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Violent Relationships
Kilee Saylor
Ottawa University
VIOLENT RELATIOSHIPS 2
Violent Relationships
Although they can’t always be seen, violent and abusive relationships are all
around. Physical, sexual, emotional, and mental violence are all equally dangerous to
both men and women. Some believe violence is caused by a chemical reaction in
someone’s mind, some believe that it is caused by triggers or past experiences, others
believe that people are just vicious human beings. The warning signs for these
relationships find it very difficult to speak up, or leave the relationship. There are many
reasons as to why it is hard for them to leave. Every relationship, and victim, is different.
spouse’s mind, aren’t exactly wrong. There was a study performed on 80 men who were
the perpetrators of a violent relationship, there were many tests performed on them to
decipher why they got so angry when they did, and why that anger was unleashed on
their spouse. Every response was different, but there was a very interesting statistic found
Science and Business, states, “An early clinical sample study found 53 % of male spouse
listen to a recording of two women having a conversation, one of the woman portraying
the spouse he had previously victimized. This conversation revealed personal facts about
the couple’s relationship, and is meant to me threatening to the male’s ego (Persampiere,
2014). It was found that many of these men were easily, and violently, angry. Some
VIOLENT RELATIOSHIPS 3
admitted to getting angry as soon as they heard their spouses speaking of their
Anyone who has been in a violent and abusive relationship will say that they wish
they knew what was going on in their spouse’s mind, and why they did the things they
did. A Relationship and Family Therapist at Texas Tech University named Jason B.
Whiting was asked this very question. Since he wasn’t sure of the answer, he performed a
study on men who were involved in an IPV relationship. Some sources revealed that men
want to be able to feel like they have total control and dominance over the woman in their
life. By feeling like they have achieved complete control, they feel more like a “man”
(Whiting, 2014). It was also found that the concept of women in general, not just spouses,
make some men feel like they need to have complete dominance over them. Jason
Perpetrator's Perspective, “[…] in the U.S., sons are less controlled than are daughters,
which may suggest the acceptability of expecting female submissiveness.” (Whiting, pg.
278)
violence. Although it can be said that violence against men is downplayed because men
can typically fight off the violence of a woman, it is still an issue that should not be taken
lightly. In an article written by Viveka Enander, from NORA (Nordic Journal of Feminist
and Gender Research), it is stated that, “common couple violence is fairly gender-
symmetrical and rooted in less gendered processes of stress and family conflict.”
(Enander, pg 115). This tells her readers that gender isn’t always viewed as a factor in
these relationships. Anyone can lose their temper at any given point in time. The only
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thing they can do, is learn how to control the violent tendencies that are brought up by the
Krim K. Lacy, who works with The Journal of Family Violence, took a deep look
into violent relationships that consist of minority woman. She tells her readers, “Minority
women are among those who are more vulnerable to abuse.” (Lacy, pg. 669). When
women are asked why they don’t leave the relationship, it is hard for them to generate a
solid answer. Krim K. Lacy ran studies to figure out why it is so hard for women to leave
their violent relationships. “Staying or even in some cases leaving an abusive relationship
can have mental health and other consequential effects” (pg. 669). It is thought that a
significant reason why woman stay in their relationships is because of the time, love, and
finances they poured into the relationship (2010). “Victims of abuse may return to the
relationship because they perceive their alternatives within the relationship as more
rewarding and less costly than alternatives outside the relationship.” (pg. 671). They
think that maybe it’ll get better. Maybe it is worth it to stay or to return to their violent
partner. Not realizing that nothing will ever be worth being in such a dangerous, and
damaging relationship.
Spotting the signs of domestic violence is a hard task. These victims are
everywhere. At the grocery store, the mall, the gym, sporting events, etc. The key to
spotting these signs is reading between the lines. Listening to what the victim isn’t
saying, as opposed to hearing what they are saying. Janet P. Foushee, R.T states, “[…]
should look for signs of withdrawal, nervousness, and avoidance of eye contact during
interactions with the patient.” (Foushee, pg. 219). In this statement, Foushee is referring
to healthcare professionals and how they should look for these signs in their patients.
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Healthcare professionals are trained to know the facts of domestic violence and how to
spot the victims. “Patients are more likely to open up to providers who show sympathy
and concern and follow up on nonmedical clues raised by patients, such as stress levels.”
(pg. 219).
in their recovery. There are many outreach programs available to men and women who
have been through this struggle. Although, the victims may not reach out, because it is
such a hard experience to come to terms with. Maggie A. Evans, PhD, highlights in her
of pathways towards formal and informal support, “The final trigger to contacting a DVA
agency was usually a crisis such as rape, physical assault or being rendered homeless.”
(Evans, pg. 66). This tells her readers that so many woman wait until it’s too late to reach
out and get support. It is hard for many women to realize when the best time to tell
Domestic violence is an issue that is much too common. Men and women all
around the world struggle with this every day. It is a double ended sword, a lose-lose
traumatizing spells every day. If the victim leaves the relationship, they can suffer
mentally and they are more likely to end up in, yet another, dangerous relationship. To
find a good support system, and to overcome this present issue, men and woman need to
be stronger than ever before. All it takes is the motivation of safety and self-worth.
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Resources
Evans, M. A., & Feder, G. S. (2016). Help-seeking amongst women survivors of domestic
violence: a qualitative study of pathways towards formal and informal support. Health
218-221.
GORDON, R. (2016). Succeeded where others have failed? Has Rojiroti's model of microfinance
173-191. doi:10.3362/1755-1986.2016.015
Keeling, J., Smith, D., & Fisher, C. (2016). A qualitative study exploring midlife women's stages
of change from domestic violence towards freedom. BMC Women's Health, 16(12), 1-8.
doi:10.1186/s12905-016-0291-9
Lacey, K. (2010). When Is It Enough for Me to Leave?:Black and Hispanic Women’s Response
Persampiere, J., Poole, G., & Murphy, C. (2014). Neuropsychological Correlates of Anger,
Whiting, J., Parker, T., & Houghtaling, A. (2014). Explanations of a Violent Relationship: The
doi:10.1007/s10896-014-9582-9