20/09/2019 6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term

Relationship Ends
By RAVEN ISHAK Jan 5, 2016

Breaking up with a significant other is probably one of the most hardest things a person will
ever have to go through. Even though you know that breaking up is the right thing to do, you
can't help but still care for that person on a much deeper level. While there are plenty of ways
to get over a breakup, you also need to take this time to rediscover your identity, especially
after a long-term relationship.

When you and your SO do break up with each other, you can feel a bit lost at first. Over the
years, your thoughts and lifestyle patterns have been in unionism with another individual and

https://www.bustle.com/articles/133574-6-ways-to-rediscover-your-identity-after-a-long-term-relationship-ends 1/9
20/09/2019 6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

once that habit breaks, it's almost feels like you have lost a bit of yourself in the process.
When that chapter of your life closes, it's time to flip to a new page with open arms and self-
discovery. It might take some time, and it won't be easy, but the reason why you need to do
this is important on a much grander scale. Before you can move on and love anybody else,
you have to take this step to learn to love yourself again. When someone has been in a
relationship for the majority of their life, it can be easy to lose themselves in that lifestyle and
forget who they were as an individual. This is a great time to start seeing the positive in life.
While it's naturally OK to need time to heal and recover from your heart break (whether you
broke up with that person or not), this is also the perfect time to rediscover yourself and
figure out exactly what you want out of life. Here are some ways you can do just that by
following a few of these steps below.

1. Stop Beating Yourself Up

Giphy

https://www.bustle.com/articles/133574-6-ways-to-rediscover-your-identity-after-a-long-term-relationship-ends 2/9
20/09/2019 6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

After a breakup, it's easy to think about all the things you wish you've done differently and
where the relationship went south. But the minute you start to obsess about the past, you are
preventing yourself from moving forward. This is the time to heal and don't feel like you need
to rush through this stage to start feeling better, quicker. Be patient and take your time. As
Guy Winch, a licensed psychologist, wrote in an article for Psychology Today, "Once you’ve
identified what your mistakes might have been, going over them again and again will only
make you feel worse and delay your emotional recovery." Stop thinking about the mistakes
you made and take those thoughts and view them as a learning experience for your future
relationships instead.

2. Write It Out

Giphy

https://www.bustle.com/articles/133574-6-ways-to-rediscover-your-identity-after-a-long-term-relationship-ends 3/9
20/09/2019 6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

One of the best ways to really rediscover yourself and let go of negative emotions is by jotting
down everything that you're feeling. Free writing or journaling is a great way to connect with
your intrapersonal self again. According to an article on Psych Central by Maud Purcell,
journaling helps you solve problems more effectively, can reduce stress, and allows you to
understand yourself better. Writing all your feelings on paper means you're slowing down your
thought process, plus provides a way for you to literally review all the facts again before you
decide on the next steps to take.

3. Focus On Small Goals

Giphy

It's easy to just want to watch Netflix all day (or week or month) after a big breakup. Yes,
vegging out for a couple of days or so is totally normal to do after when your heart has been
broken, but don't forget that for you to feel better, you have to move on with your life, too — no
matter how hard it is to do. Start with small goals first, like waking up 30 minutes early to do

https://www.bustle.com/articles/133574-6-ways-to-rediscover-your-identity-after-a-long-term-relationship-ends 4/9
20/09/2019 6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

some yoga or finally completing a work assignment you've been putting off. This is a great
time to keep your mind occupied with productive things.

John Brubaker, a performance consultant, speaker and award-winning author, wrote that
when it comes to completing small goals instead of large ones, remember that direction is
more powerful than speed and to focus on progress not perfection. Don't put pressure on
yourself to overcome this breakup by trying to set large goals. Celebrate every success that
you have and you will start feeling better in no time.

4. Be Social

Giphy

That's what friends are for, right? Try to hang with your besties whenever you get the chance.
When you start to hang out with people you naturally feel comfortable with, your old self
starts to resurface and your happiness will start to regenerate. Preston Ni, the author of How

https://www.bustle.com/articles/133574-6-ways-to-rediscover-your-identity-after-a-long-term-relationship-ends 5/9
20/09/2019 6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People, claims that by surrounding yourself
with a healthy support system you are allowing affection and love back into your life. And
while venting feels good and can be healthy in small doses, try to limit the amount of time you
spend talking about your breakup. You need to try to focus on the positive instead of the
negative to help heal from this situation.

5. Take Care Of Yourself And Your Environment

Giphy

As cliché as it sounds, when you start to feel good about yourself from within, then happiness
will start to reflect on the outside, too. You won't be able to heal probably or think clearly

https://www.bustle.com/articles/133574-6-ways-to-rediscover-your-identity-after-a-long-term-relationship-ends 6/9
20/09/2019 6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

when you are not eating healthy, not living in a clean environment, or surrounding yourself
with negative people. When you put yourself in a toxic environment, it makes it even harder
for you to pull yourself out of this mental dump. Maintaining your physical and mental health
should come before anything else. Jessica Sepel who is a nutritionist and wellness coach
claims that by eating healthy you will feel more confident with yourself, so try to order some
vegetables on your next sadness pizza.

6. Do Things That You Love That Define You As An

Individual

Giphy

Sometimes you lose yourself so deeply in a relationship that you forgot what you originally
loved to do when you were single. Try to rekindle that love by going back to hobbies that will

https://www.bustle.com/articles/133574-6-ways-to-rediscover-your-identity-after-a-long-term-relationship-ends 7/9
20/09/2019 6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

make you happy. According to a Muse article about ways to reclaim your life after a break up,
this is also a great time to try new things. Getting out of the house and breaking your old
routine with new habits is one of the best ways to regain control of your life again.

Change, while it can be scary at first, is ultimately a good thing. Take this breakup as a
learning lesson to see the new world that you are in. Rediscover your old self again, try new
adventures and rekindle your friendship with old friends. It will take time, but you will feel
confident even sooner after taking these steps.

Images: Giphy (6); Pexels

https://www.bustle.com/articles/133574-6-ways-to-rediscover-your-identity-after-a-long-term-relationship-ends 8/9
20/09/2019 6 Ways To Rediscover Your Identity After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

https://www.bustle.com/articles/133574-6-ways-to-rediscover-your-identity-after-a-long-term-relationship-ends 9/9