he's sad to see that people are

disenchanted and nihilistic and

depressed and anxious and aimless and
and perverse and vengeful and and all of
those things it's terrible and then to
see people question whether that's
necessary and then to start to rise out
of it it's like it's so fun like last
night I was at after my talk it's
overwhelming I don't usually think about
these things but I was I was after my
talk last night and so all these people
line up and you know they have their 15
15 seconds with me and they're kind of
tentative they're excited and a
tentative when they come up to talk to
me and then they have you know 15
seconds of time to tell me something I'm
really listening to them and they're
hesitant about whether or not to share
the good news about their life you know
and I think it's often because when
people share good news about their life
people don't necessarily respond
positively you know they don't get
encouragement and people need so little
encouragement it's just unbelievable and
so there comes something good and I
think ah that's so good you know
somebody says oh I'm getting along way
better with my father I haven't seen him
for 10 years and now we get along great
and then the power of that you can't
overstate the power of that for
individuals to get their life together
the individuals an unbelievably powerful
force and every single person who gets
their act together a little bit has the
capacity to spread that around them it's
it's a chain reaction and so it's a
lovely thing to see
I have to treat yourself like you matter
because if you don't then you don't take
care of yourself and you become vengeful
and and and cruel and you you take you
take it out on people around you and
you're not a positive force none of
that's good
so you suffer more and so does everyone
around you and there's a malevolence
that enters into it none of that's good
so that's what happens if you don't
treat yourself like you matter and then
what happens if you don't treat other
people like they matter
well you lie to them you cheat them you
steal you you you enter into impulsive
relationships with them they can't trust
you that doesn't go anywhere they don't
like you you you end up alone at best
and maybe like incarcerated at worst
like that doesn't work and so you watch
the people around you who thrive
regardless of what they say they act out
the proposition that everyone matters
and then you have a functional society
and I think ok well if if if when you
act out the proposition that everyone
matters you have a functional society
maybe that's evidence that that
proposition is true it's like I think
it's I think it's true
one of the things that's really
interesting about the Old Testament is
that and the Jews in the Old Testament
is that they don't take the path of Cain
every time their walloped by God which
is like fairly frequently they say we
must have done something wrong and we
have to set our self right and that's a
an unbelievably heroic attitude because
that's the alternative to cursing fate
it's like you take the responsibility
for failure unto yourself and you think
well if I was just maybe if I just had
my act together a little bit more if I
took advantage of every opportunity that
was put in front of me if I wasn't
resentful and bitter then I could have
done something that would have tilted
the situation in a different direction
and like that's almost inevitably true
Dostoevsky I think said something like
every man is responsible for everything
that happens to him and everything that
happens to everyone else and that's you
know that that's that's it's a crazy
statement right it's a crazy statement
and he was a pretty extreme person in
many many ways but there's a level at
which that's metaphysically true you
know because what happens is that it's
you its failure to act often that's the
most catastrophic you know I mean it's
it's it's to not do the right thing when
the when the situation presents itself
and it's very specific you know you're
constantly in situations where you could
do the right thing if you were willing
to take a risk that's actually a
relatively moderate size and you know
that you could take the risk and you
know that you should take the risk and
you don't and that happens to people all
the time and then what happens is the
thing that they didn't oppose grows a
little bit and they shrink a little bit
and that starts a loop a
psychologists have been not all
psychologists obviously but the
psychological profession is its neck
deep in this in this pathology has been
beating the self-esteem drum for fifty
years
oh no you're okay you should feel good
about yourself like you're fine the way
you are it's like you think well that's
a calming message for people it's like
no it's not it's not at all and I watch
my audience this is like it's full of
people in the audience who think I'm
suffering a lot more than I think is
tenable a whole bunch of it's my fault
my life is not in the order it should be
I know I'm doing 50 things wrong it's
like what the hell's wrong with me
what's wrong with the people around me
this is really serious and some you know
well-meaning person comes up and says oh
you're okay just the way you are it's
like no one wants that message it's like
no I'm not okay the way I am I'm not
okay at all the way I am I know that and
so you know when I'm when I'm speaking
to to when I'm speaking now I say to
people well oh you're nowhere near what
you could be that's that that's the
positive message it's like yeah you're a
mess but you don't have to stay that way
cause you're a mess you know it
obviously you're suffering away like
like so much you can barely tolerate it
it's like that's okay you can do
something about it so yeah that's the
thing that that turns the lights on it's
like you have do something about it
there's a line in the New Testament
that's relevant to that do not cast
pearls before swine and what that means
is that if people are not listening to
you stop talking to them and that's
really that is the best piece of advice
that I can give you and what happens is
is that if you stop talking to people
who aren't listening to you and start
watching them instead they will tell you
what they're up to but so if you have
things to say you say them but you find
people that will listen talk to them the
ones who aren't listening pull back
because you're you're devaluing what you
have to say by offering it to an
audience that does nothing but reject it
and that's a good guideline to life in
general
so you're harmless you're not virtuous
you're just harmless you're like a
rabbit rabbit isn't virtuous yeah it's
just just can't do anything except get
eaten
it's not virtuous if you're a monster
and you don't act monstrously then
you're virtuous but you also have to be
a monster while you see this all the
time Harry Potter's like that too it's
like he's flawed he's hurt he's got evil
in him he can talk to snakes man he
breaks rules all the time all the time
he's not an obedient at all but you know
he has a good reason for breaking new
rules and if he couldn't break the rules
him and his little cleat of rule
breaking you know troublemakers if they
didn't break the rules
they wouldn't attain the highest goal so
it's very peculiar but it's it's very
there it's a very very very very common
mythological notion you know the hero
has to be narrow has to be a monster but
a controlled monster Batman is like that
I mean it's it's everywhere it's the Tor
story you always hear
I know you stated in the last lecture
that the importance for city aides in
life and to kind of have goals to work
towards right so my question was where
do you how do you do that if you don't
know where you want to go because that's
kind of where I got stuck on you're your
future off offering program because okay
that's that's a good question that's a
really good question so there's this
notion in the Old Testament that
morality is following a sequence of
prohibitions there's a bunch of bad
things you shouldn't do and then
basically you're good enough and and and
I think there's wisdom in that I think
that's kind of where children start
right you I mean I love children and all
that but they're they're they're crazy
little creatures and they need to be you
know civilized and partly what you do is
you you lay prohibitions on them and
mostly what you're trying to do is lay
prohibitions on them for the behaviors
that if they manifested would make their
life miserable so this is why this thing
that I've said the people has become
this crazy internet mean but that's to
clean up your room and which which is a
lot better and more useful than people
think it's a lot harder to but the the
thing the first thing you do I think and
I learned this in part from Solzhenitsyn
when he was trying to iron out his soul
when he was in the gulag because he was
trying to figure out how he got there
how he contributed to how he got there
you know not Stellan and Hitler even
though they were kind of to blame you
know but he wasn't much he could do
about that
I think what you have to do and this is
part of humility is you have to look
around you within your sphere of
influence like the direct sphere of
influence and fix the things that
announce themselves as in need of repair
and those are often small things you
know and they can be like your room put
it in order because the thing is it
isn't exactly so important that your
room is in order although it is what's
important is that you learn how to
distinguish between chaos and order and
to be able to act in a manner that
produces order and I think you can you
can do something as simple as just sit
on your bed and think okay there's
probably like five things I could do
today so that tomorrow morning is slide
better than this morning was at least or
at least I'm not falling behind and
those who usually be it's like having to
eat a toad in the morning right it's
like it's not gonna be something you
want to do there'll be things you're
trying to avoid there snakes
essentially but if you ask yourself like
you're asking someone which i think is a
form of prayer if you ask yourself
instead of telling yourself you know
what is it that I could do to set things
more right today that I would actually
do it's usually some small thing because
you're not that disciplined you know
then you can go do it and then you you
put the world together a little more
when you do that and that spreads out
you suffer more and so does everyone
around you and there's a malevolence
that enters into it none of that's good
so that's what happens if you don't
treat yourself like you matter and then
what happens if you don't treat other
people like they matter
well you lie to them you cheat them you
steal you you you enter into impulsive
relationships with them they can't trust
you that doesn't go anywhere they don't
like you you you end up alone at best
and maybe like incarcerated at worst
like that doesn't work and so you watch
the people around you who thrive
regardless of what they say they act out
the proposition that everyone matters
and then you have a functional society
and I think ok well if if if when you
act out the proposition that everyone
matters you have a functional Society
maybe that's evidence that that
proposition is true it's like I think
it's I think it's true good damn
schedule and stick to it ok so what's
the rule with the schedule it's not a
bloody prison that's the first thing
that people do wrong is say well I don't
like to have to follow a schedule it's
like well what kind of schedule are you
setting up well I should I have to do
this then I have to do this then I have
to do this you know and then I just go
play video games because who wants to do
all these things that I have to do it's
like wrong set the damn schedule up so
that you have the day you want that's
the trick it's like okay I've got
tomorrow if I was gonna set it up so it
was the best possible day I could have
practically speaking what would it look
like well then you schedule that and
obviously there's a bit of
responsibility that's gonna go along
with that because if you have any sense
one of the things that you're gonna
insist upon is that at the end of the
day you're not in worse shape than you
were that then at the beginning of the
day right that's a stupid day if you
have a bunch of those in a row you just
dig you know you dig yourself a hole and
then you bury yourself in it's like
sorry that's just not a good strategy
it's a bad strategy
so maybe 20% of your day has to be
responsibility and obligation or maybe
more than that depending on how far
behind you are but even that you can you
can ask yourself okay well I've got
these responsibilities I have to
schedule the damn things in what's the
right ratio of responsibility to reward
and you can ask yourself that just like
you'd negotiate with someone who is
working for you it's like okay you gotta
work tomorrow okay so I want you to work
tomorrow and you might say okay well
what are you gonna do for me that makes
it likely that I'll work for you well
you could ask yourself that you know
maybe you do an hour of responsibility
and then you play a video game for
fifteen minutes I don't know whatever
turns your crank man but you know you
have to negotiate with yourself and not
tyrannize yourself like you're
negotiating with someone that you care
for that you would like to be productive
and have a good life and and that's how
you make the schedule it's like and then
you look at the day and you think well
if I had that day that'd be good great
you know and you you're useless and
horrible so you'll probably only hit it
with about 70% accuracy but that beats
the hell out of zero right and if you
hit it even with 50% accuracy another
rule is well aim for 51% the next week
or 50 and a half percent for God's sake
or because you're gonna hit that
position where things start to loop back
positively and spiral you upward one of
the main reasons that people do get what
they want is because they don't actually
figure out what it is and the
probability that you're going to get
what would be good for you let's say
which would even be better than what you
want right because you know you might be
what wrong about what you want easily
but maybe you could get what would
really be good for you well why don't
you well because you don't try you don't
think okay here's what I would like if I
could have it and and I don't mean I
don't mean in a way that you manipulate
the world to force it to deliver you
goods for status or something like that
that isn't what I mean I mean something
like imagine that you were taking care
of yourself like you were someone you
actually cared for and then you thought
okay I'm caring for this person I would
like things to go as well for them as
possible
what would their life have to be like in
order for that to be the case well
people don't do that they don't sit down
and think alright you know let's let's
figure it out you've got a life it's
hard obviously it's like three years
from now you can have what you need you
got to be careful about it you can't
have everything you can have what would
be good for you but you have to figure
out what it is and then you have to aim
at it well my experience with people as
being is if they figure out what it is
that would be good for them and then
they aim at it then they get it and it's
strange because they don't necessarily
made me late an idea about what would be
good for you and then you take ten steps
towards that and you find out that your
formulation was a bit off and so you
have to reformulate your goal you know
you're kind of going like this as you
move towards the goal but a huge part of
the reason that people fail is because
they don't ever set up the criteria for
success and so since success is a very
narrow line and very unlikely the
probability that you're going to stumble
on it randomly is zero and so there's a
proposition here in the proposition is
if you actually want something you can
have it now the question then would be
well what do you mean by actually want
an answer is that you reorient your life
in every possible way to make the
probability that that will occur as
certain as possible and that's a
sacrificial idea right it's like you
don't get everything obviously you
obviously but maybe you can have what
you need and maybe all you have to do to
get it is ask but the asking isn't a
whim or today's wish it's like you have
to be deadly serious about it you have
to think okay
like I'm taking stock of myself and if I
was going to live properly in the world
and I was going to set myself up such
that being would justify itself in my
estimation and I don't mean as a harsh
judge exactly what is it that I would
aim at
sit on your bed one day and ask yourself
what's what remarkably stupid things am
i doing on a regular basis absolutely
screw up my life and if you actually ask
that question but you have to want to
know the answer right because that's
actually what asking the question means
it doesn't mean just mouthing the words
it means you have to decide that you
want to know you'll figure that's out so
fast it'll make your hair curl stop
doing the things that you know are wrong
that you could stop doing right so it's
it's a fairly it's a fairly limited
attempt first of all we're not gonna say
that you know what the good is or what
the truth is in any ultimate sense but
we will presume that there are things
that you're doing that for one reason or
another you know are not in your best
interests there's something about them
that you just know you should stop there
are kind of self-evident to you other
things you're gonna be doubtful about
you're not gonna know which way is up
and which way is down but there are
things that you're doing that you know
you shouldn't do now some of those you
won't stop doing for whatever reason you
don't have the discipline or maybe
there's a secondary payoff or you don't
believe it's necessary or it's too much
of a sacrifice or you're angry or
resentful or or afraid who knows so
forget about those for now but there's
another subset that you could stop doing
it might be little thing well that's
fine stop doing it and see what happens
and what will happen is your vision will
clear a little bit and then something
else will pop up in your field of
apprehension that you will also know you
should stop doing and that you could
stop doing because you've strengthened
yourself a bit by stopping doing the
particular stupid thing that you were
doing before that just puts you together
a little bit more and you can do that
repeatedly for for an indefinite period
of time and and you know that doesn't
necessarily mean that you're going to
ever be able to formulate a clear and
final picture of what constitutes the
truth and the good but it does mean that
you'll be able to continually move away
from what's untruth and what's bad and
you know that's not a bad start
[Music]
the next best predictor of lifetime
success is conscientiousness well so and
although of the two aspects of
conscientiousness say orderliness and
and industriousness the better predictor
is industriousness so the question is
well what can you do about your
industriousness and the answer to that
is well that's kind of rough too because
there's a strong genetic component but
you can work on micro habits with
regards to your conscientiousness and I
think the best micro habits this is
partly to do with this future authoring
program processes I think the best thing
you can do with regards to your
conscientiousness is to set up some aims
for yourself goals that you actually
value and the future authoring program
helps people do that and basically it
does a situational analysis of it helps
you do a situational analysis of your
life more than a psychological analysis
I would say and so the questions are
something like well alright you're gonna
have to put some effort into your life
and you need to be motivated to do that
and so what are the potential sources of
motivation well you could think about
them in in the Big Five manner you know
if you're extroverted you want friends
if you're agreeable you want an intimate
relationship if you're a disagreeable
you want to win competitions if you're
open you want to engage in creative
activity if you're high in neuroticism
you want security okay so those are all
sources of potential motivation that you
could draw on that you could tailor to
your own you know your own personality
but then there are dimensions that you
want to consider your life across and so
we ask people about well you know if you
could have your life the way you wanted
it in three to five years if you were
taking care of yourself properly you
know what would you want from your
friendships what would you want from
your intimate relationship how would you
like to structure your family what do
you want for your career well how are
you going to use your time outside of
your job and how are you gonna regulate
your mental physical mental and physical
health and maybe also your drug and
alcohol use because that's that's a good
place to auger down you know because
alcoholism for example wipes out you
know five to ten percent of people so
you want to keep that under control and
then and then so maybe you know you you
you develop a vision of what your life
what you would like your life to be and
that associates the
so the goal well once the goal is
established and then you break down the
goal into micro processes that you can
implement the micro process has become
rewarding in proportion in relation to
their causal association with the goal
and that tangles in your your incentive
reward system you know we talked about
the dopaminergic incentive reward system
and that's the thing that keeps you
moving forward and the way it works is
that it works better if it produces
positive emotion win it can see you
moving towards a valued goal okay well
what's the implication of that better
have a valued goal because otherwise you
can't get any positive motivation
working out and so the more valuable the
goal in principle the more the micro
process is associated with that goal
start to take on a positive charge and
so what that means is well you get up in
the morning and you're excited about the
day you're ready to go and so as far as
I can tell what you do is you specify
your long term ideal maybe you also
specify a place you want to stay the
hell away from so that you're terrified
to fail as well as excited about
succeeding because that's also useful
you specify your goal you do that you do
that in some sense as a unique
individual you want it you want to
specify goals that make you say oh if
that could happen as a consequence of my
efforts it would clearly be worthwhile
because the question always is why do
something because doing nothing is easy
you just sit there and you don't do
anything that's real easy the question
is why would you ever do anything and
the answer that has to be because you've
determined by some means that it's
worthwhile and then the next question
might be well where should you look for
worthwhile things and one would be well
you could consult your own temperament
and the other would be well you kind of
look at how look at what it is that
people accrue that's valuable across the
lifespan look look what so you do a
structural analysis of the sub
components of human existence and I
already did that you need a family you
need friends like you don't need to have
all these things but you better have
most of them family friends career
educational goals plans for you know
time outside of work attention to your
mental and physical health etc you know
those are that's what life is about and
if you don't have
any of those things well then all you've
got left is misery and suffering so
that's that's a bad that's a bad deal
for you so so once you but once you
setup that that goal structure let's say
and that's really in many in many ways
that's what you should be doing at
universities is that's exactly what you
should be doing is trying to figure out
who it is that you're trying to be right
and you aim at that and then use
everything you learned as a means of
building that person that you want to be
and and I really mean want to be I don't
mean should be even those things those
things are gonna overlap and it's
important to distinguish between those
because that's partly and this is back
down to the micro routine analysis so as
I saying well you're gonna try to make
yourself more industrious okay number
one specify your damn goals because how
are you gonna hit something if you don't
know what it is that isn't going to
happen and often people won't specify
their goals too because they don't like
to specify conditions for failure so if
you keep yourself all vague and foggy
which is real easy because that's just a
matter of not doing as well then you
don't know when you fail and people
might say well I really don't want to
know when I fail because that's painful
it so I'll keep myself blind about when
I fail that's fine except you'll fail
all the time then you just won't know it
until you've failed so badly that you're
done and that can easily happen by the
time you're 40 so so I would recommend
that you don't let that happen
so that's willful blindness right you
could have known but you chose not to
okay so once you get your goal structure
set up you think okay if I could have
this life looks like that might be worth
living despite the fact that it's gonna
be you know anxiety provoking and
threatening and there's gonna be some
suffering and loss involved in all of
that obviously the goal is to have a
vision for your life such that all
things considered that justifies your
effort you will have to necessarily have
done anything wrong for things to get
completely out of control it's a
terrifying doctrine but it's not a
hopeless doctrine because it still says
that there's a way forward there's a
pathway forward and the pathway forward
is to adopt a mode of being that has
some nobility so that you can tolerate
yourself and perhaps even have some
respect for yourself
as someone who's capable of standing up
in the face of that terrible
vulnerability and suffering and that the
pathway forward as far as the
existentialists are concerned is by
while certainly by the avoidance of
deceit particularly in language but also
by the adoption of responsibility for
the conditions of existence and some
attempt on your part to actually rectify
them and the thing that's so interesting
about that is no up to as far as I'm
concerned and some of this is from
clinical experience you know if you take
people and I've told you this and you
expose them voluntarily to things that
they are avoiding and are afraid of you
know that they know they need to
overcome in order to meet their goals
their self defined goals if you can
teach people to stand up in the face of
the things they're afraid of they get
stronger and you don't know what the
upper limits to that are because you
might ask yourself like if for ten years
if you didn't avoid doing what you knew
you needed to do by the death by your
own definitions right within the value
structure that you've created to the
degree that you've done that what would
you be like well you know there are
remarkable people who come into the
world from time to time and there are
people who do find out over decades long
periods what they could be like if they
were who they were if they said if they
spoke their being forward and they'd get
stronger and stronger and stronger and
we don't know the limits to that we do
not know the limits to that and so you
could say well in part perhaps the
reason that you're suffering unbearably
can be left at your feet because you're
not everything you could be and you know
it and of course that's a terrible thing
to admit and it's a terrible thing to
consider but there's real promise in it
right because it means that perhaps
there's another way that you could look
at the world in a number another way
that you could act in the world so what
it would reflect back to you would be
much better than what it reflects back
to you now my experience is with people
that were probably running at about 51%
of our capacity something mean you can
think about this yourselves I often ask
undergraduates how many hours a day you
waste or how many hours a week you waste
and the classic answer is something like
four to six hours a day
you know inefficient studying watching
things on YouTube that not
do you not want to watch that you don't
even care about that make you feel
horrible about watching after you're
done
that's probably four hours right there
no what do you think well that's 2025
hours a week it's a hundred hours a
month that's two and a half full work
weeks it's half a year of work weeks per
year and if your time is worth twenty
dollars an hour which is a radical under
estimate it's probably more like fifty
if you think about it in terms of
deferred wages if you're wasting 20
hours a week you're wasting fifty
thousand dollars a year and you are
doing that right now and it's because
you're young wasting fifty thousand
dollars a year is a way bigger
catastrophe than it would be for me to
waste it because I'm not gonna last
nearly as long and so if your life isn't
everything it could be you could ask
yourself well what would happen if you
just stopped wasting the opportunities
that are in front of you you be who
knows how much more efficient ten times
more efficient twenty times more
efficient that's the purrito
distribution you have no idea how
efficient efficient people get it's
completely it's off the charts well and
if we all got our act together
collectively and stop making things
worse because that's another thing
people do all the time
not only do they not do what they should
to make things better they actively
attempt to make things worse because
they're spiteful or resentful or
arrogant or deceitful or or homicidal or
genocide allor all of those things all
bundled together in an absolutely
pathological package if people start
really really trying just to make things
worse we have no idea how much better
they would get just because of that so
there's this weird dynamic that's part
of the existential system of ideas
between
human vulnerability social judgment both
of which are our major causes of
suffering and the failure of individuals
to adopt the responsibility that they
know they should adopt it isn't merely
that your fate depends on whether or not
you get your act together and to what
degree you decide that you're going to
live out your own genuine being it isn't
only your fate it's the fate of everyone
that you're networked with and so you
know you think well there's nine
seven billion people in the world we're
going to peak at about nine billion by
the way and then it'll decline rapidly
but seven billion people in the world
and who are you you're just one little
dust mote among that seven billion and
so it really doesn't matter what you do
or don't do but that's simply not the
case it's the wrong model because you're
at the center of a network you're a node
in a network of course that's even more
true now that we have social media
you'll you know you'll know a thousand
people at least over the course of your
life and they'll know a thousand people
each and that puts you one person away
from a million and two persons away from
a billion and so that's how you're
connected and the things you do there
like dropping a stone in a pond the
ripples move outward and they affect
things in ways that you can't fully
comprehend and it means that the things
that you do and that you don't do are
far more important than you think and so
if you act that way of course the terror
of realizing that is that it actually
starts to matter what you do and you
might say well that's better than living
a meaningless existence it's better for
it to matter but I mean if you really
ask yourself would you be so sure if you
had the choice I can live with no
responsibility whatsoever the price I
pay is that nothing matters or I can
reverse it and everything matters but I
have to take the responsibility that's
associated with that it's not so obvious
to me that people would take the
meaningful path now when you say well
denialists suffered dreadfully because
there's no meaning in their life and
they still suffer yeah but the
advantages they have no responsibility
so that's the payoff and I actually
think that's the motivation say well I
can't help being nihilistic all my
belief systems have collapsed it's like
yeah maybe maybe you've just allowed
them to collapse because it's a hell of
a lot easier than acting them out and
the price you pay is some meaningless
suffering but you can always whine about
that and people will feel sorry for you
and you have the option of taking the
pathway of the martyr so that's a pretty
good deal all things considered
especially when the or when the
alternative is to bear your burden
properly and to live forthrightly in the
world well what Solzhenitsyn figured out
and so many people in the twentieth
century it's not just him even though
he's the best example is that if you
live a pathological life you pathologize
your
xiety and if enough people do that then
it's hell really really and you can read
the Gulag Archipelago if you have the
four tit fortitude to do that and you'll
see exactly what hell is like and then
you can decide if that's a place you'd
like to visit or even more importantly
if it's a light if it's a place you'd
like to visit and take all your family
and friends because that's what happened
in the 20th century