Pretend you are atalk show host.
Treatthe per- How to Make Others Love (or Like) You
son across from you as the host important guest of
the evening. What questions (and answers) would
your viewers or listeners wa-nt to have discussed?
As a good host, make the conversation be aboutthe
guest and not aboutyou. Be interesting but more
in-rportarlly, be interested.
Vlhen the otherpersou begins to talk, listen.
I believe that empathetic listening has three par-ts;
Listen with your ears (obviously), but aJso listen
with your eyes ald listen rvith your healt. Instead
ofplanningyoul response. anxiously waitfurg for the
other person's lips to stop moving so you can talk,
take the time to be present with the other person.
Listen-Truly Listen
Best-selling author Stephen Covey asked, "Do we listen
to understand? NolWe listen to repiy-"
Let me relate the coircept of ernpathetic lisLening
to something I experienced recently. Mywife took me
into her garden to sholv offher phlox. mums, or r'ho-
dodetrdron. I'rn rrot reallv sur'e because I arn not into
gardening. But I am into my rclationship with mywifr:-
So rather than thinking at the tlme about an upcoming
presentation I was about to give, I needed to slow down
arrd be in the moment u'ith her.
A-lways take the time to truly be with the person
rvith whom you are speaklng. Do not constantiy scan
the room for somebody even more important.
PAR}(iN C-Nl08] L ] iY J RC
English-iourna-list Jenni Murraytalked about meetihg a
chalismatic politician: 'TIe made you feel for thr:se feu.
short moments that 1'ou were the only woman in the
worid and he'd hever het anyone as interesting or as
lovely as you."
Similarly, Jacqueiine Kennedy Onassis seemed
to possess the ability to have men all over the world
in love with her. Asked how she did it, the former
fa-li
First Lady replied, "Trvo ways. First of a1i, when aman
wouid flnish talkiag about himself and his work, I
would say, 'Te1l me morel"'
(I can only imagine the nervous guy thinkingto
himself at this point, "Oh, nobody has ever asked me
about quim-quat widgets before, but here goes." We
guys and our egosl)
Secondly, as the wife of a wealthy Greek shipping
magnate, Onassis revealed, "I would harlg on their
eyes." Can you just imagine how porverful that effect
must have been?
Now, you may not want women or men a-ll over
the world to fa,ll in love with you- You rnay only want
to suwive your next social gathering. Hou't:ver, you
cal adapt Ciinton's or Onassis' strategies to help you A
t
achieve your goal.
-
F.O.R-D
Ifyou tend to be an analytical type (and many shy
')
people consider themselves to be), when you meet a F
new person, imagine the l:}ue oval of the carmaker
Ford embiazoned on her fbrehead- It will give you
i]
clues as to rvhat you can talk about with your corlver-
sati0n partner.
The F stands for "Ask her about her family." (Ev*ry-
body has afarnill,.)
The O references her occupatlon. That does not
necessarily mean apaying job. My wife rvas a stay-
at-home-parent, one of the most difncult jobs in the
rvorld. She wtrs offended when somebody had the
attitude, "Oh, you don't reallyworkl" So, occupation
could even refer to a present vocation, for ln.stance,
voluntcering fbr Habitat tbr Humanitv or some other
charitable organization.
The R means relaxation- Ask her what she likes to
do for funl
And if 5,6u 1sally feel you h:rve hit it offwith your
new acquaintance, ask her about D, her drearns.
Don't Try to lmpress
Another successtul networking strategy is to ask ques-
tions ratherthan attemptingto impress another per-
son by talking about yourself.
I was interviewirg for my nrst job out of gtaduate
school. The firm sent a new hire rvho was a recent
graduate to interwiew prospective employees from his
alma mater. When it was my turn to sit down with him,
I asked him about his experiences in graduate .school-
about the professors, fraternities, and sororities. The
inter-viewer was thoroughly enjoying himseif regaling
me u,ith interesting stodes. When it was finally
my turn to launch into my sales pitch,
the interviewer interrupted me
by sa1,irrg. 'Ted, you are exactly
the kind of person we v!,ant
(
working at oul firm!"
Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics.
said, "Everybody has an invisible sign hanging from
thei.r neck saying, 'Make me feei important.' Never
forget thls message rvhen working with [or meet-
ingl people."
What to Do if You Struggle
with SmallTalk
I thought when I rvould attend a social event I would
need to develop arr elevator pitch or some other pithy
story so when another person wouid hear it, he would
be forced to take a step back a-nd exclaim. "Wow. Tedl
Thatis so profound! Let rne hire you right now!"
It isn't going to happen, so don't put that kind of
pressure on yourseif. Simply engage in small talk.
'Small talk," says author Michael Korda, "shottid
intrigue, delight, amuse, fiII up time pleasantly- Given
that, anything wilI do, frorn dogs to delicatessens.
The airn of srnall talk is to rnake people t'eel comfort-
able-to put them at their ea-se-not to teach, preach.
or irnpress.
"It's a game. iike tennis, in which the object is to
keep the ball in the air for as long as possible."
Networking the Right Way
We have all been to a Chamber of Commerce mixer or
some similar networking event at rvhich one of the at-
tendees does networking the wrong way.
His goal is to meet everybody in the room and get
right down to u.hat he rvants to accornplish. He'll run
up to you and say, "Hi!" while thrusting his business
card into your ha-nd. ''I'm John. I flx computers. If you
ever need your computer flxerl, call me."
Before vou even have a chance to respond, John wi}l
rush offto his next..- victirn.
.'I
learned that real networking was about flnding
ways to make other people more successful," says Kelth
Felazzi, author of "Never Eat Alone and Ot}rer Secrets
to Success, One Relationship at a Time." "It was about
working hard to give more thal you get. Those who are
best at it don't network-they make friends. The oniy
way to get people to do anythillg is to recogirize their
inrporranle ;trd makc thcm fcel importalt.' S
TED JANUSZ is an authol'ahd speaker'r.r,ho
leads "Creating Stl'ateg'ic Reli*iorrships: I'Iele
and -\ov,.' He canbe leaclred rl :r : ..
-!a:ru*p*:se:rl;rii;:tis.rc:::i.
PARKING.MOBILITYORG / APRIL 2O2O / PARKING & MOBILITY 3I