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‘Helicopter’ parenting a hindrance to your

child?
Tips for nurturing your child, not controlling them.

by Emma Lee

Fast-paced living, a cutthroat competitive environment coupled with the rise of pop parenting
philosophies such as the one trumpeted in the bestseller Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother has
inadvertently given rise to a surge in helicopter parents. They meddle constantly and try to
engineer every detail of their children’s lives in the false hope it will protect them from failure
and the harsh realities of life. However, many mums and dads do not realise how damaging this
form of parenting can be, despite their actions stemming from good intentions.

A formula for disaster

Recent research from Brigham Young University affirms that helicopter parenting does more
harm than good. The study looked specifically into whether characteristics such as support and
warmth might neutralise the negative effects of helicopter parenting. Not only did the research
conclude that they do not, but it also suggested that lack of warmth can take the situation from
bad to worse, amplifying negative traits such as low self-esteem and high-risk behaviours
including binge drinking.
Earlier research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies by Holly Schiffrin, Ph.D.
and her colleagues at the University of Mary Washington uncovered that helicopter parenting
behaviours were related to higher levels of depression and decreased satisfaction with life. And a
2014 study from researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder is the first to correlate a
highly structured childhood – which is characteristic of helicopter parenting – with reduced
executive-function capabilities.Executive function is our ability to determine which goal-directed
actions to carry out and when, and it’s a skill set often lacking in children diagnosed with
attention deficit disorder.

The message from these results is resoundingly clear: overbearing parenting destroys a child’s
independence, resilience and their confidence in making decisions – skills that are essential to
overcome the curve balls life often throws at us.

Nurture instead of absolute control

Instead, science calls for a more balanced form of parenting – one that nurtures, rather than
controls. To develop well-rounded, confident children, psychologists recommend adopting the
following parenting strategies:

1. Perceive children as a separate entity and not as an extension of you: Remind yourself
they are not your ‘mini-me’. They are unique individuals who require your guidance,
encouragement and support. Do not project your own fears, hopes and dreams on them.

2. Allow him or her to fall and pick themselves up: This is a biggie. Children need to be
taught how to evaluate risk as they get older so they will make better decisions and be able to
handle conflict later in life. Allow them to feel discomfort or pain. Don’t prevent your children
from struggling or try to rescue them from awkward or challenging situations. Children cannot
learn if their parents solve every problem for them. It is also important to tell them not to fear
failure and not to dwell on mistakes.

3. Be as supporting as you can, but do not become a crutch: Provide a listening ear and
advice, but ultimately they must be the ones trying to overcome or rectify a situation. Try not to
interfere. In the process, they will learn to pick up the pieces or consequences of their actions
themselves.

4. Model healthy relationships and decision-making in your own life: Children naturally
learn best by example.

5. Supervise, but do not dominate: Again, this helps kids learn when and how to take risks.
Encourage free, unsupervised play, and give them the freedom to try new things on their own.