RUNNING HEAD: understanding family reflective essay

Family Dynamic 2019

Step/blended family

QianChen Ye

Sheridan College

1
understanding family reflective essay

Family, what is a family? Does family have to be biological related or say adopted into count as

a family?

The word family means have different meaning; depends how people define this word. It could

mean a group of people with close bond and relationship act as a family who may or may not be

related by birth, marriage, finical and living arrangement. Or it could mean a family who is

related to birth or marriage living together shares finical resources.

In slate, the meaning of family is define as:

“ A group consisting of parents and children living together in a household or a group

of people, who may or may not be related by birth or marriage, sharing

financial resources and living arrangements.” (2019, Slate, pg 18, Module 1)

In our society there are different kinds and types of families, we have blended & step

families, skip generation families, indigenous families, lone-parent families, divorced families,

teen parents families, multicultural families, Foster families, Homeless/poverty families,

immigrant/refuge families, adopted families and lastly same-sex family.

All these types of family are different but they are all the same; they both have a loving

figure/s to look out for each other, children of their own and someone they can trust and relay on,

the only different is that one types of family might with older mentors, others might be your

stepparents maybe someone who adopted you into their families.

Out of all those family types I am most interested in blended and step families.

What is a blended & step-family, what is the different between blended &step family or Lone-

parents family.
understanding family reflective essay

Step family is any committed relationship where at least one of the partners has a child,

or children from a previous relationship.

Blended family is a union where in addition to one or both partners bringing children to

the situation (as in a stepfamily), the new couple have had at least one child together.( .(2005-

2019, The Step and Blended Family Institute)

What is the difference between the two families, what makes them so Different from

Original/Biological families.

According to step and blended families Institute, the different between step/blended

family to Original/Biological families are the following:

1. Biological family means everyone in the family is related by blood; biological father

and mother also children. Step/blended family is related by marriage or living together; one

biological parent and one stepparent.

2. Biological family have similar point of view on marriage and life evolves and/or is

reconciled before the children are part of the picture and couple came first.

Compare to step/blende family there are different backgrounds and ways of seeing the world

often conflict. But they don’t have enough time for these to evolve and be reconciled but with

children already in the picture; children came first before couple.

3. when it came to everything about house rules, routine and structures, couple must

work it out together right away to establish the dynamic in the step/blended family household.

Where in original/biological family everything is established through bonds, relationship and

structures.
understanding family reflective essay

Often in step/blended families children is often caught in the conflict between both

parents, they don’t know who to please or act around their step/blended family. Where when

they are blood related as a biological family the children is bonded with the parents and please

both and the children won’t often get in the middle of family conflict.

4. Lastly, when it came to biological families there are no such thing as bad myth or

fairytales surrounding parenthood. Where, when you are step/blended family there are myth

surrounding them about “Wicked stepmother”, an embarrassment for being in step/blended

families, and also evil step fathers.

5. when you are in step family you always have expectation of the healing that is needed

in order to make up for the hurt and past as your establish a new family; also children would

mourn the loss of the original family and could became vulnerable; the children might fear of

another break up or separation of their new families due to trauma they experience.(2005-2019,

The Step and Blended Family Institute)

Did you know there are around 40% marriages ended up in divorce in Canada, 75%

remarry or re-couple and 66% of these unions (step/blended families) break up when children are

involved. When that happens children suffers not only the loss of family again but it cost a very

serious impact on them not only emotional but also social and academic wise.

How does remarriage affect children? Due to increasing number of children, living with

both of their biological parents has declined; the number of children living in a step-family has

increased.
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Statistic indicate that more than one-third of Canadians are stepparents, stepchildren,

stepsiblings, or some other member of a stepfamily. ( Unknown. (2012, April 13). Step Families

Canada)

When we divorce, became a single parent or remarriage, the family structures have

changed costing many struggles and effect the Children in many ways. For example: some

studies shows that children in step families are most likely to struggle with adjusting to their new

environment and children in step families tense to leave home early.

Studies shows that some children living in step families also most likely to suffer from

peer pressure and deviant peer relationships which later may leads to delinquent behavior.

Research also suggest that time is needed for children in stepfamilies, some difficult

behavior would appears, but with time many problems could disappear as the step-parent could

bond with their stepchildren and have a strong bond create a nice environment for both them and

the children. (Unknown. (2012, April 13). Step Families Canada)

From Research for me, I am shocked that more and more family are becoming

blended/step-families rather than biological families. Divorce is raising too.

In my research, it stated that when it came to stepfamilies, children have struggles in terms of

which parents to please, they are often being stuck between conflicts of parents and have fear

and anxiety about their parents breaking up again.

Lastly, from my research I notice that there is one fact being listed in the statistics of

step-family is that there is bad myth about step-mothers such as “Evil Step-mothers”. When I

read about them and about children’s fear and struggles it makes me wonder if it’s true or not. If

it’s true/false what can we do to help and why children struggles to adjust in their new family.
understanding family reflective essay

After the findings through research about Step/blended families, I felt frustrated, empathy and

confused. I felt empathy for the children and both parents who is going through the trouble. I felt

frustrated and confused unsure what to think about my new findings.

But this research change my ways of thinking completely in a neutral ways; challenge me

to think outside the box. I used to look at step/blended families as something that is not

important; it is just a family type nothing special about it and don’t need to pay much close

attention. But after doing my research it changes my view as I realize the struggles of both

children and parents, how hard it was to keep the new family together while the children has to

adapt.

There is also the struggle of stereotypes such as “Evil step-mother”, “evil step-father”, if

you are in step families you are an embarrassment.

For me, my religion thinks that remarriage and step/blended family are a bad thing

because you are separated from your soul mate and god won’t be please because you are not

faithful. At first I think so too, but after doing some research, understanding the struggles parents

and children of stepfamilies have to face such as stereotypes/biases and myth, my thinking has

changed. I do not felt like step families are a bad thing, and it shouldn’t be something to look

down on and be ashamed of.

When I am outside, I remain professional keep my personal biases aside; I personality

don’t have much biases when it comes to people judging them by their looks and background.

For me the most important thing in a person is their own personal value and how they view

themselves and others. Family background don’t pinpoint who that person is.

When I was young, one of my cousin’s father got remarried, life is hard and have

struggles because her step mother is bringing in two children who doesn’t get alone with my
understanding family reflective essay

cousin at all due to their personality. I met my cousin’s step-siblings I find them very enjoyable

to be around always being mischievous and have fun and nothing is wrong with them. Days past

my cousin would get in a lots of conflicts with them and I would blame my cousin for not being

nice to her new siblings.

I also have this believe that step-parent are evil, when they came into the family they will

treat the children of the biological parent badly and they will only love their spouse and their

own biological child/children they brought to the household.

But as I grew older and learn more I learn that my way of stereotype Step family are

wrong, not all cases for Step families are the way I think. Through research I understands that

some might because their mother pass away leave the dad there to raise their child/children and

they struggle to raise them and decide to find themselves a partner so they could raise the

child/children together or it can be the dad abandon the family for reasons and mother find

herself a man and remarried hoping for a better chance to live. Not everything goes the way fairy

tale describes and currently everything don’t have happy ending like the fairy tail.

Thinking back at the incident with my cousin, I felt guilt/ashamed and regret that I blame my

cousin for having a hard time adjusting and getting alone with her new step-siblings; I should be

the one stepping up to help them resolve their problem instead of adding fire to the fuel.

In Disney movies, some portrait stepmother as evil and wicked, how they treat their

child/children badly instead of loving them; take the story of Cinderella for example and spy

kids: All the Time in the World.

Spy Kids:
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Marissa is a secret agent working for the government as a spy, she is married into a new

family with two children; a girl name Rebecca and a boy name Cecil. Everything in Marissa and

her new husband’s life is wonderful, they get married and they have a baby together; but there is

one problem. Rebecca and Cecil doesn’t like their step-mother, they felt that she is hiding

something from them. Cecil is very quiet doesn’t show it much but Rebecca use every way whe

possible to show her dislike for her new step mother.

The family is cutting in half and fallen apart slowly, but an incident involving the entire

family give both children a different view of their mother and realize how important a family is.

By the end of the film, the children finally accept their Step-mother.

Cinderella: Cinderella is a fairy tale story talks about a girl name Cinderella was living a happy

life with her parents until her mother passed away. When Cinderella’s father remarried, he was

married to a woman with two children.

At first everything was great, but what the father and Cinderella doesn’t know is that the

step-mother have two faces, one fake and one real. When the father passed away, the step-mother

shows her true face including her children as they treated Cinderella horribly as if she is a

servant.

Cinderella do all the housework and also cook without complains, when one day when

the news of the young prince searching for a bride and he ask for all single woman to attend; the

step-sisters are overjoy as they try out cloth and leave Cinderella behind.

As they leave, fairy godmother shows up and transform the young girl into the most beautiful

girl in the party before sent her off. As soon as Cinderella arrives, her beauty caught the prince’s

eyes as they dance all night. The two met at dance three times, but the third time Cinderella

leaves one of her shoes behind when ran away.

understanding family reflective essay

The prince was so in love with her, he sent guards to find the girl who can wear this

slipper; house after house finally they arrives at Cinderella’s house and ask all ladies to try out

the slipper.

Both sisters eagerly try out the shoes but none can fit, but when it’s Cinderella’s turn her feet fit

the shoes perfectly and she was taken away and live happy ever after.

Step families, blended families, lone parents, divorce families are all the same. I was

raised in a diverse family with many tradition and backgrounds and friends who live in either a

lone parent family or a divorce, step/blended families. For me these are not some rare sight to see

or experience. Everyone is different, they have their own story to tell and their own problems, we

shouldn’t judge them for their family background.

I understand when people say that they have trouble at home because of family or social

problems. For me, I am open with many things as long as it’s logical and right. I felt that people

are being gender or general biased when they heard the words Step/blended family.

People often think that step/blended family are bad, the step-parent is going to treat the

children of the biological parent poorly or the two spouse would mostly likely involve their

children in conflict, or many the children won’t get alone and they would bulled each other to

seek attention.

But that is not true at all, It doesn’t matter what types of family they are, they are still a

family yes they have conflicts, yes they have financial issues. But in the end the parents would

always wanted what is the best for their children.

understanding family reflective essay

But what can we do to help, I believe that by doing listening and give them a helping

hand when they needed is the best source to help and also by show empathy.

I personally don’t have any Biases but when I was younger I do stereotypes the step

families as evil-parents or evil step-mother due to the movies I watched. But as a grew older my

view changes once I understands the struggle and truth of those families.

On field when we are working we can’t let our own biased get to us, we must put them

aside when we work with children and think of ways and strategies you can use to help the

children in your care.

Here are some strategies we can use while in field.

1) Always put the children first and think about the struggles family might have and

what you can do to help.

2) Be a good listener to both children and family acting as a support for them giving

them extra help. You can also offers them to go counseling, something that could help

the parents with their struggles or problem.

3) Think about the feelings of children and family how will they feel if the educator is

biased towards them or being ignorance of their feelings.

4) read books about step/blended families to children, so we could help the children of

step/Blended family to felt more safe and welcome by giving other children ideas and

knowledge of what step/blended families are.

understanding family reflective essay

Reference

Cinderella. (1950). Retrieved August 2, 2019, from

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042332/plotsummary?ref_=tt_ql_stry_2

IMS, T. (2005-2019). The Step and Blended Family Institute Blended Families and Step

Parenting Support at The Step Institute. Retrieved August 1, 2019, from

https://www.stepinstitute.ca/intro.php

Unknown. (2012, April 13). Step Families Canada. Retrieved August 1, 2019, from

http://stepfamiliescanada.blogspot.com/

Rodriguez, R. (n.d.). Spy Kids 4-D: All the Time in the World. Retrieved August 1, 2019,

from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1517489/plotsummary?ref_=tt_ql_stry_2