| Spiritual Scene _ I ARN A AA A AA______—_—_ Searching for Your Soulmate? honest, do you really know fanyone that has found that Fout possun® The scaswa We ‘want to believe in soulmates is because then we don’t have to be sexpuusible wy develop the skills that make relationships work. Or, letra tiie Gael that ‘confuses me, “I found my soulmate, but they're already ‘married to someone else.” And what is to become of those who ivorce their soulmates? After all the fuss and feathers have settled, 1 remein convinced that finding one’s soulmate is fantasy! Soulmate acckers are looking for pill in the form of a person, fulfillment from the outside-in. Such o concept directly violates the laws of evolution. My experiences coaching hundreds of partners (in business and marriage aliks) hove eonvinoed mo that great relationships are not found, they ate created Consider Binstein’s ‘Theory of Relativity”, sehioh proves that two objects can only “relate” to their differences, and thorofore the greater thore differences, the greaterthe potential for relationship, Ws tho came for people. We are intrigued by the ‘unique qualities we seein nother, but after becoming intimate, we eventually experience the urge to change them, Whatever happened to learning to ‘olata” in a ralationship? 22) Ocean Soene Americans grow up programmed with very particular fantasies — especially about relationships. Movies, books end television all led us to believe that somewhere out there was lurking a Tom (Crise or Meg Ryan who was desperately looking for just us, and when each of us found this mythical Mr/Ms. “Right”, we vould begin the Disnay dream of living by Greg Mooers “happily ever after”. This concept paralyzes our evolution by promising shortcuts that end up being « long painful dotour Eventually either evolution has its way with 1s (we lear to develop relationship skills) oF we keep looking for « square peg 10 fit in our round bole Another roacom we belieye in soulmate is because we were programmed by such media mythology. The net results of such a sustained fantasy- ssorsh e sithor pathotogieat self-absorption oF classic co-dependence! Your shoioat Ifyou are atthe point in ‘your lie winereyou are ready fo take rosponeibility and learn to CREATE meaningful relation-ships, aad on. not, there curely isasingles barnot fardown the street! But first, let me give you sme statistics that are truly sobering. More than 64 percent of California marriages will end in divorce; 76 percent svill remarry, $7 percent will divorce again; 34 percent will remarry a third time; and 90 percent of third marsiages will NOT end in divorce, however, 30-40 percent of all murders are spousal murders THs 20 interesting leaming curve isnt it? Now, Tet me toil-yrw what really happens in relationships — at least in the vast majority of eouplesPve counsel The truth is this — 100 percent of marriages end in divorce! Let me explain, ted relationship Each person ina crs Vol 1 No 7, 2006‘has a vision of who they think their actions, rather than what their partner is. (Imagine this they say. People’s actions are vivion us a litle cartoon generally congruent with their character ina bubble over theis deepest desires and feelings, head.) Also, your pariner has a and will tell you where they're fantasy Dubble of their ideat neaded im ite. So, f “Dick partnerfloating overtheir head! keeps telling you that he loves This fantasy character is being with you, but continues someone they have probably to spend more and more time known since they were five with the boys, chances are good years old or less. So 30-year- he’s still courting his fantasy did “Jane” gets Into a whatever or whoever itis relationship with 30-year-old 2) Have you ever tried to “Dick” and one year later she change somebody else? How starts thinking about marriage. did it work out for you’ If However, she’s had a fantasy you're like most people, you relationship in her head with know that the harder you try the her perfect “prince”. So, less people change. So, clear waddya” think? Is “Jane” your mind and answer this ‘nanying “Dick” or the prince question, “If you absolutely, of her girlish dreams? positively knew your mate Here's how it usually plays was not going to change at all ut, Once the honeymoon is for the rest of their life, what over, “Jane” tries to reconcile would you do tomorrow?” the differences between “Dick” Write down the answer and call and her mythic prince, but me, Pte you what todo with “Dick” won't change. “Jane” it bas a problem. If she chooses 3) If ene chooses to “divorce” her prince, then she'll divorce their fantasy rather than their “Dick” because he wasn’t reality, here's a tool to “royal” enough. But if she immediately strengthen a sticks with “Dick”, thenshehas relationship. Every time 1 use tolethr fantasy lover go. What this with my wife, we grow a conundrum! In California, deeper in love. Ask your mate (65% of frst marriage partners if they wonld please sive yon choose their fantasy and 35 a list of the 10 things they percent choosetostick withthe have always dreamed of netson they actually married. having in thoir mate Pura But cither way, there's @ few of these on your to-do list “divorce”. for Valentine’s Day. 3 TOOLS FOR RELATIONSHIPS, 1 am author of “Learn Your Heart Virtue” and 1 teach Learning Annex classes, if you want more tips on relationship building, Contact us at: swe LifeCamp com 1) Here's a tip that will help you more than you could possibly imagine: If you want to get to know the person you're really with, Pay attention to Vol. 1, No.7, 2008