A.

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing,
people feel less safe than ever before.

What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could
be taken to solve it?

Although, the number of major offenses continues to decrease in some nations, a

few people in those countries are feeling more insecure as compared to in the past.
This essay will discuss two possible causes and will present their solutions.
(unnecessary)

You could improve your introduction by briefly outlining your main points. Instead of
including the highlighted sentence above, you need to outline the causes and
solutions that you discuss in your essay.

To begin, even Even though some countries have managed to overcome reduce the
number of serious offenses, minor other malfeasance crime is not controlled. Firstly,
minor crimes such as theft and burglary are the most common delinquencies crimes
that took take place in every 20 minutes (where is the source for this information?),
thus raising fear among people. Moreover, a person can be robbed easily because
the victim knows that the money can be earned but he or she would not get another
life, if he they gets shot down by the robber, which in as a result, encourages the
thief thieves. This problem can could be tackled if the government will make it
obligatory for its citizens to learn self-defense in order to escape from such
situations. For instance, in Japan, it is mandatory to learn karate so they people can
use this martial art to protect themselves, and as a result, the number of minor
crimes crime is almost 0% in Japan.

Well done. You have a clear main idea and you have explained it well in relation to
the question. You have also supported your main idea with a specific example.

Secondly, more crimes are now being conducted through on the internet because
this act does not require someone to be physically present at the crime scene, thus it
is easy to commit a criminal activity crime without revealing one’s identity. These
activities include stealing personal data and hacking someone’s bank account, which
can harm people financially and may ruin their lives. To overcome this issue, it is
recommended that people to install a reliable software in your their devices which
will serve as a shield to your their information and will secure prevent your their
accounts from being hacked. A report of a software firm in France revealed that
nearly 100% of their customers customers’ money in France were was safe, when
an attempt was made to hack their bank accounts.

Well done. A very well-developed paragraph.

In conclusion, major crimes have been decreasing in some countries, however,

some individuals are still living under in fear due to high rates of minor crimes such





as robbery and hacking. But these This problems problem can could be sorted out
resolved if appropriate measures are taken.

You have not summarised your main ideas. It is important that you take the main
ideas from the main body paragraphs and summarise them in the conclusion.
Here you need to outline the “measures” you have discussed in your essay.

Task Response- Band 8

You have sufficiently addressed all parts of the task. You present a well-developed
response to the question with relevant, extended and supported ideas.

You have provided a very strong argument by picking one side and really focusing
on it.

Suggestion - This is a very strong answer.

You have really impressed me with your examples and overall structure.

You clearly state your main points, give a relevant specific example and then talk
about the consequences of this.

This is a really strong paragraph structure.

Coherence and cohesion- Band 6

Your introduction and conclusion are not effective.

Vocabulary- Band 6

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. You do attempt to use less
common vocabulary but this often leads to mistakes, as you can see above.

You do make some errors in word formation, but they do not impede communication.

Suggestions- You obviously have a wide ranging vocabulary; however, when you
try to use more advanced words and phrases you can make slight errors at times.

You do not get extra marks for inserting large, complicated words if they are
inappropriate or inaccurate.

My advice is to use the 100% rule. Only write a word or phrase when you are 100%
sure about the meaning and form of that word.





In the long term, you should think about starting a vocabulary book. This is a place
where you record new vocabulary with spelling, grammar, collocations, synonyms,
antonyms and example sentences to make sure you know it 100%. You can then
review these new words regularly so that they become a natural part of your
vocabulary.

You should also give yourself a few minutes at the end to evaluate your vocabulary
and make sure you have not made any mistakes.

Finally, synonyms are important and you should try to use them, but only use them if
you know that they mean exactly the same as the word you are replacing. They
should also be grammatically correct. If you are not sure, just repeat the word.

Grammar- Band 6

Your grammar is not bad, but you do make small mistakes in nearly every sentence.
None of your grammar mistakes stop meaning coming through, but there are too
many of them to get one of the higher band scores.

Around 50% of your sentences need to be completely error-free for you to get a
higher band for grammar.

Suggestions- You can do three things.

First, you can identify your common mistakes, review the grammar and then try to fix
it.

Secondly, you can make sure you only write sentences that you are 100% sure
about. It is better to be correct than try to show off with fancy grammar and complex
sentences.

Lastly, practice so that you leave yourself at least 2-3 minutes at the end to check for
mistakes.

Overall- Band 6.5

This score might be lower than you might have hoped for, but you should see it as a
good opportunity to identify your problems and fix them. You should focus on the
following things:

• Outline your main ideas in the introduction.

• Summarise your main ideas in the conclusion and reiterate your opinion.





• Reduce the number of vocabulary mistakes you are making by only using
words and phrases you are 100% sure about.

• Reduce the number of grammar mistakes you are making by reading each
sentence immediately after you write it to check that it makes sense.

• Proofread your whole essay at the end.

• Reduce the number of words in your essay to between 260-290 words.

Suggested Resources

While you should work on all of the areas highlighted above, the main areas you
should focus on are grammar and vocabulary. The links below are to past Demo
Lessons that focus on these areas.

Common Grammar Mistakes

https://www.facebook.com/sam.poole.351104/videos/156350655328507/

IELTS Grammar: Student vs Examiner's Perspective

https://www.facebook.com/christopher.pell/videos/10157934819745228/

Punctuation
https://www.facebook.com/michael.osullivan.58118/videos/331935457351887/

What's the difference between Band 6.5 and Band 7?

https://www.facebook.com/christopher.pell/videos/10159451414710228/

The Importance of Proofreading

https://www.facebook.com/christopher.pell/videos/10159511562360228/

Sample answer

Although cases of serious crimes are decreasing in many parts of the world, people
feel less safe today than at any other time in the past. The main reason for this is the
increased coverage of crime in our media and one key solution is encouraging news
outlets to cover more positive stories.

Crime-related news more frequently features in our media than positive stories and
the public, therefore, believe there to be more crime than there actually is. Crime
stories are considered to be more dramatic and capable of gaining more readers and
viewers than stories of another nature. As a result, the vast majority of the news
focuses on serious crimes and this is causing people to feel unsafe. For example,
the British Office for National Statistics recently reported that although the number of





murder cases had decreased in the UK by 20% in the last 20 years, the media’s
coverage of these murders had increased by 700%.

To combat this disproportionate coverage of crime stories, media outlets should be

encouraged to also cover positive stories. By presenting an accurate picture of
society that includes good news as well as bad, journalists can reduce the anxiety
that causes viewers to feel unsafe. For instance, one news website, the Good News
Network, has aimed to accurately show what is happening in society by sharing good
news stories since the late 1990s and it has been reported that their visitors are 16%
less concerned with the crime rates in the respective countries.

In conclusion, people feel less safe today in spite of reducing crime levels as a result
of negative media coverage that focuses on crime reporting. To remedy this
problem, journalists should be encouraged to share more positive stories to present
a realistic picture of society.