Always Judge A Book by Its Cover

04/05/2020 Always judge a book by its cover
Alwa Judg Boo

b it Cove
Some books win awards, some win our heart, and
others... only serve to confuse.
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I Do ' Car if
M Bes
Frien ' Mo i
Sasquatc ,
Sh ' H o an
I' Takin
Showe Wit
He .
https://alwaysjudgeabookbyitscover.com 1/25
There wasn’t enough title space to

finish this monstrosity in this website,
but the final part is: “Because its the
new millennium” (naturally)
My middle school teacher always
told me, “When you don’t
understand something, sit down,
and slowly try to deconstruct it.” So
let us do just that, and see if we
come to any conclusions about this
book. Which I will also note, is only
volume one.
So, my best friend’s mom is a

sasquatch. I can accept this reality.
I don’t care if she’s a sasquatch. I

guess, this too I can accept. I like to
think that I’m the kind of person
who wouldn’t care if my best
friend’s mom was one.
But wait. I only don’t care (if I’m

reading this right), because she’s
Hot. Well, that’s just wrong. I’m
sure she is an amazing person.
After all, she raised my best friend,
and I like them!
OH AND I’M WHAT!
Mom is a Sasquatch on
Amazon
Learnin t Pla
Wit Lio '
Testicle
Without a doubt, this book is required
to complete any bookshelf.
Are you an adventurous traveler,

looking to make the leap from the
page to the jungle… if so, this book
is without a doubt for you.
“Learning to play with lions testicles”

eloquently combines both the
internal and external challenges the
author faces, be it elephants,
torrential storms, or the guilt and
recovery of a lost loved one.
Honestly, the title here is all cheek.

Playing with a lions testicles, of
course, referring to a foolhardy task.
That said, there’s nothing foolhardy
about digging into a new book.
To Play With a Lion's

Testicles on Amazon
Outwi in
Squirrel : 101
Cunnin
Stratagem
The full title is quite the mouthful.
“Outwitting Squirrels: 101 Cunning
Stratagems to Reduce Dramatically
the Egregious Misappropriation of
Seed from Your Birdfeeder by
Squirrels”
Do squirrels always seem one step

ahead of the game to you? I know
they did for me… but after this
book, I can call them thoroughly
and utterly outwitted.
Honestly, I can say that now as I

walk down the street, the squirrels
turn their heads as to not make
eye contact. It’s truly a liberating
feeling.
There are, as the title suggests a

full 101 stratagems within these
240 pages, and honestly, it proves
itself to be the best guidebook out
there since the 2nd, and 1st

edition.
Outwitting Squirrels on
Amazon
Toile Pape
Origam : Deligh
you Guest wit
Fanc Fold
Have you ever been waiting outside a
bathroom, and the person inside seems
to be spending a little too much time in
there. Well, now you know that they’ve
read this book.
Whether you’re the slow pooper or

the kind of person who likes to be
prepared for when your phone
inevitably runs out of battery, and
you’re left sitting there vulnerably,
without utilizing the time for
something productive.
I had lived my life as a lone toilet

paper-folding enthusiast, though,
upon leaving the privy, left a single
toilet paper rose.
Someone found that rose, stalking

through the establishment, trying to
nd their toilet paper Adonis, for the
rose held such beauty. And that my
friend, is how I met your mother.
Toilet Paper Origami on

Amazon
H o t Tal t
You Ca Abou
Gu Safet
Do you love your cat? Well, no self-
respecting cat mom or dad would let
their baby grow up without a solid
grounding in gun safety.
Not only does this resource cover

gun safety, which can be at times a
di cult subject to breach with
your kittens, it also covers
abstinence, drugs, and satanism!
Nine lives arent an excuse to be

ignorant of the dangers as well as
the ups and downs of living a
healthy and safe life, free from
gun-related accidents.
With this book you’ll sleep easy,

knowing Whiskers has all the tools
that he needs to go out into the
world in a safe and positive
manner.
How to Talk to Your Cat

on Amazon
Craftin wit Ca
Hai : Cut
Handicraft t
Mak wit You
Ca
Have you been storing your cat’s hair,
waiting for your moment? Well, your
moment is now.
Crafting with Cat Hair is the kind of

page-turner that keeps you up at
night. Not only will do I love it, but
my Cat (always loving the brush)
also can’t put it down either.
Kaori Tsutaya goes above and

beyond in the hunt for literary
perfection, covering the topic from
the garden of Eden (gathering the
cat’s hair) right through to the
completion of the world (crafting
cats from your cats).
The Hu ngton Post says: “It caught

our attention.” … and that’s all you
really need to know before you take
the leap and join the immensely
immense world of crafting with cat
hair.
Crafting with Cat Hair on

Amazon
Bu ... yo 'r
ho s
No zany intro for this one… everything
about it scares me.
Fifty shades of neigh!
“But… you’re a horse?” But… why a

horse. Where do I begin? If you’re
the kind of person who has got it
all gured out and walks through
day to day life without concern or
worry. If you never second guess
yourself. If you feel that you’re a
complete person, with a complete
life, and t wonderfully into the
picture you drew in your head as a
child of what adult life would be
like… then maybe you need a
challenge. And this book is a

challenge.
Counter to tting into those very
speci c requirements. If you’re
interested in a book that will
answer no questions in your life
and will only complicate things
further than this could be the right
place for you.
But you're a horse on

Amazon
Image Yo
Shoul No
Masturbat T
The fact of the matter is, if you have
something to teach, people will want to
learn. And this book teaches a lot.
No book in this list has riled up the

critics in such a controversial way.
“What are these images, and why

not?” ~ are some of the questions
you may ask. But this book is here
for a reason… and the rst step is
understanding that. The second step
is accepting it.
You Should Not

Masturbate To on Amazon
H o t Rais
You I.Q. b
Eatin Gifte
Childre
Children are the new Super Food.
The topic of cannibalism is not a

sticky one. It’s pretty set in stone,
so you won’t nd any strange
information coming from me when
it comes down to brass tacks… that
said, in this world’s competitive
environment, you’re going to need
to nd an edge. And if you don’t,
someone else will.
That being said, if you are the kind

of person who likes to talk about
their I.Q. … perhaps casually
bringing it up in conversation at
the dinner table, parties, or
generally silent rooms, then maybe
there is some useful information in
here that might pique your fancy,
and give you those extra few
intelligence quotient points,
allowing you to topple the inferior
squabble that is the humans of
this world.
How to Raise Your I.Q. on

Amazon
Everythin I kno
abou Wome I
learne fro m
Tracto
If the man on the cover laughing staring
right into your soul isn’t enough to
scare you off, I don’t know what will.
Are you the kind of person who

nds it easier to relate to a Tractor
than a person? Did Mater from the
Cars movies appear in your dreams
more than just a few times? Are you
thinking about your tractors right
now? ~ If you answered yes to any of
those questions, this book is one for
you.
Within this book, the author opens
up about small-town life, and is
billed as his “ultimate contribution
to mankind” … that is a pretty big
claim, but once you’ve got into the
rst few pages you’ll be hooked.
The next stop will be Roger Welsch’s

other hits “Old tractors never die”,
“Love, Sex and Tractors” then all
stops to “Old tractors and the men
who love them”.
Everything I know on
Amazon
Microwav fo
On
Microwave cooking turned all the way
up to 1.
If you’ve ever needed a reason to

kick out your friends and treat
yourself to a warm all the way
through, slightly soggy meal, well
now you have one.
Microwave for One is really the

book that put Sonia Allison on the
map, some say she meditated
alone for in solidarity for an entire
year, working her way into a trans-
like state and accepting wholly and
fully what it is like to be one with
the microwave, and then one by
one ripped the recipe’s out of the
void and wrote them into this

book.
Each day when I get hungry, I look

to the skies and think to myself,
“What would Sonia Allison do”, the
path quickly becomes clear, and a
soothing wave washes over me as
the gentle hum and rotation of the
microwave eases my troubled soul.
Microwave for One on

Amazon
Mor grea
pantyh s craft .
If you haven’t had enough, then fear
not, because there are more!
If there is one thing that has never

been further away from my
Christmas list, its some of my Mom’s
recycled pantyhose creepily crafted
into, as the cover outlines: dolls, wall
hangings, music boxes, and holiday
decorations.
That said, there are some incredible

uses for this book.
Example 1: Your treasured daughter

has bought home a new boyfriend,
and his birthday is right around the
corner. Some handily crafted
pantyhose, molded into a deformed
doll mildly resembling their
appearance will solve that problem
faster than you can say “why does
this book exist”.
Example 2: You could nd out how

on earth does anyone make a music
box with their pantyhose.
Pantyhose Crafts on
Amazon
Extrem Ironin
For the adrenaline junky looking to
get their fix in this modern crazy
world.
If you’re like me, crumpled shirts

are an absolute no-no, I won’t even
leave the house with one.
Before I read this book I felt

alone… when accidents happened,
accidentally causing a crease in my
otherwise perfectly cardboard-
esque at shirt, I would retreat to
safety in my home… now, I’ve seen
the light, and the light is all about
carrying with you the tools to iron
your shirts.
Be it on the steep rockface of El

Capitan, or the blue depths of the
Great Barrier Reef, I feel
comfortable knowing that I have
the tools at my disposal to quickly,
quietly and e ciently iron out any
crumples on my clothing, and in
my life.
Extreme Ironing on
Amazon
Crochetin
Adventure wit
Hyperboli Plane
Deep down you feel it. The time is now.

Take the plunge and raise your
Crocheting to the next level.
Forget scarves. Forget Socks. Forget
Sweaters. Forget anything
Euclidean… from now on, it’s all
about non-Euclidean geometries.
Get those crocheting needles ready,

because this book is the jumping-o
point… no longer will you be making
useful items to keep you warm
during the winter. Now you’ll be
turning your left frontal lobe into the
thundering thermos that will keep
you in a heated sweat for the rest of
your life.
These creations will not only prove

to be a mind-bending, awe-inspiring
blob of fabric within your home, but
also a great talking point for your
favorite mathematician friends.
Crocheting Adventures on
Amazon
Th Manl A
of Kni in
A man needs to know many things. On
the top of that list, is the noble art of
knitting.
Hey there cowboy. You’ve got the

ranching part down, sheep are
your game. Herding sheep,
shearing sheep, and selling that
ne A grade wool. The wool goes
to the stores, people buy the wool,
people knit with the wool, and
when the winter rolls around,
you’re buying your own wool
back!?
With this book, you can cut out the

middle man. Start with a scarf.
Move up to gloves. Next the
saddle. These are life skills that will
last forever.
Soon you’ll be the fastest needle

twizzler in the west, and the world
will look to you in awe.
The Manly Art of Knitting

on Amazon
Dancin wit Cat .

You’ve seen Dances with Wolves 1000
times. You never miss an episode of
Dancing with the stars. Well, now you’re
ready for Dancing with Cats!
This book isn’t about that cat and

mouse that’s between a cat and a
mouse. It’s about the cat and mouse
that’s between a human and a cat.
“Please for the love of all that is holy
let me love you” would be the words
I would utter within my brain, trying
to win the a ections of my beloved
cat.
I grew tired of the same ole tango,

the same old two-step, the same
regular cat and mouse and invested
in Dancing with Cats.
Now, my cat and I are two peas in a

pod. Dance partners who start with
ballroom as the sun goes down…
explore contemporary dance
throughout the night, and bring the
sun up with a powerful foxtrot.
Dancing with Cats on

Amazon
Th Stra
Shoppin Ca t of
Easter No t
Americ
Are you considering a trip to Eastern
North America? It would be a huge
missed opportunity to go without
knowing how to identify the shopping
carts of the local areas.
For those in the know, the

di erences between Eastern and
Western North American shopping
carts are just night and day.
Honestly, I sometimes lie awake at

night cringing at the cart
misidenti cation of my past.
Those days are long behind me

though, whether it be the northern
four-wheeled whistler, to the
eastern tri-tailed wongler.
When it comes down to brass

tacks, with this book, you’ll never
be ignorant again.
The Stray Shopping Carts

on Amazon
B Bol wit
Banana .
You’re bold with apples. You’re bold
with oranges. Well now, its time to be
Bold. With. Bananas!
An instant classic that will take you

right back to its publishing date,
1974.
An instant beloved treasure that will

open your eyes to the world of
bananas.
An instant friend that will sit quietly

on the bookshelf at your home…
you’ll look across the room in a
small gathering and make gentle eye
contact, and feel true comfort.
An instant memory, from the rst

time you open the book entering
your new bold banana life.
And an instant life long wondering

that will sit deep in your soul, as you
wonder how you ever looked at
bananas as boring.
Bold with Bananas on

Amazon
A Millio
Rando Digit
wit 100,000
Norma Deviate
The perfect guidebook for numbers 0
to 9 in random order!
When was the time you read a

book that contained every single
number in it… probably never!
Not only does this book contain 0’s

and 1’s, but it also has 2’s and 3’s.
In fact, it contains all ten numbers
that exist.
Now, the book touts that these

digits are in completely random
order, but some dark edges of the
internet believe there is a pattern
in this book, waiting for someone
with rain-man like abilities to truly
decode its secrets.
Each night, my young son lies

eagerly for me to sit and in the
most monotone voice read out
these numbers. A quick search
says it will take approximately 12
days of straight reading to get to
the end. I expect to nish by the
time he turns 23.
A Million Random Digits

on Amazon
Do ' Ben Ove

i th Garde ,
Grann , Yo
Kno The
Tate Go Eye
I know one thing for sure, it’s that
author if author Lewis Grizzard was
born a millennial, he’d be dropping the
dankest memes left, right and center.
As someone who previously knew

not to bend over in the garden, and
that them taters (boil em, mash em,
stick em in a stew) do indeed have
eyes, the instructional words of the
title were lost to me.
Even then though, Lewis Grizzard’s

greasy slicked back hair, up-way-too-
high cameltoe inspiring pants,
American gothic fork, and beady
beady eyes stared right into my soul,
leaning over he whispered the

somber words “take me home and
read me”
The cover of this book alone makes

it worthy of the Pulitzer Prize for
photography. The content of the
book, which can’t possibly be as
interesting also exists.
Them Taters Got Eyes on

Amazon
H o t po o
dat
Finally, someone is answering the
questions we’ve all had on our lips
from the age of 14.
When it comes to dating there are

endless resources, literally,
endless. Enough that you could
read from the age of 10 until the
age of 99 and still have more to
read. Interestingly though, very
few websites, blogs, libraries, or
archives dig into the taboo subject
of pooping on dates.
Without giving too much away,

you’ll learn a vast array of tools to
help you in those awkward
situations. From the slightly too
long “just going to freshen up” to
the “oh, the line is really big, sorry”
text message sent as you’re sitting
on the John.
Really though, knowing when and

how to get away when you need to
“get away” is an incredibly useful
skill, and will remain useful as long
as you’re a human who needs to
poop.
How to poo on a date on

Amazon
H o t S** i
th wood .
The ultimate wilderness guide for the
shy pooper.
Throw away your rst and second

editions. Grab your specialty hiking
trowel o your hiking speci c utility
belt (not the one you use for city life,
or home life), and get ready for an
adventure into nature knowing full
well that you will be the most
perpared person because the third
edition is here today!
If you’ve ever had to poop before

(I’m guessing that because you’re
reading this, that may be the case),
you may know some of the
dynamics at play… and perhaps
you’ve learned a thing or two
through the rst two editions, but in
the third (I’ve never missed one), the
author has really opened up my
eyes to a whole di erent way of life.
How to poop in the woods

on Amazon
D I You self
Co in fo Pet
an Peopl
If you’re a fan of the darker side of

literature, this one is for you.
Edgar Allan Poe wept, whilst

reading the ever macabre “Do it
yourself co ns”, for he knew that
there was a whole new dimension
of darkness that could be bled
from the pages.
Whether you’re the amateur co n

maker or the do-it-yourself planner
of the future, you shouldn’t browse
without at least considering this
beauty.
Now, this doesn’t go without

warning, if you’re the perfectionist
looking for the perfect place to rest
your head, reviews of this book
suggest there are many some
improvements that can be made…
for those, I guess we’ll be waiting
for the second edition.
Do It Yourself Coffins on
Amazon
H o t Mak
Towe Monke
an othe Cruis
Shi Favorite
One of the worlds greatest mysteries
finally revealed.
There are many things that keep me

up at night… the mysteries
entangled within the Bermuda
Triangle, the DaVinci Code, and the
sock missing from the washing
machine… the secret of the towel
monkey was another of the
universes most tightly kept secrets

until
If this ever
you’ve tell-all exclusive!
tried to painstakingly
deconstruct a towel monkey, in step-
by-step meticulous detail, you will
have fallen into the same traps as I
did. When you eventually try to
piece it back together you’re left
with a wrinkled towel with a couple
of ugly twists resembling more of a
twisted sweat rag than a monkey.
It might be hard to believe, but with

this rst edition book, the elusive
towel monkey will suddenly be in
your grasp!
How to Make a Towel

Monkey on Amazon
Walma Atla
The only atlas you’ll ever need.
Imagine this, you get back from a

busy day in the city. You’re tired of
your job and the endless grind.
You open your Walmart Atlas.
Closing your eyes, you start icking
through the pages with your
keyboard-calloused ngers. You
slap your index nger down on a
random page.
The famous Walmart of Omaha,

Nebraska.
Your eyes light up, that’s it! You

book the ights immediately, not
an ounce of doubt in your mind.
You jet to Nebraska, and go

straight to the mart! The deals are
amazing. The food is amazing.
Your problems are gone! All
because of this amazing resource.
Walmart Atlas on
Amazon
Th Beginne '
Guid t Se i
th Afterlif
Let’s just say that you don’t really want
to go to the afterlife without a little
knowledge about how it all goes down
over there.
The thing about the afterlife is that

you don’t exist anymore…
everything is di erent without the
earthly tethers. And one of the
things that are most di erent, at the
very least according to this book, is
sex.
Now, the real trick is getting a

headstart on the afterlife in regular
life! Especially when you exist on
another plane of existence,
potentially in physical form, but very
likely as a uid ectoplasm… get
ahead when you can… and what
better place to start than the
fundamentals.
Sex in the Afterlife on

Amazon
Mo i Datin
Weir Wayn
Find out what mom is up to next in
this exciting hit.
Oh no! You wake from a nightmare

and remember that your mom is
still dating weird Wayne.
This book is more of a guidebook

than a novel: how to come up with
creative ways to distract and
disturb your mother as she tries to
re-enter the dating world and
become happy again.
An extra disturbing feature of this

book is that there is one on sale (at
the time of writing) for over $800…
I guess good advice is hard to
come by these days.
Mom is Dating Weird

Wayne on Amazon
Anybod Ca B
Coo , Bu
Awesom Take
Practic
Cool people? They’re a dime a dozen.
Look left, look right, there they are. But
Awesome people… that’s a whole
different thing.
Practicing being Awesome with a

capital A is a di cult task, with many
sub awesome tasks that you will
need to overcome on your quest to
the guy on the cover of this book…
lighting up his audience with an eye
wateringly beautiful tale of how
when he wakes up in the morning,
the sun looks to him to see if it
should rise.
It may take more than one read

through, but over time this book will
open you up to the possibility of

being awesome.
Leonidis, before leading his Spartans
into the grueling battle ahead, often
quoted this book as to one of his
main in uences and sources of
strength.
Anybody Can Be Cool on

Amazon
Peopl Wh
Do ' Kno
The 'r Dea :
H o The A ac
Themselve t
Unsuspectin
B stande an
Wha t D
Abou I
Has someone dead attached
themselves to you? This guide will
help you, and them, move on.
There is a wonderful duality to this

book. Its the kind that will help you
if you’re healthy and alive, but also,
if you’re the kind of introspective
dead person it will also be a very
useful resource.
The real treasure of this beauty is

the chapters on attachment to
unsuspecting bystanders, which
again are relevant to both the
living and dead.
People Who Don't Know

on Amazon
Be e Neve t
Hav Bee : Th
Har Of Comin
Int Existenc
The very thought of sitting down to
write, and deciding that the knowledge
you wish to share with the world is
purely what the world would be like
without you in it… gives me the
strangest kind of chills.
If you ever lie awake wondering

about the butter y e ect… what
small things you’ve done in the
world that have had massive
repercussions, then this book is not
for you, because after it you’ll
actually just straight up stop
sleeping.
That said, if you’re in a deep, dark,

“You don’t know me dad or what I’m
going through!” kind of mood,
perhaps the idea of exploring life
without humans interference is
actually going to be fun! You might
learn something too!
Better Never to Have Been

on Amazon
Castratio : Th
Advantage an
th Disadvantage
One of the truest miracles is how a
book with such an exciting title, can
have the such a plain cover.
When it comes to castration, it

goes without saying that being an
even little informed goes a long
long way. It may not be obvious to
all, but the act of castration can not
be undone (That’s a CON).
A simple advantage is that if you’re

kicked in your private you will be
numb to the pain others would
receive (That is a very solid PRO).
These simple advantages and

disadvantages barely begin to
scratch the surface and historical
ideas behind castration that you’ll
get in the rst three pages of this
powerful tome.
Castration: the pro's and

cons on Amazon
Always Judge a book by its cover by Tim Holman

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04/05/2020 Always judge a book by its cover

Alwa Judg Boo

Recommend a book ~ Get in Touch ~ RSS

There wasn’t enough title space to

So, my best friend’s mom is a

I don’t care if she’s a sasquatch. I

But wait. I only don’t care (if I’m

OH AND I’M WHAT!

Are you an adventurous traveler,

“Learning to play with lions testicles”

Honestly, the title here is all cheek.

To Play With a Lion's

Do squirrels always seem one step

Honestly, I can say that now as I

There are, as the title suggests a

there since the 2nd, and 1st

Whether you’re the slow pooper or

I had lived my life as a lone toilet

Someone found that rose, stalking

Toilet Paper Origami on

Not only does this resource cover

Nine lives arent an excuse to be

With this book you’ll sleep easy,

How to Talk to Your Cat

Crafting with Cat Hair is the kind of

Kaori Tsutaya goes above and

The Hu ngton Post says: “It caught

Crafting with Cat Hair on

Fifty shades of neigh!

“But… you’re a horse?” But… why a

challenge. And this book is a

But you're a horse on

No book in this list has riled up the

“What are these images, and why

You Should Not

The topic of cannibalism is not a

That being said, if you are the kind

How to Raise Your I.Q. on

Are you the kind of person who

The next stop will be Roger Welsch’s

If you’ve ever needed a reason to

Microwave for One is really the

void and wrote them into this

Each day when I get hungry, I look

Microwave for One on

If there is one thing that has never

That said, there are some incredible

Example 1: Your treasured daughter

Example 2: You could nd out how

If you’re like me, crumpled shirts

Before I read this book I felt

Be it on the steep rockface of El

Deep down you feel it. The time is now.

Get those crocheting needles ready,

These creations will not only prove

Hey there cowboy. You’ve got the

With this book, you can cut out the

Soon you’ll be the fastest needle

The Manly Art of Knitting

Dancin wit Cat .

This book isn’t about that cat and

I grew tired of the same ole tango,

Now, my cat and I are two peas in a