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Jonathan Jackson:

„How I became Orthodox“

(transcript)
In 2007 I was doing a film in Romania. I had a week off from filming. We went to Rome. My
wife is Italian, so we wanted to visit Rome. I was raised Protestant, so I knew nothing about
the Orthodox Church. But I loved God very much, and I had been really seeking Him since I
was about 12 years old, reading the Scriptures and cultivating some form of prayer life.
When we were visiting Rome, we were overwhelmed by the presence of the martyrs and the
saints, to walk the streets where St. Paul and St. Peter walked. When we went into the
Colloseum there was a huge cross, and my wife said: “Why is there a cross in the
Colloseum?“ When we got up closer, we realized it was a monument to the martyrs, and
something just came over us, we could feel it in the air. And I knew, while I was being there
that I had to start reading Christian history, that I had been reading the Scriptures for many
years, but I knew nothing of Christian history. I didn't know what happened after the Book of
Acts. So I started reading, and I read the Fathers of the Church – St. Ignatius of Antioch's
letters, St. Justin Martyr, St. Clement of Rome, and so on, St. Cyprian of Carthage, and my
mind started to open up. My heart started to open up. And I wanted to know – because in
America there are 20 – 30 thousand different [Christian] denominations, different churches,
and it just didn't make sense to me. I spent about 3.5 years reading Christian history, and still
had not discovered the Orthodox Church, because it's all Protestant and Catholic literature in
America. Finally, by the grace of God, I was praying and a thought came into my mind –
because I was in despair, because I could no longer be Protestant, but my heart – I couldn't
become Catholic; but I wanted the real Church, the Church I was reading about in the letters
of the Fathers, I wanted that Church, I wanted to be a part of that and I couldn't find it – and
this thought came in my mind to really look at the Great Schism, to study what happened.
And as soon as that took place, everything opened up, it was like the stars aligned, and the
whole search, the prayer was beginning to be answered, and I knew I had to become
Orthodox. But it took some time. I had to actually go to an Orthodox Curch before I was
ready.

As I was reading many books about the Orthodox Church, finally, I had a dream where I was
in an Orthodox Church, but I had never been to one yet, and it was very specific – there were
no pews, and there were icons everywhere, and people were lighting candles and crossing
themselves, and moving about. It was beautiful. There was just the presence of prayer. And I
woke up and I wanted to experience that. I went to a couple of local Orthodox Churches in
Los Angeles, but they weren't quite like the dream that I had. And I kept looking and online,
on the internet I came across a website where the photo was from my dream. And I realised
– this is the church! So I called, and a wonderful priest, father John Strickland answered the
phone. He was from my home state - Washington state. He was a convert and that was the
beginning. It's interesting, when I walked into the church. I left my family at home, because I
wanted to feel it out myself. I knew God was taking me here, but it was still very
uncomfortable and sort of frightening, a little bit. I walked into the Church and I was
overwhelmed with this feeling that came over me, and this very persistent voice that said:
„Leave, run, you don't want to be here! Go! Now! Go!“ It was very strong. My hands got very
hot and I started feeling very anxious, and you know, everything in me wanted to leave, and
I thought: „What is this? I have been spending years, reading, trying to find, and I knew this
is where God was taking me“ so it was strange. And I prayed and I felt another, a different
voice, a different presence say: „No. Stay for the whole thing, and then you'll know how you
feel!“ And so I said OK, and I stayed for the whole thing. It was very uncomfortable for
probably about 45 minutes. I didn't know anybody, the icons were still very scary, foreign, it
was just all very different. After the homily, when the Cherubic Hymn began, I didn't know
what it was at the time. When the Cherubic Hymn began, I went from feeling completely
uncomfortable and anxious to leave, and the whole place, just became like light. It was like –
I don't know how to explain it – the whole...it just changed, sort of transfigured, I started
crying and felt the presence of God so heavily, I'd never seen such beautiful humility before
God, and people were crossing themselves so beautifully and saying „Lord have mercy!“, and
it just - I started praying to God, saying: „I don't want to be anywhere else, I just want to be
right here, with the Body of the Christ. I don't care about the worldly things, what's going on,
career pursuits, it doesn't matter, I just wanna be right here.“

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