11/11/19

Family Breakdown (Divorce)

Presented by: Tiara, Rosel, Ashley, and Geri

Potential Impact Divorce and Separation has on

Children
First year of separation is always toughest. Children can experience feelings of
loss, confusion, distress, anger, anxiety, depression and disbelief.

The effects of divorce vary in different family situations such as different age, family
size, different temperament.

Effects Divorce can have on children:

● May increase mental health risks

● May increase behavioural problems
● May affect academic performance
● Cause difficulties adapting to change

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Emotional Impact of divorce on children

● Emotionally sensitive
● Feelings of anger and irritability
● Feelings of guilt
● Loss in faith of marriages
● More likely to be risk takers

-Attend parent education programs -Seek professional help for yourself or children

Reactions: Infants

If the mother/caregiver preoccupied:

● May cry more

● Want more cuddling
● Change sleeping/eating habits

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Reactions: Toddlers
Similar reaction to younger children:

● Transition may threaten the development from acquiring trust/security to

independence as they experience a loss of security in their world

Reaction: Preschoolers
Regression to earlier forms of behaviour:

● Crying
● Clinging
● Separation anxiety
● Bed wetting
● Needing soother bottle or blanket again

Reaction: Children 5-7

● Feel sad
● Deprived
● Angry
● Lonely
● May be more demanding or disobedient and may experience fears

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The Impact of Divorce on Children: Tamara D. Afifi at

TEDxUCSB
Tamara Afifi is a Professor in the Department of Communication at UCSB. Most of
her research focuses on how family members cope communicatively with various
challenges they face.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKcNyfXbQzQ

The Role of An ELCC Professional with Divorce supports

● The percentage of families going through divorce with children under the age of 18: 38%
(in 2011).

● As ELCC professionals it won't be uncommon

for us to witness families going through
divorces.

● Most important thing to remember is we are

not therapists.

How ELCC Professionals Can Support Children During a

Divorce Who Are in Care
First and foremost, before we implement anything specifically into our programs we need to
make sure that both parents agree with what we are implementing. We DON’T want to step
on any toes!
● Listen!
○ The most important thing we can do is listen. These children are going through a
lot of emotions and they may feel like they can’t talk to their parents, so we need
to be there to listen to what they’re saying!
● Treat them no different
○ We still want to treat them the same as every other child in our care. Children are
resilient and we don’t want to hinder their development by ‘babying’ them.
● Books
○ (With permission of parents) Having books that children can explore can be
helpful as they can help the children understand their feelings.

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Ways Parents Can Support Children During Divorce

While families go through a divorce, parents may come to us to see if we have advice or
supports that we can suggest for parents to do with their children. Some ideas and supports
we can suggest are:
● Books!
○ Books are a great way to share information with children in a sensitive way that
children can relate too.
● Listen!
○ A child whose family is going through a divorce may put blame on the parents or
blame on themselves but the biggest thing parents need to remember is that
sometimes children just need an ear.
● Reassurance that it isn’t their fault
○ One of the hardest parts for children going through divorce is that they feel it’s
their fault.

Community Supports for Children During Divorce

In the Red Deer community alone we have lots of different supports for children whose
families are going through divorce some include:

● The Big Brother Big Sister program (for children ages 6-years-old to 13-years-old).
○ The BBBs program is a great way to create a ‘constant’ with children whose
parents are going through divorce.
● Divorce Counselling for children
○ Divorce counselling can be extremely beneficial to children as it can help them
talk, draw, and play through their feelings, by doing this the counselors can help
children process their feelings and be able to understand.
● Sports & Clubs
○ Though sports and club’s aren’t the first things we think of when we hear about
supports for children during divorce, they’re a great way for children to blow off
steam, energy, and anger that they may feel from the divorce.

How ELCC Professionals Can Support Parents During Divorce

When it comes to parents going through divorce we are often some of the first people they
see in the morning and some of the last people they see at night. So when parents have
concerns or need to blow off some steam they might come to us for advice.
● Listen! Listen! Listen!
○ Parents will most likely have a lot to say, whether it’s about the difficulties of
single parenting or information about their divorce and the best thing we can do is
listen without judgement.
● Speak without biases
○ Another important thing to do is to make sure we are talking to parents without
judgement, if another parent is speaking about the other parent poorly, we should
neither agree or disagree, we want to be neutral in these situations as most likely
we’re going to be communicating with both parents at some point, so we don’t
want to create any stereotypes against either parents.

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Parental Supports During Divorce

Because we are not therapists we can listen to what families have to say about their divorce,
but if they’re having an issue that needs to be professionally solved here are some supports
we can suggest:
● Family Mediation
○ Family mediation is a great way for low income parents to be able to cope and
find solutions to issues such as custody, child support, and spousal support
without going to court.
● Parenting After Separation
○ PAS focuses on how parents will be affected
after divorce, how children will be affected after
divorce, legal issues, how to keep
communication healthy, and other issues that
come up during a divorce.

How ELCC Professionals Can Support Children During Divorce

1. Be aware that the child-care center may be the most constant factor in the
child’s life. Maintain consistency in early childhood educator, settings,
expectations, and routine as much as possible.
2. Listen to the child. Be non-judgmental and help the child to express feelings
and questions openly.
3. Share developmentally appropriate information about divorce with the child.
4. Provide the child with opportunities and play experiences for self-expression
(ex. Play dough, art, physical activity, dramatic play or place to be alone)

5. Be respectful of the parents in their crisis and try to support them

6. Establish clear boundaries with parents
7. Provide resources and referrals for families as requested
8. Encourage the parents’ understanding of their child’s reactions.
Encourage parents to talk openly with the child about divorce, to discuss
feelings and impending changes or plans.

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● Maintain a non-judgmental approach

● Utilize understanding related to loss and change as they
consider how they may support families who are in the
process of divorce.
● Primary concern is for the well-being of children
● Recognize emotions of children

Reminders:
1. There are two sides to every story
2. Never take sides
3. When appropriate, provide information to parents that may help them
support the child (parenting plan, child’s friend and activities)
4. Provide list of resources for helping children cope with divorce and
custody arrangements
5. Examine own beliefs and how these beliefs translate into interactions
with children and families

Children’s books that talk about Family Breakdown

● My mom and Dad Don’t Live Together
Anymore by Judith Rubin PHD

This drawing book encourages kids to explore

their inner world through both pictures and words,

helping them to understand themselves and feel

better during a difficult time of change.

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Dinosaurs Divorce by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown

Dinosaurs Divorce talks about:

* Divorce Words and What They Mean *

Why Parents Divorce * What About You? *
After the Divorce * Living with One Parent *
Visiting Your Parent * Having Two Homes *
Celebrating Holidays and Special Occasions
* Telling Your Friends * Meeting Parents'
New Friends * Living with Stepparents *
Having Stepsisters and Stepbrothers.

My Family is Changing by Pat Thomas

This helpful picture book explores the issue
of divorce in reassuringly simple terms.
Children's fears, worries, and questions
about this difficult experience are made
accessible and approachable. This book will
help promote interaction among children,
parents and teachers on an issue that
affects many families.

When My Parents Forgot to Be Friends by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos

The purpose of this book is to

acknowledge some of the concerns
and anxieties your child may
experience when going through a
divorce in the family. Allowing your
child the opportunity to explore his/her
feelings and fears is the first step in the
process of healing. Giving children the
chance to heal by addressing some of
these issues will encourage them to
become a survivor of separation and
divorce, rather than remaining a victim.

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It’s Not Your Fault, KoKo Bear by Vicki Lansky

This book revolves around a lovable bear

who doesn't want to have two homes.
KoKo's experience will help children
learn what divorce means, how family life
will change, and understand that the
divorce is not their fault.

Two Homes by Claire Masurel

This book focuses on what is
gained rather than what is lost
when parents divorce, while the
sensitive illustrations, depicting
two unique homes in all their
small details.` `

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Examples of Activities that Promote Resilience

EMOTIONAL

Emotional Explorers (0 to 2 yrs)

- Sing songs that talk about emotions, example: “If you’re happy and you know
it.”

Emotion Charades (5-6 years)

- Team game, write emotions on paper and collect in a hat. On team will act out
emotions and the other team guesses.

SOCIAL

Playhouse Puppets (4 years and up)

- children will create their own puppet, Have fun acting with puppets behind
a table, chair, or in a cardboard box puppet theatre. This activity will help children
practice taking turns and showing empathy

Dramatic/Pretend Play

-Let children take the lead and join in when they ask. This teaches children
empathy, being in other’s shoes and a chance to model positive relationship.

Links to Bounce Back/ Resilience Books:

http://www.birthandbabies.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/AHS-Building-Blocks-
for-Resilience-2-to-4-Years-2019.pdf

http://www.birthandbabies.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/AHS-Building-Blocks-
for-Resilience-Birth-to-2-Years-2019.pdf

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SESAME STREET: Abby’s Story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_Wvo17EOiA

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