Prompt 1: Take a moment to reflect on your scores on the Conflict Styles Inventory, and

respond to the following questions:

a) What was your highest score? Do you agree with the assessment? Name the style and
discuss your perceptions regarding this style with respect to your own thoughts
regarding how you approach conflict situations. Provide an example from your own life
of your experience with this style of conflict (either using the style yourself, or as
employed by someone else in a conflict situation). Be specific.
My highest score was a 31 on compromising. I would say that I agree with this score because I
really try to Compromise a lot when I am having a conflict with my team. For example, Working
at Starbucks certain baristas want to go on bar and make drinks and some want to be on
register all day. For me to have certain Barista do what I want I usually try to compromise the
situation and try to find a middle ground.

b) What was your second-highest score? Was it very close to your highest score, or
significantly lower? Do you agree with the assessment? Discuss your perceptions
regarding this style (and any interactions with your highest score) with respect to how
you approach conflict situations. Provide an example from your own life of your
experience with this style of conflict (either using the style yourself, or as employed by
someone else in a conflict situation). Be specific.
My second highest score was on integrating. which I think goes hand in hand with
compromising. The score was very close to my highest score by 1 point.
I would agree with this assessment. it is kind of crazy how accurate it is.

c) Discuss one thing that works pretty well about your preferred conflict style; in other
words, what is one advantage for you about it?
I think that comprising works really well with my conflict style because The end product it is find
a middle ground so that both parties can be happy.

d) Discuss one disadvantage you’ve found in using your preferred conflict style.

The bummer part about compromising is that there are times when no one wants to
meet in the middle. and when this happens I am left with no solution. Just bitterness.

e) Finally, what is one specific way you could improve your general approach to conflict?
(This answer might include incorporating more of one of your lower scores, etc.)
I could incorporate being more dominating. With that I don't have to compromise just take over.

Prompt 2: INSTRUCTIONS: For each of the following five scenarios (a – e), identify at least
one of Gibb’s categories of defense-arousing communication (McCann textbook, page 257-
260). Then rewrite the original statement in a way that replaces the defense-arousing
statement with more supportive language. Then add two of your own scenarios (f – g)
following a similar format, based on experiences.

Following are Gibb’s categories:

Evaluation vs. Description
Control vs. Problem Orientation
Strategy vs. Spontaneity
Neutrality vs. Empathy
Superiority vs. Equality
Certainty vs. Provisionalism

Example: Girl to her older brother: “You don’t have a life. All you do is play on the
computer!”

Types of defense-arousing communication: evaluation, certainty

More supportive way of communicating: “I’ve noticed that you’ve been playing
on your computer several hours a day lately. I’m concerned that you might be neglecting
the other aspects of your life. Can we talk about this?”
a) Girl to her ex-boyfriend: “You’re never going to graduate from high school, and you’ll just
end up in a blue-collar job for the rest of your life!”

Types of defense-arousing communication: problem orientation, certainty

More supportive way of communicating: “ If you don’t work hard in school now you might
not graduate high school and then you will only have blue collar options for work”.

b) One person to coworker: “You keep whining about missing your girlfriend, and we’re tired of
listening to you. Why don’t you just move to Arizona so you can be with her?”

Types of defense-arousing communication: empathy, superiority

More supportive way of communicating: “have you thought about moving in with your
girlfriend since you miss her so much?

c) Girl to her brother: “If I thought about business half as much as you do, I’d be 10 times more
successful than you.”

Types of defense-arousing communication:evaluation, equality

More supportive way of communicating: “ I feel as though you should pay attention to your
work more”.

d) One person to her brother: “All you do is party. You’re wasting the money
Mom and Dad are spending to put you through school.”

Types of defense-arousing communication: description, and spontaneity.

More supportive way of communicating: “ I feel as though you are waisting your time
partying and time is money and mom and dad are paying for your school”.

e) A boss to an employee: “You’re always taking time off work to take care of your baby. I’m
going to have to let you go if this continues.”

Types of defense-arousing communication: evaluation. empathy

More supportive way of communicating:

“ I know raising a child is hard and it takes a lot of time. maybe you need a job with a more
flexible schedule.

f) Your Example 1: wife says to husband, “ you never listen to me because you are always on
your stupid phone.”

Types of defense-arousing communication:control, equality

More supportive way of communicating: “ I would like you to pay more attention to me and
less to your phone.
g) Your Example 2: Husband says to wife, “ you can’t tell your mother everything about our
private life, we are a family now not your mother”.

Types of defense-arousing communication:

problem orientation, empathy
More supportive way of communicating:
“babe, I would like to keep our personal lives private, so if you could tell your mother
everything I would appreciate that”.

Prompt 3: INSTRUCTIONS: For each of the following five scenarios (a – e), identify two
different ways you could respond non-defensively to the speaker – then add two of your own
scenarios (f – g) following a similar format, based on experiences. (Adapted from Activity
10.4, page 265 in the second edition of the textbook).

In your responses, choose from the following non-defensive response styles:

Ask for specifics

Guess about specifics
Paraphrase speaker’s ideas
Ask what the critic wants
Ask about the consequences of your behavior
Ask what else is wrong
Agree with the critic’s perception

Example: A boss says to an employee: “Don’t ever treat a customer that way again!”
One type of non-defensive response: Ask what the critic wants
How you could say it: “What would you like me to do differently next time?”
Second type of non-defensive response: agree with the truth
How you could say it: “You’re right; I lost my temper. I’m sorry.”

a) A mom says to her daughter: “If you move in with those other girls you’ll just end up
fighting with them because you have a hard personality to live with.”

Non-defensive response type: Agree with the critic’s perception

How you could say it: You are just like me and have a strong personality, and the other
girls will not know how to act around you.

Non-defensive response type: Paraphrase speaker’s ideas

How you could say it: So you are saying that I am crazy so I cant live with other girls?
b) A husband to his wife: “Must be nice to have a day off to just do whatever you want.”

Non-defensive response type: Ask what else is wrong

How you could say it: “are you upset because I have a day off?

Non-defensive response type: Ask about the consequences of your behavior

How you could say it:” being bitter about my day off is not helpful to our relationship.

c) A guy to his girlfriend: “You spend way too much money on clothes.”

Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics

How you could say it: How many times have I boughten clothes this month?

Non-defensive response type: Paraphrase speaker’s ideas

How you could say it: So you are saying I am not responsible with my money because I
buy clothes.

d) One roommate to another: “You’re neurotic!”

Non-defensive response type: Agree with the critic’s perception

How you could say it: You are right I am a list neurotic

Non-defensive response type: Paraphrase speaker’s ideas

How you could say it: Do you think that I am neurotic because you are upset right now?

e) A girl to her boyfriend: “Your life is out of control—you have no direction!”

Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics

How you could say it: In what way do you think my life has no direction?

Non-defensive response type: Ask what the critic wants

How you could say it: What would you have me do to find direction in my life?
f) Your Example 1: Wife says to husband: you work too much and are never home!

Non-defensive response type: Ask what else is wrong

How you could say it: Is it just that I work too much that is the issue or is there
something else bothering you?

Non-defensive response type: Agree with the critic’s perception

How you could say it:

You are right baby I need to find time with you more and less at work

g) Your Example 2:Husband says to wife: “ you never get dressed up for dates anymore! is
the romance dead between us?

Non-defensive response type: Paraphrase speaker’s ideas

How you could say it: Do you feel like I don't care about our relationship anymore
because I don't get dress up as much?

Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics

How you could say it: What would you like me to wear?
 CONFLICT STYLE INVENTORY (For Prompt 1)

PART 1

INSTRUCTIONS: For each of the following statements, choose a number between 1 and 7 that
represents the degree to which you agree or disagree with the statement.

(1= strongly disagree, 7=strongly agree)

1. I generally try to satisfy the needs of my peers. -5

2. I try to work out a compromise that gives both of us some of what we want.-4
3. I try to work with my peers to find solutions that satisfy our expectations.-5
4. I usually avoid open discussions of differences with my peers.-3
5. I exert pressure on my peers to make decisions in my favor.-1
6. I try to find a middle course or compromise to resolve an impasse.-5
7. I use my influence to get my ideas accepted.-6
8. I use my authority to get decisions made in my favor.-3
9. I usually accommodate the wishes of my peers.-6
10. I give in to the wishes of my peers.-3
11. I bargain with my peers so that a middle ground can be reached.-3
12. I exchange information with my peers to solve a problem together.-6
13. I sometimes bend over backward to accommodate the desires of my peers.-4
14. I sometimes take a moderate position so that a compromise can be reached.-5
15. I usually propose a middle ground for breaking deadlocks.-5
16. I negotiate with my peers so that a compromise can be reached.-4
17. I try to stay away from disagreement with my peers.-3
18. I avoid conflict situations with my peers.-4
19. I use my expertise to make others decide in my favor.-5
20. I often go along with the suggestions of my peers.-5
21. I try to give and take so that a compromise can be made.-5
22. I try to bring all our concerns out in the open so that issues can be resolved in the best
possible way.-6
23. I collaborate with my peers to come up with decisions acceptable to us.-6
24. I try to satisfy the expectations of my peers.-5
25. I sometimes use my power to win a competitive situation.-3
26. I try to keep my disagreement with my peers to myself to avoid hard feelings.-4
27. I try to avoid unpleasant exchanges with my peers.-6
28. I keep disagreements with my peers to myself to prevent disrupting our relationship.-4
29. I try to work with my peers for a proper understanding of a problem.-7

Source: Deborah Cai and Edward L. Fink, “Conflict Style Differences Between Individualists and
Collectivists” Communication Monographs 69, pp. 67–87. Copyright 2002. Reprinted by
permission of Taylor & Francis and the authors.

PART 2: SCORING (next page)

INSTRUCTIONS: Score your inventory by adding up sets of numbers as follows:

A. Add up your scores for 1, 9, 10, 13, 20, and 24; then divide the total by 6.
This is your Accommodating Score. 28

B. Add up your scores for 2, 6, 11, 14, 15, 16, and 21; then divide the total by 7.
This is your Compromising Score. 31

C. Add up your scores for 3, 12, 22, 23 and 29; then divide the total by 5.
This is your Integrating Score. 30

D. Add up your scores for 4, 17, 18, 26, 27, and 28; then divide the total by 6.
This is your Avoiding Score. 24

E. Add up your scores for 5, 7, 8, 19, and 25; then divide the total by 5.
This is your Dominating Score. 18