How to Help Someone with Stress

Seeing someone you care about struggle with stress can be difficult. If you think a friend or loved one
may be stressed out, you can help them cope by offering emotional support. Just being there and
listening is often enough to help a stressed person feel better. If they want more practical help, sit down
with them and talk about what's causing their stress. Suggest some coping strategies and look for ways
to help make their problems more manageable.

Method 1 of 2:

Being Present and Supportive

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Check in with your friend or loved one to see if they're okay. If you're concerned that someone you know
may be dealing with stress, reach out and ask them how they're doing. This can not only give you a
better idea of what's going on with them, but will reassure them that you care about them and are
thinking about their wellbeing.

Say something like, “Hey, you've seemed kind of anxious and tired lately. Is everything okay?”

If they're not in the mood to talk about it, respect their wishes. Just let them know that you are there if
they ever want to talk.

It's possible your friend or loved one doesn't even realize they are stressed out. Asking them how they're
doing may encourage them to reflect on their feelings and recognize that they are struggling.[1]

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Let them know you are there for them. Your friend or loved one may be afraid or embarrassed to reach
out for help or support.[2] Without being pushy or confrontational, let them know that you are worried
about them and assure them that you want to help.

Try saying something like, “I'm concerned about you, and I'd like to help in any way I can. Please don't be
afraid to talk to me or let me know if there's anything I can do.”

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Ask them what you can do. Don't assume you know what someone needs when they are stressed out.
They may be looking for practical solutions, or they may just want to vent or even find a distraction from
their worries. Instead of rushing to try and solve their problems, ask them for guidance about what you
can do.[3]

You could start by simply asking, “How can I help?”

If they're not sure how to respond to such an open-ended question, offer some specific suggestions. For
example, “Do you want to talk about it?” or “Would it help to go do something fun for a while?”

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Listen to them if they want to talk. Sometimes just talking it out can help stress feel more manageable. If
your friend or loved one says they want to talk, listen actively to what they have to say. Let them do most
of the talking, and resist the urge to jump in or offer suggestions unless they ask you to.[4]

Give them your full attention while they are talking. Put away your phone and turn off any noisy
distractions, like the TV or radio.

Be empathetic and ask them questions to let them know you're listening and encourage them to reflect.
For example, “Wow, that must have been tough. How did you feel when he said that?”

Don't be afraid to ask for clarification or rephrase what they are saying to make sure you understand
them. For example, “So, it sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed with school work and also
having some tension with your girlfriend. Is that right?”

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Validate their feelings. Resist the urge to tell them to “snap out of it” or say things like “Cheer up, it's not
so bad!” Don't judge their feelings or try to compare their suffering to someone else's.[5] Instead, let
them know that it's okay for them to feel the way they do.

Try saying things like, “That sounds really difficult. I'm so sorry you're going through all that.”

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Reassure them that their situation can change. When someone is stressed, they can begin to feel
hopeless or overwhelmed, especially if they can't see an obvious end in sight. Let them know that their
current circumstances and feelings aren't permanent, and that things can change for the better.[6]

You could say, “Hey, I know things are pretty awful right now, but I really think it's going to get better.
This semester will be over soon, and then you'll have a chance to rest.”

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7

Challenge their negative self-talk without being confrontational. Some people tend to get down on
themselves or become unrealistically negative when they're stressed out. If you hear your friend or loved
one doing this, gently challenge their statements and encourage them to think more realistically.[7]

For example, if they say, “Ugh, I'm such a failure. I can't do anything right,” respond with something like,
“Sure you can! Remember what a great job you did on that project last month?”

Avoid vague or confrontational responses, like, “Stop talking that way! You know that's not true.”