Libermann 1

Elisabeth Libermann

Professor Novak

English 101-66

7 November 2019

Peer Comments

Peer Comments for Ryan Tanner

1. Introduction: I like how you start off in your introduction by stating a question. Maybe add

some information that goes with your issue in order for it to be more concrete in order to identify

its significance.

2. Thesis: I believe your thesis follows the misinterpretation model and you do clearly present

your position throughout the paragraph and through your thesis. I feel like your claim is already

clear and concrete and needs no further change.

3. Structure: As I was reviewing your paragraphs you do have clear topic sentences and focus on

the main idea. I feel like you can include more information and go more in depth to go along

with your topic sentences. None of your paragraphs seemed repetitive and you did not stray from

the main idea.

4. Evidence: Each paragraph does not have 2-3 sources to support your claims. You only

included about 2 sources throughout your whole essay but they do go along with your topic but I

feel you should go more in specifics on why these pieces of evidence go with your topic.
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5. Alternative Views: You do not seem to argue your opposing claim, "that smartphone use is a

simple and efficient way for communication" but instead you talk about how many people today

own a phone. I feel like if you included the alternative view that you stated as its own paragraph

then you should be good.

6. Integration of sources: The introduction to your sources are strong and your in-text citations

are accurate. I feel like you should include more resources that go along with your topic and

explain why it goes with your topic more thoroughly.

7. Style and Mechanics: The only thing that I feel like you need to focus is on is adding more

details and including more evidence.

8. Conclusion: I like how you restate your thesis but change it up in order for you to have a

concrete thesis. I feel like that way you did it is great and needs no further change.

9. Works Cited: I feel like you're missing a source in your work cited page but other than that it's

good.
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Peer Comments for Jocelynn Cuevas

1. Introduction: Your introduction is already concrete and you even include a question that goes

along with your topic. You can perhaps further the significance of this issue by including

statistics.

2. Thesis: The model followed is the misinterpretation model. You clearly state what you will be

talking about and I don't think it needs any additional changes.

3. Structure: Each paragraph does have clear topic sentences but I feel like you need more points

that side with your topic and maybe what kind of measures have been enforced on drones. I

believe all your paragraphs focus on the main idea and are very detailed.

4. Evidence: Each paragraph does have 2-3 sources of evidence and they all go along with your

topic. I do not feel that you need to add more detail or anything but I do feel like you need more

information that sides with your topic. You may want laws or regulations that have been

enforced by drones, or maybe check companies that create drones and what they believe their

pieces of technology should be used for.

5. Alternative Views: You do use alternative views and even include specific points in time

where drones were not used for invasions of privacy but were actually beneficial to society.

6. Integration of sources: You do have a lot of resources included and some of these resources

were cited correctly but for others you did not cite them in your paper. The only thing that I feel

that you need to provide is the citation in the paper.

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7. Style and Mechanics: I feel like your writing is strong and the way you make your claims is

concrete but I just feel like you need additional information for your topic.

8. Conclusion: I feel like you have a good conclusion and it just does not end with you restating

what was entirely included in your introduction.

9. Works Cited: Your work cited looks accurate and even has the hanging indent on each of your

citations.