off

Two Sisters
From
Babylon
Christine B. Beaucage
and
Linda A. Morrow

Edited by Christine Beaucage, Ph.D.

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 Preface

I was married with two children and living in Southern California. Linda was single, and
living and working in New York City.
I was an evangelical Christian; Linda had rejected liberal Protestantism for the mystical
world of Roman Catholicism.
I was a mathematician – Linda, a writer.
We had been friends as children in Babylon, New York.
Then, after thirty years, we struck up a correspondence that opened our eyes and changed
our lives. Through the course of these letters, neither of us considered giving up our affiliation,
yet each learned, grew spiritually and came to love the other through letters that will bless and
uplift all who read them.

The correspondence is broken into fifty-two sections, one for each week of the year. Each
week’s letters is followed by seven brief devotions, so that the book may be used as a devotional.
Or the devotions can be skipped by those who just want to read the letters at their own pace.

Our prayer is that, as you read these letters, you too will grow closer to the Lord – to
learn to love Him more – as you share the journey taken by these two sisters from Babylon.

Interspersed with the letters are devotions based on people you will meet as you read.
Linda and I learned lessons from the lives of those we loved. I hope that you too will be blessed
in that way.

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Week 1: In the beginning God created

Jan 8

Dear Christine – I read your Christmas letter with great interest and would like to know
more about what you and your husband are doing. I became a Catholic 11 years ago after
growing up pretty much as an atheist. My faith has led me to a new life but it remains in many
ways an inner life, not easy to share, altho it affects everything I do. If you have time, I would
like to hear more about your kind of Christian witness, not because I am seeking to change
affiliations, but because I don’t know many people who are so open and committed.

Thank you for staying in touch, and all best for the New Year. What kind of work do you
do? Are you a medical doctor?

Sincerely,
Linda Lefever Morrow

January 16, 1994

Dear Linda,

I enjoyed reading your letter and am always glad to share about my kind of Christian
witness.
I am not involved at this time with any particular branch of Christendom. Dave and I
through the years have had deep involvement with many groups including Catholics, Lutherans,
Baptists, Pentecostals, and Messianic Jews.
We believe that what is important is for each of us to know and love Jesus Christ and to
grow in that relationship. We are on the staff of a group called The Potter’s Hands Ministries
whose purpose is, in the words of Paul, “For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the
ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ.” [Ephesians 4:12]
I have the privilege of leading at least four Bible studies each week. The participants in
these Bible studies are members of various denominations. We come together to learn from
God’s Holy Spirit what He wants us to know. Though I’m the leader, everyone who wants has
the opportunity to share, and we all grow in the understanding of the Bible, God’s word,
together.
There are areas where people who love the Lord differ in their understanding. (I believe
we’ll all have some surprises when we get to heaven.) However, as children of God who love
Jesus and believe that we are saved because of His death and resurrection, we have much more in
common than any possible differences.
Let me share something about those Bible studies that I lead that are so precious to me
and (I believe) to the Lord.
About four years ago, I was new in my job at Northrop. I wanted to start a Bible study for
women at lunch time – but only if it was the Lord’s will. (I could write a book on the things I’ve

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done in my own strength – those that are led by the Lord are so much better.) I prayed for two
months asking the Lord to speak through someone else if He wanted me to lead a study. Then a
secretary said one day, “Christine, why don’t you start a women’s Bible study?” When I told my
husband he said, “I’ve been praying for two months that you’d start a women’s study, but I
didn’t want to be the one to tell you.” Finally, I went to the head of the Northrop Bible Club.
Guess what! He too had been praying for two months about my starting a study. That group has
been meeting faithfully ever since. Each of us grows closer to the Lord and each other. And we
have quite a diverse group of Christian women.
A couple of years ago that women’s group was studying the book of Ruth in the Bible.
Some men wanted to join us – but we didn’t want to give up the special character of having only
women – so we started another lunch group – for men and women. Again we’ve attracted
Christians with diverse beliefs – but all agreeing that Jesus is the center of our lives.
In October 1992 I got a call from the wife of a man who works with me. Debbie had
some questions about the Book of Ephesians. I invited her over. Little did I know that that
evening would lead to a Bible study in Debbie’s home. We have people who’ve been hurt by
others who say “If you’re not baptized you’re not a Christian,” or “If you smoke then you can’t
go to heaven.” My response is: “Show me where it says that in the Bible.” We meet each
Thursday night and have wonderful times studying the Bible together and growing in our love
for the Lord and for each other.
I can share stories of other Bible studies the Lord has prompted, but the latest (and, if
possible, most exciting) is a study that began just last October.
I learned at work (long story how) from a woman, Patty, whom I hardly knew, that her
brain-damaged son, Brent, had been praying for a year for a Bible study in his home. I went
home and prayed about it. So did my husband and the leaders of Potter’s Hands. WE decided
that I’d try it once. (After all, I had just been transferred into a new job, was overextended, etc.)
The once was wonderful – and, again leaving out details, the study has become a weekly
blessing. It has to be the Holy Spirit teaching when each member of a group that includes two
math Ph.D.s, an engineer, a nurse and two brain-damaged young men can all be blessed and look
forward to the study each week.
The Bible studies are not the center of my life – Jesus is. But they show best how special
He is to me.
We believe that the cross is central to a relationship with God. The vertical bar can be
thought to represent our relationship with Him; the horizontal bar represents our relationships
with each other. By allowing the Holy Spirit to teach a group of people who agree that Jesus is
Lord, we find wonderful growth in each of us.
I am also pleased to lead a women’s group called her place in His plan. That too is
special because it is “Applied Christianity.” Next Saturday the group will learn from the Bible
how God wants to spend the time and money that He has given us.
While having lots of fun in the ministry that the Lord allows, I’m also out in the world.
The “Dr.” in my name isn’t for physician. I am a mathematician and earn my living working
with computers. As you said in your letter, my new life affects everything I do – even my
computer work.
I can talk (or write) about my faith openly because I have had a lot of practice.
Throughout the past twenty years I have been (among other things) a Campus Minister, Hospital
Minister, and Director of Christian Education.

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 I believe God called me many years ago to help to strengthen my brothers and sisters in
Christ – and that’s why He’s allowed me the privilege of involvement in many Christian groups.
I don’t know if you remember, but I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be a teacher. It didn’t work
out the way I’d planned – a nice tenured position as a college professor – but it’s been much
better.
If you’d like to share some of your inner life with me I’d love to have the opportunity to
share. One of the ways the Lord has blessed me has been to have me be involved with a variety
of His people. Also, sometimes it’s easier to write than to talk face to face about these special
things. And sometimes it’s easier to share with someone who’s not part of your everyday life.
Also we don’t know for sure yet, but there’s a good chance that we’ll be in Long Island
some time next June. If that’s the case, we’ll let you know ahead of time so that we can make
plans to get together.
Meanwhile, you’re in my prayers.

Sincerely,
Christine

_________________________

Day 1:

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. Genesis 1:1

I pray that, as you begin this year of encounters with God and with two of His daughters,
new things will be created in you and through you.

My faith has led me to a new life… – Linda

Day 2:

Then gAnd God saw every thing that He had made, and, beholdeedind it was very good.
Genesis 1:31a

Every thing was good when the earth was first made by God.
Look at the beauty that is around you now and try to imagine how glorious it was in the
beginning – before sin entered the world.

Day 3:

And GODThen the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every
imaginationntent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. Genesis 6:5

The earth and mankind were such a mess that the only solution was total destruction. This
could have been a very sad ending to a short story.but…

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Day 4:

But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD. Genesis 6:8

God used Noah to build an arkc which was used to save Noah’s family and the animals
towhich would repopulate the earth.
God is so kind;, Hhe doesn’t want anyone to be lost. And He will use anyone who is
willing to accomplish His purposes.

Day 5:

And tThe (rain)bow shall be in the cloud,d; and I will look upon it, that I may rto remember
the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the
earth. Genesis 9:16

The earth and most of its inhabitants were destroyed by flood. But God promised that He
would never again do that. And He gave us the rainbow to remind us of His promise.
Think about some time that you have seen a rainbow. What beauty! It’s there for all. No
one can steal it and hide it in his closet. And it’s there for as long as God desires. This reminds us
of His sovereignty. What a precious gift.

Day 6:

Now the Lord LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thyyour country… I will make of
theee you a great nation and; I will bless thee,you and make yourthy name great… aAnd in
thee shallyou allthe families of the earth shall be blessed. Genesis 12:1-3

One many obeyed God. He left all that was comfortable to hHim and allowed God to
work in him andand through him with spectacular results.
Am I willing to obey God – even in areas that are uncomfortable – or scairy.
Lord, please show me what Yyou want from me and give me the grace to obey Yyou.

Day 7:

And the Lord LORD said to Abram… “Lift up now thinew ayour eyes no eyes, and look from
the place where thouyou arte… for all the land which thyou seest, to thee will I give youit, and
to thy seed for ever.–and your descendants forever.
Genesis 13:14,15

God gave land to Abraham and his descendaents.

Likewise He has good gifts for you --– aAll we need to do is wait and watch. God’s gifts
may be a hug from a little boy who loves you or a beautiful sunset – or a rainbow. Just enjoy
them all.

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You asked how we got to California. The short, flippant (but true) answer is that God brought
us here. God spoke to us over a period of a couple of years in a variety of ways using
coincidences,(One reason we believe in the value of Bible studies is that reading those
words, made alive by the Holy Spirit, does change lives.)
”m in.’ve learned to be content in whatever state I’I“d be there in chains. It has helped me a
lot that he said, ’t know he’but didn–I know that St. Paul had it in his heart to go to Rome m
praying about them as well. What I can tell you for sure is that God does have it under
control and that if you pray for His will in your life it will be accomplished.
’You mentioned your work situation and your calling. Ire sure that God has His hand on him.
’ve added your son Adam to our prayer list. We’I do have two grown children. Though they
both accepted and trusted Jesus as young children, they are now living lives by their own
rules. We are constantly in prayer for them and trust that God is working in their lives.
Wewho supplies all our needs, not our employer.
Gods paycheck, rather than in God for our sustenance. Yet the fact is that it is ’s so easy to
trust in this week’s way have helped me to grow in this area. It’to live life Godwants truly
important. And in my experience too, most professing Christians do not live life that way.
Reading the Bible, praying, and receiving support from other Christians who ’t agree with
you more: knowing and trusting Jesus is what’I couldns hearts.
’s so exciting to see God at work in people’Your recent letter was such a blessing to me! It
Dear Linda,

Feb. 6, 1994

I am most interested in your ministry to women. Women in Christianity is a hot topic these
days & I have my own distinct ideas. How did you end up in California?
–PS
Linda
Sincerely,

m looking forward to your next letter.

’Is really the only person from high school with whom I have stayed in touch.
’. Sherecently spoke with Linda N Wt feel like typing letters. I ’I hope you can read my messy
writing. I type all day & donthese things, but they put their trust in money, in technology, in
power/violence. There are not enough voices and lives witnessing to any other way. That is
what I should be doing, & am not.
say t live as if they believe what we profess. They do not really take seriously the need to
trust completely in God & to make knowing Jesus a priority. They ’I feel that something
powerful is happening to me & I wish I had some reliable spiritual guidance, to help me
avoid self-delusion etc., but I have not been able to find it. My biggest disappointment w the
church & with Christians in general (altho by no means all of them) is that they simply dons
very interested & of a mystical nature, he has not made any commitment as yet, at least
that I know of. We discuss these matters constantly, & I miss him very badly. I hope to be
going to Egypt or Turkey this summer to meet him & travel a little.

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’m really very normal & lead a normal life. The person closest to me is my son Adam, but he
is studying in Cairo this year learning Arabic. He & I went to the Holy Land & Egypt in 1992,
& he feels called to that part of the world, altho he is not a Christian. He was 10 when I
converted, & altho he’m not crazy! I’ll understand that I’I hope youm still trying to hang on
to all the comforts of my life.
’t know what. I’m getting incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like something has to happen but I
don’ministry I feel called to & I”secret“t have the courage to do it. Nor have I been able to
talk to anyone about this, except a priest here in Bay Shore, when I went to confession
before Christmas, who was most sympathetic altho I have not spoken with him since. My
work situation is beginning to impact on this ’I feel called to do something in particular, but I
donempty words. And the world I am immersed in is largely secular, altho I sense this
changing in a subtle but powerful way.
wasmost of my life I thought it –t experienced it. It can sound like empty words ’t/haven’is
the central thing, the point from which all else happens. This is not something I can express
to people who don–getting to know who He is Jesus –knowing I have come to see that –
sacrament, community, social issues, etc. –Although many things are going on in my life and
I am always actively learning about Christianity both through my own reading and through
all the dimensions of my church I was happy to hear from you & am most enthusiastic about
communicating regularly, by mail if necessary. If you are here in June, I would love to spend
some time with you & your husband. Do you have any children?

–
Dear Christine
Fri, Jan 28

Knowing Jesus
Week 2:1”you have not, because you ask not.“s plans, not the other way around. Yet James
said ’yet not my will but Thy will be done. Prayer is to line me up with God–if it is possible,
take this cup away from me –not a puppet to be manipulated by our prayers. Jesus prayed in
the garden –He is sovereign ”wait.“and ”no,“”yes,“ll continue to pray for you including your
health. God has blessed us with so many wonderful answered prayers. Including for healing.
We do believe that God answers prayers three ways: ’Of course, we
Dear Linda,

April 23, 1994

Friends
Week 6: ”
s no technique to it. All we can do is ask, & wait, & respond.’I know that the Way is a
relationship with Jesus and there is no way to fake or manipulate or control that. There“

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 Part Two

am struggling now – this day – to anchor my faith so securely in our Risen Lord that I can
face whatever the future holds. – Linda
I
2 Corinthians 3:18
s by the spirit of the Lord.age from glory to glory, even aBut we all, with open face beholding
as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same im

PS Thx for the Seder information. I read it carefully & passed it on to my mother.

Linda.
Love,

I look forward as always to your next letter.

t it amazing how I sensed a change coming? And yet, there is great uncertainty abt exactly
what the change will be, & I sense that I will have a lot to say about what this is in my life.
’to anchor my faith so securely in our Risen Lord that I can face whatever the future holds. I
know you will pray for me. Isn–this day –I want to get this in the mail. Considering how I
started this letter it is very strange to report that on Thurs. I was told that I seem to have a
recurrence of the cancer that I was successfully treated for 5 years ago. I am far from
knowing exactly what is in store for me. I am struggling now
–
Sat April 16
m looking forward to the sequel.
’I find the book remarkable in the lightness of its touch, & erudition, the true wit, & the
gentle poking of fun at the sacred cows of our benighted age, but maybe Dave is preaching
to the choir in my case. I especially like his view of the proper relations between the sexes.

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This is a big issue for me & one I would like to discuss at length with both of you. Meanwhile,
Dave, my congratulations! I hope it makes you money, & reputation as a writer, & I–”not my
kind of Christianity“ll enjoy it. I cannot imagine what your thesis advisor meant by ’m surely
going to urge him to. I think he’ll see! I’s read a book in 30 years. But we’t think he’m done,
altho I don’wants to read it as soon as I–mathematician & hopeless (in both senses!) atheist
–m really looking forward to talking to Dave about it. My father ’so I feel pretty well qualified
to judge literature. There were many many things I liked abt the book & I–if I had to say
what I thought my forte is creatively, I would say writing. My whole N.Y. life was bound up w/
writing & other people who wanted to write, some of whom have become successful –with
which it is written as a first novel. I have done a lot of writing & reading & literary criticism
surenessin fact I will try to finish it before I mail this. I have enjoyed it enormously & am very
impressed w/ the –The Shiloh ProjectI am nearly finished w/ that. I just want you to know
that I will be happy to share anything like that if you wish to know.
like ve ever asked how I earn a living or w/ whom I live or anything ’t think you’t want to grill
you for information. I don’fails to satisfy certain spiritual needs & they look elsewhere to sort
of supplement their own church. How did you & Dave meet? What is his background? By the
way, I don”own church“ve heard people say that their ’ve never really heard of that, either,
altho I’m very interested in the way you & Dave move around among churches. I’Id become
a NYC police officer?)
’to be a light unto the world, like Ash Wednesday when I could wear my ashes all day, & one
Feast of the Ascension which was celebrated outdoors on E. 43 St. because the church had
burned down, or the beginning of the Easter Vigil when the Pascal fire is kindled outdoors,
on the street, & then passed to us for us to bear into the darkened church. This Ash
Wednesday ashes were being distributed in Grand Central Station! I am impressed by, but
have never joined groups praying the Rosary for life in the subway station, & to me, the
most impressive witness of all, to which I believe I may really have a call, is The Catholic
Worker. I feel that my work for Jesus is somehow bound up with that great scary pagan city.
Altho since moving to Bay Shore my parish life has blossomed as never before & I begin to
feel like I have a real faith community, and my talents are being made use of, I feel like a
fish out of water, & that I belong on the streets of New York somehow. (Did I tell you that if I
had it to do over again Ihadit stayed locked inside of us once we left the church, at least as
far as I could see. I always loved most the special days when we –place in NYC where this
occurs. Of course once I became a Catholic I learned abt daily mass & would often go at
lunchtime, where I could see other ordinary office workers receiving the Eucharist in the
middle of the work day, & that was very beautiful and thrilling to me, but it was like a secret
anyt even know about the light until recently. I thought the dark was all there was. The idea
of Bible study in the work place completely blows my mind. I wonder if there is ’I would love
to hear more abt that. I have experienced all of my work places as very dark indeed, but I
didn”a very dark place indeed.“ve been able to trust & respect wholeheartedly has been the
Catholic Church altho once I became secure in my Catholic identity I felt fully able to relate
to all other serious religions. I felt safe & like I knew what I was doing, & that no harm would
come to me. I often wonder how much my development has been affected by having lived
my entire adult life in Manhattan, & by having that become a very large part of my identity. I
surely experienced it as a Godless, if awesomely powerful & beautiful place, and I still do.
Sort of like pagan Rome. The life I lived there was 100% secular & worldly, & I never knew

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there was any other kind. I was fascinated by your description of Northrop as ’organization
I”religious“t really want to be around them once my curiosity was satisfied. The only ’I know
w/ the Jews for Jesus, I felt very suspicious of them & didn–their kind of talk before hearlike
the Jews for Jesus w/ whom I met a few times abt ten years ago.) Perhaps it is more accurate
to say that I was never ready to –been exposed to them. (Actually there have been a few
exceptions to this neverThanks for all the background info on your church & work lives. It is
a story I have never heard before. You may be shocked to know that I simply have never
met anyone who talks like you do abt the reality of the Lord in their lives. I know there are
such people in all faiths, but I have the whole thing took several hours because of the
crowds. My mother seemed quite impressed by the whole thing, which was of course new to
her. She is following our correspondence with great interest & looks forward to seeing you in
June.
–t understand because I had planned things I was really looking forward to for the next
several days & everything seemed to be going just as I wanted it to. I had dinner w/ a friend
in Little Italy on Thursday night & we walked around looking at the Italian Easter breads,
which is sort of a tradition of mine (I still work in Manhattan) but I had the weirdest feeling
that my life was about to undergo some big, and needed, change. On Good Friday my
mother & I went to the Marian Shrine at Eastport LI and made the Stations of the Cross in
the bare pine forest along w/ thousands of singing, praying pilgrims. It was like being in
Jerusalem ’starting on Holy Thursday I was filled with a kind of vague foreboding & sense of
sadness which I couldn–I hope you & Dave had a holy & blessed Easter & that the whole
Easter season will be full of blessings for you. My recent days have been sort of strange
–
Dear Christine April 10

Christine
Love,
God bless you!
s coming again (for ME), life is so different. Everything is in perspective.
’When we truly believe (in our hearts, not just our heads) He died, He rose, Heee your
parents. (David too)
m so looking forward to the trip in June. If possible I would like to s’I–Enough for now –
God is so good! Even when things look bleak He does have them under control. The more we
walk with Him, the more we grow to love Him, and the more we want to help His people s
Hands Ministries is understanding, love for, knowledge of, etc., many different branches of
Christendom. We believe that is why God called us to be involved in a variety of churches.
’s) dream of ministry to the body of Christ (that story can be told another time). Dave and I
have learned that one thing we add to The Potter’s (and his wife, Pat’And, simultaneously,
we started sharing in Carlbut attempts to get more heavily involved were put off.
– we were in a church where our active participation was not welcomed. Everyone was
cordial. We were in the choir –for the first time in our lives –Back to the Church stuff: for
some reason but not easily heart-to-heart friends. (In fact that nice picture of Dave in the
book was taken by Carl.)

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–Also during this time Dave and Carl renewed (or truly began) a beautiful friendship. In my
experience men can be buddies he was really surprised to see me smiling in the days and
weeks that followed.)
–the ones who are truly living life in Christ are noticed in the workplace. (I remember one
manager who was able to do me harm professionally –In these days of layoffs and worry and
back-stabbing and then for each other.
–but besides that we have the blessedness of truly being the Church at Northrop. The
denominational differences are really unimportant when what you have in common is love
for the Lord –we have about 10 or 15 people like me who lead particular small groups –At
Northrop we have about 20 lunch time Bible Studies. Carl is the overall leader ”
Praise the Lord in all things.“t have time to stop, but as he passed my desk he said, ’A few
minutes later Carl walked by. He didn”Lord, send me a Christian.“I was having a rough time.
And I prayed, –t yet know many Christians ’and didn–t been there long ’when I hadn–I
remember one day but God puts us together to strengthen each other.
–re out in a hostile world ’The Christianity at Northrop is like the early days. Wefor over three
years now.
–ve had a wonderful Bible study ’and we–said yes Then I asked God if I should start a
women’s Bible study. Het long before Carl was having me lead the study when he had a
conflict.
’It wasnt seen Carl in over four years (Carl too might have moved on), I found Carl within a
week and got involved in the Bible study he was leading.
’and though Dave hadn–and though there were about 20,000 employees in one building –
Though I had no last name and God did give me light and His presence in wonderful ways.
–I started my job in a place that is very dark indeed but never had).
–(Dave and Carl had promised to keep in touch –Carl – t believe God wanted me to turn it
down. Dave started praying that I would be a light in that very dark place. He also told me
about a Bible study leader ’and didn–Well, I got the offer ”
ll turn it down.’and if I get one I–t expect to receive an offer ’I don“–I did. When I left the
interview I told Dave –t get an interview ’he didn– and though he had left with people liking
him –more qualified than I and HATED it.) Though Dave was At the suggestion of a friend
(another Linda), Dave and I both applied to Northrop even though neither wanted to go.
(Dave had worked there beforere to be willing to work.
’but we do believe we–we know God provides –so we BOTH started looking –Shortly after
that we moved to a non-denominational church, and simultaneously I faced layoff and Dave
could be free to write. That was while we were fellowshipping with Messianic Jews so he had
input from them.
–I had my job at Comarco –The beginning of a wonderful adventure. Perfect timing –! The
Shiloh Projectd written the first four pages of ’he–when Dave came back at lunch time –he
planned to spend the morning praying and would join me for lunch to discuss plans –)
freedom from a regular 8 - 5 job, Dave dropped me off at work On his first day of (what will
probably be permanentand David was laid off.
–I started working full time in aerospace –and our house had been full of them and their
friends –Both kids jumped out of the nest (within weeks) Then about 5/6 years ago our lives
changed radically.
”

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Creation Studios.“we built a strong support community and the kids had the stability of a
Christian Drama group where many of our spiritual/social needs were met: –The kids grew.
While our church home life changed In parallel Dave worked in R&D as a
mathematician/computer programmer. I started at the University of California in a make-
your-own-hours job that fit my responsibilities as mother.
Covenant, some non-denominational, Messianic Jewish (where we got involved in a
Saturday-worship routine).
–took us into a variety of churches over about the next fifteen years –always heavily
committed –Our church involvement s best. We have only realized in the last few years why
God led us on that unusual path.)
’s normally God’we believe that–we wanted to dig in to one –it was never our plan –(We have
changed church membership quite frequently we both believed God wanted us to jump into
the Church of God group fully, so we changed our membership.
–After about two years of that we were not having all our spiritual needs met so we
supplemented by mid-week involvement in a little Church of God.
–in Lay Renewal, home fellowships, leading Bible studies and family fellowships, evangelism
outreach, church choir, etc., etc. –Though we were heavily involved and among other things
made some very special friends.
–So we obeyed and took the classes and joined at the first opportunity ”I believe God wants
us to join this church.“words when church was over were – s first ’I was SURE I must be
wrong. I prayed and asked Him to speak through Dave if I was hearing correctly. Dave–no
plans to go back. As I sat through the service I thought God was telling me to join the church
–just because it was convenient –s two blocks away ’we went to the Lutheran church that–
not even unpacked –d explore for a while. The first Sunday ’churches in California that
we”fun“There are so many –We had decided not to settle into a church for a while. I
promised in my last letter to fill you in on my California years.
ll be praying that you and your group receive all the Holy Spirit has for you as you study
together.
’Wes available to everybody.)
’that it–His death and resurrection –love for me ’Jesushe basic message is so simple – and
yet t–s more every time you dig ’s Bible study at Northrop through the Book of Acts. I look
forward with great anticipation to beginning the book again. (The Bible is so rich that
there’When Dave and I planned to get married, our Pastor took us through the book of Acts
together. When I worked at the Reformed Church in NJ, I led a group of women in a study of
that special Book. And more recently, I led a womanwe are commanded to go to Jerusalem,
Judea, and the uttermost parts of the earth.
–and in all three shortly thereafter moved on. Acts is a moving on book –I have had three
VERY special times through Acts they are all so rich). I too am about to start another journey
through that book in the Tuesday night Bible Study. We just finished Luke and felt that Acts
was a natural sequel.
–s one of my favorite books in the Bible (though I say that about many books ’m so glad that
you will be leading a study in the Book of Acts. It’Iof questions. I enclose a copy of the
Hagadah (order of service).
lotand they had never before attended one. They had a –Dave and I are busy this week
leading Passover Seders. We had the first one last night. One family came because they will

13
be bringing a Passover Seder to their church next Friday combined with early years where
lives had touched.
–about whom you know very little –combination of a new pen pal –(never before in my
experience) –very unusual –s also the ’I think its epistles than the common communications
of today.
’or even the telephone. The length of time between questions and answers more closely
approximates St. Paul–s so different from FAX or E-mail ’I think it has something to do with
the sense of time that develops. ItI too am finding this correspondence exciting. The
anticipation of the next letter. Then its arrival.

Dear Linda,

Palm Sunday!
March 27, 1994

Change
5: Week .
realize thismayI I pray that
…our self-involvement & human blindness keeps us from realizing how profoundly
connected we all are… – Linda

Psalm 133:1
Behold, how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!

& that will have to await the next letter. This is so exciting!
–s two days later ’it–I was going to respond to your last question abt how I came to know
Jesus, but I was interrupted –PS
Linda
Love,

Time to get this letter in the mail.

ve finished it.
’t comment further until I’wonhe publisher did a nice job. I t–m really enjoying it. I love the
cover & the photo of him ’s book today & have read about 40 pages. So far I’I got Davewish
me luck!
–Did I tell you that I am leading a Catholic Scripture study group starting this week on Acts?
This is a first for me
3/31

s hero, & mine too in a way.

14
’m studying a little about Turkey, past & present, and reading a lot abt Laurence of Arabia,
because that is Adam’murder mysteries, adventure stories, all kinds of history & biography.
Right now I am preparing to meet Adam in Istanbul in late July so I–m looking for something
very special whenever I read anything, and I have found spiritual challenge, help, growth, &
just plain beauty in lots of very strange places ’t like it. I’s a chance I won’s book & should be
getting it this week. It sounds fascinating but I am very fussy about my religious reading, so
I guess there’I have ordered Davesometimes I see the Spirit everywhere, sometimes
nowhere. It is very mysterious & I have come to believe that often, in this mystery picture,
where everything & nothing seems to be present at the same time, we are cajoled to choose
& therefore give birth to Jesus, in the face of potential nothingness and chaos. I guess this
choice is called faith.
–s a shifting picture I see now ’ve been misled, perhaps by living in New York City all those
years. It’Thank you for all the info on your life between then & now. I found it fascinating.
Your path has been so different from mine. My world was & still is secular, w/ little mention
of religious influences/activities except in a purely social way. I have assumed this is the
world, 1994, a post-Christian age. But when I hear from people like you, I wonder if It work.
’the wrongness of this way of life, the pain and loss it causes, & the confusion, because it
just doesnfeelt, usually, so I judged & condemned. It is only in getting older (& I guess the
growth of something much deeper than my self) that I can actually ’, & of course, it wasnme,
made acceptable & understandable to med talked w/ at the reunion, & I had an
overwhelming sense again of how limited & defensive my reactions to other people have
been all my life, how unwilling or unable I have been to simply be open to their separate
being. It was as if everything had to be processed thru ’t think there is one person there
whom I could have recognized. We talked about how strange the whole thing is, how we
view our past as we get older. She told me a little abt the people she’last week & told her a
bit about our renewed contact. She had photos of the reunion & I must say they gave me
quite a shock. I donI had dinner w/ Linda N Wprofoundly connected we all are. I never could
have imagined that those parties, which seemed to exist only for me, or as an issue between
me & my mother, could have meaning in another life.
realizing howanyway, something like that happened with our conversation, especially about
your memories of our past, like my birthday parties. For some reason my childhood was not
a happy one, & I have virtually no memories of it. Hearing you talk abt those long forgotten
details & how they affected you was like the slight opening of a door long closed. It also
utterly amazes me how our self-involvement & human blindness keeps us from –I have
noticed a strange phenomenon regarding spiritual growth, which is a tendency to see or
hear something important & then immediately forget it, as tho the darkness crowds back in
again. It makes me think of the apostles in the garden & how they could not stay awake
even one hour –letter & phone call, altho it gave me quite a start to hear your voice so
unexpectedly! It made me realize more fully that there is a real person behind the
extraordinary letters, someone I once knew & shared experiences with. Pieces of our
conversation kept coming back to me very starkly in the following days rI am grateful for
you
Dear Christine –

Mar 20

15
We are all connected
Week 4:

Linda
--one. realI have a million points of contact w/ this everyday world – and yet there is this
increasing sense that there is another world right behind the one we see & talk abt, & it is
the second one that, altho shadowy to me now, is the
ach of us must function in the world – in the situation where God has put us.
E
John 17:15,16
even as I am not of the world.,They are not of the worldst take them out of the world, but
that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
eshouldyoupray not that I
Christine

God bless you!

.
s lives’s working in people’s always special for me to hear how He’it–how you came to know
and love Jesus – t make you uncomfortable ’if it wouldn–Please share with me we can pray.)
–s not too late for him to come to know the love of Jesus ’m sorry that your father is not well.
(It’I–Please greet your parents for me we still miss him.
–she is also very close to the Lord. My father passed away five years ago –My mom lives in
Florida Bill is a teacher in Oregon. He married late and has a wonderful family (two young
children). Anne is in Dix Hills, raising her two children.
I enclose some stuff about it. Dave is currently working on a sequel.
–is now available to order in Christian book stores –The Shiloh Project –how God worked that
one out). The novel –and wrote a novel (another wonderful story –Until about five years ago
David was a computer professional. Then he lost his job ll write more on that saga in a future
letter.
’s cramp and want to answer some of your other questions so I’m getting writer’Ipicked up.
Thus began an adventure that lasted about six months and brought us out here.
–not his secretary –God made it very clear that we were to move to California. We had
visited here the year before and got lost and found ourselves in Tustin. One night on his way
home in the train (Dave had a two-hour commute into New York), Dave read about an up-
and-coming young computer executive in TUSTIN. He got home at seven Eastern time and
called California (four Pacific time). The man –Then, in 1977
- We committed ourselves to Him in a deeper way.
- We got involved with people in many denominations who truly loved the Lord.
and let Him guide.

16
–but rest in Him –not slave labor for Him –- We discovered that God wants our love and
obedience even the first chapters of Genesis.
–- I realized the whole Bible is true - Dave read the Bible straight through.

Many things happened during those years that contributed:

t learned to know Him very well.
’For many years (from before our marriage), Dave and I both trusted Jesus for salvation and
wanted to live for Him. But we saw that as service and really hadnI went into church work.
(My kids were growing and I could work my church obligations around their needs.) I was an
unordained assistant-to-the-pastor of a Lutheran Church for two years. Then simultaneously
I was Director of Christian Education at a Reformed Church, hospital minister and campus
minister. It was during those years that God became more real in our lives.
–computer software –Our life changed again. Dave moved on to industry and we were
heavily involved in campus ministry. (We even went to a wonderful Lutheran-Catholic
Campus Ministry Conference at a monastery in Minnesota.) It was somewhere during that
time that we got involved with Catholic Charismatics.
–Dave and I both taught at Rutgers for a while spending weekends working on my thesis as
well as participating (Sunday school teacher, etc.) at the church.
–at least once a month. In fact through most of my second pregnancy I was back almost
every week ”our church“100 miles away. That was hard for me. For a year we got back to –
Dave got a job offer to teach at Rutgers University –Then youth group advisors, etc.
–but so did we. We soon became heavily involved –everything was just what we needed.
Carol had her fellowship –the worship –the pastor, the congregation –We went to St. James
Lutheran Church and fell in love immediately He had plans.
–together. This brought us much closer to the Lord (and to each other). At that point we
were both graduate students. Then when Carol was about 18 months old we decided we
needed to participate in organized Christianity so that she could have fellowship (church
nursery, etc.). We thought we were sacrificing because we enjoyed so much our special
threesome Jesus-Dave-Christine. But the Lord knew better –daily –we just studied the Bible –
and never joined a church –church choir, etc. Then we decided we needed a break from
organized church (not Christ). We had moved up to St. James to be closer to Stony Brook –
For the first few years of our marriage Dave and I were good Lutheran Christians The first
eight years of our marriage were dominated by education and childbearing. I continued full
time at Stony Brook through my Ph.D. Dave too got a math Ph.D. a few years before me.
I met Dave while I was in my senior year of high school. You may remember that I frequently
dated Gary Walker (I have no idea where he is now). However, we never went steady and I
was dating Dave as well. Dave and I were married after my freshman year at Stony Brook.
s especially interesting for me to learn how God has worked in the lives of people.
’s hard to know what will interest another person. I too am interested in knowing about your
years since Babylon High School. It’and sometimes it–t know where to start ’s just so much
to share, I don’especially in catching up with an old friend. You may have picked up lack of
interest because there–I am interested in the past s-try-to-be-good religion.
’not just some wimpy, let–life-changing –Christianity is radical ”I am crucified with Christ,
nevertheless I live.“What did Christ do? He GAVE His life on the cross for us. Then Paul could
say, ”Follow me as I follow Christ.“By giving we become richer, the Bible teaches. Paul said,

17
Jesus too had a million points of contact. He was constantly relating to all different kinds of
people in different situations.
a gift from Him.
–t light the world without being involved in it. It sounds like you have a very rich life ’We
can”You are the light of the world.“And yet Jesus expects us to be involved in the world
around us. He said, What a privilege it is to be one of His sheep!
”My sheep hear my voice and know me.“We do live in a supernatural world as well as this
material one. Though many have eyes but do not see (as Jesus said), I believe that as we
submit more to Jesus we learn to see better. He said, s about C.S. Lewis, who has had a
major influence on our spiritual development. In the early seventies Dave and I read every
C.S. Lewis book that we could find.
’. Have you seen it? We watched it because itShadowlandsWhen you mentioned the other
world that is shadowy to you now, I thought of the movie, I continue to be blessed by your
letters.

Dear Linda,

ebruary 26, 1994

FF

Linda

–
I look forward to your next letter –she was most interested to hear that we were in touch. My
father is not too well, but he sends his best, too. He is an unregenerate atheist, & the
biggest influence on me as I was growing up. Thank you for praying for me & Adam –re here
this summer. My mother sends her best to you ’t want to pry, & we can certainly get to know
each other gradually. I hope very much that you will contact me when you’in other words
what happened when you left Babylon High School! Of course I don–ve known each other
since grade school, abt what your life has been like, how you met Dave, what kind of work
he does, abt your brother & sister & parents & children ’I get the feeling that you are not too
interested in the past, which is probably a good way to be, but I am very curious, since wein
my life.
effectiveand awesomely personal terms. I find that many people talk abt their faith in vague
impersonal terms, but my experience has been of something powerfully concreteand I only
mention it to you, Christine, because I want to give you some sense of what my journey has
been like in – m sure you understand ’I–t like to talk too much about this because it is really
strange ’I feel/become richer. I dongivingbut I have truly learned that by – not the miracles
you describe, altho I believe very much in miracles & am open to them every day if God
sees fit –s gifts but I was afraid to let go of my own efforts to make myself secure, even
when I could see they were failing! In the last four years I have experienced some dramatic
changes ’that I worried about & feared everything & that surely this was not what God
wished for me. I knew I was refusing God–and yet there is this increasing sense that there is
another world right behind the one we see & talk abt, & it is the second one that, altho

18
shadowy to me now, is the real one. This shadowy world is the one that gives all meaning to
the world we think we know & can manipulate. For example, all my life I have had terrible
conflicts over money, great fear of financial insecurity, an image of myself as poor,
ineffectual and helpless in this area. About four years ago, after a bout with cancer, I made a
conscious decision to change the way I thought about security. I had a Christian (charismatic
Catholic) therapist who helped me enormously. I told him that I was not living as though I
believed what I professed as a Catholic Christian –I have a million points of contact w/ this
everyday world –my sister & I have a growing business selling hats which she makes for
example –s education, my ballroom dancing(!), aesthetics of all kinds ’, abt my ongoing
conversion, is this sense of a double-vision: I am immersed in this world, very involved w/
things like work, my sonconfusingThank you for your generous letter. I too am very pleased
that we are communicating, especially abt the things that are of greatest importance in my
life. I think what is most mysterious & thrilling but also

–Dear Christine
Feb 21

the world but not of the world

InWeek 3:

How important it is to know Jesus. What could be more valuable than actually knowing God,
the Almighty One, the Creator of the Universe – and having eternal life with Him?

And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom
you have sent. – John 17:3

Day 7:

know Jesus. John the Beloved has given us a test. This does not mean that we keep the
commandments perfectly. John addresses this elsewhere in his precious letter. (As you enjoy
reading the letters between Linda and me, I recommend that you also read the letters in the
New Testament, which were written especially for all who know and love Jesus Christ.
really Sometimes we are concerned about whether we
And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. – I John 2:3

Day 6:

God saying that all [that’s you and me] shall know Him. The day will come when all shall, but
for now it is enough to know that all may love god if they are willing to come to Him.
Knowing God is not just for some privileged people, but for all of us. If you do not know God
now, I pray that you will come to know Him as you follow this correspondence.
The writer to the Hebrews quotes
… All shall know me, from the least to the greatest. Hebrews 8:11

19
Day 5:

This is in Paul’s prayer for the Christians in Ephesus, and my prayer for you as you spend
this year with Jesus, Linda and me.

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the
fullness of God. – Ephesians 3:19

Day 4:

Paul lived a very difficult life, but knowing Christ was more valuable than anything that he
lost. Each of us has suffered losses. I pray that we may all grow to know Christ and value
that relationship more than anything else that we have been given.

: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win
Christ. – Philippians 3:8
ORDLloss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus mybut… I count all things
Day 3:

As you read these letters you will see that Linda and I do come to know and trust each other
as we open ourselves and share our lives and feelings. This is the way God wants
relationships to develop, whether with friends, or with the Lord. Friends, however can betray
us, but the Lord never will, so we can put our trust in Him more and more as we grow to
know Him better.

, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. – Psalm 9:10

ORDAnd they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, L
Day 2:

Jesus – getting to know who He is – is the central thing, the point from which all else
happens. – Linda
knowing I have come to see that
bout Jesus, but not know Him.
other. Similarly we can know aw about each other, but we didn’t know eacheAs Linda and I
began our correspondence we kn
I Corinthians 2:2
–For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.

Day 1:

Christine
s love,
’In Christ
s a real gift to me that our lives are again touching.
’Meanwhile may God continue to bless you richly. Itt know if God will open that door for us.

20
’plus help with the practical side. We don–value realvery much.) We want to help men and
women in that position understand their notve been there more than once and know what a
difficult, growing time it can be. We were talking to a pastor at a church near us who
believes men are worth the money they make. (Thereby making Jesus worth ’Dave and I
have also been praying about starting a ministry especially geared to those who are
unemployed. Wemarried women.
-ve enclosed, the participants include divorced and never’Please note that, while husband is
mentioned prominently in the chapter Is something extra special when women who love the
Lord get together.
’and though I enjoy mixed groups, there–s great opportunity for ministry woman-to-woman ’I
believe there).
”Time and Money Management“s Bible Study, there are now men who want to come (and
wives who wish their husbands could have come to the ’Just as with the Women”God Has
Everything Under Control.“I am currently working on a program ”Holidays: Holiness or
Hassle?“and ”Miriam“do the teaching. The group discusses and we learn from each other.
Other lessons have included notWe meet on Saturdays (about every other month) from 10 -
3. Besides the lesson we have food and fellowship. I do s not intended to be used alone, but
some people have done so.
’s ministry. I enclose the lesson from our first meeting. It’s Hands Ministries that I described
in my last letter. It grew out of the fact that I have been ministering informally to women for
many years. Our pastor suggested that I start a women’s ministry, her place in His plan. It is
under the umbrella of The Potter’You asked too about the womens will be done in this
situation.
’s exciting that you believe that you have something powerful happening in your life. Please
know that Dave and I are praying that God’Itdaddy.)
We do believe that we should ask like a child asks his loving”wait.“or ”no,“”yes,“He is
sovereign. He says ”yes.“t believe God always answers prayer with ’and she did. (We don–s
wallet. Shortly after, Dave and the nuns prayed for the secretary to find her lost key ’s word
in our lives, it increases the faith of others to receive. E.g., Dave shared with his secretary
and some nuns an answered prayer when we had prayed for a friend’ll be glad to share
these details and others as our correspondence progresses and as it is appropriate. I believe
that as we share God’Imoments we need to enter these events on the computer so we can
pull them out as needed.)
”spare“ve decided that in our ’t tell this story briefly. We’(My husband just came in and I
complained that I cans Believe It Or Not.
’on record in Lebanon, Mo. God returned stolen jewelry in a way that my non-Christian boss
thought should be reported to Ripley–s job, our house, our church. God saved my son after
he drowned ’His Word, His people, etc. About 17 years ago, here we were beginning a new
life in California. Each is a long story, but God chose Dave 2plan on meeting you at that park
(please send directionswillWe s Assn. on Memorial Day.
’re going to the American Bookseller’t doing too much, we’at the end of the month.) Though
our publisher isn–from home by phone –t have many details of booksignings, etc. Dave
expects to be busy on the phone this week. He hopes to get interviews too. (He has a radio
interview in TX ’we still don–m going to close up now ’Ive not yet had the opportunity.
2

21
’s always men and women separately.) I was hearing good things about it before I moved to
Calif. You might want to keep your ears open if you’m not sure whether it’s Hands) went to
one for men. (I’it was really the beginning of her walk with Jesus. Carl (the president of
Potter–s a Catholic renewal weekend. My friend Shannon went and loved it ’o weekend?
ItllHave you ever been to a Curciright in Tustin.
–but both in N.J. and Calif –too busy –not recently though –ve had experience with
Charismatic Catholics ’re right that we’Yous more than a full time job in itself.
’but it–s Hands is so much fun ’re having four this year, etc. Potter’We–s church) Graduation,
Pentecost Parties ’s the name of our children’Word Warriors (thats hard to believe how soon
our trip is and how much to do.
’ItAre you still planning your trip to see Adam? Or do you have to wait and see how things go
with your health?
Riding is so much easier than driving.
–God has also provided me with a van pool often just sharing a smile as we pass in the
hallway.
–m not the only light. We have such a wonderful relationship with other Christians ’but I–re
still in the tough areas ’s still a tough place & I have friends who’& no lies on the records. It–
m back to having real work to do ’ve been in my new position since last Sept. & I’ISo, I hung
in there. I made sure my new boss read the garbage in my records before he took me on. He
knew the people who wrote it and had no problem believing it was lies.
”s just what they want you to do.’That“I stay because I believe God wants me there. One
time when I had a boss who was putting lies in my records & clearly setting me up to fire me
I suggested to Dave that quitting would look better on my record than firing. Dave said, re
truly grateful that the company allows us to use the facilities for those purposes.
’a 2 hour prayer service. We–just last week –and –ve had Christmas & Easter worship
services in that same auditorium ’schedule enclosed. We–s ½ mile by ¼ mile) praying for us.
We have Bible studies ’s a man who walks around the grounds every day (it’There are lots of
bright points at Northrop. Theret have the job I wanted.)
’s I heard from the mouth of the president of the US that I couldn’When President Bush said
20 B-2–s state of the union ’it was out on hold pending George Bush–at the time of my
demotion, a transfer was in the works –Many people at Northrop are probably unaware of all
that is happening spiritually. They just know of the pressures of the downsizing & layoffs. (By
the way but a lot of people are praying for him.
–s not been back ’in walked Dan again. He–m his sub.), when ’t be there, I’I was so thankful
it was Carl & not me (but God had another surprise). The next week I was covering for Carl
(when he can–s Bible Study. The first time Carl was teaching & I was prayer support ’Dan
has come twice to Carlre into witchcraft-type things.
’A druid, by the way, is a member of an occultic group that worships the sun. Dan grew his
hair & beard all year & and would get it cut/shaved on the summer solstice. Theythe Lord
did! It also helped me through the ordeal in the auditorium an hour later when the news was
made public.
–t know how badly I was hurting ’s prayer. Even though the women didn’but I realized it was
the answer to Carl–to minimize the possible misunderstandings caused by the Ph.D. As we
went around the table, the women who had been with me through Mark went out of their
way to let the new ones know how much they liked me. It was almost embarrassing –but

22
Christine is approachable & easy-to-know, etc. –Margie thought it was a fun fact. After
Margie came Linda (a close friend) who jumped in & said –”Christine forgot to tell you she
has a math Ph.D.“because it can create a wall), said –t mention my Ph.D. in Bible studies
’because of the new women, I had a time of introductions. The second person to speak (not
knowing that I usually don–I had to be strong for them. Carl repeated the way he was
praying. As it turns out, the Lord gave me the grace to teach in such a way that not even my
close friends guessed my pain, but at the end – t be weak ’I couldn–with new as well as the
old students –I was starting a new book –t understand ’d pray that the ladies would minister
to me during the study. I told him that he didn’When I called Carl to tell him what had
happened, he said heWhen I walked out of the office Keith was waiting. Some of the
Christians had taken turns walking by while I was in there to hold me up in prayer & to be
there for me.
so I phoned Dave & some of my Christian friends at work to get them praying.
–& I knew spiritually it was going to be tough –HOWEVER: I had about 5 min notice before I
had to go in t like me because a few hours later the demotion was made public in an
announcement to an auditorium full of people.
’e said it was because I was behind schedule (I was ahead). I went from exciting work
leading a team of 13 people to dregs. I also quickly learned who liked & didnh–pped of the
work I was doing s office & was stri’s spiritual warfare going on at Northrop. On the day I was
supposed to start the Book of Acts with the women, I got called in to a high level manager’s
clear that there’Its Bible study. That group has been strong now for 3½ years. And the Lord
has blessed it.
’ve described how God had me start a woman’I believe IWhen Dave & I decided that I was
supposed to accept the offer from Northrop, Dave started praying that I would be a light
there. God has answered that prayer in some very special ways.
and through it God has blessed me & others through me.
–m supposed to be there ’but I KNOW I–tough & it is dark isNorthrop and feels their pain.
–and Jesus died for them and loves them –living their lives there –hurting people –s church.
He was in tears before I finished. It really does remind you that there are real people ’I read
Dave the Night Litany for a Big City as we drove to our childrens a collection of letters she
wrote from prison. She believes Mafia money is involved in abortion.
’it–We have a book by Joan Andrews (Dr. Keneally is also a strong Catholic.)
”Scheidler.“s List) and given him a copy of ’s as far as it went so far. We have met Dr.
Keneally (the author of Schindler’visual. However he hoped some magazine would publish it.
He got some very NICE rejections, but thatis. It s List’Scheidlers a strong Catholic who is
strongly opposed to abortion. The similarity of the names & the timing of the Supreme Ct.
ruling led Dave to think of the name ’came out. The supreme ct had ruled against Scheidler
& others. Dave has interviewed Joe Scheidler on the phone. Hes List’Schindlers eye in a
newspaper article at about the time ’Joe Scheidler is a real person. He caught Davell
sometimes turn it on to catch a few minutes of news.
’I did watch some of the figure skating during the Olympics, and I”Oh, that must be on
TV.“that means nothing to us we say,ve stopped watching TV completely. We watch almost
none. Little enough that when people are talking about something ’It was interesting to us
that youand make clear to you the choice He wants you to make.
–re praying that God will give you His wisdom ’We”

23
our God whom we serve is able to deliver us...“I like what Shadrach, Meshach, and
Abednego said (Dan 3:17): s best.
’but not always; He always does do what–do it doesbut the bottom line is He can do it; He
often –s lots of words ’Thatovernight.
–AND the teeth had moved –s teeth. I went back the next day and asked them to measure
again (they had trouble taking me seriously, but they did what I asked) ’d have to have a
second round of orthodontics. We had a friend visiting from Pennsylvania who decided to
ask the Lord to move Carol’Then my daughter was told sheand surprised the doctors again.
–d never have another child. It was a couple of years later that she got pregnant ’we should
lay hands where the problem is (I thought of that when you wrote about the prayer at the
healing service). We all did lay hands on her stomach and prayed. The next day Syd asked
the doctor to use a fiber optic (whatever) to take a look again before he did the surgery. He
was surprised to see NO infection, no need for surgery. He did say, however, that she was so
scarred that she–but one night Dave said –We had a friend who was a young woman with
just one child. She had serious problems that led the doctors to say she needed a
hysterectomy. We had been praying all along Now a couple of situations that will let you
know our understanding about Christ and healing:
trusting Jesus for everything.
longer true. Dale is a new man –s no ’t know the Lord. In fact he was a little uncomfortable
about our prayers. That’s father didn’s truly in love with the Lord. Chris’now he–before the
accident he had known Jesus but not really loved Him –out on his own, living a normal life.
One major change –s healed now ’d live but be a vegetable. We kept on praying. And so on.
Whatever the doctors said, Chris did better. He’but a group of us prayed through the night.
Then the doctors said he– t supposed to live ’Then: Chris. He wasn–but he brightens up the
room with his love for Jesus –s still in a wheelchair with a seriously broken body ’s been 7 or
8 years now. He’and came out loving Jesus. It took three years before he could talk. It–s with
the Lord. Brent was in a coma for a year ’but we know he–such a loss to us –Then three
young men with similar accidents. Tim died (and how she is missed).
–but through her illness and death she was a wonderful loving witness to everyone she
touched. From people in the waiting room to doctors and nurses to friends and family: all
could see the joy of the Lord in Karen –Another friend Karen died of cancer a few years ago
but she was also aware that God was with her through it all. I was on the phone with her just
last week.
–I have a friend, Barbara, who had cancer 17 years ago. She did have medical treatment the
same God. And they were both victorious.
–and had faith in –and walked away. They worshipped –but he died gloriously; and Paul was
stoned –In the Book of Acts, Stephen was stoned and died but also to communicate His will.
–not only to heal – works directly & supernaturally. He is sovereign. He is able also but we
know that He doesAnd He –”God works through medicine“ve heard the ’only to become
sicker. And we”or whatever,–t have the operation ’or don–If you have faith, throw away your
medicine “ve too often seen the extremes of people being told, ’Weknow what He wants for
you. We have no doubt that He is working in you and through you.
youre right that Dave and I would rather not take a position on whether the Lord wants you
to have the major surgery or not. This is because we believe that the Lord will let ’You
Dear Linda,

24
Sat. May 7, 1994

Letting go
Week 7:
riend.
Fand as your –as your Lord to know Jesus better and better,you will come I pray
Linda
– I don’t think I did until the past couple of months.… when/how did I make friends w/
Jesus?
.
known to us of the Fathersnd makea,friendsus sthe Lord of the universe call:Imagine
John 15:15
–Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I
have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known
unto you.

Linda
Love to you both,

t hesitate to call me at work, any time. I look forward with great excitement to our unfolding
plans and thank you for your prayers. These are thrilling days!
’ll know how to contact me. Don’m enclosing my business card so you’Im keeping my eyes
open. In general, that is what I feel called to do: Stay awake!
’it is a very mysterious place with an emptiness at its heart, and after I learned something
abt the New Age conspiracy, I did indeed find a few connections but they could be innocent.
After all, the New Age is everywhere & most people taken in by it are just ignorant dupes. I–?
I read in the article on Dave that you work on the B-2 bomber! I believe the devil is very
present / very active all over the place & have been in places where I could definitely feel
evil. It sounds like you are in such a place. My reaction has always been to get out, but
perhaps you are needed there, in the heart of darkness. In my own workplace I have
suspected a strong New Age agenda at work ”a druid“Your description of Northrup is
chilling. What do you mean by her people.
allthat I just love & that makes me love a church that thinks of –ll enclose it ’I–of NYC. He
certainly has, but I never thought of it that way. They do need someone to love them. There
is a Catholic prayer called Night Litany for a Big City ”giving me a heart for the people“I lived
with Karla Kuhn on W.73 Street for a while. My first apartment. At age 30 or so I went back
to CUNY Baruch & got a degree in accounting w/ an English minor. Adam was a baby then &
I was married to Lester Morrow. I worked in accounting for a few years but loathed
everything about it & went back to secretarial work where I have worked steadily ever since,
always in the city. I loved what you said about God –t know what I was doing & was very
shaky emotionally. I became a secretary in NYC then ’I went to the University of Delaware

25
right after h.s. & left after one year because I just didnm one of them, completely accepted.
There is nothing to prove. Totally weird.
’ve grown to accept it & my place in it. I’s needs between 9-5, nothing more. There is
nothing to aspire to, nothing to struggle for. It is all very impersonal & pleasant, & weird as
hell. Among the women who find themselves in this situation there is a kind of sisterhood
that makes one think of what it might have been like in a harem. At first I found it repulsive
but I’from 9 to 5, with absolutely no responsibilities after that. That is because we have no
body of work to do. We are there to meet a certain person”on duty“lives of the bosses, but
the high-level executive assistant is understood to be ”personal“& ”business“to a highly
paid, underworked servant to very powerful people who can afford to have women like me
prepare their tea & greet their guests. The business office at this level is more and more like
a home, there is little distinction bet. –”make a contribution commensurate w/ my skills &
background“wanting to –jobs. I have moved from a lower-level member of some sort of
team, always struggling for more money & more autonomy ”secretary“au contraire it has
been, & continues to be, fascinating, in some ways more now than ever. The long discipline
of always being the least important and respected person around is perhaps finally bearing
some fruit, altho there are moments of pure gall & resentment. The job has changed very
much in the past 30 years, as has my place w/in the very wide spectrum of styles of –(a self-
help book for professional secretaries). I cannot say my work life has been dull s Book of
Hope’The Secretaryt have one. I have been a secretary all my life, a fact that has caused me
years and years of bitterness, self-disgust, all kinds of self-castigations. Recently that has
changed, & only by the grace of God. I never understood my work life, altho I have journals
full of trying to & my published book is ’I don”career,“As for my disastrous.
already provena lot of abortions, but who, & why? and also the appalling war between men
& women. If the relations bet the sexes were anything near what God intended, there would
be no abortion industry. This upcoming UN population conference in Cairo should be
interesting. The church is a lone voice of sanity in a world that believes in nothing but
technological solutions that have wantssomeone powerful –greed –an entity I believe
logically is a human being, but one that it is simply difficult to care deeply about unless it is
your own. Rampant, self-serving sentimentality here. I believe the forces at work in the
abortion fiasco are primarily economic ”the unborn child,“this of course does not make it
right. I basically accept the position of the Catholic Church, but without a great deal of
fervor. I would never become active on this issue. Too many people have made a fetish of –
s what I see coming out in this endless & fruitless battle. Humans have always killed
unwanted babies one way or another ’s an awful lot of hatred in a lot of hearts, & that’s
really abt killing babies at all. There’t believe it’sides of the abortion issue, so much so that,
humans being what they are, I donbothis Joe Scheidler a real person / real name? Just for
starters, I think there is way too much fanaticism in –s prodigious wit is evident in the great
title and idea of course ’anything abt what anyone else should do.) Davidsayt ’t watch TV at
all, people often get defensive even tho I don’my lack of awareness of things on TV
sometimes causes communication problems, & when I say I don–but seems to be conceived
as a visual thing, like a TV play. (By the way, did I tell you I stopped watching TV completely
about 5 years ago and believe everyone should do the same? I just want you to know this
”story“s referred to as a ’s List: this is too big an issue to comment on lightly, altho I look
forward to discussing it in detail. For starters, what is the intention of the piece; i.e., where

26
would it appear, who would see, or read it? It’Re. Scheidlert say yet if this is in fact what the
book did. More on this another time.
’but I can–in other words that the book rests on historical, scriptural & mathematic realities
that somehow all come together in a playful, joyous, hopeful version of what the world is
about –the mathematics add to the book because I simply cannot appreciate them at all. My
hope is that they added a great deal & were far more than window dressing funt really reach
a conclusion. Another reading is required. For example, I have no idea how much depth,
weight, & ’, his personality, I kept trying to gauge the depth of the book, how ambitious it
was, & how well the ambition was realized, & I didnhims beliefs but not ’s ordinary
cleverness & sometimes not even that. Now w/ this book, because I know D’I seem often to
be searching for expressions of powerful intelligence & insight that can teach me & fill me
with awe. Needless to say, I rarely find them. Mostly it–t. I have been fooled by books that
appeared to have depth that I was really reading into them ’it really is a great compliment.
In other words, I had times of feeling the book was possibly well over my head and other
times of feeling it wasn–t mind my dissecting your brain like this, Dave ’m sure they are
prodigious!), at least as reflected in this book. I hope you don’s wit and intelligence is not
clear to me (altho I’one was that it was becoming predictable, and read more like an
ordinary wholesome adventure tale than previously. The other was that I may have been
missing a great deal in the way of allegories, allusions, meanings w/in meaning which
require more math or scripture or history than I command. In fact, the scope of David–how
flattering. Unfortunately I read the end of the work under great strain & distraction because
of the medical mess and I do not have a clear sense of how well the book ended. I was
aware of two kind of contradictory feelings as I neared the end –ShilohOf course you may
quote me on ve recently jumped the rails.
’re on the same old track. I feel like I’like seeing around corners. Usually we–of my previous
approaches to things. This is an astonishing experience limitations. Somehow I am being
permitted/enabled to see the eye openingAs abt most of the things you asked abt, I could go
on forever. This group, & my position in it which is new for me, has been tremendously
surprising, challenging & t know.
’regaled us w/ tales of having her tubes tied in ignorance of church teaching) and have also
revealed astonishing ignorance on the part of these 40 & 50 year olds who left a pre-Vatican
II church and came back a year or so ago because of unmanageable lives. During our first
meeting I had to explain what a chapter was, and what a verse. They didn”come
homer“have engendered very lively exchanges both on and off the subject (this last week
my favorite –it is a fairly structured lesson plan w/ a weekly assignment, questions for
discussion & then a ½ hour video tape talk, & our meetings last abt 2 hours –we use the
materials from the diocese of Little Rock –ve done so far ’t. The 3 or 4 lessons we’spiritual
guidance that is totally beyond the scope of a lay-led scripture study. Then, after the first
meeting, I got the bad news abt my health and nearly dropped out but didn/confession/t
handle it as a leader both because I am a convert and because I assumed these people
would be in a volatile mental/emotional state & might need real counseling’and my first
reaction was that I couldnat allt do much leading but he provides a nice environment and a
good cup of coffee) consists to my great amazement largely of born Catholics who have
been away from the church their entire adult lives & are now in the process of coming back.
This is not the usual profile for such a group ’My scripture group has been a wild roller

27
coaster ride right from the start, & indeed is really only getting under way. To make a long
story very short, the small but extremely lively group (there are 7 of us including me and my
co-leader, who really doesnll just visit out here. Once my Scripture group ends (or I am
forced to leave it because of the operation) I will have no standing commitments at all.
Under normal circumstances, I have a very easy life.
’s much busier than I am. If for some reason I am still convalescing, then we’ll ask my
mother to save some time then. She’& then we could plan to meet at 5 pm, have a nice
dinner in the city & take the train out together. That sounds absolutely wonderful. I will of
course be available as much of the following weekend as you want, & I–I think you said June
7 –there is a most beautiful outdoor spot very near my office where I could certainly meet
you on any day you suggest But m back at work, evenings & weekends would be the only
time to visit. Lunches in general are not good for me, & in midtown they are expensive,
crowded, & rushed. ’Back to your visit. Assuming IThat argument has never impressed me.
”God created medical science, etc.“s costly to do otherwise, & everyone always counsels
caution. ’m told, to buy the solutions the culture at large has for sale. But I also know that
it’m not very impressed with the way the world orders things, and less willing w/ every
passing year to do as I’m thinking abt, & I want time to think abt it. I’s just something I’t
want to take a position. It’ll understand if you don’I know you will understand and I would
like to know your reaction. It is potentially a matter of life and death so I–t think that voice
won. I was prayed over by a group some of whom spoke in tongues. They anointed me and
placed their hands on the place where the cancer may be. I am wondering if I dare even
consider not having this biopsy, and simply trusting in the Lord? I have not said this to
anyone yet ’t believe it was safe to hope. Last nite a familiar voice argued against the reality
of Jesus in the room, but I don’That question went straight to my heart. That has been my
problem all along. I didn”Is it safe to hope?“I had the clearest sense that Jesus was in the
room, that it was all true, every bit of it, and all I had to do was say yes. A priest recently
based his homily on the question –in a barnlike church in Brentwood! –in other words,
beauty. I remember one late June afternoon walking into St. Francis of Assisi Church on 31st
St. during a Novena prayer to the Sacred Heart. Behind me was the hot bright city, all the
noise of rush hour, the grimy side streets of Penn Station, and in front of me the darkish,
cool dome of the church, with a priest I knew well praying the novena prayers. I was nearly
knocked off my feet, but the experience, powerful as it was and very connected to my sense
of the Church, had nothing in it that I could recognize as the person of Jesus. That had to
wait until very recently. Last nite at the healing mass –things like intellectual delight &
aesthetic/sensual pleasure –t sure of. I had experiences of the Spirit all along, I know, but
they took the form of things I knew well under other guises ’t think I did until the past couple
of months. Before that, for 12 years, I was a practicing Catholic, believing that the Church
would lead me somewhere, and hoping for a great deal that I wasn’A question you asked is
pertinent here: when/how did I make friends w/ Jesus? I dond just stepped into another
world, one that has existed all along, but out of my sight, sort of underground, where real
Christianity always is, because to practice it truly is to be too subversive to live easily above
ground.
’my first. You probably know all about these, but I felt like I–But I want to be sure we have a
decent amount of time together in June so here is my situation: All diagnostic tests for
cancer were negative. However there is something to worry abt in my right hip and the only

28
way to know what it is and how to treat it is to do a bone biopsy, which is major surgery. It is
assumed that I will undergo this operation soon, and probably be fairly well recuperated,
and mobile, by early June. If it is cancer, then it is a very localized and slow growing one, and
treatments will be decided on at that point. I cannot tell you what an astonishing time the
past 2 weeks have been for me, spiritually. Last nite a new but very important friend with a
background in the Catholic charismatic renewal took me to a healing mass –t be able to do
more than scratch a few surfaces ’m not allowing your latest letter its usual digestion period.
There was so much in it, and my own life has been so eventful recently, that I won’Because
of your impending visit and the volatility of my health problems, I
–
Dear Christine and Dave
s month)
’(Mary
– and Sun 5/1 Sat 4/30

C.real priority in our hearts.) − it seems to be a –We also hope to have time with you the
following Sat. (Actually we want to spend as much time as possible with you so that we can
come back in the train.
–(in fact you tell us what station) –ll take the southern line ’ll be in Dix Hills, we’ll spend the
afternoon visiting some Christian bookstores etc. & meet you after work. We could then do
whatever you recommend & take the train home with you. Even though we’ll take the train
to Manhattan & meet you for lunch. Then we’We–Tues June 7 is the following:
–if it would work with you –can come through, but what we would like sDave & I are trying to
work out possibilities for visits. We have to be careful not to commit yet, because
booksignings/seminarP.S.
Christine
Love,

May God bless you with His peace and His strength.
t be long before we have a chance to visit.
’AND it won–re looking forward to hearing from you again ’Wed like to add some of your
words, if we may.
’ll notice two Barreses). We’ve enclosed a list of comments from a variety of readers (you’s
why Dave and I have done what we can. I’s slow. That’s lack of name recognition it’ve done
most of the publicity (what little there is) so far. We do believe that the book will do well
once it catches on but with such a low budget and Dave’? Virgil Hensley is a small publisher
& weShilohWould it be all right if we used some of your comments in a flyer, advertising,
etc., for s not added to by those who work closely with me.
’my boss is a Christian. The oppression is still there but much easier to take when it–ve
watched. I am currently in another department ’and my time there has been a story in itself.
Some is simply a feeling of oppression. Some is specifics like my unwillingness to lie; a druid
who dislikes me intensely and sleeps with the daughter of a high level manager; a campaign
of anonymous letters that led to lies being put on my records, ... God has blessed me

29
mightily through the rough times and my response to the barbs has been a real witness to
those who–ve been there 4 years now ’Iafter only 9 months.
”escape“t particularly stressful). Other Christians have said the same thing. Dave managed
to ’t justify it. He had high blood pressure during that time (not before or after) and
incredible stress (even though the job wasn’even though the particular situation didn–s hard
to describe. Dave experienced it when he worked there. He never hated a job so ’s darkness.
It’You asked what I meant about Northrops wonderful that God has given you a heart for the
people there.
’t particularly like. It’s a place I don’ve frequently had fun in NY (plays, etc.), it’even your
enthusiasm about NYC policemen. While I–I find your love for NYC to be fascinating s very
interested in your opinion of it.
’. Hes List’ScheidlerDave also asked me to enclose a copy of m enclosing a copy of a
paragraph I used in the study.
’ve enclosed a page I gave my class to help them get a handle on the book. I’s especially
good for me to be in early Acts. I’Have you yet started the class you were leading on the
book of Acts? Do you use a textbook or do you go through Acts verse by verse? With
Pentecost (my favorite holiday) coming itre not theological scholars, but we do have a good
understanding of many doctrinal positions and, while we have our own opinions, we can be
comfortable in loving-disagreement.
’because people learn quickly of our love. It also helps us to build bridges between people of
different denominations. We–With 20-20 hindsight we now believe that these adventures
were preparing us for our current ministry where we do work with people of many
denominations. It helps us understand their questions and terminology (there are so many
kinds of Christian jargon). It also gives us credibility d found a perfect group.
’ve had supernatural guidance in our journey through varieties of churches. It was never
planned. Nor did we leave because we were rejecting one group or because we thought
we’Dave and I believe weagain if we can accept and love.
–s fine ’When I was still in N.J. I attended a Bible study of women from different
denominations. We realized that like individuals who can have strong and weak areas,
denominations have areas of strength and weakness. Thatt believe any denomination is
perfect we do believe there are many that are rich and healthy and that most people are
called to be in one (from childhood or later) for their whole lives. To truly understand and
benefit from Catholicism takes years. As is true of Baptist or Pentecostal or.... However the
danger of that is not accepting as brothers and sisters others who have chosen to follow
Jesus.
’While we don
”
re the church together.’Yes! WeAll around the world,
All who follow Jesus,
“
Other words in that song are

”
The church is a people.The church is not a resting place.
The church is not a steeple

30
The church is not a building
“
ve been leading, we teach a song that has the words,
’s church that we’s church. The word church is translated from the Greek, ecclesia, which
means the called out. At the children’We believe that no earthly group is perfectly and
wholly ChristSince he had already been open to change, it was easier for Dave than for me
when we together joined a Reformed congregation after spending the first 12 years of our
marriage as members of Lutheran churches.
he also got involved in my church and was attracted because of the Bible studies.
–when asked his religion. When he started dating me ”Christian“t encouraged to study the
Bible for themselves. When he was in the air force he wanted to learn more & have a closer
relationship with Jesus. He tried a variety of churches, and started writing ’but from the days
when lay people weren–s Christian background is Roman Catholic ’Davebut I wanted to have
high school fun and went with Gary Walker.) By Christmas of my Freshman year of college
we were engaged & married the following August.
–s boss drafted him to be my escort. Dave and I dated (not steady) through most of my
senior year. (He even asked me to the prom ’Dave was working at Fairchild-Stratos in Bay
Shore when we were seniors in h.s. My girl scout leader was a secretary there. She arranged
for me to take a class introducing computers. DaveTo answer some of your questions:
s sure special to know it exists.
’s not common, but it’Dave and I were excited about the open Christianity you describe in
NYC. We know itt know how you came into a relationship with Jesus. Is that a story that you
feel comfortable sharing?
’Also, I still dont move to save him the 2 hour-each-way commute. He loved coming home to
the peace and ponies of our home in central N.J.
’s Hospital wondered why we didn’s colleagues at St. Vincent’just where the job was
situated. In fact Dave–d be interested in the development of your career. While I worked in
NYC for one summer and Dave for about 2 years, the NY thing was never our life-style ’just
something literary. I–I found myself wondering where you went to college and what your
major was. Also, I still do not know what your job is t write with flair.
’and have even done a little fiction. I do a lot of technical writing. However, unlike Dave, I
don–ve always liked writing too ’the reunion gave him more insight. But this time through
was with emphasis on the things you and I shared. I–After reading your last letter Dave and I
dug out the Trawler. There you were listed as planning to be a journalist. Dave knew some of
my friends while I was in high school s avoiding, I believe.)
’Relationship with Jesus is what he”not a Christian except in the WASP sense.“s ’will read it
and be blessed by it. Bill says he–and your dad –re already praying that he ’we–an
autographed copy –my thesis advisor –re looking forward to giving Bill ’t plan to go to all of
it. (However, we’but we don–At this point we have only one scheduled booksigning and one
time that the seminar is planned during the trip. The Ph.D. reunion is the 1st weekend t
come up with them Himself.)
’as if he can–m always providing God with ideas ’m sure He has it worked out this time.
(Dave likes to tease me that I’, friends and family, God has worked out the details; and
IShilohs Hands, ’ve taken combining Potter’With each of these trips that well be doing
booksignings and the seminar (flyer enclosed).

31
’t know yet about when/where we’ll want as much time as possible with you and we don’Will
you need much notice? Well be in NJ. But June 11,12 will have some time for sure.
’The first weekend (June 4 & 5) is pretty full. We may have some time Sunday. Wed - Fri. (or
Sat) were assuming you are only available weekends or evenings.
’but we–the publisher is working to get some booksignings –re still not sure of our detailed
schedule ’Were really looking forward to seeing you in June.
’and to Dave. We–Your letters continue to be a real blessing to me
s doing.
’s allowing us to share in what He’He is in control of this situation. Dave and I are thankful
that Hes best.
’name and ask, trusting Him to do what’s children, we go to Him in Jesus’So as God3ll be
getting the second opinion. When’re spreading the word for people to pray for you. Carl was
glad that you’Weis part of why God has brought us back together.
–both ways –d only read about. I believe that opening those doors ’ve experienced. And,
through you, enter a world that I’s also a blessing that I can share what I’ve come to the
same place. I believe that God does guide His children to Him. It’yet how we–s interesting to
me how different were the 30+ years we were apart ’It–ve been in ’You mentioned the
worlds that Ive been praying for the seven of you in your scripture group. It seems that God
has been doing something special there.
’Id also like to read the short stories which grew out of grace-filled moments.
’Somehow I never got a copy of your essays. Can you send them to me? IThe answer is the
distance between the brain and the heart. How many people know about Jesus but have
never learned to love Him?)
”What is the longest 18 inches?“s way of expressing that is by asking, ’I was also blessed by
your comments about the difference between knowing and having a relationship with Jesus.
(Carls Hands may yet use it as well.
’m enclosing an article Dave wrote for a church newsletter. Potter’I”
Daddy.“and I have the privilege of calling Him –because Christ paid the way –allowing me
into His presence –the creator of the universe –s truly awesome ’and not just taking it for
granted. Also Jesus taught us to address the father as Abba, which translates to Daddy. It–I
found myself valuing my time in prayer more –and what a price was paid –because Christ
paid the price. When I realized how costly it was for me –s presence ’showing that each of us
is allowed into God–death the veil that separated us from the Holy of Holies was torn from
top to bottom ’Then with JesusAll through the Old Testament we learn about how
unapproachable God is. The High Priest was allowed in the Holy of Holies only once a year
after great preparation.

that really improved my prayer life:

–Which reminds me of something that I wanted to share with you we need to realize how
much it hurt the Father to send His Son to the cross.
–s expense ’t only Christ’I heard a sermon a few years ago where the pastor reiterated the
above and challenged it. His point was that it wasn
Expense.
s
3

32
’ChristAt
Riches
s
’God
my childhood:) Grace is:
I loved what you said about moving from the law towards grace. (Another teaching from
(Now that is a Christian duty!) I believe that a consequence of the behavior is joy.

Yourself last
Others next
Jesus first

Also a teaching that I received on JOY coming from:

”it is our duty and our delight...“Am re-reading your most recent letter. Came across the
comments on joy. It brought to mind a phrase from the Lutheran liturgy: a retirement lunch
for one of the Bible study regulars (boy will we miss her).
–but lunch was wonderful –Jumped into mayhem at work
June 15 PM

I guess that makes our friendship a combination of precious metals.

– ”one is silver & the other gold–Make new friends but keep the old “–I learned a song as a
child
June 15 AM

t have to prepare.
’who offered to teach so we wouldn–ll be with Brent & the others at Bible study and with the
Wigginses ’Tonight we–so we are truly home –(not biological) ”nieces“ve already seen
Debbie & two of our ’Wet want to return. I really wanted to stay on the East Coast a while
longer.
’Thanks for your prayers. Though I missed so many dear people in So. Calif, I didn– Trip
home was smooth

–Dear Linda
1400
June 14, 1994

Approaching God
Week 9:

”
s just no easy way to do this.’...every square inch of this world is a battle ground between
good & evil & there really is nothing in between. In all areas of my life I am seeing that truth
must be valued & fought for, or it will lose out, & there“

33
 Part Three

Sometimes we are surprised when God does answer our knock. Then we must take the next
step, and seek Him for guidance, believing that He will show us the way.

– Linda

34
I’ve been half-heartedly knocking, or asking, for the last dozen years, & now that the door
has opened, I don’t know what to do.
that my request is heard.
with a full heart, and with confidenceaskmustIf I am told to ask for something, I This is a
commandment and a promise. To receive the promise, we must take the commandment
seriously.

Matthew 7:7
nto you: Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened
u

Shiloh.
My mother is enjoying –PS
Linda
Love,

m waiting for your call, & will see you soon!

’It go on to ever-greater adventures.
’ll feel like a failure if he doesn’and yet I think he–i.e., he calls frequently & says how
miserable he is –s likely to resist. I sense he wants direction from me ’s hard to know how to
read them. My gut feeling is that he needs to come home, but if I tell him to, he’m not
getting very good signals from Adam these days, & being so far away, not having seen him
for 10 months, it’I am so sorry to hear of the plight of your daughter Carol. Of course I only
know the little bit you told me, but I can imagine how sad & worried you all must be. I will
pray for her. II agree that the Northrop/Grumman merge is an incredible coincidence, altho I
would have been completely indifferent to it, were it not for my contact w/ you. It almost
feels like an end-time kind of thing... The new age flyer was quite ominous.
t know it. I think one of the meanings of this current & on-going crisis is to open my mind,
but right now I just feel confused & out of control, a feeling that I hate.
’The thing abt having a closed mind is that you dont want to!)
’t answer if you don’Forgive these outrageously personal questions & don(Are you rich? Are
you into material possessions at all?
as the whole of life.
–New York City – ve really not seen much at all, but have taken this one tiny piece of the
world ’I have simply never been anywhere near people in your world(s). By that, I guess I
mean highly educated professionals in very technical fields. I have avoided academics, & I
guess I have spent my life w/ people in business & in the arts, or a combination thereof
(publishing, advertising). That is the N.Y. style, or at least the style that was comfortable for
me for the past 30 years. Your comments abt having read abt behind-the-scenes
manipulation, etc. really struck me. Pl. tell me more specifically what you mean. Sometimes
my glimpses of your lives make me feel that I–I was experienced, cosmopolitan, had been
around a bit, etc thoughtt really remember in what ways, I mean what your forte & interests
were & what kind of plans you made as we left high school. What is so fascinating to me in
learning abt your life(ves) is that altho I ’I mean how did you get interested in math? I
remember that you were smart, Christine, but I don–I would love to know how the two of you

35
chose your careers m having powerful flashes from that trip & a desire to go back, but it
could be just missing Adam, whom I miss egregiously.
’s exactly the time of year Adam & I went 2 years ago exactly. I’how many stories are there
like that?) she has become arch-conservative because I think she really senses & fears the
human tendency to delude ourselves, excuse ourselves, start overlooking bigger & bigger
sins. She was the only one, I think, who bought my insight abt the Ananias & Sapphira story.
(The yuppies have a problem with that story!) What a great experience that group has been!
One of our members has been to Jerusalem & back over Pentecost. That–who after a very
hard life is really experiencing a remarkable conversion. Altho not at all intellectual, & very
ignorant abt Church/Bible stuff, she is the only person in the group who seems to see
instinctively the irreparable damage done by each & every sin. After 29 years away
(because of a priest cruel in confession –Angela –I agree w/ you abt the Roman Empire, &
think of that analogy all the time. Our everyday world is thoroughly corrupt, & taken for
granted as such. There is a wonderful woman in my Scripture group t care abt the good of
the unit, & doing a good job, as much as I did.
’t been able to believe that she didn’s way. I simply hadn’there was a young woman in the
unit who was lethally jealous of me but she had been sabotaging me for months before I was
smart enough to figure it out & get out of harm–t know how to do it. I remember when I was
an auxiliary police officer, Sgt., & then lieutenant ’m grateful for that because I
wouldn’misery that I believe is in some way horribly accurate. Tolstoy too is great at
depicting the folly & evil that men do at work. You of course are set apart from all this by
your faith & trust in the Lord, but it cannot be easy to have these vicious confrontations all
the time. In my subordinate role I never have to face issues of power head-on & If pure male
work-as-t know if I could read it now, but years ago I found it a stunning, unforgettable
picture o’by Joseph Heller? I donSomething HappenedYour descriptions of your struggles at
N. sound like hell on earth. Did you read s our level, meaning support staff/women. Above us
are 3 or 4 men who rule but are rarely seen, & abt whose real agenda we know nothing,
even as we take care of intimate details of their lives. This seems to me an obviously
unhealthy way to spend 8 hours a day, & yet, I hear of worse. All kinds of worse.
’The enforced idleness, the sheer trivia to which a bunch of bored resentful women can
stoop, the lack of any bracing challenge or even of any genuine human interaction makes
this place like a kind of genteel bordello. Thatjob.m a malcontent, etc. They have been truly
wonderful abt all my health problems, which have dragged on unresolved now for 2 solid
months. I have been made to feel that anything I need is available to me w/o limit, & in
addition I have no pressing duties so am freed from anxiety abt job performance. But none
of this is what I want in a ’m just being difficult, that I’m surprised & kind of gratified that
you found my description of APS so fascinating. I must have done a decent job of describing
what I find fairly indescribable & beyond my comprehension. I have always been deeply
troubled by this place but everyone I know thinks I’continue to explore our various
workplaces. ImustWe t use it around most people.)
’& I don–”can this really be true?“–m starting to talk like you! And Maria. You have truly
given me a new vocabulary, altho it feels strange & I sometimes question it ’Yet with this
grave lack in the middle of my life, I experience the most amazing wild grace-filled
moments, too many & various to describe. I wrote a bunch of short stories years ago &
looking back, I see that the impetus for each one of them was a grace-filled moment. I had

36
many of them while dancing. I am very curious to see where the Lord will lead me w/ that.
(See, Is no technique to it. All we can do is ask, & wait, & respond.
’And I keep trying to know more & more. But this is not the Way. I know that the Way is a
relationship with Jesus and there is no way to fake or manipulate or control that.
There”know.This is Gnosticism. All I know how to do is “Christian books, magazines,
pamphlets everywhere, & I thought –m moving from the Law towards Grace, but it is very
scary. I looked around my room the other night ’t have it, yet. This is what I think may be
changing as I approach my 50th birthday (this Sunday). I feel like I’& that stuck in my mind
because I knew I didn–(did I already write this to you? She is one of my absolute favorite
Christian writers) ”Joy is a Christian duty“Dorothy Sayers says that ”should.“t supposed to
feel like a ’but knew also that it wasn”shoulds,“s burdens, to become less selfish. I knew all
the words, sort of as ’I mean the concept of being able to love as Jesus did, to bear one
another–t understand it ’t get away from the lack of love in my life. I simply didn’s all about.
I know we need prophets to see & judge & warn, & at times have fancied myself a very tiny
prophetic voice, but I couldn’& on making judgments. I am famous for my judgmentalness, &
altho many of my judgments are technically correct & people often seem interested in them
& even attracted to what I may have to say, I have always known that this was not what
itknowing thingst know what to do. My old life, even as I tried to bring my behavior (morals)
into line with church teaching, remained fixated on ’ve been half-heartedly knocking, or
asking, for the last dozen years, & now that the door has opened, I don’ll expect to speak w/
you over this coming weekend & will leave logistics for the conversation. I cannot tell you
how much I am looking forward to our meeting. I feel it will be of incredible importance to
me (maybe to you, too?). You have come into my life at a time of complete upheaval, mainly
spiritual. I feel like I’This may be the last letter before we see each other. I
–
Dear Christine & Dave
May 27

Dave & Christine

Love,

and we have to trust the Lord to take care of not only Carol but also our grandchild. Except
for ruling out abortion, Carol has no idea of what she will do. So besides hurting for her, we
face a total unknown about our grandchild.
–And the biggest test for us so far (and a long tearful story in itself) is that our unmarried
daughter Carol is pregnant, essentially unemployed, uninsured, totally confused t know...
’we just don–but Shilohs Assn. The publisher & editor (married couple) are working hard. We
believe we will be there to encourage crossover sales of ’re having trouble with Press
credentials for the American Book Seller’Dave & I have lots of practice in applying what we
teach (in the God Has Everything Under Control seminar). Even now, with just a week to go,
wem in trouble.
’even with SPF 20 I– but not the beach –A whole day together would be wonderful ll know
more and so will we.
’by then you–ll call you Mem. Day weekend ’Wet look likely at this point).

37
’which doesn–By Sunday evening Anne & Mike will be back from the trip, so early Sunday
mass makes the most sense (unless we get a church booksigning or seminar that morning t
feel that we can jump up and run too early the next morning.
’ll be spending Fri night with friends in Piscataway & don’I believe we–Sat. for breakfast,
however, probably will not be good making us all the more dependent on God. (How many
books shall we bring? What free time? etc.)
–Schedule things are still tricky All of my experience has been in technical settings. It may
be different in the corporate ofc section of the company.
s not been her experience at all.
’but it–t see what you were describing ’not servants. I was talking with Carol (a Catholic, by
the way) who is one of the secretaries I currently work with. I thought that maybe I just
didn–in my prof experience (mostly university and aerospace), secretaries are considered
part of the team –By the way but the Lord has that worked out & Holly was really blessed by
being used by the Lord in such a special way.
–ve been doing ’s done a lot of damage to the work I’d worked hard to get for the group &
my personal reputation to advance his own cause. He’t over. Doug tried to use the
reputation that we’The problem isns document. Holly was able to be my eyes, ears, & mouth
and advance the solution. She and Linda later came to a meeting I led on the subject.
’Meanwhile a close friend, Holly, received (out of the blue) the assignment to help Linda on a
new assignment. I had shared the Doug-situation with Holly so she would pray about it. Little
did we know that Linda & Holly were to go to an ugly two hour meeting with people who
were upset with Doug(Both Carl & I have been praying for & sharing with Bruce).
–& told Bruce that Dave had prayed ”Yes we did“I said, ”we must have had help from
above.“A couple of weeks ago, Bruce and I expected my CPI meeting to explode over this
issue. I asked Dave to be in prayer. The meeting went so well that Bruce said later (half-
joking) I was able to share that because of the Lord, I really had no choice.
–t just go behind his back (as he had done to me). Bruce commended me on my courage ’I
couldn–My boss, Bruce, walked over to my desk because he heard this guy Doug yelling at
me. Later I told Bruce that I had to let Doug know I was opposing the document given me
opportunities to share my faith.
&t know. Since then God has blessed my efforts at damage control ’on my voice mail from
people I don”nasty-grams“put out a document under the auspices of the group. This went all
over Northrop before I read it. In fact I first knew about it when I found –a member of the
Continuing Process Improvement Group I lead –For example, a month or so ago Doug God
even manifests Himself in our normal work problems.
bless us at Northrop. (One of the Pentecost parties was even there.)
doesGod and it got back to me.
–to mention it at a Bible study to a friend of a friend ”happened“the Lord put in his heart to
do this. He does it without fanfare. His wife –Just a retired man –the man that walks around
Northrop & prays each day –Oh t go past a sound-bite.
’ve also seen the quality of education go down drastically. Many people can no longer think
nor communicate. Thinking and reasoning don’We agree with you on the mass media.
Webut will cost many jobs. Enjoy your cake today; pink slip comes tomorrow.)
– we got just that to celebrate the Northrop-Grumman merger, which is great for
stockholders –as they take care of themselves and drop little trinkets on us. (Sometimes

38
literally cake ”Let them eat cake“ve seen that too in upper echelons of aerospace. Also a ’I
loved what you said about the Emperor having no clothes. Is quite reminiscent of the Roman
Empire.
’I also see so much arrogance and above-the-law attitudes in the powered classes of our
people. Itve read about manipulation.
’before. But your description fits a lot of what I”third sector“ve never heard the phrase
’birth, He can use even the man whose funds are being distributed by your organization.
I’except for the fact that I do know that God has everything under control. If God could use
Caesar to get Mary & Joseph to Bethlehem at the time of Jesus–s even kind of frightening to
me ’is REAL. It–of money & manipulation & fronts –ve only read about ’ve given me a hint
that a world I’ve discovered a new world in the strong practicing Christians, you’Your
description makes it more real to me. The way yous personally involved in such.
’ve known who’ve read about such behind-the-scene practices, but you are the first person
I’For many years Iincredible.The stuff that you wrote about your non-profit organization was
and, in our experience, very few people tie them all together.
–experiences, and the Jewish holidays is really special ”Pentecostal“it needs a lot of words to
fill it in but the richness that ties the liturgical church, the –s not clear as it is ’ve enclosed
the outline I used for the teaching at three of them. It’I
–This year four –ve never had more than one Pentecost event in a year ’We–We can now
catch our breath
Pentecost Sunday
I grew up with uncles working there. My brother-in-law works there.
with Grumman being so important to L.I. –interesting to me veryd be interested in this flyer
that just came out. This merger is ’Since you are so sensitive to new age stuff and I
mentioned the druid at Northrop and his sun-worship, I thought you
Pentecost Party #3
after
–Later
t want seen. (I have the ability to put 2 and 2 together.) I brought some things to light which
they had to correct.
’t do. I was also seeing things that they didn’but there was a lot of jealousy. God did bless
me in my endeavors & I was accomplishing things people much higher couldn–I believe most
of the antagonism was spiritual There were people in my old group who really wanted to be
rid of me. I would have been laid off but my group was short-handed. By having bad things
on my record they could have fired me (except that I started documenting things). They still
could have had a case for me to be the first to go when the group cut back.
m assigned. They were not even half-truths but were still painful.
’t do the work I’m insubordinate, I don’t get along with people, I’t have technical ability, I
don’You asked what lies are on my records. There are many, including that I donhe places
His soldiers where He wants us to be.
–s the commander ’ve been reminded frequently that God’Iand finally his trip to Rome.
–s way ’s time and the Lord’but provide some amusement for the governor. It would have
been easy for him to bribe his way out (so he could better serve the Lord), but he waited on
the Lord–When Paul was in jail in Caesarea, he had little to do s doing in me and through me.

39
’d like to move on, I see what He’me where I was. And now, even though Iusedand –and then
the current job came through. God sustained me where I was –Until He gives me marching
orders. For two years I knew I was to leave my previous position. I sent out resumes, went to
interviews –”right where God wants me to be“m ’ve heard that I’m afraid) I agree with what
you’But (Is Hands.
’s always more things we want to do through Potter’And there–a rehab center for brain
injured patients. Dave & I also want to write a Christian computer game –For instance, there
are two Bible studies that I so want to start on Fridays. One for women in base housing at
March Air Force Base. A second at the home of a young man who so wants more Bible
teaching. He has trouble waiting from our Tues Bible study to Sunday School. I also have
been asked to start a lunch Bible study at High Hopes because my heart is elsewhere.
–and will as soon as the Lord gives me direction –d leave on a dime ’However, I–even gave
the group I lead a special award for our contribution –m frequently in the right place at the
right time to solve a problem. My current boss is very supportive ’s incredible that I’it–s clear
that the Lord multiplies my efforts ’but it–and credit the Lord with that. I do work hard (as
unto the Lord) –ve done things that I know are above and beyond my abilities ’since Sept.). I
have made some significant contributions to the aircraft. I–d be pleased with where I am
(again ’but if it were I–my career is not important to me –re right ’Youtechnically as well as
people skills.
–m doing now is a real challenge ’s the case again (since Sept.). Actually the work I’At the
beginning of my time at Northrop I was doing wonderful things. Thatand the opportunity to
deter attacks on us and risk equipment instead of lives if we do have to fight.
–I do believe the B-2 is a wonderful airplane –t be able to work on it. Also, even with my
serious gripes about Northrop ’If I believed the B-2 to be immoral I wouldn–s controversial in
the Christian community, but I do believe that defense is a responsibility of the government.
Also our constitution says the government is to provide for the common defense ’I know that
itHe too thought of sq dancing as he read your letter.)
–s talking to me even as I write ’(Daves currently my boss) lost his requisition and (even
though he had to turn back money to another company because he had no one to do the
work), with that, the opportunity to bring me into his group.
’just as much work to be done. Sure enough, Ken (who–except the actual manufacture –yet
for most departments –with many ramifications including lay-offs –s put Northrop on an
incredibly tight budget ’which is the same whether 1 or 1000 aircraft are produced, the cut
back in B-2–Since so much of the cost of the B-2 was R&D ”There goes my new job.“I Thes.
5:3). My second response was, ”for when they say peace and safety, then sudden travail...“t
know how much you know about eschatology, but Paul said ’(I don”Jesus is coming soon!“My
first response was a large cut from the original.
–s peace we would need only 20 B-2s ’George Bush said that because of the world–in his
state of the union message –A few years ago (meaning people, skills, equipment, etc.)
–”machinery“re asking for trouble if we wind down the highly technical ’m not opposed to
defense. I believe we’However, It see in private industry. E.g., so much busy work and
inefficiency. In 60 hours at Northrop I can accomplish about 40 hours of work.
’s a lot of junk that Dave and I didn’I believe that the defense industry, like any other
endeavor of man, is flawed. Because of the close connection with the military, theres in

40
Australia now doing something political, but expects to be back to Orange Cty (UCI is where
he had been working) by the end of the year.
’as well as extraordinary intelligence, sense of humor, and humility. He–s brief conversations
and in the talk, we picked up a real sense of God ’t really know Dr. Keneally. Dave met him
first at a book signing. Then later talked to him at a dinner honoring Orange Cty. authors. Dr.
Keneally was the keynote speaker. Both in Dave’We dont know what tomorrow will bring but
they do know Who will be with them.
’but he did not know where God was leading him. Christians don–Embrace is one thing but
knowing the details is another. Abraham was counted worthy because he obeyed and left Ur
”re] going forward towards.’not willing to go forward unless [you] can embrace what [you“re
’You mentioned that youit generally includes worship and teaching as well as the other
party-type stuff.)
– s party is geared especially to children. (Note: my idea of party is different than most ’m in
the middle of putting together & leading a series of four Pentecost parties. (Pentecost has
been our favorite holiday for about 25 years. We were introduced to it through the liturgical
practices but have learned so much about the richness of the celebration of the gift of the
Holy Spirit.) Tonight’It may take me a few days to complete this letter. IDancing may be a
part of your future, or may not. But, praise the Lord for the wonderful experience and for
bringing you and Maria together.
t miss the square dancing at all, but we sure had fun while we were doing it.
’ve moved on in life we find that we don’that conflicted with our square dancing. As weclass
ght at the time) because I had the opportunity to teach a Junior College math ou) I thought
of that when you mentioned your dancing. It reminded me of the 4 years Dave and I enjoyed
square dancing. We stopped (for a while, we th”a time to live, a time to die...“(Perhaps from
Ecclesiastes ”seasons of our lives.“A Christian radio teacher, Rich Buhler, frequently
mentions the
Dear Linda,

May 18, 1994

hearted knocking
-Half8: Week
how I pray for each of you to be able to do that this year, as you share in the continued
adventure that I had with Linda.
,upon Him. Then we are free of those burdens. We are free to grow. Oho cast our carest,to
let go,Each of us has problems and concerns. We can choose to hang onto them and be
defeated – or to release them to JesusBecause of this Linda was able to continue to grow in
the Lord, and to contribute to growth in others.

Linda
– I continue to feel that “letting go” was the necessary missing piece to my medical
dilemma.
Linda learned to let go – to cast her cares upon Jesus.

41
1 Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

. It always makes me cry, too.

Night Litany for a Big Citythat you responded to lovedPS. I
Linda
Love
ve never experienced before.
’ll close now & will be in touch abt the date of surgery, etc. It is a great comfort to know you
both during this time. I feel amazingly connected to both of you in a way I’I
m now underworked & overpaid rather than the opposite. Did I tell you that my 15-second
performance review w/ my new boss, who was giving me a decent raise, consisted of a
request to place the lid on the teapot more accurately when I make his tea, which I do many
times a day? This is a man who socializes w/ Pres. Clinton. It is difficult to see what God has
in mind for me in a place like this, other than to completely destroy my Protestant ethic.
Actually, that would be quite an accomplishment.
’but this often sounds facile. Easy to say, very hard to understand & live with. Despite my
best efforts, I usually feel useless & humiliated at work, the more so since I–”right where
God wants me to be“* regarding me & the workplace: I have been told by various people
that I am
publishing these days is a snakepit.
”religious“I cked.) But if it does, I have the feeling that of all of them, it is the most serious &
least commercial. So called –t even know if it still exists. (it does ’s in a neighborhood I never
go to & I have not been there for years. I don’This used to be the best religious bookstore in
the city but it212-535-4050
146 E. 74 St. The Paraclete
re very active, with lunchtime speakers & stuff like that.
’This is very glitzy & a little weird, but they212-754-1110
150 E. 52 St, The Daughters of St. Paul Book & Media Center

d be as interested in those.
’t think you’d love to go to mass w/ you if that works out, either early Sun or perhaps at 5:30
Sun pm. Also, the weather is a big factor in all this. Huntington is, as you may know, a nice
town w/ at least 2 excellent bookstores, so it may suit you to spend some time there. I am
enclosing the card of the manager of Logos with whom I spoke. There are also 2 other
religious bookstores in NYC that come to mind in addition to a couple located in churches
that I visit a lot, but I don’s happening when we could visit, altho I do have to concentrate on
customers & I always forget what hard work it can be. Very intense, very people-oriented. I
love selling. That and police work are my two lost vocations! I’home. Your sister is invited
but I think you said she would be away. As regards the craft fair on that weekend it is in
Huntington & I do not have to be there every second. It will be a busy weekend because I
have the parish council (our last meeting till the fall) on Sat at 8am. Perhaps my sister can
set up the hats & man the table until around noon. That way I can attend my meeting, &
meet you at 10 for breakfast. Also the fairs are very pleasant outdoor events and unless

42
business is unusually good, there are long spaces when nothing’I hope to have a date for
this biopsy in a day or two. It will either be in May, or after June 14. So let us plan on dinner
on Sat pm June 11 at my parentsillo weekends are always exclusively for men or women.
nation of buying machines. Curc& there are so many false prophets out there & so little
intelligent discernment going on. I honestly believe that the mass media & the non-
information we are saturated with has made us more docile & sheep-like than ever, a”Test
everything,“That something has held me back a lot. I open my mind very slowly to variants
of traditional Catholic orthodoxy. After all, St. Paul said ”s not me.’it“I saw her 3 or 4 times a
week at the studio. Of course that is ended now. But it is dancing that brought us together.
Could that be some kind of metaphor for God, or grace, or something? Anyway, I am slowly
opening my mind to the possibility of making this weekend, altho something tells me –s still
hooked into that network & knows lots of people. Tomorrow she is taking me to the prayer
group that prayed over me a few weeks ago. Maria shares my passion for dancing & for our
whole life at the studio. Even as we learned that we shared a spiritual quest, our love of
dancing remained a huge part of our relationship. It is the strangest connection ’illo &
became extremely active, leading weekends, etc. for years. A few years ago she ended that
intense involvement altho sheght back to the church thru Curcgroup suggested I make the
weekend & gave me an application. Maria seconded her opinion & said she had simply been
waiting for the right moment to suggest it. Maria herself was brouActs ve know abt healing
masses, charismatics, etc. but somehow the knowledge never got activated. It always
seemed academic; my Catholic life lay elsewhere. I never felt any desire to experience these
other things. Now all of that seems to be changing. A woman in my ’illo. I have known of this
movement for years, just as Ith for the first time about CurcOddly enough, I was approached
this mons like the first. It never fails to make me furious. *
’ve discovered that, & each time, it’t know how many times I’this looks true from where I sit.
But what turns me off most is the sheer banality of everything that goes on, the huge &
expensive structures that are merely to aggrandize some very dull, conventional individuals.
To sum it up, I would say that the Emperor has no clothes, and I don–as the non-profit world
is called, has attracted criticism precisely because it evades the two controls of the market
& the democratic process, which are supposed to regulate social policy making in a
democracy. Many critics find in the third sector an uncritical left-wing secular humanist bias
,”third sector“s lights, which is, I guess, a privilege rich people have always had. When they
give away money, they usually have something in mind, some result, that will benefit them.
I have learned that this ’a very long time to adjust to this place, which is alien to me in every
way. Sometimes I have felt that it is evil, possibly pursuing a serious & high-level New Age
agenda. To speak less apocalyptically, I believe this money is being used for social
engineering according to somebody–taking me is–m not allowed to divulge his name. We
give away many millions of his dollars every year, all anonymously. This is my first
experience of any depth w/ the non-profit world, and I really hate it. It has taken me ’I–s a
front for one of the richest men in England ’s quite different: I work for an organization
that’but in the past it was a matter of immaturity & insecurity on many levels. I thought the
world should conform to my expectations. Now it– ve had dozens of different ones ’and I–ve
worked all my life & the workplace fascinates me. I usually feel antagonism towards my
workplace ’m extremely interested in the real-life experiences of practicing Christians at
work. I’is that because of the death-industry thing? Who is this man? What kind of lies have

43
been put into your record? Do you believe that some people are really trying to get rid of
you because you are a light in the darkness? I–or is there a lot of professional satisfaction in
what you do? It would seem to me that such considerations would mean little to you but I
could easily be wrong. The man who walks around praying –economic survival? –s. Pl.
explain. Do you have ambitions regarding your work as a mathematician? Do you see it as
merely a means to an end ’t quite understand the ref. to Bush & the 20 B-2’I really want to
know more abt Northrop & the spiritual warfare. How do you feel abt the defense industry in
general? Is that all N. does? I didnt really create it.
’it doesn–m inclined to think the Mafia just takes advantage of human evil ’idea abt the
Mafia in the abortion business is tempting, but I’Joan Andrewss he like? Tell me everything.
’s really hard to find good books about the priesthood!) How did you meet him? What’ve
found. (It’which is one of the wittiest books abt the priesthood IThree Cheers for the
Paracletethere is one called –) S.L.m thrilled that you know Thomas Keneally (Kennealy?). I
am a great fan of his, having discovered him abt a year before the movie that made him
famous. I learned that he was a serious Catholic writer so I read a few of his books, (not ’It
see now, all that will be restored to me, and more.
’m denying the loss or whether I really believe that in some way I can’t know whether I’d
been waiting my whole life for this, altho there were conflicts & confusion, too. The studio
had a definite dark side along with frequent experiences of what I can only call glory. There
is no way to tell you briefly what this whole endeavor meant to me, how multi-faceted & all
encompassing it was. It was also there that I met Maria, the friend who took me to the
healing mass & who came out of nowhere to have a profound role to play in a time of crisis
for me. Anyway, this whole world of intense experience & aspiration was taken from me
almost overnite. I know there is some meaning in this, but what? And my sense of loss is not
nearly as great as I would have feared. It is all very mysterious. I don’had a huge impact on
me. It was as tho I–costlinessthe physical dancing itself, the music, the way the studio
looked, the people I met, my relations w/ my teacher & the rest of the staff, my sense of
mingled accomplishment & frustration, even its extreme – When my back symptoms struck I
was in the middle of an amazing romance with ballroom dancing. This experience, which
began last August, was the most important new aspect of my life in the past 8 months or so.
There was something profound & compelling about it altho it sounds trivial. I was taking
lessons at the Arthur Murray Studio in Bay Shore. Everything about the experience m going
forward towards.
’m not willing to go forward unless I can embrace what I’is very great, & my worst enemy at
this time. I”old life,“t want them. The temptation of nostalgia, the longing for what I imagine
was my ’answered. I have asked for all these things, & now of course, I don–are being –s all
about. My prayers have definitely been ’m very far from this but feel blessed that I even
have a glimpse of what it’requirement but we have to learn in our bones what it means to
surrender. I”s will be done’God“s easy to give lip service to the ’in a way, I feel defeated, but
it could be my will or my ego, that is feeling defeat. It–the whole situation feels different –
reach it, but my mind is very clear & at peace now did m not sure how I ’was the necessary
missing piece to my medical dilemma. I have felt very peaceful since somehow reaching the
decision to have the biopsy. I”letting go“I continue to feel that
–
Dear Dave & Christine

44
Sun 5/15
−

D.
–Could you please send a train schedule from Bay Shore? –ll have ’re not sure how much
time we’Also any other places near you in Manhattan that you think might be of interest.
We–& any other likely bookstores you know about? Addresses & phone numbers would help
too. We might spend some time dropping in on them & showing them the book. –The Shiloh
ProjectP.P.S.! Could you please send us the name of & directions to the bookstore where
you purchased
C.

m more and more excited about His plans for you.

’Also, Is done.
’for me to remember some of what Hegoods ’m keeping copies of these. God has been so
active in my life and in the lives of people around me. It’m not a journal keeper, so I’Writing
these letters is bringing back so many memories. Is recently come to Jesus and ... are
spreading the light up there in the desert. Each of these was strengthened through Jesus by
attending the Bible clubs at work.
’s now been called to lead a Bible study in Palmdale and (another) Linda who’who–ll be
closing our plant in a couple of years. Offie & Ralph ’many B-2 people are being moved.
They–Now Offie has been moved to Palmdale s only in fairy tales. But the couple is strongly
committed & growing stronger in the Lord.
’that–”happily ever after“t ’BUT his smile & praise reports were such a breath of fresh air to
me.) His marriage isn–s saga occurred while I was at my lowest in Northrop. I was helping
him ’I still bump into Dan once in a while. (Danand started their marriage all over again.
– even honeymoon –s wedding.) They renewed their vows, had a party & all ’in fact expected
to be divorced by the time of their son–Dan and his wife gradually worked our their
differences. She then agreed to a courtship. They dated awhile. (They have grown kids As
the months progressed, many people prayed for the couple. Offie never knew who they
were, but sent messages and scriptures through me.
That was the beginning of a beautiful story. The next day Dan came in grinning from ear to
ear. His wife decided to see him again (the final papers were only a week away).
”re the Lord of the immediate & I ask that you heal this marriage NOW.’Lord, You“meeting
with a counselor. I worked late that night and when the time came I decided I needed a
prayer partner. I found Offie & we prayed together. She said, ”final“t want. I promised to
pray that evening when he and his wife were at a ’Offie is also a wonderful prayer warrior.
The Lord put me in a position to learn of a Christian man who was close to a divorce that he
didns boss trusts her, the lies were not believed. Praise the Lord.
’s boss. Since Offie knows me and Offie’Offie was in a position to help us when a Northrop
manager Pat tried to get the Bible Club in trouble. Pat wrote a formal letter of complaint, full
of lies about our use of conference rooms. The letter was addressed to Offies not all bad at
Northrop.)

45
’One participant liked it so much, he put together a similar event down in the lab on Good
Friday. (See, itstanding room only. That was Holy Thursday a few years ago.
–As it turned out the room was packed –d grab a few more chairs ’Then she”m asking for
standing room only.’Lord, I“Offie helped when I put together a Passover seder at Northrop.
As she went out into the workplace to round up chairs, she prayed LOUDLY, ”Hello, Sister!“ll
give a big wave and a loud, ’even a long distance away, she–s very open and demonstrative
about her faith. E.g., when she sees me in the hallway ’) in Christian jargon.
She”charismatic“(similar to ”Pentecostal“Offie is more on that later.) Offie told me that her
job was very like a marriage (your harem analogy interested me). In fact when her boss
retired & she was transferred to another man, it was a real disconnect for her.
–s also a strong Christian ’s a high level sec at Northrop. (She’I meant to respond to some of
your comments about secretaries. I have a friend whoP.S.

Sun.

Christine & Dave

With love from,

–I can honestly sign –yours & mine) and then puts in his two cents so –write these letters,
Dave reads them (both ways IThough s not usually the way He does things.
’but that–) on Tues, June 7. And then spending a significant portion of the following weekend
with you. We may even be able to go to mass with you. I still want the Lord to give me His
schedule way ahead of time 4it was written on the van–s legible ’ll be sending you a copy of
a page or pages from my journal. Hope it’I
A few minutes while waiting for a meeting.

June 29

t conflict.
’However he is penciling in our best guess dates for your possible visit so it doesn–This
morning Carl told me he was planning a renewal weekend for his church I wanted to let you
know something of the level of excitement your possible visit is creating.
I have a few minutes while I wait for Carl to join me for lunch.

Dear Linda,

June 27, 1994

from God
Good giftsWeek 10:
that He wants us to communicate with Him, we find that we want more and more to spend
time with Him in prayer.
4

46
attention, Once we realize what a privilege it is that God will give us His
Linda
–Thank you for all the help on the astounding privilege of being allowed / able to approach
God.
t be able to enter the presence of a Holy God.
ont’s death on the cross we would Without Chrisyou?
DoGod, the Creator of the Universe, invites us to come boldly into His presence. Linda came
to realize what a privilege this is.
Hebrews 4:16
–in mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.that we may obtaone of grace,Let us
therefore come boldly unto the thr

I was a little confused by this.

–”The In“Re –PS
Linda
Love

”I am doing something new!See –“but one of my favorite scriptures is –the parish really is
opening up to me –all things that kill the Spirit. Of course I could be wrong –it feels lame,
tame, bureaucratic, academic, & social –think is right for me t’donbut it really is more than
that, as you know. My life in the Lord? I want to have that life in the Lord but for it to propel
me into the world, the city, the streets. Someone on the Parish Council (who, by the way, I
thought was a jerk!) surprised me by telling me at our last mtg. that he was very impressed
with me & wanted to recommend me for a lay training institute that the diocese of Rockville
Center runs to prepare people for various lay ministries. I mention this to you because this is
an example of something I ”the church“I want to say –writing is so cumbersome! One of the
blessings of your interest in my essays was that, on re-reading them, I returned to a world of
passion, a world I loved madly, a challenging exciting endeavor which engaged me utterly.
But the blessing was mixed because it made me realize how far I am right now from that
kind of passionate engagement. I really do believe I was made for that kind of loving
commitment & that I have been lucky to find it in a few places thruout my life, but I do not
have it now, except for –d like to say ’There is much more I. It seems very feasible for me to
come to Calif. in Sept. The problem is I might never want to go home. I have a good friend in
San Francisco whom I might also try to visit if that makes sense.
planningI would love to be the first student of your new program but am trying to train
myself to pray about things (as well as to pray before meals, & to give thanks for
everything!) instead of just re used to doing that.
’ll bet you’m afraid of doing harm). I am in a foreign land. With your help, maybe I have
walked thru that picture on the wall... You shook my family up, but I’I am especially grateful
for your prayers that the Lord will guide me. I am often confused, even abt what He wants of
me, & certain aspects of my response frighten me because of how strong they are (altho I
suppress them because Is just no easy way to do this.

47
’every square inch of this world is a battle ground between good & evil & there really is
nothing in between. In all areas of my life I am seeing that truth must be valued & fought
for, or it will lose out, & there–t understand that they must walk the walk as well as talk the
talk. C.S. Lewis was really right ’people don”good“s ok/possible to not know what they
believe, or that you can espouse beliefs w/o living them to the full. Buckley shows how at
Yale there was a pro forma espousal of Christianity and free enterprise/democracy for public
consumption while socialism & atheism were being taught in the majority of texts &
classrooms. This really is the world we live in, where even ’. Most people either think
itsomethingWe must embody what we believe, & we must believe truth must be embodied.s
book has gotten me thinking about how ’running from a mission, or a call? My urge to do the
TV ministry is growing again, at times feeling uncontrollably urgent. Buckley–ve always
prided myself on being. Much of what is happening reveals a me I never knew. Do you think
I could be doing what Jonah did ’all are in transition. How accurately Christine seemed to see
that, right after meeting Adam! Something big is happening, bigger than cancer. Perhaps I
am not as self-aware as I–t even read the vibes. All is darkness here. Home, Adam, family ’I
am determined to get this in the mail today. It has been an extremely eventful week on all
fronts. Something is up at work but the place is so mysterious to me that I cans so much
going on!
’What fun! The book is much more enjoyable the second time around. There”s not the mode
for a Median to be mean.’It“I just want you to know that I got a math joke: . This man is a
national treasure! I am very daunted by and suspicious of his economics & would relish the
chance to discuss the relationship between Christianity (real, not social) and free enterprise.
I remain deeply distrustful of Buckley but the analysis of how all religious belief was
systematically sabotaged at Yale is a brilliantly prescient depiction of the political
correctness that has now come close to shutting down our minds. Also, the atmosphere of
snide innuendo, where no arguments really have to be proven but everything is in the air
you breathe, is exactly the atmosphere in which I grew up. Nobody ever questioned it. It
went without saying: religion & free enterprise were beneath contempt. No wonder my
father hated Buckley. Still I think capitalism is fraught with evil, but I admit to great
ignorance in this area. What do you think?
God & Man at Yales ’On a lighter note: I have found & am devouring BuckleyIt is a day later
& the waiting room continues to clarify. Today I made four phone calls that yesterday
seemed completely impossible.
re so afraid of losing what we have, no matter how unsatisfactory it is. Susan & I reached no
decisions abt our future but that is unimportant. What is incredible is the relief & joy I felt,
basically after telling her I am unhappy! How very weird that such a threatening admission
could bring joy, but it did.
’t see ways out of all kinds of traps. Or we’it seems that often we are confused in our minds
& simply don–t understand what was wrong or how it changed ’. I still doneverthe living
situation in my house. On Sat I had a conversation w/ Susan which a month ago I would have
said was beyond my capacity to have –, and refusing, or unable, to do anything but wait.
The waiting room, but in very risky circumstances. Meanwhile, being in the waiting room has
brought clarity already to an area of my life which was hopelessly confused I guessin
jeopardy, –t know where else an answer will come from. This has been a kind of strategic
game all along but not consciously, & I have ended up in a place that is almost

48
inconceivable to me ’ve not been able to make a decision on my health situation, I find
myself moving into a condition of almost constant prayer. I don’Anyway, I will think a lot
about this privilege and how much it cost as my prayer life becomes more crucial. Because
Is atheism is never far from me.)
’m used to knowing. My father’I”me“s the biggest thing I can imagine at the time. The ability
to say yes never seems to come from me, altho I know my will must be assenting. But it is
not the ’m not sure if they get any easier, because each one in turn stretched me to
capacity. It’everything seems to stop, waiting for me to say yes or no. You have presented
me with many such moments. I–m confronted with a more mature Christianity than my own,
I feel a weird, still moment of pure decision. I remember describing this in a letter after I
went to the first healing mass. It is an incomparable feeling ’s see if I can express this: often,
when I’m ready. (Let’Thank you for all the help on the astounding privilege of being
allowed / able to approach God. This is all very challenging to me, but I think I)
”when you come to Calif.“t wait to meet him. (I also like that ’is just great! I can”longest 18
inches“s ’Carlll send that to you, too.
’s one of my favorite stories, set in my real childhood. I’& it starts w/ Mrs. Luniger, my
Sunday School teacher at the Babylon Presbyterian Church, teaching that lesson.
It”J.O.Y.“Your mention of J.O.Y. (Jesus, Others, Yourself) gave me a real start. I wrote a story
called s better just to give it all up.
’enough. I always feel my ego pushing & striving, & think itpuret ’t really know why. I chose
to stop a lot of things, because these endeavors are always, for me, painfully mixed w/ a lot
of negative stuff. They (writing, painting, dancing) aren’of which I am not always proud, but
perhaps that is their value. It would be wonderful, for me, if thru your interest I started
writing again. I chose to stop & donmethe essays. They bring back vividly a time and a
”clean up“m tempted to edit them, but probably should not. Much has changed since I wrote
them in the mid- to late- 80s. Re-reading them is quite an experience for me. They are, &
were meant to be, very revealing of me, & I have changed, & part of me wants to ’ll include
at least one w/ this letter, but they may require re-typing. I’First of all, the essays & stories.
After you left, I pulled out my file of auxiliary essays & will get the best of them in shape for
you. Hopefully I

–Dear Dave & Christine

Fri June 24
−Mon June 20

Christine
Love,

ve looking forward to your letter.

’Wes a whole new world for us.
’ItYour APO essays came today. We both enjoyed them and look forward to receiving the
rest.

June 24

49
re to be.
’so you know where you–s a good thing you can depend on the Lord to lead you ’It”it could
be anything from purely altruistic to laundering drug money.–Wow “He said, –D just read the
brochure as well as help in money management.
–(Then what about the itinerant teacher, Jesus?) So many people, esp. men, identify
themselves through their jobs that they need real help in managing time and keeping up
their confidence ”a man is worth what he earns“–ve even heard a pastor say ’doing well in
life during the time of unemployment. We–t been as necessary to you ’Dave & I add another
dimension that hasnve had friends send friends for help in all aspects including writing
resumes, preparing for interviews, etc. We even once recommended to a lady that she
replace her coke-bottle eyeglasses with contact lenses. Even how you walk can make a
difference.
’we–Dave & I too are reasonably expert in job hunting –By the way t work well with FAX.
’doesn–in just the last few years colored paper has been discouraged for resumes –s true in
your world but ’t know if it’Donwill mail this when that occurs.
–t finished book yet ’there is NO shortage of computer professionals right now. Haven–ve
learned some of the same things as you (re interviewing, etc.) while some things are VERY
different. In our professional world, being unemployed while looking is NOT good! Employers
are quite willing to interview at odd-ball times & work hours are usually flexible enough to fit
in interviews. Also ’s interesting that we’Itin fact I may ask to use parts of it as a resource if
we ever have the opportunity to develop a ministry to the unemployed.
–am continuing to enjoy the book –Back to your book
June 19

do their own typing. My boss & I even type things for each other sometimes.
–even managers –Secretaries now do very little typing. Except for top executives people –My
office life typing at work.
muchand do –Shilohand can type well (not by your standards). In fact I typed –m uninhibited
’I–on the word processor easybecause corrections are –I never learned to type because
mistakes were such a drag. (In fact, D typed my thesis.) Now I type –Personally
I wonder if what you said about word processing is still true in your professional world? It has
revolutionized mine.
2)Dave & I have far too much junk.
–are wonderful –s important for filing ’Your comments on KNOWING what1)Two points so far:

but my mom was a secretary and I grew up with these. In fact Mom & I were just today
talking about how convenient the size is.)
–ve never learned shorthand ’(How do you like my pad? Is bringing to mind work ethics from
another era.
’m really enjoying it. It’I–I decided to take a few notes while I read your book

–Linda
1994
Sat. June 18

50
[Insert the second Auxiliary Police article here]
Qz
d like to see others. They are kind of sequential & use the same characters.
’t have time to retype it. It goes well with the first one. There are about 5 more of these. Let
me know if you’This is a little rough but I didn
(2)

[Insert the first Auxiliary Police article here]

Qz
but I wanted you to have the first 2 AP essays sooner. This one is an introduction & the
second one a sort of follow up.
–t be ready to mail for days ’My letter won
ristine –
Dave & Ch

Christine
Love,

We continue to pray for you and your family, thanking God for what He has done, is doing,
and will do; and asking Him to guide you all to His best for you.
just when you needed time to be with Adam.
–and yet it was obvious that the timing was so right –and it was better than that. Both Dave
& I had real trouble with the parting –I expected our time with you to be great and when to
cheer me on.)
–but I have to be ever-vigilant because I have a tendency to run ahead of the Lord. (Carl &
Pat are great at knowing when to rein me in a bit –s direction on this. Many of my ideas bear
fruit ’it would probably be in mid-Sept. Probably could be a little earlier.) Anyway pray for
the Lord”class“ll send you more details. (If you are to be in the first ’with lots of personal
attention. If Carl approves and it seems to move forward I–d hope you could be our first
student. The way I have it planned the class would be only one to three people ’we–Bible
studies, training, etc. I roughed out a schedule that would go from Sat eve through Sat eve.
Assuming your health, schedule, & desire is there –s Hands start a Christian Discipleship
School. My idea (consider this all a rough draft) is a one week immersion in the Lord ’m
going to propose to Carl that Potter’Id like to give you the opportunity to be first.) This sort
of jumped out at me as I was rushing around at Northrop Grumman (N/G) today.
’we–t had a chance to bounce it off of Carl yet. However, I was so excited that I phoned you.
(If it works out ’Haven–s wonderful ’Dave thinks it–ve had an idea ’Ino way we could have
manipulated that!
–and meeting Adam –what God arranges) –Dave & I enjoyed dinner with your family. (It
continues to amaze me ll meet people who feel they know you already.

51
’you come to Calif. you5as long as it is submitted to God. Until this century, most scientists
were men of God. They were Bible believers (I have a commentary that Newton wrote on
Daniel). The man–As you know, we are not opposed to technology s now in full time ministry.
’He–I enclose an article that I just received this week. C. Missler used to be on the board of
directors of a number of big companies –Re the biotechnology stuff ll notice.)
’s lib person. Since I look like a housewife people are not worried about what I’t look like the
stereotype women’you are. (I know that I learn a lot because I donChristiant know how ’m
sure he also doesn’t know how smart & knowledgeable you are. I’your boss probably
doesn”just a secretary“It has occurred to us that since you are D & I both had goose bumps
while reading your enclosures & comments.

----
on to the rest–End of your letter ---
t accept the whole package.
’but we don–There are many teachers (Buckley is one) where D & I glean & learn t believe it
can be our goal. Too many teachings in the Bible against that. I have no clue whether
Buckley knows this.
’s the exception, not at all the norm. I don’God may have a purpose in this. But I believe it–I
believe Christians can be successful financially re called to be.
’re not being the salt and light we’If we fit in too much we”in the world but not of the
world.“we are called to be –from us. Yes, we will always be outsiders if we love the Lord. Our
true citizenship is in the Kingdom of Heaven. And while we are commanded to render unto
Caesar ”WOW!“and ”AH!“The very end of your letter elicited s downfall.)
’s interesting to me that Carol is now riding buses and so is another YAFfer with praying
parents. God does NOT like pride. (It was even the cause of Lucifer’but usually selfishness
was behind what they did. Carol has become a Libertarian. Her ex-husband & his family are
libertarians. It–Kids took pride in not riding buses. They were very materialistic. Most called
themselves Christians and they were anti-abortion e. irty tricks were fine if you were working
to elect the correct candidatied the means. Ds basement. The YAF kids behaved as though
the end justif’which, by the way, started in Wm. Buckley–s primary friendships in college
were through Young Americans for Freedom (YAF) ’I know that I became very concerned
when Carolt believe that he goes as far as the Libertarians, who practically make greed a
virtue.
’but I too have reservations. I don–t know his heart ’and can–I know very little about Wm.
Buckley as a person Phil 4:12.
”I know both how to be abased and how to abound: everywhere & in all things I am
instructed both to be full & to be hungry, both to abound & to suffer need.“t think wealth is
necessarily bad. Paul said, ’But I donjust as by any other sin.
–I think Jesus is grieved by greed s no blood sacrifice. God would not allow them to continue
after He had His Son sacrifice His life for all of us.
’s been destroyed there’s why they needed fur coverings.) Since the temple’s no redemption
for sin. (That’that without the shedding of blood there–s sin ’right after Adam–ve accepted
that Jesus is their messiah, they have no way to cancel sin. The Jewish religion changed
radically in 70 AD when the temple was destroyed. God had taught already from the Garden
5

52
of Eden ’Giving charity is a way for them to atone for sins. Except those who–By the way,
Jews today believe that they do Good to balance the bad t hold out a sin as a motivational
factor and honor God. ’t balance a sin because it produces something that seems to be
good. Can’a sin. CanisAnyway, we are in agreement. Greed ”
s saying that!’She“t distinguish my ad libs from your words. His comment at one point,
’There were places where D couldn”Yes!“and ”Amen“I was punctuating the letter with
”greed“As I read your section on as is the most frequent way we read them.)
–(So you have the setting: I read your letter to Dave ”
If God chose & gave the gifts I must have the right ones.“–t you wish we all truly believed
that statement? Goodbye pride, arrogance, feelings of inadequacy ’Don–s Hands seminar
’Sounds like a wonderful topic for a Potter–”Everything good that I have is a gift from God“s
no chance of being caught. We do love to help people package the truth in the best possible
way when we help with resumes.
’s necessary and there’itunlessd write differently if you were to do it today. E.g., my least
favorite part is where you recommend that a job-seeker not lie ’m sure there are parts
you’be the privileged ones to use some ideas from the book. Ill ’werather than backward. If
God allows us to be involved in ministry to the unemployed, –re looking forward ’you–t be
reading it now ’We can understand why you wouldn”had it all together.“You sounded self-
confident (rather than God-confident). You sounded like you –Neither Dave nor I saw any
arrogance in your book but we are certainly older than many women.
olds probably part of the reason that older women are to teach the younger women. You and
I are not ’ve been a secretary & my understanding of marriage continues to grow. It’ve been
married as long as you’s true of a lifetime of anything. I’d say that’I”a lifetime of
work...ongoing mystery...“You wrote a paragraph about and frequently missing. Dave
believes much of my success in balancing so many things is due to my abilities in those
areas.
–but it is certainly valuable –”arcane“By the way, being organized is not ”
applying whatever intelligence and knowledge you have to real life situations.“t valuable. My
personal definition of the term is ’s knowledge (though his formal education ended with 8th
grade) in influencing me to carry lightly my Ph.D. We knew some very smart, very educated
people whose lack of common sense was a big disadvantage. So NEVER believe common
sense isn’In our experience common sense is rather uncommon. Even when I was a child, I
remember my father complimenting (or criticizing) someone for having (or lacking) common
sense. This is probably 2nd only to my respect for my grandfather”common sense.“You
mention that much of your work life is s doing that to let us know how involved He is in this
relationship that is so good for all of us.
’s even more wonderful when God speaks to me. I believe He’itands always wonderful to
read your letters ’s exciting for two reasons: it’But, I was right! That”s much too soon;
maybe it will be some of her essays.’It“When Dave went out to pick up the mail this aft, I
KNEW there would be a letter from you! But then I told myself,
Dear Linda,
July 9, 1994

naccountably good spirits

53
UWeek 11:

appreciate them!
Lord, help us to see that You give us good things, and help us to
More & more, I see that everything good that I have is a gift from God. – Linda

things for his people. All we have to do is ask.

goodOften people call floods and hurricanes “acts of God.” But God wants
10-12
Matthew 7:–them that ask him?ohich is in heaven give good things tw much more shall your
father wIf ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, ho

Linda
Love

a Caesar, & thus we will always be outsiders, despised. Does Buckley see this?)
beIt assumes that there will always ”render unto Caesar...“(I just had a weird thought about
.
G&MaYmean determined to make them middle-class like us. Perhaps the truth is that we
shld be more like them. If I am wrong abt Buckley, I trust you will tell me. All I really know of
him is nott know where our Christianity leaves us, economically, except in solidarity with the
poor, & that does ’t see anyone else doing any better. But I don’t know the answer. It seems
to me Buckley wants to stay both Catholic & rich, & I have a problem with that, like Cuomo
wanting to stay Catholic & pro-choice. The religion part I see clearly. The economic part is all
in darkness. I have no wish, any more, to denigrate the historic American systems; altho God
knows I have huge quarrels with them. I don’I don
t think would impress Jesus) and that nothing but human greed has proved capable of
creating wealth (which is then supposedly good for everyone).
’routine, which I don”might as well face it“s a fact of life (the old ’we are called upon not to
outbalance the evil of our lives with good, but to root out the sin in our heart. I do not see
how Buckley can be a Catholic Christian and give free rein to his greed w/ the excuse that it
drives the free market, that it–greed is a sin; and 2 –s letter said that greed was real, and
nothing to be ashamed of, that in fact it made the market work, & the only thing we needed
to be mindful of was that we, having made our pile, give some of it away to our needy
brothers. This struck me as pretty poor (no pun), coming from a conservative Jew, and
certainly completely unacceptable for a Christian. If I remember correctly, 1 ’. Joelas I
understand itposition ’boss at APS before he was hired. It dealt w/ issues of philanthropy &
greed, & made me see what is wrong w/ Buckleyhis I recently saw an old letter written by
my present boss to s lives. So far from being identified w/ their work, my secretary friends (&
for many years, I) would lie about what they do because the stigma was so great. Very sad,
but that is the opposite extreme.
’m very insensitive to how big a role it plays in most people’m sure I’ve discussed,
unemployment has not been an issue for me & I’I failed dismally, & what seems to endure
are the things I never had any control over, like my enjoyment of interviews, my curiosity
abt all kinds of people, a certain resilience. I would be delighted if any part of the book

54
would be useful to your work w/ unemployed people. Actually, this is something to which I
should give more thought. For the reasons we”improve myself,“More & more, I see that
everything good that I have is a gift from God. I can take credit for nothing. In the areas
where I tried to s a good thing I wrote the book when I was still arrogant!
’s amazing, but the mystery continues to unfold. I think I would never have the arrogance,
now, to presume to write abt it as tho I understood everything. So it’it–m also coming to
sense something hard to express: a lifetime of work, any kind of work, is not something you
learn about, grasp, & write about. It is much more like an ongoing mystery, a kind of
practice that one submits to not masters. Even menial work such as mine ’I doubt I would
tackle the subject today as a monolithic one. My work life for the past 5 years bears no
resemblance to the previous 25. I think this is only partly due to technology, & largely due to
changes in society at large, & partly due to changes in me. I was simply unaware of the kind
of secretarial job I now have when I conceived the book. I–t know what. The field is actually
far more complex than I ever realized ’has changed secretarial work, but I donsomething. I
will say this, since I have never stopped working in the field: howm not sure ’m sure it is
quite dated, but I’& therefore not very valuable. I mean, there is nothing arcane abt
anything I do, nothing abt it to command respect or awe the way professions do abt which
there is a mystique, either of money, or power, or secret knowledge. So it always amazes
me when people from other worlds find the book interesting or valuable or unique, or
indicate that it might contain ideas of interest generally. I have not read it since I wrote it for
various reasons. I”common sense“m so gratified by your respectful attention to my book!
Much of my work life has always seemed to me to be ’It matter a hoot. But there is, to my
eyes anyway, something persistently sinister & manipulative about the whole setup. I simply
do not get the feeling that I am surrounded by people doing good works.
’what do you think of that? The fact is, pace Buckley, we are so far from free-market
capitalism that one or two more dabblers probably won–m not, & more on that later! ’I–for
products that are not really viable. You guys are the capitalists ”using philanthropic dollars
to prime markets“to grantees to enable them to carry on work for which no more grant
money will be forthcoming. Another thing my boss is very excited about, & which seems to
me to mix capitalism & philanthropy in a weird way, is what he calls loansproject-related
investments. These are not grants at all, but –s ”PRI“are) to make what is known as ”sort
of“I notice an increasing interest on the part of grant-makers (which we it could be anything.
Perhaps the enclosures will give you a more concrete idea of the kinds of connections that
are involved.
–that foundations do of evaluating proposals, overseeing the dispersal of funds, making sure
grantees keep their part of the bargain, etc., etc. This is what the ongoing work of the office
staff consists of. Since we are audited all the time, clearly there are books that prove that
we are a consulting firm, charging fees, etc. But Dave is right ”program work“and we do all
the –millions of $ worth every year –ie, income, profit & loss, expenses, etc. One man
subsidizes us for his own secret purposes. We do make grants –at all ”in business“we are a
front. There is no group of anonymous clients, & we are not really –Layer upon layer of
people who study other people & tell them what to do, & not one of them producing a
worthwhile thing, in my opinion. But our case is different –ostensibly. We are a consulting
firm, purportedly working for a group of anonymous donors, advising them in their
philanthropic endeavors. Stupid as such an idea is (and a lie, in our case) this is a type of

55
organization that is becoming more common. The consultant plague is rampant on the non-
profit world ”for-profit,“First, my workplace (see enclosures! the plot thickens!): yes it is to
confine my response to a couple of issues you raised.
trymissive on steno paper [Sat. June 18, 1994] & will ”short“t explosive enough, we are now
going to have overlapping letters. I just got your ’As if things aren
–
Dear Christine & Dave
July 5, 1994

C&D
Love,

Love to Adam (and many prayers for him) and the rest of your family.
s wonderful that God is working in us through each other in such a special way.
’it–ll be anticipating the next letter with great excitement ’As always wes wounds.
’or nursing each other–even when doing KP –The commander of this army is the Lord. He
knows when we should fight and when we should rest. He assigns the tasks. This army is
well worth passionate service re in a circle (like a wagon train) defending each other).
’so we–with prayer –s backs ’none on the back to cover for retreat. What we do is cover each
other–we teach them to put on the whole armor of God. (Note though: all the armor is on the
front for an advancing army –”Boot camp“s Hands uses Eph 6:10-19 for the ’s why The
Potter’NOT other people) and how to fight. That–s really important to know who the enemy
is (Satan & his followers ’Back to the topic of the battle. It
---------

ll get them together.

’t forget. When (and if ever) the time is right, I’Right now my tentative plans are being
scribbled down so I dont forget how beautifully God worked out our trip back east.
’Don–ll know whether you are supposed to come here and/or San Francisco ’When the time
is right, youIt continues to fall together. One neat thing is that Pat has invited us to
participate in her precepts class. I just have it on the back burner. D has found times of
mass at local Catholic Church so we can fit that in.
–t want to seem to be pushing you ’I don–week ”Immersing the clay“t send too much info
about the ’I won
---------

m a difficult employee).
’have Ken think I–s what was going on in the event from my journal (enclosed). It would
have been so easy to sign & not make a fuss. (And a little risky not to sign ’We certainly
agree that we are in a battle: good vs. evil. Compromise is so easy. Thats in Him.
’too when it”passionately“we can rest –s just church & picnic. Colleen said I was only one
who sent her card (when she was sick) that said to REST. That fits in with what I was writing
’but next Sunday it–”God Has Everything Under Ctrl“s Hands staff. We may be doing ’We

56
were invited to a little church for next Sunday. Pastor & his wife Colleen are friends and are
new there. Little did they know that we had been there about three years ago as Potter
–
had to rip off page for notes –Interrupted by phone call
---------

t complain when the Lord moves me on). Brother Lawrence practiced the presence of God
while washing dishes. (What could be more exciting than being in the presence of our
Creator?) Mother Teresa is called to rescue babies from the garbage.
’etc. that I have there (though I won–and growth –and friendship –yet look at the adventures
–than Northrop ”full time ministry“s patrolling the streets of NY or handing out flyers or
prayer warrior at your desk or ... I know I would have much rather been put into ’Whether
itnothing (and no one) else can ever get higher than #2 in your life.
–and then the specific moment-by-moment calling will follow. And with that life is a
passionate adventure –not to a particular ministry –I believe the all-out-passionate-loving
commitment needs to be only to Christ re willing).
’s bigger than the TV ministry (though that could be a small step to show God [and yourself]
that you’and it–I think you are trying to sort out what it is –t think you are running from a
mission or a call ’I don
--------

but each is called to work as unto the Lord.

–I believe that each of us is called by the Lord to share with the needy over employees and
even national defense.
– to decisions at the B-2 that put stockholders first –s lung cancer ’s getting wealthy off the
next generation’from the grocery clerk who cheats, to the factory manager who cuts corners
at the expense of safety, to the cigarette advertiser who–I bristle when the bottom line is
profit –and workers get even less. However –the controllers take a big piece of the pie; the
workers see no connection between how much they work & how much they get so the pie
gets smaller –and somehow each can come out ahead. In socialism –usually more is
produced –so do the workers –systems promote total hypocrisy. In capitalism the owners
want more ”altruistic“My opinion of capitalism: Nothing will work perfectly when sinners are
involved. I do believe its workings have more potential for good than other economic
systems. Except when people love the Lord, most will look out for their perceived self-
interests. So-called s the time. (He never seems to tell us ahead of time.)
’ll know what you need to do when it’and often frightening. We know God has it under
control & that you–but Carl & others) keep praying for you at this time. The waiting room is
always tough –We do (not just Dave & I s throats. Before Carol & I left we were all in a circle
praying together. I trust the Lord for the rest.
’s parents (divorced) were both there and at each other’since we had just sold our ponies we
got involved in conversation. To make a long story short, the girl–s age who had had a horse
accident ’However right next to us was a girl about Carol–t helped anyone ’I hadn–Then,
when we were called into an examining area, I thought I must have missed the mark ”Shall I
talk to him? her?“s accident was not life-threatening, we had a LONG wait while they helped
others. I kept praying. As I looked around the room I asked the Lord repeatedly, ’Since

57
CarolCarol had a bike accident that required a trip to the emergency room. As I drove, I
knew that God was sending me to help someone.
–which then helps others serve in that capacity). Shortly after we moved to Calif –s Hands
seminar ’d still use me to help hospitalized patients (I have taught a Potter’when I was no
longer officially a hospital minister, God showed me that He–Then if I consciously spent it
with my Father. Besides the blessings that came from being with Him, I was much more
sensitive to His leading about WHICH patients and how BEST to serve them. He showed me
that much more was accomplished when He showed me two or three than if I saw 5 or 6 of
my own choosing.
–until I learned how special that time could be –so I got really impatient when I had to wait
for the elevator –When I was a hospital minister I had about 3 hrs a day three days a week
(while Robert was at nursery school). I wanted to see (and help, I believed) as many patients
as possible and time with the Lord:
–t remember if I told you the following about waiting ’t like to wait & our society teaches us
that we must have instant gratification. I don’We don).
”pray without ceasing“You are obviously learning that lesson in other ways. Your almost
constant prayer (Paul wrote or can be taken for granted.
–to us, does not mean that time with Him has no value accessibles why I wrote the
explanation. D. said you may not be used to tongue-in-cheek stuff for such a subject. D. was
just trying to make the point that just because God is so ’that–I expected people to be
confused –”The In“Re: another thing we shared as children that had real meaning for each of
us.)
–(Though we were in different denominations ”J.O.Y.“re looking forward to reading ’Wem
keeping copies of those I send to you.
’ll be glad to do it. I’I–if you want copies of them made for you, let me know –s going on
inside of you ’they are a record of much of what–at least the letters to us –started writing
haves wonderful for us that you ’it–By the way D & I have been enjoying the long weekend.
Had a chance to do some catch up work around the house. The kids are coming for a picnic
tomorrow.

–
Dear Linda
July 3, 1994

ll just copy the page. I plan to ans. your letter over the weekend but love to grab bits of time
that the Lord provides.
’I–t written in my journal in 2 weeks & God had given me a gift worthy of reporting
yesterday. Rather than write twice ’on the way in. Last night at Bible study I was talking
about my journal (how we are all in Acts 29 if we submit to the Lord & then NOTICE what He
does) and I realized I hadn6but also that special community of called-out–The attacks on
Christianity are not a surprise to us. I believe that being a Christian will cause us more &
more persecution. I also believe that members of all denominations will compromise. I sure
see it at work re praying that God guide you with every step that you take.
6

58
’and we–We think you are right on in your concern t take it lightly. We also have a high level
of trust in you.
’and we don–We really appreciate your trust re interested in knowing which books you have
read.
’by Elliot Miller. WeA Crash Course on the New Age Movementby Walter Martin and The New
Age Cultve also read some nonfiction including ’ve read some fiction that exposes New Age
thinking. We’WeSome of the jargon in the Millennium doc. sounded like stuff I see at
Northrop. Without spiritual sensitivity it could just sound like meaningless fluff.
s made you aware.
’Many Christians are not sensitive to new age stuff. Praise the Lord that Here heading for
deep trouble.
’can solve our problems, we–or anything man can do – or harm. If we think it –and the way
fire can warm us or burn us, technology can help –whenever man does things on his own he
gets in trouble –8:8). However who discovered the ocean currents looked for them because
they are described in the Bible (Ps.7Go into all the world making disciples–last words before
He ascended into Heaven were ’s why Jesus’The answer has eternal consequences. That–s
more than life or death ’Its no other way but through His death at Calvary.
’(Matthew 26:39 - approx.) Since He was sent to the cross, we must understand that there”If
there is any other way, take this cup from Me.“In the garden, Jesus prayed (John 14:6) We
believe He meant that quite literally.
”I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father but by me.“Jesus did say,
----------------

especially the Appendix? It speaks to much of what you wrote about absolutes.
–The Abolition of Mans ’Have you read C.S. Lewisbut have read about it and want to.
The Closing of the American Mindt yet read ’We haven
----------------

He has some happy memories.

–Dave says that the greatest privilege is not the NYC bus but the London open deck not me.
–pride. Buses are for poor people –But more than that service ends in early evening, etc.
–few routes –infrequent –bus transportation in our area is poor ,To be fair–Re the bus
----------------

s what it boils down to

’but that–pro-life and pro-abortion Libertarians, for instance. And they would not like my
summary –selfishness is almost considered to be a virtue. There are varieties –s a synonym
for anarchy ’Dave says itThe Fountainhead.Libertarians are a political party as well as a
philosophy. Ayn Rand wrote a book called s just that my wish has always been for my
children to love the Lord and put Him first.
’It”nice.“and were – t into drugs ’and most middle class mothers would have been pleased
with a group that wasn–and validated by what happened in Carol. Just to be fair, many of the
kids were nice –YAF is not as horrible as I made it sound. Though my concerns were sincere
In the church there is neither male nor female, Jew nor Greek, ... (Galatians 3:28)
7

59
circumcision is of the heart. Jer 4:4.
–and really even in the Old Testament –For Christians
in those days.
–totally –o The men had spiritual responsibility
that the physical act only really applies to men.
–o The obvious fact
only men.
–t study ’in orthodox don–even now –there was Bar Mitzvah, no Bat Mitzvah. Only men were
required to go to the temple three times a year. Women –and not for orthodox –o The
physical manifestation of Judaism is a man-thing. Until recently
Some of the thoughts that came to mind were:
t have any good answers.
’We didnunderstanding.
’Your question on circumcision is a good one & a hard one. We look forward to hearing about
Williams
-----------------

s part of the excitement of this adventure we have in Him. (People who think Christianity is
dull or boring have never tried it.)
’etc. It–that just fits with what my pastor said Sunday. –t tell you how often participants in
our Bible studies say ’t be a surprise since the Holy Spirit is the teacher for each of us who
accepts Jesus as Lord. I can’re right that it all comes together. It shouldn’Youthough or any
other non-fiction by him.
The Forgiveness of SinsYes, we have read much of Charles Williams and know of his
involvement with the Inklings. Have never read
We teach one or two lessons on each topic so the children can begin to learn and practice
truth and righteousness and.... Adults need these also to win spiritual battles.

communications with the leader

–Praying Always Sword of the Spirit (Bible)
Helmet of Salvation
Shield of Faith
Sandals of Gospel of Peace
Breastplate of Righteousness
Belt of Truth

Then he lists:

”
to stand.–Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in
the evil day, and having done all “He says in Ephesians 6:13, – spiritually –
not other people) and how to fight properly –Re the Armor of God: the Letter to the
Ephesians is a wonderful letter on the mystery of the church. Toward the end Paul teaches
who the enemy is (the devil t we all long to belong.

60
’is not what Christianity calls us to. But don”fitting in“We also believe that and you.
–and blessed when we bump into others like Carl & Pat –re sure grateful to have found each
other ’Wet interested in money in the business world. People who challenge and ask tough
questions in the Christian world...
’committed Christians in the academic world. People who aren–Dave and I never fit in
anywhere –s our patron saint too ’he–We want to know the name of the saint who never fit
in
----------------

What You See Is What You Get.)

–m best being who I am. (A computer term that applies is WYSIWYG ’m making a formal
presentation. But for general purposes I believe I’ve considered it. I do when I’I–Re being
tempted to dress differently and truth came out.
–they had their guard down –With me
.wonhad fun; both Northrop & the customerI s what came out at the meeting.)
’that–t even know it. (They had been rejecting our deliveries on the basis of incorrect facts
’had been knifed and didnn. The way she put it was theyfor two years, will not have to
agaithis customerwho had trouble with ntract letter. One womanm documenting them &
sending it in a formal co’d just said it. Now I’t disagree; they’d correct. They couldn’had
done wrong and said theyof admissions of things the customerbut asked a few questions to
keep them on track. I also took notes. Then at the end of the meeting I read the notes to see
that all agreed. This included a list–For example: my boss had me call a meeting with people
from my group a customer of ours. I brought together the people. Said very little as they
discussed things ve learned to use it to my advantage.
’t know that my brain is working. I’t fit the stereotype so they don’s also that I am gentle and
unassuming. I don’s not just the clothes I wear. It’Its a good reason.
’I just pull them out when there–even at work –t wear them on my sleeve ’t know my
credentials. I don’t take me seriously don’Most of the people who don
----------------

ve been praying that those around you (especially your parents) will see the difference in
you and be blessed by it.
’we–dealing with your surgery is ministry –Right now s what He wants for you. Your
excitement about it is an indication that He may be preparing you for just that.
’ll let you know if and when it’just as with the trip and everything else, He–Re your TV
ministry
----------------

ve progressively grown in living it. It gives us freedom to give joyfully and freedom to enjoy
the riches He provides.
’We finally realized that it is all His. We are called to be stewards. So we found ourselves
asking Him how He wanted us to spend His money. And thanking Him for the good things He
chose to give us. I believe that is what the Bible teaches and wewhat we read in scripture.
notThe pastor (Dave) showed us that Jesus requires that we be willing to give it all away but
not all are called to. Other pastors said that a tithe belongs to the Lord. 90% is yours to

61
keep. But that was (Matthew 19:21, Mark 10:21). How could I go out and buy a stereo when
people were starving?
”Sell it all and give it away“words to the rich young ruler. ’bringing up Jesus–t buy anything
without feeling guilty. I talked to a pastor ’Early in our marriage Dave & I struggled with the
wealth and Christianity issue. We couldn
-------------

m going to call and tell her about Susan.

’s pain. Linda has already been praying for you. I’Linda has had a hysterectomy. At the time
my mom was facing one. Linda prayed and asked the Lord to let her carry some of my
momd never met their son.
’s parents too were blessed to see the level of love from someone who’she was so excited to
meet him. Chris–Then she practically jumped into his arms –until Linda realized who Chris
was –s wonderfully whole.) Linda was here. She had been one of the people heavily
committed to praying for Chris. When I introduced them the greetings were cordial ’Now he–
t supposed to live, according to the doctors ’he wasn–he was in a serious auto accident on
Easter a few years ago –ve shared about him ’s Hands function at our house. Chris & his
family were here. (I believe I’I remember once when we had some kind of Potteronly in So.
Calif).
–so far –ministry is that we are used to connect people spiritually (usually ”traveling“ve
never met you ask about you and pray for you. One blessing of our ’It will be fun to see what
God does about that trip to Calif. Whether or not He brings you here, you have a strong
support community. People whoWe too get very excited about each letter from you. There is
something VERY special happening.
there it was.
–and –but then I told myself that it was too soon. Then, I got home –I knew it was coming. As
I was walking out to the van I got excited thinking that there would be one –AGAIN –and –
Your letter arrived yesterday
------------
-
”
get ready for the work week time.“Sunday even. is –m in weekend mode ’s so right. On
Friday evening I’It(Genesis 1:5). And the Jewish calendar counts days from sun down to sun
down.
”And the evening and the morning were the first day.“rather than midnight or morning as
we do in our culture. –starting with the evening –re very conscious of the way God designed
the day ’Also weJesus Christ (Mark 2:27 (approx)).
–”Man was not made for the sabbath; the sabbath was made for man.“religiously as
practicing Jews do, but we sure appreciate the gift it is. ”keep the Sabbath“t ’! So peaceful.
We donShabbats ’It
Dear Linda,

7/22/94

62
PS As ever, excuse my messiness. All hell is breaking loose here!

Linda
Prayers & love,

m enclosing (if I can find it) something on Leviticus that I found wonderful & enlightening.
’Is teachings makes a mockery of the whole enterprise.
’t everything, but in a way I think it is the beginning, & to ignore any of the church’then it is
a personal matter. This is so far from the truth & I hate joining the conspiracy of silence
about it, but doubt if I have any real right to do anything unless they should ask me. What
do you think? I know sexual morality isn”intentions are good,“pays any attention at all to
teaching on sexual morality. They think if their is a rare Catholic, I find, whothat they are not
married. This troubles me a lot, to the point where I almost feel the need to at least let them
know that if they take their Catholicism as seriously as they say they do, they have a big
problem, & I hope they are working on it. It –My Acts group had a dinner party this past
week. We were invited to the very sumptuous home of a couple in the group who revealed
in the course of the evening something I had suspected all along re all in, makes for some
rough going.
’the issue of whether or not there is any other way, & if there is not, what are we to say
about that? This fact, in a life & death situation, which is what we–s wrong is the attempt to
evade the whole search for truth, to pretend there is no truth, no right, no wrong. But this
sounds deceptively easy. The real rub comes a bit later for Christians, once they make the
commitment ’what–s nothing wrong w/ disagreement ’t ask me why. But there’, seems
intolerable to modern liberals, dondisagreementanswers, & therefore be in
differentotherwise, how are we to live? The idea that we will reach –, meaning none of us
can escape the responsibility of seeking answers to these questions ”You are?“& Susan & I
both yelled at him ”s wrong?’s right & what’s to say what’Who“t have a name for it: anyone
who held any strong ideas, religious or civic, was ridiculed by my father & accused of lack of
intelligence, the need to control others & all kinds of other evils. Adam seems to be having
trouble on this point. Last night he said ’that is exactly how I was raised altho I didn–which
leads to a refusal to affirm anything & has disastrous consequences for the whole society. I
certainly resonate to that ”openness,“value that has been taught for about 30 years is that
of only that I breathed in the air of my fathers house, but I read an excerpt of it yesterday
that made me really want to read more. He claims that the ”conservative,“ve avoided it
because of the hatred of anything ’? IThe Closing of the American Mindre right about
gleaning but not swallowing whole. I think Buckley is brilliant on political correctness & the
corruption of the universities but probably cannot be trusted on more than that. Have you
read ’YouI become completely absorbed, not always but often. It is wonderfully freeing.
–s what poor people do? I think that to ride a NYC bus for one hour is the greatest privilege
in the world. I did it yesterday, down 9th Ave. from St. Paul the Apostle Church at 60th St. to
Penn Station on a hot Friday afternoon, & I was in a state of ecstasy, completely absorbed in
my surroundings, free of every worry, of any thought of myself. That happens to me in the
city ’What are Libertarians? A political party? What is the refusal to ride buses about? Just

63
because thatthat so many Catholics resent so much from the pre-Vatican II church, but
suddenly I see how crucial is the need to acknowledge our faults. And no one will.
”mea culpa“s the old ’It”It was all my fault.“s so rare that anybody says, about anything, ’re
not guilty, not responsible. It’Y.A.F. sounds horrible. It never ceases to amaze me how
ingenious we are in justifying our sins, & our determination to go on sinning. There is so
much unclaimed sin floating loose in the world because everyone thinks of nothing but self-
justification, explaining why theyequilibrium in faith, which is the only way to get it.
–By the way, I love that passage from Phil. you quoted about knowing how to handle all
circumstances. I want so much to have that kind of faith & equilibrium you might adore him.
–the way he dissects Christian reality is almost mathematical –t reveal until I hear your
understanding of this. Williams is not lazy reading ’Have I asked you if you can shed any
light on circumcision & why only males require some such rite? This mystifies me completely
altho Williams suggests a reason which I won–I had never heard abt the animal furs after the
Fall –the destruction of the temple, the end of animal sacrifice –s amazing how it all comes
together ’it–which is a theological meditation on just that & talks a lot about the meaning of
blood in the OT & NT. Your passage on this subject reminded me of him The Forgiveness of
Sinss interested in embodying Christian reality in fiction, which is what Dave is doing too I
think. Anyway, I wanted to mention his book ’unique, amazing, impossible to explain quickly
& not really my cup of tea, but Dave might like to check him out because he– ”Christian
Science Fiction“group at Oxford & is best know for his ’Have I asked if you know the writings
of Charles Williams? He is a most fascinating & little-known Christian writer (novelist &
theology, but very off beat). He was part of C.S.Lewisve ever known. I cannot get
comfortable.
’day before I go in. We are both sort of stunned by this bizarre sequence of events, & yet I
find that little by little I am giving up my feeling that I ought to be more in control, & living
minute by minute. There are wonderful rewards but it is so unlike everything Ionejust
learned that Susan will go into the hospital for a hysterectomy –I hope your 4th of July w/
Carol & Robert was nice. I often think of your worries about your kids because this is
something easy for me to relate to. Adam & I seem to be connecting a little better & he has
decided to go back to Albany in the fall, which is a relief to us both, I think. I have never
lived thru a time of such uncertainty ve lived for my whole life basically without trusting in
Him at all.
’-feeling. I also marvel at how patient God has been with me because Iunresolvednot very
gratifying often, & terribly –t really exist. It is hard to just keep taking the next step ’life that
doesn”new“m making it all up, imagining a ’it to be, that Iwantor I imagine that I just ”t
possibly be for me,’this can“times when I feel –m sure you are well aware of this & have
experienced it before.) For me it is very strange & there is an element of resistance in me ’t
understand. (I’t comment on all of these, but want you to know that your words, & your
existence, are formative for me, but in a way that is new & which I can’t understand them,
or they seem strange, like abt the whole armour of God. I don’Many of the things you say
make a deep impression on me, even tho I dons my patron saint!
’& I laughed out loud. There–s all he did ’that–s so important to remember them, or those
like Simone Weil who simply lived in solidarity with the poor. I came across a journal entry
wherein I noted a saint who went from monastery to monastery, never fitting in ’I love to
hear abt saints who washed dishes or were doorkeepers. Its respecting my privacy, but to

64
me this kind of non-relationship is not human. I have honestly wondered whether he is
human.
’lying about conspicuously. He must notice but there is not the flicker of human contact
between us. I suppose he thinks heGod & Man at Yalem not sure does me, the Church, or
anybody else any good. It is so much more important to do good, to do right, than get
involved in trendy controversies. I recently taped up large pictures of the Sacred Heart at
my desk, & am always aware of a desire to provoke a reaction, especially from my
conservative Jewish boss, whose bidding I must do, whose interests, including religious, I am
paid to further. He of course would never acknowledge flaming Sacred Hearts or copies of ’a
contentious kind of thing which Iarguments over current events – t take the fruitful form of
your Christianity, & I wish it did. My fate seems to be to get involved in polemics, ’t wear the
dress-for-success look. Have you ever been tempted to try that route? The whole issue of
how we present our physical selves is a fascinating one. As for not being known as a
Christian, I do my best at work to keep a high profile as a Catholic. Unfortunately it doesn’m
amazed that with all your credentials, you have felt yourself discounted because you don’I”
Whether they listen or ignore you, they will know a prophet has been among them.“t give
for their conviction, their faith. ’they came from all walks of life, & they asked nothing for
themselves, not respect, not even a hearing. What I wouldn–street ministries is that they
completely evade all power structures. The O.T. prophets are my heroes alls assets, & not
the other way around. What I love about ’determines what will or will not be made of
onePowerre intelligent; your intelligence can be discounted. ’if youmattert ’most!) when I
find it unbearable to sit there typing reams & reams of garbage, saying nothing as this
completely delusional world gains more & more ground. As to my intelligence not being
remarked because of my position, I suppose that is true, but I think the truth is actually
more horrible, a kind of inverse of that: that if you have no power, then it doesn–t do it. The
blind worship of senseless technology continues apace at work. It is like rubbing salt in the
wound for me. There are times (many ’and yet I don–m running from some call, altho it sure
feels like that much of the time. I think abt the anti-TV ministry all the time. How could
anything be bigger than that? Right now that seems the most courageous, valuable,
important thing I could possibly do with my life ’t think I’m glad you don’Ieverything seems
to be so present, so palpable. Out here, I just feel anxious.
–s one reason why I find the city so compelling ’the world where everyone is strong, able,
rich, attractive, & out for themselves. This world is very palpable in New York also. I think
that–”the jungle“ve come to call ’s something so horrible about the world I’maybe because I
feel like my life is in jeopardy now. There–I have recently been feeling an odd kind of
comfort around the street people in N.Y. Their presence comforts me ”s house, there are
many mansions.’In my Father“t have any answers but I feel instinctively, & more strongly as
the years pass, that we should all strive for poverty rather than middle class comfort. In the
church this would probably be closest to Franciscan spirituality. But ’The issue of wealth &
Christianity has always been a thorny one. I sure dons pretty disconcerting.
’s a kind of overwhelming realization. Altho really quite obvious in the way these profound
truths often are when our eyes are opened; it’re all supposed to be? Your point about
valuing the accessibility of God is an important one, & new to me. Actually, it’they seemed
very excited abt their appointment, but for all the wrong reasons. Was Dave making fun of
them, or is that how we–t figure out how I was supposed to feel abt that family ’I think I

65
couldn–”The In“t understand ’m not sure why I didn’Im just letting events take their course,
instead of actively shaping things.
’s very uncomfortable. I feel irresponsible, like I’I sure never lived this way before & it–I am
trusting that what I should do about coming to Calif. will be revealed to me. I learned this
from you there is nothing else in my life quite like our communication, & never has been.
–m willing to live with that. Sometimes my willingness to part w/ things may look hard-
hearted, but I assure you it is not. Your letters are of prime value to me ’ll forget things, and
wish I had things from time to time, but I’I know I–t believe that for me, keeping such things
serves any purpose. I am trusting God to fill my memory & consciousness in the best way to
lead me along my path ’t keep anything but my journals. And I am seriously considering
ditching them, too. I honestly don’that I just wouldn–because reading & writing are such a
huge part of my life I was always inundated with paper –re having now about the house have
a lot to do with my extreme dislike of lots of stuff around because Susan is the exact
opposite. Some time ago (years) I made a decision about papers, articles, letters, even
books to some extent ’I like them but they weigh very heavily on me, & I often wish I had
the courage to live completely unencumbered. All the problems we–in fact I have a lot of
trouble with things in general –thingsm going to just try to answer your two letters in a very
systematic way. My initial response to them is to get incredibly excited & then overwhelmed
with all I have to say. It really is an extra-ordinary experience. Re your question abt making
copies: I have given thought to this issue, & have decided not to keep copies of anything,
yours or mine, after I have thoroughly digested them. I have a lot of trouble with
accumulating ’I
Dear Christine & Dave.

July 16

The Whole Armor of God

Week 12: ”
I was a complete unbeliever who has come to see this! Praise the Lord...’... through Him all
things were made.‘logical, so rigorous, that you can just feel that it was there when the
world came into being. so. It is makes senseOne of my on-going delights is the realization
that only Christianity “

66
 Part Four

peace when things become difficult.

incomprehensibleLord, let each reader have that,PleaseThis is the supernatural gift of God
(another one of the good things that Linda has received) which is described in the scripture
for this week.

I am in unaccountably good spirits… -- Linda

that Linda has gotten sicker. She could easily be depressed or demoralized. Yet she writes:
noticeAs we read these letters we
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds
through Christ Jesus.
C.

P.S. I enclose a draft biog. that D wrote for SCCS.

Christine
Love,
m SO glad that God has even that under control!
’but not planning to marry for 3 or 4 years. I–s involved with raising a child. She & Paul are
now engaged ’Things remain the same here. R. is working on a vampire movie. Someone
has raised $60,000 for the effort. Carol has no clue of whatHow are things with Adam? Is he
still planning to go back to school?
like the after school volley ball & basketball.)
didI –m not good at sports ’and though I– (Though I hated the arbitrariness of gym class I
never had that kind of nonsense in an academic class.

67
t bluffing.)
’(He knew I wasn–and went out and made arrangements at a private school. The principal
found a way to waive the PE req. for Robert –He made the mistake of suggesting that in
front of the principal. I told the principal that no way would I bribe the teacher to pass my
son
d then get a C.
’& he”make up the classes“to –which we would pay for –including me (I drove him to school
because he performed at night) saw him go to class. The teacher offered to give him tennis
lessons –s to be in professional theater. The teacher gave him a D saying he had missed too
many classes. Witnesses ’In Calif one needs to maintain C–He was playing in the title role of
Oliver –when Robert was 16 –crisis –Interestingly we had quite an episode t graduate after
all.
’t respect the teachers but they had a lot of power over me. I had nightmares long after
graduating that I had missed a semester of gym and wouldn’stuff bothered me all through
high school, I didn”left, right, LEFT“brought down my average & there was nothing I could do
about it. The –not being a jock –s that I got ’as well as militaristic. I hated that the routine
88–but more because of the reasons you gave to your father. I thought it inane and arbitrary
–Nonetheless it was fun to read & to fit into my past. I too disliked Gym Class. Not from fear
however , we expected the story to come back to that topic. It seemed to be trying to
accomplish two things.
J.O.Y.with the title. –Also but were a little confused. You have Susan older than you in the
story. Is that poetic license? How autobiographic is the story?
–J.O.Y.We enjoyed re having a private session on eschatology.)
’we–t been exposed to the end times jargon thrown around by other Christians in the class.
So ’m having lunch tomorrow with two women who attend the Daniel Bible study. One is
Catholic & one Lutheran and they haven’I–(That reminds me which we believe is leading into
the one world church of the end times.
–etc –ecumenical movement. National Council of Churches –make it all vanilla –re opposed
to the formal ’we–all who accept Jesus as Lord are brothers & sisters –Though Dave & I
believe strongly in fellowship
qz
)IN THIS SIGN VICTORY{Insert here a picture of flag with cross and words, but do know of
denominational flags. (Though, there may be such.)
–t know of a Christian flag ’We dons own denomination) had taken a stand against him.
’m not surprised that the Christian right opposes Clinton. When we served in a Southern
Baptist Church a while back, the pastor told us that the Southern Baptist Convention
(Clinton’d like to hear from you what has happened. I’but we–National Review t know what
Catholic news you mean. It will probably catch up with us through ’t plan to return to it. We
rarely read newspaper. So we don’We stopped listening to the news when it became all OJ
and have enjoyed the silence so much that we donll send you one.)
’and we–written by & for Catholics. Dave ordered some –The Born Again Catholict remember
if I mentioned it but I just read a book called ’Mailing book rate is inexpensive. (Also, I don–if
you want for your convalescence –and others –is a book we recently found on sale in a
Discount Christian Book Store. It was written by Larry Richards, an assistant professor of

68
theology at Wheaton College, and published by Word in 1980. We can loan you this The
Screw-Loose Lecturesre adding prayers for special blessings during your recovery time.
’Besides our other prayers for you, wesin and its consequences of the second death.
–as have we –ve been rescued from the most serious illness of all ’really blessed me. Of
course you”t have a serious illness’Thank God I don“Your comment, one day. My mom also
holds you up in prayer.
–re also hoping to see you this fall.) One beautiful thing is that you will meet them all ’m
glad it came because I can (and have started to) spread the word about your surgery on July
26. You have quite a support community here in So. Calif. (They’Besides being a blessing in
general, Iand was right.
”A letter from Linda,“I said, ”s a surprise for you.’There“Then when we got home, D
announced, ”
OK, it must be too soon.“–So I thought ”interesting mail.“or at least announced that we got –
but D. would have brought it –s a letter from Linda ’there–so I was quiet. I was thinking
though –I was really tired when D. picked me up at the van today
–
Dear Linda
July 18, 1994

Linda
Love

More soon!

?
”Christian flag“2 - Is there to your knowledge such a thing as a
m finally starting to have some fun here.)
’1 - A researcher here told me that as far as she knows, there is no real difference in the
terms non-profit & not-for-profit, but a distinct and recent preference for the second. (She
also asked me suspiciously why I wanted to know & I told her I knew someone who was
infiltrating these groups looking for New Age/Satanist agendas! ITwo brief things:

and I have so much to write that it will probably take most of next week. I loved the
Screwloose Lectures. What are they? I have read Screwtape many times & I love it. It was
my introduction to Lewis back in the early 80s & as such, it changed my life. Have you seen
all the Catholic stuff in the news? Plus the Christian Far Right attacks on Clinton? Things are
really heating up.
–delightful surprise! God does not give me advance notice! –I decided to send this off now as
I got your second letter yesterday –Next day s one of my favorite stories because it shows
how I feel abt my family in which I grew up.
’t have time to edit/retype it, altho I would make some minor changes if I could. Basically, it
is as I want it to be. It’I just don–I apologize for the notes & markings J.O.Y.m enclosing ’Im
about to sprout wings & take off.

69
’s not like that at all. I feel like I’but it–is coming to an end. Very odd things are going on at
work & I should be feeling terrified abt my future with my special vulnerability
”chimera,“that destructive ”security,“t care. In some ways I feel incredibly lighthearted &
free, as tho a lifetime of worrying about my ’m enjoying the weather, the city by day & the
shore breezes by night, still feeling very torn between 2 worlds. There are layers & layers of
dissatisfaction w/ my home life & they are coming off one by one. I have no idea what the
outcome will be, & I don’Meanwhile I am in unaccountably good spirits, altho by no means
all the time. Im told recovery time could be as much as 4 weeks.
’t place my final faith in doctors! Operation date is now 7/26, & I’t have a serious illness!
Thank God I don’s hard to take this seriously. Thank God I don’at least thru this next step of
the bone biopsy but I frequently find myself feeling that it”good patient,“Pre-op tests
yesterday revealed no change in my bone scans, healthy lungs, & a great deal of idiocy on
the part of my doctors. I am trying to be a
–
Dear Christine & Dave July 14

Christine & Dave

Love,

re thankful that he has tied our lives together in such a special way.
’God bless you. He certainly has you in the center of much activity. Wet hurt.
’so some background reading can–s 1st missionary journey ’and we are just starting Paul–
Journeys with Jesus & PaulThe studies have been particularly blessed lately. (Sure wish you
could be there.) The new one in Daniel is really heavy duty. Acts continues to be wonderful.
Even as I was writing last paragraph, D handed me a book called but had so many other
things to do. Even all my Bible study prep.
–wanted to support Jim & Colleen in their ministry –ll get a call about going ’or maybe we–
God has other plans maybealways right into organizer, so –Interesting development. I
discovered this aft that I had lost directions to the church we planned to visit tomorrow.
Called the pastor for directions (left message on machine); still no return call. I NEVER lose
directions
10:20 PM

s point of view. (Have you read them?)

’re told from Satan’by Lewis; i.e., theyThe Screwtape Lettersare patterned after The
Screwloose LecturesChanging the subject. Due to something you wrote in an earlier letter, I
thought of you when I read the enclosed pages. t found themselves relating to the One who
created us and Who wants us to have a rich full life serving Him.)
’They haven–”s’no-no“and a list of –church socials –(Can you believe that most people think
that the Christian life is boring s technology could add realism. Maybe book -4- or maybe
even sooner.
’and D–we agree with you there –but to write a story based on the group –s too known for
his Christianity ’he– I think Dave would have trouble infiltrating any such group ones who are
such a support to each other.

70
8
”... so that seeing they shall not see, & hearing they shall not hear,“m really thinking of is
something in an OT prophet: ’but the one I–? (Luke: Magnificat) ”confusing [scattering] the
proud in their inmost minds“t there something in Scripture about ’why is it that God hides
these so important things from us? Isn–s like a coded message ’insight nor have I even re-
read the book altho I want to, but as I write this, I can begin to see some interesting parallels
in OT & NT regarding the m/f role. All of this, needless to say, has been roundly
misunderstood. It’!) I have not really done much on my own w/ Williams”figuring it out“m so
pleased w/ myself for ’m sure I told you because I’s always something too paradoxical to
grasp, too amazing for us to see, going on. (It is the same thing w/ male priesthood. I
understand this as I’s no way He could be culture-bound! There’there–because that is not
how God works ”guides“t accept cultural ’in the Old Testament. As always he worked it out
like a geometric proof & I was comprehending about 30% of it, but it felt right. For one thing,
he is the only person I know of who has been willing to confront this issue. I have never been
satisfied w/ the conventional explanations of male & female roles in the OT. I donbloodwhole
thing is the absolute sacredness of any & all ’Regarding circumcision, I really shld refresh my
understanding of Williams before expressing it to you, but my understanding, which was
very sketchy even when I read the book, was that menstruation in women somehow took
the place of circumcision. Wms.ll be glad to.
’IThe Forgiveness of Sins,d like me to send you ’s more of a theologian who works thru
fiction. If you’s really not a novelist at all; he’t really feel inclined to read more, altho their
mathematical perfection is quite fascinating. He’& at least one other & donAll Hallows EveI
read –fiction? I find it difficult & a little tiresome ’Do you like Chas Williamsthere is another
saint I especially like: he made only one convert, & that convert murdered him! Whenever I
get discouraged, I think of him.
–I cannot remember where I read abt that saint who never fit in with those like himself who
are so far behind me in vision and faith. I was very moved & challenged by this, & the fact is
that he has more faith than I do. Sometimes I fear that my vision outstrips my faith, which
may be a definition for despair, altho I am far from that, as I trust you know.
be patientto –t, &, to me most interesting ’Anyway, Richard told me it was my job to work
amid the evils of this world, to heal the evil I could see & others couldn& read other parts of
the magazine. This is a perfect example of a decent person becoming a) desensitized, and
b) so unsure of what their own values are & so unwilling to take a stand in the face of media
deluge & manipulation that they resort to evasion. This is not the kind of citizens required in
a democracy.)
”ignored it,“& the first few topics were these: a snuff movie, a bad LSD trip, an operation on
someone who had received a machete blow to the scalp, & something else that was an
attack on Christianity. My mother, who pays for this magazine & has it in her home, was
unable to respond to my question abt how she felt abt paying to receive such material. All
she said was that she –a bizarre thing in itself –magazines othermagazine that I have long
detested & have not looked at in years. The first section was devoted to excerpts from
”intellectual“an s,’Harpert even notice it. (Example: my mother left me an issue of ’t
question the routine ugliness & violence everywhere & who treat each other w/ contempt &
don’m becoming less & less able to live in it & more & more isolated from others who
don’the pain of these everyday evils very very precisely. My former boyfriend & current
8

71
friend Richard, the ex-priest who has no love for the institutional church but a great love of
& hope in Jesus, visited me & we had a wonderful talk. I told him that the world just seemed
too ugly to me & that I felt that Ifeltthen I actually –Despite her atheism & suicide she is my
favorite poet. I love her work & find her life endlessly fascinating.) ”a country as far away as
health.“s beautiful line ’I am reminded of Sylvia Plath–another country isve spouted these
things for years, & believed them, but when I entered the country of the sick, the helpless,
those in pain (and it ’t really want to be. In general, being in the hospital seemed to make
me super-receptive to some amazing things; mainly I felt with some pain how callous people
are with each other, how vicious the mass media is, with its relentless spewing of the lurid,
the ugly, the hopeless, & how rampant sin & selfishness everywhere. I’d never noticed
before, something almost sad. I felt I had once been one of them & was no longer & didn’ve
fallen into many traps in the vanity arena. While I was in the hospital a number of female
friends visited & I saw them suddenly as kind of garish. They are all beautiful, well framed,
youthful, in good shape, etc etc, altho all were 50 or more. In a way it was wonderful to see
so much health & beauty but there was something startling about it that I’t) of our ability to
manipulate others thru how we look. This is a sensitive issue for me in most important areas
of life. I feel I’I appreciate your openness in discussing the issue of how our physical
presentation both reflects & hides our real selves & how we make use (or donarrivals. Just
another wild & crazy gift, I guess!
’t know what to make of your prescience of my letters’I dona concept I have always
especially loved. I usually prefer to attend a vigil mass than the actual feast, & there is
something awesome about being in church at nite. Did I ever describe to you the vigils every
Sunday at the Episcopal Cathedral of St. John the Divine up on Amsterdam Avenue? Even
tho the Cathedral reeks of new age crap, these vigils are formal, Latin, chorale liturgies in
candlelight. In the setting of that vast & still unfinished cathedral, it can rattle your teeth.
–in Catholic liturgy (any evening before special feast/fast days) ”vigils“s creation plan. It no
doubt accounts for the idea of ’What you say about days beginning the evening before is so
true! I never connected it with God)
The Man Who Was Thursday.s brilliantly perceptive portrait of a God wild & vast beyond our
dreams, who leads us on a merry chase, in ’can & does bring us riches beyond measure in
every second. (Again I am reminded of Chesterton–all so much beyond our tiny grasp –s
amazing bigness & creativeness ’I find it thrilling, completely unpredictable, like a wild
carnival ride. God–t spend time in this letter talking abt my hospital stay, which was amazing
& grace-filled as you shall hear. I do feel that in some ways I approached some of the
amazing one-on-one experiences I have heard about from you, thru an openness to the
Spirit & the other person who happens to be present at the moment, often a moment of
extreme duress. I feel like my concentration has been re-directed so that I see things I never
saw before & am somehow much more available to others, even complete strangers. This is
very much what I want to be happening ’I will be calling you today so won
Dear Christine & Dave –

96 Abraham Ave.
31
JulySun a process started that we hope will get her to my group.
,a prayer that Holly would get out of her current position. While I had that wordLLYNOW -

72
one of my fun things at work.) Last time it was –the timing. (I use my password as a prayer
notcould decide on the password, but I–”required to change password“–the message came on to
the screen –July 26On
a reminder to pray for you.
I had determined that next time I had to change my VAX password to make it INDAWIN."

something special from yesterday:

–Almost forgot
(IN VAN)
4PM

Christine & Dave

Love,

We will continue lifting you, Susan and your family up in prayer throughout the coming
weeks.
Then throughout the day I continued.
–Yesterday: D & I prayed for you at 5:30, I prayed in van at 6 & Carl & I prayed at 7 &
praying for you.
,Am waiting for a meeting to begin

–Dear Linda
0700
1994
–July 27

Amazing and grace filled

: 13Week

ereby allowing any behavior. They do what’s right in their own eyes.
There are so many temptations out there that it is easy to rationalize and throw God away,
thBut we also pray for you and your children.
Our prayer, of course, is that Robert will open his eyes, repent, and yield to God’s call on his
life.

Of course the sadness is mostly for Robert. Like us, Robert is a sinner who needs
redemption. Jesus died for Robert – but Robert wants to live his own way. Unless Robert
changes, his way will lead to eternal death and destruction.
How sad for us. We love our son but there is a great gulf between us. We belong to Jesus
and walk in Him. Robert chooses to reject our Lord.

73
– Romans 1:21-22 TLB
Yes, they knew about him all right, but they wouldn’t admit it or worship him or even thank
him for all his daily care. And after awhile they began to think up silly ideas of what God was
like and what he wanted them to do. The result was that their foolish minds became dark
and confused. Claiming themselves to be wise without God, they became utter fools instead.
Since earliest times men have seen the earth and sky and all God made, and have known of
his existence and great eternal power. So they have no excuse for saying there is no God.
belief is based on the scripture:
OurWe believe that it takes a lot of faith to be an atheist. atheos, which was derogatorily
applied to anyone thought to believe in false gods or no gods at all.
ς, όαθεcomes from the Greek atheismThe term
This is just what happened with our son. He believes that the lessons his father taught him
about the Lord are not for him.
). a15:5Proverbsinstruction (s A fool despiseth his father’to know and love Jesus, but God
gave him free will, andWe did our best to raise RobertSounds like He means it, doesn’t it?

The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable
iniquity: there is none that doeth good. – Psalm 53:1

The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done
abominable works, there is none that doeth good. – Psalm 14:1

:
twiceit says Oh, how sad. Our heart breaks – as does God’s, we’re sure. God
theist
ARobert is an : 2+Week 1

I pray that these words are making an impression on you, and that God will use them to
draw you closer to Him.

Linda
–Many of the things you say make a deep impression on me, even tho I don’t understand
them, or they seem strange, like abt the whole armour of God.
tudying the armor of God helps us to understand God’s way of doing things, and how
different it is from man’s tendencies. Also, applying this to our lives gives us victory.
Sway, wearing His armor.
God’s We all go through trials and tribulations. The way to be victorious is to fight
Ephesians 6:13
– Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil
day, and having done all – to stand.

Christine & Dave

Love,

74
We thank God for this special relationship.

ll share the blessings of what God will do in you and through you.
’even as they–I trust that as you read this you are recuperating from surgery. Please know
that many are sharing in that
-----------------

but each of us is called to a different ministry.

others to be open to His work –I believe God is calling me to track the way He manifests
Himself in my life so I can share and helpcalling you to do in that area –However only you
know what God is –t throw away journals ’s opinion is that a writer shouldn’Dave- - - - - - - - -
--------

ll have a reprieve from that place and your tasks there. I know that God will minister to you
in your time at home.)
’m also glad that you’much. (Isowish you had even more. Being able to share helps –m glad
that you have a comrade at work ’Ior not.
–s Lord ’either He–s teachings ’t pick and choose among Christ’We agree that you canll pray
for wisdom for you.
’s a hard call. We’(Ephesians 4:15). It”speak the truth in love“s leading on what to say &
when to say it. The Bible says to ’You need to be sensitive to the SpiritI do know of churches
that are asking their young people to sign pledges of abstinence until marriage.
m in the middle of the Council at Jerusalem in the Acts study. Even there - no fornication was
spelled out for the church. (Acts 15:20)
’We believe the Bible is very clear on this issue. IOne engaged couple left & traveled 100
miles to their home when they realized we had separate rooms for them.
t share a bedroom.
’ve always had a rule in our home that unmarried couples don’We
----------------

but she knows and is accountable to the Lord.

–t stop her ’I can–and what God said about it –and I told her –The lady asked me what it
meant ”fornication.“s pregnant. One evening (and Carol was there too) we came upon the
word ’yet she–One couple in a Bible study I lead are not married but also in other Christian
groups.
– not only in the Catholic Church –s become all-too-common ’Itunfortunately.
–t surprise me ’situation of your friends doesn”not married“The
----------------

We have a big job to do.

–9t understand.’t really being insincere, but I was sort of aping something I wanted but didn’I
wasn– I mean that when I signed on, voluntarily & as an adult, I sort of thought that being a
Christian would help me have a better life. I did many things, assented to many things,
9

75
whose real meaning, purpose & efficacy were completely unknown to me. It was like a
masquerade ”game,“he does not have the faith in Jesus that would enable him to go on in
the face of a ruined world. More & more when I talk to him abt anything serious, I find his
stopping short of any faith commitment to be a serious frustration & stumbling block. As the
years pass I find that what started out almost as a game is turning into a life-and-death
matter. By butDe Rougemont, a Swiss Protestant w/ amazing insight, used a scholarly,
historical approach to show how the world has been ruined by the perversion of the erotic
impulse & the destruction of the concept of true marriage. The book helped bring me to
Christianity. Adam told me that he finds the book almost too frightening to read, which
indicates to me that he has the sensitivity & openness to truth to realize that De R. is
describing actuality, m sure I told you about it, but if not I will.
’by Denis De Rougemont. ILove In the Western Worldto be a full time student & to support
himself. He seems in good spirits considering what hard times these are. Anyway, he has
just started reading a book that turned me around, –he came back from Albany on Sat. w/o
having resolved the car problem or registering. I have told him that he has 2 choices –m
having an interesting experience w/ Adam ’Is just limp good intentions.
’m praying when it’t want to be complacent, & believe I’m not so sure. I don’s always active,
but usually following its own analytic, intellectual paths. I hope you will understand my
question & have some advice. The priest who visited me in the hospital said we are praying
constantly unless we choose to shut God out, but I’it–my mind wanders all the time –t know
what words to use, how long it should take, whether to just mention their names or spend a
long time describing them & their needs ’t know how to pray, especially for other people. I
don’I want to ask your counsel on prayer. Now that I am surrounded by so many people
praying for me I am faced w/ the fact that I really don. But this does not win popularity
contests & I believe most people think it is a neurosis that I should overcome. I used to
agree with them.
trueI find extremes liberating & –that He meant what He said, & it is for me to grow to the
point where I can understand. This is a part of my personality knowingAs I said on the
phone, I seem always to have had a receptiveness to the most extreme Gospel truths. The
sayings of Jesus that make others, even Christians, cringe are the ones I love the most. I
love how I ever heard the voice of the Lord, & felt his presence, where I was.
–and yet, it is enough. My story alone should be enough to rattle teeth –”the blue haired
ladies“m sorry to say that includes Catholicism. Richard lives in Bayonne, NJ & goes to
church there among ’you see is proper, socially acceptable, liberal & non-threatening, &
I”religion“m increasingly convinced that Christianity is more covert here in the NYC area
than anywhere in the country, & that is because there is little renewal going on here. The ’I–
I mean the critiquing of secular things in the light of a Christian outlook. Such efforts may be
more common in Calif than here –m very interested in this kind of endeavor ’Thanks for
SCCS. I. But why do you say menstruation is a result of the Fall?
the samethe attempts to level our differences & make men & women –m anywhere near the
truth on any of this, it is clear that we have wreaked great havoc on ourselves w/ all this
messing around w/ sex roles & reproduction, etc ’circumcised. (This fits in w/ my theory
about why men require the priesthood & women do not.) If IalreadyBut as you say, women
are born that way. It cannot be that God was ignoring women, but rather, I believe, that
somehow perhaps thru their reproductive functions, women are ”proud.“as synonymous

76
(sp?) with ”uncircumcised“all the references to –submissionIf we really get into the
male/female as God called us to be, we may be graced with some insight about the
blood/menstruation/circumcision questions. From Scripture, I gather that circumcision was
viewed as a kind of symbolic Christian anti Semitism. It is so wrong & yet it was actually
encouraged by the church for centuries. A horrible evil.
–and I was absolutely terrified by it. It made damnation seem so real. It also has an
unpleasant streak of antiSemitism. That is the hardest thing for me to understand –s library
’I was on a silent retreat by the ocean in New Hampshire & I was reading books like mad
from the monastery–is the book I read first All Hallows Evem sure none of my friends would
support it, I do have my reasons, some spiritual, some purely selfish. Anyway I will send the
Williams book, hopefully with this letter. ’I must admit I still toy w/ this notion, & altho I–but,
as the quote from John about Peter says to me, my life is not my own. I am being led where I
would not go, unless I decide not to have any treatment –t be too much for me, too
disruptive, all that dumb stuff ’waiting & waiting to be sure they won–s relentless optimism
abt my trip & wish I were up to just climbing on the plane. I tend to be cautious about big
things anyway ’I love Dquoted in many of the books I read now about what went wrong. How
incredibly perceptive he must have been that his observations still seem to be the sine qua
non on the American experiment.
constantly I have read a little of De Tocqueville, long ago, but he is s time we heard from
men on the future of the family.
’at the risk of feminist ire, I think it–t need another woman pontificating ’ll have to give up
violence & lust. Well we don’t like it when they hear they’just another proof that the sexes
are very different in both their virtues & vices. Men & women are both hungry for the truth
altho they won–s time to fight back. I feel as strongly abt this as I do about TV. The feeble
media attempts to exploit maleness (Iron John, & similar foolishness) have really not caught
on, just like pornography for women never really caught on ’women because they are
witches, lesbians, ad nauseum. My niece, who is in graduate school at Fordham, tells me
that among her friends (altho she deplores this) it is definitely chic to be bisexual. Anyway,
itrespectw/ utter amazement how we are now supposed to TimesI read in the –s will for us
all. The devil has had a grand time with all of this ’(mainly to sell things) w/ no regard
whatever for the learning of Godfor their own purposesfor lack of a better word. I honestly
believe this crucial concept has gotten lost in the shuffle & that men are in a state of retreat
from responsibility that is catastrophic for the human future. The media & the secular world
in general has latched onto women & exploited & distorted our problems & issues ”male
head-ship“I hope you, Dave, & some of your fellow males will find a way of pondering &
sharing w/ both women & men the issue of Christian
–
Aug 15
(Just received your phone call.)

m sorry to report that breast cancer cells were found in my hip biopsy, & I am now engaged
in a bizarre adventure to determine the best course of treatment. Most of last Thurs. was
spent in the city conferring w/ various doctors. Sort of out of nowhere came a new program
at NY Hospital to which my oncologist sent me & my mother. As we met w the young Indian
doctor in charge of this program, both my mother & I had a strong feeling that at long last

77
something positive had entered our lives. It was a truly mystical thing & we both felt it. I was
also struck by how this option seemed to come out of nowhere. As you know, I think I have
had a powerful, almost unreasonable resistance to being sent out of town. The decision is
not final yet but it looks likely that I will begin treatment at NY Hospital this fall. It will be
pretty drastic, last about 6 months & hopefully prolong my life. But I must say I am not fully
reconciled to this.
’I
–
Dear Christine & Dave
Aug 13

Christine & Dave

Love,

As ever, and more and more, this correspondence is very special.

s will in your life. We wish health. We wish all kinds of good things. But we also trust Him to
know & provide the best things.
’we continue to lift you up for God–t need to ’t but we don’s happening in your body. We
don’By now you must know more about your health situation. God knows exactly whatd
never pulled them together. Your letter precipitated it.
’Though we had the elements, weand leads to (at least relative) social acceptance.
–abortion makes the consequences of fornication much lighter –by giving birth
”inconvenienced“even with people who are –even in the Christian community –So welcome.
’but gets a heroines”A“Hester no longer fears an that the sin that was the cause of the
pregnancy is forgotten.–”virtue“Not getting an abortion has become such a ”
t get an abortion.’I didn“re upset about her fornication: ’t understand why we’Another young
Christian woman cant get an abortion.
’A young Christian woman is pregnant.The mother is hurting and a friend (me) comforts her
by reminding her that at least the daughter didn?)
”go & sin no more“The crowd cheers. (What about the fornication & –s pregnant again & not
even considering an abortion ’now she–At a prolife rally an unmarried woman gets up and
says that counselors helped her decide not to abort her first baby _However the insight:
(First some events)
though with no geog. boundaries. My pro-life position at work has resulted in nasty
anonymous notes on my desk.
–like slavery of the last century. It divides the country –emotional issue of the day
theAbortion is but many very strong.
–and being persecuted for it. We admired the Catholic Church for being strongly pro life right
from the beginning. Other Christians are late-comers –m not surprised that Catholics are in
the center of the pro-life controversy ’But first: Iwhich has been trying to come to us.
–insight ”new“and a –Your comments on fornication led to a lively discussion here t use that
expression any more.)
’(We don”unwed mother.“Am also going to a shower for an s very special (& unusual) when
the 4 of us can sit down together.

78
’or Carl & me representing our spouses & carrying info back to them. It–”hurry up“Usually
our plans are –”s Good About Friday?’What“s thinking about preparing ’as will be some new
seminars: Carl– is sure to be discussed –re calling the one-week Bible/fellowship time ’which
is what we–”Immersing the Clay“Tomorrow the Wigginses & Beaucages are having a long-
overdue staff meeting to plan the fall quarter. Even though your visit is far from definite, ll
probably pass the torch to me.)
’then he–Carl & Sandra (the volunteer) are doing the current issue t had the time. I happen
to believe the newsletter is very important. It too will probably evolve over the 1st few
issues (probably quarterly) but I want it to settle down & be something people look forward
to receiving.
’but a P.H. staff member really has to have the responsibility. Carl hasn–s been sporadic. He
has some volunteer help ’s Hands Newsletter starting with the Dec. issue. Carl had been
doing it but it’m going to have responsibility for the Potter’(By the way it looks like I)
”evolving.“s new and ’it–t remember how much I wrote about the publication ’s Hands in a
future issue. (I don’and expect to feature Potter–ve also added some explicitly Christian
work ’they–then in heaven.) They believe they are called to serving Christian families by
reviewing secular entertainment –if not here –s looking forward to meeting you ’special
couple. (Debbie is one whoveryThe publisher/editor Art & Debbie are a .
Shiloh Projects mostly by/about Beaucage/’it–ll send it ’If I find an extra copy of an earlier
issue I–I enclose an SCCS ”
.The Ins what I was doing in ’That“he said, –When Dave learned that you were expressing
the truth in kind of a hidden form my mom said it has been added to so that only a bay
window is recognizable.)
–I should have checked address –21 Bayview Ave –s house ’t recognize my Grandma’and
seeing my old house etc. (Found out why I couldn–s fiction. This was especially true after the
visit ’I was reading it differently than I would have a stranger–especially since I was trying to
refresh my memories of my childhood –Re J.O.Y. I guess what confused me was the mixture
of autobiography & fiction s special sisters.)
’she too is unmarried and is one of Carl & Dave–one of our special friends at Northrop is
Linda Vallejo –”the two Lindas“ve heard Carl pray a number of times for ’and that the seeds
that you planted will be nourished. You do have Christian support. Some of my friends out
here pray for you regularly. (I–ll pray for Christian fellowship for you when you go back to
your job. We trust that God has something better for your friend who resigned ’Wethat
everything else is dim in comparison.
–relationship with Jesus all fit together so beautifully –the Word of God –but the Christian life
–logical. Often His logic is beyond my finite understanding is sove discovered about God. He
’s one of the great things I’and that–I have always seen myself as logical
t find exactly your quote (It may be there) but the concept fits.
’I couldnHow about: I Cor. 1:27
James 4:6
I Tim 6:3,4
Prov 16:5
Psalm 138:6 is interesting

–”confusing the proud in their innermost minds“Re –

79
and being aware of Him in our life –Then we have the privilege of knowing Him –Yes we are
to seek for a Person but menstruation is clearly one result of the fall.
–d never thought about it before ’WeEph 1:7, Col 1:14, I John 1:7.
–very seriously –especially the shedding of blood –not only in the OT take blood – and God
does certainly –One real difference is that women have no choice about whether to
menstruate. The blood business does make sense –d never connected menstruation with
circumcision ’We
)
”it.bringTell her to “(D said The Forgiveness of Sinsd like you to send ’Webut he likes it.
–”difficult and a little tiresome“and you see demons scatter. He agrees that the fiction is –of
a woman standing in a city street at night by a subway entrance and she says one word
(damn or hell) All Hallows Evenot C. He remembers a scene from –fiction ’s read Charles
Williams’D is the one whoHeb 12:2.)
–”Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of faith“–that you are far from despair. Trusting
Him in crisis times strengthens our faith. –and praise the Lord –know do(We Mark 9:24
”Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.“d have the vision you have without faith. I think of
the man who said to Jesus, ’t believe you’I don–re winning in a situation the world finds
impossible ’than you do. Only God knows that. Your life is bearing fruit. You”more faith“t
believe that you can know that Richard has ’I dont yet learned to crawl. That comment has
helped me a lot over the years.
’I remember one church over 30 yrs ago where a very wise man said to me that I expected
the people to run & they hadn–s comments to be patient make sense to me also ’Richards
the calling of every Christian, we believe.
’or ministering. That–whether out dealing with evil –(Luke 19:13). We take that very
seriously ”Occupy till I come“but even they are working among the spiritual evils. Jesus said
to – Some may have special callings to retreat ”work among the evils of this world...“s the
job of most of us to ’We agree that it
after work

and was really surprised at the topics of the articles.

–t read Harpers in years ’I havenand how unreal the world outside of the hospital became to
me.
–but I kind of know what you were talking about. I remember how dependent I was –when I
was hospitalized with phlebitis about 25 yr. ago –ve only been there for a short visit
’I–”country of the sick“Re your
before work
Fri Aug 5

re having such difficulties now.

’t be a surprise that we’, written about the time of the Amer. Rev. Have you read him? He
said that the only reason democracy worked in the US was Christianity. It
shouldnDemocracy in AmericaWhen you mentioned the type of citizens required in a
democracy, we both thought of de Toqueville, s still soft voice.

80
’s so exciting to see God working in your life. The noise of this world is so loud, that we really
need the strength of Christian fellowship to help us continue to hear God’Your letter was
thrilling. It& learning to depend more on Him.
–s on my bathroom sink & discovered there were two copies there! (PTL) You can tell I was
going through a rough time ’write the two lines & the poem would flow. This dried up a
couple of years ago. I decided to enclose the one that–d pull myself out of bed ’strangely,
many were limericks. I–some prophetic –t just a phrase. Some were quite lengthy ’just
enough to know that it wasn–d have the 1st two lines of what would be a poem in my head.
Never more ’must have been the weekend). Then I–sometimes 2 or 3 AM. (The time on my
enclosure was 5:45 –A few years ago I went through a phase where God would wake me up
early but then it dried up when God decided it was time to move on to other things. (Like we
relate differently to children as they grow & develop.)
–E.g., when I was first learning that God is serious about wives obeying husbands, God gave
me goodies whenever I consciously obeyed D. against my own will. Once when doing an
errand that I would have preferred to do the next day a parking space opened right where I
needed it & I ran into a friend as I walked into the store. I had a series of such goodies s ever
changing.
’it–Though my relationship with God grows closer as the years go by even in little things.
–t believe it will go on forever. I just love the way He cares about me ’and I don–t know why
the Lord gives me that blessing ’I KNEW again that the letter would be here. I don
Dear Linda –

Thurs, Aug 4, 1994

He meant what He said

: 4Week 1”
it is too serious, & separates me from too many people I want to be close to.–t like this
journey at all ’So I hope you will pray for him, and for me. Sometimes I don’choice.‘I really
used to think Christianity was a –I honestly see now that all I can do is pray for him, & I do
not really see any salvation for him outside of Jesus. This is a creepy thing for me to see &
admit “

81
 Part Five

Our lives too can be grace-filled, if we receive that gift from God by faith.

– Linda
. was amazing & grace-filledstay …My hospital
This grace God offers is truly amazing. It’s impossible to comprehend the glory of God, but
by faith we can rejoice in the hope of that great glory.

Romans 5:2
– By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in the
hope of the glory of God.

Linda
With love & prayers,

It is a hot sunny Monday morning in Babylon.

82
ll get this letter off to you.
’is a complete non-sequitur & cannot work out any way in practice. I could go on forever
about this, but I”Safe, legal & rare“s?) ’s (or is it Cuomo’t see abortion rights activists really
gaining any ground. Their basic position is kind of untenable just logically, let alone morally:
Clinton’t) is getting desperate, or perhaps more confident. I can’ve had Roe vs Wade for
over 20 years & the fight is getting more & more vicious. Somehow, having a pro-abortion
president seems to have made things much worse. Perhaps the other side (and there are 2
antiabortion movements: one that believes in killing doctors & one that doesn’s weird that
we’I just feel that lines are being drawn in a new & scary way. Abortion is simply not a
compromise-able issue. Then this murder. It–and said that not one bishop would cave in on
this. My feeling reading this was that we shld get ready for a wave of anti-Catholic rantings
& ravings ”ready to go to jail,“Connor expressed himself on the front page of a tabloid as ’m
guessing at the numbers but you get the picture); and b) (this is the US Bishops conference
only) the proposed health care plan; shld it mandate abortion coverage, they said not one
Catholic health care facility will remain open. Cardinal O’s people consume 3/4 of the
resources (I’issues. In the last couple of weeks the Pope & the U.S. Bishops have taken
strong public stands on a) the upcoming population conference in Cairo which is a major
effort to retail abortion & birth control to 3rd world countries instead of facing the fact that
¼ of the world”rational“I referred to has gotten considerably hotter with this second murder
of an abortionist over the weekend. It is hard for me to believe, but it looks like the battle
over abortion may really bring this country down, instead of racism, poverty/economics or
other seemingly more ”hot news“The .
S. Cal. Christian Spiritd also like to see the ’. Thank you. IThe B.A. Catholicd love a copy of
’Iher struggle against various fears, known & unknown, and 3 - the most delicate dawning of
religious truth in the midst of shallow materialism & skepticism. This very fragile, even
endangered vessel, may someday burn with a great light!
w of her home life & parents; 2 -s vie’the child-s real. What was important to express in this
story was 1 ’for example, is complete fiction, yet now it seems to me that he”Mr. Rossi,“m
trying to express a set of feelings (for lack of better word) that are important to me, usually
coming out of some important moment of my past (or present). To get it right, I use
whatever ingredients I can find or make up. ’are all completely autobio. in the sense that
I”stories“yes, that is poetic license. My ”Susan,“s what happens when someone reads your
work, as Dave surely knows. Any thoughtful reader is entitled to make of it whatever s/he
can. Re the older ’but that–s view of gym (this is surely the view I grew up with & espoused
loyally myself) ’t know how much she will ever make of it. It was very funny to me (& a little
frustrating) that you agreed so completely w/ my father’s universe to account, but at the
moment the story takes place, the child only dimly senses this & we don’(not Mrs. L) was
meant to be the center which called the whole rest of the childmessages ’s view of a life (her
own) which she both accepted utterly & was beginning to judge & find wanting. Mrs. L’in JOY
it was thru the incredible & ridiculous figure of Mrs. L who, despite being disdained by both
mother & child, was in her own way bringing truth into the life of a child who, while in no
way prepared to receive it, nevertheless sensed something disturbing & important going on.
The rest of the story was an attempt to show the child–ll just tell you what I tried to do in JOY
and in many of my other (strongly autobiographical) pieces. I wanted to present the truth in
a kind of hidden form ’a story, but I”defend“or ”explain“s ok. I know an author should never

83
try to ’Re J.O.Y. I fear that one place we may not ever have a true meeting of the minds is
over fiction, but thatCatholic friend there has just resigned! Even tho she was very young,
she seemed to have a real desire to grow in orthodox Christianity & I felt she trusted me to
guide her a little. I will truly miss her. The place gets ever darker.
oneWhen my office manager visited me in hospital, she informed me that my that is only
right. But he knows where I stand. I trust that knowledge will have some effect on the
choices he makes.
–ll do as he chooses, of course ’I will proceed w/ caution w/ my not-married couple. Right
now an even bigger concern of mine is keeping the pressure on Adam. I know he has a sex
life (I mean I assume he does) but I am determined to let him know that I will never
acknowledge, countenance or support anything but marriage. Here meaningless
unfortunately, but to us, they are profound, full of meaning, & would be hilarious if they
were not so terrible. I shared one such article w/ the chaplain who visited me in the hospital
& the two of us just laughed out loud. It was a great moment.
’every day that I wish I could share w/ you. To most people, theyTimes& abstinence pledges,
& enjoying what I trust will be a complete rout of the forces that have fed our children into a
world of pornography & despair for their own purposes. The complete confusion of the
liberals in the sexual morality arena is quite comical. There are so many things I read in the
”virgin clubs“m proud I stood up for it when it was made, even tho Quayle is no one I
admire. I am watching closely the growth of these ’. INew York Timesremark is now being
quoted with approval by the infamous ”Murphy Brown“s notorious ’I find more & more
people willing to at least entertain the now-radical notion that sex outside of marriage does
no one any good. Dan Quayles give some credit to the Catholic Church, my teacher.
’I was a complete unbeliever who has come to see this! Praise the Lord, & let”... through
Him all things were made.“logical, so rigorous, that you can just feel that it was there when
the world came into being. so. It is makes senseto go wrong, the subtle attacks on clear
thinking that lead us inevitably & continually astray. He can see where the bad idea gets in
& slyly changes the terms in which we view & discuss the world w/o our even noticing it. I
hate to admit it, but Buckley has some of the same ability, but he uses it to stay rich. One of
my on-going delights is the realization that only Christianity startthe ability to see where
things –s so original that I only retain one or two ideas. He had a truly amazing gift ’best, but
like all his stuff, it’. I thought it was one of LewisThe Abol. of ManI loved so I plan to go back
& read the hard parts sometime.
–I am really ignorant in that area –ve changed are very good. I would like to understand the
German philos. & their effect ’is pretty deep. Much of it is abt the influence of German
philosophy on the Greek/Christian world view of the West. It was so demanding that I
skipped a lot of it & just read the social commentary stuff. His views of m/f relations & how
theyThe Closing of the Amer Mindt see how it has survived, except that it offers what
everyone wants most: a rationalization for sin.
’survival of the fittest. Such a view is illogical & so untenable that I can–(which it cannot) &
plain old social Darwinism ”private vice somehow produces public virtue“s a combination of
’as a teenager. I guess itThe FountainheadTo my shame, I read & was fascinated by ve
gotten w/ this. By the way, I am making modest progress towards a Christian understanding
of male/female relations. This is very satisfying as I have been plagued for decades by my
inability to come to grips w/ this issue. The light is beginning to dawn!

84
’blood had to try to do before. This is abt as far as I’& animals’accomplished something that
othersblood’have hearts. Jesusallis a good example of this, as we ”circumcision of the
heart“It is so clear in Jesus (& in Paul if one is honest enough to give him a fair reading) that
something has changed dramatically vis a vis the male/female relation w/ God. The , each
one of us in his own way.
Personwhere he explains that Jesus deliberately did not leave us a program (technique is for
gurus) because we are to seek for a The Passovers book ’I found this best explained in Rick
Joynerbutand that God has chosen to do this deliberately. This does indeed seem to be how
it is, 10t deserve it, and that somehow it might not even be good.’t believe they have wanted
or permitted me to make a significant professional contribution, I find it very unsettling that
they are prepared to be so generous to me now. I simply feel that I don’& since I have so
many unresolved negative feelings about it, and since I don”loyalty“Part of the weirdness &
challenge of these days is the incredibly generous & even loving response of my employer
to what is proving to be a grimmer situation than we hoped for. I deal with June, the office
manager, an active Presbyterian whose spirituality has never really impressed me, frankly.
She is my supervisor in a way, but what she does is dictated by the mysterious powers that
be, especially in this unprecedented situation. Since I have been unable to give the place
anything more than a perfunctory such extraordinary things are happening. I do think of just
getting on a plane to you, like I think of just getting up and going into the city, altho I still
cannot walk without pain & one crutch. It is easy to see the horrible confinement of my
coming few months, but if you look harder, you can see amazing freedom there too. I think I
am often enabled, by grace, to be truly aware of that freedom, to believe in it, not just as
pious comfort but as a real true thing, something far beyond anything my past has prepared
me for.
–m not a telephone person, & there is nothing like having people be part of your everyday
life ’life any time soon, if ever. I am still in the waiting room, & finding it both very hard &
very easy. I wish so much that we could talk every day. I”normal“d be living w/ my parents,
more or less housebound, for 5 solid weeks. And yet, that is what has happened. It seems
that I am not to get back to my ’These have been most remarkable days. I never dreamed I,
right now. (No need to return this.)
mes articles fascinating & utterly relevant, to us all and to ’s going to happen. I believe we
are heading towards something & should be paying more attention to that. I found both of
Rick Joyner’s what’t think that’I feel that my grounding in Catholicism enables me to discern
their value) but this has impressed me with its full taking of responsibility for sin. I am so
sick of how much energy everywhere is devoted to excusing & justifying personal sin. The
warping effect it has on the whole world is unbelievable, & very obvious to me. The root of
this evil is in each & every human heart. I am also clearly looking for something more
muscular & apocalyptic than I find in Catholicism. The Catholicism I know seems well
situated to go on more or less forever, but I don–m always a little leery of things like this,
(altho obviously I seek them out ’ll try to reach you by phone today, as I missed your call
yesterday. I wonder what you think of the enclosed newsletter? I’I
–
Dear Dave & Christine
Mon Aug 29
10

85
C

ve been a real blessing to us all.

’as well as the parish activities. They–s church & Bible study ’s been participating actively in
both children’s church & Bible study. The lady, Kathy, thought she might not be welcome
because of her Catholicism. She found she is & the family’The latest is a family that just
moved to Calif from Penn. Friends invited them to our children
God is putting more & more Catholics into our lives.

–
PS
Dave & Christine
Love,

re so glad He brought you (back) into our lives.

’Webut not My will but Thy will be done (Matt. 26:39, Mk 14:36)
–If possible take this cup away from me –but even Jesus could pray –with you. God does
have it under control isGod and praying for my release.
–s release. He too is asking the Lord to help him be content at Northrop ’Phil. 4:11). I
however pray for Carl–Meanwhile I work at being content in the circumstance of Northrop
(Paul learned to be content in all circumstances & it would be radical not to have a real
home base.
–or if so when –s the Lord ’t know if it’but to be able to travel & minister full time. We don–
like a rented room –d need some kind of home base & stable address ’D & I have even
discussed selling our house some day & buying a motor home. Were hurting.
’especially when they–not to be with those you love –m learning to identify with Paul ’s
another way I’I wish so that I could be there to visit you once a week (or more) through this
time. Itwe believe that God is using this terrible circumstance for His purposes.
–Dave and I particularly also pray for Adam & Susan & your Mom & Dad it is not more than
you can handle.
–though it is certainly difficult –and we trust that –All are blessed with the privilege of
sharing with you say when a group prays for you.
–who ask about you regularly & so are clearly part of your support team. There are many
others who pray for you once in a while –there are some such as Carl & Pat & Holly & Debbie
& Linda & ... who have seriously committed to praying for you –where the love & prayers are
intense –Besides Dave & me with all that we have and all that we are.
–and support –we can share –That is one of the blessings of the Christian life (Gal.6:2)
–”s burdens’bear one another“Just re-read the end of your letter & felt again the necessity to
-
--------
re coming from as a group.

86
’s Hands flyer. Some of it is a little obsolete. but it gives a pretty good idea of where we’In
digging it out I came across the enclosed Pottert remember exactly how I used it, but I
pulled together a lot of scripture on prayer. Some of it may be useful to you.
’I don–booklet (enclosed) that I put together a few years ago Pray Without CeasingI
remembered the
Wed, Aug 24, PM

they knelt. (Acts 20:36, 21:5)

–I just read in Acts where Paul prayed with the leaders from Ephesus –(GAP) after work
waiting for my ride is a matter of heart & motives, not form.
–like everything else in the Christian life –With all of that in mind, I believe that prayer or
from a picture.)
–not our memory from Sunday School –re going to check that out. (One thing Carl
encourages is checking what scripture says ’We–”he fell down“–I thought Jesus knelt in the
garden. Carl thought scripture is not clear t pray without ceasing if kneeling is required),
there are some wonderful examples in Elijah & David.
’mainly bodily position: Many denominations do not ever kneel in prayer. While it is clear in
scripture that kneeling is not required (can– I thought of some things we discussed
yesterday about prayer
we plan to pray together.
–Am waiting for Carl
A.M.
Aug. 23 -

t want any lost (II Pet. 3:9). It gives a whole different picture of the world & a whole different
set of priorities.
’he doesn–s hurt rather than anger. He loves them so much ’I now feel God–ve asked him to
help me care about strangers with the intensity that I care about Carol & Robert. When
people hurt me ’s pain when we rebel. I’ve found that my pain because of my kids helps me
know the Lord’t know Him (or who are rebelling against Him). I’d have victory (Mark 10:29-
30, John 16:33, Matt. 28:20, I John 5:4-5). And with that the greatest hurt is for those we love
who don’but He also promised to be with us through it and that we–to the cross (Luke 9:23)
–where? –t promise that it would be easy. He commanded that we follow Him ’s tough. Jesus
didn’The Christian life is NOT an easy life. It(II Cor. 4:17) [like stoning and shipwreck and jail
(II Cor. 11:24-27)] compared to the weight of the glory to come.
”momentary light afflictions“t risen, we are the greatest fools (I Cor. 15:14-19). I also came
to understand what he wrote to the Corinthians about ’However after I grew & did some
suffering because of my faith I came to agree with Paul that if Christ isngood marriage, etc.,
built on Christian principles.
–For my early Christian life I was able to say honestly that even if the gospel were not true
my life was better because I was a Christian s also real & wonderful.
’But it–
We agree with you that Christianity is life & death and tough and painful s our Christian
tapes.)

87
’it”noise“now when there is –but still the quiet has been a blessing –Granted we had NOT
watched much –t been on since we got disgusted with the OJ coverage ’time. Dave does
have a way of getting it off. Ours hasn”social“s interesting how many people even have their
TVs on when they have us in their home to minister. At least during the ’(Its one argument
against those who say just turn it off. Your kids are out in the world with the TVs on.)
’(By the way this is another area we can blame on TV. Even though TV was very limited in
our home, Carol discovered MTV at friends & I believe it did her a lot of harm. Thatve had
my fun first.
’t want to accept that teaching until I’don–We think Adam (though different background)
may be like our kids but true submission to Him.
–s not good intentions that make effective prayer ’He will. I agree with you that it–You need
to use your words with God, & take as long as is comfortable for you. If you ask the Lord to
guide your mind & your tongue so each will have a unique prayer life.
–but otherwise it pleases our Father for us to come to Him. And we each have a unique
relationship with Him –like unconfessed sin –s good & effective. There are blockages ’As long
as prayer is a proper expression of a correct relationship with God, I believe it(James. 4:2d). I
believe God wants us to pour out our hearts to Him.
”ye have not, because ye ask not“(especially His gift of Jesus). I do also ask for things for
those I love. The Bible says. –s done for me ’m consciously communicating with my Father. I
tell Him I love Him. I thank Him for all He’I see prayer as time that I

--------
even if only to a few groups out here.
–the Lord will have us take them on the road (and you can take us to that restaurant).
Meanwhile I have fun preparing them & leading them –re building up quite a few seminars.
Maybe, someday ’Well see.
’we–I find myself being requested more & more to help brothers & sisters understand
doctrinal differences & terminology in loving accepting ways –”Differences: Division or
Diversity?“where I would get into scripture on ministry for single man (Barnabas), single
woman (Lydia), & married couple (Priscilla & Aquila). Another real possibility is –”s
Pals’Paul“m praying about what seminar I should develop next. I have some ideas: ’Is Hands
Seminar.
’I believe it would be a wonderful Potter–but perhaps God will nudge him –and chugging
along with the book –s Fellowship ’s busy now with writing a speech for the Christian Writer’t
believe Jesus had to holler to make a point. Dave’but not wimps. I don– I too will be blessed
to see it come together. He and Carl are two wonderful examples of men who are gentle –s
role as Christian head of home ’I hope Dave picks up on writing about the mant realized your
treatment would involve more surgery.
’& I trust all went well. I hadn–I guess today was your operation –I was born at NY Hospital –).
By the way ”out of nowhere“s house too came ’s story when I read about the program at NY
Hospital (Tanya’I thought of Tanyawould come out with MORE at the end than the beginning.
– like Job –ve been praying that she ’but clearly the Lord at work. I–s a long wonderful story
’s l.r. floor). She told me an amazing story about how the Lord found them a house (not an
apt); it’She and the kids physically fine. I asked her today about housing (she & the kids
have been sleeping on her sister–lost everything (material) to a fire –no child support –

88
alcoholic ex –not high salary –recently divorced –single mother –I think I told you about
Tanya –and yet God loves you more than I do and hurts with you and carries you through it
and brings glorious victory in the suffering.
–t burnt and that Brent could walk... People that I love with such real pain ’s apartment
hadn’I wish so much that your cancer cells were all dead, and that Aleta were still with us,
and that Tanyall give the privilege of sharing in your burden in the months ahead.
’even as we have the privilege of sharing in the joy & blessings. We trust that He–Dave & I
frequently ask the Lord to allow us to take some of the pain and share it ”But it HURTS so
much.“s grave we were talking abut David after the loss of the baby. Then Carl said ’As Carl
& I walked away from AletaGod always lifted him up.
–t stay down ’but he didn–d be down ’even though he had a close walk with God. He–s
humanity ’you are human after all. Reading through the Psalms shows David–though not
surprised –Your letter was waiting when I got home from work. We too are sorry that you
were down as you ended the letter
(in the evening)
Aug 22

ll be supporting you in prayer.

’ve passed on the results of your biopsy & have many friends who’Welike me teaching Bible
studies.
– re called to a ministry, doing it seems so natural ’s interesting how, when you’Itre
wondering how things went when you re-entered the workplace. Also whether your love for
N.Y. continues.
’Were praying that God will release Carl to full time ministry. Working at Northrop is taking
its toll.
’s hurting a lot. We’s handling it well (he officiated) but he’s daughter was beautiful. Carl’The
service for Carlat least Ken will do something about it.
–d have to make do ’they neglected to take into account a 2x4 foot column and the
unusable space behind it in our area. With another boss I–but for me & my cube mate worse
–s terrible for everybody ’and then having us move into dense pack.) It–3 hours so far. (A
guy named Wally got a large financial reward by finding how few square feet were allotted
to each employee by Northrop rules –ve been waiting ’(per my boss). He told me not to
unpack until they moved my furniture to a position where I could at least open drawers. So,
I”impossible“I have some time because we were just moved (within Northrop) and the area
they moved me to is Dear Linda,
Aug 22, 1994

ll close for now.

’I& could talk almost not at all.)
–t walk well ’& couldn–Aleta was disabled at birth –s now walking and talking with Jesus ’s
happy that she’he–while he misses Aleta –s witness. (In church he talked about how ’with
Carl–ll do it. It will probably be VERY effective ’so we–m only a friend. Carl says he can

89
handle it ’I expect to be emotionally wiped out & I–s church. I suggested that we postpone
the seminar ’group in Carl’for the couples”God Has Everything Under Control“s Hands is
doing the 2nd half of ’t want anyone else to do it.) Then The Potter’s the funeral (Carl is
going to do the Eulogy. He knows it will be tough but doesn’Sat. will be a tough/interesting
day. Its provision.
’s nice to see evidence of God’but all four wish for freedom for Carl (and me) to not have to
be at Northrop. It–re hardly in this for the money. Any of us can get a much greater return in
the world of computers ’s Hands. Not too long ago, when we had a seminar with
recommended donation $25/couple, one couple gave $100. We’ve even had a couple of
financial surprises for The Potter’D & I pray for money to release Carl from Northrop so that
he can minister full time. That offering shows that God can use even that little church if he
so pleases. We”salary.“a lady handed Carl a large check for the church. The church is small
and Carl receives only a token –out of the blue –Another wonderful thing that happened
Sunday is that s not quite the same trauma.)
’but it–s wife, is a close friend & is busy supporting Carl in his grief. She too loved Aleta ’t
know her well. Pat, Carl’we don–s first marriage ’s mother. Aleta is a product of Carl’not also
to Aleta–m only referring to Carl ’(I just realized that it may seem strange that Id led to the
Lord a month or so ago. So even as he grieves the passing of his physical daughter he could
celebrate the new life of a spiritual son.
’Carl had the privilege of baptizing a young man whom he–t have to deal with that. But ’so
he didn–because we wanted to support him. God really blessed. Carl had a previously
planned guest preacher –We went to his church Sunday taking the rest of the week off.
isbut had a rough time handling it Mon when he came to work. He –s doing very well
considering the situation ’His first born. He–s daughter did pass away over the weekend. She
would have been 31 in Oct. ’Carland I have some time right now.
–want to fill you in with a few things dobut I –ll wait and send this with my answer to your
next letter ’I
Dear Linda,

Aug 16, 1994

Judge not
:51Week

Oh, how I hope that you will believe that Jesus means what He says, and that you will grow
in grace and the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.

– Linda
that He meant what He said, & it is for me to grow to the point where I can
understand.knowingI love
Jesus intends for us to take His words seriously. In the verse for this week He talks about His
words abiding (living) in us.

90
John 15:7
– done unto you.be hall ask what ye will, and it shall side in you, ye y words abye abide in
me, and mIf

Linda

–
t even walk w/o pain. Thank you for your love & prayers ’m sorry to end this on a down note,
but I had hoped to get back to normal a little bit this week & now I can’t be happening. This
is not what I want for myself or my family, on whom this is a terrible burden. And there are
times when I have no hope of recovery, just prolonged suffering. I’ll need surgery again on
Mon 8/22 to prepare me for the treatments. It is all grim & horrible & I told my mother I was
thinking seriously of not having any treatment because it all just seemed so wrong to me,
like it shouldn’I will be starting treatment at NY Hospital so had to get some preliminary stuff
done. I–at least that was fun & I got around pretty well –it would be a huge effort for nothing.
My mother & I were in the city all day yesterday –m discouraged today. I have more hip pain
than before & still need a crutch to walk. NO hope of going back to work this week ’ll be here
for a while. I’m going to mail this today, probably w/o the Williams book. You can address
mail to me at 96 Abraham Ave., Babylon 11702 since I’I–Weds. am 8/17
seems to be full of these surprises. Days are different now. Before, every thing was in
compartments but now any thing can happen any time, any where.
”sick person“t really been able to express it adequately while we were together. Life as a ’t
known really what to say or do in the group. She offered me any kind of help, including legal
(she is a lawyer) and I was so touched by her thoughtful concern & her feeling that she
hadn’d been, but hadn’t know how else to handle it. Later that day I got a call from her,
telling me how distressed she’Yesterday I had a little adventure when I went to mass & then
to lunch w/ Maria & one of my Scripture group friends, Angela. (By the way I now have a
lovely restaurant in Bay Shore right on the water to take you to next time.) Chris was in our
Scrip. group but was the most mysterious & hard to read member. She was the only one I
thought might drop out, altho when she was there, she was a most active & interested
participant. She happened to be at the same mass & we asked her to join us. Under the
circumstances I was forced to sort of blurt out my health situation & then I went on rapidly
to another subject. It was all very awkward, at least for me, but I didnit is too serious, &
separates me from too many people I want to be close to.
–t like this journey at all ’So I hope you will pray for him, and for me. Sometimes I
don”choice.“I really used to think Christianity was a –like with Adam. I honestly see now that
all I can do is pray for him, & I do not really see any salvation for him outside of Jesus. This is
a creepy thing for me to see & admit –m sure this unfolding will go on forever, I begin to see
the dire necessity of much of what was so mysterious before ’All I could see were the people
around me, doing strange things, so I did as they did. Now, altho I11Please let us know if this
Sept 1, 1994
11

91
Here and there – and everywhere
: 6Week 1

ask His help in forgiving those who’ve hurt us.

must we y hard to forgive. Yet Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we
forgive those who trespass against us.” We all need God’s forgiveness, so veralsoIt is
Linda
–Not one of us is capable of truly judging another
These are hard ones. It is so natural to judge and condemn others – when only God knows
their hearts and their circumstances.
is words –seriously.
HWe learned last week that we need to take Christ’s words – all
Luke 6:37
– condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:Judge not, and ye shall not be judged:
condemn not, and ye shall not be

Linda
Love,

I think often of you both & Carol and pray for all of you.
s happening.
’ll be home next week, & of course my parents or Susan will know what’m in the hospital; if
not, I’Perhaps we can talk on the phone while Isome not, but they do not come to me as
painful nostalgia. Instead they seem to come as a kind of heartening promise. The feeling
they bring is not one of loss, but more one of forever-ness. They seem to be saying that they
are not lost.
”happy,“I am likely to get back. I have to remind myself that this is not the goal, not even
desirable. I have intense memories of moments/pictures of my old life, some ”old life“is
really only my fluctuating assessment of how much of my ”hope“ll be there for 4 days & 3
nights if all goes well. What I can do afterwards, in between treatments, depends on how I
respond. Of course I would like to get back to work, just because I really am coming to feel
that I must begin doing more for myself day to day. Sometimes I feel very hopeful about the
future, & other times, not, but so much of what I call ’s hard to reach you both except on
weekends. I am going into New York Hospital on Thursday 9/1 for the first cycle of
chemotherapy. I’m going to mail this today, since it’I
–
Tues. 8/30

s words about the hopelessness of living under the Law for the first time.

92
’all of this is very clear, & I understand St. Paul–It is psychological torture sure.judge him &
very bitterly, I saw clearly one night that not one of us is capable of truly judging another.
We are too imperfect, too impure. Some, like me, like my mother, are under the law: we
struggle to make ourselves pure enough to indulge safely in the business of judging. But the
law can only kill us. You can never be dos boy friend abandoned in my garage. A small thing,
and yet it opens up realms of insight as I struggle with it. While I ’m finally confronting the
infuriating issue of the car my niece’For some reason, many painful things seem to be
coming to a head. For example Ito build up or to tear down. I like what he says about making
the most of spiritual warfare. One does not hear this in church.
–no neutral words, no idle gestures. There is always a choice arethe second Joyner article on
spiritual warfare was very significant for me because of the emphasis on how every word we
say is for good or evil. I have seen this vividly in the past weeks. Especially when dealing
with hurt people & relationships, there –ve been shown much about my sins ’t know.
Recently I’m just shown up by their kindness. I don’Maybe I”paying my way.“m ’There is
much ego in my reaction, I know, & probably other things as well. Do you have any advice
for me? I am perhaps too used to working for everything, or imagining that I 12ve seen
cold’we–Pray for June ”but love.–Owe no man anything “s power. ’re not in
anyone’remember that and you–s taking care of you ’s the one who’no strings. I believe God
is using these people to provide your needs. He– the Egyptians gave gold & jewelry to the
Israelites as they left. It was freely given –if the Lord guides you that way –and move on ”no
thanks“t fear that you are in their power. At any point you are free to say ’t grown in those
areas. Don’t know the Lord. Many, in fact, who are easier to deal with than some Christians
who haven’Dave & I have met many warm loving people who donve appreciated the way it
increases my opportunities & multiplies my time.
’I wrote letters for him. But over the years I– D used to make calls for me –I used to dislike
phone calls slow pace of letters is to be the method of communication.
–but frustrating –unless this wonderful –not a likely solution. The phone seemed to be the
answer –it would take 2 days travel for each visit –even with infinite funds –t see how ’but
couldn–so you might not like being a part of the study by phone. I told the Lord that I wanted
to visit you at least once a week –You mention that you are not a telephone person re so
used to thinking of God as love (which He is) that we forget that He is also perfectly
righteous.)
’We”God is a bad enemy to have.“is the future & he makes the point that Summer Fruit, s
second book, ’maybe even in our lifetimes. (The subject of Dave–to overcome. Many
(including me) believe that this will be soon –with power this time –Catholicism will NOT go
on forever. The Bible teaches clearly that Jesus is coming again s another story.)
’but that–except for the virgin birth. (He would also have inherited a blood curse –s the
nature we are all born with. Jesus too would have inherited it ’t have to teach Carol to be
selfish or Robert to lie. That’re all born evil. I didn’we–You and I and the Bible agree but I am
praying about it.)
–m not sure yet ’I–return ’m sensing such hunger for an understanding of what the Bible
teaches about Jesus’m seriously considering leading a study on Revelation at work. As we
are doing Daniel, I’(In fact, after fighting it for 4 years, Ireturn.

12

93
’persecution. And we are to comfort each other with the promise of JesuspromisedWe are
commanded to die to ourselves. We are –(an interesting phrase)? Biblical Christianity is
totally muscular and apocalyptic ”muscular and apocalyptic“Looking for something more ”
everyone is doing it.“later (in this letter or a future one), but as I go through the points in
your letter I want to agree that taking full responsibility for sin is vital to leading a victorious
Christian life. Even many in the church compromise, saying ”The Morning Star“Will discuss
Carl will see it tomorrow.)
–and you could participate if you want. (I enclose my proposed flyer –of a Bible study which
we may start –t yet checked it with Carl ’I haven–which is tentative –m acutely aware of the
time difference because of a plan ’Ieven as I write.
–If things go as planned you are on your way home from the hospital
–
Dear Linda
11:45 Eastern
8:45 Pacific
Monday, Sept 5, 1994

s also tied to you.

’but it–re doing research to see who that is ’we– I Peter where he mentions the lady from
Babylon to be in end of ”happened“we –s Bible study at lunch ’in Carl–Also
******

ll get people up in Seattle praying for you.

’she–Also She and her husband will be visiting us Sept 11 - 14

–and there was a phone message from Melinda Ritz (nee Fincke) –on the 1st day of your
chemotherapy –the 1st one that we taped for you –s study ’We got home from tonight
******

or just the Bible study?

–Shall we continue taping part of the fellowship works for you.
13
Some of the people at the Bible studies asked to see a picture of you. While digging out
one from our trip, I decided to send you some (we want them backs time.
’in the Lord–re looking forward to our first bi-coastal Bible study ’WeWe both enjoyed the
phone conversation.

Dear Linda,

Sept. 10, 1994

we really enjoyed it.

13

94
–m sending you a novel under separate cover. Just keep it or pass it on ’Ive found is no
quality control so some of the tapes are defective.)
’so the only expense is the empty tape. Only problem we–even music tapes. All Christian &
not copyrighted. Firefighters donate their time to duplicate the tapes –different styles –All
different teachers ve been getting tapes from them for years.
’t mind a tax-deductible donation. We’though they don–for free –if you enjoy tapes, you may
want to send to the address indicated on the tape for a catalog. They send out tapes –(By
the way since I will be teaching Daniel 10 within a few weeks.
–Am listening to the Missler tape before I send it
Shabbat Shalom!

Sept 9, 7:30 PM

from a national secular writers group. They want D to speak on computers in writing. (He
can have his book available for purchase :) ) We prayed & believe he should accept the
opportunity.
The secondand spend the money necessary to publicize it properly. Shilohve been praying
for that. Now our prayer continues for the Lord to work it out that they reprint ’!
WeShilohfrom Moorings, the new Christian Division of Ballantine. They are reading The
firstD. got two exciting phone calls yesterday: and then watch.
”Thy will be done“s God and not us. We love to pray ’s a good thing He’in prayer about
getting you back to work asap. The easy part is that would mean you are doing well. The
hard part is that we think you are having an opportunity to be blessed away from your job.
It”agree with you“re trying to ’we–Also re praying that the doctors are surprised about how
well you are doing.
’We–Today you go back for a check up
–
Dear Linda
5:30 AM
Sept 8, 1994

D.
– Paul is quoting Isaiah here.
–t find in the e-Bible. NOTE ’P.S. II Cor. 6:2 is the verse we couldn
Dave & Christine

Love,

Many blessings,
Let us know if this works for you.

he is difficult to understand.

95
–his love for the Lord is so evident. However –Brent is a joy to be around Dave & Brent have
developed a fun bantering relationship.
and next (probably) Romans.
–ve studied Jude, Luke, Acts ’About 2 years ago he started praying for a home Bible study.
About a year ago we started this study. (How the connection was made is a story in itself.) In
the last year webut he came out of the coma loving Jesus & continues to grow in that love.
–s in a wheel chair. His brain too has major disconnects ’t focus to read, he’his eyes can–
Now his body is broken t talk for another 3 years.
’s now 27 had a serious automobile accident when he was 18. He was in a coma for a year &
then couldn’Brent whoTo fill you in on this Bible Study:
t know why until Carl told me this morning that Pat was doing some serious marriage
counseling on the phone last night until about 2 AM. We decided that God had me
supporting her.
’I was involved in heavy duty Spiritual warfare last night. I didn
******

s Bible study.
’I enclose the tape from tonight
Sept. 6, 1994

******

two years.)
–from the time that I interviewed with Ken & we both wanted me in his department till I got
there was –(By the way before his promised trip to Rome.
–quite a waiting room –TWO YEARS –As I was preparing Acts, I read that Paul was in jail in
Caesarea for which is coming up shortly in the Wed lunch class (I expected the message to
be on Ephesians 6).
–it has teaching on Daniel 10 –as an added bonus –Then I started listening to the enclosed
tape (will send it) because you had expressed interest in the topic.

–
Dear Linda
evening
Sept. 5, 1994

-
-----
Dave & Christine

Lots of love and prayers,

Wishing you victory in Him.

96
What a joy and a challenge –
We believe that today is what we are given & living the fullest: loving Him first, and fellow
men 2nd is what we are asked
God bless you. May this time with Him be productive & fruitful.

******

However we are concerned about the specific applications.

–Many of his premises are right on –In summary as described in Revelation.
–t believe the heavens & earth will shake until Jesus comes and personally leads the army ’I
don
–”importation of strategic vision“Also his promise of –
: You & I (and all believers) are already in the army ”special anointing released for mobilizing
the army of God“His lack of humility is one way.
–t take much to veer from the truth ’but to accept the title of prophet is a big responsibility.
Jim Jones, I believe, started out right on. It doesn–I do believe that God speaks prophetically
through people today not just usually correct.
–even one word that is incorrect gets you stoned –s prophets in the Bible ’I question if they
are held to the standards of God–Whenever a ministry claims to have prophets for today He
chooses when & how to speak.
–ner know that the Lord will speak prophetically to everyone who comes? God is sovereign
yHow does Mr. Jo–94 ‘In particular, the Harvest not take them out of context.)
– but always encourage people to read around our references –topical Bible studies dos
important and relevant. (We ’s choices of what’not someone–One reason D & I believe in
going through whole books of the Bible is we get all that the Holy Spirit put there ”
s propaganda...’individual public statements by Christians will undo the enemy“We question
that s so close to (or already) a cult.
’We also get concerned when a ministry gets close to telling us specifically what to do
because thatbecause it seems to be taken out of context & no references given (that always
makes us nervous).
–t sure about some of the history ’D & I did read through it & agreed with much of the
basics. We weren
–s Work ’RE Joyners eye when I have a 2x4 in my own? We leave the judging to Him.
’Jesus said how can I take a speck out of someone else–re right about not judging each other
’Younot Susie down the street who hurt me, but Satan and his troops who used her. Part of
the fight is to win Susie to our side.
–s also important to remember who the enemy is ’You were never to retreat. However you
can fight back to back with a fellow soldier, supporting & protecting each other. It–The
Roman armor did not cover your back –s communication system), and faith... Carl likes to
point out that truthfulness is the belt because it holds the rest together (Eph. 6:14). We are
commanded by Paul to fight the good fight. What does that mean? How do we do it? Another
insight I got from Carl ’If the children (or adults) can learn the true value of their salvation,
and prayer (God”Word Warriors Boot Camp.“Spiritual warfare is vital. It is the subject we use
for the s will & spread the blessing next time.)

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’will pray themselves & yield to God–because they knew people were praying. We hope that
those who experienced the peace –a peace spread throughout the line. One lady even
planned to write a compliment to airline (rather than complaint). One couple bought the
book (and were blessed, we pray). As they merged two flights a young couple came over &
said they were glad they were on our flight –we had prayed to be a blessing to everyone
around us. As we shared that God Had it Under Control –passengers & employees. Except us
–nervous –but we had a similar occurrence when we traveled during the Am. Airlines strike
last Nov. Everyone was testy –t quite so spectacular as the airline story in the Joiner article
’Just as you said. Scripture is clear on that. Even little things, like our reaction when
someone cuts in line. (In fact it wasn–I believe we will be accountable for every word / every
action. Protestants come alive.
14
Kimthe mother decides to keep the child.
–ve had many close calls ’They”God must be working on a very special baby for Kim &
Scott.“copy enclosed. For about 3 years we have been praying for a baby for Kim. She has
had so many doors closed. Just Thursday Carl said, –s happy news. Kim stopped by
(Northrop is NOT all bad) with a letter ’just a few hours after we learned of Lisa–Third no
problem. (We saw him at just 6 hr. old.)
–She changed doctors & we got people praying all over the country asking that the baby
would be safe in utero & carried full term. He was just 10 days early –ve shared about her
situation. She has a six year old; has had some miscarriages since & is considered high risk.
Early in this pregnancy she was having some difficulties including heavy spotting. The doctor
expected another miscarriage & recommended a D&C. ’t remember how much I’s the one
you hear about on the Thursday tapes. I don’s baby was born. She’Lisadue Dec. 20.
–s doing fine ’Carol has finally started going to the doctor! SheWe got three baby-news
things yesterday:
ll call next weekend to see how you are doing. (The time delay is difficult when your health
reports vacillate so.)
’Were feeling better now.
’re sorry to hear about your rough week. Glad you’we–We got your message

–Dear Linda
Saturday, Sept 17, 1994

Scripture
: 19Week ”
Its essence is sacrificial. That is why it can mirror Christ & the church. But few are chosen to
know that today.’finding the right person.‘Marriage is a sacrament & a covenant, not a
matter of “

14

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 Part Seven

THY WILL BE DONE!

And remember the ‘prayer that never fails’:

Pray this week. Use some time to praise the Lord, and thank Him for what He has done for
you. Also make requests to your heavenly Father. in His word. Jesus taught the disciples
principles of prayer. And there are commands on prayer in the epistles. It is important that
we study and grow in this area.
Thank God that He provides guidance
– Linda
…need for guidance in the area of prayer…
Prayer is vitally important in the life of a Christian. It is communication between us and our
Creator, between us and our Lord.

Luke 11:1
–rtain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as
John also taught his disciples.n a ceAnd it came to pass, that, as he was praying i

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THE END!

m reading it, too.

’m passing your booklet on to her. I’My mother expressed some need for guidance in the
area of prayer so Ill listen to the rest of the tape & see what happens.
’s book on 5 cases of demonic possession & had to stop because I became convinced that
just reading the book was placing me in danger. Anyway, I’it. (My sister had two students
who completely destroyed themselves with a Ouija board a couple of years ago.) I tried to
read Malachi Martin”handle“analogy. I think I have a natural appreciation for the dangers of
dark side. I am amazed by people who flirt with that stuff & think they can ”reveal codes“but
at the same time I felt vaguely uneasy, like maybe this is something I should just leave
alone (I mean an explanation of the dark forces that surround us). I really liked his –this is a
whole new world to me –who is the speaker? I was impressed w/ his scriptural knowledge –d
never heard anything like that ’Listened to ½ Spiritual Warfare tape last nite. Took a little
while to get used to his very fast & sort of mumbled speech, but I was impressed. I–Mon
9/19 P.S.

Linda
All love,

My hair is nearly all gone. The second treatment will begin this Weds or possibly Thurs. My
white cells are good, & I am deemed to be ready.
That always chokes me up.) Everything seems orchestrated for only one purpose: that you
might believe, and glorify God. When you think abt this, it is very strange & wonderful, &
hard to understand.
”Let us go up [to Jerusalem] and die with Him.“the Lazarus story, mainly (and Dave, I agree
w/ you in loving that statement of Thomas: –Before sending this off I wanted to mention
what most impressed me about the first John Study I listened to s not time for more than
one or two like that. He wants me to write to him.
’I responded that I was thoroughly enjoying mine w/ you, but there–m running out of yellow
pads! Adam just told me he thinks that corresponding is the highest level of civilization ’I
have a whole little office set up here between the cracks. I used to have everything under
perfect control! And now I–phone calls, arrangements w/ overseeing Adam, taking care of
my own finances –d last Sat & found your note & the two little doves, as well as the tapes! I
assumed the box contained only tapes! Sorry! And again my thanks. I love Fire Fighters for
Christ & one of these days will write for a catalog. I cannot believe the number of details I
have to deal w/ daily ’To my embarrassment, I just opened the packet I rec–Sun 9/18
t have the nerve to disagree!
’I feel like someone else is talking out of my mouth. And people look at me weirdly, but they
don”pray about it,“wants it done. It is amazing how quickly these church groups can begin
to sound like any business meetings & people get so caught up in their own great ideas that
never amount to anything. When I hear myself saying stuff like Godas getting Catholics to
come to church, I suggested that it was teaching the truth of Jesus Christ. Both of these
insights have been greatly helped, if not brought about, by exposure to you, especially the

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0
one about praying to know how ”evangelization“time, & that we should be praying as a
group about what God wants of us, & how our different gifts should be used. When someone
defined s’Godin charge of this effort. Today after hearing the same lame ideas propounded, I
suggested that things happen in –our first –t think this is such a hot issue, but we have been
debating how to go abt this task for at least a year & now we have a brand new deacon
’meaning getting so-called Catholics in the parish to start coming to church regularly.
Personally I don–After the Summer break, we had our first parish council meeting this a.m.
(as w/ everything, I was grateful to be there.) I just want you to know that you are having an
effect on what I say to this group. They (the pastor really, I guess) have this thing about
evangelization m going to read 2 Tim tonite. I have not broken new Scriptural ground in a
long time.
’d like to hear a whole discussion on that one verse. What do you think/teach about that? I’m
sure you know those theories. I’I–that Paul is a repressed homosexual who hates women
proofve heard in a long time. Those words would simply be laughed at by everyone I know
except you two. They would be considered ’s both true & the biggest political bomb
I’Anyway, women will be redeemed by child bearing? Thatd name him if I had it to do over!)
When I became a Christian I was vastly relieved to learn that nothing negative attaches to
the name Adam, nor to Eve, unlike, say, Judas. But why not? Surely their sin was at least as
grievous?
’s just what I’& that”Paul,“(there was a long period in childhood when Adam demanded to be
called –d choose that name now ’t think I’t a Christian when I named my child but I don’boo!
I wasn– ”My wife made me do it“–ve ever heard ’s behavior over the apple incident is about
the wimpiest I’Personally, I think Adamve ever heard.)
’about a father who goes to great lengths to protect an erring daughter, & in his private
thoughts concludes that God had to send a Son, because He could not have borne the pain
of losing a daughter. I find this incredibly beautiful, & abt the best reason why He sent a Son
that I– Andre Dubus –but Jesus treated women with such courtesy & understanding, & such
playful affection & deep respect. (I read an incredible short story by a Catholic writer –s
intention, then this is what is ’responsible? Are women really mere appendages to men? An
after-thought? Partial beings? Lesser beings? If this is Godheld why is Adam then always –
reprehensible than Adam morem troubled by the notion that Eve is ’ll work it out. I read I
Timothy last night for the first time. Wow! I see once more why Paul is so unpopular. I’but
we–rather busy telephone) ’I am sorry to have missed the bi-coastal Timothy session. I had a
number of reservations abt doing it right (one being tying up parentst have the confidence
at this point to lead a group without the materials. My ongoing group has a business
meeting on 9/30 which I hope to attend but which will happen w/o me if necessary, to plan
our study of Mark this fall.
’their past & present. I think this kind of approach works well for Catholics because of our
traditionally weak relationship to Scripture. And I wouldn–s brief introduction to Promise
Keepers. (Does he actually like working at Northrup?!) I continue to be obsessed w/ the need
to develop Christian men. Please tell the group that I enjoyed the tape & meeting them that
way, altho it is a real disadvantage for me to not be face to face, to not know a bit about
each person. As I think I told you, our studies use materials that make them both more
structured & more personal. Many of the questions we discuss force us to relate the Gospel
to our daily lives. They can be quite confrontational: ie if you claim to be a Christian, what

10
1
are you prepared to do about it? Because of this, we always learn a fair amount about each
person ’I hardly know it at all. I liked the fact that the other people contributed, & I
especially enjoyed Art–t hear, especially during the fellowship, but I followed along in my
Bible. This is a book I need a lot of work in ’ Listened to the John Study last nite & found it
much more rewarding. There is a lot I can–Sept 17
how this is my besetting heresy. I keep thinking that if I can learn enough, I can figure
everything out. I think my turning away from reading & writing, except letters to you &
various select editors, is perhaps an attempt to get out of this pattern. But the mind is such
a tempting instrument! And the world is full of interesting notions!
againreviewed a book on Gnosticism & it made me realize CommonwealAnyway,say
anything about radical feminism? I am so ashamed of having fallen for that stuff back in the
70s.
Revelation over language. I see more & more how a political feminist agenda is at work
here, trying to gain control of words. Does –to become code words for abortion. This is really
where the battle is being fought ”reproductive health“s uncompromising position in Cairo, &
for all the right reasons; ie very subtle things, like the horrible deformation of language that
allows the words ’occasionally flirts w/ trendy secular humanism, but always pulls back in
time, mainly because of the outraged letters I write them. I was very pleased to see that
their editorial completely supported the VaticanCommonwealit is witty, worldly, intellectual,
but serious, committed & very well informed. I have always secretly believed that following
the Lord should be fun, and I have certainly found it to be. –. Its brand of Catholicism suits
me perfectly (maybe too perfectly) CommonwealMy favorite publication is but I seem to feel
more like listening than talking. I can sit for hours & just look at trees or cats. Reading &
writing seem somehow beside the point, but who knows how long this will last. My white cell
count is at rock bottom today & I do feel very weak.
–s impossible to sort out all the causes ’it–I have so much free time but so little energy &
mobility –writing in my journal. Since I came home from the hospital I have just not wanted
to, nor have I wanted to re-read it. Of course my whole life has changed drastically notI am
trying , and that is always mysterious, always new.
personbecause following Him is relating to a program.) Joyner himself wrote in one of his
books that Jesus did not leave a The Man Who Was Thursdays blueprint. (Dave, you must
read ’than JoynerSundays ’much more like Chesterton–, & very much beyond my grasp
mysteryabout him. If all this stuff is really that easy to see & understand, then why do so
very few see it? I think maybe he has it down a little too pat. No one loves certainty more
than I do, but I have to say that after 10 or 20 years of trying to live this life, I find it full of
”certain“but there is also something a little too –”accepted“m so sick of Christians who
pander in order to be ’I–I like a lot about Joyner, mainly, his unequivocal demanding style
”Test everything.“Thanks for the input on Joyner. One of my favorite Paul sayings is I like
what you said abt the Egyptians giving freely to the Israelites as they left. What a
wonderfully appropriate story for me now. Why did the Egyptians do that?
. This is made clear over & over in Scripture & in church teaching but people ignore it,
always thinking they can find a better (easier?) way.
living wholea organic,Witness all the heresies thruout the ages. People either want to pick &
choose, or add to it, but it is the whole thing.of Christianity, meaning balances very hard to
get the ’we want to sin & feel good about it. It–s really weird. The fallen nature ’it–to go on

10
2
sinning ”right“t like or accept the idea of a God who requires that we live a certain way, &
who will reject us if we repeatedly reject Him. People are fighting like crazy, for the ’people
today clearly don–!) And yet you are right ”From the Ballroom to Hell“recollection of their
childhood religion. (My father recalls a book his parents gave him abt the evils of dancing
called ’s certainly my parents’That changed in about one generation. The pre-Vatican II
Catholics claim to have been preached to about nothing but fire & brimstone. That”re so
used to thinking of God as love that we forget He is perfectly righteous.’we“coming? I was
struck by your remark that Summer Fruits new on the publishing front? How is ’Whats visit?
’your voices brought you right back. I have a tape recorder to use & take to the hospital. I
need to spend more time listening before I know if this will work for me. But I do thank you
for your many kindnesses & all the ways you are making me part of your lives. How was
Melinda–s dialogs w/ those big guys are so compelling, so amazingly fresh. When you read it
you know what commentators mean when they say that no one could have just made it up.
The tape did give me a nice sense of being with both of you ’is that right? did not participate
more. The chapters you did are just about my favorites from Acts. Paul–the nurse, & one
other woman –t know how far it went. I found Brent very hard to understand, as you warned,
altho I must say everyone else seems to be able to. I wondered why the other members of
the group ’the whole first side & most of the second, altho I did not reach the end & don–
more on this later.) I did listen to the Acts Bible Study –m not used to absorbing information
in that format. I am completely a print person, but I think I can change, especially since I am
getting sick of reading. (This time in my life is a real challenge in unexpected ways ’t really
have the concentration to listen to them. It is partly that I’t, I don’m woefully behind on the
tapes, mainly because when I feel well, I want to go to work which is exhausting & when I
don’t wait to meet them. I’I was delighted to receive the photos yesterday, especially to see
Carl & Pat. I can
–
Dear Dave & Christine
Sept 15

Guidance in the area of prayer

: 8Week 1
.or false, but to read them in context – to learn whether the things I write are
trueupthemlooknot only to :a responsibility to check the scriptures)haveand you(has She
– Linda
.as been more misused & distortedScripture. Nothing hcheckingCarl is right on about
, I sent scripture passages and references to Linda, and they are there for you as well.
edAs these letters progress
Acts 17:11
.noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind,
and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were soThese were more

Dave & Christine

Love,

and also to share your joy and blessing.

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3
–re a real blessing to us. We pray that He allow us the privilege of helping to carry your
burden ’you–God bless you –
like STONING, shipwreck, years in jail –light afflictions s momentary,’I frequently think of
Paul–2 Cor 4:17 is one of my favorite verses –I love your passage (2 Cor 4:7-18) represent
their point of view.) Focus on the Family (James Dobson) interrupted normal radio
programming to discuss the conference.
not a couple of years ago the Baptist church took the stand that Clinton/Gore (both
nominally Baptists) do –when many Christians are strong on family values. (Did I tell you –re
glad the Pope took such a strong stand, but the media try to make it a Catholic Issue ’t more
coverage of other Christian opposition. We’position. We were disappointed that there
wasn”s’nation“t follow the conference in Cairo closely but were not surprised at our ’We
didns forgiveness. Jesus said the only thing that cannot be forgiven is blasphemy against the
Holy Ghost (Matt 12:31).
’guilty of the sin of divorce, thereis Even for someone who s no difference.
’because as far as I know there–m mixing it with ours ’I”theology“s ’As I describe Carls fall
away from the Lord.)
’but I am not responsible for Carol–t the perfect mother ’s situation has helped me deal with
my hurt over Carol. I wasn’my friend–(An aside t a perfect wife.
’s the 1st to admit she wasn’and she–”ve’ve; I should’I could“I listened while she said any
more than a rape victim is guilty of the sin of fornication.
–s not guilty of the sin of divorce ’guilty of sin within her marriage, sheisyet while she –and
in many Christian circles a 2nd class citizen –Now she is divorced but he wanted another
woman.
–partly because of a friend who has recently been through a divorce. She tried so hard to
keep her marriage together –ve gotten emotionally involved in the divorce issue ’Iyet they
would allow a penitent murderer.
–Divorce is a real sticky issue. Carl & I have talked about it a lot. Many Christians believe a
divorced man cannot be a pastor Matt 5:32.. But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put
away his wife saving for the cause of fornication causeth her to commit adultery....
I Cor 7:15.. But if the unbelieving depart, let them depart. A brother or a sister is not under
bondage in such cases.
d call his views on divorce a theological position. He believes it is a sin unless the other
partner commits adultery or unilaterally ends the marriage. No one is sinless in any
marriage but sometimes one partner truly tries to keep the marriage together.
’t know if you’I donyears later he met Pat & the Lord. He jumped into Christianity full
heartedly from the beginning. (He had been brought up in a Christian home, but never really
made a commitment to the Lord.)
–Then t his choice. He hurt a lot.
’t know the details but it wasn’before he was a Christian. I don–s divorce was many years
ago ’Carlre to the same place.
’s different expressions of the same faith. If Jesus is your Lord and my Lord He may lead us
on different paths but they’way of understanding it. Another friend (Kathy of the Thurs. Bible
study) says it”vantage point“re developing. I like your ’seminar that we”Differences“is a
basic point of the ”few thwarting divisions“The fact of Christians finding s not till the end of
Oct.

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’It–ll try to send you something ’but we–perhaps just an outline –t know if Dave will ever
have a paper copy of his speech ’I donll see her again in heaven.
’but he knows he–just long enough to tell Bruce that she had come to know & love Jesus. He
misses her –and definitely not a believer in God. She went into a coma. Bruce had MANY
people praying for her. She came out of the coma –s mother. She was quite old & very sick ’t
remember whether I shared the story of Bruce’I donWe continue to pray that your mother &
father will be blessed during this difficult time. I believe God is working in both their hearts.
some gifts, some purchased. She is full of gratitude to the Lord.
–re still adjusting to big things and small (he misses his legos) God is providing abundantly.
One man from work gave them a full dining room set. Tanya has a lovely wardrobe ’Little
League/soccer etc. Her son had the opportunity to go swimming with friends, etc. So, while
they’and discovered neighbors who are friends from kids–s moved into her new home ’she–
Update on Tanya but it does exist (more out here than in NY, I believe).
–re in a tiny minority ’t noticed by everyone. We’the open Christianity isn–Please understand
or He might open doors to a wonderful ministry there.
–If (when?) you give New York to the Lord, He might pull you out s ours, but we know better.
’another couple of years. But it was then His, not ours. The house we live in now belongs to
the Lord too. The bank thinks it–Back to my story. After giving up our house to the Lord, He
had us stay there the meeting got out early and since I had worked extra hours the last few
days I was able to leave.
–Praise the Lord
3:15
”
Planted.ou’reYBloom Where “none down here. We repented and gave Him the house. As we
looked up after completing the prayer we saw a poster, –final house in Heaven oneuntil one
night while we were praying we both believed God told us that we had ”final house“ll take it.
Our house in Branchburg was our ’t mean He’and everything else. That doesn–you SHOULD
let go of the city –Linda I liked your concept of God clearing a space. Whatever He chooses
to fill it with will be just right.
for a while. He was too busy devouring the Bible.
–t get him to read any of the books I was reading ’You mention trouble with reading. That
could be the Lord. I went through a period where the only discretionary reading I could do
was the Bible. Dave too went through such. I couldneach letter is a snapshot of where you
are at that moment.
–t worry about repeating yourself ’Donalways the case.
nots ’s drunk and drives into me or ... However according to Jesus that’or someone–I smoke
& then lung cancer –’Some illness is due to my sin or othersm sure you know that illness and
other difficulties are not because we did something to deserve them. Jesus said of the man
born blind that it was to reveal the works of God (John 9:13). Also the Book of Job, also...
’I
ON TO YOUR LETTER

-
---------but Carl made sure the problem has been made clear to the appropriate people.

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–ve scheduled a meeting for Fri. & some have postponed their return trips to come to the
meeting. We may not be able to solve the problem ’enough so that I–t of interest, but Carl
got the attention of some people ’s wanted to be) & the Lord worked it out this time for me
to coordinate a side meeting where Carl was a principal player. The details aren’ve wanted
to get Carl involved (& he’For over 6 months Itechnical & politics as people scramble for
portions of the diminishing defense $.
–s heavy duty ’Every 3 months my group leads a week of meetings of people from all over
the country. I missed the June meeting because I was on L.I. Itand even in a time of prayer
that Melinda led for Brent.
–The name, of course, generated conversation. (What a set up.) Later, after the Bible study
(recording enclosed), Bob joined us –”s Hot Sauce’Melinda“We decided to take pictures of
the gang (and Bob joined us!) Then we noticed that Bob was wearing a tee shirt that said re
just these nice-but-strange people who lead Bible studies.) We thought bringing another
man would be good for Bob. Both Bob & Ron are quiet, shy, professional men.
’but we–when Brent had to go to court about his insurance. Dave & I asked the Lord to use
Ron to attract Bob. (Bob likes Dave – s come to the prayer portion once ’t attend. He’s
stepfather) is very gracious about the Bible study in his home, but he doesn’Last night was
REALLY special. A little background: Bob (Brents church tonight. Melinda & I are going to a
Messianic Jewish Yom Kippur Service.
’so) Dave had the privilege of entertaining our guests. Dave & Ron spent time playing on the
computer. The whole gang went down to Newport Beach yesterday. Ron & Dave have been
having so much fun together that Ron plans to go with Dave when he assists with children–
another story –t get time off because of some important meetings ’ve been off at Northrop (I
couldn’s really happened. Melinda & Ron even decided to extend the visit another day (Ron
had previously wanted to leave early). While I’& I sensed that Dave & Ron would click if
given a chance. With this week it–One of my prayers had been for Ron & Dave to have a
good time together. When we visited Seattle we only had one evening with Melinda & Ron
however...
–Melinda & Ron arrived Sun. evening. They planned to leave today especially with our
guests.
–s been happening this week ’t answer the letter, however, until I share some of what’I
wonYour letter came yesterday. We had to hold off reading it because of our guests. So it
was a treat at bedtime. (Our usual method is for me to read it out loud to Dave.)

Noon
-
-------
ll grab a few minutes with him & continue this later...
’so I–Dave just came back Quite a story behind that.
–”s Extra Hot Sauce’Melinda“m looking at a bottle of ’As I sit here Iand not leave until 6:45.)
–so will drive rather than sleep in van –What an unusual week! Coffee with my favorite guy
in the middle of the week. (I have to spend the day off site with the customer
–
Dear Linda
6:10 AM

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Wed, Sept 14, 1994

!
Timest answered! Anna Quindlen is leaving the ’PS: Who says prayers aren
Love, Linda

I report on everything as I absorb it.

–I pray for you all. Thanks again for all the presents –Love & prayers to you both. We have
not talked much about Carol recently Right now my favorite passage is 2 Cor. 4:7-18.
Scripture. Nothing has been more misused & distorted. checkingCarl is right on about ll be a
lot more critical when they get out into the world where pop culture values are swallowed
whole.
’but if kids have a non-TV household, they–is my enemy & so I will have to forgo what goods
it may incidentally offer) mediumm willing to allow that things of comparable quality are
airing right now, but I have made the decision that the ’, which I consider artistic
achievements of the highest level, & ITwin Peaks, & Hill Street Blues, The Forsyte Sagat
prevent their seeing bad stuff (and even I will admit, some good stuff! I was just recalling ’.
You cant take it for granted’donis best for kids because even when they go out into the
world of TV addicts they ”get rid of it“Back to your letter: Re TV: I still think that t in the
office ½ an hour before I was arguing with my friends abt what the Vatican is doing in Cairo,
& thoroughly enjoying myself, even tho they were howling w laughter at my adherence to
the Catholic party line. They actually find it hilarious that anyone takes church teachings
seriously. I consider my role there prophetic and an honor, but it worries me that the church
has so little credibility.
’I wasn–ve never been out of work for anywhere near this long, but I have a heightened
sense of vulnerability in everything I do. On the other hand, I was amazed at how quickly my
old persona & way of being at work came back ’I–I sort of see everything thru new eyes –t
see it as a 5-day routine. They will accommodate me. It was strange being there ’m walking
better, I don’m not moving well & getting around is the major problem, plus I have moments
of feeling spacey, & get extremely hungry on short notice. I intend to keep going in but until
I’I–m happy to be this active, but the day was grueling ’re-entry into workplace happened
yesterday. I worked from 9:30 to 3 transcribing tapes, after going in the day before just to
talk & plan. They are being truly wonderful & I–m determined to mail this today! The last 2
days have been eventful ’I
Sat, 9/10

d only ask.
’t know what to do. I wish he could find some peace. I know it is there for him if he’ll start
talking about these bizarre events that went on in the hospital. Of course this happens w/
older people, but we find that, now it has happened to us, we don’very weird, yet it makes a
strange kind of sense to me as a paranoid fantasy. He is home as of today & seems fine, but
if we give him a chance, he–s having a heart attack & goes into the hospital. But this is the
first time that he had delusions: he told my mother that a TV camera crew was in the
hospital persecuting his roommate & doing all kinds of lewd disgusting things ’The situation

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w/ my father was a false alarm, I guess. He appears to have been delusional as a result of
having his tranquilizers cut back drastically. There is nothing else wrong with him. I think his
anxiety gets unbearable & he insists hes likely to be Muslim violence.
’I think there–m very glad Adam is not there this year ’that we hear so much about from the
liberals? It seems that when it comes to marriage, family, etc etc, the liberal western
permissive style is the only one allowed. I”diversity“for not agreeing to a document that
accepts abortion. Where is this booedt possibly understand. The Vatican representatives
were actually ’s stamp of approval. But that is not for sale. They think they can bargain w/
him like any other politician but his stance is rooted in something they can’m awed at the
intransigence of the Vatican & amazed at how the rest of the world wants the Pope’What do
you think about the conference in Cairo? I
Weds, 9/7

t wait to meet them. Why did he get divorced? Does he have a theological position on
divorce?
’very interesting to learn more abt Carl & Pat. I can–m reading it & like it a lot right away) &
the pamphlets ’m going to make my dad use it!), the tape (I have not listened to it yet), &
the book (I’Many thanks for the lovely mug (It remember its name, but De Rougement cites
it. These guys could see what was happening decades before the evil effects became so
obvious.
’I can–s a unique work. Most people have never heard of it. C.S. Lewis wrote a kind of
comparable book which is not even available now ’ve never gotten thru it all, but much of
what he says one can feel intuitively to be right, & of crucial importance. It’requires huge
background in history, literature, etc. I–difficult going very. It is Love in WWm eager to know
how you like ’t sure, so no wonder a view of human evil scares him. I’Dave, forgive me if I
should have included you here! I feel like the rest of us have dissipated our power & have to
struggle back painfully to where we could have been all along, but at least I know there is
forgiveness & hope. Adam isn”have their fun.“t ’I suspect you are right about all of our kids
wanting to have their fun. So did I. In fact, Christine, you are the only person I know (except
for a couple of nuns) who didnve always tried to have things both ways. I think my life long
attempts to hang on to a certain self-image are really getting in my way now & creating a
kind of falseness or insecurity in my spiritual life.
’s hardly a new thought about me & lots of others, but I seemed to sense its truth in a new
way, as tho I was being asked to make a choice. I’I know that”I am too worldly.“My thanks
for your generous words on prayer. I have read them several times & will read them again.
As I read them just now, I had this thought, very strongly: s just no problem, & it is very rich.
’I am continually amazed at how (barring superficial social issues & controversies) being
Catholic enables me to see & value other Christians. There”the light I see by.“Connor said (I
think) ’the right one for me. Or as Flannery O–point vantage s better to say it is a ’ll never
leave behind, & I have no conflict about this. Perhaps it’s a point that I’enough, Christians at
least will find few truly thwarting divisions & much more they can share. In this regard I feel
singularly blessed w my Catholicism: that was my starting point, but itdeepbut I am more &
more confident that if we just go –?) ”interfaith dialog“What on earth do they think of us,
beyond the plain vanilla niceness of us to them! the huge mystery of Jews to us and –
(married, single, & vowed) so that all know how vital each is. As far as diversity in doctrine,

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there are real, agonizing problems, as we know (today I saw a Jewish congregation in robes
& all outside a synagogue in Bay Shore & I was just overcome with mystery & discomfort at
my lack of understanding ”3 states of life“someone really ought to focus on the –s speech at
some point. I hope that goes well. I like both your seminar ideas ’d like to read Dave’Im
waiting for her now, & praying, but my prayers feel confused & weak.
’my mother has gone & I–t know what is happening ’I don–As far as we know there is nothing
medically wrong, but I have been feeling strongly that the time has come for him to face
something, come to terms with his life, & God ”talk to someone.“my father, who is in the
hospital, called my mother & told her to come immediately because he has to –6 pm on
Tues, 9/6 –At this very moment for me & all those others who have suffered loss. Is it
possible that I had to get out of the way for a while so I could see more clearly how much
others love me, or how much they are capable of giving?
–”I will give you back the years that the locusts have eaten“–Carl, Tanya, Brent, & others. I
too pray for more than I had before –Bless you for your wonderful stories of hope & healing
How fascinating.
”big industry.“and ”business“s my secretary paranoia! But seriously, your experiences make
me feel a little more grateful, but perhaps this is one difference between ’that–ve never had
the kind of weirdly, impersonally denigrating experiences that you describe. I always
thought high-level professionals were treated better ’ve been at work I’this time. Unhappy
as I”Wally“As always, I was fascinated & horrified by your Northrup experiences, at the
hands of a call!
isbut I always saw it more as a pleasure palace just for me. I see the church that way too.
Maybe that –that would give me joy –m called to something in NYC ’m glad you think I’what
a scene that is!) I–ve been ministered to by in the past weeks ’ve never encountered it (I
could write a little essay on the various chaplains I’t seem real, like I have to see it to believe
it! Then I think that it must be here too, but I’and it literally doesn–the world of open
Christianity –s the understatement of the century!) I think abt what you describe ’(I guess
that–then we took 2 buses up to the hospital & stopped at 2 churches along the way. It felt
so good to be there! But while in the hospital I thought a lot about my attachment to the city
& wondered if maybe I should let go somehow. In some ways, this is a very rough, worldly &
corrupt place –it was abt 10 am, a rare time for me to be there, & it was lovely –I was
ecstatic to spend several hours on my way to the hospital, going to a few of my favorite
haunts w/ my mother. We walked from Penn Sta up to Bryant Park (me on one crutch) & had
my favorite cafe au lait & just sat –As for NYC spiritual issue for me.
bigll surely keep you posted because this is a ’t know what to expect. The big question now
is how well I will be between treatments & for how long each time. I’yet re-entered the
workplace, altho I hope to every day. My thoughts & feelings are changing so rapidly abt
work that I donnotYou probably know that I have s certainly worth trying.
’it–ve been doing it for so long. Your idea of the tapes might be just right ’I–m kind of sick of
just feeding myself ’t know what will go there. Death? Giving to others? Self-forgetfulness?
I’s like God is clearing a space, but I don’and yet, oddly, I sense that it is right for me. Ite a
withdrawal from the world – it seems lik–m actually worried abt this reaction ’what should I
do? I–ve stopped writing (even my journal bothers me, as you know) ’m not a phone person,
I’t watch TV, I’m finding myself almost unable to read anything & this scares me because of
long upcoming stretches of confinement. Of course I can’d love to discuss w/ both of you.

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I’there are so many things concerning fiction & its relation to the Lord that I”the
arts,“religious ones) are the pits. They rub your nose in the fact that nothing matters but the
almighty $. The hypocrisy surrounding the selling of the arts is appalling. Speaking of
especiallys work. Publishers (even if not ’& all of DaveShilohI too am eager to see what the
Lord will do w/ ll be happy w/ two steps forward & one backward!)
’so please understand. I–repeating myself, as it takes years for these insights to really sink
in amit could be that I wrote similar stuff in journal, or just thought it, or it could be that I –m
repeating myself when I write you ’etc. But now I see a whole other world which I am
sometimes afraid to trust: ie, am I just being Pollyanna-ish? (I often feel I”What did I do to
deserve this,“–in my situation it would be so easy to see all blackness –This idea is so
powerful that it scares me –s daughter, and glad that he has you & the other blessings you
told me about. You have really taught me to notice how God blesses us, once we learn to
look for it ’I am so sorry abt Carld be happy to clean floors, starting with my own. That kind
of mobility seems like an incredible blessing now, one I paid no attention to before.
’kind of work! Iany–d be grateful to go to work every day ’m eating well & walking better but
I still feel like an invalid, & I hate that. I’t feel bad now. I’m looking for things to be grateful
for altho I have certainly had some black times in the past 5 days. I think the hardest thing is
that I have so little assurance that any of this will benefit me. Also if I could feel well & have
mobility, I would be so much more hopeful. Actually except for general weakness, I don’ve
ever seen, and I’m re-reading now. It is one of the most beautiful days I’This is my first day
at home after the first treatment. I read your letter in the hospital but there were definite
periods of spaciness I now realize, so I
–
Dear Christine & Dave
Sept 6

Checking scripture
: 7Week 1
”
ve ever heard.’about a father who goes to great lengths to protect an erring daughter, & in
his private thoughts concludes that God had to send a Son, because He could not have
borne the pain of losing a daughter. I find this incredibly beautiful, & abt the best reason
why He sent a Son that I–Andre Dubus –I read an incredible short story by a Catholic writer “

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 Part Six

Be open to His leading in your life.

works in different ways in each of us.
,lways drawing us to JesusaThis week’s letters jumped all around. It reminded me of the Holy
Spirit Who, though
– Linda
you I do think of just getting on a plane to – such extraordinary things are happening.
…emarkable daysrThese have been most
John 3:8
–hence it cometh. wThe wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof,
but canst not tell

Dave
Christine & Love,

s 1st bookstore booksigning. (The actual 1st one was at a home Bible study.)
’m also sending a couple from Dave’and in some cases voices. I–d be able to connect faces
with names ’) so you15t make a copy for anyone, even when our boss directs him to, gave
15

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me a copy of a year-old document’I said he had. A fellow named Bob who normally won–said
quite publicly that I should be sure Dave prayed –but talked on the phone –s never met Dave
’who–clock Bible study prayed. Bruce ’We know God set it up. The 11 ot have to fly in from
all over the country.
’a teleconference so people don–Meanwhile Buzz asked me to arrange another meeting in
Nov. Carl said he had asked God to give him an opportunity to give Buzz the card. He got it.
telling others about how Carl gave it to Potty-mouth, Buzz.
–and has since hung it over his desk – so Bruce asked Carl for a card –”t that subtle’No, he
wasn“I said, ”Sure, a P.H. card.“–said, as I expected –s Hands ’s a great supporter of Carl &
Potter’who–s also free with that vocabulary), if he knew what Carl had given Buzz. Bruce
’Buzz took it well. Then I asked Bruce, my colleague (who”s second name is not
damn.’Contrary to popular belief, God“The card says, ”As long as you want me to be
straightforward, I will.“–d be straightforward with him. At that point Carl pulled out a
business card and handed it to Buzz saying ’and appreciated it if they–t mind: he just
believed in being straightforward with people ’stayed a half hour into his next meeting
talking one-on-one buddy-to-buddy with Carl. He said he hoped Carl didn–t know what he
was talking about ’who without ever meeting Carl had told my boss that Carl didn– the
tension went away. Buzz –who were working to undermine except for the few–body
language, looks, words. But –The meeting started with an incredibly high tension level which
is exactly what happened.
–No, Carl will control the meeting by being soft –I said –One guy told me that Buzz would
control the meeting by being loud t even mentioned his procedures. This fellow, Buzz, is
known for being loud & using a lot of 4-letter words.
’just heard from the campaigners.) We hadn–t even been at the 1st meeting ’t was upset
because we attacked his procedures. (He hadn’including spreading lies. My boss told me
that a big shot from gov”prepare,“used the days to Mon. meeting. The customera follow up
of the –meeting was set for Fri. at 11 ”big“The God worked it all out beautifully.
–got threatened. There was quite a campaign through the week peopleIn my last letter I
mentioned that I had worked out a meeting for Carl to explain some problems to the Air
Force & some other aerospace companies. He did such a good job that not to run ahead of
the Lord. But we can & do pray.
hards ’ItWe saw her courage & faith in a time of testing.
–doing fine now –heart & lung –s had a number of major surgeries ’she–Kim is a very special
young woman s come to expect in the birth mothers & risking that pain is part of the
process that she and Scott are going through.
’and said my concern would be that Carol would change her mind and hurt Kim & Scott. Kim
said that flakiness is what she–I talked to Kim about it months ago So ... maybe the Lord will
put it all together.
including no job.
–& unprepared in every way –but also totally unrealistic about what it involves to raise a
child –Carol is currently opposed to adoption Carol has a good home for the baby & can have
a relationship with the child.
–What a gift for both of them (and me). Kim has a baby –had popped into my mind when I
learned Carol was pregnant 16hypocriticalfor some work. We both preferred going to his Bible
16

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study to the ”thank you“Not too long after, a special thing happened. Carl & I were among a
group invited out for a that day.
”win“kept our mouths shut & let him –and I –others who knew me –Carl –We –t believe early
Genesis if I were educated ’at first to challenge. One early encounter (that I doubt that he
remembers) was when he commented that I wouldn–s Bible study at Northrop about 3+
years ago ’Art started coming to CarlArt & Debbie:
her husband however is relatively new.)
–’most‘to ’all‘is why I changed –but a long time knowing the Lord –new to our study –most
are young Christians. (Kathy allt always been the case. Also ’but that hasn–In the Thurs night
(John) Bible study we are the oldest. Right now all are couples I plan to work at helping you
get to know the people. Much of that happens during the ½ hour before & after the study.
Also we sometimes share other occasions like birthday parties, showers, school concerts.
(And baptisms!)
. Watching them grow in the Lord has been a joy.
of oursHe and Debbie are really good friendsHe will be really blessed that you enjoyed what
he said about Promise Keepers.
but oblivious to a lot of what is going on around him.
–s a sweetheart ’s not very sensitive. He’and is the first to admit he–s a young Christian ’he–
Finally and the job market is terrible right now. His skills are not ones that would transfer
easily to other areas.
–Also, he is supporting a family alizing they are Northrop stuff.
se rubbed into something terrible, he makes excuses. His wife Debbie wishes he
w it's as if Art doesn't want to be confused by the facts. Even when he has his
s parents worked for Northrop in the early days when it was a good company. ’s dad knew
Jack Northrop personally. Both of Art’You asked if Art really likes Northrop. He does! Art
*****

Northrop/Grumman needs to cut out 9000 positions by end of 95. The incentives for early
retirement will be followed by layoffs.
s sheep.
’Carl & Pat are both definitely God–”My sheep know my voice“re all praying that she will
independently hear same message. God says ’Pat will do whatever Carl decides. However,
wet want to run ahead of God either.
’but he doesn–t want to miss his chance if the opportunity is from God ’s freedom from
Northrop. He doesn’ve been praying for years for Carl’We5000 in all) will get details in the
mail. Decision must be made by Nov. 15.
–re back to praying that God make his answer clear. Carl (and the other eligible people ’so
we–s not much money ’the cut-off was 52 by Nov. 15, 1994. So CARL is eligible. However it–
when we actually saw the written announcement –but thanked God for making the answer
clear. Then –Then we got the word that one condition is that you had to be 52 by Jan 1,
1994. Since Carl turns 52 on Oct 4 we were disappointed it came through. We thought Carl
might be eligible & prayed that God would make His will very clear to Carl & Pat.
–early retirement incentive –”golden handshake“Some interesting events this week. After
month of rumors about a
******

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we just had a time of fellowship since many had to miss (back to school night, no-show
babysitter, etc.).
– t tape yesterday ’was called away to help Lisa (who went into labor just a few hours later).
Debbie borrowed the tape, so it was delayed a week. We didn–the hostess –Debbie –Also the
tape Before I go further: I enclose a letter that seems to have been enclosed by accident.
giving our Sabbath a special beginning.
–Shabbat Shalom! How often your letters seem to arrive on Fri.

–Dear Linda
Sept. 23, 1994
God’s Power
: 0Week 2ead scripture prayerfully, asking God to help you understand what He is saying to
you.
R
of the Bible, I encourage you to look them up in your favorite translation. Also, read the
verses before and after those I quote. It’s always good to read scripture in context. It helps
us to understand God’s message.
VersionWe are blessed with so many translations. Though the scripture quotes in this book
are from the King James
– Linda
… there is no excuse anymore for anyone to say they “can’t get into scripture.”
As Linda and I exchanged letters, we frequently shared scripture. I pray that you will read
God’s word. It will change your life.

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for
correction, for instruction in righteousness. [2 Timothy 3:16]

. True, but perhaps not the longest, since this was written on steno paper.]
”(a record!)“s comment, ’[Ed. note: in the handwritten version, this page was numbered
-21- with Linda

Linda

& more to follow,

Love & prayers,
m going to try to go to work for 3 days starting tomorrow & then have a peaceful weekend.

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’& I can see your head drooping over the paper, so please do not feel any urgency to
respond! Everything needful will take place & be said, in just the right time! I”m getting
tired’I“I feel guilty when you write –Your last 2 letters were too meaty for me to rush to
answer them here –Tues 9/27
Born in Pennsylvania in 1944. Spent entire childhood on Long Island. Moved to NYC in my
twenties, worked as a secretary, married, had one son, Adam, now 22½, went to college at
age 31, earned BBA, w/ accounting major, from Baruch College CUNY. Divorced, continued
to work as a secretary / admin. assist. in a variety of business environments in NYC. At age
38 joined the NYC Auxiliary Police Dept as a volunteer and approached the Catholic Church
with the desire to become a member. I was baptized a year later. In 1990 I moved from the
city back to Long Island where I currently share a home with my sister and our children. Just
about everything in my life is up in the air right now. I am learning to trust in the Lord.

s my brief bio:
’Here
m doing. I feel some wonderful intensity in the air. I even like the sound of the name.
’but when I lived & worked in N.Y.C. the special excitement of Friday afternoon & evening
was even more delicious, more full of promise, than it had been as a child. Things seem to
come alive in a special way on Fridays, no matter where I am or what I–9-5 –jobs
”straight“Just got your phone call, Christine. At the risk of sounding like everyone else, I
must confess that Friday has always been my favorite day. I trace this back to the rhythms
of the school week as a child, and to the magical anticipation of each glorious weekend,
which of course really began with Fri. night. This rhythm continued thruout my adult life
because I always had –Sat AM played in the rearing of sons of great men. Is it possible that
not until Mary & Joseph do we get a real human family, the way God wants it to be? What a
wild thought?!
motherst help wondering what role if any ’thruout the Old Testament! This must be an effect
of the Fall. I also canthe failure of fatherings pointing out repeatedly ’author’Story of StoriesI
am fascinated by the always seems to be telling them to get up off their faces & act like
men. What wonderful things the Lord wants for us!
–There is something so courageous in the way these prophets question & argue with God!
And God encourages this ’”For how long, O Lord?‘and then I said, “I also love v. 11, is that
because it is somehow decreed, or because they have chosen to harden their hearts?
–and he will be there to heal us. If we are only willing to turn nothing can separate us from
his forgiveness & his love. Still, it is true that few seem to really turn –hardens our hearts,
what hope have we? But that last line says to me that all we ever have to do is turn Heit
sounds like God has finally had enough of us. After all, if –to me, that line undoes everything
so hopeless-sounding that goes before it. They are hard words –I thought the woman who
wanted to know more abt that line was very astute
–in general I am fascinated by the calling of the prophets & how they responded –s original
commission ’I wish I had been able to respond to this discussion. I zeroed in on this in Isaiah
some time ago as part of the prophet”and I would heal them.–Nor turn “t smell the brownies,
nor eat them!)
’m going to listen to the second John tape now.) I want my Rosha Shana present. What is it!
(No, I can’(I

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m afraid Cuomo is smarter, but no better.
’what other choice could they decently make? And I–m pleased that the Baptists have
disavowed him ’s not able to think straight enough to know what good is. I’d like to know
how many is just right? 15? 100? And if one is ok, why not 2,000,000,000? This guy wants
credit for being good but he’abortions among black women? Itoo many! Did I tell you that
Clinton was quoted as saying to black ministers that there are NY Times27% of all
pregnancies are aborted, according to the –country apart thismake this into an opportunity
to show the Church as fanatical, intransigent, out of touch w/ reality, and of course,
completely isolated. Forget the fact that abortion is tearing willCatholics too wish the media
would include all the other faiths who sided w/ the Pope, but no, the press Re Cairo:
This makes perfect sense to me, & of course causes great rage & anguish because most
people want to replace one spouse with another, not merely free themselves from an
untenable marriage. Celibacy has got to be made a far more viable & respected option, and
life & economics have got to be reasonable & respectful for single people, especially single
women. There must be no disgrace in being unmarried & not bearing children.
but remarriage.
–ve tried our damnedest. (pun intended) By the way, according to Catholic teaching, divorce
is not a sin ’s no getting around the need for sacrifice, altho we’As a nation we are suffering
terribly from the lack of any leader whose personal life inspires any kind of respect.
There”plague.“re considered a bunch of self-serving hypocrites. Even secular writers are
beginning to describe divorce in America as a ’d had several affairs & would dump me to
have several more. Lucky escape for me). No wonder we’twice (not true of my minister, but
heat leastactivism. Most present were ministers, including the bride and/or groom, & the
person who made the toast made an embarrassed joke about the fact that all present had
been married ”religious“a hot bed of gay –When I was having an adulterous affair w/ a
Lutheran minister, we attended a wedding of his friend at Judson Memorial Church in
Greenwich Village Its essence is sacrificial. That is why it can mirror Christ & the church. But
few are chosen to know that today.
”finding the right person.“in other words, that the old & still technically unchanged position
of the church (now being played fast & loose with thru easy annulment) is the correct one.
Marriage is a sacrament & a covenant, not a matter of –person has very little credibility as a
Christian remarrieds entirely possible, if we are rigorously logical, that a divorced & ’witness
the Cisneros mess). I think it–s sins & errors ’Divorce is a huge sticky issue for sure,
particularly personal morality in leaders of all kinds (more important than ever now that the
media makes sure there is no privacy whatever in which to deal honestly with one& sort of
changed the subject. But I see real grounds for hope even in such a statement as that. What
a miracle!
”t seem as profound now as it did then...’It doesn“And he told me that that seemed entirely
true to him. Then he said to me, ”s children.’We are all God“who worked at the hospital
came to him & when he expressed his outrage, she said ”Catholic woman“& he was very
upset & angry abt it. Then a –TV crews, cameras, even helicopters –but he does occasionally
like to reflect on the things he saw & heard, & I find them to be full of meaning. One thing he
recently told me was that he thought he saw a huge disruption in the hospital halls –no
longer believe those things really happened –he admits he was hallucinating in the hospital –

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There may be some hope for my father what an excellent prayer! Most of what our minds
are full of are rash judgments, & we call it knowledge, or thought.
–”from our rash judgments“t even know about, & cannot know about, unless He allows my
eyes to be opened. Our pastor often prays that we be saved ’s leading. There are so many
things I don’even everything. This will be a mighty change for me, & cannot be done w/o the
Lord–m glad it was such a good time w/ Melinda & Ron. I often think of you & try to envision
what you are doing. Such a different life. I will think & pray much about letting go of NYC &
other things ’Is only my tax dollars!) You sound like you manage to maneuver very
effectively in this jungle under your house-wifely disguise!
’ll understand. (It’can you tell me anything more abt the heavy duty meeting where people
scramble for defense bucks? Are you in a position to sub-contract? What are the issues? Why
does Carl want to get involved if he hates Northrup? If this is top secret, of course I–m
fascinated by the glimpses of Northrup ’? Why must you sleep in the van? I”favorite
guy“Who is your Now maybe I can commence to respond to your latest letter:

I skimmed this quickly but it was pretty repulsive, on both sides. This world surely is well in
the grip of sin. But I must say that working for Joel has enabled me to see things w/ my own
eyes that most people never see and in the areas I care most about.
”save your prayers for yourself. You need them more than I do.“filing on Weds & came
across a fascinating exchange between Pat Robertson & Abe Foxman, the head of the Anti
Defamation League & a good friend of my boss. Apparently Foxman had written an article
accusing the Christian political right of anti Semitism & this had triggered an angry
response/denial from Robertson, claiming to be a great friend of Israel, etc, & this
deteriorated into increasingly short & nasty missives each telling the other to ’I was doing
some of my bossm aware that there are contradictions in my thinking, especially as it
approaches the end time & issues of salvation. I am waiting for more light.
’s saying or else, never a comfortable position vis à vis a human teacher. I’in other words,
accept what he–t really question him ’s biblical scholarship is impressive & intriguing, but
leads me into areas where I feel I can’maybe I should just leave it alone. I do believe in evil
in the world, & that some individuals embody evil because they have chosen repeatedly to
do wrong & to turn from God. I do believe the Devil is all around us like a prowling lion
looking for souls to devour. But I stop short at spending a lot of time deciding who these
people are. I figure that when I meet one, the Lord will help me know what to do.
Chuckorwhether technolog. problems or if he is using innuendo, which would be a very bad
thing. I guess I need to hear this explained more clearly, –s saying ’hewhatm not really sure
’s saying. I have to say I’s what he’t talk so fast!) I find myself resisting the notion that Islam
could really be evil, if that’The final section of the spiritual warfare tape left me feeling
disturbed. (I wish that Chuck didnevery time he comes. One was a practicing Lutheran
minister! I sure felt sorry for the people in the pews looking to her for guidance each
Sunday! My parents find this all amusing. I find it pathetic, but less upsetting as I get more
used to the idea that God has everything under control. It also really helps to have a sense
of humor!
”girlfriend“t help feeling he would reject God even if he knew Him, a terrible thought.
Listening to his brother gives me more information about what happened to this strange
family. This brother is near 70 & drags a different foolish ’what he hates & fears is

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something else, altho I can–ve come to see that he knows nothing about real religion ’in
recent years I–s hatred of religion ’with him, but it seems the Lord has decided otherwise. I
have been mystified for my whole life abt my father”discussions“the exact dates of my
hospital stay! He has been very kind & helpful to both my parents, in fact is coming to do
some work on the house, & I was actually looking forward to some good –s super-atheist
youngest brother is arriving today and will be leaving on Sun ’Speaking of closed minds, my
fatherwas just not for him. I could tell he found it disturbing & repugnant. Later I realized the
book you sent was written exactly for people like C, who seem to have closed minds abt
some of the things they assc. w/ charismatics & close their minds to the whole thing. If it
seems right, I may offer the book to him. He has already lent me 2 utterly unreadable
books!
”sort of thing“, wrinkling up his nose. I said yes, I had seen that but there was nothing bad
about it, in fact I had found it moving, altho it had not happened to me. He said that
”thing?’slain in the Spirit‘t they have that ’But don“d not really experienced before. He said
’m hammering away at in our meetings because no one on the council knows a thing about
it). I said I had been deeply impressed by the few masses & prayer meetings I had attended
& felt they had an obvious infectious love for Jesus that made Him present among us in a
way I’(this is something I–you can see I am taken with him. He wrote me a nice but funny
note when he heard I was fighting cancer & after our meeting last Sat. he drove me to the
craft fair & invited me to lunch, which I hope to do next week. In the course of our
conversation he expressed surprise at my interest in charismatic Catholics –t asked. He has
4 kids & could easily have a wife chained in an attic somewhere. Anyway ’s a retired lawyer
altho he looks like a longshoreman. Surely I have never known anyone like him. I am
assuming he is widowed, but I haven’not afraid of confrontation, not afraid to stand up, even
to me! He is regarded as a well established character at church, respected but a little odd.
He–s a real man ’t thought things thru much & his reactions are emotional more than
anything else. Oddly enough, I am drawn to him because I feel like he’m so arch-orthodox.
He is much older than me, a life long Irish Catholic (my least favorite kind), very feisty &
argumentative but fun in an exasperating way. He loves the Church but hasn’s on the Parish
Council w/ me & loves to tease me because I’for some time. He”interested“you will
understand this!) This person is Clarence, a man in whom I have been warily knowform of
Catholicism. Anyway, I had sort of decided the book was preaching to the converted in my
case, but it was interesting to learn what reasons some Catholics advance for not wanting
any thing to do w/ the born again strain, when I met someone who may be the very person
for whom the book was intended. (I ”priestly“This seems to be fairly unusual because most
people who love the church as it is, as I do, feel negative towards charismatics, which is
what the book addresses, while those who are charismatic have a lot of difficulty with the
traditional or ”born again.“the charismatic, –t really break new ground for me, no doubt
because I seem to have a natural openness to the prophetic strain in the church; ie ’book, or
perhaps an anecdote-to-be. I like the book but it doesnBorn Again CatholicI have an
interesting anecdote abt the ”
t get into scripture.’can“for the missing pieces. I like her style, trust her voice & her insights,
& feel there is no excuse anymore for anyone to say they –but not a bland or neutral one! –
sort of began with Moses, ended with David, & picked up with the Gospels thru St. Paul &
ended again. What this book does is provide a perfect overview ”comfort zone“ve done it

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entirely on my own, reading dry simple, beginner books mostly by Protestants. The Church
has no idea how to help people with this. Anyway, my ’m frustrated there!) and then go in
and start studying details. It has taken me abt 10 years to get any kind of overview at all of
scripture, & I’I–of a complicated subject (Northrup for example overview, for which I
especially want to thank you. Of all the things you have so generously sent, this is the most
perfectly on target for me. My mind seems to work best when I can get an The Story of
Storiesand(to see if I can make a dent in all those modern German philosophers which
Bloom said screwed us up so badly) The Closing of the American Mindfor the second time, &
God & Man at YaleI have your latest letter with me to answer & the second John tape, also ll
be coming home on Sunday.
’on chemotherapy! The other 3 are lowish but adequate under the circumstances. Inotis
normal for people 10–Back in the hospital for #2. My blood counts are good, especially my
white cells, which are 11.2

–Dear David & Christine

Thurs 9/22

d be sentenced to jail for a week if you returned an overdue library book, would you return it
or keep it? Explain.
’If you knew you
Is it easier for you to give or receive compliments? Why?

What difference has Jesus made in your life?

s the best thing about your church?

’What
If your favorite pet could be a heart donor, would you sacrifice its life for an ailing, weird
neighbor down the street? Why or why not?

fortune, which would you choose? Why?

d were to bless you with fame orIf Go
(Matthew 5:44). How do you do that at work/school?
”Love your enemies“Jesus said,
If you could be launched 2000 years into the future or 2000 years into the past, which would
you choose? Why?

d be arrested and imprisoned for five years? Explain.

’Would you acknowledge your faith in God if it meant you
s the best birthday you remember? What made it so special?
’What
More ice-breaker questions:

Sat, Sept 17, 1994

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P.P.S. I enclose some more ice-breaker questions.

s borrowing it first.
’so she–P.S. No tape because Debbie missed the class to help Lisa
Dave & Christine
Love,

ll support in whatever decision he makes.

’but we are concerned about his ability to keep it up. His wife is wonderful. She– d do fine ’t
send one of his people to. He’that he can”managers only“including a –but too many
meetings –s church. From Fri. dinner through late Sunday evening. He planned to take Mon.
as a vacation day ’This weekend is a very special one for Carlflyer. We still have a lot of work
to do to prepare it.
”Differences“Am enclosing the even though Northrop will be even rougher without him.
–m praying hard for that ’a job near his home. I–a rumored early retirement offer –s a chance
that Carl may be able to leave Northrop by the end of the year. Many things have to come
together ’Therea breath of fresh air.
– and could walk out together –s happened maybe 3 times in my 4½ years there.) And we
did meet ’it–slightly different leaving times –different routes –s about a 10 min. walk ’t it be
nice to bump into Carl on the way out? (It’wouldn– God kept up the goodies all day. As I was
leaving I thought that helped make our point at the meeting.
–just Thursday –17neither shall ye touch it,But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of
the garden, God has said, Ye shall not eat of it, “By the time the serpent tempted Eve the
story had changed. In Gen 3:3 Eve said, –who then passed it on to Eve –You wonder why
Adam is always held responsible. The command was given to Adam ve enclosed some pages
on the single woman from a book by John MacArthur.)
’I have some time to respond to your questions about Adam & Eve. (I
*
******
s a BIG improvement.
’it gets rid of the noise from the tape recorder. It–ll use that for the Bible studies ’D. just
found an external mike. We
Sun

and can be strong enough to uproot trees. They also contribute to spread of fires.
–usually in the fall –the Pacific Ocean) –The winds come off the desert (rather than our usual
”Santa Anas.“s a condition called the Santa Ana winds, or just ’Today is very hot, dry, windy.
Itin the senate.
We would have loved to see him –He applied intelligence & integrity to other issues too .
Then he watched it about 20 times and changed his position to one of strongly defending
the preborn babies.

17

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0
The Silent Screamon the abortion issue - until he saw ”personally opposed, but...“s a non-
believing Jew who used to be ’Hebut also really down to earth.
–ve ever met ’s one of the most intelligent people we’Carol was VERY involved. He–but lost
in the primary. The first time we were quite involved in his campaign –Twice he was a Calif
senatorial candidate The enclosed article is by Bruce Herschensohn.

Dear Linda,

Sat. Oct 8, 1994

Pray for One Another

: 1Week 2
”
t).’s my first priority after I get well (or even if I don’it–...every now & then, something
wonderful seems to come to me, a kind of wordless insight, and I feel a great burden falling
away.... I am thinking very seriously abt how to get to Calif “

Part Eight

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Let’s turn our hearts to the One who created and redeemed us.
ll we ever have to do is turn… -- Linda
A
Our lives are full of things that seem so important. But much of it is vanity (emptiness). Most
of our desires and activities have no eternal value.

Acts 14:15
:and the sea, and all things that are thereinh, made heaven, and eartvanities unto the
living God, whichse…ye should turn from the

Christine & Dave

Love,

but we could call at 7 (10 your time).

–It would be late m sure the Tues night study would also enjoy it.
’I–If you like that idea & can work it out let us know around holidays.
–even if only ½ hour –ll catch it on John tape: Kathy suggested that we use speaker phone
for our Thurs night study. We talked about it & would like to work something out ’t know
whether you’I don
Thurs, Oct 6

not another Linda. He wants you to join us.

–He means you –”Thumbs up, Linda“and ”Hi, Linda,“re all enjoying involving you. You can
hear Brent say frequently ’meeting around the table is a real improvement. We–I believe the
enclosed Tues tape is better than previous ones. For one thing the others are getting more
involved
Wed., Oct. 5

drama.
–but when we do, at family functions, she & Dave have a way of getting off together. She
also has a college age daughter, Amber, who went to school in NYC for 2 yrs –but very
serious. She lives pretty far away (San Fernando Valley) and we only see her once in a while
–also a legal secretary & a (not yet published) writer –s really sharp ’Also, Carl & I said how
nice it would be for you to meet his sister Sharon. Shes still nice to know the desire is in her
heart.
’Mary suggested that we chip in and get you out here. It was said lightly, in fun, but it
Dear Linda,

Monday, Oct 3, 1994

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Note author is editor of our local paper.
–Also: I xeroxed enclosed page for the National Review because it refers to the Inland
Empire ”
s lymphoma appears to have increased five-year survival from 36% to 90% (BELLE
Newsletter, July, 1994, Northeast Regional Environmental Public Health Center, University of
Massachusetts, Amherst, MA 01003).’At Tohoku University, Professor Sakomoto is using low-
dose radiation hormesis to cure and to suppress the reappearance of cancer. The addition of
low dose whole body radiation to the high-dose local irradiation treatment regimen for non-
Hodgkin“Also D clipped this paragraph from a newsletter he received. Since your doctor is
into new treatments, he might be interested.
ll all be blessed by it.
’we–or writing one for me to read. Please feel free to do that –by either taping a prayer –but
they request that you close us with prayer –t know whether you can hear it on Thurs. tape
’Don
P.S.

D. & Christine
Love,

God bless you. We continue to lift you, Adam, your parents, etc (inc. Clarence) in prayer.
or whoever.
–Carol & Paul –that God will provide the right parents –but healthy. We pray so much for the
baby –looking very pregnant –s in 7th month ’Carolre doing more than they otherwise might.
’m 50 they’m in the throes of some long-overdue physical exam stuff. And since I’Me: No
worry but prayer appreciated. Ill see dr. again in Dec. No surgery indicated now.
’s having minimal difficulty with the cataracts. He’Dave: The medication seems to be
working well & he–Re health here with the blessings it bestows.
–and your letter came –I appreciate your comments. In fact, Dave & I had agreed that this
Sat was to be a light, pleasant one –s time ’I agree with you that everything needful will be
done in Godand also such a righteous man for step-father.
– s mother ’your comment about a real human family. Praise God that He chose such a
wonderful young woman to be his son–Also A study of mothers throughout the Bible would
be an interesting one.
who dedicates him to the Lord at such a young age....
–s mother ’And Samuelto be willing to give him up to save his life.
–what love for her child –mother ’We see Mosesjust yesterday a young man named Daniel
showed me the blessing that she said the curse would be upon her.
–yet –s mother encouraging him to trick his father ’We see JacobRe mothers:
Repent means that)
–s what He says ’... (I agree that”All we ever have to do is turn“or the fellow Ty I mentioned
earlier in this letter or...)
–one of my upsets was that it was such a waste of money to keep me in that little box. The
Lord never did give me the freedom to quit. (If I had I would never have met Brent –

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sustaining me through it. And –God was with me then too –much of which was literally
thrown in the garbage – (for the last year.) Before that I had two years of being paid to do
work –I have been maneuvering well –ord Praise the Land get excited when we win. My voice
mail (I think I told you the story) is well known at Northrop.
–What happens is many good workers give up trying to be productive. Some few of us
continue when 6 high level people spend ½ hour planning how to get permission to get the
phone moved.
–your tax dollars –ll win but think what it costs in ’s phone moved. We’to the program. Ken
got feisty & will fight to get Tom”critical“s phone to the area where he sits. This process
costs Northrop $89. Fri. the request was denied. My boss was back so I elevated it. He, of
course, agreed with it. Then we were told it had to be ’ve said before NOTHING is easy at
Northrop. Last week (Tues. or Wed.) I signed a request to move a young man’as I–And others
do his Northrop business stuff.) Carl has a lot of knowledge that can really help. Also he will
do his best until the day he leaves.
–m attending a meeting & teaching; Pat is teaching ’d much rather be with his family but he
got everything covered. (I’the depot. He–Carl is traveling for the 1st time, to Whiteman
where the B2s are located & maybe Oklahoma City –after being at Northrop for 10 yrs –
Interestingly until the Lord frees us from the task.
–even against obstacles –m responsible for delivery of data; Carl is responsible for good
management of all the software (data is a part of software). We are both bright &
knowledgeable enough to see problems & potential solutions and responsible enough to do
our best ’Ibut we both believe strongly that on any job we are called to work as unto the
Lord. Then if the Lord opens doors to multiply the results we have the responsibility to do
our very best.
– we both want out –t care about job security ’Carl and I donthey hope for the next contract.
The air force guys thought they could use the troops to handle a job that is much more
sophisticated than they realized.
–they are a middle man & had convinced the air force that they had added the good order
that Carl & I had actually done –t prepared to handle the complexity ’was upset because
they want a piece of the action & arenOur customert even thought to ask.
’Then at the 1st meeting Carl just asked questions that the air force guys hadnt understand
the complexity. What I did was raise the issue in a high level forum.
’and it is clear these customers don–the air force Carl no longer has control of the process x.
When we hand it on to s job is managing all the computer software that goes into the B-2. It
is incredibly comple’Carl is getting involved because it is an opportunity to do his job well.
Carlright along with the stuff my previous superiors wrote.)
–s making sure this makes it into my records ’s a real blessing to have a boss that
appreciates me. (He’I send the description because it gives some of the flavor of what I do.
ItThese awards are few & far between especially in the current tight budget & have to be
approved by the vice president.
Ken (my boss) used this and some other documentation to get me a financial award from
Northrop! (He surprised me yesterday.)
This letter is purposely full of jargon for the sake of those high at Northrop.
I enclose a page Ken (my boss) wrote about me. It might help (or add to) the confusion.
ll work it out (or He may solve the problem).

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’if I have to drive next year, He–t allow a van. I thank the Lord I have it now ’Actually our van
pool is at risk. 4 of the 8 passengers are eligible for the golden handshake. When too few
riders, the company doesnand the rest of life.
–s hands duties ’plus other potter–with some required prep –ll be leading 5 Bible studies ’and
where my heart is. Next week I–which could easily be a full time job –s Hands ’and the job is
stressful. Then, Potter–m called to do my best at work ’As a Christian I believe I:
”double life“m tired a lot because of my ’Im tired. I see it as a gift from the Lord to give me
an extra 45 min of sleep in the morning. Coming home I usually prepare a Bible study.
’I sleep in the van because Ire usually up & out without time to just be together.
’we–and other things that describe pieces of our relationship. That mid-week cup of coffee
was a real treat –only to Jesus –”second best friend“sorry if I was being too flippant. I also
call him my –is the one I married ”favorite guy“My s prayed for you.)
’s another who’a GOOD part of Northrop), Ty, has commented that he believes God is pulling
together Christians across geography and denominational lines to strengthen each other.
(He–One of my friends at work (my boss has commented about how many friends I have
there re holding up him and your friendship.
’we–Your description of Clarence is very interesting we pray for whoever has that one too.
–from her desk at work ”stolen“hers was –all positive. One lady wants another –book Born
Again Catholicve had quite a few responses to the ’will be blessed. We–or whoever God has
read that book –re praying that Clarence ’Wein part through that book.
–and it was a part of her coming to know & love Jesus. A by-product: we went from being
friendly acquaintances to friends –Ed definitely was not). As it turns out Sue was the one
who read & loved the book –An example: I had an impulse to give a book to Ed, via his wife
Sue (who I thought was a Christian book is for someone else. That type of thing has
happened to me before.
Born Again Catholic m really pleased and not too surprised that the ’Iand Northrop is dark in
many ways...
–Also Jesus said our light would shine the brightest in the darkness Also it is so complex. The
B-2 was so secret so long. Now winding down with limited budget in difficult economy.
and whose eyes see things differently.
–t fit any of the molds ’much of the complication is that you are getting the view from
someone who doesn–Re Northrop t know if it made last Tues. tape, but Patty, too, is
enjoying it. Her husband Bob wants to read it & Patty has plans to give some copies away as
well. I too want an overview to tie things to.
’. I donThe Story of Storiesre so enjoying ’m glad you’IMany of us out here continue to be
pleased that your treatments go so well.
visiting with Dave & Mary (from the Thurs. study.)
–ll be doing tonight ’d keep going. Actually reading & writing your letters is a perfectly
appropriate Shabbat activity for us. As is what we’s no surprise that I’t feel guilty about me
getting tired while writing to you. Writing is such a pleasure, that it’Please don
,
Dear Linda
Sat., Oct 1, 1994
Turn

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: 0AWeek 2And we are privileged to see some of that power, in nature and in our lives – if
we just look for it. Take time this week to ponder the power of God.

– Linda
… God wants to show His great power
…
The God that we worship is a mighty and a powerful God. We cannot come near
comprehending him. And yet
-- Psalm 8:3,4
visitest him?work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is
man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thoueWhen I consider thy
heavens, th

Linda.
Love,

–
ll get this off now ’IDo you want me to respond to these one by one in my letters?
”
I think you really missed the mark on that one, Father. Would you like to get together & talk
more about it?“d say, ’t ask me my opinion! I’Some of your questions are stimulating,
especially the one abt the worst sermon. Actually that just happened to me, altho he sure
didnLisa & Rick
Kathy & Don
Debbie & Art
David & Mary
re these the names? Is the list complete?
k the John group for the card. AThans interesting that you live there.
’that has been true for some time, & it–m eager to visit except Calif ’s really nowhere in the
country I’Weds, Oct ? I had a day of utter exhaustion today & spent it sleeping. I had hoped
to write a more substantive ending but instead will just thank you for your latest packet,
especially the annotated map! That really does whet my appetite. Theres very deep.
’ve decided to take another crack at it. It’s because I’t include it here it’from my house. If I
donThe Forgiveness of Sins’I finally got WilliamsSitting in the sun & listening to the second
John Tape. This was most engaging & enjoyable! What was all the laughter after the showing
of my photo!? Not having seen it, I hate to think! I really learned from the close attention
paid to every word, & the various points of view discussed. I would call this a feisty group.
Take turns eating my brownie. I do like the fellowship even tho I miss some of it. I think
eventually their personalities will gel for me. All those planes!
–Sunday 1/2
country & everybody else was not quite real.
real meaning, I guess, East Coast. None of the meetings are here either. What accounts for
the huge difference in spirituality bet. East & west, or I should say East Coast & the rest of
the country? I am too loyal to this part of the world & yet it seems like the very worst place
to be a Christian (or the best!) Well, people have always said NY was not really like the rest

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of the country, but I always was sure that meant that we were the –I was most impressed w/
the Promise Keepers material. Thank you & Art so much. What kills me abt this is that it
never gets reported in our media t stand it when the ushers pass communion around &
people take it sitting on the pews.
’s up by Columbia U. & Union Theological Seminary, * Wm Sloan Coffin was the pastor &
homilist. He was a phenomenal speaker, but I left feeling I never wanted to set foot there
again. I can’many black people go there. It–t impressive, let alone overpowering, speakers.
Years ago I attended a service up at Riverside Church which I think is non-denom., but could
be Baptist ’re talking about, they just aren’ll listen to it again. On the other hand, most
Catholic speakers are awful; even if they are highly intelligent & know what they’t know. I’I
don–ve never heard anyone like Missler & am not sure what to make of him. I am vaguely
distrustful of what feels like an attempt to brain wash or control me. My fears could be
completely unwarranted, or just unfamiliarity w/ a different tradition. Speakers like that
seem to hold all the cards & want to keep it that way ’m not sure why. I’I–t go on in the
Catholic Church ’The background on Missler was interesting. I have literally never been
exposed to his hi-powered highly intelligent preaching or exhortation. It doesnThis seems to
be another one of those instances where God wants to show His great power, not for any
reason that we can readily understand.
”favorably disposed toward the people, & they gave them what they asked for.“Re the gifts
of the Egyptians, the narrative Bible says, I seem to recall, that the Egyptians would be so
eager to get rid of the Israelites that they would pay them to leave, but that does not seem
to be the sense of Ex 3:21. Au contraire, 12:36 repeats that the Lord made them t that
hilarious? Talk about making a point!
’s big house on the canal in Brightwaters, & he refuses to allow them to share a bedroom!
Isn’t marry. They are currently staying in C’I had my lunch w/ Clarence today. It lasted 4
hours & included stops at his house & my house. Very interesting. We talked Church &
Scripture stuff the whole time. He has a son who lives w/ a woman w/ whom he has a child
but they won”
in charge.“I feel really excited & eager abt this study, & also very relieved that someone
else will be –m going to do that. It is fascinating ’the person who wrote the commentary
suggested strongly that we read straight thru once before beginning the weekly lessons so
I–re all there, ready to go again! And I started Mark last nite ’t believe we’ll be meeting for
the next 10 Fridays. Two of the women in the group are going to do the leading. There is
something so magical about the spirit of that group! I can’ve been out in the evening in 2
months. We’Our Mark group had its business mtg. last night. It was the first time Idays a
week, I thought he must have me mixed up w/ someone else.
½m limping, have no hair, & can work 1’but since I”come a long way,“d ’he told me I–s
wildly optimistic ’2 days at work, altho I got very tired & weird feelings on Thurs. and left
early. Friday I stayed home & rested. I think my counts must be very low right now, but I saw
my dr. on Weds & he is delighted w/ my condition & also w/ the lessened pain in my hip &
back. Frankly, I think he–This has been an eventful week t think they work very well, even if
they manage to last.
’I don–t even know it. I wonder how any marriage works w/o the Lord ’d known anything
about such spiritual resources. I was in a blind alley, on a road to nowhere, & didn’t see
them but it really means a lot to me to know where people are coming from, & it is very

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inspiring to hear how the Lord works, especially in couples. When I hear abt how husbands &
wives work to bring each other along it really makes me sad because I know my marriage
would have had at least a fighting chance of being transformed & saved if I’I really
appreciate the background on the folks in your groups. It will take a little while to get it all
straight in my mind, & takes longer because I can

–Dear Christine & David

Sat 10/1
What a skinny letter!

P.S. Dave said I could be interim Bible Commissioner for Grumman.

Dave & Christine

Lots of love,

but ...
–that he have me go to Grumman to start a Bible Club there. (Northrop said they want to
take the best of both. The best of Northrop is the Bible Club.) I was just playing ”suggest“I
want so much to get back and see you. I just called Carl to s anything else we can do.
’We continue to lift you and your family up in prayer. Please let us know if therell pray that
the Holy Spirit will reveal the meaning to you. Most of what I learn from the Bible is by
reading it and then sharing with others who are also prayerfully reading.
’maybe in a 3-way (or with others) session. I–s time ’but we will in the Lord–t know when we
can get into your questions from I Timothy ’Donso D can read this & I can get it off
tomorrow.
–m going to wrap up ’Inow full-time ministry.
–He used to be high in business (CEO-type jobs) not spiritual warfare.
–His most usual emphasis is prophecy yet submits to the Lord.
–s very intelligent ’one of our favorites. He–The teacher on the tape we sent was probably
Chuck Missler s partly why it gets more and more exciting the more we study.
’by the Holy Spirit. It– We too believe that the whole Bible is orchestrated s certainly been
lost in our culture. Even the simple gracious notes of a generation ago are few and far
between.
’is an interesting phrase for correspondence. It”Highest level of civilization“t (I believe)
handle a second correspondence as rich as this.
’but so precious. I too couldn–s time-consuming ’What a blessing that Adam wants to
correspond with you. I agree that itWe too work to educate our brothers and sisters to listen
to God.
ve been to MANY church meetings that seem just like business meetings. Maybe a token
prayer at the beginning.
’Ill address it in another letter.
’ll talk about it or I’but either we–am getting tired –Even the stuff about Adam but with
different callings & responsibilities.

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–I believe the Bible makes it clear that men & women are truly equal –but it almost raises
enough meat for a session in itself. However –t now go into the detail that the questions
deserve ’re hanging loose on future ones. You ask some really hard questions. I can’We did
not have the Bible study on Sat. NO one came. WeJesus is presented as the perfect servant.
–ll enjoy the study of Mark ’m sure you’Ill keep my eyes open.
’re probably going to do Rev. I’s lib. After we complete Daniel on Wed, we’ve really dug into
Revelation. Neither D nor I remember anything there on women’s been a long time since I’It
–The choice just is made earlier –m pro-choice ’(translate pro-life) people. I”anti-choice“s
radically opposed to the ’We also agree with you about the battle of the words. I was just
talking with a woman whobut wonderful.
–s also difficult ’ve been eating persimmons. It’I too believe following the Lord should be
(and IS) fun. Just last week, Carl asked the class how many people we attract to Christ if we
look like weWill prob. read it again.
The Man Who Was Thursday.Dave says he has read We agree with you about Joyner. I
believe life is supposed to be a mystery. That we need to depend on a person (Jesus) not a
pattern or a program. If we really internalize that, we can support our brothers & sisters
rather than expecting them to do it all the way we believe is best.
m in the Bible.)
’ll pass it on. (I learn something new every time I’ll go on to Exodus. If I learn anything else,
I’re in ch 46 or 47) we’Your question about why the Egyptians gave to the Israelites is a good
one. In Ex 3:21, God promises it. In Ex 11:2,3 they are told to ask. Then in Ex 12:33-36, it
happens. When we finish Genesis on Fri (wem glad the dates coincide.
’s group. Carl will be teaching on Inlaws or Outlaws. Dave & Carl never see enough of each
other so I’s married couple’ll spend the evening with Carl & Pat at their church’conference,
he’we expect that to charge him up (He also has to work on the talk for next month). Since
D will be in Moreno Valley for the writers–s conference ’. Tomorrow D will be at a Christian
writerSummer FruitJust this evening I had the privilege of typing 7 exciting pages of His
mom said she committed to these studies for Brent, but now finds they are for her too. Part
of the blessing we share is the hour while we drive to her house from the N-place each Tues.
hope you will meet him (he wants to meet you). He has so much energy, and so much love.
Just being with him is a blessing.
doand we still have difficulty. I –we have body language, facial expression, etc –over a year –
re used to him ’Re difficulty understanding Brent: Webut ears are.
– like when cleaning the house –t always available ’My eyes aren–to enjoy tapes – even
though the rate of return is lower –but I have learned – I find it much easier absorbing info
when reading than listening (one reason why I read your letters to D not the other way) t
interact must be difficult. Also the background noises.
’and an interactive study where you can–I too was uncomfortable with tapes at first if they
do & if you continue listening to that study.
–ll introduce as they come back ’but he too is very quiet. Others I–But Brent gets most. Rob
is there quite regularly –Northrop. She does ask questions. –and wants out of –also at –s our
age ’s the Catholic in that group.) The other lady is Patty. She’s usually the attendant) is
quite shy. She usually asks questions one-on-one after class. She has some trouble with
English, but told me last week that the Bible is becoming more & more clear to her. She also

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attends a Bible study at her church on Wed. nights. (She’ve heard, the Tues Bible study is
quite different. Carmen (who’As youm expecting a number of lunches in Dec.
’ll be having for those who retire or are laid off I’we”good byes“With the t have fellowship
time. To enable some time to build friendships, we have pot-luck lunches once in a while.
’The flavor of that study is very much the same as those Carl & I lead at work. Except there
we dons always a blessing.
’ve had others drift in and out of the study. We pray that the Lord bring whom He chooses.
It’We
s church.
’I believe Kathy started coming because Don was working Thurs nights. It provided
companionship. She went to Catholic school & knows the Bible quite well. Now Don comes
too. Their kids also come to childrenve become part of the family very quickly. Debbie has a
gift of hospitality. Quick to babysit or whatever.
’t be welcome. They’Most recently Don & Kathy moved here from PA via San Diego. Kathy
met Debbie & Lisa at the pool. They have a 12 yr old son and 6 or 7 yr old daughter. They
are Catholic and were afraid they wouldn
t get a babysitter. We went to their baptism in Aug.
’s Witness background. Hers was just generic unbelief. It has been less than a year. Dave
was the one who was first interested (very unusual). They have a toddler who comes when
they can’Dave & Mary have been coming about a year. He comes out of a Jehovah
for another letter). Rick now works crazy hours including evenings so we rarely see him. Lisa
is studying to be a respiratory therapist. Studies on hold due to the baby.
–another beautiful story –s only about a yr. old in the Lord ’s no secret that they are not
married. Fornication has been discussed in the lessons. Rick used to come each week
(he’It”significant other.“Lisa is the new mother. She also has a 6 yr old, Megan. Rick is her
t see her again for about 6 months, a very special connection had been made.
’though we wouldn–”love at 1st sight“When Dave & I met Debbie some months later it was
true spiritual to thank the group for the changes in Art. Carl & I were both choked up.
Imagine the blessing. We had not yet met Debbie.
–lunch. Art showed up at the Bible study with cookies from Debbie 18Eve was
tricked.esponsible.
rs held ’s wimpiness is well taken and a piece at least of why he’Your point about Adam”
lest ye die.19Linda–m getting over my frustration at this and actually find it comforting.
’t. Slowly, I’I can–It takes the Holy Spirit to really enter & change a heart

”
ecumenical movement.“s produced in a blender in the ’picking up flavor from each other
without losing its uniqueness not the mush that–Christianity should be like a good stew.
One, a delicious carrot, another a potato
T win and then join the winning team.
’The ONLY way to win is to accept that we CAN
t).

18
19

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’s my first priority after I get well (or even if I don’it–I am thinking very seriously abt how to
get to Calif

Amen. (Matthew 28:18-20)

and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.
to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you:
Teaching theme Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of thtions,
Go ye therefore, and teach all nain earth.
All power is given unto me in heaven andme and spake unto them, saying,
And Jesus ca
:
he things Jesus commandeded to teach others to observe tommissionEvery Christian is
cnecessary to have the call to preach a sermon or write a book.not– and we are all called to
proclaim the good news of the Lord in our lives (using words if necessary). This is true when
talking to family and friends as well. It is proclaimedSince my husband and I have both been
privileged to have books published, we get a kick out of the King James translation. The
word is actually
)
Psalm 68:11( The Lord gave the word: great was the company of those that published
it.This is a verse that we like to misapply:

32:1-4)
Deuteronomy ( He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all
his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he. : ascribe ye
greatness unto our God.
ORD: Because I will publish the name of the LMy doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech
shall distil as the dew, as the small rain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the
grassGive ear, O ye heavens, and I will speak; and hear, O earth, the words of my mouth.

( Deuteronomy 31:30)
Moses spake in the ears of all the congregation of Israel …,
that commandand, obeying)
Ephesians 5:19 ( Speaking to yourselves in
psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord:
The Bible does command communicating about the Lord,

whether by teaching, or singing, or writing. I love to share Jesus’ love to young and old – and
those in between.

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I continue to love to serve the Lord by telling His story –I am not retired, however, from
service to God. I don’t see retirement taught in the Bible – just career change. (Moses is a
wonderful example of this.)
I’ve changed in many superficial ways. I’m no longer middle-aged! – but have entered the
stage of life when we like to call ourselves “senior citizens,” and I’ve retired from the
aerospace job that so dominated my life during the time of this correspondence.
Linda’s in Heaven and I’m still on this earth with its joys and sorrows.

Jesus
f ohe Story to Tell tContinues Christine Week 52: Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
*
forever.
goodThat’s enough for me. I don’t care about the details. I’m sure I couldn’t comprehend
them anyway. But it will be .
of us if we’ve given our hearts to Jesusalso and Linda,That is the final state of
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither
sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed
away. – Revelation 21:4

Linda already has her inheritance. We’re still waiting.

To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven
for you. – I Peter 1:4

For all Christians, our citizenship is in Heaven. Linda is already there, being blessed to be
home. (The rest of us are still exiles behind enemy lines.) And she no longer has the
anguished body that gave her so much grief during the last months of her life.

3:20-21
– Philippians For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour,
The Lord Jesus Christ: Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his
glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto
himself.

.
worldLinda, that being with Christ is far better than life on this fallen like Paul knew,
to die is gain….having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better. –
Philippians 1:21,23
Christ, andFor to me to live is
Linda loved Jesus – now she is with the One she loves most of all.

and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. – 2
Corinthians 5:8
We are confident, I say,
We don’t have many details about Heaven, but we know it will be good.

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Linda is the one who is truly victorious. She is now in Heaven.
But what of Linda herself?
I am still astonished by what the Lord did in and through Linda during the correspondence –
and grateful.
As I write, fourteen years after her death, God also used Linda, her heart and her suffering,
to change many lives.
Throughout the eighteen months covered by these letters – and the year you and I have
spent together in these devotions – we’ve seen Linda grow closer to Jesus. Actually the Lord
used Linda’s illness to cause “the things of earth [to] grow strangely dim.”*

s Victory in Jesus
HaLindaWeek 51:
I hope and pray that you too have a heart that has been changed by the Lord.
And that was how she had her change of heart.
That was what Linda had learned..
He goes on to say that we must be born of the SpiritVerily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a
man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.) 3(John 3:wasply, His reJesus didn’t
say, “Well said.” InsteadJesus put it a different way. When a religious man named
Nicodemus said he knew that Jesus was a teacher from God,
It takes the Holy Spirit to really enter and change a heart – I can’t. – Linda

Of course a friendship with Jesus would not be enough. In fact it’s impossible to be friends
with the King of Kings without coming to Him on His terms, which involve a change of heart,
which we cannot do by ourselves.
Though she had been faithful in church practice, in fact changed by over ten years of active
membership, she had not had a personal relationship, a friendship, with Jesus Christ.
On May 1, 1994, Linda wrote that she hadn’t made friends with Jesus until the couple of
months before that.
Dave & Christine

May God wrap you in His loving arms.

even from a distance.
–We hope that we can be a help to you, be friends to you We enclose a card that made us
think of Linda. The friendship we had with Linda was truly in Him.
ll continue to lift you and your family before the Lord.
’And we hurt for you. What a traumatic year. We pray that the Lord give you a time of rest
and peace and healing. Webut we know that the pain means that the relationship we had
was so special.
–a lot –re hurting now ’Weand we want you to know that she enriched our lives more than
anyone could imagine. And touched a whole community of believers here in Southern Calif.
–re glad that we brought joy to Linda ’Weof childhood memories.
”magic“re so grateful for that intense, wonderful, supernatural friendship that consisted of
an 18 month correspondence, some tapes & phone calls, and two short visits. Combined
with the ’Weand we want a hug.

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–We do plan to accept your invitation the next time we are on l.I. We have no current plans,
but since my sister and her family are in Dix Hills, we always hope for the opportunity. We
want an opportunity to visit with you often in simple things.
–Adam is right. Linda was a remarkable woman. We especially enjoyed the delight she took s
letters. She did have special and close friends.
’I recognize both Richard and Esther as names from Lindall have so much to share.
’We look forward to worshiping with Linda around the throne of God in Heaven. And wet be
there but your description helped a lot.
’re so glad that God blessed and it was so wonderful. We are sorry that we couldn’s
Memorial Mass. We’We got your letter yesterday and, of course, it made us cry. Thank you
so much for sending details of Lindall be praying for Adam.
’e had received a flyer from a mutual friend. Now heZimmer of Lawrence Welk fame). HOne
interesting call came from Mark Zimmer (son of Norma people called or asked about the day
of prayer service, we passed on that request.
So, whenWe had decided that the best gift that we could give to Linda today would be to
pray for her family, especially Adam, and raise a group of people to keep Adam in prayer.
s not the way we had planned, but God has blessed.
’Here we are on the special day of prayer for Linda. It
Dear Rachael,

August 18, 1995

e girls were singing.

sailing with Jesus to Heaven even as thwasWe did not know until later that Linda inda. The
song that they sang was “Sailing with Jesus.”
LThe children in the Bible Study made a tape for Rachael LeFever

For everything I sincerely thank you.

s work and to bring peace and joy to everyone around you as you did to Linda.
’I know you will continue to do GodI found a box full of tapes when I cleaned the room Linda
used in my house. I will return them to you in the near future.
Please know you are always welcome to come by 48 Lincoln St. when and if you come to
Long Island.
As her mother, I am most grateful to you for being such special friends and adding a very
special dimension of joy to her life.
giving out the flyers and having all prayer groups get involved.
. She enjoyed spoke of that time during the last month of her illness. She loved the idea of
setting aside August 18 for a prayer day for heroftenDave and Christine. I need not tell you.
You must know how much you both meant to Linda. The letters, the tapes, the phone calls
made her very happy and helped her thru this difficult year. How glad she was that she
made the effort to go to California to see you and to meet all the friends she got to know
thru the tapes. She This is surely from you and your friends. It does indeed comfort me.
Every day a new blossom opens and I have yet to pick off an old dead blossom. It seems to

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be very happy on the front porch where it can be enjoyed by all who pass by or come to the
house. We all thank you for it.
”Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted: Potters Hands Ministries.“led in
its beauty! The card said elJust as we were leaving for church a florist rushed up with an
enormous gloxiana plant. It is the most beautiful plant I have ever seen. How Linda would
have rev, Sandrea Smith, Richard Hand were a few I remember. Many of the teachers who
were my friends were also here. The now 50 year old students enjoyed very much meeting
their now retired at least 70 year old teachers. Much reminiscing went on and it was a
pleasant afternoon. Everyone agreed that Linda would have enjoyed her party and I was so
happy that people felt it was a fitting tribute to Linda.
l friends were here, Linda Ns friends Bart and Tina. Many of her high schoo’s friends, my
friends, relatives and neighbor came back to enjoy a good Italian lunch catered by
Linda’Afterwards, her many friends (the church was filled), AdamThe music added a special
dimension of comfort to the service.
”Abide With Me.“t know it, she found and sang as a solo, ’for the service. She chose
beautiful Catholic hymns that I did not know but at my request although she
didn”songster“A friend of mine who sang with me in the Babylon Chorale was the ll see that
you get copies. Adam wished to speak also but chose not to write it out so I have no copies
of his. In between gulps of tears he managed to let everyone know that he thought his
mother was a remarkable woman.
’o could not be here but I know you were praying and thinking of us. Two very good friends,
Richard and Esther both spoke on behalf of Linda. They will be sending me copies of their
eulogies and Iws Memorial Mass that it went very well. I am sorry you t’I am happy to tell
you one week after Linda
Dear Dave and Christine,

August 13, 1995

Christine & Dave

Love,

Dave and I want to put the hymn on a tape for you.

And Ty Lacy is trying to find the words for a hymn for me. It has the line, I need thee every
hour. I thought of it because of what you said about getting through hour by hour.
ll send them over the weekend.
’for you. I”hugs“Also, there are people at work getting together ll probably have it next
week.
’we–t finish because her wrist is sprained & hurting ’Kim started a picture but didns house.
’this time from the Bible study at Debbie–Here are some more hugs
Dear Linda,

July 13, 1995

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(heart)
♥
Brent

(as dictated to Christine, and signed by Brent himself

X
♥ X ♥ X ♥ X ♥ X ♥X
And Dave is wonderful.
We also pray for you to come back out here and see all of us in the bible study.
And Ruth says hallelujah.
We all love to be with the children of God and you’re one of them.
We want to see you soon ASAP.
We all pray for you to get better in every way.
May God be with you in every aspect.

Dearly Beloved East Coast Linda,

Christine & Dave

Love,

Meanwhile rest in our Lord. We thank Him for you and place you in His capable hands.
ll be sending you another batch from the Thursday night Bible study.
’WeBrent dictated the letter on the card. We love the way he addressed you.
s Bible study.
’I enclose the hugs from those at tonight
Later that evening

s involved and He cares.

’s there and He’s showing that He’and He–s One who can ’re going through, there’And, even
though we cannot comprehend what youwhich is on the way to Tucson.
–but the exciting part was it was at a lay renewal weekend in Gilbert, AZ –It was from Carl –
s more: Dave asked me where I got the first hug coupon ’ThereSomehow the Lord had
multiplied and provided a whole bunch of hug coupons.
we only had one coupon.
KNEWThen I asked Dave to make copies. He said fine, but first check the secretary. I went
and looked even though I from the folks at the Bible studies.
–ll send many hugs ’ll send Linda a hug. No, we’Thank you, Lord. What a wonderful idea.
Dave and IIt was being used as a bookmark.
.It was in a Bible I rarely openI went to the Bible asking the Lord to give me something for
you. I expected to find some verses of encouragement. What I found instead was a coupon
for a hug.
s just a few hours after the wonderful phone call from you.

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’It
Dear Linda,

July 12, 1995

Christine & Dave

Love,

s letter will arrive undamaged.

’in hopes that Holly–The Enclosures are between two pieces of cardboard There is a
wonderful letter from Holly and a card signed by most of the people on the tape.
because she read it onto the tape.
–s poem ’t enclose Linda’Didn
–
July 9
pray now. I also enclose a poem that Linda Vallejo wanted me to send.
–re encouraging people not to wait ’Of course weWe enclose some flyers, so you can pass
them to others who might join us: your family: your aunt in PA (who gave you the Bible),
Maria, Rickey, your Scripture group.
s full steam ahead.
’so it–Carl just called. He thinks the idea of a National Day of Prayer for you is a great one ll
take it to Bible studies during the week and send it to you next weekend.
’Wecontaining greetings from some of your friends in Southern California.
–made especially for you –Enclosed is a tape
Dear Linda,

July 2, 1995

Dave & Christine

re up to writing again.)
’ll be great when you’it–We love you! (And miss your letters s involved in your life & your
health.
’s clearly showing that He’God be with you. He–ll close now ’Ive already worked out to work
the prev Sat so I can have the day off.
’before 2nd cataract gets bad as well. I–s cataract operation is currently sched for July 31. It
will be good to get that done ’Dm getting more & more excited.
’I–that day togetherll be in their prayers ’you–t be with us that eve ’so even if Carl & Pat
can–and discovered that D and Carl have already plans to pray together that afternoon –8.
1Just went to write down day of prayer on Aug. My distraction was caused by sharing the
Luke passage with D.

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–t remember what I was going to write ’don–Got distracted –but can pay his bills. Neither the
–s busier than ever ’so he–s also found a part time job ’at 1/2 for rent of what their mortgage
payment has been. Carl–t have to be in their bedroom & Xerox in their l.r.’so computer won–
s Hands stuff ’with a room for Potter–ll have a bigger house ’re already fixing up the mess
the previous renters left. They’Carl & Pat will be moving in a couple of weeks. Theyt make
it.)
’and have others pray wherever they are if they can–ll invite people here ’We–s something
wonderful. ’m sure it’but I–t know what God is planning ’I don–for the prayer meeting –our
Sabbath rest of Fri. evening ”use“s extra exciting because we were planning to ’It–(I just
checked out 18 in the Bible & found Luke 13:10-16. so that may well be the day.
–(our wedding anniversary) –the way it popped into my head full blown while I was in prayer
for you last night. Dave has suggested Aug. 18 –s from the Lord ’I believe the idea–ll also let
you know what we work out for a special day of prayer for you ’Were excited about getting
the groups together. A summer picnic will be the best way.
’ut 8:30 your time with greetings from the folks in the PH Bible studies. Weoll call ab’Then if
all is OK, we–ll call sometime during the day to confirm your availability ’On July 8 webut
God is surely with them.
–have many problems –and Chris –t come till heaven. Dale & Marie ’that doesn–”happily
ever after“but not –and the Lord brought him back to health –t expect him to survive an auto
accident he was in. We prayed intensively ’ve written about him before. The doctor didn’is
an answer to prayer. I believe we–s son ’Chris Bieber, Dale & Mariewill keep up your prayers.
–and others –we –you sounded so much better –Meanwhile, it was so wonderful to talk to you
at home and dreaming.
–and waiting –re asking ’t it sound wonderful? So we’but we can always ask. Doesn–Then,
when we saw the article, we thought maybe God could work it out for Linda to come on this
trip. We know it would take a miracle and a couple of days to come home. (I even have a
calendar marked Feb 7 to 14.)
–and seeing the Grand Canyon). Then the visit – or another seminar on the way ”God Has
Everything Under Control“d take a few days driving there (perhaps doing’We thought wes
not too likely.
’but my time off is so limited, it–assuming early retirement comes through. Of course, we
could visit them even without the retirement ”plans“One thing that excites us is that the
mission is in Tucson where our friends Dale & Marie live. A visit to them next Feb is on my
and believe that so will you.
–We enjoyed the article Enclosed is an article about a mission in Tucson, AZ. (Debbie saved
it for you.)

Dear Linda,

June 24, 1995

Dave & Christine

Love,

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s sufferings that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.
’And then: I Pet 4:12,13. Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to
try you, as though some strange thing happened to you, but REJOICE to the extent that you
partake of ChristActually, I recommend Phil 3:7-11.
”
that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings,
being conformed to His death.“had come to my mind. It is from Phil 3:10: ”fellowship of His
sufferings“The phrase I just wrote to Phyllis and sent a couple of verses.
but He has others who can.
–t give you a massage ’at least those He knows we need to know. We can–and so is the fact
that the Holy Spirit communicates your needs to us –The phone calls are a blessing and to
laugh with you and cry with you.
–and to bless you and be blessed by you –to hold your hand and give you a hug –at least
once a week –AND we sure wish we could come by and visit We sure wish you could have
been with us at the Holy Scroller meeting yesterday. You were there in our hearts.

Dear Linda,

June 18, 1995

Lourdes. She was delighted.
get her toEditor’s note: On June 12 David was sitting at his computer at home when the
phone rang. It was Linda, calling from Long Island. He told her he had just dreamed about
her – that he carried her all across Europe in his arms! – to

s going to make me a copy so I can send it to you.

’Then Linda Vallejo left me a voice mail with a beautiful message about prayer. Sheayer
topics. Prayer for you was picked up by many.
in prou were one of mas prayer meeting at work, y’At today
P.S.

Mon, June 5

Dave & Christine

Love,

ll be talking with you soon.

’Wethe Lord that He is carrying this burden with you & that He allows us to participate &
share & love.
kMeanwhile we pray together in the Spirit and than–24 hrs a day) –We want so much to be
there & pray WITH you (please feel free to call ANY time t hear on the tapes: Holly & Letitia
& ...
’by us, by Carl & Pat & Debbie & Patty & Brent and ... and others that you don–And you know
how much you are loved the Power to witness.

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–the Power to love, to submit to Him –we have the Power that Christ promised –re on the
other side of Pentecost ’Weon high.
omrtil you are endued with power fBehold, I send the Promise of My Father upon you; but
tarry in the city of Jerusalem un–Luke 24:49 – on this day of Pentecost I remember the words
of Jesus –And Of course through all this wonderful busyness we continue to lift you up.
now Tracey will be able to come sometimes.
–s changing he work hours too. Also ’her church changed mid week srvc to Tues & she wants
to be able to do both. She–s needs ’re changing Tues study to Wed to accommodate
Carmen’Weit will be a real blessing having the whole crowd together.
–ll call you ’If your situation allows we–s Hands Bible Study Picnic here on July 8 ’re planning
a Potter’Wes what we did at Northrop as well.
’re moving into Exodus as soon as we finish Gen. That’s we’At Pattyt understand the concept
of Christ as Passover Lamb.
’so much of NT is difficult if you don–they flow together so smoothly. Also –I recommend
Exodus after Genesis We question why the Genesis group would wait till fall for next session.
Though we realize how wonderful it is that they keep coming back to learn more.
will be blessed in it.
– you or some new owners –& pray that someone –s a wonderful little house ’s no shame on
you. We still think it’so there–the mess in your house is NOT your responsibility –By the way
and a broad HINT.
–Yes, the article on transportation was encouragement that you would not NEED a car here
etc.
–but pulled him out because he was coming home with Jesus things –They put Carl in the
Lutheran Church nursery school about not having our children do our dirty work.
–and it would be a friendly thing. While there she gave them a little tract she had received at
the party. The next morning we found a note on the gate –f she could just go there because
they were next door neighbors Halloween stuff & Carol asked is house was covered with ’but
the George–trick-or-treat t allow our kids ’w that: Carol went to a NEEWOLLAH (Halloween
backwards) party. We didnbefore we kne–But learned quickly that verbalizing anything
about Christ would cause dissension.
ty from when we 1st moved in. WeDan & Dottie George were hostile to any overt
Christianiand remembered the beginning at my home years before.
–both were active Christians –Yes, he was one of the brothers ”Mrs. Beaucage?“performing
at a local church. This 16 or 17 yr old came up: –hildren were in a Christian playYears later
my cand parents just saw it as free babysitting.
–Then they moved away after their parents divorced. They were unchurched –They were
about 4, 5 through 6, 7 –E.g., there were two little fellows who came regularly for a couple of
years and did it bear fruit.
–s Church here for many years ’We had a Thursday night Children–
especially to children –We have in the past had ministry in the neighborhood for our
neighborhood.
”God Has Everything Under Control“re scheduling ’One response from us is that wewill
probably be tried as adults. I still find it hard to believe.

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–including the one who is accused of pulling the trigger –Two –ve now arrested 4 kids ’s (the
14-yr-old) murder. They’In enclosure I wrote some about Carlt home & I could prepare
Isaiah).
so we could ge–in the 1st store we tried –at a good price –easily –and found one –birthday
½s ’aWe wanted to buy one for She–(the other gift God gave us Fri was a nice baby walker –
you & the Lord came through & there it was –But –s not feeling good ’s too soon after phone
call & she’no, it–ll be a letter from Linda ’there–And as I drove home I was thinking m there
alone.
’more work done when IlotI get a –in lieu of Mon –My plan is to ask my boss to work a couple
of Sats –but where does the time come from?) –”freedom fund“s pressure to work overtime
(money for my ’and now there–I had had a less than wonderful day at work –”, but it came
on a propitious daytrs sho’It“Even before your phone call (Sat) when you mentioned that you
wished you could write longer letters the comment that I had made Fri was,
Now to your letter:

give you direction on what you should do.

willAnd Linda please trust that Jesus does know some French and has traveled in Europe
putting him ahead of me.
ved hate to steal a possible blessing from Adam, but a believer makes more sense. Da’As we
pray about Lourdes, both Dave & I agree that if you believe God wants you to go, Dave will
be pleased to do his best to go with you. We–Shifting gear
----------

m giving at Northrop,
’She was the first volunteer for the Leadership training that I–Letitia is so anxious to learn &
to serve s the speaker at a picnic at Northrop.
’at Northrop who may well be our first Auxiliary member. Carl plans to talk with her on July
21 when he–ve met ’whom you–s one lady, Letitia ’Theres where conversations tend to go.)
’but it–Bible Studies, etc. Taking commitments seriously. (These are not codified –willingness
to accept Christians of different denominations without trying to sell denominational beliefs.
Continuing to be educated in the Lord –and submitted to Him. Basic Christian theology –
totally in love with Jesus –The credentials s too hard to keep commitments. Yet to have the
richness of some single people on the staff will be a good thing.
’because it–t believe Carl would want a married person on the staff unless both were
involved ’Now seems to be the time to stretch a bit. I donbut in the beginning the idea was
to be able to support each other as we worked to develop the embryonic ministry.
–, each other, & then the goals of the ministry. It was always the intention to expend to
singles tboth of whom were committed to Christ firs–At the beginning Carl wanted only
married couples s the men who have been bold enough to verbalize it & pray about it.)
’but it–Pat & I love the idea –(Both Dave & Carl have been wanting you on our staff or
perhaps join our staff.
–Where people could be trained, could share in our work, & then could serve better within
their church –s Hands Auxiliary ’is The Potter–which came in part from you –Another idea
that we are considering r brothers and sisters in Christ.

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uno other) ministries that have quite the vision of building up o–There are not many (as far
as I know The banquet is just in early planning. We believe that the Christian community
should have the opportunity to share in the work and blessing of what we are doing.
but what he wants is a look into your heart.
–We told Carl that your voice is not as clear as before right now ve been so blessed using
telephone and the tape ministry that we thought that might be a way the Lord could use you
to bless others.
’But we know that God will have to do a miracle if He wants you here in person. However
we–t year to introduce people to what we are doing. Carl was rattling off names of people he
wanted to ask to speak: Brent, Patty, Linda... xre planning a banquet for late ne’Weve
received through the tapes?
’including the blessings you–They also have a request, if you feel up to it. Could you make
an audio tape of what the Lord has done in your life They are agreeing with us in prayer that
God give you His answers to the decisions you have to make from day to day.
but they also know that he does hear & answer.
–that He is sovereign –to our prayer requests ”no“you were, of course, right on the top of
our prayer list. Carl & Pat know that God sometimes says –and with it more time to pray
together than usual –We had the 1st extended visit with the Wiggins in a long time t jump
around too much.
’and doesn–s so much in my heart that I hope this letter is coherent ’Theres timing: a
beautiful reminder of that special week.)
’s the Lord’t been used up. I think it’because the film hadn–we just got it yesterday –(Though
the picture is from a while ago a picture from your visit here.
–the last page that you never received –a start of a letter –m enclosing a number of things ’I
–
Dear Linda
My favorite holiday!
Pentecost
June 4, 1995

we were both blessed

–Linda answered –Did so –
May 28

Will call tomorrow.

–ll be out later)
’(weso not get message today
no ans. machine
–not home–Tried calling Linda–Psalm 31:1-9
Decided to let Bible fall open, asking for message for Linda
–
CONSULT THE BIBLE.
AN AGONIZING DECISION,
WHEN FACED WITH

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s
’came upon Art Grant–
C started straightening up l.r. –maybe at ch.
–I said I think it will be tomorrow –C told D I wanted to ask Him to show her today, but it
would not come out –give her a sign this weekend.
that the Lord would–for Linda Prayed –Talked w Linda on phone
–
Sat. May 27

have no clue where it was going.}

–ve got 4 {started that sentence ’I–By my original count but had to take back burner.
–Tomorrow I have the privilege of leading TWO meetings. First one is almost all sludge; 2nd
one has real content after they were neat & the data correct.
–about 3 man-days –or Northrop stockholders should cry. Those viewgraphs are proving to
be very expensive –but the taxpayers –t want Terry to whine ’hours playing with software to
get the viewgraphs to look just right for the fellow, Terry, from Logicon. Bruce spent even
more time helping since I took 2 vacation days. Our boss, Ken said he didnmanyI spent s no
surprise that we have children killing children.
’ll kill pre-borns, it’My mom says if people value life so lightly that theys beyond
comprehension.
’but it–t know the details ’over his stereo. I don–15,16, 17 yr old –They found out who
murdered Carl Claus: three boys Just had a nice conv. with someone who misses Carl
Wiggins.
(I get paid very well for standing in line.)
–Here am I waiting at the Xerox
Dear Linda,
May 24

A Change of Heart
: 44Week qqzz
ons will not contain her quotes.devotiThe remaining .
She became too sick to respondThis was the last letter we received from Linda.

t is true.
IHundreds of years before Jesus walked this earth, Isaiah wrote much about Him that can
bless us today. The language is not only beautiful and often quoted.
I’m surprised at how much I’m enjoying your Isaiah study – I always thought that would be a
hard book to penetrate, altho I could always see its great beauty. – Linda

The word “Isaiah” means “Salvation is of the Lord.”

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Linda
Love

t feel I have the courage to do anything. Thank you for your love & prayers.
’Tomorrow I will go into the city and take first steps towards getting control of this treatment
situation. I am afraid & depressed, & donI always thought that would be a hard book to
penetrate, altho I could always see its great beauty.
–m enjoying your Isaiah Study ’m surprised at how much I’I guess this is a permanent group!
Candidates are Exodus, Isaiah, and letters of Paul. I–d do in the fall ’My Genesis group ended
this week & we had some prelim. discussion of what wet see a way out.
’It is hard for me to believe that God has a ministry for me here or any place else. Every day
I seem to lose more ground, to be less able even to take minimal care of myself. Adam is a
continually disruptive influence altho we manage to limp along. He knows this life of
dependency is wrong but doesnt know what to do abt it or why I got into such an awful
situation.
’m beginning to believe that I feel very ashamed abt the mess in the house & feel the need
to cover it up. Every time I tell someone abt it honestly or show it to someone, I feel better,
altho I still don’I–s the weirdest thing ’w we were there. Itt get to see it. No one even kne’I
needed moral support. But everyone was upstairs & the bathroom was in use so I didn–it
yet. After church yesterday I asked my friend Maria to go to the house w/ me to look at the
bathroom. I also wanted her to see the situation there, about which she has heard so much. I
really felt better after going there w/ her seennot fixtures, but walls, ceiling, new towel
racks, complete paint job. Believe it or not, I have not even –Last week my bathroom was
completely (almost) redone
e that one might be able to survive in S. Ca. w/o a car? If so, how wonderful! Keep me
posted.
nsit clipping meant to offer hopWas the mass tra
The Pepperdine affirmation is beautiful. I hope the day was everything you all hoped it would
be. I often try to imagine how it must be for your kids, who were brought up so close to the
Lord, and for whom the path has become so rough. It must be so different from people like
me & Adam, who were brought up with little or no knowledge of the Lord.
now you did any kind of ministry in your neighborhood. Why were his grandparents hostile
to Christianity?
kt ’How horrible abt your 14-year-old neighbor! Have the murderers been found yet? I
didnve known it before, & therefore hard on everybody. A mystery.
’ve left those things behind me. This is not life as I’to have a game plan they can
understand, but more & more I feel I”sense,“an sense in others the desire to hear me make
cd not spoken for many weeks. It was hard for me to explain how I feel, which is that this
experience of suffering & fear has now gone beyond anything I could have predicted & has
in a way created a new life for me. I ’bless you for your early am phone call. I will remember
the Psalm & re-read it. Last eve. I got a phone call from a long-time friend (non-believing
Jew, very arty New Yorker) w/ whom I–Sun
ather was already mad at him. This is such a terrible time for him. I feel so sorry for him but
there is nothing I can do.

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I learned A. was late and his fs hotel for another reason’We managed to have a beautiful day
out east despite the fact that I can barely walk at all. It really is unbearably sad for me to
recall how much I would once have enjoyed walking long distances on a day like this. Adam
has gone into NYC to meet his father but when I called Lester
–
Dear Dave & Christine
after am phone call
Sat 5/27

Dave & Christine

Love,

Wishing you a blessed birthday.

s death should remind everyone whose life he touched about how finite we all are.
’Of course young Carlthan for people who can forget how finite we are.
–Though for you that fact is more immediate –for any of us, except in the Lord –or future –s
no security ’and that there–of the situation with your health re also aware’Were also excited
about your Scripture group and other people that God has brought into your life to bless you
and to be blessed by you.
’Wed rather not have visitors.
’m sure there are times when you’though I–and then want even more to visit –We hate
thinking about you in pain with you seeing it all messy.
–and we know how unpleasant the current situation is –we loved it & its potential –With your
house s accomplishing.
’and want to see the wonderful things He–We so admire the way you yield more and more to
Him in your difficult situation and through you.
–we just affirm whatever God is doing in you –or whatever –or something in Calif –but so can
we see a NYC ministry –and can see that as a wonderful alternative –ve picked up that we
feel strongly that you should live alone in your house. We have written positive things
’Youbut your answers really enrich the sessions.
–re not feeling well ’s difficult when you’So glad to have the answers to your questions. That
will hold us a while. We know it
Now To Your Letter:

also we plan to do a seminar (God Has Everything Under Control) in June.

–One good that we hope will come is revival in the neighborhood. D & I had been walking &
praying. Now we connected with some neighbors and will be praying more specifically t
even recovered from that.
’they hadn–s mom. Carl;s grandmother died in March ’s grandfather & Danella, Carl’Carl–And
the family needs prayer. Only ones left are Dan There are some leads but nothing solid. The
family asks prayer to support the detectives in finding the murderer.
But the Lord was lifted up. And we believe that He is going to bring good out of this tragedy.

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5
Many (most) of the people there were not Christians. New age (inc. Scientology) and
atheism/agnosticism abounded.
”
We found two others!“–s never had such a responsibility. He & his wife Diane and Dave & I
were immediately attracted. In fact Diane said to her Dave ’even though he–and he did a
beautiful job –music minister of Calvary Chapel of Lake Forest –The service was led by David
Tyson dea.
ithe Lord had a better –but I was wrong –He is with Dave & me only becauses back yard. I
expected that Jesus would be there ’Then last night there was a memorial service in the
familyto bring Carl to Himself.
–and others –so we believe that God used them & our prayers through the years –had been
sharing with Carl about Jesus –Jimmy –And a little boy (9 yrs old) We learned that a neighbor,
Eva, a Catholic lady, had been so burdened for Carl on the morning of the day that he was
killed that she had prayed for him all through mass that morning.
under control.
–and eternity –s life ’BUT the Lord had Carl–re rather (very) negative about Christianity ’and
they–Carl had been raised by his grandparents shot in the back of the head in a vacant lot a
few miles from here.
–that Carl, a 14 yr old boy who lived next door, had been murdered –by reading a newspaper
(long story in why we were even doing that) –We discovered –
in the midst of an absolutely incredible day –Your letter came yesterday
May 23

full of Jesus. Dave was in tears. The party afterwards was also very nice.
–The service was lovely s been looking forward to it since the day Katy-Ann was born.
’Kathy said shes first communion was beautiful
’Katy-Ann
May 22

but it seems like they are really working together to build a life for their family.
–Carol & Paul have some rough spots ahead .
as well as the program (cover enclosed)–and that was explicit in the ceremony –The school
is Christian-based so even that part was a treat.
–s main campus in Malibu is beautiful. My Mom & Rob had never been there ’Pepperdineless
than a year ago we had such despair about her and her future.
–and to think –s graduation was wonderful ’Carol
Dear Linda,

May 21

re blessed.
’and we–s happy ’then He–write what God has you write & I do the same s way.
Righteousness is you’the world– d better not spend $4 or $6 on you ’s a gift for me, I’that–or
how many pages you write –t worry about how many letters ’Donues would be a physical
reminder thereof.

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thought the plaq–piritual ties There are certainly sand decided to stay with original plan.)
–m giving same to Debbie & Patty & one for us. The idea is tying together the Bible studies.
(I should have one for Ron & my mom but purchased them a while ago ’Also wanted to
explain the Pentecost gift. I
or just my own desires.
–s God ’ll see if it’Looks great to me. We
s family)
’New England (DOct - Oregon/Wash
Aug - LI
May -Florida
March - Biebers
Feb -
–
ying with the 1996 calendar last night & penciled a LI trip in for May a(I was pl–ll provide us
time & $ to do the travel we desire ’you need to be there. Perhaps he– who knows?) –s will
for you to come. If He has a ministry there for you (your Scripture group, your mom, Adam,
TV, NYC ’s God’not to be confused with suggesting that it–we enjoy having you here –but
selfish –Our wishes for you to come are genuine
–
Dear Linda
May 18, 1995

QZWWW
: 3Week 4
come, shortly after Jesus ascended into Heaven. He is willing and able to teach us all we
need. We just have to accept the lessons he has for us to live the victorious and abundant
life that’s available in Him.
hasThe Holy Spirit
I decided that God will take care of what I need to learn. – Linda

– John 16:13a
will guide you into all truth:
s come, he i,the Spirit of truth,when HebeitHow

Linda
Love,

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7
ll talk to you next week. It is so good to know that you are there ’re doing. This is a lovely
time of year. I’s mom & all the special things you’I hope you have a lovely week w/ Cfood.
Italianve even lost interest in food, even ’So many of the things that used to seem so
important to me have sort of drifted off & seem shadowy & unreal. I–m up & trying to do
exercises, make phone calls, etc. but I feel weak and lacking in concentration. I feel so
separated from other people as they go about their lives ’t even get dressed. Today I’I didn–
As I said on the phone, yesterday was a really down day ll answer the last 2 questions in my
next letter.
’re up to date in news. I’ll try to get this off today, since you’I
–
After 2 phone calls
Sat am 5/20

ll become more bold. I hope so.

’, I will pray silently. Perhaps Ifore most meals at home or outt pray overtly before any meal.
But I am sorry abt this & have been for some time, so now, be’s with D & C, I don’unless
itPraying in Restaurants: No, sadly,
I will probably always live in or near NYC. I have no real desire to live anywhere else but I am
also aware that I am close minded on the subject & if I felt a call to be elsewhere, I hope I
would listen.
Geographic Area:
truth, but it perpetuates falsehood.)
destroy, based purely on my conviction that the media destroys truth. (Well, I guess nothing
can noI assume you mean a documentary abt my life like the one that destroyed that family
in Calif. years ago. My answer is a resounding Documentary:
those who end up w/ the wrong life can be miserable. Probably more people are suited for
marriage than the other styles, but all three are a long, slow crucifixion if you do them right,
and all 3 hold potential for blessing & happiness.
–marriage & singleness are vocations, as is religious life, Discernment is important
,YesSingle People:
d prefer the dream vacation (a pilgrimage to Mexico).
’s hard to imagine enjoying doing it for someone else. Probably if I forced myself, it would be
very rewarding. But I have to admit, I’t even fix up my own home so it’Oh no! I canMore
Satisfaction (shades of Rolling Stones!)

:
ll keep trying. Meanwhile, my answers’I”Is it better to be a pagan or a heretic?“m wracking
my brain for questions but they always seem too heavy or complex, like ’It help giggling out
loud. Whenever I can I relay them to Adam,who loves them.
’I was actually sitting here crying one day & listening to the tape where he said that he
thought some list of names was an Italian menu & I couldn–s jokes ’s voices & I love Dave’m
used to missing pieces of the tapes here & there. Rather than getting frantic, I decided that
God will take care of what I need to learn from each listening (a decision I made some years
ago abt my voracious reading when I worried abt forgetting things.) Believe it or not, at this

14
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point what I actually like best abt is the sense of being w/ friends. I love hearing your &
Dave’Come & visit instead! I.forget it–m with you on the video conference ’I.
totally giving & responsive, a rare gift. But there is a strange reserve about her that makes it
hard to show affection to her–s important to her) and has many friends. She surely loves
nurturing and is wonderful at it ’I think my mother will be ready for me to leave, altho you
never know w/ her. She is very busy (mostly self-imposed in my opinion, but stuff
thatpeople! She must be Superwoman.
40s no solution to problems like that except to grin & bear them humbly. I must say I have
never heard of any one secretary supporting ’Day has been an annual source of torment for
me ever since some fool invented it, & I was very happy to sit it out this year.
There’Needless to say, SecretariesThe Micah citation was 6:8. Sorry I forgot to fill it in. I love
those verses.
has been to get unmarried mothers into the workforce rather than to get men to support
their children. When you think abt it that way, what an unbelievable situation we are in.
”welfare reform“m very happy about Promise Keepers. Did I tell you that I read something
recently pointing out that the whole thrust of ’And Ive heard priests at St. Joseph speak out
against TV. About time!
’This is the second time I”are nothing but gossip and do nobody any good.“eople to make an
effort to avoid these horrible talk shows which he said, to urge pEucharistic Prayer. I was
ecstatic at mass last week when the priest interrupted the clickll vote for Dole if he tells
people to ’Thanks for the article on TV addiction, altho it seemed a little tongue-in-cheek.
Very few are willing to address this problem w/ deadly seriousness. Im glad the Natl. Day of
Prayer ws a huge success. I was wondering how that went.
’ITo your letter: Yes, I got & identified the PH newsletter. Actually, I think it was my mom
who picked it out of her mail, but it never occurred to me that it looked like junk mail. It was
a very good job!
t see it.
’t want to be like either one of them. It is an old, old struggle. You seem to feel strongly that
I should make every effort to live there alone. Why do you feel that way? I can’I don–t sleep.
I feel trapped bet. these two extremes ’t feel entitled to do it, altho when we went over
there, the place was such a mess that my mother said she couldn’is beyond me. I simply
don–asking Susan to go –t seem to want to learn) & the work will have to be done whether I
sell the house or stay there. The really hard job ’abt taking care of a house & donnothing.
Costs are less than I thought (I know encouraged by what he tells meFinally, I have been
working w/ a contractor on my kitchen & bathroom & am are having a bone scan done this
Thurs. partly because the treatment is over & because I have so much pain, and I know that
is a big part of my fear.
eve also been extremely depressed & afraid. W’ve ever been, and I myself am beginning to
think of myself as very sick. Less & less do I make the effort to seem & look like other
people. I’m the worst now that I’t worried, altho the scalp thing had me scared to death. My
mother thinks I’he wasn–to something that feels like a dislocated left shoulder. K. said it
sounds like a virus scalpt bore you w/ the symptoms but they ranged from shooting pains in
my legs to extreme tenderness of my ’I won–Then, on Friday, some horrible ailment
overcame me him.

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around t seem to get it. the feeling one has is of always working ’doesns kind of sad. He
just’it–t seem to understand why people get disgusted w/ him (his 45-min. baths for
example) ’m willing to give him a chance, I guess. He often doesn’but Im not hopeful,’him on
me. He has made no job progress at all & because things were in such a mess in Albany, he
had to take my car & my money and go up there to pay debts, get his stuff, etc. He is due
back tonite. I”managing“ve been so lucky so far. Next, I woke up at abt 10:30 pm last Weds.
to find Adam sitting on my bed! He was affectionate,cheerful, happy to be home, appeared
to be in good health. But the five days that followed were very mixed. He says he plans to
get a job here, live w/ us (which house?) and save money maybe to go back to Israel.
College is not for him. This puts the whole burden of ’I–Your delightfully fat letter has just
arrived. I have had a most eventful week, & not entirely in a happy way. To begin with, a
lawn chair collapsed under me last Monday & altho K. said there was no serious damage, the
pain was awful & I know it will just add to the problems I have in the lower back area &
probably be a long time healing because of my weakened state. It also depressed me &
made me fearful
–
Dear Christine & Dave
May 16

Dave & Christine

Love,

who want you here.

–beginning with us –there are plenty of people –if God wants you here –or whatever –for a
change of scene –re always welcome back ’that you–And do know –
and your prayer partnership –and appreciate your friendship –ll continue to fight the good
fight ’so we–and with that, major deadlines end of May at work –and then my mom comes
Thurs –re starting at N. ’s going to join us this time) & a new leadership training (for Bible
leaders) that we’High Hopes (Ruth–The North Lobby Bible study that God used you to begin
–has extra goodies –Then next week (third week of month) –ll be sending tapes this weekend
’Wed better reconsider.
’we–he new ones want it next week rather than wait (we have it alt. Weds.). D & I had been
considering dropping to monthly he ws all excited. T–new kids 3–ch. ch. omrD. just got back
fand the questions answered.
–an get this off cm going to close so that we ’Is the very best that you can do.
’That–s leading in your relationship with him ’re doing your best to follow God’and you–Adam
is in the best hands because I could sure experience something like that in the love for my
own children.
–s love ’I tried to use the pain to help me love others with Gods so painful.
wait–go down & down & down –”everything“who had –re going through. When we watched
Carol ’We can understand what youeven the lost potential & opportunities. And yet He can
redeem even that.

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0
–ve given our Heavenly Father ’I believe that the pain we receive from our children gives us
just a taste of the pain we–And Adam ll continue to lift up that decision in prayer.
’so we–ants you to live wand He is smart enough to show you where He –s leading ’We know
that you are open to the Lordand an opportunity to blossom.
–Our response to the possibility of you having your house to yourself is WOW! You could
really have a place of peace there t compromise on your behavior or values. God uses
unusual sources to provide us with goodies. Just relax and enjoy.
’you didn–ve been bought ’t think you’I donwhen we need to use the Bible as a mirror and
let God judge us.
– 9). Our problem, often, is that we think we can judge God iah 55:s ways are often not our
ways (Isa’tells it like it really is. And God–and fairy tales –unlike much fiction –t come where
WE think they should. The Bible ’don–as in real life –in the Bible –s punishments ’God–re
right ’YouD.)
–just as He used Caesar to get Mary & Joseph to Bethlehem. (qz Romans9. –I believe God
used her sin for His purposes (knowing that she would sin) –s that ’t think it’God out. I
don”helped“when she –”kicking off the back of the boat“I believe God often waits so that we
can learn patience & grow in faith. Dave thinks that Rebekah was yet clearly true).
–but we can sure contribute. I believe it shows how seriously God takes His relationship with
us (which is incomprehensible to me –t really create ’because we can–t think in terms of co-
creators ’and that we can grow up. I don–in a way that our decisions really count –s
wonderful that God uses us as individuals ’I think it
Back to your letter.

-------
s one of your best memories of your childhood?
’What6) 5) What brings true happiness in life?
4) When eating at a restaurant with a friend, do you usually pray before you eat? Why or
why not?
ll live in the same geographic ares for the rest of your life? Do you want to move to a
different area? why or why not?
’3) Do you think youmicrophone would record every move & word for the next month? why
or why not?
, knowing that a hidden camera &2) If you could receive $10,000 for appearing in a
documentary, would you do it1) Can single people be as happy and fulfilled in life as married
people? Explain.
New ones:

s home?
’b. Spending a week fixing up a poor familya. Going on your dream vacation?
From Before: (PTL for Xerox) Which of the following would bring you more satisfaction? Why?
–
so please fill in your heaven answer and the following –m out ’but then I–will use it next
week –I got your one answer just in time and some questions if you think of some.

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–– what we want is your answert play guessing games ’but I shouldn–Micah 4:2 somewhat.
Micah 6:8 is one I love –but never filled in. Micah 4:3 is a famous verse –You referred to
Micah but we have been praying for families.
–t necessary ’and even that isn–but not gory details –so we knew about OK City –D & I do
print off brief news from computer etc. can be helpful.
–radio telling where can get water –I guess during an emergency that applies directly to you
(e.g., earthquake out here) and traffic reports, too, are often inaccurate.
–or after my work day –t have at 5 AM ’even if delayed. Planning alt. routes takes energy
that I don–s just easier & less stressful to take my normal route ’but it–t comprehend that I
can commute without being glued to traffic reports ’re often inaccurate. People can’but
they–t NEED anything from media. Sometimes weather reports are helpful ’We agree that
we dont add a cubit. Hope in the medical profession is a false hope that many cling to. Hope
in God, though, is real. Jesus proved it with the empty grave.
’C. thought of the fact that we can–passage ”consider the lilies of the field“s fatalistic to
believe that He has it worked out. D. suggested the ’t believe it’s real hope in the Lord that
comes from trusting Him. I don’Hope is active but itSeattle, L.I., etc.)
–d rather just make the rounds & visit ’with that kind of $ we–instead of telephone Bible
study – is looking into inexpensive ways for us to improve the sound on our tapes. He
wanted to listen in his car and had troubles understanding it. He believes that for under
$100 we can get equipment that will produce much better quality sound. (He also has big
ideas about video conference –Kirk from work –Another listener-to-tapes ve re-copied that
tape & will send it with next batch.
’we–Seriously –ll have to get better people for our quality control ’we–Sorry about the
Genesis tapes ve been through a lot.
’even though God is with you, you–and that it will be a while longer before you are back to
work. You have so much more recovery ahead of you –re so glad that K concurs with
stopping ’Weor elsewhere) the loneliness will be even greater.
–If you sell your house (and then move back to NYC very lonely in that house by herself.
How is your mother going to be when you move out? I believe that she is going to be s a
blessing that things have gone as well has they have.
’Its compounded by the fact that you and your mother think so differently.
’and that–re not surprised that there is tension between you and your Mom. This has been a
rough year for your family ’We
to your letter:
–So m prepared through Fri.
’I–Did it
------

we need feedback on this issue.

–some thought it from a dating service because it was in a red envelope. So –t want to forget
to ask you: did you get PH Newsletter in mail? (We know you got preview.) Many threw it
away thinking it junk mail because we used bulk rate postage ’s church). But I
don’childrentudy prep before D gets back fromll ans it when I get time (tonight if I finish
Bible s’but I–we read it together –Got your letter today
–

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Dear Linda
May 10, 1995

s worth.
’pay her what she–s totally inappropriate ’So, what do they do? Give her a nice raise? Of
course, not. Take her out to lunch & roses for sec day. I think thatas she supports about 40
people.
–She is way underpaid a nice Catholic lady.)
–While standing waiting for Xerox I was thinking about our secretary, Carol. (By the way
Dear Linda,

5/8/95
QZWW
: 2Week 4

our life is in God’s hands. We need not fear death, but just energetically follow God’s leading
through life and then through “the valley of the shadow of death” into eternal life with Him –
if we’ve accepted Him as our Lord and savior.
It really frees us to know that
I’ll live as long as God wants me to. – Linda

a time to die – Ecclesiastes 3:2a

born, andA time to be

Linda
Love,

ll close & get this off today.

15
3
’I.
by myselfm grateful tho ambivalent about her help. I know I need to come to grips w/ this &
some unpleasantness may be in store. I also realized that if I no longer provide Adam w/ any
money, I may be able to get by in the house ’through cleaning, decisions abt repairs, etc. I–
maybe this is an indication I am meant to stay here. Tomorrow my mom & I (this is her idea)
are going to my house to start reclaiming it –I must say the Lord has opened up some very
interesting relationships for me here on LI ve ever seen. Have I been bought?
’in sexual morality. He is a flirt & his attitude towards women baffles me. I felt somewhat
compromised accepting their hospitality, which was gracious in the extreme & seemed truly
concerned w/ providing me w/ a pleasant & restful change of pace. He personally cultivates
5 acres of vegetables (most go to the local Catholic soup kitchen) and flowers. My house is
now filled w/ the most spectacular tulips I”disagree“s a libertarian. He takes Catholicism
seriously, but feels free to ’m now re-evaluating that attitude, he is a challenge. Politically
he’ve ever had! Because I was brought up to hate & fear & avoid rich people, and because
I’s the only rich friend I’ve mentioned to you. He is a self-made businessman, only 42, and I
knew he was well off but I had no idea how really rich he is. I think he’My Southampton
weekend (actually only 1½ days) proved challenging. My hosts were the unmarried couple It
good enough.
’she said that answer wasn”The Holy Spirit,“, and when I said ”Who wrote it?“t come where
we think they should. Four of us seem to have room in our faith for these mystifying events,
but two others are clearly struggling, altho in different ways. One said that she has a lot of
trouble remembering that this is a holy book. She asked me rather angrily ’s punishments
don’s will? My group is frustrated by the lack of moral judgment in Genesis. Certain
judgments can be read into the text, such as Rebecca never seeing Jacob again, but as a
rule, God’s blessing, could she have been bringing abt God’syndrome in the creating of very
special people. God seems to wait until these women cry out in despair, & then they become
fruitful as God knew they would all along. And Rebekah was personally told by God when she
complained abt her difficult pregnancy that her younger son would rule over the older. When
she engineered the theft of Esau”old barren woman“he takes big huge risks & often seems
to let things go too far. For example, I am very intrigued by the –t ’s growing for me is the
odd way God makes us co-creators. I believe that He has everything under control, but it
often looks like he doesn’There is so much in Genesis that I wish I could discuss w/ both of
you. One big idea that
needed here]
–pQZ Editors note – with reference?How to get to heaven: Great question! My answer is that
famous quote from Micah which I have to look up:2 -
d have to choose that, especially as a simple person.
’could never take the place of one intimate one. I”friends”t think I could do w/o at least one
relationship of depth, so a bunch of superficial’One friend or lots: This is tough, but I don1 -
m afraid I lost the last three questions you sent, but I do remember 2 of them:
’Is going to be something when he says mass in Central Park on Oct. 7.
’yesterday & learned that radical feminist & green groups are advocating killing the Pope
wherever it is that he has just gone. ItTimeswhich I just read in my diocesan paper, as well
as the final paragraphs of that book review we discussed. I foolishly read the ”Priest“I am
sending you a chilling piece of info re hurt by the bomb feeling good about themselves.

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t’werenand a bunch of privileged people who ”outrage,“about what they saw! The result is a
tidal wave of sentimentality, cheap writingI read a few editorials abt it, & while these writers
condemned TV violence, the showing of how to make bombs, etc ad nauseum, none seemed
to realize that they were perpetuating this evil by a) watching TV, and b) –the news media
purveys. I was repelled by coverage of the OK bombing anythingt think we need ’(or at least
info which we need.) I don”truth“s now p.c. to condemn TV violence but does anyone take
the next step & get it out of their lives? Almost none. TV continues to justify itself by
claiming to keep us informed of the ’m increasingly depressed abt all the evil the mass
media does and I include newspapers & books. It’is a lot different from a little. Ino TV. NOm
so pleased I was able to help you to ’Ive never really had much hope in the medical
profession.
’just a smoke screen for resignation? I know hope has to be active, but I”fatalistic,“trust in
God is–ll live as long as God wants me to. I know that sounds fatalistic ’t believe in any of
that stuff anyway. I’t want to know. I was offered money to critique some informational
material for a pharmaceutical co. who wants input from patients but I declined. Too
negative, & I don’I don–are of anything ”chances“t worry unless I develop a symptom. This
seems practical to me. I have not asked him what my ’and we won–no treatment –”normal
life“usually heat & Tylenol help. Dr. Gulati has said that after a final bone scan (assuming it
reveals no surprises) I will lead a –one thing clears up & something else hurts. I also have
intermittent attacks of various kinds of pain in the leg, hip & back areas –I can even take a
few running steps. Problems w/ left leg keep changing –My left leg and my neck (where the
post is implanted) are my only problems now. Right leg is pretty good To attempt to answer
your health questions:
Your letter & batch of tapes arrived just before I left on Fri., & I have just listened to the 2
Genesis tapes. The first one was only one side, so I missed your treatment of the marriages
of Jacob & other things I would have liked to have heard.

7
Sun, May
ll see. This might be an excellent time for a change of scene.
’ll be the most delightful weekend guest, but we’t feel that I’So I donwant me to push myself
to go back to work, which was another surprise.
notwhich has always failed, and I think my depression angers her. She only tolerates people
when they are strong, and now she is trying to push me around, make decisions for me (i.e.,
she clearly wants me to stay in my house & I am leaning towards trying to sell it). Still, I
believe it is time for me to get out of here. I saw K. yesterday & told him I was depressed &
could enjoy nothing. He was very kind & told me to my surprise that he no longer favors an
8th treatment & that I just had to hang in a little longer. He also said that he did ”take Adam
in hand,“d like the opportunity to get to know them better, but it is coming at a time when I
feel terrible mentally, mainly about Adam. I had some not very good news from his former
girlfriend yesterday & he seems to have left Albany to join a most unstable friend who is out
of school at Purchase, NY. The complete devastation of all his promise and opportunities is
very hard to contemplate, altho I know there is still plenty of room for hope. To make
matters more painful, the living arrangement w/ my mother is starting to fray. She wants me

15
5
to ’m waiting for the couple who host our Scripture group to pick me up & take me to their
Southampton home for a day or two. They insisted on doing this & I’I
–
Dear Dave & Christine
May 5

Things like honesty, character, ethics seem to be missing.

So much for security, background investigations, etc.
and mine no longer has enough to work properly.
–Someone came through and stole memory chips from computers Am sitting here watching
my computer chug (at work).
until the Lord moves me on.
–m very happy to support and help ’and I–sounds like me at N. five years ago –Jeannie has
so many plans Carl.
–and continuity from the longest termed commissioner ever at Northrop –experience ”name
recognition,“and my –her energy & enthusiasm –I announced that Jeannie is now co-
commissioner. We make a perfect team even as he moves others out.
–God is lifting up new Christian leaders at Northrop and then did a wonderful job.
–d also been fasting for two days). We prayed for her and she switched places with another
leader to a more comfortable position ’was so excited that she felt faint (she–Darlene –One
young woman who led a section and what a gift he gave us.
–what a good-bye for him –he leaves to be an assistant Pastor in Moreno Valley –tomorrow is
his last day at Northrop –And was really blessed –was a real blessing –and who supported
Jeannie in her efforts this year –whom God used to put together the 1st day of prayer at
Northrop last year –Brian t stop him from participating.
’I was so glad that didn–t be leading Bible studies ’s told me I shouldn’and even though he is
one of the men who–even though timing distracted him somewhat from prayer –Tom kept
the program moving by changing slides at proper intervals he did a beautiful job.
–ve just started to use at work ’using Power Point. This is software that I–Brian Doty had put
together a beautiful presentation d a beautiful time leading praise songs.
but they ha–ad only two players The Christian guitar club hOne of the new guys in my group
was there. He stood and applauded at the end.
according to Holly. We need to renew our prayers for him.
–t even take a flyer. One, Dan (the druid), seemed to look like he was searching ’wouldn–
looked around –Peeked their heads in –A few seemed to have come simply to gawk prayed
for God to bring whomever He chose.
hadbut we –d never expect to come to such an event ’people you–Some were surprises No
one counted the participants, but I know the room real well &, in the two services, we had
over 300 people.
It was WONDERFUL!
We had the national day of prayer service in the auditorium today.

May 4, 1995

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Dave & Christine
Love,

ll be looking forward to your next letter.

’Weit is the life to which we are called.
– Christianity IS not (nor should it be) just a piece of life That, I believe, is the normal
Christian life.
–but whatever, you are going to be serving in the capacity He has chosen –or pull you out
shortly –He may keep you there for years ll be the same. God has his hand on you.
’s no way I believe you’there–ll be back in that kind of environment in a month. And yet ’s
hard to believe that you’Itre hoping for 400 this year.
’for the National Day of Prayer. Last year over 200 came out. We–re having two sessions of
prayer in the Auditorium ’And this week weto be consistent in very public adversity is much
more of a witness.
–when surrounded by friends at a Bible study ”Christian“s easy to be ’Even with my griping
& desire to leave I know I am blessed & a blessing to others when I am there. And a real
witness. Itour role & our growth.
–a mystery isHowever work t tell Brent that.
’A bigger mystery than the Trinity? I wonYou made a good point about the woman caught in
adultery. Jesus certainly had mercy overrule the law.
t be me. God promises to lead, we just need to follow the best we can.
’BUT it won–And Jeannie (the new Bible co-commissioner) & I have offered to help a new
leader get started ?s blessing’why should I steal someone else–m doing is aggressively
seeking & praying for a leader ’on Mons. A young man, Tim (I think you met him), pointed
out that I am already stretched pretty thin. I took that as from the Lord. So what I”free“m ’I–
who have no teacher. I started to get ideas –without even seeking –s quite far out and in a
group where they enforce 42 min. lunches. I know of 3 potential students ’Like me with new
Bible studies. I just learned of a need in an area of N. It–you constantly have to ask Him
which –or Him –And yes, your sense of outrage could be you He was speaking all the time.
–with His life –However ”trial.“t speak out at all during his ’and then didn–I believe that God
guides as to who, when, and how to speak out. Jesus, even, chose his routes & only
accepted confrontation on His terms
t care otherwise.
’I agree with what Dave says: The fact that these intellectuals want to see the Church
destroyed shows that it still has power. They wouldnand a verse jumps out. That has
happened to me often enough to know how special & life-changing it is.
–Or just reading the word quietly but with the Holy Spirit.
–is exactly how it changes our lives. The tape ministry is evidence of this. People listening
miles away & weeks later –with the Holy Spirit as teacher –As the Bible comes alive
-----

but the young adult years. Having prayer partners sure helps.

15
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–twos or even teens ”terrible“we do pray for him & for you as you go through this time. We
found that the hardest time of our parenting was not –but I want to reiterate –We did discuss
Adam on the phone to your letter:
–again –Back I get to think about the lesson for a few weeks, not just one weekend.
–s good for me too ’It–ve had to get more disciplined. For May we plan Psalm 119 ’so I–
Tracey wants to know our topic for High Hopes early so she can prepare the students maybe
next year.)
–d have plenty of time for Pentecost ’I–t have to spend so many hours at the N-place ’even
in this busy year. (Of course, if I didn–t neglect my favorite holiday entirely ’ve moved in
near the Grants. I can’and will invite some new children who–on June 7 –s Church ’s
graduation, baby dedication, etc will cut down our Pentecost celebrations radically. We do
plan a Pentecost Party for Children’re going to a wedding on Pentecost. That on top of this
extra-busy May with Carol’This year weMay or early June.
–the birthday of the church –s anniversary was May 15. Then Pentecost ’May 17. My parent–
May 2; Paul –s a big month for our family. Carol ’s nice that your birthday is in May. It’It
- - - - phone call - - - -

parts removed and replaced with some platitudes.

”naughty“s with the ’so much of it is just the same as the world–Like Christian fiction t build
the Church up to fight the battle.
’and it sure doesn–that can give the enemy an inroad –so much that is done in His name is
stupid and inane –However and yet He was, and still is, hated.
–Jesus Himself was not stupid nor inept –because often when we become the most effective,
the hatred is the most pronounced –I do differ with Richard about why the Church is hated
bookstores, though full of Mormon & New Age theology.
–and other Christian –is carried in Catholic Embraced by the LightEven the best-selling and
incredible PR.
–t know Mormon doctrine: Jesus & Lucifer spirit brothers; God the father physically
impregnating Mary; etc, etc. They do have lots of money ’etc. Maybe because they have
Jesus Christ in their name. And they don–or why so many churches have the Mormon
Tabernacle Choir –t know why a Catholic TV station would carry Mormon ads ’I too donbut
not everyone is as comfortable with reading as we are.
– d be in trouble without books ’Or people who are bedridden. Ijust to have some people
sounds in her house. She never lived alone until my father died. And while she has a busy
productive life, early morning & late at night are still lonely times for her.
–s alone ’I know my mother sometimes has it on when shet be better.
’s a shame it can’t be as busy as we are, it’Though for people who cant miss it.
’you are a (big) part of what God used to get us from almost-no to no TV. And we don–Re the
TV life in a few months? Does he have any other tests that he plans?
”normal“and expect to return to –with no more treatments –Do you regain your health but
surely he must have some expectations.
–ve had your LAST treatment? I know the treatment is experimental ’Has the doctor given
you a prognosis now that youve had to do special things for the right?
’Any more about your left leg? Could it be because youBack to your letter:
bank account.

15
8
”freedom fund“and gives extra motivation to building up our –s fun to dream ’but it–ll be
there with me ’eknow Hdoand I –ll just be in W100 longer ’I hope the above is from the Lord.
If not Ibut from very good sources.)
–s interesting: rumors this time are not so widespread as the Apr ones ’and fits right in with
current rumors. (It–t sound bad to me ’doesn–my timecard still says W970, though. So that
takes us to end of Sept. –ve been told that Apr. 29 is (was) when it becomes (became)
official ’ll only be in W100 5 months this time. I’maybe I–Then one day last week it hit me
Gen 7:24) was how long the water covered the earth. As far as we know those are the only
two places in scripture that list events of that duration.
–he commented that 5 months (actually 150 days –re in Revelation) we got to the locusts.
They last 5 months. In my preparation I talked to D about the 5 months [Rev 9:15] ’A couple
of weeks ago in Wed. noon study (wed rejoice because it reminded me that God was
protecting me in a boat.
’and whenever I felt that way I–s making me feel seasick ’but it”no,“s called) in which W100
resides is huge and rocks. When we first moved in some people thought we were having an
earthquake. I said ’s what it’(that”bay“along with Jesus being in the boat. The –s Ark is very
much connected in me to W100 ’So... Noahand winning.
–but being protected from the storm –d have crystal, beautiful music, comfort, seeming
success in the best man could do and then ... CRASH. In the Ark we were shoveling up after
the animals, etc ’In conversations with friends we elaborated. In the Titanic we”which would
you rather be in?“with words about –s Ark and the Titanic ’When I was in W100 I had a
picture on my wall of NoahA fun thing about the W100/Northrop Retirement stuff:

Sun, Apr 30

t want to go home to his empty apt.

’it was clear that he didn–d been up late Sat partying. He stayed late though & had a really
good time with Dave ’he–We too are happy that you had a healthy & peaceful Easter. Ours,
too, was very nice. The whole family was here. All but Robert went to church & then came
back here for brunch. Robert came later she loves the newsletter.
–We got a nice letter from one of our new Holy Scrollers s a task. I do want your opinion on
the matter.
’t even have the time for it if it’t do it unless it bubbles out. I don’m seeking the Lord on
whether he wants me to write something about us. I believe that the way God is using us to
bless each other could be used to bless and encourage others. I won’s mag. this aft. (which I
rarely do). They were soliciting articles about friends. I’Also, I was reading a Christian
womenll be putting the newsletter together in June. So far I have some words from Sammie
& Brent. I will accept your offer to pull words from your letters. If the Lord puts something
particular on your heart to write, just send it along.
’Ino matter how low.
–we expect to take it –m eligible ’If It expected Rutgers $ at all.
’but then we hadn–ll prob. be. less than we originally thought ’it–As I keep my ears open
about amounts that N pays in retirement re praying.
’(e.g. friend of sec of CEO) that fall is likely. We–but I still hear from good sources –The
retirement incentive has receded To your letter:

15
9
s is later in May. They were thrilled.
’Paul–so we got it for Carol & Paul for their birthdays –Dave had found a really good buy on a
microwave oven so we were celebrating early.)
–s birthday is May 2 ’Our Shabbat started off nicely with a letter from you and then Carol,
Paul & Shea stopped by for dinner. (Carol
Dear Linda,

5
Sat., Apr. 29, 199QZW
: 1Week 4
umble, we want them to believe.It hurts because we love Jesus – and it hurts because we
don’t want our loved ones to st
I do feel so strongly how much Jesus offends and it hurts me. – Linda

As it is written, Behold, I lay in Zion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever
believeth on him shall not be ashamed. – Romans 9:33

Linda
Love,

m all caught up on my tapes & looking forward to more. I think Art Grant is really funny. Too
bad I can almost never hear his comments. I especially like his saying, in response to how
Jesus changed his life, that He changed his taste in photography and gave him some really
weird friends!
’So glad leaks & pool are on their way to resolution. What a relief that must be. Im just
forgetting as a result of this nice long holiday, or maybe N. really is a whole nuther ball
game. Work is a mystery. Richard & I decided that Dake (our former workplace) is a bigger
mystery than the Trinity.
’ve always been extremely critical of my workplaces & felt an outsider always. Maybe I’ve
personally experienced, which surprises me because I’t help envying you for having such an
exciting challenge. Your description of the phoniness & futility of that place goes beyond
anything I’m interested in your progress w/ the knotty problems at N, & I can’I. You may not
agree, but as always, his thoughts are awfully interesting.
God in the Dockessay on the subject is in ’m going to check out the Scrip. refs you sent re
capital punishment but it did occur to me that the incident of no one casting the first stone

16
0
at someone guilty of a capital offense could be an argument against capital punishment. I
think Lewis’It my sense of their outrage just be my own notion? What do you think?
’I often just feel wimpy. Is it possible that God does not want me to speak out to certain
people? And couldn–m being sensitive ’re right that I’I appreciated your comments abt Linda
N. I do feel so strongly how much Jesus offends and it hurts me. I hope youm most
interested to see how you and God re-arrange your life NOW. The management club sounds
diabolical!
’Just got your eagerly awaited letter yesterday. What good news abt Rutgers! Inot changed,
not ignored, but destroyed. This gave me chills. Our enemies grow bolder.
–, would like to see the church destroyed yet. Sounds just like the movie, but the really scary
thing was that at the end of the review, the reviewer stated bluntly that most intellectuals,
altho few say so The Priest–what else? –abt a book called –big mistake –Timest know. I read
a book review in the ’m very uncomfortable abt the conviction because it makes me feel like
a fanatic, altho why this should bother me more than anything else, any other label or
misunderstanding, I don’t know what will happen because she has sort of dropped out of my
life. I’I don–thing. I suddenly know that I have been permitting her to talk to me & see me in
a way that is false & wrong ”abortion guilt“The one who recently pulled the
”spiritual.“teacher. It was abt my friend Jan, the one who equates astrology, acupuncture,
you name it, w/ Christianity, all under the heading livingam guilty of this & must change. It
was a really weird feeling to go from an impersonal to an intensely personal & urgent kind of
response. I guess this is what Chesterton means when he says the church is a I myself the
verse abt not aiding & abetting false doctrine. I was just listening in my usual mode when
very suddenly I was hit w/ the understanding that –I had the interesting experience of
coming under conviction while listening to one of your John tapes s a nice feeling.
’it–s the worst that happens. The good thing is that Lester & I are cooperating over this ’ll be
grateful if that’ll go into a homeless shelter. I’t find a full-time menial job, he’maybe just
being alone, altho neighbors, my sister & others have been solicitous & kind. Adam is
monosyllabic when I call & says if he can–s been a strange week for some reason ’ve been
depressed abt Adam this week. It’I think Id be happy.
’ve had a big breakthru w/ walking, which cheers me up greatly. Now if my counts would just
stabilize, I’, but the good news is I could do it. Iwalks much harder getting back & forth to
the station, etc. Yesterday I had to ’ve had to go in on Mon & Tues. & w/o my mom here,
it’platelets are the problem this time as K. resists transfusing, he wants to see me practically
every day, which is exhausting. I–s April 26! This is the period in the cycle when my counts
are touch & go ’This certainly is a protracted letter. Now it
Apr 25

t agree, but it gave me pause.

’re stupid and inept. I don’t even go to church on Easter this year, and when I described this
awful Catholic programming, he said that the world hates the Church not because of Jesus
but because we’s faith. Oh, & there are the ecumenical & interfaith panel discussions that
are meant to be jolly & affirm everyone, but are to me just painfully embarrassing. My friend
Richard didn’this is enough to make one lose one–”well“s no way to do it ’surely Catholics
consider them heretical? Maybe not. Anyway most of the programs are talk shows on stuff I
already know & in between are the most horrible images of doves, fields of wheat, sunsets,

16
1
etc. & voices intoning platitudes. The awfulness of TV comes from the need to constantly
have sound & images, no matter how inane, blasting at the viewer. There–t understand why
it carries brief Hallmark-card-like messages from the church of the Latter Day Saints ’leg
which causes me to walk w/ a very slow hobble, and my usual neck pain. I have resorted to
watching the religious (actually, Catholic) channel a couple of times & it has not improved
my opinion of TV. I find it quite awful & sometimes actually funny. I donleft m feeling very
well except for a painful situation with my ’m completely alone here. I expect the time will
pass slowly. I’My mom has just left for a 5 day visit to relatives in Pa., so I
4/22

senses) treatment. The weather has been spectacular.

bothm so grateful that I had a healthy & peaceful Easter & am holding my own after the last
(in ’Ill be glad to. Let me know which.
’d prefer me to write something special, I’You are more than welcome to excerpt anything
you want from my letters for your Potters Hands Montage. If yout give up hope!
’m so sorry the N retirement plan seems to be receding. Don’I
–
Dear Christine & Dave
April 20

** with cities of refuge to protect in the case of manslaughter

perhaps one in the crowd? Why were they only stoning the woman?
–where was the man? –* Carl picks up on Lev. 20:10 in the story of the woman caught in
adultery
Dave & Christine

Love,

re so grateful that he brought you (back) into our lives.

’And weand your mom and Susan in our prayers.
–We keep you and Adam Hope your Easter was truly blessed.
re still negotiating with insurance co).
’we can live with carpet stain a while (we– can be a health hazard when not circulating –now
that carpet is dry, pool has been a larger concern –& found people who can do it. Actually
thatfinally diagnosed –pool will be fixed within a week or two –(Oh ll send another batch of
tapes.
’prob next weekend we–ll close now ’Im there & in a position to try.
’but in good conscience I have to do my best as long as I–ll be fighting tooth & nail
’especially in W100 where they–s an uphill battle ’but it–ve made great strides ’s to improve
the quality of the data on the aircraft. I’but vital. It–The task I want to get to is impossible t
have anyone else. If I wanted future employment, it would also look good on my resume.

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’also he really doesn–Ken believes this task will be a growing exp for me It would be nice if I
could get the task manageable & in good order so I can pass it on and leave!
ll do my best & God always multiplies it.
’But I–is new to me. –financial statements, etc –My plan today is to try to get somewhat
familiar with the task on a day when I can concentrate without the demands of my other
tasks, phone ringing, people stopping by etc. My first reports are due May 10 and everything
ve inherited & see what is necessary & what is fluff.
’t quickly sort through the mess I’so I can–new jargon etc. –ve ever done ’s totally different
from anything I’I believe Ken expects that to happen with the Project Management Position.
The difference is itroutine now.
–m passing on to Mike, a young man in the group, were impossible last year when I took
them ’Two tasks Im really good at taking a big complicated task and boiling it down to
essentials & simple procedures.
’I believe I can handle the job once I digest it. Is given me permission to hand over some
other tasks to others in the group.)
’but is also expanding my technical duties. (Though he–though they had no other
responsibilities and were working on it full time. Ken expects me to handle it in 25% time –
The reason I need to work is that Ken has made me Project Manager of the Logicon Sub
Contract. In the last year 2 men failed in that position ve finished Judges & will move into
Isaiah.
’just canceled the Bible study. We–Ron has to work today & I needed to either this week or
next, so it worked out well s tending toward yes.)
’he–ve also asked him to lead a critique group ’s Workshop today. One of 4 Sats. each year.
They’(D. has a Christian Writerm going to close this soon so I can get some other things
done before going to work. Also I hope D. can read it before his writers conf. so we can get it
in the mail today.
’Is usually a time delay for the rest of us.
’even though there–s wonderful that God does know your needs instantaneously ’While your
health never dominates these letters, nor our thoughts of you, we want to be as up-to-date
as possible for our own prayers as well as those of your other Calif. friends. Itbut may not be
home enough to do so.
–We hope to call you this weekend and purchasing the paper gives profit to the cult.
–s always the potential ’but never saw evidence in the content. However there–or recently –
ve not read it frequently ’s org owns the conservative Washington Times. We’Yes, we know
that Rev. MoonGod even commanded it in areas where we would not even consider it. E.g.
Lev 10:9,10*,11,12,13,15,16,27, Lev 24:16,17**,21...
with even special provisions for manslaughter, rather than murder.
–I do not believe that God teaches that the only reason for capital punishment is revenge.
The death penalty was commanded for Israel To whom, when, and how are all questions we
need to let the Holy Spirit answer when we share the special things that God has given us.
”turn or burn.“or are running around telling everyone –Too many Christians either never say
a word to anyone in knowing when to witness to your love of the Lord with your mouth and
when to limit the witness to your actions.

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–s leading ’and sensitive to the Holy Spirit–.When we read that section of your letter, D
commented that Jesus is the rock of offense. You are obviously being wise We need to pray
for Linda Nhard to turn it off.)
–and make it easy to turn it on –but they have it as a payroll deduction –how hard to quit –
(May sound funny & continued the process necessary to quit.
–so I accepted his gracious offer, too, the clock –”s not a bribe, you can have it whether or
not you decide to leave’It“but only to those who attended the meeting. He said, –s present
’When the president of the club learned I was quitting he called to convince me otherwise.
He even offered me the clock which was last yearbut he too has an electronic copy of my
letter.
–the only maybe is Ken (our boss) –re quitting too ’they–m generally the one who knows how
to find out these things ’I–Another cost saving measure that led to some fun yesterday: the
Management Club (which I rarely attend) just raised dues from $78 to $130 a year. I could
think of lots better ways to spend the $130 so decided to quit. Not so easy, but I chased
down how & started the process. Three (of the 4) other members from my group came to
me to learn how that the 5-5-2 is still being planned for later this year.
–one the friend of the secretary of the CEO –ve learned now from 3 good sources ’Ithe longer
we wait to turn it on, the higher it will be. On our planned budget, that will make a big
difference.
–ll be eligible for $300 a month from the years he taught at Rutgers ’re really hoping,
expecting and planning, for that early retirement to come this year. (D just learned that he’t
really need. We believe God is encouraging us in our semi-austerity budget. We’fell into
place for stuff we donnothing they were much needed. But –we got another 10% off. We (D)
even found me some comfortable white shoes appropriate to work –and then by starting a
charge acct –God even blessed our shopping last night. Some of the items Laurie wanted
were on sale m making copies right now.)
’tape by one of my colleagues. (I”God Has Everything Under Control“This change has been
noticed by colleagues. In fact led to a request for the purposes.
His is allowing me to go back in for Hepulled me out of W100 and now GodI remember ”back
inmeare pulling theyI escaped from W100 & now “... improvement. The change: instead of
thinking/saying
not leaving much time for normal weekend things.)
–decided I might as well get up. I have to work today & go to a shower tomorrow –(Woke up
at 2, prayed for a while
Sat. 3 AM

My attitude about N has had a marked...

re about to go out for dinner & shopping for shower/wedding presents for Laurie Miller. Her
family have been close to us since we first moved to CA.
’We
Shabbat Shalom

Fri. Eve

s---

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’- - - off to Debbie
prob. expand.
–The accomplishment part of my life will continue –”career“s so easy for me to let go of my
’y its probably wh’Thats heart.
’and the added benefit of accomplishing something real & near to our Lord–we have the
same dynamics –retreat ’s Hands work together to pull off a married couples’But there are
other ways to have that satisfaction. E.g., when we in PotterLewis indicates that friends are
ones who look in the same direction toward a common goal (while lovers look at each other).
That picture has a lot of merit. I believe I can really identify with your working relationship
and friendship with Richard.
s wounds. Holding each other up.
’licking each other–But that contributed to the growth of our friendship. Working together
toward common goals. Sometimes winning. Often losing but we had to work so hard for such
little results that were so easily undone by those above us.
–At N most of that is artificial. The bosses contrive it. I could never feel excited about
teaming in phony accomplishments. Carl & I had some of that when we would win battles I
understand the fun, excitement, satisfaction of being part of a team. However in my
experience this has happened more in Christian endeavors than in the workplace.

To your letter:

which would be more than he could tolerate.

–probably lay-off since his group is soon to go to Palmdale –s not old enough for 5-5-2, but
expects the Lord to free him shortly one way or another ’had been praying the same way for
himself. He– a wonderful young man who works at N & pastors a church & wants to leave –t
see how. Independently my friend Jim Willard ’re also wanting to work out a Sabbath (full
day off) but we had to ask the Lord to show us how if He wants that before I leave N. We
sure can’even while I have the job. We–Looks like Apr. is out for 5-5-2 & rumors have died
out. D & I decided we needed to restructure life now to include some exercise and more
prayer together especially the OT, making him hungry for more.
–a rough beginning (he has read the NT but not really studied the Bible), but his girlfriend is
a mature Christian and gives him a lot of help. Rev. is working out well for him because I
bring in a lot from the rest of the Bible –and this was his first Easter with the Lord. Wed is
Revelation –s just recently begun attending Wed lunch Bible study. He too is Jewish ’s doing
great. I walked out of the N-place yesterday with a young man, Brian, who’s known the Lord
for less than a year, she’it was really great. Considering that she–We also got a letter from
Phyllis. She sounded so positive We went to High Hopes yesterday and had a wonderful
time. You will get that tape.
t thought to turn on the tape.
’Your letter came Tues. We told Brent how much you enjoyed the picture of you & him. He
was very excited. Unfortunately I hadn
Dear Linda,

Thurs, Apr. 20

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Christine & Dave
Love,

How does a person get to heaven?

(3)
s home?
’- Spending a week fixing up a poor family- Going on your dream vacation?
Which of the following would bring you more satisfaction? Why?
(2)
re not very close? Why?
’Would you rather have one really close friend or dozens of friends with whom you(1)
Time to get ahead again on the questions:
with His support. Just hope that sticks with me Mon & Tues & Wed ...
–t do ’s nothing that He can ask of us that we can’there–when we remember what Jesus did,
how much it cost Him –And YET –since you went into it with memories of 1st time –ve been
so upset at work about re-entering the cesspool that is W100. All the memories of last time
came flooding back. I imagine 2nd round of cancer had added difficulties for you too ’It was
good that today brought me back to a proper perspective. Ill need inputs by then.
’m going to get serious about that issue in early June after the graduation/ baby dedication/
etc. that will fill the month of May. So I’Ill see if the Lord will show me how to tie them
together.
’ve asked Sammy & plan to ask Ron Ritz. Then I’s Hands Newsletter. I’in the next issue of
the Potter”Mold Me“m praying about using the words Brent wrote that I sent you last week &
words from a few others to create a montage column for ’m not sure but I’II have a request.
Can you write a few paragraphs on how the Lord has drawn you to him? (Or can I use some
words from your letters?)
m still hoping.)
’delayed & maybe not at all. I–(Latest rumor on retirement incentive but Linda was not
aware of it until later.
–ut that od already talked to Jeannie ab’sat next to Jeannie Archibald (whom she did not
know) & found herself thinking that Jeannie should be my replacement as Bible
Commissioner. I”accidentally“Another thing that happened to Linda that day was that she t
participate because she had recently had surgery on both feet & they were still bandaged.
’t know was that Linda had been on a retreat a few weeks ago which included a foot washing
& she couldn’s in tears. What Carl didnaCarl surprised us by including a foot washing. One
person he chose was Linda Vallejo. She wwhat a blessing.
–We found a room (larger than the one we used the day you were there) that he could come
to. Dave also was there d done this on Holy Thurs (& Thurs before Christmas) for 8 or 9
years & offered to continue if we wanted it.
’Yesterday Carl came to Northrop & taught & served Holy Communion for the Bible Club. HeI
wish I could be so aware all the time.
–On this day all my trials seem so small
Dear Linda,

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Good Friday
April 14, 1995
Stumbling Stone
: 0Week 4
As we study the Bible, willing to obey the words and counting on Jesus to help us, we too can
expect to receive the gifts God promises and experience the changes God has for us.How
wonderful it was that Linda was growing in the Lord and He had taken her usual worry away
from her.

I feel oddly unworried about him. – Linda

– Philippians 4:6,7
ugh Christ Jesus. othrdsBe careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication
with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace od God, which
passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and min

I really enjoyed the 2 Esther tapes! Little Shea sounds adorable.

Theory: The attack on the family began with Freud.

?
Washington Timess org. owns the conservative ’Dave, are you aware that Rev. Moon
I will send you some icebreakers in a sealed envelope!
–PS
Linda
Love,

It is a beautiful Holy Saturday morning. I wish you all the blessings of this joyous Easter
Season!
–ll get this off now ’I guess It want to take all that care & effort for granted. A thousand
thanks for your loving gifts to me.
’but I don–ve properly thanked you for the incredible amount of work, organization, etc that
goes into making, sending, recycling, etc. these tapes that have become so much a part of
my life. I tend to think (or did perhaps more before I visited) that you two live in another

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dimension, sort of ’t think I’I had no problem hearing this batch. I don–Before I forget, I am
so glad abt your leak being resolved & abt the insurance! Re tapes . The idea being that
these days God has to justify Himself to us, & not the other way around.
God in the Dock– Speaking of him, I read a book of his essays in the hospital m not at all
sure. C.S. Lewis says the only reason whatever for c.p. is revenge! This is hard to swallow. Is
it Scriptural?
’but I–s last encyclical came out strongly against c.p. except in the most extreme cases, to
the point that the new catechism is apparently going to be revised on this point! Meanwhile I
find myself to my surprise possibly moving in the opposite direction ’ve been thinking abt
this especially in connection w/ capital punishment. As you may know, the Pope’view of
everything, but which really places a higher value on human life than does our culture.
I”therapeutic“stronger sense than we do of an exacting kind of justice that seems very
harsh to us, with our muchyou mentioned that jailers had to account for the lives of
prisoners, & I thought of the kinsman redeemer in Ruth. It seems that the Jews, and maybe
ancient peoples in general, had a –”paying in full“or ”making good,“I would not have known
it otherwise) to have been a big part of the O.T. culture. The concept of –that seems (from
your comments ”redeemer“it is constantly being used to mean just the opposite, even in
very good magazines, articles, etc that I come across. It seems to me a serious error. While I
was listening to that tape I began thinking about the whole concept of –m disturbed at how
few people understand that leaven is always a symbol of evil ’I thought the last Mark tape
was really excellent. II just want to make sure you both understand that St. Augustine came
to see his addiction to the games for what it was, & overcoming it was part of his overall
conversion.

ll see.
’We”s too late & you should suffer over his/your failure for the rest of your life.’You were a
lousy mother. Now it“s something like ’s thinking, it’s busy looking for a job. Also a professor
has expressed concern & a desire to help. I get the feeling my mother disapproves of my
disengagement & my conviction that he can & will make it on his own. If I had to guess what
she’says he–s not coming home this weekend ’A call from Adam last nite. Het make up my
mind.
’s been quite wonderful so far. Good Friday is for me traditionally a day of confusion because
there are so many places I want to be to worship, I can’ve had to see Kruper yesterday and
today because my nose has been bleeding & he feared I might need a transfusion over the
weekend, but all seems ok. (He just told me not to worship too strenuously.) The benefit of
these trips in to see him has been the most welcome opportunity to partake a bit in some
Holy Week services at my favorite city churches. It’So far, so good! I
Good Friday

an old, old fault.

–m disappointed that I continue to be so critical of others ’m not sure what. I’speak out
strongly as a Christian, that any blunt reference to Jesus would be completely offensive,
even disgusting, to her. The whole experience left me feeling angry & confused. The Lord is
certainly doing something w/ me but Inotre none too close, for various reasons. She has
been inexplicably distant during this last difficult year, ignoring a letter I wrote telling her

16
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about cancer & not getting in touch until she heard my father had died. She finally called
yesterday & during our long talk I found myself inwardly very critical of the atheism and
materialism implicit in everything she said, & yet I felt I must ’is my closest association from
h.s. (before you reappeared!), and weink I told you that Linda NI thm watching her closely.
No more games.
’ve had no communication since the call I told you abt. I feel oddly unworried about him. My
friend Jan continues to be bluff & hearty & talk abt everything but I’s arrival, but he has not
called & we’At this very moment I expect Adam”
Let those hear who can.“statement ’neither parent had it. Perhaps this is that mysterious
separation out of which we do not seem to be a part. I was very struck when Dave said in
one of the tapes that he never heard of a tare turning into wheat. This is what I mean. Or
Jesus–t know ’s a very special disposition. I appear to have had it even before I knew what it
meant, or even that it was important. Where it came from I don’s kind of a key to a whole
syndrome of problems with reading scripture, conversion, coming to know the Lord. It’it–I
like John 7:17 ve been conscious of that as we do Genesis. To me a week is a long time to
wait. Life w/ God is a very different ballgame. Anyway, w/ my changing attitudes & the world
being what it is, I think going back to work may be quite interesting.
’s negativity & my own fears & inhibitions kept me from a real career, but the mercy of God
is such that I nevertheless derived a good deal of, I think, very wholesome gratification from
working. I appreciate the Moses analogy (how flattering!); it is so true that God really takes
his time w/ things! I’Sitting on the side-lines is not fun, especially for me, because I learned
very late in life that I am not a side-line sitter. My fathermore money, less work, more tea
service. The rest is history.
–I got cancer, lost my tolerance suddenly for that job, and the one I took next changed my
work life beyond recognition –and it was there that I achieved by far my greatest measure of
professional independence & respect. I found it intoxication to be part of a team that was
working under incredible pressures of various kinds, & then R. & I would go out to wonderful
dinners at his favorite New Jersey haunts & discuss work, work, work! I never found anything
comparable –he is still there, unhappily –that workplace was & is endlessly fascinating –Our
shared work was a major bond between us ”?workyou miss “he said, ”Of all the things you
could miss,“re saying: ’issue. In some way my work life means more to me than I realize.
Richard said something similar to what you”work“I am struggling w/ the m by no means
convinced this is the way to go.
’this new watchdog group is just poised ready to go after any signs of anti-Catholic bigotry.
No more turning the other cheek. I–ll be interested to see what happens. The climate is so
contentious now ’s sad, but I’s first attack on Disney because of the D movie. It’the Catholic
League–printed a paid ad on Mon. NY TimesThe maybe those who condemn Vatican II as the
work of the devil are more right than I want to think.
–s frightening ’very revealing of how far even the Catholic church has come towards
regarding skepticism rather than faith as the proper starting point. It–faith-affirming. What a
difference from the commentary my group is using! The difference in tone is fascinating
andm also reading the Scofield Study notes & find them both intelligent ’m finally becoming
decently familiar w/ this elusive, intriguing & fascinating book. I’bet. your tapes & my own
materials I feel I–I have missed week after week of my Genesis group, but I keep up w/ the
lessons m amazed at how much I missed them over the past couple of weeks.

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’s like being with old friends. I’ve listened to 2 Genesis tapes. It’I”proof of miracles.“Finally
received box of tapes & your latest letter yesterday. I love the photo of me & Brent. I have it
& my plane ticket receipt in a file marked
–
Dear Christine & Dave
Weds 4/12

Dave & Christine

Love,

s mail.
’Will close now (D has read) so we can get it into today
- - - phone with you - - -

t last long though.

’didn”,recommitted“ll take more than this. After Darcy, R ’re hoping this is the beginning of
that. It’s necessary to get R to come to Him. We’ve been praying that God do what’just since
things came together for Carol, we–but recently –d either marry or go their separate ways ’d
been praying that they’The interesting thing to me is the timing. From the beginning I
–with details & reasons, more than the actual break up (though not devastated as with his
breakup from Darcy) –Robert & Kadi have broken up. R is unhappy
Apr 8

was very exciting.

–& the fact that he listened to that particular tape –out of Northrop. He thought the timing –
with my answer of what I would do with $ –”fame or $“D just came in all excited. He was
listening to a BS tape because he thought he had mislabeled it. It was the one with the re
hoping will love all the business stuff that the rest of us find onerous.
’One guy that we expect to get is an MBA who weexcuse.
”t have the people’we don“no more AND–helping them come up to speed –m not) the first
few months with the 4 or 5 new people will actually generate much more work ’m there (and
more so for the others if I’and unfortunately the immediate will have a tendency to drive out
the important. If I–ll be a balancing act ’it–and Ken knows it –but I still have much more than
a full time job –ve been doing ’s impossible). He is letting me pass on some of the tasks I’it
involves working closely with a guy at Logicon who–which is his stated reason (also, two
others have tried & failed –t mind stretching & learning something new ’task that gets me
more into the business end. I don”contract admin“s a ’My boss has just given me another
assignment. When I asked how much time he expected me to put on it he said about 25%.
Itll meet out in another building where there is a room that holds 20.
’Carl is coming to serve Holy Communion. We–on Holy Thurs –Next week maybe God has
someone else chosen to continue the Thurs. study.

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0
–but neither of us foresaw the business conflicts. So –s not too much ’It–s too much for me
’even if I had to drop one of the others because it– The one Carl asked me to try especially
hard to keep going –I met Carl –years later –The one at which Dave & then –The one he led
for over 8 years –”s’Carl“The Thurs lunch study is and made his group sound wonderful &
exciting).
–s old boss & one of mine over there. Gary has no hesitation about misrepresenting anything
’Patty–chosen my old group: Gary Bhave–including one we wanted –interviewing a
candidate. (Two of those we interviewed –s lunch Bible study for the THIRD time in a row.
Another business lunch ’Meanwhile, I have to miss tomorrowI plan to call her tomorrow.
–sessions so that Letitia, and others, can practice on some of the current leaders & students
”practice teaching“As I drove home this evening I had the idea of having ve offered to help
her get started in leading.
’and I–she hopes to become a Bible study leader. I know her well enough to know that her
heart is right –ve already talked to the lady (Jeannie) who I hope will replace me as Bible
Commissioner. She has organized the service for the National Day of Prayer and been very
supportive of the Bible studies. She was honored & willing. The Lord is also raising up other
Bible leaders. Just today Letitia talked to me about learning to lead ’IWhile gifts will always
be welcome as we work to serve the Lord & His people, they are a special encouragement
now as our finances are changing due to Carl (and maybe me) leaving the N-place!
Thank you for the financial gift to the ministry.

Dear Linda,

April 5, 1995
Wed

C&D
Love,

and get this in with tapes.

–Will close Not too surprised by Union. We know pastors who graduated from there. It was
bad even 25 years ago (e.g., no virgin birth).
they had a verse for each age, but the nursery was by far the best.
–The sign on the nursery that D quoted was put there by Carl & Pat on doing their own will.
”blessing“s ’many of these explanations are due to people wanting God–we have to be
willing to do His will –D likes to quote John 7:17 especially if they are led on diversions.
–t get that far ’and such real consequences. One-evening-a-week Bible students won–s so
much evidence for the empty tomb ’and were willing to pay the price. For instance, there–
and able to follow through –and then going on. Even the skeptics who were converted were
intellectually honest 1stWe agree wholeheartedly, reading scripture means making a
decision m preaching to the choir.
’t teach students to tell time or make change? But I’eachers busied themselves with that &
didncare about. What if elementary twhich most people never –when you are ready for such
– a name, i, and learn of its properties -1√Later you give –-1 √t take ’stuff, but appropriate

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teaching. For instance in jr high you learn that you can”advanced“In other disciplines,
novices are not given the –approach to Bible study ”scholarly“Re many of our plans will be
revisited.
–Actually, with the early retirement (we should find out this month) .
Summer Fruitmaybe with release of –t have any feeling for when ’including a church where
Carl, Pat, and we spent a weekend in ministry a few years ago.) Don–but because we would
see Dale & Marie. (We have other Christians that we could see on the way –s most dear to
our hearts right now is a south west US booksigning/PH Seminar trip. Similar to what we did
in North West, South East, & North East US. Not just to complete the 4 corners ’The trip
thatll lift up your Mexico plans.
’Time together in San Diego sounds great. Wed need to live on. (And one of us could always
get something if necessary.)
’but D & I believe it would be fun to see how little we–JUST eligible. Amount would be VERY
low –Rumors continue about 5-5-2 (add five years to age & five to time at Northrop & 2
hundred a month until 62). That would make me 55 with 10 years (barely) and us.
–and then dying for them –feet ’and set the example by washing his disciples–You, of course,
belong to the one who said the last shall be first and the 1st last to celebrate the end of 2
long & difficult weeks.
–He picked up bagels for the group –Ken (the boss) gave him $5 –bagels – last Fri. –that sure
is different from my world where the boss is as likely to make coffee as an engineer or a
secretary. Larry is usually the food provider for special occasions in our group –”preparation
& service of tea“We love your attitude about )
–and who continues to be with you – s God who has enabled you ’We know it–however we
avoid the word proud –ve handled this last year ’re sure impressed by the way you’we–of
you ”very proud“be shouldthey –(By the way stewardship over it.
–not your doctors –in sight & that your doctors are taking you seriously. Although your body
belongs to Christ, not you, He has given you iss so wonderful that the end of the treatments
’We hope and trust that you are home from Lenox Hill. Itbut never get into real things the
way we do.)
–or whatever –D.] –or go to qz morcie [Curcillo?–ve had some chance to get to know each
other through physical proximity. (Actually I believe we know each other much better than
many friends who hang out together ’deja vu for the beginning of the corresp. Maybe this is
a new beginning now that we–on another day when driving home I was expecting it –Just got
your letter
–
Dear Linda
eve
Mon 4/3/95

Be Anxious For Nothing

:39Week
When we read the Bible with the desire to know what God is saying, and to act on it, He will
reveal the truth to us. It becomes exciting to study God’s word when we are planning to
apply it to our lives.

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– Linda
then going on in the light of that decision.and– firstIt’s beginning to appear that, like any
other kind of commitment, reading Scripture involves making a decision
If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I
speak of myself. – John 7:17

d mentioned. More on this later

June is attending classes at Union Theological Seminary & says she has yet to hear GoP.S.
Linda
Love,

I like both of its meanings.

”We shall not all sleep, etc.“Dave, I loved the sign on the nursery door, way, not ours.
Hisre sinning... No one seems to like the idea that we are to do it ’re sincere while we’mind
sin especially not if wereallyt ’. And it seems this wimpy guy is getting aid and comfort from
priests. It is very true that post-Vat II preaching has gone very very light on hellfire and
judgment & people are, as always, picking up on the wrong-headed message that God
doesnhatem enclosing a letter to my diocesan paper that sums up beautifully the kind of
thinking I ’It seem to lead very far, altho there are those amazing cases of people who begin
skeptically and are converted by sheer reason and logic.
’and then going on in the light of that decision. Doing things on a speculative basis doesn–
firsts beginning to appear that, like any other kind of commitment, reading Scripture
involves making a decision ’m also amazed that others in my group are not more offended
by this trifling w/ orthodoxy. They seem very willing to get caught up in all kinds of
completely irrelevant questions, perhaps because they are not sophisticated & these
questions make them feel they are really learning something valuable. It’s as tho saving our
souls is something we can take care of when we get around to it; the really important thing
is which other ancient myths the Bible most resembles. I’You are absolutely right to ask why
a beginning study would choose to emphasize this angle, & I intend to ask this question
myself when I have more evidence. ItI read the commentary with extreme suspicion, looking
for any hint of un-orthodoxy, & then I feel like an inquisitor.
–”crazy fundamentalist“m becoming a ’ve read abt this for years, but now I feel I, & my
group, are being victimized, or at least are in danger. I can see how people get confused, & I

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feel myself wondering if I’attempt to explain it away. I”scholarly“m seeing it for the first
time: this insidious, ’at least I–m especially concerned because I really do see a new & very
sophisticated kind of attack on the faith ’but I–I thought of what you said abt the need to
raise up new leaders –extreme weariness & achiness. My desire to control & guide this group
is certainly being frustrated –t go. I seem to have these reactions to physical therapy
sessions ’that I couldn–constant aches in my legs so that no position is comfortable –but
when the evening came I was in so much pain –Thanks for rushing me the Genesis tape I
asked for. It was an especially good tape & came in time for me to hear it before our 3rd
meeting m sure. Maybe the three of us could manage San Diego next time. Dave made that
hotel sound so appealing!
’not for a year, I–ll find a way of seeing you when I go ’Of course I understand abt Mexico. As
a tourism destination, it is at the top of my list, & of course II do so hope you get an early
retirement offer! That would be so wonderful. Keep me informed.
t think I know anything about them.
’pg letter from Marie! I have a rival! I have been praying for her family, altho I don-A 23”
Preparation & service of tea.“m sick of fighting for status. On my disability form I had to list
my work duties & I listed prominently ’d be grateful to have the strength to do those things
& I’ll do all the tea serving & wash the floors too because I’t believe that 30 years after it
first became an issue, secretaries are still struggling w/ this! I told June that when I come
back I’Speaking of serving tea, I had lunch w/ June, my office mgr. on Monday & she told me
that my replacement was having a show down that very day w/ her (our) boss over serving
tea. I can& then we all stood up & shook hands. I felt just like the venture bankers to whom I
have served tea on so many occasions. It really made me laugh.
–15%, 10%, 50%, –I really am the first patient who has gone this far w/ this protocol & he
would like me to see it thru. He said they were very proud of me. Anyway, Kruger is
disposed to go with 8 treatments at reduced dosages. It was really a funny image. we were
all sitting around this big round table, negotiating the dosage cuts –as I expected, Dr. Gulati,
the researcher, urged me to have all 8 treatments, even at vastly reduced dosages, altho he
said he would accept my stopping now, or after 7, if that were my choice. He was most
complimentary & encouraging –m going in to Lenox Hill this p.m. for #7 & will be there thru
Mon. I met w/ both drs. yesterday ’I
–
Dear Dave & Christine
Fri 3/31

Dave & Christine

Love,

ll close so we can get this off.

’Is the whole problem. Had to break through wall. Also we need new tiles in kitchen &
bathroom & new rug. Insurance will pay for much of it!
’ll see if that’Plumber fixed leak! We
March 29

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& letter from High Hopes.
Holy ScrollMeanwhile, I enclose –
m hoping to have a package by next weekend ’of tapes. (Always something.) Ihaving
troubles with latest batchre ’ve been trying valiantly to make copies of the tapes for you &
Mom. Unfortunately we’Ire back to sending letters which pass each other.
’Of course what can we expect when we”Is that all?“When I finished reading your letter, D
said, and I sure solicit your prayers about W100.
–re both called to live victoriously wherever God has placed us ’we–Anyway t even get to
simple things like mending these days.
’I don–with time for things that have been so neglected –I appreciate your compliment about
being in the world, but not of it. D & I so want me out of that world is another example.
–but so wise –ones (say, Brent) whom I respect & admire. My grandfather with his 8th grade
education ”low“and too many –people for whom I have no respect or admiration ”high up“ve
just seen too many ’I guess I–As far as not assigning value to rank preparing him for another
40 years of leading a couple of million people.
–for forty years in the desert –s what happened to Moses ’that–can be isolating ”sitting on
the sidelines“I can see how the life that God has placed before us.
–and yet all of it is real life –m not at Northrop ’s interesting that you feel left out of real life
because of not having stuff at work. To me real life is when I’Its something I hope for very
much!)
’but it–(By the way, the potential early retirement may be unsettling because of change and
keep them in prayer.
–. We just need to let go ups fun watching Shea grow’prob. this summer. The move is
difficult because it–s latest is that she & Paul are moving to San Luis Obispo ’CarolWe
certainly will pray for you & Adam. Letting the baby birds fly on their own is difficult for us
Moms.
s in Times Square.
’or New Year–like Mardi Gras –because we are not into the crowd thing ”the day“were aware
of them before we moved out here. Have never gone on –We knew they were world famous
releasing lady bugs, building nests, etc to entice them back. I almost sent them but they
were just downers. Apparently they build nests in eaves of homes in nearby communities
these days.
–The swallows have been fewer & fewer each year. Unfortunately, the papers were full of
efforts whether Catholic, Protestant or other.
– t like, where does it end? We get a nice cultural blah Christianity ’If we start throwing away
the parts of the Bible we dons portrayed throughout the Bible.
’s not how He’but that–not we, Him. So many of us want a nice cuddly God –He judges us –
and ALSO sovereign –and also perfect righteousness –Re picture of God in Genesis (flood,
etc.) the Bible teaches that God is perfect love Lord willing.)
–4 weeks –first available date –his group has grown from 4 to 10. He wants me to visit –s so
excited ’ve been missing so many Bible studies. (One of the leaders called today.
He’especially since I–before. The early retirement looks more & more interesting –m so
thankful that promotion came through ’I got plenty while I was there before.
I–”fertilizer“says I may be ready for more –he was at the Wed study you attended –re trying

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to prevent that. One of my friends, Ty ’the one I escaped from. Also a possibility they will
dissolve us & merge us into groups over there. We–My group that I like (W970) has been
absorbed into the W100 organization –Another change at work rarely will they deviate.
However, with so many prayers...
–ve designed a protocol ’they–Both D & I will be very surprised if the doctors agree to stop
short s. (I thought it was name of town of origin.)
’is that where the cuisine is from? As far as I know, though, there were always two r–s are
from Sicily ’t know how to get them to do it right. The Barrese’Our name was actually Barresi
until customs changed it inadvertently & my 14 yr old grandfather didn–ll have to ask my
mom about Barese ’Inext week.
”normal“things back to –and expect –I hope m missing out.
’but I–Bible studies (Thurs twice in a row). God provides leaders ”my“ve missed over a week
of ’re interviewing to bring on 4 new employees) that I’ve had so many lunch commitments
(we’t realize how good the timing was for your visit. Last week & this am working EWW
(extended work week) plus 2 trips to Logicon each week. I’Didn
March 28

with the tape recorder on.

–s church ’ll give the girls their presents on Wed at children’Wewhat a gift.
–but there was the package & the letter –but KNEW it was too soon –I had a long tough day
at work today & while driving home found myself expecting a letter from you but I had to at
least get ans. started.
–t expect to totally answer your letter today because I have a lot to do this evening ’I don
–
Dear Linda
March 27, 1995
–Mon
How to Read Scripture
: 38Week
now.
Jesus truly did a new thing: He died on the cross so our sins could be forgiven and we could
have a new relationship with Him for eternity – beginning And Jesus is the One Isaiah was
pointing to in this week’s verse.
Don’t we all! Whether it’s our homes, our jobs, even our “favorite sins” like gluttony, gossip,
pride – Jesus is doing something new and has something better for us.

– Linda
...oI’ve gotten used tthingsthe often like all the time, but I ,e ishOne of my favorite lines from
Scripture is “See, I am doing something new,” and so
– Isaiah 43:19a
hing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? Behold, I will do a new t

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s maiden name.]
’s note: Barrese is Christine’[Editor? Does it mean from the region of Bari? There is a cuisine
called Barese that I just learned of! ”Barese“how do you spell –Christine –PS
Linda
Love,

it was unique, very Calif., just what I was hoping for.

–m sure that was a source of concern for you while I was there & I thought you were very
gracious about it. I loved your house ’I too hope someone can help you resolve your wet-
floor problem. Iplease pray for us both in this regard.
–and we had a rather cut & dried conversation about when financial support would end. I
have felt much better since, but those old emotional ties are terribly strong ”carrying
him“slip?) in his life at this time. I felt a new freedom to stop ”Freudian“t know if I mentioned
in my last letter that I have had a sort of clearing in my head concerning Adam & what role I
should be praying (’I donwe all need you.
–to be in the world & not of it –ve lost something vitally important. It is a strong person
indeed who can resist the way this world assigns us value according to our work. This is why,
Christine, what you have managed to do at N. is so crucial ’s tempting to feel that by losing
my small place in the world, I’and it–no one can really understand –ve lost even that. Being
forced to sit on the sidelines for a whole year has been eye-opening, but isolating ’m happy
for them, more than anything else this makes me feel left out of real life. It is the work world
I miss most of all & I often feel that I had very little & now I’and while I–raises, promotions,
satisfying work, etc –It seems that most of my friends are going thru good times at work ”
s going to change!’, and to feel I have a place in it, and now itold lifes ’ve just begun to
understand Christine’but I“ve gotten used to, and I thought, ’and so he is, all the time, but I
often like the things I”See, I am doing something new,“s will that something else come into
being. One of my favorite lines from scripture is ’when I read that your position was going to
change I found myself praying that you could sustain it, unless of course it is God–m sorry
abt the unsettling developments at N, even tho they were somewhat foreseen. You have
worked out such an amazing balance there of respected, high-level work and Christian
ministry ’Is wrong with everybody! Nobody can face up to the really hard questions.
’t want to waste time on them, so I took Lessons 1 & 2 home to check it out. It was terrible,
& flirted w/ earth worship. What’& they said it was terrible & didn–done by a nun –She
seemed particularly disturbed abt all the animals that died & said that such a vengeful god
was not like the God preached by the Catholic Church! A fascinating & revealing remark, I
must say! Do you have any input? There is an audio-tape that accompanies the lessons ”t do

17
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a thing like that.’because God wouldn“) the whole flood account ”myth“t say anything & we
started Lesson 2. Gradually other members of the group began to wonder why there were so
many references to pagan myths & so much emphasis on historical setting, etc. Emboldened
I began to express my feeling that the commentary was consistently hostile to faith, wanted
to explain it all away. We had a fascinating discussion. The man in the group is really an
interesting guy. He understood most clearly what I was getting at. A woman said that she
rejected (thought it was a ’Thanks for your prayers for our Genesis group. I found an
interesting situation when I arrived on Mon for the second lesson. I had become increasingly
suspicious of the soundness of the commentary but wanted to know what they thought first.
They all said they found it helpful; i.e., the duplication of accounts explained by the multiple
authors. So I didnt come back this year! I trust she was misinformed.
’I had no idea how famous the Swallow legend is. Even here, everyone ws talking abt it, &
one of my friends said she heard they hadns discouraging.
’lots of aches & pains & insomnia. I cannot get comfortable in bed. This makes me especially
grateful for how well I felt while with you. I hope this new stage will pass, but it–but he has
no idea what my future may be. My counts were excellent, but slightly anemic still. My p.t.
said my walking ws better than ever, which it truly was on Mon & Tues, but I exhausted
myself walking around the Village Tues. pm & have felt lousy ever since –whatever that
means –”greatly improved clinically“t seen him since Oct. or so) but I have my heart set on
no more than one. Kruger said there was no doubt in his mind that I am ’ll meet w/ Gulati &
get his input (he designed this protocol & I haven’one more treatment, probably of the in-
patient, 3-day variety. Both he & Dr. Gulati are away until next week. Next Thurs. I–On Tues.
I discussed my future w/ Kruger & we agreed to compromise Thank you for the info on the
Old Catholics. I had not forgotten & was most curious. This clarifies the matter.
or the intimate quality of the letters, but I seemed to feel it immediately (back last year) so
that in a way my visit to you was to catch up physically with where I already was
emotionally.
–I was so glad you missed me immediately, as the feeling is surely mutual, altho I never feel
very far away from you. Perhaps it is the tapes
–
Dear Christine & David
Fri 3/24

Dave & Christine

Love,

ll close now so we can get this and the tape you particularly requested right in the mail.
’Weas doctrine.
–s back: his recollection is that Scofield had the gap theory & dispensationalism ’Dll get it
soon. We expect to be finished with it this weekend.
’s OK on the Holy Scroll. If your copy is not enclosed, you’We got Carlwe still have it.
–s friends gave him a Scofield ’in high school one of Dave–In fact but Scofield is a classic.)

17
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–”The Open Bible“one widely used one is –(There are many other Study Bibles ll ask when he
gets back. I think there are some things people believe just because they are in the Scofield.
’m here with Shea), but I’s out (I’and the commentary portions are given more weight than
they deserve. D–The (usually) minor negative is that frequently people treat as scripture any
words which are bound into the Bible with study aids & commentary bound into it.
–s on the computer) ’s just the King James translation (the one I use in the Bible Studies
because it’Actually itTo my knowledge it was (one of) the first study Bible(s) and is referred
to frequently.
mostly positive reviews. It is very special to many people.
–with mixed –and have one –re familiar with Scofield Bible ’Yes, wet wait to hear your ideas
about Gen 8:21, 22.
’Can[Rom 1:22].
”Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools“s faith. ’is to damage
people”scholarship“One consequence of all this Etc, etc...
”ll give you a sign: A YOUNG WOMAN will conceive...’behold, I“because the Hebrew word can
also mean young woman. How exciting: –t a virgin when Jesus was born ’comes the fact that
Mary wasn”scholarship“Out of similar s really sad.
’and then dig into what we can learn about God & how He wants us to live. It–that there is
controversy –if at all –who have no pretense of heavy scholarship? It seems a poor choice of
topic for people with limited time for study. Why not study what the book itself says? It could
be mentioned briefly –One question that we have is, even if it were true, why would it be
stressed so in Bible studies for people who are just trying to get into the Bible s coming
down to the lay people as well.
’And now it–”scholarly“it seems so – s not only Catholics who teach this. Many Protestant
seminaries have taught it for years ’Itt believe Jesus on these issues, how can we believe
Him on the others?
’clarify: Moses wrote the 1st 5 books; Isaiah wrote Isaiah, etc. If we can–own words ’often
Jesus–when the New Testament –two (or even three) authors for Isaiah, etc –s unfortunate
that so much emphasis is placed on the theories about the priestly document, J document
’Itor perhaps the Lord will put that dream in our hearts. No harm in lifting it up before the
throne. (We too were so happy with the time we spent with you.)
–with, of course, a stop here –perhaps that dream is for you & another friend –and a day of
R&R here & there. However –Though another opportunity to spend time with you sounds
wonderful, tourism is not our dream right now. Traveling around doing book signings or
seminars or starting Bible studies is exciting made 3 special connections while walking out.
–PTL! God even guided my footsteps there –OR BETTER –and especially after a day at
Logicon (Ugh). –it sounds particularly attractive –ll just have to wait & see. In a week of
getting up at 3:30 each day ’but we–s hard not to get excited ’that would apply to me. It–
about another early retirement offer –We heard a rumor today re often tired.
’even though we–”Boot Camp“s church beyond our original commitment of ’re the reason
that we continued children’re so thankful that God has put them in our lives. They’and are
family. We–The children are especially precious but will be sure to include the one you
particularly requested.)
–re behind on copying tapes ’s already praying about your next visit. (We’ll hear on the
tapes of the Bible study how much you are already missed out here. Brent’re happy but not

17
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surprised about the smooth flight. God took care of you from beginning to end. You’Wes
very relieved.
’& she–so the degree is definite –ll probably get to hear him on the tape. Carol & Paul are
coming over this weekend to work on plans for their big event in May. The school pressure is
over; Carol got 95% on the big exam & A in the course ’s during the Bible study. You’at
Debbie–D & I are going to babysit Shea tonight just about everything.
–health, money, relationships –please pray for her. She and her husband have been going
through a very difficult time –We did get a 23-page letter from my friend Marie and it was
wonderful, just too short.
–mixed in with the junk mail –but there it was –Then when I went through the ordinary white
envelopes, I was a little disappointed ve been working extended hours this week & had the
opportunity to leave Logicon early & come straight home. I thought as I drove that it would
be nice if there were a letter from you.
’I
What a wonderful letter & what wonderful timing.

Dear Linda,

March 23, 1995

I Am Doing Something New
:37Week
Or better, that even now He reigns in my heart?For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth”?that
the day will come when we can celebrate: “Alleluia! Do we believehonor to the Lord our
God!”?
Alleluia! Salvation and glory and “Can we say with them – and with Brent – eaven are
celebrating the defeat of the world system.
HIn the context of this book it is exciting to me that these Alleluias are in response to the fall
of Babylon. We won’t get into an in-depth study here about Rev. 19:1-6. It is enough to say
that those in
As of this writing I have not shared this info about Rev. 19 with Brent. I look forward to doing
so and hearing his praise to the Lord.
!
of BabylonThe fall The marriage of the Lamb, right after –
the celebration about?iswhat And Messiah.
Of course, it’s the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth”?
Recognize four Alleluias followed by “
And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and
as the voice of many thunderings, saying, Alleluia: For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.

And the four and twenty elders and the four beasts fell down and worshipped God that sat
on the throne, saying, Amen; Alleluia.
. And her smoke rose up for ever and ever.
And again they said, Alleluia
And after these things I heard a great voice of much people in heaven, saying, Alleluia;
Salvation, and glory, and honour, and power, unto the Lord our God:

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For a bigger surprise, here are Revelation 19:1,3,4,6:
Surprised?
So the word appears a total of only eighteen times in the Bible!
in Revelation 19, “Alleluia” appears untranslated four times, in verses 1, 3, 4, and 6.
ButThis rendering appears fourteen times.
raise the Lord,” as in the final five Psalms of the Bible.Praise God” or “Prendered “usually is
(“Let praise Jah”)allelujah”HIn most English translations of the Bible, the word “the only
entry for “Hallelujah” is “See ‘Alleluia’.” So the two spellings are interchangeable.)
Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible,In (Hallelujah!
Brent’s favorite word continues to be ing the Lord.
Brent is still living in southern California, still participating in the program at High Hopes, and
more importantly still prais
, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name. – Hebrews 13:15
herefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continuallytBy him
at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. – Psalm 34:1
ORDLI will bless the Praise the Lord!

Praising the Lord

Brent is Still: 36+Week

We can see the goodness of God in His provision and His sacrifice on the cross, and even in
His guidance.

I became aware of something new in my life – a combination of knowing you both better, of
having experienced the Bible Studies & the people who make them what they are, the brief
exposure to the great beauty of the places we visited, & the feeling of hope that comes from
having done something that started out seeming hopelessly beyond me. And of course the
goodness of God in guiding me thru all of this. – Linda

The goodness of God endureth continually. – Psalm 52:1b

Linda
Love,
t hurt to say it again! Thank you thank you! I went for a little forced practice drive yesterday
& found it helpful to pretend I was Dave, an intrepid & happy driver. Maybe this will work.
’I am trusting that you both know how grateful I am for all you did to make my visit a great
delight & much more, but it doesnd never heard of it.
’I–Are you familiar w/ the Scofield Bible? The aunt I told you abt gave me hers because she
can no longer read it. She said it was very special long to go into now.)
oto–d thought of it at the group ’s remarks & feelings in 6:5-6 do not sound to me like He
expected man to fall. You could say that He planned his own grief, etc; but that seems
sterile & unreal to me. And finally, I have a new idea re 8: 21-22 (I wish I’ve sent me that
tape yet; and 2) God’t think you’I don–materials. Two points come to mind: 1) I must have
your discussion of 6:1-4 ”study“I want to get this in the mail today. Tomorrow I will see

18
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Kruger to chart the course for the next few weeks & maybe longer. I spent much of
yesterday listening to your Genesis tapes & re-reading my
Mon am 3/20

d be OK unless we had a fundamentalist among us. Now I wonder where Catholics really
stand on Biblical interpretation, & if they/we really know ourselves.
’oddly, she said we–t face this problem. I now see why St. Mary cautions abt choosing
Genesis ’I simply didn–s Letters ’Acts, Mark, & Paul–God speaking to us now. In previous
studies using these materials –”the accent of the eternal“in other words, it does everything
to destroy what another book calls –in all the crucial places (i.e. the curse on women is
called a 10th C B.C. attempt to explain the degraded condition of women in that society)
”fiction vs. fact“& Dave calls ”reasoning backwards“; suggested qz stiological accounts
(what I call ”creation myths“, attributing half a verse here & there to the Priestly Author of J,
went out of their way to bring in Babylonian & other verses in halfthey split –find the cp
qz ,,commentary oqz devo;osj;u confusing II have no idea what transpired at their first
meeting but –t like the commentary & half expect to find the group in a state of confusion ’ll
be doing ch 4-8. As you know I don’we–ve been there. I plan to listen to all your Genesis
tapes before going to our class on Mon ’Last night I listened to the Intro to Genesis tape & it
had a special dimension now that Is anyway you two really want to do this, I would be
ecstatically glad to join you. As I told Dave at the airport, I feel like anything is possible now,
a very nice feeling for one who has always felt tied down & constricted.
’if there–Puerto Vallarta –see enclosed map. Dave casually referred to a possible trip to San
Diego –Now it is my turn to promote the inspiration t expected to be so moved by their
sweetness and warmth towards me. (I want to send them some little souvenirs of NYC as
soon as I can find something appropriate.) And other aspects of the visit keep floating back
& I know will continue to do so for a long time. There was so much!
’I hadn–s ’& his colleagues at HH, and abt the children at Debbie
a combination of knowing you both better, of having experienced the Bible Studies & the
people who make them what they are, the brief exposure to the great beauty of the places
we visited, & the feeling of hope that comes from having done something that started out
seeming hopelessly beyond me. And of course the goodness of God in guiding me thru all of
this. I think steadily about all of this, perhaps about Brent
–I had a very smooth flight home & a peaceful re-entry into life here. At first it felt like I had
never left, but then I became aware of something new in my life
–
Dear Christine & Dave Return of the Swallows!
Heart of St. Joseph
Sun Mar 19

Christine & Dave

Love,

I hope.

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2
–ll be able to get this fixed soon ’maybe we–Next week D will try a 3rd plumber we had in
washing machine.)
–correctly –t find the leak that I thought ’Dave (B.) noticed some hissing noises in (your)
bathroom. In checking it out, he came to the conclusion that (in spite of the opinion of two
plumbers) we do have a leak that is part (at least) of the problem. (One of those plumbers
couldnt think this Bible stuff is a woman thing only.
’so there were enough men that Mark wouldn–but God sent Daniel, who can rarely come on
Fridays –t there ’Also, some of the usual men werenfinal passage & all.
–he did stay to the end –and that most people are at least vaguely aware of, so I believe it
was interesting to Mark –s exciting ’with a little more background than I otherwise would
have given. We were at the part where the Jews walked through the Red Sea. A passage
that–By that time the full group was there & I started teaching I had an extra Bible (which I
had almost forgotten) to give Mark.
Then I prayed for Mark & anyone whom God was calling to the study. Even as I was praying
Mark, followed by Dave, came back in.
When Mark left, Dave followed him out.
t for pagans like him. I said everyone is welcome.
’Mark & Dave discussed business for a few minutes until Beverly came. Then I gently but
firmly said that it was time for the Bible study to begin. They kept talking business, so I got a
little firmer and Mark said he would leave. I told him he was welcome to stay for the Bible
study. He said it wasnmeeting notice & agenda in hand. I introduced myself giving technical
credentials, but saying that this particular meeting is a Bible study.
–Mark showed up a few minutes later but he & Mark could do technical things if Mark came
1st.
–t lie about what we were doing & that as soon as anyone else came in we would start the
Bible study ’t know) but had led Mark to believe it would be a technical meeting. I told Dave
I couldn’Today Dave was 1st one there and he told me that he had invited Mark (someone I
didnOne of the new ones is Dave Carlin (a long story in itself).
and now up to about 8.
–I think I had told you that the Fri. lunch Bible study (Exodus) was down to two after the
early retirements I enclose a page taken from a Catholic almanac on Old Catholics.
over the dogma of papal infallibility.
–They broke away after Vatican I another way Lutherans are different).
–t care about apostolic succession ’but so do Lutherans (most Protestants don–carefully
documented –They trace their roots back to the apostles there is no special dispensation.
–She was mistaken that Patty mentioned.
”Old Catholic Church“I never did give you the literature on the as I send most of what I give
the study groups.
–t know whether it made the tape, I included you ’and since I didn–re involved in ’The Arthur
Pink antichrist material was stuff I pulled together for a study of Daniel I had given to Laguna
Hills study in response to some Dave Willhite questions. (He & Art are very interested in
such.) Since it was in a study youso that will be an added benefit.
–People are excited about the 3rd Tues. Joshua study. Ty & Dave had wanted to get to know
each other ll be blessed.

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3
’m sure you’and try to pray especially on Mondays. God is at work there. I–ll be praying for
your Scripture group ’Wes not likely.
’but that–with adjacent weekends of course –d be happy to go for a week or 2 ’I[qz]Now if
Northrop would pay my way to BETHPAGE,which Logicon is already doing. I just have to let
God use my absences to raise up new Bible leaders.
–m also away from work Bible studies ’Northrop gets enough of my time as it is. I–m away 24
hrs from the life I have here ’& treated accordingly. My unhappiness with business travel is
that I”one of the boys“ve always been ’world) have experienced. I”s’man“s also a woman in
the technical ’Re Business travel. Your picture is very different from what I (and a friend,
Ardis, whot get covered in our conversations:
’Now to answering any of your letter that didns vital. (Too many other good things to do.)
’or if I believe it–ll only work weekends if required ’ISO& Ken keeps loading it on. –s more
’but I know however much I do there–I came close to committing to working over the
weekend s necessary.)
’t believe it’but I don–on the 2nd one, Ken would like us both there –m holding off on the 2nd
one because I have work conflicts and believe I can get Ken to change his mind on the 2nd
one. (On the 1st one Ken is away so I DO have to go ’including more time at Logicon. I may
have to miss the next two Thurs Bible studies. I have Tim covering the 1st one. I–Also Ken is
loading even more assignments on me but perhaps I need more fertilizer.
–m not happy about it ’ve become so visible that it would be very difficult.) I’ll go to the
effort of reversing my promotion. (I’s interesting timing. I doubt that they’m strong enough
to handle it. It’I do have news. While I had the good news of the promotion & raise on your
last day here, I got the news of our group being taken into W100 on your travel day. Ty says
he knows It have time between work and Bible Study.
’but didn–I felt like writing already yesterday ve prayed so much for you.
’especially since they–The responses at Northrop were interesting too. People were so glad
to meet you d be back again Thurs. You are so much a part of the group.
’t said a proper goodbye Wed, because somehow she felt like you’Debbie said that she
hadn”
I miss her already.“Dave made a similar comment. Then when we got to Laguna Hills,
Debbie said, ”I miss her already.“I got home from work yesterday and thought,
Dear Linda,

March 17, 1995

The Goodness of God
: 36Week

”
I miss her already.“

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4
 Part Ten

What joy it is when Christian believers come together with the Lord! We bless each other
and we bless Him. “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in
unity!” (Psalm 133:1)

Christian witness. When she & I were alone, we prayed, read the Bible, and talked abt all the
Lord has done for us. – Linda
always been an impressive who hasI stayed w/ an aunt
in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers. – Acts 2:42
stedfastlyAnd they continued

Linda
Love

See you soon!

m super-excited!
’ll see Dr. K. one more time before I leave, & should have my ticket by Mon, as discussed. All
has gone very smoothly. I’I

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5
arr JFK 4:19 pm
lv JW 8 am AA# 756 nonstop
Th 3/16 -
arr JW 8:42 pm
lv JFK 5:30 pm AA# 463 nonstop
Fri 3/10 -
Fri 3/3 - Just made my reservations as follows:

d eliminate TV! (and I thought that was a hard question!)

’Now for my question abt changing one thing: Of course! I
s more how I am, and in principle, I think order is better than disorder.
’that–d prefer the perfectionist ’what do you mean? [Living. Working. Just friends. Married.]
Living w/ a slob is awful, I can vouch for that. I guess in general I–”Be around“5 -
really is not.
”failure“the light of faith is 100% wrong. So what I call a outsideve learned ’it is so clear, but
so very hard to learn. It helps me to remind myself frequently that everything I–Thru my
failures, definitely, and there have been so many more of these! Our weakness is His
strength 4 -
I have at least 4 or 5 friends whom I would trust, but not in all areas.
It would depend on the problem.3 -
m used to Linda. (Great question, by the way.)
’t really imagine being called that. I guess I’but I can–a nice pagan name –ve always loved
the name Diana ’s too ordinary for me! I’t hate it. I think it’t like my name, especially, altho I
don’NO, I don2 -
t know. There is something special abt those close to us.
’m never optimistic abt plans to save thousands of people we don’d choose to save my
family & friends. It may be selfish, but there is also something concrete abt it. I’ll be honest
& say I’The proverbial impossible question! I1 -
To your questions:

s answers to mine abt the extra hour or two, and my response to that is really that I have
never been short of time & now of course it is hard to fill the days.
’d really like to hear people’I will try to have one ready when I come. I
Re Study questions:

?
–t know what the Arthur W. Pink / Antichrist material was ’Thanks for the Genesis material.
The group is supposed to begin 3/13, & I will miss that mtg if I come to Ca. on 3/10, as I
hope. I didnnot at all like w/ you & Dave.
–m finding it a little hard to get to know her somehow ’When I got home I learned that Phyllis
had called so I called her & talked for a while. She is really having a tough time, & Ishe
asked me if we worshipped Mary. They never learn!
– s atheism has saddened her for decades, but she is extremely non-judgmental & very very
patient. She has some funny misconceptions abt Catholics tho ’my father–ve never related
to her this way & it was wonderful. Most of the time I was there, I felt lousy, but not when I

18
6
ws talking w/ her. She also had some interesting things to say abt my parents ’s relatives in
Pa. & I stayed w/ an aunt who has always been an impressive Christian witness, practically
the only one I knew growing up. When she & I were alone, we prayed, read the Bible, and
talked abt all the Lord has done for us. I’Over the weekend we visited some of my motherI
truly question its value for me as a Christian.
–is almost as sacred as abortion and AIDS. This is one reason why I back away from writing
”Artistic expression“a veritable idol, I believe. –really has become enshrined in our times
”art“, from the ridiculous to the sublime, and second, because ”art“& what people like
Donald Wildmon really want to see on TV is propaganda, which is worthless. This is a hard
thing to argue, or even discuss, first because there is such a huge range of what is called
”Christian art“t have both, sad as that is. If this is true, & some people, like Simone Weil,
seem to have believed it, then there is really no such thing as ’s more!) I keep coming back
to the question of whether there really is a contradiction between art, even good art, and
Christianity. I think a point comes where they diverge & one can’(Is that more than you
wanted to know? Theret we supposed to be in bondage to goodness?
’is an interesting phrase. Aren”In bondage to the goodness of not watching“m just very
surprised & confused at this point. It probably is good that I checked it out for myself. ’t stay
up that late. I’d like to see more episodes of NYPD Blue to be sure this one ws not an
anomaly, but I can’d still like HSB. I’I find it absolutely amazing that people get upset over
this tame stuff when 10 years ago Hill Street Blues was totally mainstream & in my opinion,
the best TV ever. It was far more daring & exciting and certainly was offensive at times. Of
course I may have changed, but I think It know what else to be), and I felt the whole thing
was a kind of pastiche of political correctness rather than real drama.
’re wimpy because they have forgotten how to be husbands & fathers &* don’m getting very
sensitive to & which I believe is a terrible problem (maybe they’t like it very much. I disliked
the wimpiness of the men, something I’m used to, I didn’to be violent, profane, or
pornographic (one couple lives together & were having a fight abt their wedding
arrangements & were shown sitting on their bed kissing) by TV standards I”NYPD Blue“50
times as offensive. But, altho I did not find –re on the wrong track. Right before this show,
which carries a dire warning abt violence & profanity, was a sit-com that was one long dirty
joke ’t told you what I thought of the cop show: I found it so innocuous that a child could
have watched it. The three men featured were shown to be very much controlled by their
relations with women (sort of wimpy), the police work was boring, the stories very pat &
neatly wound up at the end. If this is what the Christian right is screaming about, they’I
realized after we hung up that I hadns controversial.
’& is done all the time. Like everything else in the Church, it”in thing“m sure this lay
ministry is a Vatican II innovation. It is supposed to be used only when there are insufficient
priests but has become a sort of ’m so pleased that the sister bringing me communion was
so helpful to you. It is the consecration of the host that can only be done by a priest.
Eucharist ministers at mass are usually women. I’Im sure that now as more women travel on
business this has changed, or at least been cleaned up a bit.
’Resist the AMEX & resist business travel! I did it briefly as an accountant, and it was hell. I
was plunged into such overt immorality that it was almost funny, like finding myself in the
middle of a cheap movie, with every possible cliche of naughty boys away from home. It was

18
7
just ridiculous. It for telling lies about HIV. Did you ever hear of them? These are strange
times.
’m including a clipping abt a group in LA that is suing the federal gov’t exist. By the way,
I’cal than that the AIDS epidemic doesndis too strange to even begin to describe, but from
what I could glean, its premise is far more ra’d like your opinion of as mathematicians.
It’Sacred geometry does comprise such things as the pyramids, & is occult in my opinion.
When I come, I will bring a supremely weird book written by someone we know which II
loved the religious defense of good manners. (Another pkg of tapes just arrived!)
–ll listen to the Holy Scroller tape before responding to that part. Just finished the Mark tape
’Thanks for the package & all the goodies! I
–
Dear Dave & Christine
Mar 2 (no more of those expensive legal pads!)

Christine & Dave

Love,

s a Christian who knows Carl.

’she–I was just chatting with the lady sitting across from me in class
--------

t it?
’are just there to make me better able to love. It kind of makes life simple, doesn–I find that
more & more mine are the two commandments that Jesus gave. Love God, love man. All the
others, efficiency, physical fitness, etc they mention things like loving God, but also
efficiency, physical fitness.
–re to write our governing values ’as part of this class we–s funny ’Its mother.
’d go through when He chose you to be Adam’God knew what you,And Adam? Rememberre
asking God to work wonders in her.
’How is your mother doing? Weand that is best of all.
’we can find His will,ve learned how easy it is to mix our own desires up with what we
believe He wants. But, supporting each other, and going to Him’And weve grown to mean so
much to us.
’We are selfish enough to wish that whatever the Lord has for you (and us) will involve more
contact. Yout imagine.
’in ways you couldn–ve never met ’s already used you to bless people you’What IS clear is
that the Lord has His hand on your life. HeOr, maybe, none of the above.
Or ..., etc.
an open-ended stay in Calif to recuperate spiritually and seek His direction.
–Or that ministry of handwritten tracts in NYC.
–Or with new eyes & new attitude.
–Another option is going back to your old job You have already submitted your life in that
you are ready to die if He calls you home.

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8
t put any limits on God as to what He has next for you.
’Back to you. Dons on May 20, renew her wedding vows in the church & dedicate Shea to
the Lord on May 27. PTL.
’s visit in May. Carol will get her master’re also excited about my mom’WeHope your trip to
Penn was wonderful. We look forward to your visit with great anticipation.
the prime purpose is to offend God.
–And we do agree but not allow a Christian play?
–Why can the bulletin board at our local high school have flyers for seances ve retreated
from the world.
’and some others). We like to be liked. We think we should be nice. We–Connor, James
Dobson ’We believe that the power that the homosexual community wields is because of
their positions in the arts & media. TV, movies, etc have incredible influence on our society.
Also, it goes hand in hand with the anti-family, anti-Christian propaganda of the
establishment. And most Christians are wimps (unlike Cardinal O–
of course, He will, in His time –We too hope that God frees you from that job so, of course,
we plan to use that song on our next visit.
–s just one thing that keeps anyone out of heaven: not repenting and asking Jesus for
forgiveness of whatever sins we commit. Tracey told us that the lady keeps bringing up
Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego ’there–t the only thing that will keep her out of heaven.
Tracey said just what I would have ’name) told Tracey that being a lesbian isnt
remember’through High Hopes. One of the attendants there is. Tracey has been witnessing
to her. She listened to part of our Bible study. This lady (don–has entered my life –interaction
with active lesbian –t have ’The one thing you donYour office sounds like the scene of a soap
opera.
the average man spends 27 min quality time with wife, 8 with child and 32 HR in front of
boob tube each week.
–a good start.) One interesting tidbit – this is 7 –s almost like having a day off. (My boss has
required 20 hours of training ’and it–but Northrop is paying my normal salary –So far the
class is a mildly pleasant waste of time can sit and kind-of have lunch with you.
–t have to scramble ’Since I brought lunch, I don–re on lunch break ’Now we
-----------

d love to catch the variety of responses.

’and at a slow pace. Would your friends mind if you recorded the sessions and sent us the
tapes? I–s GREAT that you are doing Genesis ’Itmaybe we can work out a visit with her after
the mass.
–t live far from San Juan Capistrano ’Carol doesnll enjoy it. If it conflicts with something, I can
go to High Hopes & D can support you if necessary.
’Wed 15 is our next class at High Hopes 1:30 - 2:30. If you can still be here you–Re plans for
visit s good that we keep the original.
’it–Enclosed is the tape that arrived blank busy week.
verys our famous SIT that is a ’ll have trouble getting Mon & Tues off (but if nec, Ken will
prob be understanding). It’if it gets as late as March 27, I–so are the next two weeks –s great
for us ’That timeve already made reservations.

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9
’unless you–with 2 weeks notice –s hard to imagine that you can get here by March 10 ’Itll
both come out ahead financially.
’it seems that you–s ticket ’s great that you can use your friend’Thatbut she enjoys coloring
it. (She used to be a hair model.)
–s natural color is dark brown with red highlights ’t make that clear. Carol’but I guess I didn–I
thought I named them in order on reverse –s Lisa ’That–Carol is not the blond Yours arrived
just last night. Good timing.
Good time to begin a letter.
–Am on a break from the Franklin time management class
Dear Linda,
Feb. 28, 1995

and then monthly.

–re going back March 15 ’we–We all had a great time find the Valentines in the car & was
greeted with applause when he showed up.
did D –You do get most of the teaching on the 1st side. Also a song for us.
–s too bad because Dale sang beautifully ’and it–so the voices are so slow as to be
untenable –but at a funny rate –and it recorded –I DID push the button (the one from High
Hopes).
–Unfortunately we lost the 2nd side of a tape again
Dear Mom & Linda,

Christian Fellowship
: 35Week
re called to love them and pray for them.e aWthose who hate Him.
forJesus died on the cross for all – evenus who love Him.
offendto We all know people who seem to go out of their way to offend God – and
– Linda
Some of these things are so perverse that it seems their only purpose is to offend God.
Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but
became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. – Romans 1:21

Linda
Love,

19
0
ll call you, but see how that works out for you. By the way, the latest Y.L. tape (2/7) seems
to be completely blank.
’m not in bad shape. I am strongly considering coming to Ca. on Fri, Mar. 10. I’ll be back on
Sat. or Mon. I have to have another transfusion but otherwise I’re going on a short trip to Pa.
to visit relations. We’m going to mail this truncated letter because we’2/23 - finally home, as
of 2/21. I
m not so sure. Some of these things are so perverse that it seems their only purpose is to
offend God.
’someone was getting rich. But I–my question is how did a tiny and greatly disliked minority
come to wield such immense political power so fast? What is the connection between gays
and the liberal establishment that has chosen to completely identify with them & indeed
make them into heroes? I used to think that behind all these evils that people are so
determined to cling to, like abortion, there was money –”AIDS establishment“To resume our
discussion of how & why there came to be an s will that I not go back there.
’d been abused as a child. Oh, and a 50 year old divorced woman entering seminary to
become a Presbyterian minister. All this in an office of less than 20. I would not mind at all
finding out that it is the Lord’t be fired for incompetence because she’s baby. I was just
stunned. For such a tiny office, we seem to feature every weird trendy thing that can befall
women: we have a single mother who adopted a Rumanian orphan, a married woman w/
fertility problems who just had triplets, a surrogate motherhood, and good old breast cancer.
So far no active lesbians, altho we do have an anti-fur activist and a woman who claimed
she shouldn’During my last visit to my office, I learned that a married woman there has just
completed plans to have another woman give birth to her baby. The surrogate mother is in
Calif. & is already pregnant w/ this couplem sure, but I think a lot of things will fall into place,
too.
’no other book seemed quite right for us at this point in our exploration of Scripture. There
will be a lot of confusion I–m happy w/ the decision ’t race thru it & be overwhelmed w/
reading material for each session. I’this way we won–s 11 lessons ’Did I tell you that my
group decided to go w/ Genesis? I suggested that we spend 2 sessions on each of the
guidem out there.
’d like to borrow the Taylor book when I’Ishe will understand.
–d enjoy the drive as well. I think I have been to the mission there, but before I was a
Christian. I will not include a visit w/ my SF friend ’that would be a wonderful treat for me & I
know I–All your plans for my visit sound great. I surely want to get to N, & to meet Pat &
Carl. My choice for Sun. mass would be San Juan Capistrano I was looking forward to it.
–m so far behind in my tapes! I am sorry the Dave-Ron session was not taped ’It ask you on
the phone which of the beautiful young mothers is Carol! Is it the blonde? What a lovely
photo.
’t believe I didn’I cans very exciting to think this might really happen, and soon!
’ll likely buy her ticket if it meets my needs. It’I really enjoyed our talk this am but my mood
has darkened a little since then. My white count is slightly improved, but I need another
platelet transfusion tonite & the soonest I could leave would be Mon. p.m. I did however ask
K. abt a Calif. trip & he said fine! My friend will not be coming but I
–
Dear Christine & Dave

19
1
Lenox Hill
Sun pm 2/19

s worse to be around: a slob or a perfectionist? Why?

’Who(5)
Have you felt closer to God through your successes or through your failures? Explain.
(4)
Who would you turn to for advice about a big problem?
(3)
Do you like your name? What would you change it to if you could?
(2)
friends and family
- a food poisoning in your town that would kill 50 of your
- a famine in a foreign country that would kill 40,000 people
If you could prevent one of the following, which would you choose? Why?
(1)
so I too will be on-the-spot with no pre- knowledge.)
–t you plan to have a question when you come ’re waiting for answers to the two you sent so
that we can use them. (Why don’t forget, we’(and, don–s time for more questions ’I decided
it
Sunday - continued

Dave & Christine

Love,

ll reserve a room outside the protected area.)

’We–to bring communion –of even entering the building. (He is coming back for Holy
Thursday ”privilege“way of continuing to minister to me at work, now that Carl no longer has
the ’and was the Wiggins–the message is perfect –m using to send this contained my
Christmas present from Carl & Pat. I use this mug at work ’The box Iare part of the ALL
things that continue to work together for your good.
–of the doctors, etc ”mistakes“s happening in your life. Even the ’re so excited about
what’Weand they spend evenings & weekends staring at it.
– though we still have it. Some wonder how we can do so much –re no earthly good.) We
never even think to turn on TV these days ’some would say so heavenly minded that we–re
totally out of it with TV, movies, commercials, etc. ’ve not watched the show. (We’for
yourself and not be in bondage to the goodness of avoiding TV. We had so much to discuss
that many topics were left without being completed. We”taste“and are glad that you had
the freedom to –d be interested ’D was sorry that you never gave us your opinion of the
police show. We can sure understand why yous funny that within my first few months at
Northrop, Carl was bringing Deborah [Judges 4 & 5] into my life. At that time it was because
I needed to be stronger & more feisty. Neither of us knew at that time that it also pointed to
the leadership role I would have in the Christian community there.

19
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’Itthe communion that was offered to you during our all-too-brief phone call was a special
blessing to me.
–s will to plan to lead the service ’So, while my conscience, my pastor, and my husband all
agreed that I was in Godgo against the clear teaching of Jesus when they insist that the
elements are only symbols.
Protestantss position. Especially in the area of the Eucharist, where, I believe, many ’so
respect the Church’dAnd though I do not agree with the Catholic Church on some issues,
Ithe cup of redemption.
–WITH communion as Jesus initiated using the third cup –The bottom line is that, Lord
willing, I will do a mini-Passover Seder Fri owever, the other pastors that I know have a much
lesser view of the sacrament than I have. But I was concerned that my serving it might
stumble someone.
h–Going back to when Carl led his final communion as Bible Commissioner, and handed the
communion set over to me, he stated publicly that I should have the privilege of serving in
that way. He later told me that if I felt uncomfortable about it I could ask someone else ut
Passover Seders in the class and they wanted me to lead one.
oI had shared ab–in Exodus –ve just finished studying the 1st Passover ’In my Fri class, wes
supper.
’It was very interesting timing, too, that the lady came while you were on the phone with
me. I did not know that any but priests were allowed to serve the Lordm sure that the
communion was a blessing to you.
’but for such a wonderful reason. I–too short –as always –except –Enjoyed our phone call
tremendously
Sun Feb 19

----
I believe that your heart is circumcised and that the Holy Spirit is guiding your life to live
what your heart has decided is right.
to be the one who convicts her.
–not me –s fornication, I told her what the word meant when she asked. I want the Holy
Spirit ’t compromise on stating what I believe, but I do try to be gentle in all I say. With
respect to Lisa’I wonll get married in Aug.
’Re Lisa & Rick & fornication: Yes people do as they feel appropriate. E.g. Art has talked with
Rick who does want to get married. Latest is that theykind of time we had in car.
it will be fun but NOT the –re going to dinner with Patty, Brent & Tracey ’Next Fri. well still be
together.
’s showing us we’almost 10,000 people on that one site). God did work it out for Patty and
us to have some time this aft. so He–after many layoffs & retirements – we really saw very
little of each other at work (remember STILL –ll miss is my ride home with Patty on Tues
’Mostly what Iboss (Gary) called & spent an hour on the phone talking business?
EX(the 1st day away from N) her –ll pass on your congratulations to Patty. Can you believe
on Thurs eve ’IWe will pray about your money. It sure seems to be a BIG issue in almost all
our lives.
ve not had to do it.

19
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’d be away from D and the Bible studies. So far I’t want to have to travel (Oklahoma City,
Wichita, etc) because then I’because of the possibility of business travel. I don–)s more and
more pressure at work to get one (paid for by the company’not worth the annual fee. Now
there–ve never had an AmEx ’we–s funny ’Itre sure God had His hands on Adam.
’And we–which is occult, I believe. We continue to pray for Adam. Your love and prayers for
him are precious to God –s done with the geometry of the pyramids ’s the stuff that’unless
it”sacred geometry“ve never heard of ’Ill call your mom tomorrow.
’so we–s a little late now to try again ’as we feared since you had changed rooms). It–s home
(no answer) then the hospital (wrong number ’1st your mother–We just tried to call We just
had a very wonderful day: The 1st meeting of The Holy Scrollers, followed by our West Coast
Bible study. (Enclosed are tapes of both.)

–
Dear Linda
Sat, Feb 18, 1995
** Is Linda Noah Jewish? That could be connection with Phyllis.
d like to borrow it.
’or you can pick it up here if you–* I can mail it
Christine & Dave
Love,

t wait to see you! Hope your health is holding up.

’CanI also enclose two pictures taken on the night of the Christmas musical that we shared
with you.
we all continue to pray.
–s planning to get married in Aug. ’ve heard so much about). She says she’I enclose a
picture of Carol & Shea with Lisa & Jarrett (the Lisa yous party.
’s changed since last week when I saw him at Debbie’s Eve. She says he’t since New
Year’we were thrilled to say yes. We want to do it about once a month and haven–Carol just
called & asked us to babysit tonight I was disappointed that it was not you in the
confirmation picture. However, you still may have been at the party. At any rate God put us
together in His way and in His time.
were you one of her friends?**
–t know why Melinda mentioned Linda Noah in connection with you ’I donre Christian
because of our membership or our attendance.
’s available. And thinking that we’not even realizing what–s not too late for her to become a
Christian. So often we sit in church ’but then I realized that, if that is the case, her
recognition of it is a necessary step to rectifying the situation. It–At first it made me sad that
your mother is coming to the conclusion that she is not a Christian t play games. The
pharisees had plenty of evidence.
’but He doesn–I believe that His message is clear for all those who are open to receive it The
simple answer to why Jesus spoke in parables is that it was prophesied. However, it should
be noted that it happens right after he is accused by the pharisees of using the power of
Beelzebub.
Also, read Matt 13:24-30, parable of the wheat & tares.

19
4
not those outside.
–yet Jesus is speaking to the CHURCH –That verse is usually taught as an encouragement for
evangelism ”If anyone hears my voice and opens the door...“s written to a ch, how sad. ’.
That plural says each of us needs to heed what He says to each church. Some of it is very
heavy. Much of it takes a lot of study of scripture to understand what the terminology
means. But Rev 3:15-17, 20 are clear. And if we remember that itchurches3 has seven
letters written by Jesus Christ. In each, He says, he who has an ear, let him hear what the
Spirit says to the at is wrong. Rev 2,not to the world, and Paul (or others) had to say a lot
about wh–Each of the epistles was written to the church (or individual Christians) –The
church is made up of sinners then the corruption of leaven in Matthew would be well
understood by his Jewish audience.
–three measures of meal was a sign of hospitality –going back to Abraham (Gen 18:6) –it
puffs up (like pride). Then the bread can spoil. In fact –We were excited about what you
discovered on your own in Matthew. I do believe that leaven ALWAYS is a type (symbol) of
sin
nd unhappy) that she said things when I made it clear that I was taping. We're
linda. She's always had harsh words to say about her mom. I was surprised
ther was (is?) into some Satanistic things and it has really (and still does) hurt
_
s very strong and very different (including no TV).
’The man that D mentioned is Art Robinson. D will give me some material to include.
Hepornography.
–abortion, homosexuality –stands on family issues –often unpopular –s been on presidential
commissions; takes strong ’moved to Colorado. On radio, etc. He–t they. And while some
depend on geography, many depend on sub-culture we are in. (Even when we were square
dancers, we found a world that few are aware of.) Dobson has a national ministry called
Focus on the Family. He used to be located in So. Calif ’Public figures are really relative,
arenor you can ask it yourself when you come.
–ll use them ’We all had fun answering your questions. When you send answers, Ire enjoying
it.
’re glad you’D read it straight through while commuting to NYC; it slid down so easily.
Weand has been widely accepted by common men. You do have to remember when digging
that it is NOT a translation.
–It was written for children .
and Apocrypha. The words of Old & New Testaments are identical– Taylor had many scholars
read & critique it before publication. There is a Catholic Version with imprimatur and nihil
obstat .
)r planned to do the whole Bibleneve–(He started with the Epistles, believe it or not –before
that ”Living Letters“s. We had ’s been around since early 70’Itin which how & why he wrote
the Living Bible is explained. This is the same version that Kathy brings on Thurs. nights.
–*, the autobiography of Kenneth Taylor My Life, A Guided Toura translation) packaged with
some helps. We have the book, not–The Illustrated Bible that we sent you is just the Living
Bible (which definitely is a paraphrase re very excited.
’AND, we–re just praying that the Lord put together the whole trip ’Wed like to come, but I
do believe it would be complicated.

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5
’s about like us going to Syracuse from you. It would be very difficult. She is welcome at our
house, if she’iteeing your San Francisco friend:As far as st want you to get over tired.
’We dona trip to the beach? which one(s), etc.
–Except where it involves other people, the rest of decisions you can make as we go along
no choice on that.
–ll be on Tues ’Of course, you know where wes.
’ll work out a special Bible study (or at least fellowship) time at Debbie’t involve a Thurs,
we’Also, since your visit wonor we could meet half way.)
–ll try to come to us ’t get out there, they’if we can–(Carl & Pat do want to see you lunch
with Wiggins.
–if possible –s ch. svc. Then ’s SS class as well as Carl’t mind getting up early (leave about 8
or 8:15), we could go to Pat’s 57 mi (about 1¼ hr) but, if you don’It–s church on Sunday ’-
Sat mass in Tustin then Carl - Mass right in Tustin freeing us to do other things.
we would enjoy the visit
–s church ’- Kathy - Mission San Juan Capistrano has masses open to the public I believe
(45 min away)
Worship:
f a lot of possibilities for SundayI thought oIf you can leave late enough Wed (& would feel
up to it), we could have you at Northrop lunch Bible study Wed 11:30-12:15. There are
Northrop people who want to see you & I can find a room where you & D would be allowed.
ll have the full time together.
’ll probably be able to take off Mon & Tues so we’If you do fly on Fri. & then back on Wed, I
CHOICES

ll hear some on Laguna Hills Tape.)

’Got your letter yesterday. (You
–
Dear Linda
2/10

re both fighting high cholesterol but diet will probably help. D believes niacin he was given
for high chol in past contributed to the diabetes.
’but so far kind of winning. We–m fighting high blood pressure (mostly due to N) ’It wear my
wedding ring.
’though still can–decided to wait a while. Will go into detail in future if relevant. Bad
symptoms are gradually disappearing –I stopped the hormones ll let you know if anything
serious is found.
’s thyroid is enlarged but so far tests are yielding contradictions. He has more coming up for
this and other possible problems. We’Daveand have real support from hostesses of Bible
studies.
–re adjusting diet ’s having frequent meetings with dr & dietitian to get blood sugar under
control. He bought an instrument so he can check it himself. We’Dave
–
Re our health
2/10

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6
m home, so I was able to answer it right away.
’Received my 1st letter from Phyllis today! On an eve that I
Dear Linda,

2/8/95
Wed

The Yorba Linda Bible study Master tape was eaten by our duplicator (but AFTER I had made
a copy. PTL)
–t like this tape ministry. Everything goes wrong ’Satan sure doesn
Feb 11

hardly a disaster.
–Ron learned many details about Mark and looks forward to next week –not only did the men
have fun –But on pressing a bit –I would have loved to hear that tape –So, I share in your
disappointment What he meant was he forgot to tape the session.
”disaster.“However, when I asked Dave how it went, the word he used was s shower. He and
Ron had a great time together.
’I was at Carol–Dave taught Mark yesterday
–
Mom & Linda
Feb 5
Christine
Love,
.
dried up in a week or soitO problem – The washer – which is outside (but right outside the
area with the problem) had been leaking – badly – so our ground was saturated even with
the week of dry weather – it’s fixed now – hope to have 2We think we’ve solved the H
----------
we only had mixtures when he came.
–my brother prefers straight orange juice –ve had little glitches through the years ’do you
prefer low fat? Your normal breakfast stuff. We–E.g. Normally we have skim milk –
Before you come, please send a list of foods you would like in the house
---
Linda
2/4/95

Christine
Love,

ll guide you.

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7
’and Susan and Adam. We know He–ll pray about your housing decision ’Wewhich was 7th
month at time of Noah.
–rose 3 days later 17th of 1st month –Then Passover on 14th day of 1st month. Jesus
crucified on Passover which is why Fall holiday Rosh Ha Shana is celebrated as Jewish new
year.
–for sacred year. Secular year remains –Then for Passover God changed calendar (Exodus
12:2) so seventh month became 1st month ark rested on seventeenth day of seventh
month.
–as long as I was there I explained how Noah landed on Mount Ararat on the same date as
the Resurrection. Gen 8:4 –and –so we went back to the flood where dates are mentioned –
so I gave a brief description of the Jewish calendar. Then Ted asked if they got it from Egypt
–sked about the fixed date because he knows Passover floats a–a man with a kind-of-Jewish
upbringing –on the 14th day of the 1st month. One man (Dave) –s commands about the
Passover ’Carl & I both thought it likely to end because almost all participants took Golden
Handshake). In Exodus we are studying God–Actually we took an unplanned detour into
Genesis from our Exodus study at lunch today (which has been growing! with so much to
teach us.
–And such interesting characters s a point I like to make.
’it–is first mentioned in Genesis everythingJust about m sure you can find a way to do it.
Though, unless you can find a study guide, it will be a lot of work.
’be a 6 or 8 week class? Ill be blessed by doing Genesis. Would it ’m sure you’ll have a lot of
fun and I’I think you
–
Linda
2/3
ll watch more carefully in the future.
’* We
s much more at peace.)
’she–s heard of her on tape.) The Holy Spirit seems to be convicting her about her
fornication. She even commented how different Carol seems now that she is married. (She is
’please pray for Lisa (Mom has met her, Linda–Also s not too frustrating to stop in the
middle.*
’when we turned over the LH tape we pushed play instead of record. Hope it–Sorry
–
Mom & Linda
Feb 3

I enjoy reading the Illustrated Bible but it seems to paraphrase freely. I trust it because you
sent it. Sometimes the different renderings can be revealing (altho lacking in aesthetics :)
–PS
Linda
Love,

19
8
d like to see a photo of Shea (& Carol) someday ’m sure the baby party was a grand
success! I’IMy questions are too hard even for me to answer. Let me think about them.
Obviously, the second one, about free time, has no meaning to me now; in fact, I never felt
too busy, & my wish has always been for a simpler & simpler life.
I looked up the mustard seed parable in a book I have on understanding parables. They gave
the traditional interpretation, but I did notice something intriguing in Matthew, that parable
is followed by one about leaven in bread, and as we have discussed, leaven often (always?)
means evil in parables. This would relate the leaven parable closely to the mustard seed one
as you interpret it.

Question: If you had an extra perfectly free hour or two every day, how would you spend it?

My mom & I went downtown & had lunch in a diner. We ran into Susan Anderson who said w/
great embarrassment that when she had looked again at the photo of your confirmation
party it was not me in the photo, but Leslie Covert!
–Sat, 2/4
d long forgotten. Did she have any particular reason for asking about her? Some connection
with Phyllis perhaps?
’, another name IMelinda asked about Linda Noahmany people are upset by this verse, altho
I never was.
–re right ’Your discussion of the unforgivable sin against the Holy Spirit was also great. Just
last week at a weekday mass, I heard a priest say much the same thing. Youshe says so
from time to time, and I can see clearly that she is turned off not by Christian morality or
ethics, but by Jesus Himself. Well, He said He did not come to bring peace.)
–m sure she is coming to the conclusion that she is not Christian ’reading Scripture. I have
experienced this, mostly w/ the gospels. I love reading them. I love the words and the
actions. I love just being exposed to them. They are so completely unique and compelling
and alive. And yet I clearly remember a time when I found them weird and senseless and
distressing. (When my mother & I discuss Scripture, she nearly always dislikes it.
IenjoySome kind of selection process is going on constantly. I really appreciated your
comment that one way we know the Spirit is in us is when we begin to actually ”Let those
hear who can.“t help them much, but I feel the key is somehow in the words ’the use of
parables to hide the truth. My group was driven mad over this. I couldn–I had certainly never
heard anything like that before. Why would Jesus compare the kingdom of God to a church
gone wrong? Yet it is obvious that the mustard seed, while tiny, does not grow into a big
tree. This always bothered me. Then there is the whole issue of Jesus deliberately concealing
the truth about himself and the Kingdom – s the one I sent you in the summer. I continue to
find Mark very exciting. Your interpretation of the mustard seed parable was amazing ’I wish
I could have understood everything she said. At the end it sounded like she mentioned the
Joyner newsletter. ThatI just finished listening to the Mark tape. Not everything Melinda said
was cleart make sense.) Since the treatment happened on 1/31, the best period to travel
could even be earlier, like end of Feb.
’s really feasible, do you? (We just met in NYC at Christmas & she would understand my
constraints. She told me one of us would have to fly bet. LA & SF & that just doesn’t think
that’I got some prelim. airfare info for March. Abt $380 round trip to John W. 14 day advance

19
9
purchase, must stay over Sat. night. That sounds pretty good. I could arrive on Friday & stay
till Weds. or so. I have a good friend in SF who would want to see me but I don
If you could by executive fiat change one thing in our country today what would it be?

-------
Study Question:

Sometimes it seems like that desire is a more primal curse even than working the land by
the sweat of their brow.
”How can we get rid of our wives?“time, men were asking in all sincerity ’s a tough topic,
you handled it well, Christine, by telling of the marriage that was healed at the last moment.
It seems that from Moses’I was sorry when the tape ran out. That–my knee still jerks at
those names. The discussion abt dating behavior around the breakup of marriages was
fascinating –d like to hear more abt the guy Dave mentioned. It also gives me a shock to
hear Reagan & Rush Limbaugh mentioned as heroes ’[almost] of the public figures you guys
mentioned! This is a big country we live in. Ino onell try to include some w/ this letter. I
found it fascinating that I had heard of ’II really enjoyed having my questions used at the
studies & am highly motivated to send you more!
I had treatment #6 on 1/31 & while not pleasant, it went well. My counts were excellent
going into it. The couple of days following (now) are always a little rocky.
I am such a novice in these things that I never wondered how such a prayer might be
answered, but it is true that my burden thruout the past months has never been terribly
heavy and has often seemed not to be there at all. You are showing me new things every
day.
–s not easy. I was very touched by your mentioning that you had prayed to share my burden
’it–s like to have to change long-standing habits for health reasons ’First of all, I hope & pray
for good health reports for both of you. Dave I know what it
Dear Christine & Dave,

2/2/95

Offending God
:3Week 3
us – not just patches us!
changes. We thank the Lord that He do, to be totally renewedall As Linda wrote these letters
she had been receiving much, but she needed, as we
I have the new wine but it’s in the old me, & I feel pressure. – Linda

– Matthew 9:17
Neither do men put new wine into old bottles: else the bottles break, and the wine runneth
out, and the bottles perish; but they put new wine into new bottles, and both are preserved.

20
0
and then was able to share in the celebration.
–t know Kim. She had prayed ’Patty Gordon too was there even though she doesnt have to
be concerned.
’lots of food so he didn–was he surprised –expecting a Bible study –ve not seen this year
showed up ’stories of her sons. Also Skip who I–and chattered the whole time – was able to
come. Kim was really surprised –hard to get away from lunch meetings sowho has to work –
(not all yr has she been able). Gynda –with room for all to sign. Carolyn made it –Wonderful
message .Had it done in blue with yellow flowers. Letitia brought decorations, the same blue
with yellow accents. Linda Vallejo & friend made a beautiful card (Holly wrote in
calligraphy)–Enclosed –Shower for Kim was really special. Holy Spirit coordinated even the
colors. D designed the picture on the cake Be sure you get to the end of the Yorba Linda
tape. After we had turned it off, we put it back on so Patty could comment about the
pictures. Brent, too, had some final words.
ve given Him and know to be temporary for almost 18.
’for 6 years, in our current house that we”final house“We were in that for a while at least.
”bloom where we were planted“, expecting to be moved, God showed us that he wanted us
to ”final house“When we gave up our . God showed us that we have no final house until the
mansion Jesus is preparing.
”final house“When we were in NJ we considered our home to be our - held lightly.
- they are from the Lord and
As Christians, we believe that material things can be a blessing if
So many people are so encumbered by the debts they have.Also by buying a modest house
our mortgage payments have been low (and will be finished in May).
–t have all that weight ’t believe in carrying debt. What it gives us is a lot of freedom. If I
leave the company I won’we don–or home mortgage – unless for emergencies –You made
comments about paying off your credit card debt. Another way that D & I are strange is that
all of which started in beginning of Jan.
–and some, perhaps, from the hormones –and given me grace. I seem to be a little more
fatigued (I used to sleep on the van) but some of that can be explained by getting up ½ hr.
earlier –so God has provided –t do the High Hopes Bible Study on Feb. 15 if I were on the van
’I couldn–m enjoying the flexibility ’and I–s working out very well ’m driving to work, it’t but I
do like being able to get from where I am to where I need to be next. Anyway, now that I’or
a long distance (when we take turns). D actually enjoys the process. I don–s really tired ’he
drives unless he–t do much driving at all. VanPool to work. When with Dave ’Your driving
situation has some parallels with mine. For almost two years I didnsomehow we thought it
was gone for good.)
–re also glad to hear your car is back ’(Weyou are willing and able to make yourself available
to God in that way.
–s not fun ’and even if it–s not frequent ’even if it–re so happy that you are driving again
’We–but not usually when I can grab a pen and paper. –I think about the following a lot
Feb. 2

20
1
s vision is so bad that the only one he could see was the largest. More reason to want to see
you in person.
’ll get to end of tape so: final comments were how pretty you are. Brent’t know if
you’Donsomehow.
–ve accomplished their purpose. Our woman-to-woman friendship had a wonderful time of
nurture. We do fully expect to keep it up ’So just 2 more of our wonderful drives together. I
guess they–s last day at the N-place is Feb. 15 ’Patty”
re a newcomer.’re old friends; you’s the people. They’It“s answer however was just right.
She said, ’s is definitely better. Patty’s standards (price, square feet, etc), Brent’d stay at
ours, he wanted to know which was a better house. By the world’He wants you to stay at his
house. When we told him youWhen we told Brent you hoped to come in March he got very
excited.

Wed 2/1/95
s just short hand phraseology depending on emphasis.’will look up binding to see if
scriptural. I think though that it–Not near e-Bible
------

s command
’sacrificed (given to God and expected to be killed) from the moment he chose to obey
Godwass heart Isaac ’though in Abraham–in Bible ”sacrificed Isaac“t find words, ’couldn
------

Isaac
offered up By faith Abraham –Heb 11:17
t believe prospering always means more material things.
’but I don–s big on prosperity teaching. Believes Jesus wants his people to prosper. I agree
’Fred Price is a local preacher. Hetreatment day. We were praying extra for you today.
plannedPatty said she had you in her heart all day. I told her it was ll be out of N by mid Feb!
’maybe before we get back to the BS. If she takes it, she–s had an offer that she wants to
accept. Bob is out of town on business. She expects to talk to him on the phone tonight ’ll
miss that part of our relationship when she leaves Northrop. She’I–Patty & I had a
particularly nice drive home from work
with your letter)
–(Just finished dinner
---
Linda
1995
–Tues 1/31
even as your blood count goes up.
–Hoping the water table will begin to go down –Beautiful sunny day!
1/29/95

20
2
Carl & Pat will be moving within the next few weeks. They cannot afford to continue in their
present house & are selling it & finding one to rent. Also believe home ownership is an
encumbrance at this point of their lives.
s all ready to throw a party.
’ut your coming in March. SheoDebbie was really excited ab
Dear Linda,

1/28/95

t seem so mysterious to me.

’family fearing that he was out of his mind. It doesn’reveals abt the verse in Mark abt
Jesus”homework“m eagerly awaiting what your ’PS I
Linda

Love & prayers,

Who is Fred Price?

s held back, or clouded over, or something.
’t really come to full power in your life. This is just how I feel! I feel that something is there,
but it’I am finally reading the Born Again Catholic book, & finding some very surprising
things. There is a chapter towards the end that talks abt the feeling that the Holy Spirit
hasns in the old me, & I feel pressure, self-disgust, confusion, & great frustration.
’that is what I am. I have the new wine, but it–”new wine in old wine skins“s will. The other
night I had a strong sense of ’Another complicating factor is the incompatible feelings I have
that a) I need to face up to & deal w/ my problems; and b) I need to be patient and seek the
Lords feasible, I need to start looking into airfares! (Wow!)
’ve gone back to work, it will be long before I can take time off. What do you think? If you
think it’I go back to work. I feel a real need to do this, a pressing need, & once Ibeforethat
would be around Mar 1. There would be a slight risk, I suppose, but I think it would work if
the time is good for you. In other words, make a quick trip –There are complicating factors.
One is that I decided that, since there are long periods of being well & fairly strong bet.
these last treatments, I could come to Calif for 4 or 5 days, at this point perhaps after the
next treatment wanting to do right & not knowing what it is.
–s will for me in these crucial areas. I am often in a state of great confusion ’s a horrible
feeling, & one that is really distorting my life. I feel like my eyes have been opened in a new
way. Please pray that I may see the Lord’t pander to them, & give them everything they
want. It’t love me if I don’m afraid they won’t have any problem but am obsessed w/ the fear
that I do or will. My relations w/ both Susan & Adam, qz are clearly, are full of fear because
I’with which I really donMONEYAdam, and my living arrangement w/ my sister. And both are
linked to–m taking more charge of what I eat (a WW necessity) which makes me feel more
like an adult human being. And I am beginning to feel able to begin dealing w/ the two
biggest problems in my life ’m driving a little now. I’& give me an overall sense of optimism.
Many other things are happening, too, in all different parts of my life. I have my car back, &

20
3
despite fear & other problems, Ieffectiveve felt since all this started, in every way. The phys
ther has made a huge difference in my life & sense of well being. The exercises & massages
she gives me are actually ’Today has been a very strange day. I feel better than It give any
clue as to their nature.)
’re not too miserable while the side-effects continue. (You didn’ll take the right next step
and I pray that you’s awful to be in a medical quandary, altho you know the Lord will guide
you. I know you’m so sorry to hear of your unpleasant side effects, Christine. It’Im back on
Weight Watchers I can only have one a day! What a treat!
’s work decision. She might be at her Jan. 26 interview right now. And thanks to Debbie for
the cookies. Since I’I am praying for PattyI think the Holy Scrollers is a great idea. See
enclosed application.
d miss some. I will continue to meet w/ my old group. At our next mtg we will discuss what
book to tackle next.
’what I think they need is simply the chronology & an introduction to some of the profound
concepts first mentioned there. But can I find a way to do this? We had a meeting of all the
parish group leaders last nite & we agreed I would not lead one this Lent because of the
likelihood that I–t need the level of detail, typology, etc. that you can provide ’I continue to
feel that I want to do Genesis next w/ my group. They surely donconcept.
”off the back of the boat’Kickin“and the ”big picture“s ’especially Patty–I liked mine too! –
answers to my question ’? I know I read this somewhere. I liked peoples”the binding of
Isaac“of Isaac because he was not sacrificed, & that the correct term is ”sacrifice“s really
very enlightening & full of fascinating stuff that I never knew. By the way, have you ever
heard that it is incorrect to refer to the ’m halfway thru the Gen 22 study & am very
impressed. It’I
–
Dear Dave & Christine
1/26/95

New Wine
: 32Week

.
sJewand sloves all, Gentiledidn’t stay dead, and that He We can thank God that Jesus who
would accept His gift by simply asking, with repentance.

20
4
– Jew or Gentile –died on the cross to take away the sins of anyone ), ,n Hebrew)i,
-MashiachYeshua ha(Jesus ChristEarly in the Bible, God told Abraham that his descendants
would bless all the nations of the earth [Genesis 22:18] – and they have. One in
particular,only after the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob educated His people.

and Gentiles too were welcomed – but,comprised Jews almost exclusively. Gradually it
grewThe early church edeemer of all who receive Him.

RMessiah and the Jewishhas learned that Jesus is the )see below– et al., , Peterby a Jewish
man who (like Paulboth Jewish and Gentile, which is ledPhyllis continues to grow in the Lord.
She is active in a body of Christians,

Phyllis, One of God’s Chosen

: 1+Week 3It is a very strange process by which one realizes that one is habituated to sin....
Only the Spirit can open our eyes like that – Linda

In my sinful state I fool myself that I’m really pretty good – there are many who are worse
than I. But there comes a time when I must learn the truth about myself.

For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. – Romans 3:23

D is also taking Thurs night Feb 16 because I have another meeting. He usually prefers that I
teach because it comes much more easily to me.

”.shower“ll be at the baby ’ll continue. If it happens on Feb 4, D will be the teacher because
I’so we–Ron seemed to –& are glad that you did –difficult. D and I enjoyed it –a new one for
me – t say much) or other response (body language, facial expressions, etc) made the
format’Ron didn–re right ’but the lack of verbal (you– t aware that I sounded stressed during
the Mark study ’I wasns having an introducing the baby party Feb. 4 since the shower never
happened.

’Debbieand is so alert.

–s birthday. Shea is growing so fast ’The whole family was here Sun (22) for Dm sure they
will be appreciated.

20
5
’I–Thanks so MUCH for the pictures m so glad that the memorial service went well. We had
prayed that it would.

’Ieven as you are learning to listen to Him.

–He knows you well enough to know how best to guide you s direction for you.

’ll sure be praying for God’Well get you some scripture quotes, but the Holy Spirit WILL let
you know what to do when the time is right. (Usually not before.) James 1:5; John 7:17;
Proverbs 2:3-11.

’Weif things were to go poorly afterward.

”if only“t want to risk cutting the treatments short. Too much of a chance for ’Dave
predicted that your doctor wouldns letters are wonderful examples.

’s not gossip. However it is all too easy to slide into gossip. But encouraging each other,
studying the Word, etc. are wonderful conversation topics. Paul’Of course, while not cocktail
conversation, there is plenty to talk about thatis frightening. Spending an hour a week in
church is not.

–who He is –s also true of Methodist or Lutheran or ... The reality of Jesus ’s OK to be Catholic
but not to proclaim that Jesus is Lord. It’I know what you mean by ithey are self proclaimed
agnostics who are biological & cultural Jews.

but NOT Jesus. T–Buddhism, etc s ex-in-laws could accept anything else: new age, ’even
those that are not religious. My daughter–s reaction is not a surprise. Accepting Jesus as the
Jewish Messiah is considered a real betrayal by most Jews ’ll initiate the correspondence. D
& I are already praying for her and her family. Her mom’and I–d have an opportunity to
correspond with Phyllis. Feel free to send her my address & anything else you feel is
appropriate. Or send me hers ’I had hoped I

To your letter...

have trouble understanding that he has a job even though not specific hours.

–re trying to get D back regularly ’Theyll do a special lesson about once a month.

’If it goes well I can continue to arrange it with Ken. It choose to participate.

’ll have alternatives for those who don’ll lead a bible study on I Cor 13. They’he can do that.)
In the aft I–s Day. (Wed is Special Program Day). In the morning a dance (Brent loves the
chicken ’s school (High Hopes) on Feb 15. They are having a special day for Valentines’Made
arrangements today to teach a Bible study at Brentand I read the letter to Dave.

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6
–So we had a fire, some hot cocoa and there it was.

– be a letter from you d’hoping there–Drove home in the rain

Later that same day

one of our new Bible leaders.

–led by Jeanne –One good thing is that, while I will be supporting the event, three others are
doing most of the work of putting it together

Things like that help me keep on hanging on.

funded by Northrop.

–newsletter & flyers –Also publicity –re allowed to use Northrop Auditorium ’We

hoping for 400.

–re starting publicity sooner ’This year, we

200 participants.

–Last year Carl led a similar event

For Thine is the Kingdom ...

“End with me leading prayer

in small groups.

–praying for things appropriate to petitions –s prayer ’Then go through Lord

START with a few songs (hymns) led by Christian Guitar Club

11:45 - 12:25)_ two sessions

11:40:11

20
7
May 4.

– re planning a lunch-time event for National Day of Prayer ’We_____

Linda

1/25/95

PS - Do you know what it is abt Melinda's Christian friends that Ron doesn't like? (Just curious.)

Linda

Love again,

”righteous pagans“, and it symbolized His victory over death. It is not Scripturally based but
was a popular subject of medieval (sp?) artists. Christ is depicted breaking chains, stepping
over Satan, and reaching out to free Adam & Eve & other ”rob“means ”harrow“the word –s
descent into Limbo, or Hell ’Re the Harrowing of Hell: I consulted a couple of Catholic
reference books that mentioned it; it is a legend that enlarges upon Christ

ll just pray about it.

’t know what book to suggest to my existing group. We’t think he said much. Your voice
sounded a little stressed, Christine. Hearing the tape made me really eager to start another
group, altho I still don’t hear Ron at all, but I don’I know what they mean. I couldn–and found
them very exciting. They seem just right ”immediatelys“ve studied. I always noticed all the
’I knew I ended this letter prematurely. I am abt 1/2 thru the Mark tape & am really enjoying
it immensely, perhaps because we just did it & it is so interesting to hear you do it. I really
love that book, but it really is the only Gospel I

[the rest of the text appears on the back of the previous page:]

ve ever gotten to know at all well.

’s the first dr. I’s interesting to see his various reactions. He’m not surprised. This is a first
for him, too, & it’K. much less amenable when I brought it up again. IRe revising treatment
schedule: *

->

–over!

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LindaLove,

ll get it off so you can have the photos. Hope all is well w/ Shea & family.

’This seems like a very short letter, but Im so happy about the two little boys. I hope
everything is final by now.

’Yes, you had told me abt Kim some time ago & sent me some material on her & her
husband. I”

back to normal.“ll never get ’ASAP. But I suspect I”back to normal“t even help physically w/
the memorial gathering but had to sit & watch & feel useless while others worked very hard.
Every source of self-esteem has been taken away. A part of me knows that this had to be, is
according to plan, but another part urges me to fight it & to get ’m also having trouble w/
the passivity that my condition demands. I really hate what feels like a total loss of
competence in every single area. I couldn’Ive never done that before. I wish you were here
to advise me.

’are wrong, and God has something completely other in mind for me. This is an opportunity
for me to let Him decide. I–all the ones I see –of them alls just not time yet to make a
decision, or it could be that ’s needs are now a factor; it just seems the options are mounting
& feel no strong pull in any direction. This could be because it’to long-term disability. I am
increasingly worried abt my living arrangement & what to do abt the house in Bay Shore, to
which I feel less & less connected. My mother–I have just been moved from short–till 1/23.*
More & more I think abt what kind of life I will go back to –counts not high enough –This
continues to be a very uncomfortable time for me. My treatment sched. for 1/17 was
postponed t just pray all the time. Some do. Some take vows of silence.

’I wonder if we can”

t just pray all the time.’But what is there to talk abt? We can“Even Adam *& I , after a
somewhat depressing visit to a NYC friend, were commenting on how evil gossip is, & then
he said, no cocktail conversation.

–s how it always used to be! I can remember that faint lack of respectability from my
childhood but I found it attractive, always. Now the Church is much more respectable and
much less visibly lifting up Christ. My aunt & I talked abt all kinds of exciting controversies &
showed off how qz we were, but underneath it all, I was thinking all that matters is that Jesus
is Lord, but that would leave us with little to say ’s quite respectable. And that’t think it’she
doesn–t have the guts ’s gathering I spoke for some time w/ an aunt who I know wants to
become Catholic but doesn’that called me, but her awesomeness. At my dad”friendliness“s
’, but are completely right. Certainly I can testify that it was never the church”have a
point“m wondering if they not just ’t want to hear it, at least not too loud. Many Catholics
today feel the Church lost her willingness & ability to proclaim that Jesus is Lord with Vatican
II, with its emphasis on making friends with the world. For the first time, I’m sure you know
what I mean. Being Catholic has led me to the conviction that Jesus is Lord, so the Church is

20
9
still doing her job. But I feel stranded now with the knowledge in a world that doesn’, and
another to proclaim that Jesus is Lord. I”Catholic“s one thing to be ’like the sense I have
among my co-workers that religion is ok up to a point, & after that, it, and I, will not be
welcome, & maybe not tolerated. It–m aware yet in lots of little ways ’But there is also an
element of embarrassment and inhibition there that really should go. In fact, I am becoming
increasingly aware of a line that social pressure says I should not cross. I”try too hard.“re
probably right abt rich liturgical traditions making it harder. I know I have awfully high
standards for prayer, & probably ’Thanks for the insights abt praying aloud. Youquestions.
He certainly seems an intriguing character.

inds of I can just hear Art Grant asking all ks one thing to be vaguely aware of your failings,
but quite another to have no idea, until that door swings open, that there was even anything
wrong. Only the Spirit can open our eyes like that, and there is something scary about it.

’ve gone thru this process several times, most recently with gossip and judging of others.
It’re doing? It is a very strange process by which one realizes that one is habituated to sin. A
door you never know was even there opens, either slowly or suddenly. I’t marry. I wonder
what they think they’t get over these couples who buy houses together but don’The story
about Helen is amazing. I canll handle it, as I intend to stay in touch with her.

’t want to, I’t have time or don’ll be honest. If you don’m really a novice at these things.
Would you like to write her? I know you’I–t think I promised a correspondence w/ you ’I don–
in the way of a spiritual life & then be shocked & hurt when the child has to have one?) P.
said she was looking forward to hearing from you, which is a little awkward nothingparents
give their children nbut how ca–t made her parents s conversion & how sad i’it was her
testimony. As you said, she had a great deal to overcome, & had nearly reached the point of
a nervous breakdown before she accepted what she had to do. (Only 2 days ago my mother
talked to her mother, who brought up P–which unfortunately seems to have gotten lost in
the huge crowd, but I did read it quickly HThe day before the service a letter arrived from
Phyllis There were some others from the past, notably Mr. Stack, with whom I enjoyed
talking. All in all, it was a very affirming and happy experience. My brother & sister & I, and
Adam, got lots of compliments on our little speeches.

H. I think we all agree on that. Over 150 attended, & 7 or 8 people spoke. There did not
seem to be a great deal of sadness, & yet it was clear that my father had made an
impression, usually positive, on most people he met. I had a very nice chat with Richie –The
Memorial Service was a complete success ll send them. I hope this helps the group to know
me a little better. We deeply appreciate the sympathy card from all of you.

’s memorial but of course I had to wear a hat all the time. If any of them are really good, I’re
the best I could find. A lot were taken at my dad’re not ideal but they’First, a few photos. No
need to return them. They

Dear Christine & Dave

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1/19/95

s not too much of a problem.

’but not until Bible study is over. Hope it–There is violin practice in the background Debbie
sent some cookies.

ll pray about more.

’Then, if all goes well, we–I Cor 13 –re aiming for mid Feb ’D & I are praying abut leading (at
least one time) Bible study at High Hopes. I could work out my schedule to leave early (on
Wed I USUALLY have no aft meetings.) Well get details Tues. She continues to ask for
guidance.

’Patty now has a 3rd job possibility. She left me voice mail, I

1/20/95

Her prayer request is simply that God make His choice clear for her. We can all support her
in that prayer.

. Patty has a prayer request. She really wants to leave the N-place. She has a job interview
Thurs Jan 26 at a place close to home. It would however be a big cut in pay

Jan 18

t participate in the Bible study...

’Of course, since he doesn–”s Linda?’Who“In the process of the prayer Patty prayed for you.
After the prayer, Bob asked, but Bob had an important meeting at work today.

–unusual for them –Patty told me that she and Bob prayed together last night

Jan 17

t know whether to discontinue med, change dr., etc. Am on hold now but seeking the Lord
on it.

’I donAm having more-than-unpleasant side effects from hormones dr prescribed due to

some female probs I had & my age. Dr said they MIGHT go away in a few months.

that he was always fun to be with.

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–ut your dad. He remembers liking him oBill was also reminiscing abto his great
embarrassment.

–and Bill fell –and spinning fast –he and your sister were dancing –Another memory re Lindy
so probably the same contest. (He even remembers who his partner was.)

–but he remembers he was in 4th grade –but not that we won –He also remembers the Lindy
contest .

members Phyllis & Evelyn NI was talking to my brother yesterday. He re

Dear Linda,

Jan 16, 1995

All Have Sinned

: 31Week

of my heart. Being willing to give Him anything shows that we put Him first – that we love
Him more than any of the things He has given us.

all Jesus wants

at His word. – Linda

up any & everything completely

his is what God wants of all of us – that we be ready to giveT

and follow me. – Matthew 19:21

: and come sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in
heavengo andJesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect,

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Linda

Love

May God bless & keep you.

that we be ready to give up any & everything completely at His word. Sometimes I feel that
my illness is pushing me a few steps in this direction, towards a circumcised heart.

–t secretly expect him to be saved at the last instant. This is what God wants of all of us ’s
command. He didn’he had the ability to give up his son completely at God–This seems to be
exactly what happened to Abraham ”the circumcision of the heart.“s phrase ’and this is very
meaningful to me. I keep thinking of Paul–s heart went, Isaac was truly sacrificed ’I think it
ws a Jewish viewpoint. Certainly, as far as Abraham–thing ”binding of Isaac“I wish I could
recall where I heard or read that piece before I knew who wrote it & enjoyed it & thought it
was quite accurate. It was fun to hear Patty read it.

”little red wagon“I read the s what would happen in her childhood church & people would go
up front and be saved.

’was the one my mother used. I had never heard it. She said that”coming under conviction”–
then they live together & blame the Church for not permitting them to marry. I am also
interested in your use of that term –if they were married previously & wish to remain
Catholic ”excuse“t marry? At least Catholics have an ’them why they donaskI am most
interested in Lisa becoming convicted abt fornication. Does anyone speak to her & boyfriend
about it? Would you avoid strong talk abt fornication if she were present? Does anyone ever
simply that must have made it so much worse. I am really looking forward to another
massage & conversation but now this hospitalization has stalled that, as well as my physical
therapy.

–ashamed m not ’t think I told you that she has pretty much conquered a terrible driving
phobia, much worse than mine & of which she was so ashamed that she never told anyone
but just figured out ways to get others to do the driving! At least I’I told you on the phone of
a new friend (I hope) who is learning massage & how she felt the Spirit as soon as she came
into our house, but I dons car/High Hopes story & marveled at his calm, as I do at any story
of a person dealing w/ car trouble w/o immediately envisioning violent death.

’I was fascinated by Dave–you can see there is something wrong in my thinking. Other
people seem to handle these problems so easily –t go on ’but I am dubious abt the major
repair made in Albany yet fear taking it to the very good place from where I bought it
because they might tell me I need $4000 of repairs. I won–s a stick shift & no one but Adam
& I can drive it) ’t have the money to take care of it the way I want to [one reason I want to

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3
change my spending habits]. It has proved itself a good car (except it’s garage. As is the
case w/ my house, I feel I don’and now the car is in reasonably good shape & sitting in my
mom–a horrible experience –About driving: The car itself is a great source of anxiety. Adam
had an accident w/ it on his way up to Albany in Aug. & had to deal with the situation up
there on his own. He got it repaired for a very reasonable sum (I paid of course) considering
what the damage was, & he kept it up there & had no problems w/ it until Christmas, when
he drove it to Babylon & left it w/ me. At that point the exhaust system was shot, the
inspection out of date, & the registration abt to expire. I had all of this taken care of during
January !

such. Give her my congratulationt lose to’s sad that so many of your good friends are going.
At least you won’Exciting news abt Patty! She must be very happy. I hope it works out
wonderfully well, but itll be happy to cook.

’m in good shape, I’m not hard to please. If I’believe me, I–ll be in when I come ’t give a
thought to special food, etc for me! In general I eat little meat & sort of loosely follow a
Weight Watchers regime w/ is very flexible. But who knows what condition I’Please donve
had extra money. I appreciate your support in this. This could be a very important step for
me.

’will be to change my spending habits, which have become incredibly careless & self-
indulgent in the last 5 years since I–I expect it to be transformational! –s the easy part. The
hard part ’my Amex (& Adam has a card on that account. He is as eager as I am to get rid of
it) & pay off my others, one immediately & the other as soon as I can afford to. Thatget rid
oft know what my income will be. But I am poised to ’anything yet because until the l.t.
disab. checks start coming, I wondoingm not actually ’there is no security, so one might as
well be unencumbered. I am actually getting excited abt my new, debt-free life. I–I admire
Carl & Pat & often feel that home ownership is no asset in my life either. The security is just
a myth but seeks to somehow unravel secrets of the universe.

– s certainly not Christian ’it–verge on the occult couldm leery of it because it ’do you know
abt that? I–m beginning to open my mind to a vast & intricate Plan, tiny bits of which we can
sometimes glimpse. Adam has approached this same idea thru his interest in sacred
geometry ’ll have to read it over carefully. I never used to put much stock in patterns like
that but now I’The stuff abt the dates of ark & resurrection is fascination. Ill let you know
what happens.

’I–very structured, but we could go slower –Genesis Study we would use is an 11-week study
w/ a guide Thed go along w/ the majority. I have not heard what decision was made. ’As fate
would have it, the meeting of my group to determine the book we do next was during this
illness, so I missed it, sending my vote for Genesis & my reasons & saying I

To your letter:

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I am most grateful. People are supposed to wear masks when they come in but nobody
does.

–Meanwhile, I have no idea how long this stay will last. I have not had fever or chills now for
24 hours & am sitting in a chair & feel better. They moved me to a private corner room
overlooking Park Ave. (a very ugly room actually) but it is so wonderful to be alone He
promised to discuss it with the other doctor on Monday, but this is also a decision I can make
myself. I am ecstatic at the possibility that I may have had my last treatment, but it would
mean dealing w/ the fearful issue of whether we have had any results, a question which it
will not be easy to answer clearly.

”ve probably had enough.’I think you“was too much & he would not repeat it. (I had to have
blood & platelet transfusions plus the usual stimulation of my white count while fighting a
staph infection, and swelling in my only usable arm.) I asked him again if we could end the
treatment now, and he said –d given me the full blast ’the only one in which he–Last eve. Dr.
Kruger came to see me & said that the last treatment administered

Dear Dave & Christine

Lenox Hill

–Sun 1/12

* many consider this (Sardis) to be the liberal Protestant church

Love D&C

s folks are not believers and we had to submit to their dinner customs. Now when we are the
hosts...

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’s house. D started to grab hands to say a prayer. I poked him & the two of us just prayed
quietly. Paul’s father’Last weekend D & I had dinner at Paulsometimes praying in front of
non-believers is inappropriate.

–And s.

’your prayers are as beautiful as anyone–So but gives me the privilege of putting it into
words.

–or those listening to the tape. My father knows my heart –m not praying for the ears of the
people at the table ’but freedom always does. I–With that realization, eloquence sometimes
follows s will.

’The only prayers that are wrong, I believe, are those that are hypocritical or those that try
to manipulate God or those that try to obtain things that are clearly not Godhave no such
expectations and have more freedom to just say what is in their hearts.

–who are used to lay people praying extemporaneously in church –Baptists and others
because they feel they need to come up with lovely poetic words like those in the church
service.

–I also thought about your comments about those who can pray so freely. And I remembered
how Catholic, Lutheran, and other Christians who have rich liturgical worship usually have
more trouble with public prayer than others we still are wounded.

–but nonetheless –which Jesus has conquered –The Bible describes death as an enemy raise
him from the dead.)

–and did –even though he could –(Jesus wept about Lazarus and the pain of grief is a reality.

–All the busy things are good and healthy but at some point they will be over and in prayer
for you and your family.

–Was awake much of last night

10:20 Eastern

7:20 our time

Sun Jan 15

re all so happy for her, her husband & the boys.

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6
’s still starting (and probably leaving the place of our mutual employment). We’starting
motherhood with an infant sheisn’tHolly & Shannon & I are planning a shower for Kim. We
decided that even though shell be glad to support function if others do most of coordination.

’but then backed down as our involvement in PH grew. However, I told Jeannie I–Jeannie also
wants to do something next fall. Carl & I started these Auditorium Praise Services re already
praying about what to do for National Day of Prayer.

’s class so he could lead it. There were 3 half hour prayer sessions. Carl started it, then the
Bible leaders present led small groups. It ws very well attended & received, so we’t even go
last year because I taught Carl’I didnA lady, Jeannie Archibald (one of the new Bible study
leaders at work), wants to do something special for the National Day of Prayer (May 4). She
& Brian (who organized it last year) & I are having lunch Tues to work out prelim plans.

I enclose a couple of pages of a book, Classic Christianity. Illustrated! by[qz] Bob George. We
enjoyed it.

s from his heart.

’mainly because it–His preaching is wonderful point of view) but did something else, because
he knew it would upset me too much.

’s final Thursdays he considered going through Psalm 22 (the crucifixion from Jesus’On one
of Carlt understand the discomfort.

’At work a few years ago when he taught the Gospel of John it took a couple of months for
him to teach the passion, partly because people asked so many questions. My discomfort
was quite visible. Some were curious about every detail & canvery seriously.

”Do this in remembrance of me,“He seems to have a particularly good understanding and a
soft heart about what our Lord did for us and takes the words, t always give all that detail
when he serves communion, but it is always very special.

’He doesns sufferings.

’s description of Christ’I understand your fast forwarding through Carland contribute to the
mudslides & flooding that come a few months later.

–which burn off foliage –though they often spread fires –t bring bad weather ’Santa Anas
donI will pass on the comments and the hugs.

s already looking for patterns for the dress.

’she–Katy Ann will receive her 1st Communion (May 21, I believe). Her mom is Kathy such a
joy. Full of loves & hugs.

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7
areYes the names were correct. The children a delightful evening. We were afraid that it
would be hard to follow.

was s celebration. It ’m so glad that you enjoyed the children’Ire called to do. Remember I
Sam 15:22. To obey is better than sacrifice.

’and different things that we–You are clearly growing in submission to Him. We each have
different things that come easily –”not doing enough for Jesus“t be disgusted with yourself
for ’Please donll look forward to the picture. I did show them the one of the two of us by the
restaurant, but they want more.

’Weand other places give me reason to hope that some good comes of their work.

–He that is not against us is on our part –Mark 9:40 Many liberal ministers are more
therapists than men or women lifting up Christ.

and that even D & I had that brief opportunity.

–including the times over breakfast –m really glad that you had opportunity to discuss with
your dad ’Ican be a way of building relationship, but I agree there are more important
things.

–or whatever –or computers –Sometimes discussing baseball counselor who told a man that
he truly did have a difficult decision in choosing between two women that he loved (one of
whom was his wife).

”Christian“ve shared some of my experiences: E.g., the Reformed minister who let a woman
teach Sunday School even though she was openly committing adultery. The ’I personally am
very uncomfortable with liberal ministers. They seem to have the form of godliness without
the power thereof [II Tim 3:5, Rev. 3:1*]. Ire winning together in a bigger way.

’t remember winning a Lindy contest in the gym. Though I do remember dancing in your
living room. PTL now we’Boy I donve shared with you, but D & I are very sensitive to the
Jewishness of Christianity and the treasures that we can receive from Jewish things.

’m sure that we’Ill pray for Phyllis. How exciting that God is connecting His people with such
different backgrounds.

’Wepersecution, etc., so they are rarely wishy-washy Christians.

”Christian“are people who are really in love with Jesus. They have so much to overcome:
family pressures, history of–or whatever term they use –”Messianic Jews“or ”completed
Jews“In our experience is definitely familiar to me, but no specific memories.

The name Phyllis Hll get the tape.

’you–ll be doing Genesis 22 next Tues. night ’Wet get into everything.

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8
’t remember how long it took us on the Fri. lunch study, and we really didn’t work for
Genesis. You know how I do it. I don’a short session wouldn–re right ’YouNOT country)

–We do enjoy the Gregorian Chant tape. Dave and I like having a variety of styles of music.
(Not rock Iris Avilla had been a big sister for her at work and had asked the Lord to provide
someone else. And there I was! Helen & I will have lunch together Mon.

s asked for prayer that God will either put them together properly, or send them their
separate ways.)

’Shortly after that, in the process of normal business she was interacting with some people
who were discussing someone else who was living with her boy friend. Heavy things were
said about fornication. Helen took it as a message from God & moved out of the bedroom.
(They own the house together. She.

fiancéAt that time she was sharing a bedroom with her and she came to know Jesus.

–so she reluctantly went. During the service it was as if everyone but she & the pastor
disappeared –day ”Fall Back“but no it was the –t want to go but agreed to meet him at 9 AM.
Then she overslept and it was 8:30 ’and whom I know casually) invited her to church. She
didn–who also works in the same facility with me –Afterwards she shared the following story.
Last October her father (Carlos because Helen was in tears and needed some loving.

–which was great – Then yesterday she showed up (Exodus). Only women were there First
week back, I decided to take Helen a Bible study schedule.

When I found her, she introduced me to Helen, a new Christian.

s a Christian lady who took the golden handshake.

’t know her well, but she’During the last week of work, I sought out Iris Avilla to say
goodbye. I donBefore I respond to your letter, let me share a special story.

from the West Coast Bible Study. Let me know if you want them to continue.

–m enclosing an extra tape. Mark ’I”

s still too short.’cause it‘Good thing she wrote on both sides, “s comment: ’Your letter came
today (and the box of tapes). D

Jan. 14

will be using them in the near future.

–Found your questions and answers

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9
Jan. 9

t get can be replaced.

’Now that we are making copies, we will keep the originals here, so any you (or anyone else)
donI generally feel as if I put on so much it looks like a kid was playing with the tape.

I sure wish I knew where the weakness is in my tape packaging.

Dear Linda,

Jan. 7, 1995

Be Ready to Give it Up

We are thankful that our enemy, death, has been defeated at the cross of Jesus. Sharing
that good news comes naturally to those who love the Lord.

There’s no way I’m going to talk about death w/o talking about God. – Linda

– Isaiah25:8a

tears from all faces.

He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord God will wipe away

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* as tho push has not come to shove in some really important way!

Linda

Love & prayers,

did it bring you bad weather?

–s tape & really enjoyed it. Your final song was beautiful. Thank you. Fascinating abt the
Santa Ana ’Katie Ann, Sam & Kimberly? Not just the lovely singing but their loving Christmas
wishes. Please give them each a big hug from me. My mother heard the second half of the
children–s celebration was delightful, as were your sotto vocco (sp?) comments. It really
sounded like fun. I wish I could have been there. I was overwhelmed by the concert by the 3
pretty girls ’The childrent even pray before meals if a non-believer is present.

’t do that. I can’I sure can–m really disgusted w/ myself for not doing enough for Jesus. I was
abashed by how openly and confidently Phyllis could pray ’Sometimes I think that I get
disgusted w/ people like the Methodist minister because Is description of the Crucifixion. It
was unbearable. What a wonderful preacher he is. Pat & Carl are becoming much more real
to me.

’I had to fast forward Carl

I promise it for next letter.]

–s death ’m reneging on this. My sister has all the photos because of my dad’[I

m not sending this till I have a halfway decent [recent] photo to enclose.

’Ithanks for sharing it.

–I loved the poem, Christine s death & that she had no idea that I had become a Christian.
She heard I had cancer, & became overwhelmed w/ a need to call me, altho mostly, she
talked abt her faith journey.

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’will become part of this odd re-orienting of me. I have since learned from my mom that her
call had nothing to do w/ my dadtion. I wonder if Phyllis Hs more like a vast tide tugging me
in your direc’t listen to any for a while, I find myself missing you in a unique way. My whole
self is oddly oriented towards Calif, & has been since before you came in June, & I do feel
that much of this connection comes from a source beyond my little self & my own
preferences. It’Just received your loving letter & poem. I do derive untold strength from
knowing you & Dave are there (and to a lesser extent, the study people, too). Altho I
sometimes feel overwhelmed by the tapes, if I dond been unkind, but I hate to see the Good
News watered down & used in a meaningless way. I can really feel now that peculiar hatred
directed at Jesus and his followers.

’t they realize it themselves? Sometimes I wonder if anybody takes this stuff seriously.
Afterwards I felt I’She & my mother both hastened to agree w/ me, but why didn”t see what
place they would have in his service.’t believe in God or Jesus. The parables are not just nice
stories, they are revelations of the Kingdom of God, so I don’My father didn“for example she
suggested reading the parable of the Good Samaritan at the service, but I objected. I said to
her, –want wem wrong. Am I? She behaves more like a therapist, & is very quick to pick up
what ’The Methodist minister (female) made my dad feel comfortable by discussing baseball
& politics w/ him in the hospital, & because of that will officiate at his service. I think there
are more important things for a Methodist minister to discuss, but perhaps I”too religious.“re
getting ’God keeps creeping in & then everyone thinks we–Time to get this in the mail.
These are strange days, w/ the combination of getting used to the absence of my dad &
reacting to all the memories of the past that come up every day. I find planning his
memorial to be a weird balancing act –Tues. 1/10

partner. Apparently we were finalists in a Lindy contest in the gym. God was there all along.
I was also interested to see that I attended Sunday School every week thru 6th grade.

dancingmy –guess what! –ve read thru 6th grade & you are mentioned several times as ’s
death is bringing up a lot of the past. We were sorting old photos yesterday & I found a diary
I kept beginning in 6th grade for abt 3 years. So far I’My fatherm living in the middle of a
miracle & not sure I like it. Phyllis prayed just wonderfully for both of us before we hung up.
She seemed so comfortable talking out loud to the Lord. I will certainly write her, and I hope
to see her some day.

’t be happening to a Jew), & that nurses during her operations were instrumental in getting
her to finally accept Jesus. I told her about my friendship w/ you & asked her permission to
tell you her story (what little I know), so you could pray for her. I guess I should stop being
amazed at these events, but still find myself feeling unreal after they happen, as tho I’s
pretty much lost everything, but has found the Lord. She said she fought it for a long time
(feeling this couldn’She is presently recovering from a very serious accident (auto I think)
requiring many surgeries on her leg. She told me she–do you remember her? She was one
year behind us, & her sister Evelyn was one year later. My parents were good friends w/
hers, but I was never friends w Phyllis. I knew she was divorced & living in DC for a long
time. She told my mother she had had a powerful urge to talk to me for several days and

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that she (Jewish by birth) had become a Christian this past Spring. My mother & I were both
sort of stunned as I got on the phone. A most amazing conversation followed –r got a call
from Phyllis Hs death my mothe’I have another miracle to report. Today sort of in connection
w/ my dad

Feast of the Epiphany

–8 Sunday

s why I have to come & see.

’Thanks for the list of your studies. I will surely pray for them all, & the list helps me to
better envision your daily life, always a challenge. Thats death than Susan or I, & perhaps it
will have an effect on his ability to make and keep commitments. I pray it will be so.

’perhaps the long overdue next step for them too will be marriage. That would be so
wonderful. My brother, I believe, will be far more affected by my dad–marriage was
heartening. When you mentioned the Lord joining people in marriage, I suddenly thought of
my brother & Debbie as part of this ’The story of Carlosjob!

myinto her alphabet. And I thought I disliked ”n“s refusal to permit ’I liked Linda Vallejoll see
what happens. I too wish you could join!

’t have the knowledge to go verse by verse the way you do. We’s incomprehensible after all.
I don’, we would have to just skip over a lot of the mystery, & I think people might get
discouraged, & feel itlongs dealings with Cain), and because it is so ’s appropriate for this
really not very experienced group. It is tremendously mysterious (for example, God’We
discussed my study group on the phone, but in preparation, I began reading Genesis in the
hospital and I became overwhelmed. Now I wonder if itMost people think of a bone
transplant as involving a donor & some do, but the one for my case is a self-transplant.

Praise the Lord!“said, Iand ”re a practicing Catholic,’s no point in studying Catholic theology
unless you’There“d like to learn more about. My niece, Marsaura, is a graduate student in
Catholic theology at Fordham in the Bronx, but practices no religion & was never baptized.
Just the other day she said to me, ’s something I’in Catholic practice & theology. It”legends“t
know much abt the place of ’t recall what it said. In general I don’. The piece I read in that
Catholic newspaper did specifically mention Adam & Eve, but I canThe Divine ComedyI will
check into the Harrowing of Hell further. My niece & sister had both heard of it, Susan from I
hope you enjoy the Gregorian chant. I wanted to send you something distinctively Catholic,
but catholic. I bought myself the #1 Sampler & am really enjoying it, but I must say, they all
sound the same to me.

s where I found it. When I first saw it I thought, I wish I knew a baby. And then Shea was
born!

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3
’? She owns a big health food store & that– remember Cheri Bs store ’I thought that baby
outfit was really special, too. I wished they had it in my size. I got it right here in Babylon in
Cherim going to talk about death w/o talking about God.

’s no way I’s not quite finished. There’ll probably send you a copy of it; it’ve written about. I’t
imagine what I would say, until I realized that I have a very strong sense of where he is now,
and that is what I’ll have to listen to. We children are all expected to speak at the memorial,
and I couldn’s atheism will color, indeed define, his memorial service. But my mother feels
strongly about this. I hate the wishy-washy things said when a non-believer dies*, and I also
hate all the sentimental nonsense I know I’I dislike that my fatherI feel that something long
& painful has come to an end. As I said to my sister, the world suddenly seems a much
easier place to be in.

–s death may have contributed to this feeling ’m getting to the end of something. My father’I
just feel I–m not sure where these impulses are coming from ’t stop after the next
treatment. I’s any reason why we can’t know what my counts are, but I feel pretty well. I
have gotten a herbal tea that is supposed to have an impressive record of helping cancer
patients and as I mentioned on the phone, I may seriously ask Kruper if there’s too early to
talk about. Right now I have a cold & I don’t helped either. Very slowly, over this long ordeal,
I find my self-image changing, but it’ve ever tried to do for my back pain has been wrong, &
that my general impatience & perfectionism haven’m walking very well & riding a bike, but I
have a new center of muscular pain on my left side. I have abt 1/2 hour of exercises to do
every day so far & they have a dramatic impact. I feel that everything I’after only 2 sessions
I feel drastic changes in my body. I–Re the physical therapy and for the posters, too. I will
now attempt to respond to 3 letters in a sort-of orderly fashion.

–I love it –After our conversation this a.m. yet another letter & package arrived! Thanks for
the tee shirt

Dear Christine & Dave

1/7/95

Dave & Christine

Love,

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4
ve been working at keeping the rug reasonably dry.

’D bought a shop vacuum so wes been raining and raining and raining....)

’t sit in our mail box and get soggy. (It’s going out and wants to drop mail in the post ofc. so
it doesn’Am going to close now. Ds guidance has been clear.

’re on a rough road, God’It is exciting that, even though youwithout a lot of data to go on.

–ll pray for the Lord to give you and the doctor wisdom. Just last week I too had been
thinking about how the treatment schedule was an invention ’We were excited to hear that
you are considering revising your treatment schedule. Wenot only for the next few weeks.
The whole first year will be difficult for your mother.

–Of course we will be praying for you and your family We were so sorry to hear about your
dad. But share with you thanks that his passing was quick and easy.

Jan. 7

like the houses in Babylon near the water.)

–not basement –but not plumbing anyway. (Our house, like most in the area, is on a slab –or
may have some big repairs –We may be OK once things dry up –turns out ground water is
coming into house –we thought we were having plumbing problems –Anyway t go out that
night.)

’before the real mess. (Robert even took our advice & didn–I left work early –I just learned
that the storm on my 1st day of driving to work was the worst of the century. PTL we were
very pleased to pass two on to him.

–so Paul asked if he could have two –t want one ’Had lots of fun giving away tee shirts. When
we offered one each to Carol & Paul, Carol didn

1/6/95

s another one that I will miss at work.

’s her desire. She’That–will be hers in about 6 weeks. She, and her whole family, are thrilled.
The new grandparents are already looking forward to little league games. Kim will probably
be able to stay home with them – ages 6 & almost 4 –TWO little boys (almost definite) –
hasAnd he –t foresee. ’Then when I shared the miracle of the interrupted labor (sounds like a

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title for a mystery story), we discussed that God might provide her with a child in a way we
couldnfor a mother for Shea.)

–of course it was never my choice to make –s my first choice at come around, Kim w’was
willing to have an open adoption. (If Carol hadn–She had even given me literature for Carol t
physically capable of carrying a child.)

’s had heart & lung surgery and isn’s been trying to adopt. (She’s involved in Wed & Thurs
lunch Bible studies. For over 3 years she’Have I ever mentioned a young lady named Kim?
She

Dear Linda,

Jan. 5, 1995

but I do that all the time

–* no pun intended

D&C

Love,

God bless you! Many in Southern Calif are praying for you.

Now I will close, so we can get this out tonight.

s a good balance, also, for the four of us.

’and are very effective. It–s so soft. They team up often as marriage counselors ’it–and you
never know what hit you –”scolding“so that although she sometimes seems blunt, I receive
it well. Carl, on the other hand, has a very gentle tongue. He can give you a well-earned –s
behind each thing she says ’but I know the love that–roles. Pat says whatever comes into
her mind. Some people are threatened by it –but opposite –s interesting, Carl & Pat have
similar ’Itbut often misunderstood. It makes us a good team.

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–s certainly without guile ’is what I mean by lack of subtility. He”innocence“s ’Maybe what
you call Dand growth from the strengths of those you have the opportunity to meet. It will
be interesting to see what God does.

–allowing new friendships –when groups are mixed more people are exposed to each other –
as well as the Lord. On the other hand –in relationship with each other –When a group stays
together, there can be so much growth s will in that group and in your parish Scripture
studies in general.

’re praying for God’I guess you missed the final Mark session. WeWe did GHEUC in Y.L. (even
Bob joined us). That may have been on the tape(s) that were lost.

RADICALLY SAVED.“s said ’I gave them out at YL Bible study. Brent–Button was from me so I
use them a lot to hold goodies.

–s really quick and easy ’ve received compliments on them. It’s only in the last few years
that I’t old enough to appreciate it. We used them often for parties when I ws a child. I
always took them for granted. It’when you weren–You probably had them before actually
what you got was a crushed version of the candy basket I had made.

–I did the folded napkin t like ws needing to remember which Bible I needed for which study.

’t be digging so much into the meanings of specific words. I used The Living Bible for a study
of Job a year or two ago. The only thing I didn’s a paraphrase because we won’s OK that
it’and it–at Thurs lunch study. The history books are narrative and I believe the Living Bible
slides down more easily –I do plan to use the illustrated Bible

Now some responses to your letter:

words & music are inside).

–am listening to Gregorian chant (by the way –Changed my mind again s raining. A nice cup
of tea & some quiet while I write.

’m taking the rest of the evening off. It’Changed my mind. Finished the Bible study prep. for
Samuel and Exodus, so I

Dave & Christine

Much love & many prayers,

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7
m going to close this without ans. your letter so I can get tape into mail (short, but frequent,
letters).

’Ire sure it will be a nice surprise for Brent.

’s going to try to visit Brent at High Hopes tomorrow. We’Dwhen I read letter to him.

–over dinner ”company“t leave much time) but we look forward to it. Dave and I had the
pleasure of your ’doesn–up at 4:30 –t listened yet (get home at 10 ’just in time to share your
comments with Y.L. Bible study. The present was great. We haven–Your letter & present
came last night 1st meeting Jan 7.

–s. The Sat one is an experiment ’re the Lord’only if theyBUT–d be glad to lead even more ’I–
Actually Mark

–West Coast (Tustin/Seattle) –Sat 2-3 > I John

–> GHEUC –John –Laguna Hills –Fri. 11-11:45 I Samuel

–Northrop –Thurs 11:30-12:15 Revelation

–Northrop –Wed. 11:30-12:15 > James

–Romans –Yorba Linda –Tues 7:30-8:30 preparing for all & keeping them straight.

–but sometimes it seems to be overwhelming –d list my current weekly Bible studies so you
can lift them in prayer. I love each one ’I thought Ior nudge them toward marriage if he has
called them to be together.

–t chosen them for each other ’re asking that God will either encourage them to go their
separate ways if He hasn’Since God has been putting together people in marriage, we
continue to lift up Lisa and Rick (from Thurs study) and, of course Robert, my son, & Kadi.
We(live-in, mother of his child) wanted. Brent wanted us to pray that they get the home. We
(Patty I believe) prayed for God to work His will in their lives. What a wonderful answer to
prayer! And, Brent was his best man.

girlfriendt know whether it made it onto tape, but a month or two ago, Carlos called on Tues.
during Bible study to ask us to pray for a house/apartment that he and his ’just got married.
I don–s attendants ’one of Brent–from my drive with Patty yesterday. Carlos –Another thing I
wanted to share and Kathy is always giving what she has to offer: babysitting, etc.

–no one minds –and does very little of it. Others often chauffeur her –t like to drive ’though
the Lord could work out other means of transportation. If you were to need to drive, he could
give you the grace to do so. Kathy Lincoln really doesn–s PROBABLY true ’d have to get used
to driving. That’where you said that if you came for a long stay in Calif, you–It reminded me
of your letter and the doors closed* on the van.

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8
–the van pool opened up. Then last Dec I started accepting the idea of driving again –and,
within a few weeks –t mind the drive at all. Then I started hating it ’her alphabet goes ...LM-
OP...) I didn–”the place of employment“she uses –t even say that ’t mind the drive at all!
Then I remembered that for my 1st 2½ years at the N-Place (Linda Vallejo won’ll be on the
van on Tuesdays so I can ride home with Patty.) I found that I didn’Today was my 1st day to
drive to work. (I

Dear Linda,

Jan 4, 1995

91

‘CBB 20:20 Aug 2

As I live my life Your way.

And I throw off every fetter

Even as I read each letter

ll continue growing better

’I

ll do everything you say.

’IYou and I will be a team.

Even if that seems extreme.

is my theme

”Your way, Yahweh“

ll do for me.

’Because of what YouI surrender my agenda

ve done for me.

’Because of what Youm a winner, not a sinner

22
9
’I

Help me so my faith in You sticks.

t play tricks.

’Help me, Lord, so I wonThough I know my life you will fix.

I keep trying for specifics

As I listen to Your call.

ll have a ball

’For then I know II give to You both large and small.

Take it now, please; take it all.

Everything on which I sit.

And I must to You commit

What I need is to submit

For now, dear Lord, I will admit

And to some day live on high.

To be like you, dear Lord, and die

Father, I would rather try

s a lie.

’No, my Father, that

I would rather go to Nome.

Even as I write this poem

Not to Northrop, but stay home.

When I write I want to roam

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0
I will show you soon your part.

s just a start.

’When you write its not my art.

’When I write itLord, I come with a full heart.

Is shown when you write poetry.

All the love you have for me

Wait, my child, and you will see.

Are my poems prophecy?

Dave & Christine

Much love,

We, and others around the country, continue to pray for you.

God is with you.

re looking forward to talking to you next weekend.

’Weand our strength pouring into you.

–each time picturing Dave and me embracing you –I woke up frequently last night

Jan 2

ll stop with whatever I have tomorrow and send it off since it explains contents of package
which is also winging its way.

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1
’We had planned to wait and mail this with the next tape(s) but instead Is a blessing to you.

’d be in the hospital. I hope it’This one seemed to apply to what you said about submitting
and not fretting about how long youmostly conversations with the Lord.

–I went through a period of time when I was writing MANY –Also D came across this poem
and prayed some more.

–After talking with you we prayed

NEW YEAR!

BLESSEDA

Jan 1. 1995

re also sending a couple of posters. They are duplicates of ones we have. We got them at
the ABA Convention. Hope you like them.

’Were sending it in a separate package.

’We–t be a burden. ’else pass it on or dispose of it. It shouldn–s way too big. If you like it you
could wear it as a night shirt ’but you get the first one. We know it–We decided today to pass
on many of our Christian tee shirts for the use of others. Most recipients will get to choose
sometimes in creative ways.

–We have been trying to be wise with our possessions taking care of all your needs.

isWe also wish so much that we could just come and hold your hand when you are feeling so
bad. We just continue to ask God to allow us to help you carry this burden. And to trust that
He but from everything that is hurting your body.

–not just from the current fever & hospital stay – Been praying for you so much today. We
WANT you to be better

3 PM Pacific 6 PM Eastern

–Dec. 31

God is sure providing for that new little family.

s grandma had given them the deluxe-carry-everything model. Now they have one for when
they just go out for an hour or so & need just a few little things.

’to give to Carol. Paul–she asked for an extra one –s hospital gave out cute little diaper bags
’Also Amy

23
2
& they can afford to be fussy.

s favorite.

’which is Carol–re a sweet young (20s) couple with 4 (now) children. Amy was a teenager
when her first was born. Anyway they really like Carol & Paul (were used, I believe, to move
them toward marriage). They sent over some wonderful baby clothes that are not feminine
enough for their baby. So Shea has some green and aqua suits & two that are black & white
’t remember if I wrote to you that the family across the street (Amy & Tim) had a baby girl
on Christmas eve! They’I dons program). She wants D & me to proof it for her.

’ll be presenting in Thailand next week (as part of her Master’m expecting my friend Linda
Vallejo any minute. She wrote a paper she’It stay away from you for long.

’re in the hospital, but my mind doesn’s because I know you’Perhaps it

Dear Linda,

Dec 30, 1994

Death

: 29Week

I pray that you too will study the Bible and, with the Lord’s help, let it change your life.

by also studying the Bible alone or in a group.

morewe will have some of this – and we can have ,If we are in a good church led by a Bible-
believing pastor

Like Ron, they continued steadfastly day after day and year after year in the word of God.
That is the way to grow closer and closer to Jesus.

And they continued stedfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of
bread, and in prayers. – Acts 2:42

23
3
Timothy was blessed to have been taught the scriptures in childhood. Let us bless our
children and grandchildren by teaching them the word of God at an early age.

And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise
unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. – 2 Timothy 3:15

I like the Bible ‘cause I read it and I do it!

– Romans 16:26

But now is made manifest, and by the scriptures of the prophets, according to the
commandment of the everlasting God, made known to all nations for the obedience of faith:

Paul could do this because he knew the scriptures. If we are to reason with others effectively
about our faith, we have to know the word of God.

– Acts 17:2

with them out of the scripturesAnd Paul, as his manner was, went in unto them, and three
sabbath days reasoned

How much time do we spend searching the newspapers, or self-improvement books, or

school texts? None of them can lead us to eternal life with Jesus.

Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which
testify of me. – John 5:39

And He opens our understanding as well if we just let Him.

Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures – Luke
24:45

They were excited about the scriptures. They had the best teacher who ever lived – Jesus.
But today all Christians have the best teacher, the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus, living in us
and bringing enthusiasm tro the study of God’s word.

– Luke 24:32

And they said one to another, Did not our hearts burn within us, while he talked with us by
the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?

23
4
How sad – to not know the scriptures. It takes time and diligence to grow in the knowledge
of God’s wonderful word.

Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of
God. – Matthew 22:29

Do we search the scriptures daily? That’s the way to find out what is really true and to build
our faith.

– Acts 17:11

.These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all
readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so

He preached from Isaiah in the Old Testament. (The New Testament was not yet written.)

Then Philip opened his mouth, and began at the same scripture, and preached unto him
Jesus – Acts 8:35

it!

doit – and – I – –‘Cause I readI like the Bible

I like the Bible

it

doI read it and I it

do‘Cause I read it and I I like the Bible

I like the Bible

The words of this song apply to Ron. He faithfully reads the Bible and it changes his life:

We don’t know what challenges Ron has ahead during this life, but we know he is being
prepared as he studies God’s word and applies it to his life.

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5
– the word has to penetrate for faith to grow.

hearOf course we must So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. –
Romans 10:17

Whether we’re studying Genesis, the book of beginnings, or Revelation – the revelation of
Jesus Christ, we find that our faith is growing.

Is there any other book that could hold our interest and (much more) change our lives the
way the Bible has?

Yet we’ve been steadfast in studying God’s word together.

We’ve grown from middle age to senior citizens and we’ve become grandparents.Ron has
been faithful to his study of the Bible throughout all these years.

That Bible study is still going strong.

As I re-read these letters in the process of preparing them for publication, I discovered that
our Saturday long-distance Bible study with Ron began in January of 1995, 14½ years ago as
I write this.

,17

– 2 Timothy 3:16: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good
works. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof,
for correction, for instruction in righteousness

Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed,
rightly dividing the word of truth. – 2 Timothy 2:15

the Bible

Continues to Study Ron :28+Week

I can ask God to change my heart – and trust that He will. He wants the very best for me.

– Linda

It takes the Holy Spirit to really enter and change a heart – I can’t.

, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. – Psalm 51:10

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6
Create in me a clean heart

Dave & Christine

Love,

and look forward to hearing good news.

–re continuing to pray for you ’m going to get this wrapped up & sent off now. We’It have
your answers. Much of the fun for all of us is having your answers.

’t used the icebreaker questions that you sent because I don’Just a friendly reminder: I
haventape duplicators.) Then at the study last night Art mentioned that he wants copies of
Thursday night tapes for a friend who wants to come but has to work on Thurs evenings.

–ours was only $20 –had purchased inexpensive –and independently Carl & Pat –is
expanding. At the staff meeting yesterday we had talked about the possibility. (D & I ”tape
ministry“our –By the way s because the recorder was vertical (Pat moved it trying to make
sure everyone could be heard.)

’Unfortunately this tape has clicking. D & I have conjectured it

Dear Linda Dec 29, 1994

Linda

Love & prayers

shorts so ’m still waiting to hear when I have to go in to Lenox Hill & want to get this letter
off before I go. Sorry it’So good to talk to you & Carl & Pat last nite! I–Fri. 12/30

t have the skills yet to be happy.

’when suddenly I saw clearly that he simply doesn–the old horrible parent routine –t work,
giving him lectures, etc, etc ’t seem to be very happy & I found myself wondering

23
7
desperately what more I could do to bring him happiness, agreeing to stupid schemes that I
know don’Adam doesnfaith in myself & my powers to placing it in God. An illustration:

realm getting over my frustration at this and actually find it comforting. I think this marks a
passage from placing my ’t. Slowly, I’I can–t have much impact. It takes the Holy Spirit to
really enter & change a heart ’to affect others, even when what I say is true and right. It just
doesnsaym also seeing how very little I can ’I cannot tell you what fascinating discussions
come out of our breakfast readings, but I am becoming well aware of how gabbing and
intellectualizing can easily take the place of a relationship with the Lord. Iws all wrong.

–worshiping quickness & strength –way mym learning that ’just another way I–m very bad
at. For me of course there is a religious quality to this experience ’things I–m aware of this.
Her techniques involve patience, slowness, acceptance of limitations ’m really not very
strong in certain important ways. None of this fits w/ my self image & I find myself wanting
to resist what she says, but thankfully I’ve always assumed it was an endless fountain of
strength, but she told me that I’ve abused my body much of my life, just sort of assuming I
could do anything. I’m getting hints that I’m going to learn a lot abt myself in these sessions,
more than I bargained for. For example, I’ll probably have to go into the hospital today & get
it done that way. I am very weak & short of breath. I had a very interesting session w/ the
phys. therapist yesterday. I feel I’It seems no one has room to transfuse me as an
outpatient, so I–Thurs 12/29

s too strange for words. Truly I would love to be there on Holy Thursday.

’to you is very moving. I try to envision these incredible services taking place in the N-place.
It”the mantle“s service of communion & passing on of ’Carlm not convinced of that!

’d never do that (probably not to anyone). What I meant was that his response had a kind of
innocence that can make one ashamed of being less innocent. I know my question was
uncharitable (I hate to admit it!) & his answer made me feel that. Is Dave not subtle? I’I
know he– I never meant that D would put me in my place in a nasty way group will either
end or change. It shld be interesting.

”private“of group leaders & they will no doubt expect us to lead a group open to the whole
parish this Lent. So our ”stable“s ’m looking forward to it. The final Mark session (plus a
party I think) is this Fri. We will probably discuss our future, but it just occurred to me that
Oscar & I are considered part of St. Patrick’I–I have never heard God Has Everything U.C. ll
send them, along w/ my answers.

’Re ice breakers: I did send answers to the two I proposed (some time ago) as well as your
latest list. I have no other questions here. If I think of any Is perfectly comfortable for me &
great exercise.

’t feel bad. My main gift was a refurbished bike, which I ride every day. It’Our Christmas Eve
& Day were excellent. My health has held up well but as of today counts very low so I just

23
8
learned that I must have a transfusion on Thurs. That will take all day. But I donyou are all
too good to me!

– t the nerve yet. And I may have forgotten some kindnesses & gifts ’Special thanks to
Debbie for the delicious cookies & to whoever (Brent?) sent the button, which I want to wear
but havens amazing the prejudices we have w/out even knowing it. I had fewer
preconceived notions abt Brent & Robb & the LH people, but it is most wonderful to see
them all & helps a lot to make me feel part of the group.

’s a pretty young woman! It’d be a very conventional-looking female executive type. On

95th St. I rented a room to an elderly South American lady & for some reason I assumed
Carmen wld look just like her! Instead she’I thought she–I was floored by Patty & Carmen.
Patty looks abt 25, & totally un-aerospace –especially the YL group because they are much
more distinct to me –t realized that I had very firm pictures in my head of what everyone
looked like ’who did that? The photos really blew my mind! I hadn–will we be making special
use of it in the groups? Just today I received the box of tapes & assorted goodies & photos &
beautifully folded napkin – what a treasury of both art & scripture. I only scratched the
surface, but it really whetted my appetite for Genesis. I expect to spend many happy hours
with it. Thank you also for the illustrated Bible –t know where to start! First of all, the
magnificent Rembrandt book ’I have so many things to thank you & all my Calif. friends for
that I don

–Dear Dave & Christine

12/27

s son; he signed his name in Arabic.]

’[Ed. note: Adam is Linda

Adam Morrow

Sincerely

You have a good accent; your (ain) is perfect, unusual for a westerner. Merry Christmas

–s Christmas morning and I just listened to your Arabic song ’It

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9
Dear Dave,

Christine & Dave

Love,

Will close now & send with tape.

and was in bad taste.

–but fell short –t care for the electronic document at all. It was clearly trying to be funny ’We
didnIt is so full of richness. Wish I could come and join in,

–Are you still planning to do a study on Genesis? I just went through it on Fri lunch study ?

”homework“How is your physical therapy going? Do you have a lot of we know you
appreciate visual things.

–ll be looking forward to seeing what* you choose for us for a Christmas present. We hope
you liked ours ’WeBob has two who are frequently in the house. They are Catholics, by the
way.

–Patty does not have any other children the story goes on from there). Patty and I have
developed a lot of love and respect for each other.

–to be there on the day she asked for prayer for a Bible study in her home ”happened“I –
Patty used to go once a month –ve gone about 3 times to one of the studies ’t even know
she went to Bible studies at work until the day we overlapped (I’Actually I hardly knew Patty
before the Bible study began. I knew she was a Christian but that was about it. I didnve been
having the Bible study.

’he and Patty have shared some of that in the time we– into drugs etc –Before the accident
he was quite rebellious We never met Brent before the first Bible study. What a challenge
that day was! Only the Lord could have done it (Jude!)

not a self-transplant. We frequently read about someone looking for potential donors.

–We had always thought a bone marrow transplant was from one person to another but
since I lead so many Bible studies I try to have some help for people when they ask such
questions.

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–re usually not on the top of my list though ’they–but I still have a lot of questions –in
scripture comes from a number of different words: Gehenna, Sheol, & others. One summer I
did a study on it with a few women ”Hell“Where idea is in scripture is another puzzling thing.
–”He descended into hell“ve heard strong opinions on both sides. ’and I–like to ask the
question, though doonly God knows whether they truly repented.) People –t need to know
’Does the Harrowing of Hell get into Adam & Eve specifically? There is controversy about
whether they are in heaven. (Of course, we donwhich refers to the 2nd coming.–leaving off
the last phrase –Note that He quotes most of Isaiah 61:1,2 –s hard to discern where one
stops & other starts. One of my favorites is quoted by Jesus in Nazareth at the beginning of
His ministry [Luke 4:18,19] ’often it–like peering at two mountain ranges, one more distant
than the other –jargon for a prophecy that has first and second coming –”Split prophecy“s
amazing how rich the old testament is. Teaching portions of the gospel from the OT is
something I frequently do.

’and pulled out the ones related to Christmas. It–I used a book that lists prophecies and their
fulfillments s fun that our contact is bringing back your memories of God working in your life
at a young age.

’Itre not sure what percussive sound was on the tape.

’We

RESPONSE:

Your letter just came!

Dec 27

When is your next treatment, Jan 9? We want to be sure we have plenty of West Coast
prayer support for you.

but the brand of Christians that Melinda hangs out with are into things that drive him away - but

using speaker phone(s). He has wanted a Bible study for a long time... He really likes D. and
we hope a nice basic study of Mark will bless us all. (D. has been wanting to dig into Mark for
a while.)

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–ve worked out plans to study Mark starting on Jan 7 ’and they–s husband) ’D. called Ron
Ritz (Melinda Finckewith voice as well. As a kid I used to transpose music so my brother (on
clarinet) and I could play together.

–t that sound like fun? If you could dig out the clarinet, we could put together some simple
arrangements ’doesn–Shea included. He slept through most of it. Hardly made a peep. The
prelude was a very nice flute and clarinet duet –clock service ’We all went to the 11 osince
the kids were here that evening.

–perfect timing –ve never seen anything quite like it. Carol once had a prom dress that we
purchased in NY (actually L.I. while visiting my sister). It really impressed her friends. The
package arrived on the 24th ’Thanks for the cute outfit that you sent for Shea. Did you buy it
in NYC? WeWe hope you and your family had a blessed Christmas.

Dear Linda,

Dec 26, 1994

Changed Hearts

: 28Week

qzqzqz

is also to be found in His word and in His creation. Praise God that He gives us a glimpse of
His majesty.

majesty of God in church. But itIt is wonderful to find the

– Linda

The best thing abt my church is its majesty and mystery.

[I Chronicles 29:11]

is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art
exalted as head above all.ry, and the majesty: for all thatThine, O LORD is the greatness,
and the power, and the glory, and the victo

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Linda

for a Merry Christmas Best love to your whole family

s living w/ Debbie & their son. Things seem so much better w/ them’s new house where
he’we will go to my brother–Christmas Eve –Tomorrow what I said made sense to her & she
took a long time just listening & watching me do things.

–ll be seeing her once a week. She seems confident of helping me ’I like his optimism & his
strong desire to let my body recover by itself as much as possible. Did I tell you abt the
physical therapist? I–s gone ’ll be ok while he’re having a wind storm. Adam is still in Albany,
driving down tonight. I am OK, thank God, but very weak, low counts, with some dizziness &
shortness of breath. My doctor is off skiing but is confident I’Well, it is the evening of Dec.
23, & weNot sure I understand this. No, I would not return it if I could get away with it,
because the sentence is outrageously unjust.

ve never understood why. If someone says something nice to me, I assume they mean it and
I express my pleasure at their kindness.

’t, but I’compliments easily. I know some people canreceiveI think both are pretty easy, but I
know I can ll try.)

’(If you really need more on this, IThere are many possible answers to this question. Jesus
has turned the world upside down.

The best thing abt my church isits majesty and mystery. (The next best thing is its logic and
intellect.) In fact, I used to say that I love the church for its beauty and its rigor. This is still
true. As you can see, the honeymoon for this convert is not over.

t be a big deal for me.

’t get overly attached to animals. It wouldn’RE Pet: I would, because I donFortune! I have no
interest in fame. I believe it literally destroys people. But I would enjoy having money &
hope I would use it well.

m always right.

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3
’m struggling w/ the concepts of justice and mercy, & making slow progress. Justice appeals
to me so much more, which must mean I think I’t have enemies? I’t judge, we wouldn’Do
you think that if we didn–t do a very good job of loving my enemies. For me this issue is tied
in with judging ’I donre so great.

’re pygmies compared to them, but we think we’m more & more impressed w/ the people
who came before us. We’ve been reading history recently, I’the past. The more I see of the
future, the less I like it. I feel like a dinosaur already, & as I–s easy ’Thatt answer this for sure
until/unless it happens. Who knows? I would surely pray that God would give me the
strength to acknowledge my faith in all circumstances, & to do so joyfully.

’I cans house. It was, I think, the only time in my life I was utterly, totally surprised, & I found
the shock kind of exhilarating. I felt my friends really cared about me in that moment, &
another thing I remember was that I absolutely loved just about every gift I got. I can still
remember many of them. Even the clothes fit!

’day party was abt 15 or 16, when I was completely surprised by a bunch of girlfriends at
Saundra Smith’My best bWhat difficult icebreakers! This may take a while.

t end on Dec. 25.

’ll find something, so you can look forward to a post-Christmas gift. After all, we know it
doesn’but I know nothing of your tastes or activities in any area but religion. But I”,obvious“t
want to get something ’re both too easy & too hard. I don’you–ve been looking since early
Dec. ’sent you a Christmas gift. IyetI am not unaware of the fact that I have not s wishing for
the group to focus less on Brent. I certainly have seen that happen since Sept. & agree it is
good for all concerned. What an interesting challenge for all of you! What was Brent like
when he had his accident? Did you know him? Does Patty have other children?

’I was most interested in what you relayed abt Pattytrue).

s’thats true), but more because I felt it was the right thing for me (who knows if ’s inquiry
abt removing bone marrow, cleaning & replacing it, that is my understanding of a bone
marrow transplant, the thing I was supposed to go to Duke for & resisted. What I am having
is basically the same thing on an outpatient basis, over a longer period of time. Why?!
Because my doctor said the other thing was a medical fad & not really saving lives (who
knows if that’Re Dperiod, & the amazing gifts of every passing day.

thisGod would certainly have to help me overcome my aversion to driving. I fully agree w/
you abt how challenging a long-term stay would be, altho I never anticipated moving in w/
you on a long-term basis. As you say, we need to live thru ”go and see.“s known me a long
time, & she agrees with me that I should ’t know much abt your area but she’My friend from
San Francisco is in NY this week. I saw her yesterday & told her a bit abt you & my coming
out. She doesnt adjusted very well to a move of 50 mi.

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’ve never been one. When you consider that I haven’s modest proposal. I so admire people
who live like that, but I’t thrilled by D’m anywhere near discerning, but I do feel strongly that
a short visit will take place very soon. I see that as a prelude to anything else that might
follow. That is not to say that I wasn’t know if I’Thank you for all your considered thoughts
abt me & Calif. I donbut I never saw them for what they were. They were just isolated
incidents.

–lights in the darkness, signposts, –s a kind of prediction, or promise. My past is full of things
like that ’I understand what you mean abt my having been at your confirmation. Itt stand
what was happening before his eyes.

’it was worse than the movie by far. In fact it made me feel the movie was quite prettified.
The book also presented a somewhat different Oscar. Instead of a saintly sinner, or a sign of
contradiction, he (and many others) appeared to be simply a rational & courageous human
being who couldn–either s List’SchindlerI was not able to finish t remember it very well.

’but I don”He descended into Hell,“d ever heard of to explain ’of Adam & Eve & others. I was
quite struck by the article because it was the only attempt Iliberation’The Harrowing of Hell
has some theological standing. I once read an essay on it in a conservative Catholic paper. It
had to do w/ JesusI was very deeply delighted by D/s response to my letter, not only
egotistically, but because I really do give you my heart and self & love in my letters, and his
response made me feel that you receive & accept it. Let it always be so!

Now to your letter:

s connection offensive. I also found the ad witty & funny.

’t find the McDonald’ve always thought of the church as an all-night diner always there for
sinners, so I didn’s. I happened to love the ad, but a lot of Catholics found it extremely
offensive. I’t recall the number or exact wording, but the slogan was the one used for ages
by McDonald’I don–”10,000,000 (whatever) served“that showed a classical painting of the
Last Supper, & the headline was, –in Catholic papers, the subways, & elsewhere –t seem to
let go of it, either. In a kind of reverse situation, some time ago the Church had a print ad ’a
wonderful preparation for Christmas. I liked & would have loved to participate in the
discussion Art started abt commercial/secular misuses of Biblical themes & words. This is a
fascinating thing to pay attention to. While utterly rejecting the message & misconstruing it,
they just can–d like to keep it for a while. There was just something special about it ’ve
heard. I’This tape was the most fascinating & compelling of all I

”Does this mean the Trinity!!?–s note: This must refer to the insomniac dyslexic agnostic
who lies awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.} Did you make this up? {No.})
The pluralness of God ’insomniac, dyslexic, agnostic, wondering what? {D“[Ed. note: margin

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notes on this page had questions/comments Linda made while listening to the tape. They
read, What is a split prophecy?

is a fascinating concept & a great teaching approach.

”Christmas in the OT“how can they?) What is the book you used for this lesson? –m listening
to the LH tape, & obviously you guys are reading my mind! I was just beginning to wonder
what Islam makes of the OT, since surely they accept it as Holy Scripture. (I did not know
they also accept the NT ’I

somewhere along the way, but with a different tune. Again, I am amazed at how much of
this teaching I did receive as a child.

”Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam“Please thank Kimberly for her beautiful song & greeting. I
learned 12/23!

t remember it, but perhaps the seed was growing quietly all along.

’t have a better Christian foundation than I realize. I truly don’I found that I know it! I must
have learned it in Sunday School as a child. It was wonderful to have it recalled. Sometimes I
wonder if I didn–”I may never march in the infantry“That is in our hymnal & I love it. My
mother wanted to know what the percussive sound was. I liked how you all sang ”Ask & it
shall be given.“the Micah song was definitely one. The only one I knew (& sang along with)
was –m going to listen to it again & let you know my favorites ’m currently listening to the
Yorba Linda tape. I really enjoyed the music tape & cannot wait to play it for Adam. I’I

Dear Christine & David

12/21

D.]

–”I just noticed this!“* [Ed. note: These words (hope would somehow anyway happen)
appeared down the right margin on the handwritten original. Christine circled the words and
used an arrow to point to the word hopelessness. Then D added a note to the bottom of the
letter, saying,

Dave & Christine

Love,

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so you hear other good things.

–fast forward through difficult parts –t make it. Like other tapes, though ’most of it didn–I
attempted some narration we have NO idea of what it is.

–There is a clicking through much of tape then Dave & Mary were there too.

– s tape is different. No one was going to be at Bible study so we went to Christmas play
with Grants. Katy-Ann too went ’Tonight

---------

It was quite a good bye.

At the end Carl went around the room hugging the participants. There were 11 plus him.
Especially wonderful since he had used the passage in Mark where Jesus tells the apostles it
is the last time.

of us were crying.

–maybe all –Most ll come in on Holy Thursday to serve us. (Then Dave & maybe you can
come as well.)

’s the mantle. However, if we can arrange to meet outside the secure area, he’saying it–
Then Carl passed on the communion set (that he had made) to me s Supper.

’we could have taped it. Carl has such tenderness for what the Lord did and the treasure he
left us in the LordWishs always served communion Thurs before Christmas & Easter.

’after 10 years. He–Carl served communion at his final Thurs noon Bible study

Thurs. Dec. 22, 1994

in love.“especially when they are –re getting into ’t always know what they’people don–he
thought it was a rational answer –”No“for another he thinks too highly of you to ever want to
do such a thing. Frankly, I thought D. was being flippant. He says –s not so subtile ’For one
thing D–”put you in your place“Dave did not mean to and this love casts out the fear.

–s perfect love ’Yet He–s frightening ’yes, it–who are we to be close to Him? –the creator of
the universe –[Rev 1:17] when he saw the glorified Lord. He is true man but He is ALSO true

24
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God ”fell at His feet as dead“but even John, who shared 3 years with Jesus, –we can be so
grateful and know him –and Jesus walking the earth and on the cross –and how WONDERFUL
–where Jesus is described. I pointed out that while Jesus in the manger is true –t met Him yet
in that way. Just today at lunch Bible study we were in Rev. 1 ’s because we haven’t have
that fear it’Being afraid of Jesus in His glory and power is an appropriate response and a
natural one. When we dont know praying for you is truly a gift of God. And the extra gift that
God wanted you to know about it.

’Having a woman that you don–

in so many ways for you and us –New Beginnings –I loved the way you referred to our
miracles as Advent events instead of fighting for our way & our ideas.

–submitting to Him –is the most powerful prayer ”Thy will be done“s hard) ’but also a way to
keep from seeing what God is doing in your life. I believe so many people are blind to what
God is doing in their own lives and then not responding to Him and freeing Him to work His
way. I truly believe an HONEST (and ithopelessnessis not only a kind of ”Nothing like that
could ever happen* in my life“t. Somehow* that has stuck with the kids anyway*.

’t up to going to church. She said she does want to. Hope* it works out. Robert said he &
Kadi would* go even if the rest of us didn’d understand if she wasn’t wait to see the baby on
Christmas eve. I told her we’s doing very well. We can’she–s husband is Paul. Their last
name is Savage. Baby is Shea Paul. I just talked with her ’Carolbut not an M.D.

–m sure. Lisa is ALMOST (some on-the-job-training still needed) a respiratory therapist and is
very knowledgeable about medicine ’s health, I’t risk Derek’but wouldn–t necessary. She
hesitated because of the way things are now ’Mary was glad a Dr. wasnsomething like
insurance.

– t remember exactly what ’s job was very different. I don’Maryve yet to make the
arrangement.

’if at all. We–it was out of the blue). So Mark it will be –t know what I had done ’(He didn”I
think we should do Mark.“Then when D got out of shower he said. ”ll do Galatians.’no, we“d
not done before. After praying about it, I went to a devotional Bible (books not in order) and
let it fall open. It was Mark. I thought ’be starting a Sat. Bible study in the new year. The
choice of book for that was strange. I did something ImayWe the Holy Spirit makes it clear.)

–s best for each group ’m truly amazed at how wonderful that has been. The group was
obviously ready for it. (As leader I have responsibility to decide what’re in Revelation. And
I’that now we–but it went so well –d been hesitant ’I–and sometimes take one. E.g., Daniel
on Wed lunch was suggestion of two ladies –but ALWAYS asking God to choose for me. I
solicit suggestions –How I decide is different each time ll probably do James.

’we–in Yorba Linda –After Romans re expecting some new participants: Ruth, an early retiree
who had been attending the Fri lunch study, and Susan, who works with Debbie & Kathy.

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’ll have a second round of it) and want to wait till the new year because we’s epistles.
However they want God Has Everything Under Control (so you’d do John’d decided a while
ago that we’ll do next in the Laguna Hills study, because we’t think we discussed what we’I
donll use them.

’ll send answers to the ones you wrote, we’plus you have a new list. Also, if you–if not let me
know –m out of your answers to questions. It really makes it more fun having them. I believe
I re-sent the 1st list ’t forget, I think I’So I donthere it was!

–t just wishful thinking. And then when D picked me up ’I hoped it wasn”s going to be a
letter from Linda.’There“At work today I thought,

Dear Linda,

two more days at the N-Place

close to Christmas! Just

s so

’t believe it’I can

12/21/94

Majesty

: 27AWeek

have joy and pleasures forever.

I willme to have everything good – and that, in You, wantThank You that You Heavenly
Father,

t us? Why are we hesitant to show our excitement at the most important victory ever, the
most exciting event in the history of the world? Let us rejoice!

24
9
at abouwe can carry a tune, we can all make a joyful noise! We can all be loud and
exuberant as we rejoice and sing praise. There are many who can get loud and excited
about a football game or a music concert. Whwhether or not :This commandment is for all of
usall the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise. – 98:4

, ORDLMake a joyful noise unto the

, if we are called to lead worship we must use the skills God has given us. This is a great
responsibility.

Still! alHere we are commanded to play skillfully. But we’re not all musicSing unto him a new
song; play skilfully with a loud noise. – 33:3

circumstance. If we have not given our hearts to the Lord, these commands (with the
implicit promises) are not for us.

in any be glad, rejoice and shout for joy – canare with Jesus), we theyupright in heart. If our
hearts are right with God (i.e., if ecommands to ththesefor everyone. God gives But not
commands.commandsBe glad; rejoice; shout for joy – these are , O ye righteous: for praise is
comely for the upright. – 33:1

ORDRejoice in the L, and rejoice, ye righteous: and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in
heart. – 32:11

ORDBe glad in the L

and the pleasures for evermore, from being close to God.

,Here David expresses confidence that God will show him the path of life. Note that the joy
he is expecting will result from being in God’s presenceThou wilt show me the path of life: in
thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. – 16:11

relationship with the Lord: love and trust.

right, but is dependent on our having the nothing to do with circumstancejoyful in Him. This
has bemay s name (power and authority) Hithat those who love ndarejoice and shout for
joy,trust Himhowalllet ing that God prayDavid is 5:11

rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love
thy name be joyful in thee. –let all those that put their trust in theeBut

Let’s look at “joy” in the Psalms:

25
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guitar. But mostly she manifests the joy that she has in Christ.

theCarol’s name means “Song of Joy” (like a Christmas carol). And Carol, now that she is
filled with Jesus, does live a song of joy. She sings and writes praise songs for a teenager
with three sisters) live in Virginia, where they love Jesus and serve Him through ministry at
Calvary Chapel.

now she and her family (Shea is nowBut At the time these letters were written, Carol was
not walking with the Lord.

ur Song of Joy

OCarol is : 27 +Week

May the Lord guide us as we pray for each other.That woman did not even know Linda but
was called by the Lord to pray for a stranger.

A woman came up to me & said, “I see you here every week & I want you to know that I pray
for you each day.” – Linda

Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with
all perseverance and supplication for all the saints – Ephesians 6:18

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Linda

Love & prayers,

ll get this in the mail.

’m off to the city to see the physical therapist finally so I’I–Mon 12/19

m so pleased that Carol liked (parts of) my book! How flattering!

’Isomething like that. I think we are right to be at least a little bit afraid, & these visitations
scare me.

–”a harsh and dreadful Love“s Christ the tiger, or as Dorothy Day said, ’but is much more
like Eliot”feel good about ourselves“t know what to make of Jesus or who found Him too
overwhelming to be around. This is a great blessing for me because it helps me to know in a
very visceral, personal way that the Lord is not a sentimental, goody-goody experience
geared to make us ’and I find myself identifying w/ people in the gospels who didn–often
there is fear & confusion & even distrust, along w/ gratitude, excitement, love, joy –& she
walked away. When these truly amazing things happen I find my reaction is usually mixed ”t
know me from Adam,’No, you don“& she said, ”t recognize you,’I don–m sorry ’I“I was
floored & said, ”I see you here every week & I want you to know that I pray for you each
day.“d iWhile I was in my miracle mode, I had an amazing experience at church this am. As I
was leaving, a woman came up to me & saI give up.

–, a dense, unreadable lengthy poem. He writes one of these every year & has the card
printed & sends it to 3000 close friends. At the dinner, he carried on at such length abt the 3
wines served that people at my table were laughing out loud. Yet he prevails, everywhere, &
in his way, has been very kind to me. Go figure him1 pg O.T (103 Psalm) & 2 solid pp. of –
card ”Christmas“s ’m looking at. I should send you my boss’that world of utter unreality that
I can stare at year after year & never have a clue as to what it is I–Contrast this to the sense
of utter unreality I experienced at my office party on Tues p.m. ve ever been work-wise. Just
sitting in his little office, I was overcome with lust for work that seems real to me.

’but I feel completely comfortable with him. We had sandwiches in the rectory kitchen &
then he drove me home looking very much like a priest in his funny little black hat & his
sedate dark car. If I could really work with him to a significant extent, I think I would be
happier than I–I think his entire family are priests & nuns –ll take it from there. He is an older
Jewish-type guy ’m going back on Tues & we’very frustrating for me). But after getting into it
a little, I think it might work. I–it turns out to be something else they really want –(that often

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happens when people say & think they need secretarial help –t be anything real for me to do
’t do anything all day long. I worked w/ Fr. Fagan, my pastor, for abt 3 hours on Sat as I told
you, getting a handle on what I might do to help him in his office. I had my doubts abt how
practical such an arrangement would be. My fear was that realistically, there wouldn’I feel,
for someone who doesnfullm amazed at how ’This past week has been full of significant
events, more than I can name, some very small but full of meaning. It it? Much will be
revealed in the light of these amazing Advent events.

’s a kind of hopelessness, isn’That”nothing like that could ever happen to me.“s lives but not
in mine, or ’I mean maybe God shows his power in other people–, they are somehow not
relevant mell be reflecting on it for a long time. One feeling I have is that since these events
really happen to ’m sure I’m inside of a miracle, which does not feel the way one expects it
to feel. It is all very strange & I’t remember his name [Shea! I just found it.] I feel like I’m
sorry but I don’I–s son ’I am still processing the events around the birth of Carol

after phone calls & momentous events!

–Sunday 12/18

meSpecial congratulations to Brent for his 3 awards! He surely is inspirational to s

adventures & pray the Lord will watch over him!

’there was some mention of her examining him. I do enjoy Derek–Did I understand correctly
that Mary avoided taking Derek to a doctor because she feared being grilled about child
abuse? Is Lisa a doctor? s job in a similar place?

’it is some kind of semiprecious stone like carnelian, but it is wine-colored, like garnet. I
bought it at a craft fair. I continue to be stupefied by tales of the Dark Place. It sounds like
you need a full-time attorney just to manage your relations w/ bosses, detractors, at al.
What a nightmare. Was Mary–t care for turquoise ’I don–turquoise notNo, my silver ring is s
performance, & in fact wished it were longer. Your phone conversation led me to believe
that it went on & on.

’I greatly enjoyed the childrenll do next? I would have liked to have heard that, too. Who
decides?

’I thought it was just Peter, being thoughtlessly exuberant again. Was there a discussion of
what book you–d never thought of that ’I–s dressing to approach the Lord was interesting ’m
planning to go in to my office dinner this p.m. I listened to the John tape this a.m & was
grievously disappointed to have missed the discussion of the final verses. I read them
carefully & they are so fascinating. What you said abt Peter’The treatment went as
scheduled yesterday & so far all is well. I

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Dear Christine & Dave

12/13

* Dave here with a modest proposal: On the day of your last treatment, take a limo directly
from the hospital to Kennedy, buy 1-way tkt. & get on the next plane to John Wayne, OK?

Dave & Christine

Love,

plus it will be good for his personal growth.

–s in other groups ’ll move farther. It will help him when he’ve already moved in that
direction, but we’Patty asked me to work at having Brent take less of the attention at the
studies. Wes home during the day.

’or Fridays when he–either at High Hopes –and that Bible study is so special to him. We
continue to pray for a second weekly Bible study for him –s needful. Radical mood swings
are a frequent symptom with head injuries. Also Brent is on so much medication that can
cause mood swings. The blessing is that he is up so much of the time ’ll use your words to
cheer him at a time that’so she–s been having many ups and downs lately ’d be confused,
not remembering the event. Patty said he’I called Patty to have her pass your concerns to
Brent at a time that would be helpful. If I did it at Bible study it might even be that he

Fri Dec 16. 1994

Debbie has offered to drive you places while you are here.

-----------

AFTER BIBLE STUDY

Re your treatments: Dave had a strange idea that he wants passed on to you. Can they take
the marrow out, kill the cancer outside your body, and then put your own marrow back?

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ll clear our stuff our of the room to make a place for our sister. *

’we–if one way –s a week when I can have some freedom ’ll take care that it’we–or round
trip ticket. If round trip –ll let you know whether to get a one way ’He–when the time is right
–have it under control. Then doesand accept that God –we just need to live through this
period –Now ”

ecumenical movement.“s produced in a blender in the ’not the mush that–picking up flavor
from each other without losing its uniqueness –Christianity should be like a good stew. One,
a delicious carrot, another a potato s wonderful that you can benefit from other traditions
without giving up the richness of the one God has called you to.

’We think itand I know that putting people together for an extended period of time can be
difficult.

–ve hesitated to be explicit about long term because I never want to push ’It be long before
you would have independent relationships out here.

’m sure it wouldn’The long term could be a real growing experience for all of us. Icould be a
short term spiritual high, perhaps preparing you for what comes next.

”vacation“The s best for you.

’We want whats idea.

’s the Lord’if it–That will be wonderful and you could have some time just for yourself.

–There is not much bus transportation but some The three of us would need to be wise in
the Lord so the whole package, in Him, would be a good, growing experience.

Dave and I could not commit at this time (unless God surprises us) to having you here as a
total invalid, but as long as you can take care of your own basic needs we could.

depending on your health and energy.

–As part of the family, you could share in household chores s, a Catholic church about 2 mi
away. Their children also go to school there. So between Amy and Dave (and me) you could
get to almost any mass.

’We have neighbors who worship at St. Ceceliad clear our stuff out of course.)

’The piano would be tuned and we could find a teacher if you wanted to pursue that avenue
(or guitar or clarinet). You could put up different pictures, etc., in your room. (WeYou would
be family. We would work together to find what would work for the three of us.

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–ve prayed a lot ’(This is the one where weIf you come with a one way ticket for an indefinite
stay...

or D will play host.

–ll have a good time together. When I am at work you can rest ’two, you will be a welcome
guest. I will take a couple of days off & those & weekends weIf you come for a week or).

”retirement“s ’but want you to hear from the Lord (as with our prayers re Carl–and
prayerfully. We too are VERY excited about having you here –We have considered your visit
very carefully ll be able to visit Carol in the hospital.

’t be an every-day thing. We are hanging loose for Christmas plans so we’but that won–ll be
able to enjoy our grandchild ’t impact the rest of our life. We hope Carol will stay friendly &
that we’s baby won’Our involvement with Caroljust briefly.

–We did see Susie A at the reunion her son is graduating at Camp Pendleton.

–ll be here for a few days next week ’she–ll try to remember to ask her ’I–though maybe not
at party –Fincke was there; she was confirmed with me nee. Melinda )was special to ushes
ordination before ’special like us being at Carl–you were there gladm ’I–m afraid ’I do
remember my confirmation well (but not which friends were at the party, Ireturn. It usually
grows as we get to know Him better.

’Most Catholics and Protestants, in my experience, do NOT feel a sense of personal urgency
about JesusIt was a tough one to watch. D read only part of it; plans, some day, to finish.

”s List.’Scheidler“when doing research for –s List’SchindlerWe did see

b) People come to a class in a church because the computer attracts them. Then,
sometimes, they feel comfortable enough to come back to the church for the more
important stuff.

t understand computer jargon. Our class gets them past that difficulty.’a) Many people feel
dumb because they donWe offer a class in real basic computers. This has twofold purpose:

2)

in the wee hours of the morning) refurbish them and donate to small churches to help with
Sunday Bulletin, newsletter, record keeping, etc. We also help the pastors or others learn
how to use the computer to help their work.

”spare time“in his –People donate old computers to the ministry. We (mainly Carl 1)

Computers are a big part of P.H. We use them as a tool to multiply our output: flyers, class
notes, newsletter, etc. But I think you mean other things...

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(Eph. 4:8,9)

”He led captivity captive...“s used is ’ll dig that up for you. One verse that’d like, I’Our
question was where this is in scripture. If you”He descended into Hell, On the third day He
rose...“it says reedcpostles’ aIn the ”Harrowing of Hell.“ve never heard of the ’I& my
recollection is that it was difficult.

–t done it in a long time ’we haven–flute & voice –Psalm 150 –if we can do it –especially
scripture. Maybe –s Arab song) ’The music is from a variety of churches. We have songs that
go back to my childhood, & songs that we picked up recently. New songs are always a
blessing to us. We will put some more on a tape (with D

In response to your letter:

-------

AFTER DINNER:

t because I was in the middle of making dinner.)

’(I didn”Is it over already? Read it again.“When I finished he said, –Just read your letter to D

Thurs, Dec 15

I keep forgetting to ask how the Mark study is going.

If you have trouble, you might fast forward & try different parts.

Unfortunately the restaurant noises (there was Mon night football, etc) are a distraction.

I hope you can get something from this tape (sent under separate cover).

Dear Linda

Dec 14, 1994

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Pray

: 27Week

On the day of your last treatment, take a limo directly from the hospital to Kennedy, buy 1-
way tkt. & get on the next plane to John Wayne, OK?“

Part Nine

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do not take celibacy seriously – but God does.

,goersMany today, even regular churchLinda was wise to add “with requisite celibacy.”

– Linda

interested in any positive testimony about singleness (with requisite celibacy).veryI am

– I Corinthians 5:11

not to eat.with such an one …nicatorBut now I have written unto you not to keep company,
if any man that is called a brother be a for

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Linda

With love & thanks for your prayers

maybe we shld just stand & pray the rosary.

–group. It seems such a come-down, such a lame secular reaction for a faith whose glory is
in turning the other cheek & loving our enemies. On the other hand, the offenses are getting
so outrageous ”victim“removed from Barneys. This Wm. Donohue & his Catholic League
have made a tremendous name for themselves in the past year by making big stinks very
quickly abt events, media, & activities they perceive as anti-Catholic. I have given him a
small donation but continue to feel leary (leery?) abt seeing Catholics become just another
screaming ”nativity scene“, abt the The Daily Newsm enclosing an article from that
worthless rag edited by Jim Willse, ’Ido you? She is incredibly nice & looks just the same. I
guess you saw her at the reunion.

–s been in Babylon the whole time) & sends her regards. She said she has photographs of all
of us (me, too) in your backyard in frilly dresses celebrating your confirmation! I have no
recollection of this ’d just been speaking w/ you (I have not seen her since h.s. altho she’On
the Babylon house tour I met Susan Anderson & her husband! I told her I

Sun evening, after phone call

s baby to make it a good time for me to come? Pl. consider carefully & respond realistically,
especially considering the fact that I am not your average hale & hearty houseguest.

’t you be too involved w/ Carol’I have been thinking that, shld it prove possible for me to get
to Calif this winter or early spring, wouldnSo next week should be important with the
treatment on Mon, my office Christmas dinner at the Algonquin on Tues (I have agreed to go
if at all possible altho I dislike such affairs), an appt w/ the therapist, (I hope), Adam coming
home, & dinner w/ Marcia on Thurs.

t ask them, but tell them. Of course I fear that time, but it may come. I suspect it is more
common than we think...

’m quite disgusted w/ them. They really are feeling their way in the dark, & I often think a
time will have to come when I don’m not at all happy w/ the quality of my walking, altho
some days are much better than others. I finally made contact w/ the physical therapist who
works w/ cancer patients & hope to see her next week. When the doctors ask me how my
hip & leg are, or how the pain is, they want a 2-word answer, which is not possible. In many
ways, I’Is plan for me.

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’prepared to feel pretty good & have to sit around indefinitely. That is very hard for me &
could very well be Godnott believe I did it); and c) going back to work on at least some basis.
Actually, none of these are really feasible (or necessary) right this second, but indicate my
state of mind. I was prepared to feel miserable & to get it over with; I was ’I can–it has been
5 long weeks since the last one. In fact, for the past 2 weeks I have been getting
increasingly frustrated w/ the delay, & I began to have fears that my body would never
recover sufficiently to allow us to proceed, or that the whole thing would drag out
indefinitely, which would certainly mean loss of this (crummy) job & at least partial loss of
income. I began to feel an urgency abt: a) getting to Calif; b) getting back to my house &
restoring that situation (I actually called a real estate broker –As of today, my 5th treatment
is scheduled for next Mon, Dec. 12. We are hoping my counts will allow this s the weirdest
thing,

’how awful it would be if Jesus could never come back; and I found myself longing for Him
urgently as I watched the movie, & it seemed a perfect Advent thing to have happened.
Some of this feeling of personal urgency remains with me. You may be shocked to hear that
this is new for me, but it really is. This is not something my church conveys well; and yet,
the more I am able to benefit from other traditions (certainly mainly thru you) the more I
know that I could never be anything but Catholic. It–s plot. This made the movie & the whole
issue seem tremendously urgent & real to me. I thought w/ horror ’t happen, & that Hitler
was part of Satan’that the Jews have to gather in the Holy Land & call Jesus; and in a recent
tape Dave said that if there are no Jews, then that can–s urging, we saw it. [I remember your
telling me that D. had met Keneally.] I was tremendously impressed & am now abt half way
thru the book, but what I wanted to tell you was that the movie came alive for me because
of something I learned from you ’or if you have seen it. I had sort of loosely made up my
mind to avoid it because I thought it would be unbearable to watch & not do me any good.
But last week I went to the library to rent some specific tapes, all of which were out, & I
seemed to be led directly to S.L. & at my Mom”s List’Schindler“t recall if we discussed ’I
donare a part of the PH ministry?

”computers“aspect of P.H. Will you think me too much of a crank if I ask why ”bi-
coastal“Thanks for the tributes to Carl. I was surprised at how meaningful they were to me,
a not-quite-complete stranger. And of course I love the new I hope your impacted week went
well & that your Thanksgiving was joyous. I was amazed to hear that D made the turkey &
supervised the dish washing / drying!

does that have anything to do w/ the Harrowing of Hell (which I think is a legend)?

–That long discussion you had abt Jesus battling Satan between death & resurrection d
resent that!

’t really have personal lives. If I were a man I’for some reason women always seem to be the
focus of such concerns, like men don–d especially like to hear such testimony from men ’a
whole part of life is completely denigrated & misunderstood. I–interested in any positive
testimony about singleness (with requisite celibacy). This is something that has really gotten

26
1
messed up in our society veryI have not heard of her before but I am –he really is delightful
& very funny. I loved when he said there was a chair there waiting for me! Re Lucy Swindall
– m getting to understand him better ’ve just finished listening to the latest tapes. Please tell
Brent I was so sorry to hear him feeling so bad, altho it seemed to pass rather quickly. I’Im
not aware of having slaved over it.

’t get over how my French comes back to me, & I’s still with me. What a blessing all that
learning was, when we were so unaware of it! There would be no way at all to make up for it
now. I can’t particularly interested, I absorbed an awful lot that’m sure you are right abt our
music training. Altho I never felt I had any special ability, & I wasn’piano lesson that I just
decided not to worry abt it. There must be a point at which it all starts to come together, if
one makes it that far. I”teach yourself“m already finding the double staff incredibly trying. In
fact, there is so much in the first ’m sure it is very much harder to learn these things at our
advanced age, & I’s there.) I’t located a teacher yet. (Nor have I dug out my clarinet, but I
will, if it’ve not made much progress w/ piano because we haven’Id be happy to hear more,
especially sung scripture, whenever you feel like producing it.

’s beautiful & unusual. I really enjoyed the flute accompaniment. We’ll be interested. What I
want to know is where did the music come from? Did you write it, learn it in church, or what?
It’I know she–ll play it for my sister too ’sometimes just thumps, & other times it sounded
like vibes. Did you tape over something?) Anyway, it was most enjoyable & inspiring. I–ve
listened to it once & as my mom expressed interest, I listened to half of it with her. (We both
noticed distracting noise in the background ’Thanks so much for the songs & for the
background on your musical careers. I

Dear Dave & Christine

12/9/94 Songs Tape

* Yorba is the name of the family that settled in the Yorba Linda area.

C&D

re sending under separate cover the gift from/to the Laguna Hills/Babylon Bible study group.

’P.S. We

Christine & Dave

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2
Love,

She really enjoyed it.

–just some sections that caught her attention –t read it all ’Carol borrowed your book. She
didns not boring.

’but it–easy nots time alone with Him, the creator of the universe (what could be more
exciting?), or giving out soup in a soup kitchen, or... Life in Him is ’whether it–s sad because
God calls us each to lives that are so rich and full ’It”celebrities.“s so much interest in OJ and
other ’s probably why there’I just remembered that you said something about people living
life vicariously. We agree: that seems to be what many do. Thats getting godly people.

’because she–s wonderful ’that–she told us that she plans to ask Carl & Pat to be his
godparents –s passed on a bunch of baby clothes. We continue to pray that Carol will
become the mother that Shea needs ’She–s new apt. We are pleased that they are getting it
ready for the baby. Our friend Lisa has a 3 month old ’We went down to San Clemente Sun &
saw Carolll hear on the tapes, but the Bible study people really enjoyed the things I passed
on from your letter.

’Youbut could live happily without any Disney stuff.

–cleaner than other amusement parks. We have no objections to Disney isbut no more than
other kiddie things. Disneyland –we certainly enjoyed Disney things with our kids –Re our
opinion of Disney it might get disconnected).

–ll fill in the rest when I have it in front of me ’Now to try to remember your letter & to
respond to as much as possible (I(One of the many good things that happened Mon is that
Carl asked Katie to lead praise time at his church on Jan 8.)

and asked her to keep up the prayers.

–without Carl –s to come at work in the new year ’and also some of what–so she called & told
me about the prayer. I explained my week – t see much of each other ’but don–Katie & I like
each other t feeling well & kept her up.)

’s dinner) was in prayer for me most of Mon. night. (Her 8-month-old wasn’ll hear singing at
Carl’but noticed the time & excused me.) This is relevant because Katie (the one you–I
MISSED NOTHING! (Even today when I was supposed to teach Exodus at 11 and my boss
was still going strong at our staff meeting at 10:55 –s Bible study), etc. I even had a guest
teacher for the Wed. lunch study because of a conflict ’s Church on time). I had a good
chance of being to Logicon Thurs (missing Carl’Technical Interface Meeting) activities, I
came close to missing some of my Christian events. A guy from Offut Air Force Base wanted
to meet with me from 3-5 on Wed (making it almost impossible for me to get to Children–TIM
–With all the SIT (System Integration TIM s friend, Marion. She has cancer in her hip. Not the

26
3
same as yours, I believe. She needed a plate put in her leg. Started some treatments this
week.

’for Carl–We have a prayer request s Church Christmas Party was fun on Wed. The children
sang some songs on the beginning of the Thurs tape.

’Childrenmaybe if things go smooth enough we could mail it to you & you could give it to her
(else you could just mail it on to Fla.)

–My Mom will be on L.I. for Christmas ll want to hear it.

’ll work out the details of connecting with all who’t heard it, but Carl is going to make us a
copy. Then we can loan it out. Debbie & Patty both want to hear it. So will my Mom. We’I
havenwonderful. We taped much of it. (Tape got turned off at one point and we forgot to
turn it back on.)

wasthe evening –Back to Monday s driving me home from work Monday night so he can give
it to me then.

’s Hands this weekend that we can use for the studies. He’Before I forget, both tapes have
gaps. Our NEW tape recorder was acting up. D. took it back today and got a credit. Carl is
going to get one for Potterd like to.

’re doing God Has Everything Under Control tomorrow aft, I may not write all I’ll be delayed
until Mon. Since we’else it–d like to finish by mail-time tomorrow ’ll have to do my best to
answer your letter without having it in front of me. I want to get at least some written so I
can send it with the tapes. I’So ... II left my Bible at work (ran out in a hurry) and in it was
your letter because I had read sections in Yorba* Linda & Laguna Hills.

–and then –d have to wait until the weekend (Shabbat Shalom!) ’but knew I–s dinner, so read
it late that night. What a great way to end the day. I wanted to answer it right away ’Your
letter arrived Monday, Dec. 5. We had to hold off till after Carland we made it!

–Wow! What a week

Dear Linda

Fri, Dec 9, 1994

Christine & Dave

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4
Love,

his time at Northrop has clearly brought blessings to many.

–ve enclosed copies of some of the pages ’re making a book of good wishes for Carl. I’We

Dec. 3

the kitten.

–s Christmas present ’ll have quite a group.) The second time is about Katy-Ann’add my flute
& your piano & we–keyboard lessons. (Katy-Ann is already taking; Sammie violin –s
Christmas present ’s about Kim’s whispering. First time it’s being said when there’If you get
far enough into the social part of Thurs tape, you should know what

Dec 2

ll be interested in the discussion.

’. I think youWide My World, Narrow My BedToward end of tape Patty talks about Lucy
Swindall and her book, t have even considered it if Bob had lost his.

’Prob a cut in pay so she couldn–away from Northrop –closer to home –she sent her resume –
re praying about a job for her ’s job is OK. Now we’Patty called. Bob

Dec 1, 1994

ll begin the New Year at work with changes.

’I–and actually good timing –m finished most days. Not really a surprise ’ll be leaving work
before I’and they–My days on the van will end Dec 23. They are changing to earlier hours to
accommodate some new people

Nov 30, 1994

two times a day.

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5
more than the usual one or–you s been praying a lot for ’s house, she shared with me that
for the last few days she’On the way to Patty

Nov. 29, 1994

But when he became my pastor, I found myself praying for him on Sat nights.

–s constantly burning the candle at both ends. ’he–t spend enough time in bed to lie awake
’Carl doesna group of us got together early Sun morning to cover the day with prayer.)

–we learned that Bob was sleeping fine on Sats while I prayed for him, the congregation, his
sermon, etc. (That was a real praying church –And –t sleep on Sats because he was so
wound up. I asked the Lord to let me carry that for him. ’or kept me awake) with my
previous pastor, Bob Hoekstra. He couldn–and for my pastor (Carl). I got started praying
through Sat nights (if the Lord woke me –for other friends with difficulties –for Dale & Marie –
for you –I spent much of last night in prayer

(* Good thing!)

making things at work more impacted than usual.

–week-long meetings with Air Force, etc. –And the Quarterly –s Church Christmas Party, Wed
eve, Dec 7; God Has Everything Under Control* (Seminar) Dec. 10 ’s Farewell Dinner, Mon
eve, Dec 5; Children’Dec 10. It will really be impacted. Besides our normally scheduled
events, we have: Carl–d appreciate prayer for the week of Dec 4 ’We

Nov 27

–Sunday morn

s letter).

’with no wasted words (D commented on the brevity compared to the wordiness of Sally–
very well made – I forgot to mention your published letter. Interesting point ll just enclose
this with the next tape or letter, since the others are already sealed.

’I

Dear Linda

Thanksgiving evening

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6
Celibacy

: 6Week 2.

that David danced before the arktold us to sing to each other and to the Lord. And we read
es, God – through Paul – has Y

– Linda

I think it bodes very badly for us as human beings when it is not natural to sing & dance to
express ourselves and have fun.

wants them to smileSome Christians go about their life looking “pious.” They don’t believe
that God

[Ephesians 5:19]

Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making
melody in your heart to the Lord;?, she asked conceitedly]

Commonweal[Did you get my letter to

** You must be carrying my burden because I have days of great peace, & even joy.

qz

Linda

With love & gratitude & prayers

and then feel good about it?

–? ”did right“t. What he was doing was wrong. But was I right to hound him until he ’s
another subject, or maybe it isn’I feel like I never prevail, but that–s feckless boy friend to
keep his word to me & get his unusable car out of my garage. I felt so self-righteous & was
pleased when I prevailed ’do you have anything to say on this subject?) I think back uneasily
to the huge federal case I made this fall to force my niece–taking qz private little
satisfactions because we feel so bad ourselves. (I also realized later that covering sin in
mercy does not mean denying that it occurred –I find that the part abt my parents seems
negative & wrong. The fact is that things change every day. My dad had a dream he was in

26
7
an elevator w/ Christine, and a huge chasm opened right at their feet. Our page of readings
for today was a stunning challenge to root out every negative thought we have abt our
brothers, & to cover their sins in mercy. We agreed that as a family we are grossly guilty of
trying to make ourselves feel better by magnifying & focusing on the failings of others In re-
reading this,, but I never thought to express it.]

”4“t burst into flames at mention of the number ’I too am grateful that small children don–
[Dave t like to expose worries or fears that might be resolved tomorrow, but I just wanted to
express this I guess.

’m not sure why I chose this option or why I have faith in it. I don’ll have to give me back
some of my bone marrow, along w/ cancer cells. Every now & then it hits me that no one has
ever done this before. I’t turn around they’t proceed, & I am getting a little concerned. If it
doesn’s been 3½ weeks since my last treatment my white count continues to fall. So we
can’m feeling. The weather continues to be beautiful. This evening Kruger called to say that
altho it’s how well I’that–I went into the city today to have lunch w/ friends & just to have fun
. ll get this mailed tomorrow’12/12 I

Connor, who believes in the Truth & therefore does not have to please everybody, I get a
glimpse of what a different world it would be if we all knew what we believed and could
stand up for it, rather than just promoting ourselves in a world where everything is up for
grabs.

’s not a perfect person but he is the only example of integrity that I can think of in public life.
He never backs away from the hardest questions or issues, and is perfectly secure in his role
as teacher and shepherd of his people. When I compare the agonized twistings & turnings of
Clinton & most politicians with the wonderful clarity & consistency of O’Connor, Archbishop
of New York. This is a leader who never wavers. He’Cardinal O

Most admired public figure:

s been, and is, far more exciting and freeing than trying to figure it all out on my own.

’s teachings. If given the chance, I tell them it’but before long I learned that in a mysterious
way, the church was leading me, in all my ignorance, to a kind of obedience that did not
stifle, but that opened onto new & thrilling vistas. I often meet people who are amazed (and
sometimes repelled) by my willingness to submit to the church–”system“I had no idea if I
could submit to such a demanding –from authority, from systems, from rules & regulations,
led nowhere. I was confused & uncertain when I entered the Church ”liberation“I was
brought up to question everything & to trust only myself in figuring things out. So I accepted
no authority and tried to become a good person according to my own lights. To my surprise I
found myself going around in circles. This That obedience opens more doors than rebellion.

I agree w/ your concern there):

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–Christian answers ”obvious“Most important thing learned (is there a way you could
eliminate the

Answers to my two proposed icebreakers, should you choose to use them:

t stay with it. Good luck, Dave. Maybe when I come out there we can have a study group &
read Williams together, then sing & dance & eat!

’ve lived that hell too often. But I just couldn’it was unbelievable. I–I remember a description
of a man consenting to sexual jealousy & sinking into damnation right in front of my eyes –
was the last Williams I attempted to read. Is that the one abt Pauline & her double? It was
incredibly fascinating, intricate, & perfectly thought-out Descent Into HellI think so I have
obeyed!

”Do not open...“A Christmas box from you just arrived. I had the knife in my hand when I
saw your are you? Can I still come to Calif?

–m no fan of Disney ’s act. I’m not interested in just cleaning up TV’s anti-TV enough for me,
I might send them some money. As you know I’If it”The Mediator.“m getting a kick out of ’Is
why I asked to make the distinction.)

’Of course! I forgot that the Immaculate Conception is a purely Catholic thing! See how well
trained I am! (Catholics are forever confusing the two, w/ some serious consequences;
thatall kinds of buried longings, to express myself, respond to music, learn something
challenging, look graceful, enjoy being w/ people, on & on. And all of this was hidden until I
was nearly 50! I was quite thrilled when D suggested digging up my clarinet. Somehow I
have a new faith that those old closed doors might open.

–re drowning in this awful cult of celebrities. When I signed up at Arthur Murray, they gave
me a lay list of reasons for wanting to learn to dance & asked me to check the ones that
applied to me. I was absolutely amazed at how much I wanted to do thru dancing ’s probably
why we’how horrible. It–now spectators because everyone is a ’you may remember that she
was part of a trio? (a quartet?) in high school that had a fair amount of success, in school &
out. I was telling her abt our conversation & how weirdly people often react to singing & she
agreed totally. She said she met w/ almost total hostility or awkward laughter whenever she
would suggest singing. To this day, she suggests Christmas caroling every year & is greeted
w/ groans. I think it bodes very badly for us as human beings when it is not natural to sing &
dance to express ourselves and have fun. Maybe it–gotten ignored, but I feel strongly about
it. My sister loves to sing & has a beautiful voice havem so glad we talked abt singing. It was
one of those subtile things that easily could’It).

’s my first priority after I get well (or even if I don’it–choose the extra bedroom in your home.
I am thinking very seriously abt how to get to Calif d ’m afraid, but his eagerness is
incredibly touching. Still I think I’t even be able to understand him I’s excitement abt

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meeting me! I won’t know how I can possibly live up to Brent’I donand I know it will be
wonderfully exciting when I do, when He does!

–ve quite done that yet ’t think I’I don–m ready to let him take the front seat ’I think I may
be just at the point where I”Pedal!“I very much liked the analogy of the ants, and also the
story on the Rom 8:28 tape abt being on the bicycle w/ God, letting him take the lead, and
obeying when he says, what I would call my personality. It seems to be being stripped away,
all the ways I used to know myself. The way is getting narrower.

–t need to do any of that. Where I once would have shot my mouth off, I stay silent. But
there is a loss, too ’I realize that I don–the need to correct every one, to get things straight,
to be perfectly accurate –t know how to come to grips w/ them. Everything I did seemed
wrong. Now I find myself back in the middle of it all, helpless, at age 50. But every now &
then, something wonderful seems to come to me, a kind of wordless insight, and I feel a
great burden falling away ’I will re-read & ponder your advice abt family frustrations. For so
many years I kept myself at some length from these issues, precisely because I didnm sure
it will be.

’I hope the send-off for Carl is just splendid. Ive been hoping it qz something more. (Is 55:11
is helpful here.)

’s like a game but I’but that never for one second do they take the Lord (or me) the least bit
seriously. It–some family ritual, some conversation of substance –somethingve made to the
Lord, including rejecting him outright. I guess I feel that they want ’ve done, no matter what
response they’My father resents anything that implies that not everyone is called &
included, no matter what they”after all.“each parent uses the reading to prove his/her own
position. My mother was angered by the lily of the fields reading reflections, said it was
patent nonsense, & that perhaps she was not a Christian –a verse or two of Scripture & then
various reflections on it. We switched to that & it is much better. We almost always have a
lively discussion but I am not altogether happy abt the tenor of these discussions. In fact, I
often feel like a fool for even attempting to take them seriously or to impart anything of real
importance. They have a charade-like quality –t know where the loaf came from.) Anyway,
we all found the out-of-context quality of the readings frustrating, & our ignorance of the OT
particularly was glaring & hopeless. At abt this time one of my aunts who is deeply religious
sent us a book which has readings for every day of the year ’I don–one OT & one NT. (The
Bread of Life is a little plastic loaf of bread that holds the cards –”The Bread of Life“this has
already evolved. We started reading two verses at random from cards picked from –
Regarding our daily readings s sig. oth. Sadly, my sister & her two kids said absolutely
nothing, nor did my brother.

’my dad, notably, and Adam, and my brother–s request I put together a very modest prayer
service which we conducted before being seated at the table. I chose a psalm of
Thanksgiving, then invited anyone who wished to give thanks out loud, and then concluded
w/ the prayer for Thanksgiving Day from the Book of Common Prayer (which I absolutely
love). We got some quite wonderful expressions of thanks ’t recall if I told you on the phone

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that at my mom’day & all such stuff. I can”Turkey“I surely do agree w/ you abt s kind of
exciting to have to figure it all out for myself.

’m feeling well & making great strides w/ my leg. It’this week for sure. Meanwhile I–letter
from you! I am waiting to hear from Kruger abt when the next treatment will be long11/29 It
was good to get an old fashioned

[Linda continues:]

Singing and Dancing

:5AWeek 2

We too can know that the Lord hears our prayers.

blessings for Linda, who was growing closer to the Lord.

Of course God did hear Brent’s prayer – Brent was asking

-- Linda

I cannot imagine that God will not hear his prayer.

Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will,
He hears us. -- I John 5:14

ll enjoy it.

’We believe you”The Mediator.“We enclose a copy of t read it yet.

’. HasnDescent into Hell’Dave just bought Charles WilliamsP.S.

Dave & Christine

With much love,

We continue to keep you in prayer. And we are thankful for the part we can play in making
this time easier for you and in supporting you as you move into whatever he has for your
future.

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and the value of the gift.

–then we see the real difference of life in Him –t realize we need him). But when we
recognize the ugliness of sin ’t need him (or don’re without sin we don’If we pretend we–
Remember how hard Jesus was on the pharisees and all-out in love with the Lord.

–ve been forgiven ’but there was also a beautiful worship service of people who KNOW they–
and there was a murder close to where he was staying –Dave visited them years ago even
their 2 children. They love & see Jesus in the faces of the prostitutes.

–We have friends who are in ministry in the RED LIGHT district of Amsterdam ll show you the
beauty of Him at work there.

’AND he–ll let you know ’You went from enjoying the pleasures of the city to being aware of
the sin & consequences of the sin. If God calls you to minister there, Heve mostly seen about
the city.

’The ugly is what I–as is the beauty –by knowing that you loved the city. I believe (back to
early Romans) that the ugly things that you are seeing are real –even early in the day –our
enjoyment of NYC was enhanced –By the way re really blessed when they minister to
people.

’s started in Revelation on Wed is being taught from that perspective.) With that as our
calling, the Holy Spirit has been very generous to give us insights that we can pass on to
others. We’We also read avidly authors that address such. It is one of our goals in ministry to
share such insights with our brothers & sisters. (Even the study that–have spent much time
in the word with that in mind –for years –and why not better known. One of the gifts I believe
of Wiggins & Beaucage is applying Scripture to how to live today. All four of us –Re the idea
of Eve being tricked s encyclical letter on the immaculate conception, but the only source
we will accept as unerring is the Bible.

’We respect your acceptance of the Popes my understanding that the miracle involved in the
virgin birth, the conception of Jesus, as promised to Mary in Luke 1:31, is the point at which
original sin was wiped out.

’It”

Ephesians 5:19.“ll all be singing in heaven. We had a friend in N.J. who was in a song group
called ’I believe well be singing more. The host & hostess, Cindy & Dennis Sieffers, really
love music & sing themselves.

’if that happens we–I agree with how basic music is. Dave and I miss now being involved in a
group that loves to sing. We may get involved in a home church on Sat nights –s is
extraordinary ’Pat–but have untrained voices. Carl too has a nice voice –ll be happy to put a
few songs onto the tape when space & time permit. Also maybe D & I could put together a

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tape of praise songs. We love singing ’though we–t accelerate it ’so we probably won–s
funny when D & I sing ’The other people in the Bible study seem to think ittribulation.

liket ’and they don–about not praying for patience because tribulation works patience (Rom
5:3) –or even seriously –Some Christians joke who asks about you frequently).

–re inside the N-place (like Holly ’t make the tape because they’so will his mom & Carl & Pat
& Debbie & others who don–ll definitely need more than that.) Brent will be more than
thrilled to get to know you better ’but they–the Lord will provide –but just prayed that God
would make it really clear to Carl & Pat. (They will have about 25% of his prev. income –d
take it ’we surely hoped he– s plans for Carl ’Just as with God”if God has the time to tell you
what He wants from me, then he surely has the time to tell me.“Pat Wiggins says, ”God
wants you to...“t like to tell people ’ll know what God wants. We don’ll continue to pray that
you’to heal emotionally & spiritually as well as physically. We–you are more than welcome to
come for an indefinite stay –Seriously and we get 1st choice.

–but we do have an available bedroom –We like your ideas of what you can do when you get
your vitality back. The one way ticket to Calif sounds good to us. Brent would probably want
you to move in with him work together for our good if we love God & are called according to
his purpose.

–even our mistakes –ALL things –this tape covers Rom 8:28 –I DO know that nothing in your
life is a waste s best.

’but He also knows what–ve been to the Lord in tears about it. He sure knows what I want ’I
do not know what your future will bring. It worry too much about those on the bench.

’he doesn–ve been asking Him that from the beginning). I also believe that the Adversary
realizes that you are an ACTIVE member of the winning team ’I believe God is really working
in you through this time (weto give you hugs etc.

–d be there ’else we–ll pray for you. One of our frustrations is the 3000 miles ’twenty-four
hours a day. And we–that you can call us any time –I hope –You do know The big strong wise
ox yoked to the youngster who struggles and is chafed instead of just relaxing, letting the
older one carry most of the burden and set the pace.

but even better, so is He available. Recommend Matt 11: 29,30. Carl describes this situation
so beautifully:

–However, we can attack it. D & I pray regularly to have the Lord allow us to carry some of
your burden. Please remember that our weak shoulders are there for you –”s human’She“I
believe that depression is natural. As Brent would say, ll want to have your answer available.

’of course we–But it will be interesting –”The love of Jesus“or too obvious in Christian circles:
–it could be too heavy –re right ’You”ve ever learned?’s the most important thing
you’What“m going to try the ’Ill have to wait for the tape for mine.

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’you–I loved your answer about if Jesus were coming tomorrow s an education process. And
takes that patience we so often lack.

’s always done. After a while I found my Mom and Dad too had started doing it. It’ve also
found that some gradually add it. My family did not pray before meals when I was a child.
Dave and I began at the beginning of our marriage to do so. And in our home it’We–even
non-believers –ve found through the years that people will ask us to pray ’WeDave and I had
to explain to Carol.

–”No, we did not.“Our host said ”We forgot to say grace!“Carol popped up and said, –D and
& I did privately –They did not pray before the meal –”at most one God“) I remember a time
when Carol was a tot (2 or 3). We were visiting friends who believed in –and you will move
on –s home will end ’your time in your mom–Remember –and just multiply your prayers for
her. (However, I can understand your frustration –to help her understand the beauty of
praying together. I recommend that you honor her wishes –s prayer for you for your mom
’and wanting to keep it in a compartment. David suggested that you play Patty–I think the
idea comes from discomfort about Christianity as a life

believer

believer ---- believer

God

Christianity has a believer-to-believer component as well as believer to God (forming a

cross).

– but we also share our relationship with others. Ephesians is the best book (& mystical)
about the church being the body of Christ –m sure she prays in church on Sun. mornings.
Dave and I have a personal relationship with each other ’I–but much is corporate too
–”personal“I agree with your mother that much prayer is s a miracle.

’it–re right ’t return void... (Isaiah 55:11). You’ll pray about your Bible verse each morning.
How is it selected? This is a major step. God said through Isaiah that His word doesn’Webut
YOU have joined the winning team submitting to Jesus.)

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–re uncomfortable about the idea of spiritual warfare ’I know you–t force them any more
than He forces us. But it does guarantee results in YOU. (And remember all the unseen stuff
’they have free will. He won–t guarantee results in them ’Loving that way doesns spiritual.

’re right, it’they do not. You–s to love them as the Lord does. Remember, you have the
advantage in knowing Him ’but the only one, I believe. It–My suggestion for you and your
family is impossibly hard as I got older and wiser I was SO THANKFUL that this man that I
had trusted was a kleptomaniac and not a child molester. Praise the Lord!

–help instead of jail. AND –and the state worked out a pre-trial intervention –d misplaced. I
was supposed to be the prosecution witness. Instead I prayed (even with Carman at court)
’others we thought we–t missed ’some of which we hadn–it was found later in his home,
along with small tools, etc. –t find my thermos to send him home soup for dinner ’I
remember being embarrassed one day when I couldn–One morning I was wakened by a
phone call from a woman. Carman had offered to sell her my engagement ring! (I got it
back.) As the story unfolded he had stolen many little things from our home We got involved
with a man named Carman when the kids were quite young. He was somewhat slow and
seemed lonely. We had him in our home frequently. He babysat & we paid him to do small
chores.t show it all to friends or colleagues.

’re just seeing it in your family because most people don’T win and then join the winning
team. I think you’re saying about your family sounds just like what Paul says in Romans. The
ONLY way to win is to accept that we CAN’The stuff you–

s) over a misunderstanding about $. Battered wives ’re in their 60’t talked to her sister in
over 25 years (they’m afraid. Being in a ministry situation we see so many sad things. A
sister who hasn’What you see in your family is all too common, Ieven more than we do.

–but she still has very little understanding of what it will involve. The most comfort is that
God does love that baby –s nothing like what we expected. We do believe she will keep the
baby ’it–s parents ’Dave and I have grown a lot in learning how best to be Carolre really
excited.

’We”

NRC Bible Club.“2 of the presents will be hand embroidered by Debbie Grant (of Thurs.
night) to have

etc.

Message - Pastor Jim Willard (one of the Bible study leaders)

(who just WORSHIPS) Program - Praise led by Katie Reichert

His dad and (27 year old) daughter will be there.

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s Hands.

’the theme verse of Potter– The cake decorated with a picture of the Bible and Is. 64:8 –

The party itself will not be a surprise for Carl but the details are s never met Carl has prayed
that it will be an outreach.)

’t also be one by his department so some non-believers are coming. (A new friend of mine
who’re having a retirement dinner for him. The Bible Club is doing it (so it will be Christian)
but there won’we–Next step for Carl is Dec. 5 ! And growing to understand and accept that is
part (I believe) of the Christian life.

s right’That–”Surely there is more surrounding us every second than we can begin to

understand“s like that on many issues.

’He–. y on Thurs is probably Art GThe man who gets carried awaDave is definitely feeling
better. The antibiotics did the trick.

and our lives are not that much different than they were before.

–s one reason, I believe, that so much of Christendom is luke-warm. (Jesus expresses his
opinion on this in Rev. 3:16. Let me never be luke-warm!) If we minimize the ugliness of sin,
then we minimize the gift of redemption ’Thatt appreciate it.

’t even realize we need the cure. And we sure don’t appreciate the value of the cure. We
don’then we don–t accept the reality of the horror of sin ’If we donhave the happy part.

–and the one enclosed –in the beginning. The last tape –Romans is hard –re right ’YouAMEN!
It then becomes so easy to have the form without the substance of Christianity.

– ”s truly deadly’When religion becomes (only) a culture, it“narrow path to Him.

–I believe that Christians were never meant to be the in-crowd. We need to be dependent on
Christ to lead the truly Christian life. He talks about the broad path to destruction ”

God Has Everything Under Control.“and went to another room and ate in front of the TV. To
please Patty he came to the sessions when we did –He carved the Passover lamb –t
participate ’but doesn–s a very nice man. Gracious as we invade his home each week ’s
stepfather. He’Brent–s husband ’Bob is Pattyll enjoy his description on the enclosed tape.

’t an accident, but an incident. You’s the one who says it wasn’s from High Hopes. He’s one
of each. Rob is a young man (about 25) who had a head injury. He is a friend of Brent’s
confusing: At the Tues. night group there’I can understand why that–Rob/Bob to just enjoy
Him.)

–to listen to Him –to talk to Him –me to be with Him wants t that amazing! the creator of the
universe ’and He so desires fellowship with us. (Isn–but I sure loved it. I believe that most of

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us do not spend enough time alone with our Father –t last forever ’d finish my household
tasks in the morning & have an hour or two alone with the Lord before the children came
home from school. I knew that privilege wouldn’t supposed to have an outside job for a
while. I’Several hours a day in prayer sounds wonderful to me. When we first moved out
here I knew I wasnha ha!)

–Bildad the Shuhite (Shoe height add richness to our lives when we recognize this.

doesAnd it –everything under control. –even these tapes –t remember why I mentioned the
clarity of the tape. You may have said something on the phone. Nonetheless, God does have
’I donNow to respond to your letter:

-------

for major holidays.) The Grant family & Lincoln family are spending this day together.

–cancel Bible studies doThere will be only one Bible study tape this week. (We what a gift
from God! What an unusual treasure. And he has allowed us to share you with other friends
as well.

–including our special relationship with you –for much –WE are thankful –Anyway (Santa
day?) permeates everything already.

”Christmas“if your whole life is I want more, more, more (all the preparation for greedy –t
know Someone to thank ’and I just managed to tolerate it. If you don–again & again –Well, I
heard the phrase –d... ’(ugh). At 7AM yesterday I told Carl that if I heard that phrase one
more time, I”Happy Turkey Day“s so wonderful to have a holiday whose purpose is
thanksgiving! Yet, I more and more hear ’It

Dear Linda,

Thanksgiving Morn! 1994

, which is inserted here:]

”Yours of Thanksgiving Morn.“s letter continued with the comment, ’[Linda

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s the intent, but I too found it very lively. I really enjoy it when people speak to me directly,
like when D. was using the Equal packet as a notebook. However, such asides probably
distract, and it is certainly not my intention to turn the study into a purely social event.

’m not sure that’I”incredibly entertaining.“11/28! Adam listened to part of the last John
study and found it

Proposed icebreaker: What current public figure do you most respect, and why? (Answers
should be people we all know.)

ve always felt. How I admire that kind of decisiveness! Ambivalence is such a terrible trap.

’This is just exactly how I”she was having so much fun, and I wanted to have fun, too.“s, a
qz man heard Dorothy Day speak & decided instantly to join her movement because
’Speaking of having fun, I just read that back in the 30I cannot imagine that God will not
hear his prayer. Imagine if we ever meet! Please tell him how moved I am by his long-
distance, sight-unseen love. He is a dear person, and, in his affliction, an inspiration.

–s concern for me is truly touching ’s a minor miracle right there. Brent’s theory about
procreation in heaven was challenging, to say the least! I laughed a lot during that session
which is not what one expects from reading St. Paul. That’The last Yorba Linda tape was
quite exciting. Brent sure was feisty, & Davell miss something).

’m always afraid I’t (altho I’re not too Calif-oriented for me, I listen. If not, I don’sorry if the
existence of the recorder inhibited anyone. If I can follow the conversations & theyveryt tell
the group to stop having wild fun because of me! I would be ’donPleaseJust mailed letter
today but will start this one as I listen to tapes. I had to tell you how much I loved hearing
the kitten. Could you send me one of those?

Dear Dave & Christine

11/17/94

Christine & Dave

Love,

so you need to know: Debbie was particularly blessed by it.

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–until after the tape –I forgot to read your answer to the question to the Thurs. study

Nov. 18

ve had good (& bad) experiences.

’re ever interested, I can track down doctors out here; I do have leads from friends
who’Anyway, if youbut more & more I find there are very few people who really have
integrity. Greed, fear, etc. seem to get in the way.

–& we got that from a show on KKLA. I hate to become so cynical –radio station).
Unfortunately D & I were ripped off by a group where we invested in an IRA ”Christian“s
heard of them (e.g. with recommendation?) He said on KKLA (a ’when Carl mentioned an
oncology group in San Diego. I asked on what basis he–and probably everywhere,
unfortunately) –Carl & I were talking about the level of integrity of your doctor (in the
context of the level of integrity at Northrop

Dear Linda,

Nov. 14, 1994

Prayer & Thanksgiving

: 5Week 2culture or tradition.

with oure need to be involved with the living Lord Jesus, not just W

– Linda

When religion becomes (only) a culture, it is really deadly.

But is that good for us?

rituals, just as our parents didand performIt’s easy to go to church, sing hymns,

For laying aside the commandment of god, ye hold the tradition of men… [Mark 7:3]

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Love, L

it was wonderful to feel that way. Perhaps I will again.

–m so glad I could show you NYC while I still loved it ’Ihow come it is so little known?

–That idea of Eve being tricked in a way that Adam was not is very reassuring t it the
Immaculate Conception of Mary, rather than the Virgin Birth, that preserved Jesus from
original sin? (I hate to sound so Catholic!)

’Wasns a real correlation bet. the best kind of intelligence & musical ability & facility w/
language, e.g., Anthony Burgess and Frank Sheed, co-founder of the Catholic publishing
house now defunct, Sheed & Ward. I think music is a lot more basic than we realize & I
regret my extreme ignorance of it.

’ve decided there’I–ll always sing whenever possible ’I hope yous not good to pray for
patience!? I pray for it all the time.

’Why do some people think it

Reactions to Romans tape:

Linda

Love,

something drastic. Tell Brent he might get to know me better than he expected to!

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–s the sort of thing that seems to be needed ’t come back. That’ve done w/ my life is
worthless, sheer folly. On the other hand, I keep having wonderful ideas abt what I could do
when I get my vitality back. I think if I go to Calif, I won’and that much of what Ijust a lot of
egos jockeying for attention. My mother thinks this is just depression connected w/ my weak
physical state but it is scary. I feel I really have nothing to live for, sort of that my race is
run,–Catholic magazines yesterday & it filled me w/ disgust ”controversial“I bought one of
my favorite –and I almost wish I could somehow just block it all out. Most reading material
makes me feel very depressed & upset –ugly, sickening even, full of worthless hideous
things, depraved-looking people –m having a very weird & horrible reaction to NYC these
days. I find it almost unbearable ’I)

”s the most important thing you ever learned?’what“ve come up w/ a few, but they seem
too heavy & metaphysical (thupical! [qz]) and not really appropriate for that reason. (For
example ’ve been thinking abt questions for the groups & I’Id serve breakfast in a soup
kitchen, then stand in the street telling people to turn off their TVs, and then try to find
everyone who I need to tell that I love them, and tell them. Actually, this is only what I think
I should be doing every day.

’If Jesus were coming tomorrow: I”

120,000 people who cannot tell their right hand from their left...“–and I am reminded of the
ending of the Book of Jonah – t pronounce the word ’some of the strongest proponents can–
At the parish council meetings we drone on & on about evangelization really offensive.

”religion“s really a strange thing. She finds overt ’Where do people get ideas like that? I
think she must have somehow mixed up the idea of a relationship w/ God w/ her emotions.
It”personal.“s very hard to do. My mother the other day expressed anger & resentment at
the notion of praying out loud because it is so ’news is that my mom, dad, & I read a Bible
verse every morning at breakfast & discuss it a bit. This is a minor miracle. My wish for a
long time has been to pray before meals, especially here, but itgoodThe I find this
tremendously upsetting & cannot seem to come to terms w/ it. It seems like there must be
something really wrong w/ us as a family. I want to be free of it & yet I cannot stop being
part of my family, especially now that I depend on them for care. Do you have any
suggestions abt how to cope w/ this? There seem to be layers & layers of dishonesty & no
way to get free & let in the light. This is, no doubt, a spiritual problem, but no one but me
sees it that way.

.we just have to do it over & over in a hopeless attempt to justify ourselves & our sin– t get
us anywhere ’m sorry to say) in gossiping, judging, & condemning others, but it doesn’re on
a treadmill, doomed to repeat these mistakes until we die. I see the pleasure people take
(me first, I’resentments, making bitter judgments, & trying to justify themselves. Sometimes
it seems weouses & children, holding on to s! are still battling w/ sp’s & 80’siblings & inlaws,
many of whom, now in their 70’home again, I am seeing up close all the unresolved messes
& misunderstandings of all our lives just parading by. This extends to my parents’I mean
how parents struggle to understand children as they become adults. Also, living in my

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parents–e unpredictability must really be hard on you. Does she talk to you or is she
secretive? I keep comparing your situation to mine w/ Adam in a general way Ths baby
draws near. The balancing act you describe must be incredibly hard. Somehow I had
assumed she would be keeping the baby, altho probably by herself. ’I really feel for you both
as the birth of Carols installation was such a triumph. I will be following his life w/ great
interest.

’m glad (but never doubted) that Carl’Iit is wonderfully touching & most mysterious to me
how he could have such feeling for a complete stranger. Surely there is more surrounding us
every second than we can begin to understand.

–s prayer ’Have just received latest 2 tape shipments. Thank you for transcribing Brent

Nov 15! (time flies?)

The Bell Curvem really beginning to enjoy the social time, especially when it consists of a
coherent discussion rather than shrieks of delight & loud laughter! Who is the man on Thurs.
nite who talks so fast & gets so carried away, like abt ’I think the ice breakers work very well
& Iin Spanish. Do you know what Yorba & Loma mean? Carmen could tell us I bet.

prettymeans lindaI knew that m working on it, very gentle. Tonite I will make the effort to go
to my Mark group to see if I can help keep it together.

’m glad I went & feel some improvement in my leg. I do believe it is stiffness & maybe
incomplete healing of the surgery. I’ll Souls & it ws very difficult to get there, very
uncomfortable to sit, stand, wait on line, etc., but I thought of how sufferers were dragged
all over the place to see Jesus, to touch the hem of his garment, so I figured I could put up
w/ a little discomfort. Is took me to a healing mass on AI admire that. I feel like I often look &
sound miserable these days, which I hate. My friends miserable.’t sound like he’he doesn–
Hope Dave is feeling better n my church, but your story abt the Jew who had all kinds of
tricky ways of making the Law easier reminded me of stories (usually attributed to Jesuits) of
how Catholics fudged the rules & were actually proud of their ingenuity.

ttle about what sinners we are is how I feel listening to the Romans Study. Paul can
sometimes be depressing to me. We hear li’What a hard thing this is to do! Thats. When
religion becomes (only) a culture, it is really deadly.

’about the corrupt Catholic in crowd in Los Angeles in the 1940by John Gregory Dunne,True
ConfessionsWhat an abomination! It really made me grateful for the anonymity &
indifference of NYC to all things religious. On the other hand, one of my favorite books &
movies is happens when Christians are the in-crowd?community in the Bible Belt. I never
heard of such a thing. Is this what”Christian“s experiences in the’I was horrified to hear of
your mothers will lies elsewhere for me.

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’like that but I never was. Clearly God”discovered“I think I believed for a long time that I
would be –s story about her cousin was very resonant ’s father. Patty’a long time I thought
he ws Brentfor;m sorry I lost the first bunch of questions. Tell me again about Rob’m really
beginning to feel part of that group. I’s obviously great desire for me to be with you. I’s
beautiful prayer for me & by Brent’m listening now & am really touched by Patty’he hospital
to take several hours each day to just close my eyes & try to pray. It is very strange for me
to have so much time & enforced inactivity. Itt get the Bildad the Shuhite\nite joke!) I find it
very restful to close my eyes & let your voices sort of wash over me. I learned in ’s system
while he takes his afternoon nap. (I don’t complain abt the garbled tapes till 11/1! Anyway,
all is well. I now listen to the tapes on my father’Your Oct 26 letter makes reference to the
clarity of the enclosed tape. Is this pre-knowledge on your part? I didn

Dear Christine & Dave,

Nov. 4

.... Later he asked you to give us a call because we were disagreeing.

help everyone else get home safely. Please Father. Amen

–m already home ’well I–help us all get home –Father please help us all have a good night;
help Dave & Christine have a wonderful drive home and please help Carmen –t even know
her and let me see ’I don–I love her –t understand} We miss her, we miss her; we want to
meet her so very very very very please ’Jesus, please help Linda. Please have no more
struggles with her health. And please help her to fly on out here. {words we couldn

s prayer:

’Brent

s public statement was a wonderful gift to her husband.

’though he was behaving as a pastor.) So Pat–t handle the title or the role ’when in his
humility he couldn–I saw Carl as pastor ”blame.“s all my fault. (And I will accept some ’s
been known to say that it’she playfully put me down. Carl–but before he had a congregation
–after his ordination –”pastor“s wife. Au contraire, when I used to call Carl ’Pat had never
wanted to be a pastornot many dry eyes in the place.

–ve ever heard her ’the most beautifully we–Then she sang m still committed to follow you
and...

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’Now you and God tricked me again. And Iand I still loved and (... richer, poorer)

not in her plan–’s wife Then 15 years ago you and God tricked me... (how she became a
minister17 years ago I promised... (richer,poorer, etc)

s response, Pat got up and spoke (looking right at Carl)

’The high point was Pat. Right after the installation, before Carl)

”WRONG!“(Brent called out ”m special...’s not that I’it“–But then Carl said something like
.)”Hallelujah“–(Brent”s all the Lord’it“s response to the charge that had been given to him.
Carl said things like ’and good that Brent is hard to understand. It was during Carl–and many
were calling out Amen, etc. One place, however, was funny –because the service was
conducted in a black cultural way –Brent was there having a ball. He could call out all the
hallelujahs that he wanted to build bridges.

– s understanding of his calling ’It fit in so perfectly with Carlthere is one race (many
nations).–God is one –”One“The sermon was given by the man (pastor) who ordained Carl.
The message was it was better even than anticipated.

–s installation ’Thanks for your prayers for Carl

Dear Linda,

Nov. 7, 1994

C&D

Love,

difficult (maybe impossible) for him.

isand while not gone is broken. He often makes strange connections. He and Dave really
enjoy bouncing off each other verbally. But to follow a long train of reasoning & hold it in his
head –s understanding in not consistent. His intelligence was clearly very high ’Brentstarts
next Wed.)

–m doing at work ’t told him I’(which I haven–and have no clue about what next. Brent wants
Revelation–t handle it. I believe it is going well ’re right Romans is a tough book. Many
can’Yousince written by same man.

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–which is Luke II –From Luke to Acts –I agreed it was a good idea –Dave wanted a gospel –a
hard book. Then Luke s’thatNow – We did Jude first (Brent chose that because of the
Beatles) m not going in order.

’I chose Romans because I thought that was what the Lord wanted next. Patty had had a
bad experience with the book at work (just the style of the Bible study). No, Isituation.

”out-of-control“this is my –or keep him away from us. He behavior in the past few years has
not been at all predictable –but that she could decide to put the child up for adoption –not
just in how the child was conceived –s behavior ’s really hard keeping a balance of the
natural tendency for us to be excited about this child & the reality of Carol’Itso we had a lot
of fun sharing.

–and they are Christians –s owned & run by a family ’We decided we had to have it. As we
talked to the proprietors (the store is new) we found it– for $50 –walked in & they had a
beautiful oak high chair g. Weeven if for just some bibs or somethin–s clothes. Figured we
might as well use it ’had a $2-off coupon on a store which carries baby & childrenehad a
great gift from God yesterday. WWeve been wanting to get the two young women together.
Both babies are due at the same time.

’s across the street visiting a neighbor who has 3 kids (oldest about 7) and one on the way.
We’Carolthe doctor I had w Carol took no Rh precautions.

);t know till I was pregnant w Robert’m AB- (which I didn’I know that although I–sound
familiar ) –impressed with the medical care notStill close. At one point he said Nov. 20.
(Carol is – Her ultrasound led the Dr. to change the due date to Jan 2. Shea Paul.

–“s a boy ’It“Maybe the pictures are making the baby real to her. asing baby clothes. and
not just forced. She & Paul had actually been out purch–of our grandson. Carol almost seems
happy ”pictures“we just saw the first –Carol & Paul just stopped by how you are at any given
time.

–but the Lord does –t know ’with time delay we don–We were glad that you were so much
happier at the time of the call. We know enough that we pray always an hour or so after our
phone call.

–dated) –Just got your letter (All Saints Day

Dear Linda,

Sat., Nov, 5, 1994

Christine & Dave

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5
Love,

his position is moving from Grumman to Northrop Grumman. D and I will be glad to
introduce them to the area.

–one of her friends will be moving out here –I just got a call from my sister and to lift you in
prayer.

–but she is now to help Carl celebrate –s not part of my life ’she heard about your needs &
has the privilege of sharing in the blessing of praying for you. Since she works in another
building I never bump into her & except for a few special occasions she–so when Katie called
back –D called to fill me in about your call, prayer requests, etc. –while I waited for it to
resume –ve known her) to ask details about microphones, how many songs, etc. Then our
call was interrupted ’And Katie connects with you. She called (one of about 4 calls since Is
not an entertainer.

’she–because besides being beautiful she ministers to the Lord –s going to be a wonderful
surprise for Carl. He loves her singing ’Shes bible study & has a lot of love for him.

’she used to be in Carl–As it turns out Katie was thrilled ”o, please ask Katie.N“t even known
she was pregnant.) Carolyn suggested the Christian guitar club (another Northrop anomaly).
I said, ’because of her 6 month old baby. (I hadn”no“works with Katie & said she thought
Katie would say –s helping with the plans ’who–t change the worship for them.) Carolyn ’but
we don–re welcome ’they–and Carl said plan accordingly, like inviting friends to church – s
being publicized by the Bible club ’but it–will probably attract people not involved in the
Bible club ”goodbye“s ’s name popped into my head as a perfect worship leader. (Carl’s
goodbye dinner, Katie’Anyway, yesterday as we were making plans for Carls seen her was at
one of his book signings.

’so this was out of context. I had a chance to introduce Katie to D that day. The only other
time he–always at Northrop –only seen 3 or 4 times before whom I had –t was Katie i–One
time when Dave & I were visiting a church, I found myself staring at the young woman
leading the praise songs. Finally I realized why she looked so familiar but the attraction was
immediate. She glows with the love of the Lord.

–ve only been with her about 6 or 8 times since I first met her at a Bible study over 4 years
ago ’Katie Reichart (sp?) is a really special woman. I

7 PM

reminder to me: Katie.

–back this evening with more –s off to work I go ’hi, ho! hi, ho! it–e, questions) and also her
idea to bring her own Spanish Bible.

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we made for you: e.g., d.r. tabls blossomed in the Bible study recently (due mainly to
changes ’s been wonderful how she’Its such a sweet spirit. Hearing your opinions about her
country and her culture was a real blessing to her.

’s face as I read about your special day in Greenwich village. She’I wish you could have seen
Carmen

0530

The day of the LIVING!

Nov. 2

as being unnatural.

–e.g., Romans 1: 26,27 –Also God does single it out especially where it involves role models
for children

–t believe that a church or the Boy scouts or any other organization should be forced to
accept people living that way ’t seem to be for equal treatment. I sure don’so their political
activism doesn–t seem to be a disadvantaged minority ’they want to be given special
privileges. Economically, at least, they don–EXCEPT –We agree with you on homosexuality
and free of the hospital.

–re home ’that yougladre so ’WeJesus came for the first time today. Comments about
prostitutes from how Jesse (Jesus of the film) handled (talked with) a prostitute.

–. Supposed to be a what if The Judas ProjectThe movie was d like included.

’I had already suggested (on a tape I believe) that others could come up with questions.
Please send any youll start on the second list so yours can be included right along with the
others.

’will wait till you have a chance. I–I have not yet asked the last one t will be fun for you to
answer.I enclose a copy in case iRe the lost questions:and there was!

–”There will be a letter from Linda“Riding home in the van today I found myself thinking

Oct. 31

lunch.

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”good by“and –s leaving has added much: plans for all kinds for final this & final that ’Carl–t
see anything happening until the new year. (Life had already been full ’s easier to jot this
now. We don’it–or even get up and look through old letters –rack our brains rather than –
about it –Sat. we met when Dave spoke lastmwho–ve just written to Margaret ’s Prayer
Fellowship. I’t remember whether I wrote about the possibility of a Christian Writer’I don

Dear Linda,

Oct. 30, 1994

Cultural Religion

: 4Week 2

May we all grow in the knowledge of that way of life – and in applying it.

– Linda

I realized there simply was no other way apart from Jesus.

We try hard to do things our own way. But we can do nothing, certainly not please God.

[John 14:6]

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father,
but by me.

m mad! L.

’t have any choice but to take what they dish out. Sorry to be so negative! I’m kind of
disgusted. I seem to come last. I guess they figure that because I have cancer I don’t bend
my right knee, so walking is painful at best, but I feel this little qz was really bungled & I’,
altho I lost most of a tooth weeks ago & must try to get that taken care of & I can5 free
daysm relieved to have ’d simply waited for the results of the biopsy. The 4th treatment is
scheduled for Mon 11/7, because that is when my doctor will be back from his fun time in
Morocco. I’.) Because of this, they do not want to do the procedure to harvest bone marrow
at this point. The alarming calls & general upset of the last two days could have been
completely avoided if theyare(Surprising because the right side is where all the problems

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8
were & Further news: Right after my call to D last night, my doctor called to say there were
still some cancer cells in the left sample & the right one was normal.

P.P.S.

s baby is due so soon!

’t believe Carol’Can–P.S.

Linda

Love,

I want to get this off today so,

ll be able to listen to. Obviously my other machine needs cleaning or something. Sorry for
the alarm’s good tape deck & they are perfect. On is already packed up but the other two
I’News flash! I had the brains to listen to the problem tapes on my dad

All Souls

Nov. 2

s my machine because when I listen to older tapes, they are audible.

’t think it’which I just cannot make out. They are mildly garbled & I can only catch a few
words here & there. They are, actually the last three tapes! Are you doing anything
differently? I don–ve marked them ’I–There are a few tapes I feel so helpless & thwarted.

&s been taken away from me. I know I could hold the group together if I could get control
but I just cannot’t there, yet, & I know that. There are also too many people in the group
who just have too much to do, & the choice of Fri. nite was disastrous. Oh well, live & learn.
Just another thing I was proud of & that’t work in groups like this. You need strong
committed leaders who can hold fast & make others do the same. The 2 leaders who
replaced me & Oscar just aren’ve learned a lot. One thing is that democracy just doesn’t
really know what to do, but I’s criticisms made me unhappy, too. She feels they are cheap
w/refreshments, for example. I don’but Angela–d have refused to meet there? perhaps we
sh–situation either t like the live-in ’t make it. She was very unhappy abt that & feels the
group is falling apart. She proceeded to criticize the host couple (unmarried) on a number of

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counts, particularly his treatment of live-in girlfriend. He is a strange and challenging guy, &
I don’s meeting had been called off by the host, because so many had said they
couldn’relationship, & she informed me that the previous nite”personal“t up to it. The next
day I talked to Angela, who drives me to these meetings & with whom I have the most
extensive ’is having big problems. We had one session. Then I missed one because of a
treatment. The third one had been postponed in advance because of a conflict on that date,
and when it came time for the next meeting (last Fri.) I canceled because I just wasn–s not
mine anymore but I feel like it is ’it–Mark group ”My“money worries, hating their job, etc.

–I enjoyed the Joni tape more than I expected to. I cried several times while listening.
Sometimes I think I can comprehend such an amazing acceptance, in others it seems
terribly far away from me. I look at other people who enjoy health & freedom of movement
& wonder whether I should envy them. People w/ health seem to always be unhappy abt
something else d like back whenever. I have really come to appreciate the Romans study
group. altho I cannot understand a single word Brent says. Why Romans? Are you going in
order? It is bound to be extremely difficult. Does Brent have a normal understanding?

’which IForgiveness of Sinsm including Chas Wms. ’Tomorrow I hope, I will send back to you
by parcel post nearly every tape! It deserve it.

’s quite amazing we have any civic order at all. It must be God sustaining us for his own
purposes. We surely don’it–s every-day work lives, the appalling grip that the
media/technology has over everyone, the simple insanity of cars & traffic, which no one
even questions ’he insanity of most peopleTm being naive for getting excited over each one
of them . ’Thanks for the phone-mail saga. It is truly incredible,but so many things in this
world & this life are incredible, so senseless, so harmful, so blend, that sometimes I feel Ill
get a copy & send it, along w/ the foolish letter from another reader that inspired mine.

’m at my house I’, not an article unfortunately, but it is a really good letter. The next time
IletterThe thing I wrote that Commonweal publishes was a d be very happy just to walk.

’ll ever write again. I’t know if I’s what philosophy & psychology are all about really, I bet.
Anyway, I don’always looking for ways to denigrate the commandments & find a rationale
for sin. That–s commandments. They have it completely inside-out ’the Lordkeepingt even
have, & that it is important to communicate them. Nobody realizes that joy comes from ’one
abt sexual sins & abt why only men can be priests) that most Catholic leaders doninsights
along the way (like thet know anything at all, & it is my job to be quiet & listen. I even feel I
should read less. However, I do believe I have been blessed w/ certain’abt writing. If I think
about it, it seems connected w/ the conviction that I don”no“whatever that might be. And I
think abt writing but I feel like Paul when the Holy Spirit prevented him from taking a certain
route. I just feel a big ”,better“d be lucky to have that back again & I dare not hope for
anything ’& yet feel that if I survive this Iis to me”workplace“prayer group is an interesting
idea. I often reflect on how very repugnant my ’The writerswent back to business as usual.

I it was all over in 12 months & – d been hit w/ anything less drastic, she knows she would
not have prayed as she has. I often feel that way abt my first cancer fight ’from a woman

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who was stricken w/ MS & is completely paralyzed. She was wealthy & professionally
successful before. She said that if she) of all placesTimest stand the idea of being
completely at their beck & call. There is never a moment when I feel free of their disrupting
demands. This refusal to let go of my autonomy may be something God wants to change. I
read an interesting testimony (in the ’on the other hand, we do have resources not yet
tapped. I know I have trouble asking for help. I also can–m just being manipulated into
keeping going. Everything is for their convenience. I may end up getting a lot more difficult
’m beginning to understand why people get so disgusted w/ doctors; they are too busy, they
never have time to listen. I feel I’s strength & time are being stretched to the limit, &
demands made on us so inconsiderately. I got very upset w/ the poor assistant who ws
trying to schedule this, & after feeling very depressed & hopeless abt how alone & w/o
resources I am, how really desperate my condition, how incredibly foolhardy I was to move
to LI, I just realized that I have to be more assertive abt the way this treatment is conducted.
Everyone is pushing his own agenda; nobody really cares abt what it is like for me. I’m using
two crutches. My mother’We had a very upsetting day yesterday. After going into the city so
my doctor could do another bone marrow biopsy, we came home to a rather cavalier
message that I was reqd in NYH for 3 3-hr. dialysis sessions next week so my stem cells
could be harvested. It was just too much. Nobody said anything to me abt this; Ive ever
counted on stripped from me.

’s leaving N will be hard for you, & for him in other ways. I will pray for you all during this
difficult transition. Who knows what God has in store! I feel that way abt my own life, as I
see every simple strength I’I know Carl

Christine Dear Dave &

all Saints

Nov one

Christine & Dave

Love,

The prayers continue.

I also enclose some articles. One on the Huffington issue.

s in her forties.

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1
’t have to wait to listen to her tape. Turns out she’so you don–I enclose a pamphlet about
Joni. It just came in the mail s thinking that way. It sparks a discussion about a visit with you.

’s nice that she’but it–s a real factor ’money–s just playing ’On the enclosed tape, Debbie
suggests that she visit you. She

*****

s boss has asked him to set aside two days to work exclusively on the issue.

’Carlt remember whether I told you that one of our Safety people (Frank) has gotten
involved & given me a platform to raise the issue in a very visible way.

’My efforts at elevating the data issue seem to be having an effect. I don

Dear Linda

Oct 28, 1994

Linda

Love,

s time for the next treatment, which is just a one-time shot.

’t walk. Must see my doctor early next week. It’s sleep, but still can’m listening to more
tapes today. Feel better, and a good night’Isexual sin, not just theirs.

alllike a piece of the puzzle was missing before. They are being discrim. against, but the
answer is for society to condemn –I hope this makes sense to you. I feel like I have a much
better perspective on the homosex issue now homosexual that has stopped it from being
accepted like the other comparable sins. But God I suppose, like the Pope, has not changed
concerning this.

very few want to bethe question is, is this right? If these are such serious sins, how can
society ignore them? Should we restore the Scarlet Letter, the public disgrace for adulterers

29
2
& fornicators? Since nearly everyone commits these sins, that leads to such awful hypocrisy.
It is only the fact that –you mentioned a divorced (or remarried) woman who was treated by
Christians as a second-class citizen (altho divorce alone is no sin) –nger condemns it simply
ignore it. Society no lomost people–s not possible, b/ stop having sexual relations. This is
very hard stuff ’t turn a blind eye (of course, much of society does). At the very moment I
realized this odd & very hard to get at fact, the Pope made another of his killer
pronouncements: He reaffirmed that anyone in an irregular sexual/marital situation may not
receive communion, & this includes Catholics who remarry w/o annulments. He was
confirming my insight (& what I always knew was true) & dashing the hopes of God knows
how many Catholics who were hoping this would get swept under the rug somehow. Like
Ezra & Nehemiah, he said those remarried improperly should a/ separate; & if that’have now
become acceptable socially. In this sense I believe gays really do suffer discrim. because
theirs is the only sin to which society doesnexcept homosexualitythey are all condemned in
Scripture & were once condemned by society. But all of them – among these forms of sexual
sin no differences plan for men & women to live together. There really are only two sins:
adultery and fornication. Out of these grow a) remarriages, a form of adultery as scripture
says, and b) homosexuality, different only in that it involves same sex. What I realized is
that there is ’). Anyway I felt in my heart that I was taking the easy way out & missing
something. It came to me that homosex is just one of the ways that we sin against
God”recruiting“even tho there is ample justification for it & many share it, and I do truly
detest their self righteous political stance (which is quite recent, & which leads directly to –
Before mailing this (10/28) I want to attempt to express an insight I had abt homosexuality
while I was in the hospital. I have never been happy abt my condemnation of this group

The quote from Pascal is great!

Yes, I do have a VCR.

.)

The Name of the RoseI loved –I have often laughed or smiled to myself knowingly when I
come across one of these. They are everywhere, subtile, profound, affirming, way beyond
anything we could dream up. I also liked the comparison to Umberto Eco –”felicities“conf.
talk. It is very good & very Dave. I especially like the idea of the ’s writers’(Just received
Davem focusing on it. I have not listened to the Yorba Linda group for a very long time. I
plan to catch up on the LH tapes & then hopefully get going on the other. However w/ the
interactive part of the LH group & the need to be timely, it may simply not be possible to
keep up with 2 groups.

’s probably at least partly because I’ll never get these names straight!) because I feel more
a part of it, altho that’s joke abt math tests & school prayer & also the long discussion abt
Northrup. I am sort of focusing on the [Yorba Linda]qz Laguna Hills group (I’Loved Dave

John 16, 10/13

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?

”Computer Nerd Writes Book“s jokes are hysterical. Was his talk really called ’s the hardest
part to hear. Loved the descrip. of the pumpkin cakes. Dave’& my words being read &
reacted to so far away. I enjoyed a lot the jokes & stuff too, altho that–(?) you were
discussing on the origin of the stuff abt prostitutes. There is a certain narcissistic pleasure in
hearing my letters rustling t tell what movie’your voices are lovely together. You shld do
more of it. I couldn–I loved the singing

John 15, 10/6

–Tape Lesson

s nice to have time & feel well & really be able to give them thought. They are an interesting
group of questions. Maybe we shld take turns making up the questions.

’I really enjoyed answering these! It

t anger at all. Any advice?

’not that we shouldn–to anger slowmaybe James just means we should be –response in the
face of outrageous injustice, either personal or otherwise. Even Jesus got angry rightm
nowhere near understanding how to avoid feeling it in this fallen world. Often it seems the
only ’t think I get angry very much, but if I think I am justified I probably do. I know anger is
a deadly sin but I’m more thoughtful & analytical than others, & while this may be true, it
has nothing to do with anything. As for anger I don’s very hard to truly grasp that I can learn
from another person. I tend to think I’we all really think we are. For me, it–s like being
humble ’re right, no matter what we say. It’(6) James 1:19: Well, we all really think we

as the years pass, altho I failed at two.

–in fact, intolerable –the question would have meant more to me. I see this as more & more
terrible ”failing at a marriage“(5) Fail: I never did sports. Certain tests are terribly important,
but surely failing at a friendship would be awful. In fact, I wonder if it is really possible? If
you had said

s hats (she makes them), but she could always make more.

’I have a couple of paintings purchased from the artists & some papier mache that I love,
and a little silver & something ring all of which are unique which I would hate to never see
again. I also love my sister– a tough one. Probably a work of art –(4) Only one item: Wow

m a Catholic!

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’s my imagination!) I always think people will like me, even tho I’s very little. Altho many
people feel free to insult the Church & being Catholic is terribly politically incorrect, I sense
much more respect & curiosity than real dislike (altho maybe it’there”persecution,“s a hard
way to live. As far as ’m fairly sure it would be harder, mainly because nothing would have
any meaning & that’t know if it would be easier or harder, but I’t imagine it, I don’(3) Easier
or harder: I sometimes try to imagine what my life would be like if I had never started on this
path. Since I really can

m lucky because I think I have this kind of personality innately (I like extremes), & also,
having joined the Church at age 38, I sort of had to swallow everything whole & just wait for
it to come to fruition in its own time, which it is doing, but slowly.

’. Very few adults will accept the difficulties of the Christian life w/o questioning and
doubting, and the questions are invariably self-serving: they are looking for ways to hang on
to their old lives, to mix light w/ darkness. This caused me big problems until I realized there
simply was no other way apart from Jesus. I could not invent something better or easier. It
was all or nothing. IacceptanceIt is literally true. For me, it brings in ”stay the course.“... This
has great meaning for me. I feel blessed in understanding it very well, & I have often needed
to practice it in order to ”As a little child“(2)

of time thinking about it. Halloween in Greenwich Village was a tradition for me when I was a
city-dweller.

lot I want so much, in fact, to revisit that shop this year but it seems unlikely I can get there
before this feast, so I spend a my very favorite feasts. We visited a Mexican artifacts store
on Green Street towards evening and as we were looking at all the wonderful stuff, & the
special decorations to celebrate the Day of the Dead, a little band came out & began to play
Mexican music & people passed around wonderful refreshments. Since we were the only
shoppers in the store, it all seemed to be just for me, because this was a day I especially
loved. It was just wonderful, & wonderful to share it with Adam & Jody, whom I dearly love.

o, is one of late October. We parked in Greenwich Village, one of my favorite spots, and
walked around & did some early Christmas shopping, but what made the day very special
was that Nov. 2, All Souls for Catholics & the Day of the Dead in Mexic–(1) If I could relive
one day: Three years ago my son Adam, his girl friend Jody, and I drove into the city just abt
this time of year

m also going to spend much of the day listening to tapes. I have at least 8!

’ll do the new list today. I’m sure they are history by now, so I’t know if I told you, but I must
have lost the first group of ice breakers. Even if I find it, I’I donm just sitting in the sun &
trying to feel somewhat human & like myself again. It is wonderful to be home.

’t know if I could face another one. I also now have a different & very debilitating pain in my
leg & have gone back to two crutches. Very discouraging. My doctor told me the goal is just
to keep me alive during this treatment, since it is my only chance for anything approaching

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a cure. Right now I’ve ever heard. I was out of that room in 10 minutes & at home in 2
hours. This last hospitalization was very terrible. I don’They were the best words I”go
home.“t pump the stuff into me anymore. It was hideous. The poor IV technician was
practically crying. I got hysterical on the phone w/ my doctor & he discharged me over the
phone; told me to ’of a blood transfusion. My veins are so broken down that they simply
couldnmiddleI left the hospital yesterday in the

–Dear Dave & Christine

(27 I think)

Thurs 10/?

No Other Way

:3Week 2. be paid on the cross, when Jesus died for the evil we have donehad toour sins
forthat the punishment :knoww to be grateful to God for His mercy. He did not know what
we Ezra kne

Neither does God. When we turn from Him it is evil.

Linda

– …I don’t believe in the lesser of two evils because basically there is no such thing

As human beings we tend to think we are good. Even when we choose a course that is
wrong we often justify it as being the “lesser of two evils.”

[Ezra 9:13]

s this.hast given us such deliverance aAnd after all that is come upon us for our evil deeds,
and for our great trespass, seeing that thou our God has punished us less than our iniquities
deserve, andD

–* Understatement of the decade

Christine & Dave

Love,

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He is with you and does have it all under control.

Know.God bless yous wise supervision.

’CarlPastor under –s Hands ’and certainly in The Potter–e manifest. Even in my secular work
t God has other ways for it to bs heart. Bu’have a pastordoand would love to. We believe
strongly that pastors must be men. We had to truly search our hearts & the scriptures.
About 20 years ago, there was a lot of pressure for me to become a Lutheran pastor. I –t
seen your article ’No we havenre wise enough to be willing to follow wherever he leads.

’but we–d be glad to have it until heaven ’we”,final house“s heart had been to move out
here. Now, God would have to be very clear to get us to move again. Though we know this is
not our ’to share it. Dave”home“to expose us to the more open Christianity and then bring
us –When we first came out here (about 17 1/2 years ago), I thought it was just for a few
years

Calif is full of extremes. Yes some nutty.

----------

(one of my favorite journals) on this issue.

The Human Life ReviewWe are aware of the harm that has been done by a few crazies who
have killed in the name of life. I enclose a copy of an appendix in

----------

ll include it in a future letter.

’if it does later I–t come up ’but won–s something just under the surface that I read recently
’m frustrated because there’D says that Lewis talks about the Greek myths as being pre-
Christian. Right now It judge Him or His truth with our limited reason.

’BUT we can–:30] and all our strength [Mark 12mindre to love Him with all our heart and all
our soul and all our re beyond our comprehension. We’s ways a’I agree that we cannot put
full faith in reason. God

----------

for each of us one day.

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–it was just on the system –no notification –about May I believe –I did get voice mail –Finally

and this went on month after month.

–) Of course the planning each step of the way took man-hours .getting concurrence up to a
vice president. I did the homework for him. (Think now how many people got involved over
something I needed that would cost the company under $100–s attached ’Ken wrote memo–
March

t install it. So Ken got feisty ’Company wouldn–The voice mail request was DENIED since my
training had been waived.

–to have voice mail installed –Ken had me write the request including 2 others under his
name ”

.re Listening’Speak Up, We“d never seen anyone win on ’he–My request was granted! Ken
was really impressed )

D..from someone who reports to the vice president. I made a case for my need for voice mail
& that I could learn how to use it on my own. (I signed with the Ph”no“or a –give you your
request at Northrop where they have toa program–”re Listening’Speak Up, We“I wrote a
card for –decision was from president of B-2.

–he said sorry –training before I could have voice mail. Two days before my class, the course
was canceled due to lack of funds. When I told Ken ”mandatory“I was scheduled to take –94
‘Jan

He put in a request for voice mail for me.

–s group ’nI joined Ke–93 ‘September :

Re voice mailHe and Pat also became part of Baptist Lay Renewal where they spent
weekends helping churches come alive.

Then Carl jumped in with both feet. Got involved as a volunteer in everything.

invitation to the installation. s spiritual father in the ’s the one I describe as Carl’what the
Lord used to bring him to Jesus. They were good friends before they got involved in dating.
Pat invited Carl to her church. Each week the pastor seemed to be speaking directly to Carl.
Carl says it was as if Pastor Cain had been following him around all week. Hewas a piece of–
ey were married before th–s wife, Pat ’Carl

----------

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and doing it well: secretary, carpenter, computer programmer, teacher...

–I know the Catholic church is very strong in its teaching on vocation. We each need to be
where we are called to be putting together a team that could zip through the project in 6
months or so).

–s conference ’and then at the writer–prob. on tape –but the only computer programming
that he longs for is the Christian game (interestingly this was discussed last Tues –a better
footing ns Hands o’. I know that for me (and for Dave) being involved in situations where
people are growing in the Lord and lives are changing is as exciting as anything can be. D is
willing to go back to industry for a while. For one thing it could help put the finances of
Potters had some exciting jobs thoughand not in the center of the action (though he did
have some business meetings with Carl). Dave ha–s work was quite different ’Dave says he
truly does not miss the excitement.* At Northrop Dll try to remember.

’s there. I’s a good idea for each to say our names so you know who’Itrespond to Huffington
stuff with next letter.

&ll read ’So I–and I need to leave time to prepare Romans for tomorrow night and Daniel for
Wed. lunch. –read the Huffington article t yet ’ll respond to it tonight so my answer can get
off and minimize turn around. I haven’Iwe were able to read it and were blessed by it.

–t take the time to recopy it ’m glad you didn’And what a beautiful letter. I–and there was! –
As we drove home from the van stop, I asked Dave, is there a letter from Linda?

at home the same evening

-------------

to take the golden handshake.

–not Nov 15 when it would be too late for us to change contracts –re really glad that Carl
decided now ’but the rest of the group are helping a lot. We–s not here to support ’and Ken–
ve never done such before ’I–ll probably write it so we do our own CM. Deadlines for these
contracts are end of this week ’s group do configuration management (CM) but we’2 new
contracts, we had planned to write in doing our own quality assurance (the B-2 group are
less than wonderful, putting it mildly). We had planned to have Carlis in the process of
working onMeanwhile our group d have only 2 months to get Carl declared critical.

’e at Northrop. Wetories about how long things takve heard s’s hands. You’s in the Lord’D]
plan to recommend strongly that Ken see what he can do. It–My boss, Ken, is currently on
vacation but Monday 4 of his senior people [incl. Christine, of course! t believe his boss
would see him as critical, but Carl is willing to stay another 6 months to get data in order.

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’however, do this unless he was a willing participant. I called him & he said he didn,t’to get
Carl declared critical to the program & then hold him an extra 6 months. They wouldn–had a
clever idea a good job. TheyD] is bright & creative as well as wanting to do–l will be leaving,
they were really upset. Unlike the group that I used to be in, this group values both me &
Carl. This group [has good taste d the guys I work with that Car:When I tolHot off the
pressride can be bumpy.

–Please excuse the handwriting

in the van.

–later

adding prayer/praise reports.

–supporting each other –In fact, since all are writers, perhaps we could have a round-robin
prayer chain

I do lots of writing for ministry

–etc.

–Me - Newsletter D - his block on Summer Fruit

with kids

–no time now –Pat Wiggins - loves to write

wants to write

soyet she –

severe financial problems Christine Miller

s good enough

’t know if she’doesnPatty - from Tues. study

SCCS & other writing

Debbie - from Thurs. study

of include:

tThe others I though

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0
I remember you mentioned a Catholic poet.

–and possibly that includes writing –s will in your life ’re certainly seeking God’because you–
including you via tape & letter & maybe (at least in part) speaker phone –We thought it
would be wonderful to have a prayer meeting s will.

’and seeking God–rather than CHRISTIANS who believe they are called to write –who are
Christians Sand little prayer. The meeting was geared to people who are WRITER–but little
about prayer groups –At the writers group where D spoke Saturday, critique groups were
mentioned

-----

My new word is thrildestated: thrilled/devastated. Both are true for me.

s good to remember that God has it all under control’It–My life is changing drastically due to
things that are beyond my control maybe having to move, etc.

–as is his young daughter. His son is concerned about giving up financial goodies –a big
decision to give up a nice paycheck. His wife is fully supportive isbut it –s not really scared
’He–for how he is feeling: excited & scared ”excared“Carl invented the word due Dec. 20.

–s child will be here ’in that Carolo,The new year will be different for me, tostep out.

–man of faith –are making decisions on the basis of financial advisors, tax planners. etc. Carl
is behaving like Abraham –including most Christians –Carl knows what his decision must be.)
Most people here – in spite of the unknowns –s good that ’It–Nov 14 or 15 –t make his
decision until the last minute ’(I thought Carl wouldnare clearly not enough. Yet Carl says he
KNOWS God wants him to step out in faith on this issue.

–in earthly eyes –The finances s a time for growing for all of us.

’It–t face coming here without having my brother ’but I also can–) ”escape“t face seeing him
at Northrop on Jan 3 (meaning he failed to ’s will on this issue to be made clear to Carl & Pat,
I know I couldn’ve prayed for God’As wech for a while.

orGod would release him first & I would be left to carry the t–even though Carl has a young
family –ve thought for years that ’s presence. I’clearly not wanting to face having me here
without Carl–Dave has always thought Carl & I would leave Northrop the same day m also
aware of how difficult it will be here in the new year without his support.

’I–thrilled amI just learned that Carl is taking the golden handshake (some call it the silver
boot), though I –(Gulp!)

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1
Dear Linda,

Oct. 24, 1994

Christine & Dave

Love,

ll let you know how it went.

’s group. We’s speech at the writer’Dave–we want to get it out this morning before we go
out. Today is the big day –ll just close so we can mail it with the tape ’I

Sat., Oct 22

then Lisa this week) come up to make a video tape with greetings from the group.

–Do you have a VCR? The suggestion has twice (1st Dave last week Megan & Jarrett.
(Megan, & Katie Ann who belongs to Kathy & Don, greet you on the enclosed tape.)

r request we pray about it). They do have two children,. Lisa & Rick are a couple but not
(yet) married (at hen are marriedt think I answered all your questions about the folks in the
Thurs. study. One in particular: Kathy & Do’I don

*****

idea: We will pause the tape when the airplanes go by.

–t-we-think-of-it-before ’why-didn–Dave Willhite had a wonderful

*****

with the baby.

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2
–It was such a treat having Lisa back to the Bible study

Dear Linda,

Oct 20, 1994

James 1:19 says: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become
angry. What makes this very difficult to follow?

s worse to fail at: a sport, a friendship, or a test? Why?

’What

If your home were burning and you could escape with only one item, which would it be?
Why?

Does being a Christian make it easier or harder for you at work/school? Explain.

(Matt 18:3) What do you think he meant? How are you like a little child?

”Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of
heaven.“Jesus said,

If you could relive one day of your life, what day would it be?

Ed]

–[These are the questions that were attached to the letter.

Christine & Dave

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3
Love,

He quotes John 4:23: The hour is coming, and now is ...

There are then a great number of truths, both of faith and morality, which seem
contradictory, and which all hold together in a wonderful system.“that PenseesHe quotes
Pascal in his ”

Become what you already are in Christ.“The author says it can be summed up by

Strength & weakness

Freedom & responsibility

Grace & law

Authority & submission

m reading a good book about tension in the Christian life. Topics like:

’I

*****

s very Christian. Most who want out are not heavily involved in improvement.

’re there. Carl & I share it. I think it’but to care so much about doing something real while
you–s an interesting tension to want out so badly ’Itwhen they would otherwise have been
more of the same Monday sludge. Carl is using my memos as a starting point to write one of
his own and advance the work I started.

–they stirred up some real action. Tues & Wed were quite profitable –God used it. From 3 to
4 I wrote 2 memos that my boss concurred with Monday things were so terrible at work that,
though I had gone to sleep with no trouble, I woke up agitated at 3 AM Tuesday.

*****

ve become an important part of our group.

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4
’s Hands. Spiritually you’Many are praying for you at work as well as in Potter

*****

and is involved in ways we never even hoped for.

–Carmen has been bringing her Spanish Bible has helped as well.

–which were originally for you –but an added advantage is that now everyone is
participating. Having the icebreaker questions – We moved to the d.r. table so the tape
would pick up better have improved the Bible study mightily.

–Besides that you should know that changes we made for your sake The enclosed tape has a
lot addressed to you.

Oct 19, 1994

ll use the first list before I start these.

’I enclose another list of questions. We need lead time so that your answers have a chance
of being done close to the rest of ours. Just ans. as you have the energy. ISpread the word to
many people to pray for you. Even though you sounded much better this morning, you do
have a long haul & help in carrying the burden is appropriate.

7 PM

and move on.

–So we change it

your password expires...

–WARNING

sure enough up came a message on the screen :

–but just a sign of the transition that occurred yesterday.) And –When I got into work, I knew
I had to get onto a particular computer IMMEDIATELY to have some work done 1st thing this

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5
morning. My password on that system has been HEALINDA. Before I got on, I knew I would
have to change it. (Not that we will quit praying for your healing

–Just 2 hrs after we called you

Dear Linda

7 AM

Oct 17, 1994

Christine

Love,

if I can.)

–ll even go ’ll be sure that she knows that you are in the hospital so their prayer is
appropriate. (I’Holly leads a prayer group on Mondays. II finished listening to the enclosed
tape while making dinner.

after the phone calls:

****

even from a distance.

–and also to share –We wish so much that we could do more. And do count it a privilege that
He has called us to pray re feeling better today. After talking to your mother yesterday I
realized why God had me wake up praying for you early Sat. morning.

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6
’We hope you

Dear Linda,

Sun, Oct. 16, 1994

Linda

Much love

m asking my mother to mail this to you just as it is, altho I had intended to re-copy it. I hope
it is coherent.

’m still here w intermittent fever, very discouraged. NO one seems to have any idea what is
wrong or what to do except wait. I’ILennox Hill

Weds 10/19

s mercy takes many forms.

’God–are they trying to be all things to all people?) He heard my confession & I told him of
my failures of love & my near despair yesterday, & his prayer reminded me much of yours. It
was extremely comforting & encouraging. He told me God had brought me here for total
healing. He had a wonderful joy & assurance about him –t even wear a collar ’t understand
why they don’A Catholic priest from Africa came by this afternoon. He was dressed like an
investment banker but was quite wonderful. (I dons so odd, but I find it incredibly beautiful &
moving & just the sort of thing God might do. Such a tender loving God!

’m glad you liked the Andre Dubus notion. It’It already.

’on this subject if I havenCommonwealll send you my letter that was published in ’I–m the
only person who understands why we need to preserve the male priesthood ’talk abt
wimpiness! If the priest gets one of those really rough scriptures on this topic he simply
preaches about something else & this is really wrong.) I think I–t defend itself properly, even

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7
at the expense of doctrine ’my Church has been made to feel like one big sexist pig and
therefore doesn–d never heard it before ’(at least I–Actually everything you said on this
profoundly misunderstood & utterly crucial issue was right on & makes sense that is what
they have instead) and makes them different from women.

–t mean macho ’s having the facts. & your theory abt women being easier to deceive. I
acknowledge that there is a hardness in men which is proper (all too few of them have it
these days, & you know I don’s being tricked & Adam’As to your points, I was especially
enlightened by the distinction bet. Eveled me one way, and then another. The choice to
accept church teaching was made in the dark, but it opened onto a pathway of light that
grows, and leads on, but one time I thought very differently, and believed I was right.

”reason“Thanks for the Adam/Eve/woman/man stuff. The MacArthur material amazed me, or
I should say, I amazed myself by my complete willingness to accept it. Those very notions
would have driven me into frenzies of rage 15 years ago! Who can say why, or why I
changed? My s too loud to use in a hospital room where I have a roommate, like now.

’ll be glad to try the new mike. There is a lot of background noise & I constantly have to
adjust the volume & fear it’Is amazing the Lord put you two there.)

’t you think? I think it’but also really nutty, don– s so wild and dramatic ’ve heard of the
Santa Anas. Calif appeals to me because it’(I enjoyed hearing abt. the Calif weather. Ihas
given them an excuse.

”our side”re on a soap box abt it, utterly self-righteous because’want to live.) And
theyTheyeditorial recently actually making these doctors into saints & martyrs, and
complaining bitterly that fewer & fewer doctors are willing to perform abortions out of fear!
(Timesare you aware of how those acts are being used? There was a –t be so involved in
politics? How much can we hope to impact human evil in this world, & meanwhile such ugly
things happen, while the murder of abortionists ’makes us look bad. Did it ever occur to you
that we shouldn–t need that kind of invective ’re going to lie, lie big. I would have preferred
that he not indulge in the last line abt them volunteering to get rid of themselves. We don’t
see this.) His point abt the tiny % of the earth used for human settlement makes me think of
a propaganda technique Mr. Cook taught us about: If you’t know why people don’t believe in
the lesser of two evils because basically there is no such thing, except in the extremely
short run. I don’Re Herschensohn editorial: I must admit, with Herschensohn, Huffington, et
al, Calif politics sound exciting. It sounds like one has a chance to vote for a real alternative
point of view. (I truly cannot see the point of voting for one of two secular humanists, neither
of whom has a clue. I dond like to know where he got that light.

’ve always wondered abt the state of the world & human souls before Jesus. It must have
been horrible but S. seems to be a shining light. I’? I read a fascinating book that made this
point. I want to read it again. Greek thought & culture was so crucial to the spread of
Christianity & S. continues to be such a towering figure. Also, I”pre-Christian“t be based on
reason. Socrates ended his life saying that he knew he knew nothing. Have you ever heard

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him referred to as ’More and more I feel how we must really just take a stand & it canso
there is something higher.

–ie the conscience is sacred, therefore even the church acknow. this; therefore if I feel I
must do (whatever I want) even the Church will accept this. But the church requires that we
submit to formation in the development of our consciousness –conscience. Catholics love to
ignore this little qualifier informedhas to be shaped by something bigger (am I getting
unorthodox, now?) It reminds me of the Catholic concept of the reasonour very –”reason“so
logical & correct. You yourselves were taken in for a while. I think it is proof that we simply
cannot put full faith in seems Christ books that expose the New Age agenda. What is so
diabolical abt this agenda is that it religiouss gifts. It really is all covered in ’has decided to
destroy our faith in these beautiful gifts. Women must stop up their wombs & people must
live in fear of using up GodSomeoneplenty, all the gifts of God, people, the natural world. ,
productiveness,bountyI just figured it out! They both have to do w/ –s interesting about this
particular alliance, ie feminist/ecological ’s ever done any good. What’t know of one of them
that’conferences. I think these conferences get to be an end in themselves. My company
funds a lot of that sort of stuff & the papers that come out of them are the most self-
important piles of junk you can imagine. I don”population“Re: the

Hi!

Lennox Hill

Mon. AM 10/16

Evil

: 2Week 2We have a responsibility – a duty – to pray for each other. And it is also a privilege
to be used by God in that special way.

pray for us.

across the worldThat reminds me that persecuted, imprisoned Christians

!Linda, with her very serious health problems, was praying for Dave and me

– Linda

.I am praying for you both & your family regarding health issues

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It is very important that we pray for each other. It is a large part of the relationship that we
have as Christians.

[James 5:16]

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The
effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

* Matt 22: 37-40

Christine & Dave

Love,

re going through to bless them and draw them close to Him.

’re trusting that He will use the difficult time you’We also continue to pray for your family.
Wes touching so many lives.

’We continue to thank the Lord for this very special friendship and the way itll be calling
soon (probably today) to see how you are doing.

’such a blessing of the flexibility of a Saturday. We–m going to close and go back to bed now
’Is like having you in the room with us. When I read the appropriate sections to the Bible
studies, it brings you into the group. What a blessing it will be when these people who are
growing in their love for you will have the privilege of meeting you.

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0
’as you are up to it. Both groups enjoy your answers. One blessing that you and I share is
the ability to write the way we talk. Many people write in a very stilted way. When we read
your letters it–Please do answer the questions s Supper.

’who really cherish the gift God gave us in the Lord–outside of Catholic, Episcopal, Lutheran
–ve met ’s not taken very seriously. Carl is one of the very few pastors we’Our concern with
communion in most Protestant churches is that itthough in our experience Baptists usually
have communion in the pews.

–I know Riverside is not a Baptist church seminar.

”Differences“ll be sensitive to that issue in the ’but were glad to hear your opinion so we–
Many protestant denominations have communion served in the pews. We are comfortable
about either way theology is very close to that of Presbyterian.)

–s body. (I worked for 2 years at a Reformed Church ’of Christ”just a symbol“They believe it
is s supper.

’which is very liberal in its teaching about the Lord–I believe that the Riverside Church is
Reformed the only scriptures they had were the books of the Old Testament, which have so
much in them that most Christians never discover because it does take time to dig it out. Of
course we have the blessing of the Holy Spirit in us to open our eyes to see and our ears to
hear what is put before us.

–searching the scriptures for yourselves. Interestingly enough –s what Missler tries to
encourage ’That–and how they searched the scriptures whether these things were so. –s
talking about the Bereans ’friends even had a tee shirt made for him with that verse. It–t
know whether Missler quoted Acts 17:11 on the tape we sent you. He does so often ’I donWe
continue to lift up Clarence in prayer. Whether or not God has plans for your friendship to
develop, Clarence has some new prayer partners.

arms spread out to us even as he was lifted up as an offering to the Father.

’s a beautiful picture of the cross. The vertical relationship of God and man. And the
horizontal of man to man. Jesus’love one another.* It– ”like unto it“group. As we grow closer
to the Lord, we usually grow closer to each other as well. After Jesus gave the first
commandment, to love God, He said the second is ”magical“re praying for your Mark group
to be blessed. Getting together to study the Bible with the Holy Spirit teaching often creates
a ’Weserious problem today.

veryt understand or practice the principles that God has laid down. The breakdown of
marriage is a ’s working the way God intended. Those kinds of marriages, unfortunately,
seem few and far between. Even in marriages where both partners are Christian, many don’t
mean it’We agree with what you said about marriage. Just because a marriage lasts many
years doesnsome of them meeting each other for the first time.

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1
–s installation. One fun thing is that people will be there from different Bible studies
’Excitement is growing about CarlBoth Bible studies have been enriched by your
participation. God certainly does do some interesting things.

a snack that we can pass along and have the fun of sharing.

ist have them hot out of the oven the way we did, but it ’First, the chocolate chip cookies are
mentioned on the John tape. Unfortunately you wonm awake, I might as well answer your
letter.

’I figure that, as long as Iincluding for you. It seems that so much is going on lately.

–heavy in prayer –I woke up just a little while ago

3 AM

Oct. 15

wish you could come!

–s installation ’m enclosing an invitation to Carl’Iand then learning from our Father.

– re so comfortable together as family. Children having fun ’enjoy laughter. Wedoesve

noticed the group ’m sure you’ll try to remember tomorrow to ask if they remember. My
recollection is that there were comments about the building being your house. Also Kathy
wanted to cut out eyes, nose & mouth & paste them to the tape recorder since we keep
addressing it as you. I’m enclosing the picture of you that precipitated the laughter at the
John study. I’Ibecause it too is in the car.

–even answer your letter properly –t do most of what I planned ’s church. However, we left
all my stuff in the car so I can’I have some time now while Dave is out helping Debbie with
childrenjust in time to read your answer to the sermon question to the Romans Bible study.

–Your letter came yesterday

Dear Linda,

Oct. 12, 1994

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2
want to get it off.

just

–messiness w/ apologies for

Love, Linda

his day-to-day behavior has no connection whatever to his professed beliefs, & he seems to
excuse this by finding fault w/ the church.

–while we all stumble on so hopelessly. This is the real true significance of sin, this terrible
blindness to the truth. Even people who think they know better, like some Catholic women
friends of mine, really see men as beings who owe them happiness, on whom they have the
right to make all kinds of demands. My friend Richard, who has a deeper understanding of
this stuff than most, seems to be operating on two entirely separate levels ignored but it is
just –for example, the church still teaches it –s very frustrating to me that the real meaning
of marriage is known & knowable ’s! I believe the Christian/Catholic definition of marriage is
the only right one, partly thru faith & partly thru experience: nothing else works, & yet
people keep breaking their heads against brick walls, looking for ways to have it all, or find
the perfect mate. It’I really am dismayed at the relations I witness bet women & men, even
as we push on into our 50eccentric, which I like, but probably only on a limited basis.

mosta romance as I once would have done. C. will have to accept my current situation &
pursue me, or nothing will happen. He is ”orchestrate“t really matter: I am in no condition to
’t know whether to call him back, & to make matters oven worse, lengthy conversations sort
of annoy my father who is completely antisocial! Apparently the last time they spoke, C.
suggested the two of them get together! This will certainly be the first time I lost a suitor to
my father! My father is negative & unreliable in everything concerning people, &
unfortunately I am at his mercy, living there now. But it doesn’The Clarence situation has
taken an unexpected turn. After our enjoyable lunch he called a couple of times, always
missing me, & has struck up an acquaintance w/ my father based on their mutual love of
baseball! Clarence never leaves any message for me, so I dont want to see a dear, bright
little boy go down the drain.

’s part) because she doesn’s all so awful, & my parents have (wrongly in my opinion) taken
on a great deal of worry & responsibility for this fiasco, largely (on my mother’s in is largely
his fault. It’s easy to see why my brother would like to forget all abt her, & yet the mess
she’home when she gets a chance, all the while pretending she is a proper matron. It’she is
an alcoholic if not worse & still steals money & liquor from my parents–ve always believed
they should marry & try to make a go of it, but they have such awful problems ’when
landlord learned they were not married. Irefuseds medication is working well. I pray for Carol
& her baby as well. My brother has somewhat unexpectedly (belatedly?) decided to live w/
his 6 year old son & the woman who bore him. They found a house to rent but were ’m glad

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Dave’I am praying for you both & your family regarding health issues. I pray, Christine, that
your physical exam results in a clean bill of health, & Is a good one.

’m sure it’t think you did tell me the voice-mail story. I’s wife bring him to Jesus? The phone
story is appalling but typical. I don’. Did Carl, & of LogiconCarl work togetherm getting a
much clearer picture of how you & ’Im still tempted to put that in quotes, insultingly)
fascinates me after 25 years & all my complaining. I really should be grateful.

’fascinated me. Even my own work (Iworkt you miss all that exciting action, Dave? Tell me
the truth! Did you do similar work? Tell me more. Did I ever tell you that next to God, I find
work the most interesting part of life? All kinds of work, just the idea of work. All of my
favorite books (novels) have a heavy component of people working. And I know this was a
big part of my wanting to be an aux. p.o. The ’m starting to get a sense of it.
Don’impressive! Wow!) Little by little IandThanks so much for all the stuff on the N-place in
your Oct. 1 letter, especially the letter describing what you do. That was tremendously
enlightening (this is in many ways a new experience for me.

–m really touched by how much all of you want to make me part of you ’ll see. I’dealing w/
technological & physical stumbling blocks. But weands hard for me to imagine doing that,
formulating my thoughts, questions, etc; taking in what others say, building on that, ’m
usually thinking as hard as I can. It’m almost always asleep by 9. However, perhaps we
could try maybe just a short call to exchange greetings & that might allay some of my fears.
Another thing is the subject matter: the Scriptures. I take these studies extremely seriously
(I know you do, too) & I’these days I–t know as well. The hour also is late for me ’t hear well
under the best of circumstances; that always makes me feel strained & insecure, even when
I talk to you & Dave. I can only imagine it would be much worse w/ a larger group whom I
don’d love to be more present to the study groups, I find the speaker phone daunting for
several reasons. First, I don’While Ienough to take a 10 day trip (or longer!) to CA.

”paid them back“ve ’ll ever feel I’t know when I’I enjoy feeling that I give an employer at
least as much as I get (probably a vicious form of pride). I don–t help feeling that I owe them
so much! This is not a particularly pleasant feeling for me ’but my main concern is my job. I
can–maybe right after treatment ends in Feb –s sister sounds like a natural for me to enjoy
meeting. Oddly, I probably have money & strength for a trip to CA ’And Carl”get me out
there.“s wish to ’m very touched by Mary’Imy doctors are encouraging. I am tolerating the
treatment well.

–m going to be behind, as I received 2 new tapes today. All is going well here ’t want to ask
her to carry the tape recorder so I’t even have a chance to go home to get anything, as I
was in the city yesterday when I got this information. But my mom was just here bringing
your letter(s) for me to answer. I didn’d have to wait 10 days, so here I am. I didn’t come in
yesterday, I’In N hospital unexpectedly. There was a bed crisis. I was told if I couldn–Weds
Oct 12 m scheduled to go back into hospital on Thurs. I feel Mark was an inspired choice.
Accessible but very challenging.

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’it was long & lively, regrettably I will miss the next one as I–We had our first Mark session
on Fri s under divine protection. Would it be possible at the beginning of each tape for each
present to just say his/her name in turn? That way I will a) know who is present; b) associate
names w/ voices, maybe.

’it sure looks like he–(Sp?) m very interested in the adventures of Derek’Pl. tell the Thurs
nite group that Ive heard anything like that.

’left-wing hysteria or something to really worry about? You decide! And let me know if youNY
Timeswhich mentioned that his wife, who does a lot of speaking for him, is an avowed
member of a cult called the Ministry of Light.(!) Is this Timesjust that morning I had read an
opinion piece abt him in the –Speaking of New Age, and re the article on Huffington you sent
me

a follow-up piece.

–(*) See enclosure

is part of it!

enneagramt think the ’he just doesn–Jesus. My group co-leader, who is being carefully
educated at a lay catholic institute to do special service in our parish, lent me this book
insisting that it is excellent, nothing to worry about. This is especially alarming from the fact
that Oscar is himself quite alert to the New Age menace ”analyze“, using it to
enneagramthat was mentioned is his book on the 9 Faces of Jesusand listened to the John
tape. The book with the pentagram called –had a wonderful time! – I just got back from a
weekend w/ friends on Shelter Island

Dear David & Christine –

Oct 10

Christine & Dave

Love,

t tell you how much we enjoy this unusual friendship. God certainly does wonderful things.

’Cans also a great reminder of the power of God.

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’s who keeps up with us. He’s a college friend of Carol’he came out of it loving the Lord. He–
but like Brent –his body was healed –Unlike Brent s the young man who was supposed to
have died a few years ago after an auto accident.

’We had a wonderful treat of a visit from Chris Friday night. He(namely you and those
around you).

–ll hear if anything goes wrong so we can intensify the prayer. Meanwhile many of us
continue to pray for our East Coast branch ’I continue (with all the time delay) to be
confused about where you are in the cycle. I trust that wewho says that Dave as my
husband must die for me, and Carl as my Pastor must serve me.

–because both are trying very hard to submit to Jesus Christ –And, even though both those
men are sinners, it works but he gets the final decision.

–Within the ministry I have a similar relationship with Carl. Lots of mutual respect though he
gets the ultimate decision).

–s a blessing to me to have Dave there to hold me in check a bit when I get carried away
(and I often hold his reins too ’I know that itmade more so by our desires to do it our own
way.

–s surely a complicated subject ’It–t know whether any of this helps ’I dons lib wants to
usurp the role.

’I think men have abused their role for centuries & now womenm going to consult with my
husband... things might have been different.

’If Eve had said to the serpent, Iseriously. But I also believe he should be involved.

veryI believe he should take her counsel –”tie breaker“but the –not as a tyrant –And I also
believe the within the church & the family the man (as husband, pastor) is the one with
authority not less important but different.

–women have different roles in the church from men –just as in the family –I do believe that
two more women.

–Phil 4:2 about 1/3 of which are women.

–a list of fellow workers –in Rom 16 PaulWomen with spectacular ministries, like Priscilla
(with Aquila), Lydia, Deborah.

men & women were gathered together, waiting as the Lord commanded.

–Some examples: Acts 1:13-14 s role.

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’I think we need to look through the whole Bible to get a full picture of a womanthereby
sending many to Hell.

–t teach the value of being single ’t mean literally that having children is necessary to
redemption for women or Paul wouldn’s role in the redemption of all of us. It certainly
can’Many believe that women redeemed in childbearing is a reference to Maryjust
inappropriately.)

–t believe we can love too much ’I don–By the way –? ”Men who love too much“to make His
unconditional love so much more remarkable. How many books have you seen about –
(Another reason, perhaps, that Jesus had to be a man but standing ready to accept and love
everybody.

–re not on our toes watching for deceit ’we–s an outgrowth of our role as nourishers ’s true
that women are easier to deceive than men. I think it’it–in general –I believe that s pointing
out a particular weakness.

’yet it–Actually the I Tim 2 passage seems to be blaming Eve rather than Adam re different.

’they–even though both are valuable –ll care for it differently than some chunk of gold ’If we
have a ming vase, wenot that we are weaker but that extra care.

–I Peter 3:7 commands husbands to honor their wives as unto the weaker vessel I liked what
Andre Dubus wrote about losing a daughter.

Jesus, on the other hand, takes the sins of the church, His bride, on Himself.)

–(He attempts to lay his sin on his bride Adam had all the facts, yet went the wrong way and
then blamed his wife.

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