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We as a group came up with several categories to suggest changes for the awesomest group’s

chapter. “Changes We Hope To See”, “Ideas We Liked”, “Be More Concise”, and “Examples”.

Changes We Hope To See:


 Rewrite the opening paragraphs, the content is spot on, just clean it up and make the
sentences a little longer.
 Remove the sections of the outline that are left, replace them with headings.
 Make the headings and subtitles larger, with the use of underlining and bold text as
appropriate.
 Avoid using bullet points as section headings, use bullet points within the section.
 Create a chapter glossary, perhaps with the bolded words used throughout the chapter.
Be More Concise:
 At the end of the description of the Schenk and Milner experiment in the “what” and
“where section, explain further as to why this experiment relates to that particular section.
The description is written very well, just avoid ending a section with an intext citation.
Elaborate a little more.
Examples: Applied well in each section. However, the video game study in the “Perception
develops over lifetime” section needs some work. Changes should start from the sentence
starting with “the conclusion to this study…” The study seems to use violence as a control
factor, while the conclusion drawn by the writer looks like they were comparing different groups
of games and rating them on violence, without analyzing how it affected people. Review the
study and reword the explanation. It should describe the study’s conclusion based on how it is
affecting the people playing each game. How did they treat people after playing? Did
interactions show a trend in respect, patience, or other ways based on which type of game each
group had played?
Ideas We Liked:
 This chapter reads like a book, very nice. For example, the description of Gestalt and
other psychologists’ and academics’ theories.
 The attention-getting-devices, for example the following question is asked, “Have you
ever tried explaining to someone what salt tastes like?” The thought is provoking and at
the end of the paragraph a connection is shown with this example and in explaining the
concept of 3D vision. Nice work.
 Bolding keywords.
 Giving clear examples and relating them back to its section’s topic or theory.
 The “For Your Information” box was a great way to break up pages of straight
paragraphs, nicely done.

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