Research in Dating

in Partial
Fulfilment in
MAPEH II (Health)

Submitted to:
Marcos Pigangay

Submitted by:
Calawen, Charmaine P.

Date: October 18, 2013

[TYPE THE COMPANY ADDRESS]

 Dating

Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people

with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in anintimate
relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers
to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social
activity in public, together, as a couple.
The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary
considerably from country to country. The most common idea is two people
trying out a relationship and exploring whether they are compatible by going
out together in public as a couple who may or may not yet be having sexual
relations. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor
to engagement or marriage. .
 History
From the perspective of the history of humans in civilization, dating as an
institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which has mainly emerged in the
last few centuries. From the standpoint of anthropology and sociology, dating
is linked with other institutions such as marriage and the family which have also
been changing rapidly and which have been subject to many forces, including
advances in technology and medicine. As humans have evolved from
the hunter-gatherers into civilized societies and more recently into modern
societies, there have been substantial changes in the relationship between men
and women, with perhaps the only biological constant being that both
adult women and men must have sexual intercourse for human procreation to
happen.
Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual
behavior. Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky constructed a reproductive spectrum
with opposite poles being tournament species, in which males compete fiercely
for reproductive privileges with females, and pair bond arrangements, in which a
male and female will bond for life. According to Sapolsky, humans are
somewhat in the middle of this spectrum, in the sense that humans form pair
bonds, but there is the possibility of cheating or changing partners. These
species-particular behavior patterns provide a context for aspects of human
reproduction, including dating. However, one particularity of the human
species is that pair bonds are often formed without necesarily having the
intention of reproduction. In modern times, emphasis on the institution of
marriage, generally described as a male-female bond, has obscured pair bonds
formed by same-sex and transsexual couples, and the fact that many
heterosexual couples also bond for life without offspring, or that often pairs
that do have offspring separate. Thus, the concept of marriage is changing
widely in many countries.
Historically though, in most societies, and during much of human history,
marriages were arranged by parents and older relatives with the goal not
beinglove but legacy and "economic stability and political alliances," according
to anthropologists. Accordingly, there was little need for a temporary trial
period such as dating before any permanent community-recognized union was
formed between a man and a woman. While pair-bonds of varying forms were
recognized by most societies as acceptable social arrangements, marriage was
reserved for heterosexual pairings and had a transactional nature, where wives
were in many cases a form of property being exchanged between father and
husband, and who would have to serve the function of reproduction.
Communities exerted pressure on people to form pair-bonds in places such
as Europe; in China, according to sociologist Tang Can, society "demanded
people get married before having a sexual relationship" and many societies
found that some formally recognized bond between a man and a woman was
the best way of rearing and educating children as well as helping to avoid
conflicts and misunderstandings regarding competition for mates.
Generally, during much of recorded history of humans in civilization, and into
the Middle Ages in Europe, weddings were seen as business arrangements
between families, while romance was something that happened outside of
marriage discreetly, such as covert meetings. The 12th-century book The Art of
Courtly Love advised that "True love can have no place between husband and
wife." According to one view, clandestine meetings between men and women,
generally outside of marriage or before marriage, were the precursors to today's
dating.
From about 1700, however, according to professor David
Christian of Macquarie University in Australia in a course entitled Big History, a
worldwide movement perhaps described as the "empowerment of the
individual" took hold, leading to the emancipation of women and the equality
of individuals. Men and women became more equal politically, financially, and
socially in many nations. Women won the right to vote and own property and
receive equal treatment by the law, and these changes had profound impacts on
the relationships between men and women. Parental influence declined. In
many societies, individuals could decide––on their own––whether they should
marry, who they should marry, and when they should marry. A few centuries
ago, dating was sometimes described as a "courtship ritual where young women
entertained gentleman callers, usually in the home, under the watchful eye of
a chaperone," but increasingly, in many Western countries, it became a self-
initiated activity with two young people going out as a couple in public
together. Still, dating varies considerably by nation, custom, religious
upbringing, technology, and social class, and important exceptions with regards
to individual freedoms remain as many countries today still practice arranged
marriages, request dowries, and forbid same-sex pairings. Although in many
countries, movies, meals, meeting in coffeehouses and other places is now
popular, as are advice books suggesting various strategies for men and women
in other parts of the world, such as in South Asia and many parts of the Middle
East, being alone in public as a couple with another person is not only frowned
upon but can even lead to either person being socially ostracized.
In the twentieth century, dating was sometimes seen as a precursor to marriage
but it could also be considered as an end-in-itself, that is, an informal social
activity akin to friendship. It generally happened in that portion of a person's
life before the age of marriage, but as marriage became less permanent with the
advent of divorce, dating could happen at other times in peoples lives as well.
People became more mobile. Rapidly developing technology played a huge
role: new communication technology such as the telephone, Internet and text
messaging enabled dates to be arranged without face-to-face
contact. Cars extended the range of dating as well as enabled back-seat sexual
exploration. In the mid twentieth century, the advent of birth control as well as
safer procedures for abortion changed the equation considerably, and there was
less pressure to marry as a means for satisfying sexual urges. New types of
relationships formed; it was possible for people to live together without
marrying and without having to deal with children. Information about human
sexuality grew, and with it an acceptance of all types of sexual orientations is
becoming more common. Today, the institution of dating continues to evolve
at a rapid rate with new possibilities and choices opening up.

Dating as a social
relationship

Wide Variation in Behaviour Patterns

And the only rule is that there are no rules.
—Kira Cochrane
Social rules regarding dating vary considerably according to variables such as
country, social class, religion, age, sexual orientation and gender. Behavior
patterns are generally unwritten and constantly changing. There are
considerable differences between social and personal values. Each culture has
particular patterns which determine such choices as whether the man asks the
woman out, where people might meet, whether kissing is acceptable on a first
date, the substance of conversation, who should pay for meals or
entertainment, or whether splitting expenses is allowed. Among the Karen
people in Burma and Thailand, women are expected to write love poetry and
give gifts to win over the man. Since dating can be a stressful situation, there is
the possibility of humor to try to reduce tensions. For example, director Blake
Edwards wanted to date singing star Julie Andrews, and he joked in parties
about her persona by saying that her "endlessly cheerful governess" image from
movies such as Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music gave her the image of
possibly having "lilacs for pubic hair"; Andrews appreciated his humor, sent him
lilacs, dated him and later married him, and the couple stayed together for 41
years.

Different Meanings of the Term

While the term dating has many meanings, the most common refers to a trial
period in which two people explore whether to take the relationship further
towards a more permanent relationship; in this sense, dating refers to the time
when people are physically together in public as opposed to the earlier time
period in which people are arranging the date, perhaps by corresponding by
email or text or phone. Another meaning of the term dating is to describe a
stage in a person's life when he or she is actively pursuing romantic relationships
with different people. If two unmarried celebrities are seen in public together,
they are often described as "dating" which means they were seen in public
together, and it is not clear whether they are merely friends, exploring a more
intimate relationship, or are romantically involved.
 Evaluation
When two people are in public, exploring whether to become more
romantically involved, each person is simultaneously evaluating the other as a
possible future partner, and at the same time is being evaluated. This can be
stressful. While some of what happens on a date is guided to an extent by an
understanding of basic rules, there is considerable room to experiment. Since
there is uncertainty about how to behave on a date, there are numerous sources
of advice available. Sources of advice include magazine articles, self-help books,
dating coaches, friends, and many other sources. And the advice given can
pertain to all facets of dating, including such aspects as where to go, what to say,
what not to say, what to wear, how to end a date, how to flirt, and differing
approaches regarding first dates versus subsequent dates. In addition, advice can
apply to periods before a date, such as how to meet prospective partners, as well
as after a date, such as how to break off a relationship. There are now more than
500 businesses worldwide that offer dating coach services—with almost 350 of
those operating in the U.S. And the number of these businesses has surged since
2005 Frequency of dating varies by person and situation; among singles
actively seeking partners, 36% had been on no dates in the past three months,
13% had one date, 22% had two to four dates and 25% had five or more dates,
according to a 2005 U.S. survey. Traumatic events can sometimes cause people
to start dating; for example, two passengers aboard US Airways Flight 1549,
which crashed in the Hudson River but without loss of life, began dating
afterwards.
The copulatory gaze, looking lengthily at a new possible partner, brings you
straight into a sparring scenario; you will stare for two to three seconds when
you first spy each other, then look down or away before bringing your eyes in
sync again. This may be combined with displacement gestures, small repetitive
fiddles that signal a desire to speed things up and make contact. When
approaching a stranger you want to impress, exude confidence in your stance,
even if you're on edge. Pull up to your full height in a subtle chest-thrust pose,
which arches your back, puffs out your upper body and pushes out your
buttocks. Roll your shoulders back and down and relax your facial expression.

—Judi James in The Guardian,

 Meeting Places
There are numerous ways to meet potential dates, including blind dates,
classified ads, dating websites, hobbies, holidays, office romance, social
networking, speed dating, and others. A Pew study in 2005 which examined
Internet users in long-term relationships including marriage, found that many
met by contacts at work or at school. The survey found that 55% of
relationship-seeking singles agreed that it was "difficult to meet people where
they live." One writer suggested that meeting possible partners was easier in
pedestrian-oriented cities such as Berlin or Barcelona rather than Los
Angeles since there were more chances for face-to-face contact.Work is a
common place to meet potential spouses, although there are some indications
that the Internet is overtaking the workplace as an introduction venue. Some
couples met because they lived in the same building and shared a common
bathroom. Hobbies can be an informal way for people to meet. In Britain, one
in five marry a co-worker, but half of all workplace romances end within three
months. In India, there are incidents of people meeting future spouses in the
workplace. One drawback of office dating is that a bad date can lead to
"workplace awkwardness."

Gender Differences
There is general perception that men and women approach dating differently,
hence the reason why advice for each sex varies greatly, particularly when
dispensed by popular magazines. For example, it is a common belief that
heterosexual men often seek women based
on beauty and youth. Psychology researchers at the University of
Michigan suggested that men prefer women who seem to be "malleable and
awed", and prefer younger women with subordinate jobs such as secretaries and
assistants and fact-checkers rather than executive-type women.Online dating
patterns suggest that men are more likely to initiate online exchanges (over
75%) and extrapolate that men are less "choosy", seek younger women, and
"cast a wide net". In a similar vein, the stereotype for heterosexual women is
that they seek well-educated men who are their age or older with high-paying
jobs. Evolutionary psychology suggests that "women are the choosier of the
genders" since "reproduction is a much larger investment for women" who have
"more to lose by making bad choices."
All of these are examples of gender stereotypes which plague dating discourse
and shape individuals' and societies' expectations of how heterosexual
relationships should be navigated. In addition to the deterimental effects of
upholding limited views of relationships and sexual and romantic desires,
stereotypes also lead to framing social problems a problematic way. For
example, some have noted that educated women in many countries
including Italy and Russia and the United States find it difficult to have
a career as well as raise a family, prompting a number of writers to suggest how
women should approach dating and how to time their careers and personal life.
Yet the advice comes with the assumption that the work-life balance is
inherently a "woman's problem". Many societies women still believe that
women should fulfill the role of primary caregivers, and thus they count with
little to no spousal support in parenting, nor services provided by employers or
government such as parental leave or child care. Hence the problem of career
timing. Many women have written on the subject, and some writer's opinions
harken back to a very traditional notion of gender roles, such the ones
expressed by writer Danielle Crittenden in her book What Our Mothers Didn't
Tell Us where she argued that having both a career and family was taxing and
stressful for women, and she made a case that the ideal path for women was to
marry early in their twenties when their relative beauty permitted them to find a
solid marriage bargain and choose from a large pool of available men, have
children, and return to the work world when they were in their early thirties
with kids in school. Another writer, Crittenden, agrees splitting up the career
path with a ten-year baby-raising hiatus poses difficulties as
well. Columnist Maureen Dowd quoted comedian Bill Maher on the subject of
differing dating agendas between men and women: "Women get in
relationships because they want somebody to talk to -- men want women to
shut up."
It is increasingly common today, however, with new generations and in a
growing number of countries, to frame the work-life balance issue as a social
problem rather than a gender problem. With the advent of a changing
workplace, the increased participation of women in the labor force, an
increasing number of men who are picking up their share of parenting and
housework, and more and more governments and industries committing
themselves to acheiving gender equality, the question of whether or not, or
when to start a family is slowly being recognized as an issue that touches (or
should touch) both genders.

Love
If there is any aspect of dating which is common for both sexes, then perhaps
the idea of being in love can be scary; one said "being really intimate with
someone in a committed sense is kind of threatening" and described love as
"the most terrifying thing." In her Psychology Today column, research scientist,
sex columnist and book author Debby Herbenick compared it to a roller
coaster:
There's something wonderful, I think, about taking chances on love and sex. ...
Going out on a limb can be roller-coaster scary because none of us want to be
rejected or to have our heart broken. But so what if that happens? I, for one,
would rather fall flat on my face as I serenade my partner (off-key and all) in a
bikini and a short little pool skirt than sit on the edge of the pool, dipping my
toes in silence.

One dating adviser agreed that love is risky, and wrote that "There is truly only
one real danger that we must concern ourselves with and that is closing our
hearts to the possibility that love exists."

Controversy
What happens in the dating world can reflect larger currents within popular
culture. For example, when the 1995 book The Rules appeared, it touched off
media controversy about how men and women should relate to each other,
with different positions taken by New York Times columnist Maureen
Dowd and British writer Kira Cochrane of The Guardian. and others. It has even
caused anthropologists such as Helen Fisher to suggest that dating is a game
designed to "impress and capture" which is not about "honesty" but "novelty",
"excitement" and even "danger", which can boostdopamine levels in the
brain. The subject of dating has spun off popular culture terms such as the friend
zone which refers to a situation in which a dating relation evolves into a platonic
non-sexual union.

Stranger Danger
Since people dating often don't know each other well, there's the risk
of violence, including date rape. According to one report, there was a 10%
chance of violence between students happening between
a boyfriend and girlfriend, sometimes described as "intimate partner violence",
over a 12–month period. Another estimate was that 20% of U.S. high school
girls aged 14–18 were "hit, slapped, shoved or forced into sexual activity".There is
evidence that violence while dating isn't limited to any one culture or group or
religion, but that it remains an issue in different countries. It is usually the
female who is the victim, but there have been cases where males have been hurt
as well. Sara McCorquodale suggests that women meeting strangers on dates
meet initially in busy public places, share details of upcoming dates with friends
or family so they know where they'll be and who they'll be with, avoid revealing
one's surname or address, and conducting searches on them on the Internet
prior to the date. One advisor suggested: Don't leave drinks unattended; have an
exit plan if things go badly; and ask a friend to call you on your cell phone an
hour into the date to ask how it's going. In some regions of the world, such
as Chechnya, bride-stealing is fairly common, enough to provoke
leader Ramzan Kadyrov to urge young men to use persuasion instead. Kadyrov
advised:
If you explain beautifully, a woman does not look to see whether you are
handsome or not -- but listens more, so you can win her heart. That is why I
advise our boys to read stories and watch movies more and to learn more
beautiful phrases to tell girls.

—Ramzan Kadyrov, 2010

 Technology
The internet and several websites are shaping the way new generations date.
Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, and other applications like Lulu and Grindr have
made remote connections possible. Particularly for the LGBTI community,
where the dating pool can be more difficult to navigate because of
discrimination and having a 'minority' status in society, online dating tools are
an alternate way to meet potential dates. New software applications such as
Grindr has also provided a means for gays to meet with other gays in close
proximity.

Steady Dating
Steady dating is when you have an "offical" boyfriend or girlfriend. If you go on
dates with someone, that is different because you go on dates with different
people, but if you are dating someone constantly, it becomes steady, or non
changing, so you are steady dating.

Problems with Dating

o Dating promotes lust and moderate sexual activity, opening the door for
fornication.

o Dating develops a self-centered, feeling-oriented concept of love.

o Dating creates a permanent endorphin-bond between two people who

will not spend their lives together.

o Dating teaches people to break off difficult relationships, conditioning

them more for divorce than marriage.

o Dating creates a standard of comparison by which mates are first chosen,

but after marriage rejected.
o Dating develops an appetite for variety and change, creating dissatisfaction
within marriage.

o Dating causes late marriages, leaving more time for falling into sins
associated with singleness.

o Dating destroys fellowship, leaving Christians alienated and ineffective

uncooperative ministry.

o Dating lacks the protections and guidance afforded by parental

involvement of courtship.

o Dating doesn't prepare children to face "life's realities" ~ it warps life's

realities!

o Dating devalues sex and marriage.

o Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment.

o Dating tends to skip the "friendship" stage of a relationship.

o Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.

o Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.

o Dating, in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary

responsibility of preparing for the future.

o Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness.

o Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person's

character.