Artists should always be given the freedom to express their ideas.

To

what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is true that artworks are becoming increasingly connected with people’s daily life
nowadays. Some people hold the idea that artists can only express their thoughts in
their works with limited freedom. I partially agree with this view.
On the one hand, giving artists freedom offers many benefits. One advantage is by
allowing artists to work unrestrictedly, many masterpieces are possible to be born. A
successful piece of work usually contains creative elements, such as original ideas
and innovative ways to display the ideas. All of these elements would hardly, if not
never, be put into any work without society’s respect for artists’ freedom of creation.
In addition, some social issues can be solved with the help of artwork revealing the
reality. Many art forms like cartoons or comedies reflect reality in an ironic yet
amusing way, thus reaching a wide range of readers and audience, the influence
which causes could be so significant that much attention would be given by
authorities to tackle these issues.
Commented [A1]: I’m not sure this is really relevant – A
topic sentence like – The arts are an important part of
everybody’s cultural lives. Some people believe that real art
allows for the expression of ideas.
Commented [A2]: This sounds a little unnatural – ‘can be
born’.
Commented [A3]: If not ever – double negative (if not
never)
Commented [A4]: This is not particularly clear – ‘some
social issues can be highlighted;
Commented [A5]: The influence which they (the art
forms) have (not cause (influence and the verb cause do not

On the other hand, absolute freedom of creation cannot be authorized. It is collocate)

undeniable that there are a small proportion of artists who might be profit-driven
and publicize works which contain harmful contents, like pornography and violence,
to attract consumers and to earn more money. In this case, relevant government
departments should come into play and restrict these artists’ illegal activities.
However, these situations can be avoided by strengthening monitoring of
publication.
Commented [A6]: I would use the active here – in the
first part of the sentence you use the active therefore to
keep the sentence parallel use the active here :-
…….’so significant that the authorities can tackle them
directly’.

Commented [A7]: is
To sum up, a free, open and diverse culture would contribute to creation of artworks
which are not only creative, but also help to deal with social issues. In my view, more Commented [A8]: Strengthening the monitoring of ……..
freedom can be given to artists while certain amount of monitoring is indispensable. (the because you are using ‘the + noun + of + noun’)

283 Commented [A9]: The creation of ……….

Commented [A10]: A certain amount of (you can quantify

amounts of things – a small/large amount of something –
Comments:
therefore you use ‘a’.

IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment Addresses all parts of the

task. Presents a relevant
position throughout the 7.5
text. Both sides of the
 argument are clearly
defined. The argument
falls more on one side than
the other which is fine with
a ‘to what extent essay’. A
very good answer;
however I think the
introduction is not really
appropriate as it is not
clearly related enough.
Cohesion and Coherence Sequences information and 8.0
ideas logically – superb
cohesion within and
between sentences. A high
level of coherence
maintained throughout the
text. Excellent support
given to all main ideas in
each paragraph.
Lexical resource An impressive level of
sophistication in word
choice and an excellent
range. Collocations and
word choices like 7.5
‘profit-driven, innovative
ways, and work
unrestrictedly’ - show a
flexible and sophisticated
understanding of language.
Occasional slips with
collocations though.
Grammatical Range A high level of sophistication 8.0
and accuracy – complex sentences with
expert use of punctuation
and advanced structures.
Some small errors that can be
attributed to style but
occasional slips – articles,
verb + noun agreement.

Overall Score: 7.5/ 8.0 – a superb answer to the question. Some meaning issues in the
introduction and choice of collocation.
Your question

The main body paragraphs are not equal again, does it matter in this type of
questions "To what extent do you agree or disagree"?

No not at all. As long as your opinion is backed up by the majority of the opinion in
the text which is supported in your conclusion.