Real Self-defence.

Punch ups, muggings and even fatalities are frighteningly common in a society that is
bulging at the waist with unsolicited assaults. Due to astonishing growth-rate of violent
crime in Britain, skills in self-defence are almost a pre-requisite if you want to get from
the pub to the Indian and home again in one piece.

In an attack situation, options - from avoiding a confrontation with guile right through to
swapping some leather - are useful; the choices are varied and subjective but when your
adrenaline is racing and your legs are doing an involuntary bossanova the choice (as they
say) will be entirely yours.

I'm sure you have already seen - and are tired of - the wristlocks and shoulder throws that
garnish just about every article and video on self-defence. They only work in Bruce Lee
films and on police self-defence courses so I'll spare you the embarrassment of a photo-
shoot-re-run. If you don't mind I'll stick to the stuff that works when the pavement is your
arena, and there are no referees with whistles and bells to stop a point scoring match
turning into a blood and snot debacle.
My premise is basic but empirical, and at some point it might prove life saving.

Whilst some situations actually start at a physical response (in which case you either fight
like a demon or you get battered), most are preceded by some kind of pre-fight ritual and
introductory dialogue; even if it is only the uninspiring 'are you looking at my missus?'
The Real art of self-defence is not in bringing the affray to a messy conclusion with a
practised right cross, rather it is in spotting the attack ritual in its early stages so that a
physical encounter can be avoided.

Hard Target
As a man with a varied and brutal background I can tell you with sincerity and emphasis
that violence is not the answer. Reflecting this my opening advice is to avoid violence
whenever and where ever possible. Make yourself a hard target by giving volatile
environments a wide birth. James Coburn was succinct when he advised us to 'avoid
arseholes and big egos, avoid places where arseholes and big egos hang out'. He could
have added 'don't be an arsehole and don't have a big ego yourself'. It helps. The
inevitable consequences of toe-to-toe encounters are rarely favourable to either party so
around-the-table negotiation should always be exhausted before sending in the troops.

The interview
Pre-fight management is vital if you want to survive an altercation intact; the winner is
usually the one who controls the seconds before an affray. Most situations start at
conversation range and with some kind of dialogue. If this is mismanaged the situation
normally - and quickly - degenerates into a scuffle and then a scrap on the floor amidst
chip wrappers and dog-ends. The current crop of defence innovators recommends the
floor as the place to be when a fight goes live. In the No-Holds-Barred (NHB) one-on-
one sports arena they'd probably be right, but outside the chippy where the terrain is less
predictable and the enemy nearly always has allies in tow, taking the fight to the cobbles
is suicidal. It leaves you open to (often fatal) secondary attacks, especially if you're facing
more than one opponent.

The fence
If you are approached and the dialogue starts (this is known as the interview), take up a
small inconspicuous 45° stance and put up your fence : place your lead hand in that all-
important space between you and your antagonist to maintain a safe gap. The fence gives
you a degree of control without your aggressor knowing. Placed correctly, your lead hand
and reverse hand will block the thoroughfare (without touching) of the attacker's right
and left hand. If he moves forward to butt/kick/punch, be prepared to shove him back
and/or attack. Try not to touch the assailant with your fence unless you are forced to, as it
can trigger aggression and possibly a physical attack.

If you want to keep your face in place, don't let a potential attacker touch you at any time,
even if he appears to be friendly. An experienced fighter will feign friendliness, even
submission, to make an opening for his attack (pic). Another common ploy is for an
attacker to offer a handshake and then head-butt/knife you as soon as the grip is taken
(pic). If you fall prey to the verbal opener you will quickly become work experience for a
student nurse at the ER, so use your fence to maintain a safe gap until the threat has gone.

Fear
Expect to be scared because, no matter how experienced you are, you will be. Fear is the
natural precursor to confrontation. I've worked with some premier league players and
privately they all tell the same story; at the point of contact they'd rather be any where in
the world than where they are. So don't let self-doubt enter the equation if you feel like
crapping your Calvin's because you're not on your own, we all feel fear even if some of
us pretend that we don't. Shaking legs, trembling voice and feelings of cowardice are all
natural by-products of the adrenal release.

Verbal dissuasion
If you find your self facing pro-magnum man and he starts to growl, try and talk the
situation down. Again, the battle will be more with your own ego than it will be with
your antagonist. Don't be afraid to admit that you don't want trouble and beat a hasty
retreat. Better to follow the Judo adage and walk away with confidence than to end up in
an affray that might change the course of your life for the worst.

Posturing
If talking fails to make the grade (and you think it might work) you could try posturing
(pic). I made it work for me as an 11 stone novice doorman so you don't have to be big to
be effective. Posturing entails making like a woolly mammoth in an attempt to psyche out
your antagonist. Create a gap between you and your aggressor by shoving him hard on
the chest. Once the gap has been secured go crazy; shout, salivate, spread your arms,
bulge your eyes and drop into single syllables. This triggers the opponent's flight
response and often scares him into capitulation. As soon as he backs off beat a hasty
retreat.

If escape, dissuasion and posturing crack at the spine and if you have honest belief that
you are about to be attacked you are left with two choices; hit or be hit. As a self-defence
adviser my duty is not to tell you which to choose, only to offer you the options, and
allow you to select for your self.

The pre-emptive strike

If your choice is a physical response, my advice is to be pre-emptive and strike first -
very hard - preferably on the jaw (it's a direct link to the brain). The concept of defence at
the point of contact is not only unsound it is dangerous and extremely naive. Waiting for
someone to attack you is strategic madness because blocks don't work! The Kwai-Chang-
Cain theory of block and counter-attack is even more absurd, especially if you are facing
more than one opponent. There is no finesse about fighting multiple opponents, they do
not line up and attack you one at a time they strike like a swarm of bees and luck is the
only thing that'll keep a beat in your heart.

If you honestly believe that you are about to become target practice for the hard of
thinking, hit them before they can hit you. Once you have landed the first strike, run.
Many defence gurus advocate a second strike, a finisher. I advise not. Your first strike
buys you vital getaway time. If you're dealing with a determined attacker (many are very
experienced in the art of maim) and you don't leg it after the first strike, chances are he'll
grab you and snap you like a twiglette.
Self-defence is about doing the minimum a situation will allow to ensure your own
survival. It's not about defending a corpulent ego or misguided honour.
Having been involved in thousands of live encounters the pre-emptive attack was the
only consistently effective technique I could find.
My advice is to hit as hard as you can, using your fists (or your head). These are (usually)
the closest naturally available weapons to the target (your opponents jaw), and offer the
safest and most direct route. At this point it would be a great advantage to have a
background in a punching art - preferably western boxing. Most people think they can
throw a good punch. From my experience - and certainly under pressure - few can. A
great way to learn is to go to a boxing club or do a little focus pad work with a friend to
develop the skills (pic).

If you do employ the pre-emptive attack make sure you know your legal rights (a little
more on this later) or you might be in for a double jeopardy when you have to defend
them against the second enemy - the law.
You dictate reasonable force; although you may have to defend your interpretation of
reasonable in a court of law. If you are so frightened by an assailant that you have to hit
him with everything but the girl on your arm, then that is reasonable force. If, however,
you knock someone to the ground and then do the fifty-six-move kata on their head, you
might well be stretching your luck.
I can't guarantee that you won't end up in the dock, but I feel that it's better to be judged
by twelve than carried by six.
Armed assailants.
Forget the films where the good guy - using empty hands - prevails over the knife-
wielding psychopath without ruffling his own hair or popping a shirt button, because on
celluloid is the only place it's going to happen. Someone once asked me at a self-defence
seminar 'what could you do against a knife?'
'About 50 miles an hour', I replied.
I've faced a few blades and I've been stabbed some in my time (but enough about my ex-
wife!) and on every occasion I filled my nappy. If your antagonist is carrying, take the
advice of Forrest Gump and run like the wind blows. Even with 30 years of martial arts
training under my belt, it was providence and not skill that kept me off the cold slab.

If you are facing a knife, the best-case scenario is that you don't die. If a knife is pulled
and running away is not on the option list, throw anything that isn't nailed to the floor at
the attacker, and then run. If projection range is lost your only other option is to blitz the
attacker with head strikes until he is unable to continue his attack.

The rule of thumb here is that stabbers don't usually show the blade, they just sneak up
and insert it when you're not aware. If they do show you the knife they are usually just
posturing. Always check the hands of your antagonist - if you can't see the palms, or a
hand is concealed, you have to presume they are carrying (pic).
If the attacker does have a weapon and doesn't respond to your verbal dissuasion, your
options are two-fold: give them what they ask for (and just hope it's not oral sex) or be
prepared to get cut in the affray.

Self-defence and the law.

As important as the law may be, contemplating the legal implications of defending your
self in the face of ensuing attack would be unwise. It can cause indecision, which usually
leads to defeat.
I call the law the second enemy: this is not meant disparagingly, but, having been on the
wrong side of it a few times I feel duty bound to highlight the inherent dangers of dealing
with - what can be - a sticky judicial system, post-assault.
Many people are convicted for what they say and not what they do. This means you could
legally defend yourself and yet still be convicted and sent to jail (do not pass go...) if you
don't claim self-defence (correctly) when giving a statement to the police. Many of my
friends ended up in prison because they didn't understand the law. Paradoxically many
known criminals have avoided prison because they (or certainly their solicitors) did. So,
if self-defence is your aim, then an appreciation of this judicial grey area has to be an
imperative.
Post-assault, you'll probably be suffering from what is known as adrenal-induced
Tachypsychia. This can cause time distortion, time loss, memory distortion and memory
loss. You may also feel the innate urge to talk, if only to justify your actions
(Logorrhoea). All of the latter affect your ability to make an objective statement if the
police become involved. When/if you do make a statement it is hardly likely to be
accurate considering these facts. Six months down the line when you end up in court to
defend your right to self-defence, everything will hang on your statement. So make sure
you're clear about your rights. If you're not clear, insist on waiting until the next day
before making a statement or ask to see a duty solicitor (or your own). It's your right.
Don't put pen to paper otherwise. A police cell can be a very lonely place when you're not
used to it, and the police can often be guilty of rushing, even pressuring you for a quick
statement. This pressure can be subtle but effective; being left alone for long periods of
time, being told that you might be sent to prison, even the good cop-bad cop routine (yes,
honestly). Many a tough guy has turned from hard to lard after a few hours surrounded by
those four grey walls. Under these circumstances it's very easy to say things you really
don't want to say, just so that you can go home.

If you have to defend your self and you damage your assailant my advice is not to hang
around after the dirty deed has been done. This minimises the risk of legal (or other)
repercussions. Attack victims (especially those who successfully defended them selves)
often feel compelled to stay at the scene of crime post assault. Do your self a favour;
make like Houdini and vanish? Your life and your liberty might be at stake. Better still
don't be there in the first place, that way you won't have to worry about long months
waiting for the court case and the possibility of suffering from a sever loss of liberty.

In conclusion
Self-defence has been sold and sold to death. There are a million how-to books on the
subject and experts are coming out of the martial woodwork. They all mean well but
good advice is rare and bad advice can be get you killed. I can save you a lot of reading
and a lot of pain by giving you my tried-and-tested learned-in-the-field system for
physical self-defence. It's only five words long (and one of them is an expletive) - Learn
to hit f****** hard.

Self-defence - Part 1 - 3 Second Fighter

Part One.
These days, a fight after a beer can be almost as common as a mint after dinner. In a row
situation, options are useful; from avoiding a confrontation with guile right through to
fronting it outside the chippie. The choices will be varied and subjective but when your
adrenaline is racing and your arsehole becomes a manhole the choice will be entirely
yours.

Avoidance - hard targeting.

Make yourself a hard target by avoiding volatile environments - we all know where the
tossers are, so don’t be there and you won’t be a victim. As actor James Coburn so
succinctly put it ‘avoid arseholes and big egos, avoid places where arseholes and big egos
hang out’. Also, don’t be an arsehole and don't have a big ego yourself.Most
confrontations are avoidable if you are aware and use your common sense. Situations that
can’t be avoided can be controlled if you leave your ego in your other suit. For those
situations that cannot be controlled you might have to swap some leather. Be the hammer
or the anvil, dead or alive - again the choice is yours. It is at this point in the procedures
that a sound background in fast running or hard fighting will come in handy.
Escape - don’t fight when you can run.
If you know it’s going to kick off, put your beer down, take your ‘arm candy’ and make
haste to another watering hole. Knock your ego on the head and escape to a place where a
punch in the eye is not the native parlance. You know it makes sense. If you mates want
to ‘have it’ let them ‘have it’ all to themselves, and if they don’t like it I say choose better
mates.

Dissuasion - talk it down.

If the natives start growling, try and talk the situation down. Again, the battle will be
more with you and yourself than it will be with you and them. Don’t be afraid to tell them
that you don’t want trouble and beat a hasty retreat. And feel good about it; any one can
have a fight, better to follow the Judo adage and ‘walk away with confidence’.

Posturing - scare the shit out of them.

If you think it might work, make like a woolly mammoth and attempt to psyche your
antagonist out. This entails becoming animalistic; shouting, salivating, spreading your
arms, bulging your eyes and dropping into single syllables. This is often enough to do the
job. Soon as they back off make an exit yourself.

Pre-emptive attack - hit them first.

If all else fails and things start getting primal and verbal threatens to become physical, the
concept of defence is not sound. Blocks don’t work! They can be about as useful as
castor-sugar water skis unless you really know what you’re doing. If you honestly believe
you are about to become target practice for the brain shy, hit them before they can hit
you. The police buzzword is ‘reasonable force’, but trying them down to a coherent
definition is like trying to trap a shadow. If I am pushed so far that I have to become
physical I hit them so hard that when they wake up their clothes are out of fashion, then
leg it. That’s it in a nutshell. Physical self-defence can be summed up in five words:
learn to hit ****inghard!

If you do employ the pre-emptive attack make sure you know your legal rights or you
might be in for a double jeopardy when you have to defend them against the second
enemy - the law.

You dictate ‘reasonable force’; although you may have to defend your interpretation of
‘reasonable’ in court. If you are so frightened by an assailant that you have to hit him
with everything but the missus, then that is reasonable force. If, however, you knock
someone to the ground and then do the ‘chippie riverdance’ all over their head, you’d be
stretching your luck. I can’t guarantee that you won’t end up in the dock, but it’s better to
be judged by twelve than carried by six.
Self defence - Part Two - The Eye Contact Challenge.

This mindless form of violence is increasingly common and often starts with as little as a
look. In a volatile environment, eye contact can be construed as a 'challenge to fight'.
Many of the fights I witnessed in my time as a nightclub doorman began with the 'eye
contact challenge'. You don't have to do anything wrong to be assaulted by this kind of
attacker, you just have to be there.

In the pub or club you can easily spot the gratuitous attacker, propping up the bar or
stalking the dancefloor with his elbows pushed out from his sides as though carrying
carpets (Pic). He'll have the customary curled upper lip that looks as though it is painted
on and will probably be verbally aggressive to anyone that moves within a few feet of
him, let alone those who make eye contact.

If he's walking down the street he'll do so with an over-confident, arrogant bounce. If in a
group he'll stick out like a hard-on in a harem. He'll also be loud, and erratic in his
movements.

In either scenario he'll be looking for eye contact. If you are aware, you can spot the signs
and avoid a conflict.

The eye contact challenger.

This is the man who is looking for a fight; the first person to hold eye contact with him is
'gonna 'ave some!'

Pre-fight posturing may also occur in the build-up, with the assailant splaying his arms,
finger beckoning, eye bulging, head nodding, neck pecking, and dropping his eyebrows.
He will usually 'stance up' and, if attack is his intention, try to get up close and personal,
normally nose to nose. (Pictures of the Posturer)

How to tackle him

Being aware (hard if you've just drunk 15 bottle of Bud) will allow you to avoid these
philistines (or filthy-swines) in the early stages.

Walk tall and hold yourself confidently. Even if you do not feel that brave, act it, after all
'when ignorance is mutual, confidence is king'. Confident people are very rarely chosen
as victims for attack. Whenever possible avoid eye contact where you sense aggression,
but don't bow your head and look at the floor, this can be seen as a sign of weakness and
may draw the attacker in for the kill. The challenger's ritual can be crushed before it starts
by simply avoiding eye contact.

This advice may bash your ego a little, but it's the best way to ensure you don't end up
rolling around the floor with the chip wrappers and fag ends. Most people don't, yet still
find themselves engaging in arguments that will certainly lead to violence.
A man walking down the street alone will think nothing of ignoring a group of insulting
men; put the same man in the same situation and add a female companion and he'll be
ready to fight Tyson to defend his manhood.

Violence is a serious game, don't walk into it with any romantic ideas of how it is going
to be. It's not like the movies - it's frightening and ugly, and most situations don't end
with fisticuffs, there is usually always some kind of comeback whether it is police
involvement or reprisals from your sparring partners. In extreme cases people die or go to
prison; so you've got to ask yourself: is it worth it?

If someone stares at you do not hold eye contact. If you get caught off guard and your
eyes lock, then smile, perhaps even nod politely, then break the eye contact and put as
much distance as possible between yourself and the aggressor, as soon as possible. If this
doesn't work and aggressive verbals follow, don't retaliate, just walk away. A verbal
counter could act as a catalyst. If he says 'What are you fucking looking at?' Just say
something like, 'Sorry, I thought I knew you.' If he asks, 'Do you want some?' Say no.
This will usually end the confrontation. He'll feel vindicated and wander off back to his
cave. If you don't or can't decamp at this stage and are approached, prepare for 'fight or
flight'. Remember: fighting should always be your very last resort.

If you do all this and he still approaches aggressively, put your hands in front of you as a
protective fence (Pic) and be prepared to either talk or fight. Your choice.

Self Defence - Part Three - Pre Fight - The interview

Pre-fight management is vital if you want to survive an altercation intact; the winner is
usually the one who controls the seconds before it kicks off. Most situations start at
conversation range with some kind of verbal. If this is mismanaged it degenerates very
quickly into a scuffle and then scrapping on the floor amidst chip wrappers and dog-ends
- probably the worst place to be in a real fight, especially if you’re facing more than one
opponent.

If you are approached and the dialogue starts (this is known as the interview), take up a
small inconspicuous 45° stance and put up your fence: place your lead hand in that all-
important space between you and your antagonist to maintain a safe gap. The fence gives
you a degree of control without your aggressor knowing. Placed correctly, your lead hand
and reverse hand will block the thoroughfare (without touching) of the attacker’s right
and left hand. If he moves forward to butt or kick you, be prepared to use both hands to
shove him back or attack him first. Try not to touch the assailant with your fence unless
you are forced to, as it can trigger aggression and possibly result in a whack in the head -
not to be recommended unless you’re into pain, which is another article entirely.

Try to talk him down - don’t be afraid to say you don’t want trouble. If he is aggressive,
don’t let him psyche you out. Overtly aggressive people are usually full of shit and use
aggression to posture and frighten you because they don’t really want to fight themselves
- even, and especially, if they say they do.

The pally-pally routine

If you want to see your teeth in the mirror and not on the pavement in a pool of blood,
don’t let a potential attacker touch you, even if he is trying to be pally. An experienced
fighter will pretend to be your mate and then bury 15 stone of head in your face when
your guard is down. Another common ploy is to offer a handshake and then headbutt you
as soon as the grip is taken. If you fall for the blag you quickly become work experience
for a student nurse at the ER.

Fear

You will feel fear, no matter how much training you’ve done or what dan you hold (or
even if you are Desperate Dan). Fear is the natural precursor to confrontation. I’ve
worked with some premier players and privately they’ll all tell you the same - that
adrenaline is brown - so don’t let self-doubt enter the equation if you feel like doing a
Linford. Crapping your Calvins, shaking legs, trembling voice and feelings of cowardice
are all natural when adrenaline is on the prowl. Swilling saliva around your mouth and
breathing deeply through your nose both slow down the turbo drive. If you can escape,
then do so, and feel good about it - fighting is a no-win situation.

Attack first

I could give you all the bollocks about how to block a punch and counterattack, or how to
catch a knife mid-air and throw the fella over your shoulder, but it only works in the films
and on police self-defence courses, so I won’t patronise you or tell lies. If the verbal
dissuasion fails and you decide a physical response is your only option, hit first and hit
hard. In all my years as a doorman this was the only thing that worked for me. The rest of
the stuff fell apart like a rice-paper condom.

Once you’ve done the dirty deed, run! Many defence gurus advocate a second strike, a
finisher. Don’t do it. Your first strike buys you vital getaway time. If you’re dealing with
a woolly mammoth and you don’t leg it after the first strike, chances are he’ll grab you
and snap you like a pencil.
• If you do decide to attack pre-emptively, make sure you understand the law of self-
defence or you might find yourself in a police cell. More about the law in a later edition.

Weapons

We’ve all seen knife fights in the films where the empty-handed good guy prevails over
the baddie with a blade. Forget it. If your antagonist is ‘carrying’, take the advice of
Forrest Gump and run like the wind blows. I’ve been stabbed a few times and, believe
me, even with 25 years of training under my belt, it was providence and not skill that kept
me out of the coffin. If you are facing a knife, the best case scenario is that you don’t die.
If a knife is pulled and you decide that you want to have a go, throw anything that isn’t
nailed to the floor at the attacker, then run.

The rule of thumb here is that stabbers don’t show the blade, they just sneak up and slam
it into your bread basket when you’re unawares. If they do show you the knife they are
usually just posturing. Always check the hands of your antagonist - if you can’t see the
palms, or a hand is concealed, you have to presume they are carrying. If the attacker does
have a weapon and doesn’t respond to your dissuasion, your options are twofold: give
them what they ask for (and just hope it’s not a shag) or be prepared to get ‘cut’ in the
affray. Your choice.

• Men who step away from you and make a lot of threatening noises are posturing - they
don’t usually want to fight. Men who close the distance and try to get within touching
range usually do want to fight, even if, as they approach, they say they don’t.

Self Defence - Part Four - The Mugger

As far as I can work out there are four different kinds of mugger:

1) The ‘snatch and run’ mugger, who literally rips your bag/briefcase from your hand
and runs away at speed, with some using a pushbike.

2) The blind-side mugger who suddenly appears out of an entrance without any apparent
warning.

3) The defiant mugger who attacks without ritual, fear of the law or consequences,
usually because you have walked onto his patch.

4) The professional mugger who plans his attacks and uses deception as a ‘way in’.
 Environmental awareness is the best way to avoid the first three (keep your eyes peeled),
but a thorough understanding of attack ritual is the only real way of avoiding the fourth.

Most muggings are not random acts; there is usually a ritual that precedes attack. The
attacker will select his victim, usually someone that is daydreaming or isolated. Often the
victim will be stalked seconds, even minutes before attack. Many professional muggers
approach their victims before attack and ask a distracting/disarming question such as
‘Have you got the time please’ or ‘I’m lost, can you give me directions’. This is done to
engage your brain before attack. It’s a primer. Once engaged the mugger goes to work.

Many muggers prefer to threaten attack - to scare the shit (and your wallet) out of you
without resorting to physical violence - rather than actually attacking. From their point of
view a ‘wad’ without a fight is preferable to what could become a messy job (even a
murder charge) if things go tits up and you fight back.

The false promise:

The mugger will often threaten the victim with attack to frighten them into handing over
the booty, frequently underlying the threat with a weapon or an accomplice, or both.

The threats, of course, are married with demands for money/credit cards etc. They often
employ the ‘false promise’ to get you to part with your worldly’s, threatening to ‘hurt
you’ if you’re not compliant, or not to hurt you in exchange for compliance. Don’t trust
them for a second: by the very fact that these people are trying to rob you I’d say that if
they open their mouths they’re lying to you.

Of course some muggers do use attack to create compliance while others attack to disable
- it’s easier to rifle you pockets when you’re unconscious in a puddle.

Defence:

Any chance of a physical defence, other than running is unlikely to be effective unless
you’re heavily trained in the art of maim, and few are. The concept of ‘blocking’ an
assailant’s blows, thumb locking him, throwing him over your shoulder or arm locking
him to the ground are only workable in Bruce Lee films, so unless you get attacked on a
film set don’t bother. If you think you’re going to be attacked, attack first (this is if you
decide that you want to defend yourself). If an attack has already taken place and you are
still conscious hit every thing that moves.

Hand concealment

Even the skilled don’t fuck with blades. If a knife is produced forget the wrist locks and
either: Give them what they ask for (and just hope that it's not a shag) or be prepared to
get 'cut' in the affray. Your choice.