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‫ﺷﻤﺎ ﻣﻲ ﺗﻮاﻧﻴﺪ ﺑﺎ درﻳﺎﻓﺖ و ﻧﺼﺐ اﭘﻠﻴﻜﻴﺸﻦ اﻧﺪروﻳﺪ »داﻧﺶ ﻣﺪﻳﺮﻳﺖ« ﺿﻤﻦ اﻣﻜﺎن‬

‫ﻣﻄﺎﻟﻌﻪ ﻣﻘﺎﻻت ﻣﺪﻳﺮﻳﺘﻲ و اﺧﺒﺎر ﻣﺪﻳﺮﻳﺘﻲ ﺑﻪ ﺻﻮرت راﻳﮕﺎن از ﻓﺮﺻﺘﻬﺎي درﻳﺎﻓﺖ ﭼﻨﻴﻦ‬

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‫ﺑﺮاي ﻧﺼﺐ اﭘﻠﻴﻜﻴﺸﻦ داﻧﺶ ﻣﺪﻳﺮﻳﺖ ﻣﻲ ﺗﻮاﻧﻴﺪ ﺑﻪ »ﺑﺎزار« ﻣﺮاﺟﻌﻪ ﻧﻤﺎﻳﻴﺪ و ﻳﺎ ﺑﻪ آدرس‬

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 Chapter 14: Reducing Interpersonal Stress 287

The “good girl” syndrome

Women, in particular, face additional pres-
sures to remain non-assertive. Culturally and
historically, women have been taught to be
“other-oriented.” Women are taught that they
should be passive, submissive, and compliant.
They are told, “Be nice, and people will like
you,” “Never be the center of attention,” and
“Don’t look too smart.” And while these mes-
sages are less strong these days, they still exist.
Growing up with these early socialization mes-
sages lodged in women’s psyche, life becomes
even more complicated given the multiple roles
that women now assume. More often than not
it is women who take the lion’s share of child-
raising responsibilities. Women are seen as
primarily responsible for taking care of things
at home, even if they work a staggering number
of hours at an outside job. And should a parent
get sick or require time and attention, you can
guess who gives most of her time and attention.
Couple this with a non-assertive mindset, and
the stress can become enormous.

You’re asked to donate money to a charity that you feel has merit, but you
have decided that it’s not one that you want to add to your give-to list. The
fund-raiser is well-meaning but persistent. Using the broken record approach
seems a little harsh. You opt for fogging:

The fund-raiser: “It’s a great cause. It helps a lot of people.”

You: “I know it’s a good cause. I don’t want to donate to another charity
at this time.”
Fund-raiser: “You don’t have to give a huge amount. Anything will do.”
You: “I realize that. But I’d rather not make a donation at this time.”
Fund-raiser: “Why don’t I put you down for $30? That’s not an awful lot.”
You: “I know it isn’t. I’d rather not make a donation.”

Though it may sound much like the broken record strategy, it is a softer
interaction. You are actively listening to the other person, paraphrasing or
feeding back some of what he is saying. You appreciate his point of view, and
you may in fact be quite sympathetic, but you still want to stick to your guns.
It’s the perfect technique when you’re solicited for donations, membership
on committees, volunteer positions, or reasonable favors that you want to
decline.

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 288 Part IV: Managing Your Stress in Real Life

Coping with Difficult People

Believe it or not, some people can be ill-mannered, grouchy, and nasty and
appear to lack many basic interpersonal skills. They lose very little sleep
over giving you a hard time. Sooner or later — and probably sooner — you
will run into one of these types. You may have to bring out the bigger guns.
More sophisticated strategies and tactics are required to spare you this
unwanted and avoidable stress. The following sections outline what you
need to do.

Stay calm
When you’re seething and little puffs of smoke are coming out of your ears,
the chances of effectively reacting to a difficult situation are not the best.
Your first strategy should be to get yourself into a more composed, relaxed
state. By relaxing your body at the first hint of conflict, you give yourself the
best chance of responding well in a difficult situation. Some simple breath-
ing exercises (see Chapter 4) should do the trick. I like using some Rapid
Relaxation exercises in these situations. The following is what you can do to
stay calm:

Inhale deeply through your nostrils, and at the same time press together
your thumb and forefinger on one hand. Hold that breath for four or
five seconds and then exhale fully through your slightly parted lips. As
you’re exhaling, let go of the tension in your hand and let a wave of sooth-
ing relaxation spread from the top of your head to the tip of your toes.
Repeat one or two times until your body feels more relaxed.

Focus on the issue

When you’re expressing a grievance, problem, or dissatisfaction, too often
you express your feelings in global, vague ways. Consider the following
statements:

“Why can’t you be nicer to me?”

“You’re never there when I need you!”
“You’re inconsiderate!”
“I wish you weren’t so lazy!”

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