1

Capulet: I hate you. Juliet: Romeo, Romeo, Romeo....

Montague: I hate you more! Romeo: Hi!
Capulet: Bite me! Juliet: Go away, I'm daydreaming. Romeo, Romeo,
Prince: If this fighting doesn't stop, I'm sending you both Romeo....
to your rooms. Romeo: I love you!
Capulet and Montague: Wah! Juliet: Isn't this a little sudden?
==================================== Romeo: What did I tell you about that?
Benvolio: What's wrong? Juliet: Oh, sorry! I mean, I love you, too!
Romeo: None of your beeswax. Romeo: Wanna get married?
Benvolio: Aw, come on. Juliet: Isn't this a little sudden?
Romeo: Wait a sec, I'm not done pouting and whining. Romeo: Ah, ah, ah!
Benvolio: You're still in love with Rosaline, aren't you? Juliet: Sorry.
Romeo: Maybe. =========================================
====================================== Romeo: Hey, guess what?
Capulet: Oh, yeah, my daughter's great. Friar Laurence: Do I want to know?
Paris: So, can I marry her? Romeo: I met a girl last night and I want to marry her.
Capulet: She's only thirteen, you perv! Friar Laurence: Weren't you in love with someone else
====================================== yesterday?
Benvolio: No, seriously, crashing a Capulet party will Romeo: What's your point?
make you feel lots better. Friar Laurence: So who is this new person?
Romeo: Hmmm. . . . okay. Can't hurt. Romeo: Juliet Capulet.
===================================== Friar Laurence: This could be a plot twist. Okay, then.
Lady Capulet: So, Juliet, what do you think about =========================================
marrying Paris? Mercutio: Where is Romeo?
Juliet: Umm, I am only thirteen . . . Benvolio: If I knew, I'd tell you.
Nurse: She'll look so pretty in a nice white dress! Romeo: Hey, guys!
Juliet: Hey, wait just a sec! Mercutio: Where were you? I thought you were going to
==================================== take a bathroom break.
Mercutio: So, you coming? Romeo: Oooo, um, I could really use a distraction right
Romeo: I'm still not done pouting and whining. about now.
==================================== Nurse: Hello, young men.
Romeo: Wow, she is FINE! Mercutio: Well, you could stand to lose a little weight.
Romeo: Um, hi. Nurse: Arrgh! How dare you speak like that to me? Are
Juliet: Um, hi. you Romeo?
Romeo: Can I kiss you? Romeo: No, that's me.
Juliet: Isn't this a little sudden? Nurse: Well?
Romeo: What if I spout poetry first? Romeo: Well what?
Juliet: Isn't this a little sudden? Nurse: Arrgh!
Romeo: Shut up and let me, or we won't have a plot. Romeo: Tell her to come to confession.
Juliet: Okay, then. Nurse: Ooo, whatcha gonna do?
==================================== ============================================
Romeo: Who is she? Juliet: Well?
Nurse: Juliet Capulet. Nurse: Well what?
Romeo: Oh, sh- Juliet: What did he say?
==================================== Nurse: What did who say?
Juliet: Who is he? Juliet: Arrgh!
Nurse: Romeo Montague. Nurse: You're giving me a headache.
Juliet: Oh, sh- Juliet: WHAT DID ROMEO SAY?
Nurse: Whatever. Nurse: Oh, him.
==================================== Juliet: Well?
Benvolio: Aw, where're you going? Nurse: He said to meet him at Friar Laurence's. Hey,
Romeo: Umm, bathroom break. Yes, that sounds good. where are you going? Don't I get a back rub?
2 Romeo: Okay, I could stay here and get caught and have
===========================================
Friar Laurence: I now pronounce you man and wife. You
may kiss the bride. Hey, not that long! Break it up now!
Hey, no fair frenching! I'm telling!
===========================================
Benvolio: It is WAY too hot.
Mercutio: Oh, quit your whining.
Tybalt: Do you freaks know where Romeo is?
Mercutio: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, you can't get me!
Romeo: Hey, brothers!
Tybalt: Jerk! I know it was you who crashed that party
last night.
Romeo: I love you.
Tybalt: I dare you to fight me.
Romeo: I don't want to fight you. I love you!
Tybalt: If you forfeit, I win!
Mercutio: I will valiantly fight in his place.
Tybalt: As long as I get to fight, 'sall good.
Mercutio: Owie, owie, owie, owie! Those shots that go
through your heart really hurt!
Romeo: You killed my best friend! ARRGH! I have to fight
you now.
Tybalt: Owie, hey, he was right! Those shots to the heart
really do hurt!
Romeo: What have I done? No, seriously, Ben, I was
drunk, I can't remember.
========================================
Juliet: La de da! I can't wait til Romeo comes!
Nurse: Romeo just killed Tybalt.
Juliet: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Nurse: Have you been watching "Star Wars" again?
Juliet: How could he do such a thing?
Nurse: Juliet, men are slugs. Get used to it.
Juliet: Oh, well, that's okay. I still like him.
=======================================
Romeo: So what's the deal?
Friar Laurence: You're banished from Verona.
Romeo: That SO sucks!
Friar Laurence: Beats dying.
Romeo: Not necessarily.
Nurse: Before you go be banished, Juliet wants you to
stop by and say goodbye.
Romeo: Yeeha!
Friar Laurence: Oooo, whatcha gonna do?
========================================
Capulet: Actually, maybe it would be better if you did
marry my daughter.
Paris: Sounds good to me!
========================================
Romeo: I gotta go.
Juliet: No, don't go!
them kill me....
Juliet: The door's that way.
Lady Capulet: How are you?
Juliet: I, umm, miss Tybalt. Yes, that will do.
Lady Capulet: Getting married to Paris will ease the pain.
Juliet: Um, er, um, no, I don't really think that's a good
idea . . .
Capulet: You don't like my idea? You can just deal with
it, or I'll disown you!
===========================================
Friar Laurence: Isn't it a little soon to get married?
Paris: What's your point?
Friar Laurence: Um, look, here comes Juliet!
Paris: Bye, people!
Juliet: Romeo's banished! And mom wants me to marry
Paris! And Romeo's banished! And Tybalt's dead! And
Romeo's banished! And my father wants to disown me!
And Romeo's banished! And....
Friar Laurence: I get the picture.
Juliet: Okay, good. What should I do?
Friar Laurence: Take this potion to make you look dead.
Juliet: Okay.
==========================================
Capulet: Hmm, yes, twenty cooks, twenty five maids,
and a big white poofy dress....
Juliet: Hi, Daddy.
Capulet: You, young lady, are grounded.
Juliet: Okay. La de da, I can't wait to get married to
Paris....
Capulet: Ooo, good, let's change the date to tomorrow.
=========================================
Juliet: It bites having to drink this and not know what's
gonna happen. Oh, well, bottom's up.
=========================================
Nurse: O my gosh, she's dead!
Capulet: This sucks.
Lady Capulet: This bites.
All of them: Wah!
==========================================
Romeo: I miss Juliet.
Servant: Juliet's dead.
Romeo: Crap!
==========================================
Apothecary: You know, strictly speaking, I'm not
supposed to give you this.
Romeo: Here's some money.
Apothecary: Here you go, sir.
==========================================
Friar John: Yo yo yo.
Friar Laurence: What did Romeo say?
Friar John: Umm, well, I kinda didn't give him the letter.
Friar Laurence: This could be a problem.
3
==========================================

Paris: Man, this bites.

Romeo: Man, this bites.
Paris: Grrrrrr, I'm mad at you! You killed her cousin!
Romeo: Who, me? Fine, you wanna fight? I'm in a bad
mood here!
Paris: Argh, you just keep killing people don't you?
Romeo: I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not, so why bother?
===========================================
Romeo: Man, this bites, having her dead. Goodbye, my
love! I'm going to die now.
============================================
Friar Laurence: Juliet? Juliet, are you awake? Oh, sh--
Juliet: What? Omigosh, he's DEAD! AUGH!
Friar Laurence: Now, just calm down....
Juliet: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Friar Laurence: You've been watching "Star Wars" again,
haven't you?
Juliet: Hey, it's a knife. Goodbye, cruel world.
=============================================
Prince: WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS
HAPPENED HERE?
Friar Laurence: They fell in love and they died.
Montague: I'm sorry, man.
Capulet: Me too. Let's live happily ever after, now that
we've gotten rid of those annoying kids.
THE END