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Jovanna Garcia

Professor Batty

English 102

12 December 2019

Drama Novel Revision Reflection

During my revision process for my essay “Conformity: Influences on Genders” I made

two major changes. First, I edited the introduction to further explain what my topic will be about.

I ended up adding the following sentences to start the introduction: “Being gay in this generation

isn’t frown upon like it used to be in the old days. The play Angels in America by Tony Kushner

touches the subject of straight/gay and male/female binaries. Throughout the play we come to

understand the struggles of three characters in society. First, we are introduced to Joe and Harper

who struggle to have the perfect marriage. Then we get to know Roy’s struggle with his gay

identity”. Next, I added two new sentences before leading to the counterargument which are,

“For this reason, I believe the play enforces binaries. It’s about how we are being influenced to

fit into the “right” category”. I also changed my counterargument from “Although, some people

might argue that the play is about the transmission of AIDS through homosexuality” to

“Although, some people might argue that the play is about stepping out of the binary and

becoming your true self”. I did this change because my original counterargument wasn’t directly

opposing my argument. Which leads to the last change I made in my introduction which was my

thesis. The original thesis I had stated, “However, I argue that it’s about influences of religion on

sexuality, power on identity, and society views on gender roles”. The new one is broken into two

sentences, “However, I argue that the message of Angels in America is about conforming

ourselves into binaries. Religion, power, and societal views shape our sexuality, identity, and
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gender roles”. I felt like this one worked better with the flow of my essay and it won’t confuse

the reader since it’s direct.

The second change I made was fixing my topic sentences for the body paragraphs. The

first topic sentence went from “One of the themes in the play is how religion plays a big role on

female and male sexuality” to “One of the ways we are molded to fit in the correct category is by

religion views on sexuality”. I wanted to make this change because it fits better with my entire

first paragraph and its more straightforward. My second topic sentence changed from “Another

theme is how having power influences identity” to “Another influence that shapes our life is

power on identity”. I noticed that I used the word “theme” a lot, so I wanted to avoid sounding

like a broken record. With this newer sentence it gives my paragraph a smoother flow. For my

third topic sentence I only changed some words. For example, the original went from “society

impacts the characters’ gender roles” to “society impacts how we express ourselves based on

gender roles”. I made this change because I didn’t want to make it only about the characters. I

wanted my point to connect to readers as well.

The third major revision I made was adding my counterargument paragraph. I made sure

to state the opposing viewpoint and to agree with it before rebutting it. The counterargument

paragraph: “Although, some people argue that the message is about fighting the norm of binaries.

I do agree because towards the end of the first part of the play there’s a major shift. The character

Joe starts acting upon his sexual desires. Joe starts an affair with Louis which marks his

acknowledgement of his true self. He is no longer fighting to conform to the binary he grew up

knowing through religion and societal views. According to the article, “Identity and Conversion

in Angels in America” by Steven F. Kruger, “allow[s] Joe to move from a simple disavowal of

homosexuality to a reconsideration of it that also entails rethinking political and religious

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alignments” (151). In other words, Joe is able to form his own opinions and starts thinking about

distancing himself from old ideals. He does this because he finally opens himself up to his

homosexuality. However, you can also see how society does shape you. During Joe’s struggle

we can see that he conforms his identity to that of his religious and political views. Joe sees his

identity as stated in the following line, “no matter how wrong or ugly that thing is, so long as I

have fought, with everything I have, to kill it” (40). At one point Joe sees his desires as wrong

and even accepts it. Therefore, the binary message also exists because Joe starts by denying his

true feelings”. With my counterargument I also added a new source which can also be found in

the works cited page.

Lastly, I made my long paragraphs shorter by splitting them into their own paragraphs

since I had subtopics. I split the religion paragraph into two paragraphs because one talks about

Harper expressing her sexual desires which Joe represses because of their religion. The other one

talks about Joe and his homosexuality which is also repressed by religion. I also split my third

body paragraph on gender roles into three. The first part talks about female roles and I use

Harper as an example. The second part talks about Harper seeing Prior wearing makeup and how

she is baffled by seeing a man in makeup. This second subtopic was given its own paragraph

because it starts talking about male roles as viewed by society. The third subtopic is about Roy

and the importance of the male parental role. Overall, splitting the first and third body

paragraphs really helped shorten them. As well as, letting the reader understand my points

without feeling overwhelmed with a long paragraph. I also made sure the point about Harper’s

maternity was taken out from Roy’s paragraph and placed it in hers because it made better sense.