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© Go Ask Debbie, 2019

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Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Identify What You Feel
The first step to being emotionally intelligent is being self aware and this comes with practice
and time. It is important for you to recognize how you feel and understand why you feel a
certain way about a situation. Before you give an immediate reaction to any problem, you must
always first take out time to identify the problem and analyze your emotions internally. This
way, you can communicate your feelings properly later. It will also help other people understand
what you feel because you will be able to express your feelings with clarity.

Chapter 2: Understand the Power of Your Reactions

In the heat of the moment, there are often times when you end up saying things you didn’t
mean. You let emotions overpower you, hurt your loved ones with piercing words, and later
regret all the hurtful things you said. To be emotionally intelligent is to understand the power of
your reactions and to practice self-control fully. Our reactions must only express emotions in a
way that is calm and productive and acceptable to the environment we are in.

Chapter 3: Practice Optimism

Never underestimate the power of a positive attitude. It can motivate you to work hard and
build yourself up through some of the most difficult phases of your life. It is important for an
emotionally intelligent person to have control over their moods. Whether it is a healthy
breakfast or regular run in the morning, you must know what lifts your spirits and use it wisely
to maintain a positive attitude through a tough day.

Chapter 4: Put Yourself in Someone Else’s Shoes

Emotional intelligence also involves the ability to manage the emotions of other people close to
you. Many times in life, your family members or close friends may be going through a tough
time. In such times, they may require your comforting and emotional support. Emotionally
intelligent individuals have the strength to understand and respect other people’s emotions.
They are successfully able to comfort and empathize with their loved ones in hard times.

Chapter 5: Integrate Values into Your Emotions

As human beings, you can feel a lot of dark emotions that are sometimes unjustified. Feelings of
jealousy, envy, and hate can spark in you and motivate you to sabotage other people simply
because you are unable to deal with a little competition.

For this reason it is important to integrate righteous values into emotions. Integrating values of
honesty, fairness and respect into your feelings will help you manage your emotions effectively.
Such righteous values will guide your emotions and make you realize when you are in the
wrong.
Chapter 6: Adapt to Change
Life is all about adapting to change. Whether it is moving to a new city where you know no one
or simply dealing with the loss of a loved one, life will throw unpredictable things your way. The
only way forward is to have the mentality of a survivor and to adapt to change as it comes.

Chapter 7: Learn to Manage Stress

The stress from our daily hectic routines can often weigh us down and cause a buildup of
emotions over time. This can result in us feeling unnecessarily gloomy and decrease our
productivity. Sometimes it also causes an outburst of emotions by a simple trigger. This can be
avoided by active stress management. Being emotionally intelligent requires you to master the
management of stress. Whether it is eating a well balanced diet, meditating or making time for
your hobbies, learn to manage the stress in your life to live a happier healthier life.

Chapter 8: Make an Effort to Resolve Conflicts

It takes a bigger person to put differences of opinions aside and talk things out whenever there
is a conflict between two people. Taking such small initiatives for conflict resolution requires
maturity and confidence from an individual. This is why as an emotionally intelligent person; you
should never shy away from a confrontation. Openly communicating your own emotions and
hearing out other people’s emotions can help you find the middle ground and resolve conflicts.
All it requires is a little effort from your part.

Chapter 9: Don’t Fall Prey to Emotional Manipulation

Emotional blackmail is one of the most common ways of people to convince others to do things
they may otherwise refuse to do. Some people only think about their self interest and use
emotions quite tactfully to get their own way.

As an emotionally intelligent person, you must be able to recognize when someone is exploiting
you through emotional blackmailing to simply to get their way. Recognize such situations and
stand your ground firmly. This is the only way to not fall prey to emotional manipulation.
 Chapter One: Identify What You Feel

If you’re reading this book, you must already have a slight idea of the importance and contribution of
emotional intelligence to your overall wellbeing and success in life. This is why you are here reading this
book to find out the effective ways to develop your emotional intelligence. However, before we dive
into explaining the simple ways you can foster emotional intelligence to grow as a person, it is important
for you to first understand the concept with clarity.

Reading about the concept of emotional intelligence will surely help you recognize and reflect on the
emotions you feel in your daily life. It will also highlight the power of how you display and communicate
your emotions to people around you. Learning about the concept of emotional intelligence will allow
you to learn to effectively manage your feelings without letting them cloud your judgment. As a result,
you will be able to think more clearly and respond to stressful situations in a more controlled and calm
manner. This is a unique kind of empowerment which can ultimately help you lead a more fulfilling and
happy life.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

“Emotional Intelligence” is a term that was originally coined by two psychologists named Mayer and
Salovey in 1990. It mainly refers to an individual’s ability to recognize, process, and express their
emotions effectively in order to react to situations more calmly and logically. This term also involves the
capacity of a person to be aware of other people’s emotional states so that they become better at
handling interpersonal relationships by being more empathetic and understanding towards other
people.

The term “Emotional intelligence” gained further popularity when Daniel Goleman published a best-
seller book named “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ”. In this book, the author
does a great job at explaining how your two minds—the rational and the emotional—work together to
shape your social identity.

Emotional intelligence is essentially a way of using your emotions to guide reasoning to facilitate greater
levels of productivity. Emotional intelligence is also about understanding the emotions of others so that
you are better able to comfort and persuade them. Therefore, emotional intelligence does not only
affect your personal relationships with your loved ones, but also determines your ability to work in a
team. This is why developing emotional intelligence is crucial for achieving success in your professional
career to a great extent.
The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence
According to most psychologists, emotional intelligence is made up of the
following five components:

 Self-Awareness: Self awareness is the first and perhaps most important component of
emotional intelligence. This is what the first chapter in this book will mainly focus on. For you to
successfully manage your emotions, you must be able to identify what you feel and
acknowledge your feelings. Only then you can proceed towards processing your feelings
internally and communicating them properly.
 Self-Control: Self control is about having the power to regulate your emotions so that you can
stop emotions from taking over and swamping your decision-making abilities. In order to
become emotionally intelligent, you must be able to keep your emotions in check and control
the way you display them.
 Motivation: Being emotionally intelligent also involves having control over your mood and
staying optimistic throughout life. Optimism is necessary to motivating yourself to be more
productive every day in order to reach your goals.
 Empathy: Empathy is another core component of emotional intelligence as it allows you to see
things from the perspective of other people and this helps you understand why they feel a
certain way.
 Social Skills: Emotionally intelligent people have polished social skills which help them build
strong meaningful relationships. They have the ability to connect with other people, understand
them, and also communicate with them respectfully.

Identifying What You Feel

The ability to identify what you feel is the first step towards understanding the feelings that ultimately
guide your behavior. If you are able to understand the reasons for feeling a certain way, you will be able
to process those feelings more easily and find a solution to work around them.

When you lack self-awareness, dealing with your emotions can often feel a lot like battling a monster in
the dark. Since you don’t know what you’re actually up against, you don’t know how to win the fight
against it. This can make you feel frustrated and helpless.

Sometimes, people also think if they simply brush their feelings aside and keep their mind off
something, they will be able to stop feeling a certain way. This is actually far from the truth. Keeping
yourself busy and distracted will only lead to bottling up your emotions. As a result, your emotions will
build up over time and explode in a reaction when you expect it least.

This is why we suggest you take the time out to contemplate how you feel when you are overwhelmed
with emotions. Sitting in silence and solitude and reflecting on your situation can help you find the root
cause of a problem. This can help you think objectively and clear your head to find inner peace.
Sometimes, evaluating your behavior can make you realize your mistakes and you can apologize to a
loved one to remedy the problem.

Furthermore, this introspective self-evaluation process is also necessary for you to be able to
successfully communicate how you feel to others. Once you’ve given ample thought to a problem, you
will have the confidence and motivation to bring up the problem with others. As a result, you can
actually talk things out and explain your point of view to voice your concerns tactfully. This can be a
great way to resolve a conflict.

The bottom line is that if you pay proper attention to what you feel and why you feel a certain way, you
can actually think logically above the problem. This can help you find a solution to the problem that is
causing your anxiety. As a result, you can practically do something to make yourself feel better instead
of simply ignoring how you feel.
 Chapter Two: Understand the Power of Your Reaction

In life, it is important to realize that you have no control over the way something makes you feel. As
human beings, we are built to be highly sensitive and this is why we experience emotions so deeply.
Emotions are natural phenomenon and you can’t do anything to stop yourself from feeling a certain
way. Therefore, it is unfair for you to label emotions as bad or experience guilt for feeling them when
you don’t like the way something is making you feel.

The way you perceive emotions is personal, but how you react to emotions is more important and
actually what other people can see. People are only able to judge your emotional state by the words you
use to express yourself and the body language you exhibit. These are things you have direct control over
so you can choose to be in charge of how you react to different situations. This is a smart way to
safeguard your position. This is why we suggest that you focus your energy in learning to regulate your
reactions to emotions.

To enhance your emotional intelligence, you must have the power to control your reactions in situations
when feelings run high. You must stay mentally sharp and avoid becoming a prey to provoking emotions
by practicing self management. It is crucial for you to have the ability to remain calm and think clearly.
This will help you fight against the urges to do something violent when you are taken over by anger. It’s
all about not indulging in destructive behavior when the impulses of your body are encouraging you to
throw and break things.

Whenever you experience such unpleasant emotions, you should take a moment to step back, take
deep breaths, and calm yourself down. It is never wise to react immediately as your reaction can often
be triggered by emotions. Take a moment to recollect your thoughts and evaluate the situation logically
and not emotionally. This can help you regain rationality as you realize you should be the one in control
of your emotions and not vice versa.

On the other hand, allowing yourself to get caught up in the heat of the moment will only make you
indulge in aggressive behavior that you will be embarrassed of later on. Sometimes, a coworker may
conspire against you and try to instigate an aggressive response from you at the office. They may say
something unreasonable to simply provoke an emotional reaction to portray you as an unprofessional
employee. This is when self-regulation can help you win against politics at work. For this reason, you
must try to stay aware of your surroundings and think about the setting you are in before giving a
reaction. This can help you adjust your reaction and make it more appropriate according to the
environment you are in. As a result, you will be able to express your emotions in a way that is calm,
productive, and acceptable to the formal atmosphere around you. This will add to your credibility as an
employee.

Even if you are in the privacy of your home, assessing your situation is still necessary so that you can
remain calm and avoid saying hurtful things to your loved ones. We must understand that our words
hold immense value and depict our character. Losing our temper can often result in unnecessary fights
over petty issues. Once we say something harsh and hurtful, we can never take it back and this is why
we must be very thoughtful in choosing the correct words.

Many times, the aggressive tone you use to say things can start a fight even when what you’re saying is
right. This is why you must monitor the way you speak in and be mindful of the words you choose in an
argument. You don’t want to say something you don’t mean or something that crosses the boundaries
of respect in the middle of an argument simply to get back at someone. This will only fill you with regret
later on as you realize your mistakes once you have calmed down.

Ultimately, true wisdom lies in understanding the power of your reactions and practicing self-control
fully at all times. Be conscious of your body language and the words you use around others as it can
have a huge impact on how you make other people feel. Remember you always have a choice to react to
situations more maturely. You can always choose to be the bigger person and convey your point of view
in a polite and calm manner to avoid escalating things in an argument. Managing emotional reactions
efficiently is all about choosing to express your emotions more carefully to avoid offending and
disrespecting others.
 Chapter Three: Practice Optimism

Optimism is another key emotional intelligence strength that you must learn to master in your daily life
if you want to truly become successful and independent. Optimism is having the power to keep a
positive attitude despite the negative circumstances you are facing. It is the ability to keep yourself
motivated to work hard and overcome the challenges life throws your way. It’s all about continuing to
look at things positively, focusing on the good, and staying hopeful even when the odds are not in your
favor.

As an adult, it is important to remember that you have full control over your life and, more importantly,
over your way of thinking. You should reframe your mind to find the good in a bad situation and be
grateful for the things you still have. The way you perceive a situation has a huge impact on your energy
and capabilities in the future. This is why you shouldn’t allow failures, rejections or drawbacks in life to
dictate your perspective, motivation or energy in the future.

It’s fair to say that life is full of unpredictable twists and turns. Things don’t always work out the way you
expect them to. Just when you think you have it all under control, life will throw something at you out of
the blue. This is when you will need the power of optimism to build yourself up again and start over
from scratch. For example, imagine you are called into your boss’s office tomorrow morning and you
walk in with full confidence expecting to get a raise. You’ve been performing really well at work for the
past few weeks and you feel like your boss is genuinely pleased with you. However, a few minutes into
the conversation, you find out that you are getting laid off because the firm is suddenly downsizing due
to bad economy.

Your reaction to this situation will determine how things go on from there. You can either choose to
break down completely and beg your boss to not fire you or you can choose to practice optimism. You
can begin practicing optimism in this situation by thinking about all the new professional skills you
developed by working at this firm. This would make you feel grateful for the experience and you can
convey this by thanking your boss for the opportunity. You can also ask your boss for a letter of
recommendation for your commendable performance which can help you in the application process for
other jobs.

By giving such a practical positive response and behaving so professionally, you will portray the
confidence have in yourself to your boss. This will help you create a positive impression on your boss.
Your boss will be impressed and surprised by your logical approach. You will depict self-confidence as
you’re already thinking about your future with other companies. As a result, your boss will remember
you for your professionalism and you’ll definitely be the first person they will contact for rehiring once
things get better for the company.

This is why you must never underestimate the power of a positive attitude. Practicing optimism this way
speaks volumes about mental strength. In the end, a situation is only as bad as you perceive it to be.
Displaying such optimism will help you set yourself apart from the crowd. This mentality will get you
through some of the most difficult phases of your life and help you unlock your true potential. It will act
as a driving force and never let you give up on yourself.

So, whenever you are facing setbacks in life and you feel like nothing is working out the way you
planned it to, try to practice optimism. Try to focus on the good in order to minimize the negative
effects a situation has on you. If have the mental strength to control your way of thinking, you can
become practically indestructible. By focusing on the good, you are not letting external factors put you
down or lower your morale. You are being emotionally intelligent and maintaining a positive attitude to
power through a difficult situation in life. No hardship lasts forever and with hard work and dedication
you will surely find another job.

This is why it’s important to face the unpredictable challenges of life with positivity and inner strength.
Remember to believe in yourself and have the ability to look at the bright side of things. This will surely
help you to rebuild yourself when life knocks you down.

Another benefit of learning to redirect your thinking towards positivity is that it gives you the power to
control your moods. It is important that you have control over your moods for you to become an
emotionally intelligent person. This will help you be fully prepared for hectic schedules or important
events that are yet to come your way. Whether it is a healthy breakfast or a regular run in the morning,
if you know what makes you feel better then you can use it to control your mood effectively to your
advantage. If you know what lifts your spirits up then you can make yourself feel more motivated and
energetic on important days.

For example, if you are continuously feeling overworked and know you have an important event coming
up, then you can take the time out to treat yourself to a spa day before the event. Massages, manicures,
and pedicures at the spa might be your quick fix to boost your energy levels. Knowing this will help you
to reenergize yourself and put you in the right frame of mind to attend this important event.

On the other hand, if you’re anticipating having a tough week at work ahead, sleeping earlier at night
and eating well throughout the week may be your coping mechanism. The right diet and getting enough
sleep might be what works personally for you as a hack to increase your energy levels for a productive
week ahead. This is why it is important to know how to put yourself in an optimistic mood so that you
can use it tactfully to prepare yourself for the different requirements of your hectic life.
These are just some of the ways in which you should practice optimism as it is crucial for developing
your emotional intelligence. By having a positive perspective in life, you can have greater control over
the way you let situations affect you. You can choose to focus on the good and shape your views in a
positive manner so that this encourages you to stay motivated and continue to work hard in life.
 Chapter Four: Put Yourself in Someone Else’s Shoes

Emotional intelligence is not only learning to manage your own emotions but it also involves having the
ability to manage the emotions of other people close to you. Human beings are social animals therefore
managing inter-personal relationships successfully is always a priority.

This is why another way to sharpen your emotional intelligence is by putting yourself in someone else’s
situation. This ability is often referred to as empathy. Most psychologists break down the concept of
empathy into three main parts:

 Cognitive empathy: Cognitive empathy is the ability to recognize and understand how a
person feels. This type of empathy allows people to become better communicators as
they are able to perceive a situation from another person’s point of view. By applying
cognitive empathy, a person can comprehend another person’s thought process and
communicate with them according to their mind frame at a certain time.
 Emotional empathy: Emotional empathy is the having ability to relate to another
person’s feeling and making them feel understood. Some psychologists have explained
emotional empathy as experiencing other people’s feelings or pain in your heart. Having
emotional empathy can enable a person to comfort others.
 Compassionate empathy: Compassionate empathy is the most effective way to practice
empathy as it involves going beyond simply understanding or relating to other people’s
feelings. Compassionate empathy urges us to help people in any way we can to make
them feel better.

Cognitive Empathy is basically being able to recognize and interpret other people’s emotions and
relating to them by viewing a situation from their place. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes can
help you understand why the other person is feeling a certain way about a situation. By looking at the
situation from another person’s perspective, you will automatically start to view a situation in a more
neutral way. Doing this will eventually help you communicate with people more effectively and also
resolve conflicts with them. .

Building cognitive empathy can help you achieve success in the work place. Building cognitive empathy
requires you to notice a person’s behavior to judge the mood they’re in so that you can communicate
with them more effectively. Cognitive empathy relies on making educated guesses about another
person’s emotional state. It teaches you how to interpret a person’s body language and facial
expressions so that you are able to judge how they are feeling. By being aware of another person’s
emotional state, you can alter the way you express your point across to them to ensure they don’t get
offended or misunderstand what you say. Having the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes is
also valuable because it helps you control your personal biases against people.

If a manager has higher cognitive empathy, they will become better at understanding and supervising
the people in their team. They will have the emotional intelligence to manage their employees more
efficiently. They will know how to be assertive and motivating in their leadership style to make people
work harder to deliver quality work and meet deadlines on time. They will also have the wisdom to
identify when it’s time to be considerate and understanding towards an employee.

For example when an employee asks for a sick leave because they are physically unwell, a wise manager
needs to be accommodating and give them some time off. This will make the employee perceive their
manager as more caring and they will come back to work with higher levels of energy and motivation to
work harder. Another time an emotionally intelligent manager needs to be thoughtful is when an
employee is facing some serious problems in their personal life. A worker could be going through a
divorce or mourning the loss of a loved one. In such difficult times they may not be able to deliver the
best quality of work. This is when an empathetic manager will consider the difficult circumstances of a
person’s personal life and give them some leverage and time to recover. This is how supervisors who
have high cognitive empathy become more competent at managing the people in their team.

Let’s move on to discussing emotional empathy now. Emotional empathy is having the ability to feel and
relate to what another person is feeling. Emotional empathy will allow you to communicate with people
in a more meaningful way and instantly make them feel understood. Many times people just need
someone who will listen to them so that they can let out their emotions and feel better. By letting other
people open up about how they feel, you will make them feel important and understood and this will
make them feel more at ease. After listening to them you will be able to comfort people better. This is
how having emotional empathy gives you a unique power to form strong bonds with the new people
you meet in your life.

It enables you to use your words wisely to validate the feelings of other people and this encourages
others to trust you and share how they feel with you. This way the new people you meet in life will feel
more comfortable in sharing how they feel with you as you will respond to them in such an
understanding way. As a result, you will become good at forming strong connections with new people
on a more emotional level by being emotionally empathetic towards them. This is why having
emotional empathy is important in life because it helps you build strong and meaningful friendships with
the people around you.

Compassionate empathy is the most effective way of practicing empathy and it guides our behavior to a
great extent. This is why compassionate empathy is often reserved for only a few important people in
our lives. These are the people whose happiness and wellbeing has a direct impact on our quality of life.
We feel a responsibility to take care of these people and are willing to help them in any way we can to
make them feel better.

Many times in life, your family members or close friends may be going through a tough time. In such
times, they may need your emotional support, time and attention to help them recover. They may have
faced a major failure in life and probably need you to motivate them. They may be going through
depression due to the sudden loss of a loved one. This is when you need to show compassionate
empathy towards these people and be there for them in their time of need. You must know how to use
the power of words to make others feel better and reassure them when they feel hopeless. You need to
have the capability to successfully comfort and empathize with the people close to you to support them
in hard times. Whether this involves giving them a pep talk or cooking them comfort food,
compassionate empathy is all about practically doing things to uplift others.

This is why compassionately empathetic individuals are highly valued by their family and friends. They
have the strength to understand and respect other people’s emotions. They are the individuals who take
the time out to prioritize taking care of others. This is how being empathetic can contribute greatly
towards helping you solidify the highly valued interpersonal relationships in your life.

Overall being empathetic adds volumes to your personality and helps you develop your emotional
intelligence to higher levels. It not only helps you learn how to communicate effectively by being more
considerate of other people’s feelings but it also gives you the ability to use your words to comfort and
motivate others. You can generally develop empathy by giving people your full attention and listening
to what they have to say with an open mind.

The main goal is so to put your own view aside and see things from other people’s perspective so that
you can understand what they are feeling. This can change the way you think about another person’s
emotional reaction. A reaction that seemed unreasonable or overly dramatic at first may perhaps
become justified after you hear the other person out. This is why being empathetic towards others can
also help you become better at conflict resolution as it allows you to put aside your personal biases and
view a problem from a more a more neutral view as you keep in mind both sides of the story.
 Chapter Five: Integrate Values into Your Emotions

Having strong core values that help you differentiate between wrong and right is the key to controlling
your emotions and avoiding ethical violations. In highly emotional situations, your decision making
abilities can often become compromised. As a result you are unable to use logic to make sound
decisions when you are feeling overwhelmed by the power of emotions. This is when you must
remember to integrate values into your emotions so that you can guide your decisions towards a
positive direction.

As human beings, there are many times when you can feel a mixture of unjustified and unexplainable
dark emotions. Such emotions often stem from lack of self-confidence or fear of replacement. Feelings
like jealousy, envy and hate can spark insecurity in you. Such feelings can then motivate you to sabotage
other people with manipulative behavior simply because you are unable to deal with a little
competition.

For this reason it is important to integrate righteous values into emotions. Integrating values of honesty,
fairness and respect into your feelings will help you manage your emotions effectively. Such righteous
values will guide your emotions. These values can help you identify and control toxic feelings before
they start to take over to impair your judgment.

Furthermore as humans we can often be oblivious to our own mistakes. It is easy to identify and point
out the flaws in other people but analyzing your own behavior critically requires great mental strength.
This is why integrating fairness into your emotions is so important because it can help you realize your
own mistakes when you are in the wrong. As a result you can make an active effort to change the way
you feel and this can improve your behavior.

A big part of developing emotional intelligence is having the power to control negative emotions such as
jealousy and insecurity. Some individuals get so troubled by another person’s success that they start to
spend a lot of their time dwelling over this person’s achievements and comparing themselves to them.
As a result they not only foster negative feelings towards other people but also start to set unrealistic
expectations for themselves.

What they don’t realize is each individual is blessed with a different set of skills and competencies in life
which help them excel. Moreover you shouldn’t beat yourself up over someone else’s victories because
you don’t know the struggle they went through in their journey. This is why you should try to control
your negative thoughts and learn to be happy for other people. It only requires some mental strength
and self confidence from your side so that you are able to cope with competition in a healthy way.

Another important value to integrate into your emotions is impartiality. Often times you tend to be easy
on people because of your personal relationship with them. Your unconscious biasness towards certain
people can actually alter your reaction to their behavior.

This is one of the most common issues people face in the work place. Employees often complain about
their bosses practicing favoritism in the office. Employees criticize appraisals for being unfair due to the
personal friendships their bosses have with their coworkers. They may also feel that their bosses are far
more lenient towards the employees who have been working for them for longer time periods.

This is why it is important for you to learn how to incorporate impartiality in your decisions to excel in
your career. You must learn to keep your personal ties aside and rely solely on performance and quality
of work when you are making professional decisions. Doing this will give you the power to make fair
decisions as you will be judging people on their capabilities and not based on your working relationship
with them.

On the whole integrating righteous values such as honesty, integrity, and impartiality into your emotions
can help you discipline your thoughts and keep your thought process positive. It will also help you make
more just decisions when you are in positions of authority and control. Otherwise if you let toxic
emotions like jealousy and envy overpower you then you can easily get carried away and start scheming
against people. You can ever achieve much in life by bringing others down. This will only lead to you
wasting your precious time on trying to sabotage other people to temporarily damage their reputation.
Instead it would be wise for you to use this time efficiently to work on your own growth. You can use
your time far more productively by focusing your efforts on developing your emotional intelligence
which will eventually lead to self improvement and success in the long term.
 Chapter Six: Adapt to Change

They say the only constant thing in life is change. We all continuously face different changes and
challenges in our personal and professional lives every single day. Whether it’s a slight chill in the
weather that makes us put on a jacket or a sudden meeting that becomes part of our work schedule,
dealing with change is necessary. These changes can be big or small and can affect us differently. This is
why it’s important for an emotionally intelligent person to be able to cope and adapt to changes quickly.

Life is basically a series of spontaneous events. Just when you start to get well-acquainted with things or
feel comfortable in a particular place, life will find a way to change things around. This is why the only
way to move forward in life is to have the mentality of a survivor and to adapt to change as it comes.
There is no point in trying to resist change as change is inevitable. Instead you must try to become
proactive in your approach and welcome all changes that life throws your way.

Huge changes in your personal life are bound to come your way and they can often cause emotional
distress. Things like the sudden death of a loved one or the moving away of your best friend to another
country can make you feel upset. Feeling this way is natural so you must not be too hard on yourself for
feeling attached. The important thing to do is to adapt to change and realize that there are certain
things in life which you don’t have control over. Therefore take your time to process your feelings and
then learn to let go. Life doesn’t pause for anyone so the show must go on. All you can do is take each
day as it comes and hope for better things to come your way. Time is a big healer so the pain will
eventually fade away as days pass by and you’ll start to get over the change you once thought to be
unbearable.

Changes don’t only happen in our personal lives but they also take place in the work place. In the
competitive corporate world of today, businesses are constantly evolving and adapting new
technologies to gain competitive edge. You should try to be more open to changes as this can improve
your learning agility. Learning new skills is the key to maintaining a secure position in the cut-throat
environment of corporate slavery. This is why you must have a positive attitude towards new
technologies and be open to learning new skills. This will help you to keep up with the constant changes
in your work environment in a more composed and professional manner.
Moreover learning and development are a core component of the human resource department in
modern organizations today. By displaying a keen attitude towards such activities, you will not only
motivate others to take part but you will also highlight yourself as a dedicated employee in the eyes of
the human resource department. This can help you excel in your career further down the line.

Another reason to be more adaptive towards changes in the work place is because organizations are
always restructuring. Acquisitions and mergers often take place and they cause the organogram of a
company to change drastically. There is always the possibility of firing, hiring or rehiring other people in
your department so you must be fully prepared to face such changes. The coworker you have grudges
against today might get promoted to become your boss in the near future. This is why it is crucial for
you to learn how to respond to unexpected changes at work in a professional way so that you can truly
develop your emotional intelligence.

In general, change management is a strong skill for employability. It shows your employers you are
flexible in your way of working and are open to learning new skills and technologies. It also depicts that
you have the mental strength to remain calm and resilient in the face of change. This is why being
adaptive towards change can have a great impact in making you a valuable employee for any
organization.

Now that we have explained the importance of being adaptive towards change, we would also like to
discuss some simple tips that can help you adapt to change. The first and foremost thing to do in order
to adapt to change is to change your mindset. We understand you may find it difficult to step out of
your comfort zone but you must realize that change is crucial for your growth. This is why you must
always think of changes positively and see them as an opportunity for growth.

Another way to mitigate the stress associated with changes is by taking the time to analyze then. Try to
identify what exactly about the change is bothering you. You can also make a list of pro and cons that
will come with the change and then try to focus on the good. By exercising your power of choice you can
look at a change more positively and this can help you lower the stress levels you feel due to a particular
change.
The next tip to embrace change in your life is to take productive action in preparing yourself for a
change that you are anticipating to come your way. For example if you are moving to a different city or
country to join a position at a new company, then you should take some time out to prepare yourself for
it. You can study the dynamics of that particular market or go through the financial reports of the new
company before getting there. Doing this might help you feel more at ease about this move in your
career. You can also contact someone in their HR department who can help you with the arrangements
of settling down in a new city.

As a result, you will already have prior knowledge about the industry when you step into the work place
on the very first day. You will also have meetings lined up with real estate agents to find an apartment
to rent or house to buy. This is how taking productive actions to prepare yourself for a change can make
you feel more confident and in control of the situation. Taking such practical steps can be a great coping
mechanism to deal with change and they can greatly reduce the pressure you feel in difficult times of
change.

Just like smooth seas never made a skilled sailor, a life without change would give you few opportunities
to improve your emotional intelligence. For this very reason, you must have a proactive approach and
embrace the waves of change in life with a positive attitude. Having the ability to adapt to change easily
will give you freedom of fear of the unknown in your personal life. It also will give you an edge over
other employees as you will become better at coping with changes in the landscape of your modern
work place.
 Chapter Seven: Learn to Manage Stress

Learning how to manage stress efficiently is a crucial step towards developing your emotional
intelligence. If you know how to manage the stress you feel in your daily life, then you can become
better at controlling your emotional reaction to high pressure situations. As a result, you will have the
ability to stop yourself from panicking and you will stay calm to think rationally even in stressful
situations. Having the ability to calm your nerves in hectic situations will allow you to think with logic
and react more sensibly instead of letting feelings of frustration bring you down.

Another reason why learning to manage stress effectively is important is that stress has a direct impact
on your mental wellbeing. If you’re unable to manage stress successfully then you will allow it to build
up and become a hindrance to your mental health. This will make you more vulnerable to problems like
depression and anxiety. Mental health problems can eventually make you feel isolated and lonely even
when you have caring people in your life. This is why it’s important for you to timely manage stress so
that it does not build up to cause mental health problems.

Learning to manage stress is also good for maintaining your physical health. Uncontrollable levels of
stress have been linked to many serious health problems by medical experts. Higher levels of stress are
thought to be associated with many health problems such as high blood pressure, weak immune system
and a higher risk of heart attacks. Consistently high levels of stress can also contribute towards infertility
and can speed up the aging process. This is why you must focus your efforts on actively learning to
manage stress successfully.

An unhealthy buildup of stress can also have a negative impact on your personal relationships. People
who are overwhelmed with higher levels of stress are often in a frustrated mood. They take this
frustration out through aggressive behavior on the people closest to them. Sometimes higher levels of
stress can also cause you to distance yourself from people close to you as you want to avoid passing on
your negative energy to them. This is why you must learn to manage stress successfully before it starts
to create a rift between you and the most important people in your life.

There are many simple stress management techniques that will help you stay more balanced, focused
and feel more in control of your emotions. These techniques are easy to incorporate in your daily
routine and will greatly help you cope with the stress in your daily life.
The most obvious way of controlling stress in your life is by keeping a positive attitude. Try to control
your thought process and train your thoughts to work in a positive productive manner instead of a
negative way that weighs you down. You can learn to manage stress by identifying the stressors in your
life and by challenging yourself to stay calm when you are exposed to them.

Letting out your emotions by talking to an understanding and comforting person is also a popular stress
management technique. Most of us use ranting as a way to make us feel better without even knowing it.
Whether it’s a simple text to your best friend about how horrible your blind date was or a long call to
your mom whining about your hectic work life, sharing your problems with people close to you will
always help you feel less stressed.

Another effective stress management technique is exercising regularly. Your body is better able to
handle stress when it has higher physical strength. Furthermore, physical activity can also help your
body release stress hormones to avoid the build-up of stress. This is why people who exercise regularly
not only become physically fit but also claim to feel better from within. This is why it’s a smart decision
to take out some time a few times every week for a morning run or an evening session of yoga.

Another way to release stress and instantly lift up your mood is to treat yourself to some comfort food.
Whether it’s a cup of warm soothing green tea that helps you feel more relaxed or a bar of your favorite
dark chocolate, find out which foods help you feel better and eat them when you feel stressed.

Moreover, eating a well-balanced and healthy diet can also play a great role in minimizing the harmful
effects of stress on your body. For this reason, you should pay close attention to the food you’re eating
and try to consume foods rich in nutrition like nuts and fish. Doing this will give your body the energy to
fight against stress. This explains why there is no better feeling than entering your home to the smell of
a freshly cooked wholesome meal after a long day at work.

Developing time management skills can also help you become better at managing the stress in your life.
Many people tend to procrastinate doing things until the very last minute. They delay doing something
important even when they have the time to do it long before its due date. The task at hand can be
anything from preparing for an important presentation to give at work to studying for an important
exam in student life. As the time to do this particular task starts to run out and deadlines start
approaching faster than they anticipated, people complain about feeling stressed. As a result, people
are unable to perform their best under stress and they don’t achieve the results they otherwise could
have.

This is how developing time management skills and doing work beforehand can help you reduce the
stress levels in your life. You should always use your time productively and start preparing for things
long before they are due. This will help you become better at handling the workload in your life and
you’ll be able to give everything your absolute best. Time management skills can also help you multitask
and eventually allow you to take up more leading roles to grow professionally.

One more successful way to manage unwanted stress in your life is to identify your limits as a person
and to learn to say no to requests no matter how much someone convinces us. Many times, we test our
own limits by catering to other people’s requests even when we know we won’t be able to manage
them easily. This could be something as small as agreeing to late-night drinks on a weekday with your
friends. You know you’re going to regret it the next morning when you wake up with the worst hangover
but you just can’t find the courage to say no.

Learning to say no and prioritizing your comfort and peace of mind is absolutely necessary for living a
stress-free life. Some situations simply require you to take a step back and think logically about your
own well-being. Speaking up for yourself in these situations is far better than being submissive to please
people and doing something you don’t want. By being assertive about what you want to do, you will be
able to make smarter decisions that help you live a more peaceful life.

These are just some of the many simple techniques you can incorporate into your life to become better
at managing stress. An emotionally intelligent individual has the ability to recognize the stressors in their
life to be able to use effective techniques to minimize their negative effects.
 Chapter Eight: Make an Effort to Resolve Conflicts

A conflict is basically the clashing of thoughts and ideas between people. It is mainly an active
disagreement between people which can often arise due to a difference of opinions. A conflict is a
perfectly natural phenomenon because no two people can ever have the same thought process or
opinion on every single matter in life. Every person’s upbringing and experiences shapes them into
individuals who have a unique set of principles, values, views, and way of thinking.

This is why a conflict should not always be seen in a bad light. A conflict can prove to be quite productive
if it is dealt with in a peaceful and respectful manner. Conflicts can be constructive and lead to positive
outcomes as they can be the reason behind a change in someone’s perspective. This way, a conflict can
improve people’s way of thinking about a subject matter when the person opposing them is able to
explain their point of view in a logical and convincing matter.

Before we discuss the ways to develop your emotional intelligence by learning conflict resolution skills,
let’s first discuss the most common sources of conflict. Generally there are considered to be three main
sources of conflict as suggested by a renowned early psychologist Daniel Katz:

 Economic Conflicts: Economic conflicts typically occur due to limited resources. Resources are
the inputs which are required for a business or social environment. Whenever there is a scarcity
of resources, conflict is bound to arise. Individuals and groups then try to attain the highest
share of the limited resources and as a result a conflict about the distribution of these resources
arises.

 Value Conflicts: Value conflicts mainly occur due to a difference in the principles and ideologies
of different people. As a result, people attempt to assert their set of beliefs on the opposing
party. An example of value conflict would be world wars among nations where countries side
with the conflicting parties to become their allies and support a common ideology.
  Power Conflicts: Power conflicts arise when two opposing parties struggle to overshadow each
other in terms of the influence they have over a social setting. As a result, there is a clash over
power as both the parties try to maximize their influence and try to attain a position of
leadership and control in a situation.

The conflicts in real life don’t usually stem from one source only but can involve multiple sources. Let’s
take the example of a union of employees demanding for higher pay scales in an organization. The
source of this conflict is not entirely economic but also power-based because the union leaders are
exerting their control and power over an organization. They are becoming authoritative and negotiating
for better wages for their union members to safeguard their personal interests.

A conflict can result in aggressive arguments and destructive behavior or a peaceful solution depending
on the measures taken by the opposing parties to solve it. Conflict resolution is needed to solve the
disagreement at hand peacefully and maturely to reach middle ground. Having the ability to deal with
conflict in a calm and constructive manner is extremely important in your personal as well as your
professional life.

The first and perhaps most important step in conflict resolution is taking initiative to resolve the
problem. It’s often the bigger person who decides to put differences of opinions aside and makes the
effort to talk things out peacefully. Whenever there is a conflict, many people decide to distance
themselves from the problem, avoid the other person, and hold a grudge. This doesn’t help the situation
and the conflict often expands into a bigger problem overtime.

Making an effort to resolve the conflict by taking small initiatives to discuss and solve the problem
requires maturity and confidence from an individual. Furthermore, it also requires effective
communication and anger management skills. A person has to stay poised and communicate their point
of view persuasively so that they can convince the other party into cooperation. This is a valuable skill to
have for carrying out negotiations successfully. This is why, as an emotionally intelligent person, you
should never shy away from situations involving confrontation. You should have the self-assurance and
composure to face problems with head-on approach and talk openly whenever the need arises.

Patiently hearing out the other person’s viewpoint and giving them a chance to explain is the second
step in conflict resolution. Listening to the opposing person’s perspective and emotion with an open
mind will help you identify the problem and find the middle ground to resolve conflicts. All it requires is
a little effort and an unbiased thought process from your part. Once you’ve given the other person a
chance to share their perspective respectfully, you can then move on to sharing yours.

The third step in conflict resolution is openly communicating your own emotions and voicing your
concerns to make the opposing party understand your viewpoint. Being able to talk to the other person
openly and honestly will help the opposing party understand your stance on the conflict. It is crucial that
you remain calm and select your words carefully to tactfully persuade the opposing party into agreeing
to your terms. Supporting your case with logic and reasoning will help you safeguard your interests and
allow you to get your way in conflict resolution.

The next and fourth step in effective conflict resolution is taking some time to reflect upon the situation.
It is sometimes healthier to take some time to cool off and think clearly when you face a conflict. A
conflict can easily escalate into an unneeded heated argument if both the parties become hostile
towards each other. This is why it’s healthier to take some time off to just think to yourself once you’ve
calmed down. The opposing person’s requests might start to seem reasonable once you take the time to
think from their perspective and this can help in conflict resolution.

The last step in effective conflict resolution is finding the middle ground. This requires both the opposing
parties to be flexible in adapting to the terms and conditions of an agreement. Finding the middle
ground is all about reaching an agreement with compromises from both ends. The parties may not
consider this agreement ideal but they reach an area of compromise for the greater good.

Overall, effectively handled conflicts have many benefits in the lives of people. They lead to relaxed
atmospheres, better communication, and stronger relationships in a person’s personal life. They also
lead to higher productivity, efficient problem solving, and better teamwork in the workplace. This is why
every individual should make an effort to resolve conflicts and try to polish their conflict resolution skills
for developing their emotional intelligence.
 Chapter Nine: Don’t Fall Prey to Emotional Manipulation

The final topic we would like to touch upon in this book is emotional manipulation. Emotional
manipulation is when a person uses social behavior to attempt to change the perception or behavior of
another person through deceptive tactics. Emotional manipulation is most commonly used as the last
resort by emotionally-aware people when they cannot convince other people through their words.

Emotional manipulation is an unfair way to get other people to submit to your requests through
blackmailing. Many people indulge in this misleading behavior simply to target the emotional sensitivity
of others so that they can convince them to do favors for them. This kind of behavior is insincere, unfair,
and dishonest; therefore, it must never be encouraged by giving in.

Emotional manipulation starts from a very early age without us even recognizing it. It happens when a
baby starts to cry endlessly when you take away their favorite toy to put them to sleep at bedtime. It
continues when a child starts to get upset and throws tantrums when you don’t let them eat junk good.
Individuals only get more skilled at this tactic and it cultivates over time for people to use it even as
adults.

In your professional life, you will come across many people who use emotional blackmailing as a way to
work things in their favor. It might begin with something as simple as your favorite coworker asking you
to sign them into work in the morning because they have such a terrible bad hangover from the night
before and simply aren’t in the state come in on time. After some time, this one-time favor will turn into
a habit and they will no longer even give you a reason for asking you to time them in. Over time, they
will start asking for more time-consuming favors and emotionally blackmail you into agreeing.

Emotional blackmail is one of the most common ways of people to convince others to do things they
may otherwise refuse to do. Some people only think about their self interest and use emotions quite
tactfully to get their own way. This is why, as an emotionally intelligent person, you must be able to
recognize the pattern in someone’s behavior when they are exploiting you.

You should not let people use you to their advantage through emotional blackmailing. They shouldn’t
always be able to get their way even when the favor they are asking you is inconvenient for you. So
remember to always recognize such situations and stand your ground firmly against emotional
blackmail. This is the only possible way to not fall prey to the emotional manipulation of others.
 Conclusion

As you know now, there are many different effective ways to develop your emotional intelligence. The
learning process begins by initially identifying what you feel to become more self aware so that you are
better able to communicate your own feelings. The journey of developing your emotional intelligence
then continues by altering your reactions to make them more acceptable to different environments and
practicing optimism to stay motivated in life.

The next important strategies to implement in life to enhance your emotional intelligence are empathy,
integration of values into emotions, and being adaptive towards change. Implementing these strategies
will allow you to guide your emotions towards a constructive and positive path. The next set of skills we
suggest you polish for boosting your emotional intelligence are stress management and conflict
resolution. They will surely help you live a happier and more fulfilling life.

The last thing we want you to be able to recognize as an emotionally intelligent person is the tactic of
emotional manipulation. Recognizing toxic behavior patterns and not falling prey to emotional blackmail
is an important step to safeguard your position against exploiters. We hope these simple guidelines help
you develop your overall emotional intelligence to excel in different aspects of life.