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Kevin Aguilar

Professor Ditch

English 115

9 December 2019

Transformation as a Writer

Over the course of the 2019 fall semester at California State Northridge, I have become a

more effective writer. Project Space was the first essay of the year and it set the standard of the

difficulty of the writing prompts we would do over the year. Throughout the year I have been

able to create more effective thesis’, substantive analysis which added to my argument,

identifying an author’s purpose, and finally direct transitions. All of these tools have helped me

become a more compelling writer when I present an argument.

A problem that I encounter when I write is creating an effective thesis that supports my

main point in the essay. In Project Space I made my thesis too broad so, it didn’t directly answer

the prompt. I needed to include specifically what action each author expresses when

transforming space. I had only included what type of space each author spoke in. A more specific

thesis that is easily addressed by my body paragraphs was essential, so the reader knows where I

am going with the essay. The broad thesis limited thought since the reader could not tell what the

essay was going to address. I never listed how space was transformed, which was essentially my

entire essay. In addition to Project Space, in Project Text I had the same problem where I didn’t

directly answer the prompt. I danced around the question of “How was Takei transformed

through his suffering”, where I listed his closer bonds to his friends and family. I was eventually

able to narrow down the idea to a singular character trait, which I believe to be dedication to his

family and community. I felt as though each of my body paragraphs supported this idea of
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dedication. It also still related to Professor Ditch’s interpretation of his transformation, which

was his development of resilience.

As I continued to write my body paragraphs, I lacked analysis which didn’t give certain

paragraphs a function in the paper. When I spoke about the Dalai Lama and Cutler’s approach to

dealing with unhappiness, I mainly summarized the quote I included which didn’t add any new

perspective. When I revised my work, I made sure to transition into my main argument for these

two authors, which was the type of space they spoke in. The function of a paragraph must be

clear, otherwise it serves no meaning in the context of a paper. I learned to elaborate more on

quotes instead of summarizing them.

In Sonja Lyubomirky’s article, “How Happy Are You and Why”, I had trouble

identifying the space she was talking in. She talks about setting goals, but also about how

happiness is inside us all and we don’t have to search for it. I was eventually able to confirm that

she speaks in an external space when she states her overarching argument is an individual’s

action of intentional activity. So, through these revisions I have been able to identify an author’s

argument in an article much more affectively. This has also helped me create my own argument

in my essays since their viewpoint will support mine.

Throughout the year I have become better at transitions, so that my body paragraphs flow

much better. Before, I had many hanging ideas that didn’t really have a build up to each of them.

In my first essay, I never included a single transition between my paragraphs, this was

problematic since the idea’s didn’t flow. I made sure to relate the Dalai Lama and Cutler, with

David Brook since both of them speak in internal space. They both share a common idea, in the

sense that happiness and suffering is a mindset that can be altered. I was able to connect these

ideas, so the essay had flow between ideas.

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English 115 has been a challenging class, but I’m very glad I chose the course since it

conditioned me to a typical college class. Many of my other classes have the same difficulty as

my high school classes so this was a wakeup call for me. Through all of these improvements in

writing mechanics I feel much better equip to perform in higher level English courses.