Compiled by Steve Jackson

Edited by J. David George

Cover Cartoons by Ben Sargent

Cover Design and Color by J. David George
Interior Art by J. David George, Paul Jaquays, Denis Loubet, Richard Mather,
Ben Sargent, Kim Strombo, Michael von Glahn, and J.D. Webster

Typography: Monica Stephens

Production: C. Mara Lee, Carl Manz and Czeslaw Somat
Managing Editor: Beverly Hale

Copyright© 1980, 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984, 1985, and 1988 by Steve Jackson Garnes.
All game names mentioned are trademarks of their respective publishers.
All rights reserved. Printed in the USA by Futura Communications.

Murphy's Rules ... . ............... . 2

The Mather Issues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
The Sargent Issues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
The von Glahn Issues .. ...... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29

Other Strange Stuff . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35

Kung Fu CB Mamas On Wheels vs.
the Motorcycle Aztec Wrestling Nuns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
Mailer Cover Cartoons . . ... .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
Nuclear Winter . ....... .... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
Famous Games Designers' School . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .... .. . 40
More Mailer Cover Cartoons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..... . . 42
Ten Characters I Wouldn't Let in My Universe ......... .. .. 43
Useless Tables . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44
Gamers' Glossary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .... ... 46
Wargaming Widows . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .... .. 48
Fun With Cthulhu ... . . . ............. . ....... Back Cover

2345678910

.__ __
MURPHY'S RULES
The first Murphy's Rules - reprinted below - Murphy's drew a lot of reaction. At every con-
appeared in November, 1981. It seemed like a good vention, people would come up to us to suggest new
idea at the time. ones, argue about old ones, or just tell us to keep
Come to think of it, I guess it really was a good running the feature. Most of the companies took it in
idea; it soon became our most talked-about feature. the spirit in which it was intended. One publisher put a
The original idea was to lampoon some of the sillier blowup of his Murphy's gig on his table at Origins.
rules of the games we all love. It soon went beyond Then again, one got so angry he called us and canceled
that, with features like "Games That Should Never Be his advertising. Thus is the balance of the universe
Played.'' But the basic idea remained to find game maintained.
rules that failed the Reality Check, and have some fun.
We knew perfectly well that there were often good - Steve Jackson
solid ''playability'' reasons for the
rules we gigged. That wasn't the
point. This was for fun, and if we
could get a good cartoon out of a rule,
we charged mercilessly ahead . . .
even if it was on one of our own
games.

Our first Murphy's artist was

Richard Mather. His punked-out
paladins and befuddled astronauts set
the pattern for the series. After nine
issues, Richard gave up Murphy's,
and the feature disappeared from the
pages of Space Gamer for several
issues.
Then . . . we got Sargent. Ben
Sargent is the Pulitzer Prize-winning
editorial cartoonist for the Austin
American-Statesman. He's also a
wargamer. The hand that draws
skulking, demented politicos was
perfect for Murphy's. And Ben was a
lot of fun to work with!
All good things come to an end;
eventually, Ben had to drop the series
due to other commitments. Our third
and final artist was Michael von
Glahn, who took over with issue 71.
Pn'Y TBE RUSSIANS
Michael drew six Murphy's before a.-...
111e p11y. _ .... ,_or
the magazine was sold to DTI, in late Fh Fli/ll. It - dlliped MID lmlncdoa CRAWLING THE CATACOMBS
tool f« the Army; Ille - - - - - ~
1985. ..lllty nnMl-ced, to "'-di" the plly. .
11w·iadoor - t raee ID Dtt...
&boat 1X1lca. _.- ~ DNi- ii 12 feet I ........

2 Space Gamer 45 - November 1981

 SHORT RANGE WEAPONS
In Raid cm Iran, it i• lm1~0R>ible
street.

SUICIDE ON THE STEPPES

Tire Ru,>iian Civil !Var was lo
simulate -chaotic <:onditions in Russia l 91 r.
ean get for their own

cmnp1Jtc1rs described for the distant

future 111 are not ::ts efficient as some
whlch exist

WATERY DOOM
The countern for Tiran are
with water-soluble ink. A
Coke cai1 out •n

Space Gamer 46 – December 1981 3

 REPRODUCTION PROBLEM
Star Patrol incllldell !he following:
"SEX - This table ill not wrually neees-
lilll"Y as S<>X would hardly ever crop up in
a: gruDt!'.H

SONAR SILLINESS HARMONIOUS FEET

In Torpedo Fire, !he ronvoy player ln Skull & Crossbones. a kick is about as dangerous as • sword blow.
hllll about • 20% chanoe of • false sjglll·
ing per minute. Thal averages out to
almost 300 faille sjghtin;;• eacb day.

4 Space Gamer 47 – January 1982

 "YOU SROULD'VE SEEN THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY!"
Orl'ltlm:il D&D a "%in liar" for eru::h monster lisred.
error; the correct word is ~'lair. n
creatorn of the Ardul• Gr/moire. in imic!aling
gave a''% liar" for all their monsters.

"BOOTLEGGER REVERSE. MR. SULU!"

A can from 6 to a dead stop by
around. to Star

SIZZLING SIMULATIONS
NATO illcludea the !0Uow:1ng: "To simu- PROMISES, PROMISES ••.
late the use simp· The moderator of the pla·y-by·n1llil
soak., the map apply a Lords flaletia considers
though If any turns have
Mlranda ed in the Jas:t thrt~c years,

Space Gamer 48 – February 1982 5

unlts as Aruc:rican
hri~ai:!e•
and sarnura~ dlvlsl<Hls.

the rt"Sl of the party

DWARVES ON MOTORCYCLES
The com bat and rnofemx:nt factorn in l~nrds
earth arc ri:verstM.t ·raken the rules aUow
SO:ttlC units to move aero£" the game: n1ap ,and back in a
tum,

GENERIC
WEAPONS
In Adventures

6 Space Gamer 49 – March 1982

 an arm and hand. '"
.,.,dil attempt tu thrvrlle
tltvzc not sbnilar to lh0i11. , , , Gori!la·fuued
c~at'Jres who have uo teeth,
life is Lo get 011e of their

Character <:rear
tion lrt Ru"e(iuesJ
in\'Qjv,es over
1 l,i:S::::'::-'"" drcd steps. l< Cllll
v take a tHJvice tw-0
or llu« hrs. (SI'«'
/"S~= Opera character:;;
"'· --- cm tak.:: twice that

THE TRIPLETS OF
CRANE
lo 1llt Trfbts cf
OIJnc, a tribe's p-0pu-
latk•n Cilfl htc1ea,~

a
to 1O"Jt a m<tntlt, ';::!:::'.J.;..;J
which n1;ti;;es f.,,
sense oruy if
fcmde '' rnn&tnr>tly
with

Space Gamer 50 – April 1983 7

 TAKE THAT! ... AND THAT! , AND THAT!
It takes about ten blows w!th • battle axe lo
a medium·hlgh level D&D even if he
no armor. In addition, in Basie D&IJ
{for example), ten such blows would take more
than a minute and a half lo ae<:ornplllsh

HERNIOl'TllRA
In Chitin: !,
worker can carry comrades
back to the hive,

"""ll
STOP WATCH BATILES
turn in Siar Fleel Battles
works onl to one·tllirlielh of a
SENATOR REDMOND IS
WATCHING, ..
The nlll11ea of Freedmn In lh• Gaf..
second. During this: a can oxy characters are anagrams for the
maneuver; fire a:JI weapons, and names of SP! empla•yet:s
send out a party.

8 Space Gamer 51 – May 1982

 DIAPERS AND DRAGONS'/
In Qrlgi11fll D&D, you could have a player-ch;ara<:ter bal·
rog, •• long•• you started with • one.

WE WILL FIGHT THEM ON THE TABLES, WE WILL

FIGHT mHM ON THI! SOFAS •..
In Battle of Brlrain. m11St individual
trru:I<; of every airplane that in the baUle.
MircuuJa

THE ENGINES CANNA TAKE IT, CAP'N!

The Fitderatltm Spare n<>t•• menti<>n that "The
. movement factors exeeed the maximum
Jn Star F1f!l!t Battles) by • co11sidem.ble nlli<rJ!ln. ls
be<:ause even at ih emergency it would
take the Federation's years to reach the
Klingcm border!n

THAT'S WHAT
FRIENDS ARE FOR
In Car Wars, a char·
acter cannot tommit
suicide with a .44 mag~

age,
someone unconscious.
And tf he's: unt>on ..
tile distmugbt
soul can't try

Space Gamer 52 – June 1982 9

 WEST SIDE MEI.EE
111 the section of "Other
We:tpons" in TFT are such
favorites as Ille
baseball bat and
chain. (Arrayed on the field
at dawn, the Sharks to the
east, and the Jets to the
ms! .•. J

SUICIDE IS PAINLESS
In Ch11mpkms, tl!e """''II" man can walk away from a !lire°'
story fall and has a chance of surviving a ten-
slory pluinm•ot

OR, MEET THE

USS ST. HELJLIVS
Alien Space's
llgllling
shoot magma at
one another.

/I
(
~
I SENSE... GOLDEN ARCHES.•
In Origimd D&D, some swords had the
ability lo "detect meal and what kind."
O'Brien

10 Space Gamer 53 – July 1982

 Of A~ IN TSK$
GAMM.6. \S GMlt JS UF.OOONIY 43.7
1<11.0MEiE ISIJNUS..k.VAWE ~ ~10
1"E 05'ERl.. ~Of N!CIJt' '1.3 MILES·· (J1,,, &_,,)
]!!di.

Space Gamer 59 – January 1983 11

12 Space Gamer 60 – February 1983
Space Gamer 61 – March 1983 13
14 Space Gamer 62 – April 1983
Space Gamer 63 – May/June 1983 15
16 Space Gamer 64 – July/August 1983
Fantasy Gamer 1 – August/September 1983 17
 !UN />faJT IF HE'S DEAD?'
111 Ta:ik lblll!le ~NG PARlY,ile !1Ab ~JM
frx-tk lraaJ ti &1Mkiig &st a hr.uta! r~~-fo
~ 11~ 1'may peirm tt:> otl.er- ~
Jiile ~i~ 14~11*' {-8"9 bllaJ,}
~~

18 Space Gamer 65 – September/October 1983

Fantasy Gamer 2 – October/November 1983 19
20 Space Gamer 66 – November/December 1983
Fantasy Gamer 3 – December/January 1984 21
22 Space Gamer 67 – September 1983
Fantasy Gamer 4 – February/March 1984 23
24 Space Gamer 68 – March/April 1984
Fantasy Gamer 5 – April/May 1984 25
26 Space Gamer 69 – May/June 1984
 ~-·------
Fantasy Gamer 6 – June/July 1984 27
28 Space Gamer 70 – July/August 1984
 11'\l'OP;mMT i)ATE -
" h<r<> .,.,,,. - • U1>et"l!•"'''"
<114.,.;+,; +;,,,d·1•.- ""' r.- '*h.....
S+.."c fd•rsi>n)

SAUNA AND
In Cl\!!. WllAS
_. f.d

MAYBE THEY JUST THINK FAST-

Al~ .,,.,.~ ,i...,.• .i...,. in 'Ql.J.i• MERCEN!IRIE5,
Sl'lES i!i- l'RIWl1E h"" "·s,~" ...il-r:lw+•,
+h¢:re are \f\O tli\ti-$ ¥#'1:0Ve1¥t.-nf.~ . .

Space Gamer 71 – November/December 1984 29

TH£Y pow'r ~ PEJ)IEST"ftl/WS
Ula> 11111!'1" (,!Sit> 'll:> '•"'

bl ~ve J"'*- G-•'

CPI?,~. f;,WQ ~­
• t\111 IJ\to ~
Cid!
.llfi. full {;Ji; ~ M e\91
di~ a dy"! .r-
• tlllf"l't't. ...
(..Jiin~)
\ l
I

THE CM!S l\ll!E Geml\G

1Ht'.lJGil ...,
"1 ~ ~All:le>,
PRJV/i11! e'>/f!lS'
~ tQ.:>
mph f'd111 a t:ank,
demot..li ff:., Ol'l:I will
rllmlai?\ ~!>le. hslf'
tlie

30 Space Gamer 72 – January/February 1985

Space Gamer 73 – March/April 1985 31
 NO PROPELLER , OTHERWISE iHE: SAME - -

(--

WATCH OUT Fl.II\ iHOSE: FLOOR t'ULl~HIEK">

In STAR Fl'iONTIE!\'l (!SR), a
'10'1'. dnntf. ta kit with ll wupon.

THIS IS A Jot! FOR

GRANDMA MOSES
11'1 MARVEL SUPER HEMES
a kero rum> 11t 11
top of
l.2 1"1p'1'

WH.'f lllllN'T WE: iHiNK Of TH.IS IN 1'1"12?

On """''ll
<><11•5 of +11 f(<! Cof'll
INl71ANA JONES
~

32 Space Gamer 74 – May/June 1985

 ATOf"llC TNT?
In AFTER.MATH (F<::.u). a om:Ao11 charqe of hiqh
t.J<plosive wiH l<ill nearl'f tv-el'y h\1rr19 *1.109 iri
1'00 so..uare 1>
KlloMetl:.rs. .. (--61'eq Port11.I')

MON! AMl'IO,
. 'I .
.
I ZINK l'llE GOT
HIM '\IORRlEO... !
I

TIIERE'S SAFETY
IN NUMBERS - -
J:l'I Ch aosiuM'!i R.llllGWOR.LD COMl'AN ION, <in <1l1'e n
wc;ipon called i+te ''NAi< 6un'' GU'\ \:le Ti'all'er'Se·fired
a<.ross ar1 -art:a, <livi<lin9 its d11M<1qe aM011q <1 \I
Tal'qttl:i. llnTiirtvn1tely, the rule i<; worded' so fuot
any ~roup of l10:r More 'f<li'qtts i~ invuh1,n1ble 11l trarr1 ..
(· • P,·erf'<! Savo•e)

Space Gamer 75 – July/August 1985 33

 GSLRSH SMR'ZL. MOM 'N DAD--
In RUNEQUE.ST III (Avalon H;ll), +wo P"oi.le from
1!.e S<1t11e villa~, spe<lkin;; 1!.e S!l"11! \o.n'o"'f',
o. 1 in 3 ch<>flC'11 +o+ally miStmdl!rshnl·
<!?~ oihef'. ( - - P,.,Jph Sizer)

SINUS TROUBLE··
In FGU's <>.dve11ture KIN& OVER THE
WATEf:\, a ch.. r<1c1'er mu.st m"ke a Se111se
l\cuitv roll f<l de+ecl- a of sixtec!n d.e"d
ra+s. L..Prad<a)

SLANTED MEDIA COVERAGE --

HEAVY-WlY RAPID FIRE--

In TRAVELLER (G-DW) a spacesw.ps we"l'°ns
can f;re onl'f ollel! sixteen minol'eo,. Most
b.11-11!5 l«st hour5. ( - - Davi.I c. Se"'r""'~

34 Space Gamer 76 – September/October 1985

 Other Strange
Stuff
Of course, Murphy's wasn't the only strange
thing we ever did. A lot of the really weird stuff
appeared on the mailer covers - so nobody but the
subscribers ever saw them at all. Well, here they are.
Kung Fu CB Mamas on Wheels vs. the Motor-
cycle Aztec Wrestling Nuns: Back in 1984, one of our
distributors (who shall remain mercifully nameless)
thought that our game titles were getting a bit bizarre.
So he made up a game name - that one - and listed it
in his catalog as one of our products. I don't know if
he ever got any calls for it or not ... but when word
got back to SJ Games, we thought he had a fine idea.
So the whole staff got together and made up the errata
for that nonexistent game ... and printed it. We fol-
lowed up !.he next month with the Character Record
Sheet. By the way, if you ever really want to upset
people, make a half-dozen photocopies of that charac-
ter sheet, fill them in any old way, and leave them
lying around a game convention. Preferably right
before the news reporters arrive.
from Space Gamer 35 - January 1981
<
---
Mailer Cover Cartoons: Some of these - like the
one below - were really worth reprinting.
Nuclear Winter: Greg Costikyan takes post-
holocaust roleplaying to the final extreme.
Famous Game Designers' School: It seemed like
a good idea at the time.
Ten Characters I Wouldn 't Let in My Universe: A
collection of abominations from the twisted minds of
the Space Gamer staff.
Useless Tables and Gamers' Glossary: Over the
years we ran a bunch of contests. The ones that drew
the best results were those that invited the readers to
parody games and gaming. Here are the winners of
two of our most successful.
Wargaming Widows: Martha Ladyman gives us
the other side of the story.
Fun With Cthulhu: I wish I remember who
thought this up, so I could thank them properly and
have them put away. But Kim Strombo's art from
another dimension is even better in color.
UH ••. , WHAT A COJNC I OE:NCE !
W~ 'RE. CHAOTIC EVIL 100 .1
35
~uqg t!f'•• CB ~ania~ oq_9f~el~ ~ tltF ~oto~yele ~ztee 9V~~tliqg ~uius
g»layet"Ouuhetet"~e~dl ~¥et
Player_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ __ Character_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
Character's Age._ _ _ _ _ Heigh.._ _ _ _ _ Weight._ _ _ _ _ Gender_ _ _ __ Eye color_ _-'---
Number of toes._ _ _ _ Religio.~----------- Politics (if any)._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
Driver's license? Dyes Ono

Attributes Move in Phase: (circle one)

Strength ( S T ) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0
Dexterity (DX) - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - .-.
'
Religious Fervor (RF) - - - - - - - - - - - - - x 10 x20 x30 x40 x50 x60 x70 x80 . x90
Obnoxiousness (OX)--- - - - -- - - - - - -
Psychosis (PS) - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - xlOO x200 x300 x400 x500 x600 x700 x800 x900
Type: (check one or more)
DParanoid DHomicidal x' x• xtO

OSchizoid DSuicidal
OManic DMegalomaniac
DDepressive DChaotic Attack Damage Level
Bloodthirstiness (BT) Punch 1 2 3
Frenzied Uncontrollable Raging Dementia (FURD) _ __ Kick 1 2 3
Comeliness (CM) - - - - - - - - - -- - - - Claw 3 4 5
Gouge 4 5 6
Roundhouse Swing 9 10 11
Sacrifices: Roundhouse Kick 11 12 13
Animal: 3-Legged Kick 33 36 39
Human: virgin Berserkergang 40 45 50
non-virgin Grenade Launcher 100 200 300

Strawberry Cream Cheese? Dyes Ono Weapons:

Marshmallow Sauce? Oonce O twice Omore than twice _ __.None _ __..,Spiked wristband
Pudding: chocolate _ __.Pistol _ _Spiked cr:ucifix ·
vanilla _ _Rifle _ _Spiked habit
_ _SMG _ __,.,Spiked holy water
(advanced rules) butterscotch - - - - - - -
_ _Holy water _ _Grenade launcher

Skills:
Cycling - - - - - -
Kung F u - - - - - -
Wrestling
Hail Mary _ _ _ __
Jump-starting - - - - -
Piercing scream _ _ __
Grenade launcher _ __
Cryptography

Note: Please insert a '.'TM" after every capitalized word. Thank you.
36 Space Gamer 69 - May/June 1984
 edftatajoI

m;.qgoq_
9'u CB ~·nua~
,----.------- - - ---
9fheel~

~ tlfF
~oto.i,~fe ~ztee
UV~~tliqg ~Uttfi
Delete the artwork. The art on the box cover and title page of
the rules was supposed to have appeared in Raid on the Nazi
Seraglio. Substitute the above artwork instead.

Page 1, • 1. Replace "knives and guns" with "chocolate pudding."

Paae 1, •1; page 3, 112; page S, 14; page 7, 111. Replace "pink
rosebuds" with "blue daisies".
Paae 3, •s. In the second sentence, please move the phrase
beginning with "boring" and ending with ''unbelievably
dull slice of Americana" to after the words "Peoria,
Illinois, a".
Page 12, •21. Insert "chocolate pudding" after "decadent".
Page lS, Table 3. This table should be labelled "Flagellation"
rather than "Strawberry Cream Cheese".
Page 17, 113- S. Ignore these rules. They were pasted up by
mistake, and actually belong in our upcoming release,
Dimension Zombies Meet the Nazi Hell Creatures.
Page 13, 117. There is no Scar Generation Table. Ignore this rule.
Page 22. The whole page should read "A roundhouse kick to the
CB antenna will cause pregnancy in all females within 20 Page 17, 11Sa. Replace "chocolate pudding" with "marshmallow
yards. The child will be bom in a cab unless someone sauce". ·
riding a Honda throws the mother-to-be into a volcano as Pages l - 73. To keep our lawyers happy, insert a " TM" after
a sacrifice to the Grappling God.
every capitalized word.
Page 12, 14. Boy Scouts are considered " innocent bystanders",
Page 19. Spiked wristbands on the nuns' habits do 3 pts. of
not " obstacles".
damage to Comeliness.
Page S, Table 7. Delete the category " Unsportsmanlike Con-
Page 32. Delete the "Second Hail Mary" Division from the
duct" from the Penalty Chart.
opening setup. Historically, they did not appear until the
Pages S and 6, Table 8. Add "3 to 1 or better" to "Fortuitous second day.
Circumstances".
Paie ·2; top line. Delete "Hysterical Laughter" from the Combat
Results Table. Replace with "Chain Saw Mas8acre".
Page 14, •6. Ignore the " 3-legged kick" option on the Martial Tragically, all remaining stocks of the classic
Attacks List. We're saving mutants for the sequel. Kung Fu CB Mamas on Wheels vs. the Motorcycle
Aztec Wrestling Nuns were destroyed by fire ants
Page IS, Table S. Under " Roundhouse Swing," the value for during the great Austin flood of 1982, and the
"Golden Retriever Attacks" should be 4 instead of 5.
game will probably never be reprinted. However,
Page 17, 15. You may not jump-start a car using a rosary. seven or eight people had already purchased
Tactical Map. Jackson Brown is not a terrain feature. Puce is copies. Maybe now they will be able to play . . .
rough terrain and fuchsia clear, not the other way around.

Space Gamer 68 - March/April 1984 37

 Mailer Cover Cartoons

from Space Gamer 56 - October 1982

from Space Gamer 60 - February 1983

I KNOW T!iE MooN The Insidious Dr. Amoeba

lSN'T RJLL. l'M
A WASH-A~O-~

from Space Gamer 54 - August 1982

Space Gamer Archvillain Collector Stamp No. 65

38
 The Realistic After-the-Holocaust Game

.NUCLEAR WINTER
by Greg Costikyan
Credits
Design: Greg Costikyan
Development: Joe Balkoski, John M. Ford, and Nick Quane
(1.0) The 90-Minute War Table
1-4 You survive the first strike; roll on table 2.0.
5- 6 You are killed in the fireball.
(2.0) Fallout Table
1-5 You survive the fallout with only minor radiation sickness;
roll on table 3.0.
6 You are killed by the radiation.
(3.0) Collapse of Civilization Table
1-3 You survive the collapse of the food distribution network, the
marauding bands, etc.; roll on table 4.0.
4-6 You die at the hands of looters, from starvation, etc.
(4.0) Nuclear Winter Table
1-6 A cloud of dust encircles the globe. Global temperatures drop
by several degrees. Most plant life dies because it does not receive
enough light. The glaciers advance. All animals larger than the rat
become extinct. You die.
(5.0) Optional: If you live in New Jersey, add one to all die-rolls.
(6.0) Optional: Each time you take a breath, mark off one breath box.
When all six boxes have been marked off, you are dead.
0 0 0 0 0 0
Designer's Notes: For some reason, after-the-holocaust games seem
real popular right now. Why is beyond me; I can think of few more
depressing environments in which to live. In addition, most such
games are patently ludicrous; a few years after a full-scale nuclear
exchange, nothing will be left but the rats and the roaches. However, I
might as well cash in on the trend, too.

Coming Soon from Costikyan Publishing Empire

RAT AND ROACH WAR
The sequel to Nuclear Winter

Space Gamer 75 - July/August 1985 39

 Fame, power, and money (hundreds of dollars a year!)
The Famous can be yours as a Game Designer! Just draw the hexagon
above.
Your drawing can be any size except a tracing. Use

Game Designers' pencil, pen, or crayon. Every qualified applicant (for a list
of qualifications, send money) will receive somebody's
estimate of his or her hexagon.

School The Famous Game Designers' School is looking for pros-

pective students who would like to spend great amounts of
money for a home-study course which could possibly teach
them something about the prestigious and lucrative art of
game design.
Send your entry today.
Draw the Hexagon
Name - - - -- - - - - - - -- - - - - - -
Address-- - -- - -- -- - - - - - - - -
City _ __ _ _ _ __ _ State _ _ Zip - - - -

Monthly Disposable Income - - - -- - - - - - -

Unfortunately, space does not allow us to list our dis-

tinguished faculty in its entirety .. . but on these pages is
some of their work. You, too, can design a game like this!

Famous Game Designers' School I Good Taste Games

c/o The Space Gamer
P.O. Box 18957
Austin, TX 78760-8957

The Complete Generic Role-Playing Game

by Pat Mueller and Mike Stackpole

Chapter 1: Character Generation. Each character has six

attributes which are rolled up on three six-sided dice. ·
Chapter 2: Saving Rolls. There are times when you need
saving rolls. Roll two dice.
Chapter 3: Magic. Magic is an integral part of every fan-
tasy role-playing game. ·
Chapter 4: Arms and Armor. Anns and armor are neces-
sary for combat. Anns are offensive*; annor is defensive.
Chapter 5: Combat. See Chapter 4.
Chapter 7: Monsters. You fight these in combat; see
Chapter 5.
Chapter 8: Game Mastering. This is where one person
tells a bunch of other people what has happened so they
can decide what to do. You'll need some dice.

Coming soon: Chapter 6 - the first supplement to The

Complete Generic RPG!

*Annpits are worse.

40 Space Gamer 62 - April 1983

 Turtles, Turtles and More Turtles

It's three feet long and loaded with armor.

It can live for 300 years.
You can barely see it move.
It's the TURTLE.
Now you can be this awesome war machine. You can
crawl about, immune to all attack. You can retreat into
your shell at the first sign of trouble.

Game Rules:
1. Find a large box.
2. Climb inside.
3. Crawl·about slowly.
4. If frightened, retreat into shell.

Game Design: Chris Zakes, Norman Banduch, J. David

George, Chris Smith.
Playtesting: J . David George

Simple Wargame
3.0 Combat Results Table
by Steve.J ackson Heads You Win
Tails You Lose
1.0 The Board
4.0 Play Sequence
4.1 Pick Up Counter
4.2 Place on Board
4.3 Flip Coin*
4.4 Consult CRT (Combat Results Table)
4.41 Heads: you win (leave counter on board)
4.42 Tails: you lose (remove counter from board)

*Coin not included. Pennies will suffice, but half-dollars or

silver dollars may be substituted for greater complexity and
realism.
2.0 The Counter

D
Designer's Notes: This game dates back to the Persians,
who played a crude version in which the board was thirteen
feet across. The counter was made of stone and took forty
slaves to lift; as a result, play was slow. Modern gamers have
speeded play, but have not modified the basic futility of
the system.

Space Gamer 62 - April 1983 41

More Mailer Cover Cartoons

SUPPEI> f>/JJ<
A(:,A/N?
from Space Gamer 63 - May/June 1983

"I'd feel better if we knew

what all these balls were for."

from Space Gamer 62 - April 1983

Mr. Cthulhu, this is your wlke-up call .•.

from Space Gamer 61 - March 1983

42
 .Ten
Everyone who referees or plays a roleplay-
ing game - fantas~,. science fiction, or what-
have-you - has his own favorite non-player
character. And, like as not, that NPC will be a
truly outrageous specimen. Recently, a discus-
sion of truly memorable NPCs bore strange
fruit indeed. The ten best (or worst) follow ...
·we haven't given specific characteristics
for any particular game systems; after all,
these are the characters we don't play. If
you're brave enough to try them, working out
the attributes for your system should be no
problem. But don't say you weren't warned.
Elvish Presley. This half-elven bard is dis-
tinguished by his guitar, pointed ears, and pot-
belly. He is a skilled bard with a high charisma
(especially to the opposite sex). But not every-
one likes his music ....
Daniel Boom. An outdoors type, this hardy
soul loves loud noises. His favorite hobby is
bear-hunting with grenades . (Note, found
carved on a shattered tree: "Dan'! Boom kilt a
bar somewhere in this general vicinity . .. . ")
The Wight Brothers. A pair of undead
bicycle mechanics. Killed in a flying gadget
they built themselves, they still roam the earth,
driven by their mad ambition to fly . Somehow.
Anyhow! If you have the ability (magical or
otherwise) to help them achieve their goal,
they may befriend you. In addition to their un-
dead powers, they are both expert mechanics.
But if a party has (for instance) a Ring of
Flying, and the Wights cannot bargain for it,
they will try to take it.
Captain Q14irk. Seems like an excellent
sort when you run into him in a bar on Anthrax
IV - . cleancut, upright, tough and experi-
from"Space Gamer 42.- August 1981
Space Gamer 32, October 1980
.
Characters I Wouldn't
' .
Let 1n My Universe
enced. Hire him for your exploration trip and
you'll be sorry. His hobby is exploring strange
worlds . . . to seek out new highs. New in-
civilities. To boldly smoke what no man has
smoked before! Away from civilization, he
goes wholly ape, sampling native vegetation
right and left. There is a small possibility that
he'll die; a medium possibility he'll get sick; a
medium possibility he will discover a new
drug, which he'll then try to smuggle back
home in your ship. His motto: "Space is
warped. Me, too!"
- Steve Jackso11
Sailbad the Sinner. The name tells it all.
Board his ship and there's no telling where
you'll end up. Or when. Or in what state of
debauchery.
- Ed Grotheus
Honda Ka wasaki. Samurai/paladin; likes
to ride down ores with his magic steed,
Vroom. Honda wears dirty leather armor with
strange runes on the back. Favors flexible
weapons. He can fix anything.
Earlick of Mendelbawn. This perverted
albino wanders around with his mighty sword,
Sturmuntdrang. Under all circumstances, Ear-
lick feels sorry for himself. He will endlessly
bore his companions with pitiful stories about
the fall of Mendelbaum, the deaths of all his
family and friends, etc. He attributes all his
misfortunes to bad luck. When confronted
with danger, Earlick will either {a) draw Stur-
muntdrang, wind up, and·clip the man behind
him, or (b) call on some force too powerful for
him to control, in hopes it will do him a favor.
Either way, there will soon be another disaster
for him to add to his list of woes.
Conman the Borbarion. A big, tough war-
rior, covered with scars and bulging muscles.
He will be found in a tavern, talking about his
adventures and having "one for the road." It
will soon become apparent that Conman is
itching to go after an immense treasure he
knows of, guarded by some relatively trivial
.
monsters. "Ah, if only I had a few stout
shield-brothers (sigh)." Parties that go with
Conman will vanish. Conman himself will be
back in the tavern in a week or so, telling how
his friends were devoured by dragons and he
himself barely escaped. However, their weap-
ons and gear will turn up in the local pawn-
shops. The tavernkeeper tolerates Conman, as
he never seems to run out of drinking money.
Fastfood and the Grey Muncher. This
rotund pair is pretty good in combat, but defi-
nitely not worth the supplies they consume. On
an extended trip, they will run short of food.
At this point, the duo will chorus, "Let's go
foraging!' ' and will go seeking their favorite
foods. Fastfood likes dragon tongue. The
Grey Muncher favors barbecued balrog. If the
party agrees to this mad proposal, they will in-
evitably fmd what they are looking for. If they
decide to stay in camp, Fastfood and his com-
panion will return a few hours later, belching
and boasting of the meals they have had. They
will talk endlessly about food, while their com-
rades get hungrier and hungrier ....
- Forrest Joh11so11
Uselysses. A heroic wanderer and mis-
placed (i.e., lost) king, renowned for his care-
ful and cunning planning. He will usually be
found waterlogged and unarmed, wandering
in a labyrinth, carefully planning how he's
going to get out. If the party which encounters
him is attacked, Uselysses will cunningly plan
his foes' defeat, even as they hack him to
minestrone. Roll 1 die every day; on a roll of
6, another immortal being has become furious
with hjm, and will make one attempt to oblit-
erate him and the party: Whatever happens to
anyone else, Uselysses will escape to continue
his wandering.
- Aaron Allsto11
[Editor's Note: Some of you may have
11oticed that there are really 12 characters, 11ot
IO. To you we say, so what?]
"I said 'easy,' Mr. Sulu!"
43
 Use less Tables
Pizza Generation Tables 3: Liquid-filled crystal sphere, always warm sunlight burns!"
to the touch 19 "Sorry! Can't talk right now! This build-
Cooking (roll 2d6) 4: Silver arrow on a string, will always point ing is about to blow up!''
2: Uncooked to the person holding the string 20 " Help! We're being robbed! I - aaarrgh
3: Piping hot (straight out of the oven) 5: Gold ring that turns itself invisible when . .. "(click)
4: Quite warm (5-10 minutes out) placed on a finger 21-22 "This is the year 2054. May we be of
5: Lukewarm (30 minutes to 1 hour) 6: Sword with a piece of wood in the handle assistance?"
6: Slightly cool (1-3 hours) and a cross etched on its blade (no magic 23-24 "This is Madame Olga. I see all and
7: Cold (3-5 hours) of any kind) know all. To whom am I speaking?"
8: Stale (1 day) 7: Mace of Sharpness 25-26 "Dick is out. Jane is out. Spot is out.
9: Feed it to the dog (2-3 days) 8: Coin with the words "Yes" and "No" on This is their answering machine. I am
10: Dog refuses (3-7 days) its two sides. When flipped and asked a in. The beep is in. At the sound of the
11 : Feed it to the Ores (1-4 weeks) question, it always lands on edge beep leave your name. At the sound of
12: Use it as a shield (more than 4 weeks) 9: Scabbard of sword resistance: no sword the beep leave your message. Beep!"
can be sheathed in it 27-28 "This is John Potz, worm cultivator."
Ingredients (roll percenrile dice)
10: Lance of Quixote: + 10 against 29-30 "You?! Well, your mother! That's
01-09: no ingredients (cheese only)
Windmills, -2 against any other target if right! Your mother!!!"
10-17: 1 from column A (meats)
a windmill is within 400 yards 31-32 "Harvey Hathaway, hit man. I hit who
18-25: 1 from column B (vegetables)
11: Staff of ever-changing: a stout oaken staff you hate. Prices range from $10,000 to
26-32: 1 from column A, 1 from column B
that turns to raw silk when used as a $50,000."
33-39: 2 from column A 33-34 "This is Fred Farnum speaking to you
weapon
40-46: 2 from column B 12: Ring of invulnerability: the ri11g can from the grave."
47-52: 2 from column A, 1 from column B 35-36 "Dis is Louis. Whose is youse?"
never be damaged
53-58: 1 from column A, 2 from column B 37-38 "Hello, you're on the air. May I assist
59-63: 2 from column A, 2 from column B
-Jay Rudin
Fantasy Gamer 1, Aug./Sept. 1983 you?"
64-69: 3 from column A 39-40 "Hi. If you can tell me how to spell
70-75: 3 from column B
MJsdialed Number Table c/.oaca, you will win $2,000!"
76-80: 3 from column A, 1 from column B 41-43 ••Austin Police Department.••
81-85: 1 from column A, 3 from column B Answerer's Respo11se (perce11tile dice) 44-46 "ABCDE FGHIJK LMNOP Q
86-89: 3 from column A, 2 from column B 01 "Shhh! Don't talk, just list.en! Meet me at RS TU V W X Y Z!" (click)
90-93: 2 from column A, 3 from column B the comer of Broad and Main and bring 47-49 "Hi! Are you calling to buy the parent
94-96: 3 from column A, 3 from column B the girl." (click) dissolver or the organic lycanthrope
97-98: Supreme (all ingredients from A 02 "Martin's Mutilated Meat Market.
pills?"
andB) Marvin Martin here." 50-52 "This is Alexander Trumble. and this
99: Supreme, hold the anchovies 03 "Don't ever call me again!" (click)
is the Twilight Zone."
00: Supreme plus one from column C 04 "Congratulations! You've just won an 53-55 " This is Captain Blood, supervillain
all~xpense-paid trip to the Arctic!"
Colum11 A (ld6) Colum11 B (ld6) for hire."
05 "So! You've found me! Well, you won't 56-58 " It's no use! Your call won't get
(Meat) (Vegetable) stop me! Tomorrow I unleash Microbe through! We now control the telephone
1 bacon 1 onion X!" (click)
2 ground beef 2 green olive company!"
06 "You co11tinue to call? Good! Now I can 59-61 "If you take off your skin, it will get
3 pepperoni 3 black olive place the Curse of the Rats on you!" very cold outside."
4 ham 4 jalapeno (click) 62-65 " Hel/.o, this is Death. I am not in right
5 sausage 5 green pepper 07 "Joe's Morgue. You stab 'em, we slab
6 anchovy
now, buJ if you will leave your name
6 mushroom 'em." a"'d number, I'll be right with you!"
08 "Secret headquarters of Clowns for 66-69 "Hello. This is Walt.er Masters. I am
Colum11 C (ld6) Crust (perce11tile dice) Crime. Bozo speaking."
(Utterly Ridiculous) 01-65: Thin I crispy undoubtedly one of the most interesting
09 "You realize, of course, that while you people you are going to run across in
1 peanutbutte r 66-00: Thick I gooey are wasting your time calling people on
2 chocolate ice cream your meager life. Why are you calling
the phone, millions are starving." me?"
3 maple syrup 1O ••Admit it! You have no idea who I am!••
4 toothpaste 70-73 "Run! Run! The little blue men are
11 "Calling for help won't do any good! We coming. Ru11! Aarrgghh!"
S granola have taken over your town today. and
6 asstd. nuts & bolts 74-77 "Hang up! Right now! Just hang up!"
tomorrow we'll take over your world!" 78-81 "Eggs taste terrible when they're not
12 "If you don't have a good reason for call- salted properly."
Outre Magic Items ing me, I swear I will kill myselfl" 82-86 "Hello?"
Not all magic research pans out. There will 13 "Hi! Wannna have sex?" 87-91 "You pervert! Call me again and I'll
be a few magic it.ems that do not work at all, 14 "International Transmutual Conglomera- rip out your small intestine and tie it
have a function that is of no use to an adven- tion of Associates. May I help you?" around your scrawny little neck, you
turer, or perhaps cannot be activated. 15 "By calling this number, you have trig-
geek!"
gered a relay that will blow up your 92-99 "The number you have reached has
(ld12) phone." been changed to an unpublished num-
i: Rod of Rulership with 100 charges. will 16 "It's -37! Okay? -37! Sheesh! Some ber."
only work when submerged in the blood people!" (click) 00 (Busy signal)
ofCthulhu 17 "Adolf Hitler speaking." - Michael E. lacca
2: Pyramid of chicken legs, with an egg in 18 "Renfield! I told you never to call me Fantasy GIUMr I, Aug./Sept. 1983
the. exact cent.er (no known function) during the daytime! You know how the

44
 Arcturan Lasagna Ingredient Table Hallucinogens in Car Wars Random Pole.amt Generation
(ldl2 twice - three times ifyou're brave!) (Roll I d6 twice for each seco11d of combat to (3d6)
1: Bubbling sauce see what isn't there.) 3 Ox Tongue
2: Contains small, green squishy things 1,1 Rabbit in road, choose a random (Dl or 4 Bill
3: Squirming noodles greater) maneuver to miss it. 5 Bill Hook
4: Bouncing noodles 1,2 Tires fly off the car, treat as D3 hazard 6 Glaive
S: Airborne noodles to try and chase them down. 7 Guisarme
6: Glowing sauce 1,3 IS' rabbit appears in road, choose a 8 Voulge
7: 1-4 noodles teleport about each tum D4+ maneuver to miss it. 9 Guisarme Voulge
8: Noodles slide along all surfaces regard- 1,4 Foam dice start talking and catch 10 Glaive Guisarme
less of gravity driver's attention, so no further actions 11 Glaive Voulge
9: The material coheres in an amorphous this round (go straight). 12 Guisarme Glaive
blob l,S Hands grow into steering wheel, D3 13 Voulge Guisarme
10: Contains long red stringy things hazard from shock. 14 VoulgeGlaive
11: Striped noodles - roll two colors 1,6 Gas pedal swallows foot, D2 hazard and 15 Glaive Glaive
12: Dotted noodles - roll two colors continue straight. 16 Glaive Guisarme Voulge
2,1 Opponent's car sprouts mushrooms, 17 Voulge Glaive Guisarme
Subtable A: Shape of Noodles decelerate 30 mph to miss it. 18 Glaive Glaive Glaive Guisarme Glaive
2,2 Road sprouts mushrooms, decelerate 10 -Jim Simo11s
1 Rectangle 7 Hexagon mph. Space Gamer 74, May/Ju11e 1985
2 Oval 8 Sphere 2,3 Brick wall appears, decelerate 30 mph
3 Circle 9 Cylinder to miss it.
4 Triangle 10 Corkscrew 2,4 Snow on road, D2 hazard. Wizard's Library
S Square 11 Spiral 2,S Dashboard starts to breathe, do not fire
6 Pentagon 12 Long, wiry (ld/8 or '2d9,ftve times)
this turn.
1 The Big Uule Book of Magic
2 ,6 Trigger for weapon bites off finger, no
Subtable B: Color of Noodles 2 The Book of Pu11ch-Out Golems
firing this turn.
3 1001 Thi11gs a Boy Ca11 Do with Huma11
l Red 6 Purple 3,1 Hood starts to breathe, do not fire this
Ski11
2 Orange 7 Black tum.
4 Fa111asy Forest"'
3 Yellow 8 White 3,2 30' rabbit in road, shoot main weapons
5 My Picture Book of Co11jured Mo11sters
4 Green 9 Brown at it.
6 The "l Hate to Spell" Spell Book
S Blue 10 Gray 3,3 Bullet holes in car start to bleed, no
7 Ja11es' Book of Monsters
-Jim Simo11s effect.
3,4 45' rabbit appears, choose a D3+
8 Dick's Book of Demons
Space G01Mr66, Nov./Dec. 1983 9 Spot's Book of Spirits
maneuver to hit it and shoot main
10 Understandi11g Trareller
Sack Lunch Generation Table weapons at it.
11 Now We Are Tree: A Druidical Primer
3,5 Body armor starts to shrink, D4 hazard.
1 Sandwich only 12 The Big Book of Giallls
3,6 Gunner (if any) turns into a werewolf,
2 Vegetable only 13 The Uule Book ofLeprechauns
DS hazard to search for wolfsbane.
3 Fruit only 14 Papers and Paychecks
4, 1 Hand reaches up from the ground and
4 Green eggs and ham 15 The Chaotic Evil Colori11g Book
rips out the car's axle, D2 hazard.
S Sandwich, apple and cupcake 16 Naked Elf Wome11 and How to Find Them
4,2 Car turns invisible, +2 to hit
6 Two all-beef patties, special sauce, let- 17 Pla11e Trwh, the Magazine of the Astrally
opponents.
tuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a Alert
4,3 Car wants its diaper changed, start to
sesame-seed bun 18 The D-18 Dice Chart: Theory and
pull over.
Applicatio11
4,4 Road fills up with robed monks, choose - Worcester War Gamers' Collective
Babblln~ of a Maniacal NPC a D3 + maneuver to miss them.
Space Gamer 74, May/Ju11e 1985
As He Runs Past Adventurers 4,5 Dashboard starts to melt away, go
Generation Table straight, no firing.
4,6 Notice a semi coming the other way,
l "You're gonna die! You're gonna die!" choose a 03 maneuver to miss it. Zombie Reaction Generator
2 "You're all doomed! Doomed I say!" 5,1 Car stalls on train tracks, accelerate. 1 Blank stare
3 I said I wanted to watch the damn World 5,2 60' bird flies at windshield, 02 hazard.
Series."
2 Fixed stare
S,3 Hear a tiger in the tank, no effect. 3 Cold stare
4 "Number nine. Number nine. Number 5,4 Radio spouts elevator music, 07 hazard. 4 Emotionless stare
nine." 5,5 Car is only 1/8 its original size, try to
S "l am the Eggman, they are the Eggmen, I flee.
am the Walrus ... goo goo gajoob." 5,6 Worms crawl out of weapon muzzles,
6 "You talking to me? Nobody else here, Giant vs. Hwnan
no firing. Ann-Wrestling Results
you must be talking to me .. ." 6,1 Roll again, twice!
6,2-6 Nothing happens this second. 1 Giant wins; human's knuckles broken
Dead Character Soul Destination 2 Giant wins; human's fingers broken
Table Left Unnamed 3 Giant wins; human's arm broken
1 Heaven
At Insistence of Our Attorneys 4 Giant wins; human's hand ripped off
2 Hell
3 Purgatory S Giant wins; human's arm ripped off
1 Terribly Silly Rules 6 Human wins; both human's arms ripped off
4 Philadelphia
2 Trademark Symbol Required (Giants arc terribly sore losers)
- Darrell Byford
Space Gamer 66, Nov.!Dec. 1983 3 They Sue Regularly -Darrell L. Byford
4 Their Subscriptions Revoked Space Gamer 74, May/Ju11e 1985
5 Tough S***, Readers
6 Total Staff Resignation

45
 A short guide to the commonest words and

Gamers' Glossary phrases found in game advertising blurbs . . .

and what they may REALLY mean!

Term Definition·
From Space Gamer 42, August 1981
Designed for use with any fantasy roleplaying game. Desig11ed for D&D.
The Game Master will determine ... Sorry, we could11'11hi11k up a ru/,e for this.
. . . in any reasonable manner. We could11'11hi11k up a rukfor that, either.
Optional Rule. We did11 '1 have time 10 playtesl this 011e.
Notes. This is the quickest way we could 1hi11k oflo fill a bla11k page.
Not a licensed D&D product. We could11 '1 afford the license.
Mega-Trek '81. They'd 11ever license us a11yway.
The Ultimate fantasy game. Ullimale 11umber 17, that is.
A new direction in wargaming! We're /t:Jst.
Accurate simulation. Dull game.
Fast-moving! Trivial.
Challenging! Figuring out the rules is the real challenge.
Exciting! No play balance.
Fascinating! Nice map.
Original! We ca1111ibalized 64 earlier games to get this 011e.
Two years in the making! Two years i11 the bot/om drawer.
Suitable for beginners. No 011e else would want to play it.
For age~ 8 and up. For ages 8 to 10.
For 2 to 4 players. For 2 or 4 players.
BananaQuest Supplement 4. The game will be pretty compkte when we get out Supplement 5.
Third game of the BananaQuest series. Same game, third map.
Second Edition. Pre/lier cover.
Revised Edition. lllcludes errata.
Boxed Edition. Same game, SS more expensive.
Collector's Edition. Same game, SJO more expensive.
(No designer listed.) No 011e wanted the blame.
In a handy ziplock bag. The printers screwed up 20,000 boxes.
Two complete games in one package. Neither was worth publishing separately.
Now accepting orders. You get our game two days early; we get your money two months
early.
Monthly. Bimonthly.
Bimonthly. Quarterly.
Quarterly. Maybe next year.
Nominated for best game of the year. We stuffed the balwt box.
Two award nominations. Did11 't wi11 either one.
Winner of the Charles Roberts Award. The competition was even worse.

From Space Gamer 45, November 1981

First edition. Rough draft.
Completely revised and updated. Second draft.
Wargame tournament. D&D tournament.
Classic. A game remembered a year after it was wriue11.
Playability. A magical word of Power invoked to avoid the necessity of research.
Historically accurate. A magical word of Power invoked to avoid the necessity ofplaytesti11g.
Play-by-mail. A unique system ofplay enabling the player to completely forget the
game betwee11 each move.
Play-by-mail computer game. A system which utilizes a machine which ca11 think i11 microseconds to
transform an after110011-w11g game illlo a year-w11g game.
Original collector's edition. A special reprint edition, enabling a gamer to buy a11 u11orga11ized,
unplayable, ungrammatical, badly spelled, illiterate mess long after
these prob/,ems have bee11fixed.

46
 "You don't revise a classic."
Based on the famous book.
Not just a cheap copy of Dungeons & Dragons.
Over 100 monsters!
Can be played u a single adventure or as an ongoing campaign.
15 different character classes.
If your local bd>by store doesn't carry then send us his address so
it,
we can fill him in and add his name to our mailing list.
Send for our free catalog.
Complete this survey and send it in.
Stop by at the next GenCon and see us at booth 999.
The Original Mices & Maces set.
If you win this contest, you will get a free 12-month subscription.
Game of exploration.
Game of diplomacy.
Game of combat.
Li.Ice nothing any gamer has seen before!
Soon to be released.
Official errata.
By popular demand.
Special offer.
Extensive new tables.
NEW.
Widely acclaimed.
Extensively blindtested.
Diceless combat resolution system.
Thoroughly researched.
Hottest game on the market.
Level of complexity: easy.
Level of complexity: moderate.
Level of complexity: hard.
10 years in the making!
Subscriber's bonus.
Create your own scenarios.
Flexible rules system.
Perfect for solitaire play.
PROTECTIVE MAILING COVER.
Also available for this game.
Coming soon.
Unique method of resolving combat.
Play-by-mail.
Quick tum-around.
You can't afford to miss this game.
Limited time offer.
Basic rules book.
No, we're not gonna fix the mirtak.es.
The names on the counlers are the SOIM QI those in the boot.
-Jay Rudin
It's an expensive copy ofD&D.
Red drago11, white dragon, purpk drago11, aquamarille drago11 ...
You can mak.e up a 11ew character every time you play or use the
same one over and over.
Including classes such QI Shoe Shiner, Street Sweeper and Accountant.
You get to be our salesman.
Now you'll be getting junk mail from us every ten days.
Ifyou won't ask/or the catawg, we 'llget your address this way.
We have a whole stack of catawgs waiting for you.
The rough drafts.
And no matter who wins, we get to add several thousand names to
our maili11g list. -David &lelstein
More time will be spent searching through the ruleboolc than playing
the game.
More time will be spent conviflci11g your friends that your rule i11ter-
pre1atio111 are correct than playi11g the game.
More time will be spent arguing aJtd fighting about wiclear rules than
playing the game. - Bob Dahla
Not playtested. -Stefan Jones
Next year?
Sec01td halfofthe rules.
By our creditors' dema1td.
We could11 '1 give this one away. -Louis SoldaJW
Expe111ive new tables.
New name. -Michael T. Moore
Widely advertised.
The playteslers were bli1td.
Slightly modified Rocle-Scissors-Paper. - Rob Hei11100
We looked it up in the encyclopedia. -Mike Hurst
Everyone is burtting his copy. -Ernest Johnson
Moderate.
Hard.
Too complicated lo play even the basic game.
Someone thought ofthe idea ten years ago and now it's a game.
-Stephen Melisi
No one will buy them so we're giving them to you.
We could11 '11hink ofany ourselvu. -Glenn Mai
Will be i111erpreted differently by everyone who reads them.
Ifyou're schizophrenic! - Ra1tdy Divi111/ci
The only part ofthe "!'lgazine not mutilated by the Post Office.
-Michael Yande Bunt
Impossible to play the g,ame without it.
We've got a name, now all we need are some rules.
-Michael J. Maresea
No one else would use it.
Wait-by-mail
Pony Express would have been quicker.
We can't afford to miss this sale.
Good only as long as orders keep coming in.
You'd belier plan 011 buying our advanced rules, too. -Ron Peetz
47
 Wargaming Widows
by Martha Ladyman
There have been times when I have en-
vied women who married ordinary, mun-
dane men. All they have to fear from their
husbands' "night out with the boys" is
him coming home with one too many
beers under his belt or a suspicious blonde
hair on his shoulder. I married an adven-
turer who sneers at danger and laughs at
death every Friday night. Week after
week, I lie awake until early morning, lis-
tening for the sound of the step at the
door, the key in the lock, the clink of
chain mail in the living room. And I
worry. What if a blue dragon attacks him?
He's barely recovered from the hellhound
assault last week. Could he manage a band
of berserkers? And there were reports of
jacklewere in the neighborhood . • .
A wargaming widow's shoulders must
be broad, to bear the burdens of carrying
on at home while he's away. She must
keep a constant vigil against the Worried,
It is.January, 1942 . The German Sixth
Army is starving at Stalingrad. You, ·
Hans Helmschtucker, are axm .starvin~
too. You· hear a
teers. Bravel ca
ll
for brave volun-
where in th y, you volunteer
e undergrou a • -
derneath Stalingrad t~ underworld un-
cached a hu e s ' e Russians have
eluding 2~ ~i11{~~ebof provisions, in-
Hans Helmschtucker, ~~~n~~~d Only you,
nanas and save the Reich . the ba-
Ba.nanaQuest is .a.n innova. ti ve game,
with rules for NKVD, other VD, mines,
ore deposits, exploding sewer gas and
seven mv~:.0logical Russian monsters
A~l i:~i1s in a geomorphic box with 9Bl
ar~.-,.ta counters, a 2-color Bt"xll ;,
ma.p, 4 pages of rules, 10 pages of'
errata, and 2 three-sided dice.
AvailablP. onlv from:
Gouge111 Ga111es
48
the Nosy, and the Mainly Meddlesome.
Daily she will be faced with the Coalition
of Concerned Parents and In-Laws. Their
number is few, their tenacity is legend.
First, they feel out the situation. "ls
David out gaming again, dear?" Next, a
few feints. "Isn't he a little old for that
sort of thing?" "When is he going to
grow up" is a favorite, as are the argu-
ments of Responsibility (and The Shoul-
dering Thereot), Duty, and Mowing the
Lawn and Fixing This Place Up Before It
Falls Down Around Your Ears. And,
finally, the thrust, "When are you going
to stop this nonsense and get that boy to
settle down?" I stare at the phone in dis-
belief. You want me to tell a 13th-level
mageno?
Other problems beset the wargaming
widow: the dried blood on the carpet; the
mysterious potions in the bathroom; old
scrolls tossed carelessly about the living
r:aJ
ID
Some
room in an untidy heap; his blasted djinn
sword (doesn't that thing ever shut up?).
And how do you tell the preacher that
your husband is out looting and maiming,
but should be home around suppertime?
Worrisome as these problems may be,
though, none is as pressing as the one of
Keeping Our Marriage Alive. You've
probably heard of KOMA - it's featured
monthly in every women's magazine, and
only by active participation in the princi-
ples of KOMA can one avoid Heartbreak,
Divorce, and the Other Woman. Oh, the
various magazines quibble over a point
here and there, but they all agree on one
basic premise: Keeping the marriage alive
is possible only if you Share His Interests.
Now, that' s an easy thing to say if all you
have to do is bait a few hooks or admire a
stamp or even endure Howard Cosen on
Monday night. But, frankly, killing ores
was never one of my strong suits. Some-
how, it just doesn't seem like the sort of
thing a nice girl should do.
But how I've tried. I've sat in rooms
filled with boys too young to grow beards,
whose only desire is to Maim and Destroy.
("You open the door. Inside are 150
goblins, armed to the teeth. What do you
do?" "I draw my sword, rush in, and start
swinging.") I've guided starships through
hyperspace, tanks through Germany, and
foot soldiers through Medieval England.
I've nuked entire civiliz.ations out of exist-
ence without batting an eye. I've sat
through doz.ens of conventions armed with
too little sleep, too many McDonalds, and
an I. V. of Dr. Pepper attached to my arm,
and I've come to a Major Conclusion.
Nuts to Good Housekeeping! Stick it in
your ear, Reader's Digest! Flake off,
Ladies Home Journal! The universe seems
to be quite conquerable without my help,
and, frankly, I'd rather go bowling.
So now I sit and watch Dallas and Love
Boat, and wait for my adventurer to come
home. I'll help him out of his armor, clean
his sword, pour a healing potion down his
throat, and send him to bed, where he'll
sleepily describe battles fought, causes tri-
umphant, and the jewels and gold and
pairs of dragon ears he'll bring home to
me next week.
Perhaps I don't envy those normal
women with their mundane husbands after
all.
Space Gamer 54, August 1~82
 In the heyday of Space Gamer, one feature struck fear into the hearts of game com-
panies everywhere. However, despite popular demand, Steve Jackson Games presents the
collected Murphy's Rules!
Extra added filler includes the Famous Game Designer's School, Kung Fu CB Mamas
on Wheels vs. the Motorcycle Aztec Wrestling Nuns, and other alleged humor from the
pages of Space Gamer and Fantasy Gamer.
Like this, for example ...

un wit From Fantasy Gamer 3 - December/January

u

Cut here
You'll be the envy of your friends when you appear to form flap.

at school, at a party, or just anywhere, with the dread

Cthulhu oozing out of your pocket! Just cut out these
lovely little tentacles. Don't worry about cutting right
along the lines - Cthulhu and his minions exist on another dimen-
sional plane anyway ... they'll never know the difference. (And if
they do, you'll never have to worry about cutting on the lines - or
anything else - again!) Then put them in your pockets or your school
books and watch everyone get out of your way in a real hurry. For a
real treat, affix a tentacle to your face or neck and watch the fun!

en
L
GJ
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~ 0 8 0 742 0900 0 2
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o ISBN 1- 55634- 099-0

STEVE JACKSON GAMES