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ISPEAK

7 signs you might be a narcissist

Narcissism goes far beyond obvious manifestations of a desperate need for validation and admiration

Chinie Diaz
Published 8:00 AM, July 15, 2013
Updated 4:13 PM, September 01, 2014

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I was recently interviewed about my thoughts on selfies for a segment on the TV5 show Reaksyon, because of the
Selfie illustration series I started a few weeks ago.
Not so surprisingly, that same segment also showed a psychologist who mentioned that extreme selfie-taking could
be a sign of a narcissistic personality disorder.

It’s easy to throw the word “narcissist” around these days, especially with people showing an almost alarming amount
of self-absorption all over the Internet. But is every enthusiastic selfie-taker — who lives or dies by the number of
Facebook likes he/she receives — necessarily a narcissist? I think not. Neither do I think that all narcissists are
immediately identifiable as such.
 
Carl Vogel, in Pyschology Today says, “A narcissist can be hard to identify, in part because he is likely to be much
more fascinating than you would expect for someone so self-absorbed, and in part because you wouldn't think
someone HOW DOES
with THISself-regard
such STORY MAKE YOU FEEL?
could be so defensive and needy.”
kcaB 

Narcissism (as a personality disorder) is also a lot more complex than we realize. Apparently it goes far beyond just
8% 1% 2% 6%
the obvious
Happy manifestations
Sad of
Angry a desperate
Don't Care need for validation and admiration.
elpoep rehto edam seirots esehT
So how do you tell if you’re a narcissist
!tuo mehfor
t kcereal?
hC Here are 7 warning signs:
9% 3% 67% 4%
Inspired Afraid Amused Annoyed
1. You’re a rotten listener.

THIS STORY MAKES PEOPLE AMUSED

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Narcissists tend to be very one-sided when it comes to discussions. And the one side they focus on, of course, is
theirs. All conversations center on “me, me, me.” Instead of seeking to understand or respond, narcissists “dismiss,
negate, ignore, minimize, denigrate or otherwise render irrelevant other people’s concerns.” (Source here)

2. You put other people down to make yourself look better.

Dr Craig Malkin calls this “projected feelings of insecurity” and explains that “narcissists say and do things, subtle or
obvious, to make people feel less smart, less accomplished, less competent.”

There’s a quote I once saw that goes like this:

And that’s exactly what narcissists do. They downplay (or downright diss) the talents and achievements of others,
thinking that it will make their own seem more impressive.

3. You think rules don’t apply to you.

My sister-in-law, who is a flight attendant, once told me a story about a rather famous blogger who went berserk on a
flight, simply because he was (nicely) told that he couldn’t transfer to a premium seat just because it was empty.

Narcissists tend to believe that because they’re so special, they’re above the rules and conventions that apply to
regular folks. They also hate feeling controlled in any way, so rules (or even worse, commands) are either ignored, or
result in irritation, resentment or anger.
4. You can’t handle criticism.

“Narcissists paradoxically manifest an inflated idea of their own importance, yet are quick to feel deflated by negative
feedback. In addition, because they think everything is about them, they hear others’ attempts to talk about personal
feelings as veiled criticisms of themselves.” - Psychology Today
As far as narcissists are concerned, they are never to blame when something goes wrong. Anything that threatens to
puncture the bubble of their extreme specialness is considered the enemy, and any criticism (real or perceived)
results in anger and finger-pointing.

5. You idol-worship.
According to Dr Malkin, a common but less recognized narcissistic tendency is the habit of putting people on
pedestals. “The fact that no one can be perfect is usually lost on the idol-worshipping narcissist,” Malkin says. “The
logic goes a bit like this: ‘If I find someone perfect to be close to, maybe some of their perfection will rub off on me,
and I'll become perfect by association.’”

6. You hide or lie about your childhood and family history.

Without going into detail (because I might get into trouble – hehe) let me say that I have a relative who was exiled
from the country for several years because she wrote the biography of a very famous person. The biography was
actually complimentary, but said famous person was not a fan because it revealed that she came from a more
modest background than she let on. This is pretty common behavior for narcissists, who more often than not are the
result of a difficult or problematic history.

“Narcissism seems to be born of neglect and abuse, both of which are notorious for creating an insecure attachment
style. Insecurely attached people can't talk coherently about their family and childhood; their early memories are
confused, contradictory, and riddled with gaps. Narcissists often give themselves away precisely because their
childhood story makes no sense, and the most common myth they carry around is the perfect family story.” – Craig
Malkin

7. You have a desperate need to always be in control.

Narcissists feel the need to maintain a sense of perfect autonomy and a feeling of total independence. They hate
having to admit that they can be affected by anyone or anything outside of themselves. This will sometimes manifest
itself into a fear of showing emotions.
It can also lead to manipulative, controlling and abusive behavior.
If their manipulative and self-centered ways mean that people might not like them very much, that’s not really a
problem to narcissists. "It's not so much being liked. It's much more important to be admired. Studies have shown
narcissists are willing to sacrifice being liked if they think it's necessary to be admired," says Roy Baumeister, a social
psychologist at Florida State University in Tallahassee.

I have to admit that as unsavory as the descriptions above may have sounded, I actually saw a little of myself in there.
How about you? If you did find out that you might, in fact, be a bit of a narcissist, well, don’t go blaming ME or
anything. :)

I’m kidding, of course. Truth is, if you really were a hardcore narcissist, all this would probably just roll off your back.
So if you feel the need to check yourself, then there’s still hope. Just remember, as amazing as it may feel to be
admired, it’s really not the be-all and end-all of existence. And if the admiration you receive is based on something
that’s fabricated purely for the purpose of feeding a need for validation, then that’s a pretty empty reward.

It is far, far better to be honest and real than it is to be impressive. – Rappler.com

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EUROPE

France attack suspect sent 'selfie' with victim's severed head –source
The 'selfie' picture was sent via WhatsApp to a number in North America, says a source close to the investigation

Agence France-Presse
@afp
Published 1:01 AM, June 28, 2015
Updated 1:02 AM, June 28, 2015
TERROR ATTACK. A handout photo made available by the French Interior Ministry on 26 June 2015 shows members of the French Fire Service
outside the Air Products facility near the scene of a suspected Islamist attack. Photo by Aurore Lejune/EPA

PARIS, France – The man suspected of decapitating his boss and pinning his head to the gates of a gas factory in
France sent a "selfie" with the severed head, a source close to the investigation said Saturday, June 27.

Yassin Salhi, 35, was arrested after driving his van into a warehouse containing dangerous gases near France's
second city of Lyon. Authorities then found the severed head nearby.

The "selfie" picture was sent via the WhatsApp messaging system to a number in North America, said the source
close to the investigation.

However, it was not possible to fix the location of Salhi's contact, the source added. – Rappler.com

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