Fr.

Thaddeus - Spiritual Talks

Do not give your inner peace for anything in this world. Keep your inner peace at any cost.

As it is said "Be at peace with your own self. Heaven and earth will be in peace with you."
The lessons of Elder Thaddeus were said on the 30th of November 1996 in the monastery
Ostrog (Montenegro).

On relationship between parents and children

It is incredible how parents are owners of children, man! Many people ask me when they
come.
Some parents want to leave their children in the maternity ward. They want to take the
children there.
What kind of parents are those people! Children do not know.
Parents are the owners of children. They were given a great power from God.
They can give their children to God or satan. They are owners. God gave them children and
they are sacred.
While children are little parents are their owners. When children grow up they should
realise.
Christians do not realise what kind of the mark (of the best) will that be. How will it be than
with others?
While there is money in circulation, it will be possible to live.
I see that computers will rule the world. They will give commands.
Now they are present everywhere. They teach little children in the elementary school to
work on computers.
If you teach children from young age...

On perfection of Christian life – utter humility

Many do not think about what perfection is. Yes. In the works of Holy Fathers it is said that
the perfection of Christian life is utter humility.
It is not about raising the dead or various miracles, curing ill people etc. or the power of
faith.
Holy Fathers say that as long as faith wants, Lord will help. However, perfection is utter
humility.
There are events in Christian life that Holy Fathers described.
A mother had an only son. He was her only hope. She lived very poorly.
The son got sick and died. She was mad with sorrow. She went to the street outside.
A woman was passing by from the brothel. She grabbed her and told her to resurrect her
son.
She was out of order. She kept pulling her. She kept saying “resurrect my son!”
The woman from the brothel kneeled and said “Lord, you know from where I am going and
what kind of life I lead.
You are love and comfort to every soul. You see how this woman is full of sorrow.
Her only hope is lost. Resurrect her son, O Lord. Do it for her love as You are all Love. “
And the Lord resurrected him. The woman was a harlot but it happened. She had faith.
Whatever faith asks, Lord will do it. Holy Fathers therefore followed the Lord.
1
Perfection is utter humility. Humility is linked with obedience.
The one who is humble, he is obedient. The one who is obedient , he is also humble.
We cannot get humble easily. We have to suffer a lot throughout our life.

On temptations of the spiritual forces of evil against destroying peace in the family...
In monastery, and not just in the monastery, in every household where they serve the Lord,
the enemy seeks to destroy the peace at any cost.
People do not know what is happening. There is no unpleasantness so that people could
understand.
It is all at the level of thoughts. It creates unpleasant feelings especially to the householder.
He is unsatisfied with his position. Everyone in the house has a hellish life.
They do not have peace, serenity.
In the household if there is one soul who is not satisfied with its position, or in the
monastery, she influences everyone with its negative thoughts.
It influences strongly. That can be noticed.
When we look at the man physically we cannot estimate their inner health state. However,
thoughts are visible.
Thoughts are not secret. Especially if thoughts are calm, not scattered.
Everyone influences with their thoughts. What you were thinking about, you did it.
Nobody should tell us that they respect or love us.
We are not suppose to deal with reading other people's thoughts, telepathy.
Everyone has that in themselves. What are thoughts? Nobody knows. They leave quickly.

On disobedience and jealosy

For instance, there was a very pious girl. I cannot remember what she studied.
She fell in love with a student of Theology. His father was born and lived abroad.
Of course, he does not want to get married. He wants to become a monastic, a bishop. Why
would he be a priest?
He liked that idea all of a sudden.
However, she would not feel ashamed and would come many times.
I did not know the student. He would come later on.
She wanted me to influence by my prayer that he falls in love with her and marries her.
I told her I was not a matchmaker. :)
She found the other one. Recently they came. She is so jealous when it comes to her
husband.
The husband is tormented. I tell her: "you remember how you were before. God gave you
good husband. Why do not you give him peace?“
Devil has no other way to revenge. If you were not pious, he would not fill your head with
jealous thoughts.
As you are pious, he torments you that way.
She could hardly come to her senses. The husband had no peace. He could not go
anywhere.
That is how life is. The devil torments on a thought basis. That is how it is everywhere.

On the road of suffering and salvation

We have to go through all of it in life. It all happens to us so that we could be humble.
The Lord is the One who saves. Even when it is impossible, everything is possible for Him.
2
Thank God! However, the enemy want us to be disobedient to our parents when we are
little. And then also spiritual parents. There you have the trouble.

On God's admonishment and obedience

I dream to be in front of the Lord. The Lord is standing nearby.
He is wearing a stole. Over the stole he has got a wide omophorion over the shoulders.
Over the omophorion he has got another stole. He tells me “Why do you fight when you
have no obedience?”
“Why do you fight when you have no obedience?”
He tells me what my disobedience is.
Wherever I was set to be an abbot, I would constantly complain to be resolved from that
duty.
Every given obedience should be done with a lot of love, zealously and dedicatedly,
not paying attention to the evil and envy that surrounds it and fights against it.
You see how difficult it is when it comes to obedience. We do not serve people, we serve
God, Holy Church.
That was the obedience from the Lord.
After that admonishment from the Lord – I have been resolved from duties three times until
then - I was simply afraid.
When a man goes too far.. God is Love. Many times He would admonish me for many
things.
Thank you, Lord! I am thinking...who am I, a little warm, that God admonishes me, man!
We have to be very careful what we do. God is omnipresent. He governs the Holy Church.
He sets and resolves from the duties. He ordains, serves. He does everything.
We are just tools in God's hand. However, we do not understand it and we resist it.
We create disharmony. Therefore we pay for it. We do not want to get humble.

On self-pity and acquisition of prayer

An abbot has already got so many troubles. It is so difficult for me!
When I was not an abbot, I would be careless.
I would only care about the obedience given to me. I would not think much.
I do it and thank God. When a man starts to pray then...
Holy Fathers say that the most difficult thing is to pray.
However, when you are zealous and when you get over self-pity, then the heart starts to
love prayer.
It is always a short time for prayer then. You work and the prayer goes constantly.
Yes, yes. I used to think “It would be easy.”
A man should go to prayer like he is running towards death. No self-pity in prayer.
It is better to die praying then to...We always think “I will go easy..!”
Not possible! It does not go that easy.
One worry drags you in one direction, the other worry in another direction... etc. As an
abbot it is very difficult to pray.

On useless thoughts and insistence on the right path

A man thinks if he does not think, nothing will be achieved. House, needs, work...
The devil is a real little snake. He keeps creating mess.
3
He puts thoughts “He does not like you!” If you accept his thought, it is over.
He gains, you lose. Therefore we should have humbleness on our minds.
That is the main thing. Purpose of Christian life is utter humility.
If we left the world and everything then (without humility) we missed the point, man.
Why did we leave? We lost everything. Life is short.
During this short life we should make effort with Lord's help.
On the gift of free grace
I was very surprised. I could not find it in bishops, priests, monks to see that someone has
free grace.
The grace radiates, it is felt. Lay people have it, man!
There was a man from Bosnia, the capital city, Banja Luka.
A young man would come many times. He prayed with Jesus prayer long time.
He prayed to God. He had a friend who was married, had children, work etc.
He was not so pious until this young man started telling him how a person should be good
and pray constantly.
He taught him how to pray Jesus prayer. He accepted it immediately with his heart.
He submitted his wife, children and himself to the Lord. One day the two of them came.
He tells me. Father, I did not know how to pray. He taught me Jesus prayer and I accepted
it with my heart.
Lord is omnipresent, he takes care about everything. I do everything according to my
conscience.
Now I see my heart constantly prays without my will and wish, I keep hearing it.
I told him it would be like that until his thought was not captured by anything in this world.
As soon as you are captured, whatever it may be, you will hear the heart stops prayering.
Your heart prayes without your will. You talk but you constantly hear it.
When you get free grace, you cannot describe it with words.
Only the one who received free grace can understand it.
I used to think that Holy Fathers who received free grace kept it till the end of their lives.
However, when I examined the works of Holy Fathers, they say a person should not hope
for it.
Only rare people reach that. For instance, Apostle Paul, Saint Mary Egyptian and those
Saints who sinned a lot in their life.
When they turned to the Lord, they did not look neither left nor right. Right at the Lord.
Only they can keep the grace for the rest of their lives.
We, whose feelings are still tied to the world, easily get tied. We will lose the grace. Not
completely.
It is inside of us. However, it will not be felt that heart prays alone.
That joy, peace. It's gone. From time to time, comfort, and then war.
It constantly goes like that. We should not hope for it. Only then we can understand the
states of angels and Saints.
When Lord guides with the Holy Spirit. Angels are also guided by the Holy Spirit.
The human soul is also guided by the Holy Spirit when there is free grace.
There are no thoughts of this world! You cannot grasp it at all.
You know how you used to be. You used to get angry. Now you cannot get angry.
No person can get you angry. You cannot understand that. And then you will feel
unspeakable joy.

4
You are constantly joyous. You can always start crying when you see that everything
suffers because of our fall.
You can cry for everything. It is joy and peace unspeakable.
Nothing of this world is negative, impure or whatever. You cannot grasp it.
As it happens, men are attracted to women and women to men. Thoughts are in struggle.
There is no such struggle at all because the soul is surrounded and guided by Holy Spirit.
There is nothing negative.

On unforgivable sin of the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit

Father, forgive me..can I ask you something?
It is written in the Gospel that the blasphemy against the Son will be forgiven,
but the one against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven neither in this age nor age to come.
If we have already had the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, it is said it will not be
forgiven.
Yes, that is true. Holy Fathers were interested in that.
So if I have already had a blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, that will not be forgiven to
me?
What is the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit? Not in this age nor the age to come will not
be forgiven.
Holy Fathers say that the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is the persistence on non-
repentance.
Persisting on non-repentance and opposing the Truth. It cannot be forgiven, because a man
does not want to repent.
God is Truth, and that man keeps opposing it. He goes against it.
So the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is when a man does not repent and opposes the
Truth.
All Holy Fathers wanted to know that. They were very interested to learn about that sin.
Holy Fathers say there is no sin that is unforgivable, except for the sin of non-repentance.
There is no sin that could go beyond God's grace. I was also very interested in that a lot!
Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit! I had to read a lot when I was young.
I loved to read a lot. I read in Russian. Thank God! I was among Russians so the Russian
language was close to me.

On thoughts, pride
There should be peace and quietness in the monastery.
If there is no peace with thoughts because of the order in the household, you create
disharmony with your thoughts to everybody in the house.
With our thoughts we attract or reject others. As a single entity, we are small.
However, we can be a great goodness or a great evil. It depends on our thoughts and
desires.
What kind of thoughts we deal with, that is the way our life is. If our thoughts are peaceful,
quite, full of love, we do not fight with anyone in our thoughts.
It is necessary that somebody touches us under our rib for us to see how much stench there
is.
If nobody touches us, we think we are alright. “I have been in the monastery for a long
time, I pray to God” etc.
The devil puts those thoughts so that you think you have some value.
5
Actually, there is nothing. He puts those thoughts so we think we achieved something.
However, it gets worse. The Lord needs to find someone to provoke us.
We immediately snap out. Yes, we haven't learned to endure that pain in order to clean
ourselves from inside.

On his first spiritual Father, Elder Ambrose of Miljkovo

Reposed Fr Archimandrite Ambrose was the only one I met who was like that.
He was the abbot and was of poor health. He was shot through his breasts during the
revolution.
He could not recover. It is unbelievable how there are good Elders in Optina desert.
He chose the best virtue, so to speak. He was incredibly quiet and peaceful man, full of
love.
I was sorry I did not come there (Miljkovo monastery) earlier.
He had many troubles when he came to Miljkovo. There were many mischieves but he
never said anything to anyone.
No admonishment for something. In Russian monastery there was the district governor.
It is like the area of the whole Serbia. He had the tendency to drink alcohol.

One day he would go to the village. He would not come to the monastery for a week.
One of the brothers had to find him. He would be drunk.
Elder never told him “what are you doing here?” He would cover everything with love.

On his first obediences to Russians in the monastery Miljkovo

After I worked in a vineyard, I was told to take care of sheep.
I was given the book of hours to learn to read. It was the meadow towards Morava river.
It belonged to the monastery. Village people worked there.
Also they gave me a belt, a skufia and a prayer rope.
It was surrounded by corns, and there was one road across the meadow.
I would read and look from time to time whether sheep were there.
It would often happen to me to be lost in thoughts, and read, read, read...I did not pay
attention.
Sheep went to the field. There was the vineyard man up the hill.
He yelled “Hey, the sheep ate all the beans!”
We had one goat who was standing at the field and wanted to bring down the ear of corn.
After one month in Miljkovo, I was given what goes beneath the cassock to wear.
Also they gave me a belt, a skufia and a prayer rope.
So I would pull that part of cassock above my head.
The sheep ate all in the field and started to eat everything in the other one.
I managed to throw them out somehow. Village people would come to complain to the
elders.
The sheep ate the beans. No one ever said anything to me. “Why didn't you take care of
them?” No.
I would come to them the other day and ask the Father to give me the blessing for another
obedience.
He told me to take care of cows. There were 6 cows.
It was a big meadow again. Morava used to encircle the meadow but now it separated one
part of the land that looked like an island.
6
So there was the meadow and then Morava river and the mud that was left in that part of
the river.
Village people used to work there. There was the garden.

One old cow wanted to go there. I would read and then glance to see “everybody is there”.
I would do that all the time. At one moment I forgot about the cows as I was reading and
saw the old cow was not there.
I looked at the garden and saw it ruined. She went through several gardens and ate
whatever she could find.
There were holes in the garden as she walked on the ground full of mud. What could I do?
I was afraid to tell it to anyone. Village people complained again.
The Elder then gave a blessing for a different kind of obedience. No one said absolutely
nothing!
After that I was a sexton and I would also prepare the refectory for the brothers. Both
breakfast and lunch.
I also had a blessing to paint icons when I had free time. So I was also an iconographer.
I would think to myself “Man, a mother and a father would say 'don't you have eyes to see
and take care of the cattle?!'” No one said anything to me!

On serving the Divine Liturgy

It is the only thing that we could do for those who live on the earth
and those souls who reposed in the Lord.
Whenever there is Divine Liturgy they should be mentioned.
It is the strongest thing we could do. The Liturgy is the sacrifice on the Golgotha.
The Lord always sacrifices Himself. Actually, He offers Himself.
We are asked to have the will.
He serves but we mention every soul on the altar.
Somebody asked Bishop Nikolai whether someone who is in hell has the opportunity to be
saved.
Vladika says yes, yes. 40 holy liturgies for the soul. It will be saved.

On sadness in the heart and the help one could get by reading the book "The Path to
Salvation” (St Theophan the Recluse)
When the grace of the Holy Spirit works in the soul
and it should turn to the Lord and be transformed, it is very difficult state for the soul.
One feels so lost for their sins that you cannot imagine how difficult that sorrow is.
And he says, if this state lasts for longer period of time and if it is more intense,
it is more salvific for the soul later on.
When I read that, I realised what was happening to me.
When I was at the medical check up for the third time at some doctor,
another doctor started to complain about that sorrow.
She has a breast cancer but she is on a diet, so thank God, she is well.
However, she feels the sorrow. She cannot be rejoiced at all.
She has a husband who is also a doctor. She says "I have no consolation".
I told her there was a book “The Path to Salvation” at the patriarchal shop.
Read it carefully and you will see and understand what is happening inside of you.
7
On reasons of the suffering of the pre-revolutionary Russia
Russia had faithful people and monks but organization was such that it had to be allowed.
When there was the revolution in Russia, there were many monks, around 2000, who were
also living in sketes in St Panteleimon's monastery.
There was one monk who was very zealous and he complained why the Lord allowed the
suffering of the church, priests.
Why Lord? Why did you allow it? Why? One day the Lord Himself appeared personally.
Although He gives us thoughts but we are not aware of it so he Has to appear.
He said “Do you feel sorry more for the Russian people who you did not take care of nor
created them?
I gave birth to them. I took care of them." In materialistic sense they had everything. They
lacked nothing.
However, not many of them come to the Kingdom of Heaven.
Russia just like Romania, Hungary were feudal lands until the World War I.
Only certain village people would get their own land as an award.

On humble acceptance of one's sinful life

No matter how much Saints try, they feel worse than any creature, even demons
themselves.
I thought a lot about that.
One sister whose parents were doctors did not want to get married.
She would escape to the monastery two times. In 1963, 1964 she would come to Vitovnica
and Manasija monastery.
She asked how could we when we are God's creatures created in His image, how could we
consider ourselves worse than demons?
If you put your hand on the heart and look around yourself carefully,
you would see that truly you are worse than any creature.

On bees and ants and their comparison with people

During summer their life is very short. Around a month and a half.
Each has its own task. One goes to find the nectar, the other comes for honey, the third one
goes for the salt.
If it cannot find the salt, it goes to the bathroom. If a bee doesn't put salty water, it cannot
make honey.
Each has its own task. Young bees constantly feed the beehive.
They create the beebread around one week. Then the others come and the first ones go for
the other task.
Everyone has its own task. In the summer the queen bee could not carry so many eggs -
around 20, 30 000 -
if she did not constantly feed them. Where there are no eggs, she carries them to that place.
It's a huge organization. During the summer bees do not go back to the beehive.
They get overburdened and have no strength to go back so they stay in the field.
How do we make efforts? Take an ant for example.
He carries an object much bigger than himself. He is so small but carries the object.
He drops it and it tumbles here and there. He looks around so that nobody takes it away
from him.

8
What happens with us? As soon as we are not good at something, we slam the object as it
was guilty.
So you see, we are worse than ants and bees. Now you can see yourself the way you are.

On strictness and reasoning

Well, strictness cannot do any good. One should be strict to oneself a lot.
When it comes to people around you, you should be honey.
However, be careful that they do not lick you so you are left without anything, only spoon.
Yes, we need reasoning.

On obedience
What all Holy Fathers say is that the most useful thing is obedience.
It is greater than fasting and prayer.
I thought about it a long time.
The one who is disobedient prays and fasts in vain.
He can be skin and bones by fasting, but it doesn't help.
You can pray by day and night, but if you are disobedient , it is not accepted.
The Lord does not accept his prayers.
Because he is in a war with the others.
He could be a great ascetic, who is all skin and bones, but his effort is in vain.
We should bear that in mind all the time.
The one who is disobedient, his prayer and fasting is in vain.
We know that all Holy Fathers received gifts of the Spirit by effort through prayer and
fasting.
The Lord Himself says that this kind can be only cast out through prayer and fasting.
Holy Fathers have the experience so they say the similar.
Obedience is greater than fast and prayer.
I could not understand that for a long time when I was younger.
I thought spiritual Fathers just wanted us to say amen whatever they want us to do.
That was why they wanted me to be obedient.
Obedience is greater than prayer and fasting.
Later when I suffered a lot because of it, I saw that it was true.
Holy Fathers say it from experience.
The one who is humble, he is obedient.
Who is obedient, he is also humble.
There are different levels of humility and obedience.

On God's Providence and His permission

If we could only have the awareness that everything which is good and noble is God's
providence.
Everything which is chaotic, it is God's permission.
He knows why He let it happen and how long it will last.
We can't seem to strongly accept this thought.
If we had firmly accepted it, it would have been much easier for us.
God's providence is present in each living unit.
If we resist our parents, spiritual Fathers, bishops, we do not resist those persons.
We resist God Himself.
9
God secretly dwells in everything, especially in souls of people, in the center of life.
If we sadden our neighbor, we sadden Lord Himself.
We can't seem to grasp that.
All kinds of things happen to us.
Why do they happen to me? Because of humility, in order to acquire it.
A man cannot be humbled in any other way.
He must go through many suffering, pains, injustices to forbear.
We can find these models in lives of Holy Fathers.
They ask the question – How shall we know that we are favorite to God?
This is how you know.
If he guides us through many miseries, a lot of pain, suffering of the heart, being rejected,
hated.
This means we are favorite to the Lord.
This is the great comfort from the Lord.
We think if a man is devoted to God, he will live easily.
He just needs to say a prayer, and everything will be his.
But actually everything goes in a difficult manner.
All those who want to do good, Holy Fathers say, they will always have temptation
either before or after, whenever you want to do something good.
Be aware of that. Because you will have temptations either before or after that.
The enemy cannot stand any good deed, either done by mind, thought, deed.
He immediately wants to revenge.

On the example of a humbled soul

There are humble and meek souls.
There is one woman who comes from a Bulgarian village.
She is so blessed. She is not aware of her state.
She also has a good husband. I could constantly see free grace in her.
She could cry for everyone. Her word is so gentle.
I never heard anyone speak like that. She is like that by nature.
It is a gift from the Lord to her. It is an unbelievable humility.
She judges no one for doing things like this or like that. Everyone is good for her.
Everyone is holy. Very strange soul! Unbelievable!

On humility of Holy Fathers and on a man's disobedience

Holy Fathers used to say how we only see their physical appearance.
What would you say if you saw my inner state? You judge me from the outside.
It is nothing comparing to the joy that is inside of me.
Who knows what you would have said to me if you had seen it?
Thank you for saying that. We are like the stones in a stream.
They are very pointed, however, when the water circles around them, they become
rounded.
If a man steps on them, it can't get hurt.
We learn humility, we learn here how to live Heavenly.
That is why obedience is greater than prayer and fasting because
if we are in Heavenly Kingdom and disobedient,
you will still behave the way you are used to.
10
It will look like something should be different. There is a place in heaven for everyone.
We should have obedience like angels and apostles.
They do not make difference, each in its own rank, position, tasks.
Divine love and humility are unbelievably linked. We are the children of fallen parents.
We need to put a lot of effort so that the Lord would give us strength
because we cannot do anything without Him.
We cannot love each other without Him. You see, many people rise against their own lives.
Because there is no Divine Love in them. With the Lord you can love.
That is why we should constantly pray to the Lord to give us strength and power
to love Him the way His Holy Mother and Holy angels love Him.
So that He does not reject us but gives us strength and power
just as He gives strength to His mother, Holy angels and Saints.
They are united in one in love. Here we acquire the Heavenly Kingdom.
Here we become full of love. We see that humble and meek souls are rewarded.
They are rare but blessed.

11