I.

About relationships
1) Definitions
A relationship is The way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each
other. An interpersonal relationship refers to the association, connection, interaction and bond
between two or more people.
2) Why do relationships matter ?
a) Our need of relationships
wellbeing, and really, our survival. We are each born with a drive to seek, form, maintain, and
protect strong social relationships. To fulfill this need, we seek relationships with those at work,
at school, in our communities and religious organizations, on sports teams, in online communities,
and in other social contexts Relationships are imperative for many different reasons such as
creating stability, learning how to be a good friend or mate, having someone to count on and trust
in times of need and someone to vent to when we face challenges, and friends and mates take
away loneliness and make us feel included. Each of our relationships elicit different responses in
ourselves that help us to grow and learn about ourselves. Relationships often times are the glue
that holds us together during times of stressful situations and when we face life difficulties.
Without relationships we would have a deadened spirit and a lack of connection to our true selves!
We individually need relationships in different capacities and for different reasons. We tend to
gravitate to others like ourselves because we share relatable careers, places we frequent, fun
activities and hobbies, so that makes relationships a must in order to have people that make us
better.
These relationships help us feel we are not alone, because we belong to a social community.
Depriving people of social relationships can be physically and psychologically devastating.
However, interacting with people merely on the surface level isn't enough. They don't fulfill our
need to belong, because they are not emotionally close. But many of our social relationships do,
in fact, fulfill our need for social interaction and emotional belonging. Consider for example, your
longtime friends. Research even suggests that online relationships can be just as emotionally close
and fulfilling as face-to-face relationships. When we have social relationships, we feel connected
to others in ways that we can't experience when we are alone, or when we have only superficial
relationships.
b) Benefits that relationships offer
- Emotional
In terms of emotional rewards, our relationships give us emotional support and encouragement
in difficult times. They also give us happiness. Interacting with friends is fun, relaxing, and
enjoyable, because our friends entertain us. In fact, some of our most memorable and happiest
times are spent in the company of close friends.
- Material rewards
Additionally, we receive material rewards from our social relationships. People we are close to
can help meet our material needs for money, food, shelter, and transportation. When we feel close
to someone, we tend to share these resources in times of need.
- Health rewards
They actually help us stay healthy. Studies have shown that the more social relationships someone
has, the greater the person's ability to fight the common cold. Also, those with a strong social
network have been shown twice as likely to survive after a heart attack than those lacking strong
relationships. In fact, a review of more than 60 published studies concluded that premature
mortality from causes such as cigarette smoking, obesity, and high blood pressure cite lack of
strong, positive relationships as a large variable. Our close friends help us alleviate stress through
the happiness and relaxation found in close friendships. Our friends also watch out for us and
encourage us to avoid, or eliminate, harmful practices and situations.
- Sense of well-being and purpose
It’s natural for humans to want to feel needed, and like they’re part of something bigger. Many
people strive to feel like they’re doing something good for someone else, and improving the world
in some way. In fact, it’s possible that having a sense of purpose can actually add years to your
life.
Everyone is unique and has their own needs and desires when it comes to relationships, handling
stress and living a healthy, meaningful life. If you’re the type of person who enjoys being alone,
that’s okay too, but attempting to make a couple close relationships could mean noticeable
benefits to your mental and physical health.
Sometimes having at least one good friend (or trusted co-worker, therapist or counselor) to help
walk you through issues like social anxiety or depression can end up being more than worth it. It
might be difficult, but it also might be exactly what you need. Even just having one or two strong,
healthy relationships in your life can have a positive effect on health.
c) The cost of relationships
Having and maintaining relationships brings us not only rewards, but certain costs as well. These
might include sacrificing some much-needed alone time in order to maintain a relationship,
drawing on your emotional reserves when a friend needs support, and spending money for
entertainment that you might not otherwise have spent. In general, we find these costs worth the
relationship.
II. Types of relationships
1) Friendship
Well, according to Oxford's dictionary, friendship is the state of being friend. Hmm, yeah, that is
kinda obvious, so to be more specific, friendship is a close association between two people
marked by feelings of care, respect, admiration, concern, or maybe, just maybe, love. The odd
thing about friendship is that you cannot tell when or where a friendship will develop. It often
arises from a shared interest or hobby, or from people who have similar backgrounds and cultures.
Indeed, quality friendships are extremely important to our general happiness. A study shows that
the presence of strong friendships are even more indicative of overall health and happiness in old
age than family support ! People with good friends often feel happier, less stressed and more like
they belong than those without. There are four core types of friendship: acquaintance, friend,
close friend and best friend.
Acquaintances are people that you know well enough to make a talk on a regular basis, but not
the ones you can call when you need assistance.
Friends are the ones that we try to run into or mix with. For example, at the beginning of the
school year, I intendedly invite new friends to go to the gaming center with me, it means that I
want to be friends with them. These gaming buddies are certainly valuable, but when things get
rough, I am more likely to call my "close friends" for support.
There's not just a strong level of trust between these friends, there's also a whole lot of
unconditional regard and affinity. You may not like a close friend's choices, but you'd defend her
right to make them.
Last but not least is the truly few and far between phenomenon of the "best friend". When bad
things happen to you, friends give you a shoulder to cry on, while your best friends are ready to
hurt the one that make you cry. It's the type of friend that gets you without you having to explain
yourself and loves you no matter what.
2) Familial relationships
They are relatedness or connection by blood or by marriage or by adoption.
a) Types of Family
- Nuclear family: The nuclear family is the traditional type of family structure. This family type
consists of two parents and children.
- Extended family: The extended family structure consists of two or more adults who are related,
either by blood or marriage, living in the same home.
- Single-parent family: The single parent family consists of one parent raising one or more
children on his own.
- Childless family: Couples who either can not or choose not to have children.
- Blended family: Over half of all marriages end in divorce, and many of these individuals
choose to get remarried. This creates the step or blended family which involves two separate
families merging into one new unit.
b) Characteristics of a healthy family
- Deep commitment to each other: Member of families, even in strong ones, have difficulties,
problems, disagreements, just as everyone else does. What sets them apart is that they don’t
give up on each other when circumstances become strained or unpleasant, or when the other
party disappoints them or lets them down. They have a steady and unwavering dedication to
each other—a commitment to stay together—through good times and bad.
- Family time is top priority: They spend time together, no matter how busy they are, it means
engaging in shared activities, such as eating meals together, having conversations….
- Care for each other, not just yourself: Pay attention to small desires or needs of other members.
Sometimes this means sacrificing personal desires in order to encourage or support another
person.
- Conflicts are willing to be solved promptly and constructively: When offenses occur in healthy
families, bad feelings are not allowed to fester. Conflicts are resolved quickly. The offender
is willing to apologize and take responsibility for his or her mistakes. The offended person
listens carefully to the perspectives of the family member with whom he or she is at odds, and
is quick to forgive.
c) Characteristics of an unhealthy family
- Lack of empathy: Arguments happen frequently, with unreasonable reasons, even tiny
problems can start a fight
- Poor communication: Rarely or never talking to others, hiding secrets between family,
labeling a person as bad rather than pointing out what is wrong
- Emotional or physical abuse, either suffering or observing
- Drug or alcohol abuse
- Perfectionism: High marks only, you have to do this, you have to do that, you have to know
how to read a book and play football at the sametimes, you have to be good at maths and also
a genius in literature,…
- Fear and unpredictability: Fear of sharing secrets with others, fear of punishments
- Denial of normal needs and desire
- Disrespect of boundaries: No disciplines, trash talk, break the law or there is no law to break
- Control over concepts or way of thinking: Set a path for member to follow, you have to be a
doctor because I’m a doctor
- Excessive criticism: Blaming, giving nicknames, flouting or disparaging
3) Romance relationships
Now I gonna talk about romantic relationship. It depends on how people define the word romance
but it is mainly love and it was made of three baselines
- Intimacy - the emotional component of your relationship
This is when you can relax and be your true self around another person, sharing your
innermost thoughts and feelings, trusting the other, knowing he or she will consistently be
supportive and will keep your secrets without betraying you.
- Passion - the physical component of your relationship
This is the desire to touch, kiss, hold, make love, etc.
- Commitment - the intellectual component of the relationship
When problems arise, you work through them, and you stay together, no matter what.
When we think about romance relationship, it comes to my mind and I think in your minds too,
about fancy dinners and being with your half all night long at some places like a cozy cafe or
make it all the way through to your home, or some people will refer to a lot of hugging ,kissing
or amazing sex with your partner. Well, it be more than that
It is true that being in a romantic relationship often involves a lot of intimacy and passion.
Commitment just takes it up a little bit. People usually get sexually active through other’ gestures
or by the way they are being treated by the opposite. Intimacy here also means connecting with
your other in any time. Just like a car needs fuel and regular maintenance to make it run
effectively, your relationship requires ongoing energy and attention to thrive. Making time for
your partner in every single day shows you care and builds the foundation of your relationship.
Just spend some times Texting, calling, having a meal together or going for a walk. Also in this
kind of relationship, respect and care counts, so people in romance trust and also expect from the
other a lot. In this kind of relationship, the way both people feel are quite the same, it might be
different in the way expressing love from men or women , but basically: they got their times
together, they feel happy , joyful and kinda heart-warming being together, and maybe I say it
dramatically but like cant live without other, or they will suffer emotional breakdown if there are
something wrong in their relationship, people are just crazy. Yep that’s the kind of relationship
were talking about: romantic love
Remember that this kind of relationship is far from being in a mature relationship. Having a
mature relationship still we have romance but not too much, it is also about other things too:
responsibilities, timing, and a lot of understanding and commitment to each other.
III. How to achieve and maintain a healthy relationship ?
1. Mutual respect
Healthy relationships operate out of mutual respect.
This means that you appreciate each other’s opinions, values and wishes. Mutual respect
happens when both parties make an effort to not only understand these opinions, values
and wishes, but to take them into account when making decisions.
2. Two-way communication
Relationships are a two way street. When you tell the person something, make sure that
your message is received and understood. And when you listen to the other person, make
sure you listen and understand what they are saying.
Keys to good communication include:
 Being clear in what you are saying, and what you need.
 Thinking about what you say, and how you will say it, before you speak.
 Talking about what is happening to you and how it affects you.
 Using ‘I’ statements, like “I feel”, “I need” and “I want”.
 Listening to the other person when they talk and trying to understand what they say.
 When you are listening to the other person, set aside your own thoughts and feelings,
and practice empathy.
 Understand that you don’t have to be right all the time, and embrace compromise. Your
relationships are more important than always being right.
3. Accepting and celebrating differences
You don’t always want to be in relationship with someone that is a carbon copy of you,
that would be very boring.
Someone’s untidiness may drive you to distraction, but it is that same disorganisation that
may make them very spontaneous and fun. It’s not right or wrong, it’s who they are.
To the same end, you also need someone to celebrate your differences, not criticise them.
4. Sharing your needs
People are not mind-readers. If you need something or want something, ask for it. You will
find that people are much more attentive to your needs if you simply ask for things. The
added benefit is that you get your needs and wants met without having a fight over them.
Regarding the other person, clearly and kindly explain that if they want or need something,
you are more than happy to help, you just need to know what their want or need is.
5. Allowing space
We may not always like it when someone asks for space, but we have to accept it. And at
the same time, sometimes you may need space. It helps people to
get distance between themselves and the situation. It allows you to see things more clearly.
6. Appreciation
It’s important in any relationship that there is mutual appreciation. Complement the person,
and thank them regularly. Acknowledge their achievements and show gratitude when they
do something for you.
In the same vein, it’s important that you are being recognised and acknowledged in
relationships. If you feel you are not, let the person know that acknowledgement is
something you need.
7. Self-care
You can’t be everything to everyone. You will at points need to take some time out
for yourself.
This is called self-care. It means is taking some time for yourself to engage
in activities that maintain your physical, mental and emotional health such as walking,
yoga, painting, listening to music, having a bath, going to the gym, seeing a movie.
If you notice your friend/partner/family member may be burning out, you could
also encourage them to engage in a self-care activity.