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It was terrible, really. How life suddenly surprises you with change.

No, you can’t just


give a gasp and then done, you’ll be moving on like nothing happened. Instead, you have to
accept it. You have to live with it, fit it in your daily life. How pathetic is it that one change could
also ruin you for good.

Travelling sucks, sometimes. I have to admit that I‘m not entirely fond of it. Yet here I
am. Inside a bus, beside a woman who’s been blubbering stuffs to a child on her lap. “I hate
how you’ve acted earlier. You made me embarrass myself in front of other people.” The boy
didn’t say anything. He turned to look at the window, pouting as he did so. The woman must
have seen me watching, she shot me a sheepish smile.

I turned away, my cheeks flushed with slight pink. I couldn’t help myself. I long for a
companion. I want to talk to someone. I was feeling quite lonely and now, a tad bit awkward. I
looked at the clock in front. Great, two more hours until I reach my destination. What a great
time to be alive. And bored. I asked myself again why I was against the idea of my parents
coming with me. My answer was so I could breathe. Indeed, a very careless answer.

“Oh look, our stop,” said the woman beside me. I am positive that she was talking to the
boy. A second later, the bus stopped and I sank myself in my seat to let them through. I happily
moved beside the window once they were gone. I got comfortable in my seat. Finally, some
sleep. I plugged my earphones in my ears before selecting a song from a playlist of my choice.
Lights go down and the night is calling to me yeah...With that, I drifted off to sleep.

Hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care... I was awoken by something being pulled
off my ears. My earphones! I cursed, surprised by the action. My first instinct was to look out
the window. Am I there yet? Nope, the bus is still moving and it’s already getting dark outside. I
turned to the person who must have...I stopped. Staring at me was a pair of familiar dark brown
eyes. I felt my breath hitch.

He chuckled. “Hi, I was wondering if I could sit beside you?”

Despite my frozen condition, I couldn’t help but answer. “Really? You’re asking that
when you’ve already done the action?” Sarcasm. That is one talent I am proud to have. He let
out a toothy grin and I am very annoyed why I couldn’t find anything wrong with his teeth. I
continued glaring.

“Hm. You could kill me, you know. With that look and all. You should stop it.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Who are you to tell me to stop whatever I’m doing? I am very
determined to kill you with my dagger eyes, thanks. Besides, no should be allowed going
around and waking girls up. That’s the 69th law of Aristotle’s ‘Law of Sleeping’” I leaned my
head on the glass window and yawned. I can’t even remember who Aristotle is. What am I
saying?

He laughed, closing his eyes. He said nothing else after that. For a minute there, i
thought he was sleeping. I tilted my head, observing him carefully. It’s been years since I last
saw him. Both of us were still young, those days. Well, younger than we are now. I was the girl
messing around and he was the guy. Just a simple guy who’s got raging hormones. We belong
in the same school but never, not once, did we become classmates. He was only cute then. And
now, he looked more mature than ever. His jaw, his cheekbones and his nose. Add his lips and
what do you have? A very handsome young man.

His eyes fluttered open and I quickly let mine travel towards the television in front. Oh
wow, that’s a very interesting movie, with the guns and all. I shall declare this my favourite
movie of all time. And- “Were you staring?”

I sucked in air before slowly turning my head. “Staring?” I asked innocently. “Where?” I
heard a loud BOOM from the TV. I frowned at him. “See? You made me miss my favourite
scene.” And what is that favourite scene of yours, do enlighten me, my consciousness asked. I
just hope he wouldn’t ask me something like that.

He clicked his tongue and narrowed his eyes at me. I glanced at the clock. Well, this is
gonna be a very long thirty minutes.

“Stop looking at me like that,” I told him stubbornly. He didn’t. “Look, if you wanted to
know that bad if I was staring at you, the answer is y-no. Now stop bothering me and let me
have my peace.”

He didn’t speak. It made me wonder, was he the same quiet guy as before? Did he not
change? I shook my head mentally. That’s impossible, everyone undergoes changes. Both
physically and mentally. I let my mind wander at the very first time we met. It was through a
friend. A friend who had a small crush on him. I messaged him to help that friend score a few
points at him. I fell, instead. No, it didn’t happen in a course of just one day.

It was all virtual. Through that, I got to know him more. But in person, our eyes will
meet but both of us won’t say anything to each other. He once attempted to talk to me but I
ran away. Out of shyness, I suppose?

I heard him call my name. “Yeah?” I said in acknowledgement.

“Have it occurred to you that we never had that much of a chance to talk to each other
in person?” he asked. If he only knew...I blinked. He continued. “It had been a really long time,
huh? Well to me, four years felt like that.”
To say that I am frustrated is an understatement. How dare he tell me that when he was
the one who had shut me out. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

“It means that I’ve missed you. Truly. I’m sorry for pushing you away, it’s just that-“ I let
out a bitter laugh, not letting him finish. He said my name again, pleadingly this time.

“Shut it,” I snapped. We’re in a public transportation and he’s making a scene. I’m pretty
sure people near our seats are already eavesdropping. After a long pause, I decided that i don’t
care about the passengers anymore. Still, I lowered my voice. “Why are you so messed up? You
made a confession and decided that we better not talk anymore because you don’t want those
stupid feelings.” I was struggling. No, I’m not gonna cry. No. “Did you know how that made me
feel?” I closed my eyes, noticing the stares some were throwing my way. I calmed myself down
before continuing. “I was there, hurting even though you openly flirted with other girls. I was
there for you. In pain, being a friend even though I wanted something more.

And the suddenly, you dropped the bomb. Told me how you still like me but because of
that, you were willing to throw those feelings away. And I always ask myself, why? Is there
something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with liking me?” I wiped away the tears
that’s been flowing down my cheeks. No, stop crying. Stop it. Don’t let him see how much this
affects you. Stop crying. “I doubted myself because of you. Stupid, aren’t I? I can’t believe I let a
guy drag me down like that.”

“Please just listen to me. I’m sorry.”

“You came back because you’re sorry? I forgive you just please leave my life for good,” I
saw ache flashed before his eyes. But it was only there for a second, as if it is only an illusion.
His face was back at being emotionless. I hid mine in my palm, weeping silently. Before I knew
it, he was already holding me in his arms, whispering soothing words in my ears. And somehow,
I could feel myself getting comfortable with every whisper and with every touch.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. Never in my life did I mean it,” he said quietly.

I moved my head away. “People don’t always mean to hurt others. But what’s the
difference? We were all bound to get hurt anyway.” I glanced back at the window and saw how
familiar the road already was. I was nearing my stop.

He spoke. “I missed you, I’m not lying. I regret everything that I said the last time. It’s my
fault, I know, that both of us are suffering. But when the time comes, I...I hope that we could
start over. Screw our chat box, let’s begin as being friends in real life. Good friends.”
I stared at him. Was I finally getting the start that we both deserve? And right now at a
very wrong time? I was about to say something when the bus conductor beat me into it.
“Everyone getting off the next stop, be ready” he announced.

I sighed. “I’d love that very much.” My eyes shifted from him to the ground. I smiled.
“But I’m dying. Everything is too late now.”

The bus came to a halt and stood up from my seat. I noticed him gaping at me and I
knew he was caught off guard by what I’ve told him. I got off the bus and made my way
towards the Hospital.

I walked. My heart feeling terrible, broken in fact. I still remember the day that we’ve
received the news. My parents’ expression when they found out, my friends constantly visiting
me even though they’re busy. Everyone I know, trying to make the world a better place for me.
I felt special and I hate it. I wanted it all to be normal again. My life. But no, one news and this
changed everything. And i have no other choice but to live with it. I blinked back a few tears. I
hate crying, I always have. But it seemed to me now that death is so much closer than before.

“Everything isn’t too late. You’re wrong. I don’t care if you’re dying, I’ll stay by your side.
I won’t let myself lose you again. We’ll fight for your life, together.”

I turned to the owner of the voice and smiled.

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