Documente Academic
Documente Profesional
Documente Cultură
de D. M. Larson
Personajele
Pete: Un fericit tanar casatorit, al carui luna de miere va lua o intorsatura ciudata
John: Un barbat care, de asemenea, ii deranjeaza, diferenta este ca sotia lui are un copil
Maggie: Sotia lui John, care are un copil si nu este prea fericita de acest lucru
Timp si spatiu
(O dupa-amiaza inzapezita la sfarsitul lui decembrie. Luminile se aprind intr-o cabana rustica. Exista o intrare si un hol .
Se afla o masa, dar nu si scaune. Un covor. O zona care sugereaza un semineu aprins. Din intrare apar PETE si MAY)
PETE
MAY
Asa cred.
PETE
Nu intra.
MAY
PETE
MAY
Ba asta e. Vezi: #1
PETE
MAY
Probabil.
MAY
E prea rece.
PETE
(o ia in brate pe MAY)
MAY
A fucntionat?
PETE
(mormaie )
Slipit bzele.
MAY
Ce?
PETE
MAY
Glumesti?
PETE
Glumesc.
(incearca cheia)
MAY
Habar n-am.
Uite un felinar!
PETE
MAY
PETE
MAY
Nu prea buna...
MAY
Acolo ce e?
PETE
Dormitorul …cred.
MAY
Crezi?
PETE
MAY
PETE
MAY
PETE
Daca e asa, cred ca e singurul lucru mai modern decat secolul XIX de pe aici.
MAY
PETE
(merge pe covor)
MAY
PETE
MAY
Oh, sper ca e o cada. Tocmai ce am luat niste spuma din asta cu clabuci
PETE
Nu e amuzant.
MAY
PETE
PETE
Uh, May?
MAY
Da, Pete.
PETE
Cred ca nu avem toaleta. Exista doar doua usi si le-am incercat pe ambele
MAY
Parca au spus ca au cand am inchiriat chestia asta. Sunt sigura ca am intrebat, din moment ce ne aflam in munti, iar muntii
sunt departe de tot.
PETE
Am gasit-o.
MAY
Unde?
PETE
MAY
Poate ca am inteles noi gresit.
PETE
MAY
PETE
MAY
Multumesc.
PETE
Ma intorc.
MAY
La naiba! Patul
(iese)
(May isi gaseste de treaba cu patul)
Cum e focul?
PETE
MAY
(confuza)
Pete?
(se intoarce)
El cine e?!
PETE
Nu stiu.
Ei?
DOC
No hablo rumana.
PETE
DOC
No comprendo.
PETE
No habla rumana? Yo hablo espanol tambien. Como esta?
DOC
MAY
DOC
Din pacate.
PETE
DOC
MAY
PETE
DOC
PETE
MAY
DOC
MAY
Multumim.
DOC
MAY
Asa este.
PETE
(nervos)
DOC
PETE
Uite. Noi am inchiriat cabana asta. Tu nuIar in mod normal, oamenii nu dau buzna cand si unde vor.
DOC
Am intrat aici pentru ca stiam ca proprietarul cabanelor nu are clienti pe timp de iarna. Si m-am gandit ca sunteti criminali
sau ceva.
MAY
PETE
MAY
PETE
Uita-te la el. Uita-te la boarfele de pe el. Mie numai credibil nu imi pare
DOC
PETE
MAY
DOC
Raul a fost facut facut, domnita. Nu cred ca exista altceva de facut in privinta asta.
MAY
(Il ia pe Pete deoparte)
PETE
Dar ce cauta aici? Nici nu cred ca-si permite sa inchirieze vreo cabana.
DOC
Ai stiut ca sotul tau e atat de snob? Prima data imi jigneste hainele, acum imi pune la indoiala situatia financiara…
MAY
Are dreptate, Pete. Intotdeauna am stiut ca esti un pic cam încrezut… dar sa te apuci de jignit strainii...
PETE
încrezut?
DOC
N-ar trebui sa judeci oamenii dupa aparente. Poate ca sunt un guru bogat al calculatorelor caruia ii place sa mentina
contactil cu natura.
PETE
DOC
MAY
PETE
Uite, incerc doar sa am o luna de miere romantica alaturi de noua mea sotie. Am condus pana acumm prin zapada, in inima
muntilor si am ramasa blocati de doua ori in timpul…
DOC
PETE
Ahh!
MAY
Look, let’s start over. Hello, I’m May and this is my husband Pete.
DOC
PETE
(Mumbles)
MAY
PETE
MAY
PETE
Sorry. I was trying to be funny. But when I’m tired and cranky it comes out mean. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
DOC
Actually I am a doctor.
MAY
PETE
Wow, I’m proven wrong once again. I stand corrected. I wish I could sit corrected but there isn’t much to sit on.
DOC
PETE
DOC
Sure, no problem…
MAY
DOC
MAY
Not too long. I was pretty lucky you showed up. I didn’t know what I was going to do.
MAY
DOC
I think all these cabins have the same kitchen supplies. I’ve used up all of them in a couple of these… I mean, I’ve stayed in
the cabins many times and they’re all stocked the same. I’ll go whip us up some cocoa.
(Exits)
MAY
He’s so nice.
PETE
I don’t know, May. I have a bad feeling about this guy. His story doesn’t add up. No key…
MAY
PETE
MAY
He explained that.
PETE
MAY
Mother knew this would happen.
PETE
MAY
She said the minute we got married you’d get all weird.
PETE
MAY
PETE
May, please. I’m tired and hungry and I’m in the same mountains where the Donner Party spent the winter. Of course I’m
acting a little weird.
MAY
I feel terrible. I was hoping for a romantic get-away and now we’re fighting instead and I’ve ruined everything.
(Starts crying)
PETE
MAY
PETE
I’m sorry.
(Hugs her)
MAY
A hug is nice.
PETE
Why don’t we see if we can get rid of Dopey and we’ll see if we can’t find that romance we were hoping for.
MAY
PETE
DOC
(Enters)
PETE
DOC
MAY
DOC
I can whip us up some grub too.
PETE
No, that’s okay. Why don’t we see if we can help you get back into your cabin. I’m sure you’d like to get back to your…
solitude.
DOC
No, I’m happy visiting with you folks. It gets kind of lonely up here.
MAY
Uh, Doc. Pete and I are kind of on our honeymoon see and…
DOC
Oh… I see.
(Kind of hurt)
Well… I understand. I better get going then. I think I can squeeze down the chimney of my cabin. I haven’t tried that yet. It
looks like it might be big enough. Could you do me a favor though? If you hear screaming, could you come help me get
unstuck.
PETE
Sure, no problem.
DOC
Well, it’s been good meeting you folks. Have a good honeymoon. I’ll try my best not to both you. I’ll even leave the lights off
so you can feel like you’re all alone out here. Some people like to feel alone…
PETE
(Aside to PETE)
PETE
MAY
PETE
DOC
(Brightens)
And cookies. There are some cookies in there too. They’re great with cocoa.
(Exits)
PETE
MAY
I promise.
(Hugs him)
PETE
Let me go out and get our bags before it gets too late.
MAY
Good idea. Then we’ll send Doc on his way and it’s just the two of us for the entire weekend.
PETE
Oh, no.
MAY
PETE
(Opens door and snow is falling. JOHN rushes in with MAGGIE who is very pregnant and in labor)
What the…
JOHN
MAY
(To MAGGIE)
MAGGIE
Do I look okay?
(Labor pain)
Ahhh!
PETE
MAGGIE
PETE
MAGGIE
I what? Had a basketball shoved up my butt? I’m having a baby you idiot!
(Labor pain)
Ahh!
JOHN
PETE
MAGGIE
MAY
JOHN
Uh… boil some water. Isn’t that what they always do in the movies?
DOC
MAGGIE
Ahhh!
DOC
PETE
DOC
What?
MAY
MAGGIE
MAY
MAGGIE
PETE
DOC
PETE
I can’t imagine better birth control on a honeymoon than a pregnant woman in labor.
JOHN
PETE
JOHN
Not exactly. We decided to get married when she started to show. I didn’t know she was pregnant until then. And I did
want to marry her so it was a good excuse.
PETE
JOHN
Well, we met only about a month before that. And planning the wedding took about five months. You know how mother’s
are… so…
PETE
Wait a minute. I’m doing the math here. She’s about 9 months along and the wedding took five months to plan and you met
a month before that… You’re not…
JOHN
PETE
JOHN
I don’t know.
PETE
You don’t?
JOHN
PETE
JOHN
I really love her. Once she told me she was pregnant she told me she’d understand if I wanted to leave her. But I refused
because I’ve never met anyone like her before and I’ve never been with anyone who has made me so happy. Then when
she wouldn’t tell me who the father was, she thought for sure I would leave her and that’s when I proposed.
PETE
JOHN
I knew I shouldn’t have planned the honeymoon for now. I thought it was early enough but I guess not. We should be at a
hospital, not in the mountains.
PETE
JOHN
That’s great.
DOC
PETE
DOC
Not really.
PETE
DOC
JOHN
Hey, I’ve heard of you. You did those commercials. The ones where you skipping through the woods touching dead trees
and they sprang to life.
DOC
I’m retired now.
PETE
MAGGIE
(Off)
Ahh!
MAY
(Enters)
JOHN
Ready? Now?
(Runs off)
MAGGIE
(Off)
JOHN
MAY
DOC
Then I better not go in there.
MAY
PETE
MAGGIE
JOHN
Dare I go in again?
PETE
It might be a ploy.
MAGGIE
(Off. Mad)
John!
JOHN
Coming.
(Exits)
MAGGIE
(Off. Angry)
PETE
MAY
I’m sorry I told her about you. I thought you were a real doctor.
DOC
MAY
DOC
(Rushes off)
PETE
MAY
(Exits)
PETE
Oh, this has just been a great honeymoon.
(Knock at door)
Now what?
(Goes to door)
I need to sue this cabin owner for false advertising. Rustic and remote my foot. I’ve seen fewer people at a Vanilla Ice
concert.
(Opens the door and FRANK, EUNICE and MYRTLE. They look like hippies)
FRANK
PETE
EUNICE
A war in the stars? How horrible. I know the world outside was much worse than you thought.
PETE
MYRTLE
PETE
FRANK
Hippies?
EUNICE
MYRTLE
EUNICE
PETE
Lucky me.
MAGGIE
(Off)
Ahhh!
(Crash)
DOC
We have a problem.
MAGGIE
(Off)
FRANK
DOC
PETE
What’s wrong?
DOC
(Rushes outside)
EUNICE
Lucky for you Myrtle here delivers babies all the time.
MYRTLE
(FRANK pulls some pouches out of his pockets and holds them up)
EUNICE
We handle all our own medical needs on the commune. All of us were born there.
PETE
No hospitals?
EUNICE
Our elders studies all the ancient wisdom of the past and passed along that knowledge to their children.
PETE
EUNICE
Harvard.
PETE
EUNICE
(Heads off)
MAY
(Comes out)
PETE
END OF PLAY