−
・︱・︱︱・。１１−
− −−
１・・﹃︱
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㎡
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．Ｉ−一
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７Ｓ
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Ｉ
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≒、ｊ「
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｀Ｉ
｀、
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一一牡１
●
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J
・’￣￣･Ｊｒ４１
Ssjsl∼’
１
一一
Michad triedto get her fingerPrin区but Lime BO PeeP went skiPPing

out oft]hedassroom befoTehecould get a juice box･
“Thatwas weird," Emily said.
“What kind oF a name is PeeP, anyway?”l asked.

Miss Daisy read us sorne nursery rhymes 丘om the Mother Goose
book.What]dnd ofa name is Goose, anyway?
After a while，this other girl carne running into our dassroom. She
was holding a bucket in her hand.
“ltjs
Mrs. RooTpy again!" we allshouted.
“Whoareyou now, MTs. RooTpy?" Emily asked.
“I'mnot Mrs. RooTpy," the girl saidパMy name is Ji11.Lran uTP a hill
with my fiiend lack to Rtch a Tpailof waten But lack fiごIl

down and broke
hiscrolwn. l went running after him, but now l have no idea where he is.
Have you seenhim?"
“ＮＯＰｅ,” ｅｖｅｒｙｂｏｄｙｓａｉｄ

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My Weird Schoo1 #3: Mrs, Roopy ls Loopy!

“Trythe dungeon on the third noorj' l said･

“You must be thirsty from all that running," Michad said/‘Have

out ofthe dassroom.

ARer lunch we were at recess out in the Playground when we noticed

somebody sitting at 仕1eedge of the grass under a tree. We a11ran over to

investigate. lt was Mrs･ RooPyバ)F course， dressed uP in another sillycos-

“ATe you Liu:leBO PeeP again?" Emily asked.

“Heavens, no!" said Mrs･ RooPyｼﾞ‘My name is LittleMiss Mufkt･ lt'sa

“What's a tuflet?" l asked, trying to Peek under Miss Mun浪．

“What'sa curd?" asked Ryan.

“Fm going to throw uP," Ryan saidバThat'seven'worsethan what they

That lady is weird.

2 pages left:in cha Pter 2 mins

characteTs kePt Tpopping uP with no waming all over the school.

“Whoareyou now?" we would ask.

“I'm an old woman in a shoe. l have so nlany children l don't know

some ofthosenuTsery-rhyme charaders were actually Mrs･ Roopy･

1 pages left:in chapter 1 mins

M rs. RooPy゛s Problem

everysecond. She wasn't bragging to everybody how much she knew

she was sicTk:orsomething｡

“What'sthe matter, Andrea?" Emily asked her during recess.

“I'm worried about Mrs･ RooPドAndTea said.“Fm afraid she might

“You’rethe one with the serious Personal problem,” l said.“Mrs.

have some boring librarian who didn't dress up in costumes oTanything

and allshe did was read boring books to us?”

“No,but my motheT is a Psychologist,”Andrea saidバ She told me that

Shecan't ten the di良rencebetween the real world and filntasy

“Wow," Michael saidバThat sounds Pretty seでrious."

“We'vegot to helP her!" Emily said.

“Yeah,"l saidバA librarian who doesn't know the difliren(:ebetween

nction and nonfi(:tionis in big trouble.'j

“Butwhat can we do?" Ryan asked.

thing as a thinking caP. But you know what l mean.

2 pages left:in chapter 1 mins

AIFtera goodlmg think, l came uP with a great plan･

1 pages left:in chapter O mins

There were five minutes leftin recess. Ryan,Michael, Andrea， Emily, and

l sneaked in from the Tplayground through the door to the library･

“Shhhhh!” l said as we tiptoed into the libraTyバFOIlow me.”

lunch in the teachers' room.

to Mrs. RooPy's o伍ce. The doorxvas unlocked. l oTpeでned

“We're going to get caught," Emily saidバWe're going to be kicked out

of sdool and thrown in jan for the rest of ouT lives."

“ln heでrej'l said，ignoring Emilyン‘This is wheTe we'n fLnd the evi-

5 pages left:in chapter 2 mins

Michael told me that when his lther is doing a secTet investigation，he

that came in through the window.

“Doyou seeany evidence?" Mi(:hael said.

ltwas just a bunch of boring stufE PictuJes of Mrs. RooPy's daughter･

PaPers. videosjunk. No evidence at a11.

“Let's get out of here," Emi抄saidﾊﾞTm scared."

“Not yetｸﾞl said.

Therevvas adoset by the comer. I Pulled the handleJt wasn't locked.

George Washington's uniform. Little BO PeeP's dress･ J'ohnny APPle-

seed's overalls. NeiI Armstrong's spacesuit. Every single costume Mrs･

RooPy dressed uP in costumes."

“Youdid not!" l said.

“Oh，you think you kno11¥everything!" l said.“WeII， you're not so

dooTway looking at us.

4 pages left:in cha pter 2 mins

“Whatﾌﾞsthe meaning oF thisy' she asked. She had heThands on her

DumP昨･･ＷａＳ sitting Ｏｎ that wa11 uP there，and l had a great fa11.”

“What l want to know is, why did ｎａｎｌｅｙｏｕＨｕｍＰ回

“Ｓｕ］７ｅｌｄｏ,”Ａｎｄｒｅａ said “But enough is enough!”

2 pages left: ｎＣ hapter ２ｍｌｎＳ