SEMESTER-III (2010-11)

ADD-ON COURSE
PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT AND WELLNESS

PART-I
PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT
READING MATERIAL
DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY
OSMANIA UNIVERSITY
HYDERABAD – 500 007.
Unit-1:

Module I
Prepared by : Dr.P.Swathi

Module II
Prepared by : Prof.Varsha Sane Godbole

Module III
Prepared by : Dr.Renuka Regani

Module IV
Prepared by : Dr.K.P.Suman

Unit-2
Module-I
Prepared by : Ms.Kiran Rathore

Module-II
Prepared by : Prof.Varsha Sane Godbole
 PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT AND WELLNESS*
ADD-ON COURSE
SEMESTER-III (2010-11)
DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY
OSMANIA UNIVERSITY, HYDERABAD – 500 007.

SYLLABUS

Unit – 1

Module I: Concept of Personality: Factors influencing personality; Know yourself (Johari

window); SWOT Analysis, Levels of Aspiration; goal setting: educational, vocational
and social.

Module II: Development of Self: Components of Self, Factors influencing self, self
concept, self esteem, self awareness, self acceptance and self confidence.

Module III: Personal Motivation: Concept of Motivation: Types of Motivation; Intrinsic

and Extrinsic, Achievement Motivation, Barriers in achievement – Fear of success and
fear of failure.

Module IV: Understanding and managing emotions, (i.e. what is emotion, components of
emotions, emotional awareness, expression and regulation, emotional competency).
Managing anger and Anxiety.

Unit – II

Module-I: Stress management: Concept of Stress, Types of stress (i.e. stress, distress),
Factors Influencing stress, Reaction to stress. Methods of reducing stress – Time
management, Cognitive Appraisal, Developing Positive attitude, Optimism,
Assertiveness, Resilience Hardiness, Altering your environment. Life Style management.

Module-II: Effective Interpersonal relationship: Types of interpersonal relationships,

Relationship with family, Relationship with Friends, Hetrosexual relationship,
Homosexual relationship, Enhancing relationship skills, Communication skills, Conflict
resolution skills.
*The material related to the “Wellness component of this syllabus has been prepared
by Dr.Kennedy of Apollo Hospital.
 Unit-2
Module I: STRESS AND ITS MANAGEMENT
Prepared by: Ms.Kiran Rathore

Stress, or to be more accurate pressure, is an unavoidable part of everyday life, meaning different
things to each of us. You only have to pick up a newspaper, read a magazine, watch television,
listen to the radio or walk into any bookshop and see the many books written on the subject of
stress, to realize that we perceive it to be a big problem. Stress is much more recognized than it
used to be, we have become very aware of the potential negative impact of stress on our health. Yet
despite all of this information and wealth of knowledge, the subject of stress still remains vague and
not very well understood. There are also many myths about stress that are not accurate and this
further confuses the subject.

What is Stress?
"Stress is a reaction people have when excessive pressure or demands are placed upon
them, and arises when an individual believes they are unable to cope."

Although we all talk about stress, it often isn’t clear what stress is really about. Many people
consider stress to be something that happens to them, an event such as an injury or a job loss. Others
think that stress is what happens to our body, mind, and behavior in response to an event (E.g. heart
pounding, anxiety, or nail biting). While stress does involve events and our response to then, these
are not the most important factors. Our thoughts about the situations in which we find ourselves are
the critical factor.

When something happens to us, we automatically evaluate the situation mentally. We decide if it is
threatening to us, how we need to deal with the situation, and what skills we can use. If we decide
that the demands of the situation outweigh the skills we have, then we label the situation as
“stressful” and react with the classic “stress response.” If we decide that our coping skills outweigh
the demands of the situation, then we don’t see it as “stressful.”

Stress can come from any situation or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, or anxious.
Everyone sees situations differently and has different coping skills. For this reason, no two people
will respond exactly the same way to a given situation. Additionally, not all situations that are
labeled “stressful” are negative. The birth of a child, being promoted at work, marriage or moving
to a new home may not be perceived as threatening. However, we may feel that situations are
“stressful” because we don’t feel fully prepared to deal with them.

Stress is a normal part of life. In small quantities, stress is good; it can motivate you and help you
become more productive. However, too much stress, or a strong response to stress can be harmful.
How we perceive a stress provoking event and how we react to it determines its impact on our
health. We may be motivated and invigorated by the events in our lives, or we may see some as
“stressful” and respond in a manner that may have a negative effect on our physical, mental, and
social well-being.

If we always respond in a negative way, our health and happiness may suffer. By understanding
ourselves and our reaction to stress-provoking situations, we can learn to handle stress more
effectively. In the most accurate meaning, stress management is not about learning how to avoid or
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escape the pressures and turbulence of modern living; it is about learning to appreciate how the
body reacts to these pressures, and about learning how to develop skills which enhance the body’s
adjustment. To learn stress management is to learn about the mind-body connection and to the
degree to which we can control our health in a positive sense.

Sources of Stress
We can experience stress from four basic sources:

The Environment – the environment can Social Stressors – we can experience multiple
bombard you with intense and competing
demands to adjust. Examples of environmental
stressors include weather, noise, crowding,
pollution, traffic, unsafe and substandard
housing, and crime
Physiological – Situations and circumstances
affecting our body can be experienced as
physiological stressors. Examples of
physiological stressors include rapid growth of
adolescence, menopause, illness, aging, giving
birth, accidents, lack of exercise, poor nutrition,
and sleep disturbances.
stressors arising from the demands of the different
social roles we occupy, such as parent, spouse,
caregiver, and employee. Some examples of social
stressors include deadlines, financial problems,
job interviews, presentations, disagreements,
demands for your time and attention, loss of a
loved one and divorce
Thoughts – Your brain interprets and perceives
situations as stressful, difficult, painful, or
pleasant. Some situations in life are stress
provoking, but it is our thoughts that determine
whether they are a problem for us.

Types of Stressors

Situations that are considered stress provoking are known as stressors. Stress is not always a bad
thing. Stress is simply the body’s response to changes that create taxing demands. Many
professionals suggest that there is a difference between what we perceive as positive stress, and
distress, which refers to negative stress. In daily life, we often use the term “stress” to describe
negative situations. This leads many people to believe that all stress is bad for you, which is not
true.
Positive stress has the following characteristics:
• Motivates, focuses energy • Is short-term
• Is perceived as within our coping abilities • Feels exciting
• Improves performance

Examples of positive personal stressors might include receiving a promotion at work, Starting a
new job or college, marriage, buying a home, having a child, moving or taking or planning a
vacation etc

In contrast, negative stress has the following characteristics:

• Causes anxiety or concern • Can be short or long-term
• Is perceived as outside of our coping abilities• Feels unpleasant
• Decreases performance • Can lead to mental and physical problems

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Examples of negative personal stressors can include the death of a partner, filing for divorce,
exams, the death of a family member, hospitalization (oneself or a family member), injury or illness
(oneself or a family member) etc

Internal Sources of Stress and Anxiety

Stressors are not always limited to situations where some external situation is creating a problem.
Internal events such as feelings, thoughts, and habitual behaviors can also cause negative stress.
Common internal sources of distress include:
• Fears (e.g., fears of flying, heights, public speaking, chatting with strangers at a party)
• Repetitive thought patterns
• Worrying about future events (e.g., waiting for entrance test results or job restructuring)
• Unrealistic or perfectionist expectations
Habitual behavior patterns that can lead to stress include:
• Over scheduling • Failing to be assertive
• Failing to set and maintain healthy boundaries • Procrastination and/or failing to plan ahead

Cognitive Aspects of Stress and Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling that we commonly experience when faced with stressful life events. Anxiety
can be one of the most distressing emotions that people feel. It is sometimes called “fear or
nervousness”. Common reactions to anxiety include:
Physical Symptoms:
• Sweaty palms • Muscle tension • Racing heart
• Flushed cheeks • Light headedness
Behaviors:
• Avoiding situations where experiencing anxiety might occur
• Leaving situations when feelings of anxiety begins to occur
• Trying to do things perfectly or trying to control events to prevent danger
Moods:
• Nervous • Irritable • Anxious • Panicky
Thoughts:
• Overestimation of danger • Underestimation of your ability to cope
• Underestimation of help available • Worries and catastrophic thoughts

Stressors can contribute to our feelings of anxiety. Examples of stressors that contribute to feelings
of anxiety might include trauma (being abused, being in an accident, war); illness or death, things
we are taught (“snakes will bite you”); things we observe (an article in the newspaper about a plane
crash); and experiences that seem too much to handle (giving a speech, job promotion or
termination, having a baby). The thoughts that accompany anxiety involve the perception that we
are in danger or that we are threatened or vulnerable in some way. A threat of danger can be
physical, mental, or social. A physical threat occurs when you believe that you will be physically
hurt (e.g., a snake bite, a heart attack, being hit). A social threat occurs when you believe you will
be rejected, humiliated, embarrassed, or put down. A mental threat occurs when something makes
you worry that you are going crazy or losing your mind.

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The perception of the threats varies from person to person. Some people, because of their life
experiences, may feel threatened very easily and will often feel anxious. Other people may feel a
greater sense of safety or security. Certain life experiences such as growing up in a chaotic home
with volatile surroundings may lead a person to conclude that the world and other people are
dangerous. The perception of danger and sense of vulnerability may have helped a person survive as
a child. Being able to recognize danger and its early warning signs are critical to one’s emotional
and physical survival. Some may have developed a very fine ability to spot and respond to
dangerous situations.
As an adult, it may become important to evaluate whether or not its possible that one is over-
responding to danger and threat. Perhaps the people in their adult life are not as threatening as the
people in their childhood. One might consider whether or not their resources and abilities to cope as
an adult open new and creative ways of responding to threat and anxiety.

Signs and Symptoms of Stress Overload

It is important to learn how to recognize when your stress levels are “out of control” or having an
adverse effect. The signs and symptoms of stress overload can be almost anything. Stress affects the
mind, body, and behavior in many ways, and everyone experiences stress differently. Three
common ways that people respond when they are overwhelmed by stress are:
1. An angry or agitated stress response. You may feel heated, keyed-up, overly emotional, and
unable to sit still.
2. A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy
or emotion.
3. Both a tens and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and feel like you can’t do
anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you may feel extremely agitated.

The following lists some of the common warning signs and symptoms of stress. The more signs and
symptoms you notice in yourself, the closer you might be to feeling stress overload.

Cognitive Symptoms:
• Memory problems • Inability or difficulty concentrating
• Poor judgment • Seeing only the negative
• Anxious, racing, or ruminating thoughts • Constant worrying
Emotional Symptoms:
• Moodiness • Irritability or short-tempered
• Agitation, inability to relax . Feeling overwhelmed
• Sense of loneliness or isolation • Depression or general unhappiness
Physical Symptoms:
• Aches and pains, muscle tension • Diarrhea or constipation
• Nausea, dizziness, or butterflies in the stomach • Chest pain or rapid heartbeat
• Loss of sex drive • Frequent colds
• Shallow breathing and sweating
Behavioral Symptoms:
• Eating more or less • Sleeping too much or too little
• Isolating yourself from others • Procrastinating or neglecting
responsibilities
• Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax • Nervous habits (nail biting, pacing)

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Keep in mind that the signs and symptoms of stress also can be caused by other psychological and
medical problems. If you’re experiencing any of the warning signs of stress, it’s important to see a
doctor for an evaluation. Your doctor can help you determine whether or not your symptoms are
stress related.

The Stress Response

The groundwork for the modern meaning of “stress” was laid by Dr. Walter B. Cannon, a
physiologist at Harvard almost 100 years ago. He was the first to describe the “fight or flight
response” as a series of involuntary physiological and biochemical changes that prepare you to deal
with threats of danger. This response was critical to the survival of primitive humankind when
requiring quick bursts of energy to fight or flee predators such as the saber-toothed tiger.

Hans Selye, the first major researcher on stress, was able to trace what happens in your body during
the fight or flight response. He found that any problem, real or imagined, could cause the cerebral
cortex (the thinking part of the brain) to send an alarm to the hypothalamus (the main switch for the
stress response, located in the midbrain). The hypothalamus then stimulates the sympathetic
nervous system to make a series of changes in your body. Your heart rate, breathing rate, muscle
tension, metabolism, and blood pressure all increase. Your hands and feet get cold as blood is
directed away from your extremities and digestive system into the larger muscles that can help you
fight or run. You experience butterflies in your stomach. Your diaphragm locks. Your pupils dilate
to sharpen your vision and your hearing becomes more acute. While all of this is going on,
something else happens that can have long-term negative effects if left unchecked. Your adrenal
glands start to secrete corticoids (adrenaline, epinephrine, and norepinephrine), which inhibit
digestion, reproduction, growth, and tissue repair and the responses of your immune and
inflammatory systems. In other words, some very important functions that keep your body healthy
begin to shut down. The stress response is useful and can be necessary in times of emergency, but
the frequent or unrelenting triggering of the stress response in our modern life without a balancing
relaxation response can contribute to a number of illnesses and symptoms.

Stress Hardiness
"You can't always influence what others may say or do to you but you can influence
how you react and respond to it."

Research has shown that some people are more resistant to stress and better able to cope with it than
others. This is partly due to the fact that some people have a number of personality traits that
protect them from the effects of stress; psychologists call this the stress-hardy personality.

One researcher in the stress hardiness field is clinical psychologist Dr.Susan Kobasa. In the late
1970s she carried out a study on a group of executives who were under a lot of stress whilst their
company, the Bell Telephone Company in the USA, was undergoing radical restructuring. On
completion of the study, when the data was analyzed, she found that certain personality traits
protected some of the executives and managers from the health ravages of stress.

These stress hardy personality traits included:

1. Commitment 2. Control 3. Challenge

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The executives who had these stress hardy personality traits decreased their risk of developing a
stress related health problem by a massive 50%. Stress hardy people obviously have a natural
advantage than those of us who do not have these personality traits; however research is suggesting
that those of us who do not naturally have the stress hardy personality traits can actually learn them,
with time and practice, and so increase our own levels of stress hardiness. Having a stress hardy
personality doesn't mean that a person never ever suffers stress; it means that their ability to deal
with it, without it causing a problem, is greater. It's about learning to control how we react to the
challenges we face in a more flexible, confident and less destructive way. We will now discuss in
more detail the Stress Hardy personality traits:

1. Commitment
Commitment means having a purpose to life and involvement in family, work, community, social, friends,
religious faith, ourselves, etc., giving us a meaning to our lives. When we have this commitment to
something or someone that is important to us, this gives our life a purpose. When committed to something
we tend to be motivated to put in more effort. This can help us to find a goodness and meaning to our lives.
2. Control
Studies have shown that how much control we perceive we have over any stressor will influence how
difficult the stressor will be for us to cope with. Researchers have found there are basically two types of
control, Internal and External, and these can either exacerbate or reduce a stressful situation.
Internal Locus of Control: With the internal locus of control people are aware that they
cannot influence all the external events that go on in their lives, but they do have a deep sense that
they have a choice in how they react to that stressor and believe that although they cannot totally
influence it, they do have some influence over the event.

External Locus of Control: In the external locus of control people believe that they have little
or no control over what happens to them; what happens is due to fate or destiny and that they will not
be able to influence it. For example, someone who suffers a chronic back problem may believe it is
their destiny and fate in life to suffer the pain. They may believe there is nothing they can do to
influence their condition and the subsequent pain, so therefore they do not take any action, nor use
any strategies that could enable them to reduce their pain.

In life it is impossible to remove all the pressure and stress that we will encounter, but that doesn't
mean we are impotent in the face of it. By learning stress Management strategies we can influence
how these events affect us, even though we cannot remove them. For example, in one study
researchers looked at two groups of people who were under stress. One group practiced relaxation
regularly and the other group did not. The research data revealed that, although both groups had
higher levels of stress hormones, the group that practiced relaxation showed less effect of these
stress hormones on their organs and systems when compared to the group who did not practice
relaxation.

We do have some degree of control over how stressors affect us. The late Dr Viktor Frankyl, a
psychiatrist who was a prisoner in the Nazi concentration camp at Auschwitz, said the one thing that
you can not take away from a person is their choice of how they deal with the difficult situations
which they find themselves in. In managing our stress its important to recognize where our locus of
control is and with time, stress management training and practice we can move from an external
locus of control to a more internal locus of control and in so doing improve our coping abilities.

3. Challenge
Challenge is about how we perceive the events that occur in our lives; seeing our difficulties as a
challenge rather than as a threat and accepting that the only thing in life that is constant, is change.
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There is an Old Russian proverb that says we can never put our foot in the same river water twice.
If we view change as a total threat or see every difficulty we encounter as threatening to us then this
is going to trigger a stronger fight/flight response than if we see the event as a challenge. Stress
hardy people do not spend time ruminating over why things have to change, they are not frightened
by it, they accept it as being a natural part of life, not a threat but an opportunity to learn and grow.

STRESS MANAGEMENT
OVERSTRESS makes people feel terrible. People complain of being tired, unable to fall asleep or
to obtain a restful night's sleep. They have plagues of aches and pains, lack of energy, lack of
enjoyment of life. They feel depressed, anxious, or just unable to cope with life.
What can you do to reduce stress in your life?
• Accept that there are events that you cannot control.
• Be assertive instead of aggressive. "Assert" your feelings, opinions or beliefs instead of
becoming angry, combative or passive.
• Learn to relax.
• Eat well-balanced meals.
• Rest and sleep. Your body needs time to recover from stressful events.
• Don't rely on alcohol or drugs to reduce stress.
• Decrease caffeine (coffee, tea, colas, chocolate).
• Regular exercise (at least 30 minutes, three times per week).
• Leisure time (do something for yourself everyday).
• Diversion and distraction: Take time-out (anything from a short walk to a vacation) to get
away from the things that are bothering you. This will not resolve the problem, but it will give
you a break and a chance for your stress levels to decrease. Then, you can return to deal with
issues feeling more rested and in a better frame of mind.
• Relaxation exercises (e.g., mind relaxation, deep breathing relaxation).

THOUGHT AWARENESS, RATIONAL THINKING AND POSITIVE THINKING

Thought Awareness
Quite often, our experience of stress comes from our perception of the situation. Perception is the
key to this, as situations are not stressful in their own right. Rather it is our interpretation of the
situation that drives the level of stress that we feel. Often that perception is right, but sometimes it is
not. Often we are unreasonably harsh with ourselves or instinctively jump to wrong conclusions
about people’s motives. This can send us into a downward spiral of negative thinking that can be
hard to break.
Quite obviously, sometimes we are right in what we say to ourselves. Some situations may actually
be dangerous, may threaten us physically, socially or in our career. Here, stress and emotion are part
of the early warning system that alerts us to the threat from these situations. Very often, however,
we are overly harsh and unjust to ourselves in a way that we would never be with friends or co-
workers. This, along with other negative thinking, can cause intense stress and unhappiness and can
severely undermine self-confidence.
A major problem with this is that negative thoughts tend to flit into our consciousness, do their
damage and flit back out again with their significance, having barely been noticed. Since we do not
challenge them, they can be completely incorrect and wrong. Yet, this does not diminish their
harmful affect.
One of the ways to monitor our thoughts is through the use of a stress diary. One of the benefits of
using the Stress Diary is that you log all of the unpleasant things in your life that cause you stress

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for one or two weeks. This would include negative thoughts and anxieties, and can also include
difficult or unpleasant memories and situations that you perceive as negative. By logging your
negative thoughts for a reasonable period of time, you will quickly see patterns in your negative
thinking. When you analyze your diary at the end of the period, you should be able to see the most
common and the most damaging thoughts. Tackle these as a priority.
Rational thinking
The next step in dealing with negative thinking is to challenge the negative thoughts that you
identified using the Thought Awareness technique. Look at every thought you wrote down and
rationally challenge it. Ask yourself whether the thought is reasonable: Does it stand up to fair
scrutiny?
As an example, by analyzing your Stress Diary you might identify that you have frequently had the
following negative thoughts:
• Feelings of inadequacy
• Worries that your performance in your job will not be good enough
• An anxiety that things outside your control will undermine your efforts
• Worries about other people’s reactions to your work
Starting with these, you might challenge these negative thoughts in the ways shown:

• Feelings of inadequacy: Have you
trained and educated yourself as well
as you reasonably should to do the job?
Do you have the experience and
resources you need to do it? Have you
planned, prepared and rehearsed
appropriately? If you have done all of
these, are you setting yourself
unattainably high standards for doing
the job?
• Worries about performance: Do you have the training
that a reasonable person would think is needed to do a
good job? Have you planned appropriately? Do you have
the information and resources you need? Have you cleared
the time you need and cued up your support team
appropriately? Have you prepared appropriately? If you
have not, then you need to do these things quickly. If you
have, then you are well positioned to give the best
performance that you can.

• Problems with issues outside your • Worry about other people’s reactions: If you have put in
control: Have you conducted appropriate good preparation, and you do the best you can, then that is all
contingency planning? that you need to know. If you perform as well as you
reasonably can, then fair people are likely to respond well. If
people are not fair, then this is something outside your control.

Positive Thinking
Where you have used Rational Thinking to identify incorrect negative thinking, it can often be
useful to prepare rational positive thoughts and affirmations to counter them.
Continuing the examples above, positive affirmations might be:
• Feelings of inadequacy: “I am well trained for this. I have the experience, the tools and the
resources I need. I have thought through and prepared for all possible issues. I can do a superb
job.”
• Worries about performance: “I have researched and planned well for this, and I thoroughly
understand the problem. I have the time, resources and help I need. I am well prepared to do an
excellent job.”
• Problems issues outside your control: “We have thought through everything that might
reasonably happen and have planned how we can handle all likely contingencies. Everyone is

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 ready to help where necessary. We are very well placed to react flexibly and effectively to
unusual events.”
• Worry about other people’s reaction: “I am well-prepared and am doing the best I can. Fair
people will respect this. I will rise above any unfair criticism in a mature and professional way.”
This set of tools helps you to manage and counter the stress of negative thinking.

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 Unit-1
Module I: KNOW YOUR SELF (PERSONALITY)
Prepared by: Dr.P.Swathi

When I talk to the students of high school or junior college or degree College or any
other professional course, one question that I would ask is -
Just think for a minute and tell me whom you like the best?
We see an array of answers- some mention their parents, others their teachers, some
others say they like their friends. National leaders, political leaders, cricket players,
heroes are others favorites. To some, Scientists like Dr. Abdul Kalam are a source of
inspiration.
Once they give the names of the persons of their choice, I would ask-
What are the reasons for your liking?
They come out with various reasons and ultimately one factor that every one commonly
mentions is they liked the person’s personality.

What is Personality?

 Is it height or weight?
 Is it complexion?
 Is it a six pack body or zero size figure?
 Is it having a curly hair or long beautiful hair?

In one word are you referring to the physique or beauty of the person?

The term ‘personality’ does not confine only to the physique of the individual but it
extends to the total behavior of the individual. It refers to how you think, learn,
remember, feel and act in your daily life. It includes the temperament of the individual
and how he/she adjusts to the life situations.

Each individual is unique. No two individuals behave alike in similar situations. One
individual accepts the failure and considers it as a stepping stone while the other
individual may think of ending his life. How a person reacts to the situation depends on
his personality.

Components of personality

Personality has three components-

 Cognitive – How you attend, perceive, think, learn, remember, take decisions and
solve the problems. It includes all your abilities.
 Affective – It refers to your feelings, moods and emotions.
 Conative – It entails all your actions.
We see, admire and be inspired by great personalities like Swami Vivekananda, Mother
Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Subhash Chandra Bose, Abraham Lincoln and Abdul Kalam
to name a few.

We can also reach the heights in life ladder if we can improve and develop our
personality.

What is personality development?

Personality development is not an impossible task. It is merely in your hands. You can be
the coach of your life. This is possible at any age and at any time. It is an on- going
process.

You can understand your self and get more awareness about yourself through a simple
technique called SWOT analysis.

 Strengths
 Weaknesses
 Opportunities
 Threats

Personality development is a process of identifying and minimizing your weaknesses

and maximizing your strengths.

Another technique to understand yourself and others is Johari window. It is developed

by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham (the word “Johari” comes from Joseph Luft and Harry
Ingham).

Two key ideas behind this tool are:

 Individuals can build trust between themselves by disclosing information about
themselves.

 They can learn about themselves and come to terms with personal issues with the
help of feedback from others.

Four regions of Johari Window:

1. Open area /free area or 'the arena'
2. Blind area / blind self, or 'blind spot'
3. Hidden area or 'facade'
4. Unknown area or unknown self
  Open Area - This is the information about the person’s behavior, attitude,
feelings, emotion, knowledge, experience, skills, views, etc - known by the person
('the self') and known by the group ('others').
 Blind Area - This refers to what is known about a person by others in the group,
but is unknown by the person him/herself. By seeking or soliciting feedback from
others, the aim should be to reduce this area and thereby to increase the open area
 Hidden Self- This refers to what is known to ourselves but kept hidden from, and
therefore unknown, to others. The hidden area could also include sensitivities,
fears, hidden agendas, manipulative intentions and secrets.
 Unknown Self- This area refers to information, feelings, latent abilities, aptitudes,
experiences etc, that are unknown to the person him/herself and unknown to
others in the group.

Goal Setting

 Goal setting is extremely important to success.

 It is a formal process for personal planning.

Goals are dreams with a deadline and an action plan.

Our life is like a wheel with 6 spokes:

 Physical
 Social
 Emotional
 Financial
 Philosophical
  Health

Abilities and competencies required to be successful in these areas have to be balanced.

Importance of goal setting

Goal setting acts as road map and helps us to decide what is possible in life.

To achieve our goals, they need to be set SMART

 Specific

 Measurable

 Achievable

 Realistic

 Time Bound

Why don’t people set goals?

 Pessimistic Attitude

 Fear of Failure

 Lack of Ambition

 Fear of Rejection

 Procrastination

 Low self –Esteem

Level of Aspiration

To be successful in achieving our goals, one needs to possess level of aspiration. Level of
Aspiration refers to the will to succeed. It needs to be high but at the same time goals
need to be set realistically. Based on the consequences (achieved results), our estimates
or expectations about the outcome need to be altered.

Achievement is largely the product of steadily raising one's level of aspiration and
expectation.

A successful individual sets his next goal not too much above his last achievement. This
is how he steadily increases his level of aspiration.

Remember: There are no short cuts to achieve your goals.

 Unit-1
Module II: Development of Self
Prepared by: Prof.Varsha Sane Godbole
What is personality?
Your personality can limit or expand your life. Some people are warm,
pleasant to be around, sincere friends. Others are unpleasant, negative and difficult it
get along with. Difficult aspects of personality can be obstacles to success, or sources
of enthusiasm, creativity and achievements.
Webster’s unabridged dictionary (McKechnie, 1983) defines personality as,
“habitual patterns and qualities of behaviour of any individual as expressed by
physical and mental activities and attitudes; distinctive individual qualities of a
person, considered collectively.” More simply, your personality is your individual
pattern of thinking, feeling, and acting.
The basic self structure which one has developed is going to determine
whether you will be successful, happy and healthy. A healthy or adequate self
structure would ensure that you not only respect yourself and others but you are
confident, realistic and have clear goals for yourselves. On the other hand an
unhealthy and inadequate self structure would hinder in one’s reacting a goal as one
thinks one is not sure of reaching there or do not have the expertise, confidence. Let
us get to know about our ‘self structure’ upon becoming more affine.

Concept of Self:
The person’s image of himself as a self contains a physical self-image and
psychological self-image. The physical self-image contains the individual’s concepts
of his physical appearance and the importance of all parts of his body to his behaviour
and to the prestige they give in the eyes of others. The psychological self-image is
composed of traits that play a role of importance in his adjustments to life, such as
honesty, independence and helplessness (Anderson, 1952). The self-image or feeling
about self, is determined largely by the nature of the individual’s relations with others.
The self-image thus becomes a “mirror image” through which the individual’s
feelings about himself are influenced by the way important people in his life treat him
and how they feel about him (Anderson, 1950). The role of status the individual
occupies in a group or in society thus influences markedly the concept he holds of
himself as an individual (Blos, 1941).

Factor influencing self concept:

 While concepts of self develop as a result of experiences inside the home and
outside, in school, on the playground, and in any social group with which the child
may be identified, the primary concepts, because they are developed first, are the most
important and most basic. Thus, it is apparent, the child’s home environment plays a
significant role in the development of his personality. In addition, the home
environment is important in maintaining ego strength. Any break in the family may
have serious effects on the child’s concept of self. Not the parents alone but every
member of the family group contributes to the child’s developing concept of self
(Josselyn, 1953). This is influenced more by the relationships the child has with his
parents and other family members, such as his identification with one family member
or parental expectations, than by the experiences he shares with them (Carter, 1954).
Statements made by his parents, their praise or blame, all contribute to the
development of a concept of self (Brown, 1954).
On this basic concept, the child develops further concepts of self related to this
basic concept when his environment broadens and he comes in contract with people
outside the home. How people outside the home treat him, what they say about him,
and what status he achieves in the group with which he is identified are all important
influences in strengthening the self concept learned in the home environment or in
modifying and changing it. As is true of the home environment, how people treat the
child outside the home, and what their attitudes toward him are, are more important
than the experiences he shares with them (Jersild, 1951, 1954; Brown, 1954; Carter,
1954). In fig.70 are shown the different social influences that effect the child’s
concept of self. By the time the child reaches adolescence, the self-image is
essentially completed though it may be revised later (Anderson, 1952).
Each year, as the child’s mental abilities increase, he should be able to appraise
himself, his abilities and his disabilities with greater accuracy. If this ability is
accompanied by self-acceptance, it will lead to good social adjustments on the child’s
part. The poorly adjusted child, by comparison, either overestimates himself and finds
in the group no opportunity for assuming the status he believes he deserves, or he
feels inadequate because of self-perceptions and rebels against accepting the concept
of himself which he realizes falls short of his ideal (Conklin, 1935; Tschechtelin,
1945; Rogers, 1947; Green, 1948; Jersild, 1954). The well-adjusted child is willing to
accept criticisms because he has greater confidence in himself than the poorly
adjusted child who avoids looking squarely at the fact that he is imperfect in this or
that respect as criticism implies (Taylor and Combs, 1952). Children whose self-
concepts are poor because of unfavorable treatment by others, as is true of Negro
children, find it difficult to accept these concepts and as a result, their self-adjustment
as well as their social adjustment suffers (Dai, 1945; Anderson, 1947; Trent, 1953).
The more realistically the child can see himself, the better he will be able to judge
other people accurately. The individual who shows empathy, or the ability to
transpose himself into the thinking, feeling and acting of another, has a level of
security which makes it possible for him to afford an interest in others. As a result of
this interest, he makes better social adjustments than does the individual who is self-
bound because of feelings of inadequacy and insecurity (Dymond, 1950). The attitude
one has toward others has been found to be closely related to the attitude one has
toward one’s self. Negative feelings toward self, resulting in poor self-acceptance,
will result in poor social adjustments. The more realistically the child can judge
himself. The more adjustments (Arsenian, 1941; Sheerer, 1949; Stock, 1949; Phillips,
1951a; McIntyre, 1952; Norman, 1953; Trent, 1953; Jersild, 1954).

Influence of self-concept:
Once established, the core of the self-concepts generally exhibits a high
degree of stability, as seen in the consistent ways we perceive ourselves over time
(Roberts & Donahue, 1994). Rather peripheral aspects of the self can, and often do,
change rather quickly. For example, the core of the self, which comprises those
aspects of ourselves we regard as very important to us, tends to perpetuate itself.
Essentially, the self-concept functions as a filter through which everything we see or
hear passes (Christensen, Wood, & Barrett, 2003). It thereby exerts a selective
influence on our experience, so that we typically tend to perceive, judge and act in
ways that are consistent with our self-concept.
A stable self-concept, which is dependent upon consistency of treatment in the
home and continuity between the home environment and the environments outside the
home (Dai, 1952), leads to far better adjustments than an unstable concept of self. The
individual with a stable self-concept has a higher level of self-esteem, has fewer
feelings of inferiority, is more popular with people outside the home, and shows less
evidence of compensatory behaviour of a defensive sort, such as shyness and
withdrawing, than does the individual with a less stable self-concept (Brownfain,
1952).

Development of self:
 This idea one has about oneself (self concept) develops very easily in our life.
The later experiences on has revolves around the already developed ‘core’ of one’s
personality called as ‘self’. This concept of self one has plays the most crucial role in
shopping our personality and a whole lot depends on not how others view us but how
we view ourselves. Nothing in the world can affect us except what we think about
ourselves. So it is very important that parents take care to help their child develop a
healthy concept of self as this can exert an a tremendous influence on future success
and happiness in later life. Each person view the world, other people and various
situations from his / her point of view. What he sees and experiences is the only
‘truth’ for him. As a result, different people in one situation do get an entirely
different view of the ‘same’ situation and one’s reality can never be ‘others’ reality.
This ‘personal reality’ shapes and colours our experiences in a unique way. The
totally of all the person of experiences forms the ‘core’ of our personality called
‘self’. The world self stands fro ‘me’ ‘I’ and mine and embodies whatever ideas,
thoughts, feeling one has towards oneself. Let us examine the developmental journey
of this ‘self identity’.
The development of self (core of our separate identity) starts when we become
aware of our separate existence from others. It is said that by 2 years. A child can
distinctly recognize himself, herself in mirror as ‘himself’ and not as ‘something’ else
as he usually does it at an earlier stage of life.
The most natural state of human being in when he is a small baby, laughing
playing with himself, exploring himself. The earliest concept a baby has in his ‘bodily
self’ i.e. the baby becomes aware of this body as ‘his’ and no distinct is made whether
it is a four or a dark body. The baby is absolutely comfortable with his self – just
being and accepting what he is and in an utter state of happiness, bliss and
contentment. At this stage other’s approval or disapproval does not matter. So the first
knowledge which one get from this is “being comfortable and accepting oneself – as
one is”.
The journey of exploring the world of ‘self’ starts with ‘self acceptance’ and
‘self love’. From the concept of bodily self, the child further develops concept about
his / her abilities, looks, capabilities limitations, aspirations etc. all of us are born into
a family. From the day one, the child is the centre of attention. Late the child
deliberately seeks the attention to get noticed, loved and recognized. Parents and other
significant members (siblings, grand parent, close family friends) unintentionally
either by words and facial expressions and body language send the ‘message’ of
approval or disapproval of certain behaviours. Child, although very small to
understand by facial expression and tone of voice their approval – disapproval and
their by the child’s acceptance and rejection.
Later when the language develop, parents and others give the child feed back
by approving or disapproving child behaviour. The approval behaviours of the child
form ‘I am’ as it leads to acceptance of the child and the disapproved behaviours for ‘I
am not ….’ As it leads withdrawing of love or rejection of the child by parents. Facial
and verbal expressions by others further confirms this approval and disapproval. The
child then consolidates these approved and disapproved messages as ‘good me’ and
‘bad me’ respectively. As the child is totally dependent on parents and also has no
other frame of reference’ is available to check (papa says but grandpa says),the words
of parents, are imbibed in the child’s ‘psyche’ and becomes his ‘core’ concept of him/
herself – whether positive or negative.

Types of self:
Before the other dimension of self concept, let us first check if there is only
one self or there are many. It is said by a great scientist that when two people meet
and interact it is actually the interaction among six people wherein both partners at
least take ‘3 self’ roles to their interaction – self as one is, self as one wants or self
image, to be and self as others want to see (ideal self) (social self).
Self image – is the totality of how one sees oneself. It consists of highly
personal, private aspects of one’s life and only we are the judge or expert to evaluate
ourself. This self image is made up of many ‘self perceptions of self experiences’
acquired in the formative years. While growing, the message from significant others
about what they self, expert, think, feel about us is internalized into a ‘core of our self
image. As it is formed very early in one’s life it is very difficult to change.
Ex: A child who is total repeated by that she has killed her mother because
after her birth the passes away, would a self image of a bad, guilty child.
Although in the later experiences and interactions with friends, teachers help
us to revise this basic ‘core’ it exerts a strong and unconscious effect about what we
think we are.
Ideal self – is a self one ‘dreams’ about oneself. It includes aspirations, ideals,
morals, values. We are not fully aware of our ideal self. It is again acquired by
identifying with parental demands and prohibitions during formative years, the
demands which consists of should and should not of certain behaviour.
 Ex: Parents may tell a child you should get first rank then only will be proud
of you if or else…
The message given is very clear you accept and proud of you ‘only’ if get 1st
rank many a time these should and should not does not allow a child to grow. As we
grow and mature, these should and should not messages help us set our personal goals
and values so ‘ideal self’ can be a source motivation and incentive for us to do our
best.
Social self – we do not live in isolation, and at a particular point we are the
members of difficult groups and each group live in isolation, and out a particular point
we all the members of different groups and each group has its own demands about
behaviours, responsibility, and role plays. If when we behave according to these
expected role. Society approves, accepts and recognize us and we feel loved, wanted.
Ex: An older sister in the absence of her mother takes care of her younger sister and
later is praised by doing so. So we behave different in differed social groups
depending on what role we are playing in that group – are we the leader or follower
etc.
So the self concept which are talking about as our idea of ourself includes all
these three selves – self image, ideal and social as well as our self esteem, acceptance
and confidence. Our ‘concept’ of ourself then is the overall combinations of all those
perceptions, feelings, beliefs and values associated with ‘I’ ‘me’ and mine. It gives us
our ‘personal identity’ or sense of ‘what we are’. Let us see how it influences guide
and us in our later life.

Components of self concept:

Self-Esteem:
One of the most important aspects of the self-concept is our self-esteem- the
personal evaluation of ourselves and the resulting feelings of worth associated with
our self-concept. Self-esteem is affected by a variety of influences, ranging from
formative childhood experiences in relation to our parents to our own standard (or
ideal self) to our general culture (Miller, 1999). For instance, individuals with high
self-esteem generally were brought up by parents who were very accepting of them,
expressed a lot of affection, and established firm but reasonable rules – all of which
foster a positive self-image. Individuals with low self-esteem usually were brought up
by parents who relied on parenting styles that were overly strict, overly permissive, or
inconsistence.
 Our self-esteem is also influenced by success and failure (Brown & Gallagher,
1992). Psychologists once thought that a backlog of stored success enhances self-
esteem, and repeated failure undermines it. For example, it was once thought that
praising children for their success or achievements would make children think they
were intelligent and thus give them more confidence. However, recent and important
research has demonstrated this is not quite true. Praising children for their efforts
rather than for their intelligence results in children’s desire for more challenges.
Children obsessed with their own intelligence are afraid to take risks and may trigger
maladaptive achievement patterns (Dweck, 1999).
Self-esteem exerts a powerful influence on people’s expectations, their
judgments about themselves and others, and their behaviour. People with high self-
esteem are willing to test the validity of their inferences about themselves. Having a
high level of self-acceptance (affirmation of one’s overall worth), they tend to be
accepting of others, including those with different opinions than themselves, and
usually enjoy satisfying relationships with other people. They also expect to do well
in their accomplishments, try hard, and tend to be successful in their careers. They are
inclined to attribute their success to their abilities and to make due allowance for
circumstances in interpreting their failures. As a result, people with high self-esteem
generally enjoy a great deal of self-confidence and often have a realistic assessment of
their strengths and weaknesses. In contrast, people with low self-esteem are generally
less willing to put their ideas about themselves to the test and are never really
convinced of their own self-worth. Further-more, they tend to expect the worst, exert
less effort on tasks – especially challenging, demanding ones (Sommer & Baumeister,
2002) – and achieve less success in their careers. Having low self-esteem, they are
inclined to be overly sensitive about social rejection. Often cutting others down to size
by constant criticism and thereby alienating them. In turn, the preoccupation with
rejection, imagined or real, further lowers their self-esteem, setting the stage to
change simply because individuals characterized by low self-esteem may be resistant
to change simply because individuals characterized by low esteem are unlikely to
accept positive feedback about themselves (Josephs, Bosson, & Jacobs, 2003).
Fortunately, self-esteem is not something you’re born with or without. Rather,
it is largely an acquired trait that you can improve, no matter how little you have to
start with. Because self-esteem resides largely within yourself, ultimately you have
the power to change it. however, one of the paradoxes of personal change is that only
as you come to see and accept yourself as you are, warts and all, can you genuinely
begin to grow. Then, too, be certain that your standards and expectations – your ideal
self-against which you measure yourself are reasonable. Perfectionistic individuals
who judge themselves by unrealistic standards constantly undermine their own self-
esteem. Finally, although other people’s reactions may influence your self-esteem
through feedback and social comparison, you are the final authority on your own self-
worth. As Seneca, the ancient philosopher, said, “What you think of yourself is much
more important than what others think of you.”

Self-consistency:
This characteristic tendency toward self-clarity (Bigler, Neimeyer, & Brown,
2001) or self-consistency (our tendency to perceive our experiences in a manner
consistent with self-concept) is best understood in relation to Carl Rogers’s (1980)
view of the phenomenal self depicted in Figure 4.1. The circle on the right represents
the total experience of an individual, including sensory and bodily experience. The
circle on the left represents the self-concept, which has been acquired through
interaction with significant others mainly parents, throughout the formative years of
development. It is fully available to awareness. These two circles, representing the
typical or “normal” person, do not fully coincide because the self-concept develops in
response to what Rogers calls conditions of worth. That is, instead of growing up in
an atmosphere of unconditioned acceptance, most of us feel we are loved and
accepted only if we meet certain expectations and approvals. Whatever is acceptable
to our parents and other significant persons in our lives becomes incorporated into our
self-concept. In turn, our self-concept functions as a filter through which everything
we see or hear passes.
Experiences that are consistent with both our sensory reactions (circle B) and
our self-concept (circle A) tend to be labeled or “symbolized” accurately and admitted
fully into our conscious awareness. These self-perceptions make up the core of our
self-concept and are visualized by the shaded area, where the two circles overlap in
Figure 4.1. Experiences that are not consistent with both our sensory experience and
our self-concept are perceived more selectivity. Such experiences are either distorted
or kept from awareness.
Experiences that are not consistent with our learned self-concept might be
perceived as too threatening and therefore might not even be recognized as self-
experiences. Consequently, they may not be accurately perceived or labeled or may be
kept from awareness, either in part or in whole. Here, denial is roughly comparable to
the concept of repression in Freudian terms and refers to an unconscious exclusion of
experience because of the threat associated with it. Such experiences are visualized in
the diagram by the area in circle B outside the shaded area.

Self acceptance:
Self acceptance “Acceptance of oneself unconditionally and being comfortable
with it”. Self love is very natural to everyone. Observe a new born baby. This is a
stage of natural of self acceptance. Self acceptance starts when ‘significant’ others
starts commenting about what
 You can or cannot do.
 What is not good in you.
 You get caught in conditions of worth as you do not ‘other’ reference points
to check.

Self confidence:
Self confidence is an important dimension of ‘self concept’ and seemed to convey the
following qualities – confident, valuable, stable, satisfied, smart, active, popular etc.
Self confidence – not boldness, arrogance but belief in your capacities and a belief
that you don’t have to prove to anybody.

Self-Enhancement and Self-verification:

We receive a great deal of information about how people see us through our
interactions with them (Leary, 1999). According to self-enhancement theory, people
will try to get positive feedback that affirms their own ideas about their positive
qualities. Most people prefer and seek out positive feedback about themselves, but
mostly for those attributes that they themselves view as positive because positive self-
views are generally adaptive (Taylor & Brown, 1994). Along the same line of
thinking, people’s autobiographical memory induces them to perceive themselves as
better and better over time (Ross & Wilson, 2003).
In contrast, in accordance with self-verification theory, people want to
preserve their own images (both positive and negative) of themselves and therefore
elicit feedback that verifies or confirms their own self-perceptions. Thus, self-
verification is important to us, in that it gives us a sense of stability in an
unpredictable world. Also, such confirmation is vital to social interaction because if
others see us as we see ourselves, they will have a better idea of how to treat us, what
to experts of us, and so forth. In sum, people generally prefer to hear opinions that are
positive but also supportive of their own views of themselves.
Self direction:
Much of the change in our self-concept occurs with maturity, or the mellowing
that comes with age and experience. But a great deal of change in our self-image
comes from adapting to different people and situations. Different jobs, new friends
and a change in responsibilities, like marriage and parenting, all affect the way we see
ourselves. Although we retain a stable core of self, the many self-perceptions that
make up our overall self-concept are in a state of flux or change and are more readily
influenced by current experience than previously thought. Our self-concepts continue
to change as a result of our personal aspirations, changing roles and behaviours,
criticism from others, and greater self-direction.
The way we see ourselves is also vitally affected by the way we behave in different
roles and situations. Often, the way we see ourselves leads us to act in a given
manner. But equally often, as Carol Tavris (1987) reminded us, we act in a certain
way as others see us. As a result, countless qualities – obedience, assertiveness,
comprehensiveness, compassion, ambition, self-worth, and happiness – change
remarkably with a change in our circumstances.

Self talk:
Each one passes through various experiences – both good and bad. Based on
these experience we form the image about the world, others and about self. It impact –
emotional significance of these experience. Further – regardless of reason, your
thoughts and feeling invariably go in the same direction, which you think cannot
control.
Why – go back to you childhood experiences, over a period of time, these
reactions become automatic, like a stuck up record.

Effect of self talk:

You stop thinking about other alternative. You ignore the contribution of other
significant factors to your success or failure. Overgeneralization leads to faulty
assumption about self capacity and it is very natural can happens to all of us.
The healthier self structure can be developed by deliberately giving positive
self affirming statement and thus enhancing once self worth and self confidence.
Self Test:

1. Which of the following includes all those perceptions of “I” and “me”,
together with the feelings, beliefs, and values associated with them?
a. Superego b. Self-concept c. ideal self d. body image

2. The self-image is the

a. Self I’d like to be b. Self as I think others see me
c. Self I see myself to be d. image I have of my body

3. Our ideal self should be

a. modified when unduly high b. unattainable in principle
c. the same as our self-image d. never compromised

4. Experiences that are consistent with our self-concept but are not confirmed by
our “gut” reactions are
a. admitted fully into our awareness b. accurately perceived and labeled
c. creativity altered d. perceived in a distorted manner

5. Compared with people high in self-esteem, those with low self-esteem

a. are more accepting others b. report higher levels of happiness
c. exert less effort on hard tasks d. report lower levels of anxiety

6. According to self-enhancement theory, we welcome positive feedback about

a. all our qualities b. our positive qualities c. our negative qualities d. anything

7. Who typically has low self-esteem?

a. women compared to men
b. minorities compared to the white authority
c. children with parents who consistently criticize
d. all of the above
8. Our social selves refer to
a. how we perceive other people b. the way we think others see us
c. how well we get along with others d. the way others see us
 9. The most helpful way of handling personal criticism is to regard it as
something that
a. needs immediate action b. reflects others’ faults
c. necessarily self-defense d. may require action

10. During the later stages of personal growth and therapy, people have a
heightened sense of
a. self-direction b. fixed personal goals c. self-criticalness d. future
orientation

Questions for self-reflection:

1. How would you describe your self-image?
2. Which aspects of your self-concept would you like to change?
3. Do you basically like yourself?
4. Are you more self-confident in some situations than in others?
5. Are you aware of how others see you?3
6. When you’ve accepted something within yourself, are you more accepting of
it in others?
7. How well do you take personal criticism?
8. What do you say when complimented by others?
9. Are you aware that self-actualisation is a direction rather than a destination?
10. Do you tend to trust your own experiences?

Self-Affirming Activities:
Instructions: Do one or more of the following activities. When you have a low
point in your self-image, pull out the activity and your answers and reread them.
 Name five of your strengths
 List five things you admire about yourself.
 What are your five greatest achievements in life so far?
 Describe five ways you can reward yourself for accomplishment.
 Explain five ways you can make yourself laugh.
 What are five things you can do for someone else to make them feel good?
 List five things you do to treat yourself well.
 What five activities have you recently engaged in that gave you joy?
High and Low self-esteem
_____________________________________________________________________
Signs of high self-esteem signs of how self-esteem
Do you….. or, do you …..

Like your appearance when you see avoid viewing yourself in the mirror?
yourself in the mirror?

Feel comfortable with yourself Feel discontented with yourself most

most of the time? of the time?

Savor your accomplishments? Brag excessively or apologize

about your achievements?

Regard your failures as opportunities Make excuses for your failures?

to learn?

Express your opinions readily? Withhold your views, especially

if asked?

Listen to what others say, even if Try to convince others of your

you disagree? views?

Accept compliments graciously? Reject compliments or qualify

them?

Give credit to others when its due? Envy others and put them down
by sarcasm or gossip?

Make realistic demands on yourself? Expect too much or too little of

yourself?

Give and receive affection generously? Withhold your affection out of

fear of being hurt?
 Unit-1
Module III: MOTIVATION
Prepared by: Dr. Renuka Regani

People usually think that motivation is a personal trait and only some people
have it. People who do not have motivation are considered lazy and incompetent. But
according to social scientist this is not true. They say that motivation is an interaction
of the individual with the environment. As such individuals differ in their basic
motivational drive. Levels of motivation vary both in between people and also within
a person at different times (for e.g. to pass an examination, one must work hard, but
the effort each student puts in differ from one and another. Again the student who is
studying for the examination may not put in the same effort continuously. He / she
will study studiously for some time and at other times may watch a movie or go out
with friends). Thus the level of motivation is not consistent all the time.
The process of motivation: Any organism which has life has motivation: what do
you do when you are hungry or thirsty, when you feel cold or hot, when you run
temperature, or have a headache or stomachache?
You immediate take some action to set you state or condition right. You eat
food, drink water, wear a sweater, switch on the fan or AC, go to the doctor for
treatment. All these attempts are called ‘drives’ to remove you discomfort and bring
back the balance of your body to the state of ‘Homeostasis’.
Thus psychologists describe all such wants, wishes, needs, desires, drives and
interests as ‘motives’, the aroused state as ‘drive’ and an attempt to set it right as ‘goal
or incentive’. Thus the process of motivation is ‘need–drive–incentive’. Leads to
balance or homeostasis. Once the goal is attained, a new need may arise and you may
again go through the process of attaining that new goal.
Thus for psychologists motives are:
1. What activates and arouses the organism.
2. What directs the organism’s behaviour toward attainment of some goal.
For e.g. Hunger motive not only arouses you and gets you going, but it also
directs you toward a particular goal. An organism responding to such a motive is said
to be motivated. The stronger our motivation, the more likely we are to act. Any
normal animal or human being would engage in this behaviour when a need or
discomfort arises. In case the organism is not acting upon this, then either the animal

1
or human being is sick, hurt and disabled or has some abnormality like being mentally
ill or retarded.
Let us examine each of the concept of the process of motivation.
Need: it is an internal state within an individual which is caused by a deprivation of
such essentials as food, water, air etc. This need must be satisfied in order for the
individual to survive. Here the individual is motivated to make an adequate
adjustment with the environment by fulfilling the basic needs.
Drives: This is also called as motive which is set up to alleviate (remove, reduce) the
need. This is action oriented and attempts at reaching the goal or obtaining the
incentive.
Goal / incentives: It is that need or wish which has created disturbances in your
organism and propels you toward action. The fulfillment of the need or attainment of
the goal is obtaining the incentive or reward. (carrying forward the same example). If
your have an intense need to secure highest marks (need) you attempt at studying hard
by putting in all the efforts (drive) and when you obtain the marks you have aimed
for, you or happy or satisfied (incentive / goal).

Turning our attention to needs, there are different types of needs or motives
1. Physiological needs / motives
2. Psychological needs / motive
3. General needs / motives
Physiological needs are purely innate, unlearnt, and tissue based and therefore we
call them as basic needs, biogenic needs, primary needs or physiological needs (e.g.
hunger, thirst, air, love etc.). They are common to all (both animals and human
beings) and are thus universal. It is essential that these needs be fulfilled, otherwise
the survival of the organism is at stake.
All animals and human beings attend to these needs, the moment they get
aroused (like drinking water when you are thirsty, eating food when you are hungry),
otherwise, it creates a turmoil in the body and reduces the effective functioning of the
organisms (e.g. Blood sugar etc)
Psychological needs: These are not innate but learnt or acquired. We call them
acquired needs, psychogenic needs, socio-genic needs, secondary needs or
psychological needs (e.g. needs for power, need for achievement, need for affiliation,
need for security, need for status). These needs are individual based and unique. The

2
unfulfillment of these needs may not lead to death, but can play havoc in an
individual’s life and can end up making one a maladjusted person. Therefore it is
important that optimum adjustment should be made by the organism.

Explanation of the secondary needs / motives:

Power motive: This is a need to manipulate others. There is a high need to
dominate others.
Achievement motive: It is the degree to which a person wishes to accomplish
challenging goals, succeed in competitive situations and exhibit desire for
unambiguous feedback regarding their performance.
Affiliation motive: It is the degree to which people seek approval from others,
confirm to others wishes and avoid conflicts or confrontation with others. They
want to be socially acceptable
Security motive: This is an intense motive to protect themselves from any
contingencies of life and actively try to avoid situations which lead to any
eventualities by securing their future, in terms of savings and insurance.
Status motive: A need to show off one’s status or position through
materialistic symbols like car, house, good dressing, the institution in which
they work.

In between these two needs are the most important needs or motives called the
“general motives”. To be included in the general category, a motive must be
unlearned but not physiologically based. These are curiosity, manipulation and
activity motives and affection motive.
The “curiosity, manipulation and activity motives”: Any organism cannot
maintain a status quo for a longtime, there is an unlearned drive to explore,
manipulate with objects or just be active. These needs are actually very beneficial and
are very important for our growth. If they are stifled or inhibited the society would not
have grown to today’s status and will also not grow any further in the future. These
motives are very important for developing creativity and making new inventions and
discoveries.

“Affection motive”: Love, affiliation and affection are the needs which are discussed
under all the three types of motives (physiological, psychological and general
motives). This is an important need for every organism. When a person feels loved, is

3
belonging to some group or family and when treated with affection, he / she enjoy
good mental health and adjusts well. If people are not shown love and affection or
outcasted, there are two typical reactions to it.
1. They go into isolation and feel lonely and depressed.
2. They develop vengeance and display antisocial behaviour to seek the needed
attention.
Therefore, people should be treated with love, affection and respect if you
want them to perform any activity and have good mental health
The important aspect to be noted here is that these needs are not innate and
tissue based, where the primary needs seek to reduce the tension or stimulation, these
general needs induce the organism to increase the amount of stimulation. Thus these
needs are also called a “stimulus motives”.
The understanding of these general motives is more relevant to the study of
human behaviour.
Sources of motivation:
Intrinsic vs extrinsic motives:
Generally we consider motivation to take place only because of the aroused
need. But it is not so. There are certain orientations of the people which enhance the
motive to attain the needed level. There are called the “intrinsic motives” and the
“extrinsic motives”. These are the two sources of the drive which pushes the
individuals into the right direction.

“Extrinsic motive”: When an individual performs an activity and wants others to

known about it, i.e. he wants people’s recognition for it, it is called as extrinsic
motivation. A person gets satisfaction only when others praise him / her. He does an
activity so that he can avoid punishment and not because he wants to do it for himself.
These people need some one to motivate them all the time. Like dangling a carrot in
front of the donkey: to push / goad them towards the completion of the task. The
performance is contingent upon the reward. It means they are externally motivated.

“Intrinsic motivation”: Intrinsic motives are internally generated. The person who is
intrinsically driven does not bother about achieving some external incentive but
performs for his own satisfaction or enjoyment. Intrinsic rewards include the feeling
of responsibility, achievement, accomplishment. They derive great satisfaction from

4
performing some meaningful task. For e.g. A person who is studying for an
examination, by putting great efforts for marks is extrinsically motivated and a person
who studies to gain knowledge is intrinsically motivated.
A person who is externally motivated gets irritated or disturbed easily because
his / her goal is outside him / her and chances are that he / she may have difficulty in
achieving it. Therefore they feel it is a burdensome activity and feel the load of it, and
always assess the worth of the reward and exert effort accordingly.
However a person who is intrinsically motivated does not get deterred from
his/ her work inspite of having trouble pursuing the goal. No amount of disturbance
will irritate them. There is more commitment and involvement with the goal and
he/she enjoys achieving it facing all odds. Every adverse condition is taken as a
challenge and they do not blame the external conditions when they fail to achieve
their goal.

Achievement motivation:
Earlier we have seen what is need for achievement. We said it is the degree to
which a person wishes to accomplish a task. There are specific characteristics of
people with high achievement
a. Moderate risk taking: They do not indulge in high risk or low risk
activities. They usually take risks that are challenging enough.
b. Need for immediate feedback: These people want immediate and precise
feedback on their work so that they can take remedial steps when something
did not work well.
c. Satisfaction with accomplishment: They are more satisfied by
accomplishing the task rather than gaining some materialistic reward. i.e.
they are intrinsically motivated.
d. Preoccupation with the task: they do not like to leave the job unfinished
and are totally preoccupied with the task until they successfully complete it.
However, to achieve success and enjoy it, is not possible by all. Society has, to
a large extent, treated successful people with contempt and resentment. There are
certain psychological reasons for this. Yes, we have seen people achieving great
heights but they may be strangers to us. When people who are close to us are
achieving, we sometimes are not so happy. These feelings get transmitted somehow to
high achievers and they develop certain fears to succeed or achieve and therefore may

5
not put in the highest possible effort for fear of being disliked or distanced from their
close ones. These are called Barriers of achievement motivation. The two important
barriers are “fear of success” and “fear of failure”.

Barriers of Achievement Motivation

Fear of Success: People are afraid of succeeding at a task. They want to “succeed”
but also want “not to succeed”
o They have a marked fear of failure
o Prefer to retreat from competitive situations
o Don’t take risks involved in trying to improve their career prospects.
However
o Success-fearing individuals welcome success oriented activities
o Many of them are exceedingly ambitious
o They want to be recognized for their achievement
But
o As soon as they make any significant progress towards a desired objective,
they feel a compulsion to check themselves and to find ways to sabotage
success.
Let us see how it develops: Dynamics of fear of success
o Success-fearing people internalize society’s mixed-up attitudes toward
success early in life.
On the one hand:
o Successful people are admired for their competence, talent, courage,
enterprise and other positive attributes
(And)
o People who have failed are viewed with contempt and pity because it is
thought people who fail are incompetent or lazy.
On the other hand:
o Culture tells us that when we succeed we should be modest, unselfish and
giving.
o Success is associated with greed and is considered as immoral. Society
looks cynically at people who have succeeded and sneers at them. As a
result anxiety develops in people who are being successful and prefer not
to succeed.

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Childhood impact:
o Parents and older siblings are the main sources sometimes to ingrain these
fears into the minds of the child.
o The home atmosphere is another feature
o The homes of success fearing people have;
o High standards of success
o Encourage and value competition

At the same time

They discourage and punish if they are too competitive or show overt pleasure
in winning something
So, the parents have given confusing signals to the child.
They are also very interfering and controlling in their interaction with their
children.
Thus, consciously they are anxious to succeed but subconsciously they have
fears and inhibitions about succeeding in any activity they are embarking upon.
Secondly: Fear of success persists in their adult lives because of their suppressed
childhood experiences and continue and maintain their emotional fear of success.
Thirdly: These people use a variety of defense mechanisms and rationalizations to
protect themselves from the anxiety which has been created in them, both by their
self-enhancing drives and later self-defeating maneuveors.

Fear of failure:
These are another category of people. They do not give themselves the full
permission to succeed.
They hold back their full potential as they do not have faith in their ability to
succeed.
People with fear of failure, tend to set for themselves, either “too easy to reach
goals”, “modest goals” or “very difficult goals”.
o Some people have a high sense of “self-aggrandizing image” and hide
their high sense of inadequacy behind it and potray a high level of self
confidence.

7
 o They pursue their goals in fits and starts and when they realize that it is
impossible to attain them, they leave them and start using self-protective
armours of grandiose.

Characteristics of people who fear failure:

Withdrawal:
Failure fearing people, withdraw from competition and risk-taking.
o They generally look for safe niches and innocuous easy task that pose
little or no threat of failure.
o They avoid risk of failure, because it would expose their inadequacies.
o They remain modest and inconspicuous and do not like to be humiliated
or disliked.
o They have low levels of aspirations.
o They are indolent and passive.
o As they avoid risks and responsibilities, they suffer great personal
impoverishment and there is total negation of their full potential.
o They end up falling prey to depressive moods and deep feelings of
helplessness.
Unrealistic:
o Some people may not have any self doubts or thought of failure but tend
to be somewhat unrealistic in estimating they own capacity or challenges
they may face. These people usually overestimate the difficulties and
underestimates their own capabilities.
Thus they show only half hearted efforts. This underestimates of one’s
potential is due to excessive caution people show when one has to give
total commitment to the goal. To be cautious is not wrong but should not
be overused.
o They have a possibility of strengthening negative projections and can
showball into a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

Risk taking: When we want to take a risk, it is inevitable that there are many chances
of failures, mistakes and set backs. What counts finally is our emotional willingness
to risk and accept failure.

8
 When we have the courage to risk personal rejection, wasted effort and even
psychological defeat (suppose our efforts fail), we have liberated ourselves from the
fear of failure.
In this bargain we discover capacities we did not know existed within us. Then
we can do our best and achieve the goals we have set for ourselves.

Perfectionism:
This is another serious barrier to attain success.
Perfectionists set exceedingly high standards and overambitious goals.
Actually perfectionists pursuit for excellence is unhealthy because:
o Their standards are unrealistic and not reachable.
o They are driven and compulsive and are always pursuing and reaching for
impossible goals.
o They do not enjoy any of their achievements.
o Every goal they achieve falls short of what was in their minds eye and
they feel disappointed.

Black and White:

The reason behind why perfectionists experience more punishment than
reward is because they habitually think in all or none principle i.e. even a small
mistake or lapse is not forgiven.
o They self worth depends purely on their ability to achieve what they have
set out for. If not achieved they experiences high level of unworthiness.
o They suffer from low self esteem, anxiety and depressive moods.
o As a result of this their productivity is either inhibited or only
intermittent.
o These mood disorders and self doubts have adverse affects on their self
control and interpersonal relationships.

Characteristics of Perfectionists:
Type ‘A’ Person: Perfectionists have Type ‘A’ personality traits like
o Being highly competitive, excessively achievement oriented, impatient,
easily frustrated and angered, time-pressurized and preoccupied with
deadlines.

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 o They are very lonely people and highly sensitive to criticism and
anticipate rejection and humiliation and therefore withdraw from others.
Further more, perfectionists not only set unrealistic standards for themselves,
but also expect such kind of performance from others around them. They are very
critical of every thing and everybody.

Overgeneralization: This is another noteworthy characteristics of perfectionist. An

isolated negative experience of failure is generalized to other activities and even if
they make minor mistakes they do not forgive themselves. As a result they put off
tasks due to anticipatory anxiety and stress and end up doing very little.

Peer comparison: Besides not doing much for themselves, they compare whatever
accomplishments they have to what their colleagues have achieved. They usually feel
that their colleagues are better than them, they do not make mistakes and expend very
little effort to achieve the success. This is a self defeating attitude and habit of
thinking.

“How can you change them”

Psychotherapy: To bring about a change in the habit of thinking of a perfectionist,
psychiatrists have put their emphasis on changing the cognitive structure of the
perfectionist. The first step is: To make a list of the advantage of attempting to be
perfect.

Maximizing Resources: Successful people know that perfection can never be

attained. It is important to recognize ones talents and resources. One should become
competent and do their best. They should not worry about perfection or failure at each
step of the project completion. There should be complete freedom from anxiety and
guilt over not attaining high standards of performance and excellence.
There are many gradations of excellence and success. Just by aiming and
doing things, well, instead of perfectly one can move into the comforting zone of
realistic self perception of what one can actually achieve in one’s chosen profession.

10
 Unit-1
MODULE IV: UNDERSTANDING AND MANAGING EMOTIONS
Prepared by: Dr.K.P.Suman

Emotions not only give color but also meaning to our lives and experiences. Our crimes
and even inhuman acts are all because of emotions. These play a very important role in human
behavior and life. Infact, even moral behavior is based on emotion to some extent (Daniel
Goleman 1995).

The emotion is defined as ‘a strong mental or instinctive feeling such as love or fear’
(Oxford English Dictionary, 1996) involving many bodily processes, and mental states. An
emotion combines cognition, bodily arousal and behavior in a ready-made formula for
responding in line with the way the situation has been interpreted. There is huge difference in
the ways of feeling emotions by human beings and animals although both of them experience
anger, fear, sadness, and joy.

Emotion can be defined as the “feeling” aspect of consciousness, characterized by certain

physical arousal, a certain physical arousal, a certain behavior that reveals the feeling to the
outside world, and an inner awareness of feelings. Emotion is associated with mood,
temperament, personality and disposition and motivation. The English word 'emotion' is derived
from the French word émouvoir. This is based on the Latin emovere, where e- (variant of ex-)
means 'out' and movere means 'move’. The related term "motivation" is also derived from
movere. No aspect of our mental life is more important to the quality and meaning of our
existence than emotions. They are what make life worth living, or sometimes ending. So it is not
surprising that most of the great classical philosophers—Plato, Aristotle, Spinoza, Descartes,
Hobbes, Hume—had recognizable theories of emotion, conceived as responses to certain sorts of
events of concern to a subject, triggering bodily changes and typically motivating characteristic
behavior.

Components of emotions:

Most psychologists would agree that an emotion is a complex pattern of changes that include
physiological arousal, subjective feelings, cognitive processes and behavioural reactions- all in
response to a situation we perceive to be personally significant.

Accordingly, an emotion has four components:

1. Physiological arousal: Emotions involve the brain, nervous system and harmones, so that
when you’re emotionally aroused the harmone secretion is more to give us instant energy.
Each emotion has a specific characteristic of physiological aspects.
For example:

 When angry – the blood rushes to our hands in order to fight.

  When afraid – the blood rushes to our skeletal system and leg to facilitate the fight or
flight responses.
2. Subjective feelings: Emotions also include subjective awareness, or ‘feeling’ that involves
elements of pleasure, liking or disliking. Thus, in studying emotion or knowing another person’s
feelings, we must rely heavily on that person’s own self reports.

3. Cognitive processes: Emotions also involve cognitive processes such as memorial,

perceptions, expectations and interpretations. Our appraisal of an event plays an especially
significant role in the meaning it has for us.

4. Behavioral reactions: Emotions also involve behavioral reactions, both expressive and
instrumental. Facial expressions – smiles and frowns, as well as gestures and Lories of voice, all
serve to communicate our feelings that may enhance our chances for survival.

The various theories of emotion differ mostly is regard to which of these various
components is given priority. In much the same way, authorities differ about how emotions are
activated or triggered.

The various components of emotion can be illustrated with a famous illustration from
William James (1884) paper, ‘What is an emotion?’ James cited the example of encountering a
bear. “Imagine you are walking casually through the woods enjoying the sights and sounds of
nature. Suddenly, there is a roaring sound, a crashing of undergrowth and a bear emerges into the
clearing immediately in front of you. You immediately come to a halt, your heart is pounding,
your mouth is dry, your muscles tense and you feel intensely afraid. You remember that it’s
important, when confronted by bears, to stand your ground and so you stand your ground and so
you stay very still despite your fear. Eventually, after an impressive paw-waving show of
aggression, the bear wanders off and you are safe.

In this example, the emotion is one of the intense fear or terror- when you encounter the
bear in the woods. The fear goes hand –in-hand with marked physiological changes; for example,
the dryness in the mouth, the tension in the muscles, the racing heart and so on. The fear is also
characterized by a readiness to run or to fight – the ‘Fight or Flight’ syndrome. This is the
functionality of fear in this instance. However, although there is action readiness, you don’t
actually follow that through to the level of behaviour; instead, you stand your ground. Another
part of the fear is the cognitive aspect where you actually feel extremely afraid because the bear
has been understood at some level to be threatening to your current concerns such as personal
survival.

Emotional awareness:

Emotional awareness is one of the major element which plays a key role in facilitating to
have a emotionally balanced life. It means knowing when ones feelings are present in ourselves
and others. The more an individual knows about what emotions are? How they occur and what
happens during emotions, certainly enables to bring awareness in an individual. As it is most
commonly said that when an individual has an awareness on a particular thing then it becomes
more easy to take care and handle that thing. It is exactly the same even in case of emotions.
when there is emotional awareness then it is very easy for a person to know what he is feeling
and deal with it appropriately rather than becoming victims of emotions.

For example, suppose if my parents or friends humiliate me in front of others I might feel
insulted, ashamed and also get angry for what had happened. If I am not knowing how I am
feeling or just not concentrate on that rather trying to forget the unpleasant memory I may take
drugs or alcohol and just fall a prey. But if there is emotional awareness in me then I may rather
think of helping myself from that unpleasantness which I experience because of that situation.

Emotional expression and regulation:

This is one of the major component in the process of managing emotions by competent
people. It’s a very common saying that neither excess eating of food is good for health nor less
eating is good as both of these causes physiological health problems. It’s the same case even
with emotions. either over expression or inadequate expression of emotions both creates
imbalances psychologically rooting to mental health problems. This is further explained in the
topic emotional competency.

Emotional competency:

Emotional Competency is “A learned capability based on emotional intelligence that

results in outstanding performance at work (Cary & Goleman, 2005 ). Emotional Competencies
are job skills that can, and indeed must be learned. An underlying Emotional Intelligence is
necessary, though not sufficient, to manifest competency in any one of the four Emotional
Intelligence domains, or clusters. Although our emotional intelligence determines our potential
for learning the practical skills that underlie the four Emotional Intelligence clusters, our
emotional competency shows how much of that potential we have realized by learning and
mastering skills and translating these skills into coping strategies of practical life. Emotional
Competency is “A learned capability based on emotional intelligence that results in outstanding
performance at work.

Ex. An individual travelling in the bus accidentally stamps another man’s leg and
immediately says sorry for that. But the other person whose leg was stamped could not control
the anger because of pain starts shouting at the person and makes a fuss of that. If we take this
person into consideration who had stamped, even though knowing that the other person is
provoking to fight, he simply ignores and continues to move on his way by handling the situation
intelligently without being effected.
 Emotional competency is an efficiency to deal effectively with several dissociable but
related processes is a blending of five competencies (Coleman, 1970):

A) Adequate Depth of Feeling : It is feeling capable with all reality assumptions associated
with effective judgment and personality integration ensuring vigorous participation in living. Ex.
Having very slight impact of day to day events on oneself.

B) Adequate Expression and Control of Emotions : It is to accept emotions and have

adequate control over them marked by adequate emotional expressiveness based on fulsome
expression and control of emotions is known as Adequate expression and control of emotions.
Ex. Does not loose control at all even on the slight life incidents.

C) Ability to Function with Emotions: It refers to the ability of an individual not to get
affected by emotional situations and in their adequate mode of functioning in performing daily
routine actions properly. Ex. Even in the conditions of feelings like fear, anxiety, anger the
individual will be able to take decisions and does his job properly.

D) Ability to cope with Problem Emotions : It is to have understanding of the role of

sensitivity and the detrimental effects of problem emotions and resist their harmful effects. Ex.
The fear of strange circumstances does not remain in the individual.

E) Encouragement of positive Emotions : It is to have a high proportion of positive

emotions, which show a constructive influence in the dynamics of behavior to ensure a
meaningful and fairly well integrated life. Ex. An individual never misses an opportunity to be
happy.
An individual is said to be emotionally competent when they have the competent way of
handing the emotions as described in the above components of emotions.

4.4.3 Management of emotions:

To handle emotions and manage emotions effectively, it is very essential to know about
emotions, which involves the meaning of emotions and biological basis of emotions, the nature
of emotions, types of emotions and effects of emotions on health of an individual.

The most important aspect of managing emotions primarily focuses on the emotional intelligence
of the individual and to become emotionally competent.

Some of the common means of handling emotions include:

 Identify the emotion which you are feeling at the moment.

Ex. if you had a fight with your friend then it is very important to know how you are feeling at
that point of time. Ask yourself whether you are angry with your friend or sad for the thing
which had happened.

 Accepting the emotions without denying them.

Ex: If you are angry or jealous or sad, then let yourself know that and say to yourself that you are
angry or jealous rather than denying by not accepting.

 Not hanging on too much by thinking excessively about the unpleasant emotions if being
experienced.

Ex. If you are sad because of the thing which happened, then don’t keep thinking about it again
and again all the time keeping away all the things which you have to do. Try to do something
which deviates your mind from the thought that makes you feel sad by remembering the incident.

 Sharing the feelings with some one whom you trust rather than pilling up them within
oneself.

Ex. It is very essential to vent out your feelings to the right person whether it is your friend,
partner or parents on whom you have confidence. You feel lightened and releafed. This does not
allow the emotions to get pilled up within yourself leading to frustration and stress and further
leading to mental disturbances.

 Expressing out your emotions when you experience them.

Ex. When you experience sadness express your feeling by letting the other person know how you
are feeling or weep so as to get relief from your emotion. If being happy share your happiness to
express wither in words or acts. Do not express too much of your emotions or too less of them.
Express them appropriately.

 Cultivate regular habits of exercising , taking good diet. A good diet and exercises keeps
you both physically and mentally healthy.
 Think optimistically always and do not forget to laughing. Always think positively. This
keeps you charged and motivates you to do your deeds.
 Change the things which you can change. Things which we can change need to be
worked out and implemented for bringing changes. Ex. If I want to secure good
percentage of marks, then I need to work hard by motivating myself.
 Identify the things which you can change and which you cannot change by knowing the
difference between these two. Life and death are not in our hands and there are few
things which happen in our lives are not in our control and cannot change them. Those
things only have to be accepted.
 Listening to happy and joyful songs and avoiding being isolating when being sad or low.
Managing anger:

 Consciously determine to be calm. Don't react, think! Remember your goals and respond
appropriately. Choose to remain calm!
 Communicate. When someone upsets you, tell them. Calmly talk to them about how you
feel about their words or actions. Learn to express yourself better -- clear and composed.
Choose to!
 Remove yourself from the scene until you can respond without anger. Your success will
not happen overnight. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Remember to relax.
Relaxation exercises or music can be helpful. Keep in mind you can reach out to someone
you trust for help. Choose to!
 Frequently take time for yourself. Do something you enjoy like walking in the park,
swimming, reading the Bible, or seeing a feel-good movie. Do something nice for
someone you admire. It's okay to feel good about yourself. Choose to!
 Look for the positives. Don't dwell on the negatives. "Don't sweat the small stuff." Learn
to be forgiving. This is difficult, but we need to start by learning to forgive ourselves!
 Live in the present ( here and now) as far as possible.
 Be aware of yourself, your anger patterns. Find the root cause of your anger – it will be
fear or lust or attachment.
 Develop your self confidence.
 Accept yourself as such. When you accept your negatives, deficits, you do not have any
internal conflict at all .
 As soon as you are in control withdraw yourself from the situation to avoid irrepairable
or irreversible damage to self, others, relationships, and the environment.
 When you recognize that you are angry, just stop doing what you have been doing. Walk
around or sit calmly for a few minutes.
 Release the stress (stored due to anger) in a way in which there is least possible harm to
self, others, and the environment.
 Breath deeply. Inhale deeply and hold for a second or two. Then exhale deeply. Repeat a
few times.
 Become aware that you are angry. Just observe yourself.
 If possible involve in some creative work that can pacify you.
 If possible, divert your attention to something else that can relax you; like humorous
films, calming music, watering your garden, going to beach or park or the like.
 Get into the company of persons you love or who love you and understand you. Speak
out to them, if possible.
 If you have love for children, their presence can pacify you.
 Even pets can sometimes pacify you.
 Laugh it out, if you can, by perceiving it in a humorous way.
 Perceive it creatively and constructively and take it as an opportunity to know yourself,
your anger patterns and the situation or other people involved.
 As far as possible do not swear to yourself or shout like: ‘ I will teach you/him/her a
lesson. I will show you/him/her’ etc. This will act as a program and will be stored as
negative energy.
Management of anxiety:

Anxiety is a chronic fear that limits our ability to carry out our normal activities.

 One of the easiest ways to manage anxiety is to do a quick relaxation by controlling our
breathing and this is a very easy thing to do.
 Exert an effort to breathe in and out slowly and deeply

 It is advisable to think of the positive side or effects of the situation rather than focus on
the downside. This process is called a change in the habit of thinking. The way we feel
and the way we think are always a match. So, if you think more of happy thoughts,
positive emotions and a positive outlook follow.
 Know the cause for anxiety.
 In severe unmanageable cases seek professional aid.