What  is  the  Self?

Genesis  C.  Dejan  

§ The  self  is  a  multilevel  system  not  simply  reducible   to  
genes  or  neurons,  emerging  from  interactions  of  
mechanisms  operating  at  neural,  psychological,   and  
social  levels.  

§ The  self  is  a  theoretical  entity  that  can  be  hypothesized  in  
order  to  explain  a  huge  array  of  important  psychological  
phenomena.  
3  Important  Roots  of  Selfhood

§Reflexive  Consciousness  
§Interpersonal  Being
§Executive  Function  
Reflexive  Consciousness
§ conscious  attention  turning  back  toward  its  own  source  and  
gradually  constructing  a  concept  of  oneself.  
Interpersonal  Being
§ Selves  become  handles  and  tools  for  relating  to  people.  
Executive  Function  
§ When  one  makes  a  resolution  or  vow  as  a  decision-­maker  or  
controller  of  oneself.  
§ A  man  has  as  many  social  selves  as  there  are  individuals
who  recognize  him  and  carry  an  image  of  him  in their  
mind"(James,  1892).  

§ There  are  as  many  social  selves  as  groups  of  individuals
who  know  him,  and  that  changes  in  behavior  with  different  
audiences  resulted  in  "practically"  a  division  into  different  
selves.  
 Sigmund  Freud  
§ Born  on  6  Mar  or  May  1856  in  Freiberg,  Moravia  (1/5  lands  of  
Czechoslovakia)  
§ Died  of  mouth  cancer  on  September  23,  1939  (or  Morphine  overdose)
§ Hysteria  – disorder;;  paralysis  or  improper  functioning  of  certain  body  parts  
§ Catharsis  – Freud  used  to  treat  hysteria;;  Freud  thought  hysteria  of  psychogenic  
an  sexual  origin  
§ Removing  hysterical  symptoms  by  “talking  them  out”  
§ Free  association  discovered  
§ Meant  to  attack  structuralism  &  not  create  a  theory  on  personality  
§ Intended  to  write  a  theory  of  neurosis  – rooted  in  child’s  seduction  by  a  
parent
§ All  Psychopathology  can  be  traced  back  to  sexual  conflict  
§ Didn’t  say  that  sex  is  primary  motivation  for  contact  but  that  sexual  instinct  
has  strong  influence  on  personality  
Freud’s  Psychodynamic  Theory
§Emphasizes  the  importance  of  early  
childhood  experiences,  unconscious  or  
repressed  thoughts  that  we  cannot  
voluntarily  access,  and  the  conflicts  
between  conscious  and  unconscious  forces  
that  influence  our  feelings,  thoughts,  and  
behaviors.    
Sigmund  Freud  

§ Neurosis  – state  of  mind  characterized  by  overreaction  to  cope  

internal  conflicts  or  anxiety  
§ Psychosis  – gross  distortion  of  reality  
§ Psychosomatic  – psych  components  cause  somatic  disturbance  
(conversion)
§ Somatopsychic – mental  symptoms  caused  by  bodily  illness  
Freud’s  Psychodynamic  Theory
§Conscious  vs Unconscious  Forces  
§ Conscious  thought  
§ Wishes,  desires,  or  thoughts  that  we  are  aware  of,  or  
can  recall,  at  any  given  moment  
§Unconscious  forces  
§ Wishes,  desires,  or  thoughts  that,  because  of  their  
disturbing  or  threatening   content,  we  automatically  
repress  and  cannot  voluntarily  access  
§Unconscious  Motivation  
§ Freudian  concept  that  refers  to  the  influence  of  
repressed  thoughts,  desires,  or  impulses  on  our  
conscious  thoughts  and  behaviors  
 Sigmund  Freud  
§ Levels  of  Mental  Life  
§ Unconscious  – contains  drives,  urges,  or  instincts  beyond  awareness  but  nevertheless  
motivate  most  of  our  words,  feelings  and  actions  
§ Preconscious  – contains  those  not  conscious  but  can  become  conscious  
§ Unconscious  – not  to  be  recovered  to  conscious  (but  may  slip  through  i.e.  parapraxes to  
avoid  anxiety)  
§ Conscious  – mental  elements  in  awareness  at  any  given  point  in  time  

§ If  there’s  conscious,  there’s  also  unconscious  

§ If  you  can’t  remember  something,  does  it  mean  it  does  not  exist?  
§ Motivation  is  usually  unconscious  
§ There  are  no  such  things  as  accidents;;  there’s  always  a  motivation  for  something  
§ Psychology  of  Errors  – psychological  slips;;  parapraxes (i.e miscalling,  misspelling,  
mispronouncing)  
Freud’s  Psychodynamic  Theory
§Techniques  to  discover  the  unconscious  
§ Free  association  
§ Technique  in  which  clients  are  encouraged  to  talk  
about  any  thoughts  or  images  that  enter  their  
head;;  the  assumption  is  that  this  kind  of  free-­
flowing,  uncensored  talking  will  provide  clues  to  
unconscious  material  
§Dream  interpretation  
§ Technique  of  analyzing  dreams,  is  based  on  the  
assumption  that  dreams  contain  underlying,  hidden  
meanings  and  symbols  that  provide  clues  to  
unconscious  thoughts  and  desires  
Freud’s  Psychodynamic  Theory
§Techniques  to  discover  the  
unconscious  
§Freudian  slips  
§ Mistakes  or  slips  of  the  tongue  that  we  make  in  
everyday  speech;;  such  mistakes,  which  are  often  
embarrassing,   are  thought  to  reflect  unconscious  
thoughts  or  wishes  
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  

§Id,  ego  and  superego  

§ Freud  divided  the  mind  into  three  separate  
processes  
§ Each  has  a  different  function  
§ Interactions  among  the  id,  ego  and  superego  
result  in  conflicts  
 Sigmund  Freud  
§ Province  or  Topography  of  the  Mind  – action  is  the  
conglomeration   of  the  three  parts  and  not  just  one  
§ Instinct  – psychoanalytically   defined  as  psychological  
representation  of  inner  somatic  excitation  
§ Creates  psychological  formation/  representation  that  is  abstract,  not  
concrete  
§ Instinct  can  be  characterized  by:  
§ Impetus  – amount  of  force  it  exerts  
§ Source  – region  of  body  in  state  of  excitation  or  tension  
§ Aim  – to  seek  pleasure  by  removing  excitation  or  reducing  tension  
§ Object  – person/thing  serving  as  means  through  w/c  aim  is  satisfied  
§ Aggression  – destructive  drive  that  aims  to  return  organism  or  inorganic  
state;;  because  ultimate  inorganic  state  is  death,  aim  of  this  instinct  is  self  
self  destruct
§ Sex  (Libido)  – aim  is  pleasure  not  limited  to  genital  satisfaction;;  ultimate  
aim  is  reduction  of  sexual  tension
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  
§Id:  pleasure  seeker  
§ First  division  of  the  mind  to  develop  
§ Contains  two  biological   drives:  sex  and  
aggression  
§ Id’s  goal  is  to  pursue  pleasure  and  satisfy  the  
biological   drives  

§Pleasure  Principle  
§ Id  operates  according  to  the  pleasure  principle  
§ Satisfy  drives  and  avoid  pain,  without  concern  for  
moral  restrictions  or  society’s  regulations  
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  
ID
§ reservoir  of  all  psychic  energy  
§ No  contact  w/  reality  but  strives  to  constantly  
reduce  tension  by  satisfying  basic  desires  
§ Doesn’t  regard  for  what  is  possible  (ego  
demands)  or  what  is  proper  (superego  restraints)  
§ Doesn’t  care  about  satisfaction,  only  pleasure  
§ Primary  process  – free  uninhibited   flow  of  
psychic  energy  from  one  idea  to  another;;  works  
on  pleasure  principle   &  hallucinatory   fulfillment  of  
wishes  (i.e dreams,  fantasies)  
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  
§Ego:  executive  negotiator  
between  id  and  superego    
§ Second  division  of  the  mind,  develops  from  the  id  
during  infancy  
§ Ego’s  goal  is  to  find  safe  and  socially  acceptable  
ways  of  satisfying  the  id’s  wants  and  the  superego’s  
prohibitions  
§ Large  part  of  ego  is  conscious  
§ Smaller  part  is  unconscious  

§Reality  Principle  
§ Satisfying  a  wish  or  desire  only  if  there  is  a  socially  
acceptable  outlet  available  
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  

§Ego  -­ comes  to  existence  in  order  to  forward  aims  of  
the  Id;;  powers  derived  from  the  Id
§ Mediates  bet.  organism’s  instinctual  requirements  &  
conditions  of  surrounding  environment
§ Sense  of  identifying;;  reality  principle   not  satisfaction  
§ Secondary  process  – rational,  effective  ways  in  meeting  
internal  instinct  demands  and  external  environmental  
demands  
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  

§Superego:  regulator
§ Third  division  of  the  mind  
§ Develops  from  the  ego  during  early  childhood  
§ Superego’s  goal  is  to  apply  the  moral  values  and  
standards  of  one’s  parents  or  caregivers  and  
society  in  satisfying  one’s  wishes  
§ Moral  standards  of  which  we  are  conscious  or  
aware  and  moral  standards  that  are  unconscious  
or  outside  our  awareness  
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  
§ SUPEREGO  – internal  representative  of  traditional  values  &  
ideals  of  society  as  interpreted  to  the  child  by  parents  
(caregivers)  &  enforced  by  means  of  rewards  and  punishments  
§ Strives  for  perfection;;  ideal  rather  than  real;;  moralistic  &  idealistic  
principle  
§ Attempts  to  control  over  instincts  (i.e ego),  unlike  ego,  doesn’t  
postpone   instinctual  gratification  but  tries  to  block  it  completely  
§ Conscience  – results  from  experiences  w/  punishments  from  
improper  behavior;;  guilt  is  function  
§ Ego  Ideal  – develops  from  experiences  w/  rewards  for  proper  
behavior  
§ Cathexis – investment  of  energy  in  an  object  such  as  a  wish,  
fantasy,  person,  goal;;  it’s  cathetic when  a  person  attaches  
emotional  significance
§ Object  Cathexis – investment  of  libido  in  objects  outside  of  self  
like  a  person,  goal,  idea  or  activity        
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  

§Anxiety  
§ Uncomfortable  feeling  that  results  from  inner  
conflicts  between  the  primitive  desires  of  the  id  
and  the  moral  goals  of  the  superego  
§ Id,  superego  conflict  
§ Ego  caught  in  the  middle  
§ Ego’s  continuous  negotiations  to  resolve  conflict  
causes  anxious  feelings  
§ Ego  uses  defense  mechanisms  to  reduce  the  
anxious  feelings  
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  

§Defense  Mechanisms  
§ Freudian  processes  that  operate  at  unconscious  
levels  and  that  use  self-­deception  or  untrue  
explanations   to  protect  the  ego  from  being  
overwhelmed   by  anxiety  
§ Two  ways  to  reduce  anxiety:  
§ Can  take  realistic  steps  for  reducing  anxiety  
§ Use  defense  mechanisms  to  reduce  anxiety  
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  
§Defense  Mechanisms  
§Rationalization  
§ Involves  covering  up  the  true  reasons  for  
actions,  thoughts,  or  feelings  by  making  up  
excuses  and  incorrect  explanations  
§Denial  
§ Refusing  to  recognize  some  anxiety-­
provoking  event  or  piece  of  information  that  is  
clear  to  others  
§Repression  
§ Involves  blocking  and  pushing  unacceptable  
or  threatening  feelings,  wishes,  or  
experiences  into  the  unconscious  
 Psychoanalytic  Theory  

§ Defense  Mechanisms  – extreme  measure  to  relieve  the  pressure  from  anxiety  
§ Deny,  falsify,  or  distort  reality;;  operates  unconsciously    
§ Repression  – most  basic  def mech;;  excludes  painful   experiences  and  unacceptable   impulses  from  
consciousness  
§ Reaction   Formation   – unacceptable/threatening   unconscious  impulses  are  denied   and   replaced  in  
consciousness    w/  their  opposite  
§ Displacement   – redirection   of  unacceptable   urges  to  people/objects   so  original   impulse   is  disguised  
or  sealed
§ Fixation   – permanent   attachment   of  libido   unto  earlier,   more   primitive   stages  of  development  
§ Regression  – reverting  back  to  earlier   development   stage  
§ Projection   – seeing  in  others  unacceptable   feelings   or  tendencies   that  actually  resides  in  one’s  
unconscious  
§ Introjection   – incorporating   positive  qualities   of  another   person  into  their  own  ego  
§ Sublimation   – repression   of  genital   aim  of  Eros  by  substituting   a  cultural   or  social  aim    
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  
§ Defense  Mechanisms  
§ Projection
§ Falsely  and  unconsciously  attributes  your  own  
unacceptable  feelings,  traits,  or  thoughts  to  
individuals  or  objects  
§ Reaction  formation
§ Involves  substituting  behaviors,  thoughts,  or  
feelings  that  are  the  direct  opposite  of  
unacceptable  ones  
§ Displacement  
§ Involves  transferring  feelings  about,  or  response  
to,  an  object  that  causes  anxiety  to  another  
person  or  object  that  is  less  threatening  
DIVISIONS  OF  THE  MIND  

§Defense  Mechanisms  
§Sublimation
§ Type  of  displacement,  involves  redirecting  a  
threatening  or  forbidden  desire,  usually  sexual,  
into  a  socially  acceptable  one  
DEVELOPMENTAL  STAGES

§Development:    dealing  with  

conflict  
§ Psychosexual  stages  
§ Five  developmental  periods  – oral,  anal,  phallic,  
latency  and  genital stages  
§ Each  marked  by  a  potential  conflict  between  parent  and  
child  
§ Conflicts  arise  as  a  child  seeks  pleasure  from  different  
body  areas  that  are  associated  with  sexual  feelings  
 Sigmund  Freud  

§ Erogenous  Zones  – parts  of  the  body  capable  of  producing  sexual  
pleasure
§ Primary  Narcissism  – infants  libido  centered  on  ego  
§ Secondary  Narcissism  – redirection  of  libido   to  ego  during  puberty  
onwards  
§ Psychic  energy  can’t  be  created  nor  destroyed,  only  transformed  
DEVELOPMENTAL  STAGES

§Fixation:  potential  
personality  problems  
§ Occur  during  any  of  the  first  three  stages  
§ Oral  
§ Anal  
§ Phallic  
§ Refers  to  a  Freudian  process  through  which  an  
individual   may  be  locked  into  a  particular  
psychosexual  stage  because  his  or  her  wishes  
were  either  overgratified or  undergratified
FIVE  PSYCHOSEXUAL  STAGES

§Oral  Stage
§ Lasts  for  the  first  18  months  
§ Pleasure  seeking  activities  include:  sucking,  chewing,  
and  biting  

§Fixation  
§ Adults  who  continue  to  engage  in  oral  activities,  such  
as  overeating,  gum  chewing,  or  smoking;;  oral  activities  
can  be  symbolic  as  well,  such  as  being  overly  
demanding  or  “mouthing  off”  
FIVE  PSYCHOSEXUAL  STAGES

§Anal  Stage
§ Late  infancy:  one  and  a  half  to  three  years  
§ A  time  when  the  infant’s  pleasure  seeking  is  centered  on  
the  anus  and  its  functions  of  elimination  

§Fixation  
§ Results  in  adults  who  continue  to  engage  in  activities  
of  retention  or  elimination  
§ Retention:  very  neat,  stingy,  or  behaviorally  rigid  
§ Elimination:  generous,  messy,  or  behaving  very  loose  
or  carefree  
FIVE  PSYCHOSEXUAL  STAGES

§Phallic  Stage
§ Early  childhood:  3  to  6  years  
§ Infant’s  pleasure  seeking  is  centered  on  the  genitals  

§Oedipus  complex  
§ Process  in  which  a  child  competes  with  the  parent  of  
the  same  sex  for  the  affections  and  pleasures  of  the  
parent  of  the  opposite  sex  
FIVE  PSYCHOSEXUAL  STAGES
§Oedipus  complex:  boys    
§ Discovers  that  his  penis  is  a  source  of  
pleasure  
§ Result:  feels  hatred,  jealousy  and  competition  
toward  his  father  and  fears  castration  
§ Resolves  the  complex  by  identifying  with  his  
father    
FIVE  PSYCHOSEXUAL  STAGES
§Oedipus  complex:  girls  
§ Penis  envy:  girl  discovers  that  she  does  not  
have  a  penis  and  feels  a  loss  
§ Loss  makes  her  turn  against  her  mother  and  
develop  sexual  desires  for  her  father  
§ Resolves  fixation  by  identifying  with  her  
mother  
FIVE  PSYCHOSEXUAL  STAGES

§Latency  Stage  
§ Middle  to  late  childhood:  6  to  puberty  
§ Time  when  the  child  represses  sexual  
thoughts  and  engages  in  nonsexual  activities,  
such  as  developing   social  and  intellectual  
skills  
§ Puberty  
§ Sexuality  reappears  
FIVE  PSYCHOSEXUAL  STAGES

§Genital  Stage  
§ Puberty  through  adulthood  
§ Time  when  the  individual   has  renewed  sexual  
desires  that  he  or  she  seeks  to  fulfill  through  
relationships   with  other  people  
§ Conflicts  resolution  depends  on  how  conflicts  
in  the  first  three  stages  were  resolved  
 Psychoanalytic  Theory  

§ Focuses  on  influence  of  unconscious  forces  on  the  mental  life  and  adjustment   of  
the  individual  
§ Personality  development   – happens   during  the  first  five  to  six  years  of  life  
§ In  response  to  4  major   sources  of  tension;;  
§ Physiological  growth  process  
§ Frustrations  
§ Conflicts  
§ Threat
§ Identification  – method  by  w/c  a  person  takes  over  features  of  another   person  and  
makes  them  part  of  own  personality  
§ Displacement  – when   original  object-­choice  of  an  instinct  is  rendered   inaccessible  
by  external/internal  barriers  a  new  cathexis is  formed  (aka  anticathexis)  
§ Numerous   displacements   become  undischarged   tension   acting  as  a  permanent   motivating  
force  for  behavior    
 Psychoanalytic  Theory  

§ If  psychic  energy  were  not  displaceable,  there  would  be  no  personality  
development
§ Anxiety  – to  warn  person  of  impending  danger;;  signals  to  ego  that  
appropriate  measures  are  to  be  taken  or  danger  may  increase  &  ego  
overthrown  
§ Neurotic  Anxiety  – apprehension  about  unknown  danger
§ fear  of  punishment  
§ Moral  Anxiety  – conflict  of  ego  &  superego
§ Fear  of  conscience  
§ Realistic  Anxiety  – fear  of  real  dangers  in  external  world  
§ Different  from  fear  that  it  doesn’t  involve  fearful  object  
 FREUD’S  FOLLOWERS  &  
CRITICS  
§Carl  Jung  
§ Jung  was  a  devoted  follower  of  Freud  until  about  
1914
§ Split  with  Freud  because  he  disagreed  with  his  
emphasis  on  the  sex  drive  
§ Believed  the  collective  unconscious  and  not  sex  
to  be  the  basic  force  in  the  development  of  
personality  
§ Collective  unconscious  
§ Consists  of  ancient  memory  traces  and  symbols  
that  are  passed  on  by  birth  and  are  shared  by  
all  peoples  in  all  cultures  
§ Analytical  Psychology  
§ Jung’s  elaborate  theory  of  personality    
 FREUD’S  FOLLOWERS  &  
CRITICS  
§Alfred  Adler
§ Contemporary  of  Freud  
§ Voiced  disagreement  with  Freud  at  one  of  the  society’s  
meetings  
§ Adler  disagreed  with  Freud’s  theory  that  humans  are  
governed  by  biological   and  sexual  urges  
§ Adler  proposed  that  humans  are  motivated  by  social  
urges  
§ Each  person  is  a  social  being  with  a  unique  personality  
§ Adler  formed  his  own  group  
§ Philosophy   became  known  as  “Individual  Psychology”  
§ We  are  aware  of  our  motives  and  goals  
§ Have  the  capacity  to  guide  and  plan  our  futures    
 FREUD’S  FOLLOWERS  &  
CRITICS  

§Karen  Horney  
§ Trained  as  a  psychoanalyst  
§ Her  career  peaked  after  Freud’s  death  
§ Dean  of  the  American  Institute  of  
Psychoanalysis  in  New  York  
§ Objected  to  Freud’s  view  of  women  being  
dependent,  vain,  and  submissive  because  of  
biological   forces  and  childhood  sexual  
experiences  
§ Took  issue  with  Freud’s  idea  of  penis  envy  
 FREUD’S  FOLLOWERS  &  
CRITICS  

§Karen  Horney  
§ Personality  development,  (women  or  men)  
can  be  found  in  child-­parent  social  
“interactions”  
§ Horney  theorized  that:  
Child-­parent   conflicts  are  avoidable   if  the  child  
is  raised  in  a  loving,  trusting  and  secure  
environment  
§ Founded  the  psychology  of  women  
 HUMANISTIC  THEORIES  
§Maslow:  need  hierarchy  and  
self-­actualization  
§Hierarchy  of  Needs  
§ Arranges  needs  in  ascending  order  
§ Biological   needs  at  the  bottom  and  social  and  personal  
needs  at  the  top  
§ Maslow’s  Hierarchy:  
§ Must  satisfy  biological  safety  needs  before  using  
energy  to  fulfill  your  personal  and  social  needs  
§ Devote  time  and  energy  to  reach  true  potential,  
called  self-­actualization  
 HUMANISTIC  THEORIES  
§Maslow:  need  hierarchy  and  self-­
actualization  
§Self-­actualization  
§ Refers  to  the  development  and  fulfillment  of  one’s  unique  
human  potential  
§ Characteristics  of  self-­actualized  individuals  
§ Perceive  reality  accurately  
§ Independent  and  autonomous  
§ Prefer  to  have  a  deep,  loving  relationship  with  only  a  few  
people  
§ Focus  on  accomplishing  their  goals  
§ Report  peak  experiences  (moments  of  great  joy  and  
satisfaction)  
 HUMANISTIC  THEORIES  
§Rogers:  self  theory  
§also  known  as  self-­actualization   theory
§Based  on  two  major  assumptions:  
§Personality  development   is  guided   by  each  
person’s  unique   self-­actualization   tendency  
§Each  of  us  has  a  personal   need  for  positive  
regard    

§ Rogers’  self-­actualization  tendency  

§ Refers  to  an  inborn  tendency  for  us  to  develop  all  of  our  
capacities  in  ways  that  best  maintain  and  benefit  our  
lives  
§ Relates  to  biological   functions  
§ Meeting  basic  need  for  food,  water  and  oxygen  
 HUMANISTIC  THEORIES  
§Rogers:  self  theory  
§Psychological  functions  
§ Expanding  our  experiences,  encouraging  personal  
growth,  and  becoming  self-­sufficient  
§ Self  or  self-­concept  
§ Refers  to  how  we  see  our  describe  ourselves  
§ Positive  self-­concepts  
§ Tend  to  act,  feel,  and  think  optimistically  and  
constructively  
§ Negative  self-­concepts  
§ Tend  to  act,  feel,  and  think  pessimistically  and  
destructively  
HUMANISTIC  THEORIES  
§Rogers:  self  theory  
§Positive  regard  
§ Includes  love,  sympathy,  warmth,  acceptance,  and  
respect,  which  we  crave  from  family,  friends,  and  
people  important  to  us  
§ Conditional   and  unconditional  positive  regard  
§ Conditional   positive  regard  
§ Refers  to  the  positive  regard  we  receive  if  we  behave  
in  certain  acceptable  ways,  such  as  living  up  to  or  
meeting  the  standards  of  others  
 HUMANISTIC  THEORIES  
§Rogers:  self  theory  
§Unconditional   Positive  regard  
§ The  warmth,  acceptance,  and  love  that  others  show  
you  because  you  are  valued  as  a  human  being,  even  
though  you  may  disappoint  people  by  behaving  in  
ways  that  are  different  from  their  standards  or  values  
or  the  way  they  think  
§ Importance  of  self-­actualization  
§ Rogers  recognized  that:  
§ Our  tendency  for  self-­actualization  may  be  hindered,  
tested  or  blocked  by  a  variety  of  situational  hurdles  
or  personal  difficulties  
HUMANISTIC  THEORIES  
§Rogers:  self  theory  
§Unconditional   Positive  regard  
§ We  will   experience  the  greatest  self-­actualization  if  
we  work  hard  and  diligently   to  remove  situational  
problems,  resolve  our  personal  problems,  resolve  
our  personal  problems,  and  hopefully,  receive  tons  of  
unconditional   positive  regard