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Although lost opportunities and mistaken expectations are simply inevitable in adult life (Stewart & Vandewater,
unpleasant to think and talk about, these experiences may 1999). Rather than stopping with the conclusion that regret
have a role to play in personality development. Drawing on is negatively related to well-being, we suggest that the
research using narratives of lost possible selves, the au- capacity to acknowledge what is regrettable in life emerges
thors review the relations of regrettable experiences to 2 from maturity and contributes to maturation itself.
important and independent aspects of maturity, happiness In this article, we address the role of what might have
and complexity. Thinking about a lost possible self is been in adult development. We first present goal change as
related to concurrent regrets, distress, and lowered well- a developmental opportunity in adulthood. We use the
being; however, elaborating on a lost possible self is re- construct of possible selves as a way to examine the con-
lated, concurrently, to complexity and predicts complexity, tribution of goal change to adult development. We then
prospectively, over time. In this article, the authors de- discuss our approach to maturity as encompassing both
scribe the role that regrettable experiences have in pro- happiness and complexity, and we present evidence for the
moting both happiness and complexity. Finally, expanding relations of possible selves to these two sides of maturity.
on previous work, the authors examine potential affor- Our main focus is on the adult’s capacity to confront lost
dances of happy maturity and suggest psychological ca- goals, or lost possible selves, as an indicator of maturity
pacities that may promote happy maturity. and a portent of personality development. Reflecting on
one’s mistaken expectations poses costs to happiness, but
Keywords: personality development, maturity, goals, regrets that work, the articulation of what might have been, may
A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not have benefits in terms of the complexity of a person’s
only to be right but also to be wrong. —Thomas Szasz sensibility and, perhaps, the very meaning of happiness
itself. That there is value in loss is more than a platitude.
. . . by the time you reach my age, you’ve made plenty of mistakes Although it may be a peculiarly American instinct to search
if you’ve lived your life properly. —Ronald Reagan for the positive in any negative event (McAdams, 2006),
we argue that the active, self-reflective struggle to see the
silver lining is a key ingredient of maturity.