Joke

Free drinks for everyone

One night, a drunk comes stumbling(1) into a bar and says to the bartender(2): "Drinks for all
on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will
be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps(3) him around and
throws(4) him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders(5) a drink for everyone in the bar
including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he
has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no
drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."

(1) stumble = tropezar. stumbling block = obstáculo

(2) bartender = camarero (USA) / barman (UK).
(Barman, barmaid (fem), bartender) son camareros que solo sirven bebidas, normalmente
detras de la barra. Waiter y waitress son camareros que trabajan en restaurantes y locales
donde se sirven comidas.
(3) slap = abofetear
(4) throws = echar, expulsar
(5) order = pedir algo (comida, bebida, etc.)
Have you ordered yet? = Habéis pedido ya?
Are you ready to order?  = Han decidido ya que van a pedir?
Joke (chiste)

you Smell it?

A 21 year old girl saunters (1) into a prestigous car showroom (2), looks around all the
Porsches, Ferrari's and Lamborghini's before deciding on a top-end Red Porsche.
"I'll pay cash!" (3) she says and hands over a bagful of Twenties (4).
The deal (5) is finalised very quickly and the girl drives it away.

2 days later she's back, fuming "I want my money back... it smells awfully (6) bad when I use
the brakes(7)."

Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled (8) the books) the sales-manager
decides to ride in the car with her 'in case she ain't driving it properly'
 
He gets in and she roars (9) out of the dealership (10), drops it into second gear at 50 mph,
floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80mph, does a handbrake turn into a country lane
and then really starts to accelerate. 
110mph in 4th, 140 in 5th, the engine's roaring like a Lion with toothache, and the car is
shuddering (11)as it climbs (12) to 170mph. The scenery is a green blur and the G-force has
him pinned in the seat.

In the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a level crossing are beginning to come down and she
will have to slow down (he thinks!), but no, she floors it and the speedometer (13) climbs
higher.

100 yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car stops inches from the barrier.

"So, can you smell it?" she says.

"SMELL IT? HONEY, I'M SITTING IN IT!!!"

(1) saunter = pasearse
He sauntered over to the bar / Fue hacia la barra con mucha tranquilidad.
(2) showroom = sala de exposición (de artículos a la venta)
a car showroom / una exposición de coches
(3) cash (incontable) = dinero (en efectivo)
to pay (in) cash / pagar en metalico 
cash price / precio al contado
(4) a bagful of Twenties = una bolsa llena de billetes de 20 dólares
(5) deal = trato, acuerdo
to make - close a deal / hacer - cerrar un trato
(6) awfully = terriblemente
(7) brakes = frenos
(8) fiddle (coloq) = falsear, estafar
to fiddle the books / falsear los libros
(9) roar = rugido, estruendo
Cars roared past / Los coches pasaban con gran estruendo
(10) dealership = concesionario de automóviles
(11) shudder = estremecerse, vibrar
(12) climb = subir 
(13) speedometer = cuentakilómetros