Report Card

Lesson: Nursing: ASSESSMENT #2

Score
Student Name: Leanna Mae Manzon

User Name: iamleannaL1

Email Address: leannamaeaustria@gmail.com

50/63
Your Response
MS. SHARON WILKINS
HOME CARE NURSE
PRESTIGE CARE
393 PENNY LANE
TAREE

NOVEMBER 12, 2019

RE: MRS. AISHA AMARI, AGED 75

I AM WRITING A REFERRAL LETTER ABOUT MRS. AMARI WHO WENT TO OUR CLINIC WITH
COMPLAINTS OF ANKLE PAIN.

ON ADMISSION, SHE COMPLAINS OF CHRONIC BURNING PAIN ON HER WEAK ANKLE AND FOUND
OUT THAT HER LEFT FOOT TURNS OUT DURING AMBULATION. THE PAIN THAT SHE HAS BEEN
EXPERIENCING MAY HAVE BEEN RESULTED TO HER DISORIENTATION TO TIME AND PLACE. IN
ADDITION, SHE WAS GIVEN PARACETAMOL AND MENTHOL HEAT CREAM TO RELIEVE THE PAIN.

ALTHOUGH MRS. AMARI CAN TRANSFER AND AMBULATE INDEPENDENTLY, IT WOULD BE BEST
TO MONITOR HER FOOT AND ANKLE FOR SEVERITY OF PAIN. WE REQUEST ALSO TO PLEASE
ASSIST HER WITH PERSONAL CARE AND HOUSEHOLD CHORES WHICH WILL BE REQUIRED TWO
DAYS PER WEEK, THREE HOURS A DAY. PLEASE BE NOTED OF SUPERVISING AND ORGANIZING
HER NEED OF INSTALLATION OF ASSISTIVE DEVICES AT HOME.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT ME.

YOURS SINCERELY,
REGISTERED NURSE
Teacher’s Corrections
MS. SHARON WILKINS

HOME CARE NURSE

PRESTIGE CARE

393 PENNY LANE

TAREE

NOVEMBER 12, 2019

RE: MRS. AISHA AMARI, AGED 75

I AM WRITING A REFERRAL LETTER ABOUT MRS. AMARI WHO WCWENT TO OUR CLINIC WITH
COMPLAINTS OF ANKLE PAIN.

ON ADMISSION, SHE VCOMPLAINS OF CHRONIC BURNING PAIN PREPON HER WEAK ANKLE AND
WCFOUND OUT THAT HER LEFT FOOT TURNS OUT DURING AMBULATION. THE PAIN THAT SHE HAS
BEEN EXPERIENCING VMAY HAVE BEEN RESULTED TO HER DISORIENTATION TO TIME AND PLACE.
IN ADDITION, SHE WAS GIVEN PARACETAMOL AND MENTHOL HEAT CREAM TO RELIEVE THE PAIN.

ALTHOUGH MRS. AMARI CAN TRANSFER AND AMBULATE INDEPENDENTLY, IT WOULD BE BEST TO
MONITOR HER FOOT AND ANKLE FOR SEVERITY OF PAIN. WE REQUEST ALSO TO PLEASE ASSIST
HER WITH PERSONAL CARE AND HOUSEHOLD CHORES WHICH WILL BE REQUIRED TWO DAYS PER
WEEK, THREE HOURS A DAY. PLEASE WCBE NOTED OF SUPERVISING AND ORGANIZING HER NEED
OF INSTALLATION OF ASSISTIVE DEVICES AT HOME.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT ME.

YOURS SINCERELY,

REGISTERED NURSE

NOTE: Only use capital letters where appropriate e.g. abbreviations and when beginning sentences
Correction Code
Please use the code below to fix specific grammatical / vocabulary errors in your writing. It’s up to you to fix the
errors we have identified. It’s the best way to quickly improve.

NOUNS PUNCTUATION
+S = add s to noun P = check punctuation
-S = delete s from noun
WORD CHOICE
PREPOSITIONS WC = wrong word choice
PREP = wrong preposition
WORD FORM
ARTICLES WF = word form
A / AN / THE = add article
-a / -an / -the = delete article WORD ORDER
WO = word order/sentence structure
VERBS
V = verb error MISSING WORD
+S = add s to he/she/it verbS ^ = missing word

SPELLING IRRELEVANT CASE NOTE/S

SP = check spelling IRR = irrelevant case note/s

Score Details
1) Purpose
1A) The purpose of your letter is immediately apparent High / Medium / Low

1B) The purpose of your letter is sufficiently expanded High / Medium / Low

Comments
1A) Your introductory paragraph should mention: A) the type of letter you are writing, i.e. referral, B) what you
want the recipient to do, i.e. perform check up / give second opinion etc. and C) the reason for writing, i.e.
broken collarbone / symptoms of malaria

1B) Your introductory paragraph should not go into too much detail, but should provide enough information so
that the reader immediately knows the reason why you are writing. Specific instructions should be provided later
in your letter.

2) Content
2A) The content of your letter is appropriate to the intended reader High / Medium / Low

2B) The content of your letter addresses what is needed to continue care High / Medium / Low
2C) The content of your letter accurately represents the case notes High / Medium / Low
 Comments
2A) Great. You wrote the letter with the recipient in mind.

2B) In order for the reader of your letter to make the best decisions and provide the best treatment for your
patient, you need to include key information and not miss any important details.

2C) In order to represent the case notes accurately, you need to make sure that you interpret the case notes
correctly. Make sure you read very carefully in the reading time.

3) Conciseness and Clarity

3A) The length of your letter is appropriate to the case and reader (you only included relevant information; you did
not exclude any important information) High / Medium / Low

3B) You summarise information effectively High / Medium / Low

3C) You clearly present information High / Medium / Low

Comments
3A) Although the OET word count is flexible, ideally, the body of your letter should be approximately 180-200
words. Most important is that you include relevant information, and to a lesser extent, that you exclude irrelevant
information. If you got a low score here you may have included too many irrelevant details or left out some
important information.

3B) In order to be concise, you need to summarise the relevant information efficiently and effectively.

3C) You need to make sure that the information in your letter is clear and concise. It cannot be convoluted or
'inefficient'.

4) Genre and Style

4A) Your writing is clinical and factual High / Medium / Low
4B) Your writing is appropriate to the reader’s discipline and knowledge High / Medium / Low

4C) You use technical terms, abbreviations and polite language appropriately for the reader High / Medium /
Low

Comments
4A) Clinical and factual.

4B) Considered.

4C) Well done.

5) Organisation and Layout

5A) Your letter organisation is appropriate, logical and clear High / Medium / Low
5B) Your letter highlights key information High / Medium / Low

5C) Your letter subsections are well organised High / Medium / Low
5D) Your letter is well laid out High / Medium / Low
 Comments
5A) Well organised.

5B) Well structured.

5C) Well organised paragraphs.

5D) Well laid out.

6) Language
6A) Your overall language use makes meaning clear High / Medium / Low
6B) Your vocabulary is precise so your meaning is clear High / Medium / Low
6C) Your grammar is accurate so your meaning is clear High / Medium / Low
6D) Your sentence structures are accurate and so your meaning is clear High / Medium / Low

6E) Your spelling is accurate High / Medium / Low

6F) Your punctuation is accurate High / Medium / Low

Comments
6A) You need to work on your use of vocabulary, grammar and sentence structure to make your meaning clearer.
We suggest signing up to the Words and Rules (grammar and vocabulary) course on www.e2school.com

6B) Please use words that are immediately clear. You do not have to use 'fancy' or 'obscure' words. You need to
be more precise in your word choice.

6C) You should use grammar that makes your meaning as clear as possible. You do not need to use a 'variety' of
'fancy' grammar. Clarity is key. You may want to watch the following lessons:
Present verbs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ylF0KRL7tw
Past verbs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofPn6XL5LkU
Active vs Passive: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luGbWWz5I2E&t=1071s
Articles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbIXbBAVJ9E&t=900s

6D) You do not need to 'show off' by using a range of sentence structures. Instead, you need to use the right
sentence structure at the right time to make your meaning as clear as possible.

6E) Well done.

6F) Please work on your punctuation.

 Next Steps
Please carefully note the errors you have made. Rewrite to fix the errors. Pay careful
attention to the HIGH, MEDIUM and LOW scoring. Remember: This is the same scoring
system as the test.

Further Study
Recommendations
My recommendation for you to take a 1:1 tutorial to discuss your issues in more depth and to
receive live corrective feedback is:

High