Y

SCIENCE FICTION
PROSPECTOR'S
SPECIAL

» by

ROBERT
SHECKLEY

DEAD OR
ALIVE?

by

Wl LLY LE

THE
UNDETECTED
by

GEORGE
0. SMITH

BLACKSWORD
by

A. J. OFFUTT
And Other Stories
Qalaxy. . . AROUND THE WORLD
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DECEMBER, 1 959 V
aaLaxy
lis* I *\ JL VOL. 1 8, NO. 2

MAGAZINE
Also Published in
Great Britain, France, Italy, Germany, Finland and Sweden

CONTENTS
NOVELETS
PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL by Robert Sheckley 8
THE UNDETECTED by George O. Smith 60
CHARITY CASE by Jim Harmon 118
BLACKSWORD by A. J. Offutt 164

SHORT STORIES
FLOWER ARRANGEMENT by Rose/ George Brown 32
SALES TALK by Con Blomberg 48
WAR GAME by Philip K. Dick 91
THE SNOWMEN by Frederik Pohl 141
SABBATICAL by Robert Bloch 155

SCIENCE DEPARTMENT
FOR YOUR INFORMATION by Willy Ley 108
Dead or Alive?
FEATURES
EDITOR'S PAGE by H. L. Gold 6
FORECAST 149
GALAXY'S FIVE STAR SHELF by Floyd C. Gale 150

Cover by EMSH offering SEASON'S GREETINGS TO OUR READERS

ROBERT M. GUINN, Publisher H. L GOLD, Editor

WILLY LEY, Science Editor W. VAN DER POEL, Art Director
I.

JOAN J. De MARIO, Asst. to the Publisher SONDRA GRESEN, Asst. to Editor

GALAXY MAGAZINE published bi-monthly by Galaxy Publishing Corporation. Main offices:
is
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Elsewhere $3.50. Entered as second-class matter at the Post Office, New York, N. Y. Copyright,
New York 1959, by Galaxy Publishing Corporation, Robert M. Guinn, president. All rights, includ-
ing translations reserved. All material submitted must be accompanied by self-addressed
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envelopes. The publisher assumes no responsibility for unsolicited material.
All stories printed in
this magazine are fiction, and any similarity between characters and
actual persons is coincidental.
Printed In the U.S.A. by The Guinn Co., Inc., N. Y. Title Reg. U.S. Pat. Off.

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 Secrets
entrusted
to a
few
IheVnpuMtikdZacU. o§Mfe
THERE are some things that cannot
be generally told — things you ought to
know. Great truths are dangerous to
some — but factors for personal power
and accomplishment in the hands of
those who understand them. Behind
the tales of the miracles and mysteries
of the ancients, lie centuries of their
secret probing into nature's laws —
their amazing discoveries of the hid-
den processes of man's mind, and the
mastery of life's problems. Once shroud-
ed in mystery to avoid their destruc-
tion by mass fear and ignorance, these
facts remain a useful heritage for the
thousands of men and women who pri-
vately use them in their homes today.
THIS FREE BOOK
The Rosicrucians (not a religious
W5e Rosicrucians (AMORC)
organization) an age-old brotherhood
of learning, have preserved this secret
wisdom in their archives for centu-
ries. They now invite you to share the
practical helpfulness of their teachings.
Write today for a free copy of the
book, "The Mastery of Life." Within
its pages may lie a new life of oppor-
tunity for you. Address: Scribe M.J.B.
----- SEND THIS COUPON
Scribe M.J.B.
The ROSICRUCIANS (AMORC)
San Jose, California
Please send me the free book,TA* Mastery
of Life, which explains how I may learn to
use my faculties and powers of mind.
Name •
\ Address
! City.
SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA, U.S.A.
 OF ALL THINGS
WITH no place to put mail, the
wonderful stuff accumulates
— but if it turns out that you like
this editorial handling of it AND
keep replenishing the supply, there
H. Any teacher who smokes, uses liquor
in any form, frequents pool or public
halls, or gets shaved in a barber shop will
give good reason to suspect his worth, in-
tentions, integrity, and honesty.
I. The teacher who performs his labors

will be a place for it, and we won't
have the guiltily selfish feeling of
not being able to share. Just take
a look at this hoard.
Name Withheld, N.Y., sent us
faithfully and without fault for five years
will be given an increase of 25£ per
week in his pay, providing the Board of
Education approves.
V Winifred Northrun
Principal

an 1872 list of rules for teachers:

Name
Withheld adds "I'd hate :

A. Teachers each day will fill lamps, having to share the Earth with
clean chimneys, and trim wicks. Miss Northrun. I can't say I'd like
B. Each teacher will bring a bucket of having ever-young flappers or bob-
water and a scuttle of coal for the day's
by-soxers around any better. Let's
session.
C. Make your pens carefully. You may
not jump into this immortality
whittle nibs to the individual tastes of thing, shall we?"
the pupils. All right, but let's not put it off
D. Men teachers may take one evening till every last little bug is worked
each week for courting purposes, or two
out.
evenings a week if they go to church
regularly. As a courtesy to Fritz Lang, who
E. After ten hours in school, the teach- made "Metropolis," "The Girl in
ers should spend the remaining time the Moon" and other early science
reading the Bible or other good books.
F. Women teachers who marry or en-
fiction films, we run this free ad:
gage in unseemly conduct will be dis- "Galaxy from end of
1st issue to
missed. 1957; Astounding from 1933 to
G. Every teacher should lay aside from end of 1957; Weird Tales from
each pay a goodly sum of his earnings 1935 to 1957; all complete. Best
for his benefit during his declining years
offer. Write c/o Willy Ley, this
so that he will not become a burden on
society. magazine." Lang has gone back to

6 GALAXY
Germany, expects to spend the rest
can get the Ger-
of his life there,
man edition of Galaxy. Free-ad
courtesy is extended only to mak-
ers of early s-f films, and
lowing : Auckland Harbour. Figures pre-
"Galaxy will be available on
tape for blind science fiction en-
thusiasts, enough apply to make
if
the project possible. For informa-
tion, write 'Tape-Respondents, In-
ternational; Blind Services
mittee; Roy H. Trumbull, Assistant
Director, P.O. Box 247,
Madera, Calif.
Quite some time back this de-
partment assembled evidence that
There Are Aliens Among Us. Here
is further evidence sent in by read-
ers:
James J. Haddon-
Davidson,
field, N. J.: "In the March 1958
issue of Scientific American ap-
peared an advertisement by Amer-
ican Optical Co., Instrumentation
Division, concerning their micro-
scopes, that read in part :
adapt the Microstar to your exact
needs with various combinations of
interchangeable bodies, stages,
bases and optics Choice of 3 in-
. . . only at biological differences, but a
terchangeable full 360° rota table
bodies, monocular, binocular, and
trinocular; inclined for comfort
Inclined how for whose comfort?
Not mine — though I'd rather meet
an inclined trinocular being than
one standing up."
Keith Newburgh, Christchurch,
N. Z., offers this Wellington clip-
EDITOR'S PAGE
ping: "The problem of where the
go in winter is nothing like the
flies
problem the National Roads Board
has with its traffic tallies on the
to the fol- motorway around the head of
sented to the board today showed
the count at 8000 vehicles at one
point on the motorway. At another
check point, 3 miles or so further
on, the number of vehicles had
Com- dropped to 5000. Transport De-
partment men said there were
Corte no roads leading off the motorway
between the two points and they
could not explain where the other
3000 vehicles went to." Mr. New-
burgh believes this shows that
aliens "are already confiscating
motor vehicles on an enormous
scale in order to facilitate their tak-
ing over this planet."
Jacob Shekel, Kiryat Motzkin,
Israel, provides a quote from Wil-
liam Feller's An Introduction to
Probability Theory and its Appli-
' You can cations: "The essential novelty is
that a mother can have zero, one
or more daughters," and ask that
we note "the quotation hints not
different logic system as well. Us-
ing regular terran logic, I just can-
.'
. . not imagine what the converse (or
inverse, or obverse, or any other
verse) of that statement would be;
so I cannot guess what the writer
of that sentence would consider
regular and non-novel," a comment
(Continued on page 194)
7
PROSPECTOR'S
SPECIAL
 Lost in the vast Scorpion Desert of Venus,

he needed all the courage a man could own

— and every bit of credit he could raise I

By ROBERT SHECKLEY

v Illustrated by DILLON

THE sandcar moved smooth-

ly over the rolling dunes,
its six fat wheels rising and

falling like the ponderous rumps of

tandem elephants. The hidden sun
beat down from a dead-white sky,
pouring heat into the canvas top,
reflecting heat back from the
parched sand.
"Stay awake," Morrison told
himself, pulling the sandcar back
to its compass course.
It was his twenty-first day on
Venus's Scorpion Desert, his twen-
ty-first day of fighting sleep while
the sandcar rocked across the
dunes, forging over humpbacked
little waves. Night travel would

have been easier, but there were

too many steep ravines to avoid,

9
too many house-sized boulders to
dodge. Now he knew why men
went into the desert in teams; one
man drove while the other kept
shaking him awake.
"But it's better alone," Morrison
reminded himself. "Half the sup-
plies and no accidental murders."
His head was beginning to
droop; he snapped himself erect.
In- front of him,landscape
the
shimmered and danced through the
polaroid windshield. The sandcar
lurched and rocked with treacher-
ous gentleness. Morrison rubbed
his eyes and turned on the radio.
He was a big, sunburned, rangy
young man with close-cropped
black hair and gray eyes. He had
come to Venus with a grubstake of
twenty thousand dollars, to find his
fortune in the Scorpion Desert as
others had done before him. He had
outfitted in Presto, the last town
on the edge of the wilderness, and
spent all but ten dollars on the
sandcar and equipment.
In Presto, ten dollars just cov-
ered the cost of a drink in the
town's only saloon. So Morrison or-
dered rye and water, drank with
the miners and prospectors, and
laughed at the oldtimers' yaVns
about the sandwolf packs and the
squadrons of voracious birds that
inhabited the interior desert. He
knew all about sunblindness, heat-
stroke and telephone breakdown.
He was sure none of it would hap-
pen to him.
10
But now, after twenty-one days
and eighteen hundred miles, he had
learned respect for this waterless
waste of sand and stone three times
the area of the Sahara. You really
could die here!
But you could also get rich, and
that was what Morrison planned
to do.
TTIS radio hummed. At full vol-
"* ume, he could hear the faint-
est murmur of dance music from
Venusborg. Then it faded and only
the hum was left.
4
He turned off the radio and
gripped the steering wheel tightly
in both hands. He unclenched one
hand and looked at his watch.
Nine-fifteen in the morning. At ten-
thirty he would stop and take a
nap. A man had to have rest in this
heat. But only a half-hour nap.
Treasure lay somewhere ahead of
him, and he wanted to find it before
his supplies got much lower.
The precious outcroppings of
goldenstone had to be up ahead!
He'd been following traces for two
days now. Maybe he would hit a
real bonanza, as Kirk did in '89, or
Edmonson and Arsler in '93. If so,
he would do just what they did.
He'd order up a Prospector's Spe-
cial, and to hell with the cost.
The sandcar rolled along at an
even thirty miles an hour, and Mor-
rison tried to concentrate on the
heat-blasted yellow-brown land-
scape. That sandstone patch over
GALAXY
there was just the tawny color of For seconds, he was in the air.
Janie's hair. The sandcar hit bottom squarely
After he struck he andit rich, on its wheels. Morrison heard a
Janie would get married, and he'd double boom as the two rear tires
go back to Earth and buy an ocean blew out. Then his head hit the
farm. No more prospecting. Just windshield.
one rich strike so he could buy his
spread on the deep blue Atlantic.
Maybe some people thought
herding was tame; it was good
fish- w HEN he recovered conscious-
ness, the first thing
look at his watch. It read 10:35.
he did was

enough for him. "Time for that nap," Morrison

He could see it now, the mack- said to himself. "But I guess I'll

erel herds drifting along and brows-
ing at the plankton pens, himself
and his trusty dolphin keeping
eye out for the silvery flash of a
predatory barracuda or a steel-gray
shark coming along behind the
branching coral. . . . sprung. His equipment was strewn
Morrison felt the sandcar lurch.
He woke up, grabbed the 'steering
wheel and turned it hard. During
his moments of sleep, the vehicle
had crept over the dune's crum-
bling edge. Sand and pebbles spun
under the fat tires as the sandcar
fought for traction. The
perilously.. The^ tires
against the sand, gripped, and start-
ed to pull the vehicle back up the
slope.
Then the whole face of the
collapsed.
survey the situation first."
He found that he was at the bot-
an tom of a shallow fault strewn with
knife-edged pebbles. Two tires had
blown on impact, his windshield
was gone, and one of the doors was
around, but appeared to be intact.
"Could have been worse," Mor-
rison said.
He bent down to examine the
tires more carefully.
"It is worse," he said.
The two blown tires were shred-
car tilted ded beyond repair. There wasn't
shrieked enough rubber left in them to make
a child's balloon. He had used up
his spares ten days back crossing
Devil's Grill. Used them and dis-
dune carded them. He couldn't go on
without tires.

Morrison held onto the steering Morrison unpacked his tele-

wheel as the sandcar flipped over phone. He wiped dust from its
on its side and rolled down the black plastic face, then dialed Al's
slope. Sand filled his mouth and Garage in Presto. After a moment,
eyes. He spat and held
on while the the small video screen lighted up.
car rolled over again and dropped He could see a man's long, mourn-
into emptiness. ful, grease-stained face.

PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL 11
 "Al's Garage. Eddie speaking." "Stripped clean."
"Hi, Eddie. This is Tom Mor- "Bonds? Property? Anything
bought that
rison. I sandcar GM you can convert into cash?"
from you about a month ago. Re- "Nothing except this sandcar,
member?" which you sold me for eight thou-
"Sure I remember you," Eddie sand dollars. When I come back,
said. "You're the guy doing a single I'll settle my bill with the sandcar."
into the Southwest Track, How's "// you get back. Sorry, Mr. Mor-
the bus holding out?" rison. No can do."
"Fine. Great little car. Reason I "What do you mean?" Morrison
called-" asked. "You know I'll pay for the
"Hey," Eddie said, "what hap- tires."
pened to your face?" "And you know the ruleson
Morrison put his hand to his Venus," Eddie said, his mournful
forehead and felt blood. "Nothing face set in obstinate lines. "No cred-
much," he said. "I went over a dune it! Cash and carry!"
and blew out two tires."
He turned the telephone so that ?C T can't run the sandcar without
Eddie could see the tires. tires," Morrison said. "Are
"Unrepairable," said Eddie. you going to strand me out here?"
"I thought so. And I used up all "Who in hell is stranding you?"
my spares crossing Devil's Grill. Eddie asked. "This sort of thing
Look, Eddie, I'd like you to 'port happens to prospectors every day.
me a couple of tires. Retreads are You know what you have to do
fine. I can't move the sandcar with- now, Mr. Morrison. Call Public
out them." Utility and declare yourself a bank-
"Sure," Eddie said, "except I rupt. Sign over what's left of the
haven't any retreads. have to I'll sandcar, equipment, and anything
'port you new ones at five hundred you've found on the way. They'll
apiece. Plus four hundred dollars get you out."
'porting charges. Fourteen hundred "I'm not turning back," Morrison
dollars, Mr. Morrison." said. "Look!" He held the telephone
"All right." close to the ground. "You see the
"Yes, sir. Now if you'll show me traces, Eddie? See those red and
the cash, or a money
order which purple flecks? There's precious
you can send back with the receipt, stuff near here!"
I'll getmoving on it." "Every prospector sees traces,"
"At the moment," Morrison said, Eddie said. "Damned desert is full

"I haven't got a cent on me." of traces."

"Bank account?" "These are rich," Morrison said.

12 GALAXY
"These are leading straight to big him, and his lightweight testing kit.

stuff, a bonanza lode. Eddie, I know Food concentrates, revolver, com-

it's a lot to ask, but if you could pass. And nothing else but water,
stake me to a couple of tires—" all the water he could carry. The
"I can't do it," Eddie said. "I just rest of the stuff would have to stay
work you any
here. I can't 'port behind.
tires, not unless you show me By nightfall, Morrison was ready.
money Otherwise I get fired
first. He looked regretfully at the twenty
and probably jailed. You know the cans of water he was leaving. In
law." the desert, water was a man's most
"Cash and carry," Morrison said precious possession, second only to
bleakly. his telephone. But it couldn't be
"Right. Be smart and turn back helped. After drinking his fill, he
now. Maybe you can try again hoisted his pack and set a south-
some other time." west course into the desert.
"I spent twelve years getting this For three days he trekked to the
stake together," Morrison said. "I'm southwest; then on the fourth day
not going back." he veered to due south, following
He turned off the telephone and an increasingly rich trace. The sun,
tried to think. Was there anyone eternally hidden, beat down on him,
else on Venus he could call? Only and the dead-white sky was like a
Max Krandall, his jewel broker. roof of heated iron over his head.
But Max couldn't raise fourteen Morrison followed the traces, and
hundred dollars in that crummy something followed him.
two-by-four office near Venus- On the sixth day, he sensed
borg's jewel market. Max could movement just out of the range of
barely scrape up his own rent, his vision. On the seventh day, he
much less take care of stranded saw what was trailing him.
prospectors. a

"I can't ask Max for help," Mor- VENUS'S own brand of wolf,
rison decided. "Not until I've found small, lean, with a yellow coat
goldenstone. The real stuff, not just and long, grinning jaws, it was one
traces.So that leaves it up to me." of the few mammals that made its

He opened the back of the sand- home Scorpion Desert. As

in the
car and began to unload, piling his Morrison watched, two more sand-
equipment on the sand. He would wolves appeared beside it.
have to choose carefully; anything He loosened the revolver in its

he took would have to be carried on holster. The wolves made no at-

his back. tempt to come closer. They had
The telephone had to go with plenty of time.

PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL 13
 Morrison kept on going, wishing
he had brought a rifle with him.
But that would have meant eight
pounds more, which meant eight
pounds less water.
As he was pitching camp at dusk
the eighth day, he heard a crack-
ling sound. He whirled around and
located its source, about ten feet
to his left and above his head. A
little vortex had appeared, a tiny
mouth in the air like a whirlpool
in the sea. It spun, making the char-
acteristic crackling sounds of 'port-
ing.
"Now who could be 'porting any-
thing to me?" Morrison asked,
waiting while the whirlpool slowly
widened.
Solidoporting from a base pro-
jector to a field target was a stand-
ard means of moving goods across
the vast distances of Venus. Any
inanimate object could be 'ported;
animate beings couldn't because
the process involved certain minor
but distressing molecular changes
in protoplasm. A few people had
found this out the hard way when
'porting was first introduced.
Morrison waited. The aerial
whirlpool became a mouth three
feet in diameter. From the mouth
stepped a chrome-plated robot car-
rying a large sack.
"Oh, it's you," Morrison said.
"Yes, sir," the robot said, now
completely clear of the field. "Wil-
Hams 4 at your service with the
Venus Mail."
14
It was a robot of medium height,
thin-shanked and flat-footed, hu-
manoid in appearance, amiable in
disposition. For twenty-three years
it had been Venus's entire postal
service— sorter, deliverer, and dead
storage. It had been built to last,
and for twenty-three years the
mails had always come through.
"Here we are, Mr. Morrison,"
Williams 4 said. "Only twice-a-
month mail call in the desert, I'm
sorry to say, but it comes promptly
and that's a blessing. This is for
you. And think there's one
this. I
more. Sandcar broke down, eh?"
"It sure did," Morrison said, tak-
ing his letters.
Williams 4 went on rummaging
through its bag. Although it was a
superbly efficient postman, the old
robot was known as the worst gos-
sip on three planets. .
"There's one more in here some-
where," Williams 4 said. "Too bad
about the sandcar. They just don't
build 'em like they did in my youth.
Take my advice, young man. Turn
back if you still have the chance."
Morrison shook his head.
"Foolish, downright foolish," the
old robot said. "Pity you don't have
my perspective. Too many's the
time I've come across you boys ly-
ing in the sand in the dried-out sack
of your skin, or with your bones
gnawed to splinters by the sand-
wolves and the filthy black kites.
Twenty-three years I've been de-
livering mail to fine-looking young
GALAXY
men like you,and each one think-
ing he's unique and different."
THE
distant
robot's
with
eyecellsbecame
memory. "But
they aren't different," Williams 4
said. "They're as alike as robots off
the assembly line — especially after
the wolves get through with them.
And then I have to send their let-
ters and personal effects back to
their loved ones on Earth."
"I know," Morrison said. "But
some get through, don't they?"
"Sure they do," the robot said.
«T>
I've seen men make one, two,
three fortunes. And then die on the
sands trying to make a fourth."
"Not me," Morrison said. "I just
want one. Then I'm going to buy
me an undersea farm on Earth."
The robot shuddered. "I have a
dread of salt water. But to each his
own.Good luck, young man."
The robot looked Morrison over
carefully — probably to see what
he had in the way of personal ef-
fects — then climbed back into the
aerial whirlpool. In a moment, it
was gone. In another moment, the
whirlpool had vanished.
Morrison sat down to read his
mail. The first letter was from
jewel broker, Max Krandall. It told
about the depression that had hit
Venusborg, and hinted that Kran-
dall might have to go into bank-
ruptcy if some of his prospectors
didn't strike something good.
The second letter was a state-
PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL
ment from the Venus Telephone
Company. Morrison owed two hun-
dred and ten dollars and eight cents
for two months' telephone service.
Unless he remitted this sum at
once, his telephone was liable to
be turned off.
The last letter, all the way from
Earth, was from Janie. It was filled
with news about his cousins, aunts
and uncles. She told him about the
Atlantic farm sites she had looked
over, and the wonderful little place
she had found near Martinique in
the Caribbean. She begged him to
give up prospecting if it looked
dangerous; they could find another
way of financing the farm. She sent
allher love and wished him a
happy birthday in advance.
"Birthday?"Morrison asked
himself. "Let's see, today is July
twenty-third. No, it's the twenty-
fourth, and my birthday's August
first. Thanks for remembering,
Janie."
That night he dreamed of Earth
and the blue expanse of the At-
lantic Ocean. But toward dawn,
when the heat of Venus became
insistent, he found he was dreaming
of mile upon mile of goldenstone, of
his grinning sandwolves, and of the
Prospector's Special.
"O OCK gave way to sand as Mor-
*-** rison plowed his way across
the bottom of a long-vanished lake.
Then it was rock again, twisted
and tortured into a thousand gaunt
15
shapes. Reds, yellows and browns still staking my claim. I think I
swam In all
in front of his eyes. can use a refill on these."
that desert, there wasn't one patch Smiling easily, he held up his
of green. canteens. Sometimes it worked.
He continued his trek into the Sometimes, if you showed enough
tumbled stone mazes of the interior confidence, Public Utility would
desert, and the wolves trekked with fill you up without checking your

him, keeping pace far out on either
flank.
Morrison ignored them. He had
enough on his mind just to nego-
tiate the sheer cliffs and the
of broken stone that blocked his
way to the south.
By the eleventh day after leav-
ing the sandcar, the traces
almost rich enough for panning.
The sandwolves were tracking him
still, and his water was almost gone.
account. True, it was embezzling,
but this was no time for niceties.
"I suppose your account is in or-
der?" asked the woman.
fields "Of course," Morrison said, feel-
ing his smile grow stiff. "The name's
Tom Morrison. You can just
check-"
were "Oh, do that personally,"
I don't
the woman said. "Hold that can-
teen steady. Here we go."

Another day's march would finish i^ 1

RIPPING the canteen in both
him. ^^ hands, Morrison watched as
Morrison thought for a moment, the water, 'ported four thousand
then unstrapped his telephone and miles from Venusborg, appeared as
dialed Public Utility in Venusborg. a slender crystal stream above the
The video screen showed a stern, mouth of his canteen. The stream
severely dressed woman with iron- entered the making a
canteen,
gray hair. "Public Utility," she said. wonderful gurgling sound. Watch-
"May we be of service?" ing it, Morrison found his dry
"Hi," Morrison said cheerfully. mouth actually was beginning to
"How's the weather in Venusborg?" salivate.
"Hot," the woman said. "How's Then the water stopped.
it out there?" "What's the matter?" Morrison
"I hadn't even noticed," Morri- asked.
son said, grinning. "Too busy count- His video screen went blank.
ing my fortune." Then it cleared, and Morrison
"You've found goldenstone?" the found himself staring into a man's
woman asked, her expression be- narrow face. The man was seated
coming less severe. in front of a large desk. The sign in
"Sure have," Morrison "Butsaid. front of him read Milton P. Reade,
don't pass the word around yet. I'm Vice President, Accounts.

16 GALAXY
PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL 17
?f|VJR. Morrison," Reade said, expansion. That is why there can
your account is overdrawn. be no credit on Venus."
You have been obtaining water "I know all that," Morrison said.
under false pretenses. That is a "But I'm telling you, I only need a
criminal offense." day or two more—"
"I'm going to pay for the water," "Absolutely impossible. By the
Morrison said. rules, we shouldn't even help you
"When?" out now. The time to report bank-
"As soon as I get back to Venus- ruptcy ago, when your
was a week
borg." sandcar broke down. Your garage
"With what," asked Mr. Reade, man reported, as required by law.
"do you propose to pay?" But you didn't. We would be
"With goldenstone," Morrison within our rights to leave you
said. "Look around here, Mr. stranded. Do you understand
Reade. The traces are rich! Richer that?"
than they were for the Kirk claim! "Yes, of course," Morrison said
I'll be hitting the outcroppings in wearily.
another day—" "However, the company has de-
what every prospector
"That's cided to stretch a point in your
thinks," Mr. Reade said. "Every favor. If you turn back immediate-
prospector on Venus is only a day ly, we will keep you supplied with

from goldenstone. And they all ex- water for the return trip."
«T>
pect credit from Public Utility." I'm not turning back yet. I'm
"But in this case-" almost on the real stuff."
"Public Utility," Mr. Reade con- "You must turn back! Be reas-
tinued inexorably, "is not a philan- onable, Morrison! Where would we
thropic organization. Its charter be if we let every prospector wan-
specifically forbids the extension of der over the desert while we sup-
credit. Venus is Mr. Mor-
a frontier, plied his water? There'd be ten
rison, a farflung frontier. Every thousand men out there, and we'd
manufactured article on Venus be out of business inside of a year.
must be imported from Earth at I'm stretching the rules now. Turn
outrageous cost. We do have our back."
own water, but locating it, purify- "No," said Morrison.
ing then 'porting it is an expen-
it, "You'd better think about it. If
sive process. This company, like you don't turn back now, Public
every other company on Venus, Utility takes no further responsi-
necessarily operates on a very nar- bility for your water supply."
row margin of profit, which is in- Morrison nodded. If he went on,
variably plowed back into further he would stand a good chance of

18 GALAXY
dying in the desert But if he Morrison sat down and shook his
turned back, what then? He would last canteen. It gave off no wet
be in Venusborg, penniless and in sound. He uncapped it and turned
debt, looking for work in an over- it up over his mouth. Two drops

crowded city. He'd sleep in a com- trickled down his parched throat.
munity shed and eat at a soup It was about four days since he
kitchen with the other prospectors had talked to Public Utility. He
who had turned back. And how must have used up the last of his
would he be able to raise the fare water yesterday. Or had it been the
back to Earth? When would he day before?
ever see Janie again? He recapped the empty canteen
"I guess I'll keep on going," Mor- and looked around at the heat-
rison said. blasted landscape. Abruptly he
"Then Public Utility takes no pulled the telephone out of his
further responsibility for you," pack and dialed Max Krandall in
Reade repeated, and hung up. Venusborg.
Morrison packed up his tele- Krandall's round, worried face
phone, took a sip from his meager swam into focus on the screen.
water supply, and went on. "Tommy," he said, "you look like
hell."
r
JT HE sandwolves loped along at "I'm all right," Morrison said. "A
-* each side, moving in closer. little dried out, that's all. Max, I'm
Overhead, a delta-winged kite near goldenstone."
found him. It balanced on the up- "Are you sure?" Krandall asked.
«
drafts for a day and a night, wait- for yourself," Morrison
ing for the wolves to finish him. said, swinging the telephone
Then a flock of small flying scor- around. "Look at the stone forma-
pions sightedthe waiting kite. tions! Do you see the red and pur-
They drove the big creature up- ple markings over there?"
stairs into the cloud bank. For a "Traces, all right," Krandall ad-
day the flying reptiles waited. Then mitted dubiously.
they in turn were driven off by a "There's rich stuff just beyond
squadron of black kites. it,"Morrison said. "There has to
The were very rich now,
traces be! Look, Max, I know you're short
on the fifteenth day since he had on money, but I'm going to ask you
left the sandcar. By rights, he a favor. Send me a pint of water.
should be walking over golden- Just a pint, so I can go on for
stone. He should be surrounded by another day or two. We
can both
goldenstone. But still he hadn't get rich for the price of a pint of
found any. water."

PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL 19
 "I can't do it," Krandall said "Find goldenstone. Not just
sadly. traces, find the real thing worth
"You can't?" real money. Then phone me. If you
"That's right. Tommy,
send I'd really have goldenstone, I'll bring
you water even if there wasn't any- in Wilkes from Tri-Planet Mining
thing around you but sandstone and and get him to advance us some
granite. Do you think I'd let you money. He'll probably want fifty
die of thirst could help it?
if I But per cent of the claim."
I can't do a thing. Take a look." "That's plain robbery!"
"No, it's just the high cost of

K RANDALL rotated his tele-

phone. Morrison saw that the
chairs, table, desk, filing cabinet
and safe were gone from the office.
All that was left in the room was
the telephone.
"I don't know why they haven't
taken out the phone," Krandall
said. "I owe two months on
bill."
"I do too," said Morrison.
"I'm stripped," Krandall said. "I
haven't a dime. Don't get
got
me wrong, I'm not worried about
myself. I can always eat at a soup
kitchen.But I can't 'port you any
water. Not you or Remstaater."
"Jim Remstaater?"
"Yeah. He was following a trace
up north past Forgotten River. His
sandcar broke an axle last week
and he wouldn't turn back. His
water ran out yesterday."
«T)
I'd bail him out
Morrison.
"And he'd you out if he
bail
could," Krandall said. "But he can't
and you can't and I can't. Tommy,
you have only one hope."
"What's that?"
credit on Venus," Krandall an-
swered. "Don't worry, there'll still
be plenty left over. But you have
to find goldenstone first"
"OK," Morrison said. "It should
be around here somewhere. Max,
what's today's date?"
"July thirty-first. Why?"
my "Just wondering. I'll call you
when I've found something."
After hanging up, Morrison sat
on a little boulder and stared dully
at the sand. July thirty-first. To-
morrow was His fam-
his birthday.
ily would be thinking about him.
Aunt Bess in Pasadena, the twins
in Laos, Uncle Ted in Durango.
And Janie, of course, waiting for
him in Tampa.
Morrison realized that tomorrow
might be his last birthday unless
he found goldenstone.
He got to his feet, strapped the
if I could," said telephone back in his pack beside
the empty canteens, and set a
course to the south.
H E
wasn't alone. The birds and
beasts of the desert marched
with him. Overhead, the silent

20 GALAXY
black kites circled endlessly. The stay awake, either. Dreams and
sandwolves crept closer on Jiis visions tormented him. He was
flanks, their red tongues lolling out, back on Earth and Janie was say-
waiting for the carcass to fall . . . ing to him, "It's the tuna. Some-
"I'm not dead yet!" Morrison thing must be wrong with their
shouted at them. diet. Every last one of them is
He drew and fired
his revolver sick."
at the nearest wolf. At twenty feet, "It's the darnedest thing," Mor-
he missed. He went down on one rison told her. "Just as soon as you
knee, held the revolver tightly in domesticate a fish, it turns into a
both hands and fired again. The prima donna."
wolf yelped in pain. The pack im- "Are you going to stand there
mediately went for the wounded philosophizing," Janie asked, "while
animal, and the kites swooped your fish are sick?"
down for their share. "Call the vet."
Morrison put the revolver back He's off at the Blake's
"I did.
in its holster and went on. He could place, taking care of their dairy
tell he was in a badly dehydrated whale."
state. The landscape jumped and "All right, go out and take a
I'll

danced in front of him, and his foot- look." He slipped on his face mask.
ingwas unsure. He discarded the Grinning, he said, "I don't even
empty canteens, threw away every- have time to dry off before I have
thing but the testing kit, telephone to go out again."
and revolver. Either he was com- His face and chest were wet.
ing out of the desert in style or he
wasn't coming out at
The
But
all.

traces continued to run rich.

still he came upon no sign of
M
—
ORRISON opened his eyes.
His face and chest were wet
from perspiration. Staring at the
tangible wealth. partially blocked mouth of the
That evening he found a shallow cave, he could see green eyes, two,
cave set into the base of a cliff. He four, six, eight
crawled inside and built a barri- He fired at them, but they didn't
cade of rocks across the entrance. retreat. He fired again, and his bul-
Then he drew his revolver and let richocheted off the cave wall,
leaned back against the far wall. stinging him with stone splinters.
The sandwolves were outside, With his next shots, he succeeded
sniffing and snapping their jaws. inwinging one of the wolves. The
Morrison propped himself up and pack withdrew.
got ready for an all-night vigil. That emptied the revolver. Mor-
He didn't sleep, but he couldn't rison searched through his pockets

PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL 21
 . .

and found five more He

cartridges. out body, stopping only to fire a
carefully loaded the gun. Dawn single shot when the wolves came
couldn't be far away now. too close.
And then he was dreaming again, Four bullets left.
this time of the Prospector's Spe- He had to fire again when the
cial. He had heard about it in every kites, growing impatient, started
little saloon that bordered the diving at his head. A lucky shot
Scorpion. Bristly-bearded old pros- tore into the flock,downing two.
pectors told a hundred different It gave the wolves something to
stories about and the cynical
it, fight over. Morrison crawled on
bartenders chimed in with their blindly.
versions. Kirk had it in '89, ordered And fell over the edge of a little

up big and special just for him. Ed- cliff.

monson and Arsler received it in It wasn't a serious fall, but the

'93. That was certain. And other revolver was knocked from his
men had had it too, as they sat on hand. Before he could find it, the
their precious goldenstone claims. wolves were on him. Only their
Or so people said. greed saved Morrison. While they
But was it real? Was there such fought over him, he rolled away
a thing as the Prospector's Special? and retrieved his revolver. Two
Would he live to see that rainbow- shots scattered the pack. That left

hued wonder, tall as a church one bullet.

steeple, wide as a house, more pre-
cious than goldenstone itself?
Sure he would! Why, he could
almost see it now . .
Morrison shook himself awake.
He'd have to save fhat one for
himself, because he was too tired
to go on. He sank to his knees. The
traces were rich here. Fantastically
rich. Somewhere nearby . .

It was morning. Painfully, he "Well, I'll be damned," Morrison

crawled out of the cave to face the said.
day. The ravine into which he
little
' He stumbled and crawled to the had fallen was solid goldenstone.
south, escorted closely by wolves,
shaded by predatory flying things. TT E picked up a pebble. Even in
His fingers scrabbled along rock -"-• rough state he could see
its

and sand. The traces were rich,
rich!
But where in all this desolation
was the goldenstone?
Where? He was almost past car-
the deep luminous golden glow, the
fiery red and purple flecks deep in
the shining stone.
"Make sure," Morrison told him-
self. "No false alarms, no visions,

ing. He drove his sunburned, dried- no wild hopes. Make sure."

22 GALAXY
 tt
He broke off a chunk of rock call. Just one call, so that I-
with the butt of his revolver. It still "Not a chance," Mr. Boyard said
looked like goldenstone. He took decisively. "After you have paid
out his testing kit and spilled a few your bill, your service will be
drops of white solution on the rock. turned on immediately."
The solution foamed green. "I've got the money right here!"
"Goldenstone, sure as sure," Morrison said. "Right here in my
Morrison said, looking around at hand!"
the glowing cliff walls. "Hey, I'm i Mr. Boyard paused. "Well, it's

rich!" unusual, but I suppose could ar- we

He took out his telephone. With range for a special robot messen-
trembling fingers he dialed Kran- ger if you are veiling to pay the
number.
dall's expenses."
"Max!" Morrison shouted. "I've "I am!"
hit it! I've hit the real stuff!* "Hm. It's irregular, but I daresay
"My name is not Max," a voice we Where is the money?"
. . .

over the telephone said. "Right Morrison said.

here,"
"Huh?" "You recognize it, don't you? It's
"]ty[y name is Boyard," the man goldenstone!"
said. "I am sick and tired of the tricks
The video screen cleared, and you prospectors think you can put
Morrison saw a thin, sallow-faced over on us. Holding up a handful
man with a hairline mustache. of pebbles—"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Boyard," Mor- "But this is really goldenstone!
rison said. "I must have gotten the Can't you see it?"
"I am a businessman," Mr. Boy-
y>
wrong number. I was calling-
"It doesn't matter who you were ard said, "not a jeweler. I wouldn't
calling," Mr. Boyard said. "I am know goldenstone from goldenrod."
District Supervisor of the Venus The video screen went blank.
Telephone Company. Your bill is
two months overdue." l^RANTICALLY, Morrison
"I can pay it now," Morrison -*• tried to reach the operator.
said, grinning. There was nothing* not even a dial
"Excellent," said Mr. Boyard. tone. His telephone was discon-
"As soon as you do, your service nected.
will be resumed." He
put the instrument down and
The screen began to fade. surveyed his situation. The narrow
"Wait!" Morrison cried. "I can crevice into which he had fallen ran
pay as soon as I reach your office. straight for about twenty yards,
But I must make one telephone then curved to the left No cave

PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL 23
was visible in the steep walls,
place where he could build a bar-
ricade.
He
heard a movement behind
him. Whirling around, he saw a
huge old wolf in full charge. With-
out a moment's hesitation,
rison drew and fired, blasting off
the top of the beast's head.
"Damn it," Morrison said. "I
going to save that bullet for
self."
gave him a moment's grace.
It
He ran down the ravine, looking
for an opening in its sides. Gold-
enstone glowed at him and sparkled
red and purple. And the sand-
wolves loped along behind him.
Then Morrison stopped. In front
of him, the curving ravine ended
in a sheer wall.
He
put his back against it, hold-
ing the revolver by its butt. The
wolves stopped five feet from him,
gathering themselves for a rush.
There were ten or twelve of them,
and they were packed three deep
in the narrow pass. Overhead, the
kites circled, waiting for their turn.
At that moment, Morrison heard
the sound of 'porting
crackling
equipment. A whirlpool appeared
above the wolves' heads and they
backed hastily away.
"Just in time!" Morrison said.
"In time for what?" asked Wil-
Hams 4, the postman.
The robot climbed out of the
vortex and looked around.
"Well, young man," Williams 4
24
no said, "this a fine fix you've gotten
is
yourself into. Didn't I warn you?
Didn't I advise you to turn back?
And now look!"
"You were perfectly right," Mor-
rison said. "What did Max Kran-
Mor- dall send me?"
"Max Krandall did not, and
could not, send a thing."
was "Then why are you here?"
my- "Because it's your birthday,"
Williams 4 said. "We of the Postal
Department always give special
service for birthdays. Here you
»
are
Williams 4 gave him a handful of
mail, birthday greetings from
Janie, and from his aunts, uncles
and cousins on Earth.
"Something else here," Williams
4 said, rummaging in his bag. "I
think there was something else
here. Let me see Yes, here it is."
. . .
He handed Morrison a small
package.
H ASTILY, Morrison tore off the
wrappings. was a birthday
It
present from his Aunt Mina in New
Jersey. He opened it. It was a large
box of salt-water taffy, direct from
Atlantic City.
"Quite a delicacy, I'm told," said
Williams 4, who had been peering
over his shoulder. "But not very
satisfactory under the circum-
stances. Well, young man, I hate
to see anyone die on his birthday.
The best I can wish you is a speedy
and painless departure."
GALAXY
 "

The robot began walking toward "I don't," Morrison replied.

the vortex. "But I'll buy one from you. Solido-
"Wait!" Morrison cried. "You port special."
can't just leave me like this! I "Excellent," said the robot. "We
haven't had any water in days! And have just put out a new series of
those wolves— Venusborg triangulars. I consider
"I know," Williams 4 said. "Do them quite an esthetic accomplish-
you think happy about it?
I feel ment. They cost three dollars
»
Even a robot has some feelings!" apiece
"Then help me.". "That's fine. Very reasonable.
"I can't. The rules of the Postal Let me have one."
Department expressly and cate- "There is the question of pay-
gorically forbid it. I remember ment."
Abner Lathe making much the "Here," Morrison said, handing
same request of me in '97. It took the robot a piece of goldenstone
three years for a burial party to worth about five thousand dollars
reach him." in the rough.
"You have an emergency tele- The postman examined the
phone, haven't you?" Morrison stone, then handed it back. "I'm
asked. sorry, I can accept only cash."
"Yes. But I can use it only for "But this is worth more than a
personal emergencies." thousand postage stamps!" Mor-
"Can you at least carry a letter rison said. "This is goldenstone!"
for me? A special delivery letter?" "It may well be," Williams 4
"Of course I can," the robot post- said."But I have never had any
man said. "That's what I'm here for. assaying knowledge taped into me.
I can even lend you pencil and Nor is the Venus Postal Service
paper." run on a barter system. I'll have to
Morrison accepted the pencil ask for three dollars in bills or
and paper and tried to think. If he coins."
wrote to Max now, special delivery, "I don't have it."

Max would have the letter in a "I am very sorry." Williams

matter of hours. But how long 4 turned to go.
would Max need to raise some "You can't just go and let me
money and send him water and die!"
ammunition? A day, two days? "I can and must," Williams 4
Morrison would have to figure out said sadly. "I am only a robot, Mr.
some way of holding out ... Morrison. I was made by men, and
"I assume you have a stamp," the naturally I partake of some of their
robot said. sensibilities. That's as it should be.

PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL 25
But I also have my limits, which, . "Could be," said Morrison. "I
in their nature, are similar to the plan to find out." He pulled out his
limits most humans have on this empty revolver.
harsh planet. And, unlike humans, "What are you going to do?"
I cannot transcend my limits." Williams 4 asked.
«T>.
The robot started to climb into I'm going to see if I can smash
the whirlpool. Morrison stared at
*
you into scrap metal without the
him and saw beyond him
blankly, resources of a machine shop. I
the waiting wolfpack. He saw the think your eyecells would be a logi-
soft glow of several million dollars' cal place to begin."
worth of goldenstone shining from "They would indeed," said the
the ravine's walls. robot. "I have no personal sense of
Something snapped inside him. But let me point
survival, of course.
out that you would be leaving all
"IW7ITH an inarticulate yell, Mor- Venus without a postman. Many
* * rison dived, tackling the robot would suffer because of your anti-
around the ankles. Williams 4, half social action."
in and half out of the 'porting vor- "I hope
Moirison said, rais-
so,"
tex, struggled and kicked, and al- ing the revolver above his head.
most succeeded in shaking Mor- "Also," the robot said hastily,
rison loose. But with a maniac's "you would be destroying govern-
strength Morrison held on. Inch ment property. That is a serious
by inch he dragged the robot out of offense."
the vortex, threw him on the Morrison laughed and swung the
ground and pinned him. pistol. The robot moved its head
"You are disrupting the mail quickly, dodging the blow. It tried
service," said Williams 4. to wriggle free, but Morrison's two
"That's not I'm going to dis-
all hundred pounds was seated firmly
rupt," Morrison growled. "I'm not on its thorax.
afraid of dying. That was part of "I won't miss this time," Mor-
the gamble. But I'm damned if I'm rison promised, hefting the re-
going to die fifteen minutes after volver.
I've struck it rich!" "Stop!" Williams 4 said. "It is
"You have no choice." my duty to protect government
"I do. I'm going to use that emer- property, even if that property hap-
gency telephone of yours." pens to be myself. You may use
"You can't," Williams 4 said. "I my telephone, Mr. Morrison. Bear
refuse to extrude it. And you could in mind that this offense is pun-
never reach it without the re- ishable by a sentence of not more
sources of a machine shop." than ten and not less than five years

26 GALAXY
in the Solar Swamp Penitentiary." He'll take the chunk back for as-
"Let's have that telephone," saying. If it's rich enough, you're
Morrison said. all set."
"And if it isn't?"
r |^HE robot's chest opened and a "Perhaps we better not talk
- small telephone extruded. Mor- about that," Krandall said. "I'll get
rison dialed Max Krandall and ex- right to Work on this, Tommy.
plained the situation. Good luck!"
Krandall said. "All
"I see, I see," Morrison signed off. He stood up
right, 111 try to find Wilkes. But, and helped the robot to its feet
Tom, I don't know how much I can "In twenty-three years of serv-
do. It's after business hours. Most ice," Williams 4 said, "this is the
places are closed—" first time anybody has threatened

"Get them open again," said the life of a government postal em-
Morrison. "I can pay for it And ployee. I must report this to the
get Jim Remstaater out of trouble, police authorities at Venusborg,
too." Mr. Morrison. have no choice."
I
"It can't be done just like that. "I know," Morrison said. "But
You haven't established any rights I guess five or ten years in the
to your claim. You haven't even penitentiary is better than dying."
proved that your claim is valuable." doubt it. I carry mail there,
"I
"Look at it." Morrison turned you know. You will have the op-
the telephone so that Krandall portunity of seeing for yourself in
could see the glowing walls of the about six months."
ravine. "What?" said Morrison, stunned.
"Looks real," Krandall said. "But "In about six months, after I
unfortunately, all that glitters is not have completed my mail calls
goldenstone." around the planet and returned to
"What can we do?" Morrison Venusborg. A matter like this must
asked. be reported in person. But first and
"We'll have to take it step by foremost, the mails must go
step. I'll 'port you the Public Sur- through."
veyor. He'll check your claim, es- "Thanks, Williams. I don't know
tablish and make sure no
its limits, how-"
one else has filed on it. You give "I simply performing my
am
him a chunk of goldenstone to take duty," the robot said as it climbed
back. A big chunk." into the vortex. "If you are still on
"How can I cut goldenstone? I Venus in six months, I will be de-
don't have any tools." livering your mail to the peniten-
"You'll have to figure out a way. tiary."

PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL 27
 "I won't be here," Morrison said.
"So long, Williams!"
The robot disappeared into the
'porting vortex. Then the vortex
disappeared. Morrison was alone in
the Venusian twilight.

TTE found an outcropping of gol-

-*--*-
denstone larger than a man's
head. He chipped at it with his
pistol and tiny particles
butt,
danced and shimmered in the air.
After an hour, he had put four dents
in his revolver, but he had barely
scratched the highly refractory sur-
face of the goldenstone.
The sandwolves began to edge
forward. Morrison threw stones at
them and shouted in his dry,
cracked voice. The wolves re-
treated.
He examined the outcropping
again and found a hairline fault
running along one edge. He con-
centrated his blows along the fault.
The goldenstone refused to
crack.
Morrison wiped sweat from his
eyes and tried to think. A chisel,
he needed a chisel . . .

He pulled off his belt. Putting

the edge of the steel buckle against
the crack, he managed to hammer
it in a fraction of an inch. Three
more blows drove the buckle firm-
ly into the fault. With another
blow, the outcropping sheared off
cleanly. He had
separated a twen-
ty-pound piece from the cliff. At
fifty dollars a troy ounce, this lump
28 GALAXY
i
^\

r *

\ V.

PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL 29
should be worth about twelve thou- pores, it would have sweated.
sand dollars — if it assayed out as "There," said the robot at last,
pure as it looked. "that takes care of it. Do you have
The twilight had turned a deep a sample for me to take back?"
gray when the Public Surveyor "Here it is," Morrison said, heft-
'ported in. It was a short, squat ing the slab of goldenstone and
robot with a conservative crackle- handing it to the surveyor. "Is that
black finish. all?"
"Good day, sir," the surveyor "Absolutely all," the robot said.
said. "You wish to file a claim? "Except, of course, that you haven't
A standard unrestricted mining given me the Deed of Search."
claim?"
"That's right," Morrison said.
"And where is the center of the M ORRISON blinked. "I haven't
given you the what?"
aforesaid claim?" "The Deed of Search. That is

"Huh? The center? I guess I'm a government document showing

standing on it." that the claim you are filing on is
"Very well," the robot said. free, as per government order, of
Extruding a steel tape, it walked fissionable material in excess of fif-
rapidly away from Morrison. At a ty per cent of the total mass to a
distance of two hundred yards, it depth of sixty feet It's a mere for-
stopped. More steel tape fluttered mality, but a necessary one."
as walked, flew and climbed a
it "I never heard of it," Morrison
square with Morrison at the cen- said.
ter. When it had finished, the sur- "It became a requirement last
veyor stood for a long time with- week," explained the surveyor.
out moving. "You have the Deed? Then
don't
"What are you doing?" Morrison I'm afraid your standard unre-
asked. stricted claim is invalid."
"I'm making depth-photographs "Isn't there anything
can do?"I
of the terrain," the robot said. "It's "Well," the robot said, "you
rather difficult in this light. could change your standard unre-
Couldn't you wait till morning?" stricted claim to a special restricted
"No!" claim. That requires no Deed of
"Well, I'll just have to cope," Search."
the robot said. "What does the special restricted
It moved and stood, moved and part mean?"
stood, each subterranean exposure "It means that in five hundred
taking longer than the last as the years all rights revert to the Gov-
twilight deepened. If it had had ernment of Venus."

30 GALAXY
 "All right! " Morrison shouted.
"Fine! Good! Is that all?"
"Absolutely all," the surveyor
said. "I shall bring this sample back
and have it assayed and evaluated
immediately. From it and the
depth-photographs we can extra-
polate the value and extent of your
claim."
"Send me back something to
take care of the wolves," Morrison
said. "And food. And listen— I want
a Prospector's Special."
"Yes, sir. It will all be 'ported to
you — if your claim is of sufficient
value to warrant the outlay."
The robot climbed into the vor-
tex and vanished.
Time passed, and the wolves
edged forward again. They snarled
at the rocks Morrison threw, but
they didn't retreat Jaws open and
tongues lolling, they crept up the
remaining yards between them and
the prospector.
Then the leading wolf leaped
back and howled. A gleaming vor-
tex had appeared over his head and
a rifle had fallen from the vortex,
striking him on a forepaw.
The wolves scrambled away. An-
other rifle fell from the vortex.
Then a large box marked Grenades,
Handle With Care. Then another
box marked Desert Ration K.
Morrison waited, staring at the
gleaming mouth of the vortex. It
crossed the sky to a spot a quar-
ter of a mile away and paused
PROSPECTOR'S SPECIAL
there,and then a great round brass
base emerged from the vortex, and
the mouth widened to allow an
even greater bulge of brass to
which the base was attached. The
bulge grew higher as the base was
lowered to the sand. When the last
of it appeared, it stood alone in
the horizon-to-horizon expanse, a
gigantic ornate brass punchbowl in
the desert. Thevortex rose and
paused again over the bowl.
Morrison waited, his throat raw
and aching. Now a small trickle
came out of the vortex and
splashed down into the bowl. Still
Morrison didn't move.
ND then it came. The trickle
became a roar that sent the
wolves and kites fleeing in terror,
and a cataract poured from the vor-
tex to the huge punchbowl.
Morrison 'began staggering to-
ward it. He should have ordered a
canteen, he told himself thirstily,
stumbling across the quarter of a
mile of sand. But at last he stood
beneath the Prospector's Special,
higher than a church steeple, wider
than a house, filled with water more
precious than goldenstone itself.
He turned the spigot at the bottom.
Water soaked the yellow sands and
ran in rivulets down the dune.
He should have ordered a cup or
glass,Morrison thought, lying on
his back with open mouth.
— ROBERT SHECKLEY
31
Flower
Arrangement
By ROSEL GEORGE BROWN

If I was willing to get to the

root of this problem, why were

they so up in the air over it?

Illustrated by DILLON

LATER
member
on,
quite
I couldn't
why I
re-
did it.
stop grating
was a
away because there
man who was going to talk to
I was sitting there in my us about St. Augustine grass, and
usual condition of vague awareness, I was hoping he'd say what to do
wishing Barbara's voice would for the brown spots in my lawn.

32 GALAXY
 "Oh, come on, girls,"
was saying. "We ought to enter the
Federated Gardens show. Last
year we won third prize."
What Barbara wanted, of course,
was for us to urge her to do the Ar-
rangement. She was the only one of
us with any talent, and to be fair,
Barbara is a real maestro.
Every year we each make a
Barbara mouth quirked a little,
Barbara's
because she knew perfectly well
what kind of Arrangements I make,
"and because she had probably al-
ready decided exactly what sort of
Arrangement the Eastbank Garden
Group was going to enter in the
Federated Gardens show.
But she said, "That's fine, Sally
Jo. You're to use camellias in it

Dried Arrangement and Barbara somewhere. think you'd do best

I
comes along and ^ays, "Um!" and with a simple fan Arrangement.
presses her lips together and waves I'll mail you their rules book, and

her hand over your weedy-looking if you'd like any — er — advice,

mess and pokes sticks in and out of why, I'd be glad to help." •

the starfoam and, presto, you have That was it, of course. She wasn't
a beautiful Arrangement to keep in going to let it be my Arrangement
your living room until the next at all.

Dried Arrangements meeting. even hear what the man

Every year I take it
everyone says, "Oh, isn't
tiful! Did you make it?" And of
course I had been rather pretend-
ing I had made it, only if somebody
asked me about it directly, I had
to say, "No, Barbara James made
it." I frequently had the
wished
courage to rush out of the Dried
Arrangements meeting before she
got to me and set my weedy,
whispy Arrangement on the buffet
and leave it there.
Needless to say, I do not have
thiskind of courage.
Only as Barbara got to the part
where she says, "O.K. Any volun-
teers?" something popped inside
of me and I shot my hand up and
said, "I'd be glad to have a try at
it"
FLOWER ARRANGEMENT
I didn't
home and said about St. Augustine grass. All
that beau- the time I was thinking, thinking,
thinking. Was there any kind of
Arrangement I could make that
Barbara couldn't do better? Some-
thing really different, so that when
I looked at wouldn't have to
it, I
I picture Barbara pressing her lips
together?
T was about eleven o'clock at
night' when I got home, and of
course Ronald was asleep, but I
just couldn't bear this by myself.
"Ronald!" I cried in a loud whis-
per so as not to wake Tommy. "Do
you know what I've done!"
Ronald snuffled irritably, then
sat up with a jerk and grabbed me
by the shoulders.
"You ran over somebody!"
33
 "No. I volunteered to
flower Arrangement for the Fed-
erated Gardens show!"
Ronald mumbled blasphemies
and sank back into his pillow.
"Darling, please
You see, I'm actually
the thing is,
going to do this. Only there's the
matter of Barbara. Now, if I can
only find something— come to think
of it, Hogarth Curve.
there's the
Barbara can do fans or Japanese
things or crescents, but the one
thing Barbara has never won a
prize on is the Hogarth Curve. It
."
tends to droop, you see. Darling
But he was asleep.
For a wild moment I even con-
sidered waking up Tommy, just to
have someone to talk to.
The wild moment passed and I
eyed the telephone. But there isn't
anyone you can call up at eleven
o'clock at night and say, "About
»>
the Hogarth Curve-
I crossed my arms over my chest
and slipped my feet out of my
shoes so I could stride up and down
the house quietly. Naturally I
couldn't think of anything. I never
can when I try.
But it hit me the next day. I
was putting some applique on a
pot holder for the bazaar in Janu-
ary — I loathe applique — and there
it was!
The Hogarth Curve wouldn't
because while Barbara wasn't real-
ly successful with that kind of Ar-
rangement, she could look at it and
34
make the immediately see what was wrong.
But the Hogarth Curve isn't the
only line in the world. Lines re-
minded me of math, and math re-
minded me of that Mathematics
stay awake. for Morons book Ronald brought
home in one of his numerous un-
successful attempts to improve my
thinking ability.
I stuck my finger with a needle,
hissed at the stab, held the pot
holder carefully away so as not to
get blood on it. Applique, ha!
There was something in that
book I wanted to remember. Some
. . really interesting line. I grabbed
the book and started down the in-
dex. B. I was sure it began with a B.
No. Moebius Strip. That was it.
Feverishly, I flipped the pages
back to find out what it was that
. was so interesting about the Moe-
bius Strip, and whether it could
be done with an aspidistra leaf
soaked in glycerin.
"Brring!" went the alarm clock,
which I always reset in the morn-
ing to tell me to go get Tommy.
"Damn, damn, damn," I said,
glancing hastily around at the part
on Moebius Strips. There were
other interesting-looking lines, but
I justhad a feeling the Moebius
one was right.
do, w
my.
ALKING
ten, I
into the kindergar-
peered around for Tom-
"Everything all right?" Miss
Potter asked.
GALAXY
 "Urn? Oh." I guess I had a glazed it. And best of a light stripe
all,

look in my eyes. "Come to think of right down the middle.

it, been pondering it all morn-
I've "This," I said, "is going to be the
ing and I haven't told anybody yet. very soul of our flower arrange-
I'm going to make the Arrange- ment."
ment for the Federated Gardens "What's a soul?"
show." "A soul . .
." The telephone rang.
"How You
could make a
nice! I am
not always this fortunate.
real family project out of it!" Miss "I wanted to let you know," Bar-
Potter said with her usual mis- bara said, "that I've got the perfect
placed enthusiasm. "Tommy loves container for your Arrangement. A
to make things!" pale blue cloisonne bowl. Oval. Just
"I know." the thing for a fan Arrangement."
«T»
Tommy talked all the way home, I'm not making a fan Arrange-
but hear a word he said.
I didn't ment."
"Make yourself a peanut butter "No? Well, I think it would do
sandwich," I said when I pushed very nicely for one of the Japanese
open the back door.
%
Arrangements."
«T>
"Boys my age need a good hot I'm not using Japanese lines,"
lunch." I said.
"My mother used to have to There was
a silence. Then,
force me to eat a good hot lunch. "You're not going to try a Hogarth
I'd have liked nothing better than Curve!"
to come home and make myself a "No. It's not the sort of thing you
peanut butter sandwich." can describe, Barbara. You'll just
Tommy gave me his accusatory have to see it. When I'm ready."
look. "I can come by any evening."
*

"Oh, all right," I said. Fortunately, Barbara works. "Sup-

pose I come by this evening and
A FTER lunch, we went out in bring you the bowl?"
-^*- the garage where I have my "I already have a base," I lied.
lab— ferns being pressed between "I'll call you when I have the Ar-

newspapers, cattails hanging up to rangement in shape."

dry, my bucket of things in glyc- "I didn't mean to interfere."
erin. "It isn't that. It's that the thing is
"What I need," I mused, "is the — gestating. I need to feel it for a
biggest aspidistra in the world." while."
I found a really nice one. Brown- "Of course," Barbara said, as
ish, of course, but with a reddish though I had just told her I was
streak and hints of deep green in calling in a medium.
FLOWER ARRANGEMENT 35
ABASE. Really, I didn't want then wire in some camellias at the
any base at all. I needed some- last minute.

thing that was nothing. If I had been a purist, I would

The pastry board was too big. have left the Arrangement the way
But I have a lovely chopping it was, with just the one leaf. Tom-

board, oblong, just the right size. I my and I, however, are not purists.
scrubbed the onion and garlic smell "Go out into the garage and get
out of it as best I could and stuck me six dried okra pods off the
on a piece of starfoam with floral shelf," I said. "I am a fairy god-

clay. mother."
Now the Moebius Strip. "Which ones is the okra?" Tom- *

"Tommy!" my asked.
His eyes were wide and puzzled. "The stripy ones."
He didn't know what he'd done. Tommy was back in a flash.
"Why did you tear Mama's aspi- "What are you going to turn them
distra leaf into strips?" A whole into?"
bunch of them, meeting at the stem. "A handsome young Dried Ar-
"It's prettier that way." rangement."
I could see what he meant. "Can I stick some in?"
There was something festive-look- "One."
ing about it. Like streamers tied to I wired them all and put in five,

a stick. their slight crescents all curving in

"Let's try it like it is," Tommy the same direction. Tommy put the
said. sixth one in, curving, of course, in
He picks up these insidious co- the wrong direction.
operative suggestions from Miss Still, you know, it didn't look
Potter, and he has me in the midst bad.
of family projects before I'm aware "Now," I said, "we need some-
of what's going on. thing behind it. For a background.
"Well, I guess wouldn't hurt to
it Something pale. Go into the
try. Hand me a piece of that green garage," I commanded, waving my
wire.
» magic floral wire, "and get me four
I gathered the ends of the ferns. They're between the sheets
streamers together, carefully half- of newspaper."
looped them and wired them to the It's obvious what's wrong with
bottom of the stem, so that the stem all this. You should never use an

was part of the curve, too. They even number of things in a flower
were pliable, but not limp or crack- arrangement. It's gauche and bour-
ly, from the glycerin. My idea was geois and almost as bad as serving
to make a Dried Arrangement and iced sherry.

36 GALAXY
JUST as I was really getting Tommy fell down and split his lip
started, Ronald came in de- wide open, requiring stitches, and
manding dinner. Ronald came down with the flu,
"How am I ever going to get requiring continuous bed care.
my Arrangement made if people I'd rather be locked up with two
keep interrupting?" I said, because live octopi.
I was knee-deep in weeds and it And then Marcelle called and
was infuriating to have to stop. said the pot holders had to be done
"Don't you and Tommy ever think by the next week, so every time I
of anything but food?" had an odd moment I had to sit
"Sally Jo!" down and work on that wretched
I opened cans of this and that, applique.
like the ladies onRonald
television. "I'll resign!" I screamed one day,
and Tommy ate morosely and of hurling a half-appliqued pot holder
course the Tylers dropped by after across the room. "Do you know that
dinner and Marcelle said, "What have the bias binding to sew
I still
is that?" And I said, "Oh, it isn't on? And, Ronald, they're round"
finished yet," and Tommy said, "/ "For God's sake, resign! I've
helped," and Marcelle said, "That's never heard of making pot holders
awfully clever of Tommy to help foi a garden club, anyway."

make something. But tell me, dear, "It's forour bazaar. And I can't
have you ever wondered about his resign before the show. I wouldn't
subconscious?" be able to make the Arrangement."
No, I hadn't, but it was my sub- "Which would suit me just fine,"
conscious, and after that I kept Ronald said. "Where's my pipe?"
wondering, Why is my subcon- "Did you look on your pipe
scious like a Moebius Strip? The rack?" *

best answer I could come up with "There's a tube of toothpaste on

was that it's because it has a half- my pipe rack."
twist in it "Then your pipe's in the medi-
But the next morning I got the cine cabinet."
fern in exactly right, balancing the By the time Tommy
was back
five okra pods with three large in school and Ronald was back at
ferns and the wrong-way one with work, I had one day to finish my
a small fern. The aspidistra showed Arrangement in.
up beautifully against the fragile
dried road fern. T> ARBARA, of course, had been
Then, of course, Tommy and -*-* calling every night "to find
Ronald revolted against my Crea- out how everybody is," and hint-
tive Period, each in his own way. ing for me to let her take over.

FLOWER ARRANGEMENT 37
38 GALAXY
Somewhere, probably out of sheer bara, who needs to make
after all
irritation, I found the strength of Flower Arrangements because she
mind to refuse her. doesn't have any children. And if
"But you'llneed my Pink Per- one is going to have a vice at all,
fections," Barbara said. "After all, and neglect home and family and
it's a camellia show." friends, one ought to be able to
''Couldn'tyou meet me before say, "There, at least I got a prize."
the show? I'm going over at eight broke the eggs into a bowl and
I
o'clock and Ronald's going to drop got the bacon started. Then I
Tommy off at school for me. The popped into the living room and
show doesn't start until nine. You turned the light on for a quick look
could stop by on the way to work." at my Moebius Strip. There was
«TT
be there at eight o'clock,"
I'll something not quite right about it.
Barbara said. "How many Pink For one thing, it no longer looked
Perfections do you want me to like a Moebius Strip. On the other
bring? Three? Five?" hand, it didn't look nor like a Moe-
"Four," I said, and hung up be- bius Strip.
even gasp.
fore she could The bacon started complaining
I worked most of the night. I and I went to separate the pieces
filled in the curve of the Moebius and at this point Tommy woke up
Strip with some soft, sort of thistle and informed me that he was wet,
down things. I covered the star- as is tendency on cold mornings.
his
*

foam with curly moss and
rest of the chopping board bare. I
worked in the mindless way that
produces the best effect.
The alarm went ^off at six. I
hopped out of bed and darted
about the chilly house to get my
left the Then Ron said he couldn't find his
cuff links and the cat started yowl-
ing to come in and I didn't have
time to think about anything at all.
Until I started in to get my
flower Arrangement to bring to
the John £). Ransom auditorium, i

family clothed and fed and out. I where the show was going to be.
was more excited than I ought to Then Tommy said, "I fixed it for
have been over a flower show. Fd you." And so he had. It looked
stuck my neck out too far, refusing Moebius, only more so.
to let Barbara help. And using a Barbara was waiting for me just
totally unorthodox Arrangement. inside the door, her arms wrapped
And furthermore — you don't ordi- around herself, doing a little two-
narily think of Flower Arranging step to warm up. The auditorium
as a vice, but it was something was like a vault and the heating
nasty in me that made me volun- system was just getting started,
teer to do it, and to exclude Bar- with random, thunderous shrieks.

FLOWER ARRANGEMENT 39
 "Why, Sally JoF Barbara cried, My heart sank. "No, no, dear,"
stopping in mid-two-step. "It's in- I said, hurrying after him to where
teresting." Barbara was, but he was right.
There were bits of weed and fluff
CARRIED the Arrangement piled up on the floor and a gleam
over to the niche marked east- of joy in Barbara's eyes, and there
bank GARDEN GROUP. ARRANGE- was nothing left of the fascinating
MENT BY SALLY JO WARNER. I set shape Tommy and I had made.
it down carefully, though Barbara "See?" I went on. "It's beautiful.
says an Arrangement should al- Ifs a perfect Hogarth Curve." It
ways be so tight you can turn it up- was. It didn't droop at all. And Bar-
side down and shake it. bara had made the Arrangement.
had a moment of
Interesting! I "There was something funny in /

wild triumph and then I was a little there," Barbara said. "I thought it
ashamed of myself. Barbara was must be Tommy's, so I saved it."
generous enough to like it. "It's my inside-out balloon,"
"However," Barbara said, press- Tommy said, his chin quivering,
ing her lips together and making "and she turned
'
it back right-side
me feel normal again, "where are in!"
we going to put the Pink Perfec- Itwas Tommy's multi-colored
tions?" balloon, and it really didn't look
Barbara opened the shallow box much like a balloon any more,
with four camellias in it. They though it was still blown up. "How
were, of course, perfect and spot- did your balloon get in there?"
less and exactly alike. I can under- put it in," Tommy said, "to
"I
stand how Barbara manages to dis- make the Arrangement more
cipline her house and her dog and rounder. It's the roundest thing I
her husband, but I have never fig- ever made." Tears were gathering
ured out how anyone can discipline in his eyes.
flowers. "Now, dear, I don't know why I
"The camellias? Oh, yes, the didn't see it."
."
camellias . . "I put it you made it.
in after
There was a baffled bellow from Then I blew it up and tied it and
Ronald. He was trying to get Tom- poked in the end. It was the round-
my's snowsuit ran over before
off. I est thing in the whole world!"
the zipper or Tommy could get "But it's still tied! See? So no-
jammed. The instant I had the body could have turned it right-
snowsuit off, there was a wail from side out. It looks the same on both
Tommy. "She ruined my Flower sides."
Arrangement!" "No, it don't. The other side got

40 GALAXY
magnetic paint on it Thafs why now it's all on the wrong side and
the balloon got ripples in it" it's ruined."
Ron had been standing around "I have to get to work," Ron said.
looking impatient and he said, "Here, catch." I tossed the bal-
"Tommy, there's no such thing as loon to Tommy.
magnetic paint" It stayed up in the middle of the
"There is, too," Tommy said. "I air.

made it" "See?" Tommy said. "It's no

"How did you make it?" good no more."
"You mix up silver paint like We all stood staring, in a state of
you use for Christmas Arrange- shock.
ments and you add that silver glit- "It's a funny shape," Ron said
ter that you sprinkle and then you finally. "Those puckers sort of go
add all the old magnets you have in and if you follow that striated
."
around and you stir it good." band ... if you follow . .

"How many old magnets?" I I was trying to follow it with my

asked. eyes, too.
"Lots and lots and lots." ". . . you get vertigo," Ron fin-
"Then what?" ished, looking off in another direc-
"Then you turn the balloon in- tion.
side out and blow it up anji pinch "Yes, you do," I said. "Well, we
the end with a clothes pin and paint can't just leave it here. Tommy,
it and theivwhen it's dry you let would you like to take it to show
the air out." Miss Potter?"
"And just why do you do all "Miss Potter, hell!" Ron ex-
this?" Ron asked. claimed. "There's something extra-
ordinary about this. I'm going to
THHAT
f
was and
a silly question take it down to work with me and
* Tommy didn't bother to answer let the boys at the lab have a look
it. at it. I've never seen anything that
"What about the magnets?" I just stayed in mid-air like that. You
asked. notice it doesn't seem to float, as it
"You bury them in the back would if it contained a gas, and ." . .

yard." But I was busy apologizing to

"Oh. And do metal things stick Barbara for Tommy's manners and
on the magnetic paint?" assuring her the Hogarth Curve
"Well — hair does, if you brush was beautiful.
it first." I pinned the left-over camellia
"Metal things." in my hair, because I felt I de-
"I think they do. A teeny bit. But served something, and Ron said

FLOWER ARRANGEMENT 41
he'd drop Tommy and me off at gray and white cotton
sweater
kindergarten. blouse, which I hoped would give
"Isn't it marvelous," I asked Ron the impression of a businesslike
as I wiped off the windshield, be- outfit.
cause Tommy
kept huffing on it, On the way down on the street-
"to have a son who's an important car, I found a woman staring at me
scientist before the age of six?" and I realized I had been practic-
"Now don't be getting delusions ing my facial expression. It was the
of grandeur about him," Ron said. one where hang a cigarette out of
I
"Whatever you and he made was the side of my mouth, narrow my
purely accidental." eyes to a slit, and say, "I'm Warner.
"That goes to show what you You Craddock?"
know about the scientific method. What actually happened was
I was making a Moebius Arrange- that an office boy said, "What are
ment and Tommy was making the you so nervous about, lady?" and
roundest thing in the whole world, brought me through a maze of for-
and when you're working on some- bidding-looking chambers and de-
thing and something else happens, posited me
on a bench facing a
something scientifically important, back that was, presumably, Crad-
it's called — I can't remember what dock's.
it's but it's a perfectly good
called, I sat there trying to decide
word beginning with R. Or maybe whether to address him or just wait,
L." when he turned, looked at me, and
"Serendipity. But you and Tom- jumped two feet.
my . . . Never mind." "I didn't know anyone was
there," he explained, and since he
T ATER on in the morning, Ron was the one who had acted a little
-^ called to tell me to go see a silly, I felt much better about him
man named Craddock over at the immediately.
«T».
lab, and I'd have to go by myself I'm sorry," I said. "I was just
because Ron was busy, and I said, sitting here trying to decide ." . .

"All right," but it wasn't all right. That wouldn't do. "My name's
The thought of going to that Warner," I said, omitting the facial
strange place to talk to important expression.
men was terrifying. "Dr. Warner?"
I opened my closet and looked "Sally Jo Warner."
unhappily through my inappropri- "And you discovered this new-
ate house dresses and equally in- force field?"
appropriate party dresses. I finally "If you mean the right-side-in-
decided on my black skirt, dark side-out balloon," I answered, "yes.

42 GALAXY
With my son.Thomas." I decided shudder going through his slight,

that if he was going to be a scien- clattery frame. "Just tell me how

we
tist, should stop calling him you did this." He nodded at the
Tommy. balloon, which was encased in a
glass box with a tube sort of thing
f^ RADDOCK was one of those leading into it.

^^ thin, pale, freckled-all-over "Well, you take an aspidis-

first

people with eyes the color of the tra leaf ..." I began, and went on
rims of his horri-rimmed glasses from there. Craddock wrote it all
and he wore the same general ex- down, though he kept saying, "I just
pression of stubborn intentness don't see how the balloon fits into
that Tommy has. And I could all this," and finally I said, "Now
sense in his expression the same we get to the balloon. And the mag-
scorn for me that Tommy so fre- netic paint."
quently has. "Where did you get the magnetic
"I'd like to discuss this with your paint?"
son," he said. "My colleague made it."

Of course. / couldn't be expected Craddock was awfully picayu-

to say anything sensible. nish about details. "How much
"Thomas has school in the morn- silver paint? How much is 'the rest
ings," I said. of a pack of glitter'?" Then he was
"Ah? Urn. Which school?" disturbed because lots and lots and
"Miss Nicholls." lots of magnets is eight.
V
"Miss When I got to the part where
"It's a small private school. Kin- Barbara made a Hogarth Curve out
dergarten through third grade." of my Moebius Strip, I asked him
"A third-grade child did this!" for a cigarette because I was still
"No. Kindergarten. And I was upset over it.

not without influence in this dis- "I know how you feel," Crad-
covery. I went to Grey Rock Junior dock said, being agreeable for the
College." * first time. "I don't think it's right
"Urn. Sciences?" to makea Hogarth Curve out of a
"Yes." Moebius Strip, either. I wouldn't
"I mean what sciences?" even think it was possible."
"We learned all the sciences in "Well, that's all," I said, and
one course. Chemistry, biology, Craddock grabbed my cigarette be-
physics and—well, I'd have to look fore I dropped it into what looked
in the book to remember the like an empty dish. "I have to rush
others." off and pick up my colleague at
"Never mind," Craddock said, a kindergarten."

FLOWER ARRANGEMENT 43
 N the way to Miss Nicholls, my thought made me a little nervous.
mind was afire with ambition. "We're getting photographs of
Tommy would appear on TV. everything," Craddock went on,
Everyone would forget about the "but what's worrying us is that we
time Tommy smeared Miss Pot- haven't been able to duplicate the
ter's chair with mucilage right be- — uh — experiment."
urr
fore she sat down. He'd be offered I'll bet you didn't soak the
scholarships to MIT. He'd dictate aspidistra in glycerin. You couldn't
articles for scientific journals and have. There hasn't been time."
I'd write them up. "Glycerin wouldn't have any-
And if anyone ever made re- thing to do with it. For that matter,
marks about my thinking ability neither would the aspidistra."
again, I'd just say, "My method "Plants," I informed him, "even
produces results." dried ones, have all sorts of influ-
About two o'clock that after- ence. If you put a bouquet of roses
noon, Craddock called and bawled, in a room, the whole room and all
"The force field is leaking! Another the furniture is a different shape."
hour and it'll all be gone!" "That's your subjective reaction.
"Stop sounding as though it's my It's because you like roses."

fault," I said. "There! That proves my point!

"Sorry. I'm just anxious." Why does the lamb love Mary so?"
"Why don't you catch the drip-
pings in a pot or something?" i^RADDOCK choked a little.

"We tried to. But you should see V^ "Mrs. Warner : . . all right,
the cloud chamber." why does the lamb love Mary so?"
I said, "I'm sure the cloud cham- "They learn things like this at
ber is very interesting," because it Miss Nicholls," I pointed out. "The
was none of his business if I didn't answer is, 'Mary loves the lamb,
know what a cloud chamber was. you know.' People like roses be-
"The lines just wiggle and dis- cause roses like Which
people.
appear into another dimension. I means roses have something you
don't know how else to describe it" don't know about."
"What's making it leak?" "All right , there are things I don't
"There's something unusual in know. The first thing I don't know
the nuclei of the atoms. They're is how to carry on an intelligible
decaying." conversation with you. But let's
"Tommy blew up the balloon," I skip everything except what I
said, and wondered if he had cavi- called you
Will you and your
for.

ties, though of course it was a dif- colleague please make another of

ferent kind of decay. Still the those balloon affairs?"

44 GALAXY
 "I doubt can be done."
if it anyway, and Barbara's always
"Why? If there are any mate- winning other prizes for us. And it
rials you need, I can certainly—" was too bad Craddock wasn't go-
"It isn't that. It's - well, what- ing to have his force field, but he
ever we do, ifs going to be a little hadn't been very nice about the
bit different. And I don't know if whole thing.
Tommy can find where he turied No, the real tragedy was that
the magnets. But I'll try." Tommy was going to be bitterly
But before I went shouting unhappy about something I had
around for Tommy, I called Bar- absolutely no control over.
bara, because something had oc-
curred to
_
me
while I was talking •
CALLED Craddock and tried
to Craddock and it was only decent to explain to him why Tommy
to tell Barbara. would never in the world get inter-
"What time," I asked, "do the ested in making another Moebius
judges come around tonight?" Strip thing. And there's no way to
"About seven-thirty," Barbara make a child create . something,
said. any more than you can make him
"I'm sorry, but you ought to eat.
know. We're not going to win." "You see," I told Craddock, who
"What?" was sputtering helplessly on the
"Your Hogarth Curve," I said, other end of the line, "he's already
thinking of the leaking balloon, "is made the roundest thing in the
going to droop at three o'clock," whole world. It's not really hard to
and left the explanation for later. make the roundest thing in the
I found Tommy in the back whole world. I mean, things tend
yard, deeply involved with sticks to be round, and you have to
all

and bits of string and old nails. do is follow a tendency. But now
I knew immediately and sadly he's working on something else and
what he was doing. he'll keep at it and won't think
It was too bad Tommy wasn't about anything else and it's going
going to be a famous scientist be- to be tragic when he finds out it

fore the age of six, but that was just can't be done."
mostly just a joke. And it was too "And what is he trying to do?"
bad the Eastbank Garden Group Craddock managed to say.
wasn't going to win a prize in the "He's trying to make the
Federated Gardens Show, but it squarest thing in the whole world."
was no longer my Arrangement, — ROSEL GEORGE BROWN

FLOWER ARRANGEMENT 45
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47
 Sale
Talk
BY CON BLOMBERG

To five different and exciting

lives, all I had to do was sign

here— and give up my own life!

Illustrated by MORROW

LOOKING
saw them
I
out the window,
the
crossing
well, you hear so many stories
about EL, and this was really my
court toward the building — contact with them.
first

two of them. One, the taller with They were standing out in front,
yellow hair, was carrying a flat, ex- looking just like a couple of door-
pensive briefcase, and the other, to-door salesmen. And that's just
of course, was carrying the large what they were, even if they were
square box that contained the Sim. called Electro Medical Consul-
The buzzer sounded, announc- tants. Just a fancy name for sales-
ing them at the door, and I opened men.
it with mixed feelings. I wasn't They were very neat in appear-
sure myself how I would act and— ance, just as good salesmen should

48 GALAXY
be. Their hats looked new and
did their shoes.
"Ah, Mr. Gaines," said the yel-
low-haired one, sticking out his
neatly manicured but definitely
masculine hand, "I'm very happy
to meet you, sir." His grin could
only be described as sincerely
boyish.
"Come in," I said, feeling
smiling back, so effectively pleas-
ant were their grins. "Come in and
sit down, won't you?"
So they came in, doffing their
hats, and sat down in two chairs
that ordinarily didn't use.
I
seemed to know instinctively
which was my favorite chair. Oh,
they were smooth!
"Now, Mr. Gaines," said the
light-haired man, "perhaps I should
start offwith a little introduction
all around and a short explanation
of what Electronic Living can
mean to you."
one had mentioned EL up
No
to that point, yet they knew with-
out a doubt that I had correctly
identified them. Talk about con-
fidence—it was like a physical force
in the room.
UT>
I'm Jake Long and this is
Blik," said the light-haired one, ris-
ing and gripping my hand with a
warm, dry, just right handshake.
"Pleased to meet you," said Blik,
gripping my hand in turn with an
identical warm, dry, just right
handshake.
"I'm going to ask you for a bit
SALES TALK
so of your time," said Long, "and I
certainly hope you can grant us a
few minutes without too much in-
11
convenience.
MURMURED something
about having plenty of time.
That was a laugh, and he and I both
knew had so little to do, I al-
it. I
like most welcomed them just for sheer
entertainment value.
"Well, that's fine," said Long,
"but rest assured we aren't going to
try to waste any of your time. We
intend to make it short and sweet,
They as they say." He did such a good
job of keeping up the fiction of me
being a busy man that I almost be-
lieved it myself.
"You probably know more about
Electronic Living than I do," he
said, and I felt for an instant that
I did, "but we'll go over it anyway
just so you understand me a little
better. You'llremember back in
1958-1959 there was a lot of work
done— or I should say a beginning
made — in developing an electronic
eye for people who had lost their
eyesight. This was a start of Elec-
tronic Living in its crudest form.
These early pioneers, using what
Arnie
little knowledge was available of
the brain then, were actually able
to insert a probe in the brain and
enable the blind person to 'see'
light. At first it was just the dif-
ference between light and dark, but
after a while they did develop a
kind of vision — and then finally,
49
after much work, the system grew ducing an elephant from
into actual electronic vision. thimble.
"This was, as I said, the start of
Electronic Living because it ad- RNIE Blik hadn't said a word
vanced the basic premise that the up to this point. He had hung
brain can utilize outside electrical on every word his partner uttered
impulses for its own purposes. as though it were all new to him.
And of course it wasn't long be- Now he took up the song.
fore some experimenters had "May I ask you've ever ex-
if

rigged up a human television re- perienced Electric Living?" he

ceiver. What they
did was set up asked.
a series of brain probes which "No," I said. I really had once
were directly connected to a small or twice, but I figured it was none
television receiving apparatus, and of his business.
the subject could then 'see' the "Ah. Well, you have no ob-
if

broadcast image without the use jection, I'd like to use this Simu-
of his eyes. lator here for a few minutes and
"Since this rough beginning, we give you a bare idea of what's go-
at El have done a lot of work, and ing on in Electronic Living today."
we are now able to reproduce "Sure," I said. "Go right ahead."
every sort of physical sensation Blik opened up the Sim and
known to man through electronic fished out a hat that was shaped
brain connections. much like a medieval knight's hel-
"And recently, as a further re- met, except that it had a couple of
finement, we have been able to big fat wires connected to it at
capture internal brain voltages the back.
and use them reproduce
to "Just a moment
while I tune it
thoughtlike sensations. Unfortu- in," Blik said, lowering the helmet
nately, these are still in the realm part way over his head. He closed
of strong emotions and not true his eyes and began fiddling with
thoughts, but they are extremely a series of small knots and buttons
effective. which were mounted inside the
"Now, it is this combination of case. Finally he took it off his head
physical sensation voltages and in- and approached me, carrying this
ternal brain voltages, when fed ridiculous helmet like it was a
into your brain from a simple tape crown on a velvet pillow.
like this, that produces what we "You willbe experiencing a bas-
<»
call Electronic Living.' ketball player," he said, and
With that he pulled a piece of plopped down over my head.
it

tape out of his pocket as if pro- When the helmet came down,
50 GALAXY
there was a momentary blank per- concept of EL, coupled with the
iod, and then suddenly I was a feeling that I didn't want to show
basketball player who was playing any reaction in front of the EL
a fast professional game. I was men.
good, or should say he was? He After
a short time, Blik re-
felt exultation because his team moved the Sim, and the basketball
was ahead and he'd put them player's Life Experience faded
there with a difficult shot. I could away. The two EL men looked at
feel the pounding of his heart and me expectantly.
the strain of his chest as he gulped "Hmmm," I said, forcing myself
in huge quantities of air. His eyes to appear neutral. They did not
ranged around the court, following seem to be disappointed by my
his teammates and opponents. reaction or lack of it.

It was something, all right, but

not everything, because on top of UITE an experience, wasn't
the sensations and emotions of the it?" said Blik, putting
the
basketball player, I was getting Sim down on the floor. "Of course
another series of feelings and emo- you realize that you don't get the
i

tion which were my own. full effect because you actually

Superimposed on the other have two primary sets of electric

players on the court was the image images going into the brain. We
of my own room with the
living never have been able to overcome
two men watching rpe. Over the the subject's own real physical
smell of sweat of the basketball and mental sensation with a de-
players came the odor of my apart- vice that works outside the skull."
ment. Above the sensation of run- "But I'm sure Mr. Gaines get?
ning, jumping and colliding with the idea," said Long.
«T>
other players was the sensation I'm sure I do," I said. The
of sitting in my favorite chair with damn was plenty intriguing,
thing
a weight on my head. but somehow, despite all its good
In short, I was two people at points, I wasn't really sold on it.

cne time. "Perhaps you'd be interested in

Even the emotions of the bas- the kind of thing we have pro-
ketball player — joy at making a grammed for our EL subscribers,"
basket, a flare of rage at a rough said Long with a kindly smile. "If
opponent, and the surge of hope you are someone who likes active
that a teammate would come sports, we can give you an evening
through —
were clouded over with of that kind of thing. We don't pro-
my own emotions of not complete- gram sports in the daytime or early
ly accepting as right the whole evening because it interferes with

SALES TALK 51
 VO^E

52 GALAXY
the regular sports consumers, but which has a fine feel to it. Ex-
it's nice to have later on in the tremely intellectual and yet artis-
evening if you like it." tically creative, if you know what
I nodded in what I hoped was I mean. And then there's an ex-

a cold manner. tremely thrilling milieu dealing

"Perhaps you'd like the milieu with a symphony conductor in
built up around a hard-working which there is an absolute physi-
farmer or laborer for a daytime cal thrill that is audio-inspired.
program. A certain amount of Just the thing for anyone who is
physical labor which is coupled an audiophile, I'd say."
with a strong emotion of accom- I had to admit that it was be-
plishment and pride. An excellent ginning to sound more appealing
milieu and one of our most popu- all the time and found myself
I
lar currently." wondering just which Life Experi-
"Very interesting," I said non- ence one would pick first if he
commitally, intrigued in spite of were to go EL.
myself. "Of course," said Blik, with a
Then it was Blik's turn. "If you manly grin, "we have the thing
are interested in the social type we call our 'playboy milieu' which
of thing, we have several new mil- is strictly a sensual sort of a thing.
ieus that fit right in with this sort It oftenappeals rather strongly to
of can recall one of a
thing. I new subscribers, although I have
formal dinner party which has to warn you that it soon becomes
strong emotional connotations of an Experience which palls on you."
well-being and a sense of — gran-
deur —grandeur in the old
yes, T¥E almost had me with that
meaning of the word. And in this -- one, because after all I have
same milieu it is possible to get normal male curiosity and all that,
the bon-vivant type of thing. You and naturally it's always these
know, the raconteur who a real is "playboy milieus" that you hear
spellbinder. That has a strong emo- the most about among people who
tion of ego-fulfillment." arenon-EL subscribers. Yes, for a
"Very interesting," I said again, minute or two there, I was teeter-
"but it doesn't quite fill the bill as ing on the brink, but my better
far as I'm -" sense did ultimately win out and
"Arnie, we've been overlooking I could feel the emotion of resist-
the obvious," said Long. "Mr. ance welling up inside me.
Gaines is looking more for the in- "Well, actually, gentlemen, it
tellectual type of Life Experience. isn't a case of not finding the right
Now, I recall one of a sculptor milieu, because I'm sure you have

SALES TALK 53
anything that could ever want.
I little connection mounted high on
It's more on philosophical grounds the left side of my head where it

that I find that I hesitate to go can oe tastefully covered with hair

along with Electronic Living," I when not in use.
said boldly. Just saying it gave me "And I'll probably come back
a tremendous lift. to this apartment to find the Elec-
"Ah," said Long, looking at the tronic Living Machine installed in
ceiling and making a tent of his that corner, tastefully decorated
fingers in front of his chest. "I al- to look like an old-fashioned an-
ways enjoy talking with a man tique bookcase, or a modern bar,
who has a philosophical bent. In or whatever I want it to look like.
fact," he unfolding the tent
said, But whatever it looks like, there
and leaning close to me and lower- will be a comfortable chair unob-
ing his voice a little, "it's the one trusively attached to the ELM and
big pleasure I get out of this job." sooner or later I'll sit down in that
"I'm afraid that I have to agree chair and read over the list of Life
with you there, Jack," said Blik, Experiences and select one.
digging his toe into the rug in a "Then I'll sink back in the chair

distinctly boyish manner. and the connection on my

little

head will fit neatly into another

you us little connection on the chair, be-
^YJf/'HY don't sort of
™ in on your thinking, Mr.
fill

cause my chair will fit only me,

Gaines?" urged Long. and it will fit me perfectly.
"Well," I said, feeling warm un- "And then, while I drift off to
der the collar and allowing my hand EL-land, the chair will unfold
to tremble slightly with emotion arcund me so that all sight and
as I got into what I now realized sound and almost all feeling will
was the meat of my resistance to disappear and I'll be like a chrysa-
EL. "Well, let's take it from the lis in a cocoon.
word go. If I sign up with you "So for two or three or eight
now, I'll go down to the Electronic hours I'll stay inside the cocoon,
Living Center tomorrow or the living another person's life. And
next day and they'll take me into while I'm in there, everyone will
an operating room and put some be sighing a sigh of relief that
tiny probes into my brain, and here is another potential producer
aside from a momentary twinge or who has finally given up the ghost
two, I won't feel a thing. And then and turned consumer.
when it's over I'll walk out of the "Then when the tape is through,
room looking just the way I did the cocoon will open and I'll wake
before, except that I'll have a neat up tired or refreshed or satiated or

54 GALAXY
somehow changed, and then I'll We sat for a while just sort of
get out to the food center and dial gazing around at nothing.
a meal or call someone up, or go Finally Blik spoke up. "What
out and walk around or some- was that one point that you dis-
thing." agreed on Jack?" he asked his
partner. "I've been running Mr.
WAS really getting wound up, Gaines' statement over in my mind
I but Long broke in on me. "Tell and I can't seem to find the flaw
me a little more," he said, "about ycu mentioned."
that one idea, will you? You know, 'Oh, it was nothing." said Long
the idea about how you will give impatiently. "Just a minor point."
up being a producer and will be "No, I mean it," said Blik. "I'd
all consumer?" really like to know."
"I was just coming to that," I "Not worth talking about. Let's
said hotly. "Yes, they'll probably pack up and not take any more
enroll my name on the EL sub- of Mr. Gaines' time."
scribers roll with a big cheer, and "Come on, Jack, tell me what it
all my non-EL friends will hear was," said Blik, in a rather posi-
about it and they'll raise their tive way, I thought.
eyebrows, or maybe they'll sign "Really, Arnie," said Long, fir-

up too. ing up a little, "take it easy, will

"But the point is this. Is it you? We don't want to have to
right for me, a big, strong, healthy argue about some little point that
human being with powers of per- doesn't mean anything. Just forget
ception and reasoning and a capa- it."

bility for work and creativeness— His attitude changed quickly

is it right for me to substitute this from irritation to downright nasti-
dream world of EL for actual real ness. Apparently, as head of the
thinking, or doing, or creating? sales team, he wasn't going to take
Do any of us have the right to sub- anything from a subordinate. It
vert our normal impulses for crea- kind of irritated me in turn, be-
tion and for living in this way?" cause he gave me the impression
"A good question," said Long that he felt as if he was too good
with a sigh. "I'm afraid he's put it to talk with us about it.
in pretty unanswerable terms, all "All right, all right," said Blik,
right. Except for one minor point, "the hell with it. So it was a minor
I couldn't help but agree with point."
everything he said, in spite of the "Why not tell him?" I asked
fact that I — well, I'm sold on EL, Long, cutting in quickly as Blik
naturally." made a move to pack up the Sim.

SALES TALK 55
 *

I ONG turned toward me with a displacement because of a lack of

" supercilious look that put me
in the same category as assistants
who had the temerity to question
the boss. Then in an instant the
mask returned and he was just as
polite and smooth as ever — but
I'd' seen the crack in the slickness
before he changed. It really got me
where I live. That's one thing I
can't stand — an assault on the
ego by a slick bum like that, who
thinks he's so good.
"Oh, I don't see how
that small a point," I said.
cially if you thought
the last part as insultingly as
knew how, and I saw the color
in his face.
"Yes, speak up," said Blik, sid-
ing with me. "He's got a right to
know."
"All right," said
asperity that even the professional
mask couldn't hide, "but I
you that it's strictly
point."
"So it's a minor," said Blik." Tell
us.
j»
"The point is," said Long, after
a short pause
thoughts, "that EL
a need for
some people. You see, with the
big upsurge in automation years
ago, it got harder and harder for
a production-oriented economy to
survive. Jobs got fewer and easier.
People were thrown out of work.
During the early years of automa-
jobs,and this made for a lot of
economic juggling which really
didn't help matters.
"It wasn't until some ten years
ago that people finally came to
the conclusion that production was
outstripping the need for labor and
production was begin-
that, in fact,
ning to become a burden on the
economy. And so they turned
things around a bit. Instead of giv-
ing rewards and subsidies to the
it can be production end of the economy,
"Espe- they began giving it to the con-
of it." I said suming end. That was really the
I only way out of the hole.
rise "But it was soon found that peo-
ple are not merely organisms
geared to consume. At first it was
grand and glorious, but after a bit
the urge to create, to work, to
Long with some think began to assert itself strong-
ly, and that's where EL came
warn along. EL was developed to give
a minor unsatisfied people satisfactions that
they couldn't get anywhere else.
They couldn't be allowed to pro-
duce because that was what was
wrecking things. So they had to
to collect his be provided with a synthetic 'pro-
fills duction-fulfillment.'
"Today these producer-minded
people can get any sort of satisfac-
tion they need from EL, and it
keeps them from wandering around
trying to produce something that
would just be a hindrance. After
all, what we need is consumership,

tion, there was a lot of population not production.

56 GALAXY
 "But that's a relatively
point, as I said earlier," Long con-
cluded looking at me with a su-
perior air. "It's such a minor point,
it won't even bear discussion.
TTIS manner, underneath
*--*• implied that he
slick facade,
wouldn't deign to discuss it with
two peasants like Blik and me un-
der any circumstances.
"Just a minute " I said. "It's nor
a minor point at all. It seems to
me that you've hit the core of the
problem."
"A minor point," insisted Long,
his eyes blazing, although his face
retained the mask of the smiling
salesman.
"Perhaps I didn't make myself
clear," I said. "Have you ever
stopped to think that if you take
EL into the larger picture, it does
serve a purpose, and perhaps we
are all here for a different reason
than I had originally discussed?
Maybe the thing to be is a super-
consumer — maybe definitive con-
sumership is the most vital thing
in our life, not the production of
things."
"Well, that's an idea,
enough," said Blik suddenly. He
had been silent during the flare-
up between Long and me. "But
can't helpbut think," he continued,
"that your original argument was
a little tighter. The
old virtues do
have a place, don't they?"
You see how slick, how
SALES TALK
minor trained, how cunning they were?
When Blik opened his mouth, the
bubble burst, and I knew that they
had neatly switched me around to
,,
where I was arguing against my-
self. Up until the instant Blik
the was actually sell-
started talking, I
ing myself on EL, and the truth
was that I had almost completed
the job by that time. If he had re-
mained silent, I probably would
have signed the contract — I think
I would have fought to sign it
I felt an emotion of strength
and power then. A top EL team
had given me the works and I had
seen through them. They still
didn't know they had lost, but they
would — just as soon as I opened
my mouth to speak. The emotion
of victory is sweeter than almost
anything else, and all the sweeter
for having skirted defeat.
"You know, Arnie," I said, "I
agree with you. The old virtues
are best. I think EL is a living
hell."
Jt was a sight to see, believe
me. Their slick, slick faces folded
like paper houses in a hurricane.
Blik's hands were shaking as he
sure bent over and started packing up
the Sim without another word.
You have to be good to know that
I fast that you have lost irrevocably.
They got up then and scooped
their hats up from the floor and
put them on. The gracious, gentle-
manly conduct was a thing of the
well- past.
57
 "Tell me," said Long, his hand as good as you think when we play
on the door, the edge of the EL the tape back." I felt along the
contract peeking untidily out of base of my skull where the trans-
his expensive briefcase, "where did mitter hung encased in Natur-fiesh
we make our mistake?" and covered with fake hair. I could
I laughed a good loud whoop. It hardly believe it was there, it felt
felt good. "It was when Arnie here so natural.
switched sides." Rommy looked out the window.
"Stupid fool," said Long, look- Long and Blik were walking back
ing as though he wanted to slam through the gate, talking and wav-
the square box containing the Sim ing their arms the way people do
over Blik's head. when they're excited about doing
"Sorry, old man," Blik said, col- a good job.
oring a deep red. "I'll try to make "There's a pair of sweethearts,"
it up next time." said Rommy. "Real actors, those
"Not with me, you won't," said boys. I checked out the transmis-
Long. "Technician!" sion right up to the last minute
They opened the door and and they really gave out — you
went out. I jigged with glee as I couldn't find a quiver of disbelief
looked out the window and or strain. They felt it."

watched them cross the court. "So did I," I said, sitting down
Long was walking along a high in and putting my feet up on a low
dudgeon, his briefcase swinging table on the set. "Tell me, Rom-
angrily with every step. Blik was my, what in hell is EL going to use
trotting along to one side and be- these tapes for, anyway? It seems
hind him, his shoulders slumped, to me it would be sort of danger-
defeat written all over his form ous to put all this on tape."
and walk. "We couldn't tell you before be-
cause it might have spoiled your
I LOOKED around as the wall reactions, but we have a lot of EL
* swung open and Rommy subscribers who are down deep op-
walked in with his hand out- posed to EL, and this tape will be
stretched. sort of a catharsis for them. It'll

"Congratulations!" he said, beam- give them a real jolt."

ing widely. "It was perfect! My "Oh, producer types who are
God, a delight for a director
it's struggling to become consumer
to work with a real group of com- types," I said. "They'll experience
petent actors. All three of you the role I just got through play-
were perfect!" ing, and it will make them feel
"Thanks," I said. "I hope I was they didn't sign the contract, huh?"

58 GALAXY
 "There's more to it than
said Rom my. "There are some
people who just like to experience
an extremely strong sales-resistant
emotion, mostly because they're
pushovers. We wouldn't make a
tape like this just for the anti-EL
jerks. It's too expensive."
"Tell me," I said, "what are
you using Long and Blik for? I
thought I detected transmitters on
them, too."
"Just the opposite from what
you were doing. Some people like
to experience a setback or even a
complete failure now and then.
Sort of an opposite to the 'high'
tapes. Lord knows we got hun-
SALES TALK
that," dreds of 'high' tapes, but not many
low ones, so we're starting to build
a library of them now. A lot of
subscribers are getting tired of win-
ning the time and they'd like
all
to experience a defeat or two once
in a while just for the contrast."
Long and Blik came in the
door without knocking.
Rommy was on an
his feet in
instant. "Boys," he shouted, "you
were great! I checked the tapes
and nobody could be lower than
you guys walking out across that
court. It was sensational. Probably
the best thing that's ever been
done here at EL Studios!"
— CON BLOMBERG
59
 ^fc . ^

60 GALAXY
 Th Undetected
By GEORGE O. SMITH

Nothing can possibly be more baffling than

a crime in a sealed room .but what if the
. .

investigator happens to have an open mind?

Illustrated by FINLAY

TOOK a quick look around

the apartment, even though
I. already knew what
know.
I I had
to
• Gordon Andrews had been slain
in his sleep by the quick thrust of
• •

some rapierlike instrument. There

was no sign of any struggle. The

THE UNDETECTED 61
wall safe stood with its door open crime' would be one in which no
and its contents missing. Every clue existed, including the fact of
door and window was closed, the crime itself — except those clues
locked, burglar-bugged, and non- that were deliberately planned by
openable from the inside; the front the perpetrator for some purpose
door had been forced by the police. of his own."
Furthermore, it had been raining in
wind-whipped torrents for hours, TIE glowered at me. "What are
yet there was no trace of moisture -" you driving at, Schnell?"
UT9.
on any of the floors. I'm trying to convince you that
Of course no one had heard a we are faced with a very clever
sound, and naturally there were no criminal mind," I said. "A man with
fingerprints. a fine talent. One who plans his
Weston spied me
Police Chief crimes so well that they aren't even
and snapped, "What do you make recognized as criminal."
of it, Schnell?" "Nonsense. You can't conceal
shrugged and
I said, "Complete- any crime forever."
ly sealed room." "Forever isn't necessary, Chief.
"Got any ideas?" he demanded. Just long enough to cover up com-
I had a lot of ideas, but I was pletely, to remove all connection.
not going to express myself with- We don't know how many bank
out a lot of stark evidence. I do not have been running on re-
tellers
yearn to have the prefix "ex-" in- duced salary because they some-
stalled in front of my title of Cap- how paid out a hundred in cashing
tain of Detectives. I'm much too a ten-dollar check. We couldn't de-
young to be retired. So instead of mand an audit of all the big finan-
trying to explain, I said, "The cial accounts in town, to know the
modus operandi is — "
why and wherefore of the transfer
Chief Weston snorted, "Schnell, of any sum of money larger than
there isn't a clue in the whole the limit of petty larceny."
damned building, and yet you stand "But now you are talking about
there and yap about modus oper- a sly, clever operator, Schnell. This
andi?" is a plain case of homicide and
"That's the point, Chief.The burglary."
cluelessness is itself the modus op- Plain? Was he kidding himself?
erandi that points to —" I smiled crookedly. "Chief, there
"You talk as if we had a whole is no doubt in my mind that our
file of unsolved, clueless, sealed- crook intended to clean out Gpr-
room homicides!" don Andrews' safe without disturb-
"Chief," I said, "a true 'perfect ing a soul. But the imminent

62 GALAXY
awakening of Andrews presented "I have an excellent memory," I
a physical threat that had to be said. "Andrews had a license for
silenced immediately." the thing. The serial number is

"So that is the work of your sly 233,467,819 and

the gun and
thief?" license were acquired on August
remember that Gor-
"Chief, just seventh, 1951."
don Andrews was an eccentric old
sourpuss who hated to do business r T HE Chief sarcastically grunted,
,

with bankers. Now let's suppose *•

"Has it been fired since?"
that Andrews had awakened in the "It was fired six times at the date
morning to find his safe cleaned of delivery by the police laboratory
out. He screeches for the cops. We for the land-mark records," I said.
-
come a-roaring in with the finger- "Let's not try being funny,
print detail and the safe specialists Schnell. This is a serious business.
and the break-in experts. We find," Andrews was an eccentric old cur-
I said with a wave of my
hand, mudgeon, but he was also a philan-
"everything just as we found it here thropist, and the papers will be
and now. So we look Gordon An- after our throats if we don't come
drews in the eye and tell him that up with this super-criminal."
no one could get in, no one had I
"He's going to be damned tough,
gotten in, and that we suspect him Chief."
of cleaning out his own safe and "Okay, this is your project. Noth-
yelling 'Copper' to make trouble ing else matters until he's caught
for the Mayor and the Commis- and convicted — of homicide com-
sioner, who refused to appoint him mitted during the course of grand
a special detail of city employees robbery, meaning automatic hot
for bodyguards last year." seat."
"Go on, Schnell," said Chief nodded slowly.
I
Weston with deadly patience. "Just remember, Schnell — the
"The homicide was a spur-of- whole department's behind you,"
the-moment necessity. Had it been Chief Weston assured me.
planned, the crook would have continued to nod, but his assur-
I
plugged Andrews with the old ance didn't reassure me in the least.
man's personal Banker's Special, With about ninety-eight per cent of
which he kept on the bedside table, the general public still not quite
and made it look like suicide." willing to accept rockets, missiles
"Know a lot about Andrews, and space travel, I had a fat chance
don't you, Schnell?" of convincing anybody that a tele-^
"What do you mean, Chief?' , path had kept guard over the slum-
"About the Banker's Special." bering mind of Gordon Andrews,

THE UNDETECTED 63
while a perceptive solved the com-
bination to the wall safe, so that a
kinematic could twirl the dial; that
the imminent awakening of Gordon
Andrews had indeed been an immi-
nent physical threat to a delicate
extra-sensory undertaking, and
that therefore he had been silenced
by the kinematic, with a weapon
located by the perceptive, after
warning from the telepath; after
which the crime had continued,
with the loot being floated by a
levitator along a freeway explored
by the perceptive and scouted by
the telepath and cleared of barriers
by the kinematic who opened and
debugged them as he went along —
— and that the real topper for
this whopper was that this opera-
tion was not the integrated effort
of a clever gang of extra-sensory
specialists, but rather the single-
handed accomplishment of one
highly talented Psi-man!
A Psi-man ruthless enough to
kill before he would permit his
victim to watch the turning dial,
the floating loot, the opening portal,
simply because there stood a proba-
bility that one of the two billion
persons on Earth might suspect the
phenomena as parapsychical activ-
ity, instead of the hallucinatory
ravings of a rich old eccentric who
hated the incumbent political
party!
How best to keep a secret?
Let no one suspect that any
secret exists!
64
II
HPHE rain was coming down
still
* in wind-whipped torrents that
slatted along the avenue
drench- in
ing sheets. Huddled in the scant
cover of the apartment door was a
girl of about eighteen. The rain-
coat she wore was no protection;
the wind drove the rain up under it.
Womanlike, she was struggling
with the ruins of a fashionable little
umbrella instead of abandoning it
for the tangled mess that it was.
She looked at me as I opened the
door. She was without guile. She
was wet and miserable and deter-
mined to take whatever help was
proffered, and hope afterward that
no unfair advantage would be taken
of the situation.
I showed her my I.D. card and
she read: "Howard Schnell, Cap-
tain, Special Detail." Her face
changed from cautious immobility
to a sort of wet animation, and she
added as were important under
if it
the circumstances to be completely
open, "I'm Florence Wood."
I took the ruined umbrella from
her unresisting hand and stood it
in the /oyer for the janitor to dis-
pose of, and pointed out across the
rain-ponded sidewalk to the police
car. It was almost high noon, but
the rain was so heavy that the
identity of the car was by no means
conspicuous from the apartment
door. Florence Wood nodded as she
caught sight of it.
GALAXY
 "Now, I'll make a run for
I said, for hours at a football game. She
it and open the door, and get in said with amusement, "Captain
first so that I'll be on the driver's
*
Schnell, why don't you start the
side. As soon as I'm out of your car. and drive it over here? Seems
way, just dive in and don't worry to me it would take less power
about closing the door until you're than stopping this storm."
out of this rain. Catch?" "The law says that it is consid-
She nodded. ered unlawful to operate a motor
"I'd play Sir Galahad and give vehicle from any position other
you my foul-weather gear to wear," than the driver's seat," I replied.
I said, "but you're already so wet
that it wouldn't do more than keep
the water in"
She smiled at me understand-
w HEN
I'd
the slack in the storm
been anticipating finally
arrived, I took advantage of it to
ing^. make my run across the sidewalk.
Then she looked at me with curi- Miss Wood followed: her timing
osity because I was standing there was perfect. Everything happened
waiting instead of making my dash in a continuous sequence without a
immediately. I thought of how my stoppage at any point. The door
Psi-man could have floated the loot opened and I went in, landing hard
out of an open window and kept and bouncing deliberately on the
the rain from soaking the floor at seat springs to hunch myself over;
the same time. Miss Wood landed and whirled in
So, to make conversation, I said, a flurry of wet skirt and clammy
«T>
I'm waiting until my
power will raincoat, hauling one rain-booted
builds up enough to overcome the ankle out of the way as the door
forces of gravity, barometric pres- swung closed with a solid and satis-
sure, and the rest of whatever goes fying thunk.
into the making of a howling down- I started the car and let the en-
pour like this. Considering that gine idle to warm it up and dry it
nature is dissipating energy equal off. Then I said, "Part of my duty

to a couple of hundred atom bombs to the citizen includes protection

per second, it takes a bit of time of his health and comfort as well
to collect the necessary amount of as protection from unlawful be-
mental power." havior. So, where do you wish to
Florence Wood laughed. In mere be taken?"
instants she'd changed from She regarded me out of clear
weather-drenched misery
a to gray eyes. "Don't you know?" she
cheerful sort of discomfort no worse asked with a quirk at the corner of
than many a human has endured her mouth.

THE UNDETECTED 65
 "Do I look like a mind reader?" about a little courtroom drama
"Well, you did slow down the where twelve good telepaths and
storm." true are reading the mental testi-
I laughed. "Miss Wood, King mony of a witness who had located
Canute would have been a hero some vital bit of evidence by per-
instead of a bum if he'd waited ception and brought it to light by
until high water before he told the kinematic power."
tide to stop. Now, what gave you "Well, it does seem that any
any reason to suppose that I am truly gifted person would work for
endowed with special talents?" the good of humanity."
"Well," she said, fumbling "I doubt that being gifted with
through her handbag for the comb, a sense of perception would auto-
which naturally was at the bottom, matically endow a man with a sense
"you did come along when I of honor."
needed help, and you did identify "But doesn't it seem just awful
yourself when I so much wanted to to think of anything as miraculous
know — "
as telepathy being used for —
"And since I also remembered for -"
that storms as violent as this always She was trying to avoid the word
have lulls, you put two and two "immoral" because she was of an
together? Well, it doesn't require age and experience that felt sensi-
telepathy to conclude that you are tive about its use. Unfortunately
soaked to the skin, that you need the only substitute was the word
and want and that you'd pre-
help, "sin."
fer to know just whom you are I came to her rescue. "It's deplor-
driving off in a car with< Any other* able but true that nothing was ever
ideas about my talents?" developed for the benefit of man-
"Well, I should think - "
kind without a few sharpshooters
"Address first, Miss Wood." quickly figuring out some way to
She gave me an address in a resi- make it pay them a dishonest
dential district that was the maxi- buck."
mum distance one could get from "But it would be frightfully hard
City Hall and still enjoy the privi- to bamboozle a telepathic police-
lege of paying city taxes. I started man, wouldn't it?" she asked hope-
the car and headed in that direc- fully.
tion.Then I said, "Now, Miss
Wood, let's go on with your little T THOUGHT of my PSI-man,
fancy." - whose only mistake in the
"Fancy?" sealed room murder of Gordon
"You've been moonbeaming Andrews had been in being so good
66 GALAXY
 MAKE IT

msmmM
'.

«t&&Ia

&£s»3
Give the gift you'd like to receive

THE UNDETECTED 67
 We admit it — we're pushovers for the Xmas spirit. "Don't
do our accountant pleads. "We can't afford to sell subscrip-
it,"

tions at those prices!" But our eye goes past his piteous figure
to the distant corners of the land. "Readers straining budgets
to introduce Galaxy to friends and relatives, and have enough
scratch left over for their own subscriptions. We can't leave
the job to them!" we thunder. "Galaxy must bear its share
of the burden! And not only that — by Lord Harry,
the
we'll even include handsome Gift Card Announcements with
their names as donors!" Out slouches our accountant, mutter-
ing, "All right, but they'd better get their orders in before
December 15, 1959" — so rush in your order today.

Galaxy Publishing Corp., 421 Hudson St., New York 14, N.Y.
Please enter Special Gift Subscriptions to the following and send gift card announcements.

I enclose

Name Name...
Address Address
City State.. City State
Offer #.... Price Offer # Price

Sign Card Sign Card

Name
*
Name
Address ....
Address...
City State...
City State..
Offer # ... Price

Sign Card
Offer # Price

Sign Card
Name
Address... Name
City State Address
Offer # Price City State

Sign Card

68 GALAXY
 "

that he'd actually disclosed the ex- "Unreasonable and unwarranted

istence of a criminal who employed search," I told her.
Psi faculties. "But isn't a man guilty when he's
'Wouldn't that depend upon guilty?"
whether the policeman or the crimi- "I wish it were as simple as that."
nal was the more talented?" I par- "Bur why isn't it?"
ried. "But that supposes that the "Little Miss Wood, you are now
police force would have a corps of asking me to solve an ethical ques-
Psi policemen." tion that'sbeen unanswered for
"Wouldn't they?" more than ten thousand years." I
"Honey-chile," I said, ."at the smiled wistfully. "I am not —
first thin hint that the Commis- peat not — big enough to answer
sioner was even interested in the the following question: 'Shall a
possibility of hiring someone who killer in the confessional, has who
knew what the term 'parapsychic been given absolution by his God,
phenomena' really meant, there subsequently be punished by his
would be a universal howl against fellowman?'"
'Thought Police' so loud that it "But what has that to do with
would shatter the polar icecaps." it?"
"But why?" she asked, bewil- "Let's have you answer one:
dered. 'Could you truly bare your secret
"They'd start screaming about soul to God if you suspected that
<:
invasion of privacy,' and cite the some prying human being was tak-
Bill of Rights, and that would be ing it all down on a tape recorder?'
that." "No, suppose not."
I

"You mean that the law has laws "Then our Thought Police'
against telepathy?" would be standing as a human bar-
"No, it doesn't say anything rier between any man and his
about telepathy," I admitted, God."
knowing what was to come next. "I suppose so — but couldn't I
"Well, then?" tell?"

"Don't sound so superior, Miss "Tell?"

Wood. At the first attempt, the law "Tell whether someone was lis-

would discover that it had a hell tening to my thoughts?"

of a lot to say about telepathy and That was another stumper. Does
perception, since they'd definitely the sign wear out any faster if it's
affect the interpretation of the read? Can
the radio transmitter be
Fourth and Fifth Amendments." measured to tell whether the broad-
"I know the Fifth," she said, "but cast has any audience? Does the
how about the Fourth?" tree that falls in the forest barren

THE UNDETECTED 69
of animal life generate the same ly. "It's one thing to be driven home
wave-motion as it would if all the in a strange car during a cloudburst,
leaves were replaced by active ear- but it's something else to sit out
drums? There are lots of analogs, here making it look as if I were
but are any of them valid? paying off by making out."
I said, "If I cry out, how can I It came as a pleasant surprise
know whether I am being heard?" that she did not consider me a su-
And in my mind I made my own perannuated gaffer, and it was her
reply. I thought indeep concentra- youth that allowed her to discuss
tion: "How do you read me, Psi- parapsychic phemonena without
man?" the tongue-in-cheek attitude of the
The response was zero-zero. And older know-it-alls. I considered
it meant— nothing. My Psi-man Florence Wood and realized that
could have been following my she was at least old enough so that
every thought from the moment I wouldn't be jugged for cradle-rob-
that my ringing telephone sum- bing so long as I had a parental ac-
moned me to Gordon Andrews' ceptance. And I did want someone
apartment to the present instant, to talk out the business of psionics
so far as I could tell. There was no without having someone wind me
feeling of intrusion, no feeling of in a sheet and ship me to a shrinker.
presence. And so I said, "If it smooth
will
things a bit, I'll umbrella you to
Ill the door- and make official
explana-
tion to the stern and anxious par-
T? LORENCE Wood ent."
* "Going to stop the rain again, "That we'll enjoy," she giggled.
Captain Schnell?" "Daddy always says that he doesn't
The storm was still howling. In have to be a mind reader to ad-
the near suburbs, the rain came in vise against what my boy friends
more gracefully draped sheets and have mind. It'll be fun to face
in
the wind was not whirlpooled by him with a — policeman."
the fluelike canyons between the Darkly, I said, "Most folks don't
buildings, but residential rainwater look upon me as the fun-loving
is just as wet per cubic centimeter type. Policemen aren't always wel-
as the metropolitan variety. come, you know."
"Maybe I should drive up over "Oh, Daddy will enjoy it. He
the lawn," I suggested. writes a bit. He'll never be another
"Daddy would blow a fuse." Ellery Queen, but he will enjoy
"We might wait for it to let up." talking to a real live captain of
"I'd rather not," she said sober- detectives."

70 GALAXY
 "

At this point a lot of favorable Hesmiled wistfully. "Well, I'm

things took place at once, such as not at the stage where the mere an-
the arrival of another convenient nouncement that am
working on
I
letup in the storm, the mad rush a novel causes an immediate pre-
and the ringing of the doorbell, the publication sale of seventy thou-
opening of the door and some sand copies. You see, I'm still try-
gasped introductions as we stood in ing to work out a good association
a little hallway dripping puddles of gimmick."
rainwater on a small rug. "A what?"
"Police Captain-?* "An gimmick. The
association
"Howard Schnell." name Erie Stanley Gardner, for in-
"But Florence isn't-?" stance, always means a story about
I laughed at Mrs. Wood. "Not at Perry Mason and the inevitable
all. This is just the rescue of a very courtroom scene full of legal fire-
wet maiden in distress. When we're works. Rex Stout has his Nero
not shooting bank robbers, we also Wolf, the fabulous detective who
help little old ladies — and lovely lets his secretary do all the work."
young girls — across streets. All in "And," I added, "John Dickson
the day's work, you know." Carr writes about Gideon Fell, who
Mrs. Wood
hauled Florence off, is an expert at solving sealed-room

saying something about hot show- mysteries."

ers and dry clothing, while Mr. "Exactly!" he said. "I've a series
Wood regarded me with interest of gimmicks all planned, but I real-
ly need a strong, out-of-the-ordi-
TJTE beat all the way around the nary character to go along with
*--*•
bush, trying to ascertain with- them. You propose to write
see, I
out actually asking pointblank a series of stories about 'perfect
whether could spend a few mo-
I crimes.'
UT7
ments, and, if so, would I like a I'm not smart," I said. "I've al-
drink. ways assumed that the so-called
One must not anticipate, so I 'perfect crime' would be one in
waited until he'd made his meaning which the criminal walks off scot-
clear. Then I accepted his offer of free with the loot under one arm
some bourbon, refused his offer of and the girl on the other."
a cigar and settled myself into the He said, "From your point of
chair he waved at. view, a true 'perfect crime' would
I tasted the highball, smiled in be one in which no clue existed, in-
approval, and opened the conver- cluding the fact of the crime itself
sation by saying,"Your daughter — except those clues that were de-
tells me that you write, Mr. Wood." liberately planned by the perpetra-
THE UNDETECTED 71
tor for some purpose of his own. ually insignificant traces added up
That your own angle, isn't it?"
is to fairly evidence that
reliable
I nodded. Indeed it was, and it Florence and Mrs. Wood were
had been expressed in precisely the about to return. I gathered that the
same words that I had used in cross-questioning had allayed any
speaking to Chief Weston. parental suspicion.
"However," he went on blandly, "One thing you haven't
I said,
"you'll agree that a clue is usually mentioned," and paused for effect.
the result of a mistake, or failure "To the Hindu, 'perfection' means
to plan completely, or the result of the inclusion of an almost imper-
some accidental circumstance." ceptible flaw so that its maker can-
"Right." not be accused of presuming to be
"But in a 'perfect crime' there as good as God. Is your 'perfect
would be no error, no mistake." crime' to be perfect in the eyes of
"Yes, but aren't you backing the criminal, or in the eyes of the
yourself into a hole that you've police?"
lined with fish hooks yourself?" He "Ah, Captain Schnell,
said,
"Not at all," he replied. "Clues that is indeed one of my bother-
must.be cleverly contrived, created, some problems."
and established in such a way that Mrs. Wood came into the room,
the episode is ultimately known to followed by Florence. The
had girl

be crime and not labeled misadven- lost the soaked-gamin look. She was
ture, suicide, or the like. Other- transformed by modern alchemy
wise," he said with a genial smile, into a poised young woman who
"we're writing about a 'perfectly forced me to revise my estimated
justifiable homicide' instead of a eighteen several years upward. She
'perfect crime.'" nodded affably at her father,
I nodded again. smiled at me and then came over
"And, of course," he finished, because she noticed that my high-
"these clues must also provide pre- ball glasswas empty.
cisely the correct amount of infor- I thanked her, and she smiled
mation so that the motive of the wide and bright as she asked, "Has
criminal is not only fulfilled, but Daddy been giving you the details
exposed — if not to one of the char- of his impossible bandit?"
acters in the book, at least to the "Well, in a way."
reader." Mr. Wood said, "I'm sort of like
the standard television father — in-
M R.
his
Wood
own
relaxed and sipped
drink. From some-
capable of adding two and two
without the close supervision of the
female members of my family."
where aloft, a number of individ-

72 GALAXY
 "I — that is, we — keep telling sory talent would always win out
Daddy he should hire Superman over the police. There have been
for a hero." only a very few successful stories
"You've changed," chyckled Mr. written in which the criminal got
Wood. away."
"Changed?"- "Maybe he wouldn't," I said.
"Yesterday you advocated that I "But how could he possibly fail?"
hire a detective with telepathy and "He might get sloppy."
a seflse of perception." "Sloppy! Mind reading every
"We discussed it on the way anticipated move?"
home," said Florence. "Or bored."
"Superman?" I asked. "Bored!"
"No, this extra-sensory business," "One often leads to the other,"
said Florence I told him with a smile. "Which is
Mr. Wood inquired, "Areyou in- just my policeman's way of think-
terested in parapsychology, Cap- ing. From the policeman's point of
tain Schnell?" view, you're overlooking one rather
'
"I've been interested in the sub- important angle."
ject for a good many years," I an- "Indeed? Well, you must tell me
swered. all about it"

"Would the public accept it, I

wonder," he mused. U/~\KAY," I said. "My point is

Mrs. Wood said, "A lot of peo- ^^ that you should not view
ple read psychic books." this as a single incident in the life
Mr. Wood said plaintively, "I of an extra-sensory who has turned
don't want to write psychic books. his talent to crime, but rather take
I want to write whodunits. But it the overall view. For instance, we
would solve my problem, wouldn't can write the life history of our
it? My series would consist of Psi-man broad terms. As a
in
crimes that would be perfect, ex- schoolboy, he was considered ex-
cept for the introduction of a Mas- traordinarily lucky at games of
ter of Psionics who tells the story chance and skilled in games of
in the first person singular, and who manual dexterity; he stood high in
solves the crime by parapsychic schoolwork and at the same time
power. » managed to do it without working
"It might read better if you made very hard. By the time he enters
your extra-sensory character the high school, he realizes that his
criminal," I suggested. success is due to some sort of 'sens-
He shook his head. "Wouldn't do ing' of when things will be right.
at A criminal with
all. extra-sen- This increases the efficiency of his

THE UNDETECTED 73
talent and he surges forward and
would have become top-of-class if
he hadn't discovered that brilliance
in recitation made up for a lack of
handed-in homework.
"In other words, nothing stands
as a real challenge to him. His
talents surmount the obstacles that
confront his fellow man. He could
collect corporations or be a labor
leader, President or bum. Anything
he wants can be gotten without
much fuss. Our Psi-man is primari-
ly interested in a statistical income
sufficient tosupport him to the dic-
tates of his ambition. The trick is
to achieve, say, twenty grand per
annum, in such a way that the
manipulation is never discovered.
"At first our Psi-man plans me-
ticulously. But soon this process
seems unnecessary because the
poor ignorant homo saps don't even
know they're being conned. He has
no hard surface against which to
whet his nervous edge, and so he
begins to play games. He leaves
clues, at first to ascertain the true
level of his fellow man's intelli-
gence and ability. Next he leaves
conflicting clues to see which way
the poor dopes will jump. In a
world that scoffs at parapsychic
phenomena, he leaves clues to sup-
port the theory that only an extra-
sensory criminal could have done
the dastardly deed. Will one of the
ignorant apes recognize the truth?
If he does, will he be in a high posi-
tion, or will he be one of the dili-
74
gent ones who fetch coffee for the
guy in the upper office? If the work
of a Psi-man is recognized, how
will our bright policeman go about
it, and what will he do with the
evidence after it's been shown to
him?
"And so, Mr. Wood, our Psi-man
criminal has become bored because
there no one in the world to chal-
is
lenge him, and he gets sloppy
through his growing contempt for
the antlike activities of his fellow
creatures. At
he shows himself,
last
deliberately taunting them to take
action against him. And that," I
concluded, with a nod at him,
"might be the 'perfect crime' in
which your extra-sensory criminal
finally exposes himself."
"But why," Mrs. Wood asked in
perplexity, "would such a talented
person turn to crime— or do you
think that all extra-sensory peo-
ple-"
I turned to smile at her. "Mrs.
Wood, I was not speaking of extra-
sensory people as a statistical body.
I was referring to one particular
character."
"I find him hard to believe in."
"On the contrary, my dear," said
Mr. Wood, "Captain Schnell has
drawn an amazingly accurate
thumbnail sketch of our Psi-man,
and I daresay that he could go on
and on, filling in more minute de-
tails."
"Oh. yes, indeed," I said. "But I
must leave it up to the professional
GALAXY
writer to tellwhat the brilliant po- To match him, I accepted his
liceman does when he recognizes hospitalityand made use of the
the work as that of an extra-sen- proximity to spy on him and his
sory. For instance, does he become family.
bold enough to mention it to Chief There are ways and means of
Weston, or to Commissioner making a pretended deaf-mute re-
Stone? Or will he confine his veal himself — the human being
discussion to the company of a does not live who will not leap half-
rain-soaked young woman so cir- way out of his skin at the shock of
cumstantially available and coinci- an unexpected revolver shot, no
dentally willing to discuss Psionics?" matter how well trained he is at
"Captain Schnell," breathed feigning deafness.
Florence Wood, "what on Earth are As for surprising a telepath, I
you talking about?" knew wouldn't work, but I had
it

"Your father," I said. to try it anyway. I put both Mrs.

Mr. Wood stepped into the Wood and Florence through a
breach. "Captain Schnell was number of mental hurdles. To this,

dramatizing for your benefit, I'm Mr. Wood took a quietly tolerant
sure. Because Captain Schnell attitude. He understood and was
knows very well how impossible it prepared to accept as healthily nor-
is to surprise a telepath into reveal- mal a certain amount of lust and
ing himself." carnal conjecture in the minds of
Florence Wood's expression males who were interested in his
changed to a mildly bothered smile. daughter. He forgave me for men-
"It certainly sounded as if he were tally insulting his wife because he
accusing you of something." knew that my
mental peregrina-
"You mean — like — mind read- tions were only aimed at determin-
ing?" he asked with a big belly ing whether his wife was telepathic.
laugh that closed the subject. Finally he came out flatly and told
me to stop wasting my effort, be-
IV cause neither Florence nor Mrs.
Wood had a trace of extra-sensory
Y most of the rules of society, power. Their lack of shocked or
both Mr. Wood and I were outraged response was not a case of
guilty of gross gentility. He greeted the well-trained telepath divining
me overtly as the welcome guest my intention and planning a blank
and needled me with a show of response.
patronizing tolerance as he implied Furthermore, Mr. Wood as-
that my basic interest was in Flor- serted that neither of them knew of
ence. his extra-sensory faculty, that he

THE UNDETECTED 75
fully intended to keep it
and that Ishould know damned
well that such stunts wouldn't work
in the first place.
And so I continued to enjoy a
dinner now and then, and occasion-
ally the company of Florence.
Ultimately the lack of progress
brought Chief Weston's nervous
system to the blowup point. He
called me in and I went, knowing
that trouble cannot always be
avoided, and when it can't,
plain sense to kick out the props
and have done with it.
He plowed right in: "And what
in hell have you been doing?"
"Chief, I've been-"
"You put a make-team on some
half-baked writer named Wood."
"Edward Hazlett-"
"Because," he yelled, "the first
person you saw when you stuck
your nose outside of Gordon An-
drews' apartment was Florence
Wood!"
"Well, Chief, you see-"
"You perhaps suspected
she'd justwalked through the wall
of that apartment? And naturally
you pulled out your hip-pocket
crime laboratory and checked that
umbrella tip for bloodstains before
you threw it aside."
"Well, you see—"
would you have been
"Schnell,
so damned gallant if she'd been an
ugly old hag in a ratty dress carry-
ing a dead halibut wrapped in an
old newspaper?"
76
that way, "But you see—"
"So you leap into gallant action,
and after you've rescued the fair
maiden from her watery grave, you
suddenly find it desirable to use a
department automobile to deliver
the damsel home."
W
"But
"Schnell, bet that Wood girl
I'll
wasn't any wetter than you were.
And that's how you put the long
arm of coincidence to work?"
it's just
T was more than coincidence.
Florence Wood had been in
that soaking rain and whipping
wind for more than an hour. Any
housewife would have corroborated
my statement that only a pro-
longed soaking can achieve a truly
wet-through-the-seams condition.
Oh, Daddy Wood was just the guy
to think of a stunt like saturating
the seams and fibers of his daugh-
ter's clothing by agitating the water
supersonically at high amplitude,
but, let's face it, that would have
that beaten hell out of her soft white
skin.
As wound
for the umbrella, the
could indeed have been made by
a rapierlike thrust. But a compari-
son between the depth of the
wound and the length of the tip
showed that the bottom of the
wound could not have been
reached without forcing part of the
umbrella itself into the victim's
body. The face of the wound
showed no such outsize penetra-
GALAXY
 " "

tion, hence the umbrella was not fice to pester you for dates —
the sought-for weapon. "I know what I'm doing!"
At this point, Chief Weston's "So do I!" he yelled. "You're do-
telephone interrupted him and he ing nothing!"
snatched it up, bellowed his name, "Listen, Chief, I'll admit the
and then listened. Finally he long arm of coincidence, but you'll
snarled that it was for me and fair- have to admit that when there's
ly hurled the handset at me. trouble, I'm usually the first one to
I caught it at the end of its cord smell it."

and said: "Captain Schnell, Spe- "So how do you connect them
cial Detail-" up?"
"Oh, I know it is you, Captain "Chief, I walk out of that apart-
Schnell," said the suave voice of ment with your own words ringing
Edward Hazlett Wood. "I just in my ears. 'Looks like the classical
wanted to tell you that your analy- setup for a "perfect crime,"' you
sis of the umbrella's uselessness as said. And then I meet this girl who

evidence was quite brilliant. Also just happens to have a father who
your logic in the matter of my writes whodunits and is planning
daughter's rain-soaked clothing was a series of books based upon the
clever. I really don't regret the 'perfect crime.'

chewing out you are getting. You
deserve it. I was hoping to find you
bright enough to avoid it. Anyway,
can we expect you for dinner this
"Maybe," sneered Chief Wes-
ton, "the guy is a mind reader."
«T>,
I've given even that some con-
sideration."

evening?" "So I hear tell."

"Yes," I snapped, and hung up, "Any objections?" I asked.

thinking a few things that would
have called for a terse reprimand OBJECTIONS? I've got a lot
44 ^-^
about foul and abusive language if of objections!" he howled.

telepathy were administered by "This is a police department, not

the Federal Communications Com- a soothsayers' convention! We're
mission. subject to enough criticism as it is.

"Wood?" snapped Chief Weston. You needn't have added the act
"Yes." thatmakes us look like a bunch of

"Date?" he snarled. damned fools."

I groaned. Wood did have the
nasty telepath's ability to man-
euver me into a situation that I
could not conveniently avoid.
"When they start calling the of-
"But, Chief, I-"
"So what do I hear tell?" He
hauled the tray drawer of his desk
open and pulled out one of the
tabloids, opened to one of its hate-

THE UNDETECTED 77
 "

everything columnists. "Listen! my side from the beginning."

'In recent years the legality of the He merely glared at me. At this
famous witchcraft trials of the past moment I should have been expect-
has been subject to debate, with ing the worst, and prepared to meet
the result that these past convic- it But please remember that
tionshave now been declared "mis- there's always that mental block
carriages of justice." Posthumously, against prying, especially when the
I must unhappily add. However, United States mail is concerned.
there has been little or no amend- But now Edward Hazlett Wood
ment to the laws against witch- was about to show me how a real
craft, wizardry, charms, amulets extra-sensory sharpshooter clob-
and spells. bers his enemies.
U I
But brace yourselves, citizens. *

One of our younger and more bril- WESTON'S secretary entered,

liant captains of detectives
shown an interest recently in para-
psychics and may be
track down criminals
cation of extra-sensory detection.
If this be laws will have
true, the
to be ruptured to permit him to
secure evidence, since it is a tenet
of the law that evidence must be
secured through legal methods and
processes.
" 'Fortune Tellers of the World,
Arise! You have nothing to lose
but your crystal balls!'
Chief Weston slapped the paper
down. "What do you think of that?"
"He's just making noise.
I said,
Telepathy has nothing in common
with-"
"I wish I could stop you from
even thinking about telepathy!"
you could," I said calmly,
"If
"you'd have to be telepathic to
determine when I had violated
your dictum — and if you were tele-
pathic, Chief, you'd have been on
78
has carrying a package.
saw it, knew at once what it
I
training to was, and groaned with despair. The
by the appli- only chance I saw of getting out of
this was the forlorn hope that Wes-
ton would believe the package was
a dig, probably mailed by the snip-
ing columnist.
was cleverly contrived. The
It
addressee's name had been blurred
and half-obliterated so that it
couldn't have been quietly dropped
on my desk where I could have dis-
posed of its damning contents
quietly. It had, of course, come spe-
cial delivery, urgent, immediate
handling. If I were a believer in
amulets, witches and spells, I'd
have been of the opinion that an
aura of urgency had been created
about the box.
Chief Weston's secretary handed
it him with a mumbled sugges-
to
tion that it seemed to be important,
and perhaps it should be opened in
hopes that the contents would con-
GALAXY
THE UNDETECTED 79
 :

vey information as to the identity ly legal — or would have been if

of the owner. I'd really signed that petty cash

I said nothing. slip.

If it came
an argument, I'd
to
¥NSIDE the package was a fine have to perform miracles to prove
-*-
crystal ball, a set of tarot cards my innocence.
with a thick book of explanations, "Schnell," said Weston in a cold,
and a second deck of cards the like level voice, "you'll get me a lead
of which most people have heard on the Gordon Andrews murder by
but few have actually seen. These tomorrow night or hand me your
were the square, circle, wiggly line badge."
cards used in parapsychic research. I fumed in silence because there
There was the damning evidence was nothing to say.
of a packing slip with my name "Get out!"
clearly printed on
and a rubber
it, As I closed the door behind me,
stamp notation that the merchan- I heard the crash of the crystal ball
dise order had been accompanied hitting the wall. Luckily he hadn't
by a prepaid postal note. hurled it at the glass panel in his
The timing was perfect. The office door.
problem of keeping that package My own phone was ringing as I
on schedule all the way from its approached my desk. I picked it

point of origin to its devastating up wearily and said, "Very clever,

delivery must have taxed Wood's Mr. Wood. Very damned clever."
faculties,but he'd done it. He said, "Your basic difficulty,
Chief Weston's choler rose vis- Captain Schnell, is that you have
ibly, and in a voice loud enough to sworn to uphold the law and are
be heard in Asbury Park, he yelled compelled to employ legal meth-
"Schnell, did you - buy - this?" ods. You must always work within
was trapped. No matter what
I the framework of the law. You
I said, it was calculated to get me would not think of tampering with
into trouble. For in the petty cash the United States mails, even to
box in the secretary's desk was a save yourself from an unjust
petty cash slip made out in the charge."
amount of thirty-nine dollars and "Wood, if I make a single move
seventeen cents for a postal money outside of the law, you'll use it

order payable to the Aladdin Nov- against me, won't you?"

«T».
elty Company of Bayonne, New I'm afraid that's the way it has
Jersey. The signature was good to be. You play according to your
enough for me to accept it myself. rules and I'll play according to
j)
All along the line it had been nice- mine.

80 GALAXY
 "Well, now, Mr. Wood, in our nary occlusion some months ago
philosophy there *
may be strength. which had hastened his retirement
Remember, upon the day that the I wondered whether his retirement
forces of law and order must vio- had been hastened by a real coro-
late their own concepts in order to nary occlusion or whether he'd used
effect their own ends, on that day his extra-sensory power to fake the
law and order ceases to be the goal symptoms and control the doctor's
of honest men." instruments.
"Spoken like an idealist!*' Among the papers was a com-
Hanging up a telephone is not plete on the stab-
dissertation
polite, but in this case hanging up wound in Gordon Andrews' chest.
did not snap the link of communi- There was no trace of any foreign
cation. body; the wound did not go all the
way through the chest cavity. It
V was not clean made by a
cut, as if

sharpened weapon, but more like

AN angry man
I sat shuffling
is a poor fighter.
papers on my
the semi-rounded end of an um-
brella or a blunt, heavy spike. In
desk, half of my intellect raging the opinion of the medical exam-
helplessly. Finally I forced myself iner, the wound had been made
to and read the papers on the
sit with a rapid thrust, but it looked as
desk, even though I knew every if there had been no withdrawal.

word on every one of them. An inspection of the wound for

One reported that Wood had
been on« of the less conspicuous
partners in a very successful per-
sonnel-placement agency. I could
have added a penciled note that a
telepath should make a very suc-
cessful personnel manager.
Another said that Florence
Wood was employed
deposit vault clerk in the Third
National Bank. This didn't bother
me. What the standard human gets
cut of staring at a solid phalanx of
safety deposit boxes is
not perceptive-gained information.
There was a medical report that
Wood had undergone a mild coro-
traces of excess water (icicles) or
carbon dioxide (dry ice) had failed
to disclose any plausible weapon or
projectile that could have evapor-
ated or sublimed out of existence.
longed to suggest that a test
I
be made for air. If a kinematic can
create pyrotic effects by agitation
as a safety of the molecules in something to
be good kinematic could
ignited, a
make Maxwell's Demon go to work
for him. Like compressing a vol-
ume of air into a .38 slug and pro-
a headache, jecting it at revolver velocity.
And in the end I was not leafing
the reports or reading them. I was
really staring at the wall. Specific-

THE UNDETECTED 81
ally, I was staring at the calendar "VTEXT came a metal-to-metal
without paying much attention to •* ^ clicking sound; it was the po-
it, and as I came out of my reverie lice positive in the upper left-hand
I realized that I'd been absorbed in corner of my desk. I thought
a little red smudge on one of the strongly, "Psi-man, you lift that gun
dates. and fire it at me through the desk
Association is a funny process. drawer, and the angle and every-
The combination of calendar and thing will be enough evidence to
red blob stared at hazily had final- change Weston's opinion from
ly brought my mind around to angry rejection of all Psionics to
thinking of February the four- a cold, calculated, vengeful agree-
teenth, which honors a patron saint ment with everything I've sug-
who has absolutely nothing to do gested."
with Jimmy Valentine, who was The clicking coming
stopped
reputed to have been a very fast from the desk drawer and resumed
man with the combination of a safe, in smaller kind from the little desk
especially the type of safe that Gor- lock in the tray drawer of the desk.
don Andrews kept his money in These desk locks can be picked
because he did not trust banks, with a bent hairpin, but picking
which may have been a good idea takes time. Everything takes time.
considering that Florence Wood At any rate, it did indeed take
worked in a bank vault, and her Edward Hazlett Wood a finite time
father ... to juggle the little brass tumblers,
I jumped out of my office chair turn the main cylinder, retract the
just as it over backward. If
tilted sliding bolt, withdraw the desk
I hadn't jumped, I'd have split my tray to unlatch the side drawers,
skull on the radiator under the win- pull open the upper left-hand
dow behind me. drawer and extract my police posi-
A
heavy brass-edged ruler came tive from its holster with its me-
up from the desk and swung in a chanism entering the firing cycle —
whistling saber swipe at my face. which itself takes rime.
I ducked in time to let the cut By which time I'd vacated my
pass over my head; it clipped a few office and was starting across the

upstanding When
reached
hairs. it outer office floor in the brisk, stiff-

the end of its stroke, I wrested it legged walk of a man in a hurry to

out of Wood's control just to prove go a long way fast.

that an alert local force could exert Wood was stalled. I thought:
more power than a distant kine- "Make like a poltergeist, Psi-man
matic force. Naturally I could. Lev- —and convince everybody that you
erage, of course. exist!"

82 GALAXY
 The
outer office was a bustle of limits before the so-called brute-
the usual police activity. But Wood force mechanism will deign to turn
did not have the ability to invade a gear. But again, and luckily, mak-
another mind and take over. At ing adjustments and maladjust-
least, no one of the men in the of- ments takes time. And by the logi-
suddenly had a fit of homicidal
fice cal rules of classical mechanics, the
mania with Captain Schnell listed simple maladjusting turn of a
as the first victim. screw valve takes no longer to re-
And so I made Weston's office turn to adjustment provided the
and shoved my head in through the restorer is as bright and as quick
outer door and yelled: "Weston — as the wrecker.
Third National Bank — and make We worked our way through it
it fast!" like a pair of fencers or ju jitsu pro-
turned and headed outside as
I fessionals going through the for-
*

Weston started the usual top-brass
routine of wanting to know all of
the infinitely variable reasons why
he should leave his office at all, let
alone right now. With no one to
fire delaying questions at, and with
a growing realization that he was
not going to learn a thing by sitting
there in fulmination, he followed.
I paid no more attention to him
once I knew he was on his way.
I had my own hands full.
r* ONSIDERING the general re-
^^ liability of the average inter-
nal combustion engine in the face
of neglect, abuse and the natural
ravages of weather, the automobile
engine is a brute-force mechanism
completely unable to support a
psychosis. I was, however, appalled
to discover just how many little
thumb-valves, levers, wires, doo-
dads, cams, gizmos and kadodies
there are, each of which must be ad-
justed within ridiculously narrow
mal ritual of opening their engage-
ment.
Hefastened on the starting sys-
tem, but I licked him cold on that
one because the ignition key con-
trols the starter relay switch and I
could handle both with one hand.
He tried to block the starting
relay, but the armature had started
before he arrived with his kine-
matic barrier and the solid me-
chanico-electrical power carried
the armature home.
He made a futile attempt to
flummox up the laws Mr. Ohm,
of
but he did not have the power to
prevent amperes from flowing from
the battery into the starting motor.
By the time he thought of gum-
ming up the bendix, the gear had
meshed against the flywheel and
the engine was turning over.
He tried to flood the engine, but
I held the choke valve just as I
wanted it. He fiddled with the
breaker-points and I blocked that

THE UNDETECTED 83
until one of the cylinders fired.
That kicked the whole engine into
life and made the engine far too
moving member
rapid to control,
me to the Third National Bank.
Wood's extra-sensory driving
was no better than mine. The traf-
fic pattern was clear to both of us.

by moving member. This caused But who should know better than
his attention to turn to the needle a policeman what the average mo-
valves, but as fast as he turned torist will do in the face of an
them out, I turned them back in emergency?
again. He hit the choke again and He took the time now and then
I parried his thrust. to hurl something at me, but this
Theengine kicked over, caught, was not very you think
effective. If
spluttered and backfired, and then not, figure how many things you
went into an erratic running that can see and use as weapons while
smoothed out slightly as it warmed. driving at sixty.
I wasted no time; I kicked her into And, he was also fighting the
too,
gear and took off in a jack-rabbit unfavorable end of a missile-prob-
start with my siren wailing. lem called "terminal control,"
Exultantly, I thought : "Can you which simply states that any
hit a moving target, Psi-man?" guided missile approaching its tar-

Yes, you can stop an internal get subject to greater and greater
is

combustion engine turning at three interference by the enemy as it gets

thousand revolutions per minute closer. Wood's
near-misses I
by yanking off the ignition system. ignored with a disdain calculated
But not when your opponent is do- to make him and his near-
furious,
ing everything in his power to pre- hits I blocked with an ease that
vent you, and not when both of proved my ability to outguess and
you are traveling at sixty or more outmaneuver him.
miles per hour and you have a I chuckled to myself, for Edward
rougher driving course than he. Hazlett Wood had been played off-
balance. He'd committed the hys-
\M Y own siren was clearing my terical mistake of fighting me on
-*-*-*•
way, driving motorists to the my ground instead of his. He had
shelter of the side streets and park- thrust and I'd parried and ad-
ing places, and causing my fellow vanced, forcing him to thrust again
policemen to take charge blocks before he could recover. He'd been
ahead to clear the path for the ve- fighting in the very odd position of
hicle that had the right to exceed conducting a vigorous offensive
the city speed limit. My
worthy while back-stepping in inexorable
opponent drove at sixty miles per retreat. He should have run and
hour at his own risk, trying to race run until he was clear enough to

84 GALAXY
prepare a single telling blow. tacle. Its piston-fit made a pressure
And so ultimately I came to the on our eardrums. Then the auto-
front of the Third National Bank matic switches took over and
in a screeching halt. I stepped un- motors whirred in solid muffled
*

der a falling cornice, neatly avoided harmony as the massive bars slid
a revolving door that tried to slice out of their nests into the polished
me, and side-stepped the bronze slots.
bust of Salmon P. Chase that top- The ponderous operation that
pled from its niche of honor above sealed the two of us off from the
the door. I evaded the erratic roll- outside world behind a barrier of
ing of a pencil, and I trod with un- drill-proof and burglar-proof and
erring step on a circular patch of blast-proof solidity conclude^f^not
invisible stuff that was as slippery with the mechanical fanfare it de-
as the proverbial frictionless lubri- served, but with a gentle little

cant. The slick flowed forward and click that was as final as the Word
down over the stairs as I hurried of God. .

below; held myself erect above

I "—do that!" gasped Florence
it by sheer will power.
As I strode toward the safe-de-
posit vault, I thought exultantly:
"You're outpointed, Psi-man!"
VI
T? LORENCE Wood looked up
•*-from her little desk and cried,
"Why, Captain Schnell! How nice
to see you!"
"Hello," I said with a smile. "I
hope you won't mind my company
for a while."
'Tin not likely to go for a stroll
in-Captain Schnell! Don't-"
Seven and one-half tons of fine-
ly wrought and polished tool-steel
alloy swung on delicately balanced
hinges, coming to rest with the
Wood, weakly finishing her ad-
monition.
She stared at me.
The knowledge that this bank
vault door was equipped with a
time-lock that would not permit it
to be opened except in the interval
between nine-fifteen and nine-thir-
ty in the morning of any working
weekday ceased to be mere infor-
mation and became vitally impor-
tant to Florence Wood.
So did the secondary knowledge
that the bank vault was also con-
trived in availablevolume to limit
the breathable air. There was not
enough to support' the average hu-
man adult overnight until opening
time tomorrow morning. Now there
were two of them entombed in it

metal-to-metal sound of machined — and she was one of them!

surfaces sliding into a perfect fit "We'll die!" she screamed.
with its precision-matched recep- "Trust me, Florence?"

THE UNDETECTED 85
 She looked dubious. She was not most loud enough to hear through
at all willing to regard anyone as the yards of concrete and steel that
competent who was so foolish as separated us.
to lock himself into a bank vault — "Schnell — what in the bloody
and her with him. hellhave you done?"
Florence was still struggling "IVe shut the vault," I said.
through her sea of mixed thoughts "You'll die!"
when the telephone rang. It was "Idoubt it."
Chief Weston and he bellowed al- "How do you propose to get
86 GALAXY
out?" he demanded with heavy our Psi-man jugged for good."
sarcasm. "You and your extra-sensory—"
"Just ask Edward Hazlett Wood "Chief, get it through your thick
— the Psi-man in our midst" skull that I am so convinced I'm
"Schnell, if you get out of there right that I am betting my life on
alive, I'm going to ask for your re- it!"
»
sig- "And can you tell me why he is

"If I get out of here alive, you'll going to give himself away to
need every faculty I have to keep rescue you?"

THE UNDETECTED 87
 "Because I have his daughter bait this trap emotionally."
right here beside me." "So cold and cruel—"
"Schnell-" I nodded. "So were the pioneers

"Stop yacking, Chief. Call me who saved one last bullet for their
when Wood have an emo-
arrives. I wives."
tional problem on my hands down How could I tell this hurt girl
here." that I had looked time and again
"How do you know Wood's com- into the minds of killers and found
ing?" them worse than the deeds they
far

"He's been following my every committed? When the official rec-

move by telepathy," I said. "And ord states that upon such and such
he'sbeen trying to block me all the a date, so and so was punished for
way. Oh, he knows all right." his crime, how is he punished for
the harm he did to those who
HP HEN I hung up to stop a lot placed their trust in him? I hate
•• of senseless gab. I turned to them because they force me to re-
Florence, who was just beginning veal them for what they are, mak-
to understand what I had said and ing me an agent of their betrayal.
what meant to both her and her
it The phone rang again. "Yeah,
father. She stood there with Chief?"
shocked eyes regarding me, and Wood's just arrived.
"Schnell,
with one hand pressed back against What shall I tell him?"
her teeth. She said, "I don't believe "Don't bother. He knows it all."
it," in a barely audible voice. "Schnell, granting that you are
"It's true, and I'm sorry it's true," right, why should he show his hand

I told her. when he knows — or could easily

"It can't be true." find out — that the time-lock set-
"That's what you'd like to be- ting mechanism is on your side of
lieve," I said softly. "But the fact that vault door?"
remains that your father is a killer." "Sure it is," I replied. "But it's
"I'd rather die." covered by a sheet of five-ply safe-
"Florence, the choice between ty glass."
death and dishonor is not yours to "Use your revolver!"
make. Whether you live or die is •
"Chief, reprimand me for a vio-
up to your father, who is guilty of lation of regulations if you must,
placing you in this awkward posi- but let me point out that only an
tion by turning his talents to evil." idiot would wear a gun when he's
She stared at me. "But — how pitting himself against a Psi-man."
could you — ?" "Got everything figured out,
"There was no other way but to haven't you, Schnell?"

88 GALAXY
 "Chief," I said, "this affair started and deduce from what he knows —
in a sealed room, and now ir*s go- it has now become quite obvious to

ing to end in one." Chief Weston that if any such she-

I yanked on the telephone and nanigans as extra-sensory manipu-
pulled out of its connection block,
it lation of this bank-vault door take
snapping that link of communica- place — you're the only one sus-
tion. Then, to satisfy Edward Haz- pected of parapsychic power!"
lett Wood, I hurled the instrument And then the time-lock setting
as hard as I could against the safe- dials clicked around, their tiny
ty glass. The telephone bounced as noisemuted by the glass door.
if I had thrown it against six solid They came around until they
feet of battleship plate armor. pointed to the present time. Then
came the louder manipulation of
T THOUGHT: "Psi-man, you outside dial lock, the heavy click of
• are trapped!" massive tumblers, and then the
Hethought: "I've killed before, solid turning sound of wheel and
Schnell. Why shouldn't I profess mighty lever. The vault door
helplessnessand innocence, and swung open.
accuse you and the whole Police Outside, a pale and speechless
Department of the stupid and wan- man faced me, looking at his daugh-
ton death of my beloved daugh- ter.Weston was shaking his head,
ter?" but the confusion was clearing.
"Because you've erred, Psi-man Weston was a good man, quite will-
Wood." ing to operate without a full ex-
"Ah, now I have proof! You're a planation, so long as there was a
Psi-man, too! reasonable probability that some
"Who - me?" thought without
I reasonable explanation would come
a visible change in my expression later. The president and four vice-
for Florence Wood to see. "You're presidents of the bank stared at
the one who erred, Wood. You their vault door wonder-
in dismay,
neglected the rules." ing how anyone could from now on
"Bah - the law! Stupid law- it
rely on any protection if the best of
"Not so stupid, Wood. The law the vault-maker's art could be
is really very sensible. Ifs strong, opened" with such ease.
Wood, and it fosters the strength And Florence. She started for-
that comes of following it. So you ward with a glad cry, but stopped
Psi-man Wood, by never, never
see, in mid-stride as she realized the
making any overt use of my talent, full truth.In those fractions of a
by never admitting that I know second, she became the full, mature
more than any clever man can see adult who had been hurt, and who

THE UNDETECTED 89
knew that hurt and pain are not
the end.
She stopped a full yard from him
and whispered, "Daddy — you did
- it!"
He looked at her out of frantic
eyes. "I didn't! I didn't!"
Chief Weston took a pair of
handcuffs from one of the uni-
formed cops and held them up in
front of Edward Hazlett Wood's
eyes. "Coming quietly, Wood, or
must I weld them on you?"
C TUNNED, knowing that any
^ move he made I would block,
the murderer turned to go.
I was going to have quite an in-
teresting intellectual problem to
solve. I was going to have to testi-
fy that I was clever enough to trap
an extra-sensory criminal without
displaying my own extra-sensory
talent. It wasn't just a matter of
putting a possible ending to my of-
ficial usefulness to the forces of
law and order if the facts became
known. One word of suspicion
against Captain Howard Schnell
and some clever defense attorney
would raise a wholly reasonable
doubt as to which Psi-man opened
that vault door.
And being sworn to uphold the
law, and enforce the law within the
framework of the law itself, I'd
have to tell the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth, so
help me God!
But, according to the same sen-
sible law, not unless I was specifi-
cally asked.
And to answer Edward Hazlett
Wood's question: The perfect an-
swer to the perfect crime com-
mitted by the perfect criminal is
a perfect retribution.
— GEORGE O. SMITH

FOR 2500 YEARS

Man has sought the state of "CLEAR"
This state is now attainable for the first Man's History.
time in

The goal of all Mystic and Occult Science has been attained.
It can be done for you.

Write H A S I

1812 19th Street, N.W. Washington 9, D.C

90 GALAXY
 By PHILIP K. DICK

Let the aliens get away with one

thing — and they'd get away with

Illustrated by WOOD everything — including the Earth!

N his office at the Terran Im- "Good morning," the first memo
port Bureau of Standards, the said in its tinny, chattery voice, as
I tall man gathered uo
up the Wiseman ran his thumb along the
morning's memos from their wire line pasted tape. Staring off
of
basket, and, seating himself at his through the open window at the
desk, arranged them for reading. parking lot, he listened to it idly.
He put on his iris lenses, lit a ciga- "Say look, whafs wrong with you
rette. people down there? We sent that

WAR GAME 91
lot of—" a pause as the speaker, the Any group of people as inventive
sales manager of a chain of New as the Ganymedeans could be ex-
York department stores, found his pected to show creativity in what-
records — "those Ganymedean toys. ever field they entered. Subversion
You realize we have them
to get would be tackled like any other
approved in time for the autumn venture — with imagination and a
buying plan, so we can get them flair for wit.

stocked for Christmas." Grumbling, Wiseman got to his feet and left
the sales manager concluded, "War his office, in the direction of the
games are going to be an important separate building in which the test-
item again this year. We intend to ing labs operated.
buy big."
Wiseman ran histhumb down QURROUNDED by half-disas-
to the speaker's name and title. ^ sembled consumers' products,
"Joe Hauck," the memo-voice up to see his
Pinario looked boss,
chattered. "Appeley's Children's." Leon Wiseman, shutting the final
To himself, Wiseman said, "Ah." door of the lab.
He put down the memo, got a blank "I'm glad you came down," Pin-
and prepared to reply. And then he ario said, although actually he was
said, half-aloud, "Yes, what about stalling; he knew that he was at
that lot of Ganymedean toys?" least five days behind in his work,
It seemed like a long time that and this session was going to mean
the testing labs had been on them. trouble. "Better put on a prophy-
At least two weeks. laxis suit— don't want to take risks."
Of course, any Ganymedean He spoke pleasantly, but Wise-
products got special attention these man's expression remained dour.
days; the Moons had, during the "I'm here about those inner-cita-
last year, gotten beyond their usual del-storming shock troops at six
state of economic greed and had dollars a set," Wiseman said, stroll-
begun — according to intelligence ing among the stacks of many-sized
circles — mulling overt military ac- unopened products waiting to be
tion against competitive interests, tested and released.
of which the Inner Three planets "Oh, that set of Ganymedean toy
could be called the foremost ele- soldiers," Pinario said with relief.
ment. But so far nothing had shown His conscience was clear on that
up. Exports remained of adequate item; every tester in the labs knew
quality, with no special jokers, no the special instructions handed
toxic paint to be licked off, no cap- down by the Cheyenne Govern-
sules of bacteria. ment on the Dangers of Contami-
And yet .
*
. . nation from Culture Particles Hos-

92 GALAXY
tile to Innocent Urban Populations, Directly before the dummy was
a typically muddy ukase from offi- the group of Ganymedean soldiers,
cialdom. He could always — legiti- plus the citadel which they had
mately — fall back and cite the been built to storm. They had been
number of that directive. "I've got sneaking up on it in an elaborate
them off by themselves," he said, pattern, but, at the dummy's ut-
walking over to accompany Wise- terance, they had halted. Now they
man, "due to the special danger in- were regrouping.
volved." "You're getting this all on tape?"
"Let's have a look," Wiseman Wiseman asked.
said. "Do you believe there's any- , "Oh, yes," Pinario said.
thing in this caution, or is it more The model soldiers stood ap-
paranoia about 'alien milieux'?" proximately six inches high, made
Pinario said, "It's justified, es- from thealmost indestructible
pecially where children's artifacts thermoplastic compounds that the
are concerned." Ganymedean manufacturers were
Afew hand-signals, and a slab famous for. Their uniforms were
of wall exposed a side room. synthetic, a hodgepodge of various
Propped up in the center was a military costumes from the Moons
sight that caused Wiseman to halt. and nearby planets. The citadel
A plastic life-size dummy of a child, itself,a block of ominous dark
perhaps five years in appearance, metallike stuff, resembled a legend-
wearing ordinary clothes, sat sur- ary fort; peep-holes dotted its up-
rounded by toys. At this moment, per surfaces, a drawbridge had been
the dummy was saying, "I'm tired drawn up out of sight, and from the
of that. Do something else." It top turret a gaudy flag waved.
paused a short time, and then re- With a whistling pop, the citadel
peated, "I'm tired of that. Do some- fired a projectile at its attackers.
thing else." The projectile exploded in a cloud
The toys on the floor, triggered of harmless smoke and noise,
to respond to oral instructions, gave among a cluster of soldiers.
up their various occupations and "It fights back," Wiseman ob-
started afresh. served.
saves on labor costs," Pinario
"It "But ultimately it loses," Pinario
explained. "This is a crop of junk said. has to. Psychologically
"It
that's got an entire repertoire to speaking, it symbolizes the external
go through, before the buyer has reality. The dozen soldiers, of
his money's worth. If we stuck course, represent to the child his
around to keep them active, we'd own efforts to cope. By participat-
be in here all the time." ing in the storming of the citadel,

WAR GAME 93
the child undergoes a sense of ade-
quacy with the harsh
in dealing
world. Eventually he prevails, but
only after a painstaking period of
effort and patience." He added,
"Anyhow, that's what the instruc-
tion booklet says." He handed
Wiseman the booklet.
GLANCING over the booklet,
Wiseman asked, "And
pattern of assault varies
time?"
"We've had it running for eight
days now. The same pattern hasn't
cropped up twice. Well, you've got
quite a few units involved."
The soldiers were sneaking
around, gradually nearing the cita-
del. On the walls, a number of mon-
itoring devices appeared and began
tracking the soldiers.
other toys being tested, the soldiers
concealed themselves.
"They can incorporate acciden-
tal configurations of terrain," Pi-
nario explained. "They're object-
tropic; when they example,
see, for
a dollhouse here for testing, they
climb into it like mice. They'll be
all through it" To prove his point,
he picked up a large toy spaceship
manufactured by a Uranian com-
pany; shaking it, he spilled two sol-
diers from it.
"How many times do they take
the citadel," Wiseman asked, "on
a percentage basis?"
"So far, they've been successful
one out of nine tries. There's an ad-
94
justment in the back of the citadel.
You can set it for a higher yield of
successful tries."
He
threaded a path through the
advancing soldiers; Wiseman ac-
companied him, and they bent
down to inspect the citadel.
"This is actually the power sup-
ply," Pinario said. "Cunning. Also,
the instructions to the soldiers ema-
their nate from High-frequency trans-
it.
each mission, from a shot-box."
Opening the back of the citadel,
he showed his boss the container
of shot. Each shot was an instruc-
tion iota. For an assault pattern,
the shot were tossed up, vibrated,
allowed to settle in a new se-
quence. Randomness was thereby
achieved. But since there was a
finite number of shot, there had to
Utilizing be a finite number of patterns.
"We're trying them all," Pinario
said.
"And there's no way to speed it
up?"
"It'll have to take time. It
just
may run through a thousand pat-
terns and then—"
"The next one," Wiseman fin-
ished, "may have them make a
ninety-degree turn and start firing
at the nearest human being."
Pinario said somberly, "Or
worse. There're a good deal of ergs
in that power pack. If s made to
put out for five years. But if it all
went into something simultaneous-
»
ly
"Keep testing," Wiseman said.
GALAXY
 They looked at each other and
then at the citadel. The soldiers
had by now almost reached it. Sud-
denly one wall of the citadel
flapped down; a gun-muzzle ap-
the hand-signals that opened up
the testing room.
There, surrounded by toys, sat
the dummy that the lab men had
built. Around it the numerous toys

peared, and the soldiers had been went through their cycles. The
flattened. x racket made Fowler wince.
"I never saw that before," Pi- "This is the item in particular,"
nariomurmured. Wiseman said, bending down by
For a moment, nothing stirred. the citadel. A
soldier was in the

And then the lab's child-dummy, process of squirming on his belly

seated among its toys, said, "I'm toward it. "As you can see, there
tired of that. Do something else." are a dozen soldiers. Given that
With a tremor of uneasiness, the many, and the energy available to
two men watched the soldiers pick them, plus the complex instruction
themselves up and regroup. data-"
Fowler interrupted, "I see only

HTWO days later, Wiseman's su- eleven."

•* perior, a heavy-set, short, an- "One's probably hiding," Wise-
gry man with popping eyes, ap- man said.
peared in his office. "Listen," Fow- From behind them, a voice said,

ler said, "you get those damn toys "No, he's right." Pinario, a rigid ex-
out of testing. I'll give you until to- pression on his face, appeared.
morrow." He started back out, but "I've been having a search made.

Wiseman stopped him. One is gone."

"This is too serious," he said.
"Come down to the lab and
show you."
Arguing all the way, Fowler ac-
companied him to the lab. "You
have no concept of the capital
some of these firms have invested
in this stuff!" he was saying as they
entered. "For every product you've
got represented here, there's a ship
or a warehouse full on Luna, wait-
ing for official clearance so it
come in!"
Pinario was nowhere in sight. So
Wiseman used his key, bypassing
The three men were silent.
I'll
"Maybe the citadel destroyed
him," Wiseman finally suggested.
Pinario said, "There's a law of
matter dealing with that. If it 'de-
stroyed' him — what did it do with
the remains?"
"Possibly converted him into en-
ergy," Fowler said, examining the
citadel and the remaining soldiers.
"We did something ingenious,"
can Pinario said, "when we realized
that a soldier was gone. We
weighed the remaining eleven plus
the citadel. Their combined weight

WAR .GAME 95
isexactly equal to that of the origi- end of his rifle as a screwdriver to
nal set —
the original dozen sol- remove his head, then one arm,
diers and the citadel. So he's in then both legs. The disassembled
there somewhere." He pointed at pieces were passed into the aper-
the citadel, which at the moment, ture of the citadel. When only the
was pinpointing the soldiers ad- arm and rifle remained, that, too,
vancing toward it. crawled into the citadel, worming
Studying the citadel, Wiseman blindly, and vanished. The aper-
had a deep intuitive feeling. It had ture slid out of existence.
changed. It was, in some manner, After a long time, Fowler said in
different. a hoarse voice, "The presumption
"Run your tapes," Wiseman said. by the parent would be that the
"What?" asked Pinario, and then child had lost or destroyed one of
he flushed. "Of course." Going to the Gradually the set
soldiers.
the child-dummy, he shut it off, would dwindle — with the child get-
opened it, and removed the drum of ting the blame."
video recording tape. Shakily, he Pinario said, "What do you
carried it to the projector. recommend?"
They watching the recording
sat "Keep it in action," Fowler said,
sequences flash by one assault aft-
: with a nod from Wiseman. "Let it
er another, until the three of them work out its cycle. But don't leave
were bleary-eyed. The soldiers ad- it alone."
vanced, retreated, were fired on, "I'll have somebody in the room
picked themselves up, advanced with it from now on," Pinario
again . . . agreed.
"Stop the transport," Wiseman "Better yet, stay with it your-
said suddenly. self," Fowler said.
The last sequence was re-run. To himself, Wiseman thought:
A soldier moved steadily toward Maybe we all better stay with it.
the base of the citadel. A missile, At least two of us, Pinario and my-
fired at him, exploded and for a self.

time obscured him. Meanwhile, the I wonder what it did with the
other eleven soldiers scurried in a pieces, he thought.
wild attempt to mount the walls. What did it make?
The soldier emerged from the
cloud of dust and continued. He T> Y the end of the week, the cita-
reached the wall. A section slid -*-* del had absorbed four more
back. of the soldiers.
The blending with the
soldier, Watching it through a monitor,
dingy wall of the citadel, used the Wiseman could see in it no visible

96 GALAXY
WAR GAME 97
change. Naturally. The growth "Along what lines?"
would be strictly internal, down "Any lines."
out of sight The, suit made Wiseman think
On and on the eternal assaults, of cowboys, and so he imagined to
the soldiers wriggling up, the cita- himself that he was back at the
del firing in defense. Meanwhile, he ranch, trudging along the gravel
had before him a new series of road by the field in which black-
Ganymedean products. More faced sheep munched hay with that
recent children's toys to be in- odd, rapid grinding motion of their
spected. lower jaws. He had stopped at the
"Now what?" he asked himself. fence — barbed wire and occasional
The first was an apparently sim- upright posts — and watched the
ple item: a cowboy costume from sheep. Then, without warning, the
the ancient American West. At sheep lined up and headed off, in
least, so it was described. But he the direction of a shaded hillside
paid only cursory attention to the beyond his range of vision.
brochure: the hell with what the
Ganymedeans had about it.
to say TTE saw Cyprus growing
trees,
Opening the box, he laid out the -"--*-
against the skyline. A chicken
costume. The fabric had a gray, hawk, far up, flapped its wings in
amorphous quality. What a miser- a pumping action ... as if, he
ably bad job, he thought. It only thought, it's filling itself with more
vaguely resembled a cowboy suit; air, to rise higher. The hawk glided
the lines seemed unformed, hesi- energetically then sailed at a
off,

tant. And the material stretched leisurely pace. Wiseman looked for
out of shape as he handled it. He a sign of its prey. Nothing but the
found that he had pulled an entire dry mid-summer fields munched
section of it into a pocket that hung flatby the sheep. Frequent grass-
down. hoppers. And, on the road itself, a
"I don't get it," he said to Pi- toad. The toad had burrowed into
nario. "This won't sell." the loose dirt; only its top part was
"Put it on," Pinario said. "You'll visible.
As he bent down, trying to get up
With effort, Wiseman managed enough courage to touch the warty
to squeeze himself into the suit. "Is top of the toad's head, a man's voice
it safe?" he asked. said nearby him, "How do you like
"Yes," Pinario said. "I had it on it?"
earlier. This is a more benign idea. "Fine," Wiseman said. He took a
But it could be effective. To start deep breath of the dry grass smell;
it into action, you fantasize." he filled his lungs. "Hey, how do
98 GALAXY
you a female toad from a male
tell
toad? By the spots, or what?"
"Why?" asked the man, stand-
ing behind him slightly out of sight.
«T>.
I've got a toad here."
"Just for the record," the man
said, "can I ask you a couple of
questions?"
"Sure," Wiseman said.
"How old are you?"
That was easy. "Ten years and
four months," he said, with pride.
"Where exactly are you, at this
moment?"
"Out in the country, Mr. Gay-
lord's ranch, where my dad takes
me and my mother every week-
end when we can."
"Turn around and look at me,"
the man said. "And tell me if you
know me."
With reluctance, he turned from
the half-buried toad to look. He saw
an adult with a thin face and a long,
somewhat irregular nose. "You're
the man who delivers the butane
gas," he said. "For the butane com-
pany." He glanced around, and sure
enough, there was the truck, parked
by the butane gate. "My dad says
butane is expensive, but there's no
other-"
The man broke in, "Just for the
sake of curiosity, whaf s the name
of the butane company?"
"It's right on the truck," Wise-
"Would you be willing to swear
that you're ten years old, stand-
ing in a field near Petaluma, Cali-
fornia?" Mr. Pinario asked.
"Sure." He could see, beyond the
field, a range of wooded hills. Now
he wanted to investigate them; he
was tired of standing around gab-
bing. "I'll see you," he said, start-
ing off. "I have to go get some hik-
ing done."
He started running, away from
Mr. Pinario, down the gravel road.
Grasshoppers leaped away, ahead
of him. Gasping, he ran faster and
faster.
"Leon!" Mr. Pinario called after
him. "You might as well give up!
Stop running!"
"I've got business in those hills,"
Wiseman panted, still jogging
along. Suddenly something struck
him full force; he sprawled on his
hands, tried to get back up. In the
dry midday air, something shim-
mered; he felt fear and pulled away
from it. A shape formed, a flat
wall ...
"You won't get to those hills,"
Mr. Pinario said, from behind him.
"Better stay in roughly one place.
Otherwise you collide with things."
Wiseman's hands were damp
with blood; he had cut himself fall-
ing. In bewilderment, he stared
down at the blood . . .

man said, reading the large painted

letters.
tors,
"Pinario Butane Distribu-
Petaluma, California. You're
P cowboy
•*•
INARIO helped him
suit,
out of the
saying, "It's as un-
Mr. Pinario." wholesome a toy as you could want.
WAR GAME 99
A short period with it on, and the The game consisted of a board,
child would be unable to face con- plus play money, dice, pieces to
temporary reality. Look at you." represent the players. And stock
Standing with difficulty, Wise- certificates.
man inspected the suit; Pinario had "You acquire stock," Pinario
forcibly taken it from him. said, "same as in all this kind, ob-
"Not bad," he said in a trembling viously." He didn't even bother to
voice. "It obviously stimulates the look at the instructions. "Let's get
withdrawal tendencies already Fowler down here and play a hand;
present. I know
always had a
I've it takes at least three."
latent retreat fantasy toward my Shortly, they had the Division
childhood. That particular period, Director with them. The three men
when we lived in the country." seated themselves at a table, the
"Notice how you incorporated game of Syndrome in the center.
real elements into it," Pinario said, "Each player starts out equal
"to keep the fantasy going as long with the others," Pinario explained,
as possible. If you'd had time, you "same as all this type, and during
would have figured a way of incor- the play, their statuses change ac-
porating the lab wall into it, pos- cording to the worth of the stock
sibly as the side of a barn." they acquire in various economic
Wiseman admitted, "I — already syndromes."
had started to see the old dairy The syndromes were repre-
building, where the farmers brought sented by small, bright plastic ob-
their market milk." jects, much like the archaic hotels
"In time," Pinario said, "it would and houses of Monopoly.
have been next to impossible to get They threw the dice, moved
you out of it." their counters along the board, bid
To himself, Wiseman thought, If for and acquired property, paid
itcould do that to an adult, just fines, collected fines, went to the

imagine the effect on a child. "decontamination chamber" for a

"That other thing you have period. Meanwhile, behind them,
there," Pinario said, "that game, it's the seven model soldiers crept up
a screwball notion. You feel like on the citadel again and again.
looking at now? It can wait."
it "I'm tired of that," the child-
"I'm okay," Wiseman said. He dummy said. "Do something else."
picked up the third item and be- The soldiers regrouped. Once
gan to open it more they started out, getting near-
"A lot like the old game of er and nearer the citadel.
Monopoly," Pinario said. "It's Restless and irritable, Wiseman
called Syndrome." said, "I wonder how long that damn

100 GALAXY
 thing has to go on before we find "we'd be safer getting it out of
out what if s for." here." His experience with the cow-
"No Pinario eyed a pur-
telling." boy suit had given him a great deal
ple-and-gold share of stock that more respect for the Ganymedean
Fowler had acquired. "I can use artificers. And if the suit was the
that," he said. "That's a heavy uran- benign one . . .

ium mine stock on Pluto. What do Fowler, looking past his shoul-
you want for it?" der, said,"There are only six sol-
"Valuable property," Fowler diers now."
murmured, consulting his other Both Wiseman and Pinario got
stocks. "I might make a trade, up instantly. Fowler was right.
though." Only half of the set of soldiers re-
mained. One more had reached the
OW
H can I concentrate on a
game, Wiseman asked him-
citadel and been incorporated.
"Let's get a bomb expert from
self, when that thing is getting the Military Services in here,"
closer and nearer to — God knows Wiseman said, "and let him check
what? To whatever was built to
it it.This is out of our department."
reach. Its critical mass, he thought He turned to his boss, Fowler.
"Just a second," he said in a slow, "Don't you agree?"
careful voice. He put down his hand Fowler said, "Lefs finish this
of stocks. "Could that citadel be a game first."
pile?" "Why?"
"Pile of what?" Fowler asked, "Because we want to be certain
concerned with his hand. about it," Fowler said. But his rapt
Wiseman said loudly, "Forget interest showed that he had gotten
this game." emotionally involved and wanted
"An interesting idea," Pinario to play to the end of the game.
said, also putting down his hand. "What will you give me for this
"It's constructing itself into an share of Pluto stock? I'm open to
atomic bomb, piece by piece. Add- offers."

ing until—" He broke off. "No, we He and Pinario negotiated a

thought of that. There're no heavy trade. The game continued for an-
elements present in it. It's simply other hour. At last, all three of them
a five-year battery, plus a number could see that Fowler was gaining
of small machines controlled by in- control of the various stocks. He
structions broadcast from the bat- had five mining syndromes, plus
tery itself. You can't make an two plastics firms, an algae monop-
atomic pile out of that." oly, and seven of the retail trad-
all

"In my opinion," Wiseman said, ing syndromes. Due to his control

WAR GAME 101

 he had, as a byproduct,
of the stock, "Is such a tiling possible?" Fow-
gotten most of the money. ler asked, stacking his play money
"I'm out," Pinario said. All he into the different denominations.
had left were minor shares which "Who knows what they can do?"
controlled nothing. "Anybody want Pinario said, wandering around
to buy these?" with his hands in his pockets. Are
With his last remaining money, you almost finished playing?"
Wiseman bid for the shares. He got "Just about," Wiseman said.
them and resumed playing, this "The reason I say that," Pinario
time against Fowler alone. said, "is that now t only five
"It's clear that this game
a is soldiers. It's speeding took aip. It
replica of typical interculture eco- week for the first one, md only an
nomic ventures," Wiseman said. hour for the seventh. I wouldn't be
"The retail trading syndromes are surprised if the rest go within the
obviously Ganymede; *n hoi. «ngs." next two hours, all five of them."
"We're finished," Fowler said. He
A FLICKER of excitement had acquired the last share of stock
-^*- him; he had gotten
stirred in and the last dollar.
a couple of good throws with the Wiseman arose from the table,
dice and was in a position to add a leaving Fowler. "I'll call Military
share to his meager holdings. "Chil- Services to check the citadel. About
dren playing this would acquire a this game, though, it's nothing but
healthy attitude toward economic a steal from our Terran game
realities. It would prepare them for Monopoly."
the adult world." "Possibly they don't realize that
But a few minutes later, he we have the game already," Fowler
landed on an enormous tract of said, "under another name."
Fowler holdings, and the fine wiped A stamp of admissibility was
out his resources. He had to give placed on the game of Syndrome
up two shares of stock; the end was and the importer was informed. In
in sight his office, Wiseman called Military
Pinario, watching the soldiers ad- Services and told them what he
vance toward the citadel, said, wanted.
"You know, Leon, I'm inclined to "A bomb expert will be right
agree with you. This thing may be over," the unhurried voice at the
one terminal of a bomb. A receiv- other end of the line said. "Prob-
ing station of some kind. When it's ably you should leave the object
completely wired up, it might bring alone until he arrives."
in a surge of power transmitted Feeling somewhat useless, Wise-
from Ganymede." man thanked the clerk and hung
102 GALAXY
up. They had failed to dope out the Ten minutes later, one of the two
soldlers-and-citadel war game; now remaining soldiers followed the one
it was out of their hands. ahead of him.
The four men looked at each
THE bomb
expert was a young
man, with close-cropped hair,
other. "This is almost it," Pinario
said huskily.
who smiled friendlily at them as he The last remaining soldier wove
set down his equipment. He wore his way toward the citadel. Guns
ordinary coveralls, with no protec- within the citadel fired at him, but
tive devices. he continued to make progress.
"My first advice," he said, after "Statistically speaking," Wise-
he had looked the citadel over, "is man said aloud, to break some of
to disconnect the leads from the the tension, should take longer
"it

battery. Or, if you want, we can let each time, because there are fewer
the cycle finish out, and then dis- men for it to concentrate on. It
connect the leads before any reac- should have started out fast, then
tion takes place. In other words, got more infrequent until finally
allow the last mobile elements to this last soldier should put in at
enter the citadel. Then, as soon as least a month trying to—"
they're inside, we disconnect the "Pipe down," the young bomb
leads and open her up and see expert said in a quiet, reasonable
what's been taking place." voice. "If you don't mind."
"Is it safe?" Wiseman asked. The last of the twelve soldiers
"I think so," the bomb expert reached the base of the citadel.
said. "I don't detect any sign of Like those before him, he began to
radioactivity in it" He seated him- disassemble himself.
self on the floor, by the rear of the "Get those pliers ready," Pinario
citadel, with a pair of cutting pliers grated.
hand.
in his The parts of the soldier traveled
Now only three soldiers re- into the citadel. The opening began
mained. to close. From within, a humming
"It shouldn't be long," the young became audible, a rising pitch of
man said cheerfully. activity.
Fifteen minutes later, one of the "Now, for God's sake!" Fowler
three soldiers crept up to the base cried.
of the citadel, removed his head, The young bomb expert reached
arm, legs, body, and disappeared down his pliers and cut into the
piecemeal into the opening pro- positive lead of the battery. A spark
vided for him. flashed from the pliers and the
"That leaves two," Fowler said. young bomb expert jumped reflex-

WAR GAME 103

 "

ively; the pliers flew from his hands accomplishment

then, a sense of
and skidded across the floor. "The odds against you were tre-
"Jeez!" he said. "I must have been mendous," the voice inside his mind
grounded." Groggily, he groped continued. "Anyone else would
about for the pliers. have failed."
"You were touching the frame He knew then that everything
of the thing" Pinario said excit- was all right. They had been wrong.
edly. He grabbed the pliers him- "What you have done here," the
self and crouched down, fumbling voice declared, "you can continue
for the lead. "Maybe if I wrap a to do all your life. You can always
handkerchief around it," he mut- triumph over adversaries. By pa-
tered, withdrawing the pliers and tience and persistence, you can win
fishing in his pocket for a handker- out The universe isn't such an
"Anybody got any thing I can
chief. overwhelming place, after all ." . .

wrap around this? I don't want to No, he realized with irony, it

get knocked flat. No telling how wasn't.
many — "They are just ordinary persons,"
"Give it to me," Wiseman de- the voice soothed. "So even though
manded, snatching the pliers from you're only one, an individual
him. He shoved Pinario aside and against many, you have nothing to
closed the jaws of the pliers about fear. Give it time — and don't
»
the lead. worry
Fowler said calmly, "Too late." "I won't," he said aloud.
The humming receded. The
YfTISEMAN hardly heard his su- voice was gone.
™ periods voice; he heard the After a long pause, Fowler said,
constant tone within his head, and "It's over."
he put up his hands to his ears, fu- "I don't get it," Pinario said.
tilely, trying to shut it out. Now it "That was what it was supposed
seemed to pass directly from the to do," Wiseman a thera-
said. "It's
citadelthrough his skull, trans- peutic toy. Helps give the child
mitted by the bone. We stalled confidence. The disassembling of
around too long,he thought. Now the soldiers — " he grinned "ends —
ithas us. It won out because there the separation between him and the
are too many of us; we got to world. He becomes one with it.
squabbling ... And, in doing so, conquers it"
Within his mind, a voice said, "Then it's harmless," Fowler
"Congratulations. By your forti- said.
tude, you have been successful." "All this work for nothing," Pi-
A vast feeling pervaded him nario groused. To the bomb expert,
104 GALAXY
 .

he said, "I'm sorry we got you up "What are you thinking?" Pi-
here for nothing." nario asked, scrutinizing him.
The had now opened its
citadel "Maybe it's a diversion," Wise-
gates wide. Twelve soldiers, once man "To keep our minds in-
said.
more intact, issued forth. The cycle volved. So we won't notice some-
was complete; the assault could thing else." That was his intuition,
begin again. but he couldn't pin it down. "A red
Suddenly Wiseman said, "I'm herring," he said. "While something
not going to release it" else takes place. That's why it's so
"What?" Pinario said. "Why complicated. We were supposed to
not?" suspect it. That's why they built
"I don't trust it," Wiseman said. it."

"It'stoo complicated for what it Baffled, he put his foot down in.
actually does." front of a soldier. The soldier took
"Explain," Fowler demanded. refuge behind his shoe, hiding from
"There's nothing to explain," the monitors of the citadel.
Wiseman said. "Here's this im- "There must be something right
mensely and all
intricate gadget, before our eyes," Fowler said,
it does is take itself apart and then "that we're not noticing."
reassemble itself. There must be "Yes." Wiseman wondered if

more, even if we can't—" they would ever find it. "Anyhow,"

"It's therapeutic," Pinario put in. he said, "we're keeping it here,
Fowler said, "I'll leave it up to where we can observe it."
you, Leon. If you have doubts, Seating himself nearby, he pre-
then don't release it. We can't be pared to watch the soldiers. He
too careful." made himself comfortable for a
"Maybe I'm wrong," Wiseman long, long wait.
said, "but I keep thinking to my-
self: What did they actually build A T six o'clock that evening, Joe
this for? I feel we still don't know."
^"* Hauck, the sales manager for
"And the American Cowboy Appeley's Children's Store, parked
Suit," Pinario added. "You don't his car before his house, got out, and
want to release that either." strode up the stairs.
"Only the game," Wiseman said. Under his arm he carried a large
"Syndrome, or whatever it's called." flatpackage, a "sample" that he
Bending down, he watched the sol- had appropriated.
diers as they hustled toward the "Hey!" his two kids, Bobby and
citadel. Bursts of smoke, again . . . Lora, squealed as he let himself in.

activity, feigned attacks, careful "You got something for us, Dad?"
withdrawals . . They crowded around him, block-
WAR GAME 105
ing his path. In the kitchen, his home, the presence of his wife and
wife looked up from the table and children.
put down her magazine. His daughter said, "Dad, do you
"A new game I picked up for want to play? It says the more who
you," Hauck said. He unwrapped play, the better."
the package, feeling genial. There "Sure," Joe Hauck said.
was no reason why he shouldn't While his wife cleared the table,
help himself to one of the new he and his children spread out the
games; he had been on the phone board, counters, dice and paper
for weeks, getting the stuff through money and shares of stock. Almost
Import Standards — and after all at once he was deep in the game,
was said and done, only one of the totally involved; childhood
his
three items had been cleared. memories of game-playing swam
As* the kids went off with the back, and he acquired shares of
game, his wife said in a low voice, stock with cunning and originality,
"More corruption in high places." until, toward the conclusion of the
She had always disapproved of his game, he had cornered most of the
bringing home items from the syndromes.
store's stock. He settled back with a sigh of
"We've got thousands of them," contentment. "Thaf s that," he de-
Hauck said. "A warehouse full. No- clared to his children. "Afraid I had
body'll notice one missing." a head start. After I'm not
all,

At the dinner table, during the
meal, the kids scrupulously studied
every word of the instructions that
accompanied the game. They were
aware of nothing else.
"Don't read at the table," Mrs.
Hauck said reprovingly.
Leaning back in his chair, Joe
Hauck continued his account of the
day. "And after all that time,
did they release? One lousy item.
We'll be lucky if we can push
new to this type of game." Getting
hold of the valuable holdings on
the board filled him with a power-
ful sense of satisfaction. "Sorry to
have to win, kids."
His daughter said, "You didn't
»
win.
"You lost," his son said.
"What?" Joe Hauck exclaimed.
what "The person who winds up with
the most stock loses" Lora said.

enough to make a profit. It was that SHE showed him the instructions.
Shock Troop gimmick that would "See? The idea is to get rid of
really have paid off. And that's tied your stocks. Dad, you're out of the
up indefinitely." game."
He lit a cigarette and relaxed, "The heck with that," Hauck
feeling the peacefulness of his said, disappointed. "That's no kind

106 GALAXY
of game."His satisfaction vanished. "They don't know Monopoly,"
"That's no fun." Hauck said to himself, "so this
"Now we two have to play out screwball game doesn't seem
the game," Bobby said, "to see who strange to them."
finally wins." Anyhow, the important thing
As he got up from the board, Joe was that the kids enjoyed playing
Hauck grumbled, "I don't get it. Syndrome; evidently it would sell,
What would anybody see in a game and that was what mattered. Al-
where the winner winds up with ready the two youngsters were
nothing at all?" learning the naturalness of surren-
Behind him, his two children dering their holdings. They gave
continued to play. As stock and up their stocks and money avidly,
money changed hands, the children with a kind of trembling abandon.
became more and more animated. Glancing up, her eyes bright,
When the game entered its final Lora said, "It's the best educational
stages, the children were in a state toy you ever brought home, Dad!"
of ecstatic concentration. —PHILIP K. DICK

WAR GAME 107

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BY WILLY LEY
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DEAD OR ALIVE?
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URING
the eighteenth
the early part of
century
!

some very vague rumors

.'
about gigantic bones reached Paris.
Unaccompanied by any evidence,
these rumors traveled via Spain,
for they originated from Argentina.

CD
aau Shorn of embroidery and conjec-
ture, they stated that large bones
could be found in the pampas.
L*

These were said to be as large as

V

the bones of elephants.

*+ '

The gentlemen of the Academy

_*

v j^TWWH W«Hli ; V
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Pi vr^TC •*
in Paris decided that it was best

108 GALAXY
not to say anything. As far as any- came to the foot skeleton and the
body knew, there were no ele- skull. They did not resemble any-
phants in the Americas. Still, South thing ever seen before, at least not
America was not well explored yet, in such a size. The skull showed
so — let the Spaniards prove their was a sloth.
clearly that this giant
case if they have one. Now it needed a name, which
It sohappened that they did. was compounded from the two
During the earlier years of the Greek words for "large" (megas)
18th century only occasional single and "mammal" (therion) in the
bones had been seen by literate Latinized version of Megatherium
men, usually where a river
in places americanum.
cut into the soil of the pampas. In Naturally things did not stop
1789 a complete skeleton was with this first skeleton. Pictures of
found, fortunately not too far from it got into books, partly because it

Buenos Aires, at a place called
Lujan. The viceroy ordered that
the bones be excavated and sent to
Madrid. There a scientist named
Garriga assembled them and, in
1796, published a first description.
HP HE animal had been about the
*• size ofan elephant, or would
have been if its legs had been a
little longer. It stood eight feet tall
at the shoulder and had an overall
length of 14 feet.
The first thing that impressed
Garriga was the legs, but not be-
cause they were beautiful. The
bones were incredibly heavy, far
more massive than the correspond-
ing bones of an elephant. The tail
was also very massive and long for
a big animal (which usually have
tiny tails) because it was long
enough to just touch the ground.
But while the comparison with an
elephant was obvious because of
was the first and partly because it
was so big.
More discoveries were made and
scientists soon knew that there had
been several species of giant sloth.
The second species to be definitely
established was Mylodon robustus
(Fig. 1), which was 11 feet long
and differed from Megatherium
mostly in having forelegs about as
long as its hindlegs; in Megather-
ium the forelegs are a good deal
longer than the hindlegs.
The third species was named
Mylodon gracilis. Now the word
gracilis would normally be trans-
lated as "dainty," but in this case
the normal, or any other, transla-
tion just did not apply. The animal
was by no means "dainty." It was
a heavy-boned nine-foot monster.
It is possible that gracilis was
used merely as the opposite of
robustus. It is more likely that this
name a case of Teutonic humor,
is

the size, it broke down when it for the man who coined it was Pro-

FOR YOUR INFORMATION 109

fessorHermann Burmeister, of
Germany, who had gone to South
America on a trip of exploration
and then decided to stay and settle
down, mostly because of Mega-
therium and Mylodon.
TTERMANN Burmeister was
-*--- fifty years old when he made
this decision (in 1861 or 1862),
but he still managed to enjoy thir-
ty-one years of residence in the
country he adopted for zoological
reasons. When I state that he "en-
joyed" these years, I do not use
the term loosely. According to all
accounts, life in Prof. Burmeister's
house was friendly, witty and gay,
and it was permanently open to
any fellow scientist and any intelli-
gent layman who was willing to
talk Megatherium and other pam-
pas fossils. That there could pos-
sibly ever be a shortage of domes-
tic or imported wines never oc-
curred to Burmeister, unless he had
nightmares, which seems unlikely.
Burmeister's closest scientific as-
sociate and his successor (when
Burmeister died in 1892 at the age
of 85) was Professor Florentino
Ameghino. Up to 1892, expert de-
scriptions of pampas fossils had
been in German; from then on,
they were in Spanish. But behind
all the scientific gaiety and the fun
and thrill of a steady stream of dis-
coveries there was one unanswered
question. How old were the bones
Burmeister and Ameghino dug up,
110
cleaned, measured, assembled and
described?
This question at that time was
simply unanswerable, but Burmeis-
ter thought that while he could not
name a figure, he could at least
give an answer of sorts.
There was general agreement
that man had originated in Asia
and invaded the American double
continent via the Bering Strait.
This naturally meant that man had
arrived in South America much
later than in North America, since
he had to traverse the length of the
North American continent first.
Any figures which were then men-
tioned were naturally guesses; man
had probably arrived at the north-
ern end of South America 3000 to
5000 years ago. Burmeister based
his answer on this figure.
Man and Megatherium had
never met, Burmeister was con-
vinced, because the natives did not
have any recollection of such ani-
mals and had invented a legend to
account for the bones. They
thought that the large animal was
something like a gigantic mole
which was instantly killed by sun-
light if it inadvertently "broke sur-
face."
Burmeister's ideas might have
been well reasoned, but the facts
were against him. Megatherium,
the giant sloth, was very often as-
sociated with a giant armadillo —
Glyptodon — and the two animals
had obviously lived at the same
GALAXY
time. But remains Glyptodon
of
and human artifacts were some-
times found together, and the prize
discovery was a human skeleton
sitting inside the giant carapace of
a glyptodon. This was certainly an
ancient form of burial for some-
body of importance. a
Finally,
skeleton of Megatherium was un-
earthed which was incomplete in a
significant manner. The four legs
were there and undisturbed, but
most of the other bones were miss-
ing, and there had been a fire in the
center, between the legs. It was
perfectly apparent that here was a
giant sloth that had been caught in
a pit and roasted right in the trap
from above.
There was no doubt then that
the early South American Indians
had known Megatherium "in the
flesh," but it still did not answer
the question: when had this hap-
pened?
TN the meanwhile something else
* had taken place which did not
seem to have a connection for a
long time. By coincidence, another
German who had made his home
in South America figures in this
section of the story, though not as
prominently by far as Professor
Burmeister.
Near the southern end of Pata-
gonia there is a fjord or inlet — lo-
cally called a "canal" — with the
gloomy name of Ultima Esperanza
(Last Hope). There the retired
FOR YOUR INFORMATION
German sea captain Eberhard
bought himself some land and built
a house. Visitors to the Eberhard
ranch noticed that the hide of a
large animal was hanging over
some bushes. Some of these visi-
tors — or so it was told later —
tried to cut a piece off that hide,
which proved to be extraordinarily
difficult. The
reason was that a
large number of bean-sized "bones"
were embedded in the hide. If any
one of these visitors had been a
naturalist, this fact would have
done more than just make him sus-
picious; but evidently nobody, in-
cluding Captain Eberhard, had any
profound knowledge of natural his-
tory.
At some time — the date is un-
certain, but it was after Burmeis-
ter'sdeath — such a piece of skin
reached Ameghino. It has never
been established whether this par-
ticular piece came from the Eber-
hard ranch; Ameghino himself did
not think so. The important thing
was that this piece of skin was, or
looked, fresh. Not fresh like ani-
mal skin in a butcher shop, but
rather like untanned hide in a sad-
dler's establishment. In any case it
certainly was not and Ame-
fossil
ghino decided that logic, however
incredible, had to prevail. A piece
of Mylodon skin proved that the
animal still existed somewhere.
Ameghino called a press confer-
ence. Newspapers around the
world carried articles which de-
111
clared: "The Giant Sloth Is
Extinct." The very fact that this
animal, which for so many years
had been so proverbially extinct,
was supposed to be still alive set
thought going in various directions
at once.
Was there any evidence in addi-
tion to the piece of skin?
Did somebody men-
in the past
tion the giant sloth in any man-
ner, probably with a native name
which conveyed no meaning to
readers elsewhere?
And, finally, where can they be
found, to be captured for a zoologi-
cal garden?
Professor Ameghino said
he did have additional evidence.
Besides his piece of skin from an
unknown source, there was the Ul-
tima Esperanza hide. And then,
there was the story told by Ramon
Lista, onetime Governor of Santa
Cruz — he was later killed by In-
dians.
Lista reported that he had been
with a hunting party in the interior
of Patagonia. While camping at
he and his party had seen an
night,
unknown animal which looked
somewhat like a pangolin, except
that it was covered with long hair.
The animal escaped, even though
the hunters shot at it with their
rifles.
QINCE Ramon Lista was
^ learned man
with much exper-
ience in Patagonia (he wrote sev-
not eralbooks about his land which re-
ceived high praise and are said
to be still worthwhile reading), a
story like this deserved attention.
Strangely enough, Ameghino at
first disregarded it, thinking that
Lista must have been somehow
mistaken. But then he suddenly
changed his mind. A while later he
even coined the scientific name
Neomylodon listai (Lista's New
Mylodon) and pointed out that it
was quite possible that one or more
had hit, but
of the hunters* shots
that they did no harm because of
the bony nodules in a Mylodon's
hide.
that Thena native legend about a
Iemish was dragged into the giant
sloth debate and things really be-
came confused. The Iemish was
claimed to be a large beast that
lived both on land and in the
water, usually hiding in the water.
It was a flesh-eater and drowned
horses to eat them. Or else the
Iemish was a beast the size of an
ox that was harmless and noctur-
nal. During the day it slept in bur-
rows which it had dug with its large
claws. Finally somebody supplied
Ameghino with a "translation" of
the word Iemish: it was supposed
to mean "the one with little stones
on it." Ameghino thought that all
thiswent together beautifully and
could apply only to the Neomylo-
a don listai that he had named.
All this, however, did not go to-
gether beautifully. An animal is

112 GALAXY
either a flesh-eater, in which case
it? be called harmless, or it is
can't
harmless, in which case it is not
likely to be a flesh-eater. But while
this could be reasoned out by logic
alone, it took an enormous amount
of work to establish how the con-
fusion had taken place.
The legend of the Iemish, the
one that often retreats into the
water and is a flesh-eater, refers es-
sentially to the jaguar, which is a
carnivore and does swim well. It
probably also contains some con-
fusion with the giant river otter of
South America, which is of nearly
namely, whether the giant sloth
might not have been mentioned by
early writers on South America un-
der another and probably native
name. Here he was not only far
more careful, he was also more suc-
cessful.
He came across a book entitled
Hist or ia de la Conquista del Para-
guay, Rio de la Plata y Tucuman
by Father Pedro Lozano, S. J., pub-
lished 1740-1746, in which an ani-
mal su or succarath was mentioned.
It was said to be large and to have
the habit of carrying its young on
its back. The natives were stated

the same size, is also carnivorous, to hunt it in spite of the dangers

like all otters, and, like all otters, involved, for they wanted its skin
lives in the water. The names which to make durable cloaks.
could be found in dictionaries that
sound like iemish mostly are na- ARDLY anybody in Europe
tive words for "otter* had ever heard of Father Lo-
Of course the word does not zano before, but when Ameghino
translate the way Ameghino re- reported on the su in professional
ported. It seems to be simply a journals, all European zoologists
name. But Ameghino, having been had an automatic reaction. They
handed this significant-looking knew the su. Its picture, however
"translation* by somebody, made fantastic, was on the title page of
the mistake of applying the name the enormous zoology book by the
iemish to the other legend about Swiss savant Konrad Gesner (Fig.
the ox-sized harmless nocturnal 2) which every one of the Euro-
animal. (It might be added that peans had read.
the two legends did not exist in the There volume one of Gesner's
in
same place. Their origins were Hist or ia animalium (published in
1500 or more miles apart.) Zurich in 1955) one could find a
Ameghino, after having made paragraph headed De Subo ("Of
this mistake, concluded that he the Su") which translates as fol-
had taken care of the question of lows :

available evidence. Then he set

out to answer the second question; The Most Obnoxious Animal that

FOR YOUR INFORMATION 113

might be seen, called Su in the New
Lands. There is a place in the newly
found land where lives a people call-
ing itself in its language Patagones, and
since the land is not very warm they
cover themselves with fur from an ani-
mal they call Su, which means Water,
by reason of its dwelling mainly near
water. It is very dreadful, obnoxious, as
may be seen. When hunted by the hun-
ters, it takes its young upon its back,
covers them with its long tail
flees. It is caught in pits and killed with
arrows.
This had made no sense until
the fight about the still-living giant
sloth started; now things
changed so that Gesner's para-
graph might make an exciting kind
of sense.
As long as nobody had paid
much attention to Gesner's para-
graph as a whole, even less atten-
tion had been paid to a note which
said that this description
taken from "Andreas Theuetus."
Since Gesner wrote in Latin, it was
only logical that he used the Latin-
ized form; actually this was the
name of Andre Thevet. Thevefs
paragraph on the Su is the same as
Gesner's naturally, but Thevet has
one more sentence telling what
happens after a su has fallen into
a pit:
When it sees that it is
maims and kills its young (as
dened) and gives such terrible cries
that it makes the Savages very fearful
and timid. Yet in the end they kill it
with arrows and then they flay it.
114
Incidentally, each of the learned
men made a linguistic mistake.
Gesner did not know that the name
of the Patagonians is not derived
from their own language, and The-
vet was wrong in thinking that su
means water. Its meaning is "cov-
ering/' Ameghino came close by
translating su as "cloak." Thevet
and thus isthe only literary source which
might be construed as referring to
a giant sloth. If one wants to ac-
cept it — and I don't see why not —
one of the smaller forms of giant
sloth must have been still alive in
had the southern part of South Amer-
ica during the Middle Ages.
*
HP HERE are two more things:
*• Where did the hide on Captain
Eberhard's ranch come from?
. Well, Captain Eberhard him-
self located a cave some dis-
had been tance from his home. The cave was
almost completely closed (one
could just squeeze through) by a
wall of boulders which was obvi-
ously piled up by people. Inside
the cave, the amateur explorers
found a human skeleton, two more
hides, and what is generally called
a kitchen midden. Later, profes-
sional investigators discovered
Mylodon droppings over a foot
deep, and when they went to work
caught, it on these droppings, they saw that
if mad- they contained ends of plant stalks
which had been cut. The teeth of
the animals could not have pro-
duced such a clean end.
GALAXY
 Fig. 1: Reconstruction of extinct giant sloth Mylodon.
One of the investigators, Profes-
sor Santiago Roth, then proposed
to rename the animal Grypother-
ium domesticum, since the Indians
had apparently domesticated it.
This would not have been impos-
sible by itself, but there is one
major fact that speaks against the
idea: domesticated animals do not
become extinct! Man sees to it that
they don't. If the Indians had wide-
ly domesticated the Mylodon, it
would still be around with its mas-
ters. More likely the animals were
just rounded up in the open and
chased into the cave, where they
were kept alive with forage until
the time came to kill and eat them.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION
Before finishing up with the cur-
rent scientific opinion about the
whole matter, one episode, amus-
ing in retrospect, must be told.
Early in this century Sir Ray Lan-
kester, director of the Natural His-
tory Museum in London, per-
mitted himself to be quoted to the
effect that it seemed possible that
a ground sloth of the Mylodon
type might still be alive in little-
known parts of Patagonia.
This was good enough for the
owner of the London Daily Ex-
press. He decided to finance an ex-
pedition to Patagonia to search for
a living mylodon and bring it back
to England, alive if possible, dead
115
 :

Fig. 2: The animal Su as it appears on title page of Konrad Gesner's Historia Animalium

if itcould not be helped. England and wrote perhaps the

The expedition was headed by most ill-tempered book ever
a man named Hesketh H. Pritch- printed. The Iemish did not exist,
ard, who must have been an impa- the legend about it was the inven-
tient type. Nobody knew at the tion of some publicity seekers, the
time that Ameghino had blundered whole thing was a pack of lies and,
with respect to the Iemish, so most important, he, Hesketh H.
Pritchard set out with what he be- Pritchard, had been hoaxed.
lieved to be a body of facts to guide Well, how do things stand now?
him. In South America, he quick-
Jy learned that a major mistake NE of the newer and most use-
had been made somewhere and he ful tools of science, radio-car-
grew furious. Though he had trav- bon dating, does not help
*
much
eled thousands of miles and had here for lack of material. The first
only another two or three hundred list of radio-carbon dates (Science,

miles to go to reach Captain Eber- February 2, 1951) contained two

hard's ranch, he did not do so. entries about giant sloth material.
He turned around, went back to They were
116 GALAXY
No. 484 Chilean Sloth: Dung of giant
sloth from Mylodon Cave,
Ultima Esperanza, Chile (51°
35'S.). Not associated with
human artifacts, though sloth
and manfound together in
three caves 125 miles dis-
tant (c/. sample 485) 10,800
± 570; 10,864 ± 720; 10,832
± 400 (years).
No. 485 Chilean Bone: Burned bone
of sloth, horse and guanaco,
associated with human bones
and artifacts. Valuable in de-
termining time of arrival of
man at tip of South America.
Material found in Palliaike
Cave, 125 miles east of My-
lodon. Comment: Most an-
cient of human samples from
South America. 8639 ± 450.
In other words, the samples that
happened to be dated are pretty
old and do not help us in determin-
FIGHT CANCER WITH A
CHECKUP AND A CHECK
AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY
FOR YOUR INFORMATION
ing how long the giant sloth lived
in South America. It would be so
nice if we found a sample which at
least makes it certain that Thevefs
Su was a ground sloth.
Pritchard's expedition was not
the last. Two others were organ-
ized. Both returned empty-handed.
This, of course, is not proof that
there are no living ground sloths
any more; large portions of South
America are still poorly known.
And one can always argue that it
is hard to see why
a plant-eater
should become extinct in green
South America, where there have
been no climatic changes for thou-
sands of years. There is no answer
to that argument except that no
living, or freshly killed, ground
sloth has yet turned up.
— WILLY LEY
117
118 GALAXY
 h rity

By JIM HARMON

Certainly I see things

that aren't there

and don't say what my

voice says—but how

can I prove

that I don't have my health?

WHEN he began his talk

with "You got your health,
don't you?" it touched
those spots inside me. That was
when I did it.

Why couldn't what he said have

been "The best things in life are
free, buddy" or "Every dog has his
day, fellow" or "If at first you don't
succeed, man"? No, he had to use
that one line. You wouldn't blame
me. Not if you believe me.

Illustrated by DICK FRANCIS

CHARITY CASE 119
 The first thing I can remember, stayed on, no matter how hard he
the start of all this, was when I slammed the door.
was four or five somebody was soil- I stayed in the dark longer for
ing my bed for me. I absolutely was lying about the light.
not doing it. I took long naps morn- Alone in the dark, I wouldn't
ing and evening so I could lie have had it so bad if it wasn't for
awake all night to see that it the things that came to me.
wouldn't happen. It couldn't hap- They were me. They
real to
pen. But in the morning the bed never touched me, but they had a
would sit there dispassionately little boy. He looked the way I did

soiled and convict me on circum- in the mirror. They did unpleasant

stantial evidence. My punishment things to him.
was as sure as the tide. Because they were real, I talked
Dad was a compact man, small about them as if they were real, and
eyes, small mouth, tight clothes. I almost earned a bunk in the home

He was narrow but not mean. For for retarded children until I got
punishment, he locked me in a win- smart enough to keep the beasts to
dowless room and told me to sit myself.
still until he came back. It wasn't My mother hated me. loved
I
so bad a punishment, except that her, of course. I remember her
when Dad closed the door, the light smell mixed up with flowers and
turned off and I was left there in cookies and winter fires. I remem-
the dark. ber she hugged me on my ninth
Being four or five, I didn't know birthday. The trouble came from
any better, so I thought Dad made the notes written in my awkward
it dark to add to my punishment. hand that she found, calling her
But I learned he didn't know the names I didn't understand. Some-
light went out. It came back on times there were drawings. I didn't
when he unlocked the door. Every write those notes or make those
time I told him about the light as drawings.
soon as I could talk again, but he My mother and father must
said I was lying. have been glad when I was sent
away to reform school after my
i^kNE day, to prove mehe a liar, thirteenth birthday party, the one
^-* opened and closed the door no one came to.
a few times from outside. The lignt The reform school was nicer.
winked off and on, off and on, al- There were others there who'd had
ways shining when Dad stuck his it about like me. We got along. I

head inside. He tried using the door didn't watch their shifty eyes too
from the inside, and the light much, or ask them what they
120 GALAXY
shifted to see. They didn't talk supposed to think I was just a bum.
about my screams at night. As an inspiration, I hugged my
It was home. chest to make him think I was
My trouble there was that I was some wino nursing a flask full of
always being framed for stealing. Sneaky Pete. All I had there was a
I didn't take any of those things piece of copper alloy tubing inside
they located in my bunk. Stealing a slice of plastic hose for taking
wasn't in my line. If you believe care of myself, rolling sailors and
any of this at all, you'll see why it the like. Who had the price of a
couldn't be me who did the steal- bottle?
ing. Partridge didn't seem to notice
There was reason for me to steal, me, but I knew that was an act. I
if I could have got away with it. knew people were always watching
The others got money from home every move I made. He braced his
to buy the things they needed — red-furred hands on the sides of his
razor blades, candy, sticks of tea. auctioneer's standand leaned his
I got a letter from Mom or Dad splotched eagle beak toward us.
every now and
then before they "Brothers, this being Thanksgiving,
were killed, saying they had sent I pray the good Lord that we all

money or that it was enclosed, but are truly thankful for all that we
somehow never got a dime of it.
I have received. Amen."
When I was expelled from re- Some skin-and-bones character
form school, I left with just one I didn't know struggled out of his
idea in mind — to get all the money seat, amening. I could see he had
I could ever use for the things I a lot to be thankful for — some-
needed and the things I wanted. where he had received a fix.
"Brothers," Partridge went on
T was two or three years later after enjoying the interruption with
that skulked into Brother
I a beaming smile, "you shall all be
Partridge's mission on Durbin entitled to a bowl of turkey soup
Street. prepared by Sister Partridge, a
The preacher and half a dozen generous supply of sweet rolls and
men were singing Onward Chris- dinner rolls contributed by the
tian Soldiers in the meeting room. Early Morning Bakery of this city,
It was a drafty hall with varnished and the coffee you can drink.
all

camp chairs. I shuffled in at the Let us march out to The Stars and
back with my suitcoat collar turned Stripes Forever, John Philip
up around my stubbled jaw. I made Sousa's grand old patriotic song."
my hand shaky as I ran it through I had to laugh at all those bums
my knotted hair. Partridge was clattering the chairs in front of me,

CHAR ITY CASE 121

scampering after water soup and down the side of the room and
stale bread. As soon as I got behind the row of chairs, closer,
last
cleaned up, I was going to have closer, and halfway up the room
dinner in a good restaurant, and I again to the entrance— the entrance
was going to order such expensive and the little wooden box fastened
food and leave such a large tip for to the wall beside it.
*

the waiter and send one to the chef The box was old and made out
that they were going to think I of some varnished wood. There was
was rich, and some executive with a slot in the top. There wasn't any
some brokerage firm would see me sign anywhere around it, but you
and say to himself, "Hmm, execu- knew it wasn't a mailbox.
tive material. Just the type we My hand went flat on the top of
need. I beg your pardon, sir— * just the box. One finger at a time drew
like the razor-blade comic-strip up and slipped into the slot. Index,
ads in the old magazines that fore, third, little. Iput my thumb
Frankie the Pig sells three for a in my palm and shoved. hand My
quarter. went in.
I was marching. Man, was I ever There were coins inside. I
marching, but the secret of it was scooped them up with two fingers
I was only marking time the way and held them fast with the other
we did in fire drills at the school. two. Once I dropped a dime — not a
They passed me, every one of penny, milled edge — and I started
them, and marched out of the meet- to reach for it. No, don't be greedy.
ing room into the kitchen. Even I knew I would probably lose my

Partridge made his way down from hold on all the coins if I tried for
the auctioneer's stand like a vulture that one. I had all the rest. It felt
with a busted wing and darted like about two dollars, or close to it.
through his private door. Then I found the bill. A neatly
I was alone, marking time behind folded bill in the box. Somehow I
the closed half of double doors. One knew all along it would be there.
good breath and I raced past the
open door and flattened myself to tried to read the numbers on the
the wall. Crockery was ringing and bill with my fingertips, but I
men were slurping inside. No
one couldn't. It had to be a one. Who
had paid any attention to me. That drops anything but a one into a
was pretty odd. People usually Skid Row collection box? But still
watch my every move, but a man's there were tourists, slummers.
luck has to change sometime, They might leave a fifty or even a
doesn't it? hundred. A hundred!
Following the wallboard, I went Yes, it felt new, crisp. It had to

122 GALAXY
be a hundred. A single would be first time, a Western Union clock
creased or worn. high up at the back of the hall. Just
I pulled my hand out of the box. as I seen it for the first time, the
I tried to pull my hand out of the electricity wound
the spring motor
box. inside like a chicken having its
I knew what the trouble was, of neck wrung.
course. I was in a monkey trap. The next time I glanced at the
The monkey reaches through the clock, it said ten minutes had gone
hole for the bait, and when he gets by. Myhand still wasn't free and
it in his hot he can't get
little fist, I hadn't budged the box.
his hand out. He's too greedy to let "This," Brother Partridge said,
go, so he stays there, caught as se- "is one of the most profound exper-
curely as if he were caged. iences of my life."

I was a man, not a monkey. I My head hinged until it lined

knew why hand
I couldn't get my my eyes up with Brother Partridge.
out. But I couldn't lose that money, The pipe hung heavy in my pocket,
especially that century bill. Calm, but he was too far from me.
I ordered myself. Calm. "A vision of you at the box pro-
The box was fastened to the jected itself on the crest of my
vertical tongue-and-groove laths of soup," the preacher explained in
the woodwork, not the wall. It was wonderment
old lumber, stiffened by a hundred I nodded. "Swimming right in
layers of paint since 1908. The there with the dead duck."
paint was as thick and strong as the "Cold turkey," he corrected. "Are
boards. The box was fastened fast. you scoffing at a miracle?"
Six-inch spike nails, I guessed. "People are always watching me,
Calmly, I flung my whole weight Brother," I said. "So now they do
away from the wall. My wrist al- it even when they aren't around. I

most cracked, but there wasn't should have known it would come
even a bend in the box. Carefully, to that."

I tried to jerk my fist straight up, to The pipe was suddenly a weight
pry off the top of the box. It was as I wanted would try rob-
off me. I
ifthe box had been carved out of bing a collection box, knowing posi-
one solid piece of timber. It tively that I would get caught, but
wouldn't go up, down, left or right. I wasn't dumb enough to murder.

But I kept trying. Somebody, somewhere, would be

While keeping a lookout for Par- a witness to it. I had never got away
tridge and somebody stepping out with anything in my life. I was too
of the kitchen for a pull on a smart to even try anything but the
bottle, I spotted the clock for the little things.

CHARITY CASE 123

 "I may be able to help you," We took a couple of camp chairs
Brother Partridge said, "if you have and I told him the story of my life,
faith and a conscience." or most of it. It was hard work on
"I've got something better than an empty stomach; I wished I'd
a conscience," I told him. had some of that turkey soup. Then
again I was glad I hadn't. Some-
ROTHER PARTRIDGE re- thing always happened to me when
garded me solemnly. "There I thought back over my life. The

must be something special about same thing.

you, for your apprehension to come The men filed out of the kitchen,
through miraculous intervention. wiping their chins, and I went right
But I can't imagine what." on talking.
"I always get apprehended some- After some time Sister Partridge
how, Brother," I said. "I'm pretty bustled in and snapped on the over-
special." head lights and Ikept talking. The
"Your name?" brother still hadn't used the phone
"William Hagle." No sense lying. to call the cops.
I had been booked and printed be- "Remarkable," Partridge finally
fore. said when I got so hoarse I had to
Partridge prodded me with his take a break. "One is almost — al-
bony fingers as if making sure I most — reminded of Job. William,
was substantial. "Come. Let's sit you are being punished for some
down, if you can remove your fist great sin. Of that, I'm sure."
from the money box." "Punished for a sin? But, Broth-
I opened up my fingers and let er, I've always had it like this, as

the coins ring inside the box and I long as I can remember. What kind
drew out my hand. The bill stuck of a sin could I have committed
to the sweat on my fingers and slid when I was fresh out of my crib? »
out along with the digits. A one, I "William, all I can tell you is
decided. I had got into trouble for that time means nothing in Heaven.
a grubby single. It wasn't any cen- Do you deny the transmigration of
tury. I had been kidding myself. souls?"
I unfolded the note. Sure "Well," I said, "I've had no per-
enough, it wasn't a hundred-dollar sonal experience—"
bill,but it was a twenty, and that "Of course you have, William!
was almost the same thing to me. Say you don't remember. Say you
I creased it and put it back into the don't want to remember. But don't
slot. say you have no personal experi-
As long as it stalled off the cops, ence!"
I'd talk to Partridge. "And you think I'm being pun-
124 GALAXY
ished for something I did in a pre- reformatory and the one when I
vious life?" tried to steal Brother Partridge's
looked at me in disbelief.
He money, I killed a man.
"What else could it be?" It was all an accident, but killing
"I don't know," I confessed. "I somebody is reason enough to get
certainly haven't done anything punished. It didn't have to be a sin
that bad in this life." in some previous life, you see.
"William, if you atone for this I had gotten my first job in too
sin, perhaps the horde of locusts long, stacking boxes at the freight
will lift from you." door of Baysinger's. The drivers un-
It wasn't much of a chance, but loaded the stuff, but they just
I was unused to having any at all. dumped it off the truck. An empty
I shook off the dizziness of it. "By rear end was all they wanted. The
the Lord Harry, Brother, I'm going freight boss told me to stack the
to give it a try!" I cried. boxes inside, neat and not too close
"I believe you," Partridge said, together.
surprised at himself. I stacked boxes the first day. I
He ambled over to the money stacked more the second. The third
box on the wall. He tapped the day I went outside with my balo-
bottom lightly and a box with no ney and crackers. It was warm
top slid out of the slightly larger enough even for November.
box. He reached in, fished out the Two of them, dressed like Har-
bill and presented it to me. vard seniors, caps and striped duf-
"Perhaps this will help in your fer jackets, came up to the crate I
atonement," he said. was dining off.

I crumpled it into my pocket "Work inside, Jack?" the taller

fast. Not meaning to sound ungrate- one asked.
ful, I'm pretty sure he hadn't no- "Yeah," I said, chewing.
ticed it was a twenty. "What do you do, Jack?" the fat-

And then the bill seemed to lie ter one asked.

there, heavy, a lead weight It "Stack boxes."
would have been different if had
I "Got a union card?"
managed to get it out of the box I shook my head.
myself. You know how it is. "Application?"
Money you haven't earned "No," I said. "I'm just helping
doesn't seem real to you. out during Christmas."
"You're a scab, buddy," Long-
r
T HERE was something I
1
forgot legs said. "Don't you read the pa-
*- to
mention so far. During the pers?"
year between when I got out of the "I don't like comic strips," I said.

CHARITY CASE 125

 They sighed. I think they hated for it. There was a lot to be said for
to do it, but I was bucking the looking at it like that. But there
system. was nothing to be said for telling
Fats hit me high. Long-legs hit Brother Partridge about the acci-
me low. I blew cracker crumbs into dent, or murder, or whatever had
their faces. After that, I just let happened that day.
them go. I know how to take a
beating. That's
Then
one thing
lying there, bleeding to
I knew ^ EARCHING myself
^ Brother Partridge,
after I left
I finally
myself, heard them talking. I
I found a strip of gray adhesive tape
heard noises like make an example on my side, out of the fuzzy area.
of him and do something perma- Making the twenty the size of a
nent and I squirmed away across thick postage stamp, I peeled back
the rubbish like a polite mouse. the tape and put the folded bill on
I made it around a corner of the white skin and smoothed the
brick and stood up, hurting my tape back.
knee on a piece of brown-splotched There was only one place for me
pipe. There were noises on the to go now. I headed for the public
other angle of the corner and so I library. It was only about twenty
tested if the pipe was loose and it blocks, but not having had anything
was. I closed my eyes and brought to eat since the day before, it ener-
the pipe up and then down. vated me.
It felt as if I connected, but I The
downstairs washroom was
was so numb, I wasn't sure until I where I went first. There was no-
unscrewed my eyes. body there but an old guy talking
There was a big man in a heavy urgently to a kid with thick glasses,
wool overcoat and gray homburg and somebody building a fix in one
spread on a damp centerfold from of the booths. I could see charred
the News. There was a pick-up matches dropping down on the
slip from the warehouse under the floor next to his tennis shoes, and
fingers of one hand, and somebody even a few grains of white stuff.
had beaten his brains out. But he managed to hold still
The police figured it was part of enough to keep from spilling more
some labor dispute, I guess, and from the spoon*
they never got to me. washed my hands and face,
I
I suppose I was to blame any- smoothed my hair down, combing
way. If I hadn't been alive, if I it with my fingers. Going over my

hadn't been there to get beaten up, suit with damp toweling got off a
it wouldn't have happened. I could lot of the dirt. I put my collar on
see the point in making me suffer the outside of my jacket and
126 GALAXY
creased the wings with my thumb-
nail so it would look more like a
sports shirt. It didn't really. I
looked like a bum, but sort of a
neat, non-objectionable bum.
The librarian at the main desk
looked sympathetically hostile, or
hostilely sympathetic.
"I'd like to get into the stacks,
miss," I said, "and see some of the
old newspapers."
"Which newspapers?" the old
girl asked stiffly.
I thought back. I couldn't re-
member the exact date. "Ones for
the first week in November
year."
"We have the Times microfilmed.
I would have to project them
you."
"I didn't want to see the
"Don't you have any
I said, fast.
newspapers on paper?" I didn't
want her to see what I wanted to
read up on.
"We have the News, bound, for
last year."
Inodded. "Thaf s the one I
wanted to see."
She sniffed and told me to fol-
low her* I didn't rate a cart to my
bound
table, I guess, or else the
Funk & Wagnalls Encyclopedia. So
far I knew a lot about Mark
still Antony, Atomic Energy, Boron,
Brussels, Catapults, Demons, and
Divans.
I guess I had stopped to look
around at some of the titles, be-
cause the busy librarian said
sharply, "Follow me."
I heard my voice say, "A pleas-
ure. What about after work?"
I didn't say it, but I was used
to my voice independently saying
things. Her neck got to flaming, but
she walked stiffly ahead. She didn't
last say anything. She must be awful
mad, I decided. But then I got the
idea shewas flushed with pleasure.
for I'm pretty ugly and I looked like
a bum, but I was young. You had
Times" to grant me that.
She waved a hand at the rows of
bound News and left me alone with
them. I wasn't sure if I was al-
lowed to hunt up a table to lay the
books on or not, so I took the vol-
ume for last year and laid it on the
floor. That was the cleanest floor I
ever saw.
take me long to find the
It didn't
story. The victim was a big man,
because the story was on the
i

papers weren't supposed to come second page of the Nov. 4 edition.

out of the stacks. I started to tear the page out,
The cases of books, row after then only memorized the name and
row, smelled good. Like old leather home address. Somebody was sure
and good pipe tobacco. I had been to see me and I couldn't risk
here before. In this world, ir*s the trouble just now.
man with education who makes the I stuck the book back in line and
money. I had been reading the left ^y the side door.

CHARITY CASE 127

 went to a dry-cleaner, not the the pink bath towel evenly. I cut
cheapest place I knew, because out a nice modern-style tie, nar-
I wouldn't be safe with the change row, with some horizontal stripes
from a twenty in that neighbor- down at the bottom. I made a tight,

hood. My
suit was cleaned while I thin knot. It looked pretty good.
waited. I paid a little extra and had I was ready to leave, so I started
it mended. Funny thing about a for the door. I went back. I had
suit — almost never completely
it's almost forgotten my luggage. The
shot unless you just have it ripped box still had three unwrapped
off you or burned up. It wasn't blades in it I pocketed it. I hefted
exactly in but some rich
style, the used blade, dulled by all the
executives wore suits out of style work it had done. You can run
that they had paid a lot of money being economical into stinginess. I
for. I remembered Fredric March's tossed it into the wastebasket.
double-breasted in Executive Suite I had five hamburgers with, and
while Walter Pidgeon and the rest five cups of coffee. I couldn't finish
wore Ivy Leagues. Maybe I would all of the French fries.

look like an eccentric executive. "Mac," I said to the fat counter-

I bought a new shirt, a good used man, who looked like all fat coun-
pair of shoes, and a dime pack of termen, "give me a Milwaukee
single-edged razor blades. I didn't beer."
have a razor, but anybody with He stopped polishing the counter
nerve can shave with a single-edge in front of his friend. "Milwaukee,
blade and soap and water. Wisconsin, or Milwaukee, Ore-
The clerk took my two bucks in gon?"
advance and I went up to my room. "Wisconsin."
I washed out my socks and un- He didn't argue.
derwear, took a bath, shaved and was cold and bitter. All beer is
It
trimmed my hair and nails with bitter, no matter what they say on
the razor blade. With some soap TV. I like beer. I like the bitterness
on my finger, I scrubbed my teeth. of it.

Finally I got dressed. It felt like another, but I checked

Everything was all right except myself. I needed a clear head. I
that I didn't have a tie. They had thought about going back to the
them, a quarter a piece, where I got hotel for some sleep; I still had the
the shoes. It was only six blocks — key in my pocket (I wasn't trusting
I could go back. But I didn't want it any clerk). No, I had had
to
to wait. I wanted to complete the sleep on Thanksgiving, bracing up
picture. for trying the lift at Brother Par-
The razor blade sliced through tridge's. Let's see, it was daylight
128 GALAXY
outside again, so this was the day
after Thanksgiving. But it had only
been sixteen or twenty hours since
I had slept. That was enough.
I left the money on the counter
for the hamburgers with and coffee
and the beer. There was $7.68 left.
As I passed the counterman's
friend on his stool, my voice said,
"I think you're yellow."
He turned slowly, his jaw mov-
ing further away from his brain.
I winked. "It was just a bet for
me to say that to you. I
bucks. Half of it is yours." I held
out the bill to him.
His paw closed over the money
and punched me on the biceps.
Too hard. He winked back. "It's
okay."
I rubbed my shoulder, marching
a heavy implement, Coroner Mc-
Clain announced in preliminary
verdict. Tompkins, who resided at
1467 Claremont, Edgeway, had
been active in seeking labor-man-
agement peace in the recent diffi-
culties ...
had read that a year before.
I
The car cards on the clanking sub-
way and the rumbling bus didn't
seem nearly so interesting to me.
Outside the van, a tasteful sign
announced the limits of the village
won two of Edgeway, and back inside, the
monsters of my boyhood went
bloomp at me.
I hadn't seen anything like them
in years.
The slimy, scaly beasts were
slithering over the newspaper hold-
ers, the ad card readers, the girl

off fast, counted my money.

and I
i
watchers as the neat little carbon-
With my luck, I might have given copy modern homes breezed past
the counterman's friend the five the windows.
instead of one of the singles. But I I ignored the devils and concen-
hadn't. I now had $6.68 left. trated on reading the withered,
"I still think you're yellow," my washed-out political posters on the
voice said. telephone poles. My neck ached
It was my voice, but it didn't from holding it so stiff, staring out
come from me. There were no through the glass. More than that,
words, no feeling of words in my I could feel the jabber wocks star-
throat. It just came out of the air ing at me. You know how it is. You
the way it always did. can feel a stare with the back of
I ran. your neck and between your eyes.
They got one brush of a gaze out
TTAROLD R. THOMPKINS ;
of me.
•"-* 49, vice-president of Baysing- The things abruptly started their
er's,was found dead behind the business, trying to act casually as if
store last night. His skull had been they hadn't been waiting for me to
crushed by a vicious beating with look at them at all. They had a

CHARITY CASE 129

little humanbeing of some sort.
It was the size of a small boy,
like the small boy who looked like
me that they used to destroy when
I was locked up with them in the
dark. Except this was a man, scaled
down to child's size. He had
an ugly, worried, tired, stupid look
and he wore a shiny suit with a
piece of a welcome mat or some-
thing for a necktie. Yeah, it was
me. I really knew the time.
it all
They began doing things to the
midget me. I didn't even lift an
eyebrow. They couldn't do any-
thing worse to the small man than
they had done to the young boy. It
was sort of nostalgic watching them,
but I really got bored with all that
violence and killing and killing the
same kill over and over. Like
watching the Saturday night string
of westerns in a bar.
The sunlight through the window
was yellow and hot. After a time, I
began to dose.
The shrieks woke me up.
For the first time, I could hear
the shrieks of the monster's victim
and obscene drool-
listen to their
ings. For the very first time in my
Always before it had been all
life.
pantomime, like Charlie Chaplin.
Now heard the sounds of. it all.
I me. What black hair, what red lips,
They say it's a bad sign when
you start hearing voices.
I nearly panicked, but I held
myself in the seat and forced my-
self to be rational about it. own My
voice was always saying things
130
everybody could hear but which
I didn't say. It wasn't any worse to
be the only one who could hear
other things I never said. I was as
sane as I ever was. There was no
doubt about that.
sort of But a new thought suddenly im-
pressed itself on me.
Whatever was punishing me for
my sin was determined that I turn
back before reaching 1467 Clare-
mont.
^PLRMNT," the driver an-
^ nounced, sending the doors
hissing open and the bus cranking
to a stop.
I walked through the gibbering
monsters, and passing the driver's
seat, I heard my voice say, "Don't
splatter me by starting up too soon,
fat gut."
The driver looked at me with
round eyes. "No, sir, I won't."
The monsters gave it up and
stopped existing.
The bus didn't start until I was
halfway up the block of sandine
moderns and desk-size patios.
Number 1423 was different from
the other houses. It was on fire.
One of the most beautiful women
I've ever seen came running up to
what sparkling eyes she had when
I finally got up that far! "Sir," she
said, "my baby brother is in there.
I'd be so grateful—" '
I grabbed for her. My hand went
right on through. I didn't try grab-
GALAXY
CHARITY CASE 131
 "

bing her again. This time, I had a "Iam Miss Tompkins," she said.
feeling I would feel her. I didn't "Oh. Any relation to Harold J.
want to be that bad off. Tompkins?"
I walked on, ignoring the flames "My father. He died last year."
shooting out of 1423. "Can I see your mother?"
As I reached the patio of 1467, "Mother died a few months after
the flames stopped. It was a Daddy did."
queer kind of break. No fadeout, do then."
"You'll
took a step back-
just a stoppage. I I stepped inside. Miss Tompkins
ward. No flames this time, but the seemed too surprised to protest.
very worst and very biggest mon- "I'm William Hagle," I said. "I
ster of them all. Coming suddenly want to help you."
like that, it got to my spine and "Mr. Hagle, whatever it is —
»
stomach, even though I was pretty msurance-
used to them. I stepped away from "Thaf s not it exactly," I told her.
it and was gone.
it "I just want to help you. I only
Number 1467 was different want to do whatever you want me
from the other houses, and it wasn't to do."
even on fire. It was on two lots, and She stared at me, her eyes mov-
it had two picture windows, but ing too quickly over my face. "I've
only one little porch and front door. never even seen you before, have
I guess even the well-to-do have a I? Why do you want to help me?
hard time finding big houses and How?"
good building sites and the right "What's so damned hard to un-
neighborhood. The trouble is so derstand? I just want to help. I
many people are well-to-do and don't have any money, but I can
there just aren't enough old manses work and give you my pay. You*
to go around. want me to clean up the basement,
I strolled up the stucco path and tbp wrc*? Got any painting to be
liftedthe wrought-iron knocker, done? Hell, I can even sew. Any-
which rang a bell. thing — don't you understand — I'll
The door opened and there was do anything for you."
a girl there. She wasn't much com-

pared to the one

through. But she was
I put
all
my hand
right-
THE
now.
girl was breathing too hard
"Mr. Hagle, if you're
brown hair, a nice face underneath hungry, I can find something — no,
the current shades of cosmetics, I don't think there is anything. But
no figure for a stripper, but it would I can give you some money to —
pass. "Damn it, I don't want your
"You the maid?" I inquired. money! Here, I'll give you mine!" I

132 GALAXY
wadded up the $6.38 cents I had ing and clawing the way I knew
left, plus one bus transfer, and put she would as soon as I said it. But
it on the top of a little bookcase she stopped, stunned, as if I'd
next to the door. "I know it doesn't slapped her out of hysterics, only
mean anything to you, but it's I'd never let go of her shoulders.
every penny I've Can't I do
got. She hung then, her face empty,
anything for you? Empty the gar- repeating, "What? What?"
bage-" Finally she began laughing and
"We have
a disposal," she said she pulled away from me so gently
automatically. and naturally that I had to let go.
"Scrub the floors." She sank down and sat on top of
"There's a polisher in the closet." my money on the little bookcase.
"Make the beds!" I yelled. "You She laughed some more into her
don't have a machine for that, do two open hands.
you?" I stood there, not knowing what
The corners of Miss Tompkins' to do with myself.
eyes drew up and the corners of her She looked up at me and
mouth drew down. She stayed like brushed away a few tears with her
that for a full second, then smiled a fingertips. "You want to get me off
strange smile. "You — you saw me of your conscience, do you, Wil-
on the street." She was breathing liam Hagle? God, that's a good
her words now, so softly that I one." She reached out and took my
could only just understand them. hand in hers. "Come along down
"You thought I was - stacked." into the basement, William. I want
"To tell the truth, ma'am, you to show you something. Afterward,
aren't so—" if you want to — if you really want

"Well, sit down. Don't go away. to — you may kill me."

I'll just go into the next room — slip "Thanks," I said.
into something comfortable—" I couldn't think of anything else
"Miss Tompkins!" I grabbed to say.
hold of her. She felt real. I hoped
she was. "I want nothing from you. I ^OWN in the basement, the ma-
Nothing! I only want to do some- -*-^ chinery looked complex, with
thing for you, anything for you. all sorts of thermostats and speed-
I've got to help you, can't you un- ometers.
derstand? I KILLED YOUR "Automatic stoker?" I asked.
FATHER." "Time machine," she said.
I hadn't meant to tell her that, "You don't mean a time machine
of course. like H. G. Wells's," I said, to show
She screamed and began twist- her I wasn't ignorant.

CHARITY CASE 133

 "Not exactly like that, but close,"
she answered sadly. "This has been -f

the cause of all your trouble, Wil-

liam."
"It has?"
"Yes. This house and the ground
around it are the Primary Focus
area for the Hexers. The Hexers
have tormented and persecuted
you all your life. They got you
into trouble. They made you think
you were going crazy—"
"I never thought I was going
crazy!" I yelled at her.
"That must have made it worse,"
she said miserably.
I thought about it. "I suppose it
did. What are the Hexers? What —
for the sake of argument — have
they got against me?"
"The Hexers aren't human. I
suppose they are extraterrestrials.
No one ever told me. Maybe they
are a kind of human strain that
went different. I don't really know.
They want different things than we
do, but they can buy some of them
with money, so they can be hired.
People in the future hire them to
hex people in the past."
"Why would anybody up ahead
there with Buck Rogers want to
cause me trouble? I'm dead then,
aren't I?" died When he did. They have
"Yes, you must be. It's a long money now, but they are bitter
time into the future. But, you see, because they had to make it them-
some of my want
relatives there selves. They can afford every
to punish you for — it must be for luxury — even the luxury of
killing Father. They lost out on a revenge."
chain of inheritance because he I suppose when you keep seeing

134 GALAXY
monsters and hearing yourself say
things you didn't say, you can be-
lieve unusual things easier. I
believed Miss Tompkins.
"It was not murder," I said. "I
killed him by accident."
"No matter. They would hex you
if you had him with a car in a
hit
fog or given him the flu by sneez-
ing in his face. I understand people
are hexed all the time for things
they never even knew they did.
People up there have a lot of leis-
ure, a lot of time to indulge their

CHARITY CASE 135

every irritation or hate. I think it ithas because some descendants of
must be decadent, the way Rome yours in the future hate me for an
if
was. accident that deprived them of
"What do you—and the machine some money?"
—have to do with my hex?" I asked.
"This is the Primary Focus area, ^HE nodded enthusiastically.
I told you. It's how the Hexers get ^ "You understand! And because
into time hypothesis. They
this I helped the Hexers they hired get
can't get back into this Primary to you. I was afraid you wouldn't
itself, but they can come and go believe me. Now" — she stopped
through the outer boundary. It's to exhale — "do you want to kill
hard to set up a Primary Focus — me?"
takes a tremendous drain of power. "No, Iwant to kill you." I
don't
They broke through into the base- walked over and squinted at the
ment of the old house before I was machine. "Could / get into the fu-
born and Daddy was the first cus- ture with this thing?"
todian of the machine. He never "I don't know how you work the
knew that he was helping avenge outer boundary. I think you need
his own death. They let that slip something else. There's an internal
later, after — it happened." energy contact — you can talk to
"Why did they come to you? Communications" She raced
Why did you help them?" through that. "You want to kill
She turned half away. "The cus- them, don't you? The Hexers and
todian is well paid. My relatives my relatives?"
preferred the salary to go to some- "I don't want to kill anybody,"
one in the family, instead of an I told her patiently. "I feel dirty
outsider. Daddy accepted the offer just hearing how farsome people
and I've carried on the job." can go for revenge. I just want
"Paid? You were paid?" them to let me alone. Why don't
She brushed at her eyes. "Oh, they kill me and get it over with?"
not in United States currency. But "They haven't a license to kill.
— Daddy got to be president of the Not yet. There's legislation going
store. It was set up so he could on.
make a fortune that they could in- "Listen," I said, listening to the
herit. All he left was his insurance, idea coming into my head, "listen.
and that went to mother. She died These descendants of your moth-
a few months later and some of it er's relatives — they did inherit
went to me and the rest to her money because your father died.
relatives." Maybe they feel grateful to me.
"You mean my life has been like Maybe they would help me. Would
136 GALAXY
you help me them?"
try to talk to "Banks are out," I said, think-
"Yes," Miss Tompkins said, and ing hard. "They don't let inactive
she used a dial on the machine. accounts go on drawing interest
It was as simple as putting more than twenty years, or some-
through a phone call. thing like that. But government
"We really understand your sit- bonds don't have to be converted
uation," Mr. Grimes-Tompkins when they mature. One bond can
said. "But it would take quite a pile up a fantastic amount of inter-
bit to buy off the Hexers. How- est for them to collect."
ever, we certainly appreciate the "You have government bonds,
killing you made for us." William?"
"Couldn't you buy off the Hex- "Not yet."
ers, then, with some of the money Miss Tompkins stood close to
I brought to your side of the fam- me. "I have plenty of money, Wil-
ily?" I asked. liam. I'll give it to you. You can
"We don't appreciate it that buy bonds my name."
in
much." "No. I'll get my own money."
"What? You aren't going to pay "Shall I destroy the machine,
him back for killing my father?" William? Of course they'll only
Miss Tompkins cried, outraged. open another Focus—"
"Look," I said, "if you had some "No, you would just get your-
money of mine, would you pay off self hexed too."
the Hexers for me? You do still "What can I do, William?" she
use money up there, don't you?" asked. "All along, ever since I was
"We certainly do, young man. a little girl, I've known I've been
Just what did you have in mind?" helping to somebody. I
torture
"If I gave you authorization now didn't even know your name, Wil-
to use any assets I have in your liam, but I helped torture you—"
time, would it be legal?" "Because I killed your father."
"Declarations by temporal trans- "—and I've got to make it up to
mission? Yes, of course. Routine you. I'll give you everything, Wil-
transaction." lian, everything."
"Take any money I have and "Sure," I said, "to take me off
use it to pay off the Hexers. Will your conscience. And if I take your
you do it?" offer and you get hexed, what hap-
"I don't see why not, since our pens to my conscience? Do we go
ancestor seems to approve." around again — me working my tail
Miss Tompkins regarded me off to raise the dough to get you
solemnly. "What do you intend to unhexed, and you buying the Hex-
do, William?" ers off me? Where would it stop?

CHARITY CASE 137

We're even right now. Let's let it donor at all. They had had some
go at that." bad experiences from old bums dy-
"But, William, if we've taken, ing from giving too often.
now we can give to each other." I only hoped I could force my-

She looked almost pretty then, self to let that bond go uncashed

and I wanted her the way I'd al- through the rest of my life.

ways wanted women. But I knew The intern returned, his small
better. She wasn't going to get me mustache now pointing down. "Mr.
into any trouble. Hagle, I have some bad news for
"No, thanks. Good-by." you. Very bad. I hardly know how
I walked away from her. to you,
tell but — you've got
For the first time, I could see lukemia."
what my life would be like if I I nodded. "That means you
wasn't hexed. Now I could realize won't take my blood." Maybe it

that I knew how to do things right also meant that I would never be
if I was only let alone. allowed to have eighteen dollars
and seventy-five cents in one lump
HP HE intern tookblood the again as long as I lived.
-*• smear.
He reeled off a long "No," the intern finally managed.
string of questions about diseases I "We can't accept your blood Yt

wasn't allowed to have. I waved him off. "Isn't there

"No," I said, "and I haven't given some fund to take care of lukemia
blood in the last thirty days." victims? Feed them, house them,
He took my sample of blood and send them to Florida to soak up the
left. sun??»
I had to have eighteen dollars "Certainly there such a fund,
is

and seventy-five cents. They paid and you may apply, Mr. Hagle."
you twenty dollars a pint for blood from
"I'd certainly benefit a lot
here. that fund. Doctor, humor me. Test
One government bond held for me again and see if I still have
centuries would pile up a fortune lukemia."
in interest. The smallest bond you He did. I didn't.
can buy is twenty-five dollars face "I don't understand this," the
value, and it costs eighteen seven- intern said, looking frightened.
ty-five. "Transitory lukemia? It must be
If had kept that twenty, I
I a lab error."
would have had a buck and a quar- "Will you buy my blood now?"
ter change. But if I hadn't have "I'm afraid as long as there is

gotten cleaned up, the hospital some doubt — this must be some-
might not have accepted me as a thing new."

138 GALAXY
 "I suppose it is,* I told him. "I Foundation Treatment of
for the
have all sorts of interesting symp- Hagle's Disease. Dr. Wise (the in-
toms." tern ) was the director.
"You do?" The intern was vital- So far, I had been living soft at
ly interested. "Feel free to tell me Cedars, but I hadn't got my hands
all about them." on one red cent. I wanted to get
"I see and hear things." that government bond to buy off
"Really?" the Hexers, but at the same time
"Do you believe in ESP?" it no longer seemed so urgent.
"IVe sometimes wondered." They seemed to have given up,
"Test me as much as you like. and were just sitting back waiting
You'll find that in any game of for their bribe.
chance, I score consistently far be- One morning three months later,
low the level of wins I should get Doc Wise came worriedly into my
by the law of averages. I'm psioni- room at the hospital.
cally subnormal. And that's just the "I don't like these reports, Wil-
beginning." liam," he said. "They
say there's
all
"This must be really new," the nothing wrong with you."
intern said, eyes shining. "It comes and it goes," I said
"It is," I assured him. "And lis- casually. "You saw some of the
ten, Doctor, you don't want to turn times when it came."
something like me over to your "Yes, but I'm having trouble
superiors, to leave me to the mer- convincing the trustees you weren't
cies of the A.M.A. This can be big, malingering. And, contrary to our
Doctor, big." expectations,no one else in the
country seems to have developed
^HEY offered Hagle's Disease Hagle's Disease."
to a lot of comedians, but final- "Stop worrying, Doc. Read the
ly it was the new guy, Biff Kelsey, Foundation's charter. You have to
that got it and made it his own. He treat Hagle's Disease, which means
did a thirty-hour telethon for you can use that money to treat
Hagle's Disease. any disease of mine while we draw
Things really started to roll our salaries. I must have something
then. Boston coughed up three hun- wrong with me."
dred thousand alone. The most Wise shook his head. "Nothing.
touching contribution came from Not even dandruff or B.O. You are
Carrville. the healthiest man I have ever
I plugged away on the employ- examined. If s unnatural."
the-physically-handicapped theme Six months afterward, I had
and was made president of the been walking all night in the park,

CHARITY CASE 139

in the rain. I hadn't had anything I had my health, sure, biit I fi-

to eat recently and I had fever and nally figured out why. If you be-
I began sneezing. The money was lieve any of this, youVe thinking
still in the bank — no, not in my that the Hexers must have laid off
name — I couldn't touch it; Miss me, which is why I'm healthy. I
Tompkins* descendants couldn't thought so too, but how would that
touch it — just waiting for me to — add up?
I started running toward the Look, every way I could
I tried
hospital. to raise eighteen seventy-five to
slammed my
I fists against buy a government bond. I never
Wise's door. "Obed up, Wise. Id's made it. I never made it because
be, Hagle. I god a cold. Thafs a I wasn't allowed to.
disease, is'd it?" But I didn't know it because I'd
Wise threw back the door. "What been euchred into the Foundation
did you say?" for the Treatment of Hagle's Dis-
"I said 'Open up, Wise. If s me, ease. Hundreds of thousands of
Hagle. I've got a cold' Never . . . dollars, all earmarked for one pur-
mind, Wise, never mind." pose only — treating my disease —
and I haven't got any!
UT want to hear
you don't Or maybe you're figuring the
about all that. You want to way I did, that senility is a disease,
know about what happened in the and have to do is
all I wait for it
relief office. There's not much to to creep up on me so I can get some
tell. of that Foundation money. But the
picked up the check from the
I Hexers have that fixed too, I'll bet.
guy's desk and looked at it. Nine I'm not sure, but I think I'm going
fifty-seven to buy food for two to live for centuries without a sick
weeks. I griped that it wasn't day in my In other words, I'm
life.

enough — not enough to keep alive going to live that life out as poor
on and save eighteen seventy-five as I am right now!
clear in a lifetime. If s a fantastic story, Doctor, but
The slob at the desk said, "What you believe me, don't you? You do
have you got to complain about? believe every word of it You have
You got your health, don't you?" to, Doctor!
That's when I slugged him and Because a persecution complex
smashed up the relief office, and is kind of a disease and I'd have to

thafs why the four cops dragged be treated for it.

me here, and thafs why I'm lying Now will you let me out of this
here on your couch telling you this jacket so I can smoke a cigarette?
story, Dr. Schultz. — JIM HARMON

140
 "

Th

By FREDERIK POHL

After the snow job this guy

handed us, what else should

we give him but the freeze?

Illustrated by WOOD

TANDY
Howard. Why,
said: "Not tonight,
I'm practi-
dy. One drink.
be just one dance—
A little music, may-

cally in bed already. See?" "Howard, you're terrible/'

And she flipped the vision switch "No, dearest," I said, fast and
just for a second, long enough so soft and close to the phone, "I'm
I could get a glimpse of a sheer not terrible, I'm only very much
negligee and feathered slippers in love. Don't say no. Don't say
and, well, naturally, I couldn't a word. Just close your eyes, and
quite believe that she really in ten minutes I'll be there, and—"
wanted me to stay away. Nobody And then, confound them, they
had made her flip that switch. had to start that yapping. Bleep-
I said: "Just for a minute, Tan- bleep on the phone, and then:

THE SNOWMEN 141

"Attention Stand by
all citizens! isanother thing I say. But you
for orders! Your World Federal know how when you're in your
Government has proclaimed a Bug and you've set the direc-
state of unlimited emergency. All tion-finder somebody's place,
for
heatpump power generators in ex- there's this beepbeepbeepbeep
cess of eight horsepower per—" when you're going right and a
I slammed down the phone in beepSQUAWK or a SQUAWK-
disgust. The lousy Feds! Yack- beep when you go off the track?
yack on the phone lines at all It has something to do with radio,
hours of the day and night, no only not radio — that's out of the
consideration for anybody. I was question now, they say — but with
disgusted, and then, when I got to sort of telephoned messages
thinking, not so disgusted. Why through the magma of the Earth's
not go right over? She hadn't said core. Well, that's what it says in
no; she hadn't had a chance. the manual, and I know because
So I got the Bug out, locked the one day I glanced through it.
doors and set the thermostats, and Anyway. Excuse me for getting
I set out. technical. But I was going along
toward Tandy's place, my mind
TT isn't two miles to Tandy's full of warm pleasures and antici-
- place. Five years ago, even, pating, and suddenly the beep-
I could make it in three or four beepbeep stopped and there was a
minutes; now it takes ten. I call sort of crystal chime and then a
it a damned shame, though no one voice: "Attention! Operation of
else seems to always
care. But I've private vehicles is forbidden! Re-
been more adventurous than most, turn to your home and listen to
and more social-minded. telephoned orders every hour on
Jeffrey Otis wouldn't care about the hour!" And then the beepbeep-
things like that. Ittel du Bois beep again. Why, they'd even
wouldn't even know — his idea is learned how to jam the direction-
to bury his nose in a drama-tape finder with their confounded yap-
when he goes out of the house, let ping!
the Bug drive itself. was very annoying and an-
It
But not me. I like to drive, even grily I snapped the DF off. Dar-
if you can't see anything and the ing? Yes, but I have to say that
autopilot is perfectly reliable. Life I'm an excellent driver, wonder-
is Live it.
for living, I say. ful sense of direction, hardly need
I don't pretend to understand the direction-finder in the first

this scientific stuff either — leave place. And anyway we were close;
science to the people who like it the thermal pointers in the nose

142 GALAXY
THE SNOWMEN 143
had already picked up Tandy's side of and a shrub of some kind
it

temperature gradient or other rooted in a bowl on the

Tandy opened the locks her- other, and that's where she sat.
self. "Howard," she said in soft I grumbled: "I shouldn't have
surprise, clutching the black film come at all."

of negligee. "You really came. Oh, "What, Howard?"

naughty Howard!" "I said, uh, *I couldn't come any,
"My darling!" I breathed, reach- uh, faster.' I mean I came as fast
ing out for her. But she dodged. as I could."
"No, Howard," she said severely, "I know you did, you brute,"
"you mustn't do that. Sit down she said roguishly, and stopped the
for a moment. Have one little Martini-mixer.
drink. And then
I'm going to have It poured us each a drink.
to be terribly stubborn' and send "Now don't dawdle," she said
you right home, dear." primly. "I've got to get some sleep."
"Of course," I said, because that "To love," I said, and sipped the
was, after all, the rules of the top off the Martini.
game. "Just one drink, certainly." "Don't do that," she warned.
I got up from the floor at her
UT, damn it, she seemed to feet and went back to another
mean it! She wasn't a bit hos- chair.
pitable — I mean not really hos- "You," she said, "are a hard man
pitable. She seemed friendly to handle, Howard dear." But she
enough and she talked sweetly giggled.
enough, but- Well, you can't win them all.
Well, for example, she sat in I finished my drink and figured
the positively-not chair. I would hang around about five
I can tell you a lot about the minutes just to show who was boss
way Tandy furnished her place. and then get back in the Bug and
There's the wing chair by the fire, go home. It had been a wearing
and thaf s a bad sign because the day, hours and hours with the or-
arms are slippery and there's only chids, and then listening to all
room -for one actually sitting in nine Beethoven symphonies in a
it. There's the love seat — speaks row while I had played solitaire.
for itself, doesn't it? And there's Frankly, I was a little sleepy after
the big sofa and, best of all, the a day like that and home was
bearskin rug. But way at the other where I wanted to be just then.
*

end of the scale is this perfectly But I heard the annunciator bell
straight armless cane-bottomed tinkle.
thing, with a Ming vase on one I stared at Tandy.
144 GALAXY
 "My," she said prettily, "I won- A
bank of infra-red lamps
der who that can be?" glowed on it, bathing it in heat.
"Tandy!" The caked forms in the
ice that
She shrugged. "Probably some- dead spots along the hull, behind
one dull. I won't answer. Now do the treads and so on melted,
be a good boy and—" plopped off, turned into water and
"Tandy! How could you?" My ran into the drain grille. You know
mind raced; there was only one how a Bug will crack and twang
conclusion. "Tandy, do you have when it's being warmed up? They
Ittel du Bois coming here tonight? all do.
Don't lie to me!" This one didn't.
"Howard, what a terrible thing It didn't a sound. It was
make
to say. Ittel was last year." so silent that I could hear the
"Tell me the truth!" snip-snip of Tandy's automatic
you the truth!"
"I told load adjuster, throwing another
And she was angry. I'd hurt heatpump into circuit to meet the
her, no doubt of it. drain of the infra-red lamps. But
"Then it must be Jeffrey. I no sound from the Bug outside.
won't stand for it I won the toss Also it didn't have caterpillar
fair and square. Why can't he wait treads. Also it had — well, you can
until next year? It isn't decent I—" believe this or not — it had win-
She stood up, her blue eyes dows.
smoldering. "Howard McGuiness, "You see?" said Tandy, in a
you'd better go before you say voice colder than the black sky
something I couldn't forgive." full of. stars overhead. "Now would
I stood my ground. "Then who you like to apologize to me?"
is it?" "I apologize," I said in a voice
"Oh, darn it!" she said, and that hardly got past my lips. "I—"
kicked viciously at the shrub by I stopped and swallowed. I begged,
her left foot. "See for yourself! An- "Please, Tandy, what is it?"
swer the door." She lit a cigarette unsteadily.
"Well, I don't rightly know. I'm
O I did. Now
know Ittel du
I kind of glad you're here, Howard,"
Bois's Bug and I know Jeff she confessed. "Maybe I shouldn't
Otis's. It wasn't either one of them. have tried to get rid of you."
The vehicle outside Tandy's door "Tell me!"
parked next to mine was a very She glanced at the Bug. "All
strange-looking Bug indeed. For right. I'll make it fast. I got a call
one thing, it was only about eight from this, uh, fellow. I couldn't un-
feet long. derstand him very well. But—"

THE SNOWMEN 145

 She looked at me sidewise. I hurried. At the side door, I
"I get it," I said. "You thought stopped and looked at her affec-
he might be a mark." tionately.
She nodded. "Dear Tandy," I said. "And you
"And you wouldn't cut me in!" thought this was just an ordinary
I cried angrily. "Tandy, that's mark. You see? You need me."
downright mean! When I found And I was off, leaving her that
old Buchmayr dead, didn't I cut thought to chew on as she wel-
you in on looting his place? Didn't comed her visitor.
I giveyou first pick of everything
you wanted — except heatpumps I TOOK a good long time in the
and machine patterns, of course?" stranger's Bug. Whether he was
"I know, dear," she said miser- a human or a monster, I could rely
ably, "but — hush! He's coming on Tandy to keep him occupied,
out." so I was very thorough, and didn't
She was looking out the win- rush, and came out with a splen-
dow. looked too.
I did supply of what seemed to be
And then we looked at each storage batteries. I couldn't quite
other. That fellow out of the make them out, but I was sure
strange Bug, he was as strange as that power was in them somehow
his vehicle. He
might be a mark or other, and if there was power,
or he might not, but of one thing the heatpump would find a way
I was pretty sure — he had huge to suck it out Those I took the
white eyes and a serpentine frill of opportunity of tucking away in
orange tendrils instead of hair. my own Bug before I went back
At once all my lethargy and in Tandy's place. No use bother-
weariness vanished. ing her about them.
"Tandy," I cried, "he isn't hu- She was sitting in the wing chair
man!" and the stranger was nowhere in
know," she whispered.
"I sight. I raised my brows. She
"But don't you know what this nodded.
means? He's an alien! He must "Well," I said, "he was your
come from another planet- — per- guest. I won't interfere."
haps from another star. Tandy, Tandy was looking quiet, re-
this is the most important thing laxed and happy. "What about the
that ever happened to us." Bug?"
I thought fast. "Oh, lots of things," I said.
"Tell you what," I said. "You let "Plenty of metal! And food — a lot
him in while I get around the side of food, Tandy. Of course, we'll
shaft — it's defrosted." have to go easy on it, till we find

146 GALAXY
 s

out we can digest

if it, but it smells put a tape on the player —
I
delicious. And—" Tschaikowsky. Tandy is a fool for
"Pumps?" she demanded. violins. "He liked them?"
"Funny," I said. "They don't "Oh, in a way. He thought they
seem to use them." She scowled. were clever. But dangerous, he
"Honestly, dearest! You can see said."
for yourself — everything I found "Him and the Feds." I sat down
is piled right outside the door." next to her. Click-click and our
"What isn't in your Bug, you individual body armor went on
mean." standby alert. At the first hostile
"Tandy!" move, it would block us off, set up
She glowered a moment longer, a force field — well, I think if
then smiled like the Sun bursting called a force field. "The Feds are
through clouds on an old video always yapping about the pumps
tape. "No matter, Howard," she too. Did I tell you? They're even
said tenderly, "we've got plenty. cutting in on the RDF channels."
Let'shave another Martini." "Oh, Howard! Thaf s roo much."
"Of course." I waited and took She sat up and got another drink
the glass. "To love," I toasted. and sat, this time, on the wide,
"And to crime. By the way, did low sofa. She giggled.
you talk to him first?" "What's the matter, dear?" I
"Talk to him?" she said crossly. asked, coming over beside her.
"Yap, yap, on and on. He was as "He was so funny. Ya-ta-ta-ta,
bad as the Feds." ya-ta-ta-ta, all about how the heat-
I got up and idly walked across pumps were ruining the world."
the room to the light switch. "Did "Just like the Feds."
he say anything interesting?"
"Not very. He spoke a terribly /^LICK-CLICK some more, as
poor grade of English, to begin ^ I put my arm around her
with. Said he learned it off old shoulders.
radio broadcasts, of all things. "Just like," she agreed. "He said
They float around forever out in it was evidently extremely high
space, it seems." technology that produced a device
I switched off the lights. "That that took heat out of its surround-
better?" ing ambient environment, but had
She nodded drowsily, got up to we ever thought of what would
refill her glass, and sat down again happen when all the heat was
in the love seat. "He was awfully gone?"
interested in the heatpumps," she "Crazy," I whispered into the
murmured. base of her throat.
THE SNOWMEN 147
 "Absolutely. As though all the I thought. "Well, I suppose so,"
heat could ever be gone! Absolute I said.
zero, he called it — said we're only "Good," she said, "because he's,
eight or ten degrees from it now. well, in the freezer. I didn't want
That's why the snow, he said." I to waste him, Howard. And it isn't
made a sound of polite disgust as if he was human."
"Yes, that's what he said. He said thought for another second.
I
it wasn't just snow, it was frozen Well, why not? You get tired of
air — oxygen and nitrogen and all mushroom and since there
steaks,
those things. We've frozen the hasn't been any open sky for pas-
Earth solid, he said, and now it's turing for centuries now, that's
so shiny that its libido is nearly about all there is. Now that I
perfect." thought back on it, he looked kind
I sat up sharply, then relaxed. of plump and appetizing at that.
"Not libido, dear. Albedo. That And, in any case, that was a
means it's shiny." problem for later on.
"Thaf s what he said. He said I reached out idly and touched
the Feds were right Howard. . . . the button that controlled the last
Howard, dear. Listen to me." light in the room, the electric fire-

"Ssh," I murmured. "Did he say place itself.

anything else?" "Oh," I said, pausing. "Where

"But Howard! Please! You're-" did he come from?"
"Ssh." "Sorry," her muffled voice came.
She relaxed, and then in a mo- "I forgot to ask."
ment giggled again. "Howard, wait.
I forgot to tell you the funniest ¥ REACHED out thoughtfully
part." and found my glass. There was
It was irritating, but I could af- a little bit left; I drained it off.

ford to be patient. "What was that, Funny that the creature should
dearest?" bother to come down. In the old
"He didn't have any personal days, yes, back when Earth was
armor!" full of people, you might expect
I sat up. I couldn't help it. aliens to come rocketing down
"What?" from the stars and all that. But
"None at all! Unarmored as a he'd come all the way from —
baby. So that proves he isn't hu- well, from wherever — and for
man, doesn't it? I mean, if he what? Just to make a little soup
can't take the simplest care of him- for the pot, to donate a little metal
self, he's only a kind of animal, and power. It was funny, in a
right?" way.
148 GALAXY
 .

I couldn't help thinking that the ing my brain about that sort of
Feds would have liked to have stuff, was there? If the heatpumps
met him. Not only because he were dangerous, nobody would
agreed with them about the pumps have bothered to invent them,
and so on, but because they're would they?
interested in things like that. Of course not.
They're very earnest types— that's I set down my glass and
why they're issuing warnings and switched off the fireplace. Tandy
so on. Of course, nobody pays any was and warm beside me,
still

attention. motionless but, believe me, by no

Still- means asleep.
Well, there was no sense bother- — FREDERIK POHL

* • FORECAST * •
The lead story in the next issue may surprise us as much as you. As of
even date, Robert Sheckley, whose ingenious "Prospector's Special" is on
display in this issue, has promised a novella (no title yet) for the February
issue (on sale toward the end of November, as previously explained, because
the book must come off sale before the cover date or be yanked from the
shelves by the newsdealers prematurely). The odds are better than good that
the Sheckley novella will 1) be delivered on time, for Sheckley warms chilled
editorial hearts by meeting his deadlines, and 2) will be a sparkler, for
Sheckley lights glazed editorial eyes by making his themes work with fresh-
ness and resourcefulness.
On the other hand, Sheckley speeds through New York traffic on a motor
scooter, addicted to sailboats, the small kind that are the first to get storm
is

warnings, which he buoyantly ignores, and has other lethal hobbies that keep
taut editorial nerves jangling . .

As a safeguard, therefore, we are scheduling a long novelet by Frederik

Pohl with this enchanting title: THE DAY THE ICICLE WORKS CLOSED. Sheckley
yes or Sheckley no, this story will run, and it is about a plant that manufactures
icicles, and for no capricious reason either, and what happens when the
factory shuts down makes an entertaining, mind-prodding yarn.
What happens to the rest of the issue is another story. The Sheckley and
the Pohl might possibly jam out other novelets —
but allow more shorts. Or if
the Sheckley is delayed for one nervous reason or another, that would cut
down shorts —but allow more novelets.
Either way, it will be a good issue, especially in view of what Willy Ley
has done with ONE PLANET — ONE LANGUAGE, and the numerous equally
exciting sub-sections of his department, which incidentally includes a puzzle
that ought to enliven as many living rooms as his noted Australian Shoe Size
Riddle did, not long ago.

THE SNOWMEN 149

GALAXY'S

Shelf
ALAS, BABYLON by Pat Frank, areas — is open to fierce rebuttal
J. B. Lippincott Co., Phila., $3.50 based on continuing investigation.
As a post-Bomb Swiss Family
POST-H-BOMB futures, once the Robinson-type adventure, the
ground of the SF author, has since story is fine, but my impression
is that Frank stopped too soon with
been poached upon by mainstream
too little.
authors like Cloete, Shute and now
Rating: ***
Frank. However, Frank also has
a pre-H-Bomb novel under his belt,
IMMORTALITY DELIVERED
the excellent Forbidden Area.
by Robert Sheckley. Avalon
He lives in Central Florida, mak- Books, N.Y., $2.75
ing foregone his choice of locale.
Survival in that region, though HAD SHECKLEY never written
hard, looks too easy. Also, his Time Killer, the deservedly popu-
prime assumption — radiation and lar serial seen in these pages, the
fallout are deadly only in or to the above novel would have created
immediate windward of impact something of a stir. However, the

150 GALAXY
plot changes engineered by the Tanner's Tumithak oi the Corri-
publisher have compelled Sheck- dors of many years past.
ley to divorce himself completely The shock ending, though suffi-
from the book. Motivations have ciently clued, is abrupt and leaves
been altered and even the roles so much unanswered that it must
played by the principle characters lose a full star in rating. A pity-
have been tampered with, so that it has a good deal else to add in
the story unrecognizable except
is exploring this highly provocative
in its broadest outlines. theme.
There no doubt in my mind
is Rating: ***y2
that Sheckley has a right to ob-
ject: the yarn gained nothing and LOST IN SPACE by George O.
lost much in its metamorphosis. Smith. Avalon Books, N.Y., $2.75
However, his superbly imaginative
story of a society with a for-real PLOT-WISE and dialogue-wise,
Hereafter has far too much inter- Smith's 1954 opus buffed to a
is

nal brilliance to be dimmed com- high luster. Action flows easily and
pletely. scenes change three ways with-
Rating: *** out hitch or jerk from the derelict
lifeboat with its three maroonees,
STARSHIP by Brian Aldiss. Cri- to the space fleet of 250 vessels
terion Books, N.Y., $3.50 engaged in systematic search for
the above, to the flagship of an
HEINLEIN'S FULL-BLOWN overwhelmingly superior alien
prototype, Universe, set the pat- battle fleet.
tern for interstellar stories in The about to make their
aliens,
which several lifetimes are spent first contact with Earth culture,
in travel. Destination is forgotten, are secretly observing the rescue
superstition and myths prevail, operation, with belligerence or
and culture is subordinated to peace in the balance, based on
survival. their assay of humanity.
English author Aldiss's ship, A topnotch space opera — right
homebound from Procyon V, is a up to the final half-dozen pages, at
derelict from some ancient catas- which point Smith and logic part
trophe, though automatic functions company.
remain intact. Its survivors, Rating: ***
banded into antagonistic tribes
and hunting their food in hydro- STARMAN'S QUEST by Robert
ponic jungles that choke the pas- Silverberg. Gnome Press, N.Y.,
sageways, remind one of C. R. $3.00

• • • • * SHELF 151
SILVERBERG MIGHT have and giants fated to join final com-
called his book / Was A Three- bat with Earth as prize. To help
Hundred- Year-Old Teenager, for swing the balance, Yankee twins
this paradox is the basis of Alan of Norse descent are transported
Donnell's quest: due to the vaga- to the abode of the gods, Asgard,
ries of the Fitzgerald Contraction, to augment their puny magic with
spacers are pariahs, hated for their modern technology.
seeming longevity. They are re- Rating: **
stricted to ghettoes by the over-
crowded planet dwellers during THE PATH OF UNREASON
their infrequent planet-falls, and by George O. Smith. Gnome Press,
subject to lifelong tedium and rou- Hicksville, N.Y., $3.00
tine in space.
A faster-than-light drive is an
obvious must for interstellar travel SINCE A LOT of salt does not

if an even deeper schism is to be

avoided. Donnell's quest leads him
to jump ship in an attempt to re-
discover the invention of a man a
millenium dead. Exciting story in-
taste better than enough salt, it
also follows that expanding Smith's
idea from a novelet does not, per
se, increase its interest. This is a
story that Smith evidently had a

gredients abound, but too many lot .-of fun writing but that the
happenstances and line-of-least-re- reader will find more difficult to

sistance writing steal too much of enjoy. The struggle of the physi-

its effectiveness.
cist hero,barely returned from the
Rating: *** brink of insanity, to convince his
psychiatrist that Earth is suffer-

DAY OF THE GIANTS by Les- ing under alien rule, is truly frus-
trating.
ter del Rey. Avalon Books, N.Y.,
$2.75 Thereader is kept constant-
ly guessing, but much of Smith's

NORSE SAGAS are almost uni-

evidence and clues are so unfair
that he engenders a suspension of
formly abrim with doom. With such
working material, writing a light willing belief. Too bad — Smith
fantasy is a tough chore. Seeming-
was within hailing distance of a
ly aware of this, del Rey plunges
good yarn, comparable to his High-
through his story in lickety-split ways in Hiding.
Rating: **
fashion — let gods and giants alike
fall where they may.

His yarn concerns Ragnarok, VIRGIN PLANET by Poul An-

the twilight of the gods, with gods derson. Avalon Books, N.Y., $2.75

152 GALAXY
THOUGH MEANT to be a claim. Thenature of the find and
light-hearted farce, Virgin Planet its secret location are equal sur-
belies its initial interest and winds prises.
up taking its theme quite serious- Rating, for youngsters :
****
ly. The idea of a solitary male ex-
plorer landing on a true virgin THE MARCH OF ARCHEOLO-
planet of true virgin human fe- GY by C. W. Ceram. Alfred A.
males, cast away for three hun- Knopf, N.Y., $15.00
dred years, promises some pretty
obvious fun. Anderson has it — as THIS BEAUTIFUL hunk of

well as going into the hows and book is as important an archeo-

whys. logical find as any that fill its

Rating: *** pages.

(All books in the Avalon SF Written by the author of the
series have plastic dust jackets- fantastically successful Gods,
excellent and practical book sav- Graves & Scholars, it contains
ers. ) much material from the former,
but differs entirely in its uncom-
SCAVENGERS IN SPACE by plicated approach to the science
Alan E. Nowse. David McKay — as well as overflowing with
Co., Inc., N.Y., 2.75 some the most enthralling
of
photos and reproductions to be
DR. NOURSE'S juvenile is in the seen between covers.
very best tradition of youthful sci-
ence adventure. The action is plen- BRIGHTER THAN A THOU-
tiful and quick-paced, the dialogue SAND SUNS by Robert Jungk.
Harcourt, Brace & Co.,N.Y., $5.00
authentic; the science unobtrusive
but well grounded; black is jet and
SUBTITLED a personal history
white is alabaster.
of the atomic scientists, this is
While mining in the Asteroid
more than reading
that. Difficult
Belt, an ex-employee of a ruthless
at times, it still is most reward-
giant mining corporation has evi-
ing to the student of recent atomic
dently struck a bonanza and been
history, even though this true ma-
murdered, non-evidently, by com-
terial reads almost like fiction.
pany agents. The secret of the
strike's location dies with him, THE SACRED MUSHROOM by
though, and his twin sons and Andrija Puharich. Doubleday &
former partner rocket into the Co., Inc., N.Y^ $4.50
Belt for the dual purposes of re-
venge and re-discovery of the WHILE ENGAGED in psi re-

• • • • • SHELF 153
search, Dr. Puharich encountered THE TOOLS OF SCIENCE by
the myth of the sacred mushroom, Irving Adler. The John Day Co.,
purportedly used by the ancient N.Y., $3.00
Egyptians and others to send
the mind through time and space. AS THE theoretical and practical
Dr. Puharich's deductions from sciences become more compli-
information supplied by an en- cated, so do their tools. Often these
tranced subject are not easy to fol- tools take fantastic shapes — wit-
low. ness the giant grid of the radio
Whether you will want to de- telescope — and others would
pends on your interest in parapsy- never be thought of as tools by
chology, its experimental tech- the layman at all.
niques and conclusions. Adler handles this aspect of the
sciences in absorbing, understand-
RAYS by Fred Reinfeld. Sterling able fashion.
Publishing Co., Inc., N.Y., $3.50
THE EXPLORATION OF
VIBRATIONS, WAVES and par- TIME by R. C. N. Bowen. Philo-
ticles qualify under the catch-all sophical Library, N.Y., $6.00
"ray" category. SF has long out-
grown its Ray Period, so the ob- OF ALL animals, only man is

jective no longer subjective.

is consciously aware that there is

Reinfeld's illuminating text is com- more to time than right now. How-
plemented by liberal photographic ever, the concept of geologic time
coverage. was greatly foreshortened only a
century back. Our longer view has
JUNIOR EDUCATION CORNER been due to dating methods: ra-
dioactivity, sedimentation, chemi-
EXPLORING THE PLANETS cal, astrophysical, etc.
by Roy A. Gallant. Garden City Amazingly, improved method-
Books, N.Y., $2.95 ology has increased the age of
the Earth from mere millions to
THE COMMON denominator of upward of four billion years — and
Gallant's books has been the utter decreased the age of man from a
beauty of the illustrations plus a theoretical one million to under
forthright text. His present book seventy-five thousand!
covers the Solar System planet by Time spent in this exploration
planet, fact by fact, very clearly of time is time well spent.
and readably. — FLOYD C. GALE

154 GALAXY
 AB ATICAL /:

K*\

BY ROBERT BLOCH V*
+
///
m

'I,

was
'_

from
J

This cornbaff, strictly )

X t /

Squaresville — the Mad Scientist

bit — but dig this cat's pajamas! e

"^
fH
*"**

o
I
.<> T
• *

••.•
vtf
\.j
(Excerpt from Yardley University Daily o
»#"•

Bulletin, April 1, 1925) Professor Her- .*• HO M • _•**

..
bert Claymore, head of the Physics De- >
partment, announced today that he is *»-
• •
^Q
3

leaving on a brief sabbatical. During his

absence, Professor Claymore's classes O c
U
will be conducted by Dr. Potter. ')
T 14 »

T was quarter past eight Mar-

»•*.

• ..-
%
tinis in bar across the
the little

street and just down the

IPV.
1 1 ftR
r»C t#*
*•>

block from Television City. This ^ <A^ J'i

W. Co
'*.-

was subjective time, of course, but \

o{ o
then Don Freeman always ran on >.o

subjective time, and didn't every-

*••
a o na
body, when you came right down O o
to it? "o 00°
Right down to eight Martinis, "
°OoOo J o Of>°
r>'
>
that is?
Don didn't know, but he was
willing to argue the point with all Oooo-c
f
c» r,°C
comers.
Vonfl OoooO°°
And the big trouble right now
was that there weren't any comers. ° Q.

Apparently Rosalie wasn't going to

show up after all, and nobody else

Illustrated by FINLAY

SABBATICAL 155
in this neon-lighted nothing was
worth talking to. In just a little
while, Don realized, it was going to
get very drunk in here. And he'd
wind up talking to the bartender
again.
That was bad. But going home
would be still worse. Besides, you
can't go home again. Thomas Wolfe
had said that, and it was a pretty
perceptive remark, coming from a
guy who hadn't even been married.
Don drained his drink and ex-
tended the empty glass. "Alms, for
the love of Allah," he said.
The bartender did his duty.
Somebody nudged Don's shoul-
der and stepped on his foot, hard.
"Be my guest," Donmuttered,
but moved down to the end of the
bar. It was crowded in here — you
couldn't hear yourself drink. Of
course, that was the one great ad-
vantage, wasn't it? You also
couldn't hear yourself think. And
if you pressed your luck (and your
drinks), after a time you couldn't
feel yourself think, either—to think
about Rosalie and the house and
the job without feeling any pain or
any remorse. Or not to think
about them at all.
And the time was now, or at
least only a Martini or two away.
Soon he'd be able to forget that
Rosalie was only a two-bit chirp
who'd fluttered into his cage hop-
ing to find a perch on one of the
agency's shows. He'd forget about
going home, too — going home to
156
Beverly and Pat and Michael. Not
that there was anything wrong with
them, really. It was just that every
second guy his age seemed to be
married to a girl named Beverly
(or Shirley, or Susan) and they all
had two kids named Pat and
Michael.
A S for forgetting the job, that
** was the bonus deal. Fun-
real
ny how he'd wanted it once — full
credit listing as executive producer
on Playlights. But now that he was
boss man, it was just another head-
ache; fighting the client, fighting
the network, fighting the talent and
the no-talent they sent him, fight-
ing the hacks who kept on sending
him the same three lousy scripts,
over and over again.
There was the one about the girl
recovering from a nervous break-
down who gets into a bind where
she thinks she's committed a mur-
der — only her doctor uncovers the
and so they get married.
real killer,
There was the one about the pilot
or the racer or the gunfighter who
loses hisnerve until the chips are
down, and then he comes through.
And there was the one about the
young guy who has to choose be-
tween crass commercialism or per-
sonal integrity, and guess what he
does!
Don hated this worst
last script
of all. Maybe it was because he
lived it. And his blonde wife hadn't
made the big renunciation speech
GALAXY
 "

about preferring financial poverty booth wasn't empty. There was an

and he hadn't
to spiritual poverty, elderly man sitting across from
played the climactic scene where him, nursing a beer.
he was supposed to walk out on the "Sorry," Don said. "I didn't no-
boss and turn to honest creative tice-"
labor. "Quite all right," the elderly man
So now he was a big man, a real told him. "I don't mind company."
live producer and everything, and Don eyed him, doing a quick job
he was entitled to sit in a noisy bar of type-casting.
on his night off and order another
Martini. HP HE man was in his late fifties
He held out his glass to the bar- * and looked a bit like Parker
tender once again. "Cloud Nine," he Fennelly; one of those New Eng-
said. land characters. It wasn't a makeup
Again he felt himself being job either, although he was ob-
shoved out of the way. Half of Tele- viously an actor escaped from re-
vision City was in here tonight — hearsal, because he was wearing a
production people, musicians, agen- costume. He had on a black double-
cy men, even a gaggle of actors in breasted suit with wide lapels; a
full makeup for night dress re- celluloid collar rode above his
hearsals. If he wanted to, he could white shirt; a string tie twined with
find plenty of people to talk to. But the ribbon of his pince-nez.
what was the use? They were here "The Old Professor, eh?" Don
for the same reason he was here, murmured.
most of them; they had their own The man raised his eyebrows.
troubles. Some day he'd write a "But that's remarkable," he said.
story about the TV industry and "How on Eaith did you recognize
its eventual collapse due to inter- me?"
nal tensions. The Fall of the House "Simple." Don tapped his glass.
of Ulcer. "In vino Veritas" He leaned for-
But not tonight. Not right now. ward. "Thaf s the motto of MGM,
Because here was the drink, and you know."
maybe he'd better find himself a The man looked puzzled.
booth in back where he could nurse "Don't mind me," Don told him.
«T>
it without spilling the life-giving I've just come from my meteorolo-
fluid all over a twenty-dollar Sulka gist and he tells me I'm a little un-
tie. der the weather."
Don spotted the empty in back, "But you did recognize me—"
floated over to it, slid in. He was al- "Of course. How could I possibly
ready seated when he realized the forget old — old —

SABBATICAL 157
 "Herbert Claymore." "Just who
are you, sir?"
"Sure! Herb Claymore, as I live "Don Freeman is the name. Or
and breed! The last of the big-time as I put it to the young ladies of
spenders! What are you doing here my acquaintance, Don Freeman, at
- the Mad Scientist bit?" your service."
The man lifted his beer glass. "It isn't familiar. And yet you
"Please. Not so loud." He drank seem to know."
slowly, then looked up. "But how "I do. I do."
could you know? I mean, you must "Is it because of my clothing?"
have been a mere child when you
saw me. How old are you now, AON nodded. "That Hoover col-
might I ask?" *-^ would give anybody away."
lar
"Thirty-four," Don told him. "Hoover collar?" The man
"Then it's utterly impossible. paused. "Ah, yes, Herbert Hoover,
You wouldn't even have been the chap who headed Belgian Re-
born." lief during the War."

"Iwas born, all right," Don said. "President Hoover," Don cor-
"I can show you my navel to prove rected.
it." "Is he?" •

"You're intoxicated." "Not any more. But back in

"Isn't everybody? What did you 192 9-"
come here for?" "Sorry. That was after my time."
"Merely to study." "After?"
"Getting up on your eh? lines, "Four years. I left in '25."
Well, don't let me stop you. I'm "Did you now? And what else
about ready to go, anyway." isnew?"
"No, please stay. I was hoping to "Why, everything! I just arrived,
find someone to talk to. And you and I must confess the changes are
intrigue me. I mean, I didn't ex- more startling than I'd anticipated.
pect anyone to recognize me." The very ground on which the
"Not recognize Herb Claymore, university stood is now occupied
the man who rocked the scientific by this television installation,
world with his achievements! They and-"
mocked you, ridiculed you, laughed "Come off it, Claymore. You're
you out of court. But were you dis- laying a bomb."
couraged? No! You forged ahead, beg your pardon?"
"I
pushing back the boundaries of dis- "Very unfunny. We are not
covery past Preparation H, into amused."
Preparation I, even Prepara- "I assure you, I'm quite serious."
»>
tion J Don focused on him briefly.

158 GALAXY
"This a rib? You aren't a fugi-
isn't never met the gentleman. You see,
tive from the Guild?" I haven't traveled abroad."
"I am not a fugitive in any sense
of the word, sir. I am a visitor." r
|^HE bartender set their drinks
"You, Herbert Claymore, came before them and Don signed
here in a time machine from the the tab.
year 1925?" "You're serious about this gag,
"In a manner of speaking, yes." huh?" said Don. "Time traveling.
Don sighed slowly. "Then I, Don What a ball! Wh^d you come here,
Freeman, need another drink. In a of all places?"
manner of speaking, God, yes!" "I thought the university was
He waved to the bartender. still in existence," Claymore ex-
"The same?" the bartender in- plained. "Now I learn it disap-
quired. peared during the — ah — Depres-
"No. Switch me to a Miltown sion, I believe they called it."
Special." He peered at his com- "Depression. I'm an authority on
panion. "How about you?" Depressions, particularly my own,"
"What is a Miltown Special?" Don said. "Depressions, ruts,
"It's just like an ordinary Mar- graves. Deep stuff."
tini, only there's a tranquilizer in "But this seems a wonderful era."
the olive." "Is it? Look, I'll swap you even.
"Well-" You stay here, I go back to 1925.
"Come on.bet you couldn't
I'll As long as we're kicking the rou-
get one back where you came from. tine around for laughs, I mean."
Why, they still had Prohibition, "It wouldn't be fair," Claymore
didn't they?" told him. "That was a barbaric era."
"Indeed, yes." Claymore looked "I can see you haven't read the
up at the bartender. "The same." papers," Don answered. "Maybe
The bartender left. they don't have newsboys at the
"No kidding," Don muttered. asylum."
"From 1925, eh? Just like that." "Sir, I must ask you to—"
"Not 'just like that/ as you put it. "All right, no offense. But any-
I spent eighteen years perfecting one who likes the way things are
the modus operandi. Steinmetz and today must be crazy. Just look at
Edison gave me the courtesy of a the situation— cold war, union scan-
hearing, but nobody else was inter- dals, fallout, conformity, space
ested in my
work." race, alphabet bombs, why Johnny
"Not even Einstein?" can't read, security, censorship, an-
"You refer to Albert Einstein, ti-segregation troubles. Ifs mur-
the German mathematician? I der!"

SABBATICAL 159
 "I fail to see that if s any worse washers. Also guided missiles, and
than what I left behind me" said the deadliest weapon of all, the in-
Claymore. "In 1925 we had the come tax."
Bolshevik menace, the Teapot "Which we also had."
Dome scandal, and bootlegging. As
for censorship — what about Prohi- DON drank around his olive. "So
bition? What about this law down a Mexican
it's standoff. But
in Tennessee forbidding the teach- let's consider the really important
ing of evolution in the schools? An- things. Like the crowded housing
ti-segregation troubles? Haven't conditions that ruin our metropoli-
you heard about lynching? And as tan areas, and the gray flannel
for murder, our papers are full of strait jackets we wear, and the
Al Capone." women we love — those big-busted,
"Aw right awready," Don said. women we love — those big-
"So let's play the flip side. Have busted, bleached-blonde, bird-
you been around long enough to brained beauties."
notice rock-'n'-roll, the
Presley, "Very well." Claymore smiled.
tail-fin cars, the lousy ads, the "I'll match today's housing with

crummy movies? Will Success 1925 tenements. Did you know

Spoil Frankenstein's Monster
now I ask you!"
Claymore sipped his drink. "I've
heard your rock-'n'-roll, as you call
it,and your Mr. Presley. But have
you ever heard voh-doh-dee-oh-doh
songs, or Yes, We Have No Bana-
nas? Have you ever tried to drive
a Model T
over a corduroy road
during a rainstorm? Do your adver-
tising tycoons ever ask the immor-
tal question, Why Wear a Truss?
And as for motion pictures, I sub-
mit the epic productions starring
Mae Murray, Gilda Gray, and the
cast-of-ten-thousand dramas
Cecil B. de Mille." He smiled. "At
least you enjoy the benefit of mod-
ern technology."
"Sure. Air-conditioning,
vision, supermarkets, automatic
— that only half of the homes boasted
bathtubs, and less than half had
inside plumbing? I needn't say
anything about our atrociously un-
comfortable furniture. And as for
clothing, I needn't say anything
about that, either. Just look at what
I'm wearing as compared to your
garments."
"Never mind the small talk,"
Don interrupted. "Lefs get back to
fundamentals. Namely, sex."
"All right. You paint a rather
alluring picture of the feminine
ideal.In its place I offer you the
of Flapper — thin, flat-chested, neu-
rotically shrill and neurotically
slangy, gin-drinking, affected—"
"Okay, I get the message," Don
tele- cut in. "But as long as we're play-
ing the game, why do we have to

160 GALAXY
limit ourselves to my today and CLAYMORE made an ellipse
your yesterday? If both the past with his hands. "Lovely. Aver-
and the present are so intolerable, age weight, two hundred pounds.
why can't we hop into your merry They're known as Queen-sized
not-so-Oldsmobile and take a joy- dolls. Quite aggressive, of course,
?"
ride into the future as is only natural under a matriar-
"I did," Claymore said. chy. As you can perhaps detect
"What?" even from the trends of today, they
"I said I did." He
drained his control virtually all of the corpor-
glass. "This is my second stop, you ations and business enterprises, to-
might say. My first was to a time gether with entertainment media
approximately thirty-five years and government."
from now." "Then what's the answer?" Don
"Why didn't you stay there? protested. "You mean you cant
Don't tell me things were just as beat the game? You can't get away
bad?" from wherever you go?"
it,

"Judge for yourself. No Com- "You can't get away from your-
munist scare any more." self," Claymore declared. "Thafs
"Perfect!" the only answer I've learned. How
"It's the Conservatives they're you live, in any age, is up to you.
afraid of. Consies, they call them. The adjustments you make with
Advocates of go-slowism in govern- your own environment."
ment and business and interna- "But that's corny," said Don.
Things need to be
tional relations. "You mean horse feathers?"
done. They must be done. Result — Claymore retorted.
suppression of free speech, general Donnodded. "I suppose you in-
censorship, spy hunts. Then there's tend to go back to 1925 and take
the plutonium scandal to consider, up just where you left off?"
and the sub-teen delinquency prob- 'Why not? I've learned what I
lem, and the druglegging. I don't wanted to learn. Andyou have
if

think I'll mention their popular problems, I advise you to do the

songs, or what has happened to en-
tertainment media. Dimensional
TV can be pretty overwhelming,
and of course advertising has kept
pace. As for comfort — you'd never
imagine the rigors and distress of
a rocket flight to the Moon."
"And the women?" asked Don
hopefully.
same. Accept reality."
"That's a lot of-" Don hesitated.
Suddenly he banged on the table.
"No, it isn't! You're right, by God!
Accept reality, thafs the answer.
Now, look. You claim you actually
came here in a time machine. Do
you understand what this means?
Why, it's a multi-million-dollar

SABBATICAL 161
proposition from word one!" own time, your own circumstances."
He hunched forward. "Look, let's Don shook his head, gazing into
you and I get together, equal part- hisempty glass. When he looked up
nership. handle the whole deal,
I'll again, Claymore was gone.
do all the spadework. In two weeks // he'd ever been there.
we'll blast everything else off the Hell, maybe it was just the
map. I can get you the biggest pub- drinkie.
licity campaign you ever heard of
— spreads in every newspaper and SURE, itwas the drinkie. Time
magazine in the country, your travel was wacky. And so was
choice of network time. The adver- the cornball philosophy. Make the
tising tieup is so sweet, I don't even best of things as they are. In other
have to talk about it. Man from words, his subconscious was telling
the past here today — in person! him to forget Rosalie, forget the rat
You'll hit all the big shows! Law- race, go home to the little woman
rence Welk, Steve Allen, Person to and the kids. A
real lousy script
Person. What an endorsement job ending. Well, he wouldn't buy it.
you can do on products! Shove you He didn't have to buy it. He
out next to a 1925 icebox and let could sell it.

you compare it with a new freezer,
let you stand up there and break a
few lousy Caruso records after you
listen to the latest Fats Domino
album. Get the pitch? And we'll
ghost a daily column for you, the
homespun philosophy bit.
going to be big, bigger than Godfrey
ever was at his peak, bigger than—"
"Sorry.''Claymore stood up. "I
meant what I said. I'm going back
where I belong."
"Now wait a minute! This kind
of opportunity only comes once in
a lifetime. And there's no time like
the present-—"
"For you, perhaps. For
there's no time like the past."
"But you said yourself it stinks."
"I can adjust. And that's what
I'm telling you now— adjust to your
Sure. That was the answer. Little
old subconscious working away all
the time, still alive and breathing
through a snorkel-tube under the
ten Martinis. It had just given him
a great plot. Make a fine show.
You're There's this old pappy-guy from
the past, see? He invents this time
machine gizmo and comes to the
present day. At first he likes it and
becomes a big celebrity, but after
a while he gets so he can't stand all
the phony routines. Finally they're
going to put him on television, to
make a big speech to the nation —
sort of a Will Rogers bit — and a
me, bunch of politicians have him in a
bind to endorse their lousy candi-
date. Only he gets up and double-
crosses them by denouncing the
whole act. Tells the people to re-

162 GALAXY
turn to the old rugged individual- great title. A great idea. And a great
ism, the homely virtues, all that little thought, too.
jazz. A man has to make the best of
Why, it was a natural, thafs what he's got.
what it was! A natural! Don started to scribble. He knew
Don fumbled around in his where he was and what he was do-
pocket for his notebook. Better get ing, and right now he wouldn't
this down quick before he forgot. trade places with anyone in the
Tomorrow he could give it to a world. Anywhere, any time.
couple of the staff boys. All they'd
have to do would be to run it (Excerpt from Yardley Univerity Daily
through the typewriter — maybe Bulletin, April 5, 1925) Professor Her-
bert Claymore, head of the Physics De-
he'd give them
a third of the deal, partment, resumed his duties today after
but he'd keep the writing credit. a brief sabbatical.
No Time Like The Present. A BY ROBERT BLOCII

NOTICE
We have on hand, in condition that the mint might well envy, these
anthologies that may have escaped your purchase but shouldn't again:

The Third Galaxy Reader

The Fourth Galaxy Reader
Each of the above will be personally inscribed to you by editor
H. L. Gold, exactly as you wish him to, in 25 words or less, and of
course autographed by him.
Galaxy Short Novels by F. L. Wallace, Damon Knight, James
Five
E. Gunn, J. T. Mcintosh, and Theodore Sturgeon.

The World that Couldn't Be & Eight Other Galaxy Novelets,

and you can, if you don't put off till tomorrow, get a copy autographed
by Clifford D. Simak, author of the title story, an offer that is made
only to readers of this magazine.
above are $3.95 each and may be obtained by sending
All the
your order on any sheet of paper, and check or money order, to
this address:
Anthology Department
Galaxy Publishing Corp.
421 Hudson Street
New York 14, N. Y.

SABBATICAL
 DICTATOR desiresemployment,
preferably permanent, in similar
capacity. Will accept opportunity
to establish own circumstances.
Seven years experience. Last posi-
tion terminated at request of pop-
ulace. Box 702, GBS Network.

DICTATOR wanted, immediate

opening. Highest remuneration
and fringe benefits; comfortable
Earth-type environment. Tactical
knowledge and experience abso-
lutely essential. Highest references
required. Box 91, GBS Network.

164
 "

Being a live-wire political scientist, he

needed just a single good connection ... to

get high-voltage power out of a hot lead!

BY A. J. OFFUTT

Illustrated by WOOD

STEP ONE

THE hotel clerk shook his

head obstinately. "I'm sor-
dubiously. "Just 'Box
The little man
nodded.
91?"

ry, sir. Mr. Blacksword is Theclerk's eyes went over the

an honored guest, a friend of the little man's shoulder and he turned.

management. In view of the cir- Two men stood a couple of feet

cumstances surrounding—" he hesi- behind him. They were big fellows,
tated — "the termination of his both wearing guns. Union body-
recent position, and the enmity to- guards, then.
ward him from several sources, I One took the piece of stationery.
«T>
am afraid we must refuse— I'll take this up to Mr. Blacksword
The little man scrawled on a myself. You will please remain
sheet of hotel stationery. "Would here."
you please have this sent up to Mr. The little man bowed and the
Blacksword? He'll understand, I fellow strode to the elevator. His
think." companion stood very still, his eyes
The clerk regarded the paper on the little man.
BLACKSWORD 165
 "You needn't stare," the little closed. The
turned and
little man
man said. "I won't run away. I saw that the protectors had not
also haven'tany bombs, guns, poi- come in.

sons, or whatever. I assume you "Alone?" he asked.

have a permit for your gun? May I "I'm not a psycho," Blacksword
see it?" told him. "Just cautious." He
The fellow reached inside his grinned around the cigar. "You
jacket and handed the little man know who I am," he pointed out,
a leather case. "so Fm one play behind."
"Ummm . . . Protectors Union, "Keplar. A. J. Keplar."
Local 110. Assigned to Mr. G. P. Blacksword inclined his head
Blacksword. Thank you." The little without rising. "Representing?"
man handed back the credentials "Troy."
and turned away, ignoring the Blacksword raised his brows.
bodyguard. "Troy!" He turned his head to one
The light on the house phone side with a twist of his mouth.
winked and the clerk flipped it on. "Well! Please sit down, Mr. Kep-
"Blacksword talking. Frisk him lar. You'll pardon me for not ris-

and send him up." ing I'm sure you're aware I

. . .

"All right, Mr. Blacksword," said have a bad leg."

the clerk.
The little man
smiled angelical- STEP TWO
ly and raised his arms to shoulder
level. The protector patted him T HE man generally referred to
f ,

thoroughly. - Sword blew white

as the Black
"Clean," he said, and the little clouds of cigar smoke at the ceiling.
man took the elevator up. "How is it that Troy finds herself
The bodyguard went with him. so suddenly in need of a dictator,
They met the second protector in Mr. Keplar?"
the corridor and they flanked him "Mr. Blacksword-"
as he approached the door to ' "People don't call me mister,"
Blacksword's room. They were Blacksword interrupted. "Just
duly scanned by winking lights Blacksword. Some commentator
and the door opened. had a brainstorm once and my
G. Paul Blacksword sat in a name became two words. It has a
chair smoking a cigar. "Come in," lovely romantic ring which the
he said around it, and the little news services like. Pardon me for
man went in. interrupting, but as long as I've
Blacksword touched the stud on done so, will you join me in a
the arm of the chair and the door drink?"

166 GALAXY
 Mr. — pardon me
"I think not,
— Blacksword. But please feel free
to ha^e one yourself."
Blacksword grinned. His finger
had already dialed a scotch-on-the-
rocks. The servo began making
noises and the glass popped out on
the tray. Blacksword picked it up
negligently.
'Troy has been a dictatorship
for thirty-one years, Blacksword,"
said Keplar. "For the last seven-
teen years, was under Colonel
it
Hines, who seized power in the
conventional manner, a military
coup. As you may be aware from
the newscasts, he died very sud-
denly two weeks ago. The council
finds that no man on Troy is cap-
able of taking his place. So we
placed our ad."
"Died very suddenly, hm? How
was that?"
Keplar shrugged. "Rather an un-
romantic end for a man of Hines*
stature, I'm afraid. He suffered a
heart attack."
"I see. Proceed."
"That about sums it up, sir. After
casting about for two weeks, we of
the council found no acceptable
successor. It goes without saying
that there were numerous candi-
dates. One, Major General Farris,
attempted to seize power. He was
forestalled by the council and sub-
sequently murdered by his own
men."
"The council stopped him, you
say?"
BLACKSWORD
The little man nodded.
"Accord-
ing to TAI law, a dictatorship hav-
ing a secondary control council,
when without a dictator, is in the
hands of the council until a replace-
ment is found for the dictator."
Blacksword nodded and sipped
noisily at his scotch.
"We decided to advertise," Kep-
lar went on. "When your ad coinci-
dentally appeared at the same
time,we were curious and wrote.
When we received your rather —
uh — laconic reply, we decided to
take the chance of contacting you.
We had requested references, of
course, but naturally we are famil-
iarwith your background."
"Thank you," said Blacksword.
"Recognition is very flattering, es-
pecially when one finds oneself out
of a job."
D LACKSWORD
--*
sipped scotch,
puffed cloudily on the cigar,
and regarded Keplar. "But you're
a damned liar, Keplar. I happen to
know the full story. Item: Troy is
on the brink of war. Item: The
council felt that this Major Gen-
eral Farris would make a better
commander in wartime than Hines.
So you murdered Hines. Or had
him murdered. When Major Gen-
eral Farris tried to take command,
he was killed by the army, which
remained loyal to Hines. Item:
You want me very badly and
placed your ad immediately after
you learned of mine.
167
 "Naturally, the true circum-
stances are not widely known,"
Blacksword went on. "The people
of Troy, for instance, aren't aware
of the illegal intervention of the
Trojan Council. For your informa-
tion, you were rather sloppy, and
I'm sure TAI shares my knowl-
edge. But they are inclined not to
take action, provided the situation
is cleared up satisfactorily. They
wouldn't accomplish anything by
arresting the council en masse. I'm
not sure of this, of course. I have
little dealings with Terra Alta Im-
perata. I'm merely assuming their
agents are nearly as competent as
mine." He smiled lazily. "Although
not as well paid.
"Come, Keplar," Blacksword
concluded. "You didn't think Fd
swallow your tale, did you? Hell's
bells, I have spies and sources that
make your council and its machi-
nations look like a Boy Scout
troop."
Blacksword stuck the cigar back
in his mouth, raised one eyebrow
in the characteristic mannerism
witnessed by trillions on the video.
He glared amusedly at the little
man from Troy.
Keplar sighed and spread his
hands. "A test, of course. We de-
liberately concocted the story I
you were the man we
told you. If
wanted, we were sure you would
know it to be a fabrication."
"You're still lying!" said Black-
sword. "Smoothly, though, and my
168
compliments for that. I admire a
man who thinks on his feet — a
prime requisite for salesmen, dic-
tators and diplomats."
Blacksword regarded the ceiling
reminiscently. "As you no doubt
know, I was a salesman when I
first went to Alsace. A twenty-
thousand-a-year salesman. I was
good at thinking on my feet Read-
ing and studying were my hobby —
I can quote you chapter and verse
of Napoleon and Caesar and Lee
and Arthenburg. By being a good
salesman and thinking on my feet
and with the aid of my hobby, I
took over Alsace when they de-
cided to try a dictatorship. I ruled
as absolute dictator for seven years.
Then the Alsacians decided on a
democracy — the idiots! — and, ac-
cording to TAI law, I resigned. I
left the planet. Unfortunately some
fool fanatic took a shot at me. So
at present I'm not only out of a job,
I'm out one good leg."
Blacksword looked back at Kep-
lar, puffed and grinned. "My apolo-
gies. Ihadn't intended to give a
personal history. It's natural
enough, I suppose. A man can't be
a dictator — or even a good sales-
man — without being something of
an egotist." He looked squarely in-
to Keplar's eyes. "Just as he can't
be a diplomat without being an ex-
pert liar. I think you'll admit the
truth of both statements, Keplar.
Your story was no test. You under-
estimated me. You thought I might
GALAXY

not want to talk about Troy if
knew what really happened to your
last ruler. And you don't
naturally
want the story to get out If some-
one — someone, Keplar — men-
tioned publicly that Hines was as-
sassinated by agents of the Trojan
Council, TAI would have to make
use of its knowledge and prose-
cute."
The ex-dictator of the planet
Alsace leaned forward and pointed
with his cigar. "I think we fully
understand each other now. Shall
we discuss terms?"
Keplar sighed. 'Tret's," he said.
STEP THREE
r W^ HE major picked up the report.
* was stamped "Terra Alta
It
Imperata: TOP SECRET," and
sealed. He poked the packet into
an unsealer, waited for the fool-
proof seal to open, and took out
the report marked "troy: black-
sword."
Page one summed up the recent
death of Troy's dictator, the unsuc-
cessful attempt by Farris to gain
control,and Farris* murder by the
army. There was a brief summary
of what TAI knew to be the actual
circumstances in the situation.
The major turned to page two,
read a moment, then flicked the
button on his intercom. "Come in
here a few minutes, Jack."
The young lieutenant entered
and shut the door. He saw the top
BLACKSWORD
<
I secret and locked the door.
seal
"Sit down. I want you to hear
this. Light up if you want."
This reading of reports aloud to
his adjutant was a habit of the
major's. He felt both of them
gained a more thorough under-
standing than by scanning and di-
gesting the reports individually.
"First a quick refresher on the
general situation," the major said.
"Here's one thaf s been boiled down
to the bone. It's been abridged and
digested — umm — seven times." a
The grinned and
lieutenant
turned his face quickly away.
«
'A brief summary of the Troy
— Macedon situation,'" the major
read. "There are five planets in
the Hellenic system. They are
called Troy, Macedon, Monos,
Deutoros and Tritos. Troy and
Macedon, the innermost two, are
fully inhabited. Monos, Deutoros
and Tritos have never been colon-
ized, although Monos is able to
support human life.
"'Tensions exist between Troy
and Macedon for the following
basic reasons:
"*(1) They use different gov-
ernmental systems, Troy being a
dictatorship while Macedon is a
parliamentary monarchy.
"'(2) They have never been
able to reach a mutually acceptable
mutual trade agreement.
"
( 3 ) They have been unable to
'
reach a mutually acceptable agree-
ment for exploiting the remaining
169
three worlds of their system.
"'They have consistently de-
clined TAI offers of aid and/or
mediation.
" 'TAI isthus forced to maintain
a strict non-intervention policy
with regard to the Hellenic sys-
"
tem/
The major discarded the sheet.
"Now to current events," he said.
He read through the first page of
the report and looked up. "We
know that on March 13 Troy ad-
vertised for a dictator, identifying
themselves only by a GBS box
number. At the same time Black-
swprd advertised for employment.
A seeming coincidence — but we
also know Troy placed their
that
ad alter they saw Blacksword's."
"In other words, they wanted
him," the lieutenant said.
WITH a nod, the major re-
turned to the report. "'On
March 22 A. J. Keplar, Vice-Presi-
dor of the Trojan Secondary Con-
trol Council, arrived on Luna. He
proceeded at once to the Hotel
Starlight and was subsequently ad-
mitted to the room occupied by
G. P. Blacksword, recently resigned
dictator of the planet Alsace, now
a democracy.
"'Blacksword and Keplar re-
mained in conference for two hours
and thirty-seven minutes. At the
end of that time, Blacksword
checked out, and he and Keplar,
accompanied by two armed guards
170
from the Protectors Union, took a
taxi to the port. All four boarded
the Trojan ship Ilium, but after
a few minutes the protectors came
out again and left, carrying their
gunbelts. Obviously they had been
discharged/ " The major looked up
with a wry face. "Obviously," he
said drily. "This agent loves detail.
Clock-and-dagger stuff goes to your
head sometimes. UmmmThe . . .
Ilium was immediately cleared
and blasted away for Troy. Report
"
ends/
He picked up another.
n
The Ilium landed on Troy on
<
March 24. A. J. Keplar, Vice-Pres-
idor — ' etc., etc., etc. Here: 'On
March 26 G. Paul Blacksword as-
sumed office as dictator of Troy.
His first act was to accuse Council
Presidor Wood of high treason.
Wood and a hired assassin were
turned over to TAI as the murder-
ers of the ex-dictator of Troy. In his
formal charge Blacksword stated
that no oneon the planet was
else
implicated in Hunes* murder. Wood
and the assassin were returned to
Earth under guard/"
The major looked up. "Now we
happen to know, Jack, that the de-
cision to murder Hines was voted
upon by the entire council and
carried unanimously. The arrest of
Wood and the assassin was Black-
sword's way of gaining the favor of
the people of Troy. On
the other
hand, he had no wish to replace the
entire council."
GALAXY
 " "

"Clever fellow," the lieutenant Troy. Immediately after their de-

drawled. parture,King Robert called for a
The major smiled. "Thafs the meeting of the Macedonian gen-
very mildest way of putting it, eral staff. Opinion: War between
Jack. TAI has decided to accept Macedon and Troy immediately
Wood and let the matter drop. We imminent. Report ends.'
haven't any particular desire to ar- The major flipped to a new page.
rest the entire council, either. Be- "'In a world-televised speech on
sides, if we did that now, we'd have April 6, Dictator Blacksword in-
to take Blacksword as well." formed Troy that Macedon re-
"But we have something on him," mained "insolently adamant" in its
the lieutenant said, "for future demands, and that he might be
reference." "forced to call on you, the people
The major nodded and resumed of Troy, to lend us your loyal sons
reading. " 'At the same time, Black- to protect our planet against the
sword advised the council of his Macedonian aggressors." The
personal preference for Keplar as speech was followed by hotly anti-
Presidor. The council accordingly Macedon demonstrations all over
voted Keplar into office.'" Troy. Opinion Immediate war be-
:

n
tween Troy and Macedon:
>
"Sounds like a deal," said the
lieutenant. "So ifs war," the lieutenant com-
"Of course. A private deal be- mented.
tween Blacksword and Keplar, "Hell, we've known that for eight
aside from the council's contract years. But Blacksword's presence
with Blacksword," the major said. changes things. The probability
"'Blacksword immediately closet- factor of Macedon's emerging vic-
ed himself in an all-night session torious was 83 on 20 March. On 8
with Troy's general staff. On April, it had dropped to 60. As of
March 2 8 Blacksword, Keplar, and today, it's minus 10 — 60-40 in
Foreign Minister Cole spaced to favor of Blacksword's winning. Of
the planet Macedon aboard the course thafs our computer. Mace-
Ilium. Reports ends.' don still ranks higher on the news
services — but they don't have the
HP HE major began a new page. information we do."
" "'On Macedon, Blacksword, The lieutenant whistled. "One
Keplar, and Cole met with Mace- man."
don's King Robert and his diplo- "One man. He's that good. He
matic staff. The meetings lasted gets things done,even though his
three days. At the end of this time, methods may not be the most hu-
the Trojan delegation returned to mane or popular. Witness Alsace.
BLACKSWORD 171
He whipped them into a- power, but
they were so shocked by his meth-
ods that they voted themselves a
democracy."
The lieutenant nodded. "What
do we do?"
"We — I'll reserve my answer for
a moment, Jack, until I hear your
opinion. What would you say?"
The lieutenant considered the
problem, weighing the factors care-
fully in his mind. "The differences
are between Troy and
strictly
Macedon ... no other worlds are in-
volved ... no conceivable imme-
diate danger to TAI
both are
. .
grade-C planets ... I'd say we do
nothing. TAI has no grounds for
intervention unless Blacksword
no, he's too smart. We do nothing."
He looked questioningly at his su-
perior, read the verification of his
decision in the major's eyes.
"Correct. This is none of our
business. We them have their
let
war. But we do a little more than
nothing. We watch. As always, TAI
sitsback and watches." The major
initialed the report. "Seal this and
forward it to headquarters, Jack.
By the way, are you and Alice do-
ing anything Friday night? How
about some bridge over at our
place?" v,
STEP FOUR
A T and five
least ten feet long
**• feet wide, the desk was empty
of paper or books or letter opener.
172
There was a calendar on it and a
cigar box and two ashtrays and a
visual communicator. In one cor-
ner was a panel of buttons. The
desk and the big swivel chair be-
hind it gave the impression of big-
ness — bigness and power.
The man behind the desk was
big, too, and was obvious he
it
wielded vast power, just as it was
obvious he was accustomed to
power and knew how to wield it.
Judging from what showed
above the top of the desk, he had to
be at least six feet two. There was
. a swelling expanse of at least two
feet between his shoulders. His
neck was thick and the head above
— it massive and jowly. The face was
slightly red, the hair gray-shot
brown and cut crisply short The
nose was too large even for the man
who wore it. His brows were bushy
and dark, without the streaks of
gray in his hair. Beneath them, very
round, very dark brown eyes glis-
tened and pierced like diamond
drills.
His hands were the biggest Gor-
ham had ever seen, and the hairi-
est. The cigar smelled, like all
cigars toGorham, bad. The bear-
man (man-bear?) behind the desk
seldom took it out of his mouth, but
when he did, with two hairy fingers,
its ends was a wet, thoroughly
shredded pulp.
As Gorham entered, the cigar
jutted out of the face like a second
nose.
GALAXY
 "

"Captain Gorham, I believe," erty of changing it to two words.

said the big man, the cigar bobbing Sorry to interrupt. Please go on."
up and down. "Come on in and sit The brown eyes drilled into Gor-
down, Captain. I haven't bitten ham and he cleared his throat.
w
anyone in years. Then he caught the twinkle in the
Captain Gorham walked to the eyes and took another ten seconds.
desk, hesitated, and sat. The chair "If you're quite through attempt-
on his side of the desk was a great ing to make me feel ill at ease,
deal smaller, its front legs shorter Blacksword, I'd like to talk with
than the rear ones. you a few minutes and be on my
"You'll pardon me for not rising, way. I have pressing duties else-
Captain, but as you no doubt know, where."
I'm crippled. And if you're any- Blacksword stared. Then he
thing like me, you wouldn't deign snatched the cigar out of his mouth
to shake hands with a seated man." and fell back in the swivel chair,
"Quite so," Gorham said. He laughing. Following the example
crossed his legs. set by centuries of swivel chairs,
"That isn't true, really," the big it creaked.
man went on. "My, leg is quite all "Well, I'll just be happy
right. I don't rise because it gives damned! My very sincere apolo-
me an advantage— makes the other gies, Captain—" he broke off into
fellow feel uncomfortable. Uncom- laughter. "My
very sincere apolo-
fortable chair, isrft it?" gies! Just a moment, will you?"
"Well, Iwouldn't-" '
He bent forward across the im-
"Of course it is. Purposely un- mense desk and activated the com-
comfortable, and for the same rea- municator. "Bring a comfortable
son. I'd offer you a cigar, Captain chair in here, please. And—" he
Gorham, but this one is so visibly looked up, one eyebrow raised —
distasteful to you I won't waste the "Captain, I realize you're on duty,
effort." but you won't force a man to drink
•"I never-" alone, will you?"
"What can I do for you, Captain "Never. Severe breach of eti-
Gorham?" quette."
Gorham mustered himself. "Mr. "Two scotches on the rocks,"
Blacksword— Blacksword continued into the box,
"Someone should've briefed you, beaming at Gorham. "Fast."
Captain Gorham. I'm not called
My
mister. Blacksword
father gave it to me
suffices.
one piece,
in H E clicked off and leaned back'
with the cigar in his mouth
but a GBS newscaster took the lib- again. "May as well discuss the

BLACKSWORD 173
weather, Captain. The s. o. b. crasies," Blacksword said, smack-
would probably interrupt us right ing his lips. "Always call my serv-
in the middle of a vital sentence, ants Swahili." He leaned back and
anyhow." rattled the ice in his glass. "I re-
"Nice weather you're having quested a representative of TAI,
here," Gorham remarked. Captain Gorham, because I thought
"Very. Sorry I had to cut your I'd better find out your views con-
man out of it the other day. But cerning the Troy-Macedon situa-
let's face it, Captain, he's a dis- tion."
grace to TAI." Blacksword shook Captain Gorham appeared to
his head. "Lousiest spy ever saw."
I swallow with the wrong tract. "Sir?"
"I'm afraid I haven't the fog- "As far as I'm able to see, there's
giest idea what you're talking no reason here for TAI to inter-
about," Gorham smiled. Blacksword explained.
fere,"
"Of course you haven't. Oh, I "As far as I can see, Blacksword,
don't mind — that's why I fired him you're correct," Gorham said.
from my staff ostensibly for seduc- "You're aware of our policy."
ing one of the girls in the kitchen. "Big brother. Shoulder to cry on.
But we all understand each other; Helping hand if needed. No inter-
she was paid to seduce him." vention unless someone threatens
Captain Gorham shrugged. "Suit galactic security. The usual bene-
yourself." volent TAI policy. My spies had so
"My
prime aim in life. That's informed me, but I wanted to hear
why I'm keeping my pilot. He's it from the horse's mouth."

such a damn fine pilot, I intend to Gorham made a mental note to

let him continue reporting to his demand a thorough security check
superior in TAI. He'll be surprised of his staff.
when he sees the new uniform I've "I also wanted to assure you I
designed for him, however. Green have absolutely no intentions of
and blue!" threatening anyone but the Mace-
Gorham glanced down at his donians. As a matter of fact, I'm not
green and blue TAI uniform with threatening them. They're the
a rather sickly grin. troublemakers here."
"Ah! I think you'll find that chair "That's very thoughtful of you,"
a little Captain Gorham.
better, Gorham said. "In that case, we shall
Thanks, Swahili." Blacksword took go on keeping an eye on you, but
the drinks and handed one to Gor- remain outside the dispute. By the
ham after the captain had settled same token, we can't be expected
himself into the new chair. to lend assistance to the defeated
"One of my personal idiosyn- planet."

174 GALAXY
 "Oh, certainly not. But natural-
ly Earth will. She always comes
through in a pinch. It's almost
worthwhile being defeated, just to
let good old Earth come
habilitate."
Gorham smiled drily.
you don't intend being defeated?"
Blacksword snorted. "Captain,
perhaps there's one thing more we
should get straight between us. TAI
will be very happy to know this.
Ifs something your spies don't
and won't — know. I have abso-
lutely no intention of being de-
feated, because I have absolutely
no intention of fighting."
STEP FIVE
HP HE big man with the smelly
* cigar was ushered into the office
of VassilyKearney, President of
United Earth. Noting the cigar,
President Kearney delightedly
one of his own.
"Have to be very careful with
these," he explained. "Diplomacy,
y'know. Some people don't like
cigar smoke."
"Thafs why I haven't
tion for diplomacy," Blacksword
informed him. "That a genuine
Havana?"
Kearney nodded, turning the
cigar lovingly between his fingers.
"One of our chief exports."
"How well I know," Blacksword
snorted. "Cost forty dollars each on
Troy."
BLACKSWORD
Kearney extended a humidor.
"In the White House, they're free
to guests," he beamed.
Blacksword helped himself to a
in and re- handful and stuffed them in his
pockets. He carefully stubbed his
"Surely own out in the guest ashtray, lit the
Havana, and sent up a cloud to
arouse the envy of any ancient
rocket ship. Kearney stared at the
mangled butt.
"I'm well aware of the value of
— your time, President Kearney,"
Blacksword puffed, "and I'll try to
take up very little of it. As you've
probably heard, I'm now affiliated
with Troy."
"Oh, yes. As dictator."
Blacksword looked introspec-
tive. "I just had a thought I'm not
going to fire my laundry maid. The
one with the Earth accent and the
pocket transmitter. She doesn't find
out much and she's very nice to
lit look at."
Kearney coughed. "I — ah — un-
derstand Troy and Macedon are
about to go to war." He sounded
very unhappy.
Blacksword nodded and leaned
a reputa- back. "Looks that way," he said.
UTt
I'm glad you brought it up. Thaf s
mainly what I wanted to discuss
with you."
"Yes. I suppose ifs about the
rehab-"
"In a way. How'd this rehabili-
tation business get started, any-
how?"
"Ifs one of our oldest — ah — tra-
175
ditions," Kearney shaking his
said, ally. Alone. hate to sound pom-
I

head regretfully. "We're the Mother pous, but I doubt seriously if any-
Planet, you know, and somehow one else could."
we've always continued the ah — Kearney began thanking him on
— tradition of aiding conquered behalf of all Earth.
peoples get back on their feet."
"I see," Blacksword sympathized. LACKSWORD raised a hand.
"That must cost Earth a pretty "This is rather embarrassing,"
penny." he said, wearing his best embar-
"My dear fellow!" Kearney rassed look, "but we'll need a small
cried. "You have no idea! You sum to carry it off. Without a shot
should see the World Debt!" being fired," he went on smoothly,
"Then you'd be most happy to as Kearney opened his mouth. "A
avoid such expenditures whenever very small sum, compared to the
possible. Which explains your spies cost of rehabilitation. We figure
being on every inhabited planet in half a million."
the Galaxy, I suppose." "Good heavens! My dear fel-
The President looked embar- low-"
rassed. Mr. Blacksword —
"Ah — "You must remember," Black-
about your - ah — laundry maid. sword pressed, "that Troy is a very
We shall-" poor planet, but that it will be a
"My apologies for bringing in very big war."
my household affairs," Blacksword *— is that all it would cost?"
interrupted. "What would you esti- Kearney finished.
mate the cost of rehabilitating, say, "— and —" Blacksword clamped
Troy or Macedon?" his lips together and nodded sol-
Kearney threw up his hands. emnly. The sales job was over.
"Any amount! Depending, of "Guaranteed: no war!"
course, on the amount of destruc- Kearney was obviously elated.
tion." But he remembered to be politic.
"A real holocaust," Blacksword "We'd need assurance—"
said with a careless wave of his "The Secondary Control Coun-
hand. "Say, forty per cent destruc- cil of Troy has authorized me to

tion." write out an agreement to the effect

Kearney groaned. that, in the event of war, there'd
"That can be avoided, Mr. Pres- be no appeal to
rehabilitation
ident," Blacksword said. Earth. Signed by me, as Dictator of
Kearney stared at him question- Troy." His hand came out of his
ingly. And hopefully. pocket with a pen and a cigar. He
"/ can stave off a war. Person- replaced the Havana lovingly.

176 GALAXY
 UKXrt.

BLACKSWORD 177
 Overjoyed, Kearney pulled let-
terheads from a desk drawer.
"Oh, I already have the agree-
ment. Had to clear it with the
Council before I left, of course,"
Blacksword explained with a win-
ning smile. "It lacks only our sig-
natures."
"Of course," the President said.
Then, "Of course!"
They signed.
"Now there's the matter of effi-
cacy," Blacksword said. "I believe
that in a democracy the people
must be consulted on expen- »
"Not at all, not at all! Comes out
of petty cash. Goes on the budget
under 'defense' or 'foreign affairs'
or something." He pressed a button
on his desk.
Ten minutes later the draft -
made out to Blacksword personal-
ly — was in his hands and Kearney
was saying, "It has been a pleasure,
sir. Delighted."
"Always glad to do business with
a democracy," Blacksword said,
and he left.
He put a coin in the Newsbuoy
on the corner and requested the
current handicap on the expected
war between Macedon and Troy.
At a bank six blocks away, he
opened an account. The size of his
initial deposit carried him into the
office of the president, who called
the White House for verification of
the half-million-dollar check. The
White House was delighted that
Blacksword was opening an ac-
count on Earth. So was the presi-
dent of the Home Planet Bank and
Trust Co. of Earth.
"A very wise move," he was say-
ing as Blacksword left with a
checkbook. "We have been in busi-
ness for one hundred and seventy-
six years, and in all that time we
have never—"
Blacksword neither heard nor
cared what the bank had not done
in one hundred and seventy-six
years. He limped out hurriedly.
At the post office on the corner,
he filled out a $500,000 check from
his new book, marked it for deposit
only, and mailed it to the First
Planetary Bank of Luna, to the per-
sonal account of G. Paul Black-
sword.
The owner of the First Planet-
ary Bank of Luna, G. Paul Black-
sword, then departed for Troy.
f

"According to GBS computer, STEP SIX

probability factor of Macedon
emerging victorious is 72.9, Troy's
r r HE lieutenant took Blacksword
,

27.1." * in to the captain, who took him

"Suggest you check with Earth in to the major, who escorted him
High Command," Blacksword said, upstairs to the Sector Colonel.
and walked on. "Ah, that Kearney "The Black Sword!" Colonel
drives a shrewd bargain!" McClintock exclaimed. "Come in!

178 GALAXY
 "

Sit down! What may I do for you?" "The information has left this of-
Blacksword sat down quickly fice, Colonel. In Gorham's fat
and rubbed his leg. "Business call, mouth. And it did not stay there!
Colonel," he growled. He took the Hold from through. Gor-
on, I'm far
last gratis Havana from his lips and ham went straight to King Robert
pointed it at the colonel. "I've got of Macedon and dropped a hint
a complaint to make." that Iwas not planning to fight. I
Colonel McClintock nodded and suppose he hoped Macedon would
hands together. "I see. I've
fitted his be overjoyed — they didn't really
heard, of course, about Troy's dis- want to fight either — there'd be no
agreement with Macedon— war, and he'd get the credit. I'd
"No doubt. This complaint isn't judge he's bucking for your job, on
against Macedon, Colonel. Ifs the sly."
against TAI, in the person of Cap- "The scoundrel!"
tain T. L. Gorham, and it will mean "Well," Blacksword went on,
your eagles, your career, and your "Macedon was overjoyed, all right.

pension." So overjoyed, they immediately re-

Colonel McClintock raised the doubled their offensive prepara-
COo content of the room with a tions, and completely shelved de-

whoosh. "Sir?" fensive plans."

Blacksword leaned forward and The colonel opened his mouth.
drummed stubby fingers on Mc- "Dammit, I'm not through yet!"
Clintock's desk. "Am I correct in Blacksword rapped out. "This con-
assuming that the — as you put it stitutes illegal TAI intervention.
— disagreement between my planet Whether Gorham was authorized
and Macedon is our own business or not, he represents TAI and he
and not subject to TAI interven- spilled the beans. And he's your
tion?" man. Ten words to your superior,
"Well, I -
Blacksword, I - yes. Colonel, and that chicken farm
And we have kept our hands off." you've been planning for your old
"Perhaps so. But Captain Gor- age will end right there — in the
ham has not I told Captain Gor- planning stage. Along with your
»
ham, in my office, in strictest con- career.
fidence, that I had absolutely no
intention of fighting Macedon." i^ 1
OLONEL McClintock stared.
Colonel McClintock- nodded. ^ He sagged slowly back in his
"Captain Gorham reported that chair. It objected squeakily. When
fact directly to me and I assure you, he finally found his voice, it was
sir, the information has not left this scarcely less squeaky than the
office!" chair. "And - and - ?"

BLACKSWORD 179
 Blacksword leaned back com-
placently. "And why have I come
to you, rather than your superior?
Because you and I have had no
trouble to date. You can handle
this easily. First, you drum Gor-
ham out of TAI."
The colonel waited a long mo-
ment, then prompted Blacksword
hopefully. "Second?"
"Second," cameBlacksword's
voice from a billowing cloud of
smoke, "since my feelings are hurt
and my plan endangered, and since
my feelings and my plans come
high,you can assuage my deep in-
jury by about half a million dol-
lars."
Colonel McClintock bounced up
in his chair and clamped his hands
on the edge of his desk. "Why,
that's nothing but black—"
«
-sword," Blacksword cut in.
"Careful with your language, Colo-
nel. My feelings might get even
more hurt. What's the name of your
superior, by the way?"
McClintock fell back in the
chair. "Well, I'll be damned!"
"You'll be worse than that if you
don't dig out a checkbook!" Black-
sword snapped. "And sign this
agreement that the check is bona
fide and you won't try any non-
sense such as stopping payment."
He flipped the paper across the
desk. "And let's have no nonsense
about the money. I can name you
any one of six TAI accounts for six
different exigencies, any one of
180
which will never feel a mere half
million. Do
you need a pen?"
There were a few words bandied
as to where the co-signed agree-
ment should be kept. Blacksword,
of course, limped from Colonel
McClintock's office with both
check and agreement. Colonel Mc-
Clintock left his office shortly after
with a sick headache.
Blacksword sent the check,
marked deposit only, to the Home
World Bank and Trust Co. of
Earth, special delivery. He then
wrote himself a check to the
amount of $500,000 on that bank.
This he marked for deposit only
and dispatched, regular mail, to the
First Planetary Bank of Luna.
He then departed for Troy.
STEP SEVEN
CAPTAIN Gorham bounced to
his feet. "You what?"
"You heard me," Blacksword
told him. "I told Colonel McClin-
tock you dropped a hint to Mace-
don that I'm not planning to fight
them. To save his own skin, he
wrote me a rather large check —
never mind on what TAI emer-
gency account — and immediately
set into motion proceedings for hav-
ing you court-martialed. You've
had it with Terra Alta Imperata,
Captain Gorham."
"You filthy - 1 didn't - you told
him a deliberate lie, Blacksword!
Why? What in the devil have I-"
GALAXY
 '

"Easy on that adrenalin, Captain thinking on your part. You're not

Gorham. Sit down. There, that's TAI material, Gorham. You know
much better. I want you to hear it and I know it. You're damned
something. It'sa recording of our fine Blacksword material. Please
conversation here a couple of allowme to point out that Black-
weeks ago." Blacksword touched, a sword men receive ample oppor-
switch. tunity for travel and excitement,
"—to interrupt. Please go on," frequent raises and bonuses, and
came Blacksword's recorded voice. the very best of salary. As a mat-
"If you're quite through attempt- ter of fact, the starting figure I have
ing to make me feel ill at ease, in mind for you is considerably
Blacksword, I'd like to talk with above a TAI captain's pay. Or a
you a few minutes and.be on my TAI colonel's pay, for that matter.
way. I have pressing duties else- "And there's another induce-
where." That was Gorham's caus- ment. My men and I accept bribes
tic voice. as a matter of course, and energeti-
Blacksword switched off the ma- cally solicit such additional emolu-
chine and regarded Gorham over ment. All I require in return is loy-
his cigar. alty and a closed mouth."
"Surely you don't mean that Blacksword sat back and relit

merely because of that remark, the cold cigar. He

regarded Cap-
youVe done all this to me?" Gor- tain Gorham with a very slight
ham asked incredulously. smile.
"I do. Because of that remark, Gorham smiled back. "Quite a
plus the results of a very extensive sales pitch. Only it wasn't neces-
investigation, I find I like you very sary. But you knew that before you
much, Gorham. So I set about began, didn't you? I assume the
working out a plan to have you plan is for me to resign from TAI
with me, rather than wasting your at once?"
nerve and talent with TAI. And,
*
Blacksword nodded. He opened
incidentally, I managed to pick up a drawer in his desk and passed a
a piece of change from TAI, as deposit voucher across the desk.
well as placing Colonel McClin- It showed that the sum of $25,000
*

tock in my 'bought man' ledger." had been deposited to the account

Gorham leaned forward across of Captain T. L. Gorham.
Blacksword's massive desk. "And "First six months in advance,"
what's to prevent my taking this Blacksword said.
whole story to Earth High Com- Gorham examined the slip of
mand headquarters?" paper with a raised eyebrow, noted
"Nothing — except a little adult it was dated two weeks earlier, and

BLACKSWORD '
181
grinned. He buttoned it into his And man who watches you will
the
tunic. He sti § • be watched. And — well, I hope you
"Gorham reporting for duty as- won't mind, but there's the matter
signment, sir." of the recording. This is a composite
of all you said when you were
T% LACKSWORD laughed aloud. here before." He flipped the switch
•*-* "None of that. My name is again,and again they listened to
Blacksword. And we don't report Gorham's voice. "This will give
that way. I have little use for the you an idea of how we do things."
military way of doing things. Keep "If you're quite through attempt-
it sloppy." ing to make me feel ill at ease,
Gorham stuck his hands in his Blacksword, I'd like to talk with
pockets. "Admitting the fact that you a few mintues and be on my
you were absolutely sure of your- way. I have pressing duties else-
self — and me — what if I had where. Never. Severe breach of eti-
refused?" quette. Nice weather you're having^
"Oh, that's something I forgot to here. I'm afraid I haven't the fog-
mention, Tom. You'll be watched. giest idea what you're talking

182 GALAXY
about. Suit yourself. Sir? As far as Blacksword Of course not. But
:

I can Blacksword, you're cor-

see, I want my methods kept under
rect. You're aware of our policy. glass. This is a check, Captain Gor-
That's very thoughtful of you. In ham. It's drawn to the amount
that case, we shall go on keeping of twenty-five thousand dollars.
an eye on you, but remain outside Would you consider . . .

the dispute. By the same token, we Gorham: Never. Severe breach

can't be expected to lend assist- of etiquette. You're aware of our
ance to the defeated planet. Surely policy.
you don't intend being defeated?" Blacksword: Oh, naturally. But
Gorham looked questioningly at if I were to mail this check to your
his new employer and shrugged* bank ...
Blacksword grinned. "Here's Gorham: Suit yourself. That's
what my experts have done with very thoughtful of you. Of course
it." He waved at the still-playing we can't be expected to go on keep-
machine. ing an eye on you.
Gorham: Surely you don't in- Blacksword: Fine. It's been a
tend being defeated? pleasure, Captain Gorham. Of

BLACKSWORD 183
course this little matter will remain They were all subsequently
strictly between the two of us. court-martialed for gross neglect in
Gorham Of course.
: In that case, the line of duty. They never under-
I have pressing duties elsewhere. stood how the thing had got there.
Nice weather you're having here. But it was Macedonian, and it

Blacksword: Ah! Good! ended the war before it began.

Gorham: I'd like to be on my The assembled members of the
way. Secondary Control Council of Troy
Blacksword: All right. Thank looked up as Dictator G. Paul
you very much, Captain Gorham. Blacksword limped briskly in.
Gorham stared at him. Then he "Good day, gentlemen. It would
burst out laughing. "At least in this appear negotiations are the order
work I'll never have to worry about of the day."
the wisdom of my orders or my su- A councilor — Frey — stood and
perior's competence!" leveled a finger at him.
"Blacksword, we hired you as
STEP EIGHT dictator for one reason — to win the
war against Macedon!" he shouted.
1/1 ACEDONIAN scouts kept There was loud assent.
-*-*-*-
Troy under constant surveil- Blacksword continued to the
lance for signs of departing warcraft. podium. He inclined his head to
Trojan scouts kept Macedon under the seated Keplar and leaned on
constant surveillance for signs of the lectern a moment. Then he
departing Scouts from
warcraft. picked up the gavel and brought it
neither planet saw any evidence of down with a crash. The head flew
action. Scouts from both planets across the room and rattled into a
were greatly surprised, therefore, corner. He dropped the handle.
when they were angrily called "This meeting will come to or-
home. der! Sergeant-at-arms, you will
The Trojans disembarked to eject Councilor Frey unless he sits

find themselves under arrest. Their down the next ten seconds."
in
protests were answered with a very Blacksword regarded his watch.
curt gesture. Their eyes followed The councilor sat and immedi-
the pointing finger. ately shot up his hand. Blacksword
There was a satellite in the sky. chuckled around his cigar.
No, not a satellite — it was sta- "Okay, okay. I heard you the
tionary. A large round steel thing, first time. No need repeating. Ob-
perched on nothing, far (a hundred viously your memory needs re-
miles? fifty? how big was the freshing, Councilor. You say this
thing? ) above their capital. council hired me for —
one reason

184 GALAXY
to win the war against Macedon.
Mmm? All right.
"One: there is no war against
Macedon, and there wasn't when
I was hired. Two: that's not the
way my contract reads. I was em-
ployed to open trade with Mace-
don and patch up a share-and-
matum and clammed up. It refuses
to acknowledge contact. We are
unable to contact Macedon be-
cause her moon is in the way, and
the ultimatum runs out before the
moon's out of the way. So they
deliberately planned this to negate
all but personal contact. I repeat:

share-alike policy with Macedon capitulate or else. Are these facts

concerning the three unpopulated correct, Mr. Presidor?"
worlds of this system. That correct, A. J. Keplar nodded unhappily.
Mr. Presidor?" "All right. We have one hour and
Keplar nodded without speak- — umm — seven minutes. Anyone
ing. here not want to capitulate?"
"All right And one thing else.
This is you personally, Coun-
for ^HERE was a considerable
cilor Frey, and to you personally, •• amount of noise in the council
every man in this room. I demon- room. But when Blacksword
strated my faith when I threw in banged his fist in lieu of the decapi-
with you in the matter of Colonel tated gavel and repeated the ques-
Hines' murder. I remind you in tion, there was no answer.
passing, because you force me to, "Sergeant-at-arms, our men are
that we are all accessories after the waiting at the transmitter. Please
fact in the deliberate hoodwinking inform them that they may go
of the authorities in that little mat- ahead and read the prepared state-
ter." ment I have already given them."
Frey subsided. He disdained the Blacksword waved meatily at a
many exchanged looks on all sides. dense cloud of smoke. "Now then.
"Now then. There's a 'satellite' Their only demand is that /, per-
in our sky. It's a ship, a spherical sonally and unaccompanied, go to
ship, hovering directly over our Macedon to discuss terms. Is there
capital. Thus it isn't a satellite. It's any objection to that?"
loaded with cobalt rockets. They're "So long as you agree to noth-
aimed at Troy. Whafs worse, ing!" Frey cried.
they're aimed at Troy City — right "Gentlemen, you employed me
here, gentlemen, at us. It's a Mace- because you wanted me. I'm an ex-
donian ship and we have an ulti- pert salesman. I guarantee you my
matum — capitulate or go the way wages against double that sum that
of all atoms. I shall open trade with Macedon
"The ship broadcast that ulti- and arrive at an agreement con-
BLACKSWORD 185
cerning the other three worlds of
this system. I guarantee it against
full forfeiture of my wages. Now.
As of the moment I sign the papers
with Macedon, I resign as Dictator
of Troy. That's the contract. My
job will be done. I want my money
now."
The stormy Frey shouted again.
"And what assurance have we that
you'll carry outyour duty, instead
of vanishing with the money?"
"Why, sir, I'm shocked. But
since the thought had previously
occurred to me that that thought
might occur to you, I have pre-
pared an agreement which Presi-
dor Keplar and I shall co-sign.
That way you have me. TAI will
take over if I abscond with your
funds. There are a half-dozen
charges: money under false pre-
tenses, failure to fulfill governmen-
tal contract, so forth, so on."
A. J. Keplar read the mutually
binding agreement aloud. He and
Blacksword signed it, and Black-
sword handed it to him. Councilor
Frey demanded it be photocopied
and filed at once. Blacksword
agreed, with a rueful shake of his
head. Keplar gave him his wages, a
check for $500,000. Blacksword
pocketed it and winked as he shook
Keplar's hand.
"Gentlemen, it has been a pleas-
ure. You will agree with me in a
few days when the Macedonian
ambassadors arrive. Thank you, I
have a ship waiting to take me to
186
Macedon. Oh, and Councilor Frey,
it's my own ship."
Blacksword tarried on Troy
only long enough to special-deliv-
ery the check to the Home Planet
Bank and Trust Co. of Earth, for
deposit only, to write himself a
check on that bank to the amount
of $500,000, and to mail it to the
First Planetary Bank of Luna, for
deposit only.
Then he departed for Macedon.
Approximately one hour later,
the ever-suspicious Councilor Frey
discovered the very interesting fact
that agreement Blacksword
the
had brought to the meeting had
been prepared the day before the
appearance of the Macedonian
warship.
STEP NINE
THE ports of the Ebon Cutlass
* opened and disgorged two men.
One was the pilot. The other, when
the cigar smoke had cleared in the
Macedonian air, proved to be G.
Paul Blacksword, leaning lightly
on a cane.
A very long, very black, very
chrome-trimmed limousine growled
up alongside Blacksword's allegori-
cally named ship and the chauffeur
leaped out and opened the rear
door. Blacksword, after a couple of
words to his pilot, entered the car.
"I want my ship kept clear and
ready for takeoff," he said to the
soldier-chauffeur.
GALAXY
 UT>
Til see to it, Dictator." Reaching the end of the line,
"Fine. My pilot will remain with Blacksword swung and peered up
the ship. When I am ready to leave, at the sky.
I'll tolerate no folderol about de- "It is still there, sir," General
lays." Dane told him quietly.
"I'll see to it personally, Dic- The spherical ship bearing the
tator." Trojan coat of arms hung almqst
"Thank you very much." directly above them.
The young soldier tooled the big "So I see, so I see. Well, gentle-
car across the port to the group of men, we can certainly ease our-
waiting men. selves of that burden at once. King
"Please start at the left and give Robert, have I your word that there
me name, rank and serial number will be no last-ditch attempts, once
of those men," Blacks word said as that warship and its bombs are re-
they approached the party. "I think moved?"
I remember them, but I don't want "We have capitulated, sir. You
to miscall any names." have our word."
"Yes, sir." Starting with General "Fine. Quite sufficient, of course.
Dane and ending with twenty- Where's the transmitter?"
three-year-old King Robert II, he "You cannot contact your world,
identified the members of the Dictator. Our moon is in the way
Macedonian delegation. and contact will not be possible for
The car drew up before the nearly an hour."
group and Blacksword was out be- "Yes, I'm aware of that. But it
fore the chauffeur could open his won't be necessary to contact Troy.
own door. The ship is under my command, as
"King Robert!" Blacksword cried are all things Trojan."
jovially. "It's certainly a pleasure They accompanied him, ex-
to see you again!" changing looks at his brusque af-
The young monarch took Black- fability, to the transmitting room.
sword's extended hand impersonal-
ly. "Dictator Blacksword," he ac- T> LACKSWORD beamed at the
knowledged, and turned to his •*-* operator and usurped his
deputation. "I'm sure you'll re- chair. "Blacksword to Ebon Cut-
member—" lass. Blacksword to Ebon Cutlass.
Blacksword was already shak- Hey, there!"
ing hands down the line, calling A face appeared hazily on the
each man by name. They were ob- screen.
viously surprised and impressed "Battleship Ebon Cutlass to
with his "memory." Blacksword. Battleship Ebon Cut-

BLACKSWORD 187
lass to Blacksword. Commander "That must remain a military
Gorham standing by for orders, secret, at least until we are through
» here, General," Blacksword told
sir.

The Macedonians did not un- him. "But it did arrive suddenly
derstand Blacksword's chuckle. and hover directly over the capital
T. L. Gorham, formerly of Terra at 7:30 this morning, did it not?
Alta Imperata, had visited Mace- And demand immediate surrender
dori only once. They recognized under pain of instant bombard-
neither the name nor the static-dis- ment with cobalt rocket-bombs?"
torted outline of his face on the "It did," King Robert said.
viewscreen. "Since there would have been
"Disarm cobalt rockets and pull needless and inhumane slaying of
away from Macedon at once, Com- civilians, we chose to—" he hesi-
mander. Proceed according to tated over the word—"surrender."
plan." "That word is equally disagree-
"I'm sorry, sir. You'll have to able to me, King Robert. Lefs say
give the code word." 'parley' instead. There has been no
"Cry Wolf." war, and both our worlds want pre-
"Very well, Dictator." The misty cisely the same things. It will be
face disappeared. quite satisfactory to Troy to for-
"Shall we watch, gentlemen?" get that the incident occurred. We
Blacksword said pleasantly, and can merely state 'the two govern-
King Robert nodded with set lips. ments decided to parley without
Outside, they stared up as the the needless horrors of war' in our
spherical craft jetted fire, shivered, press releases."
started to move, and vanished in a The Macedonians registered
soundless rush. Blacksword did not surprise.
miss the Macedonian sighs. "In that event, I am happy we
They proceeded to the palace in were unable to contact Troy this
two Blacksword waved away
cars. morning," General Dane said.
suggestions that he rest, shower, "This is a gesture on your part, sir,
eat, before they began their talks, which we cannot fail to appreciate."
and they trooped into the confer- "Fine. Now then. We want mere-
ence room. gentlemen. As you
ly three things,
"If I am not being too imperti- know, I am fully authorized by the
nent, Dictator, just where was your Secondary Control Council of Troy
ship—" General Dane gestured at to present our terms, haggle if
the sky — "based? Our scouts re- I have to, and sign the necessary

ported no warcraft leaving the sur- papers. Shall we begin?" Black-

face of Troy." sword glanced at his watch.

188 GALAXY
 "As you will," King Robert II quickly, glancing about to ascertain
replied. if he'd been seen. Blacksword
leered at him.
F\RAWING on his cigar, Black- "As I was saying, the public re-
-^ sword turned his head polite- lations campaign. We feel it only
ly to Robert's and exhaled.
left fair that Macedon should assist us
General Dane, seated on Robert's in defraying the costs. And I reiter-
left, coughed surreptitiously. ate that that is the only payment or
"Well. First, we demand noth- recompense, of any kind, we — re-
ing. Not a damned thing. I mean quest."
that. Our expenditures have been "And the amount?" Robert II
slim and we have lost nothing but prompted suspiciously.
a bit of face. For that loss of face, The chief speaker of Macedon's
or defamation of character, or parliament leaned forward anxious-
whatever you choose to term your ly.
calling us—" Blacksword paused Blacksword shrugged. "We feel
and frowned slightly as he quoted that half a million should cover it."

from memory — " 'heartless, blood- "Half a million?" ,

sucking aggressors dominated by a "Yes. Million, not billion."

war-mongering council and a mega-
lomaniac dictator' — for such cruel
terms, we shall require restitution.
The only way that can be made
through advertising. We are under-
taking a galaxy-wide publicity
campaign to clear ourselves."
Blacksword drew in and blew
out a white cloud at the ceiling.
Still regarding the ceiling, he said,
"That was unkind of you, gentle-
"That sounds reasonable in the
extreme, Majesty," the chief speak-
er observed.
is "I should say!" the minister of
defense exclaimed.
"Agreeable," King Robert said.
"I admit, Dictator, we had expected
far greater demands."
you we demanded noth-
"I told
ing. Mmm. I do have instructions
to clear each point as we reach it,

men. 'Heartless, blood-sucking ag- so please prepare the check now,

gressors dominated by a warmon- if you and make it out to me.
will,

gering council and a megalomaniac A token to take home, you under-

dictator!' Ishould like you to know stand."
that is untrue. I completely domi- Young Robert had appeared to
nate Troy myself, and the council bridle at Blacksword's pushing, but
has merely carried my words to the final sentence satisfied him.
the people." "This government pays its debts in
The young Macedonian minis- cash," he said with regal pride.
ter of defense grinned and sobered Blacksword nearly dropped his

BLACKSWORD 189
cigar. "I suppose that will be ac- years. At the end of that time, she
ceptable," he said, with a desperate is to be allowed to choose her own
attempt at unconcerned calm. system. That way we won't have
The king nodded at the chief the — 'Athenians' — rebelling."
speaker, who sent his secretary "Done!" Robert snapped. He
arunning for the money. was obviously admiring the
Blacksword leaned back with a sketches of the Athenian flag and
sigh. "Now. As to Monos, Deuteros coat of arms. Blacksword had had
and Tritos, the three unpeopled them prepared secretly on Luna
planets of this system." by a professional designer. This
had been done twelve days after
HE Macedonians leaned for- Blacksword's arrival on Troy, five
ward. Robert II narrowed his months before.
eyes. , "Fine. As for Deutoros and Tri-
"We have drawn up an agree- tos, we propose that a corporation
ment concerning their exploita- be formed — Hellenistic Enter-
tion," Blacksword said. He paused prises, Inc., perhaps — for exploita-
and peered at them over the tops tion of all natural resource? of the
of the papers he held. "Monos, worlds. The be shared
profits will
which is fully equipped with oxy- 50-50 by Troy and Macedon. We
gen atmosphere and the other re- may want to sub-contract the ac-
quirements for human life, we wish tual work on a percentage basis to
to be colonized jointly and equally a private concern, but that can be
by Troy and Macedon, thus per- settled later."
manently uniting our two worlds, They gaped at him. Even the.
and forming, with the new world, an careful King Robert lost his com-
interplanetary triumvirate." posure.
General Dane could not restrain "The board of directors, of
himself. "Excellent!" he breathed. course," Blacksword went on, glanc-
"What will be the governmental ing at his watch, "will be composed
system of the planet?" King Robert of an equal number of members of
asked. "And what flag will she fly?" the Trojan Council and the Mace-
Blacksword nodded. "First, we donian Parliament. I'd suggest you
propose to call her Athena. Sec- hire a businessman as president of
ondly, we have designed a new coat the corporation."
of arms and flag — here you are. It's Robert II had taken advantage
a combination of the symbols of of the opportunity to regain his out-
Troy and Macedon. Thirdly, we ward coolness. "Dictator Black-
propose she be governed by a Tro- sword, Macedon agrees," he said
jan-Macedonian council for two quietly.

190 GALAXY
 "Good, good. Now here is a trade can be no more disagreement be-
agreement we have drawn up tween Macedon and Troy — not
for your approval." Blacksword without TAI intervention, which is
handed him a sheet of paper. very troublesome and expensive.
The monarch read it, turned it And you and I, King Robert, will
over, looked at Blacksword. have the satisfaction of having
Blacksword answered the un- created something which will en-
spoken question. "That's all." dure after we are gone. Shall we
Robert handed the page to the sign?"
minister of defense. Eyebrows They signed.
peaking, he passed it to General They beamed the documents to
Dane. TAI headquarters, where they were
"'There shall be free trade photocopied and recorded. The
among the worlds of Troy, Mace- Trojan-Macedonian alliance was
don and Athena, according to the irrevocably sealed, at least for the
laws set down by Earth High Com- next hundred years.
mand'," he read. The Macedonians were disap-
They stared. pointed to learn that Blacksword,
"That's all. I think we're all fa- five fresh one-hundred-thousand-
miliar with the TAI free-trade dollar bills in his pocket, must leave
laws. And gentlemen, is the
that, at once. Blacksword was sure he
complete article of agreement." detected tears in the eyes of King
They continued to stare. Robert as they clasped hands.
They were standing on the edge of

K ING Robert
"But-"
said at last, the spaceport when Blacksword
glanced up and saw the ship.
"Is there some point which needs It was Trojan and it bore the
clarification or adjustment, Majes- insignia of the Secondary Control
ty?" Blacksword asked innocently. Council and it was coming down
"This - is - all?" very fast.
"Not by a long shot. There's a "Gentlemen, I must hurry," he
lot of work to be done. But this is snapped, and hurled his bulk, along
<all we need discuss now. The war with cane and cigar, into the limou-
did not occur, and our parley is sine.
finished. I am happy its results are "Get me to my ship and burn
so mutually satisfactory. These the paving!" he ordered.
agreements and contracts, when The car hurtled across the tar-
filed with TAI, are binding for one mac, leaving Macedonian officials
hundred years. We will file them scratching their heads.
at once, of course. That way there As the car pulled up near the
BLACKSWORD 191
Ebon Cutlass, a man ran out of the Well done! Get our "Trojan war-
communications room and handed craff and out "Macedonian war-
a message to General Dane. He craff* and all those "cobalt bombs"
glanced up at the down-sweeping back to base and remove the fake
ship, then at the departing Black- insignia. They both surrendered to
sword. He
disappeared into the each other without knowing it till

communications room. too late! They are now hopelessly

Blacksword had both feet and allied, with no possibility of war
his cane on the ground when the for at least a century.
siren went off. Then the loud- A bonus has been deposited to
speaker bawled in General Dane's your bank account, "Commander."
voice "Stop that man! Stop Black-
: Blacksword
sword!" Ex-Dictator
Blacksword's chauffeur was stu- Troy
pefied for four seconds before he
reached for his pistol. Four seconds T A I
was approximately three too long. TOP SECRET
Blacksword, moving twice as fast COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF ONLY
as a man his size would be expected TO: G. L. Dienes
to move, cracked the fellow along- Commander-in-Chief
side the head with the steel-filled Terra Alta Imperata
cane. Lisbon
Blacksword dived into his ship Earth
with a last backward look — a kalei-
doscope of down-hurtling Trojan The business with Macedon and
ship, millingMacedonian digni- Troy went very smoothly, and
off
taries, running armed men, and a we even recruited a new man. For-
command car full of uniforms bear^ mer TAI captain.
ing down on the Ebon Cutlass. I note from recent news releases
"Gun it!" he yelled, and slammed that both Troy and Macedon were
the port. so disgusted with the way their re-
The Ebon Cutlass roared off, spective governments were hood-
leaving behind some very angry winked by one Blacksword, a com-
men of two different worlds with pletely unscrupulous blackguard,
some very interesting things to say. they have fired the whole crew and
become democracies, both of them.
STEP TEN It is my understanding they also
plan to inflict this form of govern-
COMMUNIQUE horn Black- ment on the to-be-colonized world,
sword to Gorham; Athena.

192 GALAXY
 Three new democracies join the Since my salary is so ridiculous-
ranks. ly inadequate, and since the Tro-
Why in the name of heaven it is jan affair entailed such extensive
considered so damned important expense as travel, recruiting, etc.,
that every world eventually adopt please forward, in the usual way,
Earth's governmental system, I'm expenses totaling $500,000 post
sure I don't know. This observa- haste. No swindle sheet attached.
tion following dealings with such Too busy to keep one.
men as your boss, President Kear- G. Paul Blacksword
ney. Top Secret Agent #1
It does my heart good to know *

that men like you are around to DICTATOR employment,

desires

protect men like him from the un- preferably permanent, in similar
capacity. Will accept opportunity
scrupulous machinations of men
to establish own circumstances.
like Blacksword.
Seven years, five months experi-
But so be it, and my services re- ence. Last position terminated at
main available for proselytizing via request of populace. Box 702 GBS
showing them the fallacies of to- l\ettvork,
talitarianism. A. J. OFFUTT
* * • * *
SORRY, SOMEBODY LOST OUR HEAD
A publishing business parable goes something like this: A publisher,
irritatedby there never having been a book free of errors from Gutenberg
on down, hired 364 proofreaders to proofread the 364 pages of a book
he was publishing. When the book had been proofread 364 times and
finally came off the press, he held it proudly and said: "At last, the per-
fect book!"
And then he noticed that the title on the cover was misspelled.
Wedon't claim that the October issue of this magazine could match
that exorbitant care, but we can indeed match the catastrophe on that cover.
To all the letter-writers and phoners who brought to our attention the fact
that "Science Fiction" and "35#" appeared on the October cover, we can
but explain that we went back to a plant that used to do our engraving, but
which unfortunately still had our old logotype. Result: chaos.
The price is surprinted on this issue, since two covers are always printed
together, and since publishing economics just won't allow a magazine of
this size to be manufactured at anything like 35#.
Financially, the error hurts badly, but there is a possible plus: we can
now find out if "Science Fiction" on the cover helps or hurts sales.

BLACKSWORD 193
 (Continued from page 7)
that we are unable to comment on,
except to wonder why not sons as
well, and fathers?
A marked copy of the Pittsburgh
Sun-Telegraph points to a feature
called "The Squirrel Cage" by
Douglass Welch reporting that
"The dour and insolent machine
which dispenses hot canned foods
in the building in which we work
gave away all its baked beans
(with pork) and all its frankfur-
ters and sauerkraut the other day;
and our fellow-employees were ju-
bilant. The following morning the
machine which stands beside it —
a big yellow monster with a single
red baleful eye — suddenly gave
up all its hot coffee, like an ex-
cited puppy. This occasioned a
roar of laughter from the shallow-
thinking humans who saw it; but
we didn't laugh. To us it seemed
more sinisterthan funny. 'Oh,
come, Welch/ we can already hear
you saying, *these are merely iso-
lated instances. These are not sig-
nificant.' All right. A machine
working for the federal govern-
ment in Chicago has been sending
checks for $24,785.06 to an elder-
ly couple in Payallup, Wash. This
couple is entitled to receive only
$147.80 a month in old-age and
survivor's-insurance payments. The
machine types out the right ad-
dress but persists in misspelling the
last name 'Evans' as 'Evcnx.' Evans
has sent back three checks and a
194
protesting letter with each of them.
And what happens? Another ma-
chine in Chicago the
receives
checks and reads the letters with a
wide, knowing smile — and does
nothing ... So the bean machine
gives away beans; the coffee ma-
chine gives away coffee; and the
check-writing machine gives away
money. Somewhere in the United
States, disguised possibly as a sim-
ple gum-dispenser on a subway
station platform, is the super-brain
machine which is directing all
this." column, copyright
In this
1958 by King Features Syndicate
Inc., and perhaps others we have
not seen, Mr. Welch is a valued
joiner of our outnumbered posse,
for The Statistical Abstract of the
United States, 1955 edition, says
George H. Scithers, Stanford, Cal.,
adds up 104,219 more wives than
husbands in the U.S. (Widows and
divorcees are tabulated separate-
ly.) And John Harper, Maple
Shade, N. J., warns that everybody
now alive will be gone, as far as
we know, by 2075 at the latest —
an unprecedented 2V£ billion
deaths — and urges us to reproduce
to offset the slaughter.
We say no. Human cells are
completely replaced every six
years. One day all those discarded
cells are going to get together and
leave no room for cars, vanished or
otherwise, aliens, machines, or sur-
plus wives.
— H. L. GOLD
GALAXY
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