6/5/2019 Grammar Feedback Example - Google Docs

Grammar Feedback 
 
Date:  6/5//2019 
Link to Writing Task:  h
  ttps://ielts.magoosh.com/questions/9709 
 
Essay Corrections 
 
Over the last few decades, there has been unprecedentedunprecendented technological 
advancements in all the sections of society, and education is one of those [sections]1. There has 
been a notable rise in the number of schools choosing technology as thea mode of education over 
traditional methods2. On one hand, this rising trend offers numerous benefits in grooming the future 
generation3, but on the other hand, outdating4 the traditional techniques, such aslike referring to 
books and printed materials, also has a couple of drawbacks.5 

On one side6, the shift in trend has numerous advantages. Firstly, using the latest gadgets, such 
aslike tablets or, laptop computers, for studies helps students keeping pace with the latest 
technological developments. Further, iIt further makes them universally acceptable7 if they were to 
move toin another country for further studies. Secondly, there isare a numbers of educational 
applications that more efficiently impart knowledge,imparting knowledge in the best possible 
manner so that students are able to grasp the concepts in more practical8 manner throughlike audio, 
video, and presentations9. Lastly, there haves been constant improvements and updatesupdation of 
study materials, providing students with the latest versions of course curriculum10. 

On the other side, phasing out books and other printed materials, such aslike assignments11, has a 
few negative consequences, too. Firstly, institutionsinstituitions make huge investments in making 
the latest gadgets, such aslike tablets and, laptop computers, available to students to use for 

1
 This wording is a little awkward, but my edits reflect better grammatical constructions, at least. 
2
 It would be clearer to the reader if you explain what these “traditional methods” are. 
3
 To do what? 
4
 It’s very uncommon to use this as a verb. 
5
 Try to give one instead of being vague here. It will strengthen this point. 
6
 You just used a similar structure (on one hand… on the other hand), which makes this feel repetitive. Try 
to use some other type of device to make the connections. 
7
 What does this mean? I don’t understand what “universally acceptable” is intended to communicate 
here. 
8
 I don’t think practical means quite what you’re looking for. Effective? Efficient? Relatable? 
9
 How is a “presentation” separate from audio and video? 
10
 How is this not true in a paper­based world? Students still have access to new textbooks and material 
the “old­fashioned” way, no? 
11
 I do not think that “assignments” cease to exist in a digital world. What do you think? 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AnmxqUcZSdXptiBiPPQ2g8roHmwi_754klyTO31y3ig/edit 1/2
6/5/2019 Grammar Feedback Example - Google Docs

studies. It clearly implies that there will be athe rise in the financial burden on parents to support 
their children'schildern's education. Secondly, in order to operate thefor latest gadgets, one needs to 
be tech savvy, which is not always the case with all the students . Some students may find it difficult 
to catching up with the latest technological improvements.12 Lastly, it is easier to from study from 
physical books and hard copies thaen from studying electronic devices.13 For instance, there was 
recently some a latest research published thatwhich proved14 that concepts learnt from books are 
retained forrom a longer duration over the ones studiedunderstood via gadgets15. 

To conclude, the rising trend of using technical gadgets seems to increase in the light of factors16 
such aslike fast updatesion toof study material, global acceptance, and innovative ways of learning., 
However,But there are negative aspects, too, like lower retention of conceptscocepts and a greater 
financially burdensome for parents to support.17 

12
 This sentence is repetitive with the one previous. 
13
 Why? 
14
 This is not usually what research says. “Proved” is too strong, and instead scientists stick with things 
like “support the idea that…” or “seem to indicate…” 
15
 The tone this word implies is inappropriate for the sentence. I would opt for something more precise, 
such as, “digital materials.” 
16
 I have a hard time understanding what you intend here. Seems to increase? Are you saying it is more 
popular to use digital modes of study? 
17
 This text could use one final sentence to finish supporting the conclusion. 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AnmxqUcZSdXptiBiPPQ2g8roHmwi_754klyTO31y3ig/edit 2/2