THE ART OF LISTENING

A zoologist was walking down a busy city street with a friend. In the midst of
the honking horns and screeching tires, he exclaimed to his friend, "Listen to
that cricket!"

The friend looked at the zoologist in astonishment and said, "You hear a
cricket in the middle of all this noise and confusion?"

Without a word, the zoologist reached into his pocket, took out a coin, and
flipped it into the air. As it clinked on the sidewalk, a dozen heads turned in
response.

The zoologist said quietly to his friend, "We hear what we listen for."

Day after day, inside and outside of business, we miss important information
because we don't listen with full attention. We also misunderstand and
misinterpret messages and ideas because of our preconceptions, biases, and
wishes. Take the manager who dreaded to see his secretary go away for her
two-week vacation. When the secretary told the boss she'd be taking time off,
it just didn't sink in. Said the secretary later: "I told my boss three times I was
planning on taking my vacation in October. It just didn't register."

Minor slipups in communication can have major repercussions, as any

sensitive manager knows. Lack of communication between you and others in
your company can not only foul up job assignments and raise the cost of
doing business, it can also cause hurt feelings and generally lower morale.

Listening is an art that requires work, self-discipline, and skill. The art of
communication springs as much from knowing when to listen as it does from
knowing how to use words well. Ask any good salesperson or negotiator
about the value of silence. He or she will tell you good listeners generally
make more sales and better deals than good talkers.

To sharpen listening skills, you need patience and practice. Here are some
suggestions that have helped others become better listeners:

1. RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO MONOPOLIZE CONVERSATION. If you

like to dominate a situation or feel you know everything there is to know about
a subject, you're probably a poor listener. Remain open to new ideas instead
of impatiently waiting for a chance to butt in with what you think is the final
word on the subject. Before you speak, make sure that the speaker has had a
chance to make his point.Many people think aloud and tend to grope toward
their meaning. Their initial statements may be only a vague approximation of
what they mean.

2. AVOID JUDGING THE SPEAKER TOO SOON. Good listeners try not to
become preoccupied with a speaker's mannerisms or delivery. Instead of
thinking, for instance, "What a monotone this guy has," ask yourself, "What's
in the message that I should know?" or "What can this add to my knowledge
and experience?"

3. DON'T FAKE ATTENTION. When we decide that what a speaker has to

say is boring or useless, we frequently pretend to listen. It's usually quite easy
for an attentive listener to recognize that our "uh-huhs" are really "ho-hums."
When he does, his thinking is likely to become confused, he may get
annoyed, and his delivery will probably deteriorate.

Attentive listeners remain alert and maintain eye contact. Simple gestures --
nodding, raising the eyebrows, or leaning forward -- all can convey interest.
Occasional comments, such as "I see," "That's interest," or "Tell me more
about that," if said with genuine interest, can go a long way toward reassuring
the speaker.
4. LISTEN FOR IDEAS, AS WELL AS FACTS. When we listen, we tend to get
bogged down trying to retain the facts and we miss the ideas behind them.
For example, when a person starts running through a list of seven points, the
listener immediately begins mulling over the first point, trying to remember it.
Meanwhile, point two is being explained. How he's preoccupied with two facts
and is apt to miss the third point altogether. So it goes through point seven:
some facts retained, some missed, and others confused. Instead of getting
lost in a string of disassociated fragments, make an effort to understand what
the facts add up to by relating them to each other and seeing what key ideas
bind them together.

5. BE ALERT TO NONVERBAL CLUES OR "BODY LANGUAGE." Try not

only to listen to what is said but also to understand the attitudes and motives
that lie behind the words. Also remember that the speaker does not always
put his entire message into words. For example, there is sometimes
considerable difference between the auditory cues and the behavioral cues
emitted by the speaker. While his verbal message may convey conviction
about a new idea or proposal, his gestures, posture, facial expressions, and
tone of voice may convey doubt and lack of enthusiasm.

6. USE THE SPEED OF THOUGHT PRODUCTIVELY. Because we usually

think three to four times faster than we talk, we often get impatient with a
speaker's slow progress, and our minds wander. Try using the extra time by
silently reviewing and summarizing the speaker's main points. Then, when
he's finished, you can restate the points and ask the speaker if you've
understood the message. Questions such as "Is this what you mean?" or "Do I
understand you correctly?" are not only supportive because they show your
interest, they also reduce the chance of misunderstanding later on.

Listening Skills. Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in
the communicationprocess. ... Without the ability to listen effectively, messages are easily
misunderstood. As a result,communication breaks down and the sender of the message can
easily become frustrated or irritated.