1

Yuexin Zhou

Professor

ENG 1201

10 December 2019

The parents divorce influence on children

Parents divorce to the child's heart can cause huge trauma, easy to make the child

produces bad state of mind, if not timely to correctly guide, will directly affect the healthy

growth of children. In the current economic impact of tide, some parents bear all kinds of bad

ideas on social edify, to resist the temptation of money, make the disintegration of some

families, children from trauma, with the change of the concept of people's lives, couples

divorce is on the rise, young parents' divorce, family disintegration, if not handled properly,

will affect child development life, endanger social harmony. Therefore, how to do a good job

in divorced family education of children is everybody Must pay attention to social problems.

A lot of people think that divorce is between adults, has nothing to do with children, this is

obviously wrong. Husband and wife divorce, children face the parents, is bound to lose one,

in the eyes of children, good carry of a family was breaking up, this for children, is a lot of

damage. Many of the children the resulting psychological problems and behavior deviation,

and divorced parents to the child care also changed unconsciously, these have a direct impact

on a child's healthy growth.

With the rapid development of our country's economy, our social concept has

undergone a great change and has been greatly impacted, and people's thoughts have also

undergone a great change. People pursue the freedom of consciousness, but the concept of

protecting the family has weakened. Phenomenon more and more common in modern

society, divorce, couples divorce case more and more, but the effects of divorce cannot be

ignored, after the divorce family impact on children is huge, so we need to divorce for
 2

protection of the interests of the minor children study, further reduce the damage they

suffered

People need to receive three kinds of education in their life: family education, school

education and social education. The first environment for children to receive education is

family. It is often said that parents are the first teachers of children, which shows the

importance of family education and family environment to children's growth. Lu jie, a

famous educationist, once said, "family not only influences the study of educatees in school,

but also participates in shaping all their personalities and personality behaviors. What kind of

era produces what kind of talent, the same kind of family raises what kind of children. The

family environment is very important for the healthy growth of children. Leo Tolstoy once

said, " (Steinzor) happy families are all alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own

way." This further illustrates that different family environments have different influences on

children. In order to make the child better healthy growth, how should we create a good

family environment?

One is to build a complete and happy family. Children who live in a happy family

tend to live happier and healthier lives. The influence of a complete and happy family on

children is subtle. As I work in school mental health education, I come into contact with

many children every day, and there are many students who have problems of one kind or

another. Generally speaking, the causes of these students' problems are mostly related to their

family environment. Some families are single-parent families, some are reorganized families,

so the impact on the children is very big. There is such a girl, her father and mother divorced,

each reorganized their own family, the little girl awarded to the father, and live with the

father. Father seldom tube him, stepmother also lack of care for her, long-term life with

grandparents, over time, psychological produced a lot of negative emotions. At one point, she

was depressed, refused to socialize with her classmates and even had suicidal thoughts. After
 3

the teacher's guidance for many times, gradually improved, become cheerful. In her heart, she

wanted to be noticed by her father and mother. She wanted to be loved by her parents. She

once wrote in the composition: she needs the love of her parents, although her grandparents

love her very much, but the love of her grandparents cannot replace the love of her parents. It

can be seen how important a complete and happy family is to a child. (Tosi)

Two is to set up the correct education method. Albert Einstein once said, "even an

ordinary child, if he is right, will become an extraordinary person." As a parent to the child's

discipline to have a correct method, not blindly indulgence, also cannot blindly strict. Just

like when we grow crops, we cannot but water them, but if we water them too much, they

will drown, but if we fertilize them too much, they will burn to death. We're going to have to

hold that.

Once on the Internet to see such a word: blame in the growth of children, in the future

easy to complain; Children who grow up with ridicule are likely to shrink back in the future.

The child that grows up in envy, future easy intrigue; Spoil the children who grow up in the

future, easy to be self-righteous; Children who are encouraged to grow up will be able to love

others and themselves and uphold justice and truth; The child who grows up in sharing will

safeguard justice and truth in the future. A child who grows up in kindness will be able to

show more concern for the world in the future.

There is a little boy in our class, his family is three generations, their family to him

every way of love, resulting in his selfish, quarrelsome, regardless of the elders of the bad

habit, and the relationship with the students is not harmonious. He always thinks that he is

right and others are wrong. Magnify the shortcomings of others and narrow down your own.

There is such a little girl, her father often scolded her, whenever a little girl made a mistake,

is criticized. Over time, she developed a psychological tolerance for resentment. In the study
 4

showed that the enthusiasm is not high, and students easy to tolerate in the exchanges, easy to

produce the psychological inferiority.

Parents should pay attention to the ways and means when educating their children and

seize the opportunity when criticizing education. Give the child a little more encouragement,

look at his child with appreciation, see his progress. A little more encouragement, a little less

criticism, to create more opportunities for children to succeed, enhance their sense of

accomplishment.

Three is that parents are good role models. Some people say: "family is the first class

of life, parents are the first teacher of life. Parents' words and deeds have a subtle influence

on their children. If the parents behave badly, swear, and act selfishly, the children will learn

these bad habits from the parents; conversely, the children of a family where the parents are

respectful, knowledgeable, civilized, and hygienic will learn these good habits as well. I

remember one time when I was cleaning at home, my one-year-old son was watching me

work. He also went to get a broom to help me sweep the floor. At that time, my heart was

especially gratified that parents are really role models for children. Sometimes you don't want

to do small things, but not to do it, often children can harvest a lot from these small things.

Children are the parents of the mirror, in the child can reflect the parents of

philosophy and principles. It is hard to imagine a idle, lazy parents will produce a diligent

child. Tolstoy famously said, "all education, or nine hundred and ninety-nine times a

thousand, comes down to example, to the rectitude and perfection of the parents themselves."

Therefore, our parents should set a good example for their children. They should not set a

good example for their children. They should not set a bad example for their children. There

was a public service announcement: a young mother was fetching water to wash her mother's

feet while her young daughter watched. Before long, she also turned to fetch water to wash

her mother's feet, which shows how great the power of example is.
 5

Four: guide children to set up the right entertainment optimistic

Now the society is a rapid development of information society, children will be

exposed to a lot of advanced information dissemination media. To our TV, advertising,

Internet, newspapers and magazines and so on. We should guide children to set up the right

entertainment optimistic, selective learning. Now the network is very developed, it is a

double-edged sword, both advantages and disadvantages. Keep your child away from the

temptation of bad information. Shakespeare said: "books are the nourishment of the world. A

life without books is like the earth without sunshine. Wisdom without books is like a bird

without wings." Children should read more books, read good books, reading can let children

absorb the nutrition of knowledge, develop intelligence, enlightenment wisdom, broaden their

horizons. Parents should also set aside some time each day to read and communicate with

their children. At the same time to the children to see more patriotic movies, tell inspirational

hero stories, through the film, tell the story, let the children learn the truth of life.

There is a lack of specific legal provisions and protective measures for the reasonable

use and supervision of minor child support after divorce. Current "marriage law" in article 37

only made the burden of the parents of child support in principle, but there is no clear parents

support of minor children after divorce how to really implement and apply to minor children,

even minor children support could be directly raising children one party occupy or

misappropriate, thus related laws on the property of the minor children lack of a clear,

specific provision and protection measures. In our daily lives, after a divorce, the spouse who

pays the alimony gives the money to the spouse who is raising the child, but it is impossible

to know whether the alimony is applied to the minor child or whether it is actually beneficial

to the minor child. Even worse is the question of whether the alimony has been misused or

misappropriated. Even if we know some details, we cannot intervene or cannot do our best,

because there is no legal basis to rely on to protect the practical interests of minor children.
 6

Instead of raising children that one party but because there is no specific law to restrain them,

also does not have relevant departments to regulate, so may be aggressively to use this

charge, and no maintenance on the education of young children, to satisfy their own desires,

it will directly affect the harm is not even in their children's healthy growth, damage the

legitimate rights and interests of minor children.

The system of division of marital property does not fully consider the interests of

minor children. In judicial practice, the marriage registration office staff and the judge is not

truly examine whether couples divorce agreement will truly is conducive to the growth of the

minor children, as long as the agreement divorce, the marriage registration office staff or

judge is taken for granted as "the parties to a divorce" the minor children's parents had settled

on the issue of minor children, but real life is likely to both sides of husband and wife is

subverted, did not consider fully the legitimate interests of the minor children, so they would

infringe on the interests of the minor children. In the family, the minor children's own

property and the family property can be divided clearly and can get the protection should

have, our country's law seems to have no specific provisions. But with the development of

the country and the progress of the society, the minor property increase, now have them by

accepting the gift, or through their bonuses are gained by the race of their property, the

property from their parents to help their hosting, daily life are all parents to take care of, they

have no ability to manage their own property, so the property of the minors in our society is

one aspect of the neglected, we neglect the protection and control for the interests of the

minor children, in the process of both sides of husband and wife divorce as family property to

break up, our country marriage law about the divorce property division did not pay special

attention to Protection of the property of minor children. This actually infringes on the vital

interests of the minor children, and the minor children's property is divided as the family
 7

common property, which is the biggest infringement on the minor children's property

interests.

Improve the protection system for parents' interests of minor children in divorce, the

nature and legal status of minor children's property shall be clearly defined in legislation. The

property of minor children generally refers to the property enjoyed by citizens who have not

reached the age of 18. According to the provisions of the law, the property of minor children

shall be managed by their parents, their legal guardians or their near relatives. In real life,

parents supervise the children's property and interweave it with the family common property,

resulting in the division of the family common property when the parents divorce, which

infringes the property ownership of minor children.

Moreover, it is difficult to separate the property of minor children from the common

family property. Therefore, it is necessary to formulate corresponding measures to solve the

ambiguity of minor children's property. Through the identification of the source and scope of

property of minor children, there are the following categories of property owned by minor

children: (2) a person without capacity for civil conduct obtains the property donated by

another person with the consent of the legal representative, and the pure benefit enjoyed by

the person with limited capacity for civil conduct shall be his own property and shall be his

own property. (3) the property acquired by the minor children through bequest shall also

belong to the minor himself. (4) a novel or article written by the minor himself has acquired

the right to write as soon as he has finished writing it, which belongs to the minor himself.

And then the minors through their own participation in the competition, to win the prize in

the competition and so on these belong to the minors own property. (5) there are also legal

provisions such as through legal inheritance, subrogation inheritance and other means of

property and parents insurance to obtain property, these are the property of minor children.
 8

According to McNamee, appropriate measures shall be taken to protect the property

of minor children at the time of divorce. Moreover, it is not only necessary to clarify the

scope of the property of minor children, but also to protect them or improve existing

measures. For example, when a couple divorces, corresponding regulations and measures

should be formulated for the property of minor children. (1) when the divorce of husband and

wife when dividing the common property of husband and wife, want to advance the common

property belongs to the property of the minor children from the family in, had better

undertake notarization is the property of the ability to minor children, or the record

registration, such as husband and wife, after divorce, the property of the minor children raised

by minor children is put in the side, emphasize that this is the property of the minor children,

rather than the property of the father or mother, their side was exercising DaiGuanQuan

rather than enjoy their property and therefore cannot be optional for disciplinary action. In

this respect, we should learn from foreign practices to improve the property rights of minor

children in our country. (2) by relevant state organs to protect the assets of the minor

children, the use of the assets of the minor children aspects and the direction for regular

inspection, through the administrative constraints directly bring up the side of minor children,

the use of the assets of the minor children to confirm its use is reasonable consideration to the

interests of the minor children, when there is a minor child abuse property, etc., can take

corresponding punishment, make it correct.

To strengthen and specify the legal protection and relief measures for the reasonable

use of child support payments and the legal supervision after divorce and in the aspect of the

maintenance fees for minor children, supervision should be strengthened, and there should be

perfect measures in the payment of the maintenance fees to ensure that the interests of minor

children are not harmed, and that the maintenance fees can be collected in a timely manner,

so as to set up a protective barrier for the interests of minor children. (2) when the husband
 9

and wife divorce, they should sign a support agreement, the content of the support fee should

be specific and detailed, and the support agreement should be filed with the marriage

registration authority or the people's court for examination, to protect the interests of the

minor children at the root. (3) raising the that side of the minor children shall keep the minor

children of reasonable maintenance, to maximize the use in the minor children's education

and life, but also by the people's court and the supervision and management of the marriage

registration office, to them on a regular basis on the usage of the minor child support, for

minor children alone in the bank to open an account, and other relevant authorities of the

people's court may conduct supervision from the bank account. (4) the guardian of the other

party who does not directly bring up the minor children shall have the right to supervise the

use of the maintenance fees of the party bringing up the minor children.

Respect the wish of minor children to choose guardians. In the guardianship system,

there are not only guardians but also wards, and guardianship system is closely related to

minor children. Therefore, the will of minor children should also be considered in

guardianship, and should be considered according to their age and ideological level. When

considering the wishes of minor children, the principle of "the best interest of the child"

should be taken as the principle, instead of the sole standard. Considering only the wishes of

minor children may not protect their best interests, which gives judges great discretion and

prevents abuse of their rights.

Establish the guardian AD litem system. In divorce proceedings, minor children do

not have an independent litigation status, not eligible parties, so the rights and interests in the

proceedings are easy to be ignored. Under English law, the court must appoint a guardian AD

litem for the child in divorce proceedings, except where the child's interests can be protected

without the need for such appointment. As the representative of the minor children to

participate in the divorce proceedings, the guardian AD litem should put forward to the judge
 10

on the guardianship and custody of the children in accordance with the principle of the best

interests of children for the judge's reference. And in the lawsuit, the children representative

has the independent lawsuit status, the parents may not interfere.

The exercise of the right of visit shall be perfected on the principle of "the best

interests of the child". Enrich the subject of visiting right. For the best interests of minor

children, the grandparents, maternal grandparents and brothers and sisters of minor children

may be included in the subject of the right to visit, and their rights and obligations shall be

clearly stipulated through legislation. According to the current social status quo, many

"intergenerational" status quo, that is, the husband and wife because of busy work will minor

children to the elderly care of the previous generation, so that the elderly and minor children

in the family have accumulated a deep affection. It is more in line with the principle of "the

best interests of children" that the grandparents and maternal grandparents of minor children

should also be included in the main body of visiting right.

Respect the rights of minor children to visit and be visited. China's legislation does

not clearly stipulate that minor children also have the right to visit. However, the right to visit

is an extension of the custody right, which is both the right of parents and the obligation of

parents, and more importantly, the natural, inherent and inalienable right of children [7]. In

real life, however minor children are often in a passive position, and even some directly

supported in order to achieve certain purpose, maliciously to prevent the body of the

visitation right meet with minor children, and minor children is not given shall have the right

to access, resulting in minor children want to see the time not directly supported impeded.

And for those who go against minor children visit, should grant minor children the right to

refuse.

Specify the way to exercise the right of visit. The way of visit, time limit should take

the best interest of the child as the starting point, and decide according to the actual situation.
 11

According to foreign experience, for children under two years of age, it is appropriate to visit

them in their place of residence. For children between the ages of two and five, who have

already begun to have their own consciousness, it is appropriate to be flexible. For the minor

children who go to school, if they have deep affection with the visitor, they can live together

with the visitor for a short period of time and maintain daily contact. For adolescent children,

when their thoughts begin to mature, visiting should be more flexible to set the visiting time.
 12

Work Cited

Steinzor, Bernard. When Parents Divorce; a New Approach to New Relationships. Pantheon

Books, 1969. EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cat02016a&AN=day.b1033465&si

te=eds-live.

Tosi, Marco, and Marco Albertini. “Does Children’s Union Dissolution Hurt Elderly Parents?

Linked Lives, Divorce and Mental Health in Europe.” European Journal of Population,

vol. 35, no. 4, 2019, p. 695. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1007/s10680-018-9501-5.

LaMotte, Elisabeth Joy. Overcoming Your Parents’ Divorce : 5 Steps to a Healthy Relationship.

NewHorizonPress,2008.EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cat02507a&AN=ohiolink.b261921

38&site=eds-live.

Supratman, Lucy Pujasari. “A Qualitative Study of Teenagers Viewpoint in Dealing with

Parents’ Divorce in Indonesia.” Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, Dec. 2019.

EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/10502556.2019.1699374.

Allen, Christine Ahl. Parent-Child Divorce Communication : The Effects of Problem Attitude

Type and Magnitude, Child’s Age and Interparental Conflict. [s.n.], 1988. EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cat02016a&AN=day.b1227186&site

=eds-live.

Lee, Sun-A. “Romantic Relationships in Young Adulthood: Parental Divorce, Parent-Child

Relationships during Adolescence, and Gender.” Journal of Child and Family Studies, vol.

28, no. 2, 2019, p. 411. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1007/s10826-018-1284-0.

Krohn, Katherine E. You and Your Parents’ Divorce. Rosen Pub. Group, 2001. EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cat02507a&AN=ohiolink.b21301330&

site=eds-live.
 13

Oren, D., and E. Hadomi. “Let’s Talk Divorce - an Innovative Way of Dealing with the

Long-Term Effects of Divorce through Parent-Child Relationships.” Journal of

Divorce & Remarriage, Oct. 2019. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/10502556.2019.1679593.

Fridman-Teutsch, Adi, and Shalhevet Attar-Schwartz. “Commitment to School and Learning

Among Youth in Residential Care: The Role of Mother and Father Support and

Parents’ Divorce.” AMERICAN JOURNAL OF ORTHOPSYCHIATRY, vol. 89, no.

2, 2019, pp. 201–211. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1037/ort0000364.

McNamee, Catherine B., and Lisa Smyth. “The Different Roles of Parents and Friends:

Support for Divorce and Repartnering Following Martial Dissolution among Latina

and White Women.” SOCIOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVES, vol. 62, no. 2, pp. 186–199.

EBSCOhost, doi:10.1177/0731121418801807. Accessed 16 Dec. 2019.