Going back to an earlier time – increases compassion

(personal example – kid was naughty and got scolded. 5 minutes later found in room crying like he was
hurt, “what happened?” He answers, “I’m a bad boy.” I didn’t say that… when kids are little, they’re
perfect. When they talk they’re going to do that stuff – they think it with their little mind and it’s stuck.

Do you remember how old you were when you first had that thought?

 Get a detailed general physical description

 Plant an emotional description of the pain – you keep it in your head like a secret

Get in touch with what it was like to be that little kid, (what it felt like to have that secret in your head)
Then imagine that she’s walking in the room right now.

 Get a detailed specific description

o Imagine that little outfit on/those shoes /little hands/that little hairdo

If she were here, what would you want to say to her? You know what is going on inside her.

 You know what’s ahead of her. Some of the things that are going on here were going on there.
What would you want to say to her?
 Client says X
 (Challenge client if he comforts) But she has these thoughts. She has these scary thoughts that
deep down there’s something wrong with her. Can you see it? Can you see it in her eyes?

Is she doing a little act for you? Does she want to be thought of well? What does she try to do with the
adults around her? Is she drawing attention to herself? Is she trying to hide?

 Client describes coping mechanism

o She’s doing that for us here but we can see through it. She doesn’t even know they are
just thoughts. She thinks there’s something bad about her
 Client will comfort her

(Once Client comforts kid, shift towards getting client to accept kid) - Just like when you’re arguing with
your head, do you think that’s really doing it for the kid? Just saying the words implies the opposite.

 What does she want from you and others? Does she want to be told to think differently?
 What would might you do in the world of behavior to express what it is that she wants?

Let’s actually bring her up here. She’s going to get with you. Because she’s here with you now anyway.

 Is there anything that has to change about this little girl before she’s OK? Is what she’s asking
for so outrageous? Like has she done something so horrible?

When you challenge her and tell her not to think that - it feels like she’s done something wrong.

 So if she hasn’t done anything wrong that deserves this, why don’t we just get with her? Is she a
good little kid?
o It’s OK for her to be this little girl and to still be loved and accepted even though
sometime she worries. We’re going to tell her with our behaviour, it’s OK.
She’s here with you right now and completely inside of you.

Now here’s the question – can you honor what you did behaviourally? What you did was you basically
said with your behaviour it’s OK for her to be her and you’d stand with her.

When you have a thought I’m bad and you have to tell her not to think that, you might as well slap her

So when you have the thought and you stand with her, the form of that is something more like – OK.

Moving from little kid to hugging all the passengers on the bus
Can you handle even these bad voices like little dried flowers – holding them lightly to not crush them

 When you go after your thoughts you are saying there is something about me that’s
unacceptable – let’s just slap the little girl?
o Notice how little compassion you are having for yourself with the criticisms

Let’s grow the kid up to the point she is now criticising herself – does she need anything different?

 Can we have what we do in here be about loving and accepting yourself? Even if it means
making room for those ugly passengers? Is it OK to be a whole person with mind chatter?

Let’s take this in the other direction – let’s imagine its 20 years later. How old would you be? Your old
self is sitting here and I’m asking her do you remember how you felt when you were X? I then tell the
older you to bring in the younger you and she looks just like you’re dressed now. What did she want?

 And is she so bad that she doesn’t deserve it? Watch your mind - it’s going to run to judgement.
 Your mind can’t do what I’m asking you to do – it’s an organ that predicts and judges. We don’t
have to accept what the mind throws at us. We can accept this little kid who just so happens
to be having this thought.

Is it OK for the young you to have these thought? Are we going to slap her for it?

 You’ve been slapping her. Part of your feeling called depression is part of that process. It is not
OK to be me. This leads you nowhere.

So here’s the younger you

Which of these thoughts, as a thought, can you not have? Which of these thoughts, as a thought, show
that deep down there’s something wrong with you? (get client to “none of them. I can have them all)

So let’s take this younger you and put her on your lap

 Notice your mind making judgements. What percentage are negative? There it goes again.
Thank your mind for the thought. Just watch it for a moment.
 Dull down Mr. Mind at this point making his judgements but go back to – is there anything in
that thought that needs to change before your life can be about what it is that you want, what
you value, and doing it in a way that’s loving and compassionate towards yourself? Is there
anything in there that you can’t have?
o Do you have to change it, make it go away, make it change its form?