What are subtle red flags that someone should not be trusted?

Originally Answered: What are the giveaways that you shouldn’t trust someone?

I’m fortunate in that I had both CIA and FBI training (as a police officer) in body language and
interrogations. So I have an edge. I have some NLP training and other professional training by people
who do deep background and security checks on high-level clearances. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
It’s quite a science, but this should give the average person more than enough information and tips to
use to determine if a person is trustworthy.

The basic giveaways are NOT, as most believe, a person not being able to look you in the eyes, etc. Great
con men rock the eye connection and other common myths. They’re practiced, smooth and charming
and charismatic as hell. Even the pros (CIA, FBI, Cops etc.) are sometimes taken in by them. So, the
giveaways for me are:

Guts. What does your instinct tell you? If you practice listening to and acting on your instinct and you
KNOW that still quiet voice inside, it is always 100% correct. If you start doubting it, second guessing it,
you’ll muddy the waters and be wrong 50% of the time. Learn to use, listen to and act on your intuition
until you get it right. It takes time, but it’s the best predictor out there. Every great cop I know has razor
sharp intuition - to the point of being psychic at times.

Love bombing. This is the giveaway of the century but most people refuse to believe they’re being love
bombed. Cults use it, pastors use it, all groups use it, and con men and women use it. Love bombing is
where someone or some group or organization tells you how smart, talented, special, or gifted you are.
You’ll get a steady stream of comments and compliments that are designed to make you feel special,
welcomed, part of the organization or a desirable partner, date, or whatever. It is the secret weapon of
narcissists too. Love bombing causes you to let down your guard and to trust people before they have
proven themselves trustworthy. . You’re generally showered with affection, gifts, access to things others
don’t have - either access to a person, place, information, data or an exclusive right. All new
relationships can be exciting, but if your new “friend” is suddenly texting, emailing, calling and filling
your inbox with messages, then be suspicious, very suspicious.

The person starts asking for things, favors (usually small at first), or access, or things you generally don’t
give to people until you’ve known them for a while. In other words, they start creating a relationship
where you say yes to things you’re not really comfortable saying yes to, but they’re not such big things
that you feel justified saying no to, so you say yes, but feel uneasy about doing so. This is how
untrustworthy people groom you for saying “yes” to things you would never agree to if you weren’t
groomed - meaning your tolerance level is raised - like a frog in a pot of water - the heat is turned up so
gradually the frog is boiled alive, never knowing what happened.
The person does NOT like hearing the word “no,” or being rebuffed. They won’t go ballistic, but they will
simply act annoyed or miffed, or offended. It’s like they’ve never been told “no,” before. You’ll almost
feel the chill set in - like you’re being punished by having boundaries. If you’re a normal person you’ll
feel guilty and wonder if you “shouldn’t” have said no. That’s what they want you to feel. You’re easier
to manipulate if you feel guilty. If you have strong boundaries and know that YOU are not responsible
for other people’s feelings, you’re less likely to be manipulated.

They want to know “everything” about you - but not really. What they’re looking for are clues about
how to manipulate you - what you like, what you fear, what are your weak spots, your strong suits, your
vulnerabilities. They get agitated when you have healthy boundaries or don’t want to share that
information early in the relationship.

They don’t respect your boundaries, or they keep “forgetting” the boundary and reoffending you. Like, I
don’t like cigarettes or being around smokers. The untrustworthy person will quickly put their smokes
away the first time I mention it, but then later will pull out their cigarettes again, then say, “OH. That’s
right. I almost forgot you really hate cigarettes,” and put them away, but their tone is one of guilting me,
or heavy and carries a sense of their being put out to accommodate me.

They don’t respect your property. If they borrow something they don’t treat it with respect and don’t
offer to fix or replace things they break. It’s almost like they have to leave your stuff in a worse condition
than when they borrowed it, and act offended if you make an issue of it. If they borrow your car they’ll
return it with less gas in it than it had when they borrowed it, and it’ll be dirtier inside and out than
when they drove off.

They hate kids. No, not just dislike. or feel uncomfortable around - they have a strong dislike of kids. Kids
see through their bullshit so they prefer to avoid your children. If they do act like they like your kids,
your kids won’t like them…generally. They will love bomb your kids to get them to like them, but it all
feels weird IF you’re paying attention.

Your pets don’t like them. Say what you want about dogs and pets who growl, run, hide, or avoid people,
but if you have an animal who shows fear or avoids this person - listen to them. They know.

They share intimate details of their friend's lives, but never of their own. They gossip. They want to
know details of YOUR life, but rarely share anything from their life. The things they do share sound
scripted - like they’ve told them a thousand times.

They bully or ignore those who they can’t use. Take them to lunch and watch how they treat the waiter
or waitress. If they are dismissive, rude, or condescending, they’re not to be trusted.

Their “affect” is screwed up. This can happen legitimately with people with personality disorders or
mental illness, but psychopaths and sociopaths don’t think, feel, or respond to human emotion like
normal people. They just seem a little “off,” like no one ever explained how healthy relationships or
common courtesies works.
They never introduce you to their friends or family. Most con-men don’t want you having any way to
track them down when things go south. They tend to be loners, or “too busy” for relationships (except
for someone as special as you!) and will either avoid conversations about their family, or have incredibly
detailed stories about their family, but almost never have photos.

They like to dominate you, the relationship, the situation, the problem-solving, the project, the job, the
task, the date etc.. They’re very, very, very, very into being top dog in all aspects of your relationship -
whether personal or professional.

How they talk. This is where my training comes in, but you can still read a lot about the conversations of
untrustworthy people. (1) they rush the conversation. That means they don’t give you time to think
about what they’ve said or are asking - as though if they did you’d realize they’re untrustworthy. (2)
watch their actions, not their words. The two rarely jive. Always trust your instinct here, and watch what
they DO, not what they say. (3) They avoid answering the question. They’re masters of the redirect -
appearing to answer your questions, but not really answering them. You’ll feel like they said something
important, but it rarely answers the question.

Ask about past jobs and relationships. If they blame others, their old boss, their old girlfriend/boyfriend,
and everything bad that happens to them is someone else’s fault, then back off. You’ll be the next
person they blame - whether you deserve it or not.

Untrustworthy people will have some or all of these traits. Always take time to get to know someone
before letting them into your life, your home, and your vulnerabilities. Honest relationships worth
having are worth waiting for. Don’t get swept off of your feet with a vacation date, or someone you
meet at a public event. If it’s real, it will last if you move slow. If you feel pressured, uneasy, suspicious,
doubtful - trust your feelings. Your intuition is speaking. Too many women end up robbed, murdered
and abused every year because they were desperate for attention, love, or whatever these con men
offered. Don’t become a statistic. It’s better to live alone than die at the hands of a con man.

280.7k views · ·

¿Cuáles son las claves que te dicen que no debes confiar en una persona?

¿Cuáles son las pequeñas señales que te invitan a confiar en alguien?

Quali sono dei piccoli segnali che ti invitano a non fidarti di qualcuno?

Que sinais você deve observar em alguém que indicam que essa pessoa não é confiável?