Are You Reacting Or Responding?

by
Linda-Ann Stewart

Many years ago, a friend of mine walked up behind another friend who had just
returned from two tours of duty in Viet Nam with the Marines. The vet didn't hear
my friend until she was right behind him. His training kicked in, and he whirled
and struck out with a karate chop. Fortunately, he caught himself in time, and my
friend apologized profusely for seeming to sneak up on him.

The Marine had spent months in mortal danger, using the survival skills he'd
learned, and was still reacting as if he were in the jungle. We are trained much
the same way when we're children and teenagers. Over time, we learn a certain
way of reacting that reflects our parents' attitudes, our school environment, our
friends' attitudes. We may have grown up in a dangerous situation, such as with
an abusive parent or being harassed in school, and discovered that being quiet
and invisible kept us safer. Or we might have learned to strike out in anger to
reduce our risk. When we grow older, we continue those reactions without
thinking, just as my marine friend did.

However, now that we're older, and no longer in the hostile environment, we can
consciously choose a different way to respond to our current situation. This is the
difference between "re-acting" and "responding." When we "re-act," we act in the
same way, over and over, automatically. By consciously choosing what kind of
result we want, and how we want to feel about ourselves afterwards, we're
"responding" to the situation.

There's an old adage that goes something like this, "If you always do what you've
always done, you're always going to get what you've always gotten." By
continuing to react in the same way we always have, we're never going to
change and neither will our lives. It's not easy to change old reaction patterns,
but it can be done. We can begin by looking at reactions that aren't working in
our lives.

Do you avoid risk and criticism, but want to achieve more in your life? It may feel
scary, but decide to accept the next opportunity that takes you out of your
comfort zone. When you get into a disagreement with someone close, do you
either lash out or hide? Does this give you the best resolution? If not, assess how
you can respond to the situation the next time. Role-play it in your imagination.
You may feel an almost irresistible urge to fall back into your old reaction, but
resist it, and follow through with your chosen response.
Visualizing the new response can make the new response more automatic. The
subconscious can't tell the difference between a strong image and reality. If we
rehearse the new response over and over, the subconscious will tend to act on
the impressed response more easily. When you visualize, use all of your senses;
such as sight, sound, feelings, even smells to make it more real. The more you
practice at visualization, as with any new skill, the better at it you'll become.

To change the old patterns permanently, we need to choose our responses, and
act on them every time the triggering situation arises. Otherwise, we give the
subconscious mind conflicting information. If we vacillate back and forth between
the old reaction and the new response, the subconscious will tend to draw us
back into the familiar mold. However, if we react, but catch ourselves doing it and
immediately change to our chosen response, the subconscious will begin to
catch on.

As my Marine friend became more comfortable in being back home, in safety, his
hair trigger responses began to fade. The same is true of us. Now that we are in
a different situation than the one in which we learned to react, we can choose
more positive responses. Responses that bring us the results we want.

Affirmation
Using the power of my creative mind, I can make new choices and new
responses. My old reactions are no longer necessary and it's now safe for me to
create new responses in uncomfortable situations. I discover that reactions
haven't been working for me, and formulate new responses for those conditions.
The Universe supports me in every way in creating a better life for myself.