Name: Crismar John L.

Cacayan
Course/YR./Section: BSHM-3A

The things that affect or influence my behavior is that growing up alone, I have my parents with
me but growing up I always feel alone even though I have a sister but still she’s not with us she’s
in the province with my grandmother, grandfather and aunties. Growing up I feel that it’s just me,
whenever I feel lonely, I have no one to talk to I feel shy to share my feelings with my mother and
father, maybe I’m not the showy person in expressing my feelings. I have a friend yes but I really
don’t comfortable in sharing my feelings with them. I feel they might talk behind me; Sometimes
I envy with others who have their brothers and sisters with them. It’s makes my self-esteem low
and I have a lack of confidences. It gives me a hard time to school, I always wanted to not attend
school or even study with other. It’s affects my socialization to others I’m scared to interact with
other kids when I was in grade school. I always keep my mouth zip and not saying anything even
if our teacher ask a question in recitation and said raise your hand if you know the answer I never
do it even I know the answer, I always keep my Idea, my feelings with me, even sometimes I want
to share it with others I feel scared that they might misunderstand me or I might get embarrassed.
That’s why I really don’t want to go to school I remember that I’m crying whenever my mother
left me at school I feel not secured I don’t have confidence to talk and express my opinions, but I
have no choice but to study so I just make myself busy at studying and playing with my childhood
friends hoping to gain some courage to socialize with my classmates, My child friends is not my
classmates they older with me so in grade school I only have few friends. Moving forward luckily
I graduated grade school with surprisingly high grade that’s my parents so proud and happy I
surpass being shy to others I developed it on my grade school, but I know that I still don’t have
much confidence to socialized. Fast forward today that I’m in College now I still struggle on
expressing my feelings as a student, Firsts day of school the level up Introduce yourself thing, I
introduce myself and answer the question but my answer contradicts on how really, I want to
answer the question being told. In college I develop anxiety I always nervous going to school and
attend classes I starting overthinking things and also the pressure that I need to meet my relatives
think to me that I’m the one who will raised my parents life even though that really my goal in
studying but I overthinking things I’m scared that I might disappoint them, I always thinking on
what should I do and don’t and because of that I’m having problem to sleep at night and having a
headache sometimes. Because I grew up alone. I don’t share my feelings to other because of my
thinking that they might misunderstand me and judge me so I always keep my feelings with me.
Sometimes I cried at night to released my feeling the stressed that happened to me that day just for
me to sleep. Luckily my parents noticed it especially my mother she started asking me how’s my
day going and I’m sharing it to her and it feels good, she said to me that don’t overthink and mined
what other think of me the important things is that im doing the right thing no matter what
happened she will loved me as her son that day I know that I’m going to be fine and whenever I
feel alone and overthinking having anxiety I talk to my mom and some of my friends and eat they
help me to manage my anxiety and that’s my anxiety become manageable. Also I used my anxiety
to be better person because I think on what will happened if I do that things I tend to analyze things
before I take action. I think anxiety or being feel alone and overthinking things Is not gave me
negative effects but it can also be or have a positive effect its really depends on the persons ;on
how she or he handle it. I handle mined and make it my strength.