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release

HOW TO 

PAST HURTS

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www.alessandrabraun.com
HOLDING ON TO YOUR PAST HURTS FROM OTHERS CAN
BE TOXIC.

Trust me, I know from experience.When you have been


hurt, or wronged, or taken advantage of, it tends to stick
with you. I don’t know about you, but for me, it causes me
to ruminate about it (thinking about it constantly in
different ways) and worry about it (worrying about the past
– what about me made this happen?, present – am I good
enough?  and future – will it happen again?) incessantly.So I
know how important it is to let go of the things that have
hurt us.

BUT IT’S NOT EASY.

In fact, it can be one of the hardest things to do. It takes us


being vulnerable with ourselves and others. It takes
forgiveness and faith in ourselves that we are good enough.
It takes patience and kindness.

IN SUMMARY, IT TAKES A WHOLE LOT TO LET GO OF PAIN.

So I wanted to help you a little bit. It’s not going to cure it,
but it will give you a framework to walk through the act of
letting go, the act of forgiving, the act of MOVING ON so
that you can focus on YOU rather than the past. 

HERE ARE 5 STEPS TO RELEASING YOUR PAST HURTS.

© Alessandra Braun Coaching, Dauntless Life Ventures, LLC 2019


Step #1: Acknowledge the hurts.

Oftentimes the reasons why things stay with us the longest is because we do not acknowledge
the way that they made us feel. For example, I had a few very good friends not even tell me they
weren’t going to come to my wedding (these were very good friends, who I wouldn’t even have
questioned would come, and I found out through the reply card in the mail – not through a
phone call or even a text, and one didn’t even reply). I was so angry. Really angry. And I held on
to it for a long time (a year at least – and I know that’s not a long time in the grand scheme of
life, but it felt like a long time to me for this particular hurt). But when I looked at the anger,
what was really beneath it, was hurt. It made me feel like I wasn’t liked (which of course is a
really hard thing to feel, especially when friendships was already something I was sensitive
about). It was fear of disconnection (and for someone who’s 3 main core desired feelings
includes CONNECTED) this one hurt the most. It’s important to acknowledging the real pain
beneath, not the anger which tends to mask the pain.

Make a list of the hurts that you are holding on to.

Next to each of them write the MAIN emotion/feeling associated with this hurt.
Step #1: Acknowledge the hurts.

Take a moment to look at each hurt and the feeling associated with it.
What thoughts come up for you around this hurt?

What other feelings are underneath the surface?


Step #2: Give Them Space

This is really hard to do and super intimidating, but just FEEL the hurt. Just sit with it for awhile.
Let it sink in. Let it know that it is valid. We often try to push our feelings away, tell ourselves that
we should not feel a certain way, but that just allows those feelings to grow, eat away at us,
bring us down. Giving our hurts space, allows us to feel validated and when we feel validated it
makes it easier to then move forward and release those feelings and hurts.

I want you to give each of your hurts space for ONE minute. Just think about it. Feel the pain,
feel the emotions/feelings that come up. Below write the hurt and make a checkmark next to
it when you are done giving it space.
___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
Step #2: Give Them Space

Next, I want you to journal about what comes up for you with each one.
Step #2: Give Them Space

Next, I want you to journal about what comes up for you with each one.
Step #3: Communicate your Feelings.

I encourage you to talk with the person about it. This can be super scary because you have to be
vulnerable and vulnerability is freakin HARD to do a lot of the time (I wanted to write sometimes
there, but had to be honest with myself, it’s hard a LOT of the time, not just sometimes). It can
be “unsafe” because you don’t know how the person will react to or accept your pain. They may
try to argue against it. They may be super defensive. Or they may just absorb it and apologize.
They may feel your hurt. No matter if they knew of it or not, this is a big step. And if you cannot
talk to the person about it, write them a letter. It doesn’t mean you have to send it (but I
encourage you, if you can, do it – and by can I mean, if you know their address or email address),
but just get your feelings out on paper (or on the computer, but I do encourage you to write it –
there is something special and releasing about expressing yourself on paper).

Look at each of the hurts that you have listed. For each, I want you to brainstorm at
least THREE ways that you could communicate your feelings about it.
Step #3: Communicate your Feelings.

Look at each of the hurts that you have listed. For each, I want you to brainstorm at
least THREE ways that you could communicate your feelings about it.
Step #4: Release It.

Big step. Let it go. Create some sort of ritual where you let it go. Maybe you do some deep
breathing around the mantra of let it go or release (this one can be really powerful – I encourage
you to continue the deep breathing for as long as you can physically feel it let go from your
body, because you WILL feel this). Maybe you write it on a piece of paper and throw it into a fire.
Or put it into a balloon and release it into the sky (although I’m so not for littering – so maybe
they have biodegradable balloons these days or something that won’t hurt a bird or land in the
ocean). Whatever resonates for you, do it. Take the time and do it. Set aside a special time for
you to be intentional about your release. I also love the practice of Hooponopono. Think about
your past hurts. Feel the pain. Feel those feelings. And then say out loud (it has to be out loud): 
I forgive you. Thank you. I’m sorry. I love you.

What will your letting go ritual be?

Do it for at least ONE of the hurts. How did it feel? What thoughts came up for you?
Step #4: Release It.

Take time over the next 7-10 days to do a letting go ritual for each of your hurts.
Write about your experience. What came up for you?
Step #5: Replace It.

Brainstorm what you can do that will be the opposite of how the past hurt made you feel. For
example, my earlier example made me feel disconnected. So I made it a point to feel
connected. It doesn’t mean I have to feel connected with the person(s) that hurt me, but feel
connected with another. Truly connected. This meant reaching out and spending more time
with people that I knew DID value me. Choose to spend your time focusing on the feelings that
you want to feel rather than sticking with the feelings that you did NOT want to feel. Replace
those feelings, counteract those feelings, CHALLENGE those feelings with good ones. That is why
I make this the last step, because acknowledging and feeling your feelings is such a crucial step
to the releasing process. Often we skip to this step and try to cover up our feelings with good
feelings, which only serves to mask the hurt. This has to be the last step, after the
acknowledging, feeling, communicating, and releasing.

Look at each of your hurts (take your time with this one). What is the OPPOSITE
feeling that you actually DO want to feeling? List those feelings here.
Step #5: Replace It.

Now look at those feelings. What are actions that you can take that will make you
feel MORE of those feelings.

How can you make a plan to take MORE of these actions in your daily life?
Reflection
What was this process like for you?

What step do you need to lean into more?

How will you create space to do that?

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