Stress Management

What Is Stress?
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ALEAIMAGE
Learn how to create calm in your life.
A lot of research has been conducted into stress

over the last hundred years. Some of the
theories behind it are now settled and accepted;
others are still being researched and debated.
During this time, there seems to have been something approaching open
warfare between competing theories and definitions: views have been
passionately held and aggressively defended.
What complicates this is that intuitively we all feel that we know what stress
is, as it is something we have all experienced. A definition should,
therefore, be obvious... except that it is not.
Definition of Stress
Hans Selye was one of the founding fathers of stress research. His view in
his book "The Stress of Life" was that "stress is not necessarily something
bad – it all depends on how you take it. The stress of exhilarating, creative
successful work is beneficial, while that of failure, humiliation or infection is
detrimental." Selye believed that the biochemical effects of stress would be
experienced irrespective of whether the situation was positive or negative.
Since then, a great deal of further research has been conducted, and ideas
have moved on. Stress is now viewed as a "bad thing", with a range of
harmful biochemical and long-term effects. These effects have rarely been
observed in positive situations.
The most commonly accepted definition of stress (mainly attributed to
Richard S. Lazarus in his book "Psychological Stress and the Coping
Process") is that stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person
perceives that "demands exceed the personal and social resources the
individual is able to mobilize." In short, it's what we feel when we think
we've lost control of events.
This is the main definition used by this section of Mind Tools, although we
also recognize that there is an intertwined instinctive stress response to
unexpected events. The stress response inside us is, therefore, part
instinct and part to do with the way we think.
How We Respond to Stress

Some of the early research on stress (conducted by Walter Cannon in
1932) established the existence of the well-known "fight-or-flight" response.
His work showed that when an organism experiences a shock or perceives
a threat, it quickly releases hormones that help it to survive.
In humans, as in other animals, these hormones help us to run faster and

fight harder. They increase heart rate and blood pressure, delivering more
oxygen and blood sugar to power important muscles. They increase
sweating in an effort to cool these muscles, and help them stay efficient.
They divert blood away from the skin to the core of our bodies, reducing
blood loss if we are damaged. As well as this, these hormones focus our
attention on the threat, to the exclusion of everything else. All of this
significantly improves our ability to survive life-threatening events.
Not only life-threatening events trigger this reaction: we experience it

almost any time we come across something unexpected or something that
frustrates our goals. When the threat is small, our response is small and we
often do not notice it among the many other distractions of a stressful
situation.
Unfortunately, this mobilization of the body for survival also has negative
consequences. In this state, we are excitable, anxious, jumpy and irritable.
This actually reduces our ability to work effectively with other people. With
trembling and a pounding heart, we can find it difficult to execute precise,
controlled skills. The intensity of our focus on survival interferes with our
ability to make fine judgments by drawing information from many sources.
We find ourselves more accident-prone and less able to make good
decisions.
There are very few situations in modern working life where this response is
useful. Most situations benefit from a calm, rational, controlled and socially
sensitive approach.
In the short term, we need to keep this fight-or-flight response under control
to be effective in our jobs. In the long term we need to keep it under control
to avoid problems of poor health and burnout.
Note:
The ideas of "eustress" (good stress) and "distress" (bad stress) were
developed by Hans Selye, one of the early researchers on stress. Selye
believed that a mild level of stress encouraged animals and people to
behave in a more active way, while an excessive level of stress would
hamper their performance.
Since then, other people have drawn similar conclusions, substituting

the idea of "stress" with the idea of "pressure". Framed in this way, this
is an important and valuable idea. With all of its associations of
unhappiness and loss of control, real stress is now seen as a bad thing in
all circumstances.
The ideas of "eustress" and "distress" are therefore no longer useful.

Indeed, they may be harmful in that they may encourage managers to try
to motivate subordinates by increasing the amount of unpleasant stress
they experience. The error in this approach is clear if you remember that
"pressure" is a different thing from "stress".
Warning:
Stress can cause severe health problems and, in extreme cases, death.
While these stress management techniques have been shown to have a
positive effect on reducing stress, they are for guidance only, and
readers should take the advice of suitably qualified health professionals
if they have any concerns over stress-related illnesses or if stress is
causing significant or persistent unhappiness. Health professionals
should also be consulted before any major change in diet or levels of
exercise.
Managing Stress
Create Calm in Your Career
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rob_lan
Find your oasis and embrace the calm.
Many of us experience stress in life, whether

this is in the short term from one-off projects, or
long-term stress from a high-pressure career.
Not only can this be profoundly unpleasant, it can seriously affect our
health and our work. However, it is possible to manage stress, if you use
the right tools and techniques.
In this article, we'll look at what stress is, what increases your risk of
experiencing it, and how you can manage it, so that it doesn't affect your
well-being and productivity.
Warning:
exercise.
What Is Stress?
A widely accepted definition of stress, attributed to psychologist and
professor Richard Lazarus, is, "a condition or feeling experienced when a
person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources
the individual is able to mobilize."
This means that we experience stress if we believe that we don't have the
time, resources, or knowledge to handle a situation. In short, we
experience stress when we feel "out of control."
This also means that different people handle stress differently, in different
situations: you'll handle stress better if you're confident in your abilities, if
you can change the situation to take control, and if you feel that you have
the help and support needed to do a good job.
Reactions to Stress
We have two instinctive reactions that make up our stress response. These
are the "fight or flight" response, and the General Adaptation Syndrome
(GAS). Both of these reactions can happen at the same time.
Fight or Flight
Walter Cannon identified the "fight or flight" response as early as 1932. It's
a basic, short-term survival response, which is triggered when we
experience a shock, or when we see something that we perceive as a
threat.
Our brains then release stress hormones that prepare the body to either
"fly" from the threat, or "fight" it. This energizes us, but it also makes us
excitable, anxious, and irritable.
The problem with the fight or flight response is that, although it helps us
deal with life-threatening events, we can also experience it in everyday
situations – for example, when we have to work to short deadlines, when
we speak in public, or when we experience conflict with others.
In these types of situations, a calm, rational, controlled, and socially-

sensitive approach is often more appropriate.
General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS)

GAS, which Hans Selye identified in 1950, is a response to long-term
exposure to stress.
Selye found that we cope with stress in three distinct phases:
1. The alarm phase, where we react to the stressor.

2. The resistance phase, where we adapt to, and cope with, the stressor.
The body can't keep up resistance indefinitely, so our physical and
emotional resources are gradually depleted.
3. The exhaustion phase, where, eventually, we're "worn down" and we
cannot function normally.
Tip:
Fight or flight and GAS are actually linked – the exhaustion phase of
GAS comes from an accumulation of very many fight or flight
responses, over a long period of time.
Stress and the Way We Think

When we encounter a situation, we make two (often unconscious)
judgments.
First, we decide whether the situation is threatening – this could be a threat

to our social standing, values, time, or reputation, as well as to our survival.
This can then trigger the fight or flight response, and the alarm phase of
GAS.
Next, we judge whether we have the resources to meet the perceived

threat. These resources can include time, knowledge, emotional
capabilities, energy, strength, and much more.
How stressed we feel then depends on how far out of control we feel, and
how well we can meet the threat with the resources we have available.
Signs of Stress
Everyone reacts to stress differently. However, some common signs and
symptoms of the fight or flight response include:
 Frequent headaches.
 Cold or sweaty hands and feet.
 Frequent heartburn, stomach pain, or nausea.
 Panic attacks.
 Excessive sleeping, or insomnia.
 Persistent difficulty concentrating.
 Obsessive or compulsive behaviors.
 Social withdrawal or isolation.
 Constant fatigue.
 Irritability and angry episodes.
 Significant weight gain or loss.
 Consistent feelings of being overwhelmed or overloaded.
Tip:
You can see a more comprehensive list of stress signs and symptoms at
the American Institute of Stress website.
Consequences of Stress
Stress impacts our ability to do our jobs effectively, and it affects how we
work with other people. This can have a serious impact on our careers, our
general well-being, and our relationships.
Long-term stress can also cause conditions such as burnout to identify the
causes of short-term or frequent stress in your life. As you write down
events, think about why this situation stresses you out. Also, use
the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale to identify where you can improve, and
make sure that you use time management tools such as To-Do Lists ,
and Eisenhower's Urgent/Important Principle to think about what's most
important in your role, so that you can prioritize your work more effectively.
This helps you reduce stress, because you get the greatest return from
your efforts, and you minimize the time you spend on low-value activities.
Also, avoid multitasking at certain times, and don't use electronic devices
for a while before going to bed, so that you use this time to "switch off" fully.
Other People
People can be a significant source of stress. Our guide to Managing
Conflicting Priorities , Managing Your Boundaries , and Saying "Yes" to the
Person, but "No" to the Task .
2. Emotion-Oriented Approaches
Emotion-oriented approaches are useful when the stress you're
experiencing comes from the way that you perceive a situation. (It can be
annoying for people to say this, but a lot of stress comes from overly-
negative thinking.)
To change how you think about stressful situations:
 Use Cognitive Restructuring , and Thought Awareness, Rational

Thinking, and Positive Thinking to learn how to think more positively.
 Use Affirmations to overcome short-term negative thinking, so that you
feel more positive about stressful situations.
Tip:
Some people experience stress because they're maladaptive
perfectionists or a fear of success and physical relaxation – this
could include your friends and family, as well as people at work and
professional providers, such as counselors or family doctors.
 Get enough exercise , and learn how to make the most of your down
time and build resilience , Surviving Long Work Hours , and Surviving a
Stressful Job
The Holmes and Rahe Stress

Scale
Understanding the Impact of Long-Term Stress
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vkbhat
Do you need to take a step back?
People use the word "stress" to describe a wide

variety of situations – from your cell phone
ringing while you're talking on another phone –
to the feelings associated with intense work
overload, or the death of a loved-one.
But perhaps the most useful and widely accepted definition of stress
(mainly attributed to Richard S. Lazarus) is this: stress is a condition or
feeling experienced when a person perceives that "demands exceed the
personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize." In less
formal terms, we feel stressed when we feel that "things are out of control."
Our ability to cope with the demands upon us is key to our experience of
stress. For example, starting a new job might be a wholly exciting
experience if everything else in your life is stable and positive. But if you
start a new job when you've just moved into a new house, or your partner is
ill, or you're experiencing money problems, you might find it very hard to
cope.
How much of this does it take to push you "over the edge?" Not all unusual
events are equally hard to deal with. For example, compare the stress of
divorce with that of a change in responsibilities at work. Because of this,
you need to be able to rate and measure your total stress score
appropriately.
The Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS), more commonly known as

the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, was created to do just that. This tool
helps us measure the stress load we carry, and think about what we should
do about it.
This article looks at the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, and explains how
you can use it to manage the stress in your life.
The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale

In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe decided to study
whether or not stress contributes to illness. They surveyed more than 5,000
medical patients and asked them to say whether they had experience any
of a series of 43 life events in the previous two years.
Each event, called a Life Change Unit (LCU), had a different "weight" for
stress. The more events the patient added up, the higher the score. The
higher the score, and the larger the weight of each event, the more likely
the patient was to become ill.
The Stress Scale

To score your stress levels, simply select Yes or No for each of the events
in the Statements column that have happened to you in the last year. Then
click Calculate My Total.
This table is taken from "The Social Readjustment Rating Scale", Thomas H. Holmes
and Richard H. Rahe, Journal of Psychosomatic Research, Volume 11, Issue 2,
August 1967, Pages 213-218, Copyright © 1967 Published by Elsevier Science Inc.
All rights reserved. Permission to reproduce granted by the publisher.
This scale must not be used in any way to cause harm to an individual's
professional career.
43 Statements to Answer Yes No
1Death of spouse (100)
2Divorce (73)
3Marital separation (65)
4Jail term (63)
5Death of close family member (63)
6Personal injury or illness (53)
7Marriage (50)
8Fired at work (47)
9Marital reconciliation (45)
10Retirement (45)
11Change in health of family member (44)
12Pregnancy (40)
13Sex difficulties (39)
14Gain of new family member (39)

15Business readjustment (39)
16Change in financial state (38)
17Death of close friend (37)
18Change to a different line of work (36)
19Change in number of arguments with spouse (35)
20A large mortgage or loan (31)
21Foreclosure of mortgage or loan (30)
22Change in responsibilities at work (29)
23Son or daughter leaving home (29)
24Trouble with in-laws (29)
25Outstanding personal achievement (28)
26Spouse begins or stops work (26)
27Begin or end school/college (26)
28Change in living conditions (25)
29Revision of personal habits (24)
30Trouble with boss (23)
31Change in work hours or conditions (20)
32Change in residence (20)
33Change in school/college (20)

34Change in recreation (19)
35Change in church activities (19)
36Change in social activities (18)
37A moderate loan or mortgage (17)
38Change in sleeping habits (16)
39Change in number of family get-togethers (15)
40Change in eating habits (15)
41Vacation (13)
42Christmas (12)
43Minor violations of the law (11)
Total = 0
Note: If you experienced the same event more than once, then to gain a
more accurate total, add the score again for each extra occurrence of the
event.
Score Interpretation
Score Comment
You have only a low to moderate chance of becoming ill in the near future.
11-150
You have a moderate to high chance of becoming ill in the near future.
150-299
You have a high or very high risk of becoming ill in the near future.
300-600
What You Can Do About This

If you find that you are at a moderate or high level of risk, then an obvious
first thing to do is to try to avoid future life crises.
While this is clearly easier said than done, you can usually avoid moving
house, for example, close to when you retire, or when one of your children
goes off to college; you can learn conflict resolution skills
Warning:
exercise.
Key Points
The Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale is a well-known tool for measuring the
amount of stress you’ve experienced within the past year. Taking the
test can help you see clearly if you’re at risk of illness due to stress.
Supporting a Friend or Co-

Worker Suffering From Stress
Lending a Helping Hand When Things Get Tough
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Cecilie_Arcurs
Support your colleagues through stress by offering a helping hand.
Lyra couldn't help but notice the change in

Cassie. Her friend had always been cheerful
and chatty, but lately she had become snappy
and dismissive.
Cassie was always the first to arrive at work, and among the last to leave.
But then she started coming into work later and later, and was often in a
rush to leave at the end of the day, too.
Lyra was worried. She wanted to help, but just didn't know what to do. So
she kept quiet. Eventually, her relationship with her friend all but
disappeared and, after a few months, Cassie handed in her notice and left.
Cassie was suffering from stress, something that's all too common in
modern, high-demand workplaces. If Lyra had recognized this, and known
how to support her, she might have been able to help, and to preserve their
friendship.
In this article, you can learn how to identify stress in others, and explore a
five-step strategy for tactfully offering your support, without becoming
overburdened yourself.
How to Identify Stress in Others

Stress , too much pressure can cause stress to build.
Even if your organization has a policy on mental health and an active HR
manager or team, it's most likely a friend or co-worker who'll be the first
person to notice a change in someone's behavior that could indicate stress.
Here are a few examples of unusual behaviors that could be signs of
stress:
 Snapping at colleagues.
 Losing concentration.
 Putting off decisions.
 Restlessness.
 Emotional volatility.
 Anxiety.
 Erratic behavior.
Why Giving Support Matters

Even when you know that someone is suffering from stress, it can be
difficult to broach the subject. You might be scared of causing offense,
making it worse, or causing the other person to become angry .
But offering your support can be a crucial first step in battling the often
serious mental and physical problems caused by excessive stress, such
as burnout and sensitive.
Start the conversation with a neutral question that encourages him to open
up. For example, "I've noticed that you don't seem quite yourself lately. Are
you OK? Can I help?"
He may not want to talk, in which case you'll need to respect his privacy.
Though you can still let him know that you're there if he ever does want to
chat.
If he does open up, use your emotional intelligence and without judgment.
This will show him that you're engaged and that you care. Sometimes, just
knowing that someone is listening can go a long way toward easing the
burden of stress.
2. Get to the Root of the Problem

Stress can be triggered by a number of different things. It might spike at
regular intervals (when preparing monthly reports, say, or meeting
mortgage payments), be continuous (a difficult relationship at work or at
home), or be a one-off (coping with a bereavement or a personal loss that
encourage her to talk about her feelings, and what triggered them.
In a work environment, problems usually stem from one of three sources:
 Workload: she simply has more work to do than she can cope with.
 Competency: she feels that she doesn't have the skills that she needs to
successfully carry out her job.
 Relationships: she feels that a colleague is being aggressive, unhelpful
or hostile.
Note:
Stress doesn't always develop from issues at work. If you think that your
co-worker's problem stems from home, be even more sensitive in how
you approach him. There may not be any practical way you can help
out, but you can still listen and empathize.
3. Suggest Practical Ways Forward

If the root of your co-worker's stress does fall into once of the three sources
above, use these strategies to offer some practical solutions:
Workload
People with challenging workloads often struggle because they're unable to
see an end to what they have to do. What's more, stress can cause people
to become even more disorganized and confused, and the whole cycle
begins again.
Start by helping your co-worker to get organized. First, sit down with her
and draw up a To-Do List . If she has any large, time-consuming jobs that
she finds overwhelming, try breaking them down into manageable chunks.
This will make it easier for her to achieve "quick wins
If there are any low-priority tasks on the list, you could offer to help out – if
you have the capacity – or suggest delegating the work to someone else on
the team.
Note:
Assigning work is the responsibility of your co-worker's line manager,
so always check with him or her before you rearrange workloads. If
possible, encourage the person experiencing stress to do this. If he feels
unable to, discreetly raise the issue with his manager.
Competency
When someone feels "out of her depth" at work, it can be seriously
debilitating and demoralizing, even when it's not true.
Remind her of similar tasks that she's performed well in the past, or of other
areas where she has excelled or helped other team members. If there is a
genuine skills gap, suggest that she talks to her manager about training .
Note:
It might be a hard "pill to swallow," but, in some cases, people who feel
under-skilled and ill-prepared for their jobs may benefit from a change
of role. Chances are, you can't help with this particular problem, except
by suggesting the possibility as tactfully and positively as possible.
Relationships
Difficult relationships often cause stress to spike. Whether it's a bullying
manager, an awkward client, or a sarcastic co-worker, most of us can think
of someone who sends our blood pressure pumping , and to seek help from
his line manager or from HR.
Note:
In some instances your co-worker may not feel confident enough to talk
about her problems with her manager or HR. If this is the case, you
could offer to go with her, or to speak up on her behalf. But, if you do
this, always get the person's consent beforehand. Otherwise she may see
it as a breach of trust, and react angrily.
If, however, the problem is serious, or is beginning to impact other

people's work, you may have no choice but to pass it on to your
manager.
4. Offer Friendship
You can't always unpick someone else's problems – and trying to do so
may even end up causing you stress, too. But you can still be kind and
supportive.
Make your co-worker a coffee , which can help to alleviate stress too.
5. Don't Get Too Involved

Your support will likely ease the burden of stress that your friend is feeling,
but remember that your own reserves of time, capacity, capability, and
even patience are finite, too.
There will only be so much that you can listen to, think about, and advise
on without feeling overloaded by it all. You may find that it starts to drag
you down, eventually. It might even drive a wedge between you and your
co-worker, if you're not careful.
You want the best possible outcome for your co-worker, but this mustn't
come at the expense of your own well-being.
Research shows that stress can have a "ripple effect" on the people that are
close to the sufferer. Take a look at our article, Heron's Six Categories of
Intervention
Stress Diaries
Identifying Causes of Short-Term Stress
© iStockphoto
danr13
Start the journey to a calmer life with a Stress Diary.
Many of us experience stress in some form

every day, whether it's caused by rush-hour
traffic, difficult customers, a heavy workload, or
unpleasant news. But, if stress goes unchecked,
it can affect our productivity and, worse still, our
health.
This is where keeping a Stress Diary can be useful. Going through the
process of logging anxious moments allows you to pinpoint the causes of
short-term stress in your life. Often, these stresses flit in and out of our
minds, without getting the attention and focus that they deserve.
A Stress Diary can also give you an insight into how you react to stress,
and help you to identify the levels of pressure at which you work best.
(After all, a little bit of pressure can be a good thing!)
In this article, we explain what a Stress Diary is, and how to reap the
benefits of keeping one. You can also download a Stress Diary template,
so that you can log your own experiences. The download includes a
completed diary example and accompanying analysis, to show you how to
use a Stress Diary in your own life.
What Is a Stress Diary?

The idea behind Stress Diaries is that you regularly record information
about the stresses you're experiencing, so that you can analyze and then
manage them.
As well as this, Stress Diaries help you to understand:
 The causes of stress in more detail.

 The levels of pressure at which you operate most effectively.
 How you can improve the way you manage stress.
Using the Tool

Download Template and Example Diary
To get started, download your free Stress Diary template and the
accompanying worked example.
Make regular entries in your diary throughout your day (for example, every
hour), or after any stressful incident, and record the following information:
 The date and time.

 The most recent stressful event you experienced.
 How happy you feel now, using a subjective assessment on a scale of 0
(the most unhappy you've ever been) to 10 (the happiest you've been).
Also, write down the mood you're feeling.
 How effectively you're working now (a subjective assessment, on a scale
of 0 to 10). A zero here would show complete ineffectiveness, while a 10
would show the greatest effectiveness you have ever achieved.
 The fundamental cause of the stress (be as honest and objective as
possible).
You may also want to note:
 The symptoms you felt (for example, "butterflies in the stomach," anger,
headache, raised pulse rate, sweaty palms, and so on.).
 How well you handled the event: did your reaction help to solve the
problem, or did it make things worse?
Analyzing the Diary

Once you've kept a Stress Diary for a number of days, you can analyze it
and take action:
 First, look at the different stresses that you experienced during the time
you kept your diary. Highlight the most frequent stresses, and the ones
that were the most unpleasant.
 Look at your assessments of their underlying causes, and your appraisal
of how well you handled the stressful events. Do they highlight problems
that need to be fixed? If so, list these issues.
 Next, look through your diary at the situations that cause you stress. List
ways in which you can change these situations for the better.
 Finally, look at how you felt when you were under pressure, and explore
how it affected your happiness and your effectiveness. Was there a
middle level of pressure at which you were happiest and performed
best?
When you've analyzed your diary, you should have a better understanding
of what the sources of stress are in your life, and you should be able to
identify the levels of pressure at which you are happiest.
It should also be clear which types of situation cause you the most stress,
and you can now begin to prepare for and manage them.
Note:
You'll likely reap the most benefit from your Stress Diary in the first
few weeks of use. After this, you might find other approaches more
useful (see Next Steps, below).
However, if your lifestyle changes and you begin to suffer from stress
again, it may be worth using the diary approach one more time. You
may find that the stresses you face have changed.
Next Steps
The next step is to get your stress under control.
Start by looking at the people and events that cause you the most stress.
 If a person, or a group of people, is causing your stress, our

article, Dealing With Difficult People , or from struggling with time
management? If so, our quiz, How Good Are Your Time Management
Skills? can help you to identify structural problems within your role that
could be causing you stress.
 Is burnout contributing to the stress that you're experiencing?
Our Burnout Self-Test can help you to reduce stress by changing the
way that you think about things.
More Tips and Resources

Listen to our Expert Interview, "Take the Stress Out of Your

Life" during your day to relax and reduce stress.
 Consider taking a vacation , gives you simple techniques for
meditation in the workplace.
 Are you getting enough sleep .
Our Bite-Sized Training session, Stress Busters
Albrecht's Four Types of Stress

Managing Common Pressures
© iStockphoto
fotoVoyager
Deal with four common types of stress.
Imagine that you work in human resources, and

that you've recently been dealing with a lot of
people problems.
It's been another long day. You're now meeting with your last "client" before
you go home. As you listen to this person's story, you start to get tense.
You find yourself avoiding making direct eye contact with her, and you feel
yourself shutting down emotionally. You don't want to listen to her
complaints at all; instead, you just want to finish.
Rather than taking your frustrations out on this person, however, you
apologize and ask for a five-minute break. You go for a quick walk outside,
breathe deeply, and then stop for some water. When you go back into your
office, you're smiling, refreshed, and ready to help.
Most people experience some degree of stress in their jobs. But if you
understand the most common types of stress and know how to spot them,
you can manage your stress much better. This, in turn, helps you to work
productively, build better relationships, and live a healthier life.
In this article, we'll examine four common types of stress, and we'll discuss
how you can manage each of them more effectively.
The Four Common Types of Stress

Dr Karl Albrecht, a management consultant and conference speaker based
in California, is a pioneer in the development of stress-reduction training for
businesspeople. He defined four common types of stress in his 1979 book,
"Stress and the Manager."
Albrecht's four common types of stress are:
1. Time stress.
2. Anticipatory stress.
3. Situational stress.
4. Encounter stress.
Let's look at each of these types of stress in detail, and discuss how you
can identify and deal with each one.
1. Time Stress
You experience time stress when you worry about time, or the lack thereof.
You worry about the number of things that you have to do, and you fear
that you'll fail to achieve something important. You might feel trapped,
unhappy, or even hopeless.
Common examples of time stress include worrying about deadlines or

rushing to avoid being late for a meeting.
Managing Time Stress

Time stress is one of the most common types of stress that we experience
today. It is essential to learn how to manage this type of stress if you're
going to work productively in a busy organization.
First, learn good time management skills. This can include using To-Do
Lists .
Next, make sure that you're devoting enough time to your important
priorities. Unfortunately, it's easy to get caught up in seemingly urgent
tasks which actually have little impact on your overall objectives. This can
leave you feeling exhausted, or feeling that you worked a full day yet
accomplished nothing meaningful.
Your important tasks are usually the ones that will help you reach your
goals, and working on these projects is a better use of your time. Our
article on Eisenhower's Urgent/Important Principle helps you separate
tasks that you need to focus on from those you can safely put off.
If you often feel that you don't have enough time to complete all of your
tasks, learn how to create more time in your dayIs This a Morning Task
Also, make sure that you're polite but assertive to tasks that you don't have
the capacity to do.
2. Anticipatory Stress
Anticipatory stress describes stress that you experience concerning the
future. Sometimes this stress can be focused on a specific event, such as
an upcoming presentation that you're going to give. However, anticipatory
stress can also be vague and undefined, such as an overall sense of dread
about the future, or a worry that "something will go wrong."
Managing Anticipatory Stress

Because anticipatory stress is future based, start by recognizing that the
event you're dreading doesn't have to play out as you imagine. Use positive
visualization techniques – will help you develop focus and the ability to
concentrate on what's happening right now, rather than on an imagined
future. Consider setting aside time daily – even if it's only five minutes – to
meditate.
Anticipatory stress can result from a lack of confidence. For example, you
might be stressing over a presentation that you're giving next week,
because you're afraid that your presentation won't be interesting. Often,
addressing these personal fears directly will lower your stress. In this
example, if you put in extra time to practice and prepare for tough
questions, you'll likely feel more prepared for the event.
Last, learn how to overcome a fear of failure . This means recognizing the
"automatic" physical and emotional signals that your body sends out when
you're under pressure.
For example, imagine that the meeting you're in suddenly dissolves into a
shouting match between team members. Your automatic response is to
feel a surge of anxiety. Your stomach knots and feels bloated. You
withdraw into yourself and, if someone asks for your input, you have a
difficult time knowing what to say.
Conflict is a major source of situational stress. Learn effective conflict

resolution skills , since resolving group conflict can be different from
resolving individual issues.
Everyone reacts to situational stress differently, and it's essential that you
understand both the physical and emotional symptoms of this stress, so
that you can manage them appropriately. For instance, if your natural
tendency is to withdraw emotionally, then learn how to think on your feet .
4. Encounter Stress
Encounter stress revolves around people. You experience encounter stress
when you worry about interacting with a certain person or group of people –
you may not like them, or you might think that they're unpredictable.
Encounter stress can also occur if your role involves a lot of personal
interactions with customers or clients, especially if those groups are in
distress. For instance, physicians and social workers have high rates of
encounter stress, because the people they work with routinely don't feel
well, or are deeply upset.
This type of stress also occurs from "contact overload": when you feel
overwhelmed or drained from interacting with too many people.
Managing Encounter Stress

Because encounter stress is focused entirely on people, you'll manage this
type of stress better by working on your people skills. To find out how good
your people skills are, take our quiz . Emotional intelligence is the ability to
recognize the emotions, wants, and needs of yourself and of others. This is
an important skill in interacting with others and in building good
relationships.
It's also important to know when you're about to reach your limit for
interactions in the day. Everyone has different symptoms for encounter
stress, but a common one is withdrawing psychologically from others and
working mechanically. Another common symptom is getting cranky, cold, or
impersonal with others in your interactions. When you start to experience
these symptoms, do whatever you can to take a break. Go for a walk, drink
water, and practice deep breathing exercises is a valuable skill for coping
with this type of stress, because it allows you to see the situation from the
other person's perspective. This gives you greater understanding and helps
you to structure your communications so that you address the other
person's feelings, wants, and needs.
Note 1:
Crankiness and remoteness can also be symptoms of burnout
Eight Ways to Cope When You're

a Team of One
Thriving as a Lone Ranger
© GettyImages
IdaJarosova
Be the best team of one that you can be.
Angharad is a small cog in a big wheel. She

goes to work each day and sits in a big office,
but she works alone. When the people around
her go on team "away days," Angharad stays at
her desk. When she attends company updates,
her successes don't get a mention. And when
her co-workers socialize after work, she stays
back late to get on top of things.
It doesn't take long before she begins to feel overlooked, overworked and
demoralized.
Angharad is a "team of one," and there are many out there just like her.
They are the lone receptionists, the one-off office temps, or the "last men
standing" following a program of lay-offs. They might work alone and
remotely, like freelancers and telecommuters do; alongside other people in
an office – a one-person HR department, for example; or independently, as
care workers and estate agents.
People can even belong to both a team of one and a larger team – think,
for example, of the individual who works the night shift while the rest of his
or her team works during the day.
Although the circumstances of people who work alone might vary, they all
face similar challenges. They often shoulder greater responsibility than
individuals working in larger teams, can be tasked with critical project-
based work, or may become overloaded – all with very little support. These
challenges, combined with the likelihood of feeling isolated, means that the
risk of them becoming ill or of having their work "go wrong" are very real.
If you are a team of one, some of these challenges might sound familiar.
You might be beginning to feel pressurized by the amount of responsibility
that you have. This article will look at eight strategies that can help you to
cope with this situation.
Eight Strategies for Coping

1. Engage With Others
Teams of one are, by nature, seen as separate, individual entities by the
rest of the organization. If you're such a team, you might struggle with
having no one to discuss ideas with, be challenged by, or simply to chat
with. This can lead to you feeling isolated or not engaging , and attending
social events. Not only will you feel part of something bigger, but you'll also
get to hear feedback, opinions and company news. You'll also find people
who will celebrate your successes with you, and who will help you to stay
motivated.
2. Make Your Voice Heard

Other people might not understand your priorities, your workload, or the
limits of your responsibilities as a team of one. They might bombard you
with work requests when you're least able to help out, and it can be hard to
reply with a flat "no." But remember that you're on your own and sometimes
it's simply impossible to do everything that people ask of you. There's no
shame in this, so go easy on yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help if
you need it.
Equally, it's easy to get overlooked when you're a team of one. Your work
could easily slip under the radar if you don't hold a prominent position
within your organization.
So, it's crucial to get noticed to help you to build your self-confidence and
improve your relationships at work.
3. Seek Help
No matter how good you are at your job, you can't be good at everything.
Furthermore, as a team of one, you are unlikely to have much time
available to master new skills, and when you're ill or suffer a setback, the
needs of the business continue regardless.
It's important that you know your limitations and are able to seek help tools
to build up a bank of contacts who can provide you with professional
support, and employ your persuasion and negotiation skills to help you to
pinpoint your strengths and weaknesses. You could also try keeping
a journal to develop your own personal development plan and put it into
action.
5. Hone Your Creative Thinking
As a team of one, you may not have access to many resources. You'll likely
get by without any backup, and you can't just turn to the person sitting next
to you to ask for help.
Be prepared to get creative. You might need to tackle problems single-

handedly, and devise new products and processes by yourself. You may
even have to sidestep usual workflows just to get the job done. But, take
comfort in the fact that you are probably more resourceful and multi-faceted
than bigger teams in your organization because of this.
Tip:
Just in case you don't get the support that you need and things do go
wrong, be sure to record and store a paper trail that shows what efforts
you have made to put things right, and any conversations that you have
had with your manager about your situation. There may come a time
when your reputation depends on it!
Note:
Our article on Understanding Creativity , and processes like
the Disney Creative Strategy and How to Be Conscientious ,
procrastinate and become less productive when you work by yourself –
especially when you're faced with a full in-tray and no one to help you
to get through it. In their 1987 book, Peopleware, Tom DeMarco and
Timothy Lister say that it can take 15 minutes to regain lost focus, and
this is time that you can ill afford to lose when you're a team of one.
To stay on track, it's important to set realistic goals on them. Align
your goals and priorities with those of your organization, and
draw up action plans
Managing Your Boundaries

Ensuring That Others Respect Your Needs
© Getty Images
Drepicter
Establish and control your personal and professional boundaries.
Good fences make good neighbors.– Old proverb
Fences allow you to protect what's valuable to
you. They also allow you to control who and
what enters your space.
Our personal boundaries do a similar job. They set the limits that separate
us from other people – not necessarily to exclude interaction, but to protect
what matters to us, and to control who enters our psychological space, as
well as our physical space.
Boundaries also foster more productive work environments. Co-workers'

differing values, needs and beliefs sometimes lead to conflict, resentment
and stress, so clearly defined boundaries can help to prevent these
negative reactions.
The #MeToo shockwave has also highlighted how important these

boundaries are to all of us, as human beings.
But, if personal boundaries are such a vital part of our interpersonal

interactions, why do so many of us struggle to build them?
This article will help you to assess, strengthen and maintain your own
personal boundaries, in order to make life easier and more rewarding for
you and those around you.
Why Do I Need Boundaries?

Boundaries are a crucial part of keeping relationships mutually respectful.
They help you to look after yourself and those around you.
People who set strong personal boundaries empower , a dread of upsetting
people, or a fear of conflict. They may simply accept intrusions
and interruptionsextra miler "generosity burnout," like the following to
articulate your specific needs:
 I have a right to ask for ________, because I need ________.
 It's OK to protect my time by________, because I need ________.

 I will not allow others to________, because I need _______.
This process of self-reflection and positive reinforcement will help you to
develop the emotional intelligence and let others know. They won't figure it
out on their own!
The key is to be assertive more often, and to concentrate on meeting your
needs.
Mind Tools Club members can learn some practical strategies for saying
"no" from our Coaching Clinic, Why Can I Never Say NO?
Effective time management is another crucial element of boundary-setting.
When you put all your energy into one thing, without taking time for both
your work and personal responsibilities, you risk overloading yourself. With
good time management, you can get things done more efficiently and
effectively.
Skills such as prioritization and scheduling .
When your boundaries are under threat, look out for the negative
emotions to nip problems in the bud. Be polite but firm, and always seek to
move situations toward positive outcomes.
It may also help to keep a journal
The Breaking Point

Protect Yourself and Your New Managers From
Overload
© iStockphoto
dblight
How long will it be before you crack?
A few years ago, at the height of the technology
boom, I spoke with a talented young software
engineer who had been fast tracked into a
management position. In a very short period of
time, he went from being a self-fulfilled, highly
competent and respected, individualproducer to
being a stressed out leader, no longer enjoying
his job. He confided that he had felt obliged to
accept the promotion but had done so
reluctantly.
He soon found that he did not enjoy having to confront chronic under-
performers, didn't know how to motivate them or hold them accountable,
and was bewildered by the multiplicity of people-related issues that
consumed large parts of his day. His training had equipped him to develop
algorithms not people. Highly stressed, he was no longer "in the flow",
doing what he loved best: writing software.
Knowing that the skills we have are adequate for the job is one of the
requirements for being in the flow, that marvelous state of consciousness
described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Professor of Psychology and
Management at the Drucker and Ito Graduate School of Management at
Claremont Graduate University. In his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal
Experience, Csikszentmihalyi explains "flow", or "being in the zone", as a
state of consciousness where we are so absorbed by what we are doing
that we don't even notice the passage of time – hours feel like minutes. I
liken it to those times when we are so enthralled in a project or a task, so
engaged, that we forget to eat.
For flow to occur, we need to have a balance between our skills and the
high challenges we are tasked with. When the challenge is high, yet the
skill set for the challenge is low, we are in a state of anxiety. If this condition
persists for prolonged periods of time, without relief, we enter a cycle of
stress which could lead to burnout.
Another form of stress that we are often reminded about is the stress
caused by "technology overload" – excessive e-mail, cell phones, text
messaging, Blackberries and now blogs – all of which end up creating a
loss of focus and affecting productivity. Our modern day angst of not being
able to get it all done leads us to a multitasking frenzy. A recent Time
Magazine article explores the issue of multitasking and concludes that
frantic multitasking actually deludes us into thinking that we are getting a lot
done, while in reality we end up getting less done and the work quality
suffers. This is particularly interesting: "When a New York Times reporter
interviewed several recent winners of McArthur 'genius' grants, a striking
number said they kept cell phones and iPods off or away when in transit so
that they could use the downtime for thinking."
A catch-all phrase for multitasking, continuous technology interruptions and
the information overload that we are bombarded with daily is "cognitive
overload". Leaders are particularly vulnerable to cognitive overload as they
are typically required to consider a lot more information than the rest of us.
Interestingly, in an article by Dr Howard Gardner, The Synthesizing Leader,
which appeared in The HBR List: Breakthrough Ideas for 2006, we learn that
the single most important trait of future leaders in the developed world is
the ability to synthesize information. Synthesizing which information to
consider entails, among other things, developing standards for selection,
such as source credibility and relevance. It also involves asking questions
such as "Does this information form a coherent story?" and "Do these
trends make sense?" In our data-rich world, selecting which pieces of
information are worthy of our ever shrinking attention span is a key
competency for reducing stress and, ultimately, being more effective as a
leader.
Besides learning to effectively synthesize information, what can we do to
help ourselves and our constituents to minimize stress? Here are some
strategies to consider:
1. Actively develop new leaders' leadership skills

Make sure that your newly-minted leaders have the appropriate tools
needed for their people management responsibilities – this is a key
requirement to helping them succeed and minimize stress. This includes
mentoring, providing a relevant leadership skills assessment to uncover
strengths and areas for development, assisting in the creation of a
learning action plan and providing leadership training/or and coaching. It
also means providing ongoing support and feedback.
2. Manage new leaders' performance pro-actively and avoid under-employing
people
Create conditions that allow all your team to be in "the flow" while they
achieve results – it is another way of reducing workplace-induced
malaise and helping them to perform successfully. In addition to
ensuring that individuals have the skills adequate for the job, this also
entails setting and communicating clear goals and expectations and
providing immediate feedback on how well a person is performing –
helping employees understand the effect of their efforts. This means not
waiting until the annual review to have a discussion of the employees'
performance and confronting them with a laundry list of "improvements".
It is also worth mentioning that keeping individuals in positions where
their skills far exceeds the challenge is also stressful, and ends up taking
its toll. Wherever possible, design jobs that take full advantage of their
constituents' talents and that continually raise the bar.
3. Reduce stress through commitment, control and challenge
Not everyone, of course, is subject to stress: Some individuals have very
strong resilience and are not only better able to cope with stress but they
also thrive on stress. These are people who do not overreact, they don't
let external events derail them, they continue to keep their eye on the
ball and maintain mental resilience, no matter what goes on around
them. While everyone else is stuck on the problems, they focus on
solutions and have a one track mind: Moving forward. They don't waste
time worrying about what they can't change and focus only on their locus
of control. Contrast this with the individual who is crushed in the face of
adversity, who wastes time being consumed by the "wrongs" committed,
who burns bridges and possibly never recovers from the situation. We
admire the "resilient" group. What can we learn from these people to
help us cope with the stress of adversity in the workplace? The answer
is provided by Dr Susan Kobasa and Dr Salvatore Maddi who studied
employees undergoing a major restructuring at Illinois Bell Telephone in
the 1980s. Their findings are outlined in The Hardy Executive: Health
Under Stress, where we learn of the personality traits of stress hardy
people, namely, commitment, (being committed to something that is
meaningful, for example work, community, family; staying engaged and
involved in ongoing events, even in the most trying of circumstances,
rather than feeling isolated); control (believing in our ability, through our
efforts, to turn events to our advantage rather than adopting a passive
and powerless victim mode) and challenge (viewing change, whether
positive or negative, as an opportunity to learn rather than as a threat).
We can all benefit from these pointers in times of stress.
4. Create a "Stop Doing" List
A concept, borrowed from Jim Colllins' Good to Great: Why Some
Companies Make the Leap.and Others Don't that is useful in minimizing
stress and achieving clarity of focus is creating a "Stop Doing List".
Those who built companies that went from good to great "displayed a
remarkable discipline to unplug all sorts of extraneous junk". We all have
"To Do Lists" but how many of us have created a list to isolate and halt
pursuits that don't serve us well any longer? Can you benefit from
creating a Stop Doing List? What are your energy drainers? Are these
among some of the offenders that may cause you stress: Internalizing
others' criticism, fragmented boundaries, power struggles, unprotected
personal time, useless networking, continuous one-way favors? What
can you do to address these and other drainers? What can you eliminate
to make room for what energizes you and brings you closer to achieving
your goals?
5. Focus on your strengths
Along those same lines, if business strategy is a cause of stress,
consider reading this focused, well-researched and insightful book: Profit
from the Core: Growth Strategy in an Era of Turbulence by Chris Zook and
James Allen. The book reaffirms the timeless tenet that focusing on your
core business – that which you do best – is the most efficient way to
bring about long-term growth and profit. By refocusing on what you do
best, the authors advise, it will also be easier to spot inefficiencies that
drain your business. The concept transcends business, though: If we
don't narrow down our activities to a fundamental core from which we
can grow, a strategy becomes much harder to develop.
6. Avoid fighting battles you don't need to win
Pick your battles wisely. How often have we heard this? Yet, in the heat
of the moment, do we stop for a second and think: Is this truly worth
fighting for? Are you even likely to win? An example of such a no-win
battle which can easily occur in the workplace is fighting the power
behind the throne: That is, entering into a contest of wills with a person
who has no apparent authority but who has great influence. This
individual is very adept at working behind the scenes and you can easily
find yourself unwittingly on thin ice, wasting your valuable, non-
renewable energy. Long ago I came across a statement which said:
Maturity is being content to know that you are right without having to
prove someone else wrong. How much stress we could eliminate if we
were guided by such a philosophy – if we decided to devote each day
only to that which is worthy of our attention – our personal achievements
and our organization's achievements?
7. Focus on your priorities
Minimizing stress also means looking at our life through a holistic lens:
Addressing our needs in each area, whether it is physical, emotional,
intellectual, psychological or social. What are some daily practices that
you can introduce to create reserves in each of these important areas of
your life? Reserves help us when we feel depleted from the day's
stressors. If you need inspiration in this area, consider reading Dr John
C. Maxwell, Today Matters: 12 Daily Practices to Guarantee Tomorrow's
Success. Maxwell provides 12 practical guidelines such as practicing and
developing good thinking to gain an advantage, practicing commitment
to gain tenacity, pursuing growth to give us potential and developing
priorities to give us focus. On the latter, is reading and responding to
pointless e-mails the first thing you do when you start the day? What
about reversing the order? Focusing first on projects that will give you
the highest returns for yourself and your organization? Imagine the
benefits of establishing this simple initiative as a daily practice. The book
is a reminder that "we choose our life by how we spend time" – people
who achieve their potential act on their priorities every day.
8. Consider promotion outside of management
Finally, it is worth mentioning that that there is another form of less
advertised stress: that of the unwelcome promotion. While everyone can
be trained to be a leader, the truth is, not everyone enjoys leading
others. We can derive an inspiration from 3M, a company which
provides their technical people with parallel dual career paths, known as
the "dual ladder" system. This means that individuals can still progress
in their careers in terms of compensation and other manifestations of
advancement without having to enter the management ranks. For
example, this approach honors those who excel without forcing them to
stray from their natural R & D habitat. Some individuals targeted for a
management promotion may be too reluctant to voice their apprehension
for fear of making a less than favorable impression. Management needs
to be open to this possibility and make it safe for their talented
individuals to march to the beat of a different drum.
Warning:
exercise.
The software engineer who was catapulted into a leadership position went
on to take on more people management responsibilities during the
downsizing that took place after the end of the technology boom. He almost
reached his breaking point and eventually moved on to another company
where he joined the rank and file, and is happily focusing on writing
software again. He has come to terms with his personal definition of
success: Do what you enjoy! As Jack Nicklaus once said, "It's difficult to
excel at something you don't truly enjoy".
Copyright © 2009-2019 by Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

This article is an excerpt from Bruna Martinuzzi’s book: "The Leader as a
Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to Follow Bruna is an
educator, author and speaker specializing in emotional intelligence, leadership,
Myers-Briggs and presentation skills training. Visit her website
at www.clarionenterprises.com.
Annotate
The Demand-Control
Model of Job Stress
Increasing Autonomy to Combat Stress
© iStockphoto
Materio
In a high-strain job, you have little control over your workload.
Imagine a business executive and an assembly

line worker who work at the same organization.
Both find their jobs stressful, but while the executive leaves work each day
feeling content, the assembly line worker feels exhausted and
anxious. Why do these two workers feel so different?
One way to answer this question is to look at the Demand-Control Model of

Job Stress, which argues that when people are in demanding jobs, they
experience less stress if they have control over their own work.
It’s one of the most widely studied models of occupational stress, and,
although it isn’t a new model, it’s still highly relevant. In this article, we’ll
look at it, and we’ll then discuss how you can apply its principles to your
own job, and to your team.
About the Model

Robert Karasek developed the Demand-Control Model of Job Stress in
1979, and published his findings in Administrative Science Quarterly.
In his article, he defined two key parameters that affect the amount of
stress that people experience: job demands and decision latitude.
 Job demands are stressors in the work environment, such as tight
deadlines, high targets, regular interruptions, and conflicting pressures.
 Decision latitude (also known as "autonomy") refers to the extent to
which people can control their work.
During his research, Karasek saw that people whose jobs rated high in
demand but low in decision latitude/autonomy felt more tired at the end of
the day, had trouble waking in the morning, and experienced more
depression and anxiety. He also noted that when workers in high-demand
roles had more decision latitude, they experienced less stress.
Figure 1, below, illustrates Karasek's theory.
Figure 1 – Karasek's Demand-Control Model of Job Stress
Diagram reproduced from Kain and Jex (2010), © Emerald Publishing Group.
According to the model, when your role is high demand but you have little
or no decision latitude, the result is a "high-strain" job. By contrast, when
high job demands are matched with high decision latitude, the result is an
"active" role, with lower stress and higher job satisfaction.
Jobs that fall on the left-side of the model (low job demand with high or low
job decision latitude) are either "passive" or "low-strain."
Researchers have studied how applying the model can positively affect
physical and emotional health. For example, in one study, researchers
looked at how the model applied to nurses. They discovered that a group
with greater perceived control and the same objective measures of
workload had lower blood pressure and levels of cortisol (a hormone
released in response to stress) than a group with less autonomy.
However, other researchers have suggested that, for younger workers,
work-related problems and time pressure were more significant predictors
of job stress than a lack of autonomy. In older workers, rigid schedules and
a lack of ability to solve problems played a greater role in predicting job
stress.
Applying the Model to Your Role

Although the model has some weaknesses, it does highlight the
relationship between perceived job strain and autonomy.
You can apply its insights by building more autonomy into your job,
particularly in high-demand situations. You're likely to feel less stress and
more job satisfaction as a result.
Actively Reduce Stress

First, list the tasks or situations that cause you stress. (You may need to
keep a Stress Diary or pressure points in your organization's processes,
talk to your boss about whether these processes can be improved help you
understand and look after your own needs. They're essential in a high-
strain role, when people and tasks are competing for your time. Once
you've set your boundaries, monitor them carefully. If you find that they're
regularly ignored, rehearse ways to restate your needs assertively – our
article "'Yes' to the Person, 'No' to the Task" . Short deadlines or tasks that
fall outside your normal responsibilities can cause your stress levels to
spike, especially if they happen regularly. Learn to say "no" when you feel
that a demand isn't reasonable.
Build Good Relationships

When you feel supported at work, and you make time to support your
colleagues, you'll likely experience much less stress. Sometimes, a
reassuring chat with a trusted colleague can go a long way to lowering your
stress levels, when you've had a tough day.
This is why it's important to build good work relationships when you need to
focus on a particular task. Small actions can make a big difference: shut
your office door, turn off your cell phone and email alerts, and consider
using an automatic email response to let people know that you are
currently not available.
Warning:
exercise.
Applying the Model to Your Team

If you manage people in high-stress roles, you can also use Karasek's
model to increase your team members' autonomy.
Where appropriate, give your team members more freedom to make their
own decisions. For example, once you've assigned a task, take a step
back, and let them decide how they want to do the work.
You can also help your team members develop greater autonomy by
coaching them on the concept of the Locus of Control . People who can
choose when or where they work often feel that they have more autonomy
than those who work set hours.
Tip:
Keep in mind that not all employees thrive with higher autonomy.
For example, some people find it difficult to stay on task without
supervision and direction.
Use your judgment to determine whether team members want more
freedom. Our article "Helping People Take Responsibility"
Dealing With Guilt

Gaining Positive Outcomes From Negative Emotions
© GettyImages
Vesnaandjic
If you're guilty, confess and make amends.
Are you feeling guilty about something?

Maybe you made a less than complimentary comment about one team
member to another.
Or perhaps you're torn between the needs of home and work, and fear
you're not giving enough time or attention to either.
No matter the situation, guilt can be a terrible burden to bear. If not dealt
with, it can gnaw at you, and drag you down. You might even avoid others
in an attempt to hide your guilt, or act irrationally because of how you feel.
But guilt can also be a very useful emotion. At its most constructive, it
reminds you that you can do better in the future, according to research.
Experiencing it also shows that you have moral and ethical standards, and
empathy.
Sometimes, though, we feel guilt unreasonably, for things that just aren't
our fault. This can be damaging if left unchecked.
This article talks you through the different kinds of guilt, and explains how
to deal with them.
Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Guilt is the emotion we feel if we let ourselves or others down by failing to
meet a particular standard. This standard may be widely acknowledged
(missing a deadline and delaying a project, say). It can also be self-
imposed: a personal perception that you haven't lived up to
your values straight away, and make your apology unconditional. Don't try
to justify your actions or shift blame to other people, even if they were
involved. Just acknowledge the anger, frustration or pain you've caused.
Simply getting the issue out into the open like this can do a lot to rectify the
situation. You may even find that the person is already "over it." But, if the
person you've hurt doesn't immediately accept your apology, you'll have at
least acknowledged and taken responsibility for your actions.
Make Amends Quickly

Find a way to put the situation right .
Making positive changes will improve your interactions with others and will
help prevent repeated feelings of guilt. Try approaching your manager for
help with behaviors you'd like to address, too: she may be able to offer you
training or advice.
Accept and Move On

If you've done everything that you possibly can to make amends, and to
prevent the same situation happening again, let the guilt go. The sooner
you put your guilt behind you, the sooner you can focus on more productive
activity. Mindfulness . This can help you to understand and regulate your
own emotions, so that you can manage your guilt appropriately.
Tip:
If you struggle to move on, adopt the same approach you'd use with a
friend – odds are, if he apologized for his actions, you'd accept the
apology and move on. Treat yourself with the same compassion,
otherwise, you risk tipping into unhealthy guilt.
How to Deal With Unhealthy Guilt

Unhealthy guilt has none of the benefits that healthy guilt can bring, and it
can be hard to beat. With the right strategies, however, it is possible to
manage your feelings and to achieve a more balanced perspective.
Be Realistic About What You Can Control

Start by listing what you can honestly control about a situation. Then list the
things that you can't. Keep in mind that you are only responsible
for your actions, not for what others think or do.
If your second list is longer, your guilt is likely unfounded and unproductive.
Disregard the things that you can't control. Focus on the elements of the
situation that you can do something about, and where appropriate, create a
plan to address these.
Use Affirmations
You can combat constant or repetitive unjustified guilt by quieting negative
self-talk for an objective viewpoint. Follow this up by
using affirmations have done well.
Take time out to reflect, and challenge your perfectionist behaviors you to
make you feel guilty in order to control your behavior. Some people are
particularly good at spotting when their co-workers are feeling guilty about
something and leveraging this.
Consider the manager who continually asks team members to work long
hours "for the good of the team," and subtly suggests that anyone seeking
a good work-life balance is "not a team player." This may trigger guilt, with
no good reason behind it.
Stand up for yourself in these situations and, if you're certain that you're not
in the wrong, get your message across confidently .
Warning:
The negative thinking associated with unhealthy guilt can stem from
conditions such as depression, burnout or OCD, and cause severe health
problems. In extreme cases, it can even lead to death.
The techniques in this article can have a positive effect on reducing

unhealthy guilt, but they are for guidance only. Always take the advice
of qualified health professionals if you have concerns over related
illnesses, or if constant feelings of guilt are causing significant or
persistent unhappiness.
Key Points
Guilt causes stress and reduces workplace effectiveness. If not
addressed it can seriously hinder relationships and contribute to
psychological problems.
There are two main types of guilt. Healthy guilt involves accepting that
you've done wrong, and using it as a prompt to improve your
relationships and behaviors by:
 Apologizing.
 Making amends.
 Changing your behavior.
 Accepting your faults and moving on.
Unhealthy guilt is when you feel guilty for things that are imaginary or
beyond your control. It can be hard to shift, but you can manage your
feelings by:
 Understanding what you can and can't control.
 Challenging your own standards.

 Affirming the positive aspects of the situation.
 Being assertive with those who seek to make you feel guilty.
Annotate
Are You a Positive or Negative

Thinker?
Learn About – and Change – How You Think
© iStockphoto
RusN
What's your outlook on life?
"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he
becomes."– Mahatma Gandhi, Indian leader
"Positive thinking will let you do everything better than
negative thinking will."– Zig Ziglar, personal development guru
These are two powerful quotes. Combined, they
tell us that if we think positively, we're likely to
enjoy positive results. Negative thinking, on the
other hand, can lead to outcomes we don't want.
Positive and negative thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies: what
we expect can often come true.
If you start off thinking you will mess up a task, the chances are that you
will: you may not try hard enough to succeed, you won't attract support
from other people, and you may not perceive any results as good enough.
Positive thinking, on the other hand, is often associated with positive

actions and outcomes. You're drawn to, and you focus on, the positive
aspects of a situation. You have hope and faith in yourself and others, and
you work and invest hard to prove that your optimism is warranted. You'll
enthuse others, and they may well "pitch in" to help you. This makes
constructive outcomes all the more likely.
When it comes down to it, positive, optimistic people are happier and
healthier, and enjoy more success than those who think negatively. The
key difference between them is how they think about and interpret the
events in their life.
So, how do you think about your successes and failures? Do you have a
predictable thinking pattern? Find out below.
Are You a Positive or Negative Thinker?

Instructions
For each statement, click the button in the column that best describes you.
Please answer questions as you actually are (rather than how you think
you should be), and don't worry if some questions seem to score in the
"wrong direction." When you are finished, please click the "Calculate My
Total" button at the bottom of the test.
Not
Very
14 Statements to Answer at Rarely Sometimes Often
Often
All
1When my boss or a customer asks

to speak with me, I instinctively
assume that he or she wants to
discuss a problem or give me
negative feedback.
2When I experience real difficulty

at work/home, I also feel negative
about other parts of my life.
Not
Very
Often
All
3When I experience a setback, I

tend to believe the obstacle will
endure for the long-term, e.g. "The
funding didn't come through, so I
guess that means they hate the
project. All that work for nothing."
4When a team I am on is
functioning poorly, I believe that
the cause is short-term and has a
straightforward solution. For
example, "We're not working well
at the moment, but if we can fix this
problem, then we'll do much
better!"
5When I'm not chosen for an

assignment I really want, I tend to
believe that I just don't have the
specific skills they are looking for
right now, as opposed to thinking I
am generally unskilled.
6When something happens that I

don't like or appreciate, I can tend
to conclude that the cause is
widespread in nature and will
continue to plague me. For
example, "My assistant didn't 'cc'
me on that email she sent to my
boss. Administrative assistants are
all out to prove how much smarter
they are than their supervisors."
7When I perform very well on an

assignment, I believe that it's
because I'm generally talented and
smart, as opposed to thinking I am
good in that one very specific area.
Not
Very
Often
All
8When I receive a reward or

recognition, I can tend to figure that
luck or fate played more of a role
than my actual work or skill. For
example, "They asked me to be the
key note speaker at the conference
next year. I guess the other guys
were all busy."
9When I come up with a really

good idea, I am surprised by my
creativity. I figure it is my lucky
day, and caution myself not to get
used to the feeling.
10When something bad happens at

work, I see the contributions that
everyone made to the mistake, as
opposed to thinking that I am
incompetent and to blame.
11After winning an
award/recognition/contract, I
believe it's because I am better than
the competition. For example, "We
won that large contract against two
strong competitors. We're simply
better than they are."
12As the leader, when my team

completes a project, I tend to
attribute the success to the hard
work and dedication of the team
members, as opposed to my skilled
leadership.
13When I make a decision that

proves to be successful, it's because
I have expertise on the subject and
analyzed that particular problem
Not
Very
Often
All
really well, as opposed to being

generally a strong decision maker.
14When I achieve a long-term and

personally challenging goal, I
congratulate myself, and think
about all the skills that I used in
order to be successful.
Total = 0
Score Comment
Yikes! It must feel like there is a rain cloud that hangs overhead all day. You
have gotten yourself into the habit of seeing things as your fault and you've
learned to give up your control in many situations. Taking this quiz is the first
step toward turning your pessimism around. Read the rest of this article
14-31 carefully, and use the exercises daily. Start now! (Read below to start.)
You try to be optimistic and positive however some situations get the better of
you. Identify your triggers for negative thinking and use rational thinking
32-50 exercises to become naturally more optimistic. (Read below to start.)
Great job! You have a generally positive and optimistic outlook on life. You
don't take things personally and you are able to see that setbacks won't ruin
51-70 the rest of your life. (Read below for more.)
Turn Negatives into Positives

The first step in changing negative thinking is to become aware of it. For
many of us, negative thinking is a bad habit – and we may not even know
we're doing it!
Consider this example: The guy on the subway who just made a face is
surely directing his behavior at you. When the receptionist doesn't greet
you in the morning, you must have done something to anger her. Again!
You go straight to the coffee machine, because it's Monday morning and
you just know you'll be solving problems until lunchtime. When you finally
get to your desk, your assistant is waiting for you. "Oh no," you think. "What
has he done now? The first problem of the day. Yippee!"
If you're feeling bad after reading this, imagine how it would feel to
surround yourself with that much negativity. Then ask yourself if this is the
way you tend to think in your own life?
Dr Martin Seligman, who has been described as America's most influential

psychologist, has done extensive research on thought patterns. In
particular, he looks at the impact of an optimistic versus pessimistic outlook
on life and success.
Seligman says we explain events using three basic dimensions of

Permanence, Pervasiveness and Personalization, with optimistic people on
one end of the scale and pessimistic people on the other. We look at these
below.
Permanence
(Questions 3, 4, 9, 11)
Believing that something we are experiencing is either permanent or

temporary. A low score implies that you think bad times will carry on
forever. A high score shows confidence that you'll be able to get things
back on course quickly.
Pessimist: I lost my job and I'll never find one as good again. No point
even looking!
Optimist: I lost my job. Thank goodness there are other opportunities I
can explore!
Pervasiveness
(Questions 2, 5, 6, 7, 13)
Believing that situational factors cause an effect or that the effect is

evidence of more universal factors at work. A low score shows that you
tend to think that if you've experienced a problem in one place, you'll
experience that problem wherever you go.
Pessimist: I lost my job. Companies are all the same; all they care about
is money. I don't know why I bother putting in any effort at all.
Optimist: I lost my job. It's too bad our company has to reinvent itself
to stay competitive. Thankfully I learned some great transferable skills!
Personalization
(Questions 1, 8, 10, 12, 14)
Believing that something about you influenced the outcome or that

something external to you caused it. A low score indicates that you tend
to blame yourself for bad things, rather than attributing the cause to
more general factors.
Pessimist: I lost my job. If I had been a decent employee they would

have found a new job for me.
Optimist: I lost my job. I gave it my all, however they just can't use my
skill set right now.
Re-shape Your Thinking

Your answers to the questions in this quiz can show whether you have a
positive or negative pattern of thinking. They're also great starting points to
become more aware of your thoughts - and the effect they have on your
life.
When you're more aware of the way you think, you can take action to use
positive situations to your advantage, and re-shape the negative ones. The
goal is to think positively, regardless of the situation, and make a conscious
effort to see opportunities instead of obstacles.
So, in our example, if you immediately think the receptionist is mad at you
because she didn't say hello, how rational is that? Could she have been
busy or distracted when you walked by? Did you say hello to her? Maybe
she wasn't feeling well, or she was in a negative mood herself. These are
all more rational reasons for her behavior than simply assuming that you
did something wrong.
To help you start thinking positively, see our comprehensive article

on Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking
Positive Thinking, Thought

Awareness, and Rational
Thinking
Quite often, the way we feel about a situation
comes from our perception of it. Often that
perception is right, but sometimes it isn't.
For instance, sometimes we're unreasonably harsh with ourselves, or we
can jump to wrong conclusion about people's motives. This can cause
problems and make us unhappy, and it can lead us to be unfair to others.
Positive Thinking, Thought Awareness, and Rational Thinking are simple

tools that help you turn this around.
Volume 90%
Click herePsychological of Stress and the Coping Process," is that it
occurs when someone thinks that the demands on them "exceed the
personal and social resources that the individual is able to
mobilize."
In becoming stressed, people must make two main judgments:
1. First, they must feel threatened by the situation.

2. They must judge whether their capabilities and resources are
sufficient to meet the threat.
How stressed someone feels depends on how much damage
they think the situation can cause them, and how far their
resources meet the demands of the situation.
Perception is key to this as (technically) situations are not
stressful in their own right. Rather it's our interpretation of the
situation that drives the level of stress that we feel. Quite
obviously, sometimes we are right in what we say to ourselves.
Some situations may actually be dangerous, and may threaten us
physically, socially, or in our career. Here, stress and emotion are
part of the "early warning system" that alerts us to the threat from
these situations.
Very often, however, we are overly harsh and unjust to ourselves,

in a way that we would never be with friends or team members.
This, along with other negative thinking, can cause intense stress
and unhappiness, and can severely undermine our self-
confidence.
Warning:
exercise.
Three Steps to Positive Thinking
1. Understanding Thought Awareness

You're thinking negatively when you fear the future, put yourself
down, criticize yourself for errors, doubt your abilities, or expect
failure. Negative thinking damages your confidence, harms your
performance, and paralyzes your mental skills.
A major problem with this is that negative thoughts tend to flit into
our consciousness, do their damage and flit back out again, with
their significance having barely been noticed. Since we do not
challenge them, they can be completely incorrect and wrong.
However, this does not diminish their harmful effect.
Thought Awareness is the process by which you observe your

thoughts and become aware of what is going through your head.
One way to become more aware of your thoughts is to observe

your stream of consciousness as you think about a stressful
situation. Do not suppress any thoughts: instead, just let them run
their course while you watch them, and write them down on our
free worksheet as they occur.
Another more general approach to Thought Awareness comes
with logging stress in a Stress Diary help you to build self-
confidence. By basing your affirmations on the clear, rational
assessments of facts that you made using Rational Thinking, you
can undo the damage that negative thinking may have done to
your self-confidence.
Tip:
Your affirmations will be strongest if they are specific, are expressed in
the present tense, and have strong emotional content.
Continuing the examples above, positive affirmations might be:
 Feelings of inadequacy: "I am well trained for this. I have the

experience, the tools, and the resources that I need. I have
thought-through and prepared for all possible issues. I can do a
really good job."
 Worries about performance: "I have researched and planned
well for this, and I thoroughly understand the problem. I have
the time, resources and help that I need. I am well prepared to
do an excellent job."
 Problems with issues outside your control: "We have thought
about everything that might reasonably happen, and have
planned how we can handle all likely contingencies. Everyone
is ready to help where necessary. We are very well placed to
react flexibly and effectively to unusual events."
 Worry about other people's reaction: "I am well-prepared and
am doing the best I can. Fair people will respect this. I will rise
above any unfair criticism in a mature and professional way."
If appropriate, write these affirmations down on your worksheet,
so that you can use them when you need them.
As well as allowing you to structure useful affirmations, part of
Positive Thinking is to look at opportunities that the situation
might offer to you and your team. In the examples above,
successfully overcoming these situations will open up
opportunities. You'll gain new skills, you'll be seen as someone
who can handle difficult challenges, and you may open up new
career opportunities.
Make sure that you take the time to identify these opportunities
and focus on them as part of your positive thoughts.
Tip:
In the past, people have advocated thinking positively almost recklessly,
as if it is a solution to everything. The approach should be used with
common sense, though. First, decide rationally what goals you can
realistically attain with hard work, and then use positive thinking to
reinforce these.
Key Points
This set of tools helps you to manage and counter the stress of negative
thinking.
Thought Awareness helps you identify the negative thinking, unpleasant

memories, and misinterpretation of situations that may interfere with
your performance and damage your self-confidence. This allows you to
deal with them.
Rational Thinking helps you to challenge these negative thoughts and

either learn from them, or refute them as incorrect.
You can then use Positive Thinking to create positive affirmations that
you can use to counter negative thoughts. These affirmations neutralize
negative thoughts and build your self-confidence. You can also use this
approach to find the opportunities that are almost always present, to
some degree, in a difficult situation.
Download Worksheet
Cognitive Restructuring
Reducing Stress by Changing Your Thinking
© iStockphoto
MerveKarahan
Turn negative into positive.
Michael has just handed a report to his boss,

Jan. She reads it, thanks him for his work, and
makes a number of small criticisms.
Unfortunately, one of these comments "touches a raw nerve" with Michael,
and he storms back to his office feeling angry and upset.
Michael knows that he needs to get over this, so that his negative mood
doesn't affect others. He takes a few deep breaths, and writes down why
he felt attacked by Jan. He then remembers that the overall quality of his
work impressed her, and that she wants him to improve and grow. He also
enjoyed working on the project, and, deep down, he knows he did a good
job. After taking a few minutes to reframe the situation, Michael no longer
feels angry. He calls Jan to apologize for his behavior, and then uses her
suggestions to improve his report.
In this situation, Michael used cognitive restructuring to overcome negative,

reactive thinking. We'll look at how you can use cognitive restructuring in
this article.
What Is Cognitive Restructuring?

Cognitive restructuring is a useful technique for understanding unhappy
feelings and moods, and for challenging the sometimes-wrong "automatic
beliefs" that can lie behind them. As such, you can use it to reframe the
unnecessary negative thinking that we all experience from time to time.
Bad moods are unpleasant, they can reduce the quality of your
performance, and they undermine your relationships with others. Cognitive
restructuring helps you to change the negative or distorted thinking that
often lies behind these moods. As such, it helps you approach situations in
a more positive frame of mind.
Cognitive restructuring was developed by psychologist Albert Ellis in the

mid-1950s, based on the earlier work of others, and it's a core component
in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). You can use CBT to control and
change negative thoughts, which are sometimes linked with damaging
behaviors.
Applications
Cognitive restructuring has been used successfully to treat a wide variety of
conditions, including depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),
addictions, anxiety, social phobias, relationship issues, and stress.
For example, a 2007 study found that cognitive restructuring helped

participants who experienced severe grief, while a 2003 study discovered
that it reduced the symptoms and effects of PTSD.
These uses are beyond the scope of this article, and you should consult a
qualified medical practitioner if you are experiencing issues like these.
However, you can use the technique yourself to reframe less serious, day-
to-day negative thoughts.
For example, you can use it to overcome negative thinking before

you speak in public and fear of success .
How to Use Cognitive Restructuring

Follow the steps below to use the cognitive restructuring technique.
This framework is based on the 7-column Thought Record copyrighted by

Christine A. Padesky, appearing in "Mind Over Mood," which is well worth
reading for a deeper understanding of this technique.
Step 1: Calm Yourself

If you're still upset or stressed by the thoughts you want to explore, you
may find it hard to concentrate on using the tool. Use meditation to calm
yourself down if you feel particularly stressed or upset.
Step 2: Identify the Situation
Start by describing the situation that triggered your negative mood.
Step 3: Analyze Your Mood

Next, write down the mood, or moods, that you felt during the situation.
Here, moods are the fundamental feelings that we have, but they are not
thoughts about the situation. Drs Greenberger and Padesky suggest an
easy way to distinguish moods from thoughts: you can usually describe
moods in one word, while thoughts are more complex.
For example, "He trashed my suggestion in front of my co-workers" would

be a thought, while the associated moods might be humiliation, frustration,
anger, or insecurity.
Step 4: Identify Automatic Thoughts

Now, write down the natural reactions, or "automatic thoughts," you
experienced when you felt the mood. In the example above, your thoughts
might be:
 "Maybe my analysis skills aren't good enough."

 "Have I failed to consider these things?"
 "He hasn't liked me since…"
 "He's so rude and arrogant!"
 "No one likes me."
 "But my argument is sound."
 "This undermines my future with this company."
In this example, the most distressing thoughts (the "hot thoughts") are likely
to be "Maybe my analysis skills aren't good enough," and, "No one likes
me."
Step 5: Find Objective Supportive Evidence

Identify the evidence that objectively supports your automatic thoughts. In
our example, you might write the following:
 "The meeting moved on and decisions were made, but my suggestion

was ignored."
 "He identified a flaw in one of my arguments."
Your goal is to look objectively at what happened, and then to write down
specific events or comments that led to your automatic thoughts.
Step 6: Find Objective Contradictory Evidence

Next, identify and write down evidence that contradicts the automatic
thought. In our example, this might be:
 "The flaw was minor and did not alter the conclusions."
 "The analysis was objectively sound, and my suggestion was realistic
and well-founded."
 "I was top of my class when I trained in the analysis method."
 "My clients respect my analysis, and my opinion."
As you can see, these statements are fairer and more rational than the
reactive thoughts.
Step 7: Identify Fair and Balanced Thoughts

By this stage, you've looked at both sides of the situation. You should now
have the information you need to take a fair, balanced view of what
happened.
If you still feel uncertain, discuss the situation with other people, or test the
question in some other way.
When you come to a balanced view, write these thoughts down. The
balanced thoughts in this example might now include:
 "I am good at this sort of analysis. Other people respect my abilities."

 "My analysis was reasonable, but not perfect."
 "There was an error, but it didn't affect the validity of the conclusions."
 "The way he handled the situation was not appropriate."
 "People were surprised and a little shocked by the way he handled my
suggestion." (This comment would have followed an informal
conversation with other people at the meeting.)
Step 8: Monitor Your Present Mood

You should now have a clearer view of the situation, and you're likely to
find that your mood has improved. Write down how you feel.
Next, reflect on what you could do about the situation. (By taking a
balanced view, the situation may cease to be important, and you might
decide that you don't need to take action.)
Finally, create some positive affirmations
Guided Imagery
Mental Stress Management
© iStockphoto
yulkapopkova
Imagine a relaxing scene to calm your mind and body in times of
stress.
Imagine that you are soon going to give a

presentation to your organization's executive
team, and you just can't seem to focus.
You're nervous and stressed, and when you try to rehearse your opening
lines, your mind goes completely blank. The more you try to practice your
material, the more stressed you feel!
So, you take a break, you close your eyes, and you remember the last
vacation that you took in the mountains. You think of the gentle stream
where you stopped to rest. You can hear the birdsong, smell the clean air,
and feel the sun's warmth on your skin. You slowly begin to relax as you
imagine this peaceful scene, and your heart rate and breathing slow down.
When you open your eyes a few minutes later, you feel relaxed and in
control, and you have no trouble remembering your opening lines.
Have you ever used your imagination to escape, or cope with a stressful
situation? If so, you were using "guided imagery" to relax. In this article,
we'll look at how to use imagery to manage stress, and we'll discuss how
you can use this technique to cope with difficult situations.
What Is Guided Imagery?

Guided imagery is a stress management technique, where you use your
imagination to picture a person, place, or time that makes you feel relaxed,
peaceful and happy. Imagery is slightly different from other stress
management techniques, in that it relies on the use of all of your senses.
For instance, in your imagination you hear the sound of birds chirping, you
see the drops of dew on the grass, you feel the breeze on your skin, you
smell the wildflowers, and you taste the cold drink. In imagery, using all of
your senses is what creates such a powerfully relaxing experience, and this
is why it's so useful in managing stress and coping with difficult situations.
There are several other ways that you can use imagery to help you relax.
For example, you could create mental pictures of stress flowing out of your
body, or of your problems, your distractions, and your everyday concerns
being folded away and stashed in a padlocked chest.
Some people are skeptical about the effectiveness of using imagery.

However, research suggests that it can be incredibly effective in lowering
your stress levels.
For instance, one study found that using stress management techniques
alongside relaxation imagery, and even just using imagery alone,
significantly reduced participants' blood pressure. Another study, which
researched the effectiveness of imagery on breast cancer patients, found
similar benefits: patients who used imagery to cope with their disease
experienced less stress, more vigor, and a higher quality of life than those
who didn't use the technique.
As well as these examples, many other studies have successfully used
imagery to lower stress in patients suffering from post-traumatic stress
syndrome, abuse, depression, and other conditions, including occupational
stress.
Note:
Imagery is similar to Visualization
Using Affirmations
Harnessing Positive Thinking
© GettyImages
asafta
Use affirmations to climb out of a negative mindset and into the
light.
"I'm never going to be able to do this job; I'm just not
smart enough."
"Why does my boss want me to present at the trade show? I'm a terrible public
speaker, and I'll just embarrass the company."
"I wish I could stick up for myself at work. In every meeting, I let the others walk
over my ideas. I'm never going to get ahead."
Many of us have negative thoughts like these, sometimes frequently. When
we think like this, our confidence, mood and outlook can become negative,
too.
The problem with negative thoughts is that they can become self-fulfilling
prophecies. We talk ourselves into believing that we're not good enough.
And, as a result, these thoughts drag down our personal lives, our
relationships, and our careers.
But, if we deliberately do the opposite and use positive thoughts about

ourselves, the effect can be just as powerful but far more helpful.
In this article, we'll explore how you can use affirmations to drive positive
change in your career, and in your life in general.
What Are Affirmations, and Do They Work?
Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and
overcome self-sabotaging , using affirmations to remind yourself of your
values can spur you on to change your behavior.
Note:
There is evidence that the higher your self-esteem, the more effective
affirmations can be. However, this research also found that if you have
low self-esteem, positive affirmations actually make you feel worse,
because they set up a conflict between the positive state you desire and
the negative feelings you currently experience. If this applies to you,
work on Boosting Your Self-Esteem . So, instead of just picturing the
change you'd like to see, you can also write it down or say it aloud using
a positive affirmation.
Affirmations are also useful when setting personal goals and the
things that most matter to you, so that you'll feel genuinely
motivated to achieve them.
 Be sure that your affirmation is credible and achievable. Base it on a realistic
assessment of the facts. For instance, imagine that you're unhappy with the level of
pay that you currently receive. You could use affirmations to raise your confidence
to ask for a raise.
However, it probably wouldn't be wise to affirm to yourself that you're going to
double your salary: for most people, and most organizations, doubling what you're
earning in one go isn't feasible. Keep it realistic! After all, affirmations are not
magic spells – if you can't believe in them, it's unlikely they'll impact your life.
 Turn negatives into positives. If you are struggling with negative self-talk, note
down the persistent thoughts or beliefs that are bothering you. Then choose an
affirmation that is the opposite of that thought and belief.
For example, if you habitually think, "I'm not talented enough to progress in my
career," turn this around and write a positive affirmation such as, "I am a skilled
and experienced professional."
 Write your affirmation in the present tense. Write and speak your
affirmation as if it's already happening. This helps you to believe that the
statement is true right now. For instance, "I am well-prepared and well-
rehearsed, and I can give a great presentation" would be a great
affirmation to use if you feel nervous speaking in front of a group.
 Say it with feeling. Affirmations can be more effective when they carry
emotional weight. You need to want this change to happen, so every
affirmation that you choose to repeat should be a phrase that's meaningful
to you. For example, if you're worried about a new project that you've been
tasked with, you could tell yourself, "I am really excited to take on new
challenges."
Examples of Affirmations
By definition, your affirmation will be personal to you, and specific
to what you want to achieve or change, but the following
examples may provide some inspiration:
 I have plenty of creativity for this project.

 My work will be recognized in a positive way by my boss and
colleagues.
 I can do this!
 My team respects and values my opinion.
 I am successful.
 I am honest in my life, and my work.
 I like completing tasks and projects on time.
 I'm grateful for the job I have.
 I enjoy working with my team.
 I'm bringing a positive attitude to work every day.
 I am excellent at what I do.
 I am generous.
 I am happy.
 I will be a leader in my organization.
Tip:
The use of affirmations is just one way to make positive changes to your
life. You can also use techniques such as Thought Awareness,
Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking . You may also want to
take our quiz, Are You a Positive or Negative Thinker?
The ABC Technique
Overcoming Pessimistic Thinking
Robyn has worked hard on a report all

week. The deadline was tight, and, as she
hands it over to her boss for an initial read-
through, she swells with pride. She knows her
boss is going to commend the quality of her
work.
However, as her boss reads it, she develops a small frown. A moment
later, she hands the report back to Robyn.
"I think you did a good job," she says. "If you'll just rework section two and
add the figures I sent over last night, this will be ready to present to the
board."
Robyn heads back to her office, crushed. She worked so hard, and her
boss thinks the report is lousy. She adds the new figures with a sinking
heart, wondering how long it will be before she's demoted or fired. For the
rest of the day, she can't get the image of her boss's frown out of her mind.
Her mood is down, she's listless, and her work suffers. She even misses a
sale with a key client, because she's not on her game.
Clearly, Robyn is blowing the situation way out of proportion. With her
pessimistic outlook, she has assumed the worst, and has turned a small
setback into a disaster.
How about you? Are you an optimist? Or would you have reacted in the
same way as Robyn?
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Click here
So, how can you reset your own ABC pattern?
Step 1: Track Your Inner Dialog

Begin by keeping a diary for several days. Your goal is to listen to your
inner dialog, especially when you encounter a stressful or difficult situation.
For each situation, write down the adversity you experienced, the beliefs
you formed after encountering the adversity, and the consequences of
those beliefs.
Consequences can be anything, from happy or unhappy thoughts and

feelings, to specific actions that you took. (Use our worksheet to get
started.)
Example
Adversity: A colleague criticized my product idea in front of the team during
our weekly meeting.
Belief: She's right; it was a dumb idea. I don't have much of an imagination,
and now the entire team can see how uncreative I am. I should never have
spoken up!
Consequences: I felt stupid and didn't speak up for the rest of the meeting.
I don't want to attend any of the other team meetings this week, and have
already made an excuse to avoid tomorrow's meeting.
Step 2: Analyze Results

Once you've written down several ABC situations, take a look at what you
have found.
Here, you need to look for patterns in your thinking, specifically, how any
broad beliefs have led to specific consequences.
To be optimistic, you need to change your beliefs following adversity. This,

in turn, leads to more positive consequences.
Step 3: Use Distraction and Disputation

As you can see, the beliefs you develop after encountering adversity play a
major role in your life, and determine whether you're an optimistic or
pessimistic thinker. This makes it important to manage negative ABC
patterns.
There are two ways to override these: distraction and disputation.
Distraction
If you want to interrupt your negative thoughts, you need to distract
yourself. Simply telling yourself "not to think negatively" isn't going to work:
you need to interrupt the cycle.
To do this, try distracting yourself when you start creating negative beliefs.
For example, you could wear a rubber band around your wrist. After you've
gone through a stressful situation, and when you begin to formulate
negative thoughts and beliefs as a result, snap the rubber band against
your skin. This physical sting will remind you to step out of the cycle of
negative thinking.
Once you've interrupted your negative thoughts, you need to shift your
attention somewhere else. Concentrate intently on something else for a
minute.
Disputation
Although distraction is useful for interrupting negative thinking, a more
permanent solution is to dispute them. Think of Disputation as a "D" after
ABC.
To dispute your negative thoughts and beliefs, you argue with yourself
rationally. In particular, you look for the mistaken assumptions about your
explanatory style that we talked about earlier.
We'll use the previous example to illustrate this technique, below.
Adversity: A colleague criticized my product idea in front of the team during

our weekly meeting.
Belief: She's right; it was a dumb idea. I don't have much of an imagination,
and now the entire team can see how uncreative I am. I should never have
spoken up!
Consequences: I felt stupid and didn't speak up for the rest of the meeting. I
don't want to attend any of the other team meetings this week, and have
already made an excuse to avoid tomorrow's meeting.
Disputation: I'm blowing this out of proportion. My colleague had every right
to criticize my idea; it was nothing personal, and her critique was spot on.
She even commended my creative thinking once the meeting was over. All
I need to do is think my ideas through a bit better next time.
Tip 1:
Disputing negative thoughts is also a good way to build self-confidence
Perfectionism
Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking
Have you ever been labeled a "perfectionist"?

Or do you consider yourself to be one?
While we all need to do high quality work, excessive perfectionism can do
more harm than good. For instance, it can be damaging to your self-esteem
and to that of the people you work with. It can put a strain on your
relationships, and, in some cases, it can lead to health issues.
In this article and in the video, below, we'll look at why excessive
perfectionism is unhealthy, and we'll think about what you can do to
overcome it.
Volume 90%
Click here .)
Adaptive perfectionists work on developing their skills. Their
standards are always rising, and they approach work with
optimism, pleasure, and a desire to improve. This is clearly a
healthy type of perfectionism.
Maladaptive perfectionists, however, are never satisfied with what

they achieve. If something isn't perfect, they dismiss it. They may
experience fear of failure . Perfectionists see their own self-worth
tied in to what they achieve, and they believe that others judge
them on this as well. Because they're never satisfied with their
achievements, they can never live up to the standards they set
for themselves. This can lead to a downward spiral of self-
criticism and blame.
Procrastination
Perfectionism is closely linked to procrastination . Come up with
several lifetime goals and then break these down into yearly and
monthly goals. It can feel great to achieve these smaller goals!
Tip:
Perfectionists often put their wants and needs aside to live up to the real
or imagined expectations of others. Focus on your own dreams!
2. Listen to Your Emotions
Whenever you're feeling anxious, unhappy, or scared about a
task, ask yourself whether you've set your goal too high. Your
emotions may be telling you that you're trying to achieve an
unrealistic goal.
If you catch yourself engaging in self-sabotage , which are positive

statements about yourself and your abilities. Affirmations can
raise your self-esteem and reprogram your thinking. Remember,
you always have a choice in what you think and do.
3. Don't Fear Mistakes

Mistakes are part of life. They can even provide rich learning
experiences, if you have the courage to examine them. Your
mistakes can teach you far more about life and your abilities than
your successes will.
Make a real effort to learn from each mistake that you make.
You'll grow as a result.
4. Readjust Your Personal Rules

Perfectionists often live by a rigid set of rules. These rules could
range from "I must never make mistakes" to "There must never
be a crumb on the kitchen countertop." Although it's healthy to
have high personal standards, they need to be flexible and
helpful, not unrelenting and unrealistic.
Identify one rule you live by that's rigid, unfair, or unhelpful. Then
reword it to be more helpful, flexible, and forgiving.
For instance, imagine you never suggest new ideas during team
brainstorming meetings, because there's never enough time to
think them through. You fear suggesting an idea that might make
you look bad, so you always keep quiet. Your personal rule is that
you should never offer an idea until you've had plenty of time to
perfect it.
You could readjust this rule by saying, "Ideas don't have to be

perfect during brainstorming sessions. The team's purpose is to
take rough ideas, talk them through, and determine whether
they're sound. My team will appreciate my input." Then put your
new rule into practice!
5. Focus on the Whole

Perfectionists often exhibit "tunnel vision": they focus on one
small part of something and ignore the rest. For instance, if you're
on a diet, you might obsess about slipping up and eating dessert
at lunch, while ignoring the fact that you've stuck to your diet for
the past three weeks.
Challenge this by making an effort to look at what you've done

right. Don't focus exclusively on the negative!
6. Watch What You Tell Yourself

Whenever you tell yourself that you "must," "should," or
"shouldn't" do something, pay attention to how this demand
makes you feel: perfectionists often use these words when
they're setting up personal rules. Some examples are "I must
never make mistakes" or "I should have done that job instead of
delegating it."
Be careful using these words in your thinking; they can often lead
you to create unrealistic expectations.
7. Relax and Be More Spontaneous

Perfectionists often find it difficult to relax and be spontaneous.
Relaxation and spontaneity are not only necessary for a healthy
life, but they can also improve your productivity and well-being.
Take regular breaks when you're at work to stretch, walk around,
or do deep breathing exercises
Overcoming Fear of Failure

Facing Your Fear of Moving Forward
© iStockphoto
shalamov
Overcome your fear of failure to keep moving forward to your
goals.
Have you ever been so afraid of failing at

something that you decided not to try it at all?
Or has a fear of failure meant that,
subconsciously, you undermined your own
efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure?
Many of us have probably experienced this at one time or another. The fear
of failing can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore
resist moving forward. But when we allow fear to stop our forward progress
in life, we're likely to miss some great opportunities along the way.
In this article, we'll examine fear of failure: what it means, what causes it,
and how to overcome it to enjoy true success in work, and in life.
Causes of Fear of Failure

To find the causes of fear of failure, we first need to understand what
"failure" actually means.
We all have different definitions of failure, simply because we all have
different benchmarks, values, and belief systems. A failure to one person
might simply be a great learning experience for someone else.
Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time. But fear of failure
(also called "atychiphobia") is when we allow that fear to stop us doing the
things that can move us forward to achieve our goals.
Fear of failure can be linked to many causes. For instance, having critical
or unsupportive parents is a cause for some people. Because they were
routinely undermined or humiliated in childhood, they carry those negative
feelings into adulthood.
Experiencing a traumatic event at some point in your life can also be a

cause. For example, say that several years ago you gave an important
presentation in front of a large group, and you did very poorly. The
experience might have been so terrible that you became afraid of failing in
other things. And you carry that fear even now, years later.
How You Experience Fear of Failure

You might experience some or all of these symptoms if you have a fear of
failure:
 A reluctance to try new things or get involved in challenging projects.

 Self-sabotage , or a failure to follow through with goals.
 Low self-esteem or self-confidence – A willingness to try only those
things that you know you'll finish perfectly and successfully.
The Definition of Failure

It's almost impossible to go through life without experiencing some kind of
failure. People who do so probably live so cautiously that they go nowhere.
Put simply, they're not really living at all.
But, the wonderful thing about failure is that it's entirely up to us to decide
how to look at it.
We can choose to see failure as "the end of the world," or as proof of just
how inadequate we are. Or, we can look at failure as the incredible learning
experience that it often is. Every time we fail at something, we can choose
to look for the lesson we're meant to learn. These lessons are very
important; they're how we grow, and how we keep from making that same
mistake again. Failures stop us only if we let them.
It's easy to find successful people who have experienced failure. For
example:
 Michael Jordan is widely considered to be one of the greatest basketball

players of all time. And yet, he was cut from his high school basketball
team because his coach didn't think he had enough skill.
 Warren Buffet, one of the world's richest and most successful
businessmen, was rejected by Harvard University.
 Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin empire, is a high-school dropout.
Most of us will stumble and fall in life. Doors will get slammed in our faces,
and we might make some bad decisions. But imagine if Michael Jordan had
given up on his dream to play basketball when he was cut from that team.
Imagine if Richard Branson had listened to the people who told him he'd
never do anything worthwhile without a high-school diploma.
Think of the opportunities you'll miss if you let your failures stop you.
Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have
learned otherwise. For instance, failure can help you discover how strong a
person you are. Failing at something can help you discover your truest
friends, or help you find unexpected motivation to succeed.
Often, valuable insights come only after a failure. Accepting and learning
from those insights is key to succeeding in life.
How Not to Be Afraid of Failure

It's important to realize that in everything we do, there's always a chance
that we'll fail. Facing that chance, and embracing it, is not only courageous
– it also gives us a fuller, more rewarding life.
However, here are a few ways to reduce the fear of failing:
 Analyze all potential outcomes – Many people experience fear of failure

because they fear the unknown. Remove that fear by considering all of
the potential outcomes of your decision. Our article Decision Trees is a
comprehensive resource for learning how to change your thoughts.
 Look at the worse-case scenario – In some cases, the worst case scenario
may be genuinely disastrous, and it may be perfectly rational to fear
failure. In other cases, however, this worst case may actually not be that
bad, and recognizing this can help.
 Have a contingency plan . But goals help us define where we want to go in
life. Without goals, we have no sure destination.
Many experts recommend visualization . These should be
goals that are slightly, but not overwhelmingly, challenging.
Think of these goals as "early wins" that are designed to help
boost your confidence.
For example, if you've been too afraid to talk to the new
department head (who has the power to give you the
promotion you want), then make that your first goal. Plan to
stop by her office during the next week to introduce yourself.
Or, imagine that you've dreamed of returning to school to get

your MBA, but you're convinced that you're not smart enough
to be accepted into business school. Set a goal to talk with a
school counselor or admissions officer to see what's required
for admission.
Try to make your goals tiny steps on the route to much bigger
goals. Don't focus on the end picture: getting the promotion, or
graduating with an MBA. Just focus on the next step:
introducing yourself to the department head, and talking to an
admissions officer. That's it.
Taking one small step at a time will help build your confidence,
keep you moving forward, and prevent you from getting
overwhelmed with visions of your final goal.
Warning:
Sometimes, being afraid of failure can be a symptom of a more
serious mental health condition. Negative thinking can cause severe
health problems and, in extreme cases, death. While these techniques
have been shown to have a positive effect on reducing stress, they are
for guidance only, and readers should take the advice of suitably
qualified health professionals if they have any concerns over related
illnesses or if negative thoughts are causing significant or persistent
unhappiness. Health professionals should also be consulted before
any major change in diet or levels of exercise.
Key Points
Many of us are sometimes afraid of failing, but we mustn't let that
fear stop us from moving forward.
Fear of failure can have several causes: from childhood events to

mistakes we've made in our adult lives. It's important to realize that
we always have a choice: we can choose to be afraid, or we can
choose not to be.
Start by setting small goals that will help build your confidence.
Learn how to explore and evaluate all possible outcomes rationally
and develop contingency plans; and practice thinking positively. By
moving forward slowly but steadily, you'll begin to overcome your
fear.
Fear of Success
Overcoming Fear of Change
© iStockphoto
PeskyMonkey
Learn how to recognize, and overcome, your fears.
Laura's boss has just announced that the

company has just won a bid to create a national
marketing campaign. And he is hinting that he
wants Laura to head this project. All that she
has to do is let him know that she's interested by
the following Friday.
Laura always hoped for an opportunity like this. She knows her work and
management skills qualify her for the job – and she knows that it would
likely lead to a promotion, or at least to some much-deserved recognition.
However, by the time Friday arrives, she's created a list of reasons not to
head the project. And by the end of the day, she still hasn't talked to her
boss.
Does this situation sound familiar?
Fear of success is actually quite common, and it can cause us to lose out
on a lot of opportunities in life. When we're too afraid to take risks and
move forward on our goals – either consciously or unconsciously – we get
stuck in one place, neither moving forward nor backward.
In this article, we'll examine the fear of success: what it is, how to know if
you have it, and what you can do to overcome it.
Fear of Success
Psychologist Matina Horner first diagnosed the fear of success in
her research during the early 1970s. Her findings, especially as they related
to fear of success in women at that time, were incredibly controversial.
Since then, however, most scientists and psychologists agree that fear of
success exists for both men and women.
Fear of success is similar to fear of failure on big projects, especially

projects that could lead to recognition.
 You frequently compromise your work or dreams by convincing yourself that you're not
good enough to achieve them.
 You feel, subconsciously, that you don't deserve to enjoy success in your life.
 You believe that if you do achieve success, you won't be able to sustain it. Eventually
you'll fail, and end up back in a worse place than where you started. So you think, "why
bother?"
Causes of Fear of Success

Fear of success has several possible causes:
 We fear what success will bring – for example, loneliness, new enemies,
being isolated from our family, longer working hours, or being asked for
favors or money.
 We're afraid that the higher we climb in life, the further we're going to fall
when we make a mistake.
 We fear the added work, responsibilities, or criticism that we'll face.
 We fear that our relationships will suffer if we become successful. Our
friends and family will react with jealousy and cynicism, and we'll lose
the ones we love.
 We fear that accomplishing our goals, and realizing that we have the
power to be successful, may actually cause an intense regret that we
didn't act sooner.
Overcoming Fear of Success

You can use several different strategies to overcome your fear of success.
The good news is that the more you face your fears, bring them to the
surface, and analyze them rationally, the more you're likely to weaken
those fears – and dramatically reduce your reluctance to achieve your
goals.
Take a realistic look at what will happen if you succeed with your goal.
Don't look at what you hope will happen, or what you fear will happen.
Instead, look at what is likely to happen.
It's important not to give a quick answer to this. Take at least 15 minutes to
examine the issues, and write down your answers to questions like these:
 How will my friends and family react if I accomplish this goal?

 How will my life change?
 What's the worst that could happen if I achieve this goal?
 What's the best that could happen?
 Why do I feel that I don't deserve to accomplish this goal?
 How motivated am I to work toward this goal?
 What am I currently doing to sabotage, or hurt, my own efforts?
 How can I stop those self-sabotaging behaviors?
Another useful technique is to address your fears directly, and then develop
a backup plan that will overcome your concern.
For instance, suppose you don't push yourself to achieve a promotion, and
the biggest reason is because you secretly fear that the additional income
and recognition would jeopardize your family relationships and your
integrity. You're worried that you would be so busy working to maintain
your success that you'd never see your family, and you might be forced to
make choices that would destroy your integrity.
To overcome these fears, start by addressing your workload. You could set
a rule for yourself that you'll always be home by 7 p.m. You could tell this to
your boss if you're offered the new position.
For issues involving integrity, you always have a choice. If you

set maintaining your integrity
How Self-Confident Are You?

Improving Self-Confidence by Building Self-Efficacy
© iStockphoto
FrancescoCorticchia
Do you feel energized about life?
How self-confident do you feel? Are you full of it,

or do you wish you had more of it?
Whether someone demonstrates self-confidence by being decisive, trying
new things, or staying in control when things get difficult, a person with high
self-confidence seems to live life with passion and enthusiasm. Other
people tend to trust and respect these confident individuals, which helps
them build even more self-confidence – and so the cycle continues.
However, it’s not always easy to initiate that cycle. So, where do you
begin?
A good place to start is to look at how effective you believe you are in
handling and performing specific tasks. This is termed "self-efficacy," and it
plays an important part in determining your general levels of self-
confidence.
Albert Bandura is one of the leading researchers into self-efficacy. His

self-efficacy theory explains the relationship between the belief in one’s
abilities and how well a person actually performs a task or a range of
actions. Bandura says that "self-efficacy" and "confidence" are not quite
the same thing. Confidence is a general, not a specific, strength of
belief. On the other hand, self-efficacy is the belief in one's capabilities
to achieve something specific.
If people have high self-efficacy in an area, then they think, feel, and
behave in a way that contributes to and reinforces their success, and
improves their personal satisfaction. They're more likely to view obstacles
as challenges to overcome, so they aren't afraid to face new things. They
recover quickly from setbacks, because they view failure more as a result
of external circumstances than internal weaknesses. In general, believing
in your abilities affects your motivation, your choices, your toughness, and
your determination.
Therefore, self-confidence – by way of self-efficacy – often affects how well

you perform, and how satisfied you are with the choices you make. This is
why it's important to understand your current level of self-efficacy,
particularly in the context of your belief in your ability to perform in a variety
of situations. In so doing, you will be able to identify areas where you can
improve, and make a plan to do so.
Does your self-confidence affect your ability to perform? Take this short
quiz and find out.
How Self-Confident Are You?

Instructions
'wrong direction'. When you are finished, please click the 'Calculate My
Total' button at the bottom of the test.
Not
Very
Often
All
1I do what I think is expected of

me, rather than what I believe to be
"right."
2I handle new situations with

relative comfort and ease.
3I feel positive and energized

about life.
4If something looks difficult, I

avoid doing it.
5I keep trying, even after others

have given up.
6If I work hard to solve a problem,

I'll find the answer.
7I achieve the goals I set for

myself.
8When I face difficulty, I feel

hopeless and negative.
9I relate to people who work very

hard, and still don't accomplish
their goals.
10People give me positive

feedback on my work and
achievements.
11I need to experience success

early in a process, or I won't
continue.
12When I overcome an obstacle, I

think about the lessons I've
learned.
Not
Very
Often
All
13I believe that if I work hard, I'll

achieve my goals.
14I have contact with people of

similar skills and experience who I
consider successful.
Total = 0
Score Comment
You probably wish you had more self-confidence! Take a closer look at all
the things you've achieved in your life. You may tend to focus more on what
you don't have, and this takes time and attention away from recognizing and
using your skills and talents. Read this article for everyday tips on building
14-32 your self-confidence. (Read below to start.)
You're doing an OK job of recognizing your skills, and believing in your

abilities. But perhaps you're a little too hard on yourself, and this may stop
you from getting the full benefit of your mastery experiences. Review our tips
33-51 to find out how to improve your self-confidence. (Read below to start.)
Excellent! You're doing a fabulous job of learning from every experience, and
not allowing obstacles to affect the way you see yourself. But you need to
nurture your self-confidence, so use the tips below to ensure that your life
52-70 remains full of validation and success. (Read below to start.)
Building Self-Confidence
No matter what your self-confidence level is right now, you can probably
improve it. But you need to believe in yourself and your capabilities before
anyone else will.
Bandura's theory of self-efficacy is a great place to start looking for ways to
improve the way you see your abilities. According to the theory, there are
four sources of self-efficacy:
1. Mastery experiences – things you have succeeded at in the past.

2. Vicarious experiences – seeing people who are similar to you succeed.
3. Social persuasion – hearing from others that you're capable.
4. Emotional status – staying positive, and managing stress.
Three of these sources (the first, second, and fourth) are within your
control, so we'll look at them more closely. However, while we can’t force
people to say good things about us (the third source), we can increase the
likelihood of receiving positive feedback by being more confident in
general.
Developing Mastery Experiences

(Questions 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 11, 12, 13)
The more success you experience, the more success you're likely to
enjoy in the future. But if success comes too easily, it probably won't
contribute to your self-confidence. Mastery experiences are those
achievements where you know that it was your hard work and effort that
brought about success.
To enjoy these types of experiences, work on motivation, toughness,

and determination.
Motivation and self-confidence are connected. When you have more of

one, you'll probably have more of the other. You can generally increase
your motivation by doing the following:
 Thinking positively .
 Creating a motivating environment.
To examine your motivation level, and learn specific ways to improve
your self-motivation, take our quiz How Self-Motivated Are You? by
our contributing author Bruna Martinuzzi.
Another area to examine is your locus, or central point, of control. To
develop mastery, you must believe that your effort led to your success.
As such, you need to believe generally that you’re responsible for your
success – not some outside force, like luck or fate. Learn more about
your locus of control is a useful tool.
 Improve your problem solving and decision making skills. This will help
create a general feeling of confidence in the choices you make.
 Commit to personal and professional development to stay current and
informed.
Read Building Self-Confidence , and surround yourself with
accomplished, successful people.
 Seek a mentor .
 Discover whether you're a positive or negative thinker
Locus of Control
Are You in Charge of Your Destiny?
As the environment around you changes, you
can either attribute success and failure to things
you have control over, or to forces outside your
influence.
Which orientation you choose has a bearing on your long-term success.
This orientation is known as your "locus of control." Its study dates back to
the 1960s, with Julian Rotter's investigation into how people's behaviors
and attitudes affected the outcomes of their lives.
Volume 90%
Are you responsible for your own success? Or does control often
feel just out of reach?
Locus of control describes the degree to which individuals perceive that
outcomes result from their own behaviors, or from forces that are external
to themselves. This produces a continuum with external control at one end
and internal control at the other, as shown in figure 1, below:
Figure 1. The Locus of Control Scale.

People who develop an internal locus of control believe that they are
responsible for their own success. Those with an external locus of
control believe that external forces, like luck, determine their outcomes.
Use the interactive quiz below to determine your current locus of

control:
Understanding Your Own Locus of

Control
Instructions:
For each pair of statements, choose the one that you believe to be the
most accurate, not the one you wish was most true. Remember, there are
no right or wrong answers. Click the "Calculate My Total" button to add
up your score and check your result using the scoring table underneath.
22 Statements to Answer A B
1STATEMENT A: Bad luck is what leads to many of the

disappointments in life. STATEMENT B: Disappointments are
usually the result of mistakes you make.
2STATEMENT A: Political unrest and war normally occur in

countries where people don't get involved, or assert their political
rights. STATEMENT B: No matter how much people get involved,
war and political unrest will occur.
3STATEMENT A: You "reap what you sow". In the end, your

rewards will be directly related to what you accomplish.
STATEMENT B: Despite your effort and hard work, what you
accomplish will probably go unnoticed.
4STATEMENT A: Teachers treat students fairly and evaluate their

performance as objectively as possible. STATEMENT B: The grades
you earn in school have more to do with factors like how much the
teacher likes you, or your mood on the day of a test.
5STATEMENT A: To become a leader, you must be in the right place

at the right time. STATEMENT B: Those who are capable of
leadership but don't lead, have failed to capitalize on the opportunities
afforded to them.
6STATEMENT A: There are some people in this world that will not
like you, no matter what you do. STATEMENT B: If you have good
interpersonal skills and know how to get along with others, then
getting people to like you is not difficult at all.
7STATEMENT A: If something is meant to happen, it will; there is

little you can do to change it. STATEMENT B: You decide what will
happen to you. You don't believe in fate.
8STATEMENT A: If you are prepared for an interview, you increase

your likelihood of doing well. STATEMENT B: There is no point
preparing for an interview because the questions they ask are
completely random and determined by whim.
9STATEMENT A: To be successful in your career takes a lot of hard

work and dedication, because effort is what makes the difference.
STATEMENT B: It's who you know, not what you know, that
determines how good a job you get.
10STATEMENT A: One person can have an impact on government

policy and decisions. STATEMENT B: Normal people can't do much
to change the world; the elite and powerful make all the decisions.
11STATEMENT A: If you set a reasonable goal, you can achieve it

with hard work and commitment. STATEMENT B: There's no point
in planning ahead or setting goals because too much can happen that
you can't control.
12STATEMENT A: Luck doesn't play a large role in getting what you

want out of life. STATEMENT B: Life is like a game of chance. What
you get or what happens to you is mostly a matter of fate.
13STATEMENT A: Managers and supervisors got those positions by

being in the right place and knowing the right people. STATEMENT
B: To be a manager or supervisor you have to demonstrate that you
know how to get things done through, and with, people.
14STATEMENT A: Accidents or twists of fate are what really

determine the course of a person's life. STATEMENT B: The notion
that luck largely determines your life is a fallacy.
15STATEMENT A: People have so many ulterior motives; it's

impossible to determine who actually likes you and who doesn't.
STATEMENT B: How you treat people largely determines whether
they like you.
16STATEMENT A: After all is said and done; the positives and

negatives of life are basically half and half. STATEMENT B: When
something negative happens it is usually a result of apathy, lack of
knowledge, inability, or a combination of these.
17STATEMENT A: Corruption in politics can be eliminated if we all

put in enough effort. STATEMENT B: Once a politician is elected,
there is little anyone can do to control him or her.
18STATEMENT A: The assessments I get at work are completely at

the whim of my supervisor; I don't understand them at all half the
time. STATEMENT B: How hard I work and how much pride I take
in my job largely determines the results of my performance
assessment.
19STATEMENT A: I often feel that I have little control over my life,

and what happens to me. STATEMENT B: I don't believe that luck or
chance play a large role in determining what happens in my life.
20STATEMENT A: If you're lonely, it's because you don't try hard

enough to get along with people and be friendly. STATEMENT B:
Despite being friendly and pleasant, if someone doesn't like you,
there's not much you can do to change his or her opinion.
21STATEMENT A: The things that happen in your life are of your

own doing. STATEMENT B: You don't have much control over what
happens in life, or in the direction your life is headed.
22STATEMENT A: Why politicians make the decisions they do is

anybody's guess! STATEMENT B: The people are as much
responsible for government decisions as the politicians themselves.
Total = 0
Score Comment
Internal Locus of Control (strong)

22-25
Score Comment
Internal Locus of Control (moderate)

26-33
External Locus of Control

34-44
Note:
This assessment has not been validated and is intended for illustrative
purposes only. It is patterned after the Locus of Control Scale developed
and presented in Rotter, J.B. (1966), "Generalized expectancies for
internal versus external control of reinforcement," Psychological
Monographs, 80 (Whole No. 609).
Internal Locus of Control (strong)

If you have a strong internal locus of control, you will likely feel that
you’re in full control of the events in your life. You are self-motivated
and focused on achieving the goals you have set for yourself. For these
reasons, people with a strong internal locus of control often make good
leaders.
However, there is a potential downside to having a very strong internal

locus of control. Your powerful self-belief may mean that you find it
difficult to take direction, so be careful to avoid
seeming arrogant properly – random events do occur for all sorts of
reasons.
A very strong internal drive may lead you to believe that you can
control everything, and if your plans don’t work out you may feel
responsible for their failure – even when events were genuinely beyond
your control. This can lead to frustration, anxiety and, in extreme cases,
stress or depression.
Internal Locus of Control (moderate)

You likely see your future as being in your own hands. As a result, you
engage in activities that will improve your situation: you work hard to
develop your knowledge, skills and abilities, and you take note of
information that you can use to create positive outcomes.
However, few people have a wholly internal or external locus of control:

most of us fall somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum. Your
locus of control may vary in different situations – at work and at home,
for example – and it may change over time. People often tend toward a
more internal locus of control as they grow older and their ability to
influence the events in their lives increases.
Having a moderate, rather than strong, internal locus of control may

make you more able to accept situations that you can’t influence, and to
manage them effectively when they arise.
External Locus of Control

If you have an external locus of control, you likely believe that what
happens to you is the result of luck or fate, or is determined by people in
authority. You may tend to give up when life doesn’t “go your way,”
because you don’t feel that you have the power to change it.
To overcome this, pay attention to your self-talk self-confidence of

situations, rather than blaming circumstances or forces “beyond your
control” when things go wrong.
Tip:
To learn more about your locus of control, and how to change it, read
our article, Understanding Your Locus of Control
How Self-Motivated Are You?

Taking Charge of Your Goals and Achievements
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guvendemir
How motivated are you to reach your goals?
Are you motivated to achieve what you really

want in life?
And how hard do you push yourself to get things done?
Wanting to do something and motivating yourself to actually do it are two

different things.
So, what's the difference between those who never reach their goals, year
after year, and those who achieve one goal after another? Often, it's their
self-motivation.
Self-motivation is the force that keeps pushing us to go on – it's our internal

drive to achieve, produce, develop, and keep moving forward. When you
think you're ready to quit something, or you just don't know how to start,
your self-motivation is what pushes you to go on.
With self-motivation, you'll learn and grow – regardless of the specific

situation. That's why it's such a fundamental tool for reaching your goals,
achieving your dreams, and succeeding, in this journey we call life.
So, how self-motivated are you? We've put together a short quiz to give
you a better understanding of how self-motivated you are. After the quiz,
we'll discuss some specific tips for improving your self-motivation, so that
you can achieve still more in your life.
The Self-Motivation Quiz

Instructions
Not
Very
Often
All
1I'm unsure of my ability to

achieve the goals I set for myself.
2When working on my goals, I put

in maximum effort and work even
harder if I've suffered a setback.
3I regularly set goals and

objectives to achieve my vision for
my life.
4I think positively about setting

goals and making sure my needs
are met.
5I use rewards (and consequences)

to keep myself focused. For
example, if I finish my report on
time, I allow myself to take a
coffee break.
6I believe that if I work hard and

apply my abilities and talents, I
will be successful.
7I worry about deadlines and

getting things done, which causes
stress and anxiety.
8When an unexpected event

threatens or jeopardizes my goal, I
tend to walk away, set a different
goal, and move in a new direction.
9When I come up with a really

good idea, I am surprised by my
Not
Very
Often
All
creativity. I figure it is my lucky

day, and caution myself not to get
used to the feeling.
10I tend to do the minimum

amount of work necessary to keep
my boss and my team satisfied.
11I tend to worry about why I

won't reach my goals, and I often
focus on why something probably
won't work.
12I create a vivid and powerful

vision of my future success before
embarking on a new goal.
Total = 0
Score Comment
You allow your personal doubts and fears to keep you from succeeding.
You've probably had a few incomplete goals in the past, so you may have
convinced yourself that you aren't self-motivated - and then you've made that
come true. Break this harmful pattern now, and start believing in yourself
12-27 again. The tools and tips below will help you get back your motivation.
You're doing OK on self-motivation. You're certainly not failing - however,

you could achieve much more. To achieve what you want, try to increase the
motivation factors in all areas of your life. Read the relevant sections below,
28-43 and work on them to strengthen your self-motivation.
Score Comment
Wonderful! You get things done, and you don't let anything stand in your
way. You make a conscious effort to stay self-motivated, and you spend
significant time and effort on setting goals and acting to achieve those goals.
You attract and inspire others with your success. Treasure this - and be aware
44-60 that not everyone is as self-motivated as you are! (Read below for more.)
Factors in Self-Motivation
Self-motivation is complex. It's linked to your level of initiative in setting
challenging goals for yourself; your belief that you have the skills and
abilities needed to achieve those goals; and your expectation that if you put
in enough hard work, you will succeed (or at least be in the running, if it's a
competitive situation).
Four factors are necessary to build the strongest levels of self-motivation:
1. Self-confidence and self-efficacy.

2. Positive thinking, and positive thinking about the future.
3. Focus and strong goals.
4. A motivating environment.
By working on all of these together, you should quickly improve your self-
motivation. Let's look at each of these factors individually.
1. Self-Confidence and Self-Efficacy

(Questions 1, 2, 6, 8)
Part of being self-motivated is having good levels of self-assurance,

self-confidence, and self-efficacy. More on these below!
Being highly self-assured means you will set challenging goals for
yourself, and it's also a resiliency factor for when you encounter
setbacks. If you don't believe in yourself you'll be much more likely to
think, "I knew I couldn't do this" instead of, "This one failure isn't going
to stop me!"
Albert Bandura, a psychologist from Stanford University, defined self-
efficacy as a belief in our own ability to succeed, and our ability to
achieve the goals we set for ourselves. This belief has a huge impact on
your approach to goal setting and your behavioral choices as you work
toward those goals.
According to Bandura's research, high self-efficacy results in an ability
to view difficult goals as a challenge, whereas people with low self-
efficacy would likely view the same goals as being beyond their
abilities, and might not even attempt to achieve them.
It also contributes to how much effort a person puts into a goal in the
first place, and how much he or she perseveres despite setbacks.
By developing a general level of self-confidence in yourself, you will

not only believe you can succeed, but you'll also recognize and enjoy
the successes you've already had. That, in turn, will inspire you to build
on those successes. The momentum created by self-confidence is hard to
beat.
Take these steps:
 Think about the achievements in your life.

 Examine your strengths teaches you how to develop this self-
confidence, and gives you steps you can use to start feeling great
about yourself. It will also put you firmly on the path to self-
assurance and self-efficacy.
2. Positive Thinking, and Positive Thinking

About the Future
(Questions 4, 9, 11, 12)
Your life today is the result of your attitudes and

choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will be the
result of your attitudes and the choices you make
today.- Author Unknown
Positive thinking is closely related to self-confidence as a factor in
self-motivation. It's important to look at things positively,
especially when things aren't going as planned and you're ready to
give up.
If you think that things are going to go wrong or that you won't
succeed, this may influence things in such a way that your
predictions will come true. This is particularly the case if you need
to work hard to achieve success, or if you need to persuade others
to support you in order to succeed. Your thoughts can have a major
influence on whether you succeed or fail, so make sure those
thoughts are "on your side."
Positive thinking also helps you think about an attractive future

that you want to realize. When you expect positive results, your
choices will be more positive, and you'll be less likely to leave
outcomes to fate or chance. Having a vivid picture of success,
combined with positive thinking, helps you bridge the gap between
wanting something and going out to get it.
To apply "the power of positive thinking", do the following:
 Become aware of your thoughts. Write down these down

throughout the day.
 Challenge your negative thoughts, and replace them with
positive ones.
 Create a strong and vivid picture of what it will be like to
achieve your goals.
 Develop affirmations or statements that you can repeat to
yourself throughout the day. These statements should remind
you of what you want to achieve, and why you will achieve it.
 Practice positive thinking until you automatically think about
yourself and the world in a positive way, every day.
For even more tips, see our article on Rational Positive
Thinking .
3. Focus and Strong Goals

(Questions 3, 7)
As we've said above, a key part of building self-motivation is to
start setting strong goals. These give you focus, a clear sense of
direction, and the self-confidence that comes from recognizing
your own achievement.
First, determine your direction through effective goal setting.
When you set a goal, you make a promise to yourself. Part of the
strength of this is that it gives you a clear direction. Part is that
you've made this promise to yourself, and you'll want to keep this
promise. And part is that it's a challenge, and it's fun to try to meet
that challenge!
But don't set just any goal. According to Locke's goal-setting

theory and the Action Priority Matrix for a summary, and for
links to our top time management and prioritization tools.
4. Motivating Environment
(Questions 5, 10)
The final thing to focus on is surrounding yourself with people and

resources that will remind you of your goals, and help you with
your internal motivation. These are external factors – they'll help
you get motivated from the outside, which is different from the
internal motivation we've discussed so far. However, the more
factors you have working for you, the better.
You can't just rely on these "environmental" or outside elements

alone to motivate you, but you can use them for extra support. Try
the following:
 Look for team work opportunities. Working in a team makes

you accountable to others.
 Ask your boss for specific targets and objectives to help you
measure your success.
Ask for interesting assignments. See our article on Maximizing Job
Satisfaction
Preparing Yourself for Success!
From the quietly confident doctor whose advice
we rely on, to the charismatic confidence of an
inspiring speaker, self-confident people have
qualities that everyone admires.
Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives,
yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle:
people who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to become successful.
Volume 90%
Click here , which is a more general sense that we can cope with
what's going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy.
Partly, this comes from a feeling that the people around us approve
of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also
comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we're
competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully
when we put our minds to it.
Some people believe that self-confidence can be built
with affirmations . At Mind Tools, we believe that there's some
truth in this, but that it's just as important to build self-confidence
by setting and achieving goals – thereby building competence.
Without this underlying competence, you don't have self-
confidence: you have shallow over-confidence, with all of the
issues, upset and failure that this brings.
So how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence,
founded on a firm appreciation of reality?
The bad news is that there’s no quick fix, or five-minute solution.
The good news is that becoming more confident is readily

achievable, just as long as you have the focus and determination
to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the things
you’ll do to build your self-confidence will also build success –
after all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement.
No-one can take this away from you!
So here are our three steps to self-confidence, for which we’ll use
the metaphor of a journey: preparing for your journey; setting out;
and accelerating towards success.
Step 1: Preparing for Your Journey

The first step involves getting yourself ready for your journey to
self-confidence. You need to take stock of where you are, think
about where you want to go, get yourself in the right mindset for
your journey, and commit yourself to starting it and staying with it.
In preparing for your journey, do these five things:
Look at What You've Already Achieved

Think about your life so far, and list the ten best things you've
achieved in an "Achievement Log." Perhaps you came top in an
important test or exam, played a key role in an important team,
produced the best sales figures in a period, did something that
made a key difference in someone else’s life, or delivered a
project that meant a lot for your business.
Put these into a smartly formatted document, which you can look
at often. And then spend a few minutes each week enjoying the
success you’ve already had!
Think About Your Strengths

Next, use a technique like SWOT Analysis to find out how to use
this important technique, or use our Life Plan Workbook to think
through your own goals in detail (see the "Tip" below).
Inform your goal setting with your SWOT Analysis. Set goals that
exploit your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, realize your
opportunities, and control the threats you face.
And having set the major goals in your life, identify the first step in
each. Make sure it’s a very small step, perhaps taking no more
than an hour to complete!
Start Managing Your Mind

At this stage, you need to start managing your mind. Learn to
pick up and defeat the negative self-talk which can destroy your
confidence. See our article on rational positive thinking – this
teaches you how to use and create strong mental images of what
you'll feel and experience as you achieve your major goals –
there’s something about doing this that makes even major goals
seem achievable!
And Then Commit Yourself to Success!

The final part of preparing for the journey is to make a clear and
unequivocal promise to yourself that you are absolutely
committed to your journey, and that you will do all in your power
to achieve it.
If as you’re doing it, you find doubts starting to surface, write

them down and challenge them calmly and rationally. If they
dissolve under scrutiny, that’s great. However if they are based
on genuine risks, make sure you set additional goals to manage
these appropriately. For help with evaluating and managing the
risks you face, read our Risk Analysis and Management to find
out how self-confident you are already, and start looking at
specific strategies to improve your confidence level.
Step 2: Setting Out

This is where you start, ever so slowly, moving towards your goal. By doing
the right things, and starting with small, easy wins, you’ll put yourself on the
path to success – and start building the self-confidence that comes with
this.
Build the Knowledge You Need to Succeed
Looking at your goals, identify the skills you’ll need to achieve them. And
then look at how you can acquire these skills confidently and well. Don’t
just accept a sketchy, just-good-enough solution – look for a solution, a
program or a course that fully equips you to achieve what you want to
achieve and, ideally, gives you a certificate or qualification you can be
proud of.
Focus on the Basics

When you’re starting, don’t try to do anything clever or elaborate. And don’t
reach for perfection – just enjoy doing simple things successfully and well.
Set Small Goals, and Achieve Them

Starting with the very small goals you identified in step 1, get in the habit of
setting them, achieving them, and celebrating that achievement. Don’t
make goals particularly challenging at this stage, just get into the habit of
achieving them and celebrating them. And, little by little, start piling up the
successes!
Keep Managing Your Mind

Stay on top of that positive thinking, keep celebrating and enjoying
success, and keep those mental images strong. You can also use a
technique like Treasure Mapping quiz to find out how self-confident you
are, and to identify specific strategies for building self-confidence.
As long as you keep on stretching yourself enough, but not too much, you'll
find your self-confidence building apace. What's more, you'll have earned
your self-confidence – because you’ll have put in the hard graft necessary
to be successful!
Goal setting is arguably the most important skill you can learn to improve
your self-confidence. If you haven't already read and applied our goal
setting article, you can read it here
Boosting Your Self-Esteem

Improving the Way You Feel About Yourself
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EMPPhotography
Find out how to feel better about yourself.
"Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves."–
Nathaniel Branden, Leading self-esteem researcher and theorist
Improving self-esteem is a very personal

journey. It's a key part of feeling happy within
ourselves, and of feeling that we're succeeding
in the things that matter to us.
Positive self-esteem helps you to be yourself, handle adversity, and believe
that you'll win through, despite setbacks. It's an inner force that sustains
you, and gives you the courage you need to be the person you want to be.
Low self-esteem, on the other hand, does the opposite. It's connected to
self-doubt, and to a general feeling that you're not quite good enough to
meet life's challenges. If you have low self-esteem, you may believe that
you aren't capable of achieving your dreams, and you may even believe
that you shouldn't dream at all. In fact, low self-esteem is used to diagnose
many mental disorders, and it can be associated with a variety of negative
emotions, including anxiety, sadness, hostility, shame, embarrassment,
loneliness and lack of spontaneity.
To evaluate your own levels of self-esteem, complete the Rosenberg

Self-Esteem Scale (SES). This is a 10-item scale developed by Dr.
Morris Rosenberg. Even though it was developed in 1965, it’s still a
popular form of measurement used in self-esteem research.
What Is Self-Esteem?
You're probably familiar with the idea of self-esteem. It's most often
associated with self-confidence , and learn how to detect and defeat
patterns of self-sabotage is a great technique for targeting, tracking and
recognizing success. It helps you to build competence and, from this, build
a sense of pride and a feeling of worthiness. Make sure that you embrace
goal setting!
 Be consistent – You improve self-esteem when you act in ways that are consistent with
your values. If you find yourself in a compromising or difficult situation, do all that you can
to make a decision that is consistent with these values. Achieve your goals with integrity, and
don't undermine your self-esteem by cheating, or acting in a dishonest way.
 Remember that you aren't perfect – Don't be too hard on yourself. We all make
mistakes, and that's often OK, just as long as we learn from them. The only person's standards
you have to meet are your own: stop worrying about what others think, and focus on the great
things about yourself. If you do, your inner confidence will shine through, and more than
compensate for any shortcomings you might have.
 Look after your physical self – Being active can improve self-esteem. Activities that
improve your overall health help you feel more in control, and give you a sense of
satisfaction that carries though to other areas of your life.
Key Points
The way you feel about yourself is key to self-esteem. You're the one in
control, and you can make a difference. If you like yourself, and believe
that you deserve good things in life, you'll have high self-esteem. If you
dislike yourself or criticize yourself excessively, you'll have a low sense
of self-esteem.
Having healthy self-esteem is important because it helps you get

through life's challenges and achieve the things that matter most to you.
As such, make a commitment to yourself to value what you do and who
you are!
Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

Facing Fears of Inadequacy and Self-Doubt
© iStockphoto
fotosav
Know your worth, and be proud of who and what you are.
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics
are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full
of doubts."– Bertrand Russell, British philosopher.
When you think of your greatest achievements
to date, do you feel proud of what you've
accomplished? Or do you feel like a fraud?
Does each raise, promotion or accolade bring joy? Or is it accompanied by
the dread that, one day, your cover will be blown, and everyone will find out
that you just got lucky, and arrived where you are by mistake?
If you experience feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, you may be

surprised to learn that you are in great company. Impostor Syndrome is
typically associated with high achievers. The more specialized you become
in a particular subject, the more aware you will be of the gaps in your
knowledge. Likewise, the more successful you are, the more impressive
your peers are likely to be.
So, if you feel like a fraud, the chances are that you're actually very
capable. Real frauds don't worry about this!
In this article, we'll examine Impostor Syndrome: what it is, how it can limit
your possibilities in life, and what strategies you can use to overcome it.
What Is Impostor Syndrome?

Impostor Syndrome is characterized by the conviction that you don't
deserve your success. It is the feeling that you're not as intelligent, creative
or talented as other people seem to believe you are. It is the suspicion that
your achievements are down to luck, good timing or just being in the right
place at the right time. And it is accompanied by the fear that, one day,
you'll be exposed as a fraud.
Impostor Syndrome can be linked to other feelings of self-doubt, such

as fear of success and self-sabotage tendencies.
 Thinking that your job is so easy that anyone could do it.
 Thinking that your talents and strengths are common or unremarkable.
 Believing that what you do is never enough.
 Believing that if you were to start over, you wouldn't have the luck, talent or skills to
replicate your current success.
Recognizing Impostor Syndrome in Your Team
Impostor Syndrome doesn't just hurt the people who experience it. It also
hurts the teams and businesses that people belong to. So, if you are in a
leadership role, it pays to keep an eye out for team members who are
struggling with feelings of inadequacy.
Here are some signs to look out for:
 Turning down promotions, switching roles or avoiding certain high-

exposure projects.
 Being uncomfortable with compliments or praise.
 Attributing good work or success to luck, good timing or knowing the
right people.
 Other symptoms of low self-esteem to counter negative thoughts with
positive statements, and to come up with affirmations by becoming
more aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Conduct a Personal
SWOT Analysis assessment to discover what you're best at, and to think
about how you can minimize your weaknesses. Our article on Your
Reflected Best Self . They set themselves unreasonably high goals, and
then feel shame or disappointment when they fail.
Learn how to set yourself realistic , and accept honest failures
as a part of life. Instead of seeing your mistakes as something
to be ashamed of, treat them as learning experiences that will
help you perform even better next time.
5. Own Your Successes

Often, people with Impostor Syndrome find it hard to accept
compliments. When things go well, they attribute their success
to external factors such as hard work, help from others, or
good fortune. But when things go wrong, they blame
themselves.
Take responsibility for your achievements. When you meet a

goal or finish an important project, acknowledge that it was
your skill and talent that made it happen.
Keep a record of positive feedback. Practice listening to praise,
taking in the compliment, and drawing nourishment from it.
Write down why your negative thoughts are false or
meaningless, and explain why you are qualified or worthy
enough for this job.
Key Points
Impostor Syndrome is a self-fulfilling pattern of thought, in which a
person considers him- or herself to be an impostor. She doubts her
own intelligence and talents, and thinks that anyone who believes
otherwise is either "being nice" or has somehow been fooled into
believing this.
To overcome Impostor Syndrome, you need to break the pattern of

setting yourself unattainable standards and thinking that external,
temporary factors such as luck, help or hard work are responsible for
your success. You also need to stop blaming your own personal
shortcomings for mistakes or failures.
Talk to others about how you feel. Overcome your perfectionist

tendencies by setting realistic goals for yourself, and accept that
mistakes and failures are a part of life.
Finally, take ownership of your successes. Learn how to take a

compliment, and draw strength from it.
Beating Self-Sabotage
Recognizing and Overcoming It
© iStockphoto
oddrose
Stop self-sabotaging behavior in its tracks, before it spins out of
control.
"You can't do that!" "That's way too difficult!" "If

you try, you'll probably just fail anyway." These
statements sound as if they're coming from a
tyrannical and cruel person with a mission to
destroy self-confidence. Unfortunately, all too
often, we can be the tyrant and our target can
be ourselves.
Negative self-talk is something we have all probably engaged in at some
time. When it rears its ugly head on a regular basis, it can lead to self-
sabotage, and can stop us achieving our goals and dreams.
What's worse is that we usually don't recognize that it's even happening.
Instead, we attribute our lack of success to inadequacy. This, in turn,
strengthens the negative messages we feed ourselves, and we get caught
in a self-sabotaging cycle that can be very difficult to break.
The tell-tale sign that you are sabotaging yourself is when you grind to a
halt when you're trying to achieve your goals, for no rational reason. The
skill, ability and desire are there: it's just that something stops you moving
forward.
When you feel that you can't do something you should be able to do, or
that you shouldn't do something, even though you know deep down that
you want or need to do it, self-sabotage is at work.
There are some common themes in self-sabotaging behavior. See if you

recognize yourself in any of these examples:
Procrastination
 Knowing you should be working on something, but putting it off again
and again.
 Starting projects, but never quite finishing them.
 Feeling unmotivated or unable to proceed, even when there are lots of
exciting opportunities.
Unfulfilled Dreams
 Dreaming of doing something, but never doing anything about it.
Worry
 Fretting over things that really shouldn't matter.
 Fearing that if you fail, others will think less of you.
 Worrying that if you're successful, your friends won't like you anymore.
 Doubting yourself and your abilities even though you "know" you are
very capable.
 Feeling stressed and anxious, and perhaps suffering from unexplained
depression or panic attacks when trying to achieve something important
to you.
Anger
 Using aggressive rather assertive communication and not taking steps to
change this.
 Destroying relationships with others (family, friends, co-workers) with
anger, resentment or jealousy.
Feelings of Worthlessness
 Exaggerating other people's achievements, and diminishing your own.
 Taking even unfair or misguided criticism to heart.
 Letting others put you down.
Whatever your personal self-sabotaging behavior is, you must overcome it
if you are to make the most of your career. If you allow yourself to engage
in negative self-talk, you erode your self-confidence and self-esteem. And
with every failed attempt, you "prove" to yourself that you can't or shouldn't
do the thing you want.
And as you continue spiraling down, you become more and more
frustrated, discouraged, and angry with yourself. These feelings trap you
and keep you from doing whatever it is you need to do to break free.
Fortunately, you can escape self-sabotaging behavior, and this starts with
recognizing the negative messages you send to yourself.
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
1. Recognize Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

In order to stop self-sabotage, you first need to recognize your own self-
sabotaging behavior. Ask yourself:
 What goals have you had for yourself for a long time and never been
able to accomplish?
 What do you consistently fail at, for no obvious reason?
 Are there particular areas where you find yourself procrastinating or
putting off making a decision?
 Are you suffering from lack of motivation to do something that you want
to do?
 Do you find yourself unreasonably angry or frustrated, and is this
affecting your relationships?
 Is there an area where other people (and in particular, your boss)
consistently get frustrated with you?
 Is there something in your life that nags at you and causes you
dissatisfaction because you know you could do it, or do it better?
Ask yourself questions like these, and tune in to the situations where you
may be sabotaging yourself.
2. Monitor Your Negative Thinking

Think about what you say to yourself when you engage in this behavior.
Write down all your negative thoughts, however silly or unrealistic they may
seem.
Tip:
The ideal time to do this is when you're engaged in the behavior. As you
do, monitor your "stream of consciousness" and write all the negative
self-talk down.
If this isn't realistic, use imagery . Ask yourself:
 What can you say to yourself that is positive or encouraging?
 What options do you have? Is there more than one way to

achieve your goal?
 Can you build self-confidence by setting and achieving much
smaller goals, on your way to achieving the big ones that
you've not achieved in the past?
Turn your assumptions around and put them in the correct
perspective. Align them with positive beliefs about what you can
accomplish. When your skills, beliefs and behaviors are aligned,
you will have the right mental, emotional and physical states to do
whatever you set your mind to.
Then use your answers to come up with a message that inspires

you to move in a positive direction. For example, "Even though I
doubt that I can complete this project on time, I know I have the
resources and skills I need to get me through. When I start tackling the
project, I know I will release a lot of the stress and anxiety I have been
carrying around while I've been procrastinating."
Tip 1:
Take a look at other people around you who are doing what they set out
to do and living the life they were meant to live. Do they actually have
better skills than you? Have they been given opportunities that you
haven't?
Probably not, at least initially. What they have is a belief they can do
whatever they want to do. They tell themselves they can accomplish
their goals and dreams, and then they set in place a plan to achieve this.
Tip 2:
The approach in this article is similar to the approach explained in
our Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking and Positive Thinking
What Is Personal
Empowerment?
Taking Charge of Your Life and Career
© GettyImages
Remains
Strike out into new territory with confidence and skill.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."–
Eleanor Roosevelt
Do you ever feel that you have no control over

your life and work? Perhaps you feel dominated
by your colleagues, or overwhelmed by the
demands of your job. Or is your time outside the
workplace spent tending to other people's needs
at the expense of your own?
This sense of powerlessness can be immensely frustrating. But, no matter
what personal challenges you face, you can always make choices that give
you back control. Understanding this is the essence of self-empowerment.
In this article, we examine personal empowerment in more detail, and

explore the tools and techniques that you can use to achieve it.
What Is Personal Empowerment?

Personal empowerment is about taking control of your own life, and making
positive decisions based on what you want.
It's closely linked to attributes like self-esteem , but true empowerment

comes when you convert intention into action.
Personal empowerment means giving yourself permission to succeed. But
it doesn't mean "going it alone." Chances are, you'll need the input, support
and guidance of others to achieve your objectives.
And, in many cases, you'll need their permission, too, in the form of trust,
resources, time, or autonomy, for example.
Bear in mind that "empowerment" is not the same as "entitlement." People

who feel entitled tend to believe that benefits and privileges should come to
them automatically, while empowered people achieve success through
hard work, reflection and cooperation.
What Does Personal Empowerment Feel

Like?
We all experience self-empowerment in different ways, depending on our
personalities and our circumstances. Let's look at an example:
Nancy and Geraint work in a store as sales clerks. They've worked there
for several years but neither has sought a promotion, even though they
both have the skills and knowledge to move up the ranks.
Do they feel empowered?
In Nancy's case, the answer is actually "yes." Nancy likes her job as it is.
She's been offered a more senior role, but she made a conscious decision
to turn it down, because she didn't want the extra responsibility. However,
she feels confident enough to apply again later if things change.
Geraint, on the other hand, is frustrated. He wants the salary and job
satisfaction that come with promotion, but he's convinced that he would be
rejected if he applied for a management position.
Geraint feels powerless to change his situation, so he doesn't try. It's a

vicious circle: the lack of an opportunity to prove himself has reduced his
motivation and sense of empowerment. As a result, his performance
suffers, and he's overlooked by the people who could give him the
promotion that he wants.
How to Achieve Self-Empowerment

It can be difficult to see the way out of a situation like Geraint's. You
desperately want to feel stronger, and to make a bigger impact, but how do
you do it?
Consider this four-step process for self-empowerment:

1. Know Yourself
When you feel that you lack power, your confidence and self-esteem can
take a knock, too. Developing your self-awareness – the extent to which you
believe that you are the master of your own destiny, or that your outcomes
are determined by external forces, people or events. Understanding this
distinction can enable you to take responsibility for your own
empowerment, and to adopt a mindset . Listing all of the things that you're
good at – and that you could be great at – can be hugely empowering in
itself. Building on those strengths, and knowing how to deal with your
limitations, can give you an even bigger boost.
Understanding yourself better is a core aspect of emotional intelligence ,
qualified counselor or mentor tool can help you to identify these areas.
Ask yourself whether you really do lack power in these situations. (Our
article, Working With the Control Influence Accept Model ?
Focus on the areas that mean the most to you, and which correspond with
your personal values , or to ask for a change in your work schedule.
Frame these target areas as SMART goals for reaching them.
3. Develop Your Competencies

To feel empowered, you may depend on another person – often your boss
– to confer power upon you. But it's no use sitting back and waiting to be
promoted, or to be put in charge of an exciting new project. You need
to earn that power.
To do this, you may need to learn new skills, or to refresh your existing
ones.
Revisit your SMART goals and think about the skills or knowledge that you
need. These could be personal qualities, such as tact or initiative; "soft
skills," , and our Bite-Sized Training™ session, Empowerment and
Delegation from your co-workers, your mentor, or friends and family to help
you to identify what you could do next.
Persistence and resilience . Keeping a record of your progress enables you
to see how far you've come – and to remember where you went wrong!
 Cognitive restructuring enables you to see the consequences of negative thought
patterns, and to become more optimistic.
 Affirmations . Take a walk. Go for a bike ride. Work out at the gym. When your body
feels good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you'll feel more powerful.
 Find an inspirational role model. Learn how this person overcame his or her own
challenges – if they did it, so can you.
 Talk
What Is Anger?
Understanding a Strong Emotion
One in three people say that they have a close

friend or family member who has anger
problems.
The finding, from a survey conducted in the U.K. by the Mental Health
Foundation, suggests that many of us will encounter work situations where
emotions run high, and can spill over into anger.
Not all feelings of anger are negative, though. For example, if you get
animated on behalf of a colleague who's been given an unnecessarily hard
time by others in the workplace, your response may strike a chord and
result in a positive outcome. But angry outbursts that intimidate or
undermine co-workers are always unacceptable.
Volume 90%
Click here .
 Injustice, real or perceived.
 Exhaustion and burnout .
 Demands or criticisms that we think are unfair , and they can be as
difficult to deal with as those who scream and shout.
Other people react entirely passively to anger. They show no
outward signs of anger, no matter how furious they are. But these
people may be doing themselves more damage by suppressing
their emotions than those who show their anger.
The Dangers of Anger

An appropriate level of anger can spur us to take proper
actions, solve problems between team members.
Effective team working , and the team will stop functioning at its
best.
Unexpressed anger can be as harmful as outward rage. The
angry person who doesn't express his or her anger may bear
grudges or see himself as a victim , which can help you to
understand how others see you, and in turn enable you
to manage your emotions . Being able to bounce back from
disappointment and frustration is much healthier than becoming
angry about it. It's also good to learn to take control of your own
situation, and to avoid believing that you're powerless. Get used
to speaking up for yourself helps to combat the onset of anger,
calms you down, and allows you to think clearly.
Take the longer view. If your anger is recurrent, you may need to
take a more strategic approach to dealing with it. Try to develop
habits such as these:
1. Exercise regularly. Exercise and centering .
2. Let go of angry thoughts. Try not to think that the world's unfair,
or that everyone and everything is against you. They're not.
3. Assert yourself. Assertiveness Also, see our article, Anger
Management when dealing with angry people , and reassure
her that you want to understand what the problem is. Never
meet anger with anger. But don't allow yourself to be
manipulated or browbeaten.
2. Remember that you're talking to a person. Everybody
behaves differently, and you need to treat an angry
team member as an individual. If you are his manager
you are due some respect, but so is he. Empathize .
5. Keep it private. Don't allow "a scene" to develop. Find
a meeting room or private space. This will allow you to
have a proper discussion, and demonstrates discretion
and tact to help to calm things down.
6. Be aware of unexpressed anger. It won't always be
obvious that someone is angry. Look out for signs such
as someone avoiding particular subjects or actions,
going quiet in meetings, or avoiding eye contact. You
may need to draw out the problem with careful use
of questioning techniques if you believe they are right,
and you have the power to do so.
Key Points
Anger is an emotion we all feel, and one that many people find
hard to deal with. It can manifest itself in aggressive,
confrontational behavior, or in more passive but no less damaging
ways.
Start to manage your anger by recognizing it. Then, take steps to

address it by tackling the source of your anger. Use relaxation
techniques to deal with outbursts. In the longer term, try to develop
self-awareness, emotional intelligence and resilience to cope better
with angry feelings.
When you're dealing with the anger of co-workers, show empathy,

and try to understand the root of their problem. Don't back down,
however, and assert yourself calmly if you feel that someone else
is using anger to try to impose their will on you.
How Good Is Your Anger

Management?
Controlling Your Anger Before It Controls You
© iStockphoto
Cranemann
Control anger so that you have a calmer outlook.
We all get angry. It's a normal emotion.

However, some of us handle our anger better
than others.
While one person might be a bit unhappy when someone cuts him off in
traffic, another is so angry that he shouts and swears, and starts driving
aggressively himself.
How can the same event cause such different reactions? And how can you
make sure that your reaction is the calm one, instead of the wild one?
How Good Is Your Anger Management?

So how well do you manage your anger? Use the online test to find out
how well you do.
Instructions
Not
Very
at Rarely Sometimes Often
18 Statements to Answer Often
All
1I seem to get angry unexpectedly,

without really understanding why.
2When someone makes me angry, I

try not to show my emotions, and
pretend to tolerate it.
3When I encounter a problem, I

identify the "right" solution myself
and get it implemented as fast as
possible.
4When I'm angry, I hit something (or I

want to hit something).
5When something frustrating happens,

I know it's not the end of the world.
6When something really frustrates me,

I can usually see the humor in the
Not
Very
All
situation, and I laugh at myself and/or

the others involved.
7When people make me angry, I try to

understand why they did or said what
they did.
8I feel that I'm able to control my

anger.
9I can forgive people after they've hurt

or angered me.
10When I feel angry, I give myself a

'time out' (I walk away to calm down).
11I have an activity, hobby, or routine

I use to release my feelings of anger.
12When I'm angry, I tend to focus on

my feelings and how I've been
wronged.
13After I've been angry, I think about

what I could or should have done to
control my anger better.
14When I'm angry, I find alternatives

and give myself enough time to make
a good choice to solve my problems.
15When I'm angry, I tend to yell,

curse, and say things that I later regret.
Not
Very
All
16When someone asks me to do

something I really don't want to do, I
agree - and then I'm angry at myself
later.
17If I know a certain situation will

make me angry, I avoid it.
18If another person damages

something of mine due to
carelessness, I confront the person and
use the situation to talk about
responsibility.
Total = 0
Score Comment
You seem to let your anger control you, which probably causes you all sorts of
problems. In turn, this may make you more angry. Fortunately, you can learn
how to break this cycle. Read the rest of the article for some great strategies
18-41
for managing your anger. (Read below to start.)
You're able to manage your anger in some situations and not others. You have
a few strategies that work for you, however, you'll benefit from a better
understanding of what causes your anger, and what actions you can take to
42-66
better manage your emotions. (Read below to start.)
Score Comment
Well done! You have a very good understanding of what makes you angry,
and you know what to do when you start to feel signs of trouble. You've
developed a wide range of anger management strategies, and you can be proud
67-90
of these. (Read below for more.)
Manage Your Anger Constructively

The goal of anger management is not to eliminate anger completely: that
isn't possible, since it's a natural human emotion. Rather, the objective is to
control and direct your anger – so that it doesn't control you, or damage an
important relationship or situation.
In Anger Management: Channelling Anger into Performance - When you

understand another person's perspective, it helps you analyze the situation
objectively and understand your role in the conflict. Accept that you may
not always know best!
 Learn to trust others - Assume the best in people, and don't take their actions personally.
 Listen - Use active listening , you can reduce the frustration that you feel when your needs aren't
being met. When you know how to ask for what you want, you'll generally feel more in control, and
less likely to say things that you'll later regret.
Tip:
Don't try to communicate when you're still upset. See the next section on
controlling your anger for ideas on how to do this.
Release Your Anger
(Questions 2, 9, 11, 16)
You can reduce the likelihood of losing control by releasing the anger that you've
built up. When you get rid of angry feelings on a regular basis, you'll feel calmer
and more even-tempered, and you'll be more able to deal with the ups and downs
of daily life. You can do a variety of things to release your anger, including the
following:
 Take 10 deep breaths. It really does work!

 Do some physical activity – walk, run, swim, play golf, or do some other sport.
This can be great for releasing the stress and frustration you've built up!
 Use a punching bag or a pillow to physically express your anger (in a way that's
not harmful).
 Do yoga, or another relaxing form of exercise.
 Participate in a fun activity or hobby.
 Use a journal and/or art to express your feelings.
 Forgive. At some point, it helps to let go and move on with a fresh attitude.
Some people believe that they have to hold their anger in to control it. This is not is
an effective anger management strategy. Even if you don't show anger to others,
that emotion has to go somewhere: it can be stubborn, and it usually doesn't go
away on its own.
Control Your Anger When You Experience It

(Questions 4, 6, 10, 17)
When you start to feel angry, what do you do? Controlling yourself in a bad
situation can be difficult, and your actions will have consequences.
External reactions – like kicking and screaming – don't help. You may feel good
for a little while, but later, you'll surely feel foolish and sorry. Also, you may do
permanent damage to relationships and your reputation.
When you feel that you can't hold your anger in any longer, here are some great
strategies to try:
 Change Your Environment

 Take a break and physically remove yourself from the conflict. Go to
another room, go for a walk, or count to 10. This may give you time to
gain perspective and simply calm down.
 Learn to avoid situations that you know will cause your anger. If you don't
like your teammate's messy desk, don't go into her office.
 If you regularly do something that makes you angry, try to find something
else to do in its place. For example, if the crowded elevator upsets you
every morning, take the stairs.
 Use Humor
 Think of something funny to say (but don't be rude or sarcastic).
 Try to see the funny side of the situation.
 Imagine the other person in a silly situation.
 Learn to laugh at yourself.
 Smile. It's hard to be angry with a smile on your face.
 Calm Yourself Physically
 Use physical relaxation techniques. Take slow, deep breaths and
concentrate on your breathing.
 Tighten and release small muscle groups. Focus on your hands, legs,
back, and toes.
 Repeat a word or phrase that reminds you to stay in control and remain
confident. For example, say, "You'll get through this. Relax! You're doing
a great job!"
Practice imagery
Anger Management
Williams' 12 Strategies for Controlling Aggression
All of us experience anger from time to time. It's
a normal, commonly experienced emotion.
However, anger can be incredibly destructive if we don't know how to
control it. Frequent or misplaced anger can hurt our reputations, destroy
our relationships, limit our opportunities, and even damage our health.
Volume 90%
Click here self-test.
Williams and Williams' 12 Strategies for

Controlling Anger
We manage anger when we learn to defuse it before it becomes
destructive.
Below, we've outlined 12 strategies that you can use to control anger when
you experience it. These reflect an abridged version of 17 strategies that
Drs Redford Williams and Virginia Williams described in their best-selling
book, "Anger Kills."
1. Acknowledge That You Have a Problem

If you find it difficult to manage your anger, the first thing you need to do is
to be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you have a problem.
You can then make a plan to deal with it.
2. Keep a Hostility Log

Do you know what causes your anger? Chances are, you don't understand
why you react angrily to some people or events.
Download our hostility log worksheet to monitor the triggers and the
frequency of your anger. When you know what makes you angry, you can
develop strategies to channel it effectively.
3. Use Your Support Network

Let the important people in your life know about the changes that you're
trying to make. They can motivate and support you if you lapse into old
behaviors.
These should be give-and-take relationships. Put some time aside every

day to invest in these relationships, especially with close friends and family.
You need to be there for them, just as they're willing to be there for you.
You can alleviate stress when you spend time with people you care about.
This also helps you control your anger.
4. Interrupt the Anger Cycle

When you start to feel angry, try the following techniques:
 Yell "Stop!" loudly in your thoughts. This can interrupt the anger cycle.
 Use physical relaxation techniques like deep breathing .
 Count to 20 before you respond.
 Manage your negative thoughts with imagery .
 Close your office door or find a quiet space, and meditate to see the
situation from his or her perspective.
Be objective here. Everyone makes mistakes, and it is through
mistakes that people learn how to improve.
6. See the Humor in Your Anger
Learn to laugh at yourself and do not take everything seriously.
The next time you feel tempted to lash out, try to see the
humor in your expressions of anger.
One way to do this is to "catastrophize" the situation. This is

when you exaggerate a petty situation that you feel angry
about, and then laugh at your self-importance.
For example, imagine that you're angry because a sick team

member missed a day of work. As a result, a report you were
depending on is now late.
To catastrophize the situation, you think, "Wow, she must have

been waiting months for the opportunity to mess up my
schedule like this. She and everyone on the team probably
planned this, and they're probably sending her updates about
how angry I'm getting."
Obviously, this grossly exaggerates the situation. When you

imagine a ridiculous and overblown version of the story, you'll
likely find yourself smiling by the end of it.
7. Relax
Angry people let little things bother them. If you learn to calm
down, you'll realize that there is no real need to get upset, and
you'll have fewer angry episodes.
Regular exercise and eat a healthy diet.

Dehydration can often lead to irritability too, so keep hydrated
throughout the day by drinking plenty of water.
8. Build Trust
Angry people can be cynical. They can believe that others do
things on purpose to annoy or frustrate them, even before
anything happens. However, people often focus less on you
than you might think!
Build trust . When others are speaking, focus on what they're

saying, and don't get distracted by formulating your response
before they've finished. When they're done speaking, show that
you listened by reflecting back what they have just said.
10. Be Assertive
Remember, the word is "assertive," not "aggressive." When
you're aggressive, you focus on winning. You care little for
others' feelings, rights, and needs. When you're assertive, you
focus on balance. You're honest about what you want, and you
respect the needs of others.
If you're angry, it's often difficult to express yourself clearly.

Learn to assert yourself with one person that you've hurt
through your anger. It might be difficult, but you'll feel better
afterwards. Plus, you'll be one step closer to healing the
relationship.
Tip 1:
These strategies are only a general guide. If anger continues to be a
problem, you might need to seek the help of a suitably qualified
health professional, especially if your anger hurts others, or if it
causes you physical pain or emotional distress.
Tip 2:
If you're the manager or co-worker of someone who is prone to anger in
the workplace, take at a look at our article Dealing with Angry People

Stress Management

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What Is Stress?

A lot of research has been conducted into stress

How We Respond to Stress

In humans, as in other animals, these hormones help us to run faster and

Not only life-threatening events trigger this reaction: we experience it

Since then, other people have drawn similar conclusions, substituting

The ideas of "eustress" and "distress" are therefore no longer useful.

Many of us experience stress in life, whether

In these types of situations, a calm, rational, controlled, and socially-

General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS)

Selye found that we cope with stress in three distinct phases:

1. The alarm phase, where we react to the stressor.

Stress and the Way We Think

First, we decide whether the situation is threatening – this could be a threat

Next, we judge whether we have the resources to meet the perceived

 Use Cognitive Restructuring , and Thought Awareness, Rational

The Holmes and Rahe Stress

People use the word "stress" to describe a wide

The Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS), more commonly known as

The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale

The Stress Scale

43 Statements to Answer Yes No

1Death of spouse (100)

3Marital separation (65)

4Jail term (63)

5Death of close family member (63)

6Personal injury or illness (53)

8Fired at work (47)

9Marital reconciliation (45)

11Change in health of family member (44)

13Sex difficulties (39)

14Gain of new family member (39)

15Business readjustment (39)

16Change in financial state (38)

17Death of close friend (37)

18Change to a different line of work (36)

19Change in number of arguments with spouse (35)

20A large mortgage or loan (31)

21Foreclosure of mortgage or loan (30)

22Change in responsibilities at work (29)

23Son or daughter leaving home (29)

24Trouble with in-laws (29)

25Outstanding personal achievement (28)

26Spouse begins or stops work (26)

27Begin or end school/college (26)

28Change in living conditions (25)

29Revision of personal habits (24)

30Trouble with boss (23)

31Change in work hours or conditions (20)

32Change in residence (20)

33Change in school/college (20)

34Change in recreation (19)

35Change in church activities (19)

36Change in social activities (18)

37A moderate loan or mortgage (17)

38Change in sleeping habits (16)

39Change in number of family get-togethers (15)

40Change in eating habits (15)

43Minor violations of the law (11)

What You Can Do About This

Supporting a Friend or Co-

Lyra couldn't help but notice the change in

How to Identify Stress in Others

 It's OK to protect my time by, because I need .