Revision Matrix WP1

Text from my initial Comment/Question I Changes made to How the change

WP submission received initial writing impacts my paper

WP1: “After seeing Rachel: The thesis “Op-eds are a I incorporated the
the movie, I wanted needs work, add why common genre in reason for why I
to know if other you picked op-eds today’s society, so I chose op-eds which
people felt the same and be explicit on took this as an gave more context to
way I did about it, so why you selected opportunity to learn the reader. I also
I chose to look into your favorite why they are effective changed my original
three different op-ed in catching the thesis which changed
pieces on the movie. Samantha: After the reader’s attention. the whole structure of
The article that I quarter, I do not agree The article that I the essay.
enjoyed the most is with my original enjoyed the most is
“The Grudge is a opinion “Review: Once it gets
perfect case study in going, ‘The Grudge’
Hollywood franchise is terrifying” because
rot” by Adam the points presented
Epstein.” differ from the typical
reasons an author
gives on a movie
review”

WP1: “The second Samantha: Change Moved it to have it be Since I changed my

best piece is titled the order of the the fourth paragraph thesis, I had to
“The Grudge is a paragraphs to present instead of the fifth. rearrange my
perfect case study in the best source last paragraphs so the
Hollywood franchise sources presented
rot” by Adam were in order from
Epstein. The purpose worst to best, making
of the article is to my paper’s structure
prove the movie was more organized.
a failure. By
combining the
phrases “franchise
rot” and “perfect case
study” in the title, the
author sets context
clues that begin to
lead the reader down
the path of the
negative critique
(Epstein). Some other
examples Epstein
uses are “begging”,
“should have been
left to die...revived it
anyway”, “there isn’t
much worth paying
for to see” and
“greater sickness
plaguing Hollywood”
to dramatically
emphasize how
terrible the movie is
(Epstein par. 1-6).
While the style might
seem a bit
exaggerated, it works
for an opinion piece.
That is what the
audience wants to
know: is the movie
good or bad. There is
also a snapshot from
The Grudge that
appears as soon as the
article is opened. It is
a cringey picture that
the author
humorously captions
“[t]he stuff of
nightmares” to show
that many of the
scenes meant to scare
viewers actually
reduce the scariness.

WP1: Did not have Samantha: Add “However, Murray’s The analysis helps to
any. analysis for why the op-ed is the best strengthen my
best source is the best because it doesn’t argument and to
necessarily uphold support my thesis.
the standards of what
a horror movie is. The
author’s perspective
is new, refreshing and
because of this, the
op-ed’s success is
unexpected. The
author diverges from
the typical
expectations on
 horror movies and
focuses on aspects
that make the movie
unique. In doing this,
his own voice shines
through his writing.
His formatting and
goals remain
consistent with any
op-ed, but his
approach is so distinct
that it captures the
reader’s attention. It
was also the most
persuasive because of
the personal
connection that
Murray established. It
is difficult to disagree
with someone’s
opinion when they
touch on points that
are terrifying in your
own life. It is
interesting to realize
that sometimes the
most successful
articles are ones
written by authors
who use the basic
foundations of a
genre as a starting
point, but eventually
incorporate their own
individuality to
separate their
opinions from the
rest”

WP1: “In my opinion, Samantha: Delete the Deleted it. This analysis no
Epstein’s op-ed was analysis for the longer supported my
the best because it previous thesis since I new thesis, so
resonated most with changed the thesis removing it
the type of reading I strengthened my new
enjoy. It is the most argument.
entertaining read.
There is clear logic
throughout the article,
the data is
convincing, well
explained and
unbiased. Meanwhile,
the exaggerated word
choice makes the op-
ed humorous and the
sample feels shorter
than it is because it is
such a quick read. It
was also the most
persuasive op-ed
because the
combination of the
thesis, claim and
reasoning was so
effective. I think the
author’s voice really
showed through the
piece, and the text felt
almost
conversational. While
the author did stick to
the constraints of the
genre, his
individuality was
what shined through.
His piece felt unique
while the other two
did not. While this is
my opinion, it is
important to
remember that
everyone’s likes and
dislikes are different”

WP1: “Ultimately, Rachel: Assignment “It is interesting to The conclusion now

the ‘best’ is was not about realize that leaves the reader
subjective, and the likes/dislikes but on sometimes the most thinking about
audience’s rhetoric successful articles are something even after
individuality is what ones written by they have read my
determines which authors who use the paper.
piece is ‘best’”. basic foundations of a
genre as a starting
 point, but eventually
incorporate their own
individuality to
separate their
opinions from the
rest.”

Revision Matrix WP2

Text from my initial Comment/Question I Changes made to How the change
WP submission received initial writing impacts my paper

WP2: “Although Rachel: Add in the “Although focusing By splitting my thesis

focusing on the same sources and expand on the same topic, the into two sentences I
topic, the sociological on the thesis sociological text, was able to include
and psychological “Conundrum of an my sources in the
approaches to Immigrant...” by introduction
immigrant Joanna Caytas and the paragraph while also
assimilation showcase psychological report, introducing the
how the sociology “Beyond Cultural reason why the
scholarly community Factors to sociology community
is more accessible Understand...” by was more accessible
than the psychology Sandra P. Arevalo, than the psychology
discourse Katherine L. Tucker, one. I was able to
community” and Luis M Falcon give the reader an
have different idea of what I would
approaches on touch on in the paper.
immigrant
assimilation. The
sociology text
showcases how that
scholarly community
is more accessible
than the psychology
discourse community
by requiring less
previous knowledge
from the reader.”

WP2: “The Rachel: Move this to Moved from Moving the sentence
psychology report, another paragraph paragraph 2 into allowed for more
“Beyond Cultural paragraph 5. clarity because in the
Factors to Understand other draft, the text
Immigrant Mental seemed irrelevant in
Health: the paragraph it was
Neighborhood Ethnic located since I didn’t
Density and the touch on that article
Moderating Role of until the second half
Pre-migration and of the essay. By
Post-migration moving it, my paper
Factors” is written by had better
Sandra P. Arevalo, organization.
Katherine L. Tucker,
and Luis M Falcon. In
their report, the
authors claim that
assimilating into a
host country
negatively impacts
immigrants’ physical
and mental health.”

WP2: “Even though Rachel: Delete I deleted the sentence. The sentence
the audience knows introduced ideas that I
by this point that the did not touch on nor
authors hold a PhD, expand on, so
we don’t know in removing it allowed
what, so their for my essay to be
familiarity with APA more concise and
begins to show that cohesive.
the authors are
familiar with the
sciences”

WP2: “There is no Samantha: The “There is no By changing the way

expectation, however, wording of this expectation, however, I phrased the
to know terminology sentence was to know terminology sentences, I made my
from a discipline not awkward. from a different analysis more clear.
in STEM, as discourse community,
demonstrated when like the social
the authors defined sciences, as
acculturation, demonstrated when
showing that the the authors defined
authors are focusing acculturation. The
on educating those in authors defining
STEM” words not common to
those in the formal
sciences show that
they are focusing on
educating those in the
STEM community.”
WP2: “Although the Rachel: Change the “Although the texts My new sentence
texts are different tone because it are different genres– sounds more
genres, the sociology sounds informal the sociology text is academic.
text taking the form an analytical essay
of an analytical essay while the psychology
while the psychology source is a research
source being more paper–both
like a research paper, disciplines encourage
both disciplines introducing the topic
encourage so that the reader
introducing the topic knows what the text
so that the reader will actually cover.”
knows what the text
will actually cover.”